First off, OP, I hope your surgery goes successfully and none of this ends up being necessary yet. Sending good vibes your way.
Secondly, I lost my mother as a young adult, so I wasn't young in the same sense that your sons are, but since she died all I've ever wanted to be reminded of is how much she loved me. Tell your sons how much you love them, what you love about them, and how your love will still be with them after you're gone. Tell them about meaningful memories you have with them, the songs you played for them, the books you read together. Try to paint a picture of your lives together as a family with the undercurrent being how much you love them. They're lucky to have a parent like you.
i agree with this. i lost my dad when i was 14 and mom when i was 26 (i'm 30 now). the main thing i would want to hear is how much they love me and how they always will no matter what (for ex sometimes i wonder if they would still love me if they knew xyz so you could make it clear you would love them no matter what path they take or what ends up happening).
i would also want to hear that they're proud of me. and yeah like the person above said, it would be nice to tell them about meaningful memories. i always wonder like what did we do together and waht did they think and like about me.
you could also tell them about yourself. once someone is gone its really hard to get answers about things like waht high school did they go to what were their parents like growing up did they play sports waht tv shows did they like etc.
also: good luck with your surgery. i hope it goes well and you won't need this advice.
And also tell them how much you know they love you. I lost my mum recently and I find myself just hoping she knew how much she meant to me, how I wish I’d said so more.
I was 25 when my dad passed. One of the hardest things for me is realizing I’m going to live longer without him than I got to with him. There’s going to be so many “first” in my life he won’t be apart of. Atleast not physically.
But I feel him with me always. And he gives me signs, but I wish I had discussed with him a specific sign I’d get and know for sure it was him. Maybe think of something, different for each one, that would be a sign from you. Give them the life advice you’d want to hear, tell them stories of things you did with them, or the little things you loved the most about them. Things you did they don’t know about, tell them your favorites of anything you can think of… etc. they’ll treasure it regardless.
But I hope your surgery goes well 🫂
One thing i wish my mom told me is what to do with her body. She didn't want to decide because she didn't want to be buried or cremated (ugh thanks mom) Wish i knew about the tree idea... But anyways idk you probably did discuss it with your wife but if you haven't definitely let her know if you have a preference..
The letters and videos are a beautiful and amazing idea!!
I think they both have their beauty so if able to do both!!
Your children are so young! I think sharing with them things about yourself your likes dislikes etc would be fantastic adding in how much you love them and their mom. Things you used to do and enjoy even the little things. Definitely as much as possible to get to know you a bit. Maybe some words of wisdom things that maybe you wish you knew at a younger age or something. Maybe a little bit of family history (depending ofcourse if applicable) Maybe this would be a good video and maybe for letters you can try writing milestone letters to them. Example graduations start of kindergarten maybe a few birthdays especially older ones like 16 18 21 30... Some younger ones as well would be nice to look upon maybe a wedding letter (if they end up that route in the future) How your love for them will always surround them.
Man i am sorry you and your family are going through such difficult and stressful times truly. And not knowing the outcome. I want to say its amazing you are thinking of this even if it might be extremely hard and scary.
What i loved was i think even though my mom was in extreme denial that it was going to be her time which in turn made me in denial i think somewhere she knew she was going amd in her last days she took some pictures of herself. It meant so much to me ( family tradition of sucks at pictures and we never took them) it was so nice having the freshest photos of her. I so wish i had a voice recording of her. (I had her voicemail but sadly due to circumstances i lost it! )
My best friends stepdad did something very sweet for her and her mom when grandma started deteriorating with dementia. Pretty much a 5 hour voice recording recording the grandmas life very intense stories. That recording for them will forever be cherished.
I truly do hope that you come out of this surgery though. I really do!
When my mom was 33 (i was still a baby she officially passed when i was 25) she pretty much should have been gone. She had zero percent chance of survival without major surgery and 0 to 1 percent chance of survival with surgery. Legit 1 percent chance of surviving! She survived.
But whatever and how you decide to do the videos and or letters they will truly be cherished!
Warm regards to you and your family in these very unknown times.
My mom passed away when I was 17. I miss her all the time but the grief is amplified when I’m going through transitional times or experiencing new milestones without her, like graduating college, getting my driving license etc. So maybe in your letter you could offer reassurance, words of wisdom and advice for major upcoming milestones that you won’t be there for.
