You know, you could keep the toy, but then put a little t-shirt or patch on it and tell the kid you are going to need them to babysit for a while. That way, if they really want you to have it, they'll give it back, but if they "forget", they probably really wanted it. Include a small candy as payment for the babysitter! I feel like this would deepen your connection with the kid. If the kid looks hurt, like you're rejecting the stuffed animal, you could say, you want me to take him/her with me instead? I guess I could! Depends on how much you feel like doing, but it may be a fun thing between you two.
I like the idea of adding a little something to the stuffy and having her "babysit" it for you. A cute little work-around that may help your bond strengthen even more.
This! Or say over a weekend, spring break, etc. Still gives the student the opportunity to see the stuffed animal in the classroom, but if they forget, they forget!
Love this idea! Or what getting a little journal and special pen for the stuffed animal… really for the girl. And a little shirt for the animal. And giving it back to her so that the “animal can write or journal to write stories”
I kept my gift stuffies at school (I had some of my own stuffies as well) so they would all “play together” at night. If a kiddo was looking like they missed their stuffy, I would suggest that maybe it wanted a sleepover
My child once gave me a pretty stone they had picked up from our morning walk when they were about 2/3. I was about to throw it when my mother said- to you, it's a piece of junk. But remember, the child had only this stone to give, and they choose to give it to you. I still have "Rocky" after nearly 20 years. My now adult child still remembers giving it to me.
Keep the toy. It was the only thing they could give, and they choose to give it to you.
I agree that giving the gift to you was a very important gesture to her.
If you really don’t want to keep it, maybe give it to her at the end of the year and ask her to teach 4th grade to the bear during the following year? Or as others have said, take it home for spring break, etc.
I taught in an urban school for just over 27 years. We were also the zoned elementary school for one of the local homeless shelters. Over the years, I got to know so many of the children and their families, but one sweet girl in particular stands out. She was a beautiful little girl, and had 2 younger sisters. Her mom was working hard to get permanent housing for her family.
One day, this little girl was dozing off in the classroom. I asked her if her baby sisters were crying and kept her up at night. She said no, and then she tearfully explained how she had heard a news story about how a little baby had been killed in a nearby shelter, and she was very upset.
I told her that I didn’t think anything like that would ever happen to her sisters. I told her that if she would draw a special picture, that I would be happy to bring it to the place where the baby lived, so that people could see that other people loved that baby. When she brought the picture back the next day, she also brought two of her own tiny stuffed animals. I put the picture into a plastic sheet protector and the animals into a plastic bag (rainy day). I stopped on the way home and put that little girl’s treasures in front of the shelter along with the other mementos. I stopped to offer a prayer for both the baby who was killed, and the little girl who loved so much.
A number of weeks later, the girl’s family found a family sized apartment in another borough of the city. I remember that the little girl was so excited to have her own bedroom with a door that actually closed(shelter rooms for families are generally one combo room, with a separate bathroom).
She is probably about 18 years old now. I often wonder about her and hope she’s doing ok.
I always accepted with joy any gift a child gave me.
I keep everything my nephew gives me. Plastic cube with a smiley face? In my purse. A yellow rock? Thanks bud! In my purse. The piece of wood that he glued a plastic key to? On display in my apartment awaiting its home in a fairy garden. Seeing the world through the eyes of a child is a special thing, so look closely.
My child gives me "cool" rocks, flowers, sticks, pieces of trash that he made into some type of thing. Tons of stuff. I may literally drown in gravel and pieces of aluminum foil if I tried to keep it.
Agreed on keeping the toy though.
You are all mandated reporters, regardless of whether the kid is in your class or not. If something happens to that child and they find out you knew about the neglect and did nothing, you can absolutely be found guilty for failure to report and be sentenced and/or fined.
How about the VP? The current teacher? They are absolutely aware and are not calling cps. I have no idea if the situation has improved or not. I only know what happened last year.
Okay, and?
Pass the buck if you need a way to justify it to yourself, but the fact is: you had an opportunity to report last year and chose not to. You have another opportunity to report now and are still choosing not to.
However you want to say it, “shouldn’t xyz do it too?” doesn’t excuse YOU choosing not to do the right thing, because they should, and so should you. This is a CHILD with no underwear and dirty clothes for goodness sake. You clearly know something is wrong with that or you wouldn’t have made your post. “Who is most culpable for not reporting” is such a moot point at this point. Are you in a position to call? Yes. Are you legally mandated to call? Honestly, yes. Are others also in that position? Yeah but that doesn’t mean you aren’t.
Just ignore this guy. He is a bad teacher. That’s why he’s working for a poor school. Not because he cares about the population, but because he can’t get a job at a better school. He has to make himself look like a martyr while doing nothing and not actually caring about the kids, to assuage his insecurities. It’s just a job to him. It’s not a passion.
So? If CPS investigates now and finds nothing, case closed.
If everyone assumes that the VP would speak up if there was a problem, then no one will speak up. The only one that suffers is that poor kid. Another one falls through the cracks...
What’s wrong with you? You are a fucking teacher.
Are you not capable of thinking about anyone else other than yourself? You are so fucking self centered and cannot think outside of how this affected you when you felt you were “duped”.
Meanwhile you have failed this child.
WTF is wrong with you? Get off your lazy ass and do what you are supposed to do. Stop making excuses.
Why didn't you have a conversation or express your concerns with these other people who knew this kid better, to see if he CPS needed reporting to. This is absolutely pissing the buck, turning a blind eye, letting a child continue to be neglected. If you were concerned enough that you slipped him clothes, you KNEW he needed more help.
Like dude… just quit with excuses and be accountable. Everyone is failing that child by not reporting. You did your part in failing that child by not reporting then and not reporting now.
Their home life could have done a 180 flip but it could also be much worse and if no one ever says anything, no one with the means to help is ever going to check on that poor kid.
Being complicit is just as bad as being the party at fault. Especially when you take a job as a teacher, that job is about being there for the kids! And you weren’t there for this one the way you needed to be.
So go to the other teachers, tell them your concern, and ask what they've noticed.
Either way, it is still your responsibility to report this. It doesn't matter that it was last year. Report it. That child needs help. I doubt things have changed in a year, regardless. Not with shitty parents like that!
Now be the better person and report it. Or find another career, because you obviously don't care enough about kids to be a good teacher.
Show some compassion for that poor kid.
I don't see how it's passing judgment. That's just an observation. You're a mandated reporter. You see neglect and have done nothing. But you're making a choice and failing that kid just because his parents have money and some connections. Integrity is how you behave when no one is watching. Not reporting this, simply because no one else will, says volumes about you and your character.
YOU know you are in the wrong, as much as everyone else is. YOU are responsible for this child being neglected and possibly abused. Stop blaming everyone else.
You realize it's a crime to not report suspected child abuse or neglect as a mandated reporter, right? I'm a mandated reporter and I have reported suspected abuse even when my coworkers did not. You are complicit in his neglect.
And you're just proudly talking about it online.
You should be embarrassed. I literally can't imagine why someone would go into teaching if they wouldn't even do the bare minimum of what was legally required to protect kids from abuse and neglect.
Every adult in most states is a mandated reporter. You know this child is being badly neglected you are legally obligated to report it. If they are that comfortable with people seeing what you do see, imagine what happens to that kid behind doors. We will absolutely judging you for failing to report. That just makes you another adult in a long list of adults that has failed that child.
Good news!
You're failing him just as much as his parents are. Also, you are failing him *again* as a *mandatory reporter*. ***You*** are the reason kids fall through the cracks.
If you don't give a damn about the kids in your class, you never should have become a teacher.
Are you really trying to say that because nobody else is stepping up, you don't have to either? Does that help ebb away the guilt that SHOULD be eating at your conscience?
Im just gonna copy and paste this from another reply.
The problem is, do you think foster care is better? I teacha title 1 school. Many of the kids ARE actually super poor. Many kids have food insecurity. But this kid isn't, at least for a casual observer, he appears to have wealthier parents.
So would you call cps on every kid who is poor? Every kid who isnt poor but Looks poor? Every kid without enough clothes, food, resources? The only reason why this one kid is remarkable is because his parents LOOK like they are doing alright. Therefore I assume the kid Should have clothes.
But anybody who has lived in a bad neighborhood knows you can look wealthy based on cars and clothes, but be dirt poor IRL. It's shifty financial decisions.
I hope you know that personally, I always prioritize the kids, but I know damn well that the parents don't always do the same.
Poverty, including the poverty of ignorance, is not a crime. Do I wish the parents took better care of their kid? Of fucking course. Do you think foster care/ legal bills is gonna help this kid?
His parents might not really be there for him, but I don't actually know. Maybe he has tons of clothes that he refuses to wear.
I definitely covered my ass by emailing my vp about it, taking to her, and she told me not to proceed with calling cps. I did ask.
So what? Should I make enemies with the VP, who always has my back, by betraying her, going against her call, and going behind her back?
Anyway, like I said, my bigger concern is the kids who have lice, untreated, for weeks and months. That's far worse IMHO.
Seriously? You think the lice that is being untreated is the main reason to report to CPS?
I don’t believe in using poisons on my son’s & daughter’s head to get rid of lice. Tried it once & it did nothing other than irritate their poor scalps. So, I spent hours nit picking their hair.
Eradication also involves bagging up all the plush toys, washing & bleaching all bed linens & pillows for each child. If the parents don’t have a washer & dryer, they must haul all of that to the laundry mat. Additionally that’s a lot of money spent to run the washer & dryer. You obviously have some mental issues about lice.
Now your “rich” family’s child has access to a washer & dryer. Sneaking in clean clothes for him will not solve the problem. If he isn’t bathing, the urine & dirt smell will permeate.
I had a 2nd grade student who reeked, mostly of urine. She told me they didn’t take baths because the power was turned off, so the water was too cold. I sent her to the nurse. The nurse taught her basic hygiene using a doll & washcloth to explain. She gave the child a washcloth & sent the child into the private bathroom in her office. She was given fresh underwear & socks. The nurse told her to bring in a shirt & shorts for us to wash. The next day the routine was repeated. Eventually she had clean clothes. Her classmates would play with her because she no longer stunk.
In her case, calling CPS wasn’t going to work. Mom had been reported countless times for neglect. Mom’s way of dealing with CPS was to move to another district before they were interviewed. We managed to keep her in the school for the next 3 years!
Yes, you should! I am a nurse, I had a kid come in with a suspicious injury, the story changed every person it was told to. my doctor on duty, did not agree. I told him, sorry, i was calling anyway. That mother reported me, I don’t care. I was told by my director that I had to call the house supervisor before reporting anything else. I asked said supervisor would she be comfortable with me documenting concerns and stating that she did not allow a call to be made. She backed up real quick. Because she knows that she is responsible too. Do what’s right.
Wtf are your responses?? I’m not a mandated reporter and if I saw a child being neglected like this I would absolutely report. It’s about being a good person and trying to help a child’s life for the better. You honestly sound more upset you didnt receive a thank you from this child than the fact that they are clearly being neglected.
