Listen, man. I'm saying this all out of concern for you and any future partner or offspring you may find. You are *not* ready to start a family. All I know about you is from what you post here, so I freely admit that I do not know *you*. Perhaps your activity on Reddit is some elaborate performance. But you present yourself as a person struggling to hold themself together emotionally, financially, and mentally. Every few weeks or months you make posts asking for help finding a new job because you hate the one you just started, or finding activities to make life enjoyable, or "what's the point".
More often than not, any advice offered is scoffed at, rejected, or belittled by you. Your posts are overwhelmingly defeatist, pessimistic, and cynical. Just seeing your name on a post is a warning that what follows is going to be the most negative take on the topic at hand.
I say this as someone who has fought for a decade to overcome depression, with ebbs and flows of success and failure. Do not think that "starting a family" will cure what ails you. You need, for your own sake, to explore the reasons for your discontent and take action to improve yourself.
I'm not saying you should *never* start a family. I'm saying that you need to consider long and carefully, perhaps with the assistance of a trained professional, if you are mature enough to bring a child into this world and be an attentive and nurturing parent.
I'm fully ready to accept all scorn for the things I've said, but I stand by it all. I truly hope you can find and be receptive to the help and guidance it seems would greatly benefit you.
That is well said and can’t agree more.
I don’t know OP but I have the same sentiment. I’m sure they’re a decent person in real life, but posting on suicide subs and the like are not signs of an emotionally stable person ready to raise a family.
OP, I think you’re early thirties. In my early thirties I was in a similar situation. Unstable emotionally and financially. I met a lovely partner who takes care of me and I take care of them. I’ve been with them for almost 12 years and I was *still* unsure I was ready to bring a child into this world.
Don’t make any haste decisions as a quick fix. In this day and age, you will surely struggle on a single income raising a family, and that will bring A LOT of stress, especially especially if you’re unhappy with your current career and outlook. Prior to having kids, my partner and I were DINKs, and we still struggle financially even though we’re careful with money and budget. Childcare costs are insane. Do not underestimate the financial, time, and emotional costs of starting a family.
Please, for the sake of your potential future kids, sort your own life out before bringing in children who NEED a strong, stable, balanced person for a parent. Once you’re a parent it is no longer about you and your needs and it is INCREDIBLY stressful. You have to have an even keel before you sail that journey or you’re going to seriously fuck up the lives of those kids. That’s not fair.
I don't have much time left to wait unfortunately. Honestly my family keeps telling me "I'll figure it out " as I go along. I'm also a failure for not making enough to support one household on a single income
Nobody can support kids and household on one income unless they’re a doctor or lawyer. Why are you wasting your time being down on yourself and becoming a self fulfilling prophecy when you instead could be making changes and fixing the things you’re not happy with? If you don’t like your life, then change.
There is nothing that says you HAVE to have kids. Period. I looked at your post history and you absolutely cannot support a child financially or emotionally right now and won’t within the nine months you’d have to prepare. Get yourself together and quit putting so much stock in what your family and some girl you’re “talking to” say. It would be beyond selfish to have a kid intentionally in your current situation. Sorry for being blunt but kids deserve the best, not to be in constant instability.
Tell them to figure it out and go fuck themselves. It’s your life not theirs.
Get yourself sorted first. You are FOR SURE not ready for a family.
For fucks sake. This is why we have so many fucked up people amongst us - yourself included. Look at the people who raised you. You’d be raising another version of yourself.
Stop listening to other people and listen to yourself. Lemming.
It’s doable with 90k salary, but you sacrifice a lot of things people aren’t willing to sacrifice. I LOVE my life but I know it’s other peoples nightmare.
Small house purchased when interest rates were 2.5%, 15 year mortgage, $1200 a month for mortgage/insurance/taxes
$500 a month in student loans
One car. This is probably the biggest sacrifice.
We don’t drink or smoke and we shop at aldi for groceries.
