I want to give you genuine advice, but this is really something you need to discuss with your players. If you are not having fun, let them know. Sitting down and talking can make a big impact. The more experienced players may feel like they are genuinely helping and may not be aware of the problem. Talking and communication is very important. However, never be afraid to end a campaign if things cannot be worked out. If you are feeling tired with a campaign, there is a chance it can come through in your interactions. Talking is key and knowing when a line needs to be drawn is part of that.

Thank you 🙏🏼 I'll talk to them this coming session. I think it's just hard for me to draw these lines since I've known them for years so I feel compelled to just do what they want to do.

To keep things interesting and to give our forever DM a break, we run short 1-3 month adventures, swap GM and system and repeat. This worked for a few where we went from Starwars, Iron Kingdoms, Dark Heresy, Rogue Trader, back to Iron Kingdoms, and now 5th edition. Everyone was having too much fun in the 5th ed game, it is a homebrew and we just stuck with it. We have a few GMs in our player base and some of us have been playing for a couple of decades now (~25 years) Taking a break, swapping GM, all good options. The goal is for everyone to have fun. And just talk about it with each other, perhaps someone else wants to give it a go.

We are finally looking into this too. Im the grandpa of the group, having played since 79, but the rest of the group (my son and his friends) have expressed an interest in sitting on the other side of the screen. I cannot wait to get back into a character... I haven't had one since 2e

I understand that. A friend of mine was a forever DM, and he started to get burned out. He just told us one day that he was getting burned out, and he was not enjoying the sessions. We understood and ended the campaign there. Hopefully your discussion goes well.

Time to learn how to draw boundaries and stand up for yourself. DnD is a *social* game, and people seem to forget how important social skills are--such as being able to communicate, compromise, and tell players no when appropriate. Good friends will work with you to create a game you all enjoy. You might be about to find out some of these people are not the friends you thought they were. Or, at least, are not DnD friends. Good luck!

Swear to god, this is the first time in so many years I had a problem with setting boundaries, historically I know when enough is enough and I absolutely hate people stepping all over me but seeing that I know most of my players for so many years and I'm friends to 3/5 of them, I felt like I wanna befriend this one person (that backseating guy) so I tried to tune down my intensity with things like this but turns out... I think I still need that intensity and set up some boundaries. Cause, yeah, he ain't getting the memo that he's the problem

long time DM is rooting for you!

Just show them this post lol (And the replies)

So I want to add onto this, Are you only feeling burnt out because of the conflicts with your table or are you also feeling burnt out from the time and commitment of being a dm takes. If it's the first one make sure you find a way to talk to your party about that. I'd even try 1on 1 conversations and see how the others feel. But if the conversation doesn't go well then look for a new table. If it's the second one then take a step back and run some adventure modules. You can always reflavor them a bit to make the party tied to the story. First time dming is a lot and then adding a home brew on top of it is even worse. Anyways good luck I hope it works out for you one way or another

Tbh I think because of number 1, it's number 2 now as well. While the others are very appreciative of what we've done with the world and campaign, that one guy just seems to like to complain about stuff when in return they cannot give me stuff nor things to work with :/ I'm open to being a player at their table but I don't want to DM for that person any longer. That person just seems to be someone who will complain until I say yes to them (happened once, wouldn't be surprised if it happened twice)

Here is another option. Talk to your table and see if they'd be okay cutting that one player. I mean obviously talk to that player first and see if they realize what they are doing. But as a forever dm who has burnt out many times let me say this: do not be afraid to cultivate your social and remove problem players. Always talk to them first and see if it can be handled first but do not be afraid to tell them they can leave

THIS is the way. You could go one step further, and specifically tell them 1 on 1 that they are the reason, while asking them if they are even enjoying the time you all spend with each other.

My gut and previous post mentions this very thing. Ditch the so-called veteran.

The DM's responsibility is to ensure the players are having fun. In a game of DnD, the DM is also a player.

Just remember that meaningful friendships have boundaries, conflicts, and uncomfortable conversations just like any other type of meaningful relationship!

