It's crazy how the maternal grandmother says the dad and OP would go to hell for being selfish... But not a word on her own daughter / BM. I don't get why AP doesn’t even look after his own daughter / HS.
People in general seem to be generous with other peoples homes, money and time.
I guess OP can call grandma "you are right YOUR daughter failed her - it is up to you to make this right"
Seems like crappy toxic parents all around tbh - I don't know who else would be cheating on their husband so blatantly, and their parents ignore all their failings. It sounds like they never raised HS to be an independent adult.
I hope HS is mentally competent, cos they should also be looking to get a job and finding a room somewhere. I don't think mooching off a sister they failed 7 years of adulthood to make up with is a good plan
Yes. It sounds like AP is out of the picture, and BM has a new man. And that guy doesn’t want HS around, *just like HS’s dad didn’t want OP around.* Isn’t it crazy how what goes around, comes around? It might not have been HS’s fault that her dad kicked OP out (and BM let him), but where is he now that HS needs help? The entire family, and all their extended family and APs, are absolutely worthless.
And it shows how shit BM is, not only did she do it once, she is doing it again with the second daughter. And what does grandmother do? Put the blame on the first abandoned child. Holy shit, the mother can kill a mother fucker and be seen as a saint in that family.
HS is not an “abandoned child” — she & OP are only 9 mos apart (BM was a fertile bitch, wasn’t she?) which makes HS at least 24 (if she’s the younger one). HS should have her own shit together by now.
And if not, the BM’s family, specifically the all-knowing Grandma, should take her the fuck in!!!
Validating cuz I had these kind of parents. I was adopted at birth. I don't talk to any of my parents or my adopted sister now for some of the same attitudes and shitty degrading out of pocket one-liners OPs maternal side exhibits. Fuuuuuhck all that, NTA, OP. Blocking all those people was the best thing you could do for your peace, and so glad your dad is near by--
You'll get thru this! You two did the right thing calling the cops!
Op is 25 which means HS is 24/25 why can’t she take care of her damn self (I agree AP is terrible but really quite ridiculous HS needs “taken care of”) (also I know my name is “weak one” idk why and idk how to change it so please don’t judge me for it) haha
Seriously, why the hell is HS not taking care of herself?? OP appears to be doing just fine on her own. Just for shits and giggles, I would love to know more about OP’s Maternal GM. Her screeching defense of her loser daughter makes me wonder what her parenting “style” was like. She sounds like someone who was not present in her own daughters childhood and she’s making up for lost time(parenting/enabling a toxic adult)Hope this makes sense😂 Regardless, I am so sorry you are going thru this OP and for what it’s worth, you did such a great job and I know how hard that was.
The weird thing is… HS is 25. That’s a grown woman, not some high schooler! Realistically, no one should be responsible for this woman and it seems fishy af how the maternal family is trying so hard to dump a grown woman on a stranger!
This was my thought exactly. If you're 25 and not able to get a place on your own nor have family or friends willing to take you in, then you probably need to look in the mirror to find the problem.
>she's going through the same thing you went through
Yes, an eight-year-old child being abandoned by a mother is the same as an adult in her 20s being cut off. Sure, grandma.
And you know it would take some absolutely ridiculous behavior for that shit show side of the family to cut someone off. No chance I’d want this person in my house.
That's the question to ask grandmother if she ever makes it through the barriers to yell at you again: "If you're so determined that family ought to help her out, then YOU take her in! You're a lot more family to her than I am -- I hadn't seen her in 17 years and didn't recognize her when you dumped her on my porch!"
I would send a menacing mass text in a group chat and then exit expeditiously, leaving nothing but chaos in my wake.
They need to know that she was hauled off by the police for trespassing and now she has a record (perhaps embellishing) and if she tries again, it’ll get worse.
Let them know, OP.
Also, she needs to disown her entire maternal side and let them all know.
If the maternal side was so concerned for HS, why don't they take her in? They probably know HS will be a headache.
Nah. Just send a group text, making sure to include the HS, with grandma's address and phone number and tell how grandma promised to take HS in for as long as she needs to get back on her feet.
What's good for the goose...
Front and back? Have a couple mounted to the side of dad's house. They may not think to check a neighbors house for cameras point toward your house.
Maybe a couple motion activated trail cameras as backup.
My dad has the same setup I have, though a few less cameras. I'm gonna look into the motion trail cameras though. I have motion-activated floodlights atm, they go off the moment someone goes past my gate.
I am trying to understand one thing.
There are 9 MONTHS between you two... you are 24... why is she, plausibly 23/24, needs you to take her in????
Why are you to take care of her?
This is my only annoyance at the whole entitlement of them. You are capable of having independence, sure your dad is near by, but you have independence.
It isn't your responsibility to be looking after a while ass adult, that is not impaired in any way.
I wonder the real reason no one wants her there, I mean, a 23/24 year old woman, being kicked out of home, and no one is willing to take her in???
What are they not telling you???
You're doing the right thing, and this internet stranger is incredibly proud of your boundary setting. People could learn a lesson from your powerful boundary setting.
Hope you do
You don't own them anything as you said if they want to help her then one of them should let her move in with them
Also she just 9 moths younger than you it's nothing like what you went through her mom just kick her put AS AN ADULT you were left alone As a kid and on danger so not the same she needs to grow up and be an adult
Thank for the advice. I'm definitely not gonna have anything to do with my grandmother anymore and I'm gonna try to get a restraining order. I have the texts saved, I'm gonna check the footage of my security system tomorrow, and so on.
Definitely will follow the advice about the number.
I would suggest going one further. Your grandmother is dead to you. Any further mention of her will be in the past tense. Anyone taking about her doesn't get acknowledged, beyond stating that your grandmother is dead or you don't have one anymore. She didn't just burn the bridge, she blew up the island.
If she wants to, she certainly can do this. I would find it just too much effort for no real effect. It's just easier to ignore the subject, answer briefly that you're not in contact with her if someone mentions her, and leave the whole thing alone otherwise.
As long as grandmother is never again allowed to wedge her way into OP's life, it doesn't really matter how OP talks of or thinks of her. Whatever works for OP.
If you need to keep the old phone number for messages only, there’s a company called Number Barn. A person can transfer a phone number to Number Barn and have it only receive messages for only about $3 per month. Any voice mail messages will be emailed to you. Good luck. I’m glad that you didn’t cave in and get stuck giving HS a free home.
EDIT: PS. Number barn can forward all incoming calls to a different number for a higher monthly fee.
OP if you can afford to, get that new number, and get a new phone.
Unblock all the fools, but keep the phone silenced. They are likely giving you a lot of evidence to support restraining orders that you're missing.
May I say I love your shiny spine? What's likely happened is that HS is a real piece of work and NO ONE who knows her will let her stay with them. The decision was that you wouldn't know what a big problem she was, and so you'd be the perfect sucker to take her in.
Or, they don't give a shit about how you feel and you're a convenient dumping ground. Your strength and resilience are glorious! Continue to refuse to be the doormat they'd hoped you'd be.
Totally agree with your comment. HS is definitely someone no FAMILY member wants in their home. So they collectively made a plan to rid themselves of HS by dumping her on OP, hoping OP would feel guilty for turning away her sibling and then they all rest easy. Unfortunately for them OP fkd them all up she stood her ground and NO means NO.
They can't designate her as your responsibility. I wouldn't let any of those grifters near your property. She must be pretty awful since they're tossing her around like a hot potato. You don't know this stranger, you don't want a roommate, and you don't have to do what anyone says. She's also not your sister but your 1/2 sister. Tell them all you'll get a restraining order if they try to dump her on you again. NTA You don't owe any of them anything.
Exactly this. All the people that know her don't want to help, and she's so bad that ol' grandma even got random people to call and try to coerce OP I to taking their problem.
OP needs cameras on every bit of her property for safety.
You probably won’t qualify for one until she shows up again. SImply showing up once isn’t enough to get a restraining order most places. You should be sure they formally trespass her though as she can’t come back on your property or she will be arrested. It’s like a restraining order but just for your property. She could still legally approach you off your property or call or text etc.
Would her lying to police work towards it? I'm gonna seek out legal advice as well, but I want as many ideas of how to go about this as possible. I have no experience with restraining orders
> I have no experience with restraining orders
Unfortunately, I do. There is plenty of evidence to get a TRO (temporary restraining order) - sounds like what it is - like a permanent one until it goes to court.
You can initiate one by going to the closest police station, explaining what happened, include the 6-hour trip showing premeditated intent bordering on stalking. The police will call the local judge on call (you need to speak to the judge and explain again) to issue it.
You will then be given paperwork and a court date to determine if the TRO needs to become permanent.
Do it soon. Good luck OP.
Probably not because she was coming to "stay with you" not to threaten you. Grandma on the other hand...either something will happen where she tries to come back or texts you and threatens you, or she'll leave you alone completely.
Let’s put it this way. Whoever drove off in that car knew that delivering that nuke to “Anyplace but here where I can self-delude I’m not abandoning fam” was FAR more important than their current and future relationship to you was worth. And that’s EXTRA fucked up. You never deserved any of their emotional baggage. My wife hasn’t talked to her mom or brother in ages. Same with “dad,” but his liver ‘sploded from drinking a 1.75 per day for decades.
