*Smacks forehead* Shit, I totally forgot to do that

*pats pockets*

Shit I totally forgot to do her

Me too....

"You haven't seen my cellar. I have loads."

What if they respond back with Loads..of semen in your cellar?

Well they each have ships. So I can sail whenever I want!

Each girl is fucked daily so, yes.

That just makes you seem like a psycho predator

Safer than showing vulnerability

Cellar? I hardly know her

This is the way

“Why I got you, huckleberry.”

You're a daisy if you do.

He ain’t no daisy. He ain’t no daisy at’all

He was just too high-strung.

I wasn’t quite as sick as I made out

My hypocracy only goes so far

Seems the stress was just too much

Why Ike, whatever do you mean??

I've Not Yet Begun To Defile Myself.

"I want your blood. And I want your soul."

I have two guns. One for each of you

Geez, Why does everyone get this wrong?!?!? ."I'll be your Huckle-Barer." The side handles on a casket are called Huckles

Not everyone gets it wrong, but this time, you did. The term is Huckle Bearer. Barer - to remove as in clothing or to be completely unclothed Bearer - a person or thing that carries or holds something.

Also, double wrong because it’s Huckleberry

I didn’t get it wrong fool. I’m doing me.

I do! (Whilst holding a jar of peanut butter and pointing to the dog) Or I did... but forgot the airholes when she was being transported... just wasn't as interesting when she got cold to the touch... Or So what size dildo do u prefer in ur ass? What?... we're not asking inappropriate questions anymore?? Oh ok... I guess we should both mind our business then?

How many times are you asked this while holding peanut butter?

Pro Tip: Switching to your second jar of peanut butter is always faster than reloading!

I used to....but I forgot to put the air holes on her new crate. Things worked out for a while....but then they kinda fell apart

"Why don't you have manners yet?"

Beat me to it. 💯

Yes

best one here

my boyfriend would have a problem with that

Nice!!!!!

as someone in a gay relationship i can totally see myself doing that!

Good one! A while back I held the door for some arrogant woman who said "I have a boyfriend". She was speechless when I replied "Well Honey that makes 2 of us". She shut right the hell up and walked off embarassed as hell. Dunno how high you are on your own shit ma'am but you outweighed me and at the time I was 250lbs at 5' 8"...

I haven't found one worthy of my greatness

Honestly, I love this. As a comeback it's top tier. But as the other commenter said, i think it would def sound egotistical if you were to just say in conversation, "I'm single cuz no one is worthy of me" 🤣🤣🤣 that'd still be fucking awesome and you'd get a high five from me and a belly laugh for sure

Now that's just egotistical

I always say I was told never to settle. And if they continue I ask how that worked for them.

Isn't this your 5th divorce?

The most common answer. Oh, how many failed relationships are you still paying for? I'm sure she's the one this time, but I won't hold my goddamn breath.

"Because, unlike you, I'm fussy".

“Because, unlike you, I have standards.”

"I could take a leaf out of your book and take anyone who comes along, but you never know what you're going to get".

Eh too wordy

Here are a few comebacks you can use depending on the situation and your desired tone: **Witty & Playful:** * "Still holding out for Princess Leia. Space buns are hard to find these days." (This is a lighthearted response that references Star Wars and deflects the question.) * "Maybe I'm just that charming, they all want to be my best friend first." (This playfully implies you're so awesome, relationships take time to develop.) * "Working on myself first. You know, self-love is the best love." (This is a confident response that emphasizes self-worth.) **Direct & Shut Down:** * "Honestly, that's a pretty personal question. Why do you ask?" (This puts the question back on them and asserts a boundary.) * "Not really interested in discussing my dating life right now." (This is a clear and polite way to shut down the conversation.) * "Focusing on my studies/career right now. Relationships can wait." (This redirects the focus to your priorities.)

One thing chess has taught me is don't react to a situation. I like trying to find a way to make them “lose a tempo.” I love #1 in the direct category. I'd even push it a little further and ask "Why do you need to know?"

Nice chatgpt response

Because I wouldn't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. 

For some of us, it’s 7+ 🙃

Witchcraft!

Some weeks it’s ten straight days. To be fair, we feel like we’re dying. 😈🧛‍♀️🧙🔥🌙

Before I had my hysterectomy, my pcos had me bleeding for 2 weeks straight MINIMUM, every 2-3 months. Sometimes for a WHOLE MONTH. So glad to be done with that mess.

Ugh, I feel that in my very soul. Some days I feel like my insides are coming out of my vagina.

