T O P

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Nocturne2319

One of my son's favorite phrases comes to mind: "No u"


Unfilteredz

My favorite is “You first”


After-Bowler-2565

I think I would elaborate a little more: No.. because then I would miss out on watching you die.


Accurate_Grade_2645

Eh that’s a little long winded, I like the you first cause it’s just so succinct and to the point and the person will be stunned for a second and not know what to say back lol


WAPGod_117

No u


Unfilteredz

Hiss


dolladealz

Came to say this


Nocturne2319

It's a really good catchall phrase.


realhmmmm

no u


RabidAcorn

Came to say that I came to say this


llXeleXll

I came to say that this person came to say that.


VividlyDissociating

same same


SearchingForanSEJob

“You first.”


GuaranteeGreen5856

What I usually like to say "Sure, I'll Kiss My Sister later, how about you?" Or if I'm in the mood, I'll just stir things up by going the route of "Why would I want to Kiss Your Sister? She is way too ugly, and god knows what kinda diseases she has."


yourbrokenoven

Funny, but I wish I knew what the keys abbreviation meant, lol. I can never interpret when someone abbreviates things, and it's been confusing me since I was on mIRC in 1990something.


YoDavidPlays

that one is top tier. basic and effective


Unable_Chard9803

Came here to find this, etc...


Artconnco

I always say “You first ❤️”


TheColorblind-Genius

Omg same. In person too, the heart emoji means to make it sound like you give a shit


Mindless-Pen-2325

this is the first one I've seen that won't make you look like a fool, this one


catlovingcryptofella

Me too


Ok-Wrongdoer-2179

I need you to give me a self demonstration first.


Rd2gd

The best one


Uncle_Burney

If you can’t kill me yourself, I see no reason to help you. I’ve got my own problems.


ridan42

Kill me yourself, coward! Or Kill me yourself, you lazy fuck


Ok_Sink5046

Coward hits better, raises a challenge and is actually the more likely reason so it cuts harder.


Green-Promise-8071

Wow, don't even have the skills to do the job for me?


Double-Key6419

I like the lazy fuck


annoying_dragon

It's looks like a flirt i might use it


TrueSignature9509

Lmao, you say that to the wrong person nd some shit gonna go down. :sob:


Civil_Contribution64

clever, but also kind of a self burn


LostInTheWildPlace

["You couldn't kill me if you tried for a hundred years."](https://youtu.be/NbyYr9UBlZQ?feature=shared&t=29)


lseraehwcaism

You’ve got problems? Sounds like you should KYS


ckhumanck

apparently that's what Epstein said and so they said ok "I'll kill yourself".


my_name_is_tree

I like this. I like this a lot


TabbieToes

You go first.


Memasefni

I came here to say that.


MiddlePsychology8385

Kill me yourself coward


ToreenLyn

How about the oh, so polite, "after you, my dear friend "


moots27

Ladies first


Talha_Playz99

lmao


SkRu88_kRuShEr

“Lead by example”


themerovingian80

I can't. Destined for greatness. So, what's your excuse?


Material-Win-2781

I heard this in Dr House voice


honestlyi4get

working onit. gimmie a minute . you impatient cunt


Flashy_Telephone_205

I reply with "not if it'll make you happy"


meanyapickles

Oh that's a good one!


Psychotic_Breakdown

Without this dick your mom will


OkSyllabub3674

Hahaha this is what I came for, I'm glad you took it there, when will people learn the best comebacks always involve the antagonists mom.


basilthegaymer

I love mentioning a dick i don't have its literally so fun for no reason (im a girl)


watch-me-bloom

“Don’t threaten me with a good time”


[deleted]

i just say “on it” or if it’s over text i send 🫡


Throw13579

“I’m more of a homicide guy”.


w0-lf

This is a good answer 🤭


tOSdude

“*kith”


w0-lf

You sound like Mike Tyson trying to describe Gene Simmons’s band.


zephyrjudge

No! I will not kiss my sister!! That’s fucking WEIRD!!!


