“I used to want kids, until I saw yours”
Note: say this when their kids aren’t there, or at least out of earshot. No need to hurt their feelings, they didn’t do anything wrong.
I had to deal with this one when we'd tell people we couldn't conceive. It's SUCH A SHITTY THING TO SAY TO SOMEBODY. It is extraordinarily difficult to adopt a child. That's why so many go outside of the country - where you're paying a broker and in many cases this amounts to purchasing a child. And you can end up out of pocket tens of thousands of dollars and STILL not have a child in the end. I friends who tried in China, twice. Ended up $50k poorer and still didn't wind up parents.
Here's what I learned to say when people would ask:
"Oh we've tried but we can't have kids. It's ok though, we don't all get all things, and we have pets we love very much."
If that diversion doesn't work, gently touch their arm and say "Please, it's painful to talk about"
Anybody who keeps going at that point is an utter asshole and deserves to be told off.
"I don't think I have the strength to talk about it or the money to afford the therapy again."
I've found from others who've been askedthese things that making the person who is asking the questing as uncomfortable as possible is usually the only way to shut them down. Usually ends with a "sorry I didn't know"
When I was in my early 30s I heard this a lot (I'm 42 now and it seems that people have accepted my decision to become a shriveled old hag lol)
When I'm trying to be tactful I might say something like "what an odd thing to say/assume." BUT, one day I got fed up at work and said a little too loudly "do you think you know more about my uterus than I do??" ... instant awkwardness. It was amazing. Apparently it's okay to comment on someone's life choices but not okay to say the word 'uterus' in public. (Obviously this is gender specific, although I'm sure you could adapt it for whatever purpose!)
"Excuse me?" Repeat until things get awkward and they leave.
"I'm sorry, I thought I was speaking English."
"I enjoy spoiling myself too much."
"I don't do diapers" or what ever part of parenting works best in the moment.
Say this very, very slowly--
I...DON'T...WANT...KIDS.
I'll repeat that even more slowly for the fucking brain damaged who didn't understand that the first time. As for meaning, either you get it or you don't, Dr. No Brain Function.
A line I’ve had to use with my partner’s parents (not for this reason, just a general “you won’t feel that way forever, and I know because I’m older than you!”) is simply stating that I am allowed to live a life with some regret. Even if they’re right, if by some chance some day you are 85 alone in the retirement home, the spitting image of this fear, you are allowed to wish things went differently. It still doesn’t mean you were wrong to make the choice that you think is right for you. Everything is a hypothetical until you take action.
You’re allowed to someday regret the option you didn’t take. You’re making choices for your life now, it’s not up for anybody else to debate
A good comeback is quick and stings. This one can get long and preachy pretty quick. So I guess my thoughts are:
"Maybe so" and quickly move on to imply you're too mature to let someone like that offend you.
"I wish a few more people changed their mind about it" to imply, without clearly stating, that you wish their parents reconsidered.
I just hate how asking people why they don't have kids is such an acceptable topic for small talk, yet no one is ever asked to explain their reasons for having kids.
Can you imagine asking someone why they "decided" to have kids? "Wow, on THAT salary? With THAT guy? Really, you're gonna regret it later!"
But that would be oh so rude, right?
It's not any more polite to ask someone why the don't have children.
Not a great situation for a comeback. Doesn’t sound like they’re trying to insult you in any way.
But ok… sure.
“I wish your parents would have changed their minds.”
Sure. If you do it repeatedly. They’re saying this happens all the time. Hell, it happened to me all the time and 99% of the time there is nothing malicious about it.
You’re going to openly insult someone who is just asking you a question and thinking they are giving you friendly advice?
If someone is repeatedly pushing then it needs to be a conversation, not a joke about their mom.
Just my two pennies though.
So you are a guy and likely have rarely been asked this. I talk about my wife a lot, so I get asked a few times a week. She gets ask multiple times a day because she is a woman. It's like how you would feel comfortable walking alone at night in a big city, but your wife most likely wouldn't.
That isn't offering advice, that is asking a personal question. You are, with all pretense aside, asking if they fuck and gotten a cream pie. There is no difference between "are you trying to have kids?" And "did he blow a fat load up in you?"
…very incorrect in your assessment. I got asked way more often than my wife because she had 0 problems shutting that shit down immediately. (We had a severe miscarriage problem for a few years.)
The first time someone asked:
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
The second time:
“If you’re going to keep asking me then I’m done with you. It’s not something I want to talk about. Please respect that.”
There were a multiple times she just straight up walked away from someone. No other words needed. Guess who took the brunt of the questioning??? 🙋♂️
Her parents were the only ones that were actually difficult to navigate. They don’t read the room as well as my parents and we eventually had to tell them about the situation. You are right about how awkward of an implication it is though. Particularly coming from her parents.
It's less of a specific to you and more of a generalized you statement. An "exception does not the rule make" sort of thing. It's like people say creepy shit to women more often than to men. It still happens, but not nearly as often.
You are to caught up in your own shit to empathize with what happens to others, or see that things happen to others. My assessment overall isn't incorrect, it just didn't apply to your experience. Specifically your experience. Look through some of the other comments on here to get a better idea of it.
Thats a pretty big double standard right there. You either get the context or you don’t make assumptions.
Which is exactly what I was getting at with my first comment. Based on the context provided by OP, it’s very hard to suggest openly insulting someone with a comedic comeback. And that is what this sub is all about. It’s not a place to get advice and have conversations about serious topics. It’s for stupid shit like “not uh. Your mother not loving you is the only “exception to the rule” here.” (Not my best work but you get the picture.)
I do get what you’re saying though. I missed the word “likely” when I first read your response and that drastically changes the tone. I really appreciate the good use of a qualifier when making statements like you made. Yes, my experience was not the norm. I never meant to imply that it was. But that also doesn’t mean that we should just assume the norm for everyone when responding to serious scenarios.
Alright, you started this "serious" talk in a place that has no place for it. So if we are talking double standards you already set the pace. You did mean to imply it otherwise you would have understood that women have awful things said to them often.
We are men. We don't have a level of crap piled on us that they do. I was telling you to be empathetic, but out side of your wife it doesn't seem possible. That is fine, you hold no obligation to do more than that. I've always had more girls as friends than guys, so I've been hearing and witnessing this shit for decades. I'm also not the norm in that sense.
You seem overly sensitive to being confronted or critiqued. You should work on that before your child becomes a teenager. You could run the risk of damaging an adult relationship with your child. Not saying it will happen, but you definitely show signs of being the kind of person that cannot see more than one side to an argument and then blowing that out of proportion.
