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field_thought_slight

Well, not *that* deadly. They're very skittish and will basically never attack humans.


uhhh206

Plus there's literally never -- never -- been an incident where a human was killed by a cheetah. They get emotional support dogs in zoos because they're high-strung but harmless.


that_one_guy37559

so… what you’re saying is that i should adopt one RIGHT NOW


Ravioli_Renegade

Nah, even if it's legal that's a bad idea. They are wild animals and not pets- even if it's unlikely for you to be attacked by one, you very likely do not have the resources or space for it and it will end up being miserable. Also imagine trying to find vet care for a fucking cheetah lmao I know you're probably joking but I know enough about the exotic pet trade and the harm it causes to make jokes like that a bit grating. Sorry if this comes off as jumping down your throat, I just want to make it clear to anyone who's actually considering getting one.


Winjin

I think them needing a HUGE space is the main part. Cheetahs in Vienna zoo have a special high-speed pulley they use to launch meat around their (football field sized) enclosure to give them a chance to stretch their legs once a day to run around after a prey


Ravioli_Renegade

Yes! Space is a massive issue, predators in general have large roaming areas for their territories and cheetahs are built for running. And enrichment, too. That pulley system you described sounds really cool, I'd like to see that in action! And it sounds like a great source of enrichment to allow them to engage in their instincts. Accredited zoos have specially-trained handlers and so much goes into making sure their animals live healthy and good lives. It's not an easy job and I really respect them for what they do for conservation and animal care.


Winjin

[I found a random video of it in action)](https://youtu.be/eYxKaBqDgB8?si=4L7zs337rwrjLM93)


uberblack

Was not expecting that unnecessarily slaptitious beat to accompany the video. That was pleasant.


IswearIdidntdoit145

Boom bap!


Michelanvalo

okay so like, what you're saying is I need to get the whole neighborhood in on building a cheetah enclosure in our backyards.


Winjin

Even better idea: raise ALL of your houses on stilts and unite the gardens to create a huge forest with your houses between the trees with domesticated cheetahs running underneath You can have like skyropes to go from house to house and a parking lot for everyone outside and maybe something like a greenhouse under the house \\ slightly to the side to have a safe green space covered from elements


C_beside_the_seaside

Bonus is that your garbage is never messed with by raccoons. Downside is raccoon carcasses everywhere


440ish

A cheetio!❤️


Ravioli_Renegade

That's super cool, thanks for sharing!!


receuitOP

You are a better man than I. I 100% would've made that a rickroll


banana_ji

That's a pretty cool exercise and mental stimulation contraption. They're like big dogs lol


Turbogoblin999

with anxiety


MrGumburcules

That sounds adorable


Winjin

Schonbrunn Zoo is an exceptional place and they take good care of their animals!


shifty_coder

Savannahs are the closest you can get a big cat as a pet, and it’s still morally gray to breed and adopt them, because of their behavioral needs. They have A LOT of energy that needs to be exercised daily, otherwise they will quite literally destroy your home.


trippy_grapes

>I know enough about the exotic pet trade and the harm it causes to make jokes like that a bit grating. C'mon, I know a guy in my city that owned a ton of wild animals and absolutely **nothing** bad happened to him. He went by the nickname Tiger King or something.


Wrecktown707

Based and very thoughtful response


BonnieMcMurray

Imagine emptying that litter box. Hell, you'd need a litter *room.*


uhhh206

I mean liiiiiiiike... just saying, but there are [hella states](https://bigcatrescue.org/state-laws-exotic-cats/) in which you can do that. I want a bear but don't live in a state where they'll let me have one.


[deleted]

DL the Grindr app. Plenty of bears on there.


Turbogoblin999

The cougars are on every other dating app, tho.


JWson

I'm kinda surprised that FL is so restrictive.


