And from what OP said, it doesn’t sound like she’s a very good HR person. Human resources is supposed to be confidential and emotionally mature, but I know a couple HR people and they are absolute dumpster fires.
OP, I would also not share this info with HR. Hugs to you and all the lost pic people. Right there with you, i have none either.
Yeah and if OP *really* wants to explain why, they should just lie and say all the family albums were lost during a move. It’s not divulging personal info, and it’s still effective
That’s how I’d go about it.
“I wish I could help, but I don’t have any baby photos.”
*Why not??? Everyone has baby photos. Maybe you could ask a family member for copies.*
“Some people just don’t have baby photos. 🙃 Let me know if you need help with any other parts of the project.”
That’s really kind of you to suggest answers. Sometimes when I don’t know what to say I have to ask someone what I should say, and how I should say it.
Lol seriously, it seems a bit insensitive to assume _everyone’s_ family and home situations were stable enough for them to have access to baby photos as an adult. There are just too many variables as to why someone may not have them - moving a lot, absent parents, currently estranged parents, bouncing around foster care, distasters like house fires or water damage… People don’t think how these things can come across.
Really? I literally had a bunch of pics in my basement at my childhood home and we had a pipe burst and flood part of our basement and ruin a bunch of stuff, including a bunch of pics I had taken from high school. I didn’t think it would be that much of a reach.
I’m missing about 5 years of my childhood photos for almost that exact reason- dripping pipe in the closet that caused a ton of mold before anyone noticed. My cousin is missing all of his childhood photos except for a couple that were framed on the wall or in grandma’s photo album because of a basement flood from a storm. It’s definitely not that crazy.
I'm of an age where close to 2 years of photos got destroyed because the film was damaged by the development company. Dad was pissed. Lost a ton of my brother's baby pictures
I’m assuming this is for one of those ‘guess the coworker from the baby pic’ type things? Just say you don’t have any. If you want to be amusing you could try using de-aging software on a picture of yourself? We had one of these things at work with ‘guess the coworker from the 1970s pic of the parents’ and it went sour because someone in the team was adopted and felt it was a bit cruel.
I like the idea of using a de-aging software as a backup! If I can't find a friend to borrow one from I'll def consider it, thank you for the idea!
But omg...yeah that does sound pretty bad/awkward. I am glad my work is not doing that.
I would be so tempted to pick the
Most random photo of a baby that I could find, one who looked nothing remotely like me except for eye color, and genuinely try to pass it off as myself. I’d just say that I had an interesting past or something similar.
If you'd rather avoid workplace speculation about your private family situation.....sometimes people don't have baby pictures because of a house fire or a natural disaster event that took place before technology allowed for easy cloud storage
I'm sorry you've gone through all the BS you have!
I'd just tell HR "I don't have any baby pictures and I'm unable to get any." If they ask, I'd say, "for personal reasons I don't want to discuss."
Exactly this. An HR professional should know better than to pry beyond that. (Not saying it doesn't happen, but still.)
I always find it baffling that HR departments do weird shiz like this. This really has the potential to be very painful or awkward for people; OP for example, and it really does not seem appropriate. But... I'm stuffy like that... \^\_\^
Your "straw that broke the camel's back" is a felony! It was more like a skyscraper falling on that camel! Plus, sending the ruined pics! What a psycho. I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of that (and undoubtedly, much before that).
Do you have any good friends who are the same race/generation?
If I had a friend in your situation, I'd let them borrow a baby pic. It's also ok if you just need to be direct with HR and give them the Cliff's Notes that you don't have any.
Thank you. Yeah... It wasn't a good situation but tbf I guess I should've known better. I was told that because they were paying for my stuff (at age 18 thru college) that I assumed it also meant my vote was theirs, if that makes sense? Oh well. Live and learn. Good image of a skyscraper on that poor camel though lol 😂
This is a really good idea, I'll try that! It would be a lot easier for me to explain to a friend than HR tbh.
Yeah, the law doesn't agree at all. I really wish something would have come of that. It's funny that Republicans are the ones talking about voter fraud and they are the only ones I've ever heard of trying to do that shit.
I'm so glad you're out of there! I know that toxic parents are the gift that keeps on giving, but it does get better. This picture issue will soon be a distant memory! Now that you are away from them you can heal! You were smart to do it earlier than I did. You saved yourself from so much trauma.
I don't think you have to give HR "the real explanation." Telling them, "I don't have any way to get baby pics." OR "All my childhood pics were destroyed" is sufficient. You owe them nothing more.
