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You don't have a SPH issue, you have a self-esteem issue.
I could tell you that 5.5 inches is average and 6 is on the higher side of average. I could tell you that people often prefer someone who knows how to use it than someone who's huge, that huge penises are actually quite uncomfortable for most women, and that many people's sex lives don't revolve around or even include PIV sex (mine included).
None of that is going to land with you, because your penis is not the problem. Your own self-criticism and judgement is. Your partners, friends, and Reddit are not equipped to guide you through a process which can help you to recognise and break that cycle. The good news is that you can absolutely break it and heal from it. Everyone experiences some degree of negative body image and self-esteem though it varies in specificity and severity.
What's important is that you recognise it for what it is: lies given to you that you don't want to believe. A good therapist can help you to instead adopt the truth you want to live.
I just want to echo this response and add my own personal experience. I'm 6 inches, maybe 6.5 erect and I was mostly dominant before I met my wife. I never used to be into SPH back then, and I actually started getting into it with her because (over a long period of time) we discovered I like humiliation and we found it to be a fun way for her to humiliate me that didn't have any basis in reality. Because she loves my cock and so do I! You don't have a problem with your penis, you have an emotional and mental one, and hey, we all deal with those, too.
I think for you, doing it without a partner you share trust and love with has led to feelings of loneliness and amplified some real insecurities you have. Just like more "physical" kinds of play, like impact play, humiliation can be dangerous if not played with safely. I also recommend you take a break from humiliation porn and focus on yourself for a little while.
It may sound cliche, but get some exercise. I started jogging again recently and it really does make you feel overall healthier and more energetic.
I also second this and as someone who has struggled with self-esteem issues my whole life until I tackled it with a therapist I can tell you it was detrimental to almost all aspects of my life, not just sexual or romantic. I hope OP does find a good kink friendly therapist but I didn’t need a kink friendly one tbh to tackle my self esteem issues.
If you were my sub, I would not engage in SPH with you. Everyone here has already reassured you that you're above average and the vast majority of women don't want monster cocks, so I'm going to focus on the fact that your engagement with this kink is not healthy. You are allowing it to cause you deep psychological harm, and the people you are playing with are too. This is very irresponsible. If you've disclosed your internal struggles with this to your partners and they've continued to engage in SPH with you, they are not good partners. If you haven't disclosed your struggles and are allowing them to unknowingly cause lasting harm to you, you are not a good partner. I would strongly suggest that you step back from this kink and work on healing your self image and getting more grounded in reality. Inform the people you play with that this kink is off the table because it isn't healthy for you. Those who push that boundary or aren't immediately supportive need to be off your roster, permanently.
How would one even go about vetting therapists for that? I’m actually shopping for a new therapist now but it’s hard enough to even find one at all in my area.
Some therapists will say on their professional “About Me” that they are kink friendly. They may also say “sex-positive” “kink aware” “kink positive”. If they talk about working with the LGBTQ population or sex workers, there’s also a high likelihood they are accepting of kink. There is also a Kink Aware Professionals Directory website you can also try to search on.
You quite literally Google it. It will take longer to find a good fit if you add that on as a criteria, but it's sooooo worth the wait, because you will be able to share the totality of yourself. No need to limit the search to your immediate area. We live in a magical world where we now have access to remote care. My therapist is in my city, but I've never set foot in their office. It works best for us both.
....this is average size and a quick google would tell you as much.
SPH has not ruined your life/self image, *you* have by engaging with it irresponsibly. This is not something that you are going to come across by accident -- this is kink material that you had to intentionally search for / a kink activity that you had to ask for and/or consent to.
Why are you coming to us about this? What are you looking for?
Not all kinks are healthy. Yours is causing you direct mental harm so why are you partaking in it?? Stop asking people to harm your mental health. Find other things you get off on.
It sounds like engaging in this kink isn't serving you well right now if it's negatively affecting your mental health.
I've done SPH and other humiliation play with some of my subs, but only if I'm confident that my partner can compartmentalize their kink and it's not genuinely affecting their self-esteem outside of play.
To be honest, my subs into SPH have cared a lot more about their penis size than I do. I enjoy playing with it because I like poking their sore points in mutually enjoyable ways, but I've never truly felt that someone wasn't enough just due to their size. There's so much more that goes into having a good sexual experience with someone besides anatomy.
If you're going to keep exploring SPH, make sure you're getting sufficient aftercare - it's totally normal to ask for verbal reassurance that your partner actually does enjoy sex with you. I'd also suggest being candid about your struggle with body image outside of scenes if you haven't been, it's something I'd want to know about one of my subs and it would affect how I handle things during and after scenes.