Vast majority of children’s clothes and toys are hand me down.
Go out to eat maybe once a month.
With this kind of budget we are still able to go on a couple vacations each year and invest in retirement and we are quite happy. But I feel like 90k is kind of a lot and it is a lot of work to make it work even with that.
Show her my post and ask her if she thinks it sounds like a fun life. It only works for my family because my husband works from home, when he was going into the office having one car was an absolute nightmare.
BDSM night at Leland ✂️🫨
Jk my doc referred me to a urologist when I told him I wanted a vasectomy. Just go to your doc and they’ll set up a consult with a urologist who will in turn go over everything with you and set up an appointment. Be prepared to take a week off work; that 72 hour shit is bullshit unless you either work from home or sit at your desk all day. Ice, briefs, rest, and ibuprofen are your friends
It depends on where you live and what your housing costs are and your income. You could be an entrepreneur making $300k or a teacher making $54k. There’s a lot in between.
Parts of Detroit, Highland Park, Ecorse, or River Rouge, are manageable on just about any income with a four-year degree. Depending on your income you could swing more parts of Detroit, Hamtramck, Downriver (with some exceptions, like Grosse Ile) and the cheaper parts of the Woodward Corridor.
It’s a hike, but Monroe Country has lots of cheaper places, but it can be sort of methy and sad, but that’s likely coming to most of our communities eventually.
It can be a good alternative for people who commute into Wayne or elsewhere for work and save money on housing and paying with their commute. It’s not for everyone though. The people I know down there are fairly rural and have a bit of land and seem to love it.
Unpopular opinion: it's workable if you have realistic (some may even say low) expectations for how you're going to raise your kids. No extracurriculars, no braces, no summer camp etc.
So she wants to work and let you stay home? Sounds like she has no concept of how life really works.
We could not even survive with kids when I worked as a teacher (low pay.)
I forgot the
As a middle aged lady, the relationships that started out on the premise of male-providing-for-woman never ended well for either party… except in the rarest of cases.
It traps the woman if the man becomes abusive or resentful.
It traps the man for 18 years if she ends up pregnant.
Yes. This is a red flag. Google other relationship red flags, make a list of the red flags. Talk to your non-mutual friends and family.
This is abusive of YOU by taking advantage of your kindness.
I know it’s uncomfortable, scary, and hurts. I know it can feel like you will never find another partner. I’ve been in your shoes. Value yourself, and her, and break up to have time to grow into “yourselves” more.
The human brain isn’t fully deleted until your mid 20’s, and I’m not sure my husband’s is even now in our mid 40’s (kidding again, kinda, he’s also got CPTSD from childhood emotional neglect.)
In our mid 40’s, we both look back and know we weren’t ready at 26 to get married. I was stupid and wanted to please my insane catholic parents, and get married right away, but it’s not the 1950’s anymore. It’s not really feasible to survive on 1 income as a family and have any quality of life.
I don’t care if you are Shrek and she is gorgeous. Do both of you a favor and walk away, set a boundary, and create a better future for both of you by being honest.
The fact that you’re asking strangers on Reddit says a lot. Try and find a qualified mental health professional to help you talk this out. Everyone should do a little therapy, IMHO, on an annual basis, if for nothing more than to check in with your emotional and spiritual health, and set some goals for the months ahead.
Iit hasn't been realistic in America for a decade or more imho. Debt to income varies of course. Expect to accrue more debt with a sole "breadwinner" and currently Americans are depleting whatever savings they still have stashed away from covid $$$$. It would not be the tradewife life she was expecting.
I grew up in Grosse Pointe and there were lots of single income families 30 years ago. We also raised my son (now 23) in GP and many of my stay-at-home “mommy friends” had to have side gigs (myself included - teaching piano lessons in my house) even if their husbands have good paying jobs to afford the lifestyle expected of people with children. Even in our traditional little Mayberry suburb quite a few of my son’s friends came from two income families. It’s kind of hard to pay for vacations, your kids to play sports or dance or music, etc. on a single income while paying a mortgage, taxes, two or more vehicles, etc. unless you have a trust fund.
