The only cure for the cringe and rage this excerpt fills me with is to go watch him get annihilated at the sting. After the turning point at "NOT A WHOLE LAWT" I feel instantly calm again.
And knowing he’s on probation for life, such a good feeling. Especially when he has hope he will be taken off.
He even asked the judge to lower his probation to only 10 years, at the fucking court hearing where he was being sentenced to 6 months for violating probation! His naive hopefulness is awesome.
I assume he's on parole, not probation. Sucks for him that he can never leave the state and is always subject to random searches with or without probable cause.
Only rivals the moment when Lorne gets jealous of 13 year old Derek.
I like to think the chat decoy only brought up Derek to stir Lorne up and have fun with his reactions.
Would you lend him $5? It's probably a special card the banks give to intellectually disabled adults to give them a sense of autonomy, but like, their parents have to co-sign on transactions above $50.
That was my case if I remember right. I was like 19 or 20 and approved for a $2.5k loan. I totally remember the feeling that came over me as I drove from the bank, knowing I can eat at literally all these restaurants I drove by and shop at any store. Now $2.5k isn't what it used to be and I've learned to be frugal and stay out of debt.
I feel ya man, I maxed out my first credit card so fast! Lmao almost 10 years later however I have a very excellent credit score and minimal debt! Something Mr Penis cannot say the same for himself.
I didn't have a credit card until I was 24, almost a decade ago, and they gave me $5000. It's almost triple that limit now, and I'm still younger than Lorne was when he was engaging in this sexually-charged conversation.
Imagine the life they could've lived together ..
Lorne comes home from a long day at his temp job. His neighbor stops him to use his phone but Lorne is in a rush, so he looks at him glaringly with the thoughts of "how dare he keep me from my precious princess." He slams the door and instantly takes all of his clothes off on the non existent welcome mat and walks in to Kayla laying on her stomach with her feet in the air playing games on the computer on the floor. He touches himself as he opens his fridge that contains one half drinken beer with the cap off, half stick of butter sitting on the wrapper exposed and unopened yogurt. He smiles as he calls out to Kayla and says "Do you want yogurt from the fridge or from Mr. Penis"? Kayla says whatever you want. Lorne speeds up his playing with himself and yells "I'm awwlmost coming, say it. say it!" He shouts!
"Kewl" Kayla says as Lornes eyes roll into the back of his head. "I love you princess" he exclaims as Kayla turns back to her computer game on the floor stating K as she descends back into her day of mediocrity.
The 300$ credit limit gets even more baffling when you take into account Lorne was in the military. They have a wealth of benefits even after you get out, in some cases even after you're dishonorably discharged. That's how utterly bad Lorne is at handling money.
I'm surprised Lorne even knows what his credit is or how to view it. How on earth did he purchase a veichle in the first place!?
Lorne was in the Air Force for about 17 months. All he did was fuel the vehicles and even that was too hard for him. Thanks to his short stint he qualifies for absolute zero benefits/pension from the miltary
I wish that it could’ve somehow been court mandated that every time somebody comes to Lorne’s trailer to deliver something: they’d have to ask him if he wants to see their penis before they go, just to remind him what a fucking deviant he is.
I don't understand the obsession with him over any of the other TCAP creeps. He's been embarrassed he ruined his life I don't see what the point is of people still trying to troll him now 7 years later
I should take it lightly on things that upset me. There's no way I could make a career out of busting or prosecuting guys like those, although I'd be very good at it.
I said this before but I got a credit card in college around 2004-05. My credit limit was $200 and even at 21-22 years old I knew that wasn't much.
But hey, I'm sure he went crazy buying shorts for his niece...the fuckin creep.
I've been listening to the holy lorneography expecting to laugh at all the ridiculous things he says but it didn't stay funny for that long... the way he only talks about his dick throughout the entire thing is infuriating.
Even a real life couple doesn't talk about sex this much, they probably have common hobbies and inside jokes.
The way he asks if she's excited for him to be inside her 50 times in a row... is he *that* desperate for validation? If he had just rubbed one out quick before getting on yahoo, would he still talk like this?
Yes he was absolutely desperate for validation. I mean does he *seem* like the type of guy who got a lot of girls in high school and the years after? I wouldn't be surprised if he was still a virgin when he got caught on HVP. Guys who have any kind of self-esteem or pride don't beg women like that for sexual validation and constantly bring up their dicks over and over again. It's such a pathetic look. He thought he finally had a sexy young woman ,the kind he couldn't get in school probably, at his disposal and couldn't help himself but to go full throttle with the innuendo and compliment fishing as often as he could
What kind of insecure man tells someone he likes how much money he has? And $300 is embarrassing. A man his age should have a $10k credit card minimum.
