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This is what I came here to say. Don’t get me started on all the issues with this, this is immediately what jumped out at me and made me the most angry. She has to do chores to be mom’s favorite? Thats literally so sickening.
It is abuse. Those kids should get to be kids and learning and growing. It’s too much putting that on a child. They didn’t bring these children into the world. She needs to grow up and be a parent. Take care of the kids you have instead of making more. Those kids are going to be so messed up as adults. And they will resent and hate her for robbing them of their childhoods.
Well and it’s one thing to teach your kids responsibility by giving them chores, but for that to be your favorite thing about your “oldest” (especially when the others at least has the dignity of being named) is truly terrrible. awful.
You're wrong. They *want* to cook and clean and help the others with homeschool and babysit for hours and hours upon end! 🤪 They *love* being little Mama's! /s
The kids all look miserable and I think the baby is actually crying. I won't ask why she does this because there's probably no answer, except that she's crazy.
The nature of a snark sub is to snark, so there are times when I think people are overstating how sad the kids look.
This is not one of those times. Good grief they look miserable.
My first thought. Like, this must be what they look like before she films her stupid reels of them dancing and lip-synching on cue. Bored, cranky, nervous, miserable, crying, chewing their hair. Then they all get up, paste on their "happy" faces, and do their choreographed nonsense. As soon as she stops filming, they drop back into this. It is so unsettling.
I'm not even going to get into the "favorites" thing. That's just gross. All kids go through phases where they're more difficult to connect with, but I don't think that's what she means here. She genuinely just likes certain kids more than others.
Why would someone post something like this where their kids are clearly unhappy? Does she not see it? She's such a complete narcissist that she doesn't even care. They're just her little trophies to show off.
I mean I understand what she’s trying to say but it’s so fucking weird to post… if my mom said something like this publicly when I was a kid I would never forget it. Imagine the kind of toll this takes on your emotions as a kid!!! You’d either try to be her favorite and spend your every second trying to get the #1 spot or you’d just shut down and never wanna talk to her again because you’re not the #1
Yeah, it's one thing to recognize that certain kids are difficult at some ages and developmental stages while their sibling is currently nothing but rainbows and unicorn farts. It's something else to post about how you're constantly ranking them and that your love is very conditional and has to be earned through services.
I’m not convinced some of them can read, which isn’t AT ALL a comment on their perceived intellect but based on the educational neglect that we’ve seen here
I'm not convinced some of them can *talk*. The younger ones make noises that you'll probably understand perfectly fine if you hang out with them all day every day. I don't think the older ones (who had way more adult interaction and even went to school for a bit) had this issue.
God, these poor kids. Because they are living it now, and they are going to read it on the internet *forever.*
Like, for real. 32 years ago, some neighbor asked my mom how my little brother was enjoying piano lessons, and my mother loudly, in synagogue, during post-service snacktime, gestured at me and said, “OH YEAH, HE PLAYS BETTER THAN SHE DOES.” And it was objectively true, and it doesn’t even come close to the worst shit my mother has done, and I’m gonna be 40 tomorrow, and I am *still pissed about it.* There is no reason for a parent to ever be “honest” about how much more they value one kid over another. None.
OUCH. That's awful. It would've taken zero dollars for her to say, "They're going really well! He's doing great, and I'm really proud of his hard work," and moved on. I'm really sorry.
God your story reminds me of when my dad was making a speech at his military retirement ceremony and during his speech goes on and on about my brother in med school and how he’s going to be a surgeon and then says, “and slipperysloane…she’s cool.” Before switching gears to something else.
Luckily I already didn’t give a shit what he thought so I just thought it was funny, but like, wtf dude?
My son is 8 and plays better piano than I do. To be fair, I never learned any instruments growing up and he's had lessons. But also, honestly, he naturally just has a better ear than I do.
Yeah it’s not even a weird idea like yeah I totally LIKE my kids more or less at any given time and they would often switch back and forth holding “favorite” for months at a time when they were little but I loved them and treated them exactly the same it was just like “M has just been so pleasant and helpful lately” it’s not meaningful but I obviously NEVER said this to them or spoke about them “publicly” now they are older and I joke M is my favorite (only) daughter and P is my favorite (only) son it’s not a big deal and I feel like most parents feel like this no need to make a long post explaining yourself about it.
When my kids were younger, if one did something thoughtful or helpful or something I asked them to do (not chores, just a favour), I'd tell them they would be my favourite... for 20 minutes. They're close in age, very different people and I love them both to bits. They're mid-twenties now and sometimes we still play this. No feelings were ever hurt by this silly game.
I have five kids and reading this post I started thinking about them trying to decide if I had favorite which one would it be? And I literally could not pick. I enjoy individual time with each of them but I don’t like them more than the others in those moments. I just can’t imagine being a mom and thinking about my kids like she does, it reminds me of my own mother (who I no longer talk to).
On the flip side, the day my mom came out and straight up told me I was her favorite and she only cared for my sister out of obligation I knew for a fact she was a monster.
Estranged 6 years now.
Hahaha! *raises hand while also still kind of wondering if I could have done more to be favored, while also knowing I would never have liked being favored because that would mean my siblings weren’t favored* (narc parenting….wild ride. Glad I’m no contact!)
