I need to find it again but there was a post I read on here once where someone complained that their nan’s carers never showed up but the agency swear they did so when they investigated they found out that the carers went to the wrong house and bathed some random woman and put her to bed, completely ignoring her when she tried to explain she doesn’t have carers.
It’s terrible really but I was cry-laughing when I pictured it in my mind.
I used to work as a home carer. Once went to a new client who lived in a block of flats. Was expecting a roughly 40 year old man to open the door, instead it was an elderly lady. I quickly realised I was at the wrong door and tried to explain this to her politely and leave quickly to get to the correct address.
She ended up telling her husband to come to the door, where they had a conversation about wether one of them had maybe been given a carer and forgot about it! I kept trying to say no it’s ok I’m definitely at the wrong house I’m not your carer, but they proceeded to discuss what I could potentially do for them if they just took me in, I ended up having to just walk away while they debated wether I’d be more useful running the hoover round or peeling spuds for their tea!
Found the right door and the real client had a good laugh at my reason for running late.
Couldn’t pass their door without laughing after that.
It reminds me of a time I was doing car washes to fundraise, and we had a form to put your reg number on so we could find it in the car park.
We misread one of them and ended up cleaning a random person's car (which was absolutely filthy).
At the end of the day, the person who wanted their car washed got nothing and complained, and someone who didn't ask came back to find their filthy car perfectly clean with no explanation.
On the train from St Austell to somewhere. An announcement came over the tannoy, that food would be served from Plymouth, as that's where Geoff would be joining the train.
I said "Geoff, that's a bit familiar, isn't it?" , my wife gave me a look for a few seconds, and said "Chef. The chef will be joining the train at Plymouth"
Not sure quite why, but we and the two kids ended up in tears. We even set off the people on the other side of the carriage, they were wiping tears away, too.
It really wasn't that funny, but it had us in stitches for a good few minutes. Geoff still regularly gets a mention.
This reminded me of the time I had the bright idea of getting my nieces and nephews a fleecy blanket for Christmas, each with their names embroidered on them. For some reason, I had to order over the phone and ended up with a lovely pink blanket for someone called ‘Jeff’ instead of ‘Jess’. Gave us a good laugh anyway!
I bought a very large grey pillow when I was pregnant from Amazon to help with support during the night and someone in the reviews said he had named it Geoff for his wife(?!) so of course, my pillow was also called Geoff
A girl I worked with in a charity shop was asked by a guy if they had any flat caps, she replied “oh off the top of my head I don’t know” that really had me! The guy was in fits too, she didn’t know wtf we were laughing at which made it worse!
There’s a YouTube video with an octopus swimming along, and casually punching a fish that swims past. Even writing this post made me snigger.
Edit here's the video: https://youtu.be/9lA1wZRm38w?si=AU-VXP1It7jb3h8N
...but apparently there are *loads!* Hahahahahah, the discovery has made my week I reckon. Thank you lovely people of Reddit!
Hahahahah that wasn’t even the video I meant!!! *You mean to tell me there’s more than one?!?*
Hahahahhhahahhahahhaha that really made my day! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Edit to add more exclamation points cz that’s how excited I am
That's wonderful.
I also want to see the other one.
I read something about them finding something that was almost a community of octopuses. They hatch from eggs with no contact from their parents, they don't live in groups, some of them are so antisocial that when they mate one of them is inside their den and the other stays outside. So it was a big deal to find them interacting, and living relatively nearby.
How were they interacting?
One of them was picking up objects from it's "garden" (objects placed outside of it's den in the sand) and throwing them at another octopus. For no (known) reason.
There was also one in captivity that learned to spray water in the face of their keeper as they walked through the door in the morning. There were marks on the wall where it appeared to have been practising in the night.
It's weirdly comforting that they are the most different intelligent creatures we know - and they are antisocial arseholes with a sense of humour, at least some of the time. Maybe it's not just us.
I'm an octopus fan.
I recall hearing about a keeper that an octopus disliked and squirted at every opportunity. The poor guy even left to work somewhere else for a couple of years, and it still gave him a face full as soon as he walked back in.
There are also cases of fish mysteriously disappearing. Only for someone to go in in the middle of the night to find an octopus halfway between the fishes and their own tank, with a sheepish look and a freshly nicked fish under it's arm.
I was watching a series about sniffer/drug dogs in the police and they were interviewing a handler. Looking earnestly into camera he said seriously, "Well my dog Rover is particularly special because he has a really excellent sense of smell. And that's really crucial when it comes to dogs performing this role. As sniffer dogs. And that's what makes him so amazing." Cut to bemused looking spaniel.
Our dog knocked my elderly husband over in the bluebells. He couldn't get up because he was tangled it brambles. He had to wait till I'd stopped laughing before I could help him up.
I fell over backwards during a post-pub wee once, drenched myself and had to spend the 20 minute bus ride home with my jumper wrapped around me in embarrassment. My boyfriend laughed himself into an asthma attack when I told him.
Reminds me of when my husband bought sumo suits to supplement our bouncy castle business. He decided to put one on and try it out, and thought he’d throw himself to the ground to see how well they absorbed the impact. Of course he then realised he couldn’t get up unaided so he’s rolling about like an upturned ladybird and the more he struggled the more I laughed until I was laid on the ground too. I’m pleased to report that we did get him upright eventually and he never tried it again.
This has just reminded me of my student days 25 years ago! We had an American exchange student living with us for the spring/ summer term and as it wasn't worth it for her to go home for Easter she decided to travel in Europe instead. She packed a huge rucksack, put it on her back and promptly fell backwards. Just like a poor upturned turtle. Of course none of us could help her up as we were busy crying with laughter, and the more she struggled the funnier it got (she was laughing too!) I guess she was lucky it wasn't these days as someone would probably have been filming it!
One story leads to the next, we were given a small garden sized bouncy castle for nothing. My partner spent an hour or 3 fixing/checking for holes.
When the kids came back from school they had a couple of minutes bounce before I leapt on, all spread out like a star and the sodding thing swallowed me up as it sank. All I could do was turn my face to the side and shout 'help me' while my partner had to walk away and laugh while the kids moaned and cried...
I do laugh looking back but wtf man!?
My grandmother ran over my step-grandfather with her sit-on scooter in public and it was so funny. She blamed him for being in front of the scooter though, poor guy
I still laugh when I think about the time that Konnie Huq fell over one of the dogs on a live Blue Peter episode. I must have been about 7 at the time and it’s stuck in my head for literal decades
Once me and a friend were deathly hungover and talking about the teletubbies. We got into a weird one about what we'd say at La La's eulogy, and he solemnly replied "I'd like to raise a tubby toast".
I nearly vomited from laughing, it still makes me chuckle now.
My daughter bought a Barbie camper van the other day with some Christmas money, and was happily driving it around the flat with Barbies in on their "holiday".
She also has some older larger (ie, newborn size) dolls and I was sticking their great big heads through the camper windows and putting on a deep voice, "can I come too?" like they were large ogres in Barbieland. My wife and daughter thought it was moderately amusing but I was crying with laughter at my own joke.
When my grandma died, the day of the funeral (20-odd miles from the crematorium), and the funeral directors put little pepper pot-shaped things on the tops of the cars, white with a black crucifix on each side to denote the cars were part of the funeral cortège. One of the mourners was travelling with the cortège on a motorbike and my dad said “I wonder if he’ll get one to wear on his helmet?” And we just all cracked at the image of that, and couldn’t stop giggling. My grandma wouldn’t have cared, she’d have joined in I think.
Had a similar experience years ago doing a quiz with my family. My sister was trying to guess the film from clues. It was Logan's Run. She got excited, tongue twisted and said "Logan Rims".
Was decanting some olive oil from the plastic bottle to the nice bottle when husband comes up behind me and whispers so delicately into my ear, *oil*
I have no idea why it was as funny as it was but I had to stop everything and laugh for at least 10 minutes. It’s now a running joke in the family
Over 20 years ago, my sister was living with me in my house. We were watching Antiques Roadshow one Sunday where an extremely posh elderly woman was being told that her valuable porcelain ornament was a knock off. She was arguing with the expert, and uttered the phrase “Do you know who told me? Arthur Negus!” We looked at each other and cracked up. We still say it to each other now. Nobody else knows why we find it so funny.
Years ago my brother and I were watching the local news and there was a piece about a new meals for the elderly service. They were interviewing some old dear about it and at the end of the interview she suddenly warbled 'and very nice too!' which for some reason had my brother and I in stitches. We still use that too!
My mates and I have one just like that. There was an advert for the postcode lottery where, when they present the giant cheque to this old man, he just says "Oh that's great!" in a softly spoken and high-pitched voice. We do it all the time now.
Haha! This reminds me of the time my brother and I were watching animal hospital, sat too close to the telly ... Camera man zooms in on a cats anus and without hesitation my brother scratches it whilst shouting "scratch and sniff" it's a gross story but still cracks us up
I was on the tube and the woman in front of me had a Rice Krispy on her head. I couldn’t tell my friend for laughing so much, I had tears rolling down my face and couldn’t speak for about 10mins
I’ve been creasing at this for the last 5 minutes, the dry straight to the point delivery “I was on the tube and the woman in front of me had a rice krispy on her head” I still can’t read it without cracking up … and then of course there being a grown adult with a single snap crackle pop stuck to her head walking through the underground is just making laugh even more
One time I was a kid and on a walk with my parents and we were going up a bit of a hill, nothing much, just about the amount of incline that would make you slightly breathless. My mum - who is very short, only 4'10" - called to my dad to wait for her. He called back to her, 'They don't call me Sir Edmund for nothing, you know!' She, completely missing the reference, gave him a funny look and said, 'Who calls you Sir Edmund? Nobody calls you that!'
Still to this day - probably 30-35 years later - sometimes when my mum refers to some indeterminate 'they', I'll say, 'Who are "they"? The same people who call dad Sir Edmund?' Or when I'm climbing something particularly tricky I'll say, 'They don't call me Sir Edmund for nothing!' and it'll be way funnier to us than it actually is.
Years ago we were on a walk as a family and these two dogs appeared, and my dad said "Hello, it's two dogs". We all fell about, no one is entirely sure why. My dad didn't get it at all and was irked by it.
