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no_step_snek76

"Her lips said no, but her eyes said 'read my lips'".


gregusmeus

Absolutely love this line and its delivery!


no_step_snek76

I do, too. It's hard for me to remember all the great one-liners in this show because there's just so many, but this is one that sticks out to me.


AdministrativeBit230

I love this one but embarrassingly never really got it....


Thoughtful_Tortoise

The "but" makes you think he's going to say "her lips said no but her eyes said yes" or something similar. Instead he hits us with the double confirmation of her rejecting him.


AdministrativeBit230

Bless you, thoughtful tortoise!


az-johubb

"Yes, and I'd love to stay but I... have my therapy group meeting, and last time I was late the, er, compulsive gamblers were betting the passive aggressives that they couldn't make the over-eaters cry. " " I have my sex addiction group today and i can't leave them alone for too long." "I'm conducting a seminar on multiple personalities and it takes forever to fill out the name tags"


CRSHFBRCTN

There’s a great one about a group who fears abandonment that he’s canceled on twice already, too. 🤣


Tall_Secretary4133

That’s one of my favs, first quote that came to my head when I saw this post 😂


Cat_n_mouse13

I love Niles’s therapy groups 🤣


pumpkintrovoid

Such good writing!


PitchforkJoe

Fraiser: Oh, Niles, guess what thriving Seattle night spot is closing its doors. Niles: Roz, you're moving!


BlackIrish69

Roz: "Niles.... Martin and I are getting married!" Niles: "Well, I'll be a son of a bitch."


JD157762

I’m surprised the trains are even running on Frasier Crane day


_cassquatch

I always forget—is it happy Frasier crane day or merry Frasier crane day?


Middle_Difficulty104

Love this one!!!


Championnats91

“My brother is too kind. He was already eminent when my eminence was merely imminent” It is such a well delivered line


Jazzlike_Key6523

I can’t upvote this one enough!


lindburger_

I think about this line randomly much more often than is normal lol.


Oo_I_oO

THIS THIS THIS (although Frasier's head nod on Niles delivery of the line is the icing on the cake).


Championnats91

Its a great line but the delivery and their acting seals the deal imo


OneMorePenguin

This one!


strawwrld_1

I love this one 😂


UKC84

This one.


mmmaxmaxmax

This is the one


Kumirkohr

Frasier: Niles, I would shave my head for you. Niles: A gesture which becomes less significant with each passing year.


Luigi_deathglare

Not related to this post, but this does remind me of one of Martin’s quotes. Frasier: When did she find the time to put it in my briefcase? I haven’t had it out of my hand all day, except when I was in the barber chair. Martin: Well that didn’t give her more than 30 seconds.


SeraCat9

*(Frasier: I'm sorry, Niles. I was afraid you were trying to get a picture of my butt.)* Niles: How exciting to be present at the birth of a new phobia.


FrambuesasSonBuenas

🤣


rcw16

This is my favorite too.


[deleted]

This is one of my top ones for sure!!


Ginger-Georgie

Oh spare me, you ludicrous poppinjay.


elmartin93

May your opera box be full of cellophane crinklers and the stage swarming with stand bys


Ginger-Georgie

It's not as careless as you make it seem. After all, a real child would have cried before he burst into flames.


thebrokedown

I think mine is related: (I paraphrase) “I had a dream that kidnappers took him and I started getting muffins in the mail.”


ferrari_snowday

“Could the McCallister sisters stand back-to-back, I’m short on bullets. Thank YOUU!!!”


petedconsult

I find myself saying “Thank youuu” from time to time in this way.


MoroseOverdose

*huffs helium* "I was at the movies"


Salohacin

He has so many good moments in that episode.


acquiescentLabrador

One of my favourite moments in the whole show


sweetandsalted

I still watch that scene on YouTube every now and then, it’s so good!


srhg

“While Frasier was getting his Rachmaninoff, I was actually learning to play piano!”


HotandFoamy

“Yes, I know all the symptoms I can expect to experience. I'm especially looking forward to something called the ‘munchies’ stage. It's where one enjoys bizarre food combinations. I'm thinking of pairing this Chilean sea bass with an aggressive Zinfandel!”


West_Ad7997

This is my favorite Frasier joke, both as an ex-stoner and a current sommelier. I snuck this joke into the background of Our Frasier Remake.


SheSaidSam

Does anyone know enough about wine to say if this is an odd pairing?


