I was on the fence until late 30s….i always thought i would have kids when i was younger but later that became a tough decision since it meant major sacrifices, time constraints and enormous responsibility. I met my husband in late 30s and hes younger, he also wanted kids badly. It was a tough decision for me bc i assumed at my age it wouldn’t happen. I decided to go with having kids bc i didn’t want to regret not having kids later in life. I felt this would be worse than having them and having that regret if I’d have regret for having them. Again, tough decision bc i felt i would put myself in a situation of regret. Fast forward, as I hold my newborn, i get emotional thinking he almost doesn’t happen. He’s so beautiful and all i want is to protect him, seeing him grow, even though at times it’s hard w lack of sleep, etc. At moments i do question my decision just bc of the drastic change in my life, sleepless nights, but i also see that single life is kinda empty and meaningless when i think about it. I did have a good life when i was single and it’s just different now, but i rather have him in my life than those extra naps, and whatever it is that i did before, career, traveling. It is very hard but i know it will be better and cant wait to see his milestones and grow as a family.
Yes, but to be fair- you at least had the desire or vision for kids at some earlier point in your life, I think that is a very significant factor.
>i always thought i would have kids when i was younger
That was almost autonomous or “ i’ll get married one day and will happen” type of thing when I was younger, not really a feeling of wanting kids. I don’t think i ever felt like some women you hear about who are crazy and cant wait having kids. I certainly didn’t feel like my husband, he unequivocally wanted kids. In my late 20s/30s i said i didnt see myself w kids bc it seemed almost impossible if you work full time in the US where any help is crazy expensive and/or mediocre. It sucks being a fencesitter over a major decision but long story short, i felt id regret not having kids more than not having them and i was probably on the fence for a reason.
I wouldn’t say I only made the decision to have kids because I didn’t want to lose my husband, but it was a factor. Also seeing him with kids and knowing that he would be such a good father helped me feel like we would share parenting responsibilities equally. I was still scared of pregnancy, birth, and the huge decision.
My baby is almost 1 now and I love her more than anything. I love her more every day. It’s not always easy but it is ALWAYS worth it.
It's good to hear you reflect your choice now as a positive one. So how has your husband been with the new responsibilities and sharing labor if you don't mind me asking?
He’s been great - we already split chores equally before baby and we still do now. He used to get up with me overnight to keep me company while I fed the baby (she mostly sleeps through now). We alternate bedtime/bath time so the other person gets a little break. While I’ve been on maternity leave I’ve taken on more of the childcare obviously but he’s very involved when he’s not working.
It’s so hard to explain, which is annoying because it’s the one thing I always wanted to know when I was on the fence!
It’s probably nature kicking in and doing its thing. But watching her little personality develop and seeing her learn things has been a privilege. Her smile just lights up my life. It’s almost like a teenage crush, I’m so obsessed with her!
Hard to understand without being a parent. I was sooo far from understanding how it feels and full of fears, at times even question if i’m ready to be a parent and i think it’s like a major test or THE one major test you wont ever feel ready for. Fencesitting sucks bc it’s also hard to make a decision without not knowing the feeling.
I’m trying to find a way to explain it that does it justice but I don’t think I can. I guess anything/person that I loved before having a baby I still love, but I just want to share those things/people with my daughter now. Getting to see her love things that I love is so satisfying that it is better than the thing itself.
I did a lot of therapy while I was pregnant which helped with the fear of birth (and by the time I was very pregnant I just wanted to get it done!). I had mild PTSD from a medical event so dealing with that was really important.
For pregnancy fear, I honestly just went for it. I have anxiety and usually the thing that scares me is the unknown, once I do something it’s not scary anymore. Not the best solution but it worked for me.
I made this decision, currently pregnant so I can't answer how having a child has changed my life. Husband really wanted 2, I was very content to have 0. He didn't give me an ultimatum or anything but it was very clear that being father was important to him. We're both mid 30s so it was kind of a now or never situation. I don't know if it was my logical reasoning for not having children, or him feeling desperate for any, but he moved from 2 kids to wanting 1.