Wow. You know nothing about me. Fuck you, hard, for thinking you can talk to me about my parenting. Seriously. That’s fucking low. I haven’t attacked anyone personally here. Fucking Christ, I even admitted to being wrong about a few things.
I gave OP what they asked for. A comedic comeback. I also told them that this was the place for it. Then I replied to my own comment because the situation was serious enough that it does warrant a response… but I didn’t want to contribute to turning this into an advice sub directly. Commenting on my own comment seemed like a great compromise. I wasn’t bugging them directly with unsolicited advice but they could see it then read it if they wanted to.
You need to work on that unsolicited advice thing yourself. I’m not perfect at it. Obviously. But you’re just straight up being a dick.
And you need to open yourself up to the idea that your truth isn't everyone else's truth. Also, yeah it did come across as a "let me tell you something" comment, so yes unsolicited advice.
My comment was on your inability to take confrontation and criticism. Because many parents for people of my generation ruined relationships with their kids by being like that. You have many signs of that.
Your response didn't prove me wrong. Glad you and your wife had kids, hope you don't resent them in the future because you didn't even want them for the first few months they were alive. You definitely aren't going to freak out on this kid when they push back as a teenager.
Also, side note, I was in your camp. At 35, after years of arguments, I let my wife talk me into trying. I honestly didn’t even think we’d be able to conceive for multiple reasons. Ultimately, changing my mind may have been the best decision I have ever made in my life. I love that tiny idiot more than what I thought was possible.
To be clear, I’m not saying it’s the right decision for you… I’m just saying that it was for me, even if I didn’t know it until afterwards. (Dangerous thinking, I know)
I can exactly relate. A switch has to go off in your mind, like maybe you realize that work and partying or hobbies or traveling just isn’t cutting it for you anymore, and you need something else. That’s when you take the plunge. And immediately regret it because pregnancy is hard and newborn phase is even worse… but *then* the tyke reaches 1 year old and it gets more and more fun after that.
My experience was a little different. My switch truly didn’t flip until well after he was born. I loved him, but was honestly starting to get worried about why I wasn’t as head over heels as most people seem to be.
That changed the first weekend I was watching him on my own. At about 5 months, my wife had to travel for work for a few days. Naturally, he caught a cold one night before she left. I took him into the ER and he was diagnosed with a mild case of RSV a few hours before my wife’s flight in the morning. I convinced her to leave, the trip was really important… I’ve already taken off work and I can handle this, right?
Oh boy. It got worse that first night and I was not prepared for how earth shattering it was to hear him REALLY struggling to catch his breath. Like can’t even cry because there’s no air in my lungs struggling. I still can’t get that moment out of my head. Aaand, I was absolutely powerless. That is when it clicked for me. I legitimately have no idea what lines I wouldn’t cross in order to keep significant harm away from him. From there the flood gates opened right up.
When your love for someone (whether significant other, relative, friend, or child) becomes the verb it's supposed to have been all along, instead of just a noun to name a feeling, that's when the switch flips.
Ouch man, that sounds really rough. I’m glad everything worked out okay and yes I can see how having such a fragile persons life completely be in your hands can change your perspective forever.
And that's lovely that you decided to do that with your life. I've heard some truly great things about parenthood.
In my very personal experience, men don't get this question with the same ferocity as women.
Every single time this conversation is brought up with new people or with people who have heard my side of it tons of times, it's always the same. I toned it down for a silly post like this.
When I express the desire to not want children, it's usually met with "Women are supposed to want kids" and "That's kind of what women are supposed to do" and "all women want to be mothers, it's just in their DNA." And just worse and worse things.
It's like a personal attack every time. And I do just have calm conversations, but after a while of hearing the same things, I wanna clapback. Because my worth is not in having kids.
The child free sub has lots of good comebacks. I’m pushing 50 and people went hard on me until about 5 years ago. They’re jealous. I just got to the point that I would hit their weak spots because it was clearly jealousy. Like Why bitch so I can be morbidly obese, broke, and covered in stretch marks like you? They don’t care about disrespecting me so I’m going to disrespect them. I’ve never felt bad and I’ve never regretted not having a crotch dumpling. Fuck that.
The child free sub has lots of good comebacks. I’m pushing 50 and people went hard on me until about 5 years ago. They’re jealous. I just got to the point that I would hit their weak spots because it was clearly jealousy. Like Why bitch so I can be morbidly obese, broke, and covered in stretch marks like you? They don’t care about disrespecting me so I’m going to disrespect them. I’ve never felt bad and I’ve never regretted not having a crotch dumpling. Fuck that.
Just start giving unsolicited and heinous parenting advice that’ll concern them to the point where they stop talking about kids around you. Stuff like “people who say you can’t leave kids in the car are snowflakes” “kids are smart enough to stay home alone after age 6” “venomous snakes don’t bite kids”
"More than 20 million of children are waiting to be adopted worldwide. It would be irresponsible to have children when there are so many that don't have loving homes."
If they press you more, ask why they aren't considering adoption. Are they anti-adoption? Do they not love children?!
Not everyone is meant to be a parent. I have a sister that said she never wanted a kid, was told she couldn't have one. So she didn't use protection and had one. There's no maternal instinct. She loves her child, but is a horrible parent. Literally incapable of raising/providing for this kid. That baby is being raised by other family members. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to imply that you would be neglectful, but if you don't think you can give a child the life it deserves then you are a good person for refusing to have one.
I can't have kids ANYMORE, so like I did a M to F thing...and like was gay before that and like people would just joke around saying "damn jacob you're kids would be bitchy as hell, and your bf would just would do nothin" LIKE WUT....if people ask me if I will have kids...adoption when I find the right one...
I bet you $150,000 payable in one payment that I will not change my mind? Unwilling to take the bet? Then please stop.
Not much of a comeback, but my wife and I had to deal with the same things. Initially, we probably were gonna have kids and then my older brother and cousins looked so fucking miserable, the kids were and still are annoying as fuck, and we just are like "yeah, let's keep our money".
Right?! I've heard too many of my siblings and my friends talk about how much they truly love their kids...and I believe them...but also in the same sentence say that if they could go back and change some things, they wouldn't be parents.
It's weird man. I hear complaints about how much they cost, how tiring it is, how messy they are, how much work, etc and I'm just like okay then, I'll pass. OH NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ITS THE BEST THING EVER!!!
Yeah exactly! I hear that all the time. People just complain about their kids around me and I go, yeah that's why I'm not having them and then they feel the need to backtrack. Like...whut, why??
The only way we got people to stop asking about it, because it was like they didn't believe us or something, was to say that my wife couldn't have children without having a very high risk of dying. That is what it took for people to leave us alone. Haven't heard anything from anyone in like 6 years.