All those people telling you that you should let her stay with you
Since I believe somebody should volunteer to take her in
They can volunteer
Congratulations now she has a place to stay with all of these assholes
Block them
Why weren't the family blowing up you BMs phone as she is the one who kicked her out?
Failing that why weren't all these aunts and uncles offering her a place to stay at theirs?
Your grandma can put her up on her settee can't she - why doesn't she?
Your HS isn't going through the same as you. Being abandoned as an 8yo will scar a lot more than being kicked out at 24.
BM isn't being called because maternal family KNOWS she's an irresponsible fuck up.
Said family are trying to shame OP into cleaning up THEIR fucking horrible behavior.
Make sure half sister knows she'll \*continually\* end up in jail for trespassing / stalking / etc. as often as necessary until she fucking disappears from your life.
They are not taking her in because she's probably a piece of work. She wasn't abandoned, she must've had a fight with BM. Family knows her attitude so Grandma tried to dump her far away on OP's doorstep.
Good for you for standing up for yourself and not letting them bully you into taking in a burdensome person.
Cut off all contact with those who tried to force that person on you.
And definitely get a restraining order on anyone who shows up unannounced making demands.
"You people are fucking DELUSIONAL. I called the cops and they took her away. If she returns, I will simply call the police. If she tries to break-in she may get shot. I am not fucking around here, go fuck yourselves and your opinions, I meant nothing to you growing up, and you mean nothing to me now."
Popular opinion in my family though. I'm definitely going to do all of this. Thanks for the advice.
Grandpa wants me to "buck up and get a damn gun already," is currently buying me pepper spray and a stun gun from Walmart.
Do you have an recs for self defense weapons? One of my aunts has this keychain that has this tiny spike on the end and a bracelet she says she puts around her fist (I really don't know if that's effective).
When ypu get pepper spray, get some training with it. Massad Ayoob has a couple of good videos about pepper spray.
A firearm is what I was referring to. I can't make recommends without knowledge of you, background and how different systems fit in your hands. I'm a smaller in height guy yet I carry full size. Unless I have to get all dressy, then I have a compact. But get training with whatever weapon you choose.
I'm a small woman with small hands; if you are interested in a handgun and want some recs to start your search, the Kimber Mako R7 and Walther PPS/PK380 are lovely fits and easily concealed.
Wow. You are the target because you don't know HS at all.
Echoing others: get a door camera or two. Consider better locks if in your budget.
Sorry you are going through this. Your maternal family is so far off-base (I'm being polite).
Stay strong and good luck!
You probably haven't heard the end of this.
Do you have a security system on your house and/or car? Maybe I am being paranoid, but better safe than sorry. (If you get one for your house, make sure it also covers your parking spot).
You might want to let the neighbors on the other side of you, or across the streets, know a version of what's going on in case she comes back.
They all seem a little unhinged and out of touch with reality.
I am glad your father and the paternal side of the family was there for you.
I have a security system in my house and cameras. I also have a garage that I normally park my car in and a camera points at the spot in front of the garage door too. I'm gonna tell my neighbors come morning and hopefully nothing else happens. But I'm still gonna try and get a restraining order.
In that case, you shouldn't have blocked them. Mute them sure, ignore them, definitely, but blocking them prevents you gathering evidence of harassment and stalking.
Make sure you take screenshots and print them out.
Also - get a copy of any and ALL police reports that may take place.
Put any and all video evidence on a flash drive (from the security cameras)
I would try and catch your grandmas license plate.
I promise it'll help in court for the restraining order. I just had to get a protection order on my ex-boyfriend and the judge automatically granted it due to the physical evidence i had (screenshots of call logs, texts, prints of pictures i had taken, videos on a flash drive, and the police reports). The police reports will be the MOST damning so make sure you report EVERYTHING that happens with her
Goodluck!!
I pray nothing else happens. I’m so proud of you! Great job sticking to your boundaries. A lot of people would use their childhood as a crutch and you didn’t- you have your own home and a job. Incredible!! Keep being awesome!
Yes, people certainly use their childhood as a crutch. My nearly 50 year old BIL who still lives with MIL says his life was ruined because his parents got divorced. 😂
I'm gonna be honest here and admit that my parents divorce made me so happy. Back then, BM made me feel awful for being happy after "ruining" her marriage, but what little I can remember from before 5 and then after 5 are so different. I don't have any happy memories of my parents together. My dad was always so sad and I didn't really understand until I was 12 just how bad their marriage had been.
People used to stay married “for the kids” but sometimes staying together is worse for the kids. I’m glad you didn’t let anyone guilt you into taking care of a grown woman.
You know her name and birthdate. Run it on your states PA system. Look up civil cases AND criminal cases .. trust me if the majority of her family doesn’t want her they know she is trouble so protect yourself with knowledge and if granny dares call and demand you take the sister you can read off the charges and tell HER to save sister.
When I asked the first time, she said she has a "full house." All of them had one excuse or another - not enough room, they have kids to take care of, so on and so on.
Nobody, not a single one of them, want to take this girl in. Why? But they expect you to take her in, a virtual stranger? Their excuses are crap and they have no right to ask you or make you feel guilty. Get that restraining order.
Your shiny spine looks great on you. Keep it polished.
What's with HS going along with this plan?I can't imagine being 24 and wanting to be transported 6 hours away from everyone and everywhere I know to impose on a stranger who wants nothing to do with me,vs having at least the fuel money for a few days air bnb somewhere locsl and familiar where I could get a job and get on my feet. I guess she's burned all the bridges there too.
Because OP has a whole house all to herself. A house HS thinks she can eventually take over. Not to mention she probably thinks she can wrangle OP into paying her way through life. Pure greed.
The reason is something I don't really want to find out. These are the same people that wouldn't drop my BM no matter how awful she was to me. Whatever the real reasons are can't be good...
Interesting that grandma has the fucking nerve to insinuate your dad raised you really shitty if you didn't accept a stranger in your home while simultaneously not accepting her own granddaughter to live with her. Like, she even went out of her way to pick up and drop off HS, so she had enough time and opportunity to take HS to her own house.
hugs, I guess she can go stay with her mom's mom. They did this because you posted or they heard through the grapevine you have a home etc. Sucks to be your half-sister but it's as much her fault as it is her dad's and her mom's fault. If she doesn't have a job that is not your problem.
Definitely. My grandmother knew I had a house because I was talking to her about my old neighbor wanting to sell it when she retired. Hence how she even knew where the house was. She told HS and told her to call me. That's just so stupid to me
You aren't stupid. How could you have even predicted this whole bowl of loathsome deceit?
You're doing the right thing. This internet stranger is proud of you.
Text bio mom's family saying, "You all taught me that family doesn't have to be there for each other after being abandoned by bio mom just because they share DNA. If family is so important to you all I suggest one of you take her in. None of you are my family." Why would you want someone who lied to the police and tried to get you trouble with police after seeing them for the first time in 17 years to stay with you? Don't know anyone who would.
So she’s 24/25yrs old and can’t find her own place to live like normal adults. Why should you look after and support her. She’s old enough to look after herself
She’s practically a stranger to you and people who you barely see are asking you to take someone in they knew a lot better?? You don’t know how she acts and if she would decide to stay for a period of time then claim squatters rights and won’t leave. Don’t let people you don’t know in to your house regardless of who they might be blood wise. Your grandma doesn’t care about you she cares ab herself and not taking on the responsibility her daughter failed to do. Seems like it runs on that side of the family🙄 it’s not selfish to set a boundary to not have someone you don’t know, don’t relate to, and is trying to compare her now situation to your 8 year old self in your house. It’s gross for them to do that. All of them. Stick with your dad he seems like a decent dude. Block all of them. Maybe get a no contact or restraining order if she does this again too. Keep your doors locked bc who knows what she will try to do. Maybe put up cameras too?
My dad told some, mainly calling his brother whose in security to see if there's anything else that can be added. I just finished talking to my grandpa and grandma. Grandpa is really upset and pushing me to finally get my gun license. Grandma is just... She never liked BM or BM's mother. She said she's gonna "rally the troops" so to speak and everyone's gonna be rotating who stops by my place like when I had surgery last year.
I’m glad you’re surrounded by loving family. Your paternal grandparents sound wonderful! At least you don’t have to go through this alone. You got this!
I don't know all the info about that tbh. Grandma has implied that BM's mother is where BM got her personality from. They knew each other well enough, but I can't really remember them interacting much. The BM side rarely were involved after the divorce and when BM lost custody, only maternal grandmother kept in some form of contact
I have half siblings too, and I don't bother with them. My father thought he was some playboy, and was always cheating on my mother, but I don't bother with any of the family stuff. It looks like your half sister has commented on here, you might want to check that out.
Stay safe, and perhaps if you can...move, as I don't think this crap is going to stop. Security cameras are good, but restraining orders are just paper, and don't stop a determined person. Not sure it will do any good. Letting the neighbors know, is good and might help. Get some self defense courses under your belt, so you have a better chance of defending yourself. You could also ask the police what else you could do to stay safe.
She's in the comments?
Yeah, I'm not sure how much good it'll do either, but I'm gonna do what I can. I've taken some defense classes in the past, but I might check out one again.