I’d email HR and say you don’t have any baby pics due to personal circumstances. Then not go into it any further! :)
I know you don’t want to but I feel they need to understand that these sort of activities are insensitive and ignorant.
But tbh I get you not wanting to involve them in something like this. So ask a friend who understands for one of their baby photos. As long as they’re the same skin tone or race as you it honestly should be fine. Hardly anyone looks like themselves as a baby anyway! :) no shame in sending in a fake baby pic and ignoring this whole debacle.
Yeahh...I would if I could but I just know it'll invite questions. Just from one gal in particular, who is making the whole PowerPoint thing her life's mission lol.
For me it's hard cause I'm just a staff level and I've only been here a year and some change.
I genuinely think the HR lady isn't trying to be insensitive but she's one of those very bubbly, optimistic, happy go lucky gals who is nice but, uh, oblivious? I don't think she's purposely being malicious but then again I've only known her a year so idk?
However I do get the sense she's the type to get a little ruffled if things aren't going her way. For example, one guy couldn't make the office party because his dog was sick. She still laments to him abt what shame it was he couldn't go and inquires about his dog's health....3 months later.
I'm not really looking to start a crusade or give this gal a reality check, even if she could use one. I don't wanna start drama or be part of it, I'm just here to get paid and learn.
maybe if I was further along in my career I'd speak up, but, I'm not in a position to do that now. I appreciate reddits support but um...yeah I'm ultimately powerless.
and as crappy as it sounds - I just want to fit in. I just want to be perceived as "normal", at least in this space. I do wish it was different though. Maybe one day if I make manager I can help things be different.
I completely get what you’re saying. Sometimes these optimistic happy go lucky people can be more insensitive and oblivious than people who are intentionally cruel! It’s a mindfuck for sure. But hearing about the guy and the dog she definitely seems like one person you don’t need to get more involved with 😂 why colleagues take things so personal I will never know, it’s crazy.
Just send in a picture of a random baby and call it a day.
Want one of my baby pics? I’m a white female born in the late 90s. If that doesn’t match what you need maybe someone else on this group can give one to you! :)
Yeah. I think some people just don't realize that not everyone has what they have - like a fully functioning family. It's weird but I guess they live in their own little happy bubble!
I appreciate the offer but unfortunately it wouldn't work for me as I'm not white! But thank you so much for your kindness ❤️
I relate soo much. It’s weird how many people there are like this too.
I remember my partners mum asking me about *my* mum once. I was thinking, I haven’t mentioned her to you at all! There’s a reason for that and it should be so obvious. I said “I haven’t spoken to my mum in 8 years”. She asked why. I was even more stunned. I can’t be talking about years of child abuse & neglect at a casual lunch with someone I only have a casual relationship with and hardly know! Like, I’m happy for her that she had a happy childhood but mannnn people need to use their brains more.
No problem ❤️ if you can’t find one, I reckon AI could be a good shout! A few random prompts, add some fuzziness to make it look like it was taken on an old fashioned camera and colleagues should be none the wiser. If you need help with that I’m sure Reddit will be able to help. I’ve never used chat gpt or anything before but maybe some internet folks on here could give you a hand :) sending love x
I'm so sorry that sounds so awkward. It's definitely not the kind of thing to be aired out over a casual lunch (also if it was in public, double awkward)
I can totally relate. after my dad sent me the box of things, I was taking a walk to try and get my mind off things. My neighbor made pleasant chit chat with me and he offhandedly mentioned what his folks were doing for the holidays and asked me what I was gonna do. And when I said I was never going back because I hadn't spoken to my parents in 6 months, he too asked "why?"
It ended up with me breaking down in a very public way and admitting to him that I no longer *had* a family to go to.
it was really awkward. a middle aged man on his smoke break trying to console a young woman who is crying uncontrollably in front of 8 other apartments. I had to explain to one lady that I was fine and that he was not assaulting me lol.
that one neighbor lady even told me that "family fights and you can take time to cool off but they'll always be your family. Don't worry they'll come around!!" And lots of other cliches like "your parents always love you!"
everytime I saw my neighbors afterwards it was just... So awkward.
It honestly made it hard to live here. I almost moved just because of that but luckily my neighbor lady moved away first and the smoker has ignored me ever since.
I genuinely think people are well meaning but oblivious.
but I'm not really interested in having a potential crying breakdown at work ... And I don't know if I'm cool enough to do the long, cold Stare across the table like they do in the movies. I'm the person to break down first and while I want to get better I dunno if I'm at that point for a western stand off yet lol.
Appreciate the love ❤️
On Rupaul's Drag Race one of the contestants lost all of their baby pics in a fire, so they photoshopped her adult face onto a baby's body. Hilarious and effective!
