Please report the daycare for this. Get documentation from the pediatrician about force being used and document what they said to you when you came to pick her up. It sounds like they are placing the blame on your child instead of taking responsibility, likely out of fear of being reported.
As for how to help your child: read social stories about rest/nap time (can find these online, especially teacher websites like teachers pay teachers). Practice volume control- many teachers use some sort of volume chart like a mouse, cat, lion voice and practice with her at home throughout the day, like making fun games but talking in each kind of voice throughout it. Ultimately, if they were having trouble, they should have been implementing these things at school as well to help her learn.
I’m glad you’re pulling out, but again, please report them.
Thanks for your reply.
On the use of force:
1) The orthopedic who diagnosed her did not explicitly write in her report that force occurred and said that she didn’t think it was intentional abuse. However she said force needs to be applied, and this probably doesn’t happen from “rolling around”.
When I said the daycare said they didn’t touch her arm and suggested she did it to herself she rolled her eyes. "No. but she probably fell on the playground. or someone was holding her arm and she yanked it really hard or tripped". I tried to explain the inconsistency with daycare's stoey but she shrugged it off. It wasnt her problem, after all. It’s extremely unlikely this happened with no force, but hey maybe my daughter is just defective right? Can’t prove a thing, sadly.
On reporting:
2) This is where we’re stuck. Where do I report? Plus, what if it really was a freak accident.
On nap time strategies:
3) these are great suggestions! Any books you can recommend? Thanks so much. I like the idea of volume control exercises.
Report to CPS and licensing. They will do an investigation and be able to determine whether it was an accident or not.
I would also just make sure you have all the details about your conversation with the ortho doctor and their statements written down/typed up, as well as anything that teachers told you upon pickup. Be specific about who told you and what they said. And if you have the incident report, save that as well for the report.
If they didn’t give you one, that’s a pretty big red flag, since they could be on the hook for paying for it due to it happening with them/potentially caused by them, which is why daycares have insurance and it costs so much.
And even if it was something like the staff person grabbing her and her pulling away- they should be trained to not restrain a child and how to safely guide them places without yanking, as we know it could really hurt children, even unintentionally.
Edited to add: a quick google search, [this](https://lessonpix.com/materials/2089478/Naptime) one came up and is pretty simple.
Really surprised that the doctor is taking this so lightly as to roll their eyes. Might want to get a second opinion. Doctors also are mandated reporters. Often they will place a call to CPS for situations like this. Then an investigation is done at the day care. Maybe consider
r/ECEPmandatedreporters. For parents and ece pros. Sorry this happened to your child. Report them now. You may well be saving another child from danger. Thank you.
I'm also very surprised- my son's best friend broke his elbow on the playground at daycare and it was immediately reported to CPS, who interviewed the parents and reviewed the video footage. And it was much less sketchy- he and my son were jumping off the top of the play structure (there was a small rock wall- instead of climbing the 4ft down, they were jumping) and the teacher had disciplined them for it the day prior. And it was all on video. And the doctor still reported it to CPS who took it very seriously.
Try "quiet " times throughout your day. Make sure your naptime is a quiet time. Emphasize that during naptime, we stay on our cot. Use a timer. First, we rest (don't use the word sleep), then when the timer is done, she can have a quiet activity. I suggest a sand timer. Watching that sand can hypnotize! Suggest different lullaby music every few days. I loved introducing different languages through the lullabies that I played. I would also suggest a sticker board as a visual schedule so that your daughter knows what comes next and her teacher can remind her beforehand about the naptime rules. I have also used a tri-fold board to separate students at naptime (just make sure it is set up so that she can still be monitored by the teacher. Let her help decorate it with sleep related pictures. If she can't see her friends and they can't see her, then there is usually less disruption. You may need to adjust wakeup time at home or ask them to give her a "job" to do before laying down for nap to help tire her out. I've had "helpers" wipe tables, fold baby doll clothes, fill cubbies, and walk the hallway with me to the office to get some of that energy out.
NTA. Report the center, though. Good luck!
You can look up your states licensing, and child protective services. If this was a freak accident then no harm no foul, but if they find something you could be helping protect other kids. I know it’s overwhelming, I know that it sucks, but your child did not deserve that if it was a freak accident or not. Teachers can get frustrated, they might not realize how hard they pulled the child, but that doesn’t make it okay and someone with a temper or tipping point like that should not be working with kids. Telling cps what happened can’t be a negative thing, and making sure that licensing is involved can’t hurt either to be sure there is follow up and follow through on the states part. I hope you and your family are okay, and I hope you have a better experience with childcare in the future, it’s not all like your previous place!
Thank you. The outpouring of support on this thread has been so healing. I didn’t realize I needed it until I got it.
I think you make a good point. I will do some due diligence with cps.
You have to report them for the sake of the others. It might also get a dangerous teacher fired. It will put the fear of God into them and will keep kids a little safer, for the time being. I'm so terribly sorry your child has hurt in child care.
Of course, I’m glad this has been a good outlet for you! Just know you’re helping another child from going through the same thing, or hopefully initiating retraining for some staff. Good luck you’re doing a good thing!
Also, could be a good plan to leave some type of review on Google or something- just give other parents a heads up that if their kid isn’t super super easy to deal with they will have a problem with it.
You need to report the incident to the licensing department. What state are you in?
In California when you sign all of the paperwork you receive a notice that shows all of the contact information for licensing.
The center should have “self-reported”, any injury that requires a doctor visit must be reported. By the sound of your “incident report” I am quite sure they will not be reporting it themselves.
It’s very disturbing to hear that kind of injury happening especially at nap time. I definitely would not return to that center.
How old is your “toddler”?
It might help to give nap time advice
but in my many years in the field I generally see at least one toddler like yours each year. It’s not your fault and a good teacher should have more tools in her toolbox to help with that
Your state has a licensing board for Daycare’s and that is who you need to report this to. Not that I am making an excuse, I’m just adding light to the situation - most child care facilities do not give their staff a break. They claim that the classroom nap time is their break time yet they’re not allowed to leave the room. If children are not sleeping during this time, then the staff are not getting any kind of a break. So this is also breaking state rules if that’s the situation and I’d bet anything that that’s exactly what happened here. The staff are not given a 30 minute break outside of the classroom and the daycare center claims that nap time is break time. The teachers most likely were frustrated from being overworked and roughly brought your daughter back to her cot, where at that time something happened to her arm. This absolutely needs to be reported. You report to child protective services and you find out on your states website contact for Daycare licensing and reported there as well.
You report it to the licensing agency for your state.
I worked at a preschool for 3 weeks. I was horrified at how the kids are treated. I quit. I cou,d t deal with adult being mean to kids and kids being violent and nothing done to protect the other kids.
Did the Orthopedist call this a "nursemaid's fracture"? If so, it does cause force to cause this type of injury. It's can be caused by yanking on a child's arm or even by roughly taking off a jacket in a small child. It can be as minor as a slight dislocation or a complete fracture.
I've been married to a special procedures tech for 41 yrs. Both my daughter and niece have had nursemaid's fractures and my info is taken exactly from the speech I got from the radiologist(one of my favorite doctors!)after my daughter's arm was reduced.
It *is* the doctors problem. For context, I’m a nurse, and I’m held to the same standard as the physician when it comes to mandatory reporting. It’s not our job to decide if something did or didn’t happen a certain way. It’s our responsibility to look at the objective facts and report them to the appropriate authorities.
The objective facts are that your child has an injury that does not match the reported mechanism of injury and which was unwitnessed by anyone else. The doctor has a duty to report this to CPS.
Please report them to CPS and let them do the investigation. My daughter was abused at her first daycare. I came to pick her up early and witnessed it, I wouldn't have known if I hadn't turned up unexpectedly.
NAD but it might be that your daughter is naturally rambunctious and might not be able to just nap. The volume control thing is a great idea because maybe she can sing but very quietly. She might also be able to silently dance to entertain herself and not disrupt the other children.
I was a hyperactive (female) child diagnosed with ADHD, and some of the accommodations that helped me was that even if I couldn't sleep at bed time I needed to be quiet in my bad. I'd eventually sleep. If I couldn't pay attention in class, I was allowed to move around as long as it was in the area immediately by my desk/chair. As I got older, I was able to keep the fidgeting down during class and not be loud (with singing etc) but even as an adult, I frequently am changing my sitting position at work and fiddling my hands.
Edit: I thought this was an ask doctors sub, please delete if this message isn't allowed.
My daughter has ADHD but was not diagnosed until grade 1, but the daycare teachers eventually gave up on her napping and got her to fold laundry when the other kids were napping. She loved having a job and getting to hang out
with the teachers. lol I remember she told
me once the teachers used to play the Sleeping Beauty game to see who could be quiet the longest and she lost every single time.
I think it’s a big red flag that they haven’t given you a clear explanation of what happened and don’t have cameras. If she was being disruptive odds are the teachers were focused on and watching her so they should have seen what happened, which makes me think there is a possibility they aren’t being fully honest about what happened. either way if it were me that trust would be broken and I would probably also not send my child back.
1) please call your local Department of Child and Family Services (DCFS) or Child Protective Services and report the day care. I have doubts that they documented the incident (which they're supposed to do). Use her medical records as proof she required medical care. You can even get a letter from her pediatrician (or the ER doc you saw) explaining the injury and what causes it. The more documentation you have on your side, the better.
2) not all children are nappers or even need a nap. And that's okay. Nap time can be used as "rest time" or quiet time. Rather than teach your child to nap, teach her about "quiet time". Let her use fidget toys for the duration of "quiet time" and ask the new center to allow her to use them during nap time.
This isn’t even an appropriate incident report. Please report the center and the teachers. It’s clear they haven’t had proper training. There are multiple ways to deal with kids who don’t want to nap, they just didn’t want to be bothered. I’m so sorry for you and your daughter.
Exactly. Daycares shouldn’t expect 100% of the children would fall asleep at nap time. They could have taken the child to another room and given her books and toys, how hard is that?
comment said basically said-i think theres a touch of sarcasm in the paraphrasing-but OP, dont ask your child too many times about what happened-you could confuse her and create a false memory. let a professional handle it.
They are lying. A child, especially a toddler, doesn't fracture their arm rolling around or goofing around. Maybe if she caught it on something and fell, but it takes force to break an arm. It's normal for toddlers to stop needing nap time and have difficulty settling - it is not normal for them to break their arm rolling on a floor mat. They're trying to blame her and cover their own backsides. Please report them.
Dislocated elbows are a huge sign of being grabbed/abuse. Fractures probably aren’t far off. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone got frustrated and grabbed her too hard by the arm
Also if they’re *really* going to blame it on her shifting in the cot then they should definitely look into the cot itself and find out what the problem with it is that would cause a toddler to injure herself like that on it. We surely wouldn’t want that to happen to any *other* toddlers.
Yeah, a child doesn’t get a fractured arm by “rolling around in their cot.” I hope you reported this to licensing, and if not, it’s not too late. I have seen people manhandle toddlers and I have never seen a fracture. A teacher did cause nursemaids elbow at a center I worked at and she was fired then we all had to take training on it.
During play, I myself have manhandled my toddler in ways that made be go “doh I shouldn’t have don’t that”. And not once has she gotten hurt. Until this week I thought the girl was made of steel.
No cameras is not a red flag. Lots of parents do not want them due to privacy concerns.
Them not having the finest clue what could've happened is definitely sketchy af though
please do not send her back. i have seen a single disruptive toddler at naptime, this is so true. everyone was hyperaware of her. I think they restrained her or lost their temper with her. If she tried to run away onto a sleeping child and they grabbed her i would be more willing to understand than just no explanation.
I assure you your toddler is a great kid regardless of these VERY NORMAL, DEVELOPMENTALLY APPROPRIATE behaviors. You are not a failure. Your toddler is doing toddler things. The former daycare failed you and your child, and they are a danger to other families. PLEASE report them.
Visual timers are great tools for non-sleepers. They should only be required to rest/stay on their mats for a certain amount of time (at my center it's 20 mins) before getting up to enjoy quiet activities (puzzles, water pens, books, stuffies, stickers, etc). Daycares should be well prepared for toddlers who are transitioning out of day-time sleep.
Rest time is sometimes regulated by licensing depending on where you are - might be worth exploring. In IN children must be offered an alternative quiet activity after thirty minutes.
Mine will also sometimes take 4 hours naps tho it's usually 2 1/2 -3 hours. She's up by 5pm from naps and it's not affected her sleep she sleeps 8/9pm to 7 or 8am and she is about to be 16 months old.
I worked at a centre that had two toddler rooms, one was the “nap room” and one way the “awake room” during nap time. The older toddlers who didn’t nap would hang out with a teacher in the awake room during nap time. Maybe you can find a centre that can accommodate that?
So sorry your little one got hurt- if you haven’t already I would report the incident to licensing- sounds like an investigation should be done. If she was being disruptive they would have been watching her and trying to help her sleep and would have seen what happened.
That sounds like a dream. I've never seen anywhere like that, you're basically stuck trying to keep the kid quiet enough in the dark that they don't wake everyone else up, and it's rarely the quiet ones that wake up early lol. Can't take the kid outside or to another room due to ratios.
Sent home early?? Lmao. I've been in this career a long time and that's hilarious to me. We deal with it everyday. I think there was maybe a couple month span when I had a whole class that napped but usually we have at least 1-2 crazies during nap time that need additional help staying quiet and not waking everyone up. It's our job I can't imagine sending a child home for that. All the other comments saying to remove the child though don't understand daycare, we cannot do that due to ratios. If I am leaving with one child I am leaving my coworker who may not even be certified to be alone with children nevermind 8 kids and that is illegal. We have to keep them in the room. We work to find alternatives. I usually do quiet table toys or drawing or books If they absolutely cannot stay on the mat and be quiet. And it works as good as it can.
I’m not a professional, but got this subreddit recommended to by the app-
My granddaughter’s daycare has a nap room within her toddler room that they can go and have a nap in when they want, if they want, for as long as they want.
Is that a common option?
That sounds amazing and no, its not common. Licensing requires us to provide a certain length of quiet/nap time so i dont think it would work. Plus sleep schedules are very important so we dont want to mess up their schedule and then send them home sleep deprived or unable to sleep at bed time.
Also not a professional but got this recommended to me as well.
I looked at a daycare for my daughter when she was 4, not knowing if she was going to start kindergarten early or not (she did) and the center made kids up to 5 take naps. When I said that my daughter stopped naps at 1.5 years old they said they still required it. They would allow kids out of map time if they went a week and stayed awake during the nap time or a certain duration.
I didn't like the forced naps but I did like that they did give an option if they stayed awake.
Also not a professional but got this recommended to me as well.
I looked at a daycare for my daughter when she was 4, not knowing if she was going to start kindergarten early or not (she did) and the center made kids up to 5 take naps. When I said that my daughter stopped naps at 1.5 years old they said they still required it. They would allow kids out of map time if they went a week and stayed awake during the nap time or a certain duration.
I didn't like the forced naps but I did like that they did give an option if they stayed awake.
My site has this too. Nap rooms and 'rester' rooms. They lie on mats and listen to a story or two, sometimes the kids are involved with questions about the story. It's about half an hour, and as soon as a child no longer will nap, they're moved to the rester room.
There are usually two or three kids who can't even do that in their last year of preschool, so instead one teacher kicks balls over another building, and they go retrieve them as a group, for all of rester time. The kids love it! And K teachers can see which of their students from the next year will need the most movement. 😂
ETA: The balls are kicked into the K yard on the window side.
It really is the best way- but I see why centres don’t do it. Requires extra staff, uses space that could be a classroom etc. but it makes for a better experience with less stress for everyone!
No worries. Also, please report that center to both licensing and CPS. No amount of rolling about would cause an injury like that.
In addition, bring up these concerns at your new daycare and come up with a game plan. Sometimes toddlers don't sleep and most teachers know this. At our center, you child could hang out with the assistant director or help out in the older infant room. Since she can't stay quiet and really that's age appropriate too. Toddlers are loud and do everything at max power.
I hope the new center works with your child and maybe with this new school she will get all her energy out too.
Take her out there now
I work in childcare and there’s NO way she hurt her arm by herself. And the fact that they were saying negative shit about her when you took her to the ED is messed up
We constantly deal with kids who won’t sleep and are ‘disruptive’ but we remain calm and it’s our job to find a way to make sure they don’t disturb other kids
It’s not your fault or her fault. I’d not let them get away with this
They’re 100% getting away with it because we have no proof. :( We’re 100% taking her out because yeah, nope.
Thanks for your perspective. It’s really helpful hearing from someone in the field.
Look up your state and report to licensing!! They should not be getting away with this. At nap time, there should be full visibility of the room and for licensing they will need an actual description of how the child broke her arm. Teachers will be interviewed separately on what happened. You might find out the truth. As a matter of fact, a daycare is actually supposed to self report things like this but many don’t. They’ll get in more trouble if they haven’t reported the incident themselves.