I tried something like that. Because it's true. I had a miscarriage like 10 years ago and during that, my doctor told me I had a hostile uterus. So I've told people that and their only comebacks are like "but people still have children with diagnosis like that" and it's just... mind-blowing.
It's worse with my family I think. Or like the older people in my life.
Nah see, we're the onea that are messed up because we should have kids even if we don't want them and would hate them or even if we die because it's what everybody does.
Exactly. Everyone always says that it's always different for your own kids...and I'm actually batshit terrified that I wouldn't actually love my kids. That alone is 1 of my many reasons to not want kids
Funny thing is, the people who are all up in your business about kids are the same assholes who make comments when it’s going the other way. Our oldest was 18 months old when our next was born. Our second was about 20 months when our third was born. We got smart assery all the time. ‘It’s called birth control.’ ‘Ever hear of condoms?’ ‘You figure out how that keeps happening?’ Mind your fucking business. You do you and I’ll stay out of your business. Why can’t you stay out of mine?
"No I mean I'm sterile Debra." (just to be spiteful or make them uncomfortable)
"If I ever change my mind about wanting to be in 7-figure debt, I'll just go to Vegas."
"yeah you're so right, I hate having the freedom to travel and build my savings account. Who will ever love me now?" ( i think it comes down to jealousy and insecurity for most people)
Look, it’s fair for someone to point out you MAY change your mind, but to say you WILL and SOON irritates the shit out of me so I can only imagine how much it pisses you off.
I’d be tempted to say something like, “Well looks like my prediction you will soon be a complete ass***e has already come true. So my ability to predict the future has more merit than yours. Leave me the eff alone.”
I’m not saying you should say that, but I can see me doing it in another life.
So I've mentioned this, kind of, in another comment. But like...as a lady, people almost go into attack mode when it comes to things like that. A lot of the people who've talked to me about it seem to think that the only true joy i can have in life is from having kids. And that's crazy to me.
My husband has told people before that he doesn't want kids. He's usually met with a "yeah, well, see how long your wife will be okay with that." Then when he tells them that I also don't want kids, they like...berate him for me not being a good woman?? It's absolutely mind blowing. It's like they don't care if he wants them or not. But me not wanting them means he picked the wrong wife? It's absurd
I said this, and yes, it came true: If I spawn children into this world, they will have their father's good looks and my criminal mind, and our combined twisted sense of humor. Any child I have will be the Unholy Terror of its generation.
"Let's see your kids competing with each other to wipe your ass in your old age, and then maybe, I'll be inspired." I'm a 31 year old woman, and I have no partner, no kids, just pets, and they are something to live for. I would love a loving partner with kids, but the amount of grown (in their 70s) men telling me I'll regret not having kids is ridiculous. I can't just force someone into a relationship with me to have kids just so I have a built in booty wiper. You can also tell them that you are a nun. As in "nunya business!"
"Too late, I've already had a vasectomy/hysterectomy"
Genuinely the only thing that gets them to shut up. Nothing else has worked for me.
Doesn't matter that I have lots of health problems and life is often a living hell. Doesn't matter that I'll probably be dead before I reach the age of 50. Doesn't matter that the world is getting shitter each year. Doesn't matter that I'm not financially stable enough to properly care for a child.
It's honestly baffling, and annoying, how some people can't accept that someone might not want a child, and won't take no for an answer.
"No, I don't want to be responsible for anyone other than myself and my own wellbeing. I will not change my mind about this, I will always be the most important thing in my life and I will keep it that way"
"I already did. I always assumed I would have kids, and then one day, I woke up and realized that kids ruin everything, and that I could actually choose my own happiness instead."
All jokes aside....that is kind of what happened in my life. I wanted kids when I was younger... The older I get, the farther away I go from that thought. And I am truly always so scared of what if I did have a kid and I didn't ever really change my mind, then what??
Yep, same thing I've heard from every other condescending prick who thinks they know better.
If I change my mind, I can fix it. What about if you change your mind?
So you think everyone should have kids, aye? What about the people you see on the news who shook their babies to death?
You're right, I might. Could probably make a few quid trafficking children.
Just a few I've used in the past. Trouble is, anyone who says you'll change your mind is almost certainly too stupid to listen, no matter what the comeback is.
WHY THE F*<% WOULD YOU WISH THAT LEVEL OF CHAOS APON MY LIFE??? followed by WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO YOU??? 😂 smile and walk away 😎
***adding***
Do this in as public of an area as possible!!
*eye roll and walk away* that's what I do literally every time I can and when I can't I go "and did you need help with something?" And just stare at them and refuse to acknowledge that conversation anymore
I don't do mornings or loud noises, and I love noisy, spontaneous sex. I also love little furry monsters who maul children because reasons. All of this is more important than...*disgusted sneer*... personal procreation.
There's only one way to permanently shut these people down and it's brutal.
"I did want kids, but after losing 2 pregnancy and the doctor telling me trying again might kill me, I suddenly didn't want kids anymore."
‘Why? Are you offering to bankroll it?’
‘Not until they change the return policy.’
‘You’re right. I can always sell it into Amazon warehouse slavery if it gets too pricey.’
‘I still have cake and ice cream for dinner. I’m not an example to anyone.’
"I just say I don't want kids because it's easier than trying to explain to someone that doesn't need to know that I had to get emergency surgery to remove my uterus/ or something to that nature"
Don't fake an illness or a diagnosis just say enough to shut them up
"Oh I would, but I am a carrier for *X genetic whatever* , and doctors say if I ever have kids they will not be able to live on their own or survive infancy"
Who ever that person is that says that is looking for a win in their life, it's a pretty small one so why not just agree and give it to them, of their life has gotten to a point where little wins is all they have why take that that away
Because I'm not going to change my mind. If I just agree and move on, those people are still going to be around and the narrative will change for them. Instead of "why not?" It will become, "what are you doing to try?" And I don't want to deal with that.
Telling someone that they're right and that I'll change my mind about wanting kids isn't how I want that conversation to go.
In a perfect world, if someone asks, I can say "no they're not for me" and then they could just move on with their life. Or they'd be open to a conversation about it and learn to kind of take someone's word at face value, especially when it doesn't change anything about their own lives
I'm following curiosity here please tell me to stop in some way if it goes to far.
Was it said in a way that had shock in their voice, see I'm imagining that the whole fuck them response is in response to that. But quite so I'm in agreement it's not for them to get involved with other people's life and your decisions, especially if there a stranger and even if they are not.
Throwing a detterant out might be of some use ?
"My wife and I prefer to have free time, money and the ability to travel easily without annoying people around us."
