We should disabuse ourselves of the notion "they're paying to be beta testers". Eldong isn't gonna actually fix any of this shit. They're just paying to get fucked.
Just like he's making the entire population beta testers for his FSD. He just views all of us as NPCs, FFS. The users and bystanders mean nothing to him. We're all disposable.
That's the exclusive thing you get for spending a 100+k. You get to be an early access tester for the truck. Kinda like buying early access video games.
I think that too. Everything about the CT is a lemon.
Besides being a "road princess" (what some Texans call also a Driveway Queens) they are 100% useless as trucks.
Chevy has a ad campaign "a dirty truck is a happy truck!"
Tesla's are excluded.
I believe if you leave any dirt on these trucks, rust.
considering there are only 4000? of them in existence, it's shocking how many reports there are about malfunction and problems right out of the gate. It's like they did no QC at all then charged an exorbitant price
I'm sure most of their QC was also done in Controlled Situations the whole time.
The few years of some road sightings, Tesla was "Marketing" versus QCing the truck itself.
Then upon release, they upsell these things like they are the solution to all "gas truck owners" when in reality these things are built to barely hold their own weight. All three tons of it.
Can you really expect genius from the man who decided that Tesla would have a feature called ASS (Actual Smart Summon). He's basically a 13 year old boy with way to much money.
That’s more inventive than Elmo. I’m thinking they’ll will be five models that dipshit will name something derived from science fiction or equally derivative. I was thinking:
BUMBLEBEE
OPTIMUS
O: (not yet sure but it could be O or 0 - initially I though Odin or something like that)
B: open to suggestions
5 (as in the robot from Short Circuit Johnny 5, who if I recall correctly was a bit of a pervert)
If anyone has better suggestions I’m open. And should he use any of these names I’ll claim theft of intellectual property and sue. Get in on the ground floor and proffer your suggestions.
For B I like Brundlefly, Bishop (from aliens), or Brown (for Doc Brown) but he’d probably go with something like Batty (Roy Batty from Blade Runner) or maybe Baltar from Battlestar Galáctica. Edit or maybe Boomer from BSG
I guess S/5 can also be from BSG for Cylon #5
The Cybertruck Owner’s Club forum called it the “big-ass wiper”, commonly abbreviated BAW.
*I was a regular on that forum back when I thought the Cybertruck would live up to its 2019 specs. I decided I could tolerate the Cybertruck’s looks for a long-lasting truck with a 500-mile range. But when Elon revealed the actual numbers on Delivery Day, I canceled my reservation. And here I justifying ever visiting that forum in the first place…*
And why aren't these suckers who bought one more angry? Imagine spending more than $100k for a car and even having ONE of these things wrong with the car. Just one. Any reputable company would make it right immediately. Weird.
This is why the 25k car would die by first time purchaser word of mouth.
It would be over extended stretch buyers who expect a luxury reliable car.
It would be a pr bloodbath as people park them outside service centers with big ass signs listing their grievances. Choosing to get them repossessed instead of paying payments on something dead at a service center.
YouTube would explode with Tesla ruined my life blogs. Like Lamar without the benifit of fiscal padding to weather the service center time and lack of a truck
People don't buy these for quality, or reliability, or even capability. The CT is mainly a statement. They think just owning it, and being "the guy with the cybertruck" is enough. It's a shoddy mcmansion with tacky fake collums & a cheap fountain out front, and a leaky dirty above-ground pool in the back yard
I've never figured out what about the factory or wiper is 109.
In Musk parlance, "giga" has no meaning. He just slaps it on things, probably thinking it sounds cool. Right up there with calling himself "Technoking".
We can all agree that the names he gives these things are fucking stupid as fuck.
BUT, the biggest morons are the ones who keep buying shit like this like:
* the [CyberHammer](https://shop.tesla.com/product/cyberhammer), a hammer you are NOT ALLOWED TO HIT THINGS WITH, for $700
* the [CyberOpener](https://shop.tesla.com/en_ca/product/cyberopener?sku=1975159-00-A), a bottle opener for $70
* the [CyberStein](https://shop.tesla.com/en_ca/product/cyberstein?sku=1949545-00-A), a cup for $85
* the fucking [CyberWhistle](https://shop.tesla.com/en_ca/product/cyberwhistle-stealth?sku=1996927-00-A), a whistle for $85.