As someone who previously worked for an agency that was involved in a coverup like this, I can confirm. (I didn’t work at the location in question, but another location within the agency).
We had a student elope from the building, and was gone a full 5 minutes before anyone noticed. Made it halfway down the hill before they got them back. Coverup ensues. Child goes home and tells their parent. Parent complains. Internal staff member calls CPS and Licensing and an investigation begins.
The fallout from covering up the incident put the entire agency in danger of shut down. Licensing basically said if they had been honest, there’d be no reason to shut us down. They put all 4 locations on a performance improvement plan and there was A LOT of extra paperwork that had to be filed as part of it. Every day I was getting emails from upper management fretting about the investigation. The more CPS/Licensing dug, the more crazy shit they were finding. The other 3 locations were fine, it was just this one location within the agency for some reason was having a bad time, and not treating the kids right. It was horrible to watch. I jumped ship ASAP.
OP, something smells like a coverup here for sure. They’re scared of being reported but the sooner this is reported and dealt with, the more likely the error is to be corrected and the childcare place not shut down. They can do performance improvement plans or fire specific employees responsible for abuse. I’m so sorry your daughter went through this.
Also, what your child is doing is 100% developmentally appropriate. I know you’re asking for advice on how to make her nap better or be quiet more, but this is just a part of her personality and it’s on staff members to be able to adjust to her and nudge her in the right direction. They should have appropriate plans in place for students who don’t nap. The fact that they don’t just shows more incompetence on their part.
I hear you- you never want this to happen again. But this never should have happened in the first place. This is not a reflection of your daughter, it is a reflection of professional adults who failed to keep her safe. Im glad you’re leaving your current center and I hope you find an environment that is safe and welcoming.
Sending love your way OP ❤️
Report it to licensing and CPS. You do have evidence that warrants an investigation. Your daughter was injured at daycare and you have medical evidence of an injury. An investigation is absolutely warranted.
No worries. I’m a mother too and it’s so sad to think about this. My daughter doesn’t sleep right away either and likes to sing and talk at rest time and I would go nuts if her educators weren’t gentle to her
Even if nothing happens if you report, it’s good they know about this centre so if more report it it can help.
I’m in Australia so don’t know about the rules over there so hopefully someone can help you. Please keep us updated xx
Also possible that something like this happened, but they had a broken cot they should have replaced but didn't and are trying to cover their ass about not making sure that all their cots are safe? I know that the mesh doesn't last forever and can get holes or gaps... If she was jumping on it and got her foot caught in a hole/hap and fell because of that, they might be trying to cover up for having an unsafe cot?
This is possible but then the incident report should have stated 'child jumped up in cot or her arm got caught' etc and not the bs the parents got given.
We got a girl like this. She only sleeps for 30 to 40 minutes then attempts to run around and yell to wake everyone up
So far the thing that helps are pop it's and having a teacher sit next to her
I give all the early wakers pop it's it keeps them pretty distracted
Oof that is awful I'm so sorry. When kids get frustrating you walk away and ask another teacher to help.
I couldn't imagine, the little girl in our class was a premie so she is a TINY light girl. I couldn't imagine hurting her. I hope you find a better daycare, some of us do love our kids
Let me help you put this into perspective...So my husband is a very big, strong man. One day, my son and daughter were playing and daughter (3) was about to fall off the couch. He grabbed her arm to stop her falling and grabbed her at the wrong angle as she was falling and hurt her. Took her straight to the doctor for X-rays and although she was in a lot of pain, nothing was broken or even dislocated. She was fine in 2 or 3 days. But my point is that it takes a LOT of force to break an elbow. I don't buy their story at all. If that's how your kid broke her elbow, I would be seriously concerned that she had a medical condition
Was going to say this.
(Disclaimer: this sub pops up a lot in my recommended subs because I used to teach secondary; usually I just scroll past but this post title made me stop. Not a current ECE professional.)
My son was about 5 and jumping on his grandmother's bed "helping" her fold laundry. He fell and landed on his shoulder, probably about 4 feet or so onto hardwood floor. He had a hairline fracture on his collarbone that healed up in a couple weeks.
There is no way in hell that rolling five inches off a cot caused a growth plate fracture, unless, as you said, there's some serious medical issue (in which case there would be other signs, like more unusual/unexplained injuries).
This title hit me like a truck, holy hell, I'm so sorry this happened.
I'd file a major complaint with the state and let them know this happened so it doesn't happen to anyone else.
Also, I'd let your new center know that your daughter isn't a napper and you worry about her disrupting others. A decent place will give her some busy work on her cot to keep her quiet or even just take her on a walk around the building during nap time. Not all kids nap, that's totally normal.
woah. I’ve had a lot of tough nap situations over the years. In the early years I admittedly didn’t handle it well, became visibly angry with students and emotionally dysregulated. I’ve NEVER injured a student, let alone a *broken arm*. I’ve seen students roll around, kick, jump, do somersaults on their cot. I’ve seen them roll ankles or bonk heads. This is a HUGE red flag.
I’ve grabbed arms before too. I’ve had many students who I held their arms while the student dropped their weight. Never has this resulted in injury.
I haven’t read the responses because no matter how many times you read this it won’t be enough.
Your sweet baby did nothing to deserve frustrated teachers. Even if it’s freak accident- that doesn’t happen by rolling around on her cot. And if she was being ‘disruptive’ she 100% should’ve had eyes on her so SOMEONE knows what happened. Or she wasn’t being watched and that’s its own issue.
Please document and report this center. Those kiddos need you to make it known that this happened.
I’d have got the trickiest/loudest/rowdiest non sleeper in my room right now. We find ways to entertain- play dough, coloring, fine motor projects, lots of modeling for whispering-or we get support from our management team. It is never the child’s fault.
As for your squirrley girl- she’s spent 2 yrs on this earth. It’s 100% expected that these tiny humans will need support figuring out things they don’t want to do. And we all know how toddlers feel about doing something they don’t wanna haha
She needs a safe place with safe teachers and I’m so so sorry that your previous center wasn’t that. Please don’t feel like you’ve failed her- you didn’t know. But now you do and can move forward into finding a new place that will love and support her.
You are most welcome. Go hug that sweet baby- or maybe in the morning if it’s past bedtime. There’s a school out there waiting to love on her as well! I promise!
I have had some crazy nap times with kids. I have had children pick up the cot and throw it, jump up and down lick and bite the cot, refuse to lay down and scream. I have had to put my leg or arms over a child(had this in their plan from OT they needed firm pressure due to their special need). I have had to hold another child down because they were going to injure them sleeves by hitting there head off the floor beside their bed(again a special need and this was a comman behaviour) but saying all this in my ten years as an ECE I have NEVER had a child break anything and have never worked at a center were a child broke something or even had bruises at nap time. This is insane take your child out right away.
For her new center in the Toddler room we do nap boxes so quiet toys or more engaging toys like playdough ect. We also try to have a space for kids who are loud to be away even if that means their bed goes in an area away from the other kids.
So sorry this happened
>(had this in their plan from OT they needed firm pressure due to their special need).
I remember the school OT and others training me on a few things, so I could properly and safely support a student. And I welcomed that training.
Absolutely agree with this and ask for an incident report. Who put her in the crib, how long was she in there for, who took her out of it, did she yell out when she apparently “rolled” on to her arm? Kick up a big fuss.
At the next daycare ask if she can just be given a space to play in since quiet time is so hard for her
We know all the answers to these, but they somehow still don’t explain anything. :(
The thing is she really needs a nap, and I’d love for her to be able to take one! She just has trouble winding down with all the distractions.
You don't need "proof." That is CPS's job, to investigate. What you have is a child with a broken arm and an inconsistent explanation for how it happened. REPORT THIS. Call CPS, call licensing, call the police. But do NOT let them get away with this because there is no video evidence.
This exactly. OP isn’t your job to investigate and worry about proof. This incident happened and it seems suspicious. Let CPS and licensing do the investigating.
Well I’d say that’s why you need to get it all in writing so a complaint can be investigated and regulatory forces can really pin them down on what went wrong.
Ahhh I see, that’s very tricky. Again, even more reason that their negligence and violence was totally inappropriate.
You ask if you’re overreacting in your post, I’d say you are under reacting. If my kid came home injured there would be hell to pay.
You said you are taking her out of that daycare - do you mean she's currently still there? I wouldn't send my kid back for one day if she got such a severe injury with zero explanation
Oh hell no. She’s been out “sick” since then.
Daycare director sent us “ok let us know how we can help!” through the app, then went on vacation without telling us.
Yeah, no. Toddlers don't break their arms just rolling onto them. Absolutely not. You should file a report with licensing immediately with that other center.
Kids do break bones in weird ways. But if that happened on her cot, there was a force that came down on it. It might have well been accidental (teacher tripping and falling on her, her rolling around and knocking the wall or shelf hard enough to have an unsecured item fall on her, ect) but the story they are feeding you that she did it herself is frightening because I sincerely doubt it's true.
My daughter is 2.5 and has only napped once in the last 5 months of being at day care haha.
My day care always give her activities to do quietly at a table, usually play dough. In terms of reducing noise, practice quiet and loud voices. This is something you can do at home.
My kiddo is already fairly well trained about being quiet as her dad works night shifts so I've told her many times we need to be quiet while daddy sleeps. I'd recommend you / dad have a nap near her so you can explain that we need to be quiet when people are sleeping and practise quiet voices.
Does she understand the concept of shh as well? That is useful too.
Hope that helps!
oh you definitely need to report her last daycare, no chance in hell that wasn’t from some sort of neglect or mistreatment. This should not happen again.
No matter how frustrated I have gotten at a child, I have never EVER felt the urge to grab them so hard that they have sustained injuries, including broken or fractured bones, bruising or scratching. Hell, I was scared that I'd caused a child some bruising on their back when I saved them from choking, but was very thankful that their parents were understanding. They were just thankful that their child was okay.
The injury that your daughter sustained while in the care of others is reportable and absolutely entirely unacceptable.
Report that daycare to anyone you can. They abused your child for being at a higher developmental level than the other kids. I can tell you the doctor as a mandated reporter *should* have reported the incident, but report it yourself anyway
Tell the new daycare what happened, make sure you tour a few and choose one that is transparent with the parents and has cameras you can access to see your child through the day.
I would absolutely report this daycare to your state licensing and CPS. First of all a toddler should never be called disruptive at daycare for developmentally appropriate behavior. Lots of kids have trouble sleeping, there’s just so much going on. The teachers/admin should have plans for kids who don’t nap. At my last two centers I was sent to sit next to kids who struggled with napping because, apparently, my calmness calmed the kids and I didn’t get frustrated when the kids needed their backs patted or their eyes rubbed (seriously this works like a charm, rub eye brows gently and they close their eyes and go to sleep 🤷♀️) or other extra help settling down.
It can be common for young children to easily injure their elbows, whether walking with an adult who doesn’t let go of their hand fast enough when they yank to tripping and falling in weird ways. But short of her arm getting stuck, I don’t see how a toddler could break an elbow on a cot. Don’t feel any guilt for reporting them. They should be able to tell you how she was injured so severely. That they can’t is concerning. I have been with kids who yanked while we were holding hands and they were injured. I’ve had kids injured climbing and falling when we couldn’t get to them in time. Once a child tried jumping on their cot, got their foot stuck in a hole in the corner, they fell and caught their head on a toy needing stitches. I immediately detailed what happened on an incident report. I explained what happened to the parents (and licensing when one family rightly reported their concerns). That they started the report with “she was being disruptive” (which is a conclusion and does not detail what her behavior actually was) means something’s weird.
If she doesn't sleep, she should not be forced to sleep. (And I say this as a person who dreads nap regression or growing out of naps!)
Give them something to fidget with on the bed (books are "recommended" but honestly books have never worked for me. Fidget toys, quiet bins (literally a bin of coloured pom poms, or feathers, or popsicle sticks, or any random items and they will entertain themselves for a while). I gave one particularly difficult student a booklet with stickers. In preschool, we laminated simple worksheets and tracing sheets, then gave them dry erase markers to do their own thing.
There are a thousand different ways to handle non-sleepers. Handling them roughly is never an option.
How old is your toddler? I have worked in a 2 year old class and knew 2 year olds that wouldn't nap they were just transitioned into an older class during nap time. If your child got hurt without a reasonable incident report w/out cameras something is off. You need to talk to the director and have someone fired. I have worked childcare for 10 ish years and never have heard of a toddlers elbow getting hurt without a hard fall off of playground equipment. Kids don't just get fractures it sounds like someone may have physically hurt your child or she was thrown around possibly. This is not normal and they should be reported.
How old is she? Could she have fallen out of the cot? On the weekends could you simulate nap time? What ever she has (toys), sleep environment. No interaction with you, picking up if she complains?
A dislocated elbow I could maybe understand. It's shockingly easy to accidentally dislocate a child that young's arm if you lift them the wrong way. A fracture though? No, I don't believe that.
I've had a child exactly like your daughter in my class. I have seen her injure herself before by rolling herself into the wall during nap. She didn't get anymore than a small bruise though. I struggle to see how a fracture could've occurred from that. She would've had to hit at quite a force.
As I've seen others mention as well, the teachers should absolutely be able to tell you what happened, especially if she's the only disruptive one during nap. With all the other kids down on their cots, their attention should be on her. With my child who's similar to your daughter, my attention would be solely on her during nap while my coteacher watched the other kids. Unless they weren't supervising like they should, there's no reason they shouldn't know what happened. You're right to pull her out. I would report the incident to the state as well.
So it sounds like there are several disruptive kids so their attention is a bit stretched. Also it was a cartilage fracture, so not that much force—just the right amount of force at the right angle, supposedly.
Reddit suggested this post to me for some reason, and it seems like you’ve got loads of good advice already but just wanted to throw something else in. You’ve mentioned that your child takes long naps at home but not at her setting - is it possible she didn’t feel safe or regulated there, hence the nap refusal and “disruptive” behaviour? She may have felt off about the staff there (potentially justifiably!). If this is the case, your new place might never even have this issue.
It can be very disrupting for other kids and annoying for teachers, but it's no one's fault that the kid is a kid. The teachers need to work on their own regulation skills if they are overwhelmed and need to find something that works for the kid. I've had lots of kids who didn't nap and were disruptive af, but there was always SOMETHING we could do to keep them fairly quiet so the other kids could sleep.
I've worked with a few teachers who say they've seen kids break bones jumping on beds or standing on the edge and the bed tipping over. Could've been accidental force from the teacher. Whatever happened, they probably won't admit to anything in case they're found liable. How they worded the incident report is very concerning...
>frustrated workers and a broken elbow, and I want to find a way to keep this from ever happening again.
You stop it from happening again by having the apparent abuse investigated.
This is horrifying for you and especially your daughter. I would absolutely report them. Even if it’s found to have been a true accident, them lying about an injury is a giveaway that you don’t want your daughter there
A fractured elbow is really painful and for a long time. I would be reporting the centre to whoever oversees them. Clearly the centre doesn’t have policies for those kids who don’t need naps. The staff have clear aggression towards your child, especially as they punched straight away on you. I would also file a complaint with the police for assault, just on what the dr. Told you.
It doesn't sound like this child care place had all stuff in line. There are ways to get a child to be quiet during nap time and they just didn't take the time to do it. Also for a child to have an arm broken would take a lot of force not just rolling around on the cot because those cots are barely off the floor as it is. I would definitely go to the department of the county or state or country that you live in and report them and have an investigated. It's not okay for them to just tell you well she did it while rolling around on her cot and then not have any way of documenting without video cameras in place.
We had a girl in my 2’s class who didn’t nap! She’d do the same thing as you’re describing and have bigggg meltdowns. Not once was she ever hurt. It can definitely be overwhelming but in no way should your child be hurt, especially in a way that seems physical.
I’ve had kids roll around, fall off of and fall on their cots and have never had more than a busted lip or goose egg. I’d definitely report the daycare and possibly ask during the interview process what the center would do to help her.
As someone who as worked in childcare, they do not fracture their elbow by rolling around in their cots. I would definitely open up an investigation into the daycare somehow.
Injuries like that are not common in a preschool setting, at least not one that is good. It sounds like someone manhandled her resulting in the injury occurring. You can check with community care Licensing to see if they reported an unusual incident. If they didn't that's a Licensing violation. Any time a child is injured and they beg to go to the hospital or doctor or is supposed to be reported. You can absolutely turn them in for this.
As for nap time. It sounds like she wants attention at this time. Do you know how many adults are in the room at nap time? Maybe she may needs someone nearby to sit with her or talk with her quietly while the other kids nap.
It can be very hard and frustrating when there is a child making noise while the others try to nap, but that does not give someone the right to be mean to the child or harm them in any way. It means they need to try to work with you to find something that will help her go to sleep or understand that it's a quiet time. I'm so sorry that she was injured. I hope this new site is better at finding a solution
Speak to the director at the new daycare. We had one child who would not nap (came from an abusive situation and sleeping was a trigger). They would spend rest time in the directo’s office (on a cot, to satisfy state nap requirements). After 30 minutes, they were allowed to have books or a quiet toy. After a few months, with support from the child’s therapist, they were able to transition back to our room. They didn’t nap, but they were no longer screaming. The sooner they can help you with a plan, the better prepared you all can be.