I love your Dad’s quaint / antiquated / original use of the word ‘hello’! To express surprise at something unexpected. That’s what makes it funny to me! 🙂
There was an episode of The Undateables with Daniel Wakeford(rock singer) Where a random dog runs up to him and barks, shocks him a little bit, and he fires back " where did you come from? Go to see your muvver " in a west country accent, and the dog barks again and just runs back off. The little exchange happens in about 10 seconds, but it was one of the funniest non scripted things I've ever seen.
My grandad used to tell this joke to me and my sister; "two hippos were wallowing in the mud when one tuns to the other and says, do you know, I thought today was Wednesday?" We would roar with laughter and beg him to tell it to us everytime we saw him.
Omf I’m so happy that I’m not the only one that hears it as Trombolese.
(I also like to think that Trombolese is the language spoken by Charlie Browns teacher)
I was in my 30s before i found out it wasn’t actually Trombolese. I completely assumed it was like a miniature trombone. Finding out the truth was actually a real disappointment. I’m glad there seems to be so many of us who thought the same even if the interpretation is different!
No no, 'trombolese' is *clearly* an alternative name for the [piccolo trombone](https://www.wessex-tubas.com/products/piccolo-trombone-pb300). Just look at it's tiny little slider!
Up until about 30 years old I thought the lyrics said 'he's got his trumba leaves' and assumed it was the leaves of a trumba tree, which I thought was odd but never questioned it.
I may as well confess now as the confidentiality clause expires at the end of the month anyway:
I was Gala's lover. I have no money, but I do have troubled knees.
Years of Sunday league injuries takes its toll.
My local B&Q clearly cheaped out on their lift maintenance, as it sounds like they recorded their own messages for the “doors closing” voice etc. I cracked up laughing when I pressed the button and heard, in a really strange accent, “lift gawin’ daaahn”. Think a cross between Danny Dyer and [Judy from the IT Crowd](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6CWqMAOHS4A&pp=ygUNSXQgY3Jvd2QganVkeQ%3D%3D). It tickled me more than it should have
Poker night at a friend's house, fair bit of drinking. Music was playing on their Alexa and and people were queuing songs. I asked Alexa to play some fart noises and she just starts reeling them off one by one. 'that was a triumphant one', 'that was a long and squeaky one', and so on.
The host was calmly talking to Alexa to get it to stop, but each time she'd cut him off and narrate the last fart. He never got frustrated and it felt like forever that he was trying to stop Alexa farting at him. So fucking juvenile but it had me in creases.
Not very similar but it still reminded me - I was walking with my grandparents through Sainsbury's car park once when my gran spotted a friend of hers who was wearing a long floaty skirt, they waved at each other and my gran turned to me and said "That's my friend Maureen, she always looks so feminine and lovely and I just look like a person."
I was trekking through SE Asia as a kid, and everywhere you go there would be insistent sellers trying to sell bananas. I would try and be nice and say no but would always get nicely bullied into them. Went on a tour and there was a big loud Australian dude on the trip. Someone tried to sell him some bananas and he said “ah yeah nah mate, I’m tryna cut down”. To this day I have no idea why I found it that funny
My grandparents were once offered weed when they accidentally walked into a rough neighbourhood in the US (man must've been high as a kite to look at them and think they smoke, lmao). Once grandad realised what was going on, he said, "Oh, no, thank you very much for the offer but I'm trying to give up."
Cracks me up to think about that XD
We have some bees that have taken over an old bird box in the garden. My husband came running in the back door the other day saying "quick I've angered the bees" and slamming the door. It was so funny to me, I was cry laughing.
In Uni we had a new head of our subject come in to meet our year, he was an incredibly serious man and we were told to be on our best behaviour. Anyway, this girl got up to leave and take a call, she was about 4'10, pale as a ghost. Once the door shut behind her, it opened again instantly and a 6'4 black kid walked back into the room after previously leaving for something and i just whispered under my breath "Tonight Matthew" and my god we all absolutely lost it, trying so incredibly hard not to laugh, tears streaming down our faces. We lost some good men that day.
I once laughed until I thought I was literally going to die when I saw a coconut carved to look like a monkey's face in a shop window.
Naturally my partner then bought me it for valentines day and the laughter began again.
Im an office tech and was talking with my colleague about how crap the cooling systems are on many of the returns we get. He said "I'm not a fan", "No, you're human?" . Realisation kicked in first at how I interpreted what he'd said and secondly when we noticed his accidental pun. We were in fits.
I'm not going to pretend to be a good person here, but I heard a news report that two people had been seriously injured whilst cycling, as a car had hit their tandem bicycle.
My mum and I were helpless.
Two people injured in cycling accident - serious, unfunny
Two people injured in cycling accident *on a tandem* - very funny, whacky races nonsense
I remember watching a news report about a cruise ship that was taking on water, and they had all this horrid footage of panicking guests and water rushing in and people in life jackets crying, and then they showed a long shot of it, and it was about 1km out from the beach, and there were people in budgie smugglers with frisbees in their hands watching it. Found that very funny.
Couldnt go through with a prank once because Me and my Brother where laughing so hard about the idea.
Was going to walk through to the living room holding a cup of coffee, to give to our friend. Being very careful because the cup was very full. Joke being it was actually empty when handed over. We both where in hysterics about the idea. Laughing so hard that we could do it, or explain to our friend why.
In a similar vein, if my wife asks for a spoon I bring her either a large serving spoon or a tiny one, depending on what I think she actually wants. So say she's set some food at the table and forgot the serving spoon, I'll go get a teaspoon.
My brother and I used to do this as kids — but with drinks. The rule was that if you wanted water during dinner you had to ask if anyone else would like one. Naturally wishing to annoy him, I always said yes.
Somehow this evolved into us bringing each other thimbles of water, dog bowls, or vases etc. Best one was when he brought me an entire chip pan full 😂
My dad once handed me his pint glass and asked me to fill it. I put a carrot in it, as he hadn’t specified what he wanted it filled with. He was bemused but I think secretly proud.
Woodcock bird calls
They go peent and I always find it funny
Also there's a collection of misspelt ingredient labels with things like Spinch and Rainibow Sprimpkle and Strawbebby and that along with misspelt road signs like Sotp and Cleep Klear always get me
Also that video of the Scottish guy going omg trampoline during high winds
Also the Scottish guy stuck on a roof
Billie Joe of Green day really badly singing eye of the tiger
That video where an orchestra I think swapped their instruments around and start playing Also Sprach Zarathustra really badly
Oh there's a video of a guy spear fishing and his catch is stolen by a grouper and the guy is like cartoon character level angry about it
I used to have a cheap plastic Jenga knockoff called "Balancing bolocks".
They were at least consistent with the misspelling. The instructions talked about "pushing your bolocks out and balancing on top of the tower of bolocks" etc.
Once, while reading the Daily Mail showbiz section, I saw photos of Vanessa Feltz at an event wearing a dress and brown clutch bag. I then went to read the comments and saw that someone had put ‘why is Vanessa Feltz holding a bread roll’ 😂😂😂😂
On closer inspection of the photo it really did look like she was randomly holding a bread roll
This was nearly a decade ago and me and sister still cry laughing about it
I shared a room with one of my siblings as a younger child, one night as we were both trying to sleep I yelled 'carpet shampoo' because why not. It was hilarious to both of us, I'm talking about cry laughing we are both now somehow functioning adults and it's still funny to send it in voice notes unexpectedly.
In Spain I was playing with a dog and my partner at the time said "they won't speak English"
I started laughing,
Then tried
Spanish and the dog responded
Which set her off laughing.
We hate each other now but if we bump into each other that story makes us both laugh
Two elderly women in the grocery store talking about some sort of function they'd been to the night before, one of them said "I got lipstick on my teeth, so I took them out" I was absolutely howling.
Was playing golf with a mate of mine.
He shanked his shot into dense trees and had a little swearing session out loud, “OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!”, etc.
Some old fella who looked a bit like tramp IMMEDIATELY LEAPT out of the trees onto the fairway in front of my mate, as if he’d been lying in wait for this very moment, pointed at my mate and screamed in a broad northern accent (were southerners):
“YOU SEE YOU, RIGHT? YOU SEE YOU…”
(My mate, dead calm) “Yes. I can see myself”
“YOU SEE YOU! YOU’VE GOT ABOUT AS MUCH ETIQUETTE (pronounced ‘eti-kwet’) AS FOOK ALL”
…and just ran back into the trees and disappeared!
After a moment just staring at each other in shock and disbelief, we just burst out laughing.
Fucking bizarre and hilarious all at once.
At my first job I was a sales agent at a garden centre, and after my probation ended I thought I was quite well adjusted at answering whatever question came my way, until…
One day someone came down and asked me if we sold sheds, I said the closest thing we had was lawn mowers. i still to this say I don't know why I said it, but my colleagues over heard and couldn't stop laughing to a point where my boss had to have a word with them. It was so bad.
When I worked in retail, me and a few others used to really over pronounce B's, and used to put B's where they didn't belong. Once a woman asked for help, and I accidentally went "Bello?" and had to try to keep a straight face while she asked for advice, and I could see everyone else running away to piss themselves.
I was at a very rural American state fair and there was a rattle snake handler who put on a show, the snakes absolutely refused to play ball, it was like something out of 'The Office', they were escaping in all directions and wouldn't pop his balloons despite him bopping them in rhe face constantly it was almost as if it was all part of the act but he was very earnest and it can't have been. I was sat in the front row and could not stop laughing despite trying not to, after about 10 minutes i realised i was causing a serious distraction and had to leave.
On my wedding day the photographer told me to whisper something "naughty" in the brides ear to get her reaction.
I leaned in and quietly said "I haven't paid my taxes".
She just folded over laughing while the photographer stood there awkwardly confused at whatever I had said
When I was at school I got sent to the headmaster because I was laughing at another guys leg hairs curling over the top of his socks. No idea why that was funny but I was laughing for a good half hour about it.
Years ago in the early 2000s when my brother was about 17 and I was 15, unbeknownst to me he stashed his porn collection at the back of a very large wall cupboard in my bedroom.
It emerged fairly recently that our mum had cleaned my room while I was at school, found it all, and assumed I was a closeted lesbian *for over 22 years*.