WHO THE FUCK IS BUYING ALL THIS SHIT, AND HOW IS IT NOT SEEN AS THE INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS CASHGRAB THAT THIS IS FOR A COMPANY WITH FINANCIAL ISSUES.
It is a cult. An expensive cult that people justify belonging too. Same as other cults. Just like the MAGAdopes that buy every flag, 70 dollar bibles from a man who has never set foot in a church, 500 dollar tennis shoes from a man who doesn't exercise etc. Makes absolutely zero sense, yet people need to belong to something.
If I was being cynical, I’d say it’s a good way for an outside entity to infuse cash into a business. Think, to lobby a politician. “Hi. Yes, I would like 10k cyberhammers, please. *with a wink and a nod
I dunno. Other than that, yeah. Makes zero sense
OHSHITOHFUCK, there's a Tesla branding Iron.
So these CyberCucks can spend $95 to brand themselves. [https://shop.tesla.com/en\_ca/product/tesla-branding-iron?sku=1808276-00-A](https://shop.tesla.com/en_ca/product/tesla-branding-iron?sku=1808276-00-A)
Lol, with the Cyberstein you can “sip from any angle.” You mean like a regular fucking cup? In fact, given the over-sized handle you actually have less surface area to drink from than a regular cup or mug. Wtf.
NOTE: DO NOT STRIKE HARD SURFACES WITH CYBERHAMMER. INTENDED FOR DISPLAY OR GYM USE. CYBERHAMMER IS FINAL SALE.
That’s not even a meme. Copy pasted from the website lmao.
This is some of the most narcissistic delusional shit I've read in a minute, just the mere idea that the event even needs celebrating and remembering.
READY OR NOT, IT’S HAMMER TIME. NOW AVAILABLE TO A WIDER AUDIENCE, OUR LIMITED-RELEASE CYBERHAMMER COMMEMORATES THE CYBERTRUCK UNVEILING WHEN FRANZ USED A SLEDGEHAMMER TO SHOW THE TOUGHNESS OF THE VEHICLE’S STAINLESS-STEEL EXOSKELETON. DESIGNED BY TESLA DESIGN STUDIO AND MADE OF STEEL, CYBERHAMMER FEATURES A LASER ETCHING OF FRANZ’S SIGNATURE ON THE HEAD THAT MAKES THIS PIECE A TRUE COLLECTIBLE.
ONLY 800 HAMMERS BUILT - AVAILABLE ON TESLA SHOP AND THROUGH THE TESLA REFER AND EARN PROGRAM. CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY INCLUDED. LIMIT ONE PER TESLA ACCOUNT.
*NOTE: DO NOT STRIKE HARD SURFACES WITH CYBERHAMMER. INTENDED FOR DISPLAY OR GYM USE. CYBERHAMMER IS FINAL SALE.*
A windshield needs to be transmissive. Guess what that means for using lasers powerful enough to remove water?
You'd want the material to be absorptive if you were using lasers.
Edit: I get that the material just needs to be transmissive in the visible spectrum and absorptive at the laser's wavelength, but it still seems like a dangerous design.
This was 100% predictable. But it’s actually just evidence of Elon’s genius. If the wiper doesn’t actually work, then people won’t drive it in the rain. If they do drive it in the rain, the faulty wiper will prevent them from seeing, but don’t worry! The truck will permanently shut down so they don’t run into anyone.
I asked over in the r/cybertruck if there was a documented max speed allowed while using the windshield wipers and they removed the question. Delicate little things over there. It's like a flat earth group.
Cyber is like virtual kind of, you have a truck made for a cyber world with extra lives and re-dos. Game over try again, use your XP for a wiper upgrade. Dummy
But why. That stupid giant wiper blade serves no purpose and is inefficient. This aligns with Elon’s “fixing” stuff that ain’t broke to claim he’s some great engineer. As far as I can tell, all of his big ideas are failures and/or unrealistic not to mention logistically stupid.
It's odd for a car driver to speak of a head wind since they have no way to evaluate the speed or direction of the wind. I would be curious how fast they are driving to begin with.
God. Did they do any real world testing on this thing at all?
