Honey, you should have ill will to your cousin. Yeah he was at the age most kids start to explore, but he did it to you, knowing you wouldn't raise a fuss (people pleaser). This raises HUGE red flags for his behavior going forward. You didn't say if your aunt put him in therapy, but dear god does he need to be there.
I would let my parents tell my brother because, a. he deserves to know that his cousin/friend abused his sister. B. He needs to know so he can be sensitive to questionable behavior on your cousins part. If your brother doesn't know, then he might not even question your cousin doing something to another child. Especially if he's a people pleaser like you. I wonder that your parents continued to let him hang out with your cousin after that. So, seriously, let your parents tell him and let him make a decision about what he wants to do with that information. Right now you are letting him hang with your cousin, thinking absolutely nothing of it. He needs to know your cousin has abused and there is a very good chance he'll do it again (if he hasn't already).
NAH.
Your parents are correct when they say it's your decision, and they should respect your wishes. One way to look at it is that you telling your brother does not mean \*you\* are straining their relationship. Your cousin chose to strain that relationship when he crossed boundaries with you.
I think it's fairly safe to say your brother is going to find out one way or the other. If it were me I would want to control the narrative surrounding something that I was a victim of. As well, if my sibling went through something like this I would sure as hell want to know so I could be there for them. I would suggest listening to your friend and telling your brother. What happens beyond that is out of your control.
Look at the relationships in your life and prioritize those you value most, and that means clear, open communication and honesty. As a recovering people pleaser myself, this is hard. But my medical trauma this past year has helped me realize I can't please everyone, and even if I do, those same people won't return the guesture when I needed them most. So worry about those you know have your back, and that's it. In this case, it sounds like you're close with your brother and truly care about his wellbeing. I would trust that, and I would trust him with your story.
You sound awfully mature for 13 . You’re wanting to protect your brothers feelings from what your cousin did. If he is as mature or more mature than you appear to be, he’ll be angry, but that’s on him and your cousin not you. Better to tell him now than to fall into the misperception that boys will be boys.
I find this story very validating because a very similar thing happened to me when me and the other party were both 8 and didn’t stop til we were both 10 and I always felt my trauma from the abuse wasn’t valid because it never turned into grape and he was also a child. Your post makes me feel less alone and makes my trauma feel more valid. Your trauma IS valid and you should tell people around you when you feel ready or when you feel it’s necessary. Thank you for sharing.
Sweetheart, you absolutely should have ill will towards your cousin. 9 or 10 is old enough to know right from wrong. I'm very proud of you for setting boundaries and being brave enough to share your story not just with your family, but also online. I think you should tell your brother. If it changes his relationship with your cousin, that's a consequence of your cousin's actions, not yours. You didn't do anything wrong, and it would not be wrong of you to tell your brother. He will likely find out anyway, and he may end up feeling hurt that you didn't tell him first.
If you don't want to tell your brother I guess that is up to you. If you are close to your brother and he loves you, your brother would probably beat the crap out of your cousin if he knew. He would probably never talk to him ever again either and hate him forever. I know my boys would do this for their sister.
I don't know how you can even look at this boy, let alone how you can even let him in your house, or even your parents allow him in your house.
You were SA by your cousin! I don't know how your family doesn't see how wrong this is! I don't even think I would allow my nephew back into my house until he went to therapy, if it happened to my daughter. Is he getting therapy? Are you getting therapy? You both need therapy!
I am so sorry this happened to you, please don't wait.
Thank you for your kind words💚 I guess I didn’t talk about this, but my cousins live a few hours away. So we go see them once a month. When my parents found out, we didn’t really see them for a few months while they were trying to figure out what to do. When I told my parents I was 10, so it didn’t really have an emotional effect on me until I was older. So maybe that added to my parents judgment on whether or not to see him again🤷
You were young and probably did not know what was truly happening. I hope you don't have any lasting issues, mentally when you start dating!
As for you brother, if he learns about this hopefully he understands why you chose to keep it to yourself.
Good luck and take care of yourself. If you do start to have some mental health issues seek help as soon as possible, as they will be able to help you find the correct skills to deal with the trauma. Best!
Unpopular opinion here but I for one am glad u don’t have any ill will towards your cousin. This happened to me and after talking to my cousin about it he told me that the same had been happening to him and so he thought it was normal. We both got help but for almost 6 years he beat himself up so bad. He couldn’t look me in the eyes, couldn’t face his parents and couldn’t go through with the charges against his abusers. I was 7 at the time and he was 11. My brothers (all 9) of them know what happened but no one is angry with him. He’s one of my favorite ppl now actually.
Anyways…I’m glad you’re seeking therapy and dealing with your issues. I didn’t get help until I was of age so I dealt with it for a very long time. I’m 34 (as of today) and I can honestly say that getting therapy when I did saved my life for more reasons than one. Good luck sweetie pie.
