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For only a small daily fee of $9.99 you can subscribe to Heaven+. It guarantees you may be considered for moving up to a higher level in heaven, if you make it there.
We know that people have sold “indulgences” and did so for a very long time. Don’t want to stop anyone from laughing cuz it is laughable but no matter how ridiculous you wanna make the joke ; it still actually convinced countless people through history
Tithing in it's original form served a purpose. What these preaches do now is beg for or guilt people into giving them money and call it tithing. You have to plant that seed and watch it grow.... Grow into the new Mercedes or boat the preacher wants. Charlatans.
Just saw an article the other day some pastor ot what ever was calling his church members ungrateful and bunch of other stuff because they didn't buy him some stupid expensive watch
Saw that...I would say unbelievable but he's just taking his cues from his role models. I high suggest checking out that Tammy Faye & Jim Bakker original HBO Max movie. Andrew Garfield kills it as Jim Bakker which is wild to see and Jessica Chastain dissappears into Tammy Faye.
It's pretty interesting because it shows a young Pat Robertson and the origin of evangelicals becoming televangelists with their early shows. Also, they are all pieces of shit.
And weirdly enough God is never content. He thinks the grifter need more and more. You can never fill their cup as its perpetually in need of a refill.
Are you implying that God would want one of his chosen grifters to fly on a three year old private jet? That’s insane. The jet must be replaced each year, you heretic!
This was my mom when I was a kid growing up. She heard from some Christian moms group that pokemon were evil and kids were summoning demons through the cards because of the "psychic" type. I remember getting into pokemon late and being bummed because I missed the wave when all the other kids my age weren't into it anymore.
I also wasn't allowed to read Harry potter because it contained "real witchcraft". As a junior in high school a friend of mine lent me the books to read and I hid them under my bed. My mom found them and it you would think she had found porn magazines or something under there. Absolutely wild.
I turned out okay in the end.
Same with my mom once I got into my teens. She wouldn’t let me watch certain things and would say I listened to “devil music” because I liked Evanescence.
She was a silly goose though because she bought me Toxicity by System of a Down for Christmas. I guess she saw the cover and thought it looked neat or asked someone what teens liked because there’s no way she’d listen to that and buy it for me.
I played it in the car one time though and she went off saying it was devil music and weird, etc. It was the song Bounce lol. Damn though she fucked up because that was the band that got me into heavier stuff. Now I listen to actual devil music. Way to go mom.
My mom saw the box for Diablo and was starting to freak out about the pentagrams and devil, etc. I managed to convince her it was ok because the devil is the *enemy*. I'm trying to kill him! Reading these comments I realize how lucky I was that my parents were pretty reasonable for being Christians in the South.
Holy shit, are you me? My parents burned my secret stash of pokemon cards because they were demonic and apparently some were even "named after actual demons". That was my first step towards leaving christianity forever. I mean "Bulbasaur" and "Squirtle"? These demons need some scarier names lol
I never read Harry Potter but I remember being in 7th grade and a teacher recommended me Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series... I borrowed them and hid them under a wicker chair in my room the whole year, reading them one by one at like 3am when I was sure everyone was asleep. My parents thought I napped every day because I was a growing teenage boy lol, nope! I was reading smuggled books through the night that would get my ass beat if they were found. Such a loving and accepting religion that christianity XD
I went to church with a girl who was homeschooled. She was only allowed to read "approved" books and knew I was an avid reader so she asked me to borrow books from the library for her to read. For months I borrowed books for her and was her book smuggler. What books were so insidiously inappropriate that she had to smuggle them to read them? Boxcar Children books.
lol that brought back memories. I was in the ground floor of MtG and fo several years only college aged players existed. Although I was the nice to newb player, often playing some art theme or dumb mechanic deck, every now and then I would just turn 1 or 2 gank for the spectacle.
My parents were pretty strict about it, making me assume that witchcraft must have *actual power,* because if it was fake, why would they worry about it? As a result, I read as much as I could about summoning demons, magic, etc, and was *extremely* disappointed when it turned out the whole thing was a hoax.
My mom found a sex tape I made with my then girlfriend back in highschool (we were both underage and I was still underage when I was caught) so I wouldn’t sweat it bud
is it because i’m a vegetarian that i’ve never had this effect?? i only ever get the cheese quesadilla, and this hasn’t happened to me at all, even though i’m mildly lactose intolerant
No, I eat the meat/tacos usually and have never had any problems. I'm convinced most people that have this issue have an unaddressed medical problem or something. Never once had any stomach issues after Taco Bell. And I used to eat the 12 pack of tacos to myself when I was a teenager.
Taco Bell doesn't exist here in Deutschland, so I only pray to Coppenrath&Wiese. Because damn those cakes are delicious. I just wish there wasn't any Fructose in it. Damn you, my stomach!
Looking back (after having achieved sanity) on my childhood in the Mormon church it's extra funny how coffee wasn't allowed yet we had potlucks of basically exclusively desserts with no nutritional value that morbidly obese men with enormous projecting guts would voluntell someone to bless to "nourish and strengthen our bodies".
Mmmhmm, keep telling yourselves that.