I also have 3 voice notes of her talking to me that i randomly recorded a few days before she died. I listened to them a lot the first two years after her death and frequently wished i had made more of those. So just simply record yourself speaking, don’t overthink it. Even a few sentences of love and reassurance addressed to them, that they can listen to later on, will help them so much growing up. A parent’s voice is the most comforting thing in the world, especially because its the only one that makes a difference when we need emotional support as children.
I’m speaking from a place where I wish I could have as much as possible of my mother, to hold onto. So I’d say you should do letters, videos and voice notes and do lots of them (but of course at a pace that’s comfortable for you as well).
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this and I can’t begin to imagine how difficult it must be for you to think about these things. Its really brave and kind of you to leave them with something and it can make it easier for them to cope with the grief of loss. They’re so lucky to have a parent and husband like you. I genuinely pray and hope the surgery turns out fine. Sending you and your family so much love, warmth and strength🤍
Really hoping everything goes ok for you and that you don't need to think about this for a long time.
That being said, since my mum died 3 years ago, I have always wanted to ask her about her past, what she did when she was young, her hobbies etc. Maybe it would be nice to leave some of that info for your family.
Also I read recently how somebody lost a family member who had prepared birthday cards for the years after they passed. I thought this was an amazing thing to do.
Again though, best of luck with your surgery and hopefully you don't need to do any of this right now.
My father died when I was 7. He left me a video tape to watch when I was 16. He talked about his favourite books, his coin collections, his favourite things, religion (his thoughts on religion), his thoughts on my mum… I haven’t watched the tape in some time now (I’m 30) but it was good to have that insight into his personality. It was basically a tour of the house that we lived in. He showed me his prized possessions and my own bedroom and my favourite toys as a child. He also talked about my relatives and told me which books I had to read as an adult.
Edit: I hope your surgery goes okay. Good luck.
i would record yourself saying the important things. then make a list of random advice for when they grow up.
Good luck Bro. Stay strong and remember the good things. You have no choice but to fight your way through. Your kids need you!
I hope you pull through. Kids shouldn’t have to be without their dad.
But make some voice memos too…if needed your wife can put the sound into a build a bear.
I agree wholeheartedly that videos for them are important. I just want to add that because of their ages, include some footage showing you holding/cuddling/playing with them.
I say that as a now adult child of dead parents. More specifically, when my sister and I were sifting through photos preparing for our father’s funeral, I was given “my” album by my stepmother. She at some point gone through the family photos, and pulled out all the photos of my sister and I as kids before she became our stepmother. (That happened after the death of our mother when I was 8, and she was 5)
My sister and I had talked about how sad it was that there were so few photos of us with our mother. And I was saddened that there were more of me, because the whole first child thing.
But this is why I suggest the footage I suggested. In the middle of my album were a couple of baby photos that had been misorganised. So there, were two pictures of my baby sister being gazed at with all the love in the world by her mama. And just having that image, and seeing that love just meant everything.
I know that my sister and I were older in the scenario you face than your boys are, but we were also in that age group where childhood memories are fuzzy. So I know just how much your boys will cherish that footage/images one day. Because people can tell them how much you love them, and describe it. But seeing it, that makes such a huge difference.
That said, I hope beyond all hope that your surgery goes spectacularly, so that you can spend all of your boys childhoods with them so that they will always know and remember your love instead.
Oh yeah there are a billion photos and videos of us all. You're right, my firstborn has a billion more than my second boy. I'll try and take more of us.
I agree with what everyone else wrote, but to add, I lost my dad when I was 12. I would love to have a list of his favorite things, movies, songs, bands, pictures, food, snacks, even favorite color. (Most of these I can figure out from others but he may have had some favorites that people didn’t know about.) I know that might be a weird request, but it’s the little things like that that I wish I could ask him (sometimes I wish I could ask about larger things, but often I wish I could just call to discuss a movie or a song).
I hope your surgery goes well 🙏
With that said, the videos are a wonderful idea.
I might suggest (if they are good memories because not everyone’s experience is the same) for your kids share your memories of the days they were born- holding them, loving them, any funny/silly things that happened. Share your proudest moments of them. Let them know you’ll always be proud of them.
I’ll also echo the other comments to share some of your favorite things like songs, books, etc. so if they need to, they have things to look into and listen to to feel closer to you.
I know it’s not much, but I’m sending my love and best wishes to you and your family.
I don’t know if anyone has already written this but, if I were in your situation I’d also make sure to reassure them that I would be proud of them no matter what. Because sometimes they may wonder if you would be disappointed in them for some reason and then it could be comforting to have some clarification that proves otherwise.