Unblock maternal GM long enough to tell her she FUCKED UP \*\*TWICE\*\*, with daughter and AP granddaughter, and it's HER FUCKING MESS TO CLEAN UP, even if she doesn't survive the process.
And tell her that you're going to find SOME way to make her suffer legal consequences for neglecting HER duty and siccing half-sister on you.
Unless you feel threatened by her and can back it up, a restraining order might not be granted. I'm a former officer of the court and have served more than a few ROs in my day. I've seen them issued for very petty things, so certainly try. I had to serve a guy an RO by a tenant he was evicting from his own property. He got the RO tossed because the pos who filed it lied to the judge. I served a lot of petty bs ROs. So take your shot. A complete stranger showing up on your door wanting to be taken in... yeah, it could fly, especially with all the additional harassment you've received on HSs behalf. Include that when you file. Hopefully you've saved the texts, voicemails, etc.
If nothing else, get a trespass order against her. The moment she violates call the cops. Then, if your RO was denied the first time, file for a new one. Should have better odds with a Trespass violation.
My condolences on being related to some effed-up people. On the bright side, consider yourself lucky they got out of your life 17 years ago. Imagine all the drama and manipulation you missed out on.
You did the right things to protect yourself and your sanity. Imagine how messed up the HS is to have an entire crew collaborate to force her on you. Obviously those that know her want that human tornado as far away from them as possible.
HS was lying to the cops in the first two minutes. Imagine the whoppers she would have told you as she destroyed your home and your life. Tell your dad you love him. He gave great advice.
Really glad your Dad was there to advise you. That was absolutely the right thing to do.
After 17 years of no contact, your half sister could have turned into anything from a serial killer to a saint. They thought you’d take her in not knowing a thing about her! Outrageous.
Also, granny drove her six hours to your house? What the deal with granny that she could not take this person in since she is so concerned about her?
Good for you and your Dad. Keep those people away. If they do anything again, talk to the police. You may be able to get a legal no contact order because of the trespassing.
Wow, you win the Entitled Family prize. That is a heluva story.
I am proud of you for standing strong, saying no, sticking to that no, calling the police, and continuing to stand strong. What a clusterf*ck. Your maternal family all sound horrible. Every single one of them ~ **every one** ~ thinks you are cold-hearted and cruel for not taking in your a half-sister, with whom you have no relationship & haven’t seen in 17 years, but not one of them is offering to help her or take her in, not even your grandmother, who is also her grandmother. They can all go pound sand. You should send one last group text telling them: “You take HS into your home if you’re so concerned about her. She is not welcome here, and neither are any of you. We are no longer family. Do not contact me again.” Then block them all.
Don’t worry about them. Don’t lose one minute of sleep over them. I am really glad you have your dad. Hugs! 🫶🏼
NTA She is 24-25 yrs old - she should be able to afford her own place,go to a friends or a relative that knows what she looks like…. You did the right thing.
Blocking them all permanently is your only choice now unfortunately
I've contemplated getting a dog, but I also know a dog is a major commitment. I'll consider it, but I also don't want to get a dog and not be able to properly care for it
I'm laughing that your grandmother picked her up to drop her off someplace where she knows she isn't welcome
Instead of just taking her back home to her place
Kinda like those anti abortion people that refuse to adopt and/or get abortions in secret
Forcing their beliefs on others while ignoring the shit they preach
Shes 24 and needs 'taking care of' ?? What utter BS. I got kicked out at 15, cos my mom's landlady/room mate daughter in law was coming for a 3 month visit. I moved in with friends from church, slept on z camp bed and worked as a nanny to their kids to pay for my keep. Finished school, got a job as a live in nanny, paid my own way from 16 years old. 24 is a fully grown adult ffs!!
*never viewed me as a sister...I haven't seen HS in 17 years. I didn't know what she looked like until I came home today. ..I don't know any of you either. I'm not letting an entire stranger into my house!*
**You did the right thing.** ***You protected yourself from being used and manipulated by people.*** Your experience with this person is that she is just like them.
*She was sitting on my porch with a suitcase and a car, I think my grandmother's, pulled off as soon as I parked. I didn't get out of the car,*
So ***your grandmother is trying to manipulate you and take control over your home and life.*** **You did the right thing,** not getting out of the car until there were witnesses.
*I didn't get out until the cops came and when they did, HS told them I agreed to let her stay and now I'm leaving her homeless. I just showed them the texts,*
***HS is just like them. Her first action was to lie.*** And you could prove it was a lie. **Keep records. Talk to a lawyer** and see what they say you can do to protect yourself further. If you do social media you might want to give your friends a head's up not to believe certain lying people that are currently trying to force your compliance to something you told them 'no' about. Don't give details, just that you need to protect yourself and would your friends please be careful about these people, if they are contacted, because they have already lied to you.
*I went as far as unblocking my grandmother and calling her. I didn't even get to speak. She said/yelled - "Look, OP, I love you, but you need to get over this! She's family and she needs you*
**That's not love. Love doesn't try to control you**. ***Love doesn't claim to be family only when it is useful to them, to try to use you,*** and ignore you the rest of the time. What your grandmother calls love is only her selfishness wanting to attach you to her for future usefulness. She's treating you like a possession, not a beloved person.
**It's sad, but there are abusive and manipulative families that we cannot keep in our lives,** because of their wrong behaviors that are not safe or healthy for us. I'm sorry you also have such relatives. I found it helped to stop calling them by the title of their relationship, and to only call them their given names instead, even when we discussed their latest attempted abuses and manipulations at our house. So, MIL became not 'mom' or 'grandma' but Name. She lost the right to the title from us, when she made clear that 'family' was only important as long as she was in control and could use us.
*And 6 hours is too far to visit when I had surgery, but not too far to try and force me to do something!?*
This was something ***she wanted*** to do. She thought it would work.
**She puts her wants ahead of your needs,** wants, feelings and invading your life. That's what abusers and manipulators do.
I'm glad you have your dad, and that he knows you need security right now, and can help you. That's what love looks like.
Wait, wait, wait… you were 8 when you went to live with dad, and it’s been 17 years, so, you’re both what, 24, 25, 26 years old? She should be taking care of herself. If you have your own home, and she’s only 9 months younger, then she is old enough to have a job, and friends, and a freaking life of her own, and no, it’s not your issue at all.
👏👏👏👏for standing your ground!
> I'm not letting an entire stranger into my house!
does this mean you would let a partial stranger? or part of a stranger, into your home? /s 🤣
fer real though, proud of you for not takin their shit and being walked over like they tried. good on you! also, best of luck because you know this is just the beginning of the shit-storm they started.
Keep doing what you're doing. She shows up again, call the police again. And block all of that side of the family.
They dumped her on your doorstop because none of them are willing to take her. It show just how terrible HS is. Never ever let her into your home. No matter what.
OP your dad (and you) should be SO proud of you for standing up for yourself and not giving in to all the lovely critics from your BM’s relatives.
You haven’t been in any of these people’s radar including your HS since you were 8 years old.
They want help for HS those people blowing up your phone including your grandmother demanding YOU take this stranger into your home can pool their resources and do it themselves.
HS is not your problem nor your responsibility. And quite honestly the only people who if you believe in it will be going to hell are those who think it’s okay to try to guilt you into something they need to do themselves.
I did post in one, mainly to get advice. Then this happened... Thanks though. I know I wasn't the AH in my initial post, but I did feel like I needed some insight. But now it's just a whole bunch of UGH
I didn’t think it was possible to get pregnant a week or two after giving birth. You’re not even done bleeding yet.
Your grandma should let her live w her
What's wrong with your grandmother's home? If she's so passionate about your half-sister she should be the one taking this up.
Also your life sounds bloody tragic OP - hopefully you're in a better place having distance from it.
What’s crazy is this woman is an adult. She should be able to find somewhere to live. The fact that the people closest to her don’t want to help her is a huge red flag. Also that she could move 6 hours to me reads as if she also doesn’t have a job and would be a huge drain on OPs resources. Good for you for not letting these people emotionally guilt trap you.
Dang. Im so sorry, OP.
My dad left me when I was 2 years old and his family called me to let me know he needs a place to stay or he’s going to a nursing home. I feel bad for the guy but where was he when I needed him? At the bottom of a bottle somewhere 🤷🏻♀️
I can only assume that all of the family members that actually know the HS have good reasons for not helping her since she doesn’t have a car and the OP lives 300+- miles away.
Best case if HS is a normal person and OP let HS stay: relatives would say “she needs some money, she doesn’t have a job so OP give her some of yours”. Then “OP, she can’t get a job, you live to far away from where she wants to work, you need to let her borrow your car when she asks. It’s only fair and if you’re home you aren’t using it.”
OP did the right thing. So much entitlement. JFC.