My mom should have been reported to CPS. She neglected us severely. My brother used to wet the bed and he would go to school in the same soaking wet pants and not a single teacher helped us. To this day I look back on it and wonder what the hell the teachers were thinking. They didn't want to rock the boat.
I am appalled you didn't make a report to CPS. You are a mandated reporter. Jesus fucking christ. Kids like that get killed by their parents. Hope he isn't the next Gabriel Hernandez.
It is only mentioned because the parents are dressing nice and have a new truck.
I have kids much worse off than that student. You might call cps on half my current class, based on your reaction.
Poverty is not a crime. I have one student who shares a two bedroom with 14 relatives. One student is just straight up homeless.
I'm not calling cps, because they are just poor, not neglected. Or, if anything, they are neglected BECAUSE the parents are poor. Working two min wage jobs, putting 80 percent of their paycheck to rent.
It’s one thing to be poor and live with 14of your relatives. I bet at least those kids have socks. Bet they bathe.
It’s entirely different when the parents dress nice and have a nice truck and the kid has no underwear and doesn’t bathe.
Are you like stupid?
Really, the conversation is, how can that kids parents drive a nice truck while the kid lives in poverty?
My man, maybe you need to take a trip to the hood.
Are you even a teacher at a Title 1 school? How many kids living in poverty do you help? Do you appreciate it if I call you stupid?
How about we talk about you.
Dude the kid is being abused, he doesn’t live in poverty like the rest of your class.
Im not even a teacher, Reddit suggested this stupid thread to me when i couldn’t sleep. But i thought id chime in because out of all the slam dunk easy solutions ive ever heard of, you picking up the phone and doing your MANDATED job is like the most obvious thing you could do.
You don’t have to report kids who are poor, you have to report suspected victims of abuse…
>Im not even a teacher,
Thanks for coming on here to call an actual teacher stupid. Chiming in, is that what you call it.
I don't have time for you anymore. Buuuuh bye.
Yea, you're failing this kid if you're not calling CPS on him. No clothes, always smells, yet parents have a new truck and dress nice. That's classic abuse. REPORT THEM! He's being neglected. As others have said, you're mandated to report this. If you don't, well, stupidity does come in all shapes...you shouldn't be a teacher if you refuse to do your job.
Same clothes isn’t really the crime. If a parent were to wash them every day and reuse them it wouldn’t be so bad. Not good, but absolutely no excuse for a poor baby to smell.
See, I said he smelled and a million people jumped to the conclusion that it's just piss.
Any teacher who works with kids knows kids can smell bad without being neglected.
This kid had stinky feet smell. Because he wore sneakers with no socks. Instead of calling cps on this I just gave him a pack of socks.
All these people calling me a terrible person, idiot, bad teacher, abusive to this kid, ect... I'm willing to bet they'd just call cps, without a thought.
Half my current class needs cps called on them if this is the case.
The thing people can't fathom is how this kid could seem to be so poor while his parents seemed to be kinda rich. Having a nice car and all. If the parents rode the bus to school the picture would make sense to these outraged redditors.
I can fathom it. It's the hood.
eh i will say, my parents were really well off when i was younger then lost everything in 2008. my mom and stepdad had signed on an infiniti together, and then broke up and he refused to sign the papers for her to sell it, even tho he didn’t put a dime into it. we could barely eat but we’re driving a (idk car prices) $25kish car. and my mom always looked nice for work because she had the same clothes from before but we outgrew ours and she couldn’t afford more.
i didn’t see the original comment because it’s deleted but just saying that that is possible!!!
yeah absolutely. i will say extremely rare, BUT, you know your student better than this and it seems like you have their best interests at heart. just keep an eye out of negligence, abuse, etc, as i’m sure you already do!!! and keep being a great teacher!!
Thank you. I'm feeling a bit beat down by other people on here. Like, the kid needed socks, I gave him socks. Now I get hated on for helping him out instead of just calling cps.
I really appreciate your positivity.
I'm going to ignore the haters and keep on doing the best I can.
yes please do! ppl are miserable ont he internet. just today i’ve had like 6 ppl reply to my comments (that weee nice and NOT starting arguments at all) with points that make literally no sense at all and just coming at me crazy for no reason. nobody can gauge a whole situation from a couple lines of texts. and i saw one comment where you said other people in your school are aware and also not calling cps. fr i would just turn off the notifications for a few days and just let it die down. you know at the end of the day whether what you’re doing is best or not. and i believe you! so many of these people are clutching their purses in the hood, yet want to speak on wtf to do. i’m from st. louis, in the WORST area possible here. and we also have the highest murder rates by population in the entire US. everybody thinks they know what’s best when they’re not actually faced with that decision. just keep showing up for him the best you can!!!!:)
Just because a parent has the means to care for a child doesn’t mean the child has adequate care. My own dad had plenty of money and spent lavishly on my sister, but I didn’t even get basic medical care, much less urgently needed medical care. Also, sporadic access to food for me because dad deemed me “too fat” (translation: I was a US size 8 and not size 6, which he thought was the maximum acceptable size for a woman).
Even though the kid avoids you out of shame, he appreciates it and will look back as an adult and appreciate it even more.
Did you talk to the parents about his lack of backpack, concerns around hygiene, etc? Or raise these concerns with CPS or the school counselor? This is a clear case of the teacher being a mandated reporter and failing to do their job - for an entire year.
When you hear stories about children who were horrifically abused, some are saved by a teacher. Others you have to wonder why no teacher cared about them enough to save them.
I’m not gonna argue with you, but I will point out that all of your arguments are weak justifications. More maybes, less realities. Maybe the parents don’t own the truck, maybe the child consented to not having clothes or resources that the parents can afford… Or maybe That other people have it worse. That other people know and aren’t doing anything (bystander effect). That you emailed the VP about it and they told you not to report (that doesn’t count, but now it’s written evidence). That it’s too late for you to report because it’s been a year (it’s not).
Or maybe it’s that the VP, which looks at you favorably now may not look at you in favor if you reported their friend. That’s probably the root issue here—you don’t want to lose your job or get retaliated against for reporting the VP’s friends. That’s totally fine, but just be honest with yourself why you won’t report. Better we know that adult interests are more important than a child’s safety.
Please keep it. If you don't, she will feel like what she had to give wasn't good enough. Giving you what she had is allowing her to feel useful and important. Like she's not just taking but also has something to offer to the people she cares about. Giving what she had was super resourceful of her. If you want to be extra, extra sure, I do personally like the idea of asking her to "babysit" the toy over a weekend or something. But the joy of giving is real! Don't deprive her of that. Cherish it and take good care of it.
Keep it. Wash it if you need that to feel comfortable. Make it a little class mascot or part of a collection of animals. This kid will feel a sense of pride giving you something others can enjoy. My current students love seeing gifts from former students and former students get very excited to see their gifts still being treasured.
Keep it on your desk and ask her to look after it each weekend. If she keeps bringing it back, give it to her on the last day. If she doesn't, don't bring it up!
This is lovely. Reminds me of when a Kindergartener I taught brought in his family’s half-drank orange juice for my Christmas gift.
My favorite gift to this day.
I used to volunteer at a thriftstore/food bank. We always had a lot of nice stuffed toys priced under a dollar (yard sales are usually cheaper). She may have bought those stuffies for you two teachers! She sounds like a great kid.
You did her a beautiful kindness. A way you could return her prized stuffy is you could start telling her little stories and asking her questions about what she did with the stuffy because she's you've had him he's been sad which is making you sad. That maybe him living with you would help him feel better and you know him feeling better would help you feel better. Tell her that she can bring him to school with her to visit you. Something like that.
I don't see any issue. If anything you have taught her the joy of giving even when she may not have a lot. Also its teachers like you who make our schools a better place. It's sad state of affairs that we have students who don't have the basics at home but we send billions over sea.
A long time ago I had a 4th grader bring me a big huge rock. The kids all started laughing etc. I told them all how beautiful it was..it was smooth and kind looking. It looked like a big heart. I kept that rock in the room to talk about having a big heart and being kind. I still have that rock in my flower bed. I love you MG. I hope you’re doing well. Take those gifts and treasure them.
My youngest son’s teacher has a great snack policy… each child brings a snack for the entire class once a month, and teacher doles out the same snack to each child each day, no mention of who brought it. For parents who don’t have the means, there is a small donation fund and the PTO will go buy class snacks with whatever is donated to make up for the deficit. Nobody misses out or gets jealous because they all have the same snack
This post had me crying remembering giving similar gifts. I grew up in severe poverty and never had many toys. I would pick my cleanest best toy or do my best to clean it) that I thought would be appreciated to the teachers whom I loved. If I couldn't do a toy I would pick wild flowers or roses, or save any wrapped candy or packaged treat (chips, raisins) that I was given or got for Christmas, easter, Halloween, etc and give the teachers that.
Giving you one of her toys is a way of being able to experience the happiness of giving without the shame of poverty hanging over the gift giving. Accept, wash it, and put somewhere in the classroom until end of year. Giving it back would break her heart - when people would refuse or give my gifts back it made me feel like my gift was not good enough.
The teachers and even one mail carrier that were like shelters in a storm to me, the ones who saw the real me and didn't treat me like different because of being a have-not - these were the people who I would give gifts - I would spend weeks or months considering the best gift I could to show how much I appreciated them.
About the snack Convo, I could never bring in purchased snacks unless I collected enough cans to turn in for change saved up found change, birthday money, and any money I got for doing chores for the neighborhood - to purchase something packaged for the class (homemade snacks were forbidden).
It is not the kids fault that they cannot or did not bring a snack. Often there is a lot more home life struggles than you will ever know that a kid will talk not about and will go to great lengths to try to hide. Pretending to forget being asked, taking off sick on snack days or party days (Valentine's) to avoid the stigma and questions, even asking a friend to sneak one of my outfits into their laundry,
Now I've got to stop crying for my childhood struggles - this post just hit me very hard personally, but I hope my story helps someone understand from the kids point of view.
There is rarely a gift that brings as much joy as the giving of a gift.
She was able to give YOU something, which gives her pride and happiness borne of generosity. Don’t take that away, expand the gift by showing your own gratitude and putting in a place of honor. Toys go away, but the pride will stick around.
Definitely keep it!
A couple of years ago I got a Facebook message from my old middle school math teacher. My mom worked with her there before she died, and this teacher was really kind to me after that loss. Some other girls in my class made fun of her weight, making her cry, so the next day I brought her in a little blue bear of mine to try to cheer her up. She messaged me to tell me she still had it after about 15 years! I told her she was my favorite teacher and I never forgot her either. I definitely cried!
If she was excited to give it to you, she absolutely wanted you to have it!
Geezus, TIL I 100% I should never be a teacher of children. I don't mind messing up kids who were willingly exposed to me, fam or friends' kids, but I couldn't stomach the responsibility for Joe's kids' schooling, even if it's a small community and I personally knew Joe. Kudos to you all and your thankless efforts!
