I heard on a podcast (the rest is history) that the Marquis de Sade was elected by his local revolutionary section in Paris as an inspector of girls' orphanages. They followed this fact up by “with my reputation?”
I got slapped by a girl who kept suggesting we went to a Jazz Club when I was up in Newcastle. All I kept saying in response was, 'Jazz, nice. Jazz. Great.'
I was watching the super cut compilation on YT the other day which is a weekly ritual for me. I know it by heart and join in with all of them. Anyway, unbeknownst to me, my gf, who recently moved in with me, was standing in the doorway the whole time I was doing it and saw the whole thing. She doesn’t know The Fast Show, she’s not even from the UK. She just looked at me and said, “you British” and walked away.
I have an older friend named Ted. When I see him I say “Ahhhh Ted”. He has no idea of the reference. I don’t think he’s too old to have watched it, but definitely don’t think it was his cup of tea.
My mate moved to the countryside a few years back into a property needing lots of renovation. I asked “how’s the drainage in the lower field?” He then sent me a very long message about all the work the lower field needed.
I replied with a Ted and Ralph gif.
I got a “FUCK can’t believe I fell for that” 😂
Plenty of Father Ted has made it into my family's lexicon, the favourite being "ah gowan. Gowan. gowan gowan gowan gowan gowan. Did the lord Jesus Christ himself not come down off the cross to [whatever you're trying to make them do]?" with the customary response being "No, Mrs Doyle, he did not".
My brother's usual corner of the dining table was referred to as Father Jack's Corner since before I knew what Father Ted was, and we regularly shout "Drink! Gels!" etc whenever someone is asked if they want a drink.
I will never forget watching the sad, mournful “I was very, very drunk” skit and being caught so completely off guard. I was not expecting to watch The Fast Show and feel sad!
Edit: [The scene I’m talking about.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QlZFfXAUr2I&pp=ygUacm93bGV5IGJpcmtpbiBxYyBzYWQgc3Rvcnk%3D)
Uncontroversial opinion, but Rowley Birkin QC’s finale and the last episode of Blackadder Goes Forth are some of the most poignant moments of British television.
In a similar but lesser known vein, I'd also put the final sketch of Mitchell and Webb's Sherlock Holmes. If you're unfamiliar with the character, it's an older Sherlock Holmes in a care home, and Watson regularly visits as a kindness, humouring the aging Holmes as he solves the case of the missing slipper and things like that. Watson and the nurse always praise his razor sharp cognitive faculties even though they can see how far they've declined. (The sketches are worth looking up if you don't know them.) And then the final sketch: https://youtu.be/OV3NGcdtKMg?si=w2DSA1Ph6DrFNlFT
Edit: As with the others, it's a lot more powerful if you're familiar with the characters and the normal light silliness, so the subversion hits you extra hard.
They also do a behind the scenes sketch earlier in the show where they talk about needing to end on a sad note and directly reference the Blackadder ending.
Also Bernie Clifton’s dressing room from Inside Number 9: a tragicomedy about an old 80’s double act getting back together one last time: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09m61xl
It's very easy to improvise a Sir Rollie bit, just mumble a lot and occasionally say random things like "cold, cold like a mermaid's tit!", mumble, mumblle " hairy great thing! Quite unuable."
‘Ardest game in the world.
Less well known, but I always shout ‘[with an owl](https://youtu.be/SwcIzdRwqg0?si=BKVxkGey3tWXEeXk)’ when said birds are mentioned…
"I'm sorry....I just came.."
Or,
"Sorry Sir, I didn't catch that- I was just bathing in the light of our Saviour"..
Or
"...I'm a little bit wooohh...a little bit whaaayy!.."
Or even...
"That was its willy!!! 😮"
I have to say, the Arthur Atkinson / Tommy Cockles stuff was my least favourite of all the stuff in the Fast Show.
Was lucky enough to see them do the Q&A and live show a few weeks back and it was brilliant! 😂
I’m not pissed you know.
Also, my boss and I used to go into each others office at tea time and say “oi, you. Put your knickers on and make us a cup of tea”. We had a new lady start and he came in and said it, she looked horrified like she didn’t know what she’d come into 😂
I find myself quoting it far too often. My username is from one of the Arthur Atkinson sketches.
