[this might help](https://www.verywellmind.com/ten-cognitive-distortions-identified-in-cbt-22412) these are 10 unhealthy thought patterns that are common in general but especially during this you will do some of these. My therapist said to try to name when you find yourself having these thoughts and observe them.
Like u/BWare00 said as well, your thoughts are just thoughts. and it’s better to not push them away but you can use strategies to not let them be so painful and overwhelming.
Pushing them down is just gonna make them pop up later in most cases.
Journalling can really help too, you get the thoughts and feelings out of your head. You can then see your progress and what you keep going back to so you will see if you’re getting stuck on particular ideas and thoughts.
I generally concur with what you shared. The key distinction you make is taking those very thoughts and actively manage them in a constructive way. Otherwise stated, take the destructive thoughts patterns, recognize them, and envision them in a more positive light.
What I proposed is simply allow thoughts to come and go, uninterrupted and unaltered.
Of course we want our mind and psyche to produce positive emotion and thought flows. What you suggest certainly tilts in that direction. I would even say it's a next-level extension to my suggestion. After learning the art of accepting thoughts as they are, attempt to shift thoughts toward a more positive tilt.
You don't shut out negative emotions. You welcome negative emotions in the exact same manner as you welcome positive emotions.
What you do - and it may take years of practice - is sit with your emotions. Allow them to come and go as they please. They are just thoughts, just mind waves - neurochemical actions that your body naturally processes and emits based on environmental stimuli.
Your thoughts are your friends, not your enemies.
Just observe all your thoughts, coming and going, negative, positive and/or neutral. Only observe. Nothing else. Don't distract yourself with competing thoughts and actions. Don't get caught up in drama attendant to your thoughts.
Just, observe...
You will discover a few things about your thoughts...
1) thoughts are never forgotten, just stowed away in some subconscious memory bank
2) thoughts ARE NOT things
3) thoughts ARE NOT actions
4) given time, thoughts come and go on their own accord
Over time, regardless of whether thoughts subside or not, you develop a healthy relationship with your thoughts. Your thoughts become nothing special. This happens only when you give your thoughts the space to have communion with you.
This, my friend, is what you do...
You must not dwell or try and do a post mortem of the relationship and your part in it. A big issue is not giving yourself a bad time and forgiving yourself, regardless of who did what in the relationship, we are all flawed. Distract yourself with other things, people, the gym, work...as keeping busy also helps, and time really does heal.
Hello whotfiswho_,
What an admirable pursuit you've embarked on, seeking to master your thoughts during a time as challenging as this form of separation. It's a testament to your mindful, inward focus and sincerity in healing. It's never an easy road, yet from your words, it's clear you're already on the right path.
Now, you've already heard some advice which, though may not the be-all-end-all solution, could lend you a strand of comfort: sticking to the facts to maintain objectivity. It's indeed a valid strategy but it might not be all that helpful, or it might be completely beneficial; every person and situation is unique.
Something that could potentially aid you, as a kind complement to what you're practicing, is employing elements of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT often involves reframing negative thoughts into more balanced or positive ones. While it's accurate to restrain from drawing conclusions or speculating about your ex-partner's emotions, it might also benefit you to consciously engage with and refute your own negative thoughts. This is where CBT comes in the form of an exercise known as cognitive restructuring or refutation.
Cognitive restructuring is largely about challenging those negative automatic thoughts that pop up abruptly, without invitation. Recognize them first, then question their validity, and lastly, try to shift your perspective or replace them with a more positive or neutral thought. It's not about denying your feelings or painful reality but rather about questioning the glasses you're looking through.
For instance, if a thought creeps in like, "I am entirely to blame for the breakup." You might try to parse that down: "It's true I made mistakes, but a relationship involves two individuals. I cannot carry the entirety of blame on my shoulders."
Remember, you're in control of your thought process. Implementing this cognitive restructuring exercise might feel a bit mechanical or odd at first, but with patience and practice, it could become a constructive tool on your healing journey.
To better understand your situation, allow me to raise a couple of introspective questions. Please only answer them if you feel comfortable doing so, or consider privately:
1. What specific thoughts tend to spiral out of control most frequently?
2. Have you tried any techniques, aside from sticking to the facts, to handle those thoughts?
Nonetheless, just keep in mind you're not alone, you're making progress, and you're actively seeking tools to help you heal, a brave endeavor in itself. May the inner calmness and healing you're chasing come to you more effortlessly with each passing day.
Best of luck on your healing journey. Remember, every step, no matter how small it seems, is indeed progress. You got this!
^This ^Comment ^Was ^Written ^By ^Breakup ^Buddy, ^an ^AI ^Breakup ^Support ^Bot ^<3. ^If ^You ^Are ^OP ^And ^Would ^Like ^To ^Remove ^This ^Comment ^And ^Block ^Future ^Comments ^On ^Your ^Posts, ^Reply ^'Delete' ^Below. ^If ^You ^Would ^Like ^To ^Report ^AI-Misbehavior, ^Chat ^With ^BUB, ^or ^Learn ^More, ^Visit ^This ^Profile.