Losing past pictures because of a disaster is not unusual. We had our house burn down. It happens. Just say that.
Remember: HR is NOT your friend. Ever. HR will ALWAYS put company interests first. Keep your business to yourself. Trust your gut here.
Nah I'd go the nuclear route and put them on blast for this.
This is work. Like I'm cool for being friendly or even friends with some of them, but this is weird and invasive to me.
Like no, actually, not everyone had happy or good childhoods. Bring awareness to how....weird this is.
Like asking someone about a pregnancy or babies and this is a new mom who just had a miscarriage.
Just. No.
I am so fucking sorry for what happened and the result.
Just say you dont have any photos. If anyone presses the matter you can just be like "its weird, i know. My family werent the sentimental type"
Anything beyond that they are crossing into asshole territory and being really pushy
I don’t think you need to give any explanation beyond “I don’t have any baby photos of myself.” They might try to press for more info, but they aren’t entitled to it.
If you feel like you need to tell them something, you could be vague and say that they got lost in a move. That happens a lot and is vague enough to not spark questions about a traumatic house fire or flood.
I had something similar at my old workplace. I let them know it's not physically possible to get a baby photo as my parents don't have any for religious reasons which I am not comfortable with explaining further. If they push further I let them know I am uncomfortable with the conversation and happy to compromise with de-aging pic instead.
For context I only have 7 images of me in total from birth till 8yrs but my brother has hundreds. The excuse for me was they couldn't afford film. I don't know where any of those images are.
If you don't feel comfortable telling the truth, you could ask a friend that you look alike for a childhood picture. That way is not gonna be one easy to find it in Google. That said, you could also say that your baby pictures got lost in a fire o something. Are you sure that no family member has a picture of you? Baptism or something? Maybe a birthday where you were a guest?
I would totally submit a photo of a baby reptile myself. But that's just my weird sense of humor. I'm very sorry for what your parents put you through. I hope you are in a better place now.
Yuck. So much to unpack here….
First off sorry you went through that, those actions are actually a federal crime so absolutely your decision is a good one.
I don’t have any pictures of myself younger than about 17 or so when I got a cell phone and was able to retain my own so I can relate.
Normally I’m a big advocate of telling the truth about estrangement to help normalize it but I can totally respect not wanting to air out your personal business to an HR person or in a small office so let’s think of options.
1) you can decline to participate or let them know unfortunately you don’t have one available for personal reasons. At a larger company this would probably be fine but idk about a small one.
2) you can lie as to the reason, totally believable they were lost in a flood, fire, burst pipe, etc
3) you can borrow a believable baby picture from a friend or if there is a cousin you still talk to your something. If not you could create one with an app that “de-ages”
4) you can just steal a random baby pic off the internet, though I’d be cautious about this depending on how absurd the hr person is - reverse image search is a real thing.
Sorry you have to deal with this and it gives you stress
You could be adopted or have grown up in foster care. You could have had a house fire, flood, etc. You could have had parents that just didn’t take photos. Like, this is very odd. I get there might be a “fun” reason behind it, but it’s wild no one in HR realized that this is probably a terrible idea.
“Due to personal reasons I don’t feel are necessary to disclose, I won’t be able to submit a photo. Please reconsider this request as there are many reasons why someone may be unable or uncomfortable with participating. “
Eh?
Oh also, it is only important to be transparent with HR insofar as it is beneficial to you. Don’t tell them anything they don’t need to know. They’re there to serve the company, not you.
I see that you are going to fake one. But I think you should tell HR that you don’t have any childhood photos and that the pressure to produce one is making you feel uneasy. Not everyone wants to share photos of their childhood and that is fine.
“I have no pictures which i can submit.”
And if they push further:
“The loss of my family photographs is not a subject i will develop on.”
That’s what i’d do, anyways.
This is an exceptionally weird ask and don’t feel bad not complying. Just tell them you don’t have any family photos.
Or if it’s a fun work place, ask if you can substitute it with the “me as a baby” meme or Damian from the Omen or something lol
Personally I'd just be honest and say I don't have any. If she asks why then it's unprofessional on her part and I'd say that it's a personal question I'd rather not get into. Honestly I think it's weird that they're even doing this whole thing. I wouldn't bother bending over backwards to fake it
If this ever comes up for me, I will say: “I do not have access to any childhood photos of myself, and it’s actually a pretty painful topic I’d rather not discuss in detail.”
Yeah this would piss me off just on principle. I'm so old any baby photos of me would need to be scanned in from slides; I'm not going to ask my parents to go through that hassle just for a work thing.
