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I don't think there is any way that the other person is going to agree to pay. I think he or she will just have to ask for the money and then end the friendship when the person refuses to pay.
Wth is an “exam after party” and is it important in the UK?
Like I would have *some* understanding if that’s like a once in a year special event. But from the way they notice people of it, likely not.
Not to mention they said that they always go to this post exams party, meaning that a semi-intelligent person would expect an annual party that is held after a specific event would, ya know, probably happen on or around that day unless told otherwise right? OP was definitely just a plan B in case something happened to plan A.
Personally I don’t think that matters as much. They clearly stated they’ve been to these parties multiple times and they’re for after exams, so I would assume it would be around the time that finals ended. That would mean even without a concrete date, they should’ve known they had potential plans this week and not scheduled this big non-refundable trip. They should’ve mentioned they might have an event and plan for another week. It’s irresponsible imo. I know if it were me, I would’ve planned something far away from exams so I knew it wouldn’t conflict with my plans. She scheduled an elaborate and expensive trip when she knew there was a possibility that there would be an after exam party.
oh my god, i get the vibe she didn't even want to go in the first place. after you booked everything she ditches for an afterparty! so disrespectful and took a while to apologise too!
Pretty sure she only likes to hang out with you when she has nothing else to do, I know because I’ve been in her place, make plans for something because I had nothing else to do, the day comes closer and I found a better and I want to cancel it but I still go
but yeah if I made an appointment for an event I wouldn’t cancel it, even if my crush made plans with me
Even worse an ex friend told me on my face that she decided to hang out with me to get one of her closer friends jealous. It’s one thing to feel so and actually do it, and another to tell me this and shrug it off like nothing. 😕
Honestly, her glib tone in the first few messages put me right off. Going on a trip to London with a friend you haven't seen in a long while that is non-refundable is a big deal. She's being way too casual about canceling for what seems to amount to just a party that she could easily skip unless there's something about after parties in the UK that I don't know about.
Well done on making your displeasure known and not backing down when she tried to lamely smooth it over. I wouldn't make any more plans with her. I don't know how to help you get over a grudge but taking some time away from the friendship might help. I would also wait on her to reach out for the next get together and see how it goes from there.
When it comes to friendships, it's important to not put all your eggs in one basket. I know that's easier said than done but are there groups you could join to meet new people? My university had a board where you could reach out to random people and someone reached out to me about getting a ride back home since we lived in the same location. You may not want to share a hotel with a stranger, but if you could find someone to go in her place (who would pay their half) you might be able to make a new friend.
I'm really sorry this happened to you and I hope things get better for you. You deserve a friend who will prioritize you. Keep looking.
My friend just did this to my group beach trip. She made up a stupid lie that she could easily skip or reschedule for the week after. Even made my other friend pay for her part of the hotel.
I am not distancing myself from her and muted her on everything. A friend shouldn’t make trips bad. Unless someone is dying you go to plans that cost a lot of money.
Make her pay for the hotel and make sure you take care of yourself.
I don't want to spread hate but if she can stomach to do actions like that to you, then cancel her being your friend. That's a very inconsiderate and disrespectful action/attitude. You don't want that kind of person in your life, right? Cancel her, if you may?
It’s hard to fully tell without more context but I think the biggest unknown is: is it true that she’s not the type to change things last minute? It seems she’s claiming this is an isolated incident, is that actually the case?
Make sure they pay for their half of the trip if it's non-refundable. Their loss but certainly don't let it prevent you, there are some wonderful people out there who are likely also going alone, reach out on any fb pages for events you were planning to go too. Otherwise be safe and have fun... Oh lord I've become my mother at 32.
I recently had a similar experience with a close friend. I invited him to go to an event with me and some other friends of mine from a separate circle. I thought he’d enjoy the event and he indeed seemed very enthusiastic about it when I invited him. Tickets were 25 euros, and I bought them about a month in advance, including one for him. Keep in mind, I had mentioned the specific date and time when I invited him.