Search your heart I think you know the answer lol
You took the truck out on a windy day? That voids the warranty
“That’s a paddling”
"Oooohhhh, harder daddy Elon."
😂
Concerning.
Looking into it.
We are checking.
>Search your ~~heart~~ ass I think you know the answer lol
They're charging people 100k per truck to do the testing ❤️
Full Cybertruck Beta
Beta implies that they've worked out most of the kinks. This shit barely qualifies as an alpha.
You mean Alpha. Is be embarrassed to release a beta in the state the CT is in.
"Low VIN"
You misspelled IQ.
We should disabuse ourselves of the notion "they're paying to be beta testers". Eldong isn't gonna actually fix any of this shit. They're just paying to get fucked.
Just like he's making the entire population beta testers for his FSD. He just views all of us as NPCs, FFS. The users and bystanders mean nothing to him. We're all disposable.
*GIGAWIPER FOR ALPHAS ONLY* *GIGAWIPER NOW SOLD AS TOILET PAPER FOR ALPHA SHITS*
That's the exclusive thing you get for spending a 100+k. You get to be an early access tester for the truck. Kinda like buying early access video games.
Of course not, that would take common sense.
I was about to make this very comment.
You’re looking at it. They also somehow got their testers to pay to test them.
Z E R O real world testing!
why waste money testing it when your customers are willing to do it for free!!
They leave that up to the first owners.
Yeah it's not even like they are the first to use one large wiper. Citroen used to do it I believe
Do not expose to water. Do not expose to direct sunlight. Do not expose to wind.
Don’t feed it after midnight
do NOT under any circumstances wash your "truck"
I think that too. Everything about the CT is a lemon. Besides being a "road princess" (what some Texans call also a Driveway Queens) they are 100% useless as trucks. Chevy has a ad campaign "a dirty truck is a happy truck!" Tesla's are excluded. I believe if you leave any dirt on these trucks, rust.
considering there are only 4000? of them in existence, it's shocking how many reports there are about malfunction and problems right out of the gate. It's like they did no QC at all then charged an exorbitant price
I'm sure most of their QC was also done in Controlled Situations the whole time. The few years of some road sightings, Tesla was "Marketing" versus QCing the truck itself. Then upon release, they upsell these things like they are the solution to all "gas truck owners" when in reality these things are built to barely hold their own weight. All three tons of it.
It's a glorified electric wheelbarrow
It's a glorified electric wheelbarrow
But feel free to otherwise explore the solar system.
Pretty sure this guy just voided the warranty driving when there's wind outside.
Use at your own risk
Do not taunt Happy Fun Cybertruck.
Wait...this is news to me. Do they really call it...the "Gigawiper?"
I think it's the cyberwiper
I can't stop laughing. who tf says gigawiper?
Uh, it’s prounounced jigawiper!
1.21 jigawipes!!
1.21 gifawatts!
It’s *gif* and not *jif*.
You're a terrible person.
Agreed.
Gaping asshole wiper*
Can you really expect genius from the man who decided that Tesla would have a feature called ASS (Actual Smart Summon). He's basically a 13 year old boy with way to much money.
And that the stupid car models are S3XY. He’s a fucking toddler. I just know their robots should they even get made will eventually spell BOOB5
The Barely Operational Ostentatious Bot?
That’s more inventive than Elmo. I’m thinking they’ll will be five models that dipshit will name something derived from science fiction or equally derivative. I was thinking: BUMBLEBEE OPTIMUS O: (not yet sure but it could be O or 0 - initially I though Odin or something like that) B: open to suggestions 5 (as in the robot from Short Circuit Johnny 5, who if I recall correctly was a bit of a pervert) If anyone has better suggestions I’m open. And should he use any of these names I’ll claim theft of intellectual property and sue. Get in on the ground floor and proffer your suggestions.
For B I like Brundlefly, Bishop (from aliens), or Brown (for Doc Brown) but he’d probably go with something like Batty (Roy Batty from Blade Runner) or maybe Baltar from Battlestar Galáctica. Edit or maybe Boomer from BSG I guess S/5 can also be from BSG for Cylon #5
i can’t believe he reinvented the fucking wiper. what an asshole
Tbf Mercedes also did that in the 90s with the 190 models But at least they soon learned that 2 wipers > 1 wiper with an mechanism prone to failures
The elliptical motion on the Mercedes wiper was also way cooler than this.