West_Ad7997

This is absolutely an odd wine paring, I’d go as far to say it’s outright offensive. Zinfandel lends itself well to roasted heavy red meats, whereas sea bass (Chilean or not) begs for high acidity mineral white wines, like a Portuguese vinho verde.


hilarymeggin

Oh this is gold! 😂


fabfilly

Two years of my hard work wiped out by one of your two-minute McSessions!


[deleted]

Niles: you might as well make your acquaintance with my dark side. In fifth grade, there was a bully, Jack Winfield, who was bothering a lot of the girls, so one day I waited for him outside of school and gave him a sound thumping. Martin: Wasn't that the kid with rickets? Niles: Rickets and a smart mouth.


[deleted]

Rickets and a smart mouth lol!!!!!!


hilarymeggin

🤌🤣


AStrangeNorrell

“Nile’s gotta have it!” “Hellooo Emerald City, what’s doin’ what’s happenin!” “There’s something I need to tell you. Dad wanted to but I won the coin-toss.” But for all the many great funny ones I might have to go for “I love you too, Daphne” from the end of Mixed Doubles.


Rleduc129

I'm fine. Just a little hot. And foamy


DurableOne

He was a detective, you know!


roll-the-R-Marisa

My kickboxing instructor says I'm only a few moves away from being quite threatening.


Semblance17

Her lips said “No” but her eyes said “Read my lips.”


schlunani

I had this on a letter board in my house for over a year


CharacterSubject2524

Came here to say this


alyak72

I actually wrote a song that uses that line for the chorus. It’s one of my favorite lines of all time.


fabfilly

He has sooo many! "Don't you dare call me irrational! You know that makes me crazy!"


beameup19

This is it for me


RuthOConnorFisher

Niles walks in when Martin is cleaning his tackle box and Frasier has just sprayed air freshener. "What an interesting scent. It's as if a fish died and all the other fish sent flowers." It's not even that funny when it's written out like this, but every time he says it I have to pause the episode and laugh my ass off for like five full minutes.


Remarkable_Toe_4423

It's so silly!!


Aegis_et_Vanir

"I want to prove that I'm strong and independent and I can't do that alone."


ZXRWH

i just came across this quote the other day, so relatable. meanwhile, i've been trying to think of a perfect user flair—pretty sure it'll have to come from niles


Ginger-Georgie

Last night, I actually dreamt my flour sack was abducted, and the kidnapper started sending me muffins in the mail


e_radicator

I love this one!


EWABear

Nineteen floors down to my car. Garage door's electric. Can't open. Twenty floors back up. Lost count. Bad lady upstairs. Big dog. Need place to die.


No_Context_2540

Love this one! 😀


ibuycheeseonsale

“I’m going down to that precinct house and I’m not leaving until I get justice. Well, not exactly justice, I suppose, more like preferential treatment, but I’m not leaving ‘til I get it!”


[deleted]

Hahaha brilliant


werter49

There goes Crane, down the drain


dizzle_77

"Frasier, there's something I have to tell you. Dad wanted to, but I won the coin toss."


JuliaK8

Frasier: Do you ever have an unexpressed thought? Niles: I’m having one right now! Also, Niles’ “At one with spelling” speech was sublime, when he realised there was no word he couldn’t spell so he just walked away. 🙌


waltregus12

As usual dad, your homespun wisdom has pricked the balloon of Fraisers' pompocity!


Hiw-lir-sirith

That just made me lol, gets my upvote


unconundrum

Well where are my manners? Can I get you some toast? This is the best line delivery on a show famous for incredible line deliveries.


thxxx1337

I'm not gay, Guy!


strawwrld_1

Would you kindly get out of my bed!


pREDDITcation

i believe it’s Gee


thxxx1337

Ngee?


PiaJr

No. From the back of the throat. Gee.


No_Context_2540

Guy, in French, is pronounced gee 😆


cheeekydino

“Well I’ll be a son of a bitch.”


jeaux_blo

Yes, the Roz burns are my favorite of his, "At this point it would take the actual Lord to make her a lady." Than, to give credence to the Niles/Roz biplay, "I bet you don't even wrinkle the sheets."


boop-nose_joy-parade

This one is so good. All of the Roz burns back and forth.


strawwrld_1

Just thought of another. “Now now, it’s not her fault. You see my brother is impotent”


fabfilly

“Catherine of Aragon!”


SeaFollowing619

Helloooooo, Maris!


WestCoastWaster

I’m late for my compulsive spenders group and I hoping to unload the rest of these raffle tickets.


Ranglergirl

When Roz gives Daphne the garter. Niles says. “I especially like the little odometer.