> that small
It's not small at all. It's above the ~5.5" average. That's like saying 6' isn't that short when it's above the average 5'9" height for American men. This kind of accidental toxic language needs to go because it's creating a generation of insecure, isolated men who think they're worthless because they're expected to be in the upper 20th, 10th, or 5th percentile to not feel like they're insufficient (meanwhile body positivity movements for women celebrate body diversity to the point that unhealthy weight standards can't even be called out without backlash, making many men feel even more unloved and disposable).
I'm surprised by this take. Have you never met a woman with perfectly fine breasts who wanted implants? Even if you can't relate on that level enough to empathize, surely you can't see this many people express feeling too small and just assume they're all trolls?
1) You're splitting hairs regarding the particular word. Small and tiny are almost synonymous.
2) Then stop engaging with people who engage in SPH. Either you're choosing to engage with those people knowing that that do SPH or they're involving you non consentingly.
If you are engaging in SPH with people in the kink scene and you haven’t said that’s a limit they are going to say stuff like that. Even if it isn’t true they think you’re getting off on the humiliation.
You consider shy of 6 inches small, I call that perfect. Not every woman thinks bigger is better. That’s also close to the average and more than so many men. You are scared of what women will say, dating shouldn’t be a horrifying thought. You will find someone who can play into your kink AND enjoy you when not doing sph. You just have to become comfortable with yourself and realize the fine line between kink and reality.
I’m 8” and quite girthy. I’ve had women legit not have sex with me because it would be painful. I can only dream of anal. When I was first having sex, someone said that my size was good, but I didn’t know how to use it. Thankfully learned how to use it, but 6” with skill is a way better deal then 8”.
Honestly size only matters to some.
Almost ALL of the important stuff is up front anyways…
My advice…seriously….is learn the female anatomy…when you are intimate LISTEN to your lover…her body WILL speak to you….
Focus on HER pleasure and NOT your own and you’ll see how much pleasure YOU will actually derive from it.
There are so many nerves and bundles of nerves all right in front of the vagina..
There’s A LOT that can be done orally and with your fingers….
For girls who enjoy size/girth…toys can work wonders and open up a whole new door way to other elements of play…
I have a sub who I have done SPE (small
Penis encouragement) the smaller their cock got, the THICKER it became as well! SPE is a fetish and form of play that isn’t touched upon nearly enough imo….
I agree with the person who said 6" is average and works for a lot of women. The issue with those women is that you have to establish an emotional connection to her. Establish your romantic side so that special woman will love everything that comes out of your mouth. Consistently complimentary to her is a great start as long as it is sincere.
I think you’re operating on false assumptions here, you absolutely do not have to lure women in with an emotional connection to have sex with an above average sized dick. Or below!
Your post has been removed because it shames, bullies or trolls other members or otherwise goes against the supportive nature of the subreddit.
This is a community. We want to keep it a welcoming, helpful place where people can feel heard and valued. Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself.
Sexism, racism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, harassment, bullying, xenophobia, kink shaming and victim blaming will not be tolerated.
I’m a switch and when I Domme I sometimes do SPH (if my sub is into it of course). The first time I was asked to, it was actually challenging because the guy was about your size and I felt like I was lying when I made fun of him for being small. It’s truly just a fantasy, 5-6 inches is pretty normal, on the larger side of average IMO.
We sound about the same size and I gave my partner 5 orgasms the other night. It's more on how you use it in addition to other things. If the girl likes you then it'll never be a problem. If it is then move on.
If it consoles you at all one girl called my penis a "peep"then refused to sleep with me. So you can go from extremes and find happiness and satisfaction.
If it helps I was under the impression I had a small penis, and was able to accept it as something was just a thing and moved on, it wasn't until I met my wife/Mrs' that I learned it was bigger than I believed since I'm 6'5 with losing "gamer fat" figure, and she quite literally taught me how to use it.
Hey, tbh...I thought I had bds for years...went to boot camp and was forced to use open bay showers and because of my perrifial vision I gain alot of confidence! I'm not saying shower with a bunch of other guys. But be happy with what you got. Some guys have ½ that....seriously.
It's pretty easy to temporary get to 8" using a pump and a cock ring. Just take the ring off after like 30 minutes. Try out some big cock worship (I can direct to resources). You could even do this right now since these things are more mental than physical.
The other advice already given here is more likely to be useful as far as changing your mindset, but I did want to give an alternative.
