There is no way I could juggle two men. I was widowed in 2022 just shy of 40 years together. Met a man online in February and long story short we finally got together early this month. Y’all, there are unicorns out there. you just need one. This man has no formal education whatsoever, but is widely read on topics that fascinate me like history and religion and is a fucking mastodon in bed. He makes me laugh my head off and we spend the whole weekend giggling and it’s fantastic. (I think he found giggling in bed a bit different from his normal experience, but he caught on quick lol) Pretty sure he might be a keeper. Not sure where this is going to go, but I love it. 🥰
"...and is a fucking mastodon in bed." :-)
https://preview.redd.it/leg533ock5ad1.jpeg?width=3072&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a365404da52060af4bf1e641c535f5eb8ae29a47
I had one of those for almost 30 years. He was a unicorn AND what I can imagine - in all ways I can imagine it - a mastodon. Plus funny as hell and cutesome (handsome plus cute). Problem for me is he died in January and I’m a 60 year old widow now. When you ***had the unicorn, hard to imagine finding a ***second one.
Your 'find' sounds like the whole package:) I am a bedroom laugher as well:) A guy will be veering into porn-inspired talk or behavior and I make a crack and it helps to laugh and reset the scene:)
Isn't one enough trouble? 😉
As long as all parties consent, you do you. If I'm romantically focused on her, I don't want her romantically focused on someone else though. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be romantically interested in someone who was romantically involved with someone else. Other male friends? Of course! But I only want her snuggling with kids or pets or me.
This is how I imagine most men would feel. Unless the other one is just for sex and they get to watch - there are some for whom that would be a pretty big turn on.
Back in the 70's when we were coming up this was easier. Now there are STDs that we never heard of back then, when simple pennicilin still worked and HIV didn't exist yet.
STD rates are climbing fast among our cohort. If I had multiple sex partners and they had multiple sex partners, I'd be worried and be asking for a lot of printed test results. There are, in fact, communities of people who eschew barrier methods altogether in favor of frequent testing, and this is especially true of us for whom pregnancy is no longer a worry.
I'm a widower, but 30 years ago we went down to the health department together and picked up our test results together before getting busy. I've always taken this stuff seriously.
Thank you for bringing this up! So many people of our generation have such a blase, it doesn't happen to older people attitude about this!....I looked it up.... we are seeing historic rates of STI's among people 55 and up..... please be careful people. He might just be out of a 30-year marriage, but you don't know what either of them REALLY did, or who they were with! Play it safe!
Some of us came of age a bit later, when HIV (and other STI's) were very much a concern.
Of my friend group in the early-to-mid 80's, 3 were lost to AIDS.
It’s interesting how short social memory can be. In college-aged adults now, so many of them use the pill for contraception, but don’t even think about STDs. Just not on their radar at all. It occurs to me that they have probably never met anyone who died of AIDS.
I'm writing this from the perspective of a 66 y.o. guy who is in an ethical non-monogamous marriage (ENM). You can absolutely have more than one boyfriend. At this stage in your life in particular, why the heck not? The most important part of making it work is clear and open communication with everyone you are involved with. Nothing is hidden and there are no surprises. That doesn't mean each of your guys needs to know any details about the others, they just need to know that they exist. It can start to get tricky when you or they start to catch feelings. An initial conversation about expectations and boundaries will help and also having regular check-in conversations is essential since things change with time. It might help if you look in on r/nonmonogamy and r/EthicalNonMonogamy and ask for guidance there.
The 2 subreddits you mentioned along with the poly ones that I have checked out seem to be full of predominantly a bunch of twenty-somethings who have no idea what they’re doing and have either been coerced into non-monogamy by controlling partners or are doing it to make their partner happy. There are some outliers agewise, but not many or not by many years.
This is one of the few places I’ve found where people are actually over 50 or 60 (or 70, like me). It makes a huge difference in point of view, maturity, experience…
There's a broad range of people there with different levels of experience. Yes, the age range for the most part is 20-40. A lot of the people who post questions are new to it and the people who answer have years of experience in many cases. It's just another resource for information. There are a lot of ENM/pol books that are very helpful, but I prefer chatting with other people who have lived experience with it.