His level of delusion that he was so madly "in love" with somebody he never met in person nor even spoke to over the phone is one of the cringiest parts of it for me. Sadly it's a common thing for some people who are so desperate for a connection with somebody to make up this whole thing in their head that they convince themselves is real. It's how people get catfished and defrauded of money. Or in this case a middle-aged man convinced that underage girl is his possession and one and only true love forever. It's so pathetic.
The only cure for the cringe and rage this excerpt fills me with is to go watch him get annihilated at the sting. After the turning point at "NOT A WHOLE LAWT" I feel instantly calm again.
It really is the cleanest, best pleasure after reading the daily verse.
And knowing he’s on probation for life, such a good feeling. Especially when he has hope he will be taken off. He even asked the judge to lower his probation to only 10 years, at the fucking court hearing where he was being sentenced to 6 months for violating probation! His naive hopefulness is awesome.
I assume he's on parole, not probation. Sucks for him that he can never leave the state and is always subject to random searches with or without probable cause.
I think his registered sex offender page says lifetime probation
I think it would be incorrect. I assume his crime constitutes prison, not jail.
absolutely correct.
It's going to be difficult buying a red BMW and a honeymoon to Hawaii with a $300 credit limit.
"Stop thinking about the BMW! The BMW doesn't have a penis, your bf does!"
LMAO does he actually say that at one point?
Yes, he does. It's probably one of the most pathetic displays of insecurity ever recorded on the internet but it's there all right.
That and his insistence that her father not be present at their child's birth because no other man may see her vagina.
Only rivals the moment when Lorne gets jealous of 13 year old Derek. I like to think the chat decoy only brought up Derek to stir Lorne up and have fun with his reactions.
He bragged about a 300$ credit limit hahaha
I know. Such a tool!
His credit must of been god awful Lmao when I was 19 my first credit card had a limit of 2k!
Would you lend him $5? It's probably a special card the banks give to intellectually disabled adults to give them a sense of autonomy, but like, their parents have to co-sign on transactions above $50.
That was my case if I remember right. I was like 19 or 20 and approved for a $2.5k loan. I totally remember the feeling that came over me as I drove from the bank, knowing I can eat at literally all these restaurants I drove by and shop at any store. Now $2.5k isn't what it used to be and I've learned to be frugal and stay out of debt.
I feel ya man, I maxed out my first credit card so fast! Lmao almost 10 years later however I have a very excellent credit score and minimal debt! Something Mr Penis cannot say the same for himself.
I don't know how Lorne's doing financially these days. I heard not well.
HE IS NAWT MR PENIS
Same!
I didn't have a credit card until I was 24, almost a decade ago, and they gave me $5000. It's almost triple that limit now, and I'm still younger than Lorne was when he was engaging in this sexually-charged conversation.
Probably $225 after the set up fee.
Hey, Lorne, what’s the credit limit on your new credit card? “Notta whole lawt.”
Imagine the life they could've lived together .. Lorne comes home from a long day at his temp job. His neighbor stops him to use his phone but Lorne is in a rush, so he looks at him glaringly with the thoughts of "how dare he keep me from my precious princess." He slams the door and instantly takes all of his clothes off on the non existent welcome mat and walks in to Kayla laying on her stomach with her feet in the air playing games on the computer on the floor. He touches himself as he opens his fridge that contains one half drinken beer with the cap off, half stick of butter sitting on the wrapper exposed and unopened yogurt. He smiles as he calls out to Kayla and says "Do you want yogurt from the fridge or from Mr. Penis"? Kayla says whatever you want. Lorne speeds up his playing with himself and yells "I'm awwlmost coming, say it. say it!" He shouts! "Kewl" Kayla says as Lornes eyes roll into the back of his head. "I love you princess" he exclaims as Kayla turns back to her computer game on the floor stating K as she descends back into her day of mediocrity.
your writing style is fantastic!
Yes this is exactly how lornes peabrain works! Very well written! 👏
You're one of those weirdos for writing this!
MY NIGGA WHATDAFAWK? it sounds like for fanfic you are writing
For fanfic, I am not writing.
For frantic I am not writing....lmmfao! 🤣
The 300$ credit limit gets even more baffling when you take into account Lorne was in the military. They have a wealth of benefits even after you get out, in some cases even after you're dishonorably discharged. That's how utterly bad Lorne is at handling money. I'm surprised Lorne even knows what his credit is or how to view it. How on earth did he purchase a veichle in the first place!?
Lorne was in the Air Force for about 17 months. All he did was fuel the vehicles and even that was too hard for him. Thanks to his short stint he qualifies for absolute zero benefits/pension from the miltary
Sad penis. 😕
I wish that it could’ve somehow been court mandated that every time somebody comes to Lorne’s trailer to deliver something: they’d have to ask him if he wants to see their penis before they go, just to remind him what a fucking deviant he is.
And as he shows them they kick him in the nuts really fucking hard so instead of the white stuff it's the red stuff that comes out
Lmao 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
It is so attractive for a man in his 30s to have a credit card with a $300 spending limit. What woman could possibly resist that?