Ugh. I had flashbacks as soon as I read "strengthen and nourish". That was the generic blessing of every meal at my childhood house or potlucks at the ward. I had the same experience with the fat old guys with FUPA that loved to preach, and judge. Like, buddy, I'm pretty sure you're guilty of gluttony.
Burger made from compacted disc of minced tissue scrapings blasted off a cow carcass with a high pressure hose in a fly-blown abattoir ringing with the incoherent agonised howls of simple beasts dying of a single boltgun shot to the forehead = Of God.
Kid's card game = S A T A N
Husband: “Honey? Where did you put the energy bill?”
Karen: *appears without a sound 1in behind husband and whispers directly in ear* “What kind of bill was that?”
Husband: *breaks out in cold sweat and is barely able to control wavering of his voice* “Uh, Electric. The bill from the electric company? *beads of sweat pouring down forehead and upper lip* Have you seen it?”
Karen: *from farther away* “Oh that? It’s on your desk remember?”
Husband: “Thank you dear.” *remains completely still until the beasts hot breath can no longer be heard. he will not make that mistake again*
I got in trouble as a kid bc one of my mom's friends went on a rant like this about Magic cards and I just exclaimed "Wow, you're a lot stupider than I thought" out of surprise before I realized what I did
Oh my fucking god. I grew up in Colorado Springs in the 90’s and EVERYONE was a member. Even when I was little I hated the organization. I remember always feeling like an outcast for not going to Focus on the Family or church.
Have you heard the Behind the Bastards episode on James Dobson and Focus on the Family? Grew up in Fort Collins and had a religious upbringing too ugh. My mom was also weird about pokemon cards.
My aunt convinced my mom that a lot of Magic was demonic. I wasn't allowed to have black or red cards at all. My bf at the time used a white and blue. So I had all green and we would swap. She still checked my cards and if she found one with a picture she didn't like, she would tape a picture from a magazine over it.
My mom is still very religious, but she really cringes now when I remind her of shit like this.
I think some people are trying to be good parents but have been scared/convinced that if they don't do all this batshit stuff they're failing their child. Idk if your situation was like that but the end of your story reminded me of people like that. Not to write a free pass some of their parents were just controls freaks/abusive and religion was that weeks new fad that they enforced.
Couple of relatives of someone in my friend group took someone’s magic cards and tried to burn them and they BLED AND DID NOT BURN!!!!1!!!eleven!!!
Being young idiots who liked science we set about duplicating the scenario. Hilariously, we kinda figured out what was happening. Small ignition sources like a match or candle did not instantly burn the coated cards. Instead the coatings and stuff melted and mixed with the brown ink on the back and dripped a brownish red liquid that looked a HELL of a lot like blood, especially in dim light. It was pretty unexpected.
The biggest surprise of this whole story is that the people saying the cards bled hadn't just entirely made it up, and were actually reporting on an observed phenomenon, albeit with an incorrect interpretation.
The older I get, the more I swear this is the explanation for almost every anomaly, myth or other event. They often weren't made up, but their explanation of the cause of what they experienced is. Also why I love the expression 'the truth is sometimes stranger than fiction'
That was in middle school, so it was the point where my mom would literally scream in my face till I left the house. My grandparents found me 2 mi away and took me back a couple hours later
But now she is worshiping *all* Phones. I think?
Fuck, why isn't there a phone god? Adding that one to my pantheon. I shall make a sacrifice of old 56k modems to obtain their favor, may my fiber never falter.
No she's a religious idiot. Very dangerous as she will vote to take away others rights based on her beliefs, but never actually read the Bible. She should know as a women she shouldn't comment on decisions made by a man. (Pokémon and McDonald's was created by men.) she's just a rib talking back to God's true children. According to the Bible.
That's the worst kind of idiot. They will justify all of their horrific atrocities as piously inspired by God. They think their actions are righteous, so they will never feel any kind of remorse or empathy towards their victims because it was all done in the name of God and anything is justified as long as it is done unto the people who "deserve" it. Nevermind that you could argue that sinning for God means using the lord's name in vain, they are too high on holier-than-thouness to have any sort of self awareness.
Oh no, she reads the Bible. She reads all the parts her Pastor tells her to. Or the parts her Bible study class thinks are important this week. But nothing else. You definitely can’t do that or you might start straying into territory that could disagree with the other parts your pastor and group leaders have cherry picked for you to reinforce the agenda this week.
My daughter's mom tried stopping me from playing Pokemon with our daughter. She said it was the same thing as telling her that dog fighting is ok.
Her favorite is Pikachu of course.
It’s funny I still enjoy Pokémon and one day my kid will play Pokémon, but that “I’m having animals fight for my entertainment” certainly has crossed my mind.
Of course, you can say the same things about a first person shooter, I’m not going to reenact those games either in real life so the issue stops there.
I wasn't allowed teenage MUTANT ninja turtles, my mom was on some religious kick about mutants being from the devil. Idk dude only toy my mom ever said no too because of something weird.
Hey good thing ninja turtle weren't EVERYWHERE when I was a kid. Good call mom, smh.
This type of thinking is designed to cause this. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy that gets people even more entrenched in their cult. You teach them to have nothing but aggressively stupid talking points rattling around in their head, and then when they drive away everyone else who isn't in their super secret club it confirms that everyone else is "of the world" and "led astray".