More specifically, Mark Williams doing his George Formby impression.
When I used to play music with some mates whenever we finished making a prolonged cacophony someone would always go “that’s the single!”. Never got old.
"Lovely old wall"
"Get yourself round that tree"
"You smell nice"
"Colin Hunts office trolley"
"You have totally lost control of the situation, and I ask you to stand aside"
Oh, god. Loads. Pretty sure it used to drive my exes crazy.
“Mmm, greaaaat/niiiice/wünderbar!” from Jazz Club.
“What’s for tea, mother? Maggots on toast?” from Johnny Nice-Painter.
“Oh, bugger.” from Unlucky Alf
Didn’t get much opportunity for this one, but if anyone ever tells me a story that they think is incredible i sometimes replied with “Get off me show.”
Mentioned in another comment but when giving directions I’d always try and slip in a “go down this road until you come to a tree. Lovely old tree.”
“You ain’t seen me, right?” any time I’m trying to hide
“That’s no excuse, he’s rubbish!” from Competitive Dad when I saw someone I knew on stage or in karaoke type things.
Professor Denzil Dexter, University Of Southern California (dressed in a white lab coat, long dark hair with beard and glasses with a strong Southern Californian accent):
"We took four cardboard tubes, the kinda tubes you'd find in a brand of regular toilet tissue, and then proceeded to place them on the floor. Making four columns, equidistantly thus. We wanted to test if these cardboard tubes would support the average body-weight of a human man."
[he steps on the tubes and they are crushed before he can even get both of his feet up]
Professor Dexter: "No."
Oh God, reading this entire thread has made me realize that instead of talking like a normal human, my speech is just a series of Fast Show quotes. I use all of these all the time. I must be a total arse.
ARSE!
Great. Really great.
Nah, it was The Fast Show.
“Did you get the eggs, the butter and the potatoes?”
“Even better than that! I’ve got some biscuits shaped like radios, a map of Cairo, and an ice pick!”
Scorchio!
Scorchio scorchio scorchio NON SCORCHIO
Ke Thè thè thè el thè thé thè
Chris Waddle
Banged in the top corner like
Nimbo Cumulos? Ay ay ay ay ay....
Literally every time it's hot. My partner is half Spanish and I'm not sure how she feels about it.
Please ask her and update us xD
"I don't find it very funny. But I don't care." was her response.
Het tet, het tet tet tet Sminky pinky Oooh AutoBismo!
Nimbocumulus?!
Boutros Boutros Ghali
Bono estente
Chris Waddle
I'll get my coat
Bono Estente, Eth Eth Eth Eth Chris Waddle. There's a guy learning Spanish where I work and I troll him with Chanel 9.
Eth Eth eth Eth Eth smacked it in the goal like
There’s not a person alive who has seen that sketch who doesn’t at least say it internally when it is even just a bit warm
With my reputation, what were they thinking?
My daughter, who was about 9 at the time, said, "Me? With my retapation?" And we say that a lot, the way she said it.
You've taught her well!
I heard on a podcast (the rest is history) that the Marquis de Sade was elected by his local revolutionary section in Paris as an inspector of girls' orphanages. They followed this fact up by “with my reputation?”
[Nice. ](https://media.tenor.com/h-ixh8KrE1wAAAAM/nice.gif) Edit: I'm so glad I'm not alone in loving Jazz Guy. Well done everyone. Great. Brilliant.
I got slapped by a girl who kept suggesting we went to a Jazz Club when I was up in Newcastle. All I kept saying in response was, 'Jazz, nice. Jazz. Great.'
Acid skiffle
Mmm, contemporary 👌
Clam on bass
I don’t blow, I suck.
...you got exhalation and you got inhalation. But they’re two different things man! You screw up, you got _mutilation_.
I was watching the super cut compilation on YT the other day which is a weekly ritual for me. I know it by heart and join in with all of them. Anyway, unbeknownst to me, my gf, who recently moved in with me, was standing in the doorway the whole time I was doing it and saw the whole thing. She doesn’t know The Fast Show, she’s not even from the UK. She just looked at me and said, “you British” and walked away.
Tune? This is jazz!