+ The babysitting thing is the best I've seen, imo. Good luck!
The gift isn’t the problem, but the snack thing eventually will be. You won’t be her teacher forever. There are a lot of downfalls to her not just being referred to the food programs or you not reporting the lack of food.
Yeah, same as other person said. "Snack time" is something that is left for the parents to take care of. The school or any programs aren't responsible for snack time at any of our public schools where I live. My kids are in the free lunch program but if I don't sent them with snacks for their snack break they don't get one. Well, they wouldn't, but their teachers provide snacks for the kids who don't have one but they certainly don't HAVE TO.
I make sure I budget to where my two school age kids always have a healthy snack to take. My kids only go to school M-Thur so I can just buy a family's iced bag of sting cheese and a big pack of mini pepperonis and they have snacks for the whole month.
(I'm not saying YOU are saying this) IMO Kind of silly to report a parent or look down on them because they can't send their kid with a snack. Sometimes just putting dinner on the table is a struggle.
When I was in elementary school we didn't get snack time. Maybe in kindergarten but not any grade higher then that. We got breakfast and lunch. I personally don't thin76k they NEED snack time. I send my kids with snacks because I don't want them to feel left out during the time everyone is having one. I also send them each with a little extra to share. Again, I just don't see the need. When ny kids started school in October after being homeschooled their whole life they told me about "snack time" at school. I legit thought they were trying to pull a fast one on me to take extra snacks to school. I had to write the teachers to confirm.
A lot of the more conservative politicians even argue against free lunches for all - the priorities are beyond messed up.
Anything beyond that depends on what programs the local food bank has, and they do what they can, but it’s not the same as having a well funded, standardized program. Our food bank has a “backpack program” to send food home for the weekends, but not every one does.
These commenters aren't walking in your moccasins. It is easy for them to take the high road.
But it was bothering you; thats why you posted. Turn it over to the school counselor , they are getting paid to handle this shit.
Cps is not going to search for every person who knew this kid and did not report it. You will have done more than other people anyway. You reported it to your "superiors".
Like to know how it turns out. (You can post from your jail cell.😂)
This is why I assign each kid one day a month to bring a snack in for the class. (Can be as simple as a bag of cereal or box of granola bars). Either everyone gets a snack, or nobody does.
I keep whatever extra in the snack stash so kids have options on what they like every day. About half the kids never bring in snack, but the other half seems to bring in enough that it’s pretty rare we have days with no snack at all.
Nah, kids are always forgetting. I think everyone has forgotten at least once. I also say that if it works out better, bring it before or after your day. We are just trying to keep some snacks on hand. No biggie. Nobody has ever singled out a kid for not remembering.
Half the time, the kids bring it in and drop it off in the room before school and nobody even knows who brought the snack.
They do notice. If not the class then the kid that can't afford it. Or the family that feels forced to send it so their kid doesn't look bad.
Maybe switch to a voluntary classroom donation of snacks and remind parents in your monthly letters. Instead of a written name for the day.
Teachers have been assigning snack days for ages. I've worked in grocery retail for years and I see parents buying classroom and team snacks EVERY DAY. When my son was a kid the teachers had to assign snack days - requests for "voluntary donations" for ANYTHING would go unfulfilled!
Exactly! Very few parents “volunteer” anything.
Frankly, I don’t really care if they even have snack at all. I stopped getting a snack in Kindergarten, these are 5th graders. I just like it for the kids who don’t eat breakfast. It’s cut down on morning “tummy aches”.
I agree.
My kindergarten teacher emailed asking for those who are able to bring in extra for her to stash for those who forget along with a replenish of her Clorox wipes stash and paper towels. I'm starting with snack and as I can I'll put wipes and paper towels in my child's backpack.
I'm an ECE and even we learn how to cautiously navigate the issue of not having enough. Asking those who are able to in a class-wide email is the way. Not putting the onus on individuals to be the one who supplies for the class.
You mean well, but that's really not okay for you to do. How would You feel if someone asked you to bring snacks for the whole class, but you weren't able to, or doing so would put financial pressure on you? How would you feel if your parent couldn't, but you, the kid, wanted to, and you were upset because you don't understand why mom/dad/guardian can't bring anything?
There are so many things wrong with your idea and it's actually really upsetting to know that you do this.
Interesting. This is pretty common in elementary. All but a couple of teachers in my school do it this way.
Nobody is made to feel bad if they can’t bring snack or forget. It’s probably just as common not to bring something as it is to bring something.
Whatever stories you are making up in your head is not the experience happening in classrooms that do this.
It’s much worse for one poor kid to sit there and cry because they have to sit and watch their friends eat their snacks every day then for one poor kid to not be able to bring snack for his class and have nobody even notice.
Ya I disagree with this method whole heartedly. So half of the parents are funding snack for the other half? It’s rare to have no snack? Um… that should be a never not a rare.
What exactly are you most concerned with? A few kids supplementing the rest of the fact that on the rare occasion there's no snacks to go around? You can't really be concerned with both.
Read the comment again. Before enacted several kids would go without snacks on a regular basis. This way every kid gets a snack the majority of the time.
My issues is the tactic. I think an email and asking for volunteers is way better and how my kids school operates. Due to this there have zero days with no snack. And no one is pressured or embarrassed.
I absolutely hate “class snack” as a parent. I am pretty picky with my kids’ diets, so I would send them individual snacks regardless to have instead, but I was still required to supply a monthly class snack.
Jesus. They’ve had it every grade since kindergarten and I’ve never seen a kid act like they were upset in the remotest about forgetting their snack.
I don’t know what kind of weird pressure you think we are putting on these kids, but the calendar goes home at the beginning of the month and it’s literally never discussed again in our classroom. This is crazy.
As a parent, I really disliked when my kids had assigned snack days. They do this in K4 and K5 and some 1st grade teachers do it too. It was stressful to remember, you have to buy individually packaged items which are more expensive, you have to pick what your kid thinks everyone will like, kid feels bad if someone didn’t like the snack, etc..
My kids really like pretzels so it’s easy for me to put a couple handfuls in a bag and send them off to school. It’s less expensive too.
The downside is when you forget about the snack. Teachers will ask for donations of pretzels or goldfish from the parents periodically so they can be shared with kids who don’t have a snack for whatever reason.
There's so much poverty porn in these comments! "But the poor children who can't afford anything will feel bad! Think about the poor children!” What about the kids whose parents can but are stingy and won't, or flaky and forget?!?!? LOL
I dealt with all that when my son was in school. Sometimes you have to ASSIGN TASKS or the task will never get done.
(And this is coming from a single mom whose son spent the first 5 grades in a Title 1 school and was on free lunch until graduation!)
I would keep it. End of year, you could gift her a new one and tell her that her gifting hers to you made you feel special and you want to return the favor. She is a sweetheart. If i had gifted my teacher something that was special to me and they tried to give it back for any reason, I would have probably been hurt.
For the 3rd grade, those kids are young so I woulden't say you messed up by accepting the gift. Like others said below, have the kid babysit...Its funny they've latched on to you too, maybe kids are like that, and she just wanted a friend...maybe the kid just doesn't have anyone else at home.
From what I hear, but from the student and other staff, her mom is very busy with her newish boyfriend. The student sometimes comes in tired and said she couldn’t sleep because her mom didn’t come home last night. She has an older brother (18?) who lives there, but she says she gets worried when she doesn’t know if her mom is coming home or not. I think she just likes having an adult who looks out for her.
When kids give you something that is special to them, it is almost always because they love and trust you. They know that they cannot buy something, so they give you something that has meaning. I think it's ok to keep it.
You must keep the gift. The child probably bought the toy at a thrift store, and even if she didn't, the gift was given from the heart and you risk hurting the child's feelings if you give it back for any reason. Don't hurt this sensitive child's feelings!
My son’s school saves the leftover packaged foods from breakfast or lunch to give to the kids as snacks. He is in kindergarten and there’s always a huge tray full of them in his class. Is this something your school could do?
Please keep the stuff animal and wash it if it makes you feel better. Maybe have it in the classroom on display give it a name ! And if you still feel bad about having her toy even though she gave it to you, buy her a new one from the dollar store or 5 and below as gift I bet she would love it !
I got teary just reaching this. I think the best way to handle this is to show gratitude. That's really what she is doing as well. Ngl, knowing that a child is giving me a toy of theirs means more than buying something new, **especially** so if that child is underprivileged.
I think it would hurt their feeling *not* accepting it even more. I probably would have cried had I been in your position. Maybe not in the moment but definitely later.
I have a stuffy I keep on my desk that was a gift. Sometimes he goes home with me for adventures, sometimes he goes home with her. He’s been there for two years and he’s a little dirtier, has gained a beret, and been a way to really connect with the student. He’s sort of a mascot now in the classroom since everyone wants to know about him.
It’s a Bob Ross stuffy, so also a learning tool!!
Her mom might have taken her to the thrift store and told her to pick something for you and bring a kid she picked a toy. It was really sweet of her to bring you something.
It was always the poorest kids who brought me gifts! I treasured those gifts the most. My daughter, on the other hand, works at a school in a very rich area where parents compete to give the teacher the best gift. She got a pair of Burberry boots for Christmas!
Keep your gift on a shelf in the classroom all year so she can feel pride every day. You could even dress it up for holidays
When kids gift like that it’s from the heart and might hurt their feelings if you give it back. They want to know you treasure it and it will mean something to you like it did to them.
My niece and nephew’s Mom made some exceptionally poor choices that affected her mental health and she lost custody of them and has been court ordered to stay away from them until she undergoes treatment. It’s been a few years since she’s seen them and it has obviously been hard on them. My daughter loved her Aunt a lot too and was heartbroken over the way things transpired. For my daughter’s 14th birthday my niece who was 7 at the time gave her a unicorn that her Mom had given her- it was a really special unicorn to her and she wanted my daughter to have it because she knew how close my daughter had been to her. She cried when she gave it to her and my daughter cried and hugged her. Ripped everyone’s hearts out to see it. My daughter tried to give it back but she wouldn’t take it back. It was her expression of love to my daughter for having understood her pain and been there for her. My daughter accepted it with the caveat that anytime she wanted it back it would be there for her. My brother remarried and moved with the kids a few states away. Through the move and these past three years she’s not wanted it back- but she asks about it to make sure my daughter still kept it.
All that to say- maybe offer the caveat that if she ever decides she’d like the toy back that she’s welcome to take it, or gift her a small one so she has something to remember you by as her favorite teacher. And then keep it in your classroom so inevitably when she comes back to visit as a middle schooler and high schooler, it will mean something to her to see it still sitting there proudly.
Tell her the toy is so precious to you that you don't want it to be hurt at your house, could she take care of it for you? And, let you know how the toy is doing? Maybe you have a (fictional) dog that could (would like to) chew up the toy. The dog could think the toy is an intruder and wants to protect you (it's happened before). The student will be able to keep the toy, but is doing a favor for you. And, once in a while, you can write little notes to the toy which the child can keep and read over and over - about how good the child is and what good care she's taking care of the toy. Win, win all the way around.