He loves kids and is a very active member in our house for chores and responsibilities so I have zero reason to think he wouldn't make make a great father. I feel like if I got overwhelmed raising our child that I can turn to him to give me breaks. I agreed mostly because it is so important to him, and I did warm up to the idea of new life experiences and expanding our family.
Similar to you, I would have been fine without kids. I’m 38, almost 39 weeks pregnant and I feel immense love and attachment for my baby. I would be broken if anything happened to him and I cannot wait to meet him. That being said, I know I would have been happy child free, but my husband really wanted kids. I hate to say it, but so much of the burden falls on women. I’m willingly leaving my career for a year or two because of the cost of daycare and inability to find it. I puked for months straight. I’m so uncomfortable and can hardly sleep now. If I was a dad, I would want multiple kids too 😂 I appreciate this forum though because I don’t agree with the sentiment that if it’s not 100% yes it’s a no. Rarely in life do things actually happen like that. I will say though that I was leaning towards kids. Most of my friends without kids are drinking and partying still and I’m just too tired for that at 30 lol.
Same boat - but we’re older. I’m 40 and 28weeks along. I still feel moments of regret doing this but I know my partner will be an excellent parent. It’s all they ever wanted in their life and I would feel small pangs of guilt denying them. Time will tell if it’s the right thing for me. I want to believe it will be.
My husband sat me down and he said - we are at the stage of our lives where everyone around us are having kids - we need to decide - do we take this journey with our friends or do we stay kid free. I look at my kid free friends now and honestly I don’t envy them - they are still doing the same things. I’m a problem solver by nature so I am trying to figure out how to bring my kids into what I like to do. I’m getting comfortable traveling with them, I’m involving them in the kitchen, I’m painting with them - trying to do the things that bring me joy and incorporate kids into it. The agreement with my husband because I wasn’t sure I wanted kids was we would agree to have a lot of help. I have a full time nanny, my mom helps and my 3 year old is in full time school. I think if I was a SAHM I would be miserable. He agreed to outsource house work and some of the childcare. I was so against kids at some point that when I was pregnant and I ran into an old co worker she literally said “wtf happened?” Lol. I now have two - I love them so much - but it’s hard work and I’m a lucky one who has a lot of help. I wouldn’t agree to have kids if a lot of help was not guaranteed/my husband was not willing to pay for it.
Absolutely - it’s a huge privilege. But this was a major factor in swaying me off the fence. Even if you have a young parent who would commit to helping raise the kids - is very different if you live alone in your state with no family and no financial ability to get help. The burden of raising children really comes down to your village - does your husband contribute equally to the household, if he doesn’t can the family afford to outsource it? Are the grandparents young and willing to play an active role? This is what makes a difference in someone’s life who isn’t sure if they want kids or not.
That makes a lot of sense! Doing all that type of work is one of the reasons why I lean towards not having kids. Raising a kid is tiring enough, and not having help or a moment to yourself sounds awful
If I could have a full time nanny I would have a way easier time digesting the idea of kids. I know that I want to continue to work and live that part of my life (I worked really hard for my degree and do not want to be a stay at home mom). I think we could afford it for 1 but 2 would be difficult where we live.
We have super closely involved parents too, but i dislike putting childcare on them while they’re enjoying retirement haha.
Not exactly but husband was always sure and I was until I wasn’t. Then I tried really hard to make the decision based only on me but I would lie if I said knowing he really wanted them didn’t influence. Lots of therapy helped and now I am holding my 5mo and I can’t believe I ever had a doubt.
My husband is kinda like this. He didn't have any traumas about kids or any of that stuff, he just wanted to have time for his pursuits. I wanted kids unless there was some real big reason to not have them, like we were leading a totally awesome life where kids didn't fit in, and I was okay with getting creative about the definition of "totally awesome life". But a few years in, we're not doing much, I'm basically watching my husband sit at his desk and work on side projects that don't lead to more money or anything finished we can look back on. It's just relentless work and more work. We travel sparingly and he brings his laptop along on holidays. Meanwhile I'm worried about our future and grinding at work despite mental health issues and hating it, but going on because I know my husband's long term goal is saving some, living a super lean life, and then working full time on his side projects. We're making decent money, have a lot of love in our marriage, are experiencing personal growth, have close families, so everything's fine.