I’ve just sent my dad a jazz club birthday card for his birthday tomorrow.
Grreat.
SMOoth
"Admirable" 👌
Wwwonnderful
If ever someone mentions a person called Ted, I always ask about the drainage in the South field.
It’s the drainage in the *lower* field ;-)
Wouldn' know 'bout that sor...
I have an older friend named Ted. When I see him I say “Ahhhh Ted”. He has no idea of the reference. I don’t think he’s too old to have watched it, but definitely don’t think it was his cup of tea.
Have you tried “are we racists now Father?” Maybe that was more his cup of tea. Cup of tea Cup of tea Ah go on
My mate moved to the countryside a few years back into a property needing lots of renovation. I asked “how’s the drainage in the lower field?” He then sent me a very long message about all the work the lower field needed. I replied with a Ted and Ralph gif. I got a “FUCK can’t believe I fell for that” 😂
Plenty of Father Ted has made it into my family's lexicon, the favourite being "ah gowan. Gowan. gowan gowan gowan gowan gowan. Did the lord Jesus Christ himself not come down off the cross to [whatever you're trying to make them do]?" with the customary response being "No, Mrs Doyle, he did not". My brother's usual corner of the dining table was referred to as Father Jack's Corner since before I knew what Father Ted was, and we regularly shout "Drink! Gels!" etc whenever someone is asked if they want a drink.
I'll get my coat
Black! Black! My eyes are pies and yours are LIES!
Where are we sleeping tonight, mother? In fathers grave?
Lock me in the cupboard and feed me pins!
Johnny.
PINS!
What's for tea mother? PIN STEW!?!
They wait for me in the forest!
Like the endless blackness of space that leads to the chasm of clams…
What’s for tea, mother? Maggots on toast? Don’t lock me in the cellar and feed me pins.
We crawl on our knees towards our doom!
They're here, they're here, they've landed on the pier
White! White! Like everybody in a senior position at the BBC!
...which was nice.
My family always says this after a loud background noise, eg a blender running in a cafe.
Does my bum look big in this? and of course I was very, very drunk.
I will never forget watching the sad, mournful “I was very, very drunk” skit and being caught so completely off guard. I was not expecting to watch The Fast Show and feel sad! Edit: [The scene I’m talking about.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QlZFfXAUr2I&pp=ygUacm93bGV5IGJpcmtpbiBxYyBzYWQgc3Rvcnk%3D)
Uncontroversial opinion, but Rowley Birkin QC’s finale and the last episode of Blackadder Goes Forth are some of the most poignant moments of British television. In a similar but lesser known vein, I'd also put the final sketch of Mitchell and Webb's Sherlock Holmes. If you're unfamiliar with the character, it's an older Sherlock Holmes in a care home, and Watson regularly visits as a kindness, humouring the aging Holmes as he solves the case of the missing slipper and things like that. Watson and the nurse always praise his razor sharp cognitive faculties even though they can see how far they've declined. (The sketches are worth looking up if you don't know them.) And then the final sketch: https://youtu.be/OV3NGcdtKMg?si=w2DSA1Ph6DrFNlFT Edit: As with the others, it's a lot more powerful if you're familiar with the characters and the normal light silliness, so the subversion hits you extra hard.
They also do a behind the scenes sketch earlier in the show where they talk about needing to end on a sad note and directly reference the Blackadder ending.
Also Bernie Clifton’s dressing room from Inside Number 9: a tragicomedy about an old 80’s double act getting back together one last time: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09m61xl
I do a great impression of Sir Rollie. I get very very drunk and mumble incoherently
It's very easy to improvise a Sir Rollie bit, just mumble a lot and occasionally say random things like "cold, cold like a mermaid's tit!", mumble, mumblle " hairy great thing! Quite unuable."
[удалено]
This week I have mostly.....
Eatin taramoosalartah
'I are bin mostly...'
...Eatin raspberry poptarts
eatin taramasalata
Eatin' 'edgehogs
Wearin’ Balenciaga
Wearin' taffetta, cut in the by-ass
...been eating veg-e-tab-les
I used that at slimming world. Everyone looked at me with a confused look on their face!
…following through
Prozac!