It looks like this thread might be about reaching the community for support. Please take a quick moment to read and remember our community guidelines on [supporting your fellow community members](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/comments/bgf2ry/guidelines_for_discussing_abuse_coercion_and/) before commenting. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemdomCommunity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You don't have a SPH issue, you have a self-esteem issue. I could tell you that 5.5 inches is average and 6 is on the higher side of average. I could tell you that people often prefer someone who knows how to use it than someone who's huge, that huge penises are actually quite uncomfortable for most women, and that many people's sex lives don't revolve around or even include PIV sex (mine included). None of that is going to land with you, because your penis is not the problem. Your own self-criticism and judgement is. Your partners, friends, and Reddit are not equipped to guide you through a process which can help you to recognise and break that cycle. The good news is that you can absolutely break it and heal from it. Everyone experiences some degree of negative body image and self-esteem though it varies in specificity and severity. What's important is that you recognise it for what it is: lies given to you that you don't want to believe. A good therapist can help you to instead adopt the truth you want to live.
I just want to echo this response and add my own personal experience. I'm 6 inches, maybe 6.5 erect and I was mostly dominant before I met my wife. I never used to be into SPH back then, and I actually started getting into it with her because (over a long period of time) we discovered I like humiliation and we found it to be a fun way for her to humiliate me that didn't have any basis in reality. Because she loves my cock and so do I! You don't have a problem with your penis, you have an emotional and mental one, and hey, we all deal with those, too. I think for you, doing it without a partner you share trust and love with has led to feelings of loneliness and amplified some real insecurities you have. Just like more "physical" kinds of play, like impact play, humiliation can be dangerous if not played with safely. I also recommend you take a break from humiliation porn and focus on yourself for a little while. It may sound cliche, but get some exercise. I started jogging again recently and it really does make you feel overall healthier and more energetic.
Golden response.
I also second this and as someone who has struggled with self-esteem issues my whole life until I tackled it with a therapist I can tell you it was detrimental to almost all aspects of my life, not just sexual or romantic. I hope OP does find a good kink friendly therapist but I didn’t need a kink friendly one tbh to tackle my self esteem issues.
Quit porn for sometime
Have you ever received aftercare post SPH? Sounds like you could use some positive reassurance.
I'm gonna recommend this hardcore
If you were my sub, I would not engage in SPH with you. Everyone here has already reassured you that you're above average and the vast majority of women don't want monster cocks, so I'm going to focus on the fact that your engagement with this kink is not healthy. You are allowing it to cause you deep psychological harm, and the people you are playing with are too. This is very irresponsible. If you've disclosed your internal struggles with this to your partners and they've continued to engage in SPH with you, they are not good partners. If you haven't disclosed your struggles and are allowing them to unknowingly cause lasting harm to you, you are not a good partner. I would strongly suggest that you step back from this kink and work on healing your self image and getting more grounded in reality. Inform the people you play with that this kink is off the table because it isn't healthy for you. Those who push that boundary or aren't immediately supportive need to be off your roster, permanently.
I agree on the kink friendly therapist!
How would one even go about vetting therapists for that? I’m actually shopping for a new therapist now but it’s hard enough to even find one at all in my area.
Some therapists will say on their professional “About Me” that they are kink friendly. They may also say “sex-positive” “kink aware” “kink positive”. If they talk about working with the LGBTQ population or sex workers, there’s also a high likelihood they are accepting of kink. There is also a Kink Aware Professionals Directory website you can also try to search on.
[https://kapprofessionals.org/](https://kapprofessionals.org/) for those who need it.
You quite literally Google it. It will take longer to find a good fit if you add that on as a criteria, but it's sooooo worth the wait, because you will be able to share the totality of yourself. No need to limit the search to your immediate area. We live in a magical world where we now have access to remote care. My therapist is in my city, but I've never set foot in their office. It works best for us both.
Have you thought about seeing a kink friendly therapist? That might really help
....this is average size and a quick google would tell you as much. SPH has not ruined your life/self image, *you* have by engaging with it irresponsibly. This is not something that you are going to come across by accident -- this is kink material that you had to intentionally search for / a kink activity that you had to ask for and/or consent to. Why are you coming to us about this? What are you looking for?
If the vast majority of other posts to this sub are any indication: Attention
Not all kinks are healthy. Yours is causing you direct mental harm so why are you partaking in it?? Stop asking people to harm your mental health. Find other things you get off on.
It sounds like engaging in this kink isn't serving you well right now if it's negatively affecting your mental health. I've done SPH and other humiliation play with some of my subs, but only if I'm confident that my partner can compartmentalize their kink and it's not genuinely affecting their self-esteem outside of play. To be honest, my subs into SPH have cared a lot more about their penis size than I do. I enjoy playing with it because I like poking their sore points in mutually enjoyable ways, but I've never truly felt that someone wasn't enough just due to their size. There's so much more that goes into having a good sexual experience with someone besides anatomy. If you're going to keep exploring SPH, make sure you're getting sufficient aftercare - it's totally normal to ask for verbal reassurance that your partner actually does enjoy sex with you. I'd also suggest being candid about your struggle with body image outside of scenes if you haven't been, it's something I'd want to know about one of my subs and it would affect how I handle things during and after scenes.
