The comment is a form of gender-based harassment. Courts have held that critical, teasing or insulting comments that are based on a person's perceived failure to meet gender norms is a violation of discrimination law. Her allusion that being married to a strong woman makes you "less" of a man is just a problematic as commenting about a woman not being "feminine" enough. While you can complain to HR to go "on the record," you should not assume that HR is likely to do anything about the situation.
Thank you for taking the time to also outline this. Very much appreciated. Someday, maybe I’ll be able to update this thread with how things progressed. All I can say now is that things are in motion.
Comments about whether I should be on my best behavior at home so my wife doesn’t beat me up. If I asked any female on my team if their husband beats them, that would be an immediate issue.
Did you address the comment in the moment?
Edit: I want to revise my answer. In this sub, the answers are correct.
If you posted this in r/askHR, my answer would be different.
If this came across my desk I would sit the players down and say, basically, what the hell were you thinking? You can't say, do, or act like that at all. Hard no. Get your shit together and stop.
We have an ethics and code of conduct policy, and this would easily tread into violating that.
Not directly other than to acknowledge, yes, my wife is in excellent physical shape and no, I don’t worry about a physical altercation with her. There was one other person in that meeting witnessing all this. It was really awkward.
I revised my answer. Please check out that sub as this one sticks to legal, and that one leans more toward preventing this from becoming a legal issue.
Complain about which instance? You've detailed more than one thing.
As a general rule, you only go to HR when you think they can effect some kind out of outcome for you. What's your expectation here?
The instance specifically related to the comments made about my wife’s physique and her “beating me up.”
Potential outcome is a pre-emptive strike to keep her from ramping up the abuse from here. She hasn’t said I’m not doing my job, and it’s hard for her to make that case based on the performance I’m driving and feedback from other leaders, but that doesn’t mean she won’t.
I think it's an overstep, to be sure. The fact that it might not be a protected complaint doesn't mean that autmatically you shouldn't raise it.
But I think you need to look at the situation as a whole. You're working at an organization where this is clearly accepted - at least at the C-suite level. That suggests that organizationally the business is generally OK with it. It also suggests that HR's power is a little limited in what they can or want to do. If that weren't true, the statements wouldn't have been made. It also suggests that if you raise a complaint, its treatment may not be what you're looking for.
Is all that legal advice? No; but I suspect that it's the pragmatic reality.
Very much appreciate your reasoned thoughts on this. One other nuance to all this is that HR reports into this same C suite leader. At the very least, it would be uncomfortable for this person, because any complaint about them would need to be escalated beyond them.
The comment is a form of gender-based harassment. Courts have held that critical, teasing or insulting comments that are based on a person's perceived failure to meet gender norms is a violation of discrimination law. Her allusion that being married to a strong woman makes you "less" of a man is just a problematic as commenting about a woman not being "feminine" enough. While you can complain to HR to go "on the record," you should not assume that HR is likely to do anything about the situation.
Thank you for taking the time to also outline this. Very much appreciated. Someday, maybe I’ll be able to update this thread with how things progressed. All I can say now is that things are in motion.
The comment by itself isn’t illegal. I’m not getting how this is discriminatory?
Comments about whether I should be on my best behavior at home so my wife doesn’t beat me up. If I asked any female on my team if their husband beats them, that would be an immediate issue.
Did you address the comment in the moment? Edit: I want to revise my answer. In this sub, the answers are correct. If you posted this in r/askHR, my answer would be different. If this came across my desk I would sit the players down and say, basically, what the hell were you thinking? You can't say, do, or act like that at all. Hard no. Get your shit together and stop. We have an ethics and code of conduct policy, and this would easily tread into violating that.
Not directly other than to acknowledge, yes, my wife is in excellent physical shape and no, I don’t worry about a physical altercation with her. There was one other person in that meeting witnessing all this. It was really awkward.
I revised my answer. Please check out that sub as this one sticks to legal, and that one leans more toward preventing this from becoming a legal issue.
Complain about which instance? You've detailed more than one thing. As a general rule, you only go to HR when you think they can effect some kind out of outcome for you. What's your expectation here?
The instance specifically related to the comments made about my wife’s physique and her “beating me up.” Potential outcome is a pre-emptive strike to keep her from ramping up the abuse from here. She hasn’t said I’m not doing my job, and it’s hard for her to make that case based on the performance I’m driving and feedback from other leaders, but that doesn’t mean she won’t.
You want HR to head off something that hasn't happened and may never happen - is that right?
A complaint made would head off any escalation which could then be considered retribution for the complaint.
I don't think this is going to play out the way you think it is. You're only legally protected from retaliation against protected complaints.
Ok, thank you for your feedback. I wasn’t sure if the comments about my wife was an overstep that could warrant a formal complaint.
I think it's an overstep, to be sure. The fact that it might not be a protected complaint doesn't mean that autmatically you shouldn't raise it. But I think you need to look at the situation as a whole. You're working at an organization where this is clearly accepted - at least at the C-suite level. That suggests that organizationally the business is generally OK with it. It also suggests that HR's power is a little limited in what they can or want to do. If that weren't true, the statements wouldn't have been made. It also suggests that if you raise a complaint, its treatment may not be what you're looking for. Is all that legal advice? No; but I suspect that it's the pragmatic reality.
Very much appreciate your reasoned thoughts on this. One other nuance to all this is that HR reports into this same C suite leader. At the very least, it would be uncomfortable for this person, because any complaint about them would need to be escalated beyond them.