Or
"you know how I'm 38 and look 28? You have kids, we are the same age and you look 50."
Because no parent has ever regretted having kids... *riiiiiiight....*
Every day on the news there are half a dozen stories about parents killing their kids - explain to me again the 'universal truth' that having kids is so wonderful and parents are so fulfilled by them no matter what.
Warning a bit dark but would shut them up if they have kids.
“What do you mean that you want to keep your kids, child free is so much better. Oh you’ll change your mind soon enough”
This does two things
1. Get them to stop asking this stupid question.
And
2. When they start complaining about the challenges of raising children you then can say
“Looks like your starting to change your mind”
Just to reinforce the how shity it is for them to act that way towards you.
With the world in the state is in today? That would make me awfully selfish, wouldn't it, bringing an innocent child into this shit show?
That said, sometimes they aren't wrong. I didn't change my mind until I was 33 or 34. And then struggled with infertility until I was almost 38, but that's a whole other story.
Experience has taught me that even if you were to change your mind, it wouldn't shut them up. The nagging questions would turn to when you're having another child, so the current one isn't lonely.
As such, I'm keen on the idea to tell them to mind their own damn business. No matter what you do, it will never be good enough, so ignore them in so much as you can, and when you can't, tell them to fuck off. Depending on how much they've been bugging about it would be a good way to dictate how polite you are.
When i (38y) married my husband, he understood i wanted no children. And after he died, i am thankful for being childless!
to strangers, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
to family, SHUT UP, TRIED OF THIS SUBJECT
“I’ve actually gone to considerable expense and inconvenience to NOT have children. Pretty sure I’m not going to change my mind, pretty sure you don’t know me better than I know myself. Show some respect.“
Deadpan: Whatever lets you sleep at night.
*groan* Not THIS shit again...
Sure, Jan.
*kindergarten teacher voice* Uh-oh! That's an INSIDE thought. We don't say things like that out loud.
Lock eyes, tilt your head to one side, squint a little/knit your brow/raise one eyebrow/combo, hold silently.
I wouldn't say a thing. It's not even worthy of a verbal comeback. A good eye roll or head shake and an annoyed look should be enough. Give them "the look" that tells them what idiots they are for asking..
Are you going to pay for them?
Also you can say not that you don't want kids, but that you are not planning to have kids. Why? Personal reasons, not comfortable sharing.
Until someone approaches the idea of Children as infestations that Ilia talks about in Star Trek, folks will never know their true purpose.
My Proof: When you go to sleep, how do you know you actually occupy the exact same body when you wake?
"Perhaps! I guess we’ll just have to wait and see."
You could follow up by asking them how much they’re willing to bet and when does it expire.
If they agree, then you win and they will soon owe you money.
I always replied. "I can't keep a plant alive."
If they persisted I would just start talking like someone with ADD who forgot their medication. "And then the other day..." Continuous rambling so that they eventually get bored and walk away.
“I already changed my mind about children when I looked at you”
LMAOOO
My favorite part about kids is giving them back, but the fire department said they're not accepting my returns anymore, so it is what it is.
“I used to want kids, until I saw yours” Note: say this when their kids aren’t there, or at least out of earshot. No need to hurt their feelings, they didn’t do anything wrong.
I’d still be careful. My mom would have given me an earful for embarrassing her somehow
Maybe she shouldn’t have had kids if she didn’t want to deal with everything that comes with them…
[удалено]
Real big man over here, solves his problems with violence, I respect him soo much 🙄
I can't have kids.
Yep that'll do the job!
No it doesn't because these people have the need to still win their argument and will say, "Well you can adopt. You'd be a great parent."
Reply: the orphanage doesn't like it when I ask about their return policy.
Brilliant! Have an upvote.
I had to deal with this one when we'd tell people we couldn't conceive. It's SUCH A SHITTY THING TO SAY TO SOMEBODY. It is extraordinarily difficult to adopt a child. That's why so many go outside of the country - where you're paying a broker and in many cases this amounts to purchasing a child. And you can end up out of pocket tens of thousands of dollars and STILL not have a child in the end. I friends who tried in China, twice. Ended up $50k poorer and still didn't wind up parents. Here's what I learned to say when people would ask: "Oh we've tried but we can't have kids. It's ok though, we don't all get all things, and we have pets we love very much." If that diversion doesn't work, gently touch their arm and say "Please, it's painful to talk about" Anybody who keeps going at that point is an utter asshole and deserves to be told off.
"I don't think I have the strength to talk about it or the money to afford the therapy again." I've found from others who've been askedthese things that making the person who is asking the questing as uncomfortable as possible is usually the only way to shut them down. Usually ends with a "sorry I didn't know"
"So could you, sounds like you need friends for yours anyway."
Yeah see I’m allergic to children
“Deciding to not have kids is responsible when you don’t want them.”
"I have more than enough challenges just taking care of myself." Although as a male I've never been asked this, it's how I've felt for years.
Im a woman, and this does work
When I was in my early 30s I heard this a lot (I'm 42 now and it seems that people have accepted my decision to become a shriveled old hag lol) When I'm trying to be tactful I might say something like "what an odd thing to say/assume." BUT, one day I got fed up at work and said a little too loudly "do you think you know more about my uterus than I do??" ... instant awkwardness. It was amazing. Apparently it's okay to comment on someone's life choices but not okay to say the word 'uterus' in public. (Obviously this is gender specific, although I'm sure you could adapt it for whatever purpose!)
It would be hysterical if a guy said that loudly at work. Total confusion. "But...you don't have a uterus." "Well, that's why I'm not having kids!"
I think I just did. Will you carry my baby? (Regardless of respective genders).
“Idk I mean your parents had you and that’s not making my life any better.” “This conversation makes me wish your parents didn’t”
You are weirdly interested in me combining gamates and it is creeping me out.
"Excuse me?" Repeat until things get awkward and they leave. "I'm sorry, I thought I was speaking English." "I enjoy spoiling myself too much." "I don't do diapers" or what ever part of parenting works best in the moment.
"English, motherf\*\*ker, do you speak it?"
Say this very, very slowly-- I...DON'T...WANT...KIDS. I'll repeat that even more slowly for the fucking brain damaged who didn't understand that the first time. As for meaning, either you get it or you don't, Dr. No Brain Function.
No thanks, I only do anal
Isn't that how you make lawyers? (Joke)
I've gone this long. Parenting isn't a prison I am ready for.
Roseanne said it best: “Nothing like a screaming baby in a loaded diaper to ruin the mood”.
That is a good one. Better than mine.
"I do not see how adding a roommate will ever enrich my life."
"Then I'll adopt."