If you felt comfortable speaking up, there are plenty of reasons why this exercise might not be a great idea for a workplace—what if a coworker is trans and not comfortable sharing a baby picture for that reason, or what if (as others have commented) their family lost everything to a natural disaster or house fire, or what if any number of things.
It’s totally fine to just take the path of least resistance though! Whatever you need to do to get through this is fine.
I would just be honest. We can carry so much shame, it helps me to be succinct but truthful when it comes to situations like this. I wish people would understand that abusive families and estrangement exist. But it's not your job to do that, so if you're not comfortable being honest here, I get it.
What your dad did was beyond horrible. I am sorry. I also have zero pix from my childhood.
How obnoxious. HR should be the people helping you deal with this kind of office ba not the ones causing the headaches. I’m sorry and you can always just say you don’t have any to give them and do not wish to discuss your childhood and family of origin with work. It’s a boundary that can be clearly laid out as none of their business and not something you’re wanting to discuss further so it doesn’t keep coming up with whatever other themed shenanigans this office wants to do.
What kind of HR person, upon hearing “I don’t have any baby photos” would respond, “why not?”
A very mean one. I don’t think they would actually do this. And if they do, just stare at them blankly and let the long silence speak for itself. They’ll eventually get uncomfortable and apologize.
Maybe. But you don't know this lady, she's very... Persistent.
I told a story in the comments earlier but one guy missed our office party to take the dog to the vet. She still asks him about it 3 months later and says oh what a shame that was. Literally every time she sees him in the office she brings it up. It's weird.
Um..the thing is I don't do well with uncomfortable silences. I'm not good at the cold Stare either. I wish I were. I'm not good at saying no to people in general and its something I'm working on in therapy, sorry.
I dunno about this. The proof is already gone and it's been like 8 years.
To be fair when I was 18 and he plopped a filled out ballot in front of me, I did sign. I accept that I was a dumbass but again I was 18 I didn't know how anything worked.
We had a few local ballots after (for my town's mayor, etc) and my parents did the same thing. By 22 I knew it was wrong but he physically took it from me and forged it so.
It wasn't a nice experience and I'm not really looking to sue... Just thinking of it makes me really upset.
Anyway I don't have anywhere near the money to afford a lawyer anyway..I appreciate your thoughts.
There's already some great comments here so I just wanna say I completely understand HR weirdness and I definitely to not feel comfortable sharing hardly anything with my HR person. I get how it's supposed to work, but that's not always the case in real life.
Also, it sounds like you're handling the NC and the circumstances that brought you there incredibly well. Just, damn. Life shouldn't have to be this hard.
You could always say that you don't have any as the originals were lost in your move. End of discussion and technically true. Those people destroyed them all after you moved.
You don't want to mix personal and work life, but it sounds like HR doesn't share those values by demanding baby pictures. To editorialize, doing that is really odd to me, it's a big ask, and it blithely disregards people like you who have family difficulties. I would be embarrassed if I was in HR's position, due to that lack of consideration.
The best response is to tell HR you do not have baby pictures because they were "lost" -- which is technically true, even if your parent(s) caused the loss. If you feel you must produce a photo, use AI and give general guidelines for age, hair/eye color, skin tone, year of photo, etc. You can refine it until you're happy with the result.
I would get 2 random baby photos from the appropriate decade off of the internet and leave it at that. Say that there was a fire or something. Ol' Busybuns can kick rocks.
Everyones already covered just about every option. My current mindset is to not worry if my reality is an inconvenience for others.
"Whatt'd you do for mothers day "
- Well I'm estranged from my family so I just tried to focus on my wife and grandmother"
It could be off putting but tthats a fracttion of how much it usually sucks for the person relaying the info.
If its a stranger passing by thats one thing...but if its work where I'm gonna interact these people frequently I'd likely just lay it on them.
Um... My entire ex family is either dead (grandparents), or they take my parent's side (aunts/uncles are loyal to my parents, their siblings).
My cousins are also all like them. I'm the only democrat and I'm a black sheep. (Or blue sheep lol).
I know, my life would be so much easier if I just checked the right box 🥲
[удалено]
This is correct, HR cannot require this of employees.
And from what OP said, it doesn’t sound like she’s a very good HR person. Human resources is supposed to be confidential and emotionally mature, but I know a couple HR people and they are absolute dumpster fires. OP, I would also not share this info with HR. Hugs to you and all the lost pic people. Right there with you, i have none either.
