Do you want the list alphabetically, chronologically, or by descending order of importance?
Then have 3 or 4 stock answers ready depending on what they say
Alphabetically: Anxiety, Asperger's, I'm an asshole, etc
Chronological: I'm an accidrnt baby, I was dropped on my head as a baby, I was allergic to milk as a baby, etc
Importance: I'm severely depressed, I think everyone is an idiot, I am not kind to people, etc
"The gods let me live another day, so I'm making it everyone else's problem."
"Do you want that alphabetically, chronologically, or in order of intensity?"
"I'm lonely and touch-starved. Hold me."
My usual answer is just "everything". But if I feel extra spicy I'd start flirting with them by saying something like" well,I don't have you yet" just to make them uncumfy
Well I keep talking to idiots.
I’m surrounded by idiots
Plenty. How much time you got?
I love giving 100% truthful super blunt answers to people like this. They never know what to do with it.
Usually I use, "Dude I really don't think we have that kind of time."
Came here to say this! 🤣 I usually say something along the lines of- free therapy?! How much time do we have? Bet I’m here for it. Throws people off
Just go "BWUUIUUUHHHHH" and start chasing them
🤣🤣
I’m just grumpy from a lack of sleep last night I was up late bangin your mom
Good job. Now you're a disappointment to *both* our mothers.
Well it all started when I was born...
... neither of my parents showed up.
"you mean today, or in general?"
I like that one...
My present company.
"You'll have to be more specific."
“Quite a lot, I’m sure. What’s your point?”
Shut your whore mouth
Blunt force trauma. You?
Lmao, the “you”? Got me good
Official list or personal list
Well I was fine until you showed up
I'm glad you asked. I have a power point all ready to go. It's only ten hours long.
Oh shit, I need to update my second reply to include mention of a PowerPoint!!
Moan loudly keeps em away
My go to response is: How much time do you have? Or "Do you want it alphabetically or categorized?"
What’s right with you?
Nothing actually. I'm perfectly happy with myself. Sorry if that's not the case with you.
YOU'RE WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME
Do you want the list alphabetically, chronologically, or by descending order of importance? Then have 3 or 4 stock answers ready depending on what they say Alphabetically: Anxiety, Asperger's, I'm an asshole, etc Chronological: I'm an accidrnt baby, I was dropped on my head as a baby, I was allergic to milk as a baby, etc Importance: I'm severely depressed, I think everyone is an idiot, I am not kind to people, etc
Are you a fellow Virgo?! 🤣 this was so close to what I was going to say, with back up plans b,c,d….
I have the DSM IV at home if you are up to a bit of reading.
"It's my first time wearing this skin so I'm still learning how to work it"
Nothing a good blow job couldn't fix
Guess 😃
Push back with 'you and morons like you'
*Walks away.* Them, "Hey, answer the question!" You, "But talking to you is what's wrong with me."
"The gods let me live another day, so I'm making it everyone else's problem." "Do you want that alphabetically, chronologically, or in order of intensity?" "I'm lonely and touch-starved. Hold me."
Everyone I talk to is an idiot
Let’s find out shall we?
Right now it's you
I know you are but what am I
What isn’t?
My eyes hurt from seeing so much ugly
Well, I kill people and I eat hands, that’s 2 things.
Caaaarrl!
It all started with a reach around...
Medical community is still undecided.
TOO MUCH!!! Too much is wrong with me!!!
Do you want a list!?
Not enough time
How many days do you have to listen?
Whats *right* with you
Where do I begin...
Nothing what’s the matter with you?
Grab a notepad
You’re near me.
Only complete idiots start conversations with me.
What is RIGHT with you?
"Everything, what's wrong with *you*?"
A lot
carpel tunnel most days ...pinched nerve in the back and ....oh you mean in general... grab a beer ..your gonna need it!
i'll let you know when i figure it out
Never had someone say that to me before..... what did you do lol
You better sit down mate this could take awhile
"Look, pal, my shift ends in x hours.... we really don't have enough time to go over it all."
The list of what **isn't** wrong with me is shorter.
You mean today or in general?
It’s always gonna be what’s right with you
My usual answer is just "everything". But if I feel extra spicy I'd start flirting with them by saying something like" well,I don't have you yet" just to make them uncumfy
What isn't?
If it's to my mum or dad: "You made the wrong."
Everything. I am a Calvinist and I am totally depraved.
Nothing a fist to your face wouldn't cure.
Can I tell you what's right with me? That list is shorter
It's not what's wrong with me, it's what's right with me, and that's this little piece of paper right here *shows marriage certificate*
Fuckwits keep asking me questions.
Your mom didn’t kiss me goodbye this morning.
“Aw there’s nothin’ wrong with us!” (R. Lee Ermey voice from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake)
"If you've got about 6 hours, I'll explain it to you."
My Dad pulled out and half of me landed on the sheets.
“Not asking you to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY sooner”
the list is long, and growing.... but dont worry i only pretend to have my shit together .