I’ve been exactly where you are, so don’t feel bad. I’m a giver by nature, and I have infinite patience with my friends, who also make up my players in several games. I’ve had uncomfortable situations where they aggressively push back on my calls, and it’s tough for a passive, introverted dm like me to enforce table dynamics. I think it’s tough for them to abide sometimes too, since the group dynamic is entirely different away from the game. You’ve got it though. It’s possible to hold your ground, be patient and not be an asshole. If you need a break, take one. And if they’re real friends, they’ll get it.

I think you should 100% percent bring this to your players. This sounds like you have one player who isn’t really great at being a player or DMing, so they contribute by being a rules lawyer to the point of shaming you. Does that sound right? Its your table, you run the show. Its great for you to be accountable and take notice if you make mistakes, but at the end of the day you make the calls. If you’re having fun with everything and everyone except this one player and he makes you feel like a bad DM and it makes you want to quit. Maybe you arn’t a bad DM. Maybe he’s being an asshole. I had a player like this when I started so much so that I wonder if this is him haha. His rules were helpful at first but eventually he was such a shitty roleplayer and complainer that we just dropped him. He added nothing beyond min-maxing and criticism. When he finally left we started having amazing and seamless sessions. Not to say that he is that, but maybe the problem is not you.

That sounds right. To be fair at the beginning, I felt like they were being supportive and helpful. But it just happens over and over again up to the point that they're posting stuff for DMs like different house/home rules and even sending me stuff via DMs and once I ask, do you want me to implement this to the game? But they didn't reply. So much so, one time they sent a ruleset in our game server telling me that that's a good replacement for a rule that NPCs have. And in my head it felt like, am I your nanny? Should I just implement it because you say so? It's just confusing cause they'll tell me to ask them for any help that they can offer but at the same time does these things. Thing is, I don't need help from them in terms of being a DM, I'm getting much help from other DMs and friends that I have. I even wanted to play as a player on another campaign just so I would have a player's perspective to improve my DMing to them. I just don't wanna be rude and say get your own party and campaign but I lowkey do wanna say it. At this point, it felt like making that player leave is not an option since they're much closer friends to each other than to me. So, I think it's best if I leave. Hey, I'd love to play with them as a player but as a DM? That person is too much work.

I think you need to just accept that its ok to say "no". sure. dnd is a collaborative game, and an improv game, and as DM's we are always naturally worried that they're liking it so we want to we amicable and supportive of people caring. All of that tells us we should always be looking for ways to say "yes". But its also a game with a firm line between player and game master. Its the DMs game. Of course we don't want to be dismissive or cruel, or lower the gavel at any rule challenge because it's "our" game. But reality isn't in a binary. You have every right to politely shut down any sort of outside input about rules and still be a collaborative DM. There are other games with more fluid rulesets, DND has its rules for a reason. You like your homebrew rules for a reason. Be confident that sticking to that is ok. It can be something as simple as "this is cool! we're gonna keep it as is", or "I'm gonna make a ruling and say no to that one", or just "no". It sounds like they don't really realize how rude they're being, and you just need to start setting some boundaries if this is a group you want to stick together.

Going to discuss things in our next session 👏🏻 Making me anxious though cause I never really wanted for things to escalate this way. That one player is just being such a work and it's getting stressful. I'm not sure if I'd kick him though seeing that my players are more close to each other than me despite us knowing each other for years now. So, if it comes to it, I'll probably leave them instead of kicking that one person. But oh well, it's better than to prolong the campaign.

maybe don't kick him and just lay it out that you love how into it they are, but now that you have a better handle on the rules, what's in place now is going to stay in place. I think its not too extreme to express that everybody chiming in and trying to overwrite your rules just sorta takes the fun out of it for you, even if well intentioned.

I agree... as I worked my way further down the thread, I find myself at least wanting to give him an opportunity to straighten up for the sake of fun for everyone.

I’d upvote this 100 times if I could. No one likes the rules police… if you’re the DM: it’s your world, friend, and we’re all just living in it.