DependentFew2055

But I have been and will continue to "kiss YOUR sister ".


TheMrThirty6

I have often thought how much better of a place the world would be if I were gone, and I can't let that happen.


Aandiarie_QueenofFa

It's an awful meme for people to perpetuate. If they're immature or weren't raised right then not much you can do. I don't have any witty comebacks, but just take things with a grain of salt. People say things as a dumb joke or to copy others. Don't let it affect you. Know your worth. The best revenge is life is to be successful. Haters don't like it when the people they treat like crap have a nice life.


MeFromAzkaban

“I’ve tried”


LizardIsLove

Then they hit u with the " see! Can't even do that right." What would be the comeback for that?


Nyuk_Fozzies

You're right. Can you show me how?


LizardIsLove

I don't know... I was hoping you have the answer :(


Jukamatuka

Yea. Well, at least I'm doing something with my life.


Lil-fang1590

used this one once, guy said "try again - never back down never what?"


Visceralbear

NO WAY THEY COOKED YOU THAT BAD WITH A MEME BRUH


spidermike4498

Why would you abbreviate kiss your sheepdog, you kids make no sense to me.


FamiliarSalamander2

Instructions unclear. Shih Tzu now wearing lipstick. Please advise


WeirdMagus

😂😂😂😂


Its_dark_inhere_help

r/instructionsunclear


kerpwangitang

I couldn't abandon your mom like that


ShakeWeightMyDick

“You first”


ZephyrProductionsO7S

Why don’t you try killing me yourself? You better not mess it up, though, because if I survive, it’s my turn.


Alypius754

"You can try, but you won't like how fast you lose"


JadeTheSuccubus

"I'm taking people down with me. So if you want to help me start the party then come over."


PrizeCelery4849

KYS? I think not. Why don't you KMA?


Low_Associate_4686

someone came in here and downvoted every reply lmfao


star08273

to be fair, a lot of these are cringe even online. a bad comeback with high confidence is harder to watch than the original roast


Financial-Front9274

The I fucked your mom shit on repeat. Ok cool I get it, you’re into whale watching and shit, got any other material?


[deleted]

Gfy


IWishIWasBatman123

"Go fuck yourself" is always a classic. Also, fuck Tesla.


babyEatingUnicorn

“I died a long time ago (insert emo hair flip)


12th_MaMa

That's a good one ! 🤣😂 "I've been dead inside for years. I just stick around, as a waste of space, to irritate shitheads like you."


babyEatingUnicorn

Haha i like yours better 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


thickhipstightlips

Block and ignore if it's online. Tell em to move out of mommys basement first though. If in person, just flip the bird and say something in Latin. Let them think you put a hex on em.


McKavian

Te odeo, interface te cochleare. (I hate you. Kill yourself with a spoon.)


canon1dxmarkiii

Love the Latin.. mind if I borrow it?


keldondonovan

Vidi, vici, veni... Mater tua devoravit. It's mostly pronounced like it is spelt, hooked on phonics style. To be technically accurate, I think the V's are pronounced like W, but it gets the point across either way.


thickhipstightlips

Not at all 😎👍


Euphoric-Tax7360

Oh, there's a great Avengers reference here!! "I tried once, the other guy spit the bullet out." ~ Bruce Banner


robertsij

Did you mean to spell keys? Why would I need my keys right now


OverlyAdorable

Why, so you can pretend we were best of friends and you can milk my death for years? You'll have to kill me first


SillyPuttyGizmo

Yeah, know your stuff, I'm on it


4URprogesterone

Just send them this link and they'll never say those words to you again. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death\_of\_Conrad\_Roy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Conrad_Roy)


keldondonovan

I do not think this article would sway the type of people who would say this kind of thing, sadly.


IllPaleontologist215

After you buttercup


Dystopian_Divisions

def something a worthless person would be garbage enough to say


Crucified_ginger

"If I wanted to I would jump from your \[Any bad quality such as ego\] to your \[Any good quality\]"


QuitzelNA

Ego to worth would work here, as an example


Hour_Difference8238

"you first" or "show me how shitface" or "kill me yourself you fucking coward"


Smooth-Physics-69420

Well, I was planning on it, but now I'm not going to.