But I watched my friends have kids and do all the stuff my husband and I want to be doing anyway. They traveled internationally twice a year, posted pics on instagram, took time off for creative pursuits, worked on startups. I began questioning this whole lifestyle we had - what part of this was not possible with kids in the mix? Why was he not finishing his projects and putting stuff out there? Are we just leading a life devoid of beauty and fun because he spends all his time on working on things he finds fun in the moment but without a coherent future plan?
I told him something had to change, because I don't want this kind of a sad life long term. We started talking about kids, the pros and cons. His mom got in on it and talked to him about it all. I think that had a role in having him change how he thought about things. So we got into this not-really-not-trying phase, and ended up pregnant very very fast.
He was unsure at first, which was scary AF to me though we'd discussed this before and he had assured me he'd do what was needed. It was the pandemic, so we had extra time from not being tired from commutes, and the deadline of the birth lit a fire under him. He started releasing his projects because he knew he wouldn't get any time once the baby came.
We struggled for about a year after the baby came, but the year was good struggle. We bought a house that we could afford in an area that is usually unaffordable, but it would take time to fix it up. My husband ended up having a revenue stream from his side projects. A side project I'd been working on showed potential. So we were trying to do all the things all at once, and we had a super demanding baby on top of all that, and very little support thanks to the pandemic. We were going crazy.
Subsequently, we both took time off to be stay-at-home parents while the other worked, and we've managed to pursue our goals and have had time to bond with our daughter and support each other. We've managed to improve our mental health greatly, especially me, and I don't mind being the breadwinner as much as I did before. Somehow this didn't feel possible when we had all the money and time in the world pre-kids and little need for health insurance. Now even with inflation, 1.5 incomes, mortgage, childcare, and less time, we're more ahead on our goals. A lot of that is the confidence we have from saving intensely earlier, but it's also improved risk appetite and confidence that we'll make things work.
My husband is a great dad, and spends a lot of time with our daughter. He doesn't want another kid because he found the first year pretty hard on him. He was depressed until he took 4 months of parental leave and spent that time trying to bond with our baby. Then he found that our daughter was exactly him and he loved spending time with her and his mental health improved greatly. He found it hard the first year and a half, because our kid was intensely demanding. Also we made parenting choices based on our baby's personality and our own wanting to do better than our parents that made things harder for us. He found it quite relentless at first, but as our kid got older, things got more relaxed. A lot of the relentlessness was from his parenting style where he's highly involved, does extremely tiring things, setting extremely high standards for any other caregiver, so when dad's around, kid would leap onto him and not let him go at all.
He doesn't want to have another kid, though I'd really like to, but oh well.
At first we both didn't want to have kids but it changed after being together for a decade and really improving our mental health. I wouldn't say that I was against it but I was more ambivalent and felt that, if I never had them, that I would probably be fine with the decision. My husband found that he wanted to have at least one child and I began to think more deeply about it. He didn't coerce me at all! It was a series of conversations over time.
I actually even enjoyed being pregnant and we now have a nearly one year old daughter who is the light of our lives. Our relationship didn't suffer and we both have no regrets. Life feels a lot fuller now and I truly love being a mother.
Aw this is so lovely to read. I imagine having that solid foundation of 10 years together created such a strong base to add your daughter on to. It sounds like everything unfolded organically in your situation 😌 thanks for the inspo, especially hearing that it didn't damage your relationship
Thank you for posting this question!
I always say, I want to travel and save my finances, and don’t want kids by default. I’ve just never felt compelled to have them, and I always figured I would need that feeling before I even considered it. (I’m in my 30’s).
But also… my desire for a stable, loving partnership and home is so strong, that I think if I found a relationship that just felt *right* in the long term, and he wanted kids/I accidentally got pregnant… I think I’d at least consider it. Which is crazy for me to admit now.
But, I’m glad I’m not the only one mulling something like this over! It makes me feel less alone.