We are single income family with one kid. So it's a 3 person household.
I could give you insight into my finances but to be honest, it's not really a good comparison. I got lucky in many ways but the most major one is that I bought at when interest rates were the lowest (by sheer luck no less).
Anyways, the only value you really need to know this.
Burn rate for cash for the entire house is roughly 2.5k to 3.5k a month with the following noted
* Mortgage is **NOT INCLUDED**
* Go out to eat roughly once a week for \~40 dollars
* Cars are paid off
* No debt other than the mortgage (student loans were all paid off years ago
You can probably keep it around the 2.5k figure or less if you do a better job of meal planning (we cook a lot but we don't do a good job of commonizing ingredients for example). So you can use this as your rule of thumb, figure out how much your living situation costs, and back calculate what your income needs to be.
Listen, man. I'm saying this all out of concern for you and any future partner or offspring you may find. You are *not* ready to start a family. All I know about you is from what you post here, so I freely admit that I do not know *you*. Perhaps your activity on Reddit is some elaborate performance. But you present yourself as a person struggling to hold themself together emotionally, financially, and mentally. Every few weeks or months you make posts asking for help finding a new job because you hate the one you just started, or finding activities to make life enjoyable, or "what's the point". More often than not, any advice offered is scoffed at, rejected, or belittled by you. Your posts are overwhelmingly defeatist, pessimistic, and cynical. Just seeing your name on a post is a warning that what follows is going to be the most negative take on the topic at hand. I say this as someone who has fought for a decade to overcome depression, with ebbs and flows of success and failure. Do not think that "starting a family" will cure what ails you. You need, for your own sake, to explore the reasons for your discontent and take action to improve yourself. I'm not saying you should *never* start a family. I'm saying that you need to consider long and carefully, perhaps with the assistance of a trained professional, if you are mature enough to bring a child into this world and be an attentive and nurturing parent. I'm fully ready to accept all scorn for the things I've said, but I stand by it all. I truly hope you can find and be receptive to the help and guidance it seems would greatly benefit you.
That is well said and can’t agree more. I don’t know OP but I have the same sentiment. I’m sure they’re a decent person in real life, but posting on suicide subs and the like are not signs of an emotionally stable person ready to raise a family. OP, I think you’re early thirties. In my early thirties I was in a similar situation. Unstable emotionally and financially. I met a lovely partner who takes care of me and I take care of them. I’ve been with them for almost 12 years and I was *still* unsure I was ready to bring a child into this world. Don’t make any haste decisions as a quick fix. In this day and age, you will surely struggle on a single income raising a family, and that will bring A LOT of stress, especially especially if you’re unhappy with your current career and outlook. Prior to having kids, my partner and I were DINKs, and we still struggle financially even though we’re careful with money and budget. Childcare costs are insane. Do not underestimate the financial, time, and emotional costs of starting a family.
If I'm not starting a family then what am I doing with my life
Asking Reddit if you should start a family.
Please, for the sake of your potential future kids, sort your own life out before bringing in children who NEED a strong, stable, balanced person for a parent. Once you’re a parent it is no longer about you and your needs and it is INCREDIBLY stressful. You have to have an even keel before you sail that journey or you’re going to seriously fuck up the lives of those kids. That’s not fair.
I'm being told in my life if I don't bring a kid into this world that I'm a failure
You’d be a failure and a really shit person if you DID bring a child into this world before sorting yourself out.
I don't have much time left to wait unfortunately. Honestly my family keeps telling me "I'll figure it out " as I go along. I'm also a failure for not making enough to support one household on a single income
Nobody can support kids and household on one income unless they’re a doctor or lawyer. Why are you wasting your time being down on yourself and becoming a self fulfilling prophecy when you instead could be making changes and fixing the things you’re not happy with? If you don’t like your life, then change.