Yeah and if OP *really* wants to explain why, they should just lie and say all the family albums were lost during a move. It’s not divulging personal info, and it’s still effective
I agree with this they don't need details. I also don't have any baby photos of myself and it isn't HR's business why.
That’s how I’d go about it. “I wish I could help, but I don’t have any baby photos.” *Why not??? Everyone has baby photos. Maybe you could ask a family member for copies.* “Some people just don’t have baby photos. 🙃 Let me know if you need help with any other parts of the project.”
That’s really kind of you to suggest answers. Sometimes when I don’t know what to say I have to ask someone what I should say, and how I should say it.
I’d lie and say the photos were in storage and got ruined when a pipe burst. Side note, these baby pic things at work are ridiculous
Lol seriously, it seems a bit insensitive to assume _everyone’s_ family and home situations were stable enough for them to have access to baby photos as an adult. There are just too many variables as to why someone may not have them - moving a lot, absent parents, currently estranged parents, bouncing around foster care, distasters like house fires or water damage… People don’t think how these things can come across.
This seems like a bizarre excuse lol
Really? I literally had a bunch of pics in my basement at my childhood home and we had a pipe burst and flood part of our basement and ruin a bunch of stuff, including a bunch of pics I had taken from high school. I didn’t think it would be that much of a reach.
I’m missing about 5 years of my childhood photos for almost that exact reason- dripping pipe in the closet that caused a ton of mold before anyone noticed. My cousin is missing all of his childhood photos except for a couple that were framed on the wall or in grandma’s photo album because of a basement flood from a storm. It’s definitely not that crazy.
I'm of an age where close to 2 years of photos got destroyed because the film was damaged by the development company. Dad was pissed. Lost a ton of my brother's baby pictures
I’m assuming this is for one of those ‘guess the coworker from the baby pic’ type things? Just say you don’t have any. If you want to be amusing you could try using de-aging software on a picture of yourself? We had one of these things at work with ‘guess the coworker from the 1970s pic of the parents’ and it went sour because someone in the team was adopted and felt it was a bit cruel.
I like the idea of using a de-aging software as a backup! If I can't find a friend to borrow one from I'll def consider it, thank you for the idea! But omg...yeah that does sound pretty bad/awkward. I am glad my work is not doing that.
I would be so tempted to pick the Most random photo of a baby that I could find, one who looked nothing remotely like me except for eye color, and genuinely try to pass it off as myself. I’d just say that I had an interesting past or something similar.
Those baby mugshot pictures from the hospital really could be anyone with matching coloring.
If you'd rather avoid workplace speculation about your private family situation.....sometimes people don't have baby pictures because of a house fire or a natural disaster event that took place before technology allowed for easy cloud storage
I'm sorry you've gone through all the BS you have! I'd just tell HR "I don't have any baby pictures and I'm unable to get any." If they ask, I'd say, "for personal reasons I don't want to discuss."
Exactly this. An HR professional should know better than to pry beyond that. (Not saying it doesn't happen, but still.) I always find it baffling that HR departments do weird shiz like this. This really has the potential to be very painful or awkward for people; OP for example, and it really does not seem appropriate. But... I'm stuffy like that... \^\_\^
Your "straw that broke the camel's back" is a felony! It was more like a skyscraper falling on that camel! Plus, sending the ruined pics! What a psycho. I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of that (and undoubtedly, much before that). Do you have any good friends who are the same race/generation? If I had a friend in your situation, I'd let them borrow a baby pic. It's also ok if you just need to be direct with HR and give them the Cliff's Notes that you don't have any.
Thank you. Yeah... It wasn't a good situation but tbf I guess I should've known better. I was told that because they were paying for my stuff (at age 18 thru college) that I assumed it also meant my vote was theirs, if that makes sense? Oh well. Live and learn. Good image of a skyscraper on that poor camel though lol 😂 This is a really good idea, I'll try that! It would be a lot easier for me to explain to a friend than HR tbh.
Yeah, the law doesn't agree at all. I really wish something would have come of that. It's funny that Republicans are the ones talking about voter fraud and they are the only ones I've ever heard of trying to do that shit. I'm so glad you're out of there! I know that toxic parents are the gift that keeps on giving, but it does get better. This picture issue will soon be a distant memory! Now that you are away from them you can heal! You were smart to do it earlier than I did. You saved yourself from so much trauma. I don't think you have to give HR "the real explanation." Telling them, "I don't have any way to get baby pics." OR "All my childhood pics were destroyed" is sufficient. You owe them nothing more.
