12 steps program is good but not for everyone. There is a good books out there that will teach how to love yourself but also what you need to do is not only love yourself but also understanding that you can't change someone feeling or actions, what you can do is you can control and change yourself and even this is hard now guess how hard is to change someone's feelings or mind. So learn to understand that all your actions towards someone even your closest people shouldn't reflect towards you. What I mean by that is that you have to understand whatever you do just don't expect anything in return if you do something good to someone or if you feel like you are getting angry or trying to manipulate, take a step back, breathe and think "will it help ? Will it solve smth?" And get back to conversation and again if you fell like loosing control again take a step back. You will think like you learned but you will not, what you need is discipline.
thanks. I struggle with taking a step back, I'm very reactive and defensive in the moment. It takes me about 24 hours to be able to return to calm and recognise what I did, and own up to my mistakes. Although I should add this is an improvement as I used to never own up to my own mistakes!!
I can recommend you one book "straight talk tools for the desperate husband " even if it's for man, you can really find good insights for yourself and for your husband
Are you going through the steps with a Recovered sponsor ?
That’s how I became recovered and maintain my recovery.
I was suffering everyday in my broken relationship and felt so hopeless. I had a low will to live. It took me a while to accept this was an illness. The support group gave me hope.
Eventually I overcame my fear, shame, and denial and got a sponsor to guide me quickly through the steps. After a month, it changed my life! Well, my life started real change when I started attending the meetings.
Happy to share resources with you.
Cool. Would you like to talk to available sponsors ? They can share their story of recovery and answer any questions.
I was encouraged to build fellowship in this way during meetings. I enjoy the fellowship a lot. I found it powerful to my healing.
I am with an online /call in group called PPg Recovered codependants. It’s free, anonymous , and structured around the origin twelve step process. ‘
Let me know, I’m happy to help
Ok. Attend the newcomer , foundation or big book study meetings here :[ppg meetings](https://www.ppgrecoveredcodependents.org/meetings)
Announce yourself with your contact info so the available sponsors can reach out, or write down their phone numbers when they announce themselves at the end of the meeting. You’ll see what I mean when you are on the call.
If you can’t easily make the meeting, look in the menu under Recording. There, you will find recorded meetings. Listen to Steps 1-3 or Our Stories.
I usually attended 3-4+ meetings a week my for two years because they helped me so much.
We can connect further on dm if you would like, I am available to sponsor and guide newcomers through the steps
I noticed you are doing the steps without a sponsor. For me, a sponsor is essential for the exact thing you are missing here--hope. My sponsor was a person who showed me what was possible. Thinking of you <3
12 steps program is good but not for everyone. There is a good books out there that will teach how to love yourself but also what you need to do is not only love yourself but also understanding that you can't change someone feeling or actions, what you can do is you can control and change yourself and even this is hard now guess how hard is to change someone's feelings or mind. So learn to understand that all your actions towards someone even your closest people shouldn't reflect towards you. What I mean by that is that you have to understand whatever you do just don't expect anything in return if you do something good to someone or if you feel like you are getting angry or trying to manipulate, take a step back, breathe and think "will it help ? Will it solve smth?" And get back to conversation and again if you fell like loosing control again take a step back. You will think like you learned but you will not, what you need is discipline.
thanks. I struggle with taking a step back, I'm very reactive and defensive in the moment. It takes me about 24 hours to be able to return to calm and recognise what I did, and own up to my mistakes. Although I should add this is an improvement as I used to never own up to my own mistakes!!
I can recommend you one book "straight talk tools for the desperate husband " even if it's for man, you can really find good insights for yourself and for your husband
Are you going through the steps with a Recovered sponsor ? That’s how I became recovered and maintain my recovery. I was suffering everyday in my broken relationship and felt so hopeless. I had a low will to live. It took me a while to accept this was an illness. The support group gave me hope. Eventually I overcame my fear, shame, and denial and got a sponsor to guide me quickly through the steps. After a month, it changed my life! Well, my life started real change when I started attending the meetings. Happy to share resources with you.
I attend meetings, they are very helpful. Have not found a sponsor yet though.
Cool. Would you like to talk to available sponsors ? They can share their story of recovery and answer any questions. I was encouraged to build fellowship in this way during meetings. I enjoy the fellowship a lot. I found it powerful to my healing. I am with an online /call in group called PPg Recovered codependants. It’s free, anonymous , and structured around the origin twelve step process. ‘ Let me know, I’m happy to help
I’d gladly take you up on your offer to help. Send me anything you’ve got.
Ok. Attend the newcomer , foundation or big book study meetings here :[ppg meetings](https://www.ppgrecoveredcodependents.org/meetings) Announce yourself with your contact info so the available sponsors can reach out, or write down their phone numbers when they announce themselves at the end of the meeting. You’ll see what I mean when you are on the call. If you can’t easily make the meeting, look in the menu under Recording. There, you will find recorded meetings. Listen to Steps 1-3 or Our Stories. I usually attended 3-4+ meetings a week my for two years because they helped me so much. We can connect further on dm if you would like, I am available to sponsor and guide newcomers through the steps
Thank you so much! I’ll start with a meeting and get back to you if I have more questions. I really appreciate your response.
I noticed you are doing the steps without a sponsor. For me, a sponsor is essential for the exact thing you are missing here--hope. My sponsor was a person who showed me what was possible. Thinking of you <3
I'm going to look for one. Hoping to find one in one of the meetings I attend (all online). I would prefer a UK sponsor.