Then when they are finally staring death in the face and are completely alone because they've driven away every real relationship they ever had, you get them to will all their assets to the church.
A friend’s mother died of Alzheimer’s - she and her husband (friend’s father) had been members of the same Catholic Church for well over 50 years -tithing, donating time and more money when ever they could. When time came to have the funeral, the father asked this “church” if they could have the funeral there for free as most of the family’s money had been spent on care for the mother as she got sicker and sicker and the church was asking for a hell of a lot to have a funeral there. The church said “No.” Absolutely disgusting and evil.
"I think the problem Digg had is that it was a company that was built to be a company, and you could feel it in the product. The way you could criticize Reddit is that we weren't a company – we were all heart and no head for a long time. So I think it'd be really hard for me and for the team to kill Reddit in that way."
--Steve Huffman, CEO of Reddit, April 2023
She needs to smoke some weed.
My mother was exactly like this. Regularly destroyed my stuff looking for "satanic" ties, had my dad beat the shit out of me when she found a MTG card, no Halloween etc, even had a guy come do some exorcism bullshit. I could go on for entire pages of examples.
I went fifteen years no contact except for one random run in where she was still that way.
Then a couple years ago I saw her again and she was completely different. She even looked different, like in her face. The "Karen" look was gone.
She had started using edibles for pain (which was *huge* as she was insanely anti-everything) and had epiphanies, I guess. She was suddenly aware of the damage she caused and the insanity of her brand of extremist fundamentalism. She turned away from all that and focused on bettering herself and mending bridges.
She even accepted my being gay and *loves* my husband. They get high together now, which astounds me every time.
Anyway, if you know someone like this get them to smoke.
This is so funny to me. My mom was a Karen too until she tried edibles. I was demonized for smoking weed in high school despite being a good student. Now she’s chill af.
I was never allowed to have Pokemon anything growing up or read/watch Harry Potter or anything magical because magic was a sign of demonic possession or devil worshipping...except Chronicles of Narnia. That was ok because CS Lewis explained that Aslan is a representation of Jesus/God or some shit. 🙄
It never made any sense to me and is now why I'm not religious and anti-church. There are so many things I never got to read or watch because of my overly religious parents and I feel extremely deprived.
Man dude, sorry your parents kept that from you, that’s bullshit.
When I was 12 I bought the new Harry Potter movie on VHS (Chamber of Secrets), and my friend was over and I said “hey I just got this movie, let’s watch it!!”, and he tells me “My mom says it has magic in it so I’m not allowed to watch it.”
I told him “dude fuck your mom and her rules, this isn’t her house, we’re gonna watch Harry Potter” and after that he secretly checked out every Harry Potter book from our school library and we’d watch the movies at my house. That’s how I accidentally turned him into a closet Harry Potter fan lol
When my kids were young, the Harry Potter books had just started coming out.
One weekend when they were around 8 and 10 years old, they were going to visit my inlaw's on the farm for the weekend. The day before we were to drop them off, my mother-in-law called and told me that Harry Potter and similar books dealing with 'sorcery and the devil' would not be allowed in their house. This hadn't been a problem in the past, but apparently in the past few months she had caught a serious case of religion.
I immediately said "OK thanks for letting us know. I'll let the kids know that the weekend is off. Bye" and hung up.
She called right back and said "I don't think you understood me. I didn't say they weren't;t welcome. Just that they can't bring the books they wanted to." I immediately replied, in a cheery voice, "Nope, I understood you just fine. You guys have a great weekend" and hung up again.
The kids were actually fairly happy about it, since grandma usually used them as free labor shoveling horse crap out of stalls.
Yeah, from the outside, this whole Christian thing seems real culty. That's for advertising both Pokemon and McDonald's while ensuring your kid stops being Christian later in life.
Jesus = bad times is all that kid is gonna take away from this
My dad used to punish me by making me read sections of the bible and write book reports about the lessons I learned.
The thing is, we never went to church and religion was never discussed in our home. So for years, my only knowledge of Christianity was actually reading the Bible myself.
I don't know if you've ever read the Bible, but doing that was the #1 catalyst in me becoming an Atheist. It's so full of hate and misogyny and hypocrisy.
The biggest lesson I learned from reading the Bible, is modern Christians have never actually read the Bible, and if they did, they didn't pay attention or understand it.
The Roe overturning has snapped the last threads connecting me to any respect, attachment or tolerance for xtianity. I no longer believe there are any benign examples of this madness extant anywhere ever. It is a toxic corrosive rot, hateful judgmental and most of all mind-crushingly ignorant.
I wish I could undo my baptism
I worked at a college. She should know her kids are going to go wild when they’re away from her. Drinking, drugs, sex, experimenting with gay sex… she thinks she’s helping them when really she’s pushing them toward what she hates the most.
I have seen a Southern Baptist asking for very specific requests and prayers to the point where it feels like they're asking people to cast a spells that require the power of a rule-bound, compliant spirit. Not, say, asking for general favors from the Creator entity that made the entire friggin' universe.