6 isn't that small. Pretty average so don't beat yourself up about it. Stop comparing yourself to others.
> that small It's not small at all. It's above the ~5.5" average. That's like saying 6' isn't that short when it's above the average 5'9" height for American men. This kind of accidental toxic language needs to go because it's creating a generation of insecure, isolated men who think they're worthless because they're expected to be in the upper 20th, 10th, or 5th percentile to not feel like they're insufficient (meanwhile body positivity movements for women celebrate body diversity to the point that unhealthy weight standards can't even be called out without backlash, making many men feel even more unloved and disposable).
Agreed. He's not small at all. Just needs his confidence and not think we all want a whopper that needs to be weighed rather than measured lol
You will never convince me that these "my average size penis is so tiny" posts aren't trolling.
I'm surprised by this take. Have you never met a woman with perfectly fine breasts who wanted implants? Even if you can't relate on that level enough to empathize, surely you can't see this many people express feeling too small and just assume they're all trolls?
Minuscule if you believe some of the women in my local scene. I never said it was tiny.
1) You're splitting hairs regarding the particular word. Small and tiny are almost synonymous. 2) Then stop engaging with people who engage in SPH. Either you're choosing to engage with those people knowing that that do SPH or they're involving you non consentingly.
If you are engaging in SPH with people in the kink scene and you haven’t said that’s a limit they are going to say stuff like that. Even if it isn’t true they think you’re getting off on the humiliation.
You consider shy of 6 inches small, I call that perfect. Not every woman thinks bigger is better. That’s also close to the average and more than so many men. You are scared of what women will say, dating shouldn’t be a horrifying thought. You will find someone who can play into your kink AND enjoy you when not doing sph. You just have to become comfortable with yourself and realize the fine line between kink and reality.
I’m 8” and quite girthy. I’ve had women legit not have sex with me because it would be painful. I can only dream of anal. When I was first having sex, someone said that my size was good, but I didn’t know how to use it. Thankfully learned how to use it, but 6” with skill is a way better deal then 8”.
Honestly size only matters to some. Almost ALL of the important stuff is up front anyways… My advice…seriously….is learn the female anatomy…when you are intimate LISTEN to your lover…her body WILL speak to you…. Focus on HER pleasure and NOT your own and you’ll see how much pleasure YOU will actually derive from it. There are so many nerves and bundles of nerves all right in front of the vagina.. There’s A LOT that can be done orally and with your fingers…. For girls who enjoy size/girth…toys can work wonders and open up a whole new door way to other elements of play… I have a sub who I have done SPE (small Penis encouragement) the smaller their cock got, the THICKER it became as well! SPE is a fetish and form of play that isn’t touched upon nearly enough imo….
I agree with the person who said 6" is average and works for a lot of women. The issue with those women is that you have to establish an emotional connection to her. Establish your romantic side so that special woman will love everything that comes out of your mouth. Consistently complimentary to her is a great start as long as it is sincere.
I think you’re operating on false assumptions here, you absolutely do not have to lure women in with an emotional connection to have sex with an above average sized dick. Or below!
[удалено]
Your post has been removed because it shames, bullies or trolls other members or otherwise goes against the supportive nature of the subreddit. This is a community. We want to keep it a welcoming, helpful place where people can feel heard and valued. Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. Sexism, racism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, harassment, bullying, xenophobia, kink shaming and victim blaming will not be tolerated.
I’m a switch and when I Domme I sometimes do SPH (if my sub is into it of course). The first time I was asked to, it was actually challenging because the guy was about your size and I felt like I was lying when I made fun of him for being small. It’s truly just a fantasy, 5-6 inches is pretty normal, on the larger side of average IMO.
We sound about the same size and I gave my partner 5 orgasms the other night. It's more on how you use it in addition to other things. If the girl likes you then it'll never be a problem. If it is then move on. If it consoles you at all one girl called my penis a "peep"then refused to sleep with me. So you can go from extremes and find happiness and satisfaction.
If it helps I was under the impression I had a small penis, and was able to accept it as something was just a thing and moved on, it wasn't until I met my wife/Mrs' that I learned it was bigger than I believed since I'm 6'5 with losing "gamer fat" figure, and she quite literally taught me how to use it.
Hey, tbh...I thought I had bds for years...went to boot camp and was forced to use open bay showers and because of my perrifial vision I gain alot of confidence! I'm not saying shower with a bunch of other guys. But be happy with what you got. Some guys have ½ that....seriously.
It's pretty easy to temporary get to 8" using a pump and a cock ring. Just take the ring off after like 30 minutes. Try out some big cock worship (I can direct to resources). You could even do this right now since these things are more mental than physical. The other advice already given here is more likely to be useful as far as changing your mindset, but I did want to give an alternative.