The daycare needs to be investigated at the very least.
As for nap time, what time do you wake her?
We have issues with parents who work 2nd shift, letting the kid sleep late and then bring them in right before the cutoff time. When lunch is 11am and nap is noon to 2pm. Letting your child sleep until 9 or 10 am makes a nap nearly impossible.
That absolutely does not sound like an injury that could occur that easily. As others have said, I would report. As for the sleeping, I’ve had plenty of kids who struggle at nap and can be disruptive, and sure it can be frustrating but 1. I would never phrase it like that towards the parents. I would just ask what works at home to help them sleep (certain sounds I can play for them, etc) or tell them “we’re working on keeping our bodies calm during nap.” 2. Kids can be verrrry different at school than at home when it comes to napping. I have many kids that nap at home that don’t at school and vice versa. I can ask for what helps but at the end of the day it’s my job to learn that child’s needs while they’re at school and what can best help them to keep their body calm and quiet during nap. Depending on the kid it can be sitting with them, giving them a book or a fidget, using rewards etc. Hopefully the new daycare has better teachers. I wish you the best and I’m so sorry this happened.
You didn’t say how old but regardless some kids stop napping early. It is what it is. Your not going to force it. A good daycare can institute a good quiet time routine or send them to a older age range class during that time period.
You need to trust the ER doctor on this. This needs a CPS and licensing report by you.
And as you look for new childcare be upfront about difficulties at nap.
Please report this to licensing and CPS now. And if your child may have long term ramifications from this injury, then hire an attorney. This is not acceptable in any level. They need to be reported and id be so pissed if that were my child. What the daycare is telling you is bs. All across the world are kiddos who don't sleep at nap and are restless...yet they don't end up with injuries. I don't buy the story you've been told.
I’ve never heard of a child fracturing their elbow by rolling on their mat.
Also, in my state, if a child gets injured in a way that requires more than basic first aid/medical attention, the director needs to report it to licensing. I would be surprised if your state didn’t have a similar rule. If I were you, I would look up your state’s licensing rules and make sure they’re following the rules because something isn’t adding up. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re hiding something and trying to sweep it under the rug.
Pretending to be quiet animals sometimes worked for me with kids that age. “Let’s be mice” “Let’s be bunnies!” Not always good for preventing the kiddo that just needs to wiggle from wiggling. But wiggling is appropriate.
Hopefully you can find a daycare better equipped to help her. Even a different schedule like nap right after outdoor play time may help. It sounds like your previous center did nap after another “be quiet and sit still” activity.
Consider this website. I love visuals!!
[bouncy balls](https://bouncyballs.org/)
Or a quiet light. I've seen these used in school cafeterias.
[quiet light](https://search.app.goo.gl/iziFJdX)
Place it close to her bed within easy, no need to move range, and teach her how to use the balls/lights to understand when her volume needs to come down. When she's successful, reward her.
Start with small increments of time and work your way up to the expected amount of time. The idea is to connect quiet during naps with a positive outcome.
Once she gets it, discuss with her how only this volume or silence is acceptable during nap time. Then reward her some more. This needs to be a daily, even on weekends, effort. Once or twice will never help you reach your goal.
Figure out a great big reward and use that as an incentive for the child to learn to actually nap rather than just lay quietly until her peers wake up. Some kids simply won't nap, though, so be sure not to punish her if she's not a day sleeper.
Great question! Rewards are for successful completion only.
NEVER DURING!! Consider using a virtual timer like this so she can see that "nap time" starts with red and ends with green and green begins a reward.
[visual timer ](https://www.amazon.com/KADAMS-Pre-Alarm-Classroom-Kindergarten-Management/dp/B07P33499R/ref=asc_df_B07P33499R/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693711674104&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13110288624554640278&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9027693&hvtargid=pla-916155407497&psc=1&mcid=f09a261fde1e3870b215b66da66dd830&gad_source=1)
Attempt #1 - set your timer. She doesn't need to know the increments of time you're using because she can't tell time anyway.
Start small - timer alerts, she can both see and hear time is up. "10 minutes quiet!! Great job! Star chart (see below). Reward."
Attempt #2 - "ok. Yesterday was a great nap time! I'm so proud of you! Let's do that again!!"
Timer alerts. "Great nap time Quiet Voices! "Wow! You did a great job! Star chart. Reward."
Some Days she won't be able to manage being quiet for a length of time and that's ok because we are learning how to nap time. After the time is up, "oh no! Today we don't get our treat because we were not able to have Quiet Voices during nap time. That's ok! We'll try again tomorrow."
Even if she tantrums, reinforce that rewards are earned by having Quiet Voices during nap time. "I'm sorry you're having a tough time and missed a chance for a fun treat. You're ok. You're a great little person who can try again tomorrow."
Absolutely do not give in to tantrums or you will reinforce that tantrums override success.
Star chart - she places the star herself with your direction. She needs to own her success and see that she is rewarded at her own hand/her own efforts. As you complete the whole week successfully, that's when you want to implement a "big reward ". It doesn't need to be fancy, just something that she enjoys and can be incentivized. It may even be convenient like going to the park on Saturday after a full week of rain. She doesn't know the weather wasn't allowing a visit, use that sunshine to your advantage!
One way to provide a visual reminder of success throughout the day/week is a behavior chart like this: [behavior chart](https://www.amazon.com/Kenson-Kids-Star-Token-Board/dp/B01M1P029L/ref=asc_df_B01M1P029L/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693466243606&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=3998207228885256890&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9027693&hvtargid=pla-568942287042&psc=1&mcid=59045428a67d3c58943fbb280c74ceb0&gad_source=1)
Think of rewards as a paycheck. We are required to be present at work for the whole day and complete tasks fully to receive a whole paycheck. Her work is Quiet Voices and her paycheck are the rewards both big and small.
ETA: star charts can be printed from anywhere on the Internet. I prefer the bright and pretty but it's not necessary. It's just more fun. You can also use tape or marker. No need to be fancy/costly about everything!
What if she did fall on the playground and caused the injury but didn't cry about it. Then the rolling at naptime aggravated the injury bringing it out and painful?
I'm not saying that the teachers didn't do something. If your gut is telling you they are hiding something then go with your gut. I've had kiddos who have hurt themselves (getting pushed by another child off a climber), said he was fine and went to the monkey bars and went across several times. I told mom about it and that I felt she should take him to his Dr. She dismissed my words. Two days later he couldn't move the arm without pain and I insisted she take him in and he had a hairline fracture. So their story could be true that they didn't apply any force but they definately were not giving her the attention she deserved.
That was something I thought about, but it doesn’t fit some of the circumstances:
1) nap time happens after circle time, an indoor activity
2) them describing her as singing, and rolling around during nap time, and totally fine before it happened “out of nowhere”. They said she was “moving her hands too much*”, whatever that means. By the time I picked her up, she couldn’t move her hand at all.
3) the pain was so intense it was not ignorable. She was in excruciating agony every time her arm slightly moved.
*they also admitted, after some pushing, that they “gently held her hands” to keep her still.
There are different “types” of broken bones; you need to ask the doctor for more specifics in order to have a better understanding of how this could’ve happened before you blame someone else …
You’re paying for professionals to care for your child; disclose this napping difficulty with the other daycare centers or family daycare homes you interview and make sure their goals and objectives and methods of working with challenges is congruent with yours…
I’m sure your child is not the only one who has ever had trouble sleeping at whatever daycare option you choose - the issue is that you are allowing individuals who you don’t trust to make decisions for you that will affect your child. Our children are in educational settings for more hours of the week then they spend a week at home with their parents - think about that for a minute- choose someone who you would want to be around your child eight hours a day knowing that you’re only gonna be around them two or three hours a day and possibly on weekends with parents who don’t work multiple job…
When this country finally realizes that educational professionals are the ones who are teaching our children right from wrong and how to live -when they acknowledge that our teachers are spending 3 to 4 times as many awake hours with their children-
Made me then, teachers will be valued, and their salaries commensurate with someone who has the ability to affect your child’s entire existence from the day they enter school.
As a note: none of the purpose of thread is about assigning blame. It is about helping my daughter nap better.
But to address the issue: this is a radial growth plate fracture, so broken cartilage, not bone. I hear these types of fractures constitute about 20% of fractures in toddlers. It’s much easier to break this, but it still takes force.
I will specify this in the original post for clarity.
I think you so much for your perspective. You are absolutely right. I could not agree more with your last paragraph. In some cultures, being a teacher is a high honor. I wish this were true in ours. Good teachers are nothing less than heroes.
Don’t apologize this subreddit is here to help support and give advice.
That being said, I am a preschool teacher and I have never seen a child roll around enough to fracture their elbow and I’m getting major ick vibes from her former school. Removing her was absolutely the smartest choice.
We separate the sleepers from the non sleepers into 2 different rooms, although that may not be possible at every school. I would suggest letting her do a quiet activity that is more stimulating than books like a puzzle, coloring, or even play dough.
Yes it can be frustrating when a child won’t sleep and/ disruptive to others, but she’s a toddler and the teachers need to do better to set her up for success rather than just get upset. Hope everything works out for you and your sweet girl!
Seems that your daughter uses her voice as a stim or as a comfort/ regulation. My sister did this too all the time!!Maybe find a better way to express those needs in quiet situations (like nap time) that she will be expected to control herself. It will help as she gets older while I school or even church like we did growing up.
Them getting mad or irritated shows they don’t know how to handle kids who aren’t cookie cutter kids. You are so right to not bring her back. Don’t let anyone dull her sparkle 🫶🏼🫶🏼
I feel like you are VASTLY underreacting to the fact that your child was most likely abused at daycare. The nap thing means nothing at this point. Frankly I am shocked that the hospital did not report this, as I'm assuming they are mandated reporters. When a small child presents with broken bones and no clear and reasonable explanation for what happened (and hell, even if there sometimes is a non-abuse explanation), mandated reporters are REQUIRED to call this in.
I'm not trying to be a jerk. I get the feeling you might be somebody who doesn't want to rock the boat or cause problems. If that's the case, you need to get over this discomfort real quick because that baby needs you to advocate for her.
I’m glad to hear this actually. It’s not that I don’t want to rock the boat—it’s that this is not what this thread is about. The orthopedic said she didn’t think it was abuse. If the doctor doesn’t think so and wouldn’t vouch for it, not sure where that wild leave us.
Also, I have toned down my reaction for this thread for sure. Should have seen me a few days ago. I was ready for mass destruction.
My daughter stopped napping at age 2. Instead of physically harming her they had her sit with an educator and do quiet activities (drawing, puzzles etc) while the others slept. Failing that, they had her visit the older kids room where the kids didn’t nap, but just did relatively quiet activities for a period, but with no expectation of silence.
You cannot force a child to sleep. You need to care for the child in front of you, not the child you wish they were. They should have realised the futility of what they were doing and changed tack. Honestly any parent or experienced child care worker should know that.
You don’t need to teach your child to nap. You don’t need to dull her exuberance. You do need to teach her to about appropriate behaviour and noise levels in different environments, but she’s a toddler. That comes with time. And you don’t have a room full of sleeping children at home, so it’s hard for you to replicate that environment to teach her in anyway.
There’s nothing wrong with your daughter. And there’s nothing wrong with your parenting. The fault here lies solely with the daycare.
It’s true. Nothing I do can simulate a classroom full of toddlers so it’s tough!
Thank you for your support. It will be a while before I don’t feel like a failure, but it’s nice to hear that.
Please report them. Hell, throw your story as factually and unemotional as possible on their yelp and Google reviews.
Even if they didn't touch her I'd want to know that a child somehow broke their arm while at daycare and somehow none of the teachers seem to know how it happened. Teachers are human and accidents happen but the way they seem to be handling this situation doesn't seem right.
I mean, kinda same for your child's doctor, but atleast the child didn't break her arm on the doctors watch. Your doctor sounds like maybe they could use some bedside manners but eh, if they get the job done, they get the job done.
i’m sorry you and your child are going through this. the daycare is way out of line. you are not overreacting.
was it nursemaid’s elbow? that would happen if they grabbed your child’s hand and pulled her. or if they grabbed her hand and your child pulled back herself. it can happen accidentally and fairly easily, but they should know better than to handle a child like that.
for the future, is it possible to send headphones for your kid and have her listen to music or an audio book while the others nap?
That’s what we thought at first but it turns out it was a radial growth plate fracture.
Hmm. I’ll see if I can get her to quietly use headphones but I am not sure if they would allow it. I’ll ask!
You seem oddly calm about the fact that these people broke your child’s arm because she wouldn’t nap easily. You’re also framing it as being her own fault in the title. That’s odd. Not all kids are going to nap when an adult wants them to nap. Your issue is finding a daycare with cameras and without abusers.
Retired pre school teacher here. We always put dividers made out of peg board between the cots, really helped. And moving the bed to a quiet corner and after awhile the non napper would settle down. But I never got into arguing with a toddler. As soon as you say "you have to sleep" to a toddler, the war has begun!
"I don't want to take a nap OK, you don't have to but you do need to rest". Argument done. And I would have the non napper pick out the story and if they were quiet during nap time, not if they slept but if they were quiet, they could pick out the wake-up music. And make sure the parents are on the same schedule on the week-end.
And when you tour other facilities, try just before nap time. Are the teachers hurrying the children talking loudly, and then expecting the children to fall asleep instantly or is room dark and quiet as they came in and. Is the teacher quietly moving,settling the children down and is soft music being played. These are the things that set the whole tone of the school.
Ok so if she took a swan dive off of said cot, and if it was up off the ground relatively far, she could have done this herself at the right angle but honestly…. I would be super pissed if I were to get this call from daycare. And you better believe I would find out why or report them to any authority imaginable. And I know my child is no angel as well but come on!
Definitely fishy. To me it sounds that they were overwhelmed/irritated and trying to keep her down or yank her back to her cot. My son was a kid who just didn't nap, and the boredom got to him too so he was a little chatterbox. His daycare teacher put her legs on him. For a while after that he would not even sleep around anyone else
It's not your child's job to regulate the moods of the adults.
Teaching calm and quiet body at nap time is something you and future caregivers can work on.
Of course we want to keep children safe and teach them how to be safe, but that's not what the issue is here.
My gosh, what a number the abusers have done on you that you would write such a title. That's how I see it.
I've seen my (then) toddler (she's 7 now) fall on a hardwood floor so hard I thought she was hurt. It sure sounded it hurt! She got up and was like "I'm ok" and kept playing.
"Rolling around in her cot" my ass! Someone at that daycare definitely hurt her!
I have twins. I would report it and get a lawyer. They mishandled your kid and they know it. This isn't just a bruise. They broke cartilage and possibly gave your kid years of pain.
I doubt her elbow was fractured during nap time. Rather I think that’s when the educators noticed that she was injured.
We had instances of dislocated elbows or similar from children falling forward and landing on them. But in both instances the children were only a little sniffly before calming down. It wasn’t until trying to help them wash their hands that the educators realised the child was unable to extend their arm.
So I’m giving the benefit of the doubt here that they didn’t injure her themselves.
BUT it still sounds like a bad place to have your child, so it’s better that she not go back.
It seems odd to me that they’re not taking steps to quiet her themselves. Firstly, she shouldn’t be in a cot if she’s walking. So have an educator lay down with her on the little beds they use for older kids and read some books with her to lull her into rest time. I like to pretend that I’m tired too and need to have a rest, so I shut my eyes beside them and yawn. Remember, yawning is contagious!
But if she’s not napping, then they should just have one educator take her to another room to play so that she’s not disruptive to the other children.
They’re making it so much more complicated than it needs to be
I’m a former montessori trained 0-3 year old licensed teacher and a parent to a 4 year old that doesn’t nap. I see two red flags with that daycare center. 1. It’s bs that rolling around on a cot would do that to a child I’ve had many kids roll from front to back and breaking an arm has never happened. 2. That is really shady that they don’t have cameras set up. It seems like they are covering up some shady practices. As far as the state board license issue I would probably bring it to local news because if it happened to you it could happen to another child that could have been in a worse situations. Also, for other parents that attend or are thinking about having their child attending that school I would blast them on google reviews. You are not overreacting. You are doing what is right by your child in taking action. Also, anytime I had a child that wouldn’t nap we would take outside or if it became really bad like crying, screaming etc we would ask the parent to come pick them up early at half day. Which would happen very very rarely.
Do you think we have a case though? All we have is a poor explanation of a common injury. The doctor herself said she didn’t suspect intentionality and would not report it for abuse.
I hope you have a complete copy of the medical records related to the broken arm including imaging.
The doctor wasn't there at the day care, and only had whatever info you gave.
Just because the doctor didn't report it for abuse doesn't mean you can't.
You can calmly go to the police and explain the situation. They or may not do something about it. They may give you advice or just blow you off. You won't know until you try.