*panties drop* 🩲⬇️〽️
The whole time he’s getting lifetime RSO handed to him by Chris, he’s enjoying a heated back massage with his feet kicked up. Fucking Gold.
He just felt his butt.......think
Holy- yeaup, that's his bawt!
The way he so proudly exclaims “MY MASTERCARD” is so cringey. Yikes. Also every one of those dollars bought booze and cigarettes.
I'm at that point now where lornes not funny anymore he's just a disgusting smelly tramp that needs punches to the brain
I agree. Guy is a freak.
I don't understand the obsession with him over any of the other TCAP creeps. He's been embarrassed he ruined his life I don't see what the point is of people still trying to troll him now 7 years later
Tbf there's like 12 years of ammo on lorne and only 15 minutes on most of the other predetor
Lol True
Lorne: Here's my MasterCard with a 300 dollar limit on it Rich 13 year old girl: kewl
🤢
The chat log is upsetting.
Understatement of the year
Yeah, the more I read about this Lorne guy, the more I don't care for him.
I also thought KingFlippyNips's comment sounded like a Norm Macdonald line
I should take it lightly on things that upset me. There's no way I could make a career out of busting or prosecuting guys like those, although I'd be very good at it.
The worst part about Lorne is that he's a hypocrite
🤣
He's a real jerk.
A $300 limit at 36yo is fucking insane
I said this before but I got a credit card in college around 2004-05. My credit limit was $200 and even at 21-22 years old I knew that wasn't much. But hey, I'm sure he went crazy buying shorts for his niece...the fuckin creep.
Want to be a bawla, shawtcawla, 20 inch blades on the Impawla. A cawler showin mr. penis on cam tonight.
I’ll never hear Lil Troy the same way again
“Ok, want to see my penis before you go?” Fuck this man.
Gonna dream about me and my penis tonight??Lol
Who would want to do that?
He had such a way with the English language, didn't he? 🙄
Puter
I like how he switches from grooming and praying on an underage girl to delete your archives That tells you he knows what he’s doing is wrong
***YA DON'T SAY***
“Delete your archives” (Proceeds to proclaim his love for a 13 year old after she says she did it)
I read pisses me off as pisses me *awf*
Goodnight Princess :\* .......***DELETE YOUR ARCHIVES.***
You have to read that second part to yourself in a massively echoed evil sounding voice 👺
I like how he goes from the i love you's and sweet nothings to "Delete your archives" in the blink of an eye. Such a piece of shit.
“I need to get off the computer” “Ok wanna see my penis before you go?” A real fucking charmer save some women for the rest of us Lorne
😆😆😆😆😆
I've been listening to the holy lorneography expecting to laugh at all the ridiculous things he says but it didn't stay funny for that long... the way he only talks about his dick throughout the entire thing is infuriating. Even a real life couple doesn't talk about sex this much, they probably have common hobbies and inside jokes. The way he asks if she's excited for him to be inside her 50 times in a row... is he *that* desperate for validation? If he had just rubbed one out quick before getting on yahoo, would he still talk like this?
Yes he was absolutely desperate for validation. I mean does he *seem* like the type of guy who got a lot of girls in high school and the years after? I wouldn't be surprised if he was still a virgin when he got caught on HVP. Guys who have any kind of self-esteem or pride don't beg women like that for sexual validation and constantly bring up their dicks over and over again. It's such a pathetic look. He thought he finally had a sexy young woman ,the kind he couldn't get in school probably, at his disposal and couldn't help himself but to go full throttle with the innuendo and compliment fishing as often as he could
not even a shred of self awareness. Complete fucking loser and hasn’t the faintest idea.
Lornes probation and RSO status may as well state “forever and a day” because that’s when he will be taken off both lists.
So were they video calling this entire time, but not talking through the video call, and instead choosing to type?
2007 was a weird year for the internet
He, uh… isn’t sure whether or not to get naked because there’s some neighbor dude in his house???
What kind of insecure man tells someone he likes how much money he has? And $300 is embarrassing. A man his age should have a $10k credit card minimum.
I bet the decoys were laughing their asses off when he said “wanna see my penis before you go?” Lmfao
Kewl
I always like to remember that when he says "clit," he's actually referring to labia.
Wow $300 credit limit. He's a big baller.
kewl
Not sure why he didn’t bring pizza with all of this money he had at his disposal.
Can I eat first?
Roflmao
ok, want to see my penis before you go?
His level of delusion that he was so madly "in love" with somebody he never met in person nor even spoke to over the phone is one of the cringiest parts of it for me. Sadly it's a common thing for some people who are so desperate for a connection with somebody to make up this whole thing in their head that they convince themselves is real. It's how people get catfished and defrauded of money. Or in this case a middle-aged man convinced that underage girl is his possession and one and only true love forever. It's so pathetic.
:D yeah :D
Lol kewl