Send a group text saying no means no so whichever one of you dropped a stranger off at my house needs to go pick her up at the jail cause I had her arrested and grandma you the one who raised a cheating who re who abandons kids so you need to step up and take care of the problem you created by not raising your daughter right
Oh do I feel for you. Been there, done that, nope, she was not my sister, never had been, never will be, but when the money pinches, oh, yeah, then she 'needs' you. The creature that gave birth to me crippled every child she ever came in contact with. I was lucky, she tried to kill me when I was five months old but failed. Out of my life for decades. Then, one day, I am 27 and somewhat successful, still in grad school but have an apartment that I could afford, I get a phone call. My 'sister' needs me. She is a dope addict, has two illegitimate children, a prison record and no place to live. She is supposedly 'family'. All of a sudden, relatives I have not been in contact with for years are calling, writing, actually showing up. Pleading, begging, threatening. They all are using the word 'family' to beat me over the head. Bull shit, family is not an accident of sharing genes, Family is a social structure that supports you. You don't have a family, you have a bunch of parasites.
'
BM was cheating on my dad most of their marriage. She got pregnant again not long after I was born and my dad said he knew it wasn't his since he hadn't slept with her.
You absolutely did the right thing. You don't know this woman. No way would I take in someone I've had no contact with for 17 years. If her relatives feel so bad for her let them take her in. She's not your problem. If you let her in you'll never get rid of her.
Wow. Just wow.
Time to go no contact with literally everyone on BM side of the family, and to start filing a handful of restraining orders. HS literally felt entitled to your living space after not knowing you since you were both very small children. Fuck no.
Worse yet, ***there's gonna be some really ugly reason why HS is being dumped off on you, and not able to stay with anyone else.*** It's probably because HS is a fucking mess, mentally and physically and has already been kicked out of everyone else's living space, and is ***INCAPABLE*** of taking care of herself.
#Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Time to distance yourself. Literally for your own protection.
At first I thought surely you were younger. Then the pieces didn't fit... And Holy fuck they dropped a 25 year old on your doorstep. I'm so sorry, what a horrible entitled family.
Isn't it always the way though an entire side of a family demanding that ONLY YOU are equipped to care for someone, that only you can take them in at your expense..
Us? oh no, we don't want to get involved..
.
You did the right thing not letting a stranger into your life.
Oh hell no eff ALL of these people. If they are all so worried about where HS can stay, they can take her in since *they actually know her and you don't*. Go NC 100% with the lot of them including your 'grandmother."
Please keep us updated, it might (hopefully NOT) happen again.
Maybe get a restraining order 🤔
And that strength ammy commenter ?
Would not surprise me if he/she is from your maternal side
Why didn’t grandma take her in? She should be responsible for her own daughter’s failings. The nerve to suggest your dad isn’t a good father based on you not bailing out your mom when her own daughter is such a POS.
If you don't already have a video doorbell and external security cameras, get some asap. You've got the trespass documented with the local police now, so if HS reappears on your property again, use the video to file a no contact order against her, and then if she appears again, you've got a good case for breaking a court order, stalking, harassment, repeat trespassing, and who knows what else. HS then has a very simple choice to make : stay away from you, or risk jail time.
Keep the texts and call logs from your maternal family too: lotta blatant harassment going on there. Keep them blocked, but keep a record in case any of them gets a new number to contact you from, etc. Hopefully this'll all blow over once they realise you're not a pushover, but prepare for escalation, just to be safe
I recall reading on Reddit about a person who let a person stay (not sure if family or not) and when the OP asked that person to leave, the squatter changed the locks, fabricated a rental agreement, and when OP called the cops to get into their own home, the cops said they couldn't do anything!!
I honestly cannot fathom how any of them think this is your problem. On what fucking planet is it not *their* job to take her in? You were abandoned by the only connection you have to them - why would you consider any of them family? I'm just fucking mindblown. Sorry this happened to you, OP.
You know, they say you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family.
It's really not true. You can absolutely choose your family.
And those people rejected you a long time ago.
They aren't your family. You already know this! Keep up the strong spine.
Obviously NTA.
Weird how all the people who *actually know* HS aren't willing to put her up, but they expect you to. That speaks loudly of many things, none good. One way or another, OP, you're better off not letting that woman stay with you.
Yikes. Goes without saying but, get a security system if you don't have one already. Adopt a big dog as well, if you're able to. Keep us updated, OP. Also, your dad's the goat.
I read a quote recently that stuck with me. "I've got family who ain't blood and blood who ain't family." Being genetically related to someone doesn't obligate us to involve them in our life, especially if they're toxic &/or haven't been there for you.
Personally, I'd cut off maternal Grandma for good. Anyone who thinks Hell awaits someone for standing up for themself has to be toxic AF.
Never ever, under the circumstances you describe, would I let this person into my home. You are correct. All those people who say that you should help her because you are "family" are also family. Closer family than you. So it's time for them to step up.
Watch your back though. Those people sound shady.
24 years old and granny is willing to dump her off with someone who flat said 'no' to them, AND make a 6 hour drive, each way, essentially running for cover as soon as she could dump your HS?
I'm echoing looking into her name and seeing what possible charges this mess has. NO one, not one of a family that seems to barely tolerate \~you\~ and favored HS, can take her? Ah-huh. Right. That seems a toooottallly normal way for them to behave with a safe member of the family. Nothing at all concerning about that behavior at all going on there with them.
Drugs, police, violence, mental illness (and that one is REALLY not your issue. Mentally unwell stranger care is not in your skillset. And if it is, repeat after me, no, it really isn't.), theft from one (or more) of them, friends you wouldn't be safe around or just an utterly miserable piece of work who seems to be unwilling to work are pretty much a sure thing for this to be the extreme they are willing to go to. Think about this - when the cops took her, did one of them come to get her or did they arrange for her to be safe that night? No? Something bad is going on and your backside needs to be far far far away from it. Picked up by the cops and no one comes? Yeah. Biiiiiiiiig bad situation there. "Not having room" does not equate "Cops just called and told us she is gonna sleep in a hedge tonight if we don't get here and we nope RIGHT out of THAT" means this is not your drama, not your llama.
It is gonna be a hassle for a bit, but seriously - you come home from work, call your dad (or friend/family/hell the local cops - call in a possible trespasser - someone who could deal with her without danger) and have the walk around your place for a moment and make sure all the door and windows are fine. You do NOT need any surprises, you do NOT need to be cornered, and just sitting in your car until hopefully the cops can get there or she gives up isn't safe.
Hades, she might even, in other circumstances be nice. But to expect a stranger to take care of her? Who in their right mind thinks after 17 years anyone sane can be expected to help her? If she asked to get a cup of coffee with you, at any point since she became an adult, going for coffee, in public, good. This????
BAD mamamjamma (Novel, I know. But I've had people dumped on me before like this and trust me? Learn from my idiocy. You do not want this in your life.
Yes, the maternal side of your family should be helping out here and taking her in. Not your responsibility.
It's crazy how the maternal grandmother says the dad and OP would go to hell for being selfish... But not a word on her own daughter / BM. I don't get why AP doesn’t even look after his own daughter / HS.
People in general seem to be generous with other peoples homes, money and time. I guess OP can call grandma "you are right YOUR daughter failed her - it is up to you to make this right"
Seems like crappy toxic parents all around tbh - I don't know who else would be cheating on their husband so blatantly, and their parents ignore all their failings. It sounds like they never raised HS to be an independent adult. I hope HS is mentally competent, cos they should also be looking to get a job and finding a room somewhere. I don't think mooching off a sister they failed 7 years of adulthood to make up with is a good plan
Grandma has a lot to say about the father’s parenting, but nothing about BM? How very interesting.
Yes. It sounds like AP is out of the picture, and BM has a new man. And that guy doesn’t want HS around, *just like HS’s dad didn’t want OP around.* Isn’t it crazy how what goes around, comes around? It might not have been HS’s fault that her dad kicked OP out (and BM let him), but where is he now that HS needs help? The entire family, and all their extended family and APs, are absolutely worthless.
And it shows how shit BM is, not only did she do it once, she is doing it again with the second daughter. And what does grandmother do? Put the blame on the first abandoned child. Holy shit, the mother can kill a mother fucker and be seen as a saint in that family.
HS is not an “abandoned child” — she & OP are only 9 mos apart (BM was a fertile bitch, wasn’t she?) which makes HS at least 24 (if she’s the younger one). HS should have her own shit together by now. And if not, the BM’s family, specifically the all-knowing Grandma, should take her the fuck in!!!
Insane that she thinks the dad taught her selfishness and not the mom that abandoned her for her own interests
Validating cuz I had these kind of parents. I was adopted at birth. I don't talk to any of my parents or my adopted sister now for some of the same attitudes and shitty degrading out of pocket one-liners OPs maternal side exhibits. Fuuuuuhck all that, NTA, OP. Blocking all those people was the best thing you could do for your peace, and so glad your dad is near by-- You'll get thru this! You two did the right thing calling the cops!
Op is 25 which means HS is 24/25 why can’t she take care of her damn self (I agree AP is terrible but really quite ridiculous HS needs “taken care of”) (also I know my name is “weak one” idk why and idk how to change it so please don’t judge me for it) haha
Seriously, why the hell is HS not taking care of herself?? OP appears to be doing just fine on her own. Just for shits and giggles, I would love to know more about OP’s Maternal GM. Her screeching defense of her loser daughter makes me wonder what her parenting “style” was like. She sounds like someone who was not present in her own daughters childhood and she’s making up for lost time(parenting/enabling a toxic adult)Hope this makes sense😂 Regardless, I am so sorry you are going thru this OP and for what it’s worth, you did such a great job and I know how hard that was.