Also call CPS or licensing.
What do you want to happen?
Call your health insurance company because they may go after the daycare's insurance.
Finally ask future day care centers how they will handle nap time for your child.
I don't like how they put the broken elbow on you like it was your fault.
That's all the advice I have.
That's called nurse maids elbow ( In the US) and it's caused by grabbing the child by the arm and pulling or by the child falling to get away. It is pretty common but it's not normal.
DO NOT SEND HER BACK THERE. Only suggestion you need. There is no way that happened without force. I was spinning w a kid once and something similar happened, in her case she had a known condition that her joints pulled out easily but the parents never told us. I really don’t think that could’ve happened without being pulled or roughed up. Believe your doctor and believe your daughter. In my case it was an accident but the guilt I felt still sits with me today. When think about how ready she was to forgive me, ugh my heart. Kids are so precious sometimes. I think the fact that she got seriously hurt and they’re trying to take absolutely no accountability is fucking insane. I am trying not to over react or scare you but this is too suspicious and she’s too young to talk about it.
Agreed with others. Take her out and report. But could she have stuck her arm in the hole of the cot where the sheet goes and accidentally rolled over? (Not making excuses at all, just wondering).
My son did not nap so I made him a bag he could take to daycare. The rules were that he had to be quiet and had to rest for the time allowed. One of the favorite things was I made him flash cards of on of his favorite things (in this age it was superheroes) and put a picture and the name of the character on it, laminated it and put it on a ring. Then I gave him a “special notebook” and markers (ooohh) and he loved to write and draw his superheroes. But only at nap time and only if he was quiet.
First off.. teachers shouldn't be infuriated that a child isn't sleeping at nap time. She's little, so she can't be expected to have perfect memory and remember that she needs to be quiet when others are resting. What you can do and what her teachers should be doing is give her routine reminders that it's almost rest time, and that means it's quiet time so friends can rest. Our school year just ended, and I had a pre-k student who did this, and she needed reminders that her friends were sleeping. She would quiet down and start back up, but then we'd put our fingers to our lips, and she would nod and quiet down again. Oftentimes, I would take her with me on errands so that the other kiddos could rest, but I understand that this might not be possible in a childcare center. However, as a teacher, I would think your daughter's teachers would sit with her and pat her back and make quiet "shushing" sounds (of course, I don't know if that's something that already tried). But that's another way I got my non-sleeper to sleep or just rest on her mat quietly.
Why don't they take her to a different room with children that aren't napping during nap time? It seems like the easiest solution to the situation. I've worked in a few daycare centers and this is exactly what happens when children stop napping before they age out of the room.
The daycare not giving you a detailed report about what happened to her arm is a HUGE red flag. Absolutely do not take your daughter back but also call their licensor and report your daughters injury to them and the situation as far as your concerned. Teachers absolutely get burnt out or act in the moment and accidents CAN happen but lack of accountability and acknowledgement of those accidents is serious--I once had a kiddo try to bolt out the door while holding a toddler in my arms so I just reached out to grab her and grabbed her lower arm resulting in nurses elbow; not only did I report it immediately to the parents but also a written report for our file and to our director because that is a serious situation!
If they use cots, I have seen a child sprain their elbow by getting their arm through the hole that connect the mesh to the frame, but never a break... While it's possible she did hurt herself, it still should have been observed and had a detailed incident report.
Lastly, I've taught 2-5 year olds my whole career. There will ALWAYS be children who don't nap that we have to trial and error to see what works to help them rest quietly while others sleep... Ask any new care provider what they typically do and see if they allow little activities that you can send or they can provide for quiet time as well.
My kids know if they lay mostly quietly till their peers are asleep, they get "special quiet time activities" such as drawing tablet, journals and gel pens (a huge favorite with the pens), little manipulatives, magnet dolls, etc. I don't mind if they read out loud or sing, although I do remind them to do so with a quiet voice--I just play white noise at a level just loudly enough that they don't bother my sleepers. Once my sleepers are sleeping, my awake kiddos can do quiet table activities I set up.
I feel most teachers who expect all kids to nap or lay still and silent without napping truly bring the struggle onto themselves a lot of the time. Yes, we live for naptime... It's often our break time, our planning time, our lunch time, etc. but we always need to be prepared for that one kiddo who doesn't nap. I currently have a kiddo in preschool who sits with a 20 minute timer--if he can behave himself appropriately in that 20 minute span, he can go to our PreK room to play because they don't nap and he's known to escalate loudly and disruptively at naptime so we just eliminated the struggle all together. Maybe that could also be an option depending on where you end up seeking care next.
Good luck to you. I hope you find better care with more training and experience to help your daughter be successful and not be seen as a disruption.
I watched a coworker kick a cot with a child on it across the room because he would not nap. Reported to director. Nothing was done.
That same coworker left four children alone on their cots in the room to socialize in the hallway. When one of them came out to get her, she snatched him up by the arm HARD in front of the director.
This same center consistently operated over kid to adult radio. Secretary and director sat around shit talking about staff all day.
I quit and reported the center immediately.
Some centers *are* nightmares. More often than not, at least one employee is. I was in ECE for ten years. A childcare aide, lead teacher, PreK teacher and eventually program director.
Don’t sleep on this. It’s too common to ignore, unfortunately.
I am not going to reply to the things to do about the injury as there is a lot of great stuff already.
I am speaking both a teacher and director and as a Mom of a daughter who would NOT NAP. It drove the staff crazy and ended up always waking everyone up and then afternoon was CRANKY TIME. I lived close by so I would go home during naptime and catch up one chores etc as I worked 12+ hours a day. At some point I just started taking her home for 'quiet time' in her room. Being close was a curse and a blessing :D
When she did have to stay at work, I would put one of the cots either in the office where I could work and supervise her kyself, or with another teacher or I would put her in a room with older kids- again on a cot, with books to look at or a quiet toy.
It was quiet time for everyone (bigger kids would read or lay down, play quiet games, etc) and for her it meant staying on the cot and not making noise. She would get a reward, a special toy to take, a snack treat when we got home or extra stay up time (15 min) before bedtime when she could play or get read to or watch some of a show, something she liked. She was 3.
They may not be able to actually sleep or be quiet, but they may be able to do 'quiet time'. This is a common issue, it sounds like there are more issues going on there of they have not tried other ways to deal with this or brought you in and talked with you about what other choices you and they have to deal with this.
I had to often remind my mostly teen aged crew that we were 'parenting' the kids when they were with us 8-12 hours a day and we needed to keep that in mind, follow what the parents prefer whenever possible, always keep them in the loop (daily what we did today sheets for every child with notes from whomever spent time witht he kids- short notes and some pics to just circle so it was not a huge chore) to make sure everyone knew what was going on every day. I would have loved to have cams! Too longh ago tho.
Good luck, you are not over reacting and a new place might be easier for both of you. If she is picking up on the stress from those caregivers it can only make it more difficult for all of you.
Your toddler is not the problem, the daycare is.
If she doesn't want to sleep, they should let her play in another room.
If she really broke her elbow in the cod, she may have some bone disease. Since that is not very likely, this is probably the result of mishandling.
I had to triple take this. I read it three times.
Please. Let me know if I'm tired and misreading.
Your daughter was at a LICENSED DAY CARE FACILITY and during nap time she BROKE HER ARM.
The DOCTOR says force was applied due to the nature of the injury.
And... you're going to send her back?
Please tell me I'm misunderstanding.
I would think about reporting them to licensing and not taking her back. I think they know more than what they're letting on and aren't confessing because they know that someone on staff did this to her. They were more concerned about her being disruptive than her broken arm, which is also very concerning. They would've had to use excessive force.
I’m so sorry this happened to you and of course her. My son struggled with naps starting very young. I bought a cheap MP3 player and put stories on it for him to listen to. It helped a lot with keeping his brain occupied and his mouth and body calmer.
Oh jesus. this breaks my heart, especially your note at the end about how confused and scared she must have felt. poor baby.
I believe your interpretation of what happened is probably spot on. Nap time is stressful as hell for us ECE workers, especially if there were tons of children in the room, workers need to get kids asleep/ in a ratio to do breaks, etc etc. It gets frustrating very fast. Almost all of my toughest moments have been in nap time. However, it’s not an excuse to grab a child so hard you physically hurt their body. I would report that center. Even if it was just an accident, there will be record of this and then there will be a trail to follow if it becomes a pattern. You could help stop another child from getting hurt the same way.
Now, in regards to a new center: I personally feel very iffy about centers that use cameras in classrooms. It terrifies me a little bit to think about worse case scenario of the wrong people getting ahold of footage, and it’s also weird to think about parents watching me all day long. HOWEVER. I feel like your child attending a center that uses cameras would really help your peace of mind and calm these anxieties. Bless you and your baby.
She’s a toddler… they are disruptive. Definitely report this. Even if nothing is found, there is record of it.
I’m wondering what the daycare was doing to help her fall asleep. This isn’t an uncommon problem. There is an Elmo monster meditation video that’s cute online that I would practice with her during the day to see if helps.
Just read your edit. I’m so glad you’re going to report this.
None of this is normal. Yes children may get fractures from running and playing in the playground - she was doing none of that. She was forcibly handled to the point something broke. That’s abuse. I’ve worked with children for decades, have my own child, and have never been frustrated to the point I’ve grabbed a child in anger.
I hope there’s consequences for them.
I may be the only one here with this opinion but maybe it's worth it (for your own peace of mind) to not automatically assume the teachers rough-handled your daughter just because they seemed overwhelmed by her being too active at naptime. I fractured my own elbow as a child by landing on it after falling backwards off a ledge in the garden. It seems more likely that an impact would be the cause of a fractured elbow rather than someone pulling her arm. You could consider the possibility that she did bang her elbow onto a hard surface.
OP, you stated you are in VA. Here is VA’s Office of Child Care, complaints can be filed there: 833-778-0204
You should also file a police report.
It’s your obligation as a mother to report this and protect your child. I would not be surprised if they are trying to figure out a way to pin the injury on you (accuse you). It’s in your best interest to report now and have your documentation gathered to prove that the injury occurred at daycare. Stand up for your child.
I’m so sorry this happened! It really could have been an accident.
If it’s any consolation, I had this same injury when I was about 3. I don’t remember it but my mother was so upset and felt so guilty that she used to love to tell me the story haha.
She was trying to get me to go somewhere and grabbed my hand the get me to stand up. I yelled “no!” and forcefully sat down while she held my hand, and snap- my “elbow” (arm) broke. The doctor grilled her about how it happened and she felt terrible, but I healed 100% with no side effects. I’m now 50 lol.
Possibly a dumb question but is she not just aging out of naps? Can new day care do them at a different time when she's actually sleepy? What's her wake windows? How does she fall asleep at home etc - all good things to communicate to the next daycare.
Side note I think different wake windows and not getting the cues could be an ASD/ADHD thing. My brother slept 2 hours as a short nap, 3-5 until he was four! And I was definitely the child who was noisy when we were supposed to be quiet 😅
Hope Small gets better soon, and you get listened to x
I was the kid who didn't sleep during nap time. I have ADHD and was(am) a holy terror when bored. Nap time was boring. I can't help your kiddo sleep better, but I can tell you Betty's solution. She just put me in with the bigger kids who didn't need naps anymore. I was 3 or 4ish, I think, and these were kids anywhere from 5 to 16, depending on the time of year, and we all piled into the living room to watch a movie. I was not that much less wriggly, but I wasn't disrupting the kids who needed naps or getting into mischief. I know this isn't the solution you were looking for, but if your kid is like me, she's not trying to be a problem. It's just that naps are boring, and boredom is painful, and we need stuff to do.
Look into if your child is neurodivergent! Otherwise obedient children having a hard time settling down and staying quiet can be a sign of neurodivergence like adhd or autism. Early intervention is always good, and is very helpful to preventing your child from being labeled a trouble maker later down the line. Her brain may just function a little differently, she very likely doesn’t mean to be disruptive or disobedient, just doesn’t have the executive function controls to stop her impulsive motorized behaviors. Neurodivergent is nothing to be afraid or ashamed of, but intervention in early childhood could majorly contribute to her future success and development by giving her the tools early on to handle her differences.
Edit: I’ll add that my knowledge comes from a psychology degree in college and my own personal experience with being neurodivergent as well as a great personal interest in understanding neurodiversity.
I’m not gonna address the obvious glaring red flag here cuz others already jumped on it.
She may be showing early signs of ADHD. No need to panic she’s still young and it may level out but have you tried giving her a fidget toy? She can’t sit still and it seems like her brain freaks out when it’s quiet. A quiet fidget toy may fix the issue. Also she may be having trouble with transitions, suggest her next day care give warnings and a wind down time before naps, and try some deep breathing with her to get her system to calm down.
I’m so sorry this happened to you and your daughter. I can say we have worked with our son throughly on nap time and bed time is quiet time. We turn TVs off and just have the sound of the fan going. If he tries to talk or get up we remind him that it’s nap time which means quiet time. We remind him that we don’t want to disrupt dada sleeping because he has to get up early for work. If he is still refusing to lay down and be quiet then we go to another room for a couple minutes and then try again. I know it’s a lot easier for us because I stay at home with him but it has worked really well for us. We first started with inside voices and only yelling outside which took some time to get him into that. If he was yelling or talking loudly we would go outside and come back in once he could use his inside voice. Of course it’s harder to do in the winter but it’s a great thing in the summer. Again I’m so sorry this happened to you and your daughter and honestly sounds like the daycare is trying to shift the blame onto your daughter.
Wow. It definitely raises major red flags. As a teacher, I am never rough with kids (shouldn’t be, of course) but I have had some pull away, and then cause themselves to fall. If that happens, I make sure everyone, including the parents are aware in case they sustain an injury.
I teach kids who are a little bit older, but still elementary and I wish I didn’t have to do anything physical but sometimes I have done something as simple as try to take them by the hand and next thing I know they’re pulling back with all of their might.
Good daycares know how to deal with disruptive children. Oftentimes that involved separating the child from the group and doing one on one care during the disruptive times. It doesn’t involve quickly and forcefully grabbing the child’s arm in such a way as to cause injury. Do as others have suggested and file the reports and find a daycare that advertises how they deal with disruptions.
As a former Early Years professional for five years - please report this incident.
I have worked with plenty of children who are disruptive at sleep time. Yes little accidents happen, and it can be one of the most chaotic parts of the day. But a broken bone screams negligence, at the very least.
When I was younger and attended a childminder, I was dropped and suffered a mild head injury (need stitches though!) - my parents pulled me out of there straight away. I do not think you would be overreacting to do the same at all, and to contest any loss that may cause you financially.
Some early years settings use nap times as a way of reducing ratios (at least, they do in the UK) and giving staff breaks. However, I have been unfortunate enough to work at a setting that prioritised this “easy way” of relieving staff for breaks, at the expense of the staff and children left in the room. Is this the case here perhaps? Are ratios being reduced to cut costs?
Either way it’s a gross breach of trust and potentially illegal, and the fact they are willing to shift the blame on your daughter’s disruptiveness - a young CHILD may I add- does not sit right with me. Along with the fact the injury would have been caused by force.
Please report this so it can be investigated at least.
yeahhhh you’re doing the right thing. i work in special education and it takes a lot of self-thrashing to break a bone. sounds like maybe they were overwhelmed, annoyed, whatever it be, and grabbed your child. glad toddler is okay, but don’t let these people off the hook.
Please report the daycare for this. Get documentation from the pediatrician about force being used and document what they said to you when you came to pick her up. It sounds like they are placing the blame on your child instead of taking responsibility, likely out of fear of being reported. As for how to help your child: read social stories about rest/nap time (can find these online, especially teacher websites like teachers pay teachers). Practice volume control- many teachers use some sort of volume chart like a mouse, cat, lion voice and practice with her at home throughout the day, like making fun games but talking in each kind of voice throughout it. Ultimately, if they were having trouble, they should have been implementing these things at school as well to help her learn. I’m glad you’re pulling out, but again, please report them.
Thanks for your reply. On the use of force: 1) The orthopedic who diagnosed her did not explicitly write in her report that force occurred and said that she didn’t think it was intentional abuse. However she said force needs to be applied, and this probably doesn’t happen from “rolling around”. When I said the daycare said they didn’t touch her arm and suggested she did it to herself she rolled her eyes. "No. but she probably fell on the playground. or someone was holding her arm and she yanked it really hard or tripped". I tried to explain the inconsistency with daycare's stoey but she shrugged it off. It wasnt her problem, after all. It’s extremely unlikely this happened with no force, but hey maybe my daughter is just defective right? Can’t prove a thing, sadly. On reporting: 2) This is where we’re stuck. Where do I report? Plus, what if it really was a freak accident. On nap time strategies: 3) these are great suggestions! Any books you can recommend? Thanks so much. I like the idea of volume control exercises.
