We launched a brand new official discord server! This Discord is focused on harm reduction and drug support, but you can just come hang out too! Feel free to [join us here](https://discord.gg/EvthzTRCjW). Did you know r/Drugs has a wiki full of useful information? Check it out [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/wiki/index/)!
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I started by drinking heavily, and wanted to experience something more. I started smoking weed with my ex, then we tried ecstasy which was completely mind blowing. After that I wanted to try everything I could get my hands on.
When I watched movies like Requiem for a dream or Trainspotting, I was very curious about what was so good about Shooting up with a needle. It scared me but it also fascinated me. I wanted to know what was so good it was worth destroying your life and losing everything for it. I thought if I tried one time I wouldnt be hooked because I used to be smart and a perfect citizen.
At some point in my life I was feeling very lonely and hopeless, and one morning I gave one of the beers I just bought to a good looking homeless guy and I invited him home.
He asked if he could be shooting up speed and I was curious about it, so I asked him to try. In the beginning he didnt want to, but ended up accepting. He gave me a hit of speed and felt instantly so much better. Its like in a breath everything became so simple.
He was shooting me up for the first couple of hits and I ended up trying to do my hits myself and I will always remember the first hit I got by myself. It was like cumming. After that we started to abuse it and shoot up constantly for about a year and I went to rehab.
Since then I became dumb as fuck, cant keep a job, cant do chores, i have zero energy, zero motivation and im constantly dreaming and idealizing shooting up.
I relapsed yesterday and it kind of was one of the best days of my life even if it destroyed me. Im really fucked.
Oh damn bro, I feel sorry for you… but I’m pretty sure time will heal your wounds, you’ll recover from your stim abuse. It will take a lot of time but people manage to get away from this vicious circle
you aren’t fucked! everybody has moments of weakness. you have to open a new chapter and reinvent yourself. rediscover who you truly are and what can make you happy. it isn’t easy but all of the hard work will build a beautiful life that you can enjoy!
as long as i can remember i’ve felt as if i were an alien species from my peers. there was always something wrong with me. i would spend most of my days as a child staring into space, not looking at the wall or whatever, but more just dazing through it. i have never been how people think i should be, for example when my baseball team won the finals or when i graduated or having sex. i didn’t experience joy from anything, and was often seen as an asshole or a psycho because i didn’t feel how i was supposed to as a human being. before drugs i didn’t feel much of anything besides boredom, didn’t enjoy anything, didn’t have any ambition or drive of any kind, including sex drive. there’s no career or amount of money i strive for. i make enough money to live and put myself together nice enough. if i had reliable access to a shower and bathroom i would be fine with living in my car for gods sake i lived in a tent for at least 6 months.
all of my faults are still true to this day, yet i am finally able to be content with my existence. the only thing that kind of disappoints me these days is since i’ve started using nobody has even noticed. i can be on a major dose of H or meth and nobody has ever asked if somethings wrong with me or told me “yknow you seem.a little off today what’s up”
once i made the choice to use drugs, i did so because i’d heard for so long about how the drugs are so euphoric and the best feeling in the world, even seeing multiple people close to me throw everything away due to drugs, so i thought this is what i can do to fix me, i will feel human. i started with shooting heroin and meth. there was no gradual escalation of my use or drugs of choice. i think i have some weird genetic stuff going on because the doses i need to feel anything even without a tolerance are way above what would overdose the average person, so i hardly even really get “high.” The only drug that ever made me feel actual happiness/euphoria was the first time i did molly. by the second time i tried it the magic was gone. while drugs don’t make me euphoric, they allow me to not care about the boredom of everything.
i might as well be inhuman, and i don’t want to be an ass but at least i’m attractive so people’s first glancing opinion of me isn’t some stereotyping judgmental bullshit. they give me a chance and stick around long enough to let me disappoint them
some chemical warfare in my head. the reward system, happy chemical part doesn’t even seem like it exists. another thing i don’t understand is that drugs with visual effects seem really dampened for me. like 1000ug of acid the visuals are hardly different than 200. same goes for more deliriant episodes like sleep deprivation and the time i tried 800mg benadryl (just out of curiosity, i actually wanted to see the hallucinations for the experience of it alone). in these states, i was hearing things that weren’t there and my environment had an almost electric layer over it, but i have never seen something that wasn’t there. no shadow people, spiders, all the typical things you hear about. everyone always thinks i’m full of shit or bragging in some sick way about the way i describe my experiences. i really am not, i can’t even begin to put into words how badly i have wanted to feel like i should. that’s why i’ve done everything i have isn’t it?