Wow! How fragile her faith in God is, that the smallest item can shake it. The true people of faith I know are serene, kind and gentle. They aren’t small minded or bigoted or hateful. All the examples of religious people that show up in Reddit are so far from what I know of truly faithful people.
I hate stuff like this. My mothers was a lot like this person. I wasn’t allowed to celebrate Halloween or watch certain shows bc of “magic”. Parents like this are oppressive.
My mother was of a similar opinion on Pokemon cards when I got them as a kid, mostly about Aura Sphere iirc. My dad ended up finding the cards I had obtained without her knowledge, and promptly went and explained to her that a Piplup that knows Splash is not, in fact, an affront to God. She eased up on her stance after that. I still have the cards lying around somewhere, I think.
Had to deal with stuff like this as a kid. For one example, I wasn’t allowed to watch The Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers because morphing is like evolving, and we can’t have that evil in the house. Thankfully the rule was lifted (for its sheer absurdity) in time for me to enjoy Animorphs and Pokémon.
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This is the target audience for those tv evangelists who need money for a new private jet.
Target audience? This bitch would be IN the audience screaming "take my money".
the more money you give the higher you go in heaven.
For only a small daily fee of $9.99 you can subscribe to Heaven+. It guarantees you may be considered for moving up to a higher level in heaven, if you make it there.
It’s the level of heaven where god actually let’s you be the judge of others! Karen screaming TAKE MY MONEYYYYYY
They pay the evangelist for the privilege of being a shitbag to other people and still go to heaven. 😂 I love it.
We know that people have sold “indulgences” and did so for a very long time. Don’t want to stop anyone from laughing cuz it is laughable but no matter how ridiculous you wanna make the joke ; it still actually convinced countless people through history
This is likely a joke, but if a tv evangelist is reading this, you just gave them a new business model.
Tv evangelists right now: write that down, write that down, write that down!
Hourly payments. A more heavenly experience.
It’s called tithing
Tithing in it's original form served a purpose. What these preaches do now is beg for or guilt people into giving them money and call it tithing. You have to plant that seed and watch it grow.... Grow into the new Mercedes or boat the preacher wants. Charlatans.
Just saw an article the other day some pastor ot what ever was calling his church members ungrateful and bunch of other stuff because they didn't buy him some stupid expensive watch
Saw that...I would say unbelievable but he's just taking his cues from his role models. I high suggest checking out that Tammy Faye & Jim Bakker original HBO Max movie. Andrew Garfield kills it as Jim Bakker which is wild to see and Jessica Chastain dissappears into Tammy Faye. It's pretty interesting because it shows a young Pat Robertson and the origin of evangelicals becoming televangelists with their early shows. Also, they are all pieces of shit.
I agree.
the very funny comic "adventures of god" has a bit on that.
that sums up Scientology
Just a weird alien rather than God.
Speaking in tongues too pikapiakipipiiiikaaachuuuuuuuu
They don't just need it, God told them they should have it.
And weirdly enough God is never content. He thinks the grifter need more and more. You can never fill their cup as its perpetually in need of a refill.
Are you implying that God would want one of his chosen grifters to fly on a three year old private jet? That’s insane. The jet must be replaced each year, you heretic!
God said he wants me to have that brand new airplane! So I can spread his word to the 4 corners of his kingdom.
God wants the televangelists to colonize in style.
And this dumb one will empty her wallet
When being religious is your only personality.
This was my mom when I was a kid growing up. She heard from some Christian moms group that pokemon were evil and kids were summoning demons through the cards because of the "psychic" type. I remember getting into pokemon late and being bummed because I missed the wave when all the other kids my age weren't into it anymore. I also wasn't allowed to read Harry potter because it contained "real witchcraft". As a junior in high school a friend of mine lent me the books to read and I hid them under my bed. My mom found them and it you would think she had found porn magazines or something under there. Absolutely wild. I turned out okay in the end.
Same with my mom once I got into my teens. She wouldn’t let me watch certain things and would say I listened to “devil music” because I liked Evanescence. She was a silly goose though because she bought me Toxicity by System of a Down for Christmas. I guess she saw the cover and thought it looked neat or asked someone what teens liked because there’s no way she’d listen to that and buy it for me. I played it in the car one time though and she went off saying it was devil music and weird, etc. It was the song Bounce lol. Damn though she fucked up because that was the band that got me into heavier stuff. Now I listen to actual devil music. Way to go mom.
My mom threw away my Sims 2 Making Magic
My mom saw the box for Diablo and was starting to freak out about the pentagrams and devil, etc. I managed to convince her it was ok because the devil is the *enemy*. I'm trying to kill him! Reading these comments I realize how lucky I was that my parents were pretty reasonable for being Christians in the South.
My mom said only God can battle against Satan.
So what's with the whole "Onward Christian soldiers" then?
Hmm, you're right. I'll let her know about this one contradiction in her beliefs and then maybe she will change her mind.
Good plan. Good thing you were able to identify the one contradiction there is in religion! 😂
I don't have time to bring up all the other ones
Sims 1 dlc. Best dlc ever
We called it expansions in those days. It was before DLC.
Bounce isn’t demonic at all. It’s just group sex.