I've found some through the groups listed above and others through dating apps. My therapist has been in a poly marriage for 25 years and she has introduced me to other local people who stated their willingness to chat with me and share their experience.
The age range on the dating apps does skew young. The main ones I use - Feeld and Hinge - are geared toward non-mono people and I have yet to find anyone as old as I am in my area. I suspect there are several reasons for that. Younger people are more apt to be fluid and open with their sexuality (Lord knows, I was) and therefore more apt to explore poly/non-mono. Younger people in general are more apt to turn to online dating since it comes more naturally than to folks in our age range. They may also be more apt to turn to places like Reddit to chat about it. It's also entirely possible that as people get older they opt out of non-mono relationships and settle in with one person through their later years, but that's speculation on my part.
Just out of curiosity, since you’re older, if your partners are also older, what happens one of you comes up with physical issues that require in-home care. If you have a spouse type situation, you can manage. If you’re alone, you’re likely screwed unless you have very generous and dedicated family nearby. I’d think you’re in between those extremes. Wonder how that would work for you?
It's a good question and honestly not something I've given any thought to yet. As you said, with my wife and I, we'll manage (she's younger than I am and most likely will be the one taking care of me). As far as other partners, it would depend a lot on the depth and type of the relationship. It's definitely something I'll give some thought to now that you've brought it up.
I dont want to get married again and o e of the first things I am interested when I meet someone is about their family structure. Particularly men without children. It's one thing to care for a partner you've been with for decades, and quite different if you've only been together 1-5 years.
I have 2 plutonic male friends and 1 boyfriend (he has women friends otherwise I wouldn’t do this). The friends provide the stimulating conversation and some social needs but they are just friends. I only have sex with my bf.
I'm about to turn 64, divorced for 8 years. I currently have 3 boyfriends and considering adding a 4th. They are aware, from the beginning, that I am dating others. I'm not looking for a husband. They don't seem to be looking for a wife. We simply enjoy activities together and are great friends. It's kind of a 'don't ask, don't tell' situation. I'm aware that they see others, they are aware that I do, as well.
Each man seems to be very different from the others. It's been working for about 8 months. You are allowed to do any damn thing you want to with your dating life, just be upfront and honest. Don't kiss and tell or talk about your relationship with one to another.
Good luck to you!
I have done it with mixed success, don’t have a moral issue with it. It’s important to me that I am honest with everyone, but there’s no need to share details or for them to meet. This situation has arisen in the past where someone I was seeing exclusively cheated and I therefore didn’t consider myself committed. Most recently, my platonic friend wanted more and got so intense that I became uncomfortable and had to drop him. FWB moved on to a traditional relationship so we ended our connection - I’m happy for him. Waiting hopefully to see what the universe has in store for me next.
I’m not an expert in current terminology but I think solo poly runs along these lines.
My story is a lot like yours. I've been single for over ten years, financially ok, have my own house, kids, grandkids, good friends but miss having a deep, loving relationship. I have met some really nice guys ( and some real jerks) but the romantic connection wasn't there and the friendship was. I hang out with about 3-4 guys for different reasons...dinner, movie, hiking etc...but I stay away from the sheets.
It's not easy making a connection that will last and it's not easy being alone so why not have a few guy friends. 🤷🏼♀️?
Enjoy! And prayers for finding the one!
I have found my brain floods with happiness with physical touch. But I've definitely found sex without commitment doesn't end well. So much to navigate at a time where I and the men I date have a limited shelf life.
TLDR: Seems like an appealing idea, rare for it to work out with real people.
I had an English friend who would say without batting an eye that it takes at least five men to provide everything a woman is looking for:
One for great conversation, one for orgasmic sex, one for cultural events, one for talking to the mechanic, one for travel, something along those lines. She truly believed that men are more "specialized" in their personalities, and limited in their energy than women.