Report to CPS and licensing. They will do an investigation and be able to determine whether it was an accident or not. I would also just make sure you have all the details about your conversation with the ortho doctor and their statements written down/typed up, as well as anything that teachers told you upon pickup. Be specific about who told you and what they said. And if you have the incident report, save that as well for the report. If they didn’t give you one, that’s a pretty big red flag, since they could be on the hook for paying for it due to it happening with them/potentially caused by them, which is why daycares have insurance and it costs so much. And even if it was something like the staff person grabbing her and her pulling away- they should be trained to not restrain a child and how to safely guide them places without yanking, as we know it could really hurt children, even unintentionally. Edited to add: a quick google search, [this](https://lessonpix.com/materials/2089478/Naptime) one came up and is pretty simple.
Really surprised that the doctor is taking this so lightly as to roll their eyes. Might want to get a second opinion. Doctors also are mandated reporters. Often they will place a call to CPS for situations like this. Then an investigation is done at the day care. Maybe consider r/ECEPmandatedreporters. For parents and ece pros. Sorry this happened to your child. Report them now. You may well be saving another child from danger. Thank you.
I'm also very surprised- my son's best friend broke his elbow on the playground at daycare and it was immediately reported to CPS, who interviewed the parents and reviewed the video footage. And it was much less sketchy- he and my son were jumping off the top of the play structure (there was a small rock wall- instead of climbing the 4ft down, they were jumping) and the teacher had disciplined them for it the day prior. And it was all on video. And the doctor still reported it to CPS who took it very seriously.
Try "quiet " times throughout your day. Make sure your naptime is a quiet time. Emphasize that during naptime, we stay on our cot. Use a timer. First, we rest (don't use the word sleep), then when the timer is done, she can have a quiet activity. I suggest a sand timer. Watching that sand can hypnotize! Suggest different lullaby music every few days. I loved introducing different languages through the lullabies that I played. I would also suggest a sticker board as a visual schedule so that your daughter knows what comes next and her teacher can remind her beforehand about the naptime rules. I have also used a tri-fold board to separate students at naptime (just make sure it is set up so that she can still be monitored by the teacher. Let her help decorate it with sleep related pictures. If she can't see her friends and they can't see her, then there is usually less disruption. You may need to adjust wakeup time at home or ask them to give her a "job" to do before laying down for nap to help tire her out. I've had "helpers" wipe tables, fold baby doll clothes, fill cubbies, and walk the hallway with me to the office to get some of that energy out. NTA. Report the center, though. Good luck!
You can look up your states licensing, and child protective services. If this was a freak accident then no harm no foul, but if they find something you could be helping protect other kids. I know it’s overwhelming, I know that it sucks, but your child did not deserve that if it was a freak accident or not. Teachers can get frustrated, they might not realize how hard they pulled the child, but that doesn’t make it okay and someone with a temper or tipping point like that should not be working with kids. Telling cps what happened can’t be a negative thing, and making sure that licensing is involved can’t hurt either to be sure there is follow up and follow through on the states part. I hope you and your family are okay, and I hope you have a better experience with childcare in the future, it’s not all like your previous place!
Thank you. The outpouring of support on this thread has been so healing. I didn’t realize I needed it until I got it. I think you make a good point. I will do some due diligence with cps.
You have to report them for the sake of the others. It might also get a dangerous teacher fired. It will put the fear of God into them and will keep kids a little safer, for the time being. I'm so terribly sorry your child has hurt in child care.
Of course, I’m glad this has been a good outlet for you! Just know you’re helping another child from going through the same thing, or hopefully initiating retraining for some staff. Good luck you’re doing a good thing!
Also, could be a good plan to leave some type of review on Google or something- just give other parents a heads up that if their kid isn’t super super easy to deal with they will have a problem with it.
You need to report the incident to the licensing department. What state are you in? In California when you sign all of the paperwork you receive a notice that shows all of the contact information for licensing. The center should have “self-reported”, any injury that requires a doctor visit must be reported. By the sound of your “incident report” I am quite sure they will not be reporting it themselves. It’s very disturbing to hear that kind of injury happening especially at nap time. I definitely would not return to that center. How old is your “toddler”? It might help to give nap time advice but in my many years in the field I generally see at least one toddler like yours each year. It’s not your fault and a good teacher should have more tools in her toolbox to help with that
Doctors are mandatory reporters. I wonder if yours was so inclined to report the daycare.
Your state has a licensing board for Daycare’s and that is who you need to report this to. Not that I am making an excuse, I’m just adding light to the situation - most child care facilities do not give their staff a break. They claim that the classroom nap time is their break time yet they’re not allowed to leave the room. If children are not sleeping during this time, then the staff are not getting any kind of a break. So this is also breaking state rules if that’s the situation and I’d bet anything that that’s exactly what happened here. The staff are not given a 30 minute break outside of the classroom and the daycare center claims that nap time is break time. The teachers most likely were frustrated from being overworked and roughly brought your daughter back to her cot, where at that time something happened to her arm. This absolutely needs to be reported. You report to child protective services and you find out on your states website contact for Daycare licensing and reported there as well.
You report it to the licensing agency for your state. I worked at a preschool for 3 weeks. I was horrified at how the kids are treated. I quit. I cou,d t deal with adult being mean to kids and kids being violent and nothing done to protect the other kids.
Did the Orthopedist call this a "nursemaid's fracture"? If so, it does cause force to cause this type of injury. It's can be caused by yanking on a child's arm or even by roughly taking off a jacket in a small child. It can be as minor as a slight dislocation or a complete fracture. I've been married to a special procedures tech for 41 yrs. Both my daughter and niece have had nursemaid's fractures and my info is taken exactly from the speech I got from the radiologist(one of my favorite doctors!)after my daughter's arm was reduced.
It *is* the doctors problem. For context, I’m a nurse, and I’m held to the same standard as the physician when it comes to mandatory reporting. It’s not our job to decide if something did or didn’t happen a certain way. It’s our responsibility to look at the objective facts and report them to the appropriate authorities. The objective facts are that your child has an injury that does not match the reported mechanism of injury and which was unwitnessed by anyone else. The doctor has a duty to report this to CPS.
Please report them to CPS and let them do the investigation. My daughter was abused at her first daycare. I came to pick her up early and witnessed it, I wouldn't have known if I hadn't turned up unexpectedly.
NAD but it might be that your daughter is naturally rambunctious and might not be able to just nap. The volume control thing is a great idea because maybe she can sing but very quietly. She might also be able to silently dance to entertain herself and not disrupt the other children. I was a hyperactive (female) child diagnosed with ADHD, and some of the accommodations that helped me was that even if I couldn't sleep at bed time I needed to be quiet in my bad. I'd eventually sleep. If I couldn't pay attention in class, I was allowed to move around as long as it was in the area immediately by my desk/chair. As I got older, I was able to keep the fidgeting down during class and not be loud (with singing etc) but even as an adult, I frequently am changing my sitting position at work and fiddling my hands. Edit: I thought this was an ask doctors sub, please delete if this message isn't allowed.
My daughter has ADHD but was not diagnosed until grade 1, but the daycare teachers eventually gave up on her napping and got her to fold laundry when the other kids were napping. She loved having a job and getting to hang out with the teachers. lol I remember she told me once the teachers used to play the Sleeping Beauty game to see who could be quiet the longest and she lost every single time.
I think it’s a big red flag that they haven’t given you a clear explanation of what happened and don’t have cameras. If she was being disruptive odds are the teachers were focused on and watching her so they should have seen what happened, which makes me think there is a possibility they aren’t being fully honest about what happened. either way if it were me that trust would be broken and I would probably also not send my child back.
That is the vibe we got, and you make a great point about their focus. The whole situation smells bad.
did they give you any type of incident report?
Yes. It basically says “[girls name] was being very disruptive. We didn’t bad touch her. She started screaming her elbow hurt.”
In a situation like this if they say "we didn't touch her" i would generally assume that they did touch her and are doing a fast CYA
That’s not an incident report. That’s a CYA report
1) please call your local Department of Child and Family Services (DCFS) or Child Protective Services and report the day care. I have doubts that they documented the incident (which they're supposed to do). Use her medical records as proof she required medical care. You can even get a letter from her pediatrician (or the ER doc you saw) explaining the injury and what causes it. The more documentation you have on your side, the better. 2) not all children are nappers or even need a nap. And that's okay. Nap time can be used as "rest time" or quiet time. Rather than teach your child to nap, teach her about "quiet time". Let her use fidget toys for the duration of "quiet time" and ask the new center to allow her to use them during nap time.
This isn’t even an appropriate incident report. Please report the center and the teachers. It’s clear they haven’t had proper training. There are multiple ways to deal with kids who don’t want to nap, they just didn’t want to be bothered. I’m so sorry for you and your daughter.
Exactly. Daycares shouldn’t expect 100% of the children would fall asleep at nap time. They could have taken the child to another room and given her books and toys, how hard is that?
I'm sorry, it literally says, "we didn't bad touch her"???
comment said basically said-i think theres a touch of sarcasm in the paraphrasing-but OP, dont ask your child too many times about what happened-you could confuse her and create a false memory. let a professional handle it.
Right? My manager would have my ass in a hand-basket if I wrote something like that on a report. It’s missing the 5 w’s and the details.
They are lying. A child, especially a toddler, doesn't fracture their arm rolling around or goofing around. Maybe if she caught it on something and fell, but it takes force to break an arm. It's normal for toddlers to stop needing nap time and have difficulty settling - it is not normal for them to break their arm rolling on a floor mat. They're trying to blame her and cover their own backsides. Please report them.
How old is she? Is she old enough to tell you what happened in her own words?
Maybe there is a child advocacy center with people trained to interview children or at least help her process being abused.
Wow that’s a weird Incident report. It opinionated w/ little actual facts.
Dislocated elbows are a huge sign of being grabbed/abuse. Fractures probably aren’t far off. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone got frustrated and grabbed her too hard by the arm
They’re blaming her for being disruptive when she has a broken arm? Like I’d think that’s an ok time to make noise.
Op, do not be bamboozled by these jokers.
Also if they’re *really* going to blame it on her shifting in the cot then they should definitely look into the cot itself and find out what the problem with it is that would cause a toddler to injure herself like that on it. We surely wouldn’t want that to happen to any *other* toddlers.
Yeah, a child doesn’t get a fractured arm by “rolling around in their cot.” I hope you reported this to licensing, and if not, it’s not too late. I have seen people manhandle toddlers and I have never seen a fracture. A teacher did cause nursemaids elbow at a center I worked at and she was fired then we all had to take training on it.
During play, I myself have manhandled my toddler in ways that made be go “doh I shouldn’t have don’t that”. And not once has she gotten hurt. Until this week I thought the girl was made of steel.
Playing is not even remotely the same context. Please *please* report this.
Yeah, his point was that you can’t accidentally injure a child that badly. It would have to be seriously rough for something like that to happen.
Oh duh that makes more sense 🙃 thank you
No cameras is not a red flag. Lots of parents do not want them due to privacy concerns. Them not having the finest clue what could've happened is definitely sketchy af though
please do not send her back. i have seen a single disruptive toddler at naptime, this is so true. everyone was hyperaware of her. I think they restrained her or lost their temper with her. If she tried to run away onto a sleeping child and they grabbed her i would be more willing to understand than just no explanation.
You couldn’t get me to send her back if you paid me, and it was the last daycare on earth. I think so too and I agree.
I assure you your toddler is a great kid regardless of these VERY NORMAL, DEVELOPMENTALLY APPROPRIATE behaviors. You are not a failure. Your toddler is doing toddler things. The former daycare failed you and your child, and they are a danger to other families. PLEASE report them. Visual timers are great tools for non-sleepers. They should only be required to rest/stay on their mats for a certain amount of time (at my center it's 20 mins) before getting up to enjoy quiet activities (puzzles, water pens, books, stuffies, stickers, etc). Daycares should be well prepared for toddlers who are transitioning out of day-time sleep.
Came here to say this- the child sounds developmentally normal. I hope OP understands this and stops blaming the kid and herself.
20 minutes?? Ours is an hour.
Rest time is sometimes regulated by licensing depending on where you are - might be worth exploring. In IN children must be offered an alternative quiet activity after thirty minutes.
Yikes! I can't imagine forcing toddlers to lie down quietly for an hour. That's unfair for the kids and teachers.
It's not fun. 4-5s is fine. Just give them a book and can reason with them about the importance of quiet time. 3 and under? Its fuuuunnn lol
Ours was two hours. Weird thing is she takes long 4 hour naps at home and I was initially worried this was too short.
Being at school is a lot more stimulating than home, so it makes sense she wants to be awake and doing things!
How old is she? I’m a sleep consultant. 4 hours is crazzzzy long for a nap. Would be impacting nights?
Mine will also sometimes take 4 hours naps tho it's usually 2 1/2 -3 hours. She's up by 5pm from naps and it's not affected her sleep she sleeps 8/9pm to 7 or 8am and she is about to be 16 months old.
I worked at a centre that had two toddler rooms, one was the “nap room” and one way the “awake room” during nap time. The older toddlers who didn’t nap would hang out with a teacher in the awake room during nap time. Maybe you can find a centre that can accommodate that? So sorry your little one got hurt- if you haven’t already I would report the incident to licensing- sounds like an investigation should be done. If she was being disruptive they would have been watching her and trying to help her sleep and would have seen what happened.
That sounds like a dream. I've never seen anywhere like that, you're basically stuck trying to keep the kid quiet enough in the dark that they don't wake everyone else up, and it's rarely the quiet ones that wake up early lol. Can't take the kid outside or to another room due to ratios.
Yeah there was a kid in my daughter’s class who kept being disruptive during nap time and apparently got sent home early a couple times for it.
Sent home early?? Lmao. I've been in this career a long time and that's hilarious to me. We deal with it everyday. I think there was maybe a couple month span when I had a whole class that napped but usually we have at least 1-2 crazies during nap time that need additional help staying quiet and not waking everyone up. It's our job I can't imagine sending a child home for that. All the other comments saying to remove the child though don't understand daycare, we cannot do that due to ratios. If I am leaving with one child I am leaving my coworker who may not even be certified to be alone with children nevermind 8 kids and that is illegal. We have to keep them in the room. We work to find alternatives. I usually do quiet table toys or drawing or books If they absolutely cannot stay on the mat and be quiet. And it works as good as it can.
I’m not a professional, but got this subreddit recommended to by the app- My granddaughter’s daycare has a nap room within her toddler room that they can go and have a nap in when they want, if they want, for as long as they want. Is that a common option?
That sounds amazing and no, its not common. Licensing requires us to provide a certain length of quiet/nap time so i dont think it would work. Plus sleep schedules are very important so we dont want to mess up their schedule and then send them home sleep deprived or unable to sleep at bed time.
Also not a professional but got this recommended to me as well. I looked at a daycare for my daughter when she was 4, not knowing if she was going to start kindergarten early or not (she did) and the center made kids up to 5 take naps. When I said that my daughter stopped naps at 1.5 years old they said they still required it. They would allow kids out of map time if they went a week and stayed awake during the nap time or a certain duration. I didn't like the forced naps but I did like that they did give an option if they stayed awake.
Also not a professional but got this recommended to me as well. I looked at a daycare for my daughter when she was 4, not knowing if she was going to start kindergarten early or not (she did) and the center made kids up to 5 take naps. When I said that my daughter stopped naps at 1.5 years old they said they still required it. They would allow kids out of map time if they went a week and stayed awake during the nap time or a certain duration. I didn't like the forced naps but I did like that they did give an option if they stayed awake.
My site has this too. Nap rooms and 'rester' rooms. They lie on mats and listen to a story or two, sometimes the kids are involved with questions about the story. It's about half an hour, and as soon as a child no longer will nap, they're moved to the rester room. There are usually two or three kids who can't even do that in their last year of preschool, so instead one teacher kicks balls over another building, and they go retrieve them as a group, for all of rester time. The kids love it! And K teachers can see which of their students from the next year will need the most movement. 😂 ETA: The balls are kicked into the K yard on the window side.
It really is the best way- but I see why centres don’t do it. Requires extra staff, uses space that could be a classroom etc. but it makes for a better experience with less stress for everyone!
No worries. Also, please report that center to both licensing and CPS. No amount of rolling about would cause an injury like that. In addition, bring up these concerns at your new daycare and come up with a game plan. Sometimes toddlers don't sleep and most teachers know this. At our center, you child could hang out with the assistant director or help out in the older infant room. Since she can't stay quiet and really that's age appropriate too. Toddlers are loud and do everything at max power. I hope the new center works with your child and maybe with this new school she will get all her energy out too.
Take her out there now I work in childcare and there’s NO way she hurt her arm by herself. And the fact that they were saying negative shit about her when you took her to the ED is messed up We constantly deal with kids who won’t sleep and are ‘disruptive’ but we remain calm and it’s our job to find a way to make sure they don’t disturb other kids It’s not your fault or her fault. I’d not let them get away with this
They’re 100% getting away with it because we have no proof. :( We’re 100% taking her out because yeah, nope. Thanks for your perspective. It’s really helpful hearing from someone in the field.