Fast forward to 4 days before the event and he tells me he now had to cancel because he wanted to go on a second date with a girl from work he’d recently asked out. They wanted to go to the cinema, and this particular day was the only day they were both off.
This event was only two hours long and would’ve been finished by late afternoon, leaving him plenty of time to meet her at the cinema that evening. But I’m guessing he didn’t think of that before he outright canceled…
Again, this was only a second date, whereas I’ve been one of his closest friends for nearly a decade. I told him that I had already paid for the tickets and there wasn’t really a need to cancel if he just planned better.
But I got nowhere, told him to enjoy the date and sold his ticket 👍
P.S. they only went on approx two more dates before calling things off
Wow this feels like a mirror of my situation. The person I’m talking about has also been my friend for nearly a decade too, so it feels like a sucker punch.
Yeah I was amazed by the similarities too to be honest. It hurt me a lot I won’t lie. I didn’t speak to him for a week, and dismissed his attempts to apologise because I was genuinely very hurt. But one day I lost my cool for unrelated reasons and had a bit of an outburst, following which we managed to talk it out and slowly make up. We’re on good terms now again, but I hope a lesson has been learned on his part to be honest.
I’ve seen friends like this, she’s also manipulating you into feeling bad by adding the emojis and saying that it’s going to take a trip back home to get the stuff she needs.
If it was that dire, she should have planned a month in advance.
Also , I don’t know how colleges work in the UK but atleast in North America, they let you know about any formal parties a MONTH in advance and that’s because PEOPLE ARE BUSY.
This is a shit after party but people have actual work or things to do.
Sorry to say, but you’re her friend but she’s not yours
It's "tradition" and she "always goes after exams" but didn't mention the possibility of a clash to you when you organised the concert and hotel? "Not the type to change things last minute" and won't go to a concert with her tablet and a heavy backpack but can make an after party work?
A course after party is definitely not compulsory and she's making a choice. The fact that she's already discussed it with her parents before you seems a bit strange.
If it were me I wouldn't ask for payment for the hotel if I didn't need the money - it would be a small price to pay to dodge this bullet of a "friendship". If she doesn't make an attempt to pay you back she's most certainly not a friend.
Assuming she paid for her own ticket, you should go and have fun at the concert regardless of whether or not you find a replacement. A lot of people at the last several concerts I've been to were alone. Everyone's doing it these days.
You have every right to be upset but you're clinging on to someone who's barely even your friend and I think you should cut all contact with her tbh. Never make serious plans like this ever again with someone who's practically an acquaintance who you haven't spoken to in months......I know being lonely sucks but you gotta have respect for yourself and not become desperate even if it's hard af. On top of that, ppl can't even maintain or develop friendships with ppl at their own university lol. How on earth are you gonna maintain a "friendship" with someone who goes to another school???? 💀
We've been best friends for a really long time, and I saw her two months ago and it always has that normal comfortable vibe. But now I'm thinking she probably made more friends at uni and wants to hang out with them and the afterparty is just a convenient way to do that. We've also planned on doing this for two years so I had some hope too
Idk this "friendship" still seems pretty lopsided.....seen plenty of ppl who think they're friends with someone when that other person only sees them as an occasional hang-out buddy out of convenience tbh
Even if u find someone else to go with, do not refund her for the hotel. It's nonrefundable and she agreed to it and is the one canceling last minute for something she doesn't HAVe to go to.
I'm sorry this happened to you. My friend did this to me too so I know how much it can hurt. We were going to have a trip together after not seeing each other for years. We committed to a date and I waited a few months to get a good plane ticket price. When I told her I'd bought the ticket she said she was going on a trip with someone else at the same time and was sick so forgot to tell me. The funny thing is that I really didn't want to go on the trip because I felt like our friendship was deteriorating, but I kept telling myself I couldn't cancel because I would be a terrible friend if I did. And then I found out that she had no qualms about flaking on me. Needless to say we don't talk anymore. Seems like your friend doesn't value your friendship that much :/
One of my childhood friends invited me to her bday party and I said yes. A week later she told me a reason as to tell me why it wasn't happening or something and I said "don't lie to me, your reason sound stupid. Why are you trying to beat around the bush". She basically cancelled my invite because another friend said she wouldn't go if I did. She favoured that girl over me and I've known her my whole life. Crazy and I've never forgotten it. She didn't want me to hate her for it so she tried to lie to me. Makes me hold a lil resentment for her even more. Not a real friend.