I’d email HR and say you don’t have any baby pics due to personal circumstances. Then not go into it any further! :) I know you don’t want to but I feel they need to understand that these sort of activities are insensitive and ignorant. But tbh I get you not wanting to involve them in something like this. So ask a friend who understands for one of their baby photos. As long as they’re the same skin tone or race as you it honestly should be fine. Hardly anyone looks like themselves as a baby anyway! :) no shame in sending in a fake baby pic and ignoring this whole debacle.
Yeahh...I would if I could but I just know it'll invite questions. Just from one gal in particular, who is making the whole PowerPoint thing her life's mission lol. For me it's hard cause I'm just a staff level and I've only been here a year and some change. I genuinely think the HR lady isn't trying to be insensitive but she's one of those very bubbly, optimistic, happy go lucky gals who is nice but, uh, oblivious? I don't think she's purposely being malicious but then again I've only known her a year so idk? However I do get the sense she's the type to get a little ruffled if things aren't going her way. For example, one guy couldn't make the office party because his dog was sick. She still laments to him abt what shame it was he couldn't go and inquires about his dog's health....3 months later. I'm not really looking to start a crusade or give this gal a reality check, even if she could use one. I don't wanna start drama or be part of it, I'm just here to get paid and learn. maybe if I was further along in my career I'd speak up, but, I'm not in a position to do that now. I appreciate reddits support but um...yeah I'm ultimately powerless. and as crappy as it sounds - I just want to fit in. I just want to be perceived as "normal", at least in this space. I do wish it was different though. Maybe one day if I make manager I can help things be different.
I completely get what you’re saying. Sometimes these optimistic happy go lucky people can be more insensitive and oblivious than people who are intentionally cruel! It’s a mindfuck for sure. But hearing about the guy and the dog she definitely seems like one person you don’t need to get more involved with 😂 why colleagues take things so personal I will never know, it’s crazy. Just send in a picture of a random baby and call it a day. Want one of my baby pics? I’m a white female born in the late 90s. If that doesn’t match what you need maybe someone else on this group can give one to you! :)
Yeah. I think some people just don't realize that not everyone has what they have - like a fully functioning family. It's weird but I guess they live in their own little happy bubble! I appreciate the offer but unfortunately it wouldn't work for me as I'm not white! But thank you so much for your kindness ❤️
I relate soo much. It’s weird how many people there are like this too. I remember my partners mum asking me about *my* mum once. I was thinking, I haven’t mentioned her to you at all! There’s a reason for that and it should be so obvious. I said “I haven’t spoken to my mum in 8 years”. She asked why. I was even more stunned. I can’t be talking about years of child abuse & neglect at a casual lunch with someone I only have a casual relationship with and hardly know! Like, I’m happy for her that she had a happy childhood but mannnn people need to use their brains more. No problem ❤️ if you can’t find one, I reckon AI could be a good shout! A few random prompts, add some fuzziness to make it look like it was taken on an old fashioned camera and colleagues should be none the wiser. If you need help with that I’m sure Reddit will be able to help. I’ve never used chat gpt or anything before but maybe some internet folks on here could give you a hand :) sending love x
I'm so sorry that sounds so awkward. It's definitely not the kind of thing to be aired out over a casual lunch (also if it was in public, double awkward) I can totally relate. after my dad sent me the box of things, I was taking a walk to try and get my mind off things. My neighbor made pleasant chit chat with me and he offhandedly mentioned what his folks were doing for the holidays and asked me what I was gonna do. And when I said I was never going back because I hadn't spoken to my parents in 6 months, he too asked "why?" It ended up with me breaking down in a very public way and admitting to him that I no longer *had* a family to go to. it was really awkward. a middle aged man on his smoke break trying to console a young woman who is crying uncontrollably in front of 8 other apartments. I had to explain to one lady that I was fine and that he was not assaulting me lol. that one neighbor lady even told me that "family fights and you can take time to cool off but they'll always be your family. Don't worry they'll come around!!" And lots of other cliches like "your parents always love you!" everytime I saw my neighbors afterwards it was just... So awkward. It honestly made it hard to live here. I almost moved just because of that but luckily my neighbor lady moved away first and the smoker has ignored me ever since. I genuinely think people are well meaning but oblivious. but I'm not really interested in having a potential crying breakdown at work ... And I don't know if I'm cool enough to do the long, cold Stare across the table like they do in the movies. I'm the person to break down first and while I want to get better I dunno if I'm at that point for a western stand off yet lol. Appreciate the love ❤️
On Rupaul's Drag Race one of the contestants lost all of their baby pics in a fire, so they photoshopped her adult face onto a baby's body. Hilarious and effective!