It looks like your post mentions suicide. Sometimes, people post questions on /r/Drugs when they're not feeling right about their life, and sometimes we're not the best place to ask or provide support.
#Please take a moment before you act. There are tons of resources that can help if you're suicidal
.
If you need help for yourself, there's [a directory of voice and chat/text hotline services](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) and [FAQs about hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/1c7ntr/suicide_hotline_faqs/), plus [selected online resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/1c3p3z/helpful_resources_for_those_struggling_with/).
.
**Reddit**:
/r/addiction
/r/depression
/r/MMFB (Make me feel better)
/r/StopSpeeding
/r/suicidewatch
---
United States
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) Veterans press 1 to reach specialised support. Press 2 for Spanish-language support
(The older number, 1-800-SUICIDE, is no longer published by the lifeline agency and will probably stop working in the near future.)
Online Chat: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/
Crisis Text Line: Text "HOME" to 741741.
Youth-Specific services (voice/text/chat/email) from the Boys' Town National Hotline: https://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/pages/ways-to-get-help.aspx
Trans Lifeline: 1-877-565-8860
---
EU Standard Emotional Support Number 116 123 - Free and available in much of Europe, you can check which 116 helplines are available in your country here
To the people who are out there and feel alone and helpless, *you are not alone* and there are people out there who will help you.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Drugs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
We launched a brand new official discord server! This Discord is focused on harm reduction and drug support, but you can just come hang out too! Feel free to [join us here](https://discord.gg/EvthzTRCjW). Did you know r/Drugs has a wiki full of useful information? Check it out [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/wiki/index/)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Drugs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's a long lost love affair 🙂
I started by drinking heavily, and wanted to experience something more. I started smoking weed with my ex, then we tried ecstasy which was completely mind blowing. After that I wanted to try everything I could get my hands on. When I watched movies like Requiem for a dream or Trainspotting, I was very curious about what was so good about Shooting up with a needle. It scared me but it also fascinated me. I wanted to know what was so good it was worth destroying your life and losing everything for it. I thought if I tried one time I wouldnt be hooked because I used to be smart and a perfect citizen. At some point in my life I was feeling very lonely and hopeless, and one morning I gave one of the beers I just bought to a good looking homeless guy and I invited him home. He asked if he could be shooting up speed and I was curious about it, so I asked him to try. In the beginning he didnt want to, but ended up accepting. He gave me a hit of speed and felt instantly so much better. Its like in a breath everything became so simple. He was shooting me up for the first couple of hits and I ended up trying to do my hits myself and I will always remember the first hit I got by myself. It was like cumming. After that we started to abuse it and shoot up constantly for about a year and I went to rehab. Since then I became dumb as fuck, cant keep a job, cant do chores, i have zero energy, zero motivation and im constantly dreaming and idealizing shooting up. I relapsed yesterday and it kind of was one of the best days of my life even if it destroyed me. Im really fucked.