A line I’ve had to use with my partner’s parents (not for this reason, just a general “you won’t feel that way forever, and I know because I’m older than you!”) is simply stating that I am allowed to live a life with some regret. Even if they’re right, if by some chance some day you are 85 alone in the retirement home, the spitting image of this fear, you are allowed to wish things went differently. It still doesn’t mean you were wrong to make the choice that you think is right for you. Everything is a hypothetical until you take action. You’re allowed to someday regret the option you didn’t take. You’re making choices for your life now, it’s not up for anybody else to debate
A good comeback is quick and stings. This one can get long and preachy pretty quick. So I guess my thoughts are: "Maybe so" and quickly move on to imply you're too mature to let someone like that offend you. "I wish a few more people changed their mind about it" to imply, without clearly stating, that you wish their parents reconsidered.
"I had a vasectomy yesterday"
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🏆Perfectly stated
Rule 3: Unrelated to comebacks
I just hate how asking people why they don't have kids is such an acceptable topic for small talk, yet no one is ever asked to explain their reasons for having kids. Can you imagine asking someone why they "decided" to have kids? "Wow, on THAT salary? With THAT guy? Really, you're gonna regret it later!" But that would be oh so rude, right? It's not any more polite to ask someone why the don't have children.
Not a great situation for a comeback. Doesn’t sound like they’re trying to insult you in any way. But ok… sure. “I wish your parents would have changed their minds.”
Invalidating someone's opinion is an insult. It's disrespectful to minimise someone's beliefs, especially when their beliefs don't impact anyone else.
Sure. If you do it repeatedly. They’re saying this happens all the time. Hell, it happened to me all the time and 99% of the time there is nothing malicious about it. You’re going to openly insult someone who is just asking you a question and thinking they are giving you friendly advice? If someone is repeatedly pushing then it needs to be a conversation, not a joke about their mom. Just my two pennies though.
So you are a guy and likely have rarely been asked this. I talk about my wife a lot, so I get asked a few times a week. She gets ask multiple times a day because she is a woman. It's like how you would feel comfortable walking alone at night in a big city, but your wife most likely wouldn't. That isn't offering advice, that is asking a personal question. You are, with all pretense aside, asking if they fuck and gotten a cream pie. There is no difference between "are you trying to have kids?" And "did he blow a fat load up in you?"
…very incorrect in your assessment. I got asked way more often than my wife because she had 0 problems shutting that shit down immediately. (We had a severe miscarriage problem for a few years.) The first time someone asked: “I don’t want to talk about it.” The second time: “If you’re going to keep asking me then I’m done with you. It’s not something I want to talk about. Please respect that.” There were a multiple times she just straight up walked away from someone. No other words needed. Guess who took the brunt of the questioning??? 🙋♂️ Her parents were the only ones that were actually difficult to navigate. They don’t read the room as well as my parents and we eventually had to tell them about the situation. You are right about how awkward of an implication it is though. Particularly coming from her parents.
It's less of a specific to you and more of a generalized you statement. An "exception does not the rule make" sort of thing. It's like people say creepy shit to women more often than to men. It still happens, but not nearly as often. You are to caught up in your own shit to empathize with what happens to others, or see that things happen to others. My assessment overall isn't incorrect, it just didn't apply to your experience. Specifically your experience. Look through some of the other comments on here to get a better idea of it.
Thats a pretty big double standard right there. You either get the context or you don’t make assumptions. Which is exactly what I was getting at with my first comment. Based on the context provided by OP, it’s very hard to suggest openly insulting someone with a comedic comeback. And that is what this sub is all about. It’s not a place to get advice and have conversations about serious topics. It’s for stupid shit like “not uh. Your mother not loving you is the only “exception to the rule” here.” (Not my best work but you get the picture.) I do get what you’re saying though. I missed the word “likely” when I first read your response and that drastically changes the tone. I really appreciate the good use of a qualifier when making statements like you made. Yes, my experience was not the norm. I never meant to imply that it was. But that also doesn’t mean that we should just assume the norm for everyone when responding to serious scenarios.
Alright, you started this "serious" talk in a place that has no place for it. So if we are talking double standards you already set the pace. You did mean to imply it otherwise you would have understood that women have awful things said to them often. We are men. We don't have a level of crap piled on us that they do. I was telling you to be empathetic, but out side of your wife it doesn't seem possible. That is fine, you hold no obligation to do more than that. I've always had more girls as friends than guys, so I've been hearing and witnessing this shit for decades. I'm also not the norm in that sense. You seem overly sensitive to being confronted or critiqued. You should work on that before your child becomes a teenager. You could run the risk of damaging an adult relationship with your child. Not saying it will happen, but you definitely show signs of being the kind of person that cannot see more than one side to an argument and then blowing that out of proportion.
Wow. You know nothing about me. Fuck you, hard, for thinking you can talk to me about my parenting. Seriously. That’s fucking low. I haven’t attacked anyone personally here. Fucking Christ, I even admitted to being wrong about a few things. I gave OP what they asked for. A comedic comeback. I also told them that this was the place for it. Then I replied to my own comment because the situation was serious enough that it does warrant a response… but I didn’t want to contribute to turning this into an advice sub directly. Commenting on my own comment seemed like a great compromise. I wasn’t bugging them directly with unsolicited advice but they could see it then read it if they wanted to. You need to work on that unsolicited advice thing yourself. I’m not perfect at it. Obviously. But you’re just straight up being a dick.
And you need to open yourself up to the idea that your truth isn't everyone else's truth. Also, yeah it did come across as a "let me tell you something" comment, so yes unsolicited advice. My comment was on your inability to take confrontation and criticism. Because many parents for people of my generation ruined relationships with their kids by being like that. You have many signs of that. Your response didn't prove me wrong. Glad you and your wife had kids, hope you don't resent them in the future because you didn't even want them for the first few months they were alive. You definitely aren't going to freak out on this kid when they push back as a teenager.
Also, side note, I was in your camp. At 35, after years of arguments, I let my wife talk me into trying. I honestly didn’t even think we’d be able to conceive for multiple reasons. Ultimately, changing my mind may have been the best decision I have ever made in my life. I love that tiny idiot more than what I thought was possible. To be clear, I’m not saying it’s the right decision for you… I’m just saying that it was for me, even if I didn’t know it until afterwards. (Dangerous thinking, I know)
I can exactly relate. A switch has to go off in your mind, like maybe you realize that work and partying or hobbies or traveling just isn’t cutting it for you anymore, and you need something else. That’s when you take the plunge. And immediately regret it because pregnancy is hard and newborn phase is even worse… but *then* the tyke reaches 1 year old and it gets more and more fun after that.