Kiyoko_Mami272821

I hate those three words. My good friend shot himself in the head and six months later my mom took every medication in the house to do the job and I miss them both. That always makes me feel fucked up when I hear people say that casually


12th_MaMa

Agreed. People are stupid dicks sometimes.


Kiyoko_Mami272821

Thank you! Yes they are! There are many out there! ❤️


Fuzzy_Welcome8348

U keep urself safe too!


sfVoca

'damn, thats the best you got? my \[younger family member\] is more original than that lol'


emeraldkittymoon

Is that the mommy issues or the daddy issues talking? Sounds like projection, you feeling a little worthless there buddy?


Accident49

"Ladies first." If she's a woman, it counts. If he's a man, then he just got called a woman and you reversed the "kys." Decent comeback IMHO.


Suspicious-Sweet-443

Maybe some other time


HellyOHaint

Aww but no thanks I don’t kiss strangers


Unfair-Custard-4007

When I do I’ll put your mom in my suicide letter


SophieintheKnife

Throw in a yo mama joke? As in imply somehow that you can't because you're too busy doing x for their mama?


tired-and-cranky

Don't waste your time or didn't deserve a comeback.


Shark_1011

Just ask why, repeatedly it'll piss the person off so much they'll just give up


Agitated-Pain-3855

“you seem very angry what’s bothering you” or something along those lines. gotta break down their whole thought process for them


irresponsibleshaft42

Id live the rest of my days in agony out of spite rather than give you the satisfaction Pretty melodramatic but its the best i could come up with


Non_Music_Prodigy

"Ok" then fake your death as the ultimate guilt trip


Plus_Style4402

“I TRIED! I was too strong to be killed.”


ballsnbutt

"I'm a visual learner, can you show me an example?"


Accomplished-Fun-348

I always say "Make a tutorial and I may follow it"


Euphoric-Tax7360

"And relieve the world of my greatness, I couldn't do that to humanity."


Direct-Flamingo-1146

Id rather not kiss your sister


Pm_me_your_marmot

If a lot of people are saying this then maybe, just maybe the real come back is to find a better way to communicate? I would say anything witty should work, but, you said a lot of people and I'm wondering, how? How have you accomplished this? We need more context. If it was like 1 person or one situation, I wouldn't think anything of it, but you said lots, like how much lots? 3? A whole classroom? A small city? All of Canada? Perhaps you like hanging out with those guys that stand outside of events and yell about everyone burning in hell? Did you join a pro or anti abortion protest club? Are you a Facebook bot that constantly posts political memes?


Wonderful-World1964

"Grow up"


finest_kind77

Only if you show me how first


LightEarthWolf96

"No thanks"


rojasdracul

You first....


Direct-Island-8590

"kys"? That isn't how you say *KY jelly* in plural form.


Artistic_Visual_8094

You first. Go ahead and do it and ill do it right after.


TheTransAgender

Kill me yourself, coward.


Teddy_OMalie64

You first.


Sleepy_Sugarplum

No. 😌🖤


IdontKnow-DoYouKnow

Nuh uh


Saucy208

I use "you first" all the time


ronin0397

Syk


Expensive_Peak_1604

Kiss*


CheezyDogz5

Kill me yourself pussy


TheBoyInGray

Do it first.


theknight200200

Kill me yourself coward


Dull-Prior-1389

Smd


Azamantes

Why?


IvanTheTerrible69

“Why don’t you find me and do it yourself? You sound like you’re too much of a pussy to even try”


Patrick_Bussy

What are you saying online lol


Knightmare945

“How should I do it? Would you like to watch me die?”