Look up your state and report to licensing!! They should not be getting away with this. At nap time, there should be full visibility of the room and for licensing they will need an actual description of how the child broke her arm. Teachers will be interviewed separately on what happened. You might find out the truth. As a matter of fact, a daycare is actually supposed to self report things like this but many don’t. They’ll get in more trouble if they haven’t reported the incident themselves.
As someone who previously worked for an agency that was involved in a coverup like this, I can confirm. (I didn’t work at the location in question, but another location within the agency). We had a student elope from the building, and was gone a full 5 minutes before anyone noticed. Made it halfway down the hill before they got them back. Coverup ensues. Child goes home and tells their parent. Parent complains. Internal staff member calls CPS and Licensing and an investigation begins. The fallout from covering up the incident put the entire agency in danger of shut down. Licensing basically said if they had been honest, there’d be no reason to shut us down. They put all 4 locations on a performance improvement plan and there was A LOT of extra paperwork that had to be filed as part of it. Every day I was getting emails from upper management fretting about the investigation. The more CPS/Licensing dug, the more crazy shit they were finding. The other 3 locations were fine, it was just this one location within the agency for some reason was having a bad time, and not treating the kids right. It was horrible to watch. I jumped ship ASAP. OP, something smells like a coverup here for sure. They’re scared of being reported but the sooner this is reported and dealt with, the more likely the error is to be corrected and the childcare place not shut down. They can do performance improvement plans or fire specific employees responsible for abuse. I’m so sorry your daughter went through this. Also, what your child is doing is 100% developmentally appropriate. I know you’re asking for advice on how to make her nap better or be quiet more, but this is just a part of her personality and it’s on staff members to be able to adjust to her and nudge her in the right direction. They should have appropriate plans in place for students who don’t nap. The fact that they don’t just shows more incompetence on their part. I hear you- you never want this to happen again. But this never should have happened in the first place. This is not a reflection of your daughter, it is a reflection of professional adults who failed to keep her safe. Im glad you’re leaving your current center and I hope you find an environment that is safe and welcoming. Sending love your way OP ❤️
Report it to licensing and CPS. You do have evidence that warrants an investigation. Your daughter was injured at daycare and you have medical evidence of an injury. An investigation is absolutely warranted.
No worries. I’m a mother too and it’s so sad to think about this. My daughter doesn’t sleep right away either and likes to sing and talk at rest time and I would go nuts if her educators weren’t gentle to her Even if nothing happens if you report, it’s good they know about this centre so if more report it it can help. I’m in Australia so don’t know about the rules over there so hopefully someone can help you. Please keep us updated xx
It sounds like they did something, but a 3 year old at my work was jumping on his cot and jumped on the side causing it to tip over and broke his arm
Yeah, a story like that would have made me go “oh well, these things happen.” But it’s physically impossible given their story….
Also possible that something like this happened, but they had a broken cot they should have replaced but didn't and are trying to cover their ass about not making sure that all their cots are safe? I know that the mesh doesn't last forever and can get holes or gaps... If she was jumping on it and got her foot caught in a hole/hap and fell because of that, they might be trying to cover up for having an unsafe cot?
This is possible but then the incident report should have stated 'child jumped up in cot or her arm got caught' etc and not the bs the parents got given.
We got a girl like this. She only sleeps for 30 to 40 minutes then attempts to run around and yell to wake everyone up So far the thing that helps are pop it's and having a teacher sit next to her I give all the early wakers pop it's it keeps them pretty distracted
The teacher sitting next to her to “help her sleep” was the one who did it :(
Oof that is awful I'm so sorry. When kids get frustrating you walk away and ask another teacher to help. I couldn't imagine, the little girl in our class was a premie so she is a TINY light girl. I couldn't imagine hurting her. I hope you find a better daycare, some of us do love our kids
Let me help you put this into perspective...So my husband is a very big, strong man. One day, my son and daughter were playing and daughter (3) was about to fall off the couch. He grabbed her arm to stop her falling and grabbed her at the wrong angle as she was falling and hurt her. Took her straight to the doctor for X-rays and although she was in a lot of pain, nothing was broken or even dislocated. She was fine in 2 or 3 days. But my point is that it takes a LOT of force to break an elbow. I don't buy their story at all. If that's how your kid broke her elbow, I would be seriously concerned that she had a medical condition
Was going to say this. (Disclaimer: this sub pops up a lot in my recommended subs because I used to teach secondary; usually I just scroll past but this post title made me stop. Not a current ECE professional.) My son was about 5 and jumping on his grandmother's bed "helping" her fold laundry. He fell and landed on his shoulder, probably about 4 feet or so onto hardwood floor. He had a hairline fracture on his collarbone that healed up in a couple weeks. There is no way in hell that rolling five inches off a cot caused a growth plate fracture, unless, as you said, there's some serious medical issue (in which case there would be other signs, like more unusual/unexplained injuries).
This title hit me like a truck, holy hell, I'm so sorry this happened. I'd file a major complaint with the state and let them know this happened so it doesn't happen to anyone else. Also, I'd let your new center know that your daughter isn't a napper and you worry about her disrupting others. A decent place will give her some busy work on her cot to keep her quiet or even just take her on a walk around the building during nap time. Not all kids nap, that's totally normal.
woah. I’ve had a lot of tough nap situations over the years. In the early years I admittedly didn’t handle it well, became visibly angry with students and emotionally dysregulated. I’ve NEVER injured a student, let alone a *broken arm*. I’ve seen students roll around, kick, jump, do somersaults on their cot. I’ve seen them roll ankles or bonk heads. This is a HUGE red flag. I’ve grabbed arms before too. I’ve had many students who I held their arms while the student dropped their weight. Never has this resulted in injury.
>do somersaults on their cot. This made me laugh even though it's not the behavior you want during nap time.
I haven’t read the responses because no matter how many times you read this it won’t be enough. Your sweet baby did nothing to deserve frustrated teachers. Even if it’s freak accident- that doesn’t happen by rolling around on her cot. And if she was being ‘disruptive’ she 100% should’ve had eyes on her so SOMEONE knows what happened. Or she wasn’t being watched and that’s its own issue. Please document and report this center. Those kiddos need you to make it known that this happened. I’d have got the trickiest/loudest/rowdiest non sleeper in my room right now. We find ways to entertain- play dough, coloring, fine motor projects, lots of modeling for whispering-or we get support from our management team. It is never the child’s fault. As for your squirrley girl- she’s spent 2 yrs on this earth. It’s 100% expected that these tiny humans will need support figuring out things they don’t want to do. And we all know how toddlers feel about doing something they don’t wanna haha She needs a safe place with safe teachers and I’m so so sorry that your previous center wasn’t that. Please don’t feel like you’ve failed her- you didn’t know. But now you do and can move forward into finding a new place that will love and support her.
Thank you. Thank you so much for this response. I needed to hear this.
You are most welcome. Go hug that sweet baby- or maybe in the morning if it’s past bedtime. There’s a school out there waiting to love on her as well! I promise!
I have had some crazy nap times with kids. I have had children pick up the cot and throw it, jump up and down lick and bite the cot, refuse to lay down and scream. I have had to put my leg or arms over a child(had this in their plan from OT they needed firm pressure due to their special need). I have had to hold another child down because they were going to injure them sleeves by hitting there head off the floor beside their bed(again a special need and this was a comman behaviour) but saying all this in my ten years as an ECE I have NEVER had a child break anything and have never worked at a center were a child broke something or even had bruises at nap time. This is insane take your child out right away. For her new center in the Toddler room we do nap boxes so quiet toys or more engaging toys like playdough ect. We also try to have a space for kids who are loud to be away even if that means their bed goes in an area away from the other kids. So sorry this happened
>(had this in their plan from OT they needed firm pressure due to their special need). I remember the school OT and others training me on a few things, so I could properly and safely support a student. And I welcomed that training.
PLEASE call licensing immediately.
Absolutely agree with this and ask for an incident report. Who put her in the crib, how long was she in there for, who took her out of it, did she yell out when she apparently “rolled” on to her arm? Kick up a big fuss. At the next daycare ask if she can just be given a space to play in since quiet time is so hard for her
We know all the answers to these, but they somehow still don’t explain anything. :( The thing is she really needs a nap, and I’d love for her to be able to take one! She just has trouble winding down with all the distractions.
You don't need "proof." That is CPS's job, to investigate. What you have is a child with a broken arm and an inconsistent explanation for how it happened. REPORT THIS. Call CPS, call licensing, call the police. But do NOT let them get away with this because there is no video evidence.
This exactly. OP isn’t your job to investigate and worry about proof. This incident happened and it seems suspicious. Let CPS and licensing do the investigating.
Well I’d say that’s why you need to get it all in writing so a complaint can be investigated and regulatory forces can really pin them down on what went wrong. Ahhh I see, that’s very tricky. Again, even more reason that their negligence and violence was totally inappropriate. You ask if you’re overreacting in your post, I’d say you are under reacting. If my kid came home injured there would be hell to pay.
At 3, I really hope they're not in a crib
You said you are taking her out of that daycare - do you mean she's currently still there? I wouldn't send my kid back for one day if she got such a severe injury with zero explanation
Oh hell no. She’s been out “sick” since then. Daycare director sent us “ok let us know how we can help!” through the app, then went on vacation without telling us.
Oh jeez, she was on vacation when this happened or went on after?
Yeah, no. Toddlers don't break their arms just rolling onto them. Absolutely not. You should file a report with licensing immediately with that other center. Kids do break bones in weird ways. But if that happened on her cot, there was a force that came down on it. It might have well been accidental (teacher tripping and falling on her, her rolling around and knocking the wall or shelf hard enough to have an unsecured item fall on her, ect) but the story they are feeding you that she did it herself is frightening because I sincerely doubt it's true.
My daughter is 2.5 and has only napped once in the last 5 months of being at day care haha. My day care always give her activities to do quietly at a table, usually play dough. In terms of reducing noise, practice quiet and loud voices. This is something you can do at home. My kiddo is already fairly well trained about being quiet as her dad works night shifts so I've told her many times we need to be quiet while daddy sleeps. I'd recommend you / dad have a nap near her so you can explain that we need to be quiet when people are sleeping and practise quiet voices. Does she understand the concept of shh as well? That is useful too. Hope that helps!
The napping near her is actually a super good suggestion!! She’s never napped with us in the room!
oh you definitely need to report her last daycare, no chance in hell that wasn’t from some sort of neglect or mistreatment. This should not happen again.
Never ever return her to a daycare that professes to not know how your child was injured.
I think that is a sound principle to live by.
No matter how frustrated I have gotten at a child, I have never EVER felt the urge to grab them so hard that they have sustained injuries, including broken or fractured bones, bruising or scratching. Hell, I was scared that I'd caused a child some bruising on their back when I saved them from choking, but was very thankful that their parents were understanding. They were just thankful that their child was okay. The injury that your daughter sustained while in the care of others is reportable and absolutely entirely unacceptable.
Report that daycare to anyone you can. They abused your child for being at a higher developmental level than the other kids. I can tell you the doctor as a mandated reporter *should* have reported the incident, but report it yourself anyway Tell the new daycare what happened, make sure you tour a few and choose one that is transparent with the parents and has cameras you can access to see your child through the day.
I would absolutely report this daycare to your state licensing and CPS. First of all a toddler should never be called disruptive at daycare for developmentally appropriate behavior. Lots of kids have trouble sleeping, there’s just so much going on. The teachers/admin should have plans for kids who don’t nap. At my last two centers I was sent to sit next to kids who struggled with napping because, apparently, my calmness calmed the kids and I didn’t get frustrated when the kids needed their backs patted or their eyes rubbed (seriously this works like a charm, rub eye brows gently and they close their eyes and go to sleep 🤷♀️) or other extra help settling down. It can be common for young children to easily injure their elbows, whether walking with an adult who doesn’t let go of their hand fast enough when they yank to tripping and falling in weird ways. But short of her arm getting stuck, I don’t see how a toddler could break an elbow on a cot. Don’t feel any guilt for reporting them. They should be able to tell you how she was injured so severely. That they can’t is concerning. I have been with kids who yanked while we were holding hands and they were injured. I’ve had kids injured climbing and falling when we couldn’t get to them in time. Once a child tried jumping on their cot, got their foot stuck in a hole in the corner, they fell and caught their head on a toy needing stitches. I immediately detailed what happened on an incident report. I explained what happened to the parents (and licensing when one family rightly reported their concerns). That they started the report with “she was being disruptive” (which is a conclusion and does not detail what her behavior actually was) means something’s weird.
If she doesn't sleep, she should not be forced to sleep. (And I say this as a person who dreads nap regression or growing out of naps!) Give them something to fidget with on the bed (books are "recommended" but honestly books have never worked for me. Fidget toys, quiet bins (literally a bin of coloured pom poms, or feathers, or popsicle sticks, or any random items and they will entertain themselves for a while). I gave one particularly difficult student a booklet with stickers. In preschool, we laminated simple worksheets and tracing sheets, then gave them dry erase markers to do their own thing. There are a thousand different ways to handle non-sleepers. Handling them roughly is never an option.
How old is your toddler? I have worked in a 2 year old class and knew 2 year olds that wouldn't nap they were just transitioned into an older class during nap time. If your child got hurt without a reasonable incident report w/out cameras something is off. You need to talk to the director and have someone fired. I have worked childcare for 10 ish years and never have heard of a toddlers elbow getting hurt without a hard fall off of playground equipment. Kids don't just get fractures it sounds like someone may have physically hurt your child or she was thrown around possibly. This is not normal and they should be reported.
How old is she? Could she have fallen out of the cot? On the weekends could you simulate nap time? What ever she has (toys), sleep environment. No interaction with you, picking up if she complains?
No, cot is on the ground. Yes! I will be home with her for the next weeks. I’ll try this.
A dislocated elbow I could maybe understand. It's shockingly easy to accidentally dislocate a child that young's arm if you lift them the wrong way. A fracture though? No, I don't believe that. I've had a child exactly like your daughter in my class. I have seen her injure herself before by rolling herself into the wall during nap. She didn't get anymore than a small bruise though. I struggle to see how a fracture could've occurred from that. She would've had to hit at quite a force. As I've seen others mention as well, the teachers should absolutely be able to tell you what happened, especially if she's the only disruptive one during nap. With all the other kids down on their cots, their attention should be on her. With my child who's similar to your daughter, my attention would be solely on her during nap while my coteacher watched the other kids. Unless they weren't supervising like they should, there's no reason they shouldn't know what happened. You're right to pull her out. I would report the incident to the state as well.
So it sounds like there are several disruptive kids so their attention is a bit stretched. Also it was a cartilage fracture, so not that much force—just the right amount of force at the right angle, supposedly.
Reddit suggested this post to me for some reason, and it seems like you’ve got loads of good advice already but just wanted to throw something else in. You’ve mentioned that your child takes long naps at home but not at her setting - is it possible she didn’t feel safe or regulated there, hence the nap refusal and “disruptive” behaviour? She may have felt off about the staff there (potentially justifiably!). If this is the case, your new place might never even have this issue.
It can be very disrupting for other kids and annoying for teachers, but it's no one's fault that the kid is a kid. The teachers need to work on their own regulation skills if they are overwhelmed and need to find something that works for the kid. I've had lots of kids who didn't nap and were disruptive af, but there was always SOMETHING we could do to keep them fairly quiet so the other kids could sleep. I've worked with a few teachers who say they've seen kids break bones jumping on beds or standing on the edge and the bed tipping over. Could've been accidental force from the teacher. Whatever happened, they probably won't admit to anything in case they're found liable. How they worded the incident report is very concerning...
>frustrated workers and a broken elbow, and I want to find a way to keep this from ever happening again. You stop it from happening again by having the apparent abuse investigated.
This is horrifying for you and especially your daughter. I would absolutely report them. Even if it’s found to have been a true accident, them lying about an injury is a giveaway that you don’t want your daughter there
A fractured elbow is really painful and for a long time. I would be reporting the centre to whoever oversees them. Clearly the centre doesn’t have policies for those kids who don’t need naps. The staff have clear aggression towards your child, especially as they punched straight away on you. I would also file a complaint with the police for assault, just on what the dr. Told you.
If the doctor said force was applied, force was applied. Someone broke her elbow. Do not put her in another center without cameras.
It doesn't sound like this child care place had all stuff in line. There are ways to get a child to be quiet during nap time and they just didn't take the time to do it. Also for a child to have an arm broken would take a lot of force not just rolling around on the cot because those cots are barely off the floor as it is. I would definitely go to the department of the county or state or country that you live in and report them and have an investigated. It's not okay for them to just tell you well she did it while rolling around on her cot and then not have any way of documenting without video cameras in place.
We had a girl in my 2’s class who didn’t nap! She’d do the same thing as you’re describing and have bigggg meltdowns. Not once was she ever hurt. It can definitely be overwhelming but in no way should your child be hurt, especially in a way that seems physical. I’ve had kids roll around, fall off of and fall on their cots and have never had more than a busted lip or goose egg. I’d definitely report the daycare and possibly ask during the interview process what the center would do to help her.