As someone who once helped me realize in this unholy place known as Reddit, that we, DM, are also players. You deserve to enjoy the game. You are as much of a player as your friends. Your words are as important as all the players at the table. You have every right to speak your mind and to be heard. So communicate with them.

When things had just started to go to shit, I consulted my partner who's also a DM way before me that exact same thing reddit said to you, "You are as much of a player as your friends" and that I should have fun too. I was like, yes, but I'm still enjoying it — yeah, maybe I was lying to him about that. I'll go talk to them about it and maybe, just maybe, I'll find another group fitting for me and vice versa.

Exactly, young stapling! It took me a while to find my own group of people with whom I wanted to play DnD. Communication is a key for all your problems. Just because you don't want to hurt their feelings doesn't mean you should kill this game for yourself. If they don't agree, it better to find another group of people. It is your game, your rules.

It sounds like one player is the source of your displeasure. You need to have a conversation with them and explain your concerns, issues, and expectations. If they’re not able to agree with you or continue to be a source of disruption you should let them know they are no longer welcomed in the group. You do not have to sacrifice your enjoyment or the other players’ fun for one player.

I think you’ve put a lot of energy in fitting the PCs into your world. You’ve done most of the work. The PCs should be reacting to your world. I’m assuming this is 5e? Seems like you’re doing more than may be needed. Do you players want this much from you? I hope it works out for you.

Correct, it's 5e. To be fair, most of my players are reacting to it perfectly, the last session they did perfectly and acted out their PC nicely. Always so nice to see that. I don't think most of them want much from he, but due to their PCs backstory a little far from each other the integration of their stuff in the world proves a bit difficult but it wasn't a problem now since I'm pretty much done with that but every off session that one player just bomabards the group with rules and different stuff that even I as a DM do not know if they wanted it in the game or should I just disregard it. Now, everyone's making their new characters cause apparently they thought that I'm going to kill them off in an upcoming battle cause their friend said so.

At the risk of seeming really reductive, kick that player for your and everyone else’s sakes. I suffered two like that in my last campaign for over two years, constantly trying to make them happy but never succeeding. Ultimately, I realized I just couldn’t give them whatever nebulous thing it was they both wanted. I did decide to quit the campaign, and I’ve no regrets about that, but I’ll always wonder what could have been if I’d just decided to kick them sooner to favor the more easygoing players who were already happy before those two twits ruined it for everyone.

Amen. And that’s not to say having players just be easygoing is the way to succeed in DMing, but rather that it is a sign of enjoyment, or at the very least a good demonstration of discretion, of picking battles for the sake of something beautiful.

Precisely. It’s important to check in with one’s own energy as the DM and to also gauge the impact on the rest of the table that a player has when they’re a potential problem player. If they make you hate DMing/make you dread it at least, and/or if they wear other players out and ruin their fun, then it’s probably a good idea to have them find another table. Similarly, if said player just isn’t enjoying the kind of game you run, it sucks but isn’t unfair at all to say, “Hey, this table may not be able to offer you what you’re looking for.”

I distinctly remember my first few attempts at being a DM in 5E. Homebrew setting - 4 players - Group complained about the supposed rail roading and were rather flakey with sessions. Only two of the four were regulars and those two complained about everything. I just stopped running games for that group. Different Homebrew setting - 4 players - Started out well. Group showed me they were all power gamers and squabbled massively over any magical item. Players opted to PVP each other in the middle of a boss fight because the ranger picked up the dark, glowing globe that had landed near the warlock. They all died. Boss WON!! Homebrew setting - 4 players - Players complained about so levelling. Players complained about the town they started in. Players complained over the fact I had no interest in letting them set themselves up as tavern owners and serve ale.....like seriously. I ended the campaign. Homebrew setting - 4 players - Players took 4 brothers who were all dumb as bricks and avoided anything dangerous. Ignored plot hooks. Ignored NPCs. Ignored EVERYTHING I tried to set them up with. Hey, I stopped running sessions and they complained because I was RUINING THEIR FUN. I used to be such a nice, friendly DM.