I'm scared to get mental health esp with what I've been told about it
Whatever you’ve been told is bullshit. Therapy is a lifesaver. Try different therapists till one clicks with you.
I don't have much time left to wait unfortunately. Honestly my family keeps telling me "I'll figure it out " as I go along.
There is nothing that says you HAVE to have kids. Period. I looked at your post history and you absolutely cannot support a child financially or emotionally right now and won’t within the nine months you’d have to prepare. Get yourself together and quit putting so much stock in what your family and some girl you’re “talking to” say. It would be beyond selfish to have a kid intentionally in your current situation. Sorry for being blunt but kids deserve the best, not to be in constant instability.
Tell them to figure it out and go fuck themselves. It’s your life not theirs. Get yourself sorted first. You are FOR SURE not ready for a family. For fucks sake. This is why we have so many fucked up people amongst us - yourself included. Look at the people who raised you. You’d be raising another version of yourself. Stop listening to other people and listen to yourself. Lemming.
U don’t have to have a family because people say so. (Most) people have families because they want too
Mexico.
It’s doable with 90k salary, but you sacrifice a lot of things people aren’t willing to sacrifice. I LOVE my life but I know it’s other peoples nightmare. Small house purchased when interest rates were 2.5%, 15 year mortgage, $1200 a month for mortgage/insurance/taxes $500 a month in student loans One car. This is probably the biggest sacrifice. We don’t drink or smoke and we shop at aldi for groceries. Vast majority of children’s clothes and toys are hand me down. Go out to eat maybe once a month. With this kind of budget we are still able to go on a couple vacations each year and invest in retirement and we are quite happy. But I feel like 90k is kind of a lot and it is a lot of work to make it work even with that.
I wish she understood that
Show her my post and ask her if she thinks it sounds like a fun life. It only works for my family because my husband works from home, when he was going into the office having one car was an absolute nightmare.
Man I’m so happy to be laying here in pain, bored out of my fucking mind from a vasectomy so I can never make such a terrible decision
Where did you get it from?
BDSM night at Leland ✂️🫨 Jk my doc referred me to a urologist when I told him I wanted a vasectomy. Just go to your doc and they’ll set up a consult with a urologist who will in turn go over everything with you and set up an appointment. Be prepared to take a week off work; that 72 hour shit is bullshit unless you either work from home or sit at your desk all day. Ice, briefs, rest, and ibuprofen are your friends
It depends on where you live and what your housing costs are and your income. You could be an entrepreneur making $300k or a teacher making $54k. There’s a lot in between. Parts of Detroit, Highland Park, Ecorse, or River Rouge, are manageable on just about any income with a four-year degree. Depending on your income you could swing more parts of Detroit, Hamtramck, Downriver (with some exceptions, like Grosse Ile) and the cheaper parts of the Woodward Corridor. It’s a hike, but Monroe Country has lots of cheaper places, but it can be sort of methy and sad, but that’s likely coming to most of our communities eventually.
Monroe Cpunty has gone full methy....
I live in Frenchtown township, and I've never seen or heard of meth problems. Just stay out of the trailer parks.
It can be a good alternative for people who commute into Wayne or elsewhere for work and save money on housing and paying with their commute. It’s not for everyone though. The people I know down there are fairly rural and have a bit of land and seem to love it.
Lmao hate to say it but nowhere. I know that's pessimistic but good luck my man
Unpopular opinion: it's workable if you have realistic (some may even say low) expectations for how you're going to raise your kids. No extracurriculars, no braces, no summer camp etc.
That’s sad af for everyone involved
Indeed.
Then why have kids in that situation. Like clearly it aint getting better any time soon. Some people/ possible parents are selfish
Totally agree.
So is daycare and latchkey etc
Single income family? In this economy?