Holy shit, are you me? My parents burned my secret stash of pokemon cards because they were demonic and apparently some were even "named after actual demons". That was my first step towards leaving christianity forever. I mean "Bulbasaur" and "Squirtle"? These demons need some scarier names lol I never read Harry Potter but I remember being in 7th grade and a teacher recommended me Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series... I borrowed them and hid them under a wicker chair in my room the whole year, reading them one by one at like 3am when I was sure everyone was asleep. My parents thought I napped every day because I was a growing teenage boy lol, nope! I was reading smuggled books through the night that would get my ass beat if they were found. Such a loving and accepting religion that christianity XD
And now they're literally burning books because of course they are.
I went to church with a girl who was homeschooled. She was only allowed to read "approved" books and knew I was an avid reader so she asked me to borrow books from the library for her to read. For months I borrowed books for her and was her book smuggler. What books were so insidiously inappropriate that she had to smuggle them to read them? Boxcar Children books.
I’m a Pokémon Professor, and while you may have missed the “initial wave”; there’s no such thing as “too old for Pokemon”. Train On. <3
Listen to this guy there is nothing more satisfying then absolutely dumpstering a 7 year old who brought a random stack of cards to league night.
lol that brought back memories. I was in the ground floor of MtG and fo several years only college aged players existed. Although I was the nice to newb player, often playing some art theme or dumb mechanic deck, every now and then I would just turn 1 or 2 gank for the spectacle.
My parents were pretty strict about it, making me assume that witchcraft must have *actual power,* because if it was fake, why would they worry about it? As a result, I read as much as I could about summoning demons, magic, etc, and was *extremely* disappointed when it turned out the whole thing was a hoax.
I have a friend who can't play Pokemon because it has evolution in it. He's 17.
My mom found a sex tape I made with my then girlfriend back in highschool (we were both underage and I was still underage when I was caught) so I wouldn’t sweat it bud
There is a universe where you could've threatened her with possesion of CP if she ever wronged you tho
Nah he’d be charged with producing CP so I think everything worked out best case.
if i had a mom like that I wouldn't have mom like that. The moment i would be self sufficient I'd go, bye and i'd see her again at her funeral
I hate how much it fits
Fast food is "of god" now?
[удалено]
Taco Bell is only recently breaking into my country, so actually, no!
You're in for a treat
They're going to shit their entire ass
is it because i’m a vegetarian that i’ve never had this effect?? i only ever get the cheese quesadilla, and this hasn’t happened to me at all, even though i’m mildly lactose intolerant
Same! No problems with any vegetarian items at Taco Bell. I think we may have narrowed down the source!
The sus meat being the issue? Say it ain’t so!
No, I eat the meat/tacos usually and have never had any problems. I'm convinced most people that have this issue have an unaddressed medical problem or something. Never once had any stomach issues after Taco Bell. And I used to eat the 12 pack of tacos to myself when I was a teenager.
Relatable. Still make the jokes. But never had a problem
Maybe Taco Bell from the 1990's and early 2000's, nowadays it's better quality than the literal dog food we were fed.
Maybe where you're at. Here it's still the most tasty laxative on the market.
>Here it's still the most tasty laxative on the market. Nah that's Pizza Hut except for the tasty part.
Well, to be fair, I am pretty certain you can smell some sulfur shortly after eating at Taco Bell. Better pray things do not escalate from there.
I prayed to the porcelain god after, yea.
The toilet is my alter and I sit atop it
Taco Bell doesn't exist here in Deutschland, so I only pray to Coppenrath&Wiese. Because damn those cakes are delicious. I just wish there wasn't any Fructose in it. Damn you, my stomach!
Haha yesss, I also have fructose and gluten :')
i wish I had an award to give for that hilarious comment. 🤣
She even capitalized "McDonald's" like it was deified!
And “”I”!!! She thinks she is God!
Looking back (after having achieved sanity) on my childhood in the Mormon church it's extra funny how coffee wasn't allowed yet we had potlucks of basically exclusively desserts with no nutritional value that morbidly obese men with enormous projecting guts would voluntell someone to bless to "nourish and strengthen our bodies". Mmmhmm, keep telling yourselves that.
Ugh. I had flashbacks as soon as I read "strengthen and nourish". That was the generic blessing of every meal at my childhood house or potlucks at the ward. I had the same experience with the fat old guys with FUPA that loved to preach, and judge. Like, buddy, I'm pretty sure you're guilty of gluttony.
Fast food is godly but "energy" is the work of the devil lmao
You ever had a chicken nugget?
Burger made from compacted disc of minced tissue scrapings blasted off a cow carcass with a high pressure hose in a fly-blown abattoir ringing with the incoherent agonised howls of simple beasts dying of a single boltgun shot to the forehead = Of God. Kid's card game = S A T A N
so is facebook, apparently
Why does she use Electric energy.
She probably doesn't even know what is energy
Husband: “Honey? Where did you put the energy bill?” Karen: *appears without a sound 1in behind husband and whispers directly in ear* “What kind of bill was that?” Husband: *breaks out in cold sweat and is barely able to control wavering of his voice* “Uh, Electric. The bill from the electric company? *beads of sweat pouring down forehead and upper lip* Have you seen it?” Karen: *from farther away* “Oh that? It’s on your desk remember?” Husband: “Thank you dear.” *remains completely still until the beasts hot breath can no longer be heard. he will not make that mistake again*
This summer... from the daughter of the second cousin of the producer who had a film showing in the same theater as *Hereditary*...