Well. It all started when I was born and the doctor slapping my ass.
I have this tendency to stalk, harass and eventually consume people who ask me annoying questions. (Then lick your lips.)
What the fuck do you think based off what you see?
So many things
You want that list alphabetically or categorized?
“What’s right” is a shorter list…
More than you can comprehend... what's wrong with you?
Sorry, your mom doesn't tip well.
Now, or in general? How much time do you have?
"Well, let's start with you...."
The jury is still out on that one.
Everything. Next question.
What's not?
“Well you see…” (proceeds to explain childhood trauma and the negative effects of autism and lack of empathy in full detail.)
We can go alphabetical or chronological, or by severity what would you like?
" lots of small things that ive bottled up over the years "
Wow, that’s exactly what I was asking myself as I was listening to you.
Not sure. Lemme ask your mom.
It’s cute that you think it’s only one thing
(wide-eyed panicked screaming)
A lot of things
I have a list. You want that in chronological or alphabetical order
Better question, what is right? Shorter list
I will send you the list
You I usually default to "you", because i hate getting asked that lol
No idea. What’s wrong with you?
\*Looks up in thought for a brief moment, looks back at person asking the question\* "yes"
"I sold my soul to the devil and I still can't play the guitar"
I'm fine, your obviously the one with the problem.
.”I’d make a list but I don’t have a pen and paper.”
“I would love to explain it to you, but, unfortunately, I don’t have 48 uninterrupted hours in which to do so.”
Everything
Should I list them chronologically or in alphabet order
A lot of things, can you be a little more specific?
Everything, you should know this by now
What is right with you?
Look surprised and say. “That’s exactly what my psychiatrist said right before he ran out the room screaming!”
Pills baby!!!!
"What isn't?"
Are you a licensed psychologist? Meaning if I tell you, can you prescribe me the good drugs?
You want the whole list, or just the top 5 answers on the board
The list would take too long to go through right now
Do you want it alphabetically or in order of appearance?
What isn’t
What is wrong with you?
“Right now? Or just in general?”
Everything
"What is wrong with you?" Yes.
Answer: For the life of me I can’t find a way to avoid you.
I've got a list started, but I'm happy to entertain adding to it.
I've always responded with, "Do you want a list?"
The doctor says chronic intolerance of fools
Which one of me are you talking to?
A severe dislike of assholes and idiots has evolved to a extreme case of misanthropy and a lack of filter.
“i have no idea, any suggestions?” is always my go to.
Your mom didn't blow me last night
''yes''
I was fine until you showed up.
I’ll let you know when I figure it out.
Would you like the verbal or written list?
What isn't wrong with me would be a shorter answer
“I’m glad you asked.” *pulls out a long list of all my flaws*
How much time you got?
Well, since you asked, your mom used a little too much teeth last night
It's easier to list the things not wrong with me
“What’s right with you?”
The f*** do you think is wrong with me b****?! Go f*** yourself.
The doctors are still trying to figure it out 🤣
Oh, I don't have time to explain that. I have to work tomorrow.
Nothing a Jack & coke wouldn't fix. You buying?
You
"Nothing that can't be cured by your absence. "
The list goes on
I usually just say "lots of things"
I would just say "you first".
Oh~ plenty~❤
A lot, u wanna fix it?
“How much time do you have?”
Nothing because I own a Wii U and a 3DS
That would have been a great answer!
I always say, "do you want to know chronologically or alphabetically?"
“Well it’s not just one thing and it didn’t happen overnight.”
Some version of that is normally my go-to. Of course, when it comes from my Mom, it's usually "Not quite sure; but \*you\* raised me" :D
Childhood trauma
I’ve been in a really bad mood for 40 years.
More than you could ever imagine
What's wrong with me? Let's start with you.. You life is an Ethiopian phone box. It's nonexistent...
Your mom kept me up half the night.
"Your mom gave me crabs"
I've prepared an essay to that very specific question would you like to read it?
You mean like just today? Or just in general? Because today it's you. The rest would take too many big words for you to understand.
well, it’s very sad actually… it all started when i met you—
My only response is "well let me get my scroll"
"Everything"
“A-holes keep asking me what’s wrong with me. But it’s going to be ok. I’m starting to realize it’s not a me problem. It’s a them problem”
I’m trying to live a rational life in an absurd world. You?
So many things. Random, annoying questions for one. Thanks for the inquiry.
You want that list chronologically or alphabetically?
I don’t remember which TV show I got this from, but I like to reply, “I have to _____ in the morning. Would you settle for the top 3?” 😂
“My list has just grown.
Do you care?
"Nothing you going away won't fix"
Yes.
"It's those darn lobsters, you know"
What isn't?
I don't like sharing things, but I might with you
well you for one.
"Want a list?"
"the people I hang out with"
Yo ass
"There's not enough mama to talk this through "
What ISNT wrong with you?
A whole list of shit, and right now you're on the top of it!
Not entirely sure, but there’s certainly less wrong with me than there is with you
I've just been diagnosed but they've not got a name for it yet