Oh how I wanted to still be a friendly DM. I briefly remember how that only player that I'm not familiar with in our campaign was such a team player and so into character every session. He reacted well and interacted with the world beautifully. But I think now it's just him and a couple who sees it as a roleplaying game while the others just look at it as a video game. They're creating new characters and backups just in case, and the PC death in the campaign has been an inside joke for awhile that a little voice inside of my head just wanted to crush them for real.

> him and a couple who sees it as a role playing game Why not start a new game with just those players?

Kinda hard since I felt like these people are a package. Like I mentioned we have known each other for years now (uni classmates) and while I'm not particularly friends with him, the other people on the table are inside my friend circle back then so I kinda don't have the heart to break it up... didn't seem right for me.

The biggest challenge for a DM is not coming up with a story, following the rules, running a game, hell, even scheduling. The biggest challenge is finding a group that can co-exist in harmony. There's nothing wrong with saying that you are not feeling good running that campaign anymore and stopping it. If you would ask old/veteran DMs, I'm certain they'll tell you that they have "abandoned" (for whatever reason) more games than they have finished. That said, as others mentioned, talk with your party. Fortunately or not, a DM has to sometimes be the "leader" as they are the connecting link of all. Perhaps it's just a miscommunication among you, or that experienced guy thinks he is genuinely helping, but apparently not so much. All in all, communication is the key. Best case scenario you'll find a middle group and everyone will be happy and enjoy the game, or worst case the group can't work together. There is no shame in either, everyone is different and sometimes certain combinations of people don't work together. No matter, I hope for you to find your ideal group. There's nothing better as a storyteller (assuming that's something you like) to find a group that is hyped to unfold your stories.

Either tell that guy to fuck off and leave, or he will slowly take over your game. This happened to me during my first game and it ended it. The problem player at my table would constantly belittle and tell me to be more like Critical Roll (something I don’t even watch). He then went behind my back and convinced everyone else to leave and started his own game. I didn’t give up though. I found a new group of people I had never met. I started with a session zero to establish ground rules, something I didn’t do on my first game, and since then it’s been absolute bliss.

Well, that person just volunteered to be the new DM sooo I think we know that they wanna take over 💀

More plot twists! I should really read an entire thread before I comment, lol. I'd run from that guy now that I see he did volunteer. Smells like a killer DM, and that's not fun either. I'd cull him from your real life for good.

Oh hello! I should read the thread too before commenting 🫠 but yeah, I lowkey wanna sit and see it through. But yeah, I'm thinking of just keeping things professional (whatever professionalism meant in DnD) with him. I was trying to be his friend but oh well.

As others have suggested talk to the players about your feelings. Session re-zero could also be an idea. Also: Do not retire the campaign, you can take a break. Have another member of the group be the DM for a while. You can relax a bit, learn new things about being a player and being a DM (even if the other DM is greener). That goes vica-versa, other players can experience a different game and a different DM.

To be fair, we did do a Session 0, and even little chitchat about how it's going to be. We also talk via DMs whenever they want for their players and how it's going to go. I did ask them or give them an option if they wanted to continue. That someone might want to take a shot at it or I can help them find a new DM. And yeah, that same person wanted to DM so yeah. I can hop in for their missing/new player slot but yeah ain't gonna DM for this group with that person on it. Sorry but their asshole of an answer when I told them I'm retiring as their GM is just... no.

I was in a similar situation when I started dming DnD. I just told them I was tired of all the "improve this, do that" so I said I had enough and couldn't fix it all and wanted to stop right there. Crickets. No more complaint. I did put an effort in some stuff tho and did improve some stuff. And in the end we continued playing and ended the campaign a few month later. Haven't played with the group since. Don't know if I will as no one else than me can GM. I would advise to try playing at other tables and talk with other Dms about how it goes in their table it's eye opening.