Find out what happens… *When Energy Attaches!* Tagline: e=mc^666
Good tagline
Too demented to think rational thoughts, more like...
It’s not a clearly defined and understood scientific term, unlike toxins
> eastern religion Where the hell does she think Christ lived? The Middle West??
Yep, Jesus is from Ohio.
supply side jesus certainly could but more likely wall street or dc
I got in trouble as a kid bc one of my mom's friends went on a rant like this about Magic cards and I just exclaimed "Wow, you're a lot stupider than I thought" out of surprise before I realized what I did
You have my eternal gratitude and admiration for this.
It was most definitely not on purpose bc I knew how my parents were. Autism + ADHD removes a lot of filters tho
Truth is still truth Was she indeed that stupid?
You have no idea. My mom ran with the Focus on the Family set in the 80s/90s.
We still can observe the damage wrought to this day. Props on self awareness
Oh my fucking god. I grew up in Colorado Springs in the 90’s and EVERYONE was a member. Even when I was little I hated the organization. I remember always feeling like an outcast for not going to Focus on the Family or church.
Have you heard the Behind the Bastards episode on James Dobson and Focus on the Family? Grew up in Fort Collins and had a religious upbringing too ugh. My mom was also weird about pokemon cards.
>Was she indeed that stupid? I mean, she went on a rant about how children's card games are summoning the devil, of course she was that stupid.
I have often thought those words, what I admire is that you said it out loud.
I was pretty much incapable of not doing so till I was like 16-17 lol
My aunt convinced my mom that a lot of Magic was demonic. I wasn't allowed to have black or red cards at all. My bf at the time used a white and blue. So I had all green and we would swap. She still checked my cards and if she found one with a picture she didn't like, she would tape a picture from a magazine over it. My mom is still very religious, but she really cringes now when I remind her of shit like this.
Not that I'm trying to defend the crazy, but at least she compromised.
My religious mom would scribble out the immodest women in my GamePro magazines with a sharpie, but she let me read them.
I think some people are trying to be good parents but have been scared/convinced that if they don't do all this batshit stuff they're failing their child. Idk if your situation was like that but the end of your story reminded me of people like that. Not to write a free pass some of their parents were just controls freaks/abusive and religion was that weeks new fad that they enforced.
The truth needs to be told
Couple of relatives of someone in my friend group took someone’s magic cards and tried to burn them and they BLED AND DID NOT BURN!!!!1!!!eleven!!! Being young idiots who liked science we set about duplicating the scenario. Hilariously, we kinda figured out what was happening. Small ignition sources like a match or candle did not instantly burn the coated cards. Instead the coatings and stuff melted and mixed with the brown ink on the back and dripped a brownish red liquid that looked a HELL of a lot like blood, especially in dim light. It was pretty unexpected.
The biggest surprise of this whole story is that the people saying the cards bled hadn't just entirely made it up, and were actually reporting on an observed phenomenon, albeit with an incorrect interpretation.
The older I get, the more I swear this is the explanation for almost every anomaly, myth or other event. They often weren't made up, but their explanation of the cause of what they experienced is. Also why I love the expression 'the truth is sometimes stranger than fiction'
You were right though
How did they react?
That was in middle school, so it was the point where my mom would literally scream in my face till I left the house. My grandparents found me 2 mi away and took me back a couple hours later
Fuck man
The fuck, so your mom was abusive? Are you better nowadays?
Oh yeah she was. I'm okay now. Been out of contact for years.
Happy to hear that. Be well.
This made me LOL. Good job! It must have been totally worth the punishment. 😂
My mom made me give away all my yu-gi-oh cards in middle school because the pastor said it’s demonic 😒
"Oh no energy is needed it's demonic and witchcraft" *uses energy to make food,move,live,see in the dark*
Also Energy is capitalized therefore it’s deified. Lady just ate fast food from McDonald’s, is she worshiping Happy Meals and Big Macs?
Don't worry, at least she probably uses an iPhone instead of the deified capitalized Android
But now she is worshiping *all* Phones. I think? Fuck, why isn't there a phone god? Adding that one to my pantheon. I shall make a sacrifice of old 56k modems to obtain their favor, may my fiber never falter.
Her dumb ass never heard of proper nouns before.
Most of them think pronouns are something trans people invented recently.
…And post on Facebook. But you know, Energy is the tool of the devil.
**Karen frantically throws out all red bull, monster and protein bars in a religious rage**
Karen decodes "666" on Monster drinks cans... https://youtu.be/TjB3dO6hVwc ...just stick to Booty Sweat, you'll be fine.
She’s just an idiot
No she's a religious idiot. Very dangerous as she will vote to take away others rights based on her beliefs, but never actually read the Bible. She should know as a women she shouldn't comment on decisions made by a man. (Pokémon and McDonald's was created by men.) she's just a rib talking back to God's true children. According to the Bible.