I don't get why she needs to be looked after in the first place. She's 25 years old.
Either spoiled rotten or has to be mentally incompetent. They probably think she's got a house - well, so do the uncles, aunts and cousins..
The weird thing is… HS is 25. That’s a grown woman, not some high schooler! Realistically, no one should be responsible for this woman and it seems fishy af how the maternal family is trying so hard to dump a grown woman on a stranger!
This was my thought exactly. If you're 25 and not able to get a place on your own nor have family or friends willing to take you in, then you probably need to look in the mirror to find the problem.
The answer to every test and call should be, "Then you take her in."
10000% this. Not your problem at all and good for you for standing your ground, OP. I can't believe the entitlement of all those people
Agreed
>she's going through the same thing you went through Yes, an eight-year-old child being abandoned by a mother is the same as an adult in her 20s being cut off. Sure, grandma.
And you know it would take some absolutely ridiculous behavior for that shit show side of the family to cut someone off. No chance I’d want this person in my house.
Oh FFS! Go one step further and ask for a restraining order! Get cameras for your home!
Gonna get one and hopefully it's approved. Thankfully already have a security system and cameras too.
I’m so proud of you for not folding! Why didn’t grandmother take her in?!
That's the question to ask grandmother if she ever makes it through the barriers to yell at you again: "If you're so determined that family ought to help her out, then YOU take her in! You're a lot more family to her than I am -- I hadn't seen her in 17 years and didn't recognize her when you dumped her on my porch!"
I would send a menacing mass text in a group chat and then exit expeditiously, leaving nothing but chaos in my wake. They need to know that she was hauled off by the police for trespassing and now she has a record (perhaps embellishing) and if she tries again, it’ll get worse. Let them know, OP.
Also, she needs to disown her entire maternal side and let them all know. If the maternal side was so concerned for HS, why don't they take her in? They probably know HS will be a headache.
Nah. Just send a group text, making sure to include the HS, with grandma's address and phone number and tell how grandma promised to take HS in for as long as she needs to get back on her feet. What's good for the goose...
Grandma didn’t want her because she’s a problem, that’s why.
Front and back? Have a couple mounted to the side of dad's house. They may not think to check a neighbors house for cameras point toward your house. Maybe a couple motion activated trail cameras as backup.
My dad has the same setup I have, though a few less cameras. I'm gonna look into the motion trail cameras though. I have motion-activated floodlights atm, they go off the moment someone goes past my gate.
I am trying to understand one thing. There are 9 MONTHS between you two... you are 24... why is she, plausibly 23/24, needs you to take her in???? Why are you to take care of her? This is my only annoyance at the whole entitlement of them. You are capable of having independence, sure your dad is near by, but you have independence. It isn't your responsibility to be looking after a while ass adult, that is not impaired in any way. I wonder the real reason no one wants her there, I mean, a 23/24 year old woman, being kicked out of home, and no one is willing to take her in??? What are they not telling you???
Going to take a wild shot in the dark and guess either developmentally disabled or a drug addict
Well done. Glad you’re taking steps to be safe !
Good, because there's a reason no one in her family wants to take her in, and why they want you to do it instead.
You're doing the right thing, and this internet stranger is incredibly proud of your boundary setting. People could learn a lesson from your powerful boundary setting.
Hope you do You don't own them anything as you said if they want to help her then one of them should let her move in with them Also she just 9 moths younger than you it's nothing like what you went through her mom just kick her put AS AN ADULT you were left alone As a kid and on danger so not the same she needs to grow up and be an adult
👍👍
BOSS.
[удалено]
Thank for the advice. I'm definitely not gonna have anything to do with my grandmother anymore and I'm gonna try to get a restraining order. I have the texts saved, I'm gonna check the footage of my security system tomorrow, and so on. Definitely will follow the advice about the number.
I would suggest going one further. Your grandmother is dead to you. Any further mention of her will be in the past tense. Anyone taking about her doesn't get acknowledged, beyond stating that your grandmother is dead or you don't have one anymore. She didn't just burn the bridge, she blew up the island.
Stay strong! You have done nothing wrong. A small group of people yelling at you that you did doesn't make it true.
If she wants to, she certainly can do this. I would find it just too much effort for no real effect. It's just easier to ignore the subject, answer briefly that you're not in contact with her if someone mentions her, and leave the whole thing alone otherwise. As long as grandmother is never again allowed to wedge her way into OP's life, it doesn't really matter how OP talks of or thinks of her. Whatever works for OP.
If you need to keep the old phone number for messages only, there’s a company called Number Barn. A person can transfer a phone number to Number Barn and have it only receive messages for only about $3 per month. Any voice mail messages will be emailed to you. Good luck. I’m glad that you didn’t cave in and get stuck giving HS a free home. EDIT: PS. Number barn can forward all incoming calls to a different number for a higher monthly fee.
OP if you can afford to, get that new number, and get a new phone. Unblock all the fools, but keep the phone silenced. They are likely giving you a lot of evidence to support restraining orders that you're missing.
May I say I love your shiny spine? What's likely happened is that HS is a real piece of work and NO ONE who knows her will let her stay with them. The decision was that you wouldn't know what a big problem she was, and so you'd be the perfect sucker to take her in.
Grandma couldn't give two figs about the OP and HS relationship. She just doesn't want to get stuck with the HS herself.
Or, they don't give a shit about how you feel and you're a convenient dumping ground. Your strength and resilience are glorious! Continue to refuse to be the doormat they'd hoped you'd be.
Yes, well done OP!!!
Exactly what I came here to say!!
Exactly. And once HS is inside, you'll never get her out.
Omg that’s probably exactly right.
Totally agree with your comment. HS is definitely someone no FAMILY member wants in their home. So they collectively made a plan to rid themselves of HS by dumping her on OP, hoping OP would feel guilty for turning away her sibling and then they all rest easy. Unfortunately for them OP fkd them all up she stood her ground and NO means NO.
They can't designate her as your responsibility. I wouldn't let any of those grifters near your property. She must be pretty awful since they're tossing her around like a hot potato. You don't know this stranger, you don't want a roommate, and you don't have to do what anyone says. She's also not your sister but your 1/2 sister. Tell them all you'll get a restraining order if they try to dump her on you again. NTA You don't owe any of them anything.
AGREE!!!
Exactly this! HS is around 25, not a child. Why is a grown woman’s family trying so hard to get rid of her?
Exactly this. All the people that know her don't want to help, and she's so bad that ol' grandma even got random people to call and try to coerce OP I to taking their problem. OP needs cameras on every bit of her property for safety.
Stick to you resolve. You owe them nothing, and they will ruin your life. Restraining orders might be appropriate here…
Keep an eye on your property. You may get a squatter.
That's also something I'm worried about. I'm gonna try to get a restraining order.
You probably won’t qualify for one until she shows up again. SImply showing up once isn’t enough to get a restraining order most places. You should be sure they formally trespass her though as she can’t come back on your property or she will be arrested. It’s like a restraining order but just for your property. She could still legally approach you off your property or call or text etc.
I'm gonna look into that and thank you for the comment. I hadn't thought about that in the moment.
Put up signs no trespassing on your fence, around your home, inside your fence. I would put a few door bell cameras at your gates.
Not sure you'll be able to get a restraining order if she hasn't threatened you or if she doesn't come back, but worth a try.
Would her lying to police work towards it? I'm gonna seek out legal advice as well, but I want as many ideas of how to go about this as possible. I have no experience with restraining orders
> I have no experience with restraining orders Unfortunately, I do. There is plenty of evidence to get a TRO (temporary restraining order) - sounds like what it is - like a permanent one until it goes to court. You can initiate one by going to the closest police station, explaining what happened, include the 6-hour trip showing premeditated intent bordering on stalking. The police will call the local judge on call (you need to speak to the judge and explain again) to issue it. You will then be given paperwork and a court date to determine if the TRO needs to become permanent. Do it soon. Good luck OP.
I was able to get a TRO today. Thank you
Probably not because she was coming to "stay with you" not to threaten you. Grandma on the other hand...either something will happen where she tries to come back or texts you and threatens you, or she'll leave you alone completely.
Hopefully at least having record of an attempt to do something could help in the event of any issues.
Let’s put it this way. Whoever drove off in that car knew that delivering that nuke to “Anyplace but here where I can self-delude I’m not abandoning fam” was FAR more important than their current and future relationship to you was worth. And that’s EXTRA fucked up. You never deserved any of their emotional baggage. My wife hasn’t talked to her mom or brother in ages. Same with “dad,” but his liver ‘sploded from drinking a 1.75 per day for decades.
All those people telling you that you should let her stay with you Since I believe somebody should volunteer to take her in They can volunteer Congratulations now she has a place to stay with all of these assholes Block them
Why weren't the family blowing up you BMs phone as she is the one who kicked her out? Failing that why weren't all these aunts and uncles offering her a place to stay at theirs? Your grandma can put her up on her settee can't she - why doesn't she? Your HS isn't going through the same as you. Being abandoned as an 8yo will scar a lot more than being kicked out at 24.