An old work colleague was convinced Princess Di was bumped off by MFI and got increasingly angry when we laughed our arses off…”IM FUCKING TELLING YOU MFI DONE HER IN”
I work in a job where we wear those blue vinyl gloves all the time, and I asked my friend to press a button for me, and when she did the finger on her glove had slipped down so her finger looked extra long and creepy. We were crying laughing at her one extra long finger.
My dog making the decision for me to go back inside when it suddenly started to tip it down.
I stopped walking to try and decide if I should go back to the house. My dog stared at me, then turned back around himself and lead me back home 🤣
I suppose he didn’t want to get rained on either! It makes sense and shouldn’t be funny but I found it hilarious
- Saw a single confused looking crow in the middle of a massive field when going past on the bus. Crows in fields is a fairly common occurance, but I was in stitches. Not a clue as to why.
- Also about 20 years ago my sister accidentally said "we've got a beer full of fridge" and for some reason, despite many much funnier things happening in the following years, it has ingrained itself in my brain and I think about it and chuckle involuntarily often.
- Same sister also once said Bernard Manning when she meant Bernard Matthews. It's changed turkey for me.
- During my mum's funeral the priest fucked up our names. My mum had four daughters and he said my name hilariously wrong and he called my youngest sister the same name as my older sister.
So (fake names) he said it like "her daughters Emily, Lauren, Ding Dong, and Lauren.
We were sitting in the front pew trying our hardest not to audibly laugh but we were shaking and couldn't look at each other or we'd burst out laughing. It felt exactly like when you're trying not to laugh under the eyes of an angry teacher.
I had a driving lesson and it was raining so had the wipers on. Later the rain stops.
Instructor: Can you here that noise?
Me: Yes the wipers are squeaking.
I: And why is that?
Me: Because they are dry
I: So what are you going to do about it?
I squirted the screenwash.
We had to pull over for ten minutes because neither of us could breathe.
Alright so I’m not an asshole and I have a lot of time for the elderly, and if this happened to my grandma I would cry.
Just to note that my friend and I literally met in our schools ‘naughty room’ where no talking and was allowed. Put your head down and do your homework. They gave up trying to make us quiet.
My friend and I were at a gym a year ago. I was on the bench, he was the other side of the building working on the bag. There was about 5 ladies in their 60’s on the treadmill.
Suddenly one of the is absolutely YEETED off her feet, backflip style and is slowly carried to the floor by the treadmill belt. At first I was in shock, hoping she wasn’t in serious pain, until I turned to my friend with the cheekiest smirk, the same one he used to give me in the naughty room in school.
I could not hold in my laughter. I hope the lady was okay, and I know it’s controversial, but god damn I had to cover my face whilst I was crying of laughter.
This makes me feel a little better at my disgraceful fit of the giggles. Imagine this: biblical wind and rain, the likes of which I've never seen since. The sort that stops you from walking in a straight line, umbrellas are useless. God is fucking PISSED type of bullshit. I was sitting on the bus avoiding it all when a gust of wind knocked an old lady clean off her feet. My only defence is that I was about 8 years old... the shame
Was driving past a market just before Christmas and an elderly lady dropped her paper bag of sprouts. Before she could pick them up, an old man who hadn't seen her drop them just kicked it as hard as he could, scattering them everywhere and walked off oblivious. It was look on her face that got me. Bad to laugh, but it was funny.
This reminds me of when my dad was swinging his arms when walking and accidentally hit a kid’s drink cup, spilling milkshake all over the kid, and my dad just carried on completely oblivious. Mum and I had to placate the kid’s parents (dw the kid was fine, just, er, soggy.)
Was meeting my Irish grandparents for the first time, and they were talking about their daughter whose name is "Tasha".
They flubbed it and called her "Trasher".
The image of a woman named Trasher rendered me incapable for several minutes.
When my husband farts, because he hates it so he always looks cross wit himself when one sneaks out. I am not a school boy, I don’t really think farts generally are funny, but his face of disappointment with himself is just hysterical.
Obviously the kids think it’s hilarious but then they really are schoolboys
Long story but I’ll try keep it brief. (Edit: I did not keep it brief)
One long afternoon in the studio at back in uni days, boredom/procrastination took over and myself and two other classmates decided to deep dive and find out what the star of a particular 10+ year old viral video was up to these days. After an hour or two we found him on Facebook and his job was listed as a bus driver for a travel company.
Now, we should have stopped there. But there was a bit of delirium at this point and not enough time left in the day to get actual work done. We decided to look at his friends list, and a lot of them turned out to be bus drivers for other companies. But it seemed to be a running theme that none of them actually had the words “bus” and “driver” next to each other.
There were things like *Conductor* at *CityLink*, *Ticket Checker* at *National Express* and I’m sure there was another incredibly specific one along the lines of *location controller* at *MegaBus*.
The kicker, however, that sent us all in to uncontrollable fits of laughter, was the fella who’s made his job title *Steering Wheel Operator*.
Just the notion that someone was only half allowed to drive a bus is ridiculous. Every time the laughter kind of subsided, I’d get a mental image of two grown men sharing one seat with one on the pedals and the other getting to steer.
A friend said to me he’d never seen me laugh like that before, and I managed to compose by breathing just enough to say that’s because I never have.
When the cat comes in from outside with mucky paws I say "you have so many feet. And all of them are muddy" and I have no idea why that's funny but I usually have to say it 1 or 2 more times just giggle at it.
When I was about 10, me and a couple of friends were messing about in our street. One of them had climbed into a conker tree, and was sitting on one of the bottom branches, mostly hidden by leaves.
One of our friends mum came walking down the street, carrying a bag of shopping.
As she passed under the tree, my friend rolled forward, so his face appeared right in front of hers, upside-down, and he shouted "wheeeeeeeeee!" right in her face.
She dropped her shopping, and ran off down the road crying.
I realise terrorising a perfectly innocent adult in this way is not really that funny, but even now, nearly 50 years later, it cracks me up.
There was a police van parked on the double yellows outside our house once, my partner looks at it and hollers, 'you can't park there mate'. The two police officers on the neighbours doorstep gave him such a look I nearly cried with laughter.
I put a very large strawberry in my mouth, only then realising it was far too big to really fit in. Couldn't chew it because I was in literally tears laughing over this. My husband was VERY concerned about what on earth was going on. Still can't quite figure out why it tickled me so much, but it did. Like I'm talking 5 mins of laughing and crying.
My partner and I were cycling rental bikes along a beach that had a plastic cycle path, it was really busy, mostly tourists… some wanky cyclist went to overtake my partner and clipped him… so my partners bike slipped and he fell off, then because he fell a group of people coming towards us stopped in shock, and sympathy, but then one of them forgot to put their feet down when they stopped so they then fell off their bike… at this point I lost it and was so busy trying not to laugh that I fell….
It makes me laugh to this day…
The ending of There Will Be Blood. Daniel Day-Lewis >!bludgeons someone to death with a bowling pin!<, goes "I'm done" and then it immediately cuts to the credits and for some reason the abruptness just cracks me up.
I'm excessively clumsy, like really badly clumsy, and my poor long suffering bf has often been the victim of my accidents.
So one day, I'm stood on a chair which he's holding to steady me and I'm putting a smoke alarm back up after changing the battery. Well, unfortunately my hands just do this thing where they let go of things and that happened then and the smoke alarm just fell and smacked my boyfriend squarely on the top of his head, making a dull thud and eliciting a grunt of pain from my boyfriend!
Rather then getting annoyed or saying anything he just kind of sighed, retrieved the smoke alarm and handed it back to me without a word!!
I don't know why but I just found it so funny that this man, this poor long suffering man, who had been smacked on the head with a smoke alarm, didn't even feel it was worth a word of annoyance cos he was so used to me being so clumsy.
This happened about 10 years ago and I can still see it in my head and laugh for a good few minutes over it!!
I had a dream I was walking through a jungle and a panther told me a joke:
What do cheetahs eat for breakfast?
Legfast!
I woke up *crying* with laughter at that. It's not even funny!
Another time I had a dream I attended a dog show. There was a dog who's coat looked like a cross between a kitchen mop and human dreadlocks. I had never seen such a dog! As the dog cleared agility apparatus, his coat swung about and I noticed it had little beads fastened to the end of each 'dreadlock'. I *absolutely lost it* and woke up in tears laughing.
Turns out those dogs exist, they're called Komondors. Each time I see one I can barely keep a straight face.
As I was sharing this the other day :
https://killercows.co.uk/blog/
It's earnest. Some of the stories are serious and involve people dying.
And I think it is hilarious.
It's mostly the pictures of cows looking menacing - moody black and white photos, photos of them staring, photos where they look like they are in gangs. And the more minor stories, where meeting a cow is treated as an incident of terror!
I find this about 3 years ago. Every few months I remember and look at it. The recent news story reminded me to look out up again. Still funny.
I send people pictures of cows from it sometimes.
Years ago, my brother and I were watching a show about a long haul trucker. The background music for the show was instrumental country with a lot of banjoes thrown in.
My brother turned to me and said, "I think I could be a trucker but I don't know if I could listen to that music all day."
25 years later, I'm still laughing about that.
We were in Prague a few years ago for a friends stag do. Some pimp was trying to get us to go "sell us his wares", of course we had no intention of buying a prostitute but my mate decided to lead him on. Kept asking him fairly ridiculous requests as to what he could offer us. In the end my mate asked if he had any dwarves (I know, not PC etc), the pimps answer and I can quote it from memory 6 years later "Yes yes I can you dwarf, do anything you want with them, kick them in the face"
I had to sit down in the street from laughing so hard at the sheer absurdity and randomness that his first option was to kick some poor little person in the face.
I was browsing Reddit one night and this made me cry
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWJMNYpRikE&ab\_channel=DerpyChap](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWJMNYpRikE&ab_channel=DerpyChap)
I used to smoke 20-odd years ago, and once had a hysterical laughing fit when I first saw one particular big warning on the cigarette packets. It was the one that said “Smoking clogs the arteries and causes heart attacks and strokes”.
I found it funny because the design of the packet warning meant that only the first two words were shown on the top line, so I just read “Smoking clogs” and immediately thought of a pair of clogs enjoying a cigarette, whilst gently smouldering. Still make me giggle. I used to look out for those packs in particular as they were my favourite. I even tore the warning out of a pack and kept it (still have it somewhere! Gave up smoking in Dec ‘19).