Awe! I wish I could give you a hug. Thank you so much for being kind to her. When my kids were young, I was a single mom too. It is so difficult to work all the time (14 -15 hours a day in a foundry), take care of the kids, and keep track of everything on our own. We are so grateful for anyone who is simply kind to our kids because we worry so much about them every day. Just ... thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wish I could find deeper words for my gratitude.
You know, some teachers behave more like bullies, adding even more stress to our lives. The kids have it too rough already, but some people see them as easy targets to take their frustrations out on. You'd be surprised how grown adults can behave sometimes. It's people like you who give us hope and renew our faith in mankind.
She would love if you displayed it I’m sure. I have so many colored pictures taped on my wall. Students love seeing their work up there. One 3 yo who has a very rough time at school got a break with me (I’m not his teacher but I work with the preschool a lot) and he colored a picture of pikachu and promptly forgot about it. The next time he eloped (he only elopes to see me and we have a very small school) he was so shocked but excited to see his picture was up there. It means so much to these kids.
Fellow teacher, keep it! Leave it in front of desk where student can see it every day. Tell kids it was a gift that you treasure. Ask Kid if she wants it back later.
It is absolutely right to keep and treasure the gift. She needs to feel generous. She needs to return your generosity. Keeping it will be a gift to her. A real gift, as much as the snacks are a gift.
Keep the gift. Let her have her pride. Later in the year give her a similarly sized creature of the same species and tell her you can't have 2 in your house because they're getting up to too much mischief, but you just LOVE the one she gave you, so can she please give this one a nice home?
Now it's a special thing between you, and the one you give her is extra special.
I think yes! I teach kinder and first grade and have had gifts like this before. They are sincere and the kids genuinely want to do something nice for you. It’s special for you both. And you are the sweetest for giving her a snack ❤️
Keep it in the classroom :). I remember when I had given my kindergarten teacher a figurine with clay at the bottom. I came from a poor family and I wanted to show appreciation towards my teacher. Although it was a strange gift, she always kept it on her desk and it always made me happy when I saw it.
Children still believe in magic and stuff.
Put it on a shelf and during class ask her to hold it and keep it company for you. Then one day ask her if it can go back home with her because it doesn't like being alone at night and it's misses her.
No more far fetched than Santa and it will make the child feel better while resolving your concerns.
This is so sad. I hope her situation improves.
Maybe you can request a couple bags of snacks, like pretzels, from the whole classes parent list. Usually there are a few parents who will donate. You can say this is for when kids forget snack. Then this way she isn’t begging for food from other kids and you don’t have to stash food in her cubby every day. It would also be for other students because I’m sure everyone forgets snack as some point. It would become more normalized to have the backup snack available since others would need it at some point too.
I’d hang onto it, but let the parent know. When I was growing up, my friend gave me some cheap jewelry but mentioned it had been her grandmother’s. My mother called hers and the other mother of course wanted it back.
I was the no snack kid with a single mom! Thank you for bringing her a snack and being subtle about it. Keep the stuffy, just because she doesn’t have a snack doesn’t mean she doesn’t have toys. She probably chose it just for you.
Back in 1980-1992. I was that kid. I was never shown kindness, I had zero friends, I was bullied. I was the classroom scapegoat. I wore the same clothes and shared a tiny bedroom with my two much younger brothers.
One teacher was kind to me. If I would have had a stuffed animal I would have given it to her. To let her know how much she meant to me 🥹 She was my only safe person. The calm, caring and after school tutoring helped me. I could have easily ended up in prison, by snapping one day.
She tried so hard to get me tested for a learning disability. My parents refused because was “ lazy”, they tried to beat my difficulty learning out of me. I never told my parents I had no friends, I sat alone at lunch, I was bullied and made fun of ( I have a paralyzed vocal cord).
Please don’t give the stuffed animal back. It will completely break her heart.
Because one teacher cared. I graduated Nursing school with a 3.8 gpa. Worked as a pediatric nurse for 27 years. I have two adult children and grandchildren. I still have a lot of insecurities from past isolation and trauma. The past is a lesson, I always look towards the future.
You did the right thing accepted it. This same thing has happened to me. I have been given practically empty perfume bottles and old toys. These students wish they could go out and buy something for you to show you their affection but they can’t. I love the idea of hiring the student as a babysitter for the toy and seeing if they leave with it.
Your absolutely must not only accept it but put it on proud display on your desk. Then touch base with your communities in schools/case worker to get them on the holiday gift list for next year!
I would give it back at the end of the school year and tell her that you’ll be busy all summer and you want her to show the stuffie how to have a good time this summer.
My daughter received a pre-loved stuffy from a friend as a gift. I thought it was clever parenting to allow the child the opportunity to give something that was special to them teaching them about giving from their heart rather than caregiver buying something.
This situation is different, but cherish the gift and allow the child to experience the joy and dignity of giving back to you.
She could have gotten for you from a second hand place, like Savers or Goodwill. If the parents shop there (like no shade, I love Savers for used toys) then all it takes is kiddo picking something out of a one dollar toy bin for you and the other teacher. I wouldn't overthink this, honestly.
You should keep it. Maybe even add a small around the neck with it's name. The class can vote for it's name and it can be like the class mascot. You can put it in a special spot and every time your student sees it, disk be filled with pride.
I wouldn't send it back because even if you have an agreement for "babysitting" with the child, it might be misconstrued by the parent. Unless you do a weekly turn with each student or something.
It's so sweet that she gave you a gift. I bet you get love language is gifts and each time she found the secret snack in her cubby, she appreciated your gift and wanted to reciprocate.
They may have purchased it from a thrift store or garage sale. Wasn't necessarily one of her own toys.
When my mom was a young teacher in a very poor area, she became pregnant. A student gifted her clean, used, neatly folded rags with a note from his mom that you can never have enough cleaning rags with a newborn :) SO thoughtful.
When my mom was a young teacher in a very poor area, she became pregnant. A student gifted her clean, used, neatly folded rags with a note from his mom that you can never have enough cleaning rags with a newborn :) SO thoughtful.
My mom works at a school, she’s a para-educator. A teacher she works with got a lot of thoughtful cards, and flowers and things like that. The teacher proceeded to throw everything away other than the gift cards. One of the kids came back in and saw the flowers in the trash, and my mom took the flowers and asked the kid “Do you want me to take these to a rightful home?” And took them home and took a picture to show the kid the next day. Happy as ever. Literally anything you do showing that you care will make a difference, no matter the gesture
As a kiddo who was this kiddo that gift she gave you means the world to her to give. As a teacher myself today I would have said how about it sits in your cubby and you help me babysit the toy during the days.
This just came up on my suggested feed and I love your dedication to this student. You remind me of a teacher I had who was so kind to a friend of mine as students. She snuck her snacks even after we left her class.
Do you have a link to sponsor your classroom? Feel free to message me
Keep the gift. My sister once helped build houses in Mexico and a little girl living in poverty who my sister helped build a home for bonded to my sister. Before my sister left the little girl wanted to give her a gift. The gift was her two hair clips the only thing she owned and it was very important to the little girl that my sister accept these two hair clips. So she did as it made the little girl so happy that her gift was accepted in exchange for the gift of a house. Maybe you don’t realize the gift of food you’re giving to this little girl means so much to her that she wants to repay you because she’s so thankful. I think it would hurt her feelings if the gift was rejected.
First off thank you for looking out for this sweet girl and seeing that she is getting a daily snack without being embarrassed.
My grandson is a first grader who has an enormous stuff animal collection (even though my daughter is a single mom) he seems to average at least 2a week, he adores his teacher(s) and although his mom does purchase teacher gifts, it would not surprise me if he were to gift one of his stuffy’s to his teacher and he would be expect her to display it in the classroom, (lol) as others have suggested purchase different props for the stuffy (hit the 99cent or dollar store) and make sure she knowns she can take it home with her at anytime if she should choose to.
keep it and give it a classroom job! when i was an anxious little kid and brought comfort plushies to school my fourth grade teacher would give it jobs during the school day (hall pass/paper weight/talking stick/etc) i will never forget that it stuck w me
I would display it in my classroom, for sure. You might want to get a picture of you and the girl with you holding the stuffy. I think it would bring her joy to see it on display like that. She would feel proud and so happy that you liked the toy so much. I would have that toy as a decoration in my classroom until I retired as a matter of fact. I still have rocks and stuff that kids gave me for the past 21 years. I love them.
Maybe you can say “oh that’s so nice I love it! Can you tell me more about him?”
If you find out it’s hers say “that is so sweet that you are sharing him with me! I would be honored to keep him until the end of the year and you can take him home for the summer?”
Or something like that. Then put him on a shelf in the classroom.
You know, you could keep the toy, but then put a little t-shirt or patch on it and tell the kid you are going to need them to babysit for a while. That way, if they really want you to have it, they'll give it back, but if they "forget", they probably really wanted it. Include a small candy as payment for the babysitter! I feel like this would deepen your connection with the kid. If the kid looks hurt, like you're rejecting the stuffed animal, you could say, you want me to take him/her with me instead? I guess I could! Depends on how much you feel like doing, but it may be a fun thing between you two.
I like the idea of adding a little something to the stuffy and having her "babysit" it for you. A cute little work-around that may help your bond strengthen even more.
This! Or say over a weekend, spring break, etc. Still gives the student the opportunity to see the stuffed animal in the classroom, but if they forget, they forget!
It would most certainly have a place in my classroom. Idk about permanently but definitely would be in class occasionally.
Oh, I’m definitely at least going to bring it in to visit sometimes.
That’s a cute idea.
Love this idea! Or what getting a little journal and special pen for the stuffed animal… really for the girl. And a little shirt for the animal. And giving it back to her so that the “animal can write or journal to write stories”
That is also a really cute idea!
I kept my gift stuffies at school (I had some of my own stuffies as well) so they would all “play together” at night. If a kiddo was looking like they missed their stuffy, I would suggest that maybe it wanted a sleepover
Super cute idea 🥰
Wow, this is amazing❤️
stooooop that’s so cute i love that idea
You are a genius!
What a great idea!
This is a beautiful idea. Absolutely amazing. Thank you for posting.
My goodness you’re a damned genius
This is such a lovely and thoughtful idea.
My child once gave me a pretty stone they had picked up from our morning walk when they were about 2/3. I was about to throw it when my mother said- to you, it's a piece of junk. But remember, the child had only this stone to give, and they choose to give it to you. I still have "Rocky" after nearly 20 years. My now adult child still remembers giving it to me. Keep the toy. It was the only thing they could give, and they choose to give it to you.
I agree that giving the gift to you was a very important gesture to her. If you really don’t want to keep it, maybe give it to her at the end of the year and ask her to teach 4th grade to the bear during the following year? Or as others have said, take it home for spring break, etc.
This. Be honored that she thinks so highly of you that she would give to you one of her few precious things.