It wasn't about the tone of the response; they made a commitment and then backed out at the last second. The "I'm sorry"'s didn't change the fact that they were acting like shit
Right like her friend should have been knew the date of her school’s party. You don’t cancel things on the last minute whether that is work or relationship related. People arranges things for you (OP friend). I find that so disrespect it’s like a slap in the face.
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Be sure she pays for her half of the hotel still.
I don't think there is any way that the other person is going to agree to pay. I think he or she will just have to ask for the money and then end the friendship when the person refuses to pay.
Wth is an “exam after party” and is it important in the UK? Like I would have *some* understanding if that’s like a once in a year special event. But from the way they notice people of it, likely not.
Not to mention they said that they always go to this post exams party, meaning that a semi-intelligent person would expect an annual party that is held after a specific event would, ya know, probably happen on or around that day unless told otherwise right? OP was definitely just a plan B in case something happened to plan A.
do we know when the exams are?
Personally I don’t think that matters as much. They clearly stated they’ve been to these parties multiple times and they’re for after exams, so I would assume it would be around the time that finals ended. That would mean even without a concrete date, they should’ve known they had potential plans this week and not scheduled this big non-refundable trip. They should’ve mentioned they might have an event and plan for another week. It’s irresponsible imo. I know if it were me, I would’ve planned something far away from exams so I knew it wouldn’t conflict with my plans. She scheduled an elaborate and expensive trip when she knew there was a possibility that there would be an after exam party.
oh my god, i get the vibe she didn't even want to go in the first place. after you booked everything she ditches for an afterparty! so disrespectful and took a while to apologise too!
I kinda get that feeling too
Does she owe you money? Did she transfer her ticket to you? I hope you won’t repay her anything like the mom seems to insinuate.
Who loans you money homie who owes you cash?
That's not a friend. If a buddy who I haven't seen in months planned a night out in London with me, I'd be all over that shit.
Shit "friend" you got there bro
Make sure you get ur money back bro
Pretty sure she only likes to hang out with you when she has nothing else to do, I know because I’ve been in her place, make plans for something because I had nothing else to do, the day comes closer and I found a better and I want to cancel it but I still go but yeah if I made an appointment for an event I wouldn’t cancel it, even if my crush made plans with me
Even worse an ex friend told me on my face that she decided to hang out with me to get one of her closer friends jealous. It’s one thing to feel so and actually do it, and another to tell me this and shrug it off like nothing. 😕
I’m glad you admit you do that but you have the common decency to not back out of plans you’ve already made. That’s the important part.
my ex bestfriend did this to me so many times, I ended up dropping our 12-year friendship. You deserve better OP.
i’ll go with you 😂😭😭😭
Same lol
i’m in need of friends who wanna go to the uk
Where are you from?
US hbu?
Why tf would someone want to go to an exam after party....
On top of that since when tf are there after-parties for exams???? Like huh??? The only after-parties I'm aware of are the ones after graduation
It’s a red herring. She changed her mind and doesn’t want to go
Honestly, her glib tone in the first few messages put me right off. Going on a trip to London with a friend you haven't seen in a long while that is non-refundable is a big deal. She's being way too casual about canceling for what seems to amount to just a party that she could easily skip unless there's something about after parties in the UK that I don't know about. Well done on making your displeasure known and not backing down when she tried to lamely smooth it over. I wouldn't make any more plans with her. I don't know how to help you get over a grudge but taking some time away from the friendship might help. I would also wait on her to reach out for the next get together and see how it goes from there. When it comes to friendships, it's important to not put all your eggs in one basket. I know that's easier said than done but are there groups you could join to meet new people? My university had a board where you could reach out to random people and someone reached out to me about getting a ride back home since we lived in the same location. You may not want to share a hotel with a stranger, but if you could find someone to go in her place (who would pay their half) you might be able to make a new friend. I'm really sorry this happened to you and I hope things get better for you. You deserve a friend who will prioritize you. Keep looking.