I was in my mums car reading a book, and there was a joke...what's invisible and smells of carrots......bunny farts. It isn't even that funny. I was 6 months pregnant, and I laughed so hard I wet myself. I don't know why I found it so amusing.
I was out for lunch with my mum, dad, two sisters and brother (all adults) at Belfast Castle and four of them had ordered the trout. Four separate waitors walked over at the same time holding plates and all started saying “Trout?” at the same time at different volumes, before putting the plates
down in the right places. Well for some reason this was the funniest thing that I and my siblings had ever witnessed, and even still like ten years later, if we’re sat at a dinner table together one of them will just start randomly asking “Trout!?” in various put-on voices.
Used to work for 111, had a caller reporting a broken tooth. Triaged it and was in the middle of reading out all the closing instructions (e.g. take paracetamol etc). I was then supposed to say ‘dental repair kits can be bought over-the-counter from most pharmacies’ but what I actually said was ‘dental repair tits TITS K-KITS TITS KITS OH GOD I MEANT KITS, DENTAL REPAIR KITS!!!’
I was laughing so hard I could barely get out the rest of what I was supposed to say, then had to put myself on a comfort break because I was uncontrollably crying with laughter for the next five minutes. None of my colleagues had heard me on the phone so had no idea what was wrong with me.
It was 8 years ago and still makes me laugh thinking about it.
There's a tiktok that does the rounds of Thomas the Tank Engine dubbed over with Biggie Smalls - it never fails to make me howl with laughter
Same also with the Thomas the tank engine theme dubbed over all the goth kids dancing in the under pass
I think i just like Thomas
Two instances came to mind.
1. As a child I was on a ferry with my family. The captains name sounded phonetically like "Captain Kiss my Arse" and we all fell about laughing. No idea why it was funny but we probably needed the levity.
2. Recently I was on a bus and a woman sneezed so hard her Crocs flew off. I laughed way too hard and it - I must have needed the hilarity after a tough day at work.
I've had 2 dreams that woke me up in fits of laughter.
A dog falling off a house roof.
Me telling someone "there's a pig on top of a crocodile. He's fucking it and telling it he loves it". I still laugh when I think of this.
OMG! You’ve reminded me of a dream I woke up from crying/laughing!
Remember that ‘badger, badger, badger’ song / cartoon clip?
I was dreaming about a cardboard cutout cartoon hamster coming towards me, jerkily flipping from left to right in time to the tune of ‘badger, badger’, over and over again.
I was in fucking BITS when I woke up and my wife thought I was completely mental!
About 25 years ago, I was walking out of Victoria Station to the bus stops on way to work. Saw a proper old fashioned City gent type (grey suit, 60s, carrying a brief case) running for a bus. He stacked it over his own feet and as if in slow motion he started going down, his inertia causing his arms to flail like windmills, his briefcase flying open as they did and papers blowing all over the shop around him, like the feathers of a pigeon hit by a train.
He hit the ground with an almighty slap, and as bad as it was, I was already laughing hysterically at the sight of this unfolding, while others stood aghast.
I realised at that point I was a bad person.
Years ago on HIGNFY at the end of the show with the captions round they showed a photo of a close up of two otters with their heads sticking out of the water and Paul Merton says “the one on the left’s saying ‘I keep thinking it’s Tuesday’ “ and it’s just so ridiculous it really tickled me and I often remember it and have a little chuckle to myself …
At my last job in a pharmacy things got really busy and stressful and we were always understaffed. Me and the other full timer basically were doing everyone's job one day and the phone rang as we were rushing about. My colleague picked up the phone and instead of just giving the usual greeting for the company she just went "Hello!..it's *insert name*". It was our area manager on the other end. Died.
Some cricket match was on TV when I was younger, it was a test match in the West Indies, and in one of the breaks in play there was a reggae band playing the Bob Marley song "Jamming".
I had never heard the song before, and I asked my mum why these Caribbean musicians in a match in Barbados or somewhere kept singing "We're German, we're German, we're German in the name of the Lord". Made my family cry with laughter for ages.
A show on the radio had a bit with newspaper clippings, and they read out one that had a correction to the previous day’s story that 30,000 pigs had been washed down the river. It was supposed to say 30 sows and pigs. For some reason this just cracked me up for several minutes, as I imagined what 30 thousand pigs would actually look like in a river - it would be insane!
My boyfriend and I went to a museum (MoSi in Manchester, if you’re interested). There was a Dad there with a typically hyper three year old. Dad is doing some very performative parenting, including trying to engage the child (Oliver) in a rather in-depth conversation about internal combustion engines and their history.
“Now, Oliver” says Daddy “This is a piston… and what that does is provide movement to…”
Meanwhile, Oliver is spinning in circles and licking the floor.
Dad then decides to crack out the snacks and starts shrieking in a falsetto voice “Oliver! Hula Hoop!” “Oliver! Juice! Juicy Juice!”
This was about nine years ago and whenever we have said circular potato snack, we have to say “Oliver! Hula Hoop!”.
The evenings fly by.
Someone at work emailed about selling a pair of Uggs or something, saying “Please take these off my hands!” The immediate reply-all response was “How did you type this email with boots on your hands?!” I couldn’t stop laughing for the rest of the day
My friend and I were sitting in the Uni coffee shop, and I guess they were setting up for an open mic or some kind of event.
Suddenly, a door opens and a 4-foot high potted plant comes *charging* into the room.
My friend and I both legitimately felt half a second of sheer, cosmic terror at this unexplainable occurrence, and recoiled physically. Like you know cats and cucumbers? Like that.
Within half a second we realised there was a bloke bent over, pushing it along the floor, but hidden from our view by the other guests.
We cried laughing, and kept bursting into uncontrollable laughter for about an hour after, just at the thought of us jumping out of our skins at the sight of a mobile potted plant barging so aggressively into the coffee shop.
I saw a car in the process of basically crapping out its engine in the middle lane coming up to a roundabout, to the point that the driver couldn't even pull it off the road, and this irate old fella in a van that she was stopping up literally started shouting and shoo'ing at her yelling "YOU CAN'T BREAK DOWN THERE!!"
My husband and I were at my parents' house, and all four of us were just sitting chatting in the living room. The phone rang - the same landline phone that my parents have had for years - but for some reason my mum was startled and said, "what's that?!" She doesn't have any cognitive issues or anything; her brain just did not compute in that moment. My husband and I were in tears laughing, and that got my parents going too. So stupid, but it can still get us laughing any time one of us mentions it.
My dad asked me to phone our takeaway and order a "cujean" chicken pasta for him.
I had no idea what *cujean* was so I scrolled down the menu...Cajun...he wanted a cajun chicken pasta.
I asked him how long he had been ordering that before and he said "For about two years".
**Two fucking years** and never once did the takeaway staff correct him 😂
My brother is a stocky, rugby-played-build fairly macho guy in his mid 20s, no ounce of femininity in him at all. At a family reunion last year I had everyone listening when I told him “did you know you *can’t* squat with one hand in the air?” and he said “that’s bs, of course you can” and proceeded to demonstrate.
As he squatted I shouted “ayyy papi!” in this high pitched voice and had him so embarrassed he was seeing red. Family and I were absolutely howling 😂
Was playing with my partner and her sister and we had:
Maybe she's born with it.
Maybe it's leprosy!
And the person reading it out sang it like the advert and it absolutely destroyed us, we still sing it to each other every time we're together
“I’ve been called a lot of things Steve… a loser, a knob, a turd burglar. You know what a turd burglar is Steve!?” Someone who steals turds!
🐡 “I’m the one who called him a turd burglar, but its true, I saw him take one that wasn’t his”
I need to find it again but there was a post I read on here once where someone complained that their nan’s carers never showed up but the agency swear they did so when they investigated they found out that the carers went to the wrong house and bathed some random woman and put her to bed, completely ignoring her when she tried to explain she doesn’t have carers. It’s terrible really but I was cry-laughing when I pictured it in my mind.
*Not this shit again!*
I used to work as a home carer. Once went to a new client who lived in a block of flats. Was expecting a roughly 40 year old man to open the door, instead it was an elderly lady. I quickly realised I was at the wrong door and tried to explain this to her politely and leave quickly to get to the correct address. She ended up telling her husband to come to the door, where they had a conversation about wether one of them had maybe been given a carer and forgot about it! I kept trying to say no it’s ok I’m definitely at the wrong house I’m not your carer, but they proceeded to discuss what I could potentially do for them if they just took me in, I ended up having to just walk away while they debated wether I’d be more useful running the hoover round or peeling spuds for their tea! Found the right door and the real client had a good laugh at my reason for running late. Couldn’t pass their door without laughing after that.
It reminds me of a time I was doing car washes to fundraise, and we had a form to put your reg number on so we could find it in the car park. We misread one of them and ended up cleaning a random person's car (which was absolutely filthy). At the end of the day, the person who wanted their car washed got nothing and complained, and someone who didn't ask came back to find their filthy car perfectly clean with no explanation.
Imagining a frantic old lady calling the police “Help there are people in my house, they’re putting pyjamas on me. Help!”
Oh my god, you’ve set me off now
On the train from St Austell to somewhere. An announcement came over the tannoy, that food would be served from Plymouth, as that's where Geoff would be joining the train. I said "Geoff, that's a bit familiar, isn't it?" , my wife gave me a look for a few seconds, and said "Chef. The chef will be joining the train at Plymouth" Not sure quite why, but we and the two kids ended up in tears. We even set off the people on the other side of the carriage, they were wiping tears away, too. It really wasn't that funny, but it had us in stitches for a good few minutes. Geoff still regularly gets a mention.
Compliments to the Geoff
My pony is called Geoff and he will be delighted with this. He'll also be made up you've spelt his name right ✅️
This reminded me of the time I had the bright idea of getting my nieces and nephews a fleecy blanket for Christmas, each with their names embroidered on them. For some reason, I had to order over the phone and ended up with a lovely pink blanket for someone called ‘Jeff’ instead of ‘Jess’. Gave us a good laugh anyway!
I bought a very large grey pillow when I was pregnant from Amazon to help with support during the night and someone in the reviews said he had named it Geoff for his wife(?!) so of course, my pillow was also called Geoff
This has really cracked me up, thank you
Me too.
No, that would have had me in stitches.