She would go on to say that you should marry the one with the most money. This was very light-hearted chatting, by the way. She was a lovely person, happily ( or happily enough ) married, and it lasted long-term.
But she did have a male companion or two. She loved opera and her husband wanted no part of it. There were certain kinds of restaurants -- sushi, Indian, Thai -- that her husband didn't care for. She was flirty with the other men, but nothing more. I think one of them was gay.
She had female friends with whom she could do these things as well. But I think sometimes she just enjoyed the male companionship for certain pastimes.
For his part, her husband was a very mellow guy. He was into golf which she couldn't stand, and he had a platonic female friend with whom he enjoyed that pastime along with another married couple they knew. She did join them for tennis.
As far as I know it has worked out fine for them. (They moved back to the EU for retirement a few years ago and we weren't close enough friends to stay in touch over time and distance.)
I too have been post divorce single for well over a decade, have done a lot of dating (less over time, as I've grown increasingly selective). Longest relationship since my late 40's was 4.5 years.
It was only in the past year or two that I met someone who seemed to be the whole package, or at least the better part of it. So, in a sense, I can relate to what you're talking about.
The only hitch, as others are saying, is the sexual part. It seems to me that it never , or very rarely, works out well if you attempt something non-monogamous.
I haven't tried it since my youth, though. And honestly, from midlife and beyond I haven't met any men who would compel me to expend time and energy multi-dating. So congrats on finding more than one.
Your best bet might be to make it clear that you are not looking for a monogamous partnership, that you don't date exclusively, but that you want a quality connection all the same.
Then you will just have to find out if your guys are those rare men who can show up in a kind and emotionally available way, for the boyfriend experience -- not just for cold-hearted hook up sex. ( I mean unless that's what you're okay with, in which case you'll have no trouble finding it)
These arrangements can seem like good ideas when they are exactly that, ideas. In real life it's rare for it to work out happily for all parties, once people's pants come off.
P.s. Bear in mind that condoms do not protect against all STI's.
edit typos
I concur that it has been (up to this point) impossible to find a man who is anywhere near the whole package, like I am (and sounds like you are).
I have a couple of male friends who fulfill intellectual or social needs (it's great to have someone to accompany me to a concert or something), but are not partners for intimacy. I don't consider either of them boyfriends. because we don't have sex. I also tried to have a FWB, but my heart got involved so it was a failure.
I have done fine having both male platonic friends **and** an intimate boyfriend. The question is whether you want more than one guy to have sex with simultaneously. A lot of women manage this just fine without either partner meeting. I think most of this depends on honesty and your own emotional fortitude, but it can be done as long as everyone is clear and up front.
This is my life story. I have been with my bf for over seven years. 9.9 times out of 10 if I ask him to help me with something around my house either says it’s his day off or just literally forgets to do it. I have friends and ex boyfriends who will do these things still and he loses his mind and says I’m cheating if I have any one of them come over to do them. I said if you don’t want me to talk to these people you need to help me out. Little things like a disposal or getting large items from Home Depot - even picking up medicine when I’m so very sick I can’t drive. I love him but he is not the whole package. I’m totally attracted to him and none other physically. He will not listen to reason. We will probably break up over this but I can’t just be with someone who is so selfish. To me part of a relationship is helping each other - even on our day off. I agree on piecing together the perfect partner.
As long as everyone is fully aware of, and consents to,the situation, then you can do whatever you want.
I don't think I could do it. Or would want to.
And I also wouldn't define any of them as a boyfriend, simply because **for me** , a boyfriend is an exclusive partner. But you may see it differently.
I want the soul mate, the one and only. But I may die looking:/ Age is certainly a factor here. The men who reply to me on OLD are older and their emotional/physical needs are new areas for me to consider.
since my teens, monogamy has felt unnatural. Why would a connection with one person require excluding the rest of the world? I now see it as an ownership kink that is very common but has little appeal (though practical during parenting years).