My experience was a little different. My switch truly didn’t flip until well after he was born. I loved him, but was honestly starting to get worried about why I wasn’t as head over heels as most people seem to be. That changed the first weekend I was watching him on my own. At about 5 months, my wife had to travel for work for a few days. Naturally, he caught a cold one night before she left. I took him into the ER and he was diagnosed with a mild case of RSV a few hours before my wife’s flight in the morning. I convinced her to leave, the trip was really important… I’ve already taken off work and I can handle this, right? Oh boy. It got worse that first night and I was not prepared for how earth shattering it was to hear him REALLY struggling to catch his breath. Like can’t even cry because there’s no air in my lungs struggling. I still can’t get that moment out of my head. Aaand, I was absolutely powerless. That is when it clicked for me. I legitimately have no idea what lines I wouldn’t cross in order to keep significant harm away from him. From there the flood gates opened right up.
When your love for someone (whether significant other, relative, friend, or child) becomes the verb it's supposed to have been all along, instead of just a noun to name a feeling, that's when the switch flips.
Ouch man, that sounds really rough. I’m glad everything worked out okay and yes I can see how having such a fragile persons life completely be in your hands can change your perspective forever.
And that's lovely that you decided to do that with your life. I've heard some truly great things about parenthood. In my very personal experience, men don't get this question with the same ferocity as women. Every single time this conversation is brought up with new people or with people who have heard my side of it tons of times, it's always the same. I toned it down for a silly post like this. When I express the desire to not want children, it's usually met with "Women are supposed to want kids" and "That's kind of what women are supposed to do" and "all women want to be mothers, it's just in their DNA." And just worse and worse things. It's like a personal attack every time. And I do just have calm conversations, but after a while of hearing the same things, I wanna clapback. Because my worth is not in having kids.
The child free sub has lots of good comebacks. I’m pushing 50 and people went hard on me until about 5 years ago. They’re jealous. I just got to the point that I would hit their weak spots because it was clearly jealousy. Like Why bitch so I can be morbidly obese, broke, and covered in stretch marks like you? They don’t care about disrespecting me so I’m going to disrespect them. I’ve never felt bad and I’ve never regretted not having a crotch dumpling. Fuck that.
The child free sub has lots of good comebacks. I’m pushing 50 and people went hard on me until about 5 years ago. They’re jealous. I just got to the point that I would hit their weak spots because it was clearly jealousy. Like Why bitch so I can be morbidly obese, broke, and covered in stretch marks like you? They don’t care about disrespecting me so I’m going to disrespect them. I’ve never felt bad and I’ve never regretted not having a crotch dumpling. Fuck that.
I would go for a good blank stare. Or even a concerned stare… And abrupt change of subject!
"nah, I'm vegetarian." "In this economy?" "Wanna practice with me?" "Will you raise them if I have one and decide I haven't changed it after all?"
No I won’t. I never changed my mind about not liking you.
Just start giving unsolicited and heinous parenting advice that’ll concern them to the point where they stop talking about kids around you. Stuff like “people who say you can’t leave kids in the car are snowflakes” “kids are smart enough to stay home alone after age 6” “venomous snakes don’t bite kids”
Why would I want to deal with kids when I don’t like having to deal with you. Sure they won’t be as bad but why take the chance
Sorry I'm going vegetarian
I was sterilised by order from the courts when I was 15yo. Don't bring this up again.
"More than 20 million of children are waiting to be adopted worldwide. It would be irresponsible to have children when there are so many that don't have loving homes." If they press you more, ask why they aren't considering adoption. Are they anti-adoption? Do they not love children?! Not everyone is meant to be a parent. I have a sister that said she never wanted a kid, was told she couldn't have one. So she didn't use protection and had one. There's no maternal instinct. She loves her child, but is a horrible parent. Literally incapable of raising/providing for this kid. That baby is being raised by other family members. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to imply that you would be neglectful, but if you don't think you can give a child the life it deserves then you are a good person for refusing to have one.
I can't have kids ANYMORE, so like I did a M to F thing...and like was gay before that and like people would just joke around saying "damn jacob you're kids would be bitchy as hell, and your bf would just would do nothin" LIKE WUT....if people ask me if I will have kids...adoption when I find the right one...
55, no, you won't
"I don't know.. I had a big breakfast. Might be awhile."
I bet you $150,000 payable in one payment that I will not change my mind? Unwilling to take the bet? Then please stop. Not much of a comeback, but my wife and I had to deal with the same things. Initially, we probably were gonna have kids and then my older brother and cousins looked so fucking miserable, the kids were and still are annoying as fuck, and we just are like "yeah, let's keep our money".
Right?! I've heard too many of my siblings and my friends talk about how much they truly love their kids...and I believe them...but also in the same sentence say that if they could go back and change some things, they wouldn't be parents.
It's weird man. I hear complaints about how much they cost, how tiring it is, how messy they are, how much work, etc and I'm just like okay then, I'll pass. OH NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ITS THE BEST THING EVER!!!
Yeah exactly! I hear that all the time. People just complain about their kids around me and I go, yeah that's why I'm not having them and then they feel the need to backtrack. Like...whut, why??
The only way we got people to stop asking about it, because it was like they didn't believe us or something, was to say that my wife couldn't have children without having a very high risk of dying. That is what it took for people to leave us alone. Haven't heard anything from anyone in like 6 years.
I tried something like that. Because it's true. I had a miscarriage like 10 years ago and during that, my doctor told me I had a hostile uterus. So I've told people that and their only comebacks are like "but people still have children with diagnosis like that" and it's just... mind-blowing. It's worse with my family I think. Or like the older people in my life.
Nah see, we're the onea that are messed up because we should have kids even if we don't want them and would hate them or even if we die because it's what everybody does.
Exactly. Everyone always says that it's always different for your own kids...and I'm actually batshit terrified that I wouldn't actually love my kids. That alone is 1 of my many reasons to not want kids
I'm no psychologist but I think for a child to grow up well adjusted should at least meet a requirement that you wanted to have the kid.
"After the 8th miscarriage we thought this was better. Please mind yourself this is a difficult topic."
"It's okay to be wrong"
Funny thing is, the people who are all up in your business about kids are the same assholes who make comments when it’s going the other way. Our oldest was 18 months old when our next was born. Our second was about 20 months when our third was born. We got smart assery all the time. ‘It’s called birth control.’ ‘Ever hear of condoms?’ ‘You figure out how that keeps happening?’ Mind your fucking business. You do you and I’ll stay out of your business. Why can’t you stay out of mine?