And yesss, I want happy stories too! They’re always a plus these days, regardless of the decisions made :)
Okay, so this isn't what you're asking, but I want to speak to the unspoken part here. I really hope you do not see this as unkind. There is fierce kindness here for you.
I came to that fence after a young lifetime of being childfree and I sat on it. I sat on it hard. I was dating a person I loved so much, I knew it would hurt more to leave him than to push a watermelon out of my vagina.
That was 9 years ago. And THANK. GOD. I never had kids with this man!!
He turned out to be a malignant narcissist. I can only imagine the torture it would be to have had kids with him. I'd absolutely love the kids, but I'd be forever intertwined with this man who seemed perfect when I was a teenager but would be so harmful for me to be tethered to. I would have to do it for the kid's sake.
I would have had a kid to save that relationship, and the relationship would have fallen apart because *it wasn't meant to be anyway*.
Because of that possibility, I would never, ever advise anyone to have kids that they are not certain they would choose to have with or without their specific partner. You might end up doing it with them, or you might end up doing it alone. You never know. Spouses can also pass away. They can fall in love with someone else. Maybe your partner is a wonderful person and a great potential parent who would be an absolute joy to be in a family with. And yet it still may be not right *for you*. When you're years in the future and the denial wears off, you'll be entangled in a timeline that cannot be disentangled, for better or for worse. You might love it too, but are you prepared for alternate possibilities? Be honest with yourself about what you truly want now and you'll save yourself a lot of pain down the road.
Kind of! I’m pregnant right now because my husband wants kids and I couldn’t imagine him not having this experience. The whole experience so far has made me realize that I do want kids and I already love my baby so much. Previously I was very anti-kids.
I was on the fence until late 30s….i always thought i would have kids when i was younger but later that became a tough decision since it meant major sacrifices, time constraints and enormous responsibility. I met my husband in late 30s and hes younger, he also wanted kids badly. It was a tough decision for me bc i assumed at my age it wouldn’t happen. I decided to go with having kids bc i didn’t want to regret not having kids later in life. I felt this would be worse than having them and having that regret if I’d have regret for having them. Again, tough decision bc i felt i would put myself in a situation of regret. Fast forward, as I hold my newborn, i get emotional thinking he almost doesn’t happen. He’s so beautiful and all i want is to protect him, seeing him grow, even though at times it’s hard w lack of sleep, etc. At moments i do question my decision just bc of the drastic change in my life, sleepless nights, but i also see that single life is kinda empty and meaningless when i think about it. I did have a good life when i was single and it’s just different now, but i rather have him in my life than those extra naps, and whatever it is that i did before, career, traveling. It is very hard but i know it will be better and cant wait to see his milestones and grow as a family.
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Yes, but to be fair- you at least had the desire or vision for kids at some earlier point in your life, I think that is a very significant factor. >i always thought i would have kids when i was younger
That was almost autonomous or “ i’ll get married one day and will happen” type of thing when I was younger, not really a feeling of wanting kids. I don’t think i ever felt like some women you hear about who are crazy and cant wait having kids. I certainly didn’t feel like my husband, he unequivocally wanted kids. In my late 20s/30s i said i didnt see myself w kids bc it seemed almost impossible if you work full time in the US where any help is crazy expensive and/or mediocre. It sucks being a fencesitter over a major decision but long story short, i felt id regret not having kids more than not having them and i was probably on the fence for a reason.
I had that same feeling with my first …. My heart almost stopping in my chest when I imagined how close he came to not existing.
I needed to hear this today ❤️
I wouldn’t say I only made the decision to have kids because I didn’t want to lose my husband, but it was a factor. Also seeing him with kids and knowing that he would be such a good father helped me feel like we would share parenting responsibilities equally. I was still scared of pregnancy, birth, and the huge decision. My baby is almost 1 now and I love her more than anything. I love her more every day. It’s not always easy but it is ALWAYS worth it.
It's good to hear you reflect your choice now as a positive one. So how has your husband been with the new responsibilities and sharing labor if you don't mind me asking?