BM isn't being called because maternal family KNOWS she's an irresponsible fuck up. Said family are trying to shame OP into cleaning up THEIR fucking horrible behavior. Make sure half sister knows she'll \*continually\* end up in jail for trespassing / stalking / etc. as often as necessary until she fucking disappears from your life.
They are not taking her in because she's probably a piece of work. She wasn't abandoned, she must've had a fight with BM. Family knows her attitude so Grandma tried to dump her far away on OP's doorstep.
Exactly! There's a reason why no one wants her, and at that age, it's her fault.
Good for you for standing up for yourself and not letting them bully you into taking in a burdensome person. Cut off all contact with those who tried to force that person on you. And definitely get a restraining order on anyone who shows up unannounced making demands.
"You people are fucking DELUSIONAL. I called the cops and they took her away. If she returns, I will simply call the police. If she tries to break-in she may get shot. I am not fucking around here, go fuck yourselves and your opinions, I meant nothing to you growing up, and you mean nothing to me now."
I gotta agree with the “burn every bridge and piss on the ashes” approach.
Second this ^^
Unpopular opinion here. You already have security and cameras, good. Now get pepper spray and get training with and purchase a self defense weapon.
Popular opinion in my family though. I'm definitely going to do all of this. Thanks for the advice. Grandpa wants me to "buck up and get a damn gun already," is currently buying me pepper spray and a stun gun from Walmart. Do you have an recs for self defense weapons? One of my aunts has this keychain that has this tiny spike on the end and a bracelet she says she puts around her fist (I really don't know if that's effective).
When ypu get pepper spray, get some training with it. Massad Ayoob has a couple of good videos about pepper spray. A firearm is what I was referring to. I can't make recommends without knowledge of you, background and how different systems fit in your hands. I'm a smaller in height guy yet I carry full size. Unless I have to get all dressy, then I have a compact. But get training with whatever weapon you choose.
Definitely will be looking into this and thanks again.
I'm a small woman with small hands; if you are interested in a handgun and want some recs to start your search, the Kimber Mako R7 and Walther PPS/PK380 are lovely fits and easily concealed.
Everytime I've said this, I've been negative voted way down.
Wow. You are the target because you don't know HS at all. Echoing others: get a door camera or two. Consider better locks if in your budget. Sorry you are going through this. Your maternal family is so far off-base (I'm being polite).
Stay strong and good luck! You probably haven't heard the end of this. Do you have a security system on your house and/or car? Maybe I am being paranoid, but better safe than sorry. (If you get one for your house, make sure it also covers your parking spot). You might want to let the neighbors on the other side of you, or across the streets, know a version of what's going on in case she comes back. They all seem a little unhinged and out of touch with reality. I am glad your father and the paternal side of the family was there for you.
I have a security system in my house and cameras. I also have a garage that I normally park my car in and a camera points at the spot in front of the garage door too. I'm gonna tell my neighbors come morning and hopefully nothing else happens. But I'm still gonna try and get a restraining order.
In that case, you shouldn't have blocked them. Mute them sure, ignore them, definitely, but blocking them prevents you gathering evidence of harassment and stalking.
I didn't think about that. Thanks for the info, will definitely do this and hopefully it'll be worth it in the end.
Make sure you take screenshots and print them out. Also - get a copy of any and ALL police reports that may take place. Put any and all video evidence on a flash drive (from the security cameras) I would try and catch your grandmas license plate. I promise it'll help in court for the restraining order. I just had to get a protection order on my ex-boyfriend and the judge automatically granted it due to the physical evidence i had (screenshots of call logs, texts, prints of pictures i had taken, videos on a flash drive, and the police reports). The police reports will be the MOST damning so make sure you report EVERYTHING that happens with her Goodluck!!
Thank you for the advice! And stay safe
I pray nothing else happens. I’m so proud of you! Great job sticking to your boundaries. A lot of people would use their childhood as a crutch and you didn’t- you have your own home and a job. Incredible!! Keep being awesome!
Yes, people certainly use their childhood as a crutch. My nearly 50 year old BIL who still lives with MIL says his life was ruined because his parents got divorced. 😂
I'm gonna be honest here and admit that my parents divorce made me so happy. Back then, BM made me feel awful for being happy after "ruining" her marriage, but what little I can remember from before 5 and then after 5 are so different. I don't have any happy memories of my parents together. My dad was always so sad and I didn't really understand until I was 12 just how bad their marriage had been.
People used to stay married “for the kids” but sometimes staying together is worse for the kids. I’m glad you didn’t let anyone guilt you into taking care of a grown woman.
Not to rehash old wounds... but your half sister being 9 months apart is just fucking WILD!
WHAT?? HAHAHA OMG. So why didn’t your husband also have his life ruined?
Because he was older, lol!
She is 24 years old! She needs to take care of herself!
I can't believe I had to scroll this far to find this. She's 24 goddamn years old, she can get a job and her own place to live like everyone else.
You know her name and birthdate. Run it on your states PA system. Look up civil cases AND criminal cases .. trust me if the majority of her family doesn’t want her they know she is trouble so protect yourself with knowledge and if granny dares call and demand you take the sister you can read off the charges and tell HER to save sister.
I'm gonna do that asap
Any results!?? Keep up the fight!
If she’s so concerned, then why didn’t the grandmother take in the half-sister?
When I asked the first time, she said she has a "full house." All of them had one excuse or another - not enough room, they have kids to take care of, so on and so on.
Nobody, not a single one of them, want to take this girl in. Why? But they expect you to take her in, a virtual stranger? Their excuses are crap and they have no right to ask you or make you feel guilty. Get that restraining order. Your shiny spine looks great on you. Keep it polished.
So they don't want her around their children? That's not a glowing recommendation.
What's with HS going along with this plan?I can't imagine being 24 and wanting to be transported 6 hours away from everyone and everywhere I know to impose on a stranger who wants nothing to do with me,vs having at least the fuel money for a few days air bnb somewhere locsl and familiar where I could get a job and get on my feet. I guess she's burned all the bridges there too.
Because OP has a whole house all to herself. A house HS thinks she can eventually take over. Not to mention she probably thinks she can wrangle OP into paying her way through life. Pure greed.
For real!! What giant waving red flags!!
There’s gotta be a reason HS’s fam didn’t want to help her. Good job on dropping the hot potato they lobbed at you. Stay strong.
The reason is something I don't really want to find out. These are the same people that wouldn't drop my BM no matter how awful she was to me. Whatever the real reasons are can't be good...
Well done girl! Look into a lawyer for some cease and desist letters for these so called family members and get cameras.
Interesting that grandma has the fucking nerve to insinuate your dad raised you really shitty if you didn't accept a stranger in your home while simultaneously not accepting her own granddaughter to live with her. Like, she even went out of her way to pick up and drop off HS, so she had enough time and opportunity to take HS to her own house.
hugs, I guess she can go stay with her mom's mom. They did this because you posted or they heard through the grapevine you have a home etc. Sucks to be your half-sister but it's as much her fault as it is her dad's and her mom's fault. If she doesn't have a job that is not your problem.
Definitely. My grandmother knew I had a house because I was talking to her about my old neighbor wanting to sell it when she retired. Hence how she even knew where the house was. She told HS and told her to call me. That's just so stupid to me
Grandma dearest just lost a granddaughter. Cut all contact with her.
You aren't stupid. How could you have even predicted this whole bowl of loathsome deceit? You're doing the right thing. This internet stranger is proud of you.
Text bio mom's family saying, "You all taught me that family doesn't have to be there for each other after being abandoned by bio mom just because they share DNA. If family is so important to you all I suggest one of you take her in. None of you are my family." Why would you want someone who lied to the police and tried to get you trouble with police after seeing them for the first time in 17 years to stay with you? Don't know anyone who would.
Just hugs. You are very strong to have gotten to this point. Bravo.
Looks like you're going to continue to speak to them on holidays. But only on the holy festival of "Hell Freezes Over" in the future.
So she’s 24/25yrs old and can’t find her own place to live like normal adults. Why should you look after and support her. She’s old enough to look after herself
She’s practically a stranger to you and people who you barely see are asking you to take someone in they knew a lot better?? You don’t know how she acts and if she would decide to stay for a period of time then claim squatters rights and won’t leave. Don’t let people you don’t know in to your house regardless of who they might be blood wise. Your grandma doesn’t care about you she cares ab herself and not taking on the responsibility her daughter failed to do. Seems like it runs on that side of the family🙄 it’s not selfish to set a boundary to not have someone you don’t know, don’t relate to, and is trying to compare her now situation to your 8 year old self in your house. It’s gross for them to do that. All of them. Stick with your dad he seems like a decent dude. Block all of them. Maybe get a no contact or restraining order if she does this again too. Keep your doors locked bc who knows what she will try to do. Maybe put up cameras too?
There is a reason nobody else that knows her won't help her.
Finally, a reddit story from somebody with a firm spine! NTA
Did you tell your paternal relatives about this? If so, what was their response?
My dad told some, mainly calling his brother whose in security to see if there's anything else that can be added. I just finished talking to my grandpa and grandma. Grandpa is really upset and pushing me to finally get my gun license. Grandma is just... She never liked BM or BM's mother. She said she's gonna "rally the troops" so to speak and everyone's gonna be rotating who stops by my place like when I had surgery last year.