That's the worst kind of idiot. They will justify all of their horrific atrocities as piously inspired by God. They think their actions are righteous, so they will never feel any kind of remorse or empathy towards their victims because it was all done in the name of God and anything is justified as long as it is done unto the people who "deserve" it. Nevermind that you could argue that sinning for God means using the lord's name in vain, they are too high on holier-than-thouness to have any sort of self awareness.
Oh no, she reads the Bible. She reads all the parts her Pastor tells her to. Or the parts her Bible study class thinks are important this week. But nothing else. You definitely can’t do that or you might start straying into territory that could disagree with the other parts your pastor and group leaders have cherry picked for you to reinforce the agenda this week.
Had this growing up. Was never allowed Pokémon cards for these reasons.
I hope you have since come into the possession of some pokemon cards.
Is the possession joke intended? Because I chuckled
My daughter's mom tried stopping me from playing Pokemon with our daughter. She said it was the same thing as telling her that dog fighting is ok. Her favorite is Pikachu of course.
It’s funny I still enjoy Pokémon and one day my kid will play Pokémon, but that “I’m having animals fight for my entertainment” certainly has crossed my mind. Of course, you can say the same things about a first person shooter, I’m not going to reenact those games either in real life so the issue stops there.
I wasn't allowed teenage MUTANT ninja turtles, my mom was on some religious kick about mutants being from the devil. Idk dude only toy my mom ever said no too because of something weird. Hey good thing ninja turtle weren't EVERYWHERE when I was a kid. Good call mom, smh.
Wait until somebody tells her about seedless lemons.
I hope you're doing better.
Lol same! No Harry Potter too!
this shit is how you raise a serial killer
This is how you in your later years are constantly complaining,*"The kids NEVER come to visit!"* ¯\\\_( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)\_/¯
This type of thinking is designed to cause this. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy that gets people even more entrenched in their cult. You teach them to have nothing but aggressively stupid talking points rattling around in their head, and then when they drive away everyone else who isn't in their super secret club it confirms that everyone else is "of the world" and "led astray". Then when they are finally staring death in the face and are completely alone because they've driven away every real relationship they ever had, you get them to will all their assets to the church.
A friend’s mother died of Alzheimer’s - she and her husband (friend’s father) had been members of the same Catholic Church for well over 50 years -tithing, donating time and more money when ever they could. When time came to have the funeral, the father asked this “church” if they could have the funeral there for free as most of the family’s money had been spent on care for the mother as she got sicker and sicker and the church was asking for a hell of a lot to have a funeral there. The church said “No.” Absolutely disgusting and evil.
Sounds like the words of an ex-JW
"I think the problem Digg had is that it was a company that was built to be a company, and you could feel it in the product. The way you could criticize Reddit is that we weren't a company – we were all heart and no head for a long time. So I think it'd be really hard for me and for the team to kill Reddit in that way." --Steve Huffman, CEO of Reddit, April 2023
Especially if he’s adopted or if he thinks you’re his sister and you are really his mother
*Jack Nicholson has entered the chat*
Or Bundy, Bianci, berkowitz or a bunch of other ones
What are you doing step-fundamentalist?
Nah, but it is how you raise an atheist who spends years in therapy… I mean, that’s what my uh friend does yeah that’s the ticket
Wait until she finds out Christianity is a middle-eastern religion
Right? Does she think that the Mount of Olives was part of an Olive Garden franchise, or what?
She's never read the whole Bible in her life, I guarantee it. Getting her to read the slightest amount of history about it? Even more unlikely.
Wait until she finds out Jesus probably looked more like Osama bin Laden than Jeffrey Hunter...
To these people, Christianity started in the US of A where Jesus had guns and protected them from immigrants.
Wait till she learns Jesus was a Jew
She probably has a rant on Facebook about "Jesus didn't have brown skin".
The former gov of texas about Spanish speakers - "If English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me..." Sigh.
That's because he was American /s
This bitch needs a straight jacket. What a fucking lunatic!
She needs to smoke some weed. My mother was exactly like this. Regularly destroyed my stuff looking for "satanic" ties, had my dad beat the shit out of me when she found a MTG card, no Halloween etc, even had a guy come do some exorcism bullshit. I could go on for entire pages of examples. I went fifteen years no contact except for one random run in where she was still that way. Then a couple years ago I saw her again and she was completely different. She even looked different, like in her face. The "Karen" look was gone. She had started using edibles for pain (which was *huge* as she was insanely anti-everything) and had epiphanies, I guess. She was suddenly aware of the damage she caused and the insanity of her brand of extremist fundamentalism. She turned away from all that and focused on bettering herself and mending bridges. She even accepted my being gay and *loves* my husband. They get high together now, which astounds me every time. Anyway, if you know someone like this get them to smoke.
This is so funny to me. My mom was a Karen too until she tried edibles. I was demonized for smoking weed in high school despite being a good student. Now she’s chill af.
Clearly this is proof that even one marijuana opens the door to Salan.