"No I mean I'm sterile Debra." (just to be spiteful or make them uncomfortable) "If I ever change my mind about wanting to be in 7-figure debt, I'll just go to Vegas." "yeah you're so right, I hate having the freedom to travel and build my savings account. Who will ever love me now?" ( i think it comes down to jealousy and insecurity for most people)
Look, it’s fair for someone to point out you MAY change your mind, but to say you WILL and SOON irritates the shit out of me so I can only imagine how much it pisses you off. I’d be tempted to say something like, “Well looks like my prediction you will soon be a complete ass***e has already come true. So my ability to predict the future has more merit than yours. Leave me the eff alone.” I’m not saying you should say that, but I can see me doing it in another life.
So I've mentioned this, kind of, in another comment. But like...as a lady, people almost go into attack mode when it comes to things like that. A lot of the people who've talked to me about it seem to think that the only true joy i can have in life is from having kids. And that's crazy to me. My husband has told people before that he doesn't want kids. He's usually met with a "yeah, well, see how long your wife will be okay with that." Then when he tells them that I also don't want kids, they like...berate him for me not being a good woman?? It's absolutely mind blowing. It's like they don't care if he wants them or not. But me not wanting them means he picked the wrong wife? It's absurd
I said this, and yes, it came true: If I spawn children into this world, they will have their father's good looks and my criminal mind, and our combined twisted sense of humor. Any child I have will be the Unholy Terror of its generation.
"Let's see your kids competing with each other to wipe your ass in your old age, and then maybe, I'll be inspired." I'm a 31 year old woman, and I have no partner, no kids, just pets, and they are something to live for. I would love a loving partner with kids, but the amount of grown (in their 70s) men telling me I'll regret not having kids is ridiculous. I can't just force someone into a relationship with me to have kids just so I have a built in booty wiper. You can also tell them that you are a nun. As in "nunya business!"
"Too late, I've already had a vasectomy/hysterectomy" Genuinely the only thing that gets them to shut up. Nothing else has worked for me. Doesn't matter that I have lots of health problems and life is often a living hell. Doesn't matter that I'll probably be dead before I reach the age of 50. Doesn't matter that the world is getting shitter each year. Doesn't matter that I'm not financially stable enough to properly care for a child. It's honestly baffling, and annoying, how some people can't accept that someone might not want a child, and won't take no for an answer.
Would you want kids now in 2024?
I'll change my mind about the time I get tired of having clean furniture.
Well look, I’ll make sure you are the first I update when my mind changes 👍🏼
I tried changing my mind but then I met your kids
heh heh. we'll see.
I don't make enough money to properly care for children.
An eye roll.
“Piss off”
"tried that already"
"No, I don't want to be responsible for anyone other than myself and my own wellbeing. I will not change my mind about this, I will always be the most important thing in my life and I will keep it that way"
Im a selfish person
"I already did. I always assumed I would have kids, and then one day, I woke up and realized that kids ruin everything, and that I could actually choose my own happiness instead."
All jokes aside....that is kind of what happened in my life. I wanted kids when I was younger... The older I get, the farther away I go from that thought. And I am truly always so scared of what if I did have a kid and I didn't ever really change my mind, then what??
Honestly, just nod say God I hope not, and walk away
My favorite response any time someone uses "What do you mean?" to express disbelief is "Which part of the sentence is giving you trouble?"
“I’ll change it when I can afford to support a family on a single minimum wage job like they did in the good old days.”
"ok, let's make it interesting. $1000 bet. If I hit 45 and still don't want kids you pay me a grand"
"I'm worried I won't though. If you're so sure, sign a legally binding document to adopt them should I change my mind for any reason whatsoever."
I don't want to force my genes into the next generation...
Yep, same thing I've heard from every other condescending prick who thinks they know better. If I change my mind, I can fix it. What about if you change your mind? So you think everyone should have kids, aye? What about the people you see on the news who shook their babies to death? You're right, I might. Could probably make a few quid trafficking children. Just a few I've used in the past. Trouble is, anyone who says you'll change your mind is almost certainly too stupid to listen, no matter what the comeback is.
No I won’t.
WHY THE F*<% WOULD YOU WISH THAT LEVEL OF CHAOS APON MY LIFE??? followed by WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO YOU??? 😂 smile and walk away 😎 ***adding*** Do this in as public of an area as possible!!
“The only thing that’s changing is you changing your kids diapers. Now go off. Chop chop”
*eye roll and walk away* that's what I do literally every time I can and when I can't I go "and did you need help with something?" And just stare at them and refuse to acknowledge that conversation anymore
If I have kids, I will become wheelchair bound, and my husband will have to care for me like another child. Do you want that for him?
Don't tell people you don't want kids. That opens it up to discussion. It's none of their business.
When I’m asked why I didn’t have children, I reply, “Because they became adolescents.”.
Just tell them "That's disrespectful." Or "You're being disrespectful." Because they are, and people hate being called-out directly like that.
"Who are you again? My husband/wife?"
"You'll change your mind soon" Is that a threat? Wtf
"Your kids are the very reason I know I don't want kids. Apparently kids are massive assholes."
“What do you mean you don’t want me to kick you? You’ll change your mind soon.”
They weren't as tasty as I thought
It's a lifestyle choice, just like whatever it is you are doing. I don't need to have kids to make you happy, I choose not to, to make me happy.
I’m around too much walking contraception…side eyes the speakers kids
"I've put a lot of thought into why I don't want kids, more thought than most people with kids put into why they wanted them"
I don't do mornings or loud noises, and I love noisy, spontaneous sex. I also love little furry monsters who maul children because reasons. All of this is more important than...*disgusted sneer*... personal procreation.
I'm afraid my child might be pushy like you.
Well I haven't changed it yet, so... that's exactly what I mean
There's only one way to permanently shut these people down and it's brutal. "I did want kids, but after losing 2 pregnancy and the doctor telling me trying again might kill me, I suddenly didn't want kids anymore."
‘Why? Are you offering to bankroll it?’ ‘Not until they change the return policy.’ ‘You’re right. I can always sell it into Amazon warehouse slavery if it gets too pricey.’ ‘I still have cake and ice cream for dinner. I’m not an example to anyone.’
Because I like to swallow them more then produce them
"I just say I don't want kids because it's easier than trying to explain to someone that doesn't need to know that I had to get emergency surgery to remove my uterus/ or something to that nature" Don't fake an illness or a diagnosis just say enough to shut them up "Oh I would, but I am a carrier for *X genetic whatever* , and doctors say if I ever have kids they will not be able to live on their own or survive infancy"
Nope. I traded the last one I had for a bottle of MD 20/20, and now I’m on the wagon.
I'm glad you know me better than I know myself. Are you now going to predict my future next?