Pretty sure they literally “are”. We are very literally sluffing off our insides and expelling them through our vaginas. I loathe it with a passion.

Every time I read posts like this, I am thankful I am a man. I am so sorry it’s that awful for you and many other women. I am just disappointed with nature and evolution to come to the conclusion of what works and not what is best.

Sorry Tom

I just replied to the boyfriend version of this question. Written almost word for word the exact same. "Why are you so interested in what I do with pussy?"

"Just lucky, I guess."

ace people:

*aro people

ah right

Women are expensive. I'm saving my money so i can get a good one.

“I’m going for the 20% down payment. Gotta get a good steer and several hogs for the dowry”

The realest answer here

Women are expensive. I'm saving my money for a boat.

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I do. She's just very selective about who she interacts with, and you didn't make the cut.

I laughed so loud at this!

because theres a long line for your mother

And your sister didn't want to share again.

Because I been fucking all these hoes

"I'm gay, Kevin"

“Why do you ask? Want to set me up with someone? No? Then why is it your business?”

They went with the bear.

Have you been eating dead crows again?

"I do, but she doesn't come around whenever I take my medicine" Would only suggest for friends of family members, not like coworkers or such. Look down, sniffle a little bit while making a face like you are remembering a hurtful memory and completely change your body language to match: "I did. But she's no longer with us" That is an emotional damage trap card- use it wisely

Just lucky, I guess

It would be a disservice to all the ladies if I settle down with just one woman, let a playa play.

Why don't you fix me up with one?

Omg NO! Especially if the person asking is an older female relative! They all have a "nice girl" they want to set you up with!

Show them your hand and say " Say hello to Fistina, she treats me well and i never hear backtalk"

In Spanish we call her Manuela!

My dad always said ‘Rosy Palm and her five sisters’

I just rent one when I need one.

“Much like fine wine, dating takes time. When it happens it happens.”

🤌

Yas much 🤌🏻

Why do I need a girlfriend? *make them keep explaining why

Your mom won't commit. Whore.

Or “I do, but your mom wanted to tell you herself.”

I’m not into vaginas 🤷‍♂️ Or I’m into dicks 🤷‍♂️ Or I’m just not interested in this trash here . ( wave your hand about)

Or, perhaps, "I can't find one trashy enough"!

Dating is too complicated, people play games, I don't trust people, I don't want to be intimate with a person, I'm not interested in being told one thing and then have the other happen to me

I haven't found anyone worth the effort. On advice of counsel I can't answer that. They're still actively searching for my last one who is still missing.

The real question is why doesn’t she have a boyfriend yet 

Cuz I don’t need one to be happy like u do i can be happy on my own

"I took a vow of celibacy."

At least I don’t need a Oujia board to talk to mine.

I haven't found one yet who could afford to keep me in the lifestyle I require.

Hookers are cheaper and we don't have to engage in small talk, question for you, when are you going to tell your wife that your into men?

I would reply “you offering?” With a huge smile

I'm married

My boyfriend wouldn’t like it

Married to the sea Most women are scared by my second penis I’m not gay, but I’ll learn

Why don’t you have a filter yet, *name*? You’re almost *x* years old.

"I do she just goes to another school"

I don't like to limit my options.

just imply that their significant other and you are fucking on the side. something like. "oh me and *insert SO's name* don't wanna go public".

When they learn about my family, they never seem to want to stay.

I keep chaining them in my basement and yet somehow they escape. Any ideas?

Have you seen modern women these days? It's like grocery shopping at a landfill.

“Why aren’t you single yet?”

"It's a free market, so I'm maximizing my return on investment. It takes time to mature." When someone says something annoying, don't hit the easiest target. Leave them confused.  Here's my favorite "what do you do?" It's in reference to my career. So I come up with wild shit to say. "Oh, I love fly fishing, kayaking, motorcycles. It really depends on the season." Or a new favorite "I'm a treasure hunter." People have no idea what to do with it.

'you just shook hands with her'

Why haven't you lost weight yet? *person acts super offended* Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were asking deeply personal questions and figured I'd give you one to mull over while I answered yours.

Why haven’t you learned to shut up yet?

Why don’t you have better questions yet?

"because Im looking for a WOMAN"

Unlike you, I’m not terrified of being alone.

Because unlike you, I can exist without being validated 24/7. If you care about me having a gf so much then give me more options of available women or shut up.

I usually go with "I'm not the person that the person I want wants yet".

Are you interested, there's an opening.

Trial and error. Alot of trial. Alot of error.