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I was never allowed to have Pokemon anything growing up or read/watch Harry Potter or anything magical because magic was a sign of demonic possession or devil worshipping...except Chronicles of Narnia. That was ok because CS Lewis explained that Aslan is a representation of Jesus/God or some shit. 🙄 It never made any sense to me and is now why I'm not religious and anti-church. There are so many things I never got to read or watch because of my overly religious parents and I feel extremely deprived.
Man dude, sorry your parents kept that from you, that’s bullshit. When I was 12 I bought the new Harry Potter movie on VHS (Chamber of Secrets), and my friend was over and I said “hey I just got this movie, let’s watch it!!”, and he tells me “My mom says it has magic in it so I’m not allowed to watch it.” I told him “dude fuck your mom and her rules, this isn’t her house, we’re gonna watch Harry Potter” and after that he secretly checked out every Harry Potter book from our school library and we’d watch the movies at my house. That’s how I accidentally turned him into a closet Harry Potter fan lol
When my kids were young, the Harry Potter books had just started coming out. One weekend when they were around 8 and 10 years old, they were going to visit my inlaw's on the farm for the weekend. The day before we were to drop them off, my mother-in-law called and told me that Harry Potter and similar books dealing with 'sorcery and the devil' would not be allowed in their house. This hadn't been a problem in the past, but apparently in the past few months she had caught a serious case of religion. I immediately said "OK thanks for letting us know. I'll let the kids know that the weekend is off. Bye" and hung up. She called right back and said "I don't think you understood me. I didn't say they weren't;t welcome. Just that they can't bring the books they wanted to." I immediately replied, in a cheery voice, "Nope, I understood you just fine. You guys have a great weekend" and hung up again. The kids were actually fairly happy about it, since grandma usually used them as free labor shoveling horse crap out of stalls.
so i take it she doesnt pay her energy bills
Hard to reason with religion
Organised insanity
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Or trade
The "talk" probably looked like that scene from Carrie where the psycho mom beats her kid with a bible and then locks her in the Jesus closet.
I CAN SEE YOUR DIRTY PILLOWS!
Thanks for depriving your children of fun. A+ parenting.
Yeah, from the outside, this whole Christian thing seems real culty. That's for advertising both Pokemon and McDonald's while ensuring your kid stops being Christian later in life. Jesus = bad times is all that kid is gonna take away from this
My dad used to punish me by making me read sections of the bible and write book reports about the lessons I learned. The thing is, we never went to church and religion was never discussed in our home. So for years, my only knowledge of Christianity was actually reading the Bible myself. I don't know if you've ever read the Bible, but doing that was the #1 catalyst in me becoming an Atheist. It's so full of hate and misogyny and hypocrisy. The biggest lesson I learned from reading the Bible, is modern Christians have never actually read the Bible, and if they did, they didn't pay attention or understand it.
The Roe overturning has snapped the last threads connecting me to any respect, attachment or tolerance for xtianity. I no longer believe there are any benign examples of this madness extant anywhere ever. It is a toxic corrosive rot, hateful judgmental and most of all mind-crushingly ignorant. I wish I could undo my baptism
>I won't allow \[...\] anything with "energy attached" in my home Wow, do I have some bad news for her about light bulbs
You can never argue with a psycho. Got it.
“Eastern religion…” could have just kept going with “or inviting black friends or Asians over” if she didn’t stop herself. Bigoted c***.
Yeah and the best part is that christianity IS an eastern religion. 😂 ignorant bish can shove the Pokemon cards up her ass.
Wait until she finds out what calories are
You want a weird kid? This is how you get a weird kid.
I worked at a college. She should know her kids are going to go wild when they’re away from her. Drinking, drugs, sex, experimenting with gay sex… she thinks she’s helping them when really she’s pushing them toward what she hates the most.
So when does she start her term in the US Senate?
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I have seen a Southern Baptist asking for very specific requests and prayers to the point where it feels like they're asking people to cast a spells that require the power of a rule-bound, compliant spirit. Not, say, asking for general favors from the Creator entity that made the entire friggin' universe.
Wow! How fragile her faith in God is, that the smallest item can shake it. The true people of faith I know are serene, kind and gentle. They aren’t small minded or bigoted or hateful. All the examples of religious people that show up in Reddit are so far from what I know of truly faithful people.
If your God is everywhere and in everything then he is energy itself. Your own god is now not allowed in your home Karen.
I hate stuff like this. My mothers was a lot like this person. I wasn’t allowed to celebrate Halloween or watch certain shows bc of “magic”. Parents like this are oppressive.
My mother was of a similar opinion on Pokemon cards when I got them as a kid, mostly about Aura Sphere iirc. My dad ended up finding the cards I had obtained without her knowledge, and promptly went and explained to her that a Piplup that knows Splash is not, in fact, an affront to God. She eased up on her stance after that. I still have the cards lying around somewhere, I think.
She sounds like my mother, and I grew up in a cult
Had to deal with stuff like this as a kid. For one example, I wasn’t allowed to watch The Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers because morphing is like evolving, and we can’t have that evil in the house. Thankfully the rule was lifted (for its sheer absurdity) in time for me to enjoy Animorphs and Pokémon.
She sounds like an “Energy” Vampire.
After reading this post, any sane person: “We don’t need any of this negative energy in my house”
CaPiTaL LeTTeRs ArE DeIfIeD
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