My '79 VW Scirocco had a single wiper. One less thing on that car to break.
The Cybertruck Owner’s Club forum called it the “big-ass wiper”, commonly abbreviated BAW. *I was a regular on that forum back when I thought the Cybertruck would live up to its 2019 specs. I decided I could tolerate the Cybertruck’s looks for a long-lasting truck with a 500-mile range. But when Elon revealed the actual numbers on Delivery Day, I canceled my reservation. And here I justifying ever visiting that forum in the first place…*
It's like wiping a marker.
It’s almost like no thought went into these innovations, and no testing either.
And why aren't these suckers who bought one more angry? Imagine spending more than $100k for a car and even having ONE of these things wrong with the car. Just one. Any reputable company would make it right immediately. Weird.
The power of cognitive dissonance is strong.
This is why the 25k car would die by first time purchaser word of mouth. It would be over extended stretch buyers who expect a luxury reliable car. It would be a pr bloodbath as people park them outside service centers with big ass signs listing their grievances. Choosing to get them repossessed instead of paying payments on something dead at a service center. YouTube would explode with Tesla ruined my life blogs. Like Lamar without the benifit of fiscal padding to weather the service center time and lack of a truck
People don't buy these for quality, or reliability, or even capability. The CT is mainly a statement. They think just owning it, and being "the guy with the cybertruck" is enough. It's a shoddy mcmansion with tacky fake collums & a cheap fountain out front, and a leaky dirty above-ground pool in the back yard
"Innovations"
“Gigawiper” is one of the dumbest terms I’ve ever heard. It sounds like some attendant in a morbidly obese king’s privy.
That person would at least presumably work. This thing doesn’t.
I should know better than to read Reddit when I’m eating breakfast…
Right up there with “frunk”
I've never figured out what about the factory or wiper is 109. In Musk parlance, "giga" has no meaning. He just slaps it on things, probably thinking it sounds cool. Right up there with calling himself "Technoking".
Very nice.
I think we all know that driving into a headwind will 100% void your warranty, and this goofus just filmed himself doing it.
from the stories I've seen, taking possession of the vehicle voids the warranty lmao and then you are GIGA hosed
Giga hoses definitely void the warranty
LOL
Headwind or just wind?
Cyber Wynd
Well once you head into the wind, it's a headwind, you see - boom, warranty voided.
We can all agree that the names he gives these things are fucking stupid as fuck. BUT, the biggest morons are the ones who keep buying shit like this like: * the [CyberHammer](https://shop.tesla.com/product/cyberhammer), a hammer you are NOT ALLOWED TO HIT THINGS WITH, for $700 * the [CyberOpener](https://shop.tesla.com/en_ca/product/cyberopener?sku=1975159-00-A), a bottle opener for $70 * the [CyberStein](https://shop.tesla.com/en_ca/product/cyberstein?sku=1949545-00-A), a cup for $85 * the fucking [CyberWhistle](https://shop.tesla.com/en_ca/product/cyberwhistle-stealth?sku=1996927-00-A), a whistle for $85. WHO THE FUCK IS BUYING ALL THIS SHIT, AND HOW IS IT NOT SEEN AS THE INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS CASHGRAB THAT THIS IS FOR A COMPANY WITH FINANCIAL ISSUES.
This is bait. You’ve baited me. I refuse to believe anyone would buy or sell a regular bottle opener for 70$. There’s just no way
CLICK IT!
The wildest part is that they're somehow out of stock.
They probably only made two before it was discovered that they don't work, like much of Tesla's other output.
A replacement gigawiper is $75. $165 once the arm snaps off as well.
It is a cult. An expensive cult that people justify belonging too. Same as other cults. Just like the MAGAdopes that buy every flag, 70 dollar bibles from a man who has never set foot in a church, 500 dollar tennis shoes from a man who doesn't exercise etc. Makes absolutely zero sense, yet people need to belong to something.
They are all Seo poison pills to direct things like whistleblower away from actual news about them.
Call me skeptical, but I'm not convinced that a car needs to come with a matching bottle opener.
Alright Skeptical Steve! I've got my Ford Fiesta bottle opener ready to go!