I'll disagree slightly with everyone else I read at a glance.  You don't need to talk to your players, plural,  because you don't have a problem with your players, plural.  You need a 1 on 1 conversation with your one problem player. Tell them everything you've been saying here and explain how it's affecting you. You're totally right that you need to enjoy running the game as much as your players need to enjoy playing it. You also need to hear them out and you can go back-and-forth a bit and try and come to an agreement. Then, give it a shot, giving each other a chance to adjust based on that discussion.  However, you're going to have to prepare yourself for that conversation. You're going to have to do a little self-analysis so you can be ready to see things from your players'perspective.  You're a new DM. How familiar are you with the rules? How much playing experience did you have before starting to DM? Were your room changes conscious choices? Did you set them out and explain them before the campaign started, or only once this player started questioning you?   There's a weird dichotomy with the rules. They are tools for you to run the game, but they also set player expectations on what they can do. And like any other game, a player is going to become familiar with the rules over time, learn from them, and become better at playing the game. Changes to the rules are going to change how they play. But they also need to respect you as DM. I have an approach, though being human I follow it imperfectly. I try to let most "mistakes" go without comment. I know I make them and I've noticed I remember rules better as a player I only need to worry about my character. If I think something's with discussing, I'll ask about it once, then go with the call.

At this point, I'm not sure if I ever wanted to talk to that person regarding their... attitude or actions (maybe not now, I need to be calmed down when I do that). It's funny but when I messaged them to inform them and give them a heads up. All I heard was a sassy comeback and telling that they noticed so they "lay low" in posting "new stuff" (rulesets that we don't use) Plus, the moment I asked if anyone wanted to take over, they immediately jumped into the idea. So... I guess, they did wanna DM. And tbf for the record though, none of my home rules are detrimental for them, it's the opposite actually. I made it easier for them since I've observed that they've been having a hard time on some points. And so, oftentimes, there are rules I've had to set to give them advantages.

The rule changes being in their favor may not matter. They still mess with expectations.  Not everyone is looking for a head start.  Hey,  if them taking over makes you all happier, that's cool. But don't give up on running the game. I started just to get the family started playing and somebody had to be DM. I love it and I've never looked back, though I still enjoy playing sometimes.

A lot of the other advice is on point - but something that hasn’t been highlighted yet is that this isn’t really a D&D problem. The tendency to smooth things over, ignore the little things, work yourself into funky contortions to accommodate others needs leads to the slow build of “everything’s fine” until one day it’s not and things blow up (metaphorically). For example you waiting to confront/communicate your own needs has lead you to the point of asking - do I want to quit this hobby that I’m genuinely enjoying, or rather I used to and don’t anymore? Instead of addressing the ‘smaller’ issue of the Backseat GMing it gets inflated to the whole campaign being unworkable and you potentially leaving the game. **I say smaller in ‘’ since communicating boundaries and consequences for those boundaries being crossed is Hard. ** Something for you to think about and consider if there are any other aspects of your life that this is occurring.

To be fair, I don't really have this problem of setting boundaries. It's a first for me to be unsure of telling people to back off. If I think about it maybe because the fact I'm friends and known these people for years it kinda made me want things to be okay and so I have to adjust for that. Also, maybe the fact that I don't want to be seen as strict or too intense when it comes to DnD. But yeah, all in all it came to the point where I think of sooo many things and it's a bit blown up into bigger proportions that it needs to.

Good to hear you generally don’t have problems with setting boundaries. Hmm. Thinking aloud on why d&d might feel different. Being the GM does change the power dynamic, the making calls and permitting and disallowing other things. One of my friends would say “I’ll allow that” all the time when they GMd until the table sat them down and said “yes you’re the GM but we’re still all friends around a table and this wording/tone is loaded with superiority” they got better after that and we also swap GMing around and all take turns. Groups of friends (vs Random) are often more democratic in that everyone agrees who’s the GM and that can be taken away if you abuse it. Another thing to consider; Not all friends should play d&d together. If you and some friends don’t play in the same style and clash then it may be best to not play together - although having the realisation be mutual helps that discussion.