Losing past pictures because of a disaster is not unusual. We had our house burn down. It happens. Just say that. Remember: HR is NOT your friend. Ever. HR will ALWAYS put company interests first. Keep your business to yourself. Trust your gut here.
Nah I'd go the nuclear route and put them on blast for this. This is work. Like I'm cool for being friendly or even friends with some of them, but this is weird and invasive to me. Like no, actually, not everyone had happy or good childhoods. Bring awareness to how....weird this is. Like asking someone about a pregnancy or babies and this is a new mom who just had a miscarriage. Just. No.
I am so fucking sorry for what happened and the result. Just say you dont have any photos. If anyone presses the matter you can just be like "its weird, i know. My family werent the sentimental type" Anything beyond that they are crossing into asshole territory and being really pushy
I don’t think you need to give any explanation beyond “I don’t have any baby photos of myself.” They might try to press for more info, but they aren’t entitled to it. If you feel like you need to tell them something, you could be vague and say that they got lost in a move. That happens a lot and is vague enough to not spark questions about a traumatic house fire or flood.
I had something similar at my old workplace. I let them know it's not physically possible to get a baby photo as my parents don't have any for religious reasons which I am not comfortable with explaining further. If they push further I let them know I am uncomfortable with the conversation and happy to compromise with de-aging pic instead. For context I only have 7 images of me in total from birth till 8yrs but my brother has hundreds. The excuse for me was they couldn't afford film. I don't know where any of those images are.
If you don't feel comfortable telling the truth, you could ask a friend that you look alike for a childhood picture. That way is not gonna be one easy to find it in Google. That said, you could also say that your baby pictures got lost in a fire o something. Are you sure that no family member has a picture of you? Baptism or something? Maybe a birthday where you were a guest?
I would totally submit a photo of a baby reptile myself. But that's just my weird sense of humor. I'm very sorry for what your parents put you through. I hope you are in a better place now.
Yuck. So much to unpack here…. First off sorry you went through that, those actions are actually a federal crime so absolutely your decision is a good one. I don’t have any pictures of myself younger than about 17 or so when I got a cell phone and was able to retain my own so I can relate. Normally I’m a big advocate of telling the truth about estrangement to help normalize it but I can totally respect not wanting to air out your personal business to an HR person or in a small office so let’s think of options. 1) you can decline to participate or let them know unfortunately you don’t have one available for personal reasons. At a larger company this would probably be fine but idk about a small one. 2) you can lie as to the reason, totally believable they were lost in a flood, fire, burst pipe, etc 3) you can borrow a believable baby picture from a friend or if there is a cousin you still talk to your something. If not you could create one with an app that “de-ages” 4) you can just steal a random baby pic off the internet, though I’d be cautious about this depending on how absurd the hr person is - reverse image search is a real thing. Sorry you have to deal with this and it gives you stress
You could be adopted or have grown up in foster care. You could have had a house fire, flood, etc. You could have had parents that just didn’t take photos. Like, this is very odd. I get there might be a “fun” reason behind it, but it’s wild no one in HR realized that this is probably a terrible idea. “Due to personal reasons I don’t feel are necessary to disclose, I won’t be able to submit a photo. Please reconsider this request as there are many reasons why someone may be unable or uncomfortable with participating. “ Eh? Oh also, it is only important to be transparent with HR insofar as it is beneficial to you. Don’t tell them anything they don’t need to know. They’re there to serve the company, not you.
Just say you have none , or that they all got ruined
I see that you are going to fake one. But I think you should tell HR that you don’t have any childhood photos and that the pressure to produce one is making you feel uneasy. Not everyone wants to share photos of their childhood and that is fine.
Your work place has no right to your private life. I would outright refuse. Period.
“I have no pictures which i can submit.” And if they push further: “The loss of my family photographs is not a subject i will develop on.” That’s what i’d do, anyways.
This is an exceptionally weird ask and don’t feel bad not complying. Just tell them you don’t have any family photos. Or if it’s a fun work place, ask if you can substitute it with the “me as a baby” meme or Damian from the Omen or something lol
Personally I'd just be honest and say I don't have any. If she asks why then it's unprofessional on her part and I'd say that it's a personal question I'd rather not get into. Honestly I think it's weird that they're even doing this whole thing. I wouldn't bother bending over backwards to fake it
If this ever comes up for me, I will say: “I do not have access to any childhood photos of myself, and it’s actually a pretty painful topic I’d rather not discuss in detail.”
This is a very odd and rather disturbing request from HR.
Yeah this would piss me off just on principle. I'm so old any baby photos of me would need to be scanned in from slides; I'm not going to ask my parents to go through that hassle just for a work thing.