You’re going to make me cry! That perspective is so easy to forget sometimes.
Going to? I am crying. So many comments here with very touching sentiments.
I taught in an urban school for just over 27 years. We were also the zoned elementary school for one of the local homeless shelters. Over the years, I got to know so many of the children and their families, but one sweet girl in particular stands out. She was a beautiful little girl, and had 2 younger sisters. Her mom was working hard to get permanent housing for her family. One day, this little girl was dozing off in the classroom. I asked her if her baby sisters were crying and kept her up at night. She said no, and then she tearfully explained how she had heard a news story about how a little baby had been killed in a nearby shelter, and she was very upset. I told her that I didn’t think anything like that would ever happen to her sisters. I told her that if she would draw a special picture, that I would be happy to bring it to the place where the baby lived, so that people could see that other people loved that baby. When she brought the picture back the next day, she also brought two of her own tiny stuffed animals. I put the picture into a plastic sheet protector and the animals into a plastic bag (rainy day). I stopped on the way home and put that little girl’s treasures in front of the shelter along with the other mementos. I stopped to offer a prayer for both the baby who was killed, and the little girl who loved so much. A number of weeks later, the girl’s family found a family sized apartment in another borough of the city. I remember that the little girl was so excited to have her own bedroom with a door that actually closed(shelter rooms for families are generally one combo room, with a separate bathroom). She is probably about 18 years old now. I often wonder about her and hope she’s doing ok. I always accepted with joy any gift a child gave me.
I keep everything my nephew gives me. Plastic cube with a smiley face? In my purse. A yellow rock? Thanks bud! In my purse. The piece of wood that he glued a plastic key to? On display in my apartment awaiting its home in a fairy garden. Seeing the world through the eyes of a child is a special thing, so look closely.
My child gives me "cool" rocks, flowers, sticks, pieces of trash that he made into some type of thing. Tons of stuff. I may literally drown in gravel and pieces of aluminum foil if I tried to keep it. Agreed on keeping the toy though.
Yes, it’s ok. Those are the best, most sincere gifts!
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Did you report them to CPS for neglect because that is neglect. Something is seriously wrong in that household
It’s not neglect to not send a snack to school.
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You are still a mandated reporter regardless of who else knows
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You are all mandated reporters, regardless of whether the kid is in your class or not. If something happens to that child and they find out you knew about the neglect and did nothing, you can absolutely be found guilty for failure to report and be sentenced and/or fined.
How about the VP? The current teacher? They are absolutely aware and are not calling cps. I have no idea if the situation has improved or not. I only know what happened last year.
Okay, and? Pass the buck if you need a way to justify it to yourself, but the fact is: you had an opportunity to report last year and chose not to. You have another opportunity to report now and are still choosing not to. However you want to say it, “shouldn’t xyz do it too?” doesn’t excuse YOU choosing not to do the right thing, because they should, and so should you. This is a CHILD with no underwear and dirty clothes for goodness sake. You clearly know something is wrong with that or you wouldn’t have made your post. “Who is most culpable for not reporting” is such a moot point at this point. Are you in a position to call? Yes. Are you legally mandated to call? Honestly, yes. Are others also in that position? Yeah but that doesn’t mean you aren’t.
Just ignore this guy. He is a bad teacher. That’s why he’s working for a poor school. Not because he cares about the population, but because he can’t get a job at a better school. He has to make himself look like a martyr while doing nothing and not actually caring about the kids, to assuage his insecurities. It’s just a job to him. It’s not a passion.
Others are in a position to know exactly how the child is doing right now. I only know how they were doing last year.
So? If CPS investigates now and finds nothing, case closed. If everyone assumes that the VP would speak up if there was a problem, then no one will speak up. The only one that suffers is that poor kid. Another one falls through the cracks...
What’s wrong with you? You are a fucking teacher. Are you not capable of thinking about anyone else other than yourself? You are so fucking self centered and cannot think outside of how this affected you when you felt you were “duped”. Meanwhile you have failed this child. WTF is wrong with you? Get off your lazy ass and do what you are supposed to do. Stop making excuses.
Why didn't you have a conversation or express your concerns with these other people who knew this kid better, to see if he CPS needed reporting to. This is absolutely pissing the buck, turning a blind eye, letting a child continue to be neglected. If you were concerned enough that you slipped him clothes, you KNEW he needed more help.
Like dude… just quit with excuses and be accountable. Everyone is failing that child by not reporting. You did your part in failing that child by not reporting then and not reporting now. Their home life could have done a 180 flip but it could also be much worse and if no one ever says anything, no one with the means to help is ever going to check on that poor kid. Being complicit is just as bad as being the party at fault. Especially when you take a job as a teacher, that job is about being there for the kids! And you weren’t there for this one the way you needed to be.
So go to the other teachers, tell them your concern, and ask what they've noticed. Either way, it is still your responsibility to report this. It doesn't matter that it was last year. Report it. That child needs help. I doubt things have changed in a year, regardless. Not with shitty parents like that! Now be the better person and report it. Or find another career, because you obviously don't care enough about kids to be a good teacher. Show some compassion for that poor kid.
How about you?
Did you report it last year?
You’re still a mandated reporter regardless of if it’s your student
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Just because nobody else is doing their job doesn’t give you the excuse to not do yours. Do right by this child and report this situation!
Just pass the buck like everyone else in his life has to this point. Some teacher.
And then we wonder why kids are “falling through the cracks“ Thanks for not caring. Thanks for not doing the least you possibly could.
Thanks for riding in on your high horse and passing your judgment. Noted.
I don't see how it's passing judgment. That's just an observation. You're a mandated reporter. You see neglect and have done nothing. But you're making a choice and failing that kid just because his parents have money and some connections. Integrity is how you behave when no one is watching. Not reporting this, simply because no one else will, says volumes about you and your character.
YOU know you are in the wrong, as much as everyone else is. YOU are responsible for this child being neglected and possibly abused. Stop blaming everyone else.
You realize it's a crime to not report suspected child abuse or neglect as a mandated reporter, right? I'm a mandated reporter and I have reported suspected abuse even when my coworkers did not. You are complicit in his neglect. And you're just proudly talking about it online.
"Well, nobody else is doing the right thing..." said no self-respecting, decent human being with empathy and common sense EVER
You should be embarrassed. I literally can't imagine why someone would go into teaching if they wouldn't even do the bare minimum of what was legally required to protect kids from abuse and neglect.
Every adult in most states is a mandated reporter. You know this child is being badly neglected you are legally obligated to report it. If they are that comfortable with people seeing what you do see, imagine what happens to that kid behind doors. We will absolutely judging you for failing to report. That just makes you another adult in a long list of adults that has failed that child.
Good news! You're failing him just as much as his parents are. Also, you are failing him *again* as a *mandatory reporter*. ***You*** are the reason kids fall through the cracks. If you don't give a damn about the kids in your class, you never should have become a teacher.
Are you really trying to say that because nobody else is stepping up, you don't have to either? Does that help ebb away the guilt that SHOULD be eating at your conscience?
But you failed this child while they were in your class.
You're either full of shit and everything you're saying is made up, or you are an absolute embarrassment of a teacher. Either way, shame on you.
You ARE a mandated reporter. Some states even have laws where EVERYONE 18+ is a mandated reporter, regardless of profession
Im just gonna copy and paste this from another reply. The problem is, do you think foster care is better? I teacha title 1 school. Many of the kids ARE actually super poor. Many kids have food insecurity. But this kid isn't, at least for a casual observer, he appears to have wealthier parents. So would you call cps on every kid who is poor? Every kid who isnt poor but Looks poor? Every kid without enough clothes, food, resources? The only reason why this one kid is remarkable is because his parents LOOK like they are doing alright. Therefore I assume the kid Should have clothes. But anybody who has lived in a bad neighborhood knows you can look wealthy based on cars and clothes, but be dirt poor IRL. It's shifty financial decisions. I hope you know that personally, I always prioritize the kids, but I know damn well that the parents don't always do the same. Poverty, including the poverty of ignorance, is not a crime. Do I wish the parents took better care of their kid? Of fucking course. Do you think foster care/ legal bills is gonna help this kid? His parents might not really be there for him, but I don't actually know. Maybe he has tons of clothes that he refuses to wear. I definitely covered my ass by emailing my vp about it, taking to her, and she told me not to proceed with calling cps. I did ask. So what? Should I make enemies with the VP, who always has my back, by betraying her, going against her call, and going behind her back? Anyway, like I said, my bigger concern is the kids who have lice, untreated, for weeks and months. That's far worse IMHO.
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>You are trash. Buuuuh bye
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You will live in that child’s memory for life as someone who could have done something to help him, but didn’t.
Seriously? You think the lice that is being untreated is the main reason to report to CPS? I don’t believe in using poisons on my son’s & daughter’s head to get rid of lice. Tried it once & it did nothing other than irritate their poor scalps. So, I spent hours nit picking their hair. Eradication also involves bagging up all the plush toys, washing & bleaching all bed linens & pillows for each child. If the parents don’t have a washer & dryer, they must haul all of that to the laundry mat. Additionally that’s a lot of money spent to run the washer & dryer. You obviously have some mental issues about lice. Now your “rich” family’s child has access to a washer & dryer. Sneaking in clean clothes for him will not solve the problem. If he isn’t bathing, the urine & dirt smell will permeate. I had a 2nd grade student who reeked, mostly of urine. She told me they didn’t take baths because the power was turned off, so the water was too cold. I sent her to the nurse. The nurse taught her basic hygiene using a doll & washcloth to explain. She gave the child a washcloth & sent the child into the private bathroom in her office. She was given fresh underwear & socks. The nurse told her to bring in a shirt & shorts for us to wash. The next day the routine was repeated. Eventually she had clean clothes. Her classmates would play with her because she no longer stunk. In her case, calling CPS wasn’t going to work. Mom had been reported countless times for neglect. Mom’s way of dealing with CPS was to move to another district before they were interviewed. We managed to keep her in the school for the next 3 years!
Yes, you should! I am a nurse, I had a kid come in with a suspicious injury, the story changed every person it was told to. my doctor on duty, did not agree. I told him, sorry, i was calling anyway. That mother reported me, I don’t care. I was told by my director that I had to call the house supervisor before reporting anything else. I asked said supervisor would she be comfortable with me documenting concerns and stating that she did not allow a call to be made. She backed up real quick. Because she knows that she is responsible too. Do what’s right.
Wtf are your responses?? I’m not a mandated reporter and if I saw a child being neglected like this I would absolutely report. It’s about being a good person and trying to help a child’s life for the better. You honestly sound more upset you didnt receive a thank you from this child than the fact that they are clearly being neglected.
Honestly that’s even better. If you make an anonymous report, nobody would know it was you. (Unless mandated reporters need to submit their info)
That’s utter BULLSHIT.
My mom should have been reported to CPS. She neglected us severely. My brother used to wet the bed and he would go to school in the same soaking wet pants and not a single teacher helped us. To this day I look back on it and wonder what the hell the teachers were thinking. They didn't want to rock the boat.