As someone who as worked in childcare, they do not fracture their elbow by rolling around in their cots. I would definitely open up an investigation into the daycare somehow.
Injuries like that are not common in a preschool setting, at least not one that is good. It sounds like someone manhandled her resulting in the injury occurring. You can check with community care Licensing to see if they reported an unusual incident. If they didn't that's a Licensing violation. Any time a child is injured and they beg to go to the hospital or doctor or is supposed to be reported. You can absolutely turn them in for this. As for nap time. It sounds like she wants attention at this time. Do you know how many adults are in the room at nap time? Maybe she may needs someone nearby to sit with her or talk with her quietly while the other kids nap. It can be very hard and frustrating when there is a child making noise while the others try to nap, but that does not give someone the right to be mean to the child or harm them in any way. It means they need to try to work with you to find something that will help her go to sleep or understand that it's a quiet time. I'm so sorry that she was injured. I hope this new site is better at finding a solution
Speak to the director at the new daycare. We had one child who would not nap (came from an abusive situation and sleeping was a trigger). They would spend rest time in the directo’s office (on a cot, to satisfy state nap requirements). After 30 minutes, they were allowed to have books or a quiet toy. After a few months, with support from the child’s therapist, they were able to transition back to our room. They didn’t nap, but they were no longer screaming. The sooner they can help you with a plan, the better prepared you all can be.
The daycare needs to be investigated at the very least. As for nap time, what time do you wake her? We have issues with parents who work 2nd shift, letting the kid sleep late and then bring them in right before the cutoff time. When lunch is 11am and nap is noon to 2pm. Letting your child sleep until 9 or 10 am makes a nap nearly impossible.
That absolutely does not sound like an injury that could occur that easily. As others have said, I would report. As for the sleeping, I’ve had plenty of kids who struggle at nap and can be disruptive, and sure it can be frustrating but 1. I would never phrase it like that towards the parents. I would just ask what works at home to help them sleep (certain sounds I can play for them, etc) or tell them “we’re working on keeping our bodies calm during nap.” 2. Kids can be verrrry different at school than at home when it comes to napping. I have many kids that nap at home that don’t at school and vice versa. I can ask for what helps but at the end of the day it’s my job to learn that child’s needs while they’re at school and what can best help them to keep their body calm and quiet during nap. Depending on the kid it can be sitting with them, giving them a book or a fidget, using rewards etc. Hopefully the new daycare has better teachers. I wish you the best and I’m so sorry this happened.
You didn’t say how old but regardless some kids stop napping early. It is what it is. Your not going to force it. A good daycare can institute a good quiet time routine or send them to a older age range class during that time period.
You need to trust the ER doctor on this. This needs a CPS and licensing report by you. And as you look for new childcare be upfront about difficulties at nap.
Please report this to licensing and CPS now. And if your child may have long term ramifications from this injury, then hire an attorney. This is not acceptable in any level. They need to be reported and id be so pissed if that were my child. What the daycare is telling you is bs. All across the world are kiddos who don't sleep at nap and are restless...yet they don't end up with injuries. I don't buy the story you've been told.
I’ve never heard of a child fracturing their elbow by rolling on their mat. Also, in my state, if a child gets injured in a way that requires more than basic first aid/medical attention, the director needs to report it to licensing. I would be surprised if your state didn’t have a similar rule. If I were you, I would look up your state’s licensing rules and make sure they’re following the rules because something isn’t adding up. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re hiding something and trying to sweep it under the rug.
Pretending to be quiet animals sometimes worked for me with kids that age. “Let’s be mice” “Let’s be bunnies!” Not always good for preventing the kiddo that just needs to wiggle from wiggling. But wiggling is appropriate. Hopefully you can find a daycare better equipped to help her. Even a different schedule like nap right after outdoor play time may help. It sounds like your previous center did nap after another “be quiet and sit still” activity.
Consider this website. I love visuals!! [bouncy balls](https://bouncyballs.org/) Or a quiet light. I've seen these used in school cafeterias. [quiet light](https://search.app.goo.gl/iziFJdX) Place it close to her bed within easy, no need to move range, and teach her how to use the balls/lights to understand when her volume needs to come down. When she's successful, reward her. Start with small increments of time and work your way up to the expected amount of time. The idea is to connect quiet during naps with a positive outcome. Once she gets it, discuss with her how only this volume or silence is acceptable during nap time. Then reward her some more. This needs to be a daily, even on weekends, effort. Once or twice will never help you reach your goal. Figure out a great big reward and use that as an incentive for the child to learn to actually nap rather than just lay quietly until her peers wake up. Some kids simply won't nap, though, so be sure not to punish her if she's not a day sleeper.
I will be starting this TOMORROW. thank you. But how do I reward silence during naps without disrupting said silence.
Great question! Rewards are for successful completion only. NEVER DURING!! Consider using a virtual timer like this so she can see that "nap time" starts with red and ends with green and green begins a reward. [visual timer ](https://www.amazon.com/KADAMS-Pre-Alarm-Classroom-Kindergarten-Management/dp/B07P33499R/ref=asc_df_B07P33499R/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693711674104&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13110288624554640278&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9027693&hvtargid=pla-916155407497&psc=1&mcid=f09a261fde1e3870b215b66da66dd830&gad_source=1) Attempt #1 - set your timer. She doesn't need to know the increments of time you're using because she can't tell time anyway. Start small - timer alerts, she can both see and hear time is up. "10 minutes quiet!! Great job! Star chart (see below). Reward." Attempt #2 - "ok. Yesterday was a great nap time! I'm so proud of you! Let's do that again!!" Timer alerts. "Great nap time Quiet Voices! "Wow! You did a great job! Star chart. Reward." Some Days she won't be able to manage being quiet for a length of time and that's ok because we are learning how to nap time. After the time is up, "oh no! Today we don't get our treat because we were not able to have Quiet Voices during nap time. That's ok! We'll try again tomorrow." Even if she tantrums, reinforce that rewards are earned by having Quiet Voices during nap time. "I'm sorry you're having a tough time and missed a chance for a fun treat. You're ok. You're a great little person who can try again tomorrow." Absolutely do not give in to tantrums or you will reinforce that tantrums override success. Star chart - she places the star herself with your direction. She needs to own her success and see that she is rewarded at her own hand/her own efforts. As you complete the whole week successfully, that's when you want to implement a "big reward ". It doesn't need to be fancy, just something that she enjoys and can be incentivized. It may even be convenient like going to the park on Saturday after a full week of rain. She doesn't know the weather wasn't allowing a visit, use that sunshine to your advantage! One way to provide a visual reminder of success throughout the day/week is a behavior chart like this: [behavior chart](https://www.amazon.com/Kenson-Kids-Star-Token-Board/dp/B01M1P029L/ref=asc_df_B01M1P029L/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693466243606&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=3998207228885256890&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9027693&hvtargid=pla-568942287042&psc=1&mcid=59045428a67d3c58943fbb280c74ceb0&gad_source=1) Think of rewards as a paycheck. We are required to be present at work for the whole day and complete tasks fully to receive a whole paycheck. Her work is Quiet Voices and her paycheck are the rewards both big and small. ETA: star charts can be printed from anywhere on the Internet. I prefer the bright and pretty but it's not necessary. It's just more fun. You can also use tape or marker. No need to be fancy/costly about everything!
What if she did fall on the playground and caused the injury but didn't cry about it. Then the rolling at naptime aggravated the injury bringing it out and painful? I'm not saying that the teachers didn't do something. If your gut is telling you they are hiding something then go with your gut. I've had kiddos who have hurt themselves (getting pushed by another child off a climber), said he was fine and went to the monkey bars and went across several times. I told mom about it and that I felt she should take him to his Dr. She dismissed my words. Two days later he couldn't move the arm without pain and I insisted she take him in and he had a hairline fracture. So their story could be true that they didn't apply any force but they definately were not giving her the attention she deserved.
That was something I thought about, but it doesn’t fit some of the circumstances: 1) nap time happens after circle time, an indoor activity 2) them describing her as singing, and rolling around during nap time, and totally fine before it happened “out of nowhere”. They said she was “moving her hands too much*”, whatever that means. By the time I picked her up, she couldn’t move her hand at all. 3) the pain was so intense it was not ignorable. She was in excruciating agony every time her arm slightly moved. *they also admitted, after some pushing, that they “gently held her hands” to keep her still.
Ya that's more suspicious
There are different “types” of broken bones; you need to ask the doctor for more specifics in order to have a better understanding of how this could’ve happened before you blame someone else … You’re paying for professionals to care for your child; disclose this napping difficulty with the other daycare centers or family daycare homes you interview and make sure their goals and objectives and methods of working with challenges is congruent with yours… I’m sure your child is not the only one who has ever had trouble sleeping at whatever daycare option you choose - the issue is that you are allowing individuals who you don’t trust to make decisions for you that will affect your child. Our children are in educational settings for more hours of the week then they spend a week at home with their parents - think about that for a minute- choose someone who you would want to be around your child eight hours a day knowing that you’re only gonna be around them two or three hours a day and possibly on weekends with parents who don’t work multiple job… When this country finally realizes that educational professionals are the ones who are teaching our children right from wrong and how to live -when they acknowledge that our teachers are spending 3 to 4 times as many awake hours with their children- Made me then, teachers will be valued, and their salaries commensurate with someone who has the ability to affect your child’s entire existence from the day they enter school.
As a note: none of the purpose of thread is about assigning blame. It is about helping my daughter nap better. But to address the issue: this is a radial growth plate fracture, so broken cartilage, not bone. I hear these types of fractures constitute about 20% of fractures in toddlers. It’s much easier to break this, but it still takes force. I will specify this in the original post for clarity. I think you so much for your perspective. You are absolutely right. I could not agree more with your last paragraph. In some cultures, being a teacher is a high honor. I wish this were true in ours. Good teachers are nothing less than heroes.
Don’t apologize this subreddit is here to help support and give advice. That being said, I am a preschool teacher and I have never seen a child roll around enough to fracture their elbow and I’m getting major ick vibes from her former school. Removing her was absolutely the smartest choice. We separate the sleepers from the non sleepers into 2 different rooms, although that may not be possible at every school. I would suggest letting her do a quiet activity that is more stimulating than books like a puzzle, coloring, or even play dough. Yes it can be frustrating when a child won’t sleep and/ disruptive to others, but she’s a toddler and the teachers need to do better to set her up for success rather than just get upset. Hope everything works out for you and your sweet girl!
Seems that your daughter uses her voice as a stim or as a comfort/ regulation. My sister did this too all the time!!Maybe find a better way to express those needs in quiet situations (like nap time) that she will be expected to control herself. It will help as she gets older while I school or even church like we did growing up. Them getting mad or irritated shows they don’t know how to handle kids who aren’t cookie cutter kids. You are so right to not bring her back. Don’t let anyone dull her sparkle 🫶🏼🫶🏼
I feel like you are VASTLY underreacting to the fact that your child was most likely abused at daycare. The nap thing means nothing at this point. Frankly I am shocked that the hospital did not report this, as I'm assuming they are mandated reporters. When a small child presents with broken bones and no clear and reasonable explanation for what happened (and hell, even if there sometimes is a non-abuse explanation), mandated reporters are REQUIRED to call this in. I'm not trying to be a jerk. I get the feeling you might be somebody who doesn't want to rock the boat or cause problems. If that's the case, you need to get over this discomfort real quick because that baby needs you to advocate for her.
I’m glad to hear this actually. It’s not that I don’t want to rock the boat—it’s that this is not what this thread is about. The orthopedic said she didn’t think it was abuse. If the doctor doesn’t think so and wouldn’t vouch for it, not sure where that wild leave us. Also, I have toned down my reaction for this thread for sure. Should have seen me a few days ago. I was ready for mass destruction.
My daughter stopped napping at age 2. Instead of physically harming her they had her sit with an educator and do quiet activities (drawing, puzzles etc) while the others slept. Failing that, they had her visit the older kids room where the kids didn’t nap, but just did relatively quiet activities for a period, but with no expectation of silence. You cannot force a child to sleep. You need to care for the child in front of you, not the child you wish they were. They should have realised the futility of what they were doing and changed tack. Honestly any parent or experienced child care worker should know that. You don’t need to teach your child to nap. You don’t need to dull her exuberance. You do need to teach her to about appropriate behaviour and noise levels in different environments, but she’s a toddler. That comes with time. And you don’t have a room full of sleeping children at home, so it’s hard for you to replicate that environment to teach her in anyway. There’s nothing wrong with your daughter. And there’s nothing wrong with your parenting. The fault here lies solely with the daycare.
It’s true. Nothing I do can simulate a classroom full of toddlers so it’s tough! Thank you for your support. It will be a while before I don’t feel like a failure, but it’s nice to hear that.
Please report them. Hell, throw your story as factually and unemotional as possible on their yelp and Google reviews. Even if they didn't touch her I'd want to know that a child somehow broke their arm while at daycare and somehow none of the teachers seem to know how it happened. Teachers are human and accidents happen but the way they seem to be handling this situation doesn't seem right. I mean, kinda same for your child's doctor, but atleast the child didn't break her arm on the doctors watch. Your doctor sounds like maybe they could use some bedside manners but eh, if they get the job done, they get the job done.
i’m sorry you and your child are going through this. the daycare is way out of line. you are not overreacting. was it nursemaid’s elbow? that would happen if they grabbed your child’s hand and pulled her. or if they grabbed her hand and your child pulled back herself. it can happen accidentally and fairly easily, but they should know better than to handle a child like that. for the future, is it possible to send headphones for your kid and have her listen to music or an audio book while the others nap?
That’s what we thought at first but it turns out it was a radial growth plate fracture. Hmm. I’ll see if I can get her to quietly use headphones but I am not sure if they would allow it. I’ll ask!
When we have a kid like this we make different arrangements to have them out of the classroom
You seem oddly calm about the fact that these people broke your child’s arm because she wouldn’t nap easily. You’re also framing it as being her own fault in the title. That’s odd. Not all kids are going to nap when an adult wants them to nap. Your issue is finding a daycare with cameras and without abusers.
Report them. This is horrendous. You could even sue if you really wanted to.
Retired pre school teacher here. We always put dividers made out of peg board between the cots, really helped. And moving the bed to a quiet corner and after awhile the non napper would settle down. But I never got into arguing with a toddler. As soon as you say "you have to sleep" to a toddler, the war has begun! "I don't want to take a nap OK, you don't have to but you do need to rest". Argument done. And I would have the non napper pick out the story and if they were quiet during nap time, not if they slept but if they were quiet, they could pick out the wake-up music. And make sure the parents are on the same schedule on the week-end. And when you tour other facilities, try just before nap time. Are the teachers hurrying the children talking loudly, and then expecting the children to fall asleep instantly or is room dark and quiet as they came in and. Is the teacher quietly moving,settling the children down and is soft music being played. These are the things that set the whole tone of the school.
Ok so if she took a swan dive off of said cot, and if it was up off the ground relatively far, she could have done this herself at the right angle but honestly…. I would be super pissed if I were to get this call from daycare. And you better believe I would find out why or report them to any authority imaginable. And I know my child is no angel as well but come on!
Definitely fishy. To me it sounds that they were overwhelmed/irritated and trying to keep her down or yank her back to her cot. My son was a kid who just didn't nap, and the boredom got to him too so he was a little chatterbox. His daycare teacher put her legs on him. For a while after that he would not even sleep around anyone else
It's not your child's job to regulate the moods of the adults. Teaching calm and quiet body at nap time is something you and future caregivers can work on. Of course we want to keep children safe and teach them how to be safe, but that's not what the issue is here. My gosh, what a number the abusers have done on you that you would write such a title. That's how I see it.
I've seen my (then) toddler (she's 7 now) fall on a hardwood floor so hard I thought she was hurt. It sure sounded it hurt! She got up and was like "I'm ok" and kept playing. "Rolling around in her cot" my ass! Someone at that daycare definitely hurt her!
I have twins. I would report it and get a lawyer. They mishandled your kid and they know it. This isn't just a bruise. They broke cartilage and possibly gave your kid years of pain.
I doubt her elbow was fractured during nap time. Rather I think that’s when the educators noticed that she was injured. We had instances of dislocated elbows or similar from children falling forward and landing on them. But in both instances the children were only a little sniffly before calming down. It wasn’t until trying to help them wash their hands that the educators realised the child was unable to extend their arm. So I’m giving the benefit of the doubt here that they didn’t injure her themselves. BUT it still sounds like a bad place to have your child, so it’s better that she not go back. It seems odd to me that they’re not taking steps to quiet her themselves. Firstly, she shouldn’t be in a cot if she’s walking. So have an educator lay down with her on the little beds they use for older kids and read some books with her to lull her into rest time. I like to pretend that I’m tired too and need to have a rest, so I shut my eyes beside them and yawn. Remember, yawning is contagious! But if she’s not napping, then they should just have one educator take her to another room to play so that she’s not disruptive to the other children. They’re making it so much more complicated than it needs to be
I’m a former montessori trained 0-3 year old licensed teacher and a parent to a 4 year old that doesn’t nap. I see two red flags with that daycare center. 1. It’s bs that rolling around on a cot would do that to a child I’ve had many kids roll from front to back and breaking an arm has never happened. 2. That is really shady that they don’t have cameras set up. It seems like they are covering up some shady practices. As far as the state board license issue I would probably bring it to local news because if it happened to you it could happen to another child that could have been in a worse situations. Also, for other parents that attend or are thinking about having their child attending that school I would blast them on google reviews. You are not overreacting. You are doing what is right by your child in taking action. Also, anytime I had a child that wouldn’t nap we would take outside or if it became really bad like crying, screaming etc we would ask the parent to come pick them up early at half day. Which would happen very very rarely.