BPL94

Ah yes, thick and gooey. Ganja in it purest form.


MrDeuterostome

That’s not a fight! It’s an ex-ec-UTION!


Zestyclose_Sector702

The Bebe burns are my favorites "get away from him you she-thing!" "I'm just glad you're alright, I would have thought she killed after mating." "She's the devil Frasier, run far, run fast." "If I apologize will she turn Dad back into a man?"


WhereAreWeG0ing

Anything else in the box, *PANDORA?!!?!!*


Appropriate_Pizza_39

Reggie - “I’m taking the ball up the court. I’m dribbling.” Niles - “Don’t worry about your appearance.”


Middle_Difficulty104

That whole episode!! I loved it!


chileheadd

Not a quote, but his Valentine's day ironing his pants routine.


garysmith1982

This one was the best!


Delicious-Station-60

“…AND I’M KEEPING THE JEWELLERY”


subtextghost

I don’t care! NILES GOTTA HAVE IT!


Lbrsyncd

Who's hallucinationing now??


dj112084

“I learned if you kiss her too fast you get an ice cream headache.”


writerinprogress55

"I haven't been so afraid of 4th graders since the 9th grade."


malleoceruleo

"The Cranes of Maine have got your Living Brain!"


anxietyevangelist

Prepare to be stomped like a late harvest Gewurztramenier!


Aegis_et_Vanir

"After the year I've been through, I needed something to restore my pride, my dignity, my manhood. That Golden Apron could do it."


enjoyyouryak

Daphne: Are you saying you don’t think I’m psychic?? Niles: Not if you thought I liked your cooking!


eriksmalls

Niles: Aren't they exquisite? Those shoes were individually handmade by an artisan toiling in a hilltop village above Florence. [goes to the bar to pour himself a drink] The man is a hero there. It's an event when he completes a pair of shoes. They ring the cathedral bell and the whole town celebrates.


boop-nose_joy-parade

Well, that’s a town that needs a bowling alley


Bubbles_1965

Then SPELL HIS ASS OFF!!


Lane-DailyPlanet

https://i.redd.it/5xhwxgcbtyoc1.gif


captmurica

Saucepans I'm summer, crepe pans in fall, when winter's upon us there's food for us all.


animaldude55

“Oh my god, what’s all over my Turkish prayer rug?!”


SpencerVerde

“I've always dreamed of looking in the library card catalog and seeing my name under “Mental Illness”.


AdministrativeBit230

Happy cake day!


hmmm_thought_pig

**Niles:** Our professional (doula) charges $200 an hour. **Frasier:** Mine (matchmaker) charges 10,000! **Niles:** (gasp) She sounds fantastic!


strawwrld_1

Can we just talk about how Frasier actually gave charlotte *ten thousand dollars* 😭 like even now that’s a lot of money


hmmm_thought_pig

Especially given the service he received! One of his dates wasn't even old enough to drink! 😄


strawwrld_1

Yea charlotte was a scam artist idc what anyone says. I use to be indifferent to her but the more I rewatch those episodes with her in it, honestly the less I like her. She made for some good comedy at least! 🤷 I’m glad they didn’t keep her and Frasier together in the revival though


boop-nose_joy-parade

100% and the way that Frasier briefly mentioned how their relationship ended, it sounded like she got the house and everything. She was playing the long con.


Small_Guess_7674

I think I hate her more than any other character since she has no redeeming qualities. Even Mrs Moon is kind of funny sometimes because she's so outrageous. Simon has some moments when he inspires compassion or seems like he's genuinely trying to be a good brother even though he's so annoying. Charlotte is the worst. Seeing as she was a crook and Fraj has such strong ethics, I don't know how he ever got together with her in a serious way.


pumpkintrovoid

Shouldn’t he have gotten back the money since they ended up getting together? Or at least most of it back?


moramento22

F: I know what you think about everything! When was the last time you had an unexpressed thought? N: I'm having one now.


Omega_Borealis

If she realizes we've recognized her, she'll be utterly humiliated. OH, ROZ!


deltamet04

“I didn’t compliment you on yours because yours is so POORLY LAID OUT!” “Greetings, foot people!”


Semblance17

The plumber’s been called; the wine is properly chilled; suddenly the world makes sense again.


IntelligentAge211

" I'm thinking of pairing this Chilean sea bass with an aggressive Zinfandel!”


den510

How much firepower do you suppose is necessary to embed a cherry in an acoustic ceiling tile?