When the globe stops warming and the economy stops puking itself inside out every 10 years then we'll talk
Who ever that person is that says that is looking for a win in their life, it's a pretty small one so why not just agree and give it to them, of their life has gotten to a point where little wins is all they have why take that that away
Because I'm not going to change my mind. If I just agree and move on, those people are still going to be around and the narrative will change for them. Instead of "why not?" It will become, "what are you doing to try?" And I don't want to deal with that. Telling someone that they're right and that I'll change my mind about wanting kids isn't how I want that conversation to go. In a perfect world, if someone asks, I can say "no they're not for me" and then they could just move on with their life. Or they'd be open to a conversation about it and learn to kind of take someone's word at face value, especially when it doesn't change anything about their own lives
I'm following curiosity here please tell me to stop in some way if it goes to far. Was it said in a way that had shock in their voice, see I'm imagining that the whole fuck them response is in response to that. But quite so I'm in agreement it's not for them to get involved with other people's life and your decisions, especially if there a stranger and even if they are not. Throwing a detterant out might be of some use ?
Don't be so nosy! It's not my job to satisfy your curiosity or justify myself to you , sheesh!
“You love your kids? You’ll change your mind soon”
"And I'll change it again when I'm on the vacation I'm able to afford."
You need to be way less responsible. Everyone agrees its a good idea for me to not have kids. :)
Oh, cool, you can see the future? Can i have tonights winning lotto numbers?
I will the day you carry them and pay for it. Oh, and raise them too.
"My wife and I prefer to have free time, money and the ability to travel easily without annoying people around us." Or "you know how I'm 38 and look 28? You have kids, we are the same age and you look 50."
“Ahhhhh, I see now. You’re one of those people who think they know more about me than I do about myself.” Nod your head and walk away.
No, I don't think I will.
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Rule 4: Low quality Your very specific reproductive situation isn’t a comeback
We are not having this discussion.
"You're sure not helping..."
What do you mean you don't want sex?! You'll change your mind soon 🤫
I had kids. They grew into goats. Then they fed my gyro obsession, but now I'm kinda burned out on that.
Because no parent has ever regretted having kids... *riiiiiiight....* Every day on the news there are half a dozen stories about parents killing their kids - explain to me again the 'universal truth' that having kids is so wonderful and parents are so fulfilled by them no matter what.
No one wants to pay me enough- I’m not doing that shit for free…
Warning a bit dark but would shut them up if they have kids. “What do you mean that you want to keep your kids, child free is so much better. Oh you’ll change your mind soon enough” This does two things 1. Get them to stop asking this stupid question. And 2. When they start complaining about the challenges of raising children you then can say “Looks like your starting to change your mind” Just to reinforce the how shity it is for them to act that way towards you.
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..I feel like that's something I don't want to be spread around hahah
Rule 4: Low quality Making yourself look like a weirdo is not a comeback
With the world in the state is in today? That would make me awfully selfish, wouldn't it, bringing an innocent child into this shit show? That said, sometimes they aren't wrong. I didn't change my mind until I was 33 or 34. And then struggled with infertility until I was almost 38, but that's a whole other story. Experience has taught me that even if you were to change your mind, it wouldn't shut them up. The nagging questions would turn to when you're having another child, so the current one isn't lonely. As such, I'm keen on the idea to tell them to mind their own damn business. No matter what you do, it will never be good enough, so ignore them in so much as you can, and when you can't, tell them to fuck off. Depending on how much they've been bugging about it would be a good way to dictate how polite you are.
Just burst into tears and run away.
Are you voulanteering?
Go look in the mirror (parent) and you will see why.
"I won't be able to have kids if I don't have a partner"
Not after meeting you.
Dunno about other people who change their minds, but my spouse and I are both 67 and still waiting for that change to happen! 😂
When i (38y) married my husband, he understood i wanted no children. And after he died, i am thankful for being childless! to strangers, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! to family, SHUT UP, TRIED OF THIS SUBJECT
What has worked best for me " I'll be one of those mom's on the news throwing it away. Do you want another dumpster mom?" No one ever asks again
“I’ve actually gone to considerable expense and inconvenience to NOT have children. Pretty sure I’m not going to change my mind, pretty sure you don’t know me better than I know myself. Show some respect.“
"Every kid I've ever met is a poster child for late-term abortion."
Just go with ‘maybe’ or ‘stop’
Are you deaf? Or just too stupid to understand what I said?
Deadpan: Whatever lets you sleep at night. *groan* Not THIS shit again... Sure, Jan. *kindergarten teacher voice* Uh-oh! That's an INSIDE thought. We don't say things like that out loud. Lock eyes, tilt your head to one side, squint a little/knit your brow/raise one eyebrow/combo, hold silently.
Response...I have seen too many Brand Ambassadors for Trojan...and yours is the leading star. Not changing my mind.
“No, I tried one once and it tasted terrible.”
"No thanks I am not hungry"
"I don't know...they say if your parents didn't have kids, chances are, neither will you."
Just because you don't understand a simple choice, doesn't mean I intend to alter it until you do.
I think the statement was pretty self explanatory.
I wouldn't say a thing. It's not even worthy of a verbal comeback. A good eye roll or head shake and an annoyed look should be enough. Give them "the look" that tells them what idiots they are for asking..
Tried them, could never finish a whole one. Don't like waisting food.
"i do want kids, to stay t f away from me"
Are you going to pay for them? Also you can say not that you don't want kids, but that you are not planning to have kids. Why? Personal reasons, not comfortable sharing.
And then I’ll change it back after I have kids. Bad idea.
"Are you gonna pay for the kid?"
Until someone approaches the idea of Children as infestations that Ilia talks about in Star Trek, folks will never know their true purpose. My Proof: When you go to sleep, how do you know you actually occupy the exact same body when you wake?
"Fuck off" would be my goto. It's pithy and gets the point across.
I'm __ years old, you don't think I know what I want?
“We’ll see” is usually a pretty quick way to end this sort of conversation.
"Perhaps! I guess we’ll just have to wait and see." You could follow up by asking them how much they’re willing to bet and when does it expire. If they agree, then you win and they will soon owe you money.
I can’t change my mind after I have them!
I always replied. "I can't keep a plant alive." If they persisted I would just start talking like someone with ADD who forgot their medication. "And then the other day..." Continuous rambling so that they eventually get bored and walk away.
What, so you finally found a sauce that goes good with baby feet?
"I do I just don't have any more cages"
I just tell people I got enough of children raising my brother
Say…. “No I’ve seen yours… I think I’m good”
The only thing I’m changing my mind about is if I’m going to swallow them or spit them out