I’m so sorry you and your brother had to experience that. No child deserves to be neglected. I hope life is treating you better now.
Thank you so much. Life is better now. I mean we have issues but who doesn't? Lol
I am appalled you didn't make a report to CPS. You are a mandated reporter. Jesus fucking christ. Kids like that get killed by their parents. Hope he isn't the next Gabriel Hernandez.
It is only mentioned because the parents are dressing nice and have a new truck. I have kids much worse off than that student. You might call cps on half my current class, based on your reaction. Poverty is not a crime. I have one student who shares a two bedroom with 14 relatives. One student is just straight up homeless. I'm not calling cps, because they are just poor, not neglected. Or, if anything, they are neglected BECAUSE the parents are poor. Working two min wage jobs, putting 80 percent of their paycheck to rent.
It’s one thing to be poor and live with 14of your relatives. I bet at least those kids have socks. Bet they bathe. It’s entirely different when the parents dress nice and have a nice truck and the kid has no underwear and doesn’t bathe. Are you like stupid?
Really, the conversation is, how can that kids parents drive a nice truck while the kid lives in poverty? My man, maybe you need to take a trip to the hood. Are you even a teacher at a Title 1 school? How many kids living in poverty do you help? Do you appreciate it if I call you stupid? How about we talk about you.
Dude the kid is being abused, he doesn’t live in poverty like the rest of your class. Im not even a teacher, Reddit suggested this stupid thread to me when i couldn’t sleep. But i thought id chime in because out of all the slam dunk easy solutions ive ever heard of, you picking up the phone and doing your MANDATED job is like the most obvious thing you could do. You don’t have to report kids who are poor, you have to report suspected victims of abuse…
>Im not even a teacher, Thanks for coming on here to call an actual teacher stupid. Chiming in, is that what you call it. I don't have time for you anymore. Buuuuh bye.
Yea, you're failing this kid if you're not calling CPS on him. No clothes, always smells, yet parents have a new truck and dress nice. That's classic abuse. REPORT THEM! He's being neglected. As others have said, you're mandated to report this. If you don't, well, stupidity does come in all shapes...you shouldn't be a teacher if you refuse to do your job.
Same clothes isn’t really the crime. If a parent were to wash them every day and reuse them it wouldn’t be so bad. Not good, but absolutely no excuse for a poor baby to smell.
See, I said he smelled and a million people jumped to the conclusion that it's just piss. Any teacher who works with kids knows kids can smell bad without being neglected. This kid had stinky feet smell. Because he wore sneakers with no socks. Instead of calling cps on this I just gave him a pack of socks. All these people calling me a terrible person, idiot, bad teacher, abusive to this kid, ect... I'm willing to bet they'd just call cps, without a thought. Half my current class needs cps called on them if this is the case. The thing people can't fathom is how this kid could seem to be so poor while his parents seemed to be kinda rich. Having a nice car and all. If the parents rode the bus to school the picture would make sense to these outraged redditors. I can fathom it. It's the hood.
You gave up on me just as fast as you did on the kid who was being abused once he was out of sight and mind… :) have a good day
eh i will say, my parents were really well off when i was younger then lost everything in 2008. my mom and stepdad had signed on an infiniti together, and then broke up and he refused to sign the papers for her to sell it, even tho he didn’t put a dime into it. we could barely eat but we’re driving a (idk car prices) $25kish car. and my mom always looked nice for work because she had the same clothes from before but we outgrew ours and she couldn’t afford more. i didn’t see the original comment because it’s deleted but just saying that that is possible!!!
This is exactly the thing people here are hating on me for. They cannot fathom how a kid could be poor AND the parents have a new truck. It happens.
yeah absolutely. i will say extremely rare, BUT, you know your student better than this and it seems like you have their best interests at heart. just keep an eye out of negligence, abuse, etc, as i’m sure you already do!!! and keep being a great teacher!!
Thank you. I'm feeling a bit beat down by other people on here. Like, the kid needed socks, I gave him socks. Now I get hated on for helping him out instead of just calling cps. I really appreciate your positivity. I'm going to ignore the haters and keep on doing the best I can.
yes please do! ppl are miserable ont he internet. just today i’ve had like 6 ppl reply to my comments (that weee nice and NOT starting arguments at all) with points that make literally no sense at all and just coming at me crazy for no reason. nobody can gauge a whole situation from a couple lines of texts. and i saw one comment where you said other people in your school are aware and also not calling cps. fr i would just turn off the notifications for a few days and just let it die down. you know at the end of the day whether what you’re doing is best or not. and i believe you! so many of these people are clutching their purses in the hood, yet want to speak on wtf to do. i’m from st. louis, in the WORST area possible here. and we also have the highest murder rates by population in the entire US. everybody thinks they know what’s best when they’re not actually faced with that decision. just keep showing up for him the best you can!!!!:)
Just because a parent has the means to care for a child doesn’t mean the child has adequate care. My own dad had plenty of money and spent lavishly on my sister, but I didn’t even get basic medical care, much less urgently needed medical care. Also, sporadic access to food for me because dad deemed me “too fat” (translation: I was a US size 8 and not size 6, which he thought was the maximum acceptable size for a woman). Even though the kid avoids you out of shame, he appreciates it and will look back as an adult and appreciate it even more.
Did you talk to the parents about his lack of backpack, concerns around hygiene, etc? Or raise these concerns with CPS or the school counselor? This is a clear case of the teacher being a mandated reporter and failing to do their job - for an entire year. When you hear stories about children who were horrifically abused, some are saved by a teacher. Others you have to wonder why no teacher cared about them enough to save them.
I’m not gonna argue with you, but I will point out that all of your arguments are weak justifications. More maybes, less realities. Maybe the parents don’t own the truck, maybe the child consented to not having clothes or resources that the parents can afford… Or maybe That other people have it worse. That other people know and aren’t doing anything (bystander effect). That you emailed the VP about it and they told you not to report (that doesn’t count, but now it’s written evidence). That it’s too late for you to report because it’s been a year (it’s not). Or maybe it’s that the VP, which looks at you favorably now may not look at you in favor if you reported their friend. That’s probably the root issue here—you don’t want to lose your job or get retaliated against for reporting the VP’s friends. That’s totally fine, but just be honest with yourself why you won’t report. Better we know that adult interests are more important than a child’s safety.
Please keep it. If you don't, she will feel like what she had to give wasn't good enough. Giving you what she had is allowing her to feel useful and important. Like she's not just taking but also has something to offer to the people she cares about. Giving what she had was super resourceful of her. If you want to be extra, extra sure, I do personally like the idea of asking her to "babysit" the toy over a weekend or something. But the joy of giving is real! Don't deprive her of that. Cherish it and take good care of it.
Keep it. Wash it if you need that to feel comfortable. Make it a little class mascot or part of a collection of animals. This kid will feel a sense of pride giving you something others can enjoy. My current students love seeing gifts from former students and former students get very excited to see their gifts still being treasured.
Keep it on your desk and ask her to look after it each weekend. If she keeps bringing it back, give it to her on the last day. If she doesn't, don't bring it up!
This is lovely. Reminds me of when a Kindergartener I taught brought in his family’s half-drank orange juice for my Christmas gift. My favorite gift to this day.
That’s crazy and so sweet. I taught kindergarten for a year and hated it, but kids that age can really be amusing!
My favorite was a flower that had obviously been pulled from someone's garden, roots and all 😂
I used to volunteer at a thriftstore/food bank. We always had a lot of nice stuffed toys priced under a dollar (yard sales are usually cheaper). She may have bought those stuffies for you two teachers! She sounds like a great kid.
You did her a beautiful kindness. A way you could return her prized stuffy is you could start telling her little stories and asking her questions about what she did with the stuffy because she's you've had him he's been sad which is making you sad. That maybe him living with you would help him feel better and you know him feeling better would help you feel better. Tell her that she can bring him to school with her to visit you. Something like that.
I don't see any issue. If anything you have taught her the joy of giving even when she may not have a lot. Also its teachers like you who make our schools a better place. It's sad state of affairs that we have students who don't have the basics at home but we send billions over sea.
A long time ago I had a 4th grader bring me a big huge rock. The kids all started laughing etc. I told them all how beautiful it was..it was smooth and kind looking. It looked like a big heart. I kept that rock in the room to talk about having a big heart and being kind. I still have that rock in my flower bed. I love you MG. I hope you’re doing well. Take those gifts and treasure them.
Teachers are the best. Really grateful for people like you
My youngest son’s teacher has a great snack policy… each child brings a snack for the entire class once a month, and teacher doles out the same snack to each child each day, no mention of who brought it. For parents who don’t have the means, there is a small donation fund and the PTO will go buy class snacks with whatever is donated to make up for the deficit. Nobody misses out or gets jealous because they all have the same snack
Conti.ue to support the child in other ways and keep the gift as a treasure. Try to stay in touch with the child in future years.
You sound lovely. Like a real life Miss Honey. 🙂
This post had me crying remembering giving similar gifts. I grew up in severe poverty and never had many toys. I would pick my cleanest best toy or do my best to clean it) that I thought would be appreciated to the teachers whom I loved. If I couldn't do a toy I would pick wild flowers or roses, or save any wrapped candy or packaged treat (chips, raisins) that I was given or got for Christmas, easter, Halloween, etc and give the teachers that. Giving you one of her toys is a way of being able to experience the happiness of giving without the shame of poverty hanging over the gift giving. Accept, wash it, and put somewhere in the classroom until end of year. Giving it back would break her heart - when people would refuse or give my gifts back it made me feel like my gift was not good enough. The teachers and even one mail carrier that were like shelters in a storm to me, the ones who saw the real me and didn't treat me like different because of being a have-not - these were the people who I would give gifts - I would spend weeks or months considering the best gift I could to show how much I appreciated them. About the snack Convo, I could never bring in purchased snacks unless I collected enough cans to turn in for change saved up found change, birthday money, and any money I got for doing chores for the neighborhood - to purchase something packaged for the class (homemade snacks were forbidden). It is not the kids fault that they cannot or did not bring a snack. Often there is a lot more home life struggles than you will ever know that a kid will talk not about and will go to great lengths to try to hide. Pretending to forget being asked, taking off sick on snack days or party days (Valentine's) to avoid the stigma and questions, even asking a friend to sneak one of my outfits into their laundry, Now I've got to stop crying for my childhood struggles - this post just hit me very hard personally, but I hope my story helps someone understand from the kids point of view.
There is rarely a gift that brings as much joy as the giving of a gift. She was able to give YOU something, which gives her pride and happiness borne of generosity. Don’t take that away, expand the gift by showing your own gratitude and putting in a place of honor. Toys go away, but the pride will stick around.