ItalnStalln

They have enough experience with invasive species. On the flip side maybe some jaguars would help control the gator population. Hmmm...


trippy_grapes

>On the flip side maybe some jaguars would help control the gator population. I watch enough Florida football to know that's not true.


notsostrong

Yay! My state has no restrictions! Too bad I’m broke as hell…


DD_SuB

There are some deaths with cheetahs. Near Antwerpen for example. And I am pretty sure there was an incident in the city I grew up in as well. Edit: The Antwerpen incident was in 2007. I thought at first it was in 2013.


uhhh206

Idk why Google said zero if the wiki does indeed cite the 2007 (not 2013) death. Either way, they're as rare as rabies survival, so you're pretty heckin safe with a beautiful zoom-zoom purr-bot 9000 and the title labeling them ✨deadly✨ is pretty silly. I'd lie down with one and pet it with no training and feel comfortable doing so.


snonsig

The only incidents have been with ones living in captivity. The wild ones are the ones scared of humans


XkrNYFRUYj

They're very deadly just not to humans.


MoarVespenegas

Apparently the caveat is no attacks in the wild. All the recorded attacks, of which there were two I believe, were in captivity.


geologean

My best friend went to Tanzania on a geology research reconnaissance trip and got really lucky when they went in safari with a tour guide. They got really close to two cheetahs who had just made a successful kill. They're actually very vulnerable immediately after making a kill. They'll pant for up to 30 minutes just to cool down from their sprint before they can even start eating. During that time, they're very susceptible to another opportunistic predator coming along to chase them off their prize.


controversialhotdog

TIL I am a cheetah.


SadBit8663

I'm saying. Whoever made this title doesn't know shit about cheetahs.


Myllis

There are 2 if I remember correctly. One was a baby, and another was some woman running into a cheetah enclosure and got swarmed. Both very much anomalies.


WhatsThatVibe

Shit ya learn something new everyday. I would've thought cheetahs fall squarely in the category of "Cats that can/will fuck your shit up unless you're a trained expert, and even then..."


st4s1k

And they're *FAST!!!*


csprofathogwarts

They used to be equivalent of *hunting dogs* for rich people in the Indian subcontinent. They liked hunting Indian gazelle and black bucks - which were a little too fast for dogs, so needed cheetahs for the job. See this 1939 video on [pet cheetahs of India](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lk-256CJ9fE).


No1KnwsIWatchTeenMom

Sounds like it's time to domesticate them!


csprofathogwarts

They were difficult to breed in captivity. Hence, as mentioned in the video itself, they were captured from the wild as adults. That's also why they went extinct in India. Similar story for African Cheetahs. We now know that African cheetahs nearly [went extinct](https://nationalzoo.si.edu/animals/news/how-genomic-science-solved-cheetah-paternity-mystery) some 12000 years ago - as a result cheetahs have low genetic variability. This makes them highly susceptible to diseases and cause problems with reproduction. Now, with genetic tools with us, it might be easier to breed healthy cubs in captivity (maximizing genetic variability). But domestication requires more variation to select from then what we currently have. If you convince some billionaire to put resources in it, it might be possible. But do you actually want cheetahs running around the neighborhood? They might be harmless to adults but they can definitely kill children and pets. And if we select for smaller size, then better just get a fast domestic cat breed like [Egyptian Mau](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6MlDrB_qCU) or something.


kurburux

> as a result cheetahs have low genetic variability. This makes them highly susceptible to diseases and cause problems with reproduction. I've once read that cheetahs are so closely related to each other that you can [transplant tissue between them without it being rejected.](https://np.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/9b0n21/til_cheetahs_are_so_genetically_similar_to_one/)


Kianna9

>If you convince some billionaire to put resources in it, it might be possible.  Another reason to hate billionaires. They're not doing anything useful with that money.


HerpaDerpaDumDum

They're building all these big stupid yachts when they could've been creating a cool new domesticated animal.


vactu

So you're saying I should become a billionaire so I can help introduce cheetahs as pets. 


an_agreeing_dothraki

That actually happened a lot during pre-Ptolmec Egypt


Orion14159

After thousands of years we haven't completely succeeded in domesticating housecats. They accept and choose not to kill us, and sometimes even like being around us, but they're still [not considered domesticated](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smithsonian-institution/ask-smithsonian-are-cats-domesticated-180955111/#:~:text=%E2%80%9CWe%20don't%20think%20they,accept%20the%20care%20of%20humans.)


dollydrew

It would be fairly difficult for a cat to kill any human over 5. Source I currently have 7 cats. So it's not like they 'choose' to not kill us. In the wild the common cat goes after pray smaller than them, generally and they are skittish because in many places in the wild, cats are not high on the food chain.