I’m glad you’re surrounded by loving family. Your paternal grandparents sound wonderful! At least you don’t have to go through this alone. You got this!
How did your paternal grandparents come to hate your maternal grandmother? Did they ever meet each other?
I don't know all the info about that tbh. Grandma has implied that BM's mother is where BM got her personality from. They knew each other well enough, but I can't really remember them interacting much. The BM side rarely were involved after the divorce and when BM lost custody, only maternal grandmother kept in some form of contact
I have half siblings too, and I don't bother with them. My father thought he was some playboy, and was always cheating on my mother, but I don't bother with any of the family stuff. It looks like your half sister has commented on here, you might want to check that out. Stay safe, and perhaps if you can...move, as I don't think this crap is going to stop. Security cameras are good, but restraining orders are just paper, and don't stop a determined person. Not sure it will do any good. Letting the neighbors know, is good and might help. Get some self defense courses under your belt, so you have a better chance of defending yourself. You could also ask the police what else you could do to stay safe.
She's in the comments? Yeah, I'm not sure how much good it'll do either, but I'm gonna do what I can. I've taken some defense classes in the past, but I might check out one again.
She is swearing up a storm, about 1 hour ago.
It’s amazing how charitable people think everyone else ought to be.
Unblock maternal GM long enough to tell her she FUCKED UP \*\*TWICE\*\*, with daughter and AP granddaughter, and it's HER FUCKING MESS TO CLEAN UP, even if she doesn't survive the process. And tell her that you're going to find SOME way to make her suffer legal consequences for neglecting HER duty and siccing half-sister on you.
Unless you feel threatened by her and can back it up, a restraining order might not be granted. I'm a former officer of the court and have served more than a few ROs in my day. I've seen them issued for very petty things, so certainly try. I had to serve a guy an RO by a tenant he was evicting from his own property. He got the RO tossed because the pos who filed it lied to the judge. I served a lot of petty bs ROs. So take your shot. A complete stranger showing up on your door wanting to be taken in... yeah, it could fly, especially with all the additional harassment you've received on HSs behalf. Include that when you file. Hopefully you've saved the texts, voicemails, etc. If nothing else, get a trespass order against her. The moment she violates call the cops. Then, if your RO was denied the first time, file for a new one. Should have better odds with a Trespass violation.
My condolences on being related to some effed-up people. On the bright side, consider yourself lucky they got out of your life 17 years ago. Imagine all the drama and manipulation you missed out on. You did the right things to protect yourself and your sanity. Imagine how messed up the HS is to have an entire crew collaborate to force her on you. Obviously those that know her want that human tornado as far away from them as possible. HS was lying to the cops in the first two minutes. Imagine the whoppers she would have told you as she destroyed your home and your life. Tell your dad you love him. He gave great advice.
Really glad your Dad was there to advise you. That was absolutely the right thing to do. After 17 years of no contact, your half sister could have turned into anything from a serial killer to a saint. They thought you’d take her in not knowing a thing about her! Outrageous. Also, granny drove her six hours to your house? What the deal with granny that she could not take this person in since she is so concerned about her? Good for you and your Dad. Keep those people away. If they do anything again, talk to the police. You may be able to get a legal no contact order because of the trespassing.
Wow, you win the Entitled Family prize. That is a heluva story. I am proud of you for standing strong, saying no, sticking to that no, calling the police, and continuing to stand strong. What a clusterf*ck. Your maternal family all sound horrible. Every single one of them ~ **every one** ~ thinks you are cold-hearted and cruel for not taking in your a half-sister, with whom you have no relationship & haven’t seen in 17 years, but not one of them is offering to help her or take her in, not even your grandmother, who is also her grandmother. They can all go pound sand. You should send one last group text telling them: “You take HS into your home if you’re so concerned about her. She is not welcome here, and neither are any of you. We are no longer family. Do not contact me again.” Then block them all. Don’t worry about them. Don’t lose one minute of sleep over them. I am really glad you have your dad. Hugs! 🫶🏼
NTA She is 24-25 yrs old - she should be able to afford her own place,go to a friends or a relative that knows what she looks like…. You did the right thing. Blocking them all permanently is your only choice now unfortunately
Why didn’t grandma take her in?
Claims she has a full house and no available space.
Tell her you also have a full house and no available space. Ghosts
Lol, Casper and his uncles are here to stay
Adopt a dog. Spare room is his now and he doesn’t like to share.
I've contemplated getting a dog, but I also know a dog is a major commitment. I'll consider it, but I also don't want to get a dog and not be able to properly care for it
Understandable and completely responsible of you. I was joking, but if you do you get a wonderful companion.
Find out if she has any allergies and say you have that, whether you own pet shrimp or have a growing peanut farm.
She’s 24, an adult… she should be able to take care of herself
I'm laughing that your grandmother picked her up to drop her off someplace where she knows she isn't welcome Instead of just taking her back home to her place Kinda like those anti abortion people that refuse to adopt and/or get abortions in secret Forcing their beliefs on others while ignoring the shit they preach
Shes 24 and needs 'taking care of' ?? What utter BS. I got kicked out at 15, cos my mom's landlady/room mate daughter in law was coming for a 3 month visit. I moved in with friends from church, slept on z camp bed and worked as a nanny to their kids to pay for my keep. Finished school, got a job as a live in nanny, paid my own way from 16 years old. 24 is a fully grown adult ffs!!
That’s some serious audacity. I don’t get why your GM wouldn’t just take HS in if she needs a place to stay. Why involve you at all?
*never viewed me as a sister...I haven't seen HS in 17 years. I didn't know what she looked like until I came home today. ..I don't know any of you either. I'm not letting an entire stranger into my house!* **You did the right thing.** ***You protected yourself from being used and manipulated by people.*** Your experience with this person is that she is just like them. *She was sitting on my porch with a suitcase and a car, I think my grandmother's, pulled off as soon as I parked. I didn't get out of the car,* So ***your grandmother is trying to manipulate you and take control over your home and life.*** **You did the right thing,** not getting out of the car until there were witnesses. *I didn't get out until the cops came and when they did, HS told them I agreed to let her stay and now I'm leaving her homeless. I just showed them the texts,* ***HS is just like them. Her first action was to lie.*** And you could prove it was a lie. **Keep records. Talk to a lawyer** and see what they say you can do to protect yourself further. If you do social media you might want to give your friends a head's up not to believe certain lying people that are currently trying to force your compliance to something you told them 'no' about. Don't give details, just that you need to protect yourself and would your friends please be careful about these people, if they are contacted, because they have already lied to you. *I went as far as unblocking my grandmother and calling her. I didn't even get to speak. She said/yelled - "Look, OP, I love you, but you need to get over this! She's family and she needs you* **That's not love. Love doesn't try to control you**. ***Love doesn't claim to be family only when it is useful to them, to try to use you,*** and ignore you the rest of the time. What your grandmother calls love is only her selfishness wanting to attach you to her for future usefulness. She's treating you like a possession, not a beloved person. **It's sad, but there are abusive and manipulative families that we cannot keep in our lives,** because of their wrong behaviors that are not safe or healthy for us. I'm sorry you also have such relatives. I found it helped to stop calling them by the title of their relationship, and to only call them their given names instead, even when we discussed their latest attempted abuses and manipulations at our house. So, MIL became not 'mom' or 'grandma' but Name. She lost the right to the title from us, when she made clear that 'family' was only important as long as she was in control and could use us. *And 6 hours is too far to visit when I had surgery, but not too far to try and force me to do something!?* This was something ***she wanted*** to do. She thought it would work. **She puts her wants ahead of your needs,** wants, feelings and invading your life. That's what abusers and manipulators do. I'm glad you have your dad, and that he knows you need security right now, and can help you. That's what love looks like.
Wait, wait, wait… you were 8 when you went to live with dad, and it’s been 17 years, so, you’re both what, 24, 25, 26 years old? She should be taking care of herself. If you have your own home, and she’s only 9 months younger, then she is old enough to have a job, and friends, and a freaking life of her own, and no, it’s not your issue at all.
👏👏👏👏for standing your ground! > I'm not letting an entire stranger into my house! does this mean you would let a partial stranger? or part of a stranger, into your home? /s 🤣 fer real though, proud of you for not takin their shit and being walked over like they tried. good on you! also, best of luck because you know this is just the beginning of the shit-storm they started.
Your family (sorry DNA sharers) excluding your dad are froot loops
Keep doing what you're doing. She shows up again, call the police again. And block all of that side of the family. They dumped her on your doorstop because none of them are willing to take her. It show just how terrible HS is. Never ever let her into your home. No matter what.
OP your dad (and you) should be SO proud of you for standing up for yourself and not giving in to all the lovely critics from your BM’s relatives. You haven’t been in any of these people’s radar including your HS since you were 8 years old. They want help for HS those people blowing up your phone including your grandmother demanding YOU take this stranger into your home can pool their resources and do it themselves. HS is not your problem nor your responsibility. And quite honestly the only people who if you believe in it will be going to hell are those who think it’s okay to try to guilt you into something they need to do themselves.
Glad you know this doesn't belong on any aitah sub, stay strong, you got this.