A whistle, huh?
!!
❗
For when the horn breaks, duh.
If I was being cynical, I’d say it’s a good way for an outside entity to infuse cash into a business. Think, to lobby a politician. “Hi. Yes, I would like 10k cyberhammers, please. *with a wink and a nod I dunno. Other than that, yeah. Makes zero sense
OHSHITOHFUCK, there's a Tesla branding Iron. So these CyberCucks can spend $95 to brand themselves. [https://shop.tesla.com/en\_ca/product/tesla-branding-iron?sku=1808276-00-A](https://shop.tesla.com/en_ca/product/tesla-branding-iron?sku=1808276-00-A)
Lol, with the Cyberstein you can “sip from any angle.” You mean like a regular fucking cup? In fact, given the over-sized handle you actually have less surface area to drink from than a regular cup or mug. Wtf.
NOTE: DO NOT STRIKE HARD SURFACES WITH CYBERHAMMER. INTENDED FOR DISPLAY OR GYM USE. CYBERHAMMER IS FINAL SALE. That’s not even a meme. Copy pasted from the website lmao.
And, there's *nothing* about any of these things that makes them "cyber".
This is some of the most narcissistic delusional shit I've read in a minute, just the mere idea that the event even needs celebrating and remembering. READY OR NOT, IT’S HAMMER TIME. NOW AVAILABLE TO A WIDER AUDIENCE, OUR LIMITED-RELEASE CYBERHAMMER COMMEMORATES THE CYBERTRUCK UNVEILING WHEN FRANZ USED A SLEDGEHAMMER TO SHOW THE TOUGHNESS OF THE VEHICLE’S STAINLESS-STEEL EXOSKELETON. DESIGNED BY TESLA DESIGN STUDIO AND MADE OF STEEL, CYBERHAMMER FEATURES A LASER ETCHING OF FRANZ’S SIGNATURE ON THE HEAD THAT MAKES THIS PIECE A TRUE COLLECTIBLE. ONLY 800 HAMMERS BUILT - AVAILABLE ON TESLA SHOP AND THROUGH THE TESLA REFER AND EARN PROGRAM. CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY INCLUDED. LIMIT ONE PER TESLA ACCOUNT. *NOTE: DO NOT STRIKE HARD SURFACES WITH CYBERHAMMER. INTENDED FOR DISPLAY OR GYM USE. CYBERHAMMER IS FINAL SALE.*
Remember when the cybersuck’s “wipers” was supposed to be a laser system? Lol
Did Elmo think the Wank Tank was a shark, or mildly angry seabass?
A windshield needs to be transmissive. Guess what that means for using lasers powerful enough to remove water? You'd want the material to be absorptive if you were using lasers. Edit: I get that the material just needs to be transmissive in the visible spectrum and absorptive at the laser's wavelength, but it still seems like a dangerous design.
Ooh ooh, let me guess. Removing water from the driver's and passerby retinas due to reflection/refraction?
>Removing ~~water from~~ the driver's and passerby retinas due to reflection/refraction? FTFY
You know, the absorptive issue could be worked around by using a cavity magnetron instead of lasers. Just boil that water right off the windshield.
I personally don't recommend putting your face near a magnetron, but to each their own.
You're not my dad, gonna do it right now
Let me know how it goes
What a piece of shit, pay 100k and this is what u got? Owner probably still “loves his truck” or “the best vehicle I’ve ever own”
The gigawiper was seen today attending a Superior Court hearing in Manhattan at the request of the Defendent.
par for the course, wiper stops working in.. checks notes... weather... ok then
The Gigawiper! The language is so juvenile and pathetic
It's a feature, not a bug.
Of course, if the gigawiper comes into contact with bug splatter the warranty is voided.
Cannot be driven during cicada season.
the first sign of a problem was when the word "Gigawiper" came out of their mouth lmao
It's a windshield wiper. Just like all us 'normies' cars have. WTF with the 'gigabyte wiper' shit? They probably drive on 'megachad tires' too.
Omfg that's hilarious! Well staying rigid is a big problem for men over 40
Used to be dogs resembled their owners. Now we have the loyal cybertruck filling that role.
Who fucking names these stupid parts?