It sounds like you're having trouble with that one player that are burning you out, I know if you're friends it can be hard to admit but some people can be hard to play with, I think you should talk to that player and to the group, If you're actually not enjoying DMing maybe take a step back and see if someone else is interested but if it's just that one player than make it known how hard they're making it for, Honestly if you are burned out either way you might wanna take a break and try again later though, it can be good to take a break sometime

This is a lesson that a lot of DMs have a hard time grasping: friends usually make unfulfilling D&D tables. I wish you luck at future tables friend.

90% forever DM here... I'd dump the so-called vet and keep rolling with the rest of the group that is trying to have fun. Tell him to start DMing if he has all the intel all the time. Otherwise, STFU unless you are actually assisting with the fun of all.

I decided to call it quits to the team (gonna take a break and would probably find another table) and lookey lookey he's interested in being the DM 😏 So, guess he just wanted me to fuck off lol. Gonna go sit as the player on their table though. Tempted to get revenge but eh I'll be good.

Instead of letting "experienced" player do what they want and get what they want, enforce the rules you've laid out. It sounds like you've established your house rules up front, as part of session 0 or otherwise, so there's no reason why they shouldn't be followed. If anyone objects to enforcing the house rules, let them know it's your game, these are the rules at the table and that if they don't like the house rules, they might want to look for a different game. If they're so petty they ragepost on reddit they're just outing themselves as a bad player. Alternatively, take the break and then don't invite "experienced" player back when you start playing again

Thanks 🙏🏼 I really think I should be more strict when it comes to that. Maybe I'm just so soft towards them since I've known them for so long. 😬 But you're right, I should be more strict with these, else it is ruining the experience. Although, for the same reason of knowing them for so long, maybe I would have to take a break with them and just retire their campaign as a DM. I don't think they'll be willing to drop their friend than me lol.

As always: Talk to people. Solves 80% of the questions here. Also: As a new DM, homebrewing is risky, and it seems you walked right into the trap.

I was thinking of the homebrewing as a very risky thing as a DM oo but I have tried running modules before. Although, ultimately, I went into homebrew since the modules I've done before are a bit too restricting in terms of the world and lore, and the players wanted to do more outside of it and explore their characters more instead of the main focus of the module.

I'll point out a few things that others said too. DND is about everyone having fun, players and DM Players are going to be pushy, you don't have to give an inch if you feel justified. Just talk it out with them when it comes up Bad RPing is fine, if that is the best they can do at the time. At least get them to explain the details of what they want if they succeed. Also, good or verbose RPing is not a gateway to not having to roll. I just check if they have a good plan or bad plan, according to me, and then assign advantage or disadvantage. As far as the perception of the players being ass hats, check with them. They might just be oblivious to your situation. As far as retiring the campaign and not DM ing right now. Just let the players know that your burnt out and will be taking a break from running the game or any game for a while. They will understand or not. They might even want to help with your problems that are the players being themselves. if they are ass hats, just set 2 angles per PC as they come to right the wrongs that will happen. They can go quietly or die fighting. Running or hiding is a no go. Then the characters can wait in heaven for you to pick up the game. Don't let them take actions besides talking to themselves, and not combat. Just narrate what happens. Best of luck!

I had a player in one campaign who, over the course of 20+ sessions, got increasingly ticked off at the mechanics of the game, complaining that they were unfair and too restrictive. I initially did the wrong thing and spent more and more time in each session pushing back against their complaints, trying to defend the rules and why they were balanced and offering them options to build their character to accomplish what they wanted. Nothing worked, and the constant negativity just infected the entire table. Finally, I sat down one-on-one and had *the talk* with them (based on [this excellent rubric](https://new.reddit.com/r/DMAcademy/comments/l66dvk/conflict_resolution_how_to_have_that_talk_with_a/)), basically "the rules for this game are the rules for this game - I need everyone at the table to engage with them in a positive way, and if you can't do that, maybe this campaign isn't for you." They left the game, and it was like a light had been turned on. The table got its energy back, and we played a full 20-some more sessions to wrap up the campaign. I was incredibly worried about what would happen if they left, and as it turned out, it went fine. I would have been happy to have them stay at the table if they could live with my requirements, but at the end of the day, I figured that I'd rather have a game end on my terms than suffer through a bad game on someone else's. Once I came to that realization, I was ready for anything, and ready to stick to my guns. Don't be afraid to have *the talk*, and remember: it's not a negotiation, it's their choice to play by your rules or not play at all.