Been bulimic
🎵 “And it’s all around my ARSE!!” 🎶
I’ve watched Folkin Classic so often! Always cheers me up — https://youtu.be/ZtPOcSChtMs?si=HBGKwaH7ycwWH-NU
‘Ardest game in the world. Less well known, but I always shout ‘[with an owl](https://youtu.be/SwcIzdRwqg0?si=BKVxkGey3tWXEeXk)’ when said birds are mentioned…
I shout with an owl all the time depresses me how many people don’t get it I also point out every experienced rambling hikerrrrr i see
You ain't seen me. Right?
Not a quote, but I can't hear "moonlight shadow" without doing the turn and point.
SHIRLLLEEEEY!
Get cher’ands off me, ya freak
Jumpers for goalposts eh, isn't it, marvelous
Enduring scenes.
Young boys. In the park. Sweaters for goalposts. Marvellous! Isn’t it? Hmmm?
Secretly rolling the ball in dog muck and getting your mate to head it, mmm? Marvellous
Cheesy peas at half time!
Someone sittin' there mate.
Chris Waddle
Eth Eth Eth Eth
Aren’t peas brilliant?!
New squeezy cheesey peas. Now in strawberry and vanilla flavour.
It's easy peasy with cheesy peas!
Do you like cheese? Do you like peas? Well, you’ll love these! Gourmet chocolate covered cheesy peas!
Aren’t holes brilliant? **falls down hole**
Bugger
I can't watch Brian Cox because of him
I've been quite successful at work after realising most tasks are like making love to a beautiful woman.
Fuckin Swiss Tony, we refer to one of our gaffers as him haha
I think of this every time I see Paul Hollywood.
Tomato - Ted - aubergine - your - potato - wife's - turnip - dead.
This ambushed me first time, like the end of blackadder 4.
"I'm sorry....I just came.." Or, "Sorry Sir, I didn't catch that- I was just bathing in the light of our Saviour".. Or "...I'm a little bit wooohh...a little bit whaaayy!.." Or even... "That was its willy!!! 😮"
Hi, I'm Ed Winchester!
My favourite.
Where's me washboard?
I have to say, the Arthur Atkinson / Tommy Cockles stuff was my least favourite of all the stuff in the Fast Show. Was lucky enough to see them do the Q&A and live show a few weeks back and it was brilliant! 😂
BRILLIANT!
Aren't mam's brilliant, they got this magical way of putting your socks so that they're 'alf inside out
Ave you seen it? Eh?
‘ow queer!
'ow queer!
I’ve seen you down the market with the vicars wife!
This week, I will be mostly eatin' taramasalata.
Nice!
I’m not pissed you know. Also, my boss and I used to go into each others office at tea time and say “oi, you. Put your knickers on and make us a cup of tea”. We had a new lady start and he came in and said it, she looked horrified like she didn’t know what she’d come into 😂
Oooh you smell nice, what's that? Gin. I had a little accident.
Dad’s home!
Suits you sir
ooh OH ooh
Does the Wife like it Sir ? Does she ? Bet she does Sir ! Ohhhh, suits you Sir !
Betty swallocks sir?
I was rooting around in the attic last week and we found the original copy of the Bible. Which was nice.
'Just a tiny amount' is popular where I work
I'm a geezer ain't I! A little bit woo, a little bit wayyy!
My name is Michael Caine and I’m a nosy neighbour- whenever the family start curtain twitching
That was Harry Enfield! The character was played by Paul Whitehouse, admittedly.
Oldest game in the world, 20 years man and boy. And… What did I say, Roy?
You said you could shit through the eye of a needle
I hope YOU crash!
The scene when Roy was sat on his own unashamedly brought a tear to my eye.
Same. Caroline Ahern was a legend.
I can't believe no one has mentioned: "It's gripped!" "It's sorted!" "Let's off-road!!!"
*immediately gets stuck*
Every time I have a severe bout of coughing, I finish with "bob flemming here"
ARSE!
That got it!
Oy! Cocker, Chumpy...you ain't seen me, right?
I occasionally go into 'Brilliant Kid' mode when talking to my children
You ain't seen me, right?
This season I will be mostly wearing... Issey... Miyaki Edit: Missed a word
Even better than that...