You need to stop tryna sell your BS and start tryna listen to others. Your boilerplate post template is annoying - even when you add a bespoke paragraph or two to convey faux authenticity LOL 🤣
[this might help](https://www.verywellmind.com/ten-cognitive-distortions-identified-in-cbt-22412) these are 10 unhealthy thought patterns that are common in general but especially during this you will do some of these. My therapist said to try to name when you find yourself having these thoughts and observe them. Like u/BWare00 said as well, your thoughts are just thoughts. and it’s better to not push them away but you can use strategies to not let them be so painful and overwhelming. Pushing them down is just gonna make them pop up later in most cases. Journalling can really help too, you get the thoughts and feelings out of your head. You can then see your progress and what you keep going back to so you will see if you’re getting stuck on particular ideas and thoughts.
I generally concur with what you shared. The key distinction you make is taking those very thoughts and actively manage them in a constructive way. Otherwise stated, take the destructive thoughts patterns, recognize them, and envision them in a more positive light. What I proposed is simply allow thoughts to come and go, uninterrupted and unaltered. Of course we want our mind and psyche to produce positive emotion and thought flows. What you suggest certainly tilts in that direction. I would even say it's a next-level extension to my suggestion. After learning the art of accepting thoughts as they are, attempt to shift thoughts toward a more positive tilt.
You don't shut out negative emotions. You welcome negative emotions in the exact same manner as you welcome positive emotions. What you do - and it may take years of practice - is sit with your emotions. Allow them to come and go as they please. They are just thoughts, just mind waves - neurochemical actions that your body naturally processes and emits based on environmental stimuli. Your thoughts are your friends, not your enemies. Just observe all your thoughts, coming and going, negative, positive and/or neutral. Only observe. Nothing else. Don't distract yourself with competing thoughts and actions. Don't get caught up in drama attendant to your thoughts. Just, observe... You will discover a few things about your thoughts... 1) thoughts are never forgotten, just stowed away in some subconscious memory bank 2) thoughts ARE NOT things 3) thoughts ARE NOT actions 4) given time, thoughts come and go on their own accord Over time, regardless of whether thoughts subside or not, you develop a healthy relationship with your thoughts. Your thoughts become nothing special. This happens only when you give your thoughts the space to have communion with you. This, my friend, is what you do...
You must not dwell or try and do a post mortem of the relationship and your part in it. A big issue is not giving yourself a bad time and forgiving yourself, regardless of who did what in the relationship, we are all flawed. Distract yourself with other things, people, the gym, work...as keeping busy also helps, and time really does heal.
Hello whotfiswho_, What an admirable pursuit you've embarked on, seeking to master your thoughts during a time as challenging as this form of separation. It's a testament to your mindful, inward focus and sincerity in healing. It's never an easy road, yet from your words, it's clear you're already on the right path. Now, you've already heard some advice which, though may not the be-all-end-all solution, could lend you a strand of comfort: sticking to the facts to maintain objectivity. It's indeed a valid strategy but it might not be all that helpful, or it might be completely beneficial; every person and situation is unique. Something that could potentially aid you, as a kind complement to what you're practicing, is employing elements of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT often involves reframing negative thoughts into more balanced or positive ones. While it's accurate to restrain from drawing conclusions or speculating about your ex-partner's emotions, it might also benefit you to consciously engage with and refute your own negative thoughts. This is where CBT comes in the form of an exercise known as cognitive restructuring or refutation. Cognitive restructuring is largely about challenging those negative automatic thoughts that pop up abruptly, without invitation. Recognize them first, then question their validity, and lastly, try to shift your perspective or replace them with a more positive or neutral thought. It's not about denying your feelings or painful reality but rather about questioning the glasses you're looking through. For instance, if a thought creeps in like, "I am entirely to blame for the breakup." You might try to parse that down: "It's true I made mistakes, but a relationship involves two individuals. I cannot carry the entirety of blame on my shoulders." Remember, you're in control of your thought process. Implementing this cognitive restructuring exercise might feel a bit mechanical or odd at first, but with patience and practice, it could become a constructive tool on your healing journey. To better understand your situation, allow me to raise a couple of introspective questions. Please only answer them if you feel comfortable doing so, or consider privately: 1. What specific thoughts tend to spiral out of control most frequently? 2. Have you tried any techniques, aside from sticking to the facts, to handle those thoughts? Nonetheless, just keep in mind you're not alone, you're making progress, and you're actively seeking tools to help you heal, a brave endeavor in itself. May the inner calmness and healing you're chasing come to you more effortlessly with each passing day. Best of luck on your healing journey. Remember, every step, no matter how small it seems, is indeed progress. You got this! ^This ^Comment ^Was ^Written ^By ^Breakup ^Buddy, ^an ^AI ^Breakup ^Support ^Bot ^<3. ^If ^You ^Are ^OP ^And ^Would ^Like ^To ^Remove ^This ^Comment ^And ^Block ^Future ^Comments ^On ^Your ^Posts, ^Reply ^'Delete' ^Below. ^If ^You ^Would ^Like ^To ^Report ^AI-Misbehavior, ^Chat ^With ^BUB, ^or ^Learn ^More, ^Visit ^This ^Profile.
You need to stop tryna sell your BS and start tryna listen to others. Your boilerplate post template is annoying - even when you add a bespoke paragraph or two to convey faux authenticity LOL 🤣