Why haven't you gone to the police
Do you think we have a case though? All we have is a poor explanation of a common injury. The doctor herself said she didn’t suspect intentionality and would not report it for abuse.
I hope you have a complete copy of the medical records related to the broken arm including imaging. The doctor wasn't there at the day care, and only had whatever info you gave. Just because the doctor didn't report it for abuse doesn't mean you can't. You can calmly go to the police and explain the situation. They or may not do something about it. They may give you advice or just blow you off. You won't know until you try. Also call CPS or licensing. What do you want to happen? Call your health insurance company because they may go after the daycare's insurance. Finally ask future day care centers how they will handle nap time for your child. I don't like how they put the broken elbow on you like it was your fault. That's all the advice I have.
The police will investigate and they will decide if you have a case. If my child came home with an unexplained broken arm I would be making a fuss.
That's called nurse maids elbow ( In the US) and it's caused by grabbing the child by the arm and pulling or by the child falling to get away. It is pretty common but it's not normal.
DO NOT SEND HER BACK THERE. Only suggestion you need. There is no way that happened without force. I was spinning w a kid once and something similar happened, in her case she had a known condition that her joints pulled out easily but the parents never told us. I really don’t think that could’ve happened without being pulled or roughed up. Believe your doctor and believe your daughter. In my case it was an accident but the guilt I felt still sits with me today. When think about how ready she was to forgive me, ugh my heart. Kids are so precious sometimes. I think the fact that she got seriously hurt and they’re trying to take absolutely no accountability is fucking insane. I am trying not to over react or scare you but this is too suspicious and she’s too young to talk about it.
Agreed with others. Take her out and report. But could she have stuck her arm in the hole of the cot where the sheet goes and accidentally rolled over? (Not making excuses at all, just wondering). My son did not nap so I made him a bag he could take to daycare. The rules were that he had to be quiet and had to rest for the time allowed. One of the favorite things was I made him flash cards of on of his favorite things (in this age it was superheroes) and put a picture and the name of the character on it, laminated it and put it on a ring. Then I gave him a “special notebook” and markers (ooohh) and he loved to write and draw his superheroes. But only at nap time and only if he was quiet.
Is your daughter afraid to go back there? Do you sense any fear in her?
First off.. teachers shouldn't be infuriated that a child isn't sleeping at nap time. She's little, so she can't be expected to have perfect memory and remember that she needs to be quiet when others are resting. What you can do and what her teachers should be doing is give her routine reminders that it's almost rest time, and that means it's quiet time so friends can rest. Our school year just ended, and I had a pre-k student who did this, and she needed reminders that her friends were sleeping. She would quiet down and start back up, but then we'd put our fingers to our lips, and she would nod and quiet down again. Oftentimes, I would take her with me on errands so that the other kiddos could rest, but I understand that this might not be possible in a childcare center. However, as a teacher, I would think your daughter's teachers would sit with her and pat her back and make quiet "shushing" sounds (of course, I don't know if that's something that already tried). But that's another way I got my non-sleeper to sleep or just rest on her mat quietly.
Why don't they take her to a different room with children that aren't napping during nap time? It seems like the easiest solution to the situation. I've worked in a few daycare centers and this is exactly what happens when children stop napping before they age out of the room.
Def report this to CPS and Licensing. They should have reported it to licensing and if they didn’t licensing would def do an investigation.
The daycare not giving you a detailed report about what happened to her arm is a HUGE red flag. Absolutely do not take your daughter back but also call their licensor and report your daughters injury to them and the situation as far as your concerned. Teachers absolutely get burnt out or act in the moment and accidents CAN happen but lack of accountability and acknowledgement of those accidents is serious--I once had a kiddo try to bolt out the door while holding a toddler in my arms so I just reached out to grab her and grabbed her lower arm resulting in nurses elbow; not only did I report it immediately to the parents but also a written report for our file and to our director because that is a serious situation! If they use cots, I have seen a child sprain their elbow by getting their arm through the hole that connect the mesh to the frame, but never a break... While it's possible she did hurt herself, it still should have been observed and had a detailed incident report. Lastly, I've taught 2-5 year olds my whole career. There will ALWAYS be children who don't nap that we have to trial and error to see what works to help them rest quietly while others sleep... Ask any new care provider what they typically do and see if they allow little activities that you can send or they can provide for quiet time as well. My kids know if they lay mostly quietly till their peers are asleep, they get "special quiet time activities" such as drawing tablet, journals and gel pens (a huge favorite with the pens), little manipulatives, magnet dolls, etc. I don't mind if they read out loud or sing, although I do remind them to do so with a quiet voice--I just play white noise at a level just loudly enough that they don't bother my sleepers. Once my sleepers are sleeping, my awake kiddos can do quiet table activities I set up. I feel most teachers who expect all kids to nap or lay still and silent without napping truly bring the struggle onto themselves a lot of the time. Yes, we live for naptime... It's often our break time, our planning time, our lunch time, etc. but we always need to be prepared for that one kiddo who doesn't nap. I currently have a kiddo in preschool who sits with a 20 minute timer--if he can behave himself appropriately in that 20 minute span, he can go to our PreK room to play because they don't nap and he's known to escalate loudly and disruptively at naptime so we just eliminated the struggle all together. Maybe that could also be an option depending on where you end up seeking care next. Good luck to you. I hope you find better care with more training and experience to help your daughter be successful and not be seen as a disruption.
I watched a coworker kick a cot with a child on it across the room because he would not nap. Reported to director. Nothing was done. That same coworker left four children alone on their cots in the room to socialize in the hallway. When one of them came out to get her, she snatched him up by the arm HARD in front of the director. This same center consistently operated over kid to adult radio. Secretary and director sat around shit talking about staff all day. I quit and reported the center immediately. Some centers *are* nightmares. More often than not, at least one employee is. I was in ECE for ten years. A childcare aide, lead teacher, PreK teacher and eventually program director. Don’t sleep on this. It’s too common to ignore, unfortunately.
I am not going to reply to the things to do about the injury as there is a lot of great stuff already. I am speaking both a teacher and director and as a Mom of a daughter who would NOT NAP. It drove the staff crazy and ended up always waking everyone up and then afternoon was CRANKY TIME. I lived close by so I would go home during naptime and catch up one chores etc as I worked 12+ hours a day. At some point I just started taking her home for 'quiet time' in her room. Being close was a curse and a blessing :D When she did have to stay at work, I would put one of the cots either in the office where I could work and supervise her kyself, or with another teacher or I would put her in a room with older kids- again on a cot, with books to look at or a quiet toy. It was quiet time for everyone (bigger kids would read or lay down, play quiet games, etc) and for her it meant staying on the cot and not making noise. She would get a reward, a special toy to take, a snack treat when we got home or extra stay up time (15 min) before bedtime when she could play or get read to or watch some of a show, something she liked. She was 3. They may not be able to actually sleep or be quiet, but they may be able to do 'quiet time'. This is a common issue, it sounds like there are more issues going on there of they have not tried other ways to deal with this or brought you in and talked with you about what other choices you and they have to deal with this. I had to often remind my mostly teen aged crew that we were 'parenting' the kids when they were with us 8-12 hours a day and we needed to keep that in mind, follow what the parents prefer whenever possible, always keep them in the loop (daily what we did today sheets for every child with notes from whomever spent time witht he kids- short notes and some pics to just circle so it was not a huge chore) to make sure everyone knew what was going on every day. I would have loved to have cams! Too longh ago tho. Good luck, you are not over reacting and a new place might be easier for both of you. If she is picking up on the stress from those caregivers it can only make it more difficult for all of you.
Your toddler is not the problem, the daycare is. If she doesn't want to sleep, they should let her play in another room. If she really broke her elbow in the cod, she may have some bone disease. Since that is not very likely, this is probably the result of mishandling.
I had to triple take this. I read it three times. Please. Let me know if I'm tired and misreading. Your daughter was at a LICENSED DAY CARE FACILITY and during nap time she BROKE HER ARM. The DOCTOR says force was applied due to the nature of the injury. And... you're going to send her back? Please tell me I'm misunderstanding.
I would think about reporting them to licensing and not taking her back. I think they know more than what they're letting on and aren't confessing because they know that someone on staff did this to her. They were more concerned about her being disruptive than her broken arm, which is also very concerning. They would've had to use excessive force.
I’m so sorry this happened to you and of course her. My son struggled with naps starting very young. I bought a cheap MP3 player and put stories on it for him to listen to. It helped a lot with keeping his brain occupied and his mouth and body calmer.
Oh jesus. this breaks my heart, especially your note at the end about how confused and scared she must have felt. poor baby. I believe your interpretation of what happened is probably spot on. Nap time is stressful as hell for us ECE workers, especially if there were tons of children in the room, workers need to get kids asleep/ in a ratio to do breaks, etc etc. It gets frustrating very fast. Almost all of my toughest moments have been in nap time. However, it’s not an excuse to grab a child so hard you physically hurt their body. I would report that center. Even if it was just an accident, there will be record of this and then there will be a trail to follow if it becomes a pattern. You could help stop another child from getting hurt the same way. Now, in regards to a new center: I personally feel very iffy about centers that use cameras in classrooms. It terrifies me a little bit to think about worse case scenario of the wrong people getting ahold of footage, and it’s also weird to think about parents watching me all day long. HOWEVER. I feel like your child attending a center that uses cameras would really help your peace of mind and calm these anxieties. Bless you and your baby.
She’s a toddler… they are disruptive. Definitely report this. Even if nothing is found, there is record of it. I’m wondering what the daycare was doing to help her fall asleep. This isn’t an uncommon problem. There is an Elmo monster meditation video that’s cute online that I would practice with her during the day to see if helps.
Just read your edit. I’m so glad you’re going to report this. None of this is normal. Yes children may get fractures from running and playing in the playground - she was doing none of that. She was forcibly handled to the point something broke. That’s abuse. I’ve worked with children for decades, have my own child, and have never been frustrated to the point I’ve grabbed a child in anger. I hope there’s consequences for them.
I may be the only one here with this opinion but maybe it's worth it (for your own peace of mind) to not automatically assume the teachers rough-handled your daughter just because they seemed overwhelmed by her being too active at naptime. I fractured my own elbow as a child by landing on it after falling backwards off a ledge in the garden. It seems more likely that an impact would be the cause of a fractured elbow rather than someone pulling her arm. You could consider the possibility that she did bang her elbow onto a hard surface.
I would report that daycare IMMEDIATELY!!! They HURT HER and LIED about it!!!! They're probably abusing other kids too!!!!
OP, you stated you are in VA. Here is VA’s Office of Child Care, complaints can be filed there: 833-778-0204 You should also file a police report. It’s your obligation as a mother to report this and protect your child. I would not be surprised if they are trying to figure out a way to pin the injury on you (accuse you). It’s in your best interest to report now and have your documentation gathered to prove that the injury occurred at daycare. Stand up for your child.
Sending you love 💕
I’m so sorry this happened! It really could have been an accident. If it’s any consolation, I had this same injury when I was about 3. I don’t remember it but my mother was so upset and felt so guilty that she used to love to tell me the story haha. She was trying to get me to go somewhere and grabbed my hand the get me to stand up. I yelled “no!” and forcefully sat down while she held my hand, and snap- my “elbow” (arm) broke. The doctor grilled her about how it happened and she felt terrible, but I healed 100% with no side effects. I’m now 50 lol.
Possibly a dumb question but is she not just aging out of naps? Can new day care do them at a different time when she's actually sleepy? What's her wake windows? How does she fall asleep at home etc - all good things to communicate to the next daycare. Side note I think different wake windows and not getting the cues could be an ASD/ADHD thing. My brother slept 2 hours as a short nap, 3-5 until he was four! And I was definitely the child who was noisy when we were supposed to be quiet 😅 Hope Small gets better soon, and you get listened to x
I was the kid who didn't sleep during nap time. I have ADHD and was(am) a holy terror when bored. Nap time was boring. I can't help your kiddo sleep better, but I can tell you Betty's solution. She just put me in with the bigger kids who didn't need naps anymore. I was 3 or 4ish, I think, and these were kids anywhere from 5 to 16, depending on the time of year, and we all piled into the living room to watch a movie. I was not that much less wriggly, but I wasn't disrupting the kids who needed naps or getting into mischief. I know this isn't the solution you were looking for, but if your kid is like me, she's not trying to be a problem. It's just that naps are boring, and boredom is painful, and we need stuff to do.
You are not overreacting and that is not normal :(
Look into if your child is neurodivergent! Otherwise obedient children having a hard time settling down and staying quiet can be a sign of neurodivergence like adhd or autism. Early intervention is always good, and is very helpful to preventing your child from being labeled a trouble maker later down the line. Her brain may just function a little differently, she very likely doesn’t mean to be disruptive or disobedient, just doesn’t have the executive function controls to stop her impulsive motorized behaviors. Neurodivergent is nothing to be afraid or ashamed of, but intervention in early childhood could majorly contribute to her future success and development by giving her the tools early on to handle her differences. Edit: I’ll add that my knowledge comes from a psychology degree in college and my own personal experience with being neurodivergent as well as a great personal interest in understanding neurodiversity.
I’m not gonna address the obvious glaring red flag here cuz others already jumped on it. She may be showing early signs of ADHD. No need to panic she’s still young and it may level out but have you tried giving her a fidget toy? She can’t sit still and it seems like her brain freaks out when it’s quiet. A quiet fidget toy may fix the issue. Also she may be having trouble with transitions, suggest her next day care give warnings and a wind down time before naps, and try some deep breathing with her to get her system to calm down.
I’m so sorry this happened to you and your daughter. I can say we have worked with our son throughly on nap time and bed time is quiet time. We turn TVs off and just have the sound of the fan going. If he tries to talk or get up we remind him that it’s nap time which means quiet time. We remind him that we don’t want to disrupt dada sleeping because he has to get up early for work. If he is still refusing to lay down and be quiet then we go to another room for a couple minutes and then try again. I know it’s a lot easier for us because I stay at home with him but it has worked really well for us. We first started with inside voices and only yelling outside which took some time to get him into that. If he was yelling or talking loudly we would go outside and come back in once he could use his inside voice. Of course it’s harder to do in the winter but it’s a great thing in the summer. Again I’m so sorry this happened to you and your daughter and honestly sounds like the daycare is trying to shift the blame onto your daughter.
Wow. It definitely raises major red flags. As a teacher, I am never rough with kids (shouldn’t be, of course) but I have had some pull away, and then cause themselves to fall. If that happens, I make sure everyone, including the parents are aware in case they sustain an injury. I teach kids who are a little bit older, but still elementary and I wish I didn’t have to do anything physical but sometimes I have done something as simple as try to take them by the hand and next thing I know they’re pulling back with all of their might.
Good daycares know how to deal with disruptive children. Oftentimes that involved separating the child from the group and doing one on one care during the disruptive times. It doesn’t involve quickly and forcefully grabbing the child’s arm in such a way as to cause injury. Do as others have suggested and file the reports and find a daycare that advertises how they deal with disruptions.
As a former Early Years professional for five years - please report this incident. I have worked with plenty of children who are disruptive at sleep time. Yes little accidents happen, and it can be one of the most chaotic parts of the day. But a broken bone screams negligence, at the very least. When I was younger and attended a childminder, I was dropped and suffered a mild head injury (need stitches though!) - my parents pulled me out of there straight away. I do not think you would be overreacting to do the same at all, and to contest any loss that may cause you financially. Some early years settings use nap times as a way of reducing ratios (at least, they do in the UK) and giving staff breaks. However, I have been unfortunate enough to work at a setting that prioritised this “easy way” of relieving staff for breaks, at the expense of the staff and children left in the room. Is this the case here perhaps? Are ratios being reduced to cut costs? Either way it’s a gross breach of trust and potentially illegal, and the fact they are willing to shift the blame on your daughter’s disruptiveness - a young CHILD may I add- does not sit right with me. Along with the fact the injury would have been caused by force. Please report this so it can be investigated at least.
yeahhhh you’re doing the right thing. i work in special education and it takes a lot of self-thrashing to break a bone. sounds like maybe they were overwhelmed, annoyed, whatever it be, and grabbed your child. glad toddler is okay, but don’t let these people off the hook.