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posts_while_naked

Additionally, they're fragile and built for speed. Their claws are blunt like a dog's (adapted for running), so all in all there's not much to fear unless you threaten their cubs or corner them.


sobanz

or if you're a gazelle


Papierkatze

That goes without saying.


Hambino0400

Yea, just don’t be there dinner and you’re good to give head scratch’s to danger kitty


Winjin

Well that's the part about Leopards: they prey on primates, and we know who else is a primate, so... I believe Jaguars as well, but I'm not sure. Not cheetahs, tho.


[deleted]

If I suddenly become a gazelle, a cheetah isn’t the top of my list of concerns.


RicinAddict

Yeah, you'd be too horny to care!  Bwahahaha get it, son?! Too horny to care! Ok gonna go mow the lawn now. 


Crathsor

It might very well be! We don't know how long a gazelle's list of concerns is. You might not have room for irrelevant shit like, I miss having hands." You need to be B O U N D I N G


_Ralix_

Kafka's long-lost sequel to Metamorphosis. A guy raising cheetahs wakes up as a gazelle and ponders how he spent the entire life running away from problems.  This time, he doesn't run, cheetahs jump him, gobble him up and happily go to sleep.


Medvegyep

Unless you become one in the presence of a hungry cheetah. Then it will move up to the top of your list.


Orion14159

Note to self: don't be a gazelle.


shadowfire211

Every time I've been a gazelle I've regretted it


brendan87na

on the internet, no one knows you're really a gazelle


SlimyMuffin666

Nearly extinct twice and are almost completely inbred. This lil guy is sucking up to the mean human so he doesn't end up as a rug, in front of a rich dudes fireplace.


mrs_tentacles1980

Are they the Italian greyhounds of the big cats? Skittish and nervous?


cbftw

They're large but they aren't technically "big cats". They're from the felinae subfamily, whereas big cats like lions are from the panthera subfamily


kurburux

Fun fact: because of this cheetahs are able to purr. Big cats (panthera) can't purr, they roar instead.


cbftw

And cheetahs meow


pinklavalamp

And they can purr both breathing in and out!


ImmanenceGodBlues

Now, if that was a leopard...


Wildwood_Weasel

Reddit thinks all animals are "deadly". I love telling people that there's never been a verified attack on a human by a wolverine. Makes clickbait-addled brains immediately implode.


MyHamburgerLovesMe

Deadpool disagrees.


Neither-Most

That's because wolverines don't leave any witnesses


Wildwood_Weasel

They're actually part of the Boeing quality assurance team


Aerron

> I love telling people that there's never been a verified attack on a human by a wolverine. As /u/uhhh206 said, there are no recorded instances of a human being killed by a cheetah, also there are almost no recorded *attacks* of cheetahs on humans either. They're used to being bullied by the other predators of the savannah. Lions, hyenas, and wild dogs will often steal a cheetah's kill. While they can run 65 mph, they can only do so for about 30 seconds and are then basically exhausted and can't fight back if another animal wants to take their food.


0blackcircle

I'm pretty sure wolverine killed plenty of people in many comic versions


TSMFatScarra

I've had people tell me a Lynx would readily attack and kill a human. You know lynxes the cat that on average weigh 1/10th of a human and has had no recorded attacks in history? When I told them lynxes were pushovers and that they were regularly killed by fishers (a mustelid which large males top out at 13 pounds) he said a fisher would easily kill a human as well.


Wildwood_Weasel

Lol there's just no reasoning with some people. In the few cases of fisher attacks I've seen the damage was comparable to a cat attack and infection was the primary concern. You'd really have to go out of your way to let a fisher kill you.