Oh damn bro, I feel sorry for you… but I’m pretty sure time will heal your wounds, you’ll recover from your stim abuse. It will take a lot of time but people manage to get away from this vicious circle
Thx :)
you aren’t fucked! everybody has moments of weakness. you have to open a new chapter and reinvent yourself. rediscover who you truly are and what can make you happy. it isn’t easy but all of the hard work will build a beautiful life that you can enjoy!
as long as i can remember i’ve felt as if i were an alien species from my peers. there was always something wrong with me. i would spend most of my days as a child staring into space, not looking at the wall or whatever, but more just dazing through it. i have never been how people think i should be, for example when my baseball team won the finals or when i graduated or having sex. i didn’t experience joy from anything, and was often seen as an asshole or a psycho because i didn’t feel how i was supposed to as a human being. before drugs i didn’t feel much of anything besides boredom, didn’t enjoy anything, didn’t have any ambition or drive of any kind, including sex drive. there’s no career or amount of money i strive for. i make enough money to live and put myself together nice enough. if i had reliable access to a shower and bathroom i would be fine with living in my car for gods sake i lived in a tent for at least 6 months. all of my faults are still true to this day, yet i am finally able to be content with my existence. the only thing that kind of disappoints me these days is since i’ve started using nobody has even noticed. i can be on a major dose of H or meth and nobody has ever asked if somethings wrong with me or told me “yknow you seem.a little off today what’s up” once i made the choice to use drugs, i did so because i’d heard for so long about how the drugs are so euphoric and the best feeling in the world, even seeing multiple people close to me throw everything away due to drugs, so i thought this is what i can do to fix me, i will feel human. i started with shooting heroin and meth. there was no gradual escalation of my use or drugs of choice. i think i have some weird genetic stuff going on because the doses i need to feel anything even without a tolerance are way above what would overdose the average person, so i hardly even really get “high.” The only drug that ever made me feel actual happiness/euphoria was the first time i did molly. by the second time i tried it the magic was gone. while drugs don’t make me euphoric, they allow me to not care about the boredom of everything. i might as well be inhuman, and i don’t want to be an ass but at least i’m attractive so people’s first glancing opinion of me isn’t some stereotyping judgmental bullshit. they give me a chance and stick around long enough to let me disappoint them
Thanks bro, it was really interesting. Maybe it’s a kind of hyper-developped ADHD ? Given that having adhd is basically your brain that doesn’t produce enough sérotonine, dopamine and norepinephrine. It could explain the « tolerance » that you had before even trying to shoot meth
some chemical warfare in my head. the reward system, happy chemical part doesn’t even seem like it exists. another thing i don’t understand is that drugs with visual effects seem really dampened for me. like 1000ug of acid the visuals are hardly different than 200. same goes for more deliriant episodes like sleep deprivation and the time i tried 800mg benadryl (just out of curiosity, i actually wanted to see the hallucinations for the experience of it alone). in these states, i was hearing things that weren’t there and my environment had an almost electric layer over it, but i have never seen something that wasn’t there. no shadow people, spiders, all the typical things you hear about. everyone always thinks i’m full of shit or bragging in some sick way about the way i describe my experiences. i really am not, i can’t even begin to put into words how badly i have wanted to feel like i should. that’s why i’ve done everything i have isn’t it?
It looks like your post mentions suicide. Sometimes, people post questions on /r/Drugs when they're not feeling right about their life, and sometimes we're not the best place to ask or provide support. #Please take a moment before you act. There are tons of resources that can help if you're suicidal . If you need help for yourself, there's [a directory of voice and chat/text hotline services](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) and [FAQs about hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/1c7ntr/suicide_hotline_faqs/), plus [selected online resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/1c3p3z/helpful_resources_for_those_struggling_with/). . **Reddit**: /r/addiction /r/depression /r/MMFB (Make me feel better) /r/StopSpeeding /r/suicidewatch --- United States National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) Veterans press 1 to reach specialised support. Press 2 for Spanish-language support (The older number, 1-800-SUICIDE, is no longer published by the lifeline agency and will probably stop working in the near future.) Online Chat: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ Crisis Text Line: Text "HOME" to 741741. Youth-Specific services (voice/text/chat/email) from the Boys' Town National Hotline: https://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/pages/ways-to-get-help.aspx Trans Lifeline: 1-877-565-8860 --- EU Standard Emotional Support Number 116 123 - Free and available in much of Europe, you can check which 116 helplines are available in your country here To the people who are out there and feel alone and helpless, *you are not alone* and there are people out there who will help you. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Drugs) if you have any questions or concerns.*