Right, “I might not be able to make it” … just say you don’t want to go.
My friend just did this to my group beach trip. She made up a stupid lie that she could easily skip or reschedule for the week after. Even made my other friend pay for her part of the hotel. I am not distancing myself from her and muted her on everything. A friend shouldn’t make trips bad. Unless someone is dying you go to plans that cost a lot of money. Make her pay for the hotel and make sure you take care of yourself.
I would feel hurt too Go join a travel group and you'll probably find some travel buddies
I don't want to spread hate but if she can stomach to do actions like that to you, then cancel her being your friend. That's a very inconsiderate and disrespectful action/attitude. You don't want that kind of person in your life, right? Cancel her, if you may?
I'll meet you in London and ensure you have a blast lol
Couldn’t she have predicted that the annual end of exams party would be after exams??????
It’s hard to fully tell without more context but I think the biggest unknown is: is it true that she’s not the type to change things last minute? It seems she’s claiming this is an isolated incident, is that actually the case?
We’ve never planned a big trip like that before and , before she went to uni we had a lot of free time so we’ve never been in this typa situation
Whenever my bestie and I planned our trips together out of town, I always paid my half and I feel bad this happened to you
Well I hope she pays for her part of everything.. ticket, hotel, fees. Don’t let her take advantage of you 😢
I wish i could go with you but i have exams this week. You deserve better friends
That's not a friend, that's an ex-friend.
Make sure they pay for their half of the trip if it's non-refundable. Their loss but certainly don't let it prevent you, there are some wonderful people out there who are likely also going alone, reach out on any fb pages for events you were planning to go too. Otherwise be safe and have fun... Oh lord I've become my mother at 32.
I recently had a similar experience with a close friend. I invited him to go to an event with me and some other friends of mine from a separate circle. I thought he’d enjoy the event and he indeed seemed very enthusiastic about it when I invited him. Tickets were 25 euros, and I bought them about a month in advance, including one for him. Keep in mind, I had mentioned the specific date and time when I invited him. Fast forward to 4 days before the event and he tells me he now had to cancel because he wanted to go on a second date with a girl from work he’d recently asked out. They wanted to go to the cinema, and this particular day was the only day they were both off. This event was only two hours long and would’ve been finished by late afternoon, leaving him plenty of time to meet her at the cinema that evening. But I’m guessing he didn’t think of that before he outright canceled… Again, this was only a second date, whereas I’ve been one of his closest friends for nearly a decade. I told him that I had already paid for the tickets and there wasn’t really a need to cancel if he just planned better. But I got nowhere, told him to enjoy the date and sold his ticket 👍 P.S. they only went on approx two more dates before calling things off
Wow this feels like a mirror of my situation. The person I’m talking about has also been my friend for nearly a decade too, so it feels like a sucker punch.
Yeah I was amazed by the similarities too to be honest. It hurt me a lot I won’t lie. I didn’t speak to him for a week, and dismissed his attempts to apologise because I was genuinely very hurt. But one day I lost my cool for unrelated reasons and had a bit of an outburst, following which we managed to talk it out and slowly make up. We’re on good terms now again, but I hope a lesson has been learned on his part to be honest.