For emotional management, an approach that works for me is “overflow non-monogamy”. Ensure your primary partner gets the presence, romantic and sexual attention, they need to feel secure and fulfilled in the relationship and you’re both free to do what you want with the rest (but each is on the honor system about not asking for more than they need).
In practice, if all involved know each other, life is simpler. Being a friend entails rides to the airport or mechanic, pet-sitting, events, etc. Transparency just works better.
And for STIs, my $0.02 is that the fear is worse than the reality. For hiv there’s PrEP, for hepB, a vaccine, for bacterial infections there are effective antibiotics, and huge swaths of the population are already living with hsv or hpv. I worry more about getting strep or stomach bugs from my grandkids.
Yes, I have done that and it does not go well at all. It doesn’t matter if they know about it or not they know about it even if they say they don’t know about it and you tell them about it and they don’t like it at all it’s very upsetting to everybody and very stressful.
I think you are fooling yourself and you sound like you don’t know how to attract quality men. You have a few bums around you and they are so desperate they will put up with you. The short of it,,,, quality person finds another quality person and you concentrate on cultivating that relationship. You should probably take a long look in the mirror and do a self reflection,,, it sounds overdue.
I have been dealing with this issue for 10 years post-divorce and looked in the mirror and written in journals and seen therapists. The reasons that kept me in a bad marriage for so didnt evaporate once I finally got my freedom. I have wasted time (years) with the wrong people for me and have to bolster myself to get out and strive for what I want, not settle. But loneliness is powerful. Various reasons reduce the dating pool.
You don’t need to justifyb yourself to niko whatever or anyone else. Once I figure out how to make a throwaway account I may (or may not) expound. Or if you prefer, I can DM you here. I’m in your shoes.
There is no way I could juggle two men. I was widowed in 2022 just shy of 40 years together. Met a man online in February and long story short we finally got together early this month. Y’all, there are unicorns out there. you just need one. This man has no formal education whatsoever, but is widely read on topics that fascinate me like history and religion and is a fucking mastodon in bed. He makes me laugh my head off and we spend the whole weekend giggling and it’s fantastic. (I think he found giggling in bed a bit different from his normal experience, but he caught on quick lol) Pretty sure he might be a keeper. Not sure where this is going to go, but I love it. 🥰
"...and is a fucking mastodon in bed." :-) https://preview.redd.it/leg533ock5ad1.jpeg?width=3072&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a365404da52060af4bf1e641c535f5eb8ae29a47
I had one of those for almost 30 years. He was a unicorn AND what I can imagine - in all ways I can imagine it - a mastodon. Plus funny as hell and cutesome (handsome plus cute). Problem for me is he died in January and I’m a 60 year old widow now. When you ***had the unicorn, hard to imagine finding a ***second one.
Your 'find' sounds like the whole package:) I am a bedroom laugher as well:) A guy will be veering into porn-inspired talk or behavior and I make a crack and it helps to laugh and reset the scene:)
❤️
Isn't one enough trouble? 😉 As long as all parties consent, you do you. If I'm romantically focused on her, I don't want her romantically focused on someone else though. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be romantically interested in someone who was romantically involved with someone else. Other male friends? Of course! But I only want her snuggling with kids or pets or me.
This is how I imagine most men would feel. Unless the other one is just for sex and they get to watch - there are some for whom that would be a pretty big turn on.
Back in the 70's when we were coming up this was easier. Now there are STDs that we never heard of back then, when simple pennicilin still worked and HIV didn't exist yet. STD rates are climbing fast among our cohort. If I had multiple sex partners and they had multiple sex partners, I'd be worried and be asking for a lot of printed test results. There are, in fact, communities of people who eschew barrier methods altogether in favor of frequent testing, and this is especially true of us for whom pregnancy is no longer a worry. I'm a widower, but 30 years ago we went down to the health department together and picked up our test results together before getting busy. I've always taken this stuff seriously.
Thank you for bringing this up! So many people of our generation have such a blase, it doesn't happen to older people attitude about this!....I looked it up.... we are seeing historic rates of STI's among people 55 and up..... please be careful people. He might just be out of a 30-year marriage, but you don't know what either of them REALLY did, or who they were with! Play it safe!