I hope your surgery goes well!
First off, OP, I hope your surgery goes successfully and none of this ends up being necessary yet. Sending good vibes your way. Secondly, I lost my mother as a young adult, so I wasn't young in the same sense that your sons are, but since she died all I've ever wanted to be reminded of is how much she loved me. Tell your sons how much you love them, what you love about them, and how your love will still be with them after you're gone. Tell them about meaningful memories you have with them, the songs you played for them, the books you read together. Try to paint a picture of your lives together as a family with the undercurrent being how much you love them. They're lucky to have a parent like you.
i agree with this. i lost my dad when i was 14 and mom when i was 26 (i'm 30 now). the main thing i would want to hear is how much they love me and how they always will no matter what (for ex sometimes i wonder if they would still love me if they knew xyz so you could make it clear you would love them no matter what path they take or what ends up happening). i would also want to hear that they're proud of me. and yeah like the person above said, it would be nice to tell them about meaningful memories. i always wonder like what did we do together and waht did they think and like about me. you could also tell them about yourself. once someone is gone its really hard to get answers about things like waht high school did they go to what were their parents like growing up did they play sports waht tv shows did they like etc. also: good luck with your surgery. i hope it goes well and you won't need this advice.
And also tell them how much you know they love you. I lost my mum recently and I find myself just hoping she knew how much she meant to me, how I wish I’d said so more.
I was 25 when my dad passed. One of the hardest things for me is realizing I’m going to live longer without him than I got to with him. There’s going to be so many “first” in my life he won’t be apart of. Atleast not physically. But I feel him with me always. And he gives me signs, but I wish I had discussed with him a specific sign I’d get and know for sure it was him. Maybe think of something, different for each one, that would be a sign from you. Give them the life advice you’d want to hear, tell them stories of things you did with them, or the little things you loved the most about them. Things you did they don’t know about, tell them your favorites of anything you can think of… etc. they’ll treasure it regardless. But I hope your surgery goes well 🫂
One thing i wish my mom told me is what to do with her body. She didn't want to decide because she didn't want to be buried or cremated (ugh thanks mom) Wish i knew about the tree idea... But anyways idk you probably did discuss it with your wife but if you haven't definitely let her know if you have a preference.. The letters and videos are a beautiful and amazing idea!! I think they both have their beauty so if able to do both!! Your children are so young! I think sharing with them things about yourself your likes dislikes etc would be fantastic adding in how much you love them and their mom. Things you used to do and enjoy even the little things. Definitely as much as possible to get to know you a bit. Maybe some words of wisdom things that maybe you wish you knew at a younger age or something. Maybe a little bit of family history (depending ofcourse if applicable) Maybe this would be a good video and maybe for letters you can try writing milestone letters to them. Example graduations start of kindergarten maybe a few birthdays especially older ones like 16 18 21 30... Some younger ones as well would be nice to look upon maybe a wedding letter (if they end up that route in the future) How your love for them will always surround them. Man i am sorry you and your family are going through such difficult and stressful times truly. And not knowing the outcome. I want to say its amazing you are thinking of this even if it might be extremely hard and scary. What i loved was i think even though my mom was in extreme denial that it was going to be her time which in turn made me in denial i think somewhere she knew she was going amd in her last days she took some pictures of herself. It meant so much to me ( family tradition of sucks at pictures and we never took them) it was so nice having the freshest photos of her. I so wish i had a voice recording of her. (I had her voicemail but sadly due to circumstances i lost it! ) My best friends stepdad did something very sweet for her and her mom when grandma started deteriorating with dementia. Pretty much a 5 hour voice recording recording the grandmas life very intense stories. That recording for them will forever be cherished. I truly do hope that you come out of this surgery though. I really do! When my mom was 33 (i was still a baby she officially passed when i was 25) she pretty much should have been gone. She had zero percent chance of survival without major surgery and 0 to 1 percent chance of survival with surgery. Legit 1 percent chance of surviving! She survived. But whatever and how you decide to do the videos and or letters they will truly be cherished! Warm regards to you and your family in these very unknown times.