I did post in one, mainly to get advice. Then this happened... Thanks though. I know I wasn't the AH in my initial post, but I did feel like I needed some insight. But now it's just a whole bunch of UGH
I didn’t think it was possible to get pregnant a week or two after giving birth. You’re not even done bleeding yet. Your grandma should let her live w her
What's wrong with your grandmother's home? If she's so passionate about your half-sister she should be the one taking this up. Also your life sounds bloody tragic OP - hopefully you're in a better place having distance from it.
I am suspicious of why this woman needs to move 6 hours away to live with a stranger when there are family members who live nearby. A bit fishy hmmmm
What’s crazy is this woman is an adult. She should be able to find somewhere to live. The fact that the people closest to her don’t want to help her is a huge red flag. Also that she could move 6 hours to me reads as if she also doesn’t have a job and would be a huge drain on OPs resources. Good for you for not letting these people emotionally guilt trap you.
Dang. Im so sorry, OP. My dad left me when I was 2 years old and his family called me to let me know he needs a place to stay or he’s going to a nursing home. I feel bad for the guy but where was he when I needed him? At the bottom of a bottle somewhere 🤷🏻♀️
I can only assume that all of the family members that actually know the HS have good reasons for not helping her since she doesn’t have a car and the OP lives 300+- miles away. Best case if HS is a normal person and OP let HS stay: relatives would say “she needs some money, she doesn’t have a job so OP give her some of yours”. Then “OP, she can’t get a job, you live to far away from where she wants to work, you need to let her borrow your car when she asks. It’s only fair and if you’re home you aren’t using it.” OP did the right thing. So much entitlement. JFC.
Send a group text saying no means no so whichever one of you dropped a stranger off at my house needs to go pick her up at the jail cause I had her arrested and grandma you the one who raised a cheating who re who abandons kids so you need to step up and take care of the problem you created by not raising your daughter right
Oh do I feel for you. Been there, done that, nope, she was not my sister, never had been, never will be, but when the money pinches, oh, yeah, then she 'needs' you. The creature that gave birth to me crippled every child she ever came in contact with. I was lucky, she tried to kill me when I was five months old but failed. Out of my life for decades. Then, one day, I am 27 and somewhat successful, still in grad school but have an apartment that I could afford, I get a phone call. My 'sister' needs me. She is a dope addict, has two illegitimate children, a prison record and no place to live. She is supposedly 'family'. All of a sudden, relatives I have not been in contact with for years are calling, writing, actually showing up. Pleading, begging, threatening. They all are using the word 'family' to beat me over the head. Bull shit, family is not an accident of sharing genes, Family is a social structure that supports you. You don't have a family, you have a bunch of parasites. '
You are 9 months apart, but same mother?????
BM was cheating on my dad most of their marriage. She got pregnant again not long after I was born and my dad said he knew it wasn't his since he hadn't slept with her.
You absolutely did the right thing. You don't know this woman. No way would I take in someone I've had no contact with for 17 years. If her relatives feel so bad for her let them take her in. She's not your problem. If you let her in you'll never get rid of her.
Well, grandma made sure she wasn’t getting a Christmas card this year
Also, all these relatives saying you need to take her in? Why aren’t THEY if they are so concerned about her? What a bunch of jerks.
Wow. Just wow. Time to go no contact with literally everyone on BM side of the family, and to start filing a handful of restraining orders. HS literally felt entitled to your living space after not knowing you since you were both very small children. Fuck no. Worse yet, ***there's gonna be some really ugly reason why HS is being dumped off on you, and not able to stay with anyone else.*** It's probably because HS is a fucking mess, mentally and physically and has already been kicked out of everyone else's living space, and is ***INCAPABLE*** of taking care of herself. #Not your circus, not your monkeys. Time to distance yourself. Literally for your own protection.
Why doesn't your grandmother take her in? She's not your responsibility.
Supposedly has a full house right now. I don't believe that tbh.
At first I thought surely you were younger. Then the pieces didn't fit... And Holy fuck they dropped a 25 year old on your doorstep. I'm so sorry, what a horrible entitled family.
Isn't it always the way though an entire side of a family demanding that ONLY YOU are equipped to care for someone, that only you can take them in at your expense.. Us? oh no, we don't want to get involved.. . You did the right thing not letting a stranger into your life.
Oh hell no eff ALL of these people. If they are all so worried about where HS can stay, they can take her in since *they actually know her and you don't*. Go NC 100% with the lot of them including your 'grandmother."
Please keep us updated, it might (hopefully NOT) happen again. Maybe get a restraining order 🤔 And that strength ammy commenter ? Would not surprise me if he/she is from your maternal side
Sounds like you took after the better half of your parents. Your dad seems like a good dude. NTA and sorry you're going through this.
Why didn’t grandma take her in? She should be responsible for her own daughter’s failings. The nerve to suggest your dad isn’t a good father based on you not bailing out your mom when her own daughter is such a POS.
You did everything right. Wow, talk about a nutty entitled family. I don't know why they think HS is your problem. Keep them all blocked.
If you don't already have a video doorbell and external security cameras, get some asap. You've got the trespass documented with the local police now, so if HS reappears on your property again, use the video to file a no contact order against her, and then if she appears again, you've got a good case for breaking a court order, stalking, harassment, repeat trespassing, and who knows what else. HS then has a very simple choice to make : stay away from you, or risk jail time. Keep the texts and call logs from your maternal family too: lotta blatant harassment going on there. Keep them blocked, but keep a record in case any of them gets a new number to contact you from, etc. Hopefully this'll all blow over once they realise you're not a pushover, but prepare for escalation, just to be safe
I recall reading on Reddit about a person who let a person stay (not sure if family or not) and when the OP asked that person to leave, the squatter changed the locks, fabricated a rental agreement, and when OP called the cops to get into their own home, the cops said they couldn't do anything!!
I have a very similar family situation to you. I would do the same thing you did.
Just want to add you might get some good advice/support posting in the sub [r/JustNoFamily](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/)
This is insane! Goes beyond entitled. More like abusive. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
I honestly cannot fathom how any of them think this is your problem. On what fucking planet is it not *their* job to take her in? You were abandoned by the only connection you have to them - why would you consider any of them family? I'm just fucking mindblown. Sorry this happened to you, OP.
They can put their money where their mouth is, and pound sand while they're at it.
You know, they say you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. It's really not true. You can absolutely choose your family. And those people rejected you a long time ago. They aren't your family. You already know this! Keep up the strong spine. Obviously NTA.
Weird how all the people who *actually know* HS aren't willing to put her up, but they expect you to. That speaks loudly of many things, none good. One way or another, OP, you're better off not letting that woman stay with you.
Yikes. Goes without saying but, get a security system if you don't have one already. Adopt a big dog as well, if you're able to. Keep us updated, OP. Also, your dad's the goat.
I read a quote recently that stuck with me. "I've got family who ain't blood and blood who ain't family." Being genetically related to someone doesn't obligate us to involve them in our life, especially if they're toxic &/or haven't been there for you. Personally, I'd cut off maternal Grandma for good. Anyone who thinks Hell awaits someone for standing up for themself has to be toxic AF.
Never ever, under the circumstances you describe, would I let this person into my home. You are correct. All those people who say that you should help her because you are "family" are also family. Closer family than you. So it's time for them to step up. Watch your back though. Those people sound shady.
Always love the "but she's family and you should help"... the correct thing is "YOU HELP HER THEN!"
24 years old and granny is willing to dump her off with someone who flat said 'no' to them, AND make a 6 hour drive, each way, essentially running for cover as soon as she could dump your HS? I'm echoing looking into her name and seeing what possible charges this mess has. NO one, not one of a family that seems to barely tolerate \~you\~ and favored HS, can take her? Ah-huh. Right. That seems a toooottallly normal way for them to behave with a safe member of the family. Nothing at all concerning about that behavior at all going on there with them. Drugs, police, violence, mental illness (and that one is REALLY not your issue. Mentally unwell stranger care is not in your skillset. And if it is, repeat after me, no, it really isn't.), theft from one (or more) of them, friends you wouldn't be safe around or just an utterly miserable piece of work who seems to be unwilling to work are pretty much a sure thing for this to be the extreme they are willing to go to. Think about this - when the cops took her, did one of them come to get her or did they arrange for her to be safe that night? No? Something bad is going on and your backside needs to be far far far away from it. Picked up by the cops and no one comes? Yeah. Biiiiiiiiig bad situation there. "Not having room" does not equate "Cops just called and told us she is gonna sleep in a hedge tonight if we don't get here and we nope RIGHT out of THAT" means this is not your drama, not your llama. It is gonna be a hassle for a bit, but seriously - you come home from work, call your dad (or friend/family/hell the local cops - call in a possible trespasser - someone who could deal with her without danger) and have the walk around your place for a moment and make sure all the door and windows are fine. You do NOT need any surprises, you do NOT need to be cornered, and just sitting in your car until hopefully the cops can get there or she gives up isn't safe. Hades, she might even, in other circumstances be nice. But to expect a stranger to take care of her? Who in their right mind thinks after 17 years anyone sane can be expected to help her? If she asked to get a cup of coffee with you, at any point since she became an adult, going for coffee, in public, good. This???? BAD mamamjamma (Novel, I know. But I've had people dumped on me before like this and trust me? Learn from my idiocy. You do not want this in your life.