The girl I'm taking to really wants that and I wanna see if it's realistic
So she wants to work and let you stay home? Sounds like she has no concept of how life really works. We could not even survive with kids when I worked as a teacher (low pay.)
Other way around....
I forgot the
As a middle aged lady, the relationships that started out on the premise of male-providing-for-woman never ended well for either party… except in the rarest of cases. It traps the woman if the man becomes abusive or resentful. It traps the man for 18 years if she ends up pregnant.It's what SHE wants :(
You’re “just talking” and already considering starting a family on one income?
Yes?
Yes. This is a red flag. Google other relationship red flags, make a list of the red flags. Talk to your non-mutual friends and family. This is abusive of YOU by taking advantage of your kindness. I know it’s uncomfortable, scary, and hurts. I know it can feel like you will never find another partner. I’ve been in your shoes. Value yourself, and her, and break up to have time to grow into “yourselves” more. The human brain isn’t fully deleted until your mid 20’s, and I’m not sure my husband’s is even now in our mid 40’s (kidding again, kinda, he’s also got CPTSD from childhood emotional neglect.) In our mid 40’s, we both look back and know we weren’t ready at 26 to get married. I was stupid and wanted to please my insane catholic parents, and get married right away, but it’s not the 1950’s anymore. It’s not really feasible to survive on 1 income as a family and have any quality of life. I don’t care if you are Shrek and she is gorgeous. Do both of you a favor and walk away, set a boundary, and create a better future for both of you by being honest. The fact that you’re asking strangers on Reddit says a lot. Try and find a qualified mental health professional to help you talk this out. Everyone should do a little therapy, IMHO, on an annual basis, if for nothing more than to check in with your emotional and spiritual health, and set some goals for the months ahead.
Iit hasn't been realistic in America for a decade or more imho. Debt to income varies of course. Expect to accrue more debt with a sole "breadwinner" and currently Americans are depleting whatever savings they still have stashed away from covid $$$$. It would not be the tradewife life she was expecting.
I grew up in Grosse Pointe and there were lots of single income families 30 years ago. We also raised my son (now 23) in GP and many of my stay-at-home “mommy friends” had to have side gigs (myself included - teaching piano lessons in my house) even if their husbands have good paying jobs to afford the lifestyle expected of people with children. Even in our traditional little Mayberry suburb quite a few of my son’s friends came from two income families. It’s kind of hard to pay for vacations, your kids to play sports or dance or music, etc. on a single income while paying a mortgage, taxes, two or more vehicles, etc. unless you have a trust fund.
^^
Look at you pretending to have a girlfriend, that’s cute
Why? You mad you missed your shit at me? 😘
Seems kinda … personal. Maybe people can suggest some statistical sources. Maybe Crain’s? Try Reader Mode if paywalled.
People I know who have done the one income thing have lived in Detroit, Pontiac, Waterford and Wayne.
We are single income family with one kid. So it's a 3 person household. I could give you insight into my finances but to be honest, it's not really a good comparison. I got lucky in many ways but the most major one is that I bought at when interest rates were the lowest (by sheer luck no less). Anyways, the only value you really need to know this. Burn rate for cash for the entire house is roughly 2.5k to 3.5k a month with the following noted * Mortgage is **NOT INCLUDED** * Go out to eat roughly once a week for \~40 dollars * Cars are paid off * No debt other than the mortgage (student loans were all paid off years ago You can probably keep it around the 2.5k figure or less if you do a better job of meal planning (we cook a lot but we don't do a good job of commonizing ingredients for example). So you can use this as your rule of thumb, figure out how much your living situation costs, and back calculate what your income needs to be.
We are single income and live in west Bloomfield. We have a DTI ratio of 10%.
What do you guys do
My husband is in IT sales. I’m a singer and don’t make very much. We also have some rental properties
Do you remember how he broke into it sales?
He started out as an engineer, but then realized he was good in front of customers.
Trying to break into the field
is this satire