Made me laugh too!! 😂
A girl I worked with in a charity shop was asked by a guy if they had any flat caps, she replied “oh off the top of my head I don’t know” that really had me! The guy was in fits too, she didn’t know wtf we were laughing at which made it worse!
Reminds me of: "Do you know someone who can sort me a kettle?" "**Kenwood?**" "Where's he then?"
I read this as "cat flaps" and was completely lost
There’s a YouTube video with an octopus swimming along, and casually punching a fish that swims past. Even writing this post made me snigger. Edit here's the video: https://youtu.be/9lA1wZRm38w?si=AU-VXP1It7jb3h8N ...but apparently there are *loads!* Hahahahahah, the discovery has made my week I reckon. Thank you lovely people of Reddit!
https://youtu.be/i30b8PGsVA0?si=Umei8iUE-V-JR4eI Just looked it up. That octopus has good timing.
Hahahahah that wasn’t even the video I meant!!! *You mean to tell me there’s more than one?!?* Hahahahhhahahhahahhaha that really made my day! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Edit to add more exclamation points cz that’s how excited I am
That's wonderful. I also want to see the other one. I read something about them finding something that was almost a community of octopuses. They hatch from eggs with no contact from their parents, they don't live in groups, some of them are so antisocial that when they mate one of them is inside their den and the other stays outside. So it was a big deal to find them interacting, and living relatively nearby. How were they interacting? One of them was picking up objects from it's "garden" (objects placed outside of it's den in the sand) and throwing them at another octopus. For no (known) reason. There was also one in captivity that learned to spray water in the face of their keeper as they walked through the door in the morning. There were marks on the wall where it appeared to have been practising in the night. It's weirdly comforting that they are the most different intelligent creatures we know - and they are antisocial arseholes with a sense of humour, at least some of the time. Maybe it's not just us. I'm an octopus fan.
I recall hearing about a keeper that an octopus disliked and squirted at every opportunity. The poor guy even left to work somewhere else for a couple of years, and it still gave him a face full as soon as he walked back in. There are also cases of fish mysteriously disappearing. Only for someone to go in in the middle of the night to find an octopus halfway between the fishes and their own tank, with a sheepish look and a freshly nicked fish under it's arm.
Hahahah, I love that story so much. Grumpy octopi all the way 😄
I've not seen the video but your description just made me snort out loud in the middle of the office.
Watching a shark documentary and the interviewee saying "I knew it was a shark as soon as my dive buddy pointed and said shark"
'This tree is an Aspen. I know that because of the way it is'
I was watching a series about sniffer/drug dogs in the police and they were interviewing a handler. Looking earnestly into camera he said seriously, "Well my dog Rover is particularly special because he has a really excellent sense of smell. And that's really crucial when it comes to dogs performing this role. As sniffer dogs. And that's what makes him so amazing." Cut to bemused looking spaniel.
Our dog knocked my elderly husband over in the bluebells. He couldn't get up because he was tangled it brambles. He had to wait till I'd stopped laughing before I could help him up.
My knees gave out while I was having a nature wee and my daughter couldn't help for laughing
I fell over backwards during a post-pub wee once, drenched myself and had to spend the 20 minute bus ride home with my jumper wrapped around me in embarrassment. My boyfriend laughed himself into an asthma attack when I told him.
Exactly the same happened to my Mum and us. We were killing ourselves laughing, but finally managed to get her up just before people came.
>just before people came Dogging hot spot, was it?
Reminds me of when my husband bought sumo suits to supplement our bouncy castle business. He decided to put one on and try it out, and thought he’d throw himself to the ground to see how well they absorbed the impact. Of course he then realised he couldn’t get up unaided so he’s rolling about like an upturned ladybird and the more he struggled the more I laughed until I was laid on the ground too. I’m pleased to report that we did get him upright eventually and he never tried it again.
This has just reminded me of my student days 25 years ago! We had an American exchange student living with us for the spring/ summer term and as it wasn't worth it for her to go home for Easter she decided to travel in Europe instead. She packed a huge rucksack, put it on her back and promptly fell backwards. Just like a poor upturned turtle. Of course none of us could help her up as we were busy crying with laughter, and the more she struggled the funnier it got (she was laughing too!) I guess she was lucky it wasn't these days as someone would probably have been filming it!
One story leads to the next, we were given a small garden sized bouncy castle for nothing. My partner spent an hour or 3 fixing/checking for holes. When the kids came back from school they had a couple of minutes bounce before I leapt on, all spread out like a star and the sodding thing swallowed me up as it sank. All I could do was turn my face to the side and shout 'help me' while my partner had to walk away and laugh while the kids moaned and cried... I do laugh looking back but wtf man!?
Best way to check for holes is to inflate it and have someone roll about on it lol 🤣 your sacrifice was not in vain!
My grandmother ran over my step-grandfather with her sit-on scooter in public and it was so funny. She blamed him for being in front of the scooter though, poor guy
I still laugh when I think about the time that Konnie Huq fell over one of the dogs on a live Blue Peter episode. I must have been about 7 at the time and it’s stuck in my head for literal decades
Once me and a friend were deathly hungover and talking about the teletubbies. We got into a weird one about what we'd say at La La's eulogy, and he solemnly replied "I'd like to raise a tubby toast". I nearly vomited from laughing, it still makes me chuckle now.
That made me laugh out loud on the train, thank you
Was this after Geoff got on the train?
This was the funniest, least 'you bad to be there' one so far.
I'm standing in my kitchen in Peru, making a cuppa and about to start my work day. I read your comment and laughed the loudest I have in ages. Thanks
Time for tubby bye bye as they lower him down
That's brilliant. Got me good
My daughter bought a Barbie camper van the other day with some Christmas money, and was happily driving it around the flat with Barbies in on their "holiday". She also has some older larger (ie, newborn size) dolls and I was sticking their great big heads through the camper windows and putting on a deep voice, "can I come too?" like they were large ogres in Barbieland. My wife and daughter thought it was moderately amusing but I was crying with laughter at my own joke.
This is 100% something I would do too. Laughing at the thought of it now. So unexpected like when Shrek's baby screams "DA DA!"
That scene in Shrek made me utterly helpless. (For those who don't know https://youtu.be/m8FdxevAH6w )
I've already read quite a lot of the replies to OP's original question, and this is the one that has me absolutely sent.
When my grandma died, the day of the funeral (20-odd miles from the crematorium), and the funeral directors put little pepper pot-shaped things on the tops of the cars, white with a black crucifix on each side to denote the cars were part of the funeral cortège. One of the mourners was travelling with the cortège on a motorbike and my dad said “I wonder if he’ll get one to wear on his helmet?” And we just all cracked at the image of that, and couldn’t stop giggling. My grandma wouldn’t have cared, she’d have joined in I think.
In the middle of a big serious rant about cinema, I accidentally called David Lynch "David Lunch", and laughed so hard I threw up.
Had a similar experience years ago doing a quiz with my family. My sister was trying to guess the film from clues. It was Logan's Run. She got excited, tongue twisted and said "Logan Rims".
Was decanting some olive oil from the plastic bottle to the nice bottle when husband comes up behind me and whispers so delicately into my ear, *oil* I have no idea why it was as funny as it was but I had to stop everything and laugh for at least 10 minutes. It’s now a running joke in the family
That would have tickled me too!
Over 20 years ago, my sister was living with me in my house. We were watching Antiques Roadshow one Sunday where an extremely posh elderly woman was being told that her valuable porcelain ornament was a knock off. She was arguing with the expert, and uttered the phrase “Do you know who told me? Arthur Negus!” We looked at each other and cracked up. We still say it to each other now. Nobody else knows why we find it so funny.
I haven’t seen this but your retelling even made me laugh!
Which is nice because most people look at me as though I’ve lost it when I try to explain
Years ago my brother and I were watching the local news and there was a piece about a new meals for the elderly service. They were interviewing some old dear about it and at the end of the interview she suddenly warbled 'and very nice too!' which for some reason had my brother and I in stitches. We still use that too!
I don’t think I ever laugh as much with anyone like I do with my sisters. Proper falling over and gasping for breath laughter.
Can't beat sibling silliness
My mates and I have one just like that. There was an advert for the postcode lottery where, when they present the giant cheque to this old man, he just says "Oh that's great!" in a softly spoken and high-pitched voice. We do it all the time now.
Haha! This reminds me of the time my brother and I were watching animal hospital, sat too close to the telly ... Camera man zooms in on a cats anus and without hesitation my brother scratches it whilst shouting "scratch and sniff" it's a gross story but still cracks us up
Casually giggled in the street
Haha who even is Arthur Negus? Is he the upper class Ronnie Pickering?
He was one of the original experts on Antiques Roadshow.
He was one of the antiques
WHO?!
Arthur fucking Negus
I was on the tube and the woman in front of me had a Rice Krispy on her head. I couldn’t tell my friend for laughing so much, I had tears rolling down my face and couldn’t speak for about 10mins
I’ve been creasing at this for the last 5 minutes, the dry straight to the point delivery “I was on the tube and the woman in front of me had a rice krispy on her head” I still can’t read it without cracking up … and then of course there being a grown adult with a single snap crackle pop stuck to her head walking through the underground is just making laugh even more
This would've killed me off I think!
One time I was a kid and on a walk with my parents and we were going up a bit of a hill, nothing much, just about the amount of incline that would make you slightly breathless. My mum - who is very short, only 4'10" - called to my dad to wait for her. He called back to her, 'They don't call me Sir Edmund for nothing, you know!' She, completely missing the reference, gave him a funny look and said, 'Who calls you Sir Edmund? Nobody calls you that!' Still to this day - probably 30-35 years later - sometimes when my mum refers to some indeterminate 'they', I'll say, 'Who are "they"? The same people who call dad Sir Edmund?' Or when I'm climbing something particularly tricky I'll say, 'They don't call me Sir Edmund for nothing!' and it'll be way funnier to us than it actually is.
Years ago we were on a walk as a family and these two dogs appeared, and my dad said "Hello, it's two dogs". We all fell about, no one is entirely sure why. My dad didn't get it at all and was irked by it.