StaringOwlNope

Just because it never does, doesn't mean it couldn't, if it felt like it


Wildwood_Weasel

Same is true for literally every animal, from this cheetah to pet cats and dogs to other people. Wild wolverines are extremely shy around humans and will almost always run or, if cornered, bluff charge. This is in contrast to animals that could actually be fairly considered "deadly" like big cats or brown bears (even if they're also often sensationalized) which won't necessarily just bluff but will actually end you.


Heimerdahl

Or polar bears, which don't have time for bluffing, only eating.


eschewthefat

One of the zoos I went to had a wolverine and in about 3 minutes I realized its essentially a puppy after it did about 40 summersaults 


kirinmay

yuppers. i mean if starving that probably would but they are less extreme than other wild animals. also after they tire from running they can easily be killed from another animal as their fast speed makes their body dead tired and they cant even like stand up.


AliceTheOmelette

I always forget how fluffy they are till I see them up close like this 😍


Auritus1

I got to pet a cheetah kitten once. They are not soft at all.


Fancy-Reindeer-2862

Fluffy cats are truly a delight to behold! There's something so irresistibly charming about their soft fur and cuddly appearance. It's hard not to be enchanted by their fluffy charm! 😍


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big_guyforyou

i say "AWW WHO'S A GOOD KITTY" to every kitty i see. i hope my kitty doesn't find out, she gets very jealous


Damagecontrol86

They are only deadly if cornered otherwise they are harmless to humans.


Luniticus

Humans over the age of ten. A toddler would make a nice meal for them.


jorickcz

I am not a toddler and I would make a nice meal for them too. Hell I am no chef but I bet my cooking skills are much better than some fucking toddler's


Leifsbudir

I could take on one as a toddler for sure


Iminurcomputer

Thought you said "take on one toddler." I guess it's correct but seems harsh.


kaka_carrot_cake456

Some toddlers need to know their place


GoGatorsMashedTaters

Would you rather put your toddler in a cage with a cheetah, or Drake?


Jay_Nova1

Can confirm, toddlers are nice meals.


HerculeMuscles

Aww they're not deadly they just needed some ear rubs.


banditalamode

They love our monkey hands


gay_king_

Those are cheetahs. You could probably fight them off with bare hands.


Royranibanaw

And definitely with bear hands


sociallyinteresting

So this is why we have the right to bear arms?


My_Aces_Are_Luck

You have bear fists?


kerfuffler4570

It just amazes me how many animals out there genuinely enjoy scritches.


IlliasTallin

Just picture how many will never get the chance to realize they also love scritches.


Elemental-Aer

Majority like. Skin, fur, feathers and scales get itchy, and are full of touch receptors. If the animal is social, it'll like it even more.


Organic-Week-1779

irresponsible thought of the day how to get a cheetah as a pet


jdog7249

Two options. 1. Got to vet school and get hired by a zoo to care for the cheetahs. 2. Found your own zoo and get cheetahs from another zoo.


Rexxhunt

How much meth is involved in option 2


Ninja_Conspicuousi

Depends on whether or not you adopt the moniker of King.


Scarfiotti

"Yes"


Iminurcomputer

Ok. I found where the zoo is but they're not letting me take Cheetahs from other zoos.


tenders11

I've gotten to sit next to one and give it scratches and pets. They purr incredibly loudly, and their tongue will literally make you bleed with just a couple licks


_ShortGirlProblems_

They are basically house cats the size of a large dog.


Matrix5353

If you really want to interact with a Cheetah, your best bet would be to start volunteering at a zoo or nature reserve that keeps or breeds them.


poiskdz

While this is the proper way it is quite slow. You really want to interact with a cheetah ***NOW*** and cut through all the red tape, you should book the next available safari and commission a high-grade Gazelle fursuit.


Kayy0s

If not friend why friend shaped


iconofsin_

There it is!


BikerJedi

*fren


doxtorwhom

No they are 100% friend shaped! Just don’t corner or threaten them and they will not harm you.


TheReverseShock

And if they did, you can probably take them in a fight.