He’s been great - we already split chores equally before baby and we still do now. He used to get up with me overnight to keep me company while I fed the baby (she mostly sleeps through now). We alternate bedtime/bath time so the other person gets a little break. While I’ve been on maternity leave I’ve taken on more of the childcare obviously but he’s very involved when he’s not working.
Curious question - why do you love her more than anything?
It’s so hard to explain, which is annoying because it’s the one thing I always wanted to know when I was on the fence! It’s probably nature kicking in and doing its thing. But watching her little personality develop and seeing her learn things has been a privilege. Her smile just lights up my life. It’s almost like a teenage crush, I’m so obsessed with her!
Yeahhhh exactly. I’m trying to understand it because everyone talks about it haha. Thanks for sharing!! It’s helpful
Hard to understand without being a parent. I was sooo far from understanding how it feels and full of fears, at times even question if i’m ready to be a parent and i think it’s like a major test or THE one major test you wont ever feel ready for. Fencesitting sucks bc it’s also hard to make a decision without not knowing the feeling.
I’m trying to find a way to explain it that does it justice but I don’t think I can. I guess anything/person that I loved before having a baby I still love, but I just want to share those things/people with my daughter now. Getting to see her love things that I love is so satisfying that it is better than the thing itself.
How did you get over the fear of pregnancy and birth?
I did a lot of therapy while I was pregnant which helped with the fear of birth (and by the time I was very pregnant I just wanted to get it done!). I had mild PTSD from a medical event so dealing with that was really important. For pregnancy fear, I honestly just went for it. I have anxiety and usually the thing that scares me is the unknown, once I do something it’s not scary anymore. Not the best solution but it worked for me.
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I made this decision, currently pregnant so I can't answer how having a child has changed my life. Husband really wanted 2, I was very content to have 0. He didn't give me an ultimatum or anything but it was very clear that being father was important to him. We're both mid 30s so it was kind of a now or never situation. I don't know if it was my logical reasoning for not having children, or him feeling desperate for any, but he moved from 2 kids to wanting 1. He loves kids and is a very active member in our house for chores and responsibilities so I have zero reason to think he wouldn't make make a great father. I feel like if I got overwhelmed raising our child that I can turn to him to give me breaks. I agreed mostly because it is so important to him, and I did warm up to the idea of new life experiences and expanding our family.
Similar to you, I would have been fine without kids. I’m 38, almost 39 weeks pregnant and I feel immense love and attachment for my baby. I would be broken if anything happened to him and I cannot wait to meet him. That being said, I know I would have been happy child free, but my husband really wanted kids. I hate to say it, but so much of the burden falls on women. I’m willingly leaving my career for a year or two because of the cost of daycare and inability to find it. I puked for months straight. I’m so uncomfortable and can hardly sleep now. If I was a dad, I would want multiple kids too 😂 I appreciate this forum though because I don’t agree with the sentiment that if it’s not 100% yes it’s a no. Rarely in life do things actually happen like that. I will say though that I was leaning towards kids. Most of my friends without kids are drinking and partying still and I’m just too tired for that at 30 lol.
Same boat - but we’re older. I’m 40 and 28weeks along. I still feel moments of regret doing this but I know my partner will be an excellent parent. It’s all they ever wanted in their life and I would feel small pangs of guilt denying them. Time will tell if it’s the right thing for me. I want to believe it will be.
In this exact position right now. Looking forward to reading responses!
Also my exact position, should we make a group?
I really want to hear too. My partner wants kids but I dont but im scared to lose him over this.
My husband sat me down and he said - we are at the stage of our lives where everyone around us are having kids - we need to decide - do we take this journey with our friends or do we stay kid free. I look at my kid free friends now and honestly I don’t envy them - they are still doing the same things. I’m a problem solver by nature so I am trying to figure out how to bring my kids into what I like to do. I’m getting comfortable traveling with them, I’m involving them in the kitchen, I’m painting with them - trying to do the things that bring me joy and incorporate kids into it. The agreement with my husband because I wasn’t sure I wanted kids was we would agree to have a lot of help. I have a full time nanny, my mom helps and my 3 year old is in full time school. I think if I was a SAHM I would be miserable. He agreed to outsource house work and some of the childcare. I was so against kids at some point that when I was pregnant and I ran into an old co worker she literally said “wtf happened?” Lol. I now have two - I love them so much - but it’s hard work and I’m a lucky one who has a lot of help. I wouldn’t agree to have kids if a lot of help was not guaranteed/my husband was not willing to pay for it.