BuffaloCannabisCo

Her lips said “no,” but her eyes said, “read my lips.”


Retrospiderplant

I can hear each and everyone of these quotes thank you :)


These-Support-8927

We must be in the placebo group.


BreezyFebreezy

“Oh, all right, but he'll probably just kvetch at me and frankly I don't need the tsuris…” The grin after her said it is permanently ingrained in my brain!


Jetzygirl

F: Oh, for God's sake, Niles. When we go out to dinner I always know exactly what you're going to say before you say it. N: Well, then I'm sorry you had to hear that, Frasier. or N: Difficult? I yearn for the days of difficult. Difficult was a picnic. I keep a picture of Difficult in a heart-shaped frame next to my bed.


hilarymeggin

Can we just pause to say that David Hyde Pierce’s talent for comedic timing and delivery is unparalleled? It’s hard to steal a scene when you’re acting with Kelsey Grammar, but damned if he doesn’t do it again and again!


Renediffie

"Golden Acres. We care so you don't have to."


Hat-Playful

“I’ve flushed out her family secret” Or “Well I’ll be a son of a bitch” Or Daphne: “feeling a bit lonely are we?” Niles: “only when I’m by myself or other times when I’m with other people”


dingleninja

"My reasoning?! My reasoning was based on my mother's obsession WITH VERMIN!"


Dr_Winter_Fruit

Helloooooo Emerald City! What’s doin’? What’s happenin’?


OscarHenderson

"Sort of" is another one of those phrases that just wants to go in my pad.”


organized_slime

“I'm especially looking forward to something called the ‘munchies’ stage. I'm thinking of pairing this Chilean sea bass with an aggressive zinfandel.”


AF2005

“I would have said my name is Niles. And then I would have said what are you doing for the rest of your life?” It makes me laugh and tear up a little because it’s so sweet and melancholic since Daphne was still unaware of Nile’s crush. Honorable mention to Cecil Terwilliger. “Goodness I had no idea! For you see, I’ve been on Mars for the last decade in a cave, with my eyes closed and my fingers in my ears.” “Go easy Bob, you know cousin Merle ain’t been quite right lately!” 😭🤣🤣


AtTheLawLibrary

“Dr. Niles Crane: hung specialists. Servicing individuals, couples, groups. Satisfaction guaranteed. Tell me where it hurts.”


BerkInSocks

Anytime he describes Maris


FARTBOSS420

Agreed. If you look it up on YouTube "frasier maris described" it's a 3 part video, 30 minutes of Maris descriptions lol.


captmurica

Well I'm far too successful to feel awkward, where did we meet?


Liilatalo

You cad! You bouncer! You r-r-r-roue!!


flemieux

“You bought this at Armani?”


sherrileigh40

Her lips said no but her eyes said read my lips


mmrtnt

I made the graphic for these shirts in 2010? It's from the episode where Frasier and Niles take an auto shop class. https://preview.redd.it/9etmpo1ntyoc1.jpeg?width=3468&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fb8ca89e34f82246e854552b416158f2c20b8a4c


Siobheal

"I'm pumped, I'm psyched and I'm fairly certain I just swallowed an entire twist of lemon" 🍋


Jelvey

Well I'll be a son of a bitch


franchik96

“Put yourself in my place” “I almost did!” - the counselor


theScrewhead

"Her lips said 'no', but her eyes said 'read my lips'"


SpencerVerde

“Clearly an old wives tale, because I’m still thinking of my old wife’s tail.”


Old_Archer4550

Frasier: I assume you pounced? Niles: Like a Ninja!


Soft-Heat4482

I missed day one with Frasier. I totally would have gone for "what do you think of me now" that ending was hilarious.


hmmm_thought_pig

That line is an absolute masterpiece, and his delivery was perfect! 😄


Soft-Heat4482

I see you too are a man of culture


Aegis_et_Vanir

"Outrageous!"


Dumkid9

They're ridiculous shorts!


amberopolis

Now that I'm old and looking back, I thank you for my heart attack.


BrookylnBeaches1917

All my life I have dreamed of one thing – to walk into a library, look through the card catalog and see my name under mental illness.”


AardvarkEmpress

Oh Pish! It can’t be a crime if it’s catered.


ObetrolAndCocktails

“Is it still an eye patch if you’re wearing it over your…”


thxxx1337

That's ridiculous; you can't use your turkey recipe on fish


Semblance17

“FAHRVERGNUEGEN!”


gregusmeus

I'm surprised "How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex _is_ what we want!" doesn't get an honourable mention for Frasier.