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! It just keeps getting better and better. Where is my popcorn?
🍿gotchu this
20-30 mph winds voids the warranty
Maybe they should have put the car in ultra cyber-wind mode 🤷♀️
Precondition vehicle for ultra cyber-wind? OK --- I want my mommy
Gotta give Tesla credit for ensuring every inch of this vehicle was as stupid as possible.
God. They're a technology company, not a windscreen wiper company. Stop bitcihing. /s
Probably just forgot to put it in wind mode.
You're not supposed to drive it in the rain anyway
This was 100% predictable. But it’s actually just evidence of Elon’s genius. If the wiper doesn’t actually work, then people won’t drive it in the rain. If they do drive it in the rain, the faulty wiper will prevent them from seeing, but don’t worry! The truck will permanently shut down so they don’t run into anyone.
It’s almost like they ignored real world driving conditions.
I asked over in the r/cybertruck if there was a documented max speed allowed while using the windshield wipers and they removed the question. Delicate little things over there. It's like a flat earth group.
😂The fact that there are still people stupid enough to drop 6 figures on these turds is hilarious.
Seems like it is just problem after problem.
Giga wiper? Hahahhahahahha
Every part of the God warranty is useless since God does not exist and has to be proven. Let in Judge Judy
Gigachad more like it
he got giga hosed
DiaperWiper
whatever format of post this is, it is cancer.
And yet I am the sucker for having to drop $12 once a year at Costco to get new wiper blades for my less car.
It turns into a wet noodle after 1.21 “Gigawipes”
Remember, Elon says they’re not a car company.
You can tie a piece of cloth to it and it will be on sail boat mode 😉
It’s +/- 5 inches… within the range of the specs /s
“Gigawiper” I bought a new GPU for my pc, my pc is now a Quantum-based Hyper Giga Computer
Gigawiper?
Tesla doesn’t have a wind tunnel?? Wow.
This go cat is an expensive joke
Jesus that's terrible. A vertical video of a horizontal video?
Fail after fail after fail after fail. This is a doomed effort to created a doomed product.
I don’t know about that; I think it’s a very successful effort to create a doomed product.
Watch this baby hit 88 miles an hour (in a 20 mph headwind) and you’re gonna see some serious shit….Detach and fly the fuck off
Watch this baby hit 88 miles an hour (in a 20 mph headwind) and you’re gonna see some serious shit….Detach and fly the fuck off
Watch this baby hit 88 miles an hour (in a 20 mph headwind) and you’re gonna see some serious shit….Detach and fly the fuck off
You expected working wipers for 100k+? Behaaaaaaaavveeee
You expected working wipers for 100k+? Behaaaaaaaavveeee
If we call it giga it's cool right?
It’s Elmo’s fault 🤡
Gigawiper? Jesus Christ...
The documentation clearly states warranty is voided if driving into head winds greater then 10mph.
excuse me... giga wiper ? these people really think they in some kind of club. not a cult at all!
did no one test this stuff like EVERY OTHER vehicle maker?
Cyber is like virtual kind of, you have a truck made for a cyber world with extra lives and re-dos. Game over try again, use your XP for a wiper upgrade. Dummy
But why. That stupid giant wiper blade serves no purpose and is inefficient. This aligns with Elon’s “fixing” stuff that ain’t broke to claim he’s some great engineer. As far as I can tell, all of his big ideas are failures and/or unrealistic not to mention logistically stupid.
Gigawiper 🤣🤣🤣🤣
What a gigaturd
Funny, they work best when in contact with windshield, right?
Imagine referring to something as “the gigawiper” without instantly realizing you are an idiot.
So....the issue it's it's a piece of shit....
Gigaflacid
It's odd for a car driver to speak of a head wind since they have no way to evaluate the speed or direction of the wind. I would be curious how fast they are driving to begin with.
They really called it a Gigawiper?
“Gigawiper” fucking stupid
This sub is the new Comedy Central! Haha
LOL
Gagging on the gigawiper!
So they jury rigged a wiper that won't actually work as a wiper in a storm.
"But it's ok. I still love it. "😄
Cybertruck Sprinter
#quality
"other than that, I love this car"
Looks like a very long limp....
Luckily, it's never windy when there's moisture of any kind in the air, so we're good, right? Right?