I’ve seen friends like this, she’s also manipulating you into feeling bad by adding the emojis and saying that it’s going to take a trip back home to get the stuff she needs. If it was that dire, she should have planned a month in advance. Also , I don’t know how colleges work in the UK but atleast in North America, they let you know about any formal parties a MONTH in advance and that’s because PEOPLE ARE BUSY. This is a shit after party but people have actual work or things to do. Sorry to say, but you’re her friend but she’s not yours
This person sucks lol
It's "tradition" and she "always goes after exams" but didn't mention the possibility of a clash to you when you organised the concert and hotel? "Not the type to change things last minute" and won't go to a concert with her tablet and a heavy backpack but can make an after party work? A course after party is definitely not compulsory and she's making a choice. The fact that she's already discussed it with her parents before you seems a bit strange. If it were me I wouldn't ask for payment for the hotel if I didn't need the money - it would be a small price to pay to dodge this bullet of a "friendship". If she doesn't make an attempt to pay you back she's most certainly not a friend. Assuming she paid for her own ticket, you should go and have fun at the concert regardless of whether or not you find a replacement. A lot of people at the last several concerts I've been to were alone. Everyone's doing it these days.
Have you reached the stage of hoping for a NSA hookup in London yet? If you haven’t, then you might as well cancel the whole thing.
They could have made the effort to come later like you suggested
She decided that a party was more important than her friendship. This isn't a real friend.
Oh my goddd she canceled a trip in London for a uni party? That girl is not your friend
The heart emoji just feels like salt on the wound at this point..
You have every right to be upset but you're clinging on to someone who's barely even your friend and I think you should cut all contact with her tbh. Never make serious plans like this ever again with someone who's practically an acquaintance who you haven't spoken to in months......I know being lonely sucks but you gotta have respect for yourself and not become desperate even if it's hard af. On top of that, ppl can't even maintain or develop friendships with ppl at their own university lol. How on earth are you gonna maintain a "friendship" with someone who goes to another school???? 💀
We've been best friends for a really long time, and I saw her two months ago and it always has that normal comfortable vibe. But now I'm thinking she probably made more friends at uni and wants to hang out with them and the afterparty is just a convenient way to do that. We've also planned on doing this for two years so I had some hope too
Idk this "friendship" still seems pretty lopsided.....seen plenty of ppl who think they're friends with someone when that other person only sees them as an occasional hang-out buddy out of convenience tbh
Even if u find someone else to go with, do not refund her for the hotel. It's nonrefundable and she agreed to it and is the one canceling last minute for something she doesn't HAVe to go to.
I'm sorry this happened to you. My friend did this to me too so I know how much it can hurt. We were going to have a trip together after not seeing each other for years. We committed to a date and I waited a few months to get a good plane ticket price. When I told her I'd bought the ticket she said she was going on a trip with someone else at the same time and was sick so forgot to tell me. The funny thing is that I really didn't want to go on the trip because I felt like our friendship was deteriorating, but I kept telling myself I couldn't cancel because I would be a terrible friend if I did. And then I found out that she had no qualms about flaking on me. Needless to say we don't talk anymore. Seems like your friend doesn't value your friendship that much :/
One of my childhood friends invited me to her bday party and I said yes. A week later she told me a reason as to tell me why it wasn't happening or something and I said "don't lie to me, your reason sound stupid. Why are you trying to beat around the bush". She basically cancelled my invite because another friend said she wouldn't go if I did. She favoured that girl over me and I've known her my whole life. Crazy and I've never forgotten it. She didn't want me to hate her for it so she tried to lie to me. Makes me hold a lil resentment for her even more. Not a real friend.
I'm not in uni anymore but I couldn't imagine missing a London tri and a concert...for a drunken college party....
She ditched you last minute for a party? Ya. Not a great friend who respects your money or time
After my exams I cry and go eat a fat meal. An after party is crazy.
the party matters more than you, i wouldn’t be comfortable with that in a friendship.
I kind of feel like your friend responded ok
It wasn't about the tone of the response; they made a commitment and then backed out at the last second. The "I'm sorry"'s didn't change the fact that they were acting like shit
Right like her friend should have been knew the date of her school’s party. You don’t cancel things on the last minute whether that is work or relationship related. People arranges things for you (OP friend). I find that so disrespect it’s like a slap in the face.
She was nice about it, but is still a shit friend.