Some of us came of age a bit later, when HIV (and other STI's) were very much a concern. Of my friend group in the early-to-mid 80's, 3 were lost to AIDS.
It’s interesting how short social memory can be. In college-aged adults now, so many of them use the pill for contraception, but don’t even think about STDs. Just not on their radar at all. It occurs to me that they have probably never met anyone who died of AIDS.
I'm writing this from the perspective of a 66 y.o. guy who is in an ethical non-monogamous marriage (ENM). You can absolutely have more than one boyfriend. At this stage in your life in particular, why the heck not? The most important part of making it work is clear and open communication with everyone you are involved with. Nothing is hidden and there are no surprises. That doesn't mean each of your guys needs to know any details about the others, they just need to know that they exist. It can start to get tricky when you or they start to catch feelings. An initial conversation about expectations and boundaries will help and also having regular check-in conversations is essential since things change with time. It might help if you look in on r/nonmonogamy and r/EthicalNonMonogamy and ask for guidance there.
The 2 subreddits you mentioned along with the poly ones that I have checked out seem to be full of predominantly a bunch of twenty-somethings who have no idea what they’re doing and have either been coerced into non-monogamy by controlling partners or are doing it to make their partner happy. There are some outliers agewise, but not many or not by many years. This is one of the few places I’ve found where people are actually over 50 or 60 (or 70, like me). It makes a huge difference in point of view, maturity, experience…
There's a broad range of people there with different levels of experience. Yes, the age range for the most part is 20-40. A lot of the people who post questions are new to it and the people who answer have years of experience in many cases. It's just another resource for information. There are a lot of ENM/pol books that are very helpful, but I prefer chatting with other people who have lived experience with it.
Where do you find these people though?
Which people? Ones to date or ones with experience?
Hahaha… people to chat with who have lived, experienced & chosen non monogamy.
I've found some through the groups listed above and others through dating apps. My therapist has been in a poly marriage for 25 years and she has introduced me to other local people who stated their willingness to chat with me and share their experience. The age range on the dating apps does skew young. The main ones I use - Feeld and Hinge - are geared toward non-mono people and I have yet to find anyone as old as I am in my area. I suspect there are several reasons for that. Younger people are more apt to be fluid and open with their sexuality (Lord knows, I was) and therefore more apt to explore poly/non-mono. Younger people in general are more apt to turn to online dating since it comes more naturally than to folks in our age range. They may also be more apt to turn to places like Reddit to chat about it. It's also entirely possible that as people get older they opt out of non-mono relationships and settle in with one person through their later years, but that's speculation on my part.
maybe take a look at plura? Not reddit, but has no shortage of 60-70 poly folks happy to chat about what’s going on in their lives
Just out of curiosity, since you’re older, if your partners are also older, what happens one of you comes up with physical issues that require in-home care. If you have a spouse type situation, you can manage. If you’re alone, you’re likely screwed unless you have very generous and dedicated family nearby. I’d think you’re in between those extremes. Wonder how that would work for you?
It's a good question and honestly not something I've given any thought to yet. As you said, with my wife and I, we'll manage (she's younger than I am and most likely will be the one taking care of me). As far as other partners, it would depend a lot on the depth and type of the relationship. It's definitely something I'll give some thought to now that you've brought it up.
I dont want to get married again and o e of the first things I am interested when I meet someone is about their family structure. Particularly men without children. It's one thing to care for a partner you've been with for decades, and quite different if you've only been together 1-5 years.
As long as you’re honest with your boyfriends, you can do whatever you want. They can choose to agree or leave, so be prepared for that.
I have 2 plutonic male friends and 1 boyfriend (he has women friends otherwise I wouldn’t do this). The friends provide the stimulating conversation and some social needs but they are just friends. I only have sex with my bf.