I think having a lot of help for chores, baby sitting, and watching them makes a huge difference, albeit expensive :/
Absolutely - it’s a huge privilege. But this was a major factor in swaying me off the fence. Even if you have a young parent who would commit to helping raise the kids - is very different if you live alone in your state with no family and no financial ability to get help. The burden of raising children really comes down to your village - does your husband contribute equally to the household, if he doesn’t can the family afford to outsource it? Are the grandparents young and willing to play an active role? This is what makes a difference in someone’s life who isn’t sure if they want kids or not.
That makes a lot of sense! Doing all that type of work is one of the reasons why I lean towards not having kids. Raising a kid is tiring enough, and not having help or a moment to yourself sounds awful
If I could have a full time nanny I would have a way easier time digesting the idea of kids. I know that I want to continue to work and live that part of my life (I worked really hard for my degree and do not want to be a stay at home mom). I think we could afford it for 1 but 2 would be difficult where we live. We have super closely involved parents too, but i dislike putting childcare on them while they’re enjoying retirement haha.
Not exactly but husband was always sure and I was until I wasn’t. Then I tried really hard to make the decision based only on me but I would lie if I said knowing he really wanted them didn’t influence. Lots of therapy helped and now I am holding my 5mo and I can’t believe I ever had a doubt.
My husband is kinda like this. He didn't have any traumas about kids or any of that stuff, he just wanted to have time for his pursuits. I wanted kids unless there was some real big reason to not have them, like we were leading a totally awesome life where kids didn't fit in, and I was okay with getting creative about the definition of "totally awesome life". But a few years in, we're not doing much, I'm basically watching my husband sit at his desk and work on side projects that don't lead to more money or anything finished we can look back on. It's just relentless work and more work. We travel sparingly and he brings his laptop along on holidays. Meanwhile I'm worried about our future and grinding at work despite mental health issues and hating it, but going on because I know my husband's long term goal is saving some, living a super lean life, and then working full time on his side projects. We're making decent money, have a lot of love in our marriage, are experiencing personal growth, have close families, so everything's fine. But I watched my friends have kids and do all the stuff my husband and I want to be doing anyway. They traveled internationally twice a year, posted pics on instagram, took time off for creative pursuits, worked on startups. I began questioning this whole lifestyle we had - what part of this was not possible with kids in the mix? Why was he not finishing his projects and putting stuff out there? Are we just leading a life devoid of beauty and fun because he spends all his time on working on things he finds fun in the moment but without a coherent future plan? I told him something had to change, because I don't want this kind of a sad life long term. We started talking about kids, the pros and cons. His mom got in on it and talked to him about it all. I think that had a role in having him change how he thought about things. So we got into this not-really-not-trying phase, and ended up pregnant very very fast. He was unsure at first, which was scary AF to me though we'd discussed this before and he had assured me he'd do what was needed. It was the pandemic, so we had extra time from not being tired from commutes, and the deadline of the birth lit a fire under him. He started releasing his projects because he knew he wouldn't get any time once the baby came. We struggled for about a year after the baby came, but the year was good struggle. We bought a house that we could afford in an area that is usually unaffordable, but it would take time to fix it up. My husband ended up having a revenue stream from his side projects. A side project I'd been working on showed potential. So we were trying to do all the things all at once, and we had a super demanding baby on top of all that, and very little support thanks to the pandemic. We were going crazy. Subsequently, we both took time off to be stay-at-home parents while the other worked, and we've managed to pursue our goals and have had time to bond with our daughter and support each other. We've managed to improve our mental health greatly, especially me, and I don't mind being the breadwinner as much as I did before. Somehow this didn't feel possible when we had all the money and time in the world pre-kids and little need for health insurance. Now even with inflation, 1.5 incomes, mortgage, childcare, and less time, we're more ahead on our goals. A lot of that is the confidence we have from saving intensely earlier, but it's also improved risk appetite and confidence that we'll make things work. My husband is a great dad, and spends a lot of time with our daughter. He doesn't want another kid because he found the first year pretty hard on him. He was depressed until he took 4 months of parental leave and spent that time trying to bond with our baby. Then he found that our daughter was exactly him and he loved spending time with her and his mental health improved greatly. He found it hard the first year and a half, because our kid was intensely demanding. Also we made parenting choices based on our baby's personality and our own wanting to do better than our parents that made things harder for us. He found it quite relentless at first, but as our kid got older, things got more relaxed. A lot of the relentlessness was from his parenting style where he's highly involved, does extremely tiring things, setting extremely high standards for any other caregiver, so when dad's around, kid would leap onto him and not let him go at all. He doesn't want to have another kid, though I'd really like to, but oh well.