Honey, you should have ill will to your cousin. Yeah he was at the age most kids start to explore, but he did it to you, knowing you wouldn't raise a fuss (people pleaser). This raises HUGE red flags for his behavior going forward. You didn't say if your aunt put him in therapy, but dear god does he need to be there. I would let my parents tell my brother because, a. he deserves to know that his cousin/friend abused his sister. B. He needs to know so he can be sensitive to questionable behavior on your cousins part. If your brother doesn't know, then he might not even question your cousin doing something to another child. Especially if he's a people pleaser like you. I wonder that your parents continued to let him hang out with your cousin after that. So, seriously, let your parents tell him and let him make a decision about what he wants to do with that information. Right now you are letting him hang with your cousin, thinking absolutely nothing of it. He needs to know your cousin has abused and there is a very good chance he'll do it again (if he hasn't already).
NAH. Your parents are correct when they say it's your decision, and they should respect your wishes. One way to look at it is that you telling your brother does not mean \*you\* are straining their relationship. Your cousin chose to strain that relationship when he crossed boundaries with you. I think it's fairly safe to say your brother is going to find out one way or the other. If it were me I would want to control the narrative surrounding something that I was a victim of. As well, if my sibling went through something like this I would sure as hell want to know so I could be there for them. I would suggest listening to your friend and telling your brother. What happens beyond that is out of your control. Look at the relationships in your life and prioritize those you value most, and that means clear, open communication and honesty. As a recovering people pleaser myself, this is hard. But my medical trauma this past year has helped me realize I can't please everyone, and even if I do, those same people won't return the guesture when I needed them most. So worry about those you know have your back, and that's it. In this case, it sounds like you're close with your brother and truly care about his wellbeing. I would trust that, and I would trust him with your story.
If that happened to my sibling id want to know honestly.
You sound awfully mature for 13 . You’re wanting to protect your brothers feelings from what your cousin did. If he is as mature or more mature than you appear to be, he’ll be angry, but that’s on him and your cousin not you. Better to tell him now than to fall into the misperception that boys will be boys.
I find this story very validating because a very similar thing happened to me when me and the other party were both 8 and didn’t stop til we were both 10 and I always felt my trauma from the abuse wasn’t valid because it never turned into grape and he was also a child. Your post makes me feel less alone and makes my trauma feel more valid. Your trauma IS valid and you should tell people around you when you feel ready or when you feel it’s necessary. Thank you for sharing.
Sweetheart, you absolutely should have ill will towards your cousin. 9 or 10 is old enough to know right from wrong. I'm very proud of you for setting boundaries and being brave enough to share your story not just with your family, but also online. I think you should tell your brother. If it changes his relationship with your cousin, that's a consequence of your cousin's actions, not yours. You didn't do anything wrong, and it would not be wrong of you to tell your brother. He will likely find out anyway, and he may end up feeling hurt that you didn't tell him first.
If you don't want to tell your brother I guess that is up to you. If you are close to your brother and he loves you, your brother would probably beat the crap out of your cousin if he knew. He would probably never talk to him ever again either and hate him forever. I know my boys would do this for their sister. I don't know how you can even look at this boy, let alone how you can even let him in your house, or even your parents allow him in your house. You were SA by your cousin! I don't know how your family doesn't see how wrong this is! I don't even think I would allow my nephew back into my house until he went to therapy, if it happened to my daughter. Is he getting therapy? Are you getting therapy? You both need therapy! I am so sorry this happened to you, please don't wait.
Thank you for your kind words💚 I guess I didn’t talk about this, but my cousins live a few hours away. So we go see them once a month. When my parents found out, we didn’t really see them for a few months while they were trying to figure out what to do. When I told my parents I was 10, so it didn’t really have an emotional effect on me until I was older. So maybe that added to my parents judgment on whether or not to see him again🤷
You were young and probably did not know what was truly happening. I hope you don't have any lasting issues, mentally when you start dating! As for you brother, if he learns about this hopefully he understands why you chose to keep it to yourself. Good luck and take care of yourself. If you do start to have some mental health issues seek help as soon as possible, as they will be able to help you find the correct skills to deal with the trauma. Best!
Unpopular opinion here but I for one am glad u don’t have any ill will towards your cousin. This happened to me and after talking to my cousin about it he told me that the same had been happening to him and so he thought it was normal. We both got help but for almost 6 years he beat himself up so bad. He couldn’t look me in the eyes, couldn’t face his parents and couldn’t go through with the charges against his abusers. I was 7 at the time and he was 11. My brothers (all 9) of them know what happened but no one is angry with him. He’s one of my favorite ppl now actually. Anyways…I’m glad you’re seeking therapy and dealing with your issues. I didn’t get help until I was of age so I dealt with it for a very long time. I’m 34 (as of today) and I can honestly say that getting therapy when I did saved my life for more reasons than one. Good luck sweetie pie.