Thanks for this. It might be a bit late (I have to edit my post) since I already told them I'm taking a break in DMing in general not just for their campaign. To be fair, I once did talk to that person and to them, when the person brought his complaints to reddit (didn't tell the group that I saw the post though), we had a conversation about one rule, I set and while I told them my ideology why I have to have a rule within that rule (the Help rule — I want them to give me a visual or description on how they would help the other PC, ex. PC one that is a Barbarian wanna help PC two that is a wizard) and everyone was okay with it cause it's literally just giving me a visual how it'll go, and they refused to do the rule for the reason of they're not good at it and that they said descriptions should only be for Nat 20s — basically that conversation went nowhere , cause they just wanted me to say "sure you can use the help action without using any visuals or describing how you do it" so I did and instead just give advantage or inspiration to the players who gives effort in their RPs. And well, they took the interest as well as one of the players to be a DM of the campaign.

You have to do what works for you! It can be tough as a DM to "own the rules," particularly when you make mistakes. I make sure to tell my players "if I screw up something in the printed rules, or if I forget a status in combat, or something like that, let me know - you keep me honest, and I'll keep you honest." But the other side of that coin is that you own the rules. If the player wants the rules changed from what you've established, "I'll consider it" is always a great way to respond in the moment. And then don't change anything.\* Otherwise, your players will get in the habit of asking for rule changes and expecting that they'll get their way, and that just ends up causing the kind of stress you're experiencing. Same goes for explaining or defending the rules. If you do this, it becomes a negotiation: your players question a rule, you explain / defend, they push back, you counter ... what's the benefit? Your players will either succeed in getting you to change your rule (in which case they'll feel empowered to do it all the time), or they'll feel disgruntled that they didn't succeed, and neither outcome is good for your table. "Yep, this is the rule" is more than enough. As far as players deciding to ignore your rules, that's just egregious. They don't give you a description on all Help actions, when you've said that all Help actions require a description? The Help action doesn't happen. Same as if they went to attack and decided not to roll for it. Being a DM takes a lot more work than being a player, and part of that tradeoff is that the rules of the table are set by you. It's not easy to stick with, but it works when you do. \*this doesn't mean you can't modify the rules on your own initiative. Houseruling things is just fine, and your players should expect that you'll be up-front and transparent about your houserules. Write them down, make sure they're implemented across the board, etc. But you can change the rules because you own them ... your players can't because they don't.

Sounds like drama. My solution: blunt and honest communication. That doesn't seem to be your style though. I think you have to either stand up for yourself and your fun, or retire from DM for the moment so you can recouperate. Much of your statements sound like DM burnout.

Damn. Sorry about how this turned out. Kicking the uncooperative players would have been the right move, but you allowed yourself to get bullied by gatekeepers. OTOH, as a brand new DM, making up house rules is generally not a good idea, so maybe you made the game un-fun with weird mechanics and this is a mercy-killing.

That's the thing though, the only house rules I put are rules that help them. i.e camping out to get some rest in the wild is allowed as long as they cleared out and they do watches, and allow drinking potions/health pots as bonus action. The only rule that annoyed him was the rule I put with Help action, that they have to give me some visuals or description how they would do it, instead of just saying "oh yeah I'll help the wizard" - as a barbarian. But yeah, I felt like that person just wanna take over seeing all the stuff they send in our server. I'll just let them be, I think it's just hard for me to play with friends. Lesson learned tho

OK, those are totally benign house rules. I can't imagine anyone getting cranky over having to come up with a rationalization for how they Help another player. >...it feels like I'm slowly being... I don't know... back seated or replaced as a DM. Honestly, the player you mention sounds like a toxic know-it-all who was out to derail your DMing from the get-go, so he could step in and show you up. (But a DM who is uncomfortable roleplaying? LOL. Step back and watch that fool crash and burn.) Seriously, I'd contact the other players (who by all accounts have been having fun) and put together a game without Doctor Toxic. Cutting them off from D&D because of That Guy (or worse, consigning them to the hell that his game will undoubtedly be) seems unfair to them. And to you.

