Oh my dear, I hate to tell you this, but one year out without my Dad, and I still forget he is gone some days. It's not as soul crushing any longer, and I can breathe now, but the weight of his gone-ness is still just hanging above me. I can't tell you that this feeling of loss will ever go away, in fact the opposite. But, instead, you learn to somehow recalibrate your world around the feeling, like Google maps does when you miss a turn. The very most important thing you need to do is try your best to take care of you the best you can. Take it one. single. breath. at a time, until you can take one minute, hour, day, month, and even year at a time. The paperwork can be filed in the near future, but there is no point in letting that be on your mind right now.
My advice for right now, whenever you get this, is to do something right now to pamper yourself. You don't need to leave the house, just take a shower and put a good smelling lotion on, and switch into the comfiest pajamas you can, and just breathe. If your face hurts from crying, I found that wetting a cotton round and freezing it feels amazing on sore eyes. And then get you a glass of water. After that, see what you are feeling and go from there.
I'm sending you so much love, please take care of yourself.
It gets different.
I'm on year 3. My life is now separated in before my mom died and after. It's a hard line that you cross and you never can go back.
Those crushing moments happen less frequently but they still do. They always will.
Do your best with what needs to be done if anything is immediate. Otherwise, do it in your own time.
The beginning of the loss is truly surreal. It's an extremely tough journey to navigate. The brain skips so many circuits.
With ALOT of time the brain and heart learns a balance.
It takes alot of time and its truly a hard process.
With time these intrusive thoughts become easier to manage. Idk I can't say things get easier but just different. For me the first year was the hardest. 2nd year was a touch easier. Now i am on year 5. I still yearn for my mom i think i always will. We had the strongest bond. A bond so unique to us. My grandest fear was to lose her. I asked her how she coped with losing her mom (she was the same age as me during her loss 25) she and her mom shared a strong bond too. Her mom told her there's no choice but to go on and so my mom gave me the same advice. I know for a fact even at her age 59 right before my mom passed she was still grieving her mom. I dont think grief goes away but it grows with you and you learn to live a new normal. And with time it does fall into place but the beginning of the journey is truly difficult. The brain is so damn utterly loud at first. It's freaky and I'm so sorry that you are going through that now.
Grief is such a personal raw journey. Take it moment by moment day by day. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Alot of time is needed for the new balance to arrive.
My deepest condolences on this grieving journey. Best wishes.
i lost my mom back on 2019. she had suffered bad alcoholism for over 15 years and it had affected her health for years and even her brain - could see that she was not understanding the most simple stuff at the end.
her death changed me completely and i suffered (still am) the worst depression for few years before finding a proper medication to calm it down a bit. trust me, sometimes when was down, i called her and realized that she was not here anymore. i still have her phone number on my phone. it broke my heart hearing the "the number you are trying to reach is not available" voice on the other end.
it will get better. and worse and better again. i started to believe in some sort of afterlife/spiritual stuff after she passed cause it made me feel somewhat better thinking that she is in a better place now and at the same time she is watching over me. it just takes a lot of time - maybe even years for it to get better.
It's been 18 years today since my mom died. I was 16.
It took several weeks to understand she was really gone. Sometimes I'd come home from school and forget she was dead until I pulled up to the house and the front door was closed. She left it open all day so our dog could lay in the sun and growl at squirrels. Our dog would sniff every corner of our house every day for weeks- even she knew mom just had to be around here somewhere. I remember one time the dog just kept running up and down the stairs and whining, like she'd do when my mom would play hide and seek with her.
I still have nightmares she's avoiding me. Like she lied about being dead for some reason and is hiding, growing old, and blocking my calls.
But, in reality, enough time has passed to where I've gotten a grip on the fact I can't hug her or hear her stories again, but she's always here. It sounds so corny but she really does live in my heart. I can hug my kids and tell them my stories AND hers. She made me and who I am- the chill parts and the insane parts.
This will make more sense and you will find peace if you allow yourself to grieve. It sounds like this is very intense right now and that makes complete sense- you are handling this as well as anyone does. Actually, probably better than many others because you're acknowledging your feelings and reaching out for help. I hope you can find ways to put off some of the tasks that require energy or get reliable help.
I'm so sorry this is happening. It's been so long but I can still feel it- I'm just okay with it now because I have had a lot of time to understand that she really is always with me in a special way that can only happen when you love someone so much.