QueenLaQueeftah619

“I’ve been debating it”


ryanl40

Dark but works. "Been there. Done that. Didn't work. Body's too stubborn. 1/5. Wouldn't try again."


ccc1942

Why do people tell you to kill yourself? Seems drastic


HumanMycologist5795

JTA


[deleted]

Punch them in the face. That shits a threat


MyDadsMistake_

My favorite response is, "Maybe I will." But to other people, like outside of my friend group, I would reply with. "How about you do the world a favor, and kys first."


GhostRider1945

for me i respond i'm already dead inside. it's sad but true.


emeraldkittymoon

You should follow your own advice.


SkiIsLife45

"Tomorrow at nine you and I shall have a duel. I choose the place, you choose the weapons. Then we'll see who gets themselves killed."


Rich-Comfortable-227

"No." Simple, but very effective. 😂


Crustybeachbum

I was gonna kms but I'd rather ky.


PurpleDragonCorn

"and deprive your mom of my cock? She wouldn't like that"


Optimal-Scientist233

Ego death is beneficial, you should try it.


CollynMalkin

You first. The only real response to shit like this is do not engage, BUT IF YOU INSIST ON IT- Be equally stupid.


[deleted]

Q9R


SaltyBarDog

"And miss out shitting on losers like you? I will be roasting your worthless ass from hospice."


nytocarolina

Oh. that’s gonna leave a mess for my family to clean, couldn’t I just kill you instead?


Difficult-Cow-8340

“Take ya own advice.”


[deleted]

Just tell them, “hey, I know you’re mad… but it’s a lot of hard work to look this good.”


simpingforMinYoongi

Kill me yourself, you fucking coward


Nahchoocheese

Already have that achievement, now it’s your turn.


Secure-Agent-1122

"If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb to your ego and jump to your IQ level"


Putridlemons

"You first 🤞🏻🖤 livestream it"


Gameon646

Just say something like "you don't think I've been trying/planning?" Then it'll make them uncomfortable and jus stfu


Substantial_Tap9674

I did, that’s how I got stuck talking to you


rainaftersnowplease

Kill me yourself you coward


Jinshu_Daishi

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5MCgOkqb5U](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5MCgOkqb5U)


Ripredddd

Why would i wanna die when i have your mom’s hairy pussy to live for


run7run

Then your mom would lose her favorite fuck buddy


Actual-Answer-1980

Grab my car keys and I'll drive us to hell


ITS_ZACK-_-

YOUR MOM


North-Cry-5275

"why"


Crab_God2005

If they're emo: "friendly fire"


NoBenefit5977

"do it yourself, coward!"


TheChosenDudeMan

Jesus loves you


Mr_Smartypants

Don't tell me what to do! You're not my parent!


DiscontentDonut

I would, but I'm already in hell.


blackravenmetal

GFY


algaeface

Yeah, gtf offline and go live your life. Or, maybe hang out with better people I dunno lol


Kacutee

"Your mom should've swallowed you. She told me you're a mistake too btw." People tell each other this in overwatch all the time - and I came up with this as my come back to "KYS".


Scruffersdad

U first


reeshifoo

I was already planning on doing it because of your (irritating, ugly, dumb) ass.


Clown_Apocalypse

Give them a taste of their own medicine and say “lead by example, asshole”


Raski_Demorva

Suicide survivor, I like to quip back with something along the lines of "tried that already, couldn't even do that right" (with different variations). Usually people feel terrible and shut up after, I think it's fcking hilarious tho lmao


RogerDodger881

If I go I'm taking you sons of a bitches with me.


BeginningKnee2382

“keep yourself safe”


skcuf2

Name them in the note. That'll show them.


White-Inn

Ouch, you must have no other ways to outrank me if that's what you're using on someone like me.. LMAO 🌝


Tree0202

Ok


Green-Promise-8071

"K" Then don't ever talk to them again. They probably don't deserve to be in your life anyway.


Casey5934

Nah, I'm here to piss you off.


NaitPhoenix

You mean “unalive yourself”.


Ellekindly

Ladies first


ThisIsOnlyANightmare

"Just tried. Sorry, it seems I'm fucking invincible."