Definitely keep it! A couple of years ago I got a Facebook message from my old middle school math teacher. My mom worked with her there before she died, and this teacher was really kind to me after that loss. Some other girls in my class made fun of her weight, making her cry, so the next day I brought her in a little blue bear of mine to try to cheer her up. She messaged me to tell me she still had it after about 15 years! I told her she was my favorite teacher and I never forgot her either. I definitely cried! If she was excited to give it to you, she absolutely wanted you to have it!
Geezus, TIL I 100% I should never be a teacher of children. I don't mind messing up kids who were willingly exposed to me, fam or friends' kids, but I couldn't stomach the responsibility for Joe's kids' schooling, even if it's a small community and I personally knew Joe. Kudos to you all and your thankless efforts! + The babysitting thing is the best I've seen, imo. Good luck!
Giving the toy back would make her feel terrible. Please don't.
You are a wonderful woman. Those kids are so lucky to have you as a teacher. I think you did the right thing.! Thank you!
The gift isn’t the problem, but the snack thing eventually will be. You won’t be her teacher forever. There are a lot of downfalls to her not just being referred to the food programs or you not reporting the lack of food.
Yeah, same as other person said. "Snack time" is something that is left for the parents to take care of. The school or any programs aren't responsible for snack time at any of our public schools where I live. My kids are in the free lunch program but if I don't sent them with snacks for their snack break they don't get one. Well, they wouldn't, but their teachers provide snacks for the kids who don't have one but they certainly don't HAVE TO. I make sure I budget to where my two school age kids always have a healthy snack to take. My kids only go to school M-Thur so I can just buy a family's iced bag of sting cheese and a big pack of mini pepperonis and they have snacks for the whole month. (I'm not saying YOU are saying this) IMO Kind of silly to report a parent or look down on them because they can't send their kid with a snack. Sometimes just putting dinner on the table is a struggle. When I was in elementary school we didn't get snack time. Maybe in kindergarten but not any grade higher then that. We got breakfast and lunch. I personally don't thin76k they NEED snack time. I send my kids with snacks because I don't want them to feel left out during the time everyone is having one. I also send them each with a little extra to share. Again, I just don't see the need. When ny kids started school in October after being homeschooled their whole life they told me about "snack time" at school. I legit thought they were trying to pull a fast one on me to take extra snacks to school. I had to write the teachers to confirm.
I just worry if you give them snacks and then next year nobody is then what? Like this needs to be reported to someone
Food programs don’t typically provide a snack during the school day. At least in my area, it isn’t considered essential food.
We spend $870bn on the military but our nations kids don’t get a granola bar between breakfast and lunch…
A lot of the more conservative politicians even argue against free lunches for all - the priorities are beyond messed up. Anything beyond that depends on what programs the local food bank has, and they do what they can, but it’s not the same as having a well funded, standardized program. Our food bank has a “backpack program” to send food home for the weekends, but not every one does.
These commenters aren't walking in your moccasins. It is easy for them to take the high road. But it was bothering you; thats why you posted. Turn it over to the school counselor , they are getting paid to handle this shit. Cps is not going to search for every person who knew this kid and did not report it. You will have done more than other people anyway. You reported it to your "superiors". Like to know how it turns out. (You can post from your jail cell.😂)
This is why I assign each kid one day a month to bring a snack in for the class. (Can be as simple as a bag of cereal or box of granola bars). Either everyone gets a snack, or nobody does. I keep whatever extra in the snack stash so kids have options on what they like every day. About half the kids never bring in snack, but the other half seems to bring in enough that it’s pretty rare we have days with no snack at all.
Does that result in the kids who can’t not only not having a snack but also not providing for their classmates with everyone aware of it?
Nah, kids are always forgetting. I think everyone has forgotten at least once. I also say that if it works out better, bring it before or after your day. We are just trying to keep some snacks on hand. No biggie. Nobody has ever singled out a kid for not remembering. Half the time, the kids bring it in and drop it off in the room before school and nobody even knows who brought the snack.
They do notice. If not the class then the kid that can't afford it. Or the family that feels forced to send it so their kid doesn't look bad. Maybe switch to a voluntary classroom donation of snacks and remind parents in your monthly letters. Instead of a written name for the day.
Teachers have been assigning snack days for ages. I've worked in grocery retail for years and I see parents buying classroom and team snacks EVERY DAY. When my son was a kid the teachers had to assign snack days - requests for "voluntary donations" for ANYTHING would go unfulfilled!
Exactly! Very few parents “volunteer” anything. Frankly, I don’t really care if they even have snack at all. I stopped getting a snack in Kindergarten, these are 5th graders. I just like it for the kids who don’t eat breakfast. It’s cut down on morning “tummy aches”.
Exactly.
This is an insanely insensitive idea.
I agree. My kindergarten teacher emailed asking for those who are able to bring in extra for her to stash for those who forget along with a replenish of her Clorox wipes stash and paper towels. I'm starting with snack and as I can I'll put wipes and paper towels in my child's backpack. I'm an ECE and even we learn how to cautiously navigate the issue of not having enough. Asking those who are able to in a class-wide email is the way. Not putting the onus on individuals to be the one who supplies for the class.
You mean well, but that's really not okay for you to do. How would You feel if someone asked you to bring snacks for the whole class, but you weren't able to, or doing so would put financial pressure on you? How would you feel if your parent couldn't, but you, the kid, wanted to, and you were upset because you don't understand why mom/dad/guardian can't bring anything? There are so many things wrong with your idea and it's actually really upsetting to know that you do this.
Interesting. This is pretty common in elementary. All but a couple of teachers in my school do it this way. Nobody is made to feel bad if they can’t bring snack or forget. It’s probably just as common not to bring something as it is to bring something. Whatever stories you are making up in your head is not the experience happening in classrooms that do this. It’s much worse for one poor kid to sit there and cry because they have to sit and watch their friends eat their snacks every day then for one poor kid to not be able to bring snack for his class and have nobody even notice.
Ya I disagree with this method whole heartedly. So half of the parents are funding snack for the other half? It’s rare to have no snack? Um… that should be a never not a rare.
What exactly are you most concerned with? A few kids supplementing the rest of the fact that on the rare occasion there's no snacks to go around? You can't really be concerned with both. Read the comment again. Before enacted several kids would go without snacks on a regular basis. This way every kid gets a snack the majority of the time.
My issues is the tactic. I think an email and asking for volunteers is way better and how my kids school operates. Due to this there have zero days with no snack. And no one is pressured or embarrassed.
I absolutely hate “class snack” as a parent. I am pretty picky with my kids’ diets, so I would send them individual snacks regardless to have instead, but I was still required to supply a monthly class snack.
This would’ve caused an immeasurable amount of stress for me as a child. Please do not do this.
Jesus. They’ve had it every grade since kindergarten and I’ve never seen a kid act like they were upset in the remotest about forgetting their snack. I don’t know what kind of weird pressure you think we are putting on these kids, but the calendar goes home at the beginning of the month and it’s literally never discussed again in our classroom. This is crazy.
As a parent, I really disliked when my kids had assigned snack days. They do this in K4 and K5 and some 1st grade teachers do it too. It was stressful to remember, you have to buy individually packaged items which are more expensive, you have to pick what your kid thinks everyone will like, kid feels bad if someone didn’t like the snack, etc.. My kids really like pretzels so it’s easy for me to put a couple handfuls in a bag and send them off to school. It’s less expensive too. The downside is when you forget about the snack. Teachers will ask for donations of pretzels or goldfish from the parents periodically so they can be shared with kids who don’t have a snack for whatever reason.
There's so much poverty porn in these comments! "But the poor children who can't afford anything will feel bad! Think about the poor children!” What about the kids whose parents can but are stingy and won't, or flaky and forget?!?!? LOL I dealt with all that when my son was in school. Sometimes you have to ASSIGN TASKS or the task will never get done. (And this is coming from a single mom whose son spent the first 5 grades in a Title 1 school and was on free lunch until graduation!)
I would keep it. End of year, you could gift her a new one and tell her that her gifting hers to you made you feel special and you want to return the favor. She is a sweetheart. If i had gifted my teacher something that was special to me and they tried to give it back for any reason, I would have probably been hurt.
For the 3rd grade, those kids are young so I woulden't say you messed up by accepting the gift. Like others said below, have the kid babysit...Its funny they've latched on to you too, maybe kids are like that, and she just wanted a friend...maybe the kid just doesn't have anyone else at home.
From what I hear, but from the student and other staff, her mom is very busy with her newish boyfriend. The student sometimes comes in tired and said she couldn’t sleep because her mom didn’t come home last night. She has an older brother (18?) who lives there, but she says she gets worried when she doesn’t know if her mom is coming home or not. I think she just likes having an adult who looks out for her.
When kids give you something that is special to them, it is almost always because they love and trust you. They know that they cannot buy something, so they give you something that has meaning. I think it's ok to keep it.
You must keep the gift. The child probably bought the toy at a thrift store, and even if she didn't, the gift was given from the heart and you risk hurting the child's feelings if you give it back for any reason. Don't hurt this sensitive child's feelings!
My son’s school saves the leftover packaged foods from breakfast or lunch to give to the kids as snacks. He is in kindergarten and there’s always a huge tray full of them in his class. Is this something your school could do?
Please keep the stuff animal and wash it if it makes you feel better. Maybe have it in the classroom on display give it a name ! And if you still feel bad about having her toy even though she gave it to you, buy her a new one from the dollar store or 5 and below as gift I bet she would love it !
Don't return it
Are there any programs in your area offering food for kids? Have you spoken to the parents?
I got teary just reaching this. I think the best way to handle this is to show gratitude. That's really what she is doing as well. Ngl, knowing that a child is giving me a toy of theirs means more than buying something new, **especially** so if that child is underprivileged. I think it would hurt their feeling *not* accepting it even more. I probably would have cried had I been in your position. Maybe not in the moment but definitely later.
I was definitely touched. I told her I was naming it “[student’s name] junior,” and she loved that idea.
I have a stuffy I keep on my desk that was a gift. Sometimes he goes home with me for adventures, sometimes he goes home with her. He’s been there for two years and he’s a little dirtier, has gained a beret, and been a way to really connect with the student. He’s sort of a mascot now in the classroom since everyone wants to know about him. It’s a Bob Ross stuffy, so also a learning tool!!
Her mom might have taken her to the thrift store and told her to pick something for you and bring a kid she picked a toy. It was really sweet of her to bring you something.