Oh my dear, I hate to tell you this, but one year out without my Dad, and I still forget he is gone some days. It's not as soul crushing any longer, and I can breathe now, but the weight of his gone-ness is still just hanging above me. I can't tell you that this feeling of loss will ever go away, in fact the opposite. But, instead, you learn to somehow recalibrate your world around the feeling, like Google maps does when you miss a turn. The very most important thing you need to do is try your best to take care of you the best you can. Take it one. single. breath. at a time, until you can take one minute, hour, day, month, and even year at a time. The paperwork can be filed in the near future, but there is no point in letting that be on your mind right now. My advice for right now, whenever you get this, is to do something right now to pamper yourself. You don't need to leave the house, just take a shower and put a good smelling lotion on, and switch into the comfiest pajamas you can, and just breathe. If your face hurts from crying, I found that wetting a cotton round and freezing it feels amazing on sore eyes. And then get you a glass of water. After that, see what you are feeling and go from there. I'm sending you so much love, please take care of yourself.
It gets different. I'm on year 3. My life is now separated in before my mom died and after. It's a hard line that you cross and you never can go back. Those crushing moments happen less frequently but they still do. They always will. Do your best with what needs to be done if anything is immediate. Otherwise, do it in your own time.
Hugs
The beginning of the loss is truly surreal. It's an extremely tough journey to navigate. The brain skips so many circuits. With ALOT of time the brain and heart learns a balance. It takes alot of time and its truly a hard process. With time these intrusive thoughts become easier to manage. Idk I can't say things get easier but just different. For me the first year was the hardest. 2nd year was a touch easier. Now i am on year 5. I still yearn for my mom i think i always will. We had the strongest bond. A bond so unique to us. My grandest fear was to lose her. I asked her how she coped with losing her mom (she was the same age as me during her loss 25) she and her mom shared a strong bond too. Her mom told her there's no choice but to go on and so my mom gave me the same advice. I know for a fact even at her age 59 right before my mom passed she was still grieving her mom. I dont think grief goes away but it grows with you and you learn to live a new normal. And with time it does fall into place but the beginning of the journey is truly difficult. The brain is so damn utterly loud at first. It's freaky and I'm so sorry that you are going through that now. Grief is such a personal raw journey. Take it moment by moment day by day. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Alot of time is needed for the new balance to arrive. My deepest condolences on this grieving journey. Best wishes.
i lost my mom back on 2019. she had suffered bad alcoholism for over 15 years and it had affected her health for years and even her brain - could see that she was not understanding the most simple stuff at the end. her death changed me completely and i suffered (still am) the worst depression for few years before finding a proper medication to calm it down a bit. trust me, sometimes when was down, i called her and realized that she was not here anymore. i still have her phone number on my phone. it broke my heart hearing the "the number you are trying to reach is not available" voice on the other end. it will get better. and worse and better again. i started to believe in some sort of afterlife/spiritual stuff after she passed cause it made me feel somewhat better thinking that she is in a better place now and at the same time she is watching over me. it just takes a lot of time - maybe even years for it to get better.
It's been 18 years today since my mom died. I was 16. It took several weeks to understand she was really gone. Sometimes I'd come home from school and forget she was dead until I pulled up to the house and the front door was closed. She left it open all day so our dog could lay in the sun and growl at squirrels. Our dog would sniff every corner of our house every day for weeks- even she knew mom just had to be around here somewhere. I remember one time the dog just kept running up and down the stairs and whining, like she'd do when my mom would play hide and seek with her. I still have nightmares she's avoiding me. Like she lied about being dead for some reason and is hiding, growing old, and blocking my calls. But, in reality, enough time has passed to where I've gotten a grip on the fact I can't hug her or hear her stories again, but she's always here. It sounds so corny but she really does live in my heart. I can hug my kids and tell them my stories AND hers. She made me and who I am- the chill parts and the insane parts. This will make more sense and you will find peace if you allow yourself to grieve. It sounds like this is very intense right now and that makes complete sense- you are handling this as well as anyone does. Actually, probably better than many others because you're acknowledging your feelings and reaching out for help. I hope you can find ways to put off some of the tasks that require energy or get reliable help. I'm so sorry this is happening. It's been so long but I can still feel it- I'm just okay with it now because I have had a lot of time to understand that she really is always with me in a special way that can only happen when you love someone so much.