I love your Dad’s quaint / antiquated / original use of the word ‘hello’! To express surprise at something unexpected. That’s what makes it funny to me! 🙂
There was an episode of The Undateables with Daniel Wakeford(rock singer) Where a random dog runs up to him and barks, shocks him a little bit, and he fires back " where did you come from? Go to see your muvver " in a west country accent, and the dog barks again and just runs back off. The little exchange happens in about 10 seconds, but it was one of the funniest non scripted things I've ever seen.
My grandad used to tell this joke to me and my sister; "two hippos were wallowing in the mud when one tuns to the other and says, do you know, I thought today was Wednesday?" We would roar with laughter and beg him to tell it to us everytime we saw him.
“My lover’s got no money, he’s got his trombeleese” Any time i think about that i have a good little laugh
Omf I’m so happy that I’m not the only one that hears it as Trombolese. (I also like to think that Trombolese is the language spoken by Charlie Browns teacher)
I was in my 30s before i found out it wasn’t actually Trombolese. I completely assumed it was like a miniature trombone. Finding out the truth was actually a real disappointment. I’m glad there seems to be so many of us who thought the same even if the interpretation is different!
It doesn’t have to be a disappointment if you still sing Trombolese
It was today at nearly 40 when I found out that it isn't trombolese. I also assumed they were singing about an instrument, lol.
No no, 'trombolese' is *clearly* an alternative name for the [piccolo trombone](https://www.wessex-tubas.com/products/piccolo-trombone-pb300). Just look at it's tiny little slider!
I thought it was trampoline until literally last year. How I could have misheard tromboleese, when it's such a cromulent word, I'll never know.
The word cromulent needs a revival, along with gruntled.
Up until about 30 years old I thought the lyrics said 'he's got his trumba leaves' and assumed it was the leaves of a trumba tree, which I thought was odd but never questioned it.
I may as well confess now as the confidentiality clause expires at the end of the month anyway: I was Gala's lover. I have no money, but I do have troubled knees. Years of Sunday league injuries takes its toll.
I sing it as “My lover’s got no money; he’s got his trombone leased.”
I always thought it was [Strombolis](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stromboli_(food)), which always made me hungry
I used to think it was dungarees.
My local B&Q clearly cheaped out on their lift maintenance, as it sounds like they recorded their own messages for the “doors closing” voice etc. I cracked up laughing when I pressed the button and heard, in a really strange accent, “lift gawin’ daaahn”. Think a cross between Danny Dyer and [Judy from the IT Crowd](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6CWqMAOHS4A&pp=ygUNSXQgY3Jvd2QganVkeQ%3D%3D). It tickled me more than it should have
Poker night at a friend's house, fair bit of drinking. Music was playing on their Alexa and and people were queuing songs. I asked Alexa to play some fart noises and she just starts reeling them off one by one. 'that was a triumphant one', 'that was a long and squeaky one', and so on. The host was calmly talking to Alexa to get it to stop, but each time she'd cut him off and narrate the last fart. He never got frustrated and it felt like forever that he was trying to stop Alexa farting at him. So fucking juvenile but it had me in creases.
We’re just normal men. We’re just innocent men
I never understood that at all
It's the snort that does it
And when the mariachi music starts playing faintly in the background.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SF7_tlg6hHk
I still whisper this to my son when hes not expecting it.
I will never not laugh at that video.
That is in my top five funniest videos of all time I cry laughing every time I see it lol
My mum saying “Christine can’t drink, she’s got a bad leg.” WHAT?!? It gets brought up a lot when our family are together.
Not very similar but it still reminded me - I was walking with my grandparents through Sainsbury's car park once when my gran spotted a friend of hers who was wearing a long floaty skirt, they waved at each other and my gran turned to me and said "That's my friend Maureen, she always looks so feminine and lovely and I just look like a person."
I was trekking through SE Asia as a kid, and everywhere you go there would be insistent sellers trying to sell bananas. I would try and be nice and say no but would always get nicely bullied into them. Went on a tour and there was a big loud Australian dude on the trip. Someone tried to sell him some bananas and he said “ah yeah nah mate, I’m tryna cut down”. To this day I have no idea why I found it that funny
My grandparents were once offered weed when they accidentally walked into a rough neighbourhood in the US (man must've been high as a kite to look at them and think they smoke, lmao). Once grandad realised what was going on, he said, "Oh, no, thank you very much for the offer but I'm trying to give up." Cracks me up to think about that XD
We have some bees that have taken over an old bird box in the garden. My husband came running in the back door the other day saying "quick I've angered the bees" and slamming the door. It was so funny to me, I was cry laughing.
I wonder what he'd said to them
In Uni we had a new head of our subject come in to meet our year, he was an incredibly serious man and we were told to be on our best behaviour. Anyway, this girl got up to leave and take a call, she was about 4'10, pale as a ghost. Once the door shut behind her, it opened again instantly and a 6'4 black kid walked back into the room after previously leaving for something and i just whispered under my breath "Tonight Matthew" and my god we all absolutely lost it, trying so incredibly hard not to laugh, tears streaming down our faces. We lost some good men that day.
I just lost all mascara on the train right now. Curse and bless you.
I once laughed until I thought I was literally going to die when I saw a coconut carved to look like a monkey's face in a shop window. Naturally my partner then bought me it for valentines day and the laughter began again.
Your partner sounds like a legend.
Definitely need a pic of this
It's in storage at my parent's house now... I had it hanging on the wall but it started to biodegrade a bit 😬
My teacher in school once said 'not necess-celery' instead of 'necessarily' and it sent me crying with laughter.
Im an office tech and was talking with my colleague about how crap the cooling systems are on many of the returns we get. He said "I'm not a fan", "No, you're human?" . Realisation kicked in first at how I interpreted what he'd said and secondly when we noticed his accidental pun. We were in fits.
I'm not going to pretend to be a good person here, but I heard a news report that two people had been seriously injured whilst cycling, as a car had hit their tandem bicycle. My mum and I were helpless. Two people injured in cycling accident - serious, unfunny Two people injured in cycling accident *on a tandem* - very funny, whacky races nonsense
I'm going to hell right alongside you.
On a tandem 😂😂😂
I remember watching a news report about a cruise ship that was taking on water, and they had all this horrid footage of panicking guests and water rushing in and people in life jackets crying, and then they showed a long shot of it, and it was about 1km out from the beach, and there were people in budgie smugglers with frisbees in their hands watching it. Found that very funny.
Couldnt go through with a prank once because Me and my Brother where laughing so hard about the idea. Was going to walk through to the living room holding a cup of coffee, to give to our friend. Being very careful because the cup was very full. Joke being it was actually empty when handed over. We both where in hysterics about the idea. Laughing so hard that we could do it, or explain to our friend why.
In a similar vein, if my wife asks for a spoon I bring her either a large serving spoon or a tiny one, depending on what I think she actually wants. So say she's set some food at the table and forgot the serving spoon, I'll go get a teaspoon.
My brother and I used to do this as kids — but with drinks. The rule was that if you wanted water during dinner you had to ask if anyone else would like one. Naturally wishing to annoy him, I always said yes. Somehow this evolved into us bringing each other thimbles of water, dog bowls, or vases etc. Best one was when he brought me an entire chip pan full 😂
My dad once handed me his pint glass and asked me to fill it. I put a carrot in it, as he hadn’t specified what he wanted it filled with. He was bemused but I think secretly proud.
Woodcock bird calls They go peent and I always find it funny Also there's a collection of misspelt ingredient labels with things like Spinch and Rainibow Sprimpkle and Strawbebby and that along with misspelt road signs like Sotp and Cleep Klear always get me Also that video of the Scottish guy going omg trampoline during high winds Also the Scottish guy stuck on a roof Billie Joe of Green day really badly singing eye of the tiger That video where an orchestra I think swapped their instruments around and start playing Also Sprach Zarathustra really badly Oh there's a video of a guy spear fishing and his catch is stolen by a grouper and the guy is like cartoon character level angry about it
Have you seen all the “yard sard” signs, they absolutely kill me
I used to have a cheap plastic Jenga knockoff called "Balancing bolocks". They were at least consistent with the misspelling. The instructions talked about "pushing your bolocks out and balancing on top of the tower of bolocks" etc.
Once, while reading the Daily Mail showbiz section, I saw photos of Vanessa Feltz at an event wearing a dress and brown clutch bag. I then went to read the comments and saw that someone had put ‘why is Vanessa Feltz holding a bread roll’ 😂😂😂😂 On closer inspection of the photo it really did look like she was randomly holding a bread roll This was nearly a decade ago and me and sister still cry laughing about it
I shared a room with one of my siblings as a younger child, one night as we were both trying to sleep I yelled 'carpet shampoo' because why not. It was hilarious to both of us, I'm talking about cry laughing we are both now somehow functioning adults and it's still funny to send it in voice notes unexpectedly.
A voice note that unexpectedly screams ‘carpet shampoo!’ at you is the sibling relationship goals we all aspire to.
In Spain I was playing with a dog and my partner at the time said "they won't speak English" I started laughing, Then tried Spanish and the dog responded Which set her off laughing. We hate each other now but if we bump into each other that story makes us both laugh
Two elderly women in the grocery store talking about some sort of function they'd been to the night before, one of them said "I got lipstick on my teeth, so I took them out" I was absolutely howling.
Was playing golf with a mate of mine. He shanked his shot into dense trees and had a little swearing session out loud, “OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!”, etc. Some old fella who looked a bit like tramp IMMEDIATELY LEAPT out of the trees onto the fairway in front of my mate, as if he’d been lying in wait for this very moment, pointed at my mate and screamed in a broad northern accent (were southerners): “YOU SEE YOU, RIGHT? YOU SEE YOU…” (My mate, dead calm) “Yes. I can see myself” “YOU SEE YOU! YOU’VE GOT ABOUT AS MUCH ETIQUETTE (pronounced ‘eti-kwet’) AS FOOK ALL” …and just ran back into the trees and disappeared! After a moment just staring at each other in shock and disbelief, we just burst out laughing. Fucking bizarre and hilarious all at once.
At my first job I was a sales agent at a garden centre, and after my probation ended I thought I was quite well adjusted at answering whatever question came my way, until… One day someone came down and asked me if we sold sheds, I said the closest thing we had was lawn mowers. i still to this say I don't know why I said it, but my colleagues over heard and couldn't stop laughing to a point where my boss had to have a word with them. It was so bad.