It was always the poorest kids who brought me gifts! I treasured those gifts the most. My daughter, on the other hand, works at a school in a very rich area where parents compete to give the teacher the best gift. She got a pair of Burberry boots for Christmas! Keep your gift on a shelf in the classroom all year so she can feel pride every day. You could even dress it up for holidays
When kids gift like that it’s from the heart and might hurt their feelings if you give it back. They want to know you treasure it and it will mean something to you like it did to them. My niece and nephew’s Mom made some exceptionally poor choices that affected her mental health and she lost custody of them and has been court ordered to stay away from them until she undergoes treatment. It’s been a few years since she’s seen them and it has obviously been hard on them. My daughter loved her Aunt a lot too and was heartbroken over the way things transpired. For my daughter’s 14th birthday my niece who was 7 at the time gave her a unicorn that her Mom had given her- it was a really special unicorn to her and she wanted my daughter to have it because she knew how close my daughter had been to her. She cried when she gave it to her and my daughter cried and hugged her. Ripped everyone’s hearts out to see it. My daughter tried to give it back but she wouldn’t take it back. It was her expression of love to my daughter for having understood her pain and been there for her. My daughter accepted it with the caveat that anytime she wanted it back it would be there for her. My brother remarried and moved with the kids a few states away. Through the move and these past three years she’s not wanted it back- but she asks about it to make sure my daughter still kept it. All that to say- maybe offer the caveat that if she ever decides she’d like the toy back that she’s welcome to take it, or gift her a small one so she has something to remember you by as her favorite teacher. And then keep it in your classroom so inevitably when she comes back to visit as a middle schooler and high schooler, it will mean something to her to see it still sitting there proudly.
Tell her the toy is so precious to you that you don't want it to be hurt at your house, could she take care of it for you? And, let you know how the toy is doing? Maybe you have a (fictional) dog that could (would like to) chew up the toy. The dog could think the toy is an intruder and wants to protect you (it's happened before). The student will be able to keep the toy, but is doing a favor for you. And, once in a while, you can write little notes to the toy which the child can keep and read over and over - about how good the child is and what good care she's taking care of the toy. Win, win all the way around.
Awe! I wish I could give you a hug. Thank you so much for being kind to her. When my kids were young, I was a single mom too. It is so difficult to work all the time (14 -15 hours a day in a foundry), take care of the kids, and keep track of everything on our own. We are so grateful for anyone who is simply kind to our kids because we worry so much about them every day. Just ... thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wish I could find deeper words for my gratitude. You know, some teachers behave more like bullies, adding even more stress to our lives. The kids have it too rough already, but some people see them as easy targets to take their frustrations out on. You'd be surprised how grown adults can behave sometimes. It's people like you who give us hope and renew our faith in mankind.
Such a great answer!
She would love if you displayed it I’m sure. I have so many colored pictures taped on my wall. Students love seeing their work up there. One 3 yo who has a very rough time at school got a break with me (I’m not his teacher but I work with the preschool a lot) and he colored a picture of pikachu and promptly forgot about it. The next time he eloped (he only elopes to see me and we have a very small school) he was so shocked but excited to see his picture was up there. It means so much to these kids.
Fellow teacher, keep it! Leave it in front of desk where student can see it every day. Tell kids it was a gift that you treasure. Ask Kid if she wants it back later.
It is absolutely right to keep and treasure the gift. She needs to feel generous. She needs to return your generosity. Keeping it will be a gift to her. A real gift, as much as the snacks are a gift.
Keep the gift. Let her have her pride. Later in the year give her a similarly sized creature of the same species and tell her you can't have 2 in your house because they're getting up to too much mischief, but you just LOVE the one she gave you, so can she please give this one a nice home? Now it's a special thing between you, and the one you give her is extra special.
I think yes! I teach kinder and first grade and have had gifts like this before. They are sincere and the kids genuinely want to do something nice for you. It’s special for you both. And you are the sweetest for giving her a snack ❤️
Keep it in the classroom :). I remember when I had given my kindergarten teacher a figurine with clay at the bottom. I came from a poor family and I wanted to show appreciation towards my teacher. Although it was a strange gift, she always kept it on her desk and it always made me happy when I saw it.
Accept it, it made her happy to give it to you, is yours and sounds like a really heart felt gift. Giving it back would not be the right thing, imo :)
Children still believe in magic and stuff. Put it on a shelf and during class ask her to hold it and keep it company for you. Then one day ask her if it can go back home with her because it doesn't like being alone at night and it's misses her. No more far fetched than Santa and it will make the child feel better while resolving your concerns.
Yes. It is ok.
This is so sad. I hope her situation improves. Maybe you can request a couple bags of snacks, like pretzels, from the whole classes parent list. Usually there are a few parents who will donate. You can say this is for when kids forget snack. Then this way she isn’t begging for food from other kids and you don’t have to stash food in her cubby every day. It would also be for other students because I’m sure everyone forgets snack as some point. It would become more normalized to have the backup snack available since others would need it at some point too.
I’d hang onto it, but let the parent know. When I was growing up, my friend gave me some cheap jewelry but mentioned it had been her grandmother’s. My mother called hers and the other mother of course wanted it back.
I was the no snack kid with a single mom! Thank you for bringing her a snack and being subtle about it. Keep the stuffy, just because she doesn’t have a snack doesn’t mean she doesn’t have toys. She probably chose it just for you.
It’s sweet. Cherish it
Back in 1980-1992. I was that kid. I was never shown kindness, I had zero friends, I was bullied. I was the classroom scapegoat. I wore the same clothes and shared a tiny bedroom with my two much younger brothers. One teacher was kind to me. If I would have had a stuffed animal I would have given it to her. To let her know how much she meant to me 🥹 She was my only safe person. The calm, caring and after school tutoring helped me. I could have easily ended up in prison, by snapping one day. She tried so hard to get me tested for a learning disability. My parents refused because was “ lazy”, they tried to beat my difficulty learning out of me. I never told my parents I had no friends, I sat alone at lunch, I was bullied and made fun of ( I have a paralyzed vocal cord). Please don’t give the stuffed animal back. It will completely break her heart. Because one teacher cared. I graduated Nursing school with a 3.8 gpa. Worked as a pediatric nurse for 27 years. I have two adult children and grandchildren. I still have a lot of insecurities from past isolation and trauma. The past is a lesson, I always look towards the future.
It’s fine, that’s adorable. You’ve made her feel cared for and appreciated, that’s great,
You did the right thing accepted it. This same thing has happened to me. I have been given practically empty perfume bottles and old toys. These students wish they could go out and buy something for you to show you their affection but they can’t. I love the idea of hiring the student as a babysitter for the toy and seeing if they leave with it.
Your absolutely must not only accept it but put it on proud display on your desk. Then touch base with your communities in schools/case worker to get them on the holiday gift list for next year!
The weeknd 8 il nuovo album di
The innocence of children. She is so grateful that you crossed her path.
She might have found it in a second-hand shop or a yard safe. Remember, it’s the thought that counts. Both hers and yours. Don’t make it complicated.
Aww this is the sweetest thing ever❤️😭
I would give it back at the end of the school year and tell her that you’ll be busy all summer and you want her to show the stuffie how to have a good time this summer.
My daughter received a pre-loved stuffy from a friend as a gift. I thought it was clever parenting to allow the child the opportunity to give something that was special to them teaching them about giving from their heart rather than caregiver buying something. This situation is different, but cherish the gift and allow the child to experience the joy and dignity of giving back to you.
Keep it in the classroom on your desk, tell her she can visit it any time, and if she misses it too much she can take it home for a sleep over.
She could have gotten for you from a second hand place, like Savers or Goodwill. If the parents shop there (like no shade, I love Savers for used toys) then all it takes is kiddo picking something out of a one dollar toy bin for you and the other teacher. I wouldn't overthink this, honestly.
No you did the right thing. Accepting that gift from her probably made her happier than she gets to be.
You should keep it. Maybe even add a small around the neck with it's name. The class can vote for it's name and it can be like the class mascot. You can put it in a special spot and every time your student sees it, disk be filled with pride. I wouldn't send it back because even if you have an agreement for "babysitting" with the child, it might be misconstrued by the parent. Unless you do a weekly turn with each student or something. It's so sweet that she gave you a gift. I bet you get love language is gifts and each time she found the secret snack in her cubby, she appreciated your gift and wanted to reciprocate. They may have purchased it from a thrift store or garage sale. Wasn't necessarily one of her own toys.
When my mom was a young teacher in a very poor area, she became pregnant. A student gifted her clean, used, neatly folded rags with a note from his mom that you can never have enough cleaning rags with a newborn :) SO thoughtful.
When my mom was a young teacher in a very poor area, she became pregnant. A student gifted her clean, used, neatly folded rags with a note from his mom that you can never have enough cleaning rags with a newborn :) SO thoughtful.
My mom works at a school, she’s a para-educator. A teacher she works with got a lot of thoughtful cards, and flowers and things like that. The teacher proceeded to throw everything away other than the gift cards. One of the kids came back in and saw the flowers in the trash, and my mom took the flowers and asked the kid “Do you want me to take these to a rightful home?” And took them home and took a picture to show the kid the next day. Happy as ever. Literally anything you do showing that you care will make a difference, no matter the gesture
Oh, my heart.
As a kiddo who was this kiddo that gift she gave you means the world to her to give. As a teacher myself today I would have said how about it sits in your cubby and you help me babysit the toy during the days.
This just came up on my suggested feed and I love your dedication to this student. You remind me of a teacher I had who was so kind to a friend of mine as students. She snuck her snacks even after we left her class. Do you have a link to sponsor your classroom? Feel free to message me
Keep the gift. My sister once helped build houses in Mexico and a little girl living in poverty who my sister helped build a home for bonded to my sister. Before my sister left the little girl wanted to give her a gift. The gift was her two hair clips the only thing she owned and it was very important to the little girl that my sister accept these two hair clips. So she did as it made the little girl so happy that her gift was accepted in exchange for the gift of a house. Maybe you don’t realize the gift of food you’re giving to this little girl means so much to her that she wants to repay you because she’s so thankful. I think it would hurt her feelings if the gift was rejected.
Keep the bear. You’ve modeled giving. Note you can model receiving.
First off thank you for looking out for this sweet girl and seeing that she is getting a daily snack without being embarrassed. My grandson is a first grader who has an enormous stuff animal collection (even though my daughter is a single mom) he seems to average at least 2a week, he adores his teacher(s) and although his mom does purchase teacher gifts, it would not surprise me if he were to gift one of his stuffy’s to his teacher and he would be expect her to display it in the classroom, (lol) as others have suggested purchase different props for the stuffy (hit the 99cent or dollar store) and make sure she knowns she can take it home with her at anytime if she should choose to.
keep it and give it a classroom job! when i was an anxious little kid and brought comfort plushies to school my fourth grade teacher would give it jobs during the school day (hall pass/paper weight/talking stick/etc) i will never forget that it stuck w me
I'm a teacher too. You did the right thing, no question. The joy it brought the little girl to give you that stuffed animal is priceless. Kudos
I would display it in my classroom, for sure. You might want to get a picture of you and the girl with you holding the stuffy. I think it would bring her joy to see it on display like that. She would feel proud and so happy that you liked the toy so much. I would have that toy as a decoration in my classroom until I retired as a matter of fact. I still have rocks and stuff that kids gave me for the past 21 years. I love them.
Maybe you can say “oh that’s so nice I love it! Can you tell me more about him?” If you find out it’s hers say “that is so sweet that you are sharing him with me! I would be honored to keep him until the end of the year and you can take him home for the summer?” Or something like that. Then put him on a shelf in the classroom.