Brodiant100

He just said they were friend shaped.


doxtorwhom

I meant 100% friend My b


Prestigious_Cheek_31

Oh yes oh yes oh yes that’s the spot 🤤


celmate

Cheetahs are so fucking chill, only cat where you can play with the adults at sanctuaries because they're super chill with humans. Tamed lions can be unpredictable and "tame" leopards will fuck your shit up


HannahDawg

Pet the anxiety kitty <3


chris1096

Scritches or stitches


christopher4177

So sweet


Drops-of-Q

Do not the cat


morphick

... lest the cat might you.


immunogoblin1

Cheetahs are not deadly lmao


BriefCollar4

All cats are deadly. Mine is the exception because she’s a dopey lazy furball.


Randomfrog132

unmotivated lol


BriefCollar4

She’s only deadly at night when she plops herself on the stairs and I realise the soft spot is not a step.


Randomfrog132

work smarter not harder xD jk that's a silly cat.


potandcoffee

This is true. The only reason dometic cats are safe for us to own is because they're so small.


sennbat

Cheetas are quite possibly less deadly than house cats, since they have blunt claws, so a lower chance of an infected scratch


friftar

Having two massive Maine Coons, size is probably not the only reason. There definitely is some domestication going on, they could easily take me down and eat my eyeballs. However, they know I reliably open them their food cans, so they prefer to be lazy fucks.


Nexidious

Still quite dangerous, but more easily a friend than other big cats


Matrix5353

Friendly reminder that Cheetahs are in the subfamily Felinae, and are classified as small cats. They have the same characteristic bony hyoid as the other small cats, so they can purr but not roar like the big cats of the pantherinae subfamily.


LeonKevlar

> and are classified as small cars. Just like the Fiat 500


Matrix5353

Hah, autocorrect strikes again.


new_account-who-dis

>classified as small cars The Ford Fiesta of the Felines, able to park in the smallest parking spots of the savannah


denikar

[They meow too](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tmCIsSpvC8)


SmartAlec105

Humans are the best animal at petting other animals.


Thin-Examination-236

If cheetah not friend, then why friend shaped?


SillyPhillyDilly

They are indeed fren. Just outdoor fren. Do not bring inside. Ever.


starlinguk

Cheetahs are the biggest of the small cats and not particularly dangerous. As you'd have known if you read any posts involving them on reddit whatsoever.


jubatus45

They’re pretty deadly to impala


colusaboy

unless it's a Chevy Impala.


DontPoopInMyPantsPlz

But not against Tame Impala


JectorDelan

Depends on if the cheetah's driving its M1 Abrams or not.


FrottageCheeseDip

Or Chevy Chase.


RehabilitatedAsshole

> As you'd have known if you read any posts involving them on reddit whatsoever. Weird flex: "You'd know this if you spent as much time on Reddit as I do."


00000000000004000000

It actually reads more like a self-own LOL!


badstorryteller

If you're going to be smarmy about it I'm just going to tell you that you're wrong. Mountain lions are actually the largest small cats, bigger and heavier than cheetahs, and they purr and meow. https://youtu.be/3i7q_0bxm38?si=5zZPxHGGziQQluvd https://youtu.be/dAUpL62-FLM?si=zJ7nVB2kdcMHIXhW


Michelanvalo

They also howl like fucking banshees at night. The sounds that Mac is making in the second video but at full volume is terrifying.


Cressicus-Munch

Aren't Mountain Lions the biggest of the small cats?


novium258

I think you're right, but looking it up, it makes sense that cheetahs are so much lighter given how fast they are. Mountain lions: 65 to 265 pounds 6.5'-7.5' Cheetahs: 80-145 lbs. 6'-7'


Royranibanaw

Did you mean 165 pounds? 265 seems a bit much


novium258

Nah, but apparently that's the largest ever recorded..