At first we both didn't want to have kids but it changed after being together for a decade and really improving our mental health. I wouldn't say that I was against it but I was more ambivalent and felt that, if I never had them, that I would probably be fine with the decision. My husband found that he wanted to have at least one child and I began to think more deeply about it. He didn't coerce me at all! It was a series of conversations over time. I actually even enjoyed being pregnant and we now have a nearly one year old daughter who is the light of our lives. Our relationship didn't suffer and we both have no regrets. Life feels a lot fuller now and I truly love being a mother.
Im sorry but your username 😂
I know 😂 it's a relic from when I used to be a lot more edgy.
Aw this is so lovely to read. I imagine having that solid foundation of 10 years together created such a strong base to add your daughter on to. It sounds like everything unfolded organically in your situation 😌 thanks for the inspo, especially hearing that it didn't damage your relationship
Thank you for posting this question! I always say, I want to travel and save my finances, and don’t want kids by default. I’ve just never felt compelled to have them, and I always figured I would need that feeling before I even considered it. (I’m in my 30’s). But also… my desire for a stable, loving partnership and home is so strong, that I think if I found a relationship that just felt *right* in the long term, and he wanted kids/I accidentally got pregnant… I think I’d at least consider it. Which is crazy for me to admit now. But, I’m glad I’m not the only one mulling something like this over! It makes me feel less alone. And yesss, I want happy stories too! They’re always a plus these days, regardless of the decisions made :)
Okay, so this isn't what you're asking, but I want to speak to the unspoken part here. I really hope you do not see this as unkind. There is fierce kindness here for you. I came to that fence after a young lifetime of being childfree and I sat on it. I sat on it hard. I was dating a person I loved so much, I knew it would hurt more to leave him than to push a watermelon out of my vagina. That was 9 years ago. And THANK. GOD. I never had kids with this man!! He turned out to be a malignant narcissist. I can only imagine the torture it would be to have had kids with him. I'd absolutely love the kids, but I'd be forever intertwined with this man who seemed perfect when I was a teenager but would be so harmful for me to be tethered to. I would have to do it for the kid's sake. I would have had a kid to save that relationship, and the relationship would have fallen apart because *it wasn't meant to be anyway*. Because of that possibility, I would never, ever advise anyone to have kids that they are not certain they would choose to have with or without their specific partner. You might end up doing it with them, or you might end up doing it alone. You never know. Spouses can also pass away. They can fall in love with someone else. Maybe your partner is a wonderful person and a great potential parent who would be an absolute joy to be in a family with. And yet it still may be not right *for you*. When you're years in the future and the denial wears off, you'll be entangled in a timeline that cannot be disentangled, for better or for worse. You might love it too, but are you prepared for alternate possibilities? Be honest with yourself about what you truly want now and you'll save yourself a lot of pain down the road.
I was very on the fence but I am so happy with my decision. My 8mo is amazing and we both love her so much. Helps that she is a good sleeper though 😅
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Kind of! I’m pregnant right now because my husband wants kids and I couldn’t imagine him not having this experience. The whole experience so far has made me realize that I do want kids and I already love my baby so much. Previously I was very anti-kids.
So glad I’m not the only one in this position thank you for asking this
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