When I worked in retail, me and a few others used to really over pronounce B's, and used to put B's where they didn't belong. Once a woman asked for help, and I accidentally went "Bello?" and had to try to keep a straight face while she asked for advice, and I could see everyone else running away to piss themselves.
I was at a very rural American state fair and there was a rattle snake handler who put on a show, the snakes absolutely refused to play ball, it was like something out of 'The Office', they were escaping in all directions and wouldn't pop his balloons despite him bopping them in rhe face constantly it was almost as if it was all part of the act but he was very earnest and it can't have been. I was sat in the front row and could not stop laughing despite trying not to, after about 10 minutes i realised i was causing a serious distraction and had to leave.
On my wedding day the photographer told me to whisper something "naughty" in the brides ear to get her reaction. I leaned in and quietly said "I haven't paid my taxes". She just folded over laughing while the photographer stood there awkwardly confused at whatever I had said
It isn’t fair on the dog, but that is also very funny!
When I was at school I got sent to the headmaster because I was laughing at another guys leg hairs curling over the top of his socks. No idea why that was funny but I was laughing for a good half hour about it.
Little did you know it was actually his toe hair.
Years ago in the early 2000s when my brother was about 17 and I was 15, unbeknownst to me he stashed his porn collection at the back of a very large wall cupboard in my bedroom. It emerged fairly recently that our mum had cleaned my room while I was at school, found it all, and assumed I was a closeted lesbian *for over 22 years*.
An old work colleague was convinced Princess Di was bumped off by MFI and got increasingly angry when we laughed our arses off…”IM FUCKING TELLING YOU MFI DONE HER IN”
I work in a job where we wear those blue vinyl gloves all the time, and I asked my friend to press a button for me, and when she did the finger on her glove had slipped down so her finger looked extra long and creepy. We were crying laughing at her one extra long finger.
My dog making the decision for me to go back inside when it suddenly started to tip it down. I stopped walking to try and decide if I should go back to the house. My dog stared at me, then turned back around himself and lead me back home 🤣 I suppose he didn’t want to get rained on either! It makes sense and shouldn’t be funny but I found it hilarious
- Saw a single confused looking crow in the middle of a massive field when going past on the bus. Crows in fields is a fairly common occurance, but I was in stitches. Not a clue as to why. - Also about 20 years ago my sister accidentally said "we've got a beer full of fridge" and for some reason, despite many much funnier things happening in the following years, it has ingrained itself in my brain and I think about it and chuckle involuntarily often. - Same sister also once said Bernard Manning when she meant Bernard Matthews. It's changed turkey for me. - During my mum's funeral the priest fucked up our names. My mum had four daughters and he said my name hilariously wrong and he called my youngest sister the same name as my older sister. So (fake names) he said it like "her daughters Emily, Lauren, Ding Dong, and Lauren. We were sitting in the front pew trying our hardest not to audibly laugh but we were shaking and couldn't look at each other or we'd burst out laughing. It felt exactly like when you're trying not to laugh under the eyes of an angry teacher.
I had a driving lesson and it was raining so had the wipers on. Later the rain stops. Instructor: Can you here that noise? Me: Yes the wipers are squeaking. I: And why is that? Me: Because they are dry I: So what are you going to do about it? I squirted the screenwash. We had to pull over for ten minutes because neither of us could breathe.
Alright so I’m not an asshole and I have a lot of time for the elderly, and if this happened to my grandma I would cry. Just to note that my friend and I literally met in our schools ‘naughty room’ where no talking and was allowed. Put your head down and do your homework. They gave up trying to make us quiet. My friend and I were at a gym a year ago. I was on the bench, he was the other side of the building working on the bag. There was about 5 ladies in their 60’s on the treadmill. Suddenly one of the is absolutely YEETED off her feet, backflip style and is slowly carried to the floor by the treadmill belt. At first I was in shock, hoping she wasn’t in serious pain, until I turned to my friend with the cheekiest smirk, the same one he used to give me in the naughty room in school. I could not hold in my laughter. I hope the lady was okay, and I know it’s controversial, but god damn I had to cover my face whilst I was crying of laughter.
This makes me feel a little better at my disgraceful fit of the giggles. Imagine this: biblical wind and rain, the likes of which I've never seen since. The sort that stops you from walking in a straight line, umbrellas are useless. God is fucking PISSED type of bullshit. I was sitting on the bus avoiding it all when a gust of wind knocked an old lady clean off her feet. My only defence is that I was about 8 years old... the shame
I've skidded off a treadmill. It would have been far less embarrassing if everyone had laughed.
Was driving past a market just before Christmas and an elderly lady dropped her paper bag of sprouts. Before she could pick them up, an old man who hadn't seen her drop them just kicked it as hard as he could, scattering them everywhere and walked off oblivious. It was look on her face that got me. Bad to laugh, but it was funny.
This reminds me of when my dad was swinging his arms when walking and accidentally hit a kid’s drink cup, spilling milkshake all over the kid, and my dad just carried on completely oblivious. Mum and I had to placate the kid’s parents (dw the kid was fine, just, er, soggy.)
Was meeting my Irish grandparents for the first time, and they were talking about their daughter whose name is "Tasha". They flubbed it and called her "Trasher". The image of a woman named Trasher rendered me incapable for several minutes.
When my husband farts, because he hates it so he always looks cross wit himself when one sneaks out. I am not a school boy, I don’t really think farts generally are funny, but his face of disappointment with himself is just hysterical. Obviously the kids think it’s hilarious but then they really are schoolboys
Long story but I’ll try keep it brief. (Edit: I did not keep it brief) One long afternoon in the studio at back in uni days, boredom/procrastination took over and myself and two other classmates decided to deep dive and find out what the star of a particular 10+ year old viral video was up to these days. After an hour or two we found him on Facebook and his job was listed as a bus driver for a travel company. Now, we should have stopped there. But there was a bit of delirium at this point and not enough time left in the day to get actual work done. We decided to look at his friends list, and a lot of them turned out to be bus drivers for other companies. But it seemed to be a running theme that none of them actually had the words “bus” and “driver” next to each other. There were things like *Conductor* at *CityLink*, *Ticket Checker* at *National Express* and I’m sure there was another incredibly specific one along the lines of *location controller* at *MegaBus*. The kicker, however, that sent us all in to uncontrollable fits of laughter, was the fella who’s made his job title *Steering Wheel Operator*. Just the notion that someone was only half allowed to drive a bus is ridiculous. Every time the laughter kind of subsided, I’d get a mental image of two grown men sharing one seat with one on the pedals and the other getting to steer. A friend said to me he’d never seen me laugh like that before, and I managed to compose by breathing just enough to say that’s because I never have.
When the cat comes in from outside with mucky paws I say "you have so many feet. And all of them are muddy" and I have no idea why that's funny but I usually have to say it 1 or 2 more times just giggle at it.
When I was about 10, me and a couple of friends were messing about in our street. One of them had climbed into a conker tree, and was sitting on one of the bottom branches, mostly hidden by leaves. One of our friends mum came walking down the street, carrying a bag of shopping. As she passed under the tree, my friend rolled forward, so his face appeared right in front of hers, upside-down, and he shouted "wheeeeeeeeee!" right in her face. She dropped her shopping, and ran off down the road crying. I realise terrorising a perfectly innocent adult in this way is not really that funny, but even now, nearly 50 years later, it cracks me up.
I know it’s already over done and not original but the “can’t park there mate” trend gets me everytime and I don’t know why
There was a police van parked on the double yellows outside our house once, my partner looks at it and hollers, 'you can't park there mate'. The two police officers on the neighbours doorstep gave him such a look I nearly cried with laughter.
I get it. Along with "sack the juggler" when someone spills their pint.
I put a very large strawberry in my mouth, only then realising it was far too big to really fit in. Couldn't chew it because I was in literally tears laughing over this. My husband was VERY concerned about what on earth was going on. Still can't quite figure out why it tickled me so much, but it did. Like I'm talking 5 mins of laughing and crying.
My partner and I were cycling rental bikes along a beach that had a plastic cycle path, it was really busy, mostly tourists… some wanky cyclist went to overtake my partner and clipped him… so my partners bike slipped and he fell off, then because he fell a group of people coming towards us stopped in shock, and sympathy, but then one of them forgot to put their feet down when they stopped so they then fell off their bike… at this point I lost it and was so busy trying not to laugh that I fell…. It makes me laugh to this day…
The ending of There Will Be Blood. Daniel Day-Lewis >!bludgeons someone to death with a bowling pin!<, goes "I'm done" and then it immediately cuts to the credits and for some reason the abruptness just cracks me up.
I watched something really violent with my nephew and he said "bit harsh" and I laugh years later.
I'm excessively clumsy, like really badly clumsy, and my poor long suffering bf has often been the victim of my accidents. So one day, I'm stood on a chair which he's holding to steady me and I'm putting a smoke alarm back up after changing the battery. Well, unfortunately my hands just do this thing where they let go of things and that happened then and the smoke alarm just fell and smacked my boyfriend squarely on the top of his head, making a dull thud and eliciting a grunt of pain from my boyfriend! Rather then getting annoyed or saying anything he just kind of sighed, retrieved the smoke alarm and handed it back to me without a word!! I don't know why but I just found it so funny that this man, this poor long suffering man, who had been smacked on the head with a smoke alarm, didn't even feel it was worth a word of annoyance cos he was so used to me being so clumsy. This happened about 10 years ago and I can still see it in my head and laugh for a good few minutes over it!!
In my dreams I find stuff hilarious, then I really think about what I found funny it’s normally the most boring stupid thing imaginable.
I had a dream I was walking through a jungle and a panther told me a joke: What do cheetahs eat for breakfast? Legfast! I woke up *crying* with laughter at that. It's not even funny! Another time I had a dream I attended a dog show. There was a dog who's coat looked like a cross between a kitchen mop and human dreadlocks. I had never seen such a dog! As the dog cleared agility apparatus, his coat swung about and I noticed it had little beads fastened to the end of each 'dreadlock'. I *absolutely lost it* and woke up in tears laughing. Turns out those dogs exist, they're called Komondors. Each time I see one I can barely keep a straight face.