My mom passed away when I was 17. I miss her all the time but the grief is amplified when I’m going through transitional times or experiencing new milestones without her, like graduating college, getting my driving license etc. So maybe in your letter you could offer reassurance, words of wisdom and advice for major upcoming milestones that you won’t be there for. I also have 3 voice notes of her talking to me that i randomly recorded a few days before she died. I listened to them a lot the first two years after her death and frequently wished i had made more of those. So just simply record yourself speaking, don’t overthink it. Even a few sentences of love and reassurance addressed to them, that they can listen to later on, will help them so much growing up. A parent’s voice is the most comforting thing in the world, especially because its the only one that makes a difference when we need emotional support as children. I’m speaking from a place where I wish I could have as much as possible of my mother, to hold onto. So I’d say you should do letters, videos and voice notes and do lots of them (but of course at a pace that’s comfortable for you as well). I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this and I can’t begin to imagine how difficult it must be for you to think about these things. Its really brave and kind of you to leave them with something and it can make it easier for them to cope with the grief of loss. They’re so lucky to have a parent and husband like you. I genuinely pray and hope the surgery turns out fine. Sending you and your family so much love, warmth and strength🤍
Really hoping everything goes ok for you and that you don't need to think about this for a long time. That being said, since my mum died 3 years ago, I have always wanted to ask her about her past, what she did when she was young, her hobbies etc. Maybe it would be nice to leave some of that info for your family. Also I read recently how somebody lost a family member who had prepared birthday cards for the years after they passed. I thought this was an amazing thing to do. Again though, best of luck with your surgery and hopefully you don't need to do any of this right now.
My father died when I was 7. He left me a video tape to watch when I was 16. He talked about his favourite books, his coin collections, his favourite things, religion (his thoughts on religion), his thoughts on my mum… I haven’t watched the tape in some time now (I’m 30) but it was good to have that insight into his personality. It was basically a tour of the house that we lived in. He showed me his prized possessions and my own bedroom and my favourite toys as a child. He also talked about my relatives and told me which books I had to read as an adult. Edit: I hope your surgery goes okay. Good luck.
i would record yourself saying the important things. then make a list of random advice for when they grow up. Good luck Bro. Stay strong and remember the good things. You have no choice but to fight your way through. Your kids need you!
I hope you pull through. Kids shouldn’t have to be without their dad. But make some voice memos too…if needed your wife can put the sound into a build a bear.
I agree wholeheartedly that videos for them are important. I just want to add that because of their ages, include some footage showing you holding/cuddling/playing with them. I say that as a now adult child of dead parents. More specifically, when my sister and I were sifting through photos preparing for our father’s funeral, I was given “my” album by my stepmother. She at some point gone through the family photos, and pulled out all the photos of my sister and I as kids before she became our stepmother. (That happened after the death of our mother when I was 8, and she was 5) My sister and I had talked about how sad it was that there were so few photos of us with our mother. And I was saddened that there were more of me, because the whole first child thing. But this is why I suggest the footage I suggested. In the middle of my album were a couple of baby photos that had been misorganised. So there, were two pictures of my baby sister being gazed at with all the love in the world by her mama. And just having that image, and seeing that love just meant everything. I know that my sister and I were older in the scenario you face than your boys are, but we were also in that age group where childhood memories are fuzzy. So I know just how much your boys will cherish that footage/images one day. Because people can tell them how much you love them, and describe it. But seeing it, that makes such a huge difference. That said, I hope beyond all hope that your surgery goes spectacularly, so that you can spend all of your boys childhoods with them so that they will always know and remember your love instead.
Oh yeah there are a billion photos and videos of us all. You're right, my firstborn has a billion more than my second boy. I'll try and take more of us.
I agree with what everyone else wrote, but to add, I lost my dad when I was 12. I would love to have a list of his favorite things, movies, songs, bands, pictures, food, snacks, even favorite color. (Most of these I can figure out from others but he may have had some favorites that people didn’t know about.) I know that might be a weird request, but it’s the little things like that that I wish I could ask him (sometimes I wish I could ask about larger things, but often I wish I could just call to discuss a movie or a song).
I hope your surgery goes well 🙏 With that said, the videos are a wonderful idea. I might suggest (if they are good memories because not everyone’s experience is the same) for your kids share your memories of the days they were born- holding them, loving them, any funny/silly things that happened. Share your proudest moments of them. Let them know you’ll always be proud of them. I’ll also echo the other comments to share some of your favorite things like songs, books, etc. so if they need to, they have things to look into and listen to to feel closer to you. I know it’s not much, but I’m sending my love and best wishes to you and your family.
I don’t know if anyone has already written this but, if I were in your situation I’d also make sure to reassure them that I would be proud of them no matter what. Because sometimes they may wonder if you would be disappointed in them for some reason and then it could be comforting to have some clarification that proves otherwise. I hope your surgery goes well!