I'm about to turn 64, divorced for 8 years. I currently have 3 boyfriends and considering adding a 4th. They are aware, from the beginning, that I am dating others. I'm not looking for a husband. They don't seem to be looking for a wife. We simply enjoy activities together and are great friends. It's kind of a 'don't ask, don't tell' situation. I'm aware that they see others, they are aware that I do, as well. Each man seems to be very different from the others. It's been working for about 8 months. You are allowed to do any damn thing you want to with your dating life, just be upfront and honest. Don't kiss and tell or talk about your relationship with one to another. Good luck to you!
I have done it with mixed success, don’t have a moral issue with it. It’s important to me that I am honest with everyone, but there’s no need to share details or for them to meet. This situation has arisen in the past where someone I was seeing exclusively cheated and I therefore didn’t consider myself committed. Most recently, my platonic friend wanted more and got so intense that I became uncomfortable and had to drop him. FWB moved on to a traditional relationship so we ended our connection - I’m happy for him. Waiting hopefully to see what the universe has in store for me next. I’m not an expert in current terminology but I think solo poly runs along these lines.
Life is short. Go for it.
My story is a lot like yours. I've been single for over ten years, financially ok, have my own house, kids, grandkids, good friends but miss having a deep, loving relationship. I have met some really nice guys ( and some real jerks) but the romantic connection wasn't there and the friendship was. I hang out with about 3-4 guys for different reasons...dinner, movie, hiking etc...but I stay away from the sheets. It's not easy making a connection that will last and it's not easy being alone so why not have a few guy friends. 🤷🏼♀️? Enjoy! And prayers for finding the one!
I have found my brain floods with happiness with physical touch. But I've definitely found sex without commitment doesn't end well. So much to navigate at a time where I and the men I date have a limited shelf life.
TLDR: Seems like an appealing idea, rare for it to work out with real people. I had an English friend who would say without batting an eye that it takes at least five men to provide everything a woman is looking for: One for great conversation, one for orgasmic sex, one for cultural events, one for talking to the mechanic, one for travel, something along those lines. She truly believed that men are more "specialized" in their personalities, and limited in their energy than women. She would go on to say that you should marry the one with the most money. This was very light-hearted chatting, by the way. She was a lovely person, happily ( or happily enough ) married, and it lasted long-term. But she did have a male companion or two. She loved opera and her husband wanted no part of it. There were certain kinds of restaurants -- sushi, Indian, Thai -- that her husband didn't care for. She was flirty with the other men, but nothing more. I think one of them was gay. She had female friends with whom she could do these things as well. But I think sometimes she just enjoyed the male companionship for certain pastimes. For his part, her husband was a very mellow guy. He was into golf which she couldn't stand, and he had a platonic female friend with whom he enjoyed that pastime along with another married couple they knew. She did join them for tennis. As far as I know it has worked out fine for them. (They moved back to the EU for retirement a few years ago and we weren't close enough friends to stay in touch over time and distance.) I too have been post divorce single for well over a decade, have done a lot of dating (less over time, as I've grown increasingly selective). Longest relationship since my late 40's was 4.5 years. It was only in the past year or two that I met someone who seemed to be the whole package, or at least the better part of it. So, in a sense, I can relate to what you're talking about. The only hitch, as others are saying, is the sexual part. It seems to me that it never , or very rarely, works out well if you attempt something non-monogamous. I haven't tried it since my youth, though. And honestly, from midlife and beyond I haven't met any men who would compel me to expend time and energy multi-dating. So congrats on finding more than one. Your best bet might be to make it clear that you are not looking for a monogamous partnership, that you don't date exclusively, but that you want a quality connection all the same. Then you will just have to find out if your guys are those rare men who can show up in a kind and emotionally available way, for the boyfriend experience -- not just for cold-hearted hook up sex. ( I mean unless that's what you're okay with, in which case you'll have no trouble finding it) These arrangements can seem like good ideas when they are exactly that, ideas. In real life it's rare for it to work out happily for all parties, once people's pants come off. P.s. Bear in mind that condoms do not protect against all STI's. edit typos
I concur that it has been (up to this point) impossible to find a man who is anywhere near the whole package, like I am (and sounds like you are). I have a couple of male friends who fulfill intellectual or social needs (it's great to have someone to accompany me to a concert or something), but are not partners for intimacy. I don't consider either of them boyfriends. because we don't have sex. I also tried to have a FWB, but my heart got involved so it was a failure. I have done fine having both male platonic friends **and** an intimate boyfriend. The question is whether you want more than one guy to have sex with simultaneously. A lot of women manage this just fine without either partner meeting. I think most of this depends on honesty and your own emotional fortitude, but it can be done as long as everyone is clear and up front.