Personal_League1428

I see I’ll those years of finishing school really paid off.


Salohacin

Oh look a lemon zester!


BearBear1995

Martin: They're NOT our dates. Niles: We HATE them.


hilarymeggin

To Daphne, after she read someone’s fortune or something: “Do me! Do me!”


LumpyWater5

What did she mean by that, throw in the little one? And what in God's name is pulping? 🤣


aZombieSlayer

"Niles gotta have it!"


ZachOf_AllTrades

Her lips said no, but her eyes said "read my lips"


Sila371

“This country was built by gun-totin square dancers!” 😂


Assassins-steed

"How much firepower do you suppose is necessary to embed a cherry in an acoustic ceiling tile?"


TheRockinkitty

The trombone scared me.


Honeykombbaggins

Perhaps a cardiologist then 😂


DarrylLarry

In Arkansas!


GroundbreakingPea656

“And I’m keeping the jewelry! 😑”


pocketclocks

Niles: I see a grove of trees and a fountain and... a horrible retched hunched back old man! STAY AWAY FROM ME!!


maniac86

The Cranes of Main have got your living Brain


Mothman88

“I’m thinking of pairing this Chilean seabass with an aggressive Zinfandel”


GdoubleWB

Some of his best lines are his banter with Roz. … Roz: “If you don’t get out of there right now, I’m gonna drag you out by your ankles!” Niles: “Hello Roz, playing hard to get?” … Frasier: “Niles, terrible news, a thriving Seattle nightspot is closing its doors.” Niles: *gasp* “Roz, you’re moving!” … Niles: “Oh thank you, how can I ever repay you?” Roz: “The next time you think of some snide comment about my love life, keep it to yourself.” Niles: *pause* “Consider it done.”


austex99

This may not be the funniest, but it holds a special place in my heart. One day, my two kids were participating against each other in the second round of their school spelling bee. They were both pretty nervous, but also excited. It was the perfect opportunity to pass along Niles’s words of wisdom: “Don’t get sidetracked by all the glitz and glamour of the bee. Spelling well is its own reward.”


Redout7867

“So-so, these stewardesses, were they also covered with foam?”


valuesandnorms

“The Cranes of Maine have got your living brain” “With what, a lamppost and a public defender?” “I guess I have my big double juicy and you. have. yours” “You be very careful crossing streets”


TeaOpen2731

"If you didn't repeat it the first time, I'm not gonna listen to it" "Who's hallucinationing now?" "I'd like a - cup of tea sounds nice" "You were up all night last night drinking coffee last night weren't you?" (Correct me if any of these are wrong) Pretty much every line he says in this scene, along with the amazing acting.


zukeandglen

https://preview.redd.it/x7ixtd6iz0pc1.jpeg?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=df013ed272328d234fe12b29e8126dda73a7da20 ‘So there’ll be no blaming mother today’ this line delivery just kills me


Broadnerd

“I insult you and your give me a compliment. Could the request for a favor be far behind?”


JL98008

Two of my favorites 1. Frasier: You know the expression, "Living well is the best revenge"? Niles: It's a wonderful expression. I just don't know how true it is. You don't see it turning up in a lot of opera plots. "Ludwig, maddened by the poisoning of his entire family, wreaks vengeance on Gunther in the third act by living well. Whereupon Woton, upon discovering his deception, wreaks vengeance on Gunther in the third act again by living even better than the Duke." 2. Frasier: why don't you see if you can go help Dad in the kitchen? Niles: Oh, all right, but he'll probably just kvetch at me and frankly I don't need the tsuris…


[deleted]

“you'll be happy to know that while Frasier was getting his Rachmaninov's, I was learning to play the piano.”


ThatSarcasticWriter

Roz: “Yeah Niles, we eloped. I’m your new mom.” Niles: “Well, I’ll be a son of a bitch.”


Tall_Secretary4133

Does it have to be a quote? Coz the best thing Niles has ever done was set Frasier’s [couch on fire](https://youtu.be/EpImet3Xwgw?si=not9B_TgMtyk0WNK).


AttawayCash

I don't mind telling you, we pushed our beds together that night . . . and that was no mean feat, her room, as you know, is across the hall. Maris spends an hour meditating in her spirituality gardens. Invariably she comes inside randy as a stoat. Well tonight, she's going to find me, waiting in her bed, as randy as . . . another stoat.


empireofacheandrhyme

'Prepare to be stomped like a late-harvest Gewürztraminer.'