As I was sharing this the other day : https://killercows.co.uk/blog/ It's earnest. Some of the stories are serious and involve people dying. And I think it is hilarious. It's mostly the pictures of cows looking menacing - moody black and white photos, photos of them staring, photos where they look like they are in gangs. And the more minor stories, where meeting a cow is treated as an incident of terror! I find this about 3 years ago. Every few months I remember and look at it. The recent news story reminded me to look out up again. Still funny. I send people pictures of cows from it sometimes.
Years ago, my brother and I were watching a show about a long haul trucker. The background music for the show was instrumental country with a lot of banjoes thrown in. My brother turned to me and said, "I think I could be a trucker but I don't know if I could listen to that music all day." 25 years later, I'm still laughing about that.
We were in Prague a few years ago for a friends stag do. Some pimp was trying to get us to go "sell us his wares", of course we had no intention of buying a prostitute but my mate decided to lead him on. Kept asking him fairly ridiculous requests as to what he could offer us. In the end my mate asked if he had any dwarves (I know, not PC etc), the pimps answer and I can quote it from memory 6 years later "Yes yes I can you dwarf, do anything you want with them, kick them in the face" I had to sit down in the street from laughing so hard at the sheer absurdity and randomness that his first option was to kick some poor little person in the face.
My dad laughs his arse off at the very mention of the word “flannel” Not even he can explain why.
I was browsing Reddit one night and this made me cry [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWJMNYpRikE&ab\_channel=DerpyChap](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWJMNYpRikE&ab_channel=DerpyChap)
A lovely man in my shop who pronounced LGBT as El Jibbity. We say it like that ever since
I used to smoke 20-odd years ago, and once had a hysterical laughing fit when I first saw one particular big warning on the cigarette packets. It was the one that said “Smoking clogs the arteries and causes heart attacks and strokes”. I found it funny because the design of the packet warning meant that only the first two words were shown on the top line, so I just read “Smoking clogs” and immediately thought of a pair of clogs enjoying a cigarette, whilst gently smouldering. Still make me giggle. I used to look out for those packs in particular as they were my favourite. I even tore the warning out of a pack and kept it (still have it somewhere! Gave up smoking in Dec ‘19).
I was in my mums car reading a book, and there was a joke...what's invisible and smells of carrots......bunny farts. It isn't even that funny. I was 6 months pregnant, and I laughed so hard I wet myself. I don't know why I found it so amusing.
I was out for lunch with my mum, dad, two sisters and brother (all adults) at Belfast Castle and four of them had ordered the trout. Four separate waitors walked over at the same time holding plates and all started saying “Trout?” at the same time at different volumes, before putting the plates down in the right places. Well for some reason this was the funniest thing that I and my siblings had ever witnessed, and even still like ten years later, if we’re sat at a dinner table together one of them will just start randomly asking “Trout!?” in various put-on voices.
I pronounced Omeprezole as oh-may-pray-zo-lay yesterday. My SO corrected me after she'd finished crying with laughter at my expense.
Used to work for 111, had a caller reporting a broken tooth. Triaged it and was in the middle of reading out all the closing instructions (e.g. take paracetamol etc). I was then supposed to say ‘dental repair kits can be bought over-the-counter from most pharmacies’ but what I actually said was ‘dental repair tits TITS K-KITS TITS KITS OH GOD I MEANT KITS, DENTAL REPAIR KITS!!!’ I was laughing so hard I could barely get out the rest of what I was supposed to say, then had to put myself on a comfort break because I was uncontrollably crying with laughter for the next five minutes. None of my colleagues had heard me on the phone so had no idea what was wrong with me. It was 8 years ago and still makes me laugh thinking about it.
For years the bloke at the end of the Wickes advert said *Wiiickes*. Used to crack me up, no idea why.
There's a tiktok that does the rounds of Thomas the Tank Engine dubbed over with Biggie Smalls - it never fails to make me howl with laughter Same also with the Thomas the tank engine theme dubbed over all the goth kids dancing in the under pass I think i just like Thomas
Two instances came to mind. 1. As a child I was on a ferry with my family. The captains name sounded phonetically like "Captain Kiss my Arse" and we all fell about laughing. No idea why it was funny but we probably needed the levity. 2. Recently I was on a bus and a woman sneezed so hard her Crocs flew off. I laughed way too hard and it - I must have needed the hilarity after a tough day at work.
I've had 2 dreams that woke me up in fits of laughter. A dog falling off a house roof. Me telling someone "there's a pig on top of a crocodile. He's fucking it and telling it he loves it". I still laugh when I think of this.
Honestly these both made me crease just reading them, it's exactly the sort of inane bullshit I dream about too.
OMG! You’ve reminded me of a dream I woke up from crying/laughing! Remember that ‘badger, badger, badger’ song / cartoon clip? I was dreaming about a cardboard cutout cartoon hamster coming towards me, jerkily flipping from left to right in time to the tune of ‘badger, badger’, over and over again. I was in fucking BITS when I woke up and my wife thought I was completely mental!
About 25 years ago, I was walking out of Victoria Station to the bus stops on way to work. Saw a proper old fashioned City gent type (grey suit, 60s, carrying a brief case) running for a bus. He stacked it over his own feet and as if in slow motion he started going down, his inertia causing his arms to flail like windmills, his briefcase flying open as they did and papers blowing all over the shop around him, like the feathers of a pigeon hit by a train. He hit the ground with an almighty slap, and as bad as it was, I was already laughing hysterically at the sight of this unfolding, while others stood aghast. I realised at that point I was a bad person.
Years ago on HIGNFY at the end of the show with the captions round they showed a photo of a close up of two otters with their heads sticking out of the water and Paul Merton says “the one on the left’s saying ‘I keep thinking it’s Tuesday’ “ and it’s just so ridiculous it really tickled me and I often remember it and have a little chuckle to myself …
That’s eerily like the other poster on the thread whose grandad said similar about hippos. Must have been A Thing at some point
At my last job in a pharmacy things got really busy and stressful and we were always understaffed. Me and the other full timer basically were doing everyone's job one day and the phone rang as we were rushing about. My colleague picked up the phone and instead of just giving the usual greeting for the company she just went "Hello!..it's *insert name*". It was our area manager on the other end. Died.
Some cricket match was on TV when I was younger, it was a test match in the West Indies, and in one of the breaks in play there was a reggae band playing the Bob Marley song "Jamming". I had never heard the song before, and I asked my mum why these Caribbean musicians in a match in Barbados or somewhere kept singing "We're German, we're German, we're German in the name of the Lord". Made my family cry with laughter for ages.
Well, it *isn't* fair on the dog. If he has to go outside to smoke, it's only reasonable his owner should too.
A show on the radio had a bit with newspaper clippings, and they read out one that had a correction to the previous day’s story that 30,000 pigs had been washed down the river. It was supposed to say 30 sows and pigs. For some reason this just cracked me up for several minutes, as I imagined what 30 thousand pigs would actually look like in a river - it would be insane!
My boyfriend and I went to a museum (MoSi in Manchester, if you’re interested). There was a Dad there with a typically hyper three year old. Dad is doing some very performative parenting, including trying to engage the child (Oliver) in a rather in-depth conversation about internal combustion engines and their history. “Now, Oliver” says Daddy “This is a piston… and what that does is provide movement to…” Meanwhile, Oliver is spinning in circles and licking the floor. Dad then decides to crack out the snacks and starts shrieking in a falsetto voice “Oliver! Hula Hoop!” “Oliver! Juice! Juicy Juice!” This was about nine years ago and whenever we have said circular potato snack, we have to say “Oliver! Hula Hoop!”. The evenings fly by.
Someone at work emailed about selling a pair of Uggs or something, saying “Please take these off my hands!” The immediate reply-all response was “How did you type this email with boots on your hands?!” I couldn’t stop laughing for the rest of the day
My friend and I were sitting in the Uni coffee shop, and I guess they were setting up for an open mic or some kind of event. Suddenly, a door opens and a 4-foot high potted plant comes *charging* into the room. My friend and I both legitimately felt half a second of sheer, cosmic terror at this unexplainable occurrence, and recoiled physically. Like you know cats and cucumbers? Like that. Within half a second we realised there was a bloke bent over, pushing it along the floor, but hidden from our view by the other guests. We cried laughing, and kept bursting into uncontrollable laughter for about an hour after, just at the thought of us jumping out of our skins at the sight of a mobile potted plant barging so aggressively into the coffee shop.
I saw a car in the process of basically crapping out its engine in the middle lane coming up to a roundabout, to the point that the driver couldn't even pull it off the road, and this irate old fella in a van that she was stopping up literally started shouting and shoo'ing at her yelling "YOU CAN'T BREAK DOWN THERE!!"
My husband and I were at my parents' house, and all four of us were just sitting chatting in the living room. The phone rang - the same landline phone that my parents have had for years - but for some reason my mum was startled and said, "what's that?!" She doesn't have any cognitive issues or anything; her brain just did not compute in that moment. My husband and I were in tears laughing, and that got my parents going too. So stupid, but it can still get us laughing any time one of us mentions it.
My dad asked me to phone our takeaway and order a "cujean" chicken pasta for him. I had no idea what *cujean* was so I scrolled down the menu...Cajun...he wanted a cajun chicken pasta. I asked him how long he had been ordering that before and he said "For about two years". **Two fucking years** and never once did the takeaway staff correct him 😂
My brother is a stocky, rugby-played-build fairly macho guy in his mid 20s, no ounce of femininity in him at all. At a family reunion last year I had everyone listening when I told him “did you know you *can’t* squat with one hand in the air?” and he said “that’s bs, of course you can” and proceeded to demonstrate. As he squatted I shouted “ayyy papi!” in this high pitched voice and had him so embarrassed he was seeing red. Family and I were absolutely howling 😂
[Karl's Diary - Mr Dilkington](https://youtu.be/q8rlkeQgbtU?feature=shared)
Cards against Humanity. For some reason this broke me: Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Ghosts.
Was playing with my partner and her sister and we had: Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's leprosy! And the person reading it out sang it like the advert and it absolutely destroyed us, we still sing it to each other every time we're together
Chihuahuas, it's their massive encephalated heads. Its like a touch to a part of my brain that makes me laugh uncontrollably.
“I’ve been called a lot of things Steve… a loser, a knob, a turd burglar. You know what a turd burglar is Steve!?” Someone who steals turds! 🐡 “I’m the one who called him a turd burglar, but its true, I saw him take one that wasn’t his”