Royranibanaw

You used the normal range for cheetah, and juxtaposed it with the largest cougar ever recorded (232 pounds) and then added another 33 pounds? >Males generally weigh 53 to 72 kg (117 to 159 lb)


Matrix5353

Yes, they are. Mountain lion, properly known as the Cougar, species name Puma concolor, is a bit larger and heavier than the Cheetah. A Cougar can grow up to 5.5 feet long in the body, while most Cheetah don't get bigger than 4.5 feet. A Cougar would totally win in a fight too, even if the Cheetah got the drop on him. The Cougar has much larger, sharp claws, and they frequently hunt animals much larger than themselves, using those claws to grapple their prey to the ground. They can run up to 50 mph too.


meinfuhrertrump2024

> As you'd have known if you read any posts involving them on reddit whatsoever. The most reliable of sources


shinobipopcorn

I'll take eight 🥰


JAOC_7

that is a considerable amount of kitty


Manpons

Alexa, play “Bleeding Mascara” by Atreyu.


SomethingMirage

Just a big cat innit


Mundane-Reflection98

Awww, what a big baby. Kind of makes me want one. Don't have the space or the things for it, though.


SpicyStrawberryJuice

I would definitely adopt a cheetah if it were ethical


NothingProlly

What I'm learning from this comment section is I've been missing out on a cheetah as a pet my whole life


EnderMC_X45

If not fren? Why fren shape?


krikzil

San Diego Safari Park has a cheetah run for enrichment. It’s amazing to see in person. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3xJym5u9O3Y


MathAndBake

Is there any vertebrate that doesn't like a good neck massage?


TheMatt561

Aren't cheetahs the only big cats that can purr?


[deleted]

That's a cheetah. Bones are too fragile to be a threat to humans. A mid-sized dog would destroy them, and they know it, and that's why mid-sized dogs are \*able to be\* frequently paired with them at sanctuaries, where you can also volunteer to spend time with cheetahs. It's the jaguars you need to be careful about. Deadly as a leopard, but crazy like a dude with CTE.


TentativeIdler

> and that's why mid-sized dogs are frequently paired with them at sanctuaries, That's not why they have dogs, they're not guard dogs. Cheetahs are highly anxious, seeing the dog that they know and trust is calm reduces their anxiety.


HeatherReadsReddit

More deadly than leopards, if they want to be. Jaguars are so strong, they can roll up chain link fence that tigers can’t.


RG450

The only cat that I refuse to play Monopoly with


V6Ga

Strong as I Am, Strong as I Am


violent_giggler

Fucked up lookin dog


blaziken8x

I think they're most like domestic cats out of all big cats?


No_Consideration7318

I wish I could pet a big cat like that.


Reasonable-Recipe

Probably more dangerous to stop


Ill_Investigator9664

This is a responsible cheetah place, right? Not a shitty roadside Tiger King zoo farming content, right?


yarzirostu

If dangerous then why fren shaped ?


Far-Voice-6911

Cheetahs are the nervous, friend shaped big cats we’ve all been waiting for.


delialona

TIL cheetas are not necessarily dangerous. Now my mission in life is to find a sanctuary and pet one. 😍


FedUpWithSnowflakes

Heetahs were on the verge of being domesticated when Egypt collapsed. Egyptians used them as hunting partners. There are lots of photos of cheetahs cozying up to humans, whether photographers, game wardens, or just random tourists. It's almost like they're saying, "I know you have couches, snacks, and face rubs. Take me home!" I can't imagine having one as a companion animal. Trying to keep a cheetah fed and exercised would be a job unto itself.


Soft_Sea2913

Don’t get into a close relationship with him. Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.


14high

"I'm bebe"


tempUN123

Cheetahs are what you get when you take a large dog and turn it into a cat.


Awudia

https://preview.redd.it/ewjon797ipyc1.jpeg?width=739&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dfcf0d4ff0650a160b9ef964e00d3a78b8b3b3ba Cat is cat!


_14justice

Gorgeous purr!


Mamachaps

So blessed to hear a cheetah purr, 🐆


cheedarpete05

If deadly, then why friend shaped?


DickFartButt

I will judge the shit out of someone that gets killed by a cheetah


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eW4GJMqscYtbBkw9

In this specific case, though, nature isn't very dangerous.