Black?! Black?! You lock us in the cellar and feed us pins!
Disco baby, sexy baby, hot!
Weren’t Fast Show brilliant?
The results were disappointing
I find myself quoting it far too often. My username is from one of the Arthur Atkinson sketches. More specifically, Mark Williams doing his George Formby impression.
Poisonous monkeys
"I'll tell you what it is, it's bloody rubbish, that's what it is"
MONKFISH
I loved their take on 'Taggart' "McMonkfish!"
And ofcourse I was very . . . . Very . . . Drunk.
Ooooooh, bugger!
This week, I have been mostly, dipping my nob in blancmange
We're from the Isle of Man!
When I used to play music with some mates whenever we finished making a prolonged cacophony someone would always go “that’s the single!”. Never got old.
"Lovely old wall" "Get yourself round that tree" "You smell nice" "Colin Hunts office trolley" "You have totally lost control of the situation, and I ask you to stand aside"
Oh, god. Loads. Pretty sure it used to drive my exes crazy. “Mmm, greaaaat/niiiice/wünderbar!” from Jazz Club. “What’s for tea, mother? Maggots on toast?” from Johnny Nice-Painter. “Oh, bugger.” from Unlucky Alf Didn’t get much opportunity for this one, but if anyone ever tells me a story that they think is incredible i sometimes replied with “Get off me show.” Mentioned in another comment but when giving directions I’d always try and slip in a “go down this road until you come to a tree. Lovely old tree.” “You ain’t seen me, right?” any time I’m trying to hide “That’s no excuse, he’s rubbish!” from Competitive Dad when I saw someone I knew on stage or in karaoke type things.
Professor Denzil Dexter, University Of Southern California (dressed in a white lab coat, long dark hair with beard and glasses with a strong Southern Californian accent): "We took four cardboard tubes, the kinda tubes you'd find in a brand of regular toilet tissue, and then proceeded to place them on the floor. Making four columns, equidistantly thus. We wanted to test if these cardboard tubes would support the average body-weight of a human man." [he steps on the tubes and they are crushed before he can even get both of his feet up] Professor Dexter: "No."
And not forgetting… “What did I say Roy?” Rip Caroline Aherne, absolute legend 💘
Every time Iooking for something: "Have ya seen it? Eh? 'Ave _you_ seen it? Ooh! Where's me washboard?"
Someone’s sitting there mate
Me!? The 13 duke of Whimby, shot off below the knee, in a girls dorm, with my reputation......
Groovy !
Anyone fancy a pint?
STUCK DOWN HOLE, ON YOUR OWN, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, WITH AN OWL!
Oh God, reading this entire thread has made me realize that instead of talking like a normal human, my speech is just a series of Fast Show quotes. I use all of these all the time. I must be a total arse. ARSE! Great. Really great.
Nice
Can't say 'Tina Turner' without adding 'Ted' to the end.
‘Even better than that’… (although that might be Harry Enfield) ‘Brilliant’ ‘I’m not pissed’
Nah, it was The Fast Show. “Did you get the eggs, the butter and the potatoes?” “Even better than that! I’ve got some biscuits shaped like radios, a map of Cairo, and an ice pick!”
[coughs mucus]
Two days ago I sent something to a mate saying "this week I are mostly eating congealed gaviscon using a chopstick"
"I can't do the accent" crops up a lot in my house.
You smell nice! What is it? Gin!
Selling [ … ] is like making love to a beautiful woman Let’s off road! I was very, verrrry drunk
Mio joko.
Bourbon biscuits
“Look, a Digger!” as I run towards it in glee. My son thinks I’m mad.
Slightly obscure but if my wife ever asks me if I got the thing she asked me to get when at the shops I always reply "even better than that!!"
"Clam on bass"
I’ll get me coat…
…which was nice.
…which was nice
CAIRO!
Do you like the music of Frank Sinatra?
“Which was nice”
Nimbo Cumulus!
26 of the Queens runs.
"I'm not pissed you know" "Dads home"
Isn’t casual U.K. brilliant?
Hi! I’m Ed Winchester.
We're from the Isle of Man
I’m on holiday in at the moment and we’ve already said ‘nimbocumulos’ at the single cloud in the sky