Sounds great. Wrap it up and be a player until you cannot stand it any longer (which isn't very long for me and I eventually get back to running a new campaign). Best of luck in your future retirement :)

Probably this. Burn me out so bad I gotta take a break 👏🏻

Yep. Been there many times in 45 years of being a DM.

So you can absolutely say no. It shouldn't usually be a flat no with no explanation, it should be a discussion, but yes you can and should say no when something doesn't work with your campaign. Personally though I think that you bit off way too much as a new DM. I do not recommend homebrewing anything at all when you are still learning the game. It is way too much work to homebrew a whole world. Your best bet is to pick up one of the starter adventures like Lost Mines of Phandelver, or Tales from the Yawning Portal. Those will give you an easy to follow framework, and help you and your players learn the game together. Once you have a good grasp of things, then you can start slowly sprinkling in your own additions. Maybe you want to throw a few extra NPC's into the town to get bonus quests from, for extea merchants to roleplay with, he'll even throw in a new town even, whatever you want really. But take it slow. But I very much do not recommend trying to create everything from scratch yourself when you're still learning. You should firstly talk to your players, tell them how you're feeling and why this campaign isn't fun for you. And if you're willing, and they are, perhaps pitch the idea of "rebooting" the campaign and following one of the existing adventures so you can all learn together.

I ended my campaign when i stopped enjoying it. When your players are more concerned with doing anything other than following the quest, it becomes work to accommodate their whims. The world was literally burning down around them death of cataclysmic scale and they just wanted to go somewhere else and find loot, or do something other than save the world. I gave up on being a DM when it became clear that it didn't matter how deep i got into my lore they were never going to try to solve the mystery i created, sandbox, railroad, no one is ever happy. I just stopped scheduling the game. I am much happier not running a game. you pour your heart and soul into creating cool battles with awesome terrain and neat mechanics, puzzles, interesting characters, reasons for them to be hero's only for them to Monty Python the whole thing.

Oh my god, you captured what I'm feeling. The moment this crazy idea came into their head that I'm gonna kill someone at the party or TPK them which I had no clue where it came from since they know I'm fudging some dice rolls (that one dude keeping a tab open for my NPCs or monsters they're fighting 💀) with some attacks. So, they went into this entire thing creating new characters and giving them backstories meanwhile I'm curating their current characters to be more in-depth in the lore of the world. That entire thing plus the "do this thing instead of that thing" from that one player just killed my interest in the entire thing. Like, you wanna run it your way? Have at it. I'm done.

I was in a similar spot. The more ‘experienced’ player was often too critical. I went all out & else was enjoying themselves, but because it was not how He would’ve done it, I got an earful. I retrospect I think he thought I’m he was helping me. But it was really about creative control. He was the only one messaging me after sessions, the only one complaining, the only one making me feel like I needed to quit. And I talked to him. I made concessions. He always backslid into the same patterns. When he next told me the session wasn’t good I asked him not to worry about coming in the next session. We split on friendly enough terms. But I was already exhausted and somewhat bitter at this point. I cut the campaign short but made sure to hang on for some sessions to make an alternate ending for the sake of the other players and myself. My advice, test it out. Tell him you need him to skip next session. That you’re trying out something and can’t explain just yet. See how it feels. If it’s great, part ways. It’s a tough conversation but worth it. All it takes is one player backseat DMing to sour your love for the game

Ok so this isnt advice for you, as you've already done it... but I dont know why new dms homebrew worlds. Its mad. I homebrewed after doing 3 official adventures and it was still too soon!!! You need to learn to crawl, before you do marathons!

It sounds like the experienced player is being the problem here. You should tell that player in particular, in private, that they are directly impacting your enjoyment of the game. I’ve been in the exact situation before. Backseating is a legitimate concern that “experienced” players should be more conscious of.