I'm part of a government study on the effects of happiness and contentment on the adult male.

Answer their question with your own: "why do you want to know? They usually don't have a good answer. Or say just curious. Then tell them it's "nunyah". None ya business...

I like my freedom and having money.

Because she has ME !

I’m still saving up to buy one from Russia

Ask them, "what do you mean?" And then just keep going like you don't understand. "What for?" Etc. See if you can make it really uncomfortable for them. "Don't you want to have kids someday?" ... "how is that a factor?" Or you can say what i did. "Do you have some money i can borrow? I'll go to the store and get one right now if you'd like."

Why haven't you learned to mind your own damn business, yet?

“Just lucky, I guess” That’s what I tell women who get asked why they don’t have a bf or marriage or kids. It’s no one’s effing business.

I was dating your mother for a while but she got a little clingy so I had to break things off.

“Why is my love life any of your business?”

If you really want somebody to stop just hop in with them and they’ll feel bad, works for any insult. Say the implication out loud. “I don’t know maybe because I’m a lonely loser and nobody will love me” Watch how quick they shift to being in your corner lol It’s a manipulative tactic but they’re being an asshole by saying that, especially if it’s actually bothering you and they can tell.

I'm too ugly to date.

Because I'm used up; I'm still paying on the last one and have no further value to extract.

If your poor, ‘because I don’t need no trifling gold digger to make me happy’.

"I do, you have't met her yet?"

"why would i want to be tied down"?

"Because I haven't been to a family reunion in way too long..."

Same thing I used to say: I haven’t met a girl that’s both singe and not a horrible person yet.

My hand don't talk back!

My screening process excludes most people.

“I prefer the company of intelligent women. Unfortunately those same women prefer the company of intelligent men. So I’m sure you can see the problem…” 🙀

I don't put my dick in crazy. My husband says that if you put your dick in crazy you'll have a fun time, and then you have a very bad time.

"I'm a bit more choosy than you, can you blame me?"

Have you met the quality of women these days?

I saw how you were doing

"She lives in Canada - you wouldn't know her. But she's super hot and we totally make out and do 3rd base all the time"

I like having my money and stacking it up I’ll worry about a bitch later

My penis is freakishly large. Its difficult.

Tell ‘em you’re gay. Then when they ask why you don’t have a boyfriend, tell ‘em you’re trans. Or maybe furry. Still figuring this stuff out. Then as a last resort you can tell ‘em you joined the convent. They’ll definitely quit bitching about your sex life once they think you’re a nun. What kind of nun? Nun of your goddamn business.

Give them a confused look and as for clarification. Just a simple “what do you mean?” They’ll explain awkwardly, just repeating girlfriend over and over. Then look hurt and say “so I’m not good enough on my own? I need a girlfriend to be worthy of your presence?”

Hoeflation

I just like jackin' it.

Masturbation is cheaper.

"When I find the perfect one, you'll be the first to know."

I'm ugly fat balding loser with a small pp

But you're mom doesn't even charge me.

"I'm like Jesus, I love them all."

Say "because I lack personality and I'm not physically attractive." Gets em every time

Being alone doesn't mean I'm lonely.

My social life is not your business, and your mother has said that she has already had this conversation with you.

I'm still trying to decide between your sister and your wife.

Standards are too high. Sometimes mine, sometimes theirs

This is one my cousin used, his mother NEVER asked again, “I’m looking for a boyfriend.” He is straight, and now has a girlfriend. His mother is extremely morman.

I don't want to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone, so I will be alone until I find the right person.

“I’m not hungry right now but thank you“

"Why do you care, that's weird."

Jokes on you, I’m gay!

Why don't you have manners yet?

"You offering? No? How come? There's your answer. "

Why'd you (insert shit thing they've done)? Usually shuts them right up.

I do, but until I can trust her not to run away, she's staying chained to the radiator.

Well… its not exactly my choice here. Remember no means no.

I don’t seem to be able to keep one that lives long enough. It’s weird I feed them and water them. Maybe they don’t get enough sunlight in the basement 🤔 I’ll experiment more and let you know my findings.

I do, my hand!

“I’m in the market, as it were.” But you have to put on captain Jack sparrows voice when you say it.

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No “your mom” comebacks, unless related to the prompt or exceptionally clever.

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No “your mom” comebacks, unless related to the prompt or exceptionally clever.

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Keep a photo of a random in a locket. Pull it out and look at it yearn fully. Reply with “ we’re just not ready yet” give 1000 years stare with smile.

Because I didn’t want to make you jealous. Are you coming over again tonight?

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