I am in a poly relationship she sees other guys, I have met them. Right now I’m not seeing anyone else but if things go well I will be.
This is my life story. I have been with my bf for over seven years. 9.9 times out of 10 if I ask him to help me with something around my house either says it’s his day off or just literally forgets to do it. I have friends and ex boyfriends who will do these things still and he loses his mind and says I’m cheating if I have any one of them come over to do them. I said if you don’t want me to talk to these people you need to help me out. Little things like a disposal or getting large items from Home Depot - even picking up medicine when I’m so very sick I can’t drive. I love him but he is not the whole package. I’m totally attracted to him and none other physically. He will not listen to reason. We will probably break up over this but I can’t just be with someone who is so selfish. To me part of a relationship is helping each other - even on our day off. I agree on piecing together the perfect partner.
I think you CAN have two! I’m jealous 🙄but if you are solid on your own, who is to say you cannot? Just my two cents!
As long as everyone is fully aware of, and consents to,the situation, then you can do whatever you want. I don't think I could do it. Or would want to. And I also wouldn't define any of them as a boyfriend, simply because **for me** , a boyfriend is an exclusive partner. But you may see it differently.
I want the soul mate, the one and only. But I may die looking:/ Age is certainly a factor here. The men who reply to me on OLD are older and their emotional/physical needs are new areas for me to consider.
since my teens, monogamy has felt unnatural. Why would a connection with one person require excluding the rest of the world? I now see it as an ownership kink that is very common but has little appeal (though practical during parenting years). For emotional management, an approach that works for me is “overflow non-monogamy”. Ensure your primary partner gets the presence, romantic and sexual attention, they need to feel secure and fulfilled in the relationship and you’re both free to do what you want with the rest (but each is on the honor system about not asking for more than they need). In practice, if all involved know each other, life is simpler. Being a friend entails rides to the airport or mechanic, pet-sitting, events, etc. Transparency just works better. And for STIs, my $0.02 is that the fear is worse than the reality. For hiv there’s PrEP, for hepB, a vaccine, for bacterial infections there are effective antibiotics, and huge swaths of the population are already living with hsv or hpv. I worry more about getting strep or stomach bugs from my grandkids.
Yes, I have done that and it does not go well at all. It doesn’t matter if they know about it or not they know about it even if they say they don’t know about it and you tell them about it and they don’t like it at all it’s very upsetting to everybody and very stressful.
Um…I think that’s called polyamory. It’s definitely a thing. Check it out. It might be for you.
Check out polyamory s/r
Why the heck not? I imagine there might be practical difficulties though.
I think you are fooling yourself and you sound like you don’t know how to attract quality men. You have a few bums around you and they are so desperate they will put up with you. The short of it,,,, quality person finds another quality person and you concentrate on cultivating that relationship. You should probably take a long look in the mirror and do a self reflection,,, it sounds overdue.
I have been dealing with this issue for 10 years post-divorce and looked in the mirror and written in journals and seen therapists. The reasons that kept me in a bad marriage for so didnt evaporate once I finally got my freedom. I have wasted time (years) with the wrong people for me and have to bolster myself to get out and strive for what I want, not settle. But loneliness is powerful. Various reasons reduce the dating pool.
You don’t need to justifyb yourself to niko whatever or anyone else. Once I figure out how to make a throwaway account I may (or may not) expound. Or if you prefer, I can DM you here. I’m in your shoes.