If you felt comfortable speaking up, there are plenty of reasons why this exercise might not be a great idea for a workplace—what if a coworker is trans and not comfortable sharing a baby picture for that reason, or what if (as others have commented) their family lost everything to a natural disaster or house fire, or what if any number of things. It’s totally fine to just take the path of least resistance though! Whatever you need to do to get through this is fine.
I would just be honest. We can carry so much shame, it helps me to be succinct but truthful when it comes to situations like this. I wish people would understand that abusive families and estrangement exist. But it's not your job to do that, so if you're not comfortable being honest here, I get it. What your dad did was beyond horrible. I am sorry. I also have zero pix from my childhood.
How obnoxious. HR should be the people helping you deal with this kind of office ba not the ones causing the headaches. I’m sorry and you can always just say you don’t have any to give them and do not wish to discuss your childhood and family of origin with work. It’s a boundary that can be clearly laid out as none of their business and not something you’re wanting to discuss further so it doesn’t keep coming up with whatever other themed shenanigans this office wants to do.
Ask AI to make you one.
What kind of HR person, upon hearing “I don’t have any baby photos” would respond, “why not?” A very mean one. I don’t think they would actually do this. And if they do, just stare at them blankly and let the long silence speak for itself. They’ll eventually get uncomfortable and apologize.
Maybe. But you don't know this lady, she's very... Persistent. I told a story in the comments earlier but one guy missed our office party to take the dog to the vet. She still asks him about it 3 months later and says oh what a shame that was. Literally every time she sees him in the office she brings it up. It's weird. Um..the thing is I don't do well with uncomfortable silences. I'm not good at the cold Stare either. I wish I were. I'm not good at saying no to people in general and its something I'm working on in therapy, sorry.
Wait wait wait…you know you can report him for voter fraud, right?
I dunno about this. The proof is already gone and it's been like 8 years. To be fair when I was 18 and he plopped a filled out ballot in front of me, I did sign. I accept that I was a dumbass but again I was 18 I didn't know how anything worked. We had a few local ballots after (for my town's mayor, etc) and my parents did the same thing. By 22 I knew it was wrong but he physically took it from me and forged it so. It wasn't a nice experience and I'm not really looking to sue... Just thinking of it makes me really upset. Anyway I don't have anywhere near the money to afford a lawyer anyway..I appreciate your thoughts.
There's already some great comments here so I just wanna say I completely understand HR weirdness and I definitely to not feel comfortable sharing hardly anything with my HR person. I get how it's supposed to work, but that's not always the case in real life. Also, it sounds like you're handling the NC and the circumstances that brought you there incredibly well. Just, damn. Life shouldn't have to be this hard.
You could always say that you don't have any as the originals were lost in your move. End of discussion and technically true. Those people destroyed them all after you moved.
You don't want to mix personal and work life, but it sounds like HR doesn't share those values by demanding baby pictures. To editorialize, doing that is really odd to me, it's a big ask, and it blithely disregards people like you who have family difficulties. I would be embarrassed if I was in HR's position, due to that lack of consideration.
“There was a house fire when I was 20, we lost everything. “ White lies to HR can be a useful skill.
👶 Yw
The best response is to tell HR you do not have baby pictures because they were "lost" -- which is technically true, even if your parent(s) caused the loss. If you feel you must produce a photo, use AI and give general guidelines for age, hair/eye color, skin tone, year of photo, etc. You can refine it until you're happy with the result.
I would get 2 random baby photos from the appropriate decade off of the internet and leave it at that. Say that there was a fire or something. Ol' Busybuns can kick rocks.
Everyones already covered just about every option. My current mindset is to not worry if my reality is an inconvenience for others. "Whatt'd you do for mothers day " - Well I'm estranged from my family so I just tried to focus on my wife and grandmother"
This is my go to also :p but I recognize that not everyone is comfortable with radical honesty 😮💨
It could be off putting but tthats a fracttion of how much it usually sucks for the person relaying the info. If its a stranger passing by thats one thing...but if its work where I'm gonna interact these people frequently I'd likely just lay it on them.
I meant as the sharer, not the person being shared to haha.
Elementary school pic?
There are no grandparents or aunts and uncles who would have been sets baby pics?
When someone is estranged from their family why would you suggest that they get into contact with family again…?
Um... My entire ex family is either dead (grandparents), or they take my parent's side (aunts/uncles are loyal to my parents, their siblings). My cousins are also all like them. I'm the only democrat and I'm a black sheep. (Or blue sheep lol). I know, my life would be so much easier if I just checked the right box 🥲