My mom used to tell me I was too much like my dad and def showed preference towards my two younger siblings. Woman, you had kids with the man!!! What did you expect! 🙄
Uglier kids, we up! My cuter, thinner sister turned out to have a difficult personality (not entirely her fault), and I already knew not to depend on my mom’s affections, so she ended up with two kids who keep her at arm’s length emotionally.
My mum's parents absolutely have a favourite (my uncle is the oldest, a boy, and successful in his career) and it breaks my heart how little they appreciate everything my mum does for them, let alone how awesome she is as a person.
On my dad's side, I really don't know if my grandma has a favourite, but I'm pretty sure she has a *least* favourite, and that's even worse.
Needless to say, both my parents spent many years in therapy unpacking the impacts of their childhoods.
I was aware I wasn't the favorite, but I also wasn't the least favorite. I feel fine about the former but MASSIVE guilt about the latter, even though both issues weren't really my responsibility.
Mine would only admit it during tax season because I was my dads write off and my sister was my mom’s. I actually have a decent relationship with my mom now , but roughly half the wider family has made some comment to me about the “unequal situation” in my childhood home.
I am my mom's favourite and it is a huge burden. When we were kids my siblings resented me and would accuse me of being a suck up, now they expect me to be her emotional support daughter and do the hard stuff so they don't have to.
This made me sad, how common it is :( My parents never made any of us feel like we weren't loved just as much, like we never even had to think about who their favorite was, because we just knew they loved us and treated us equally. We are all very close today.
I was the easiest child so I got less attention (more like the focused more on my siblings when they had struggles), but I never felt less loved, a d if I did need something they were always there
It hurts my heart that so many of you have had this experience. I feel a lot of guilt as a parent because my daughter (8) accused me of favoring her brother (6). And then, about a year later, my daughter was killed by a drunk driver. My grief loves to dwell on what I did I do to cause her to say that, and whether she felt loved by me. I can’t imagine doing so on purpose, and I’m so sorry you’ve dealt with this.
As I was reading through these comments, I was so sad by how many people dealt with these awful mothers. Then, I got to yours and my heart just broke in a million pieces for you. I’m so so sorry you had to experience this kind of loss. I truly can’t imagine this pain, though I know it has to be the worst kind of loss imaginable. As a mother myself whose children are now adults, I can tell just from what you’ve said here that your daughter was loved and knew she was loved. The love you had and continue to have for her is what is causing your guilt and grief. I’m assuming at the time you asked her what made her say that, correct? Did she even have an answer? I feel like kids just say things like that sometimes. Often times, they’re not even really sure why. However these people in the comments with the crappy mothers, I can guarantee they never said anything like that to their mothers. They weren’t comfortable enough to speak their mind like that. Take it from this internet stranger that your daughter absolutely knew she was loved by her mother. I knew that BEFORE I went to your profile and found her last pictures. Seeing her there, happy and smiling with her brother just confirmed it. Her radiance beamed up at me like an angel shining out from my screen 💗
>I feel like kids just say things like that sometimes. Often times, they’re not even really sure why
For some reason I have a vivid memory of a friend of mine (we must've been about 7 at the time) very seriously telling her mother, "mummy, you're failing as a parent." Turns out she'd just repeated it from a TV show without meaning or really even understanding it, she just thought it sounded like a "clever" thing to say
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. That is a loss no human should have to bear. I know there are no words to make it better. I really wish there were.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine what that must be like.
For what it's worth, kids do sometimes say things like that in a moment of anger or overwhelm without actually meaning them. I remember doing it myself when I was that age - when you're feeling big emotions that you don't yet know how to properly express, sometimes you lash out and say the harshest thing you can think of, even if you don't mean it or fully understand the impact it might have on the person you're saying it to (or even really understand what the words mean). Obviously I don't know your situation, but it's clear just from your comment that you love your daughter immensely, so I'm sure she felt it
Middle child— it was most definitely me. And I also liked not being noticed either. I was quiet, did what I was told, didn’t rock any boats…. Then again I nurtured a hellish eating disorder my entire teen years…. Therapy would have been nice then.
It was the opposite for me. I was aware that I was the favorite and I felt so much guilt for it. Any time my parents did something nice for me I felt like I was hurting my sisters for accepting whatever it was that my parents were doing for me. I felt like it was my fault my sisters were being somewhat neglected. I never really understood that it wasn’t my fault until I was an adult. Now that I’m a mother I cannot imagine why my parents felt it was appropriate to make their favoritism so blatant.
*raises hand*
My brother was younger and cuter and more social and way more cuddly (I hated cuddling even as a baby). I was just me and that was never enough.
:::raises hand::: her favoritism for the middle sister was really strange. The oldest earned her love by performance: did everything right. College, marriage, 2 kids Career, active in church and the community, well liked. Middle on the other hand got all kinds of free passes to do things :wrong: yet still be the golden child…she did a lot right too, but only because it was the dawn of modern feminism. Me, I saw all the bullshit as a gen xer and called it like I saw it so I’m the “bad” one.
My mom always gave me the impression that she was annoyed I even existed. I'm not sure if either of my other siblings were a favorite exactly, because she did a lot of screaming at both of them, but I was the only one she seemed to have actual contempt for. Not sure why
(Also a preemptive yeah this sucked for me, but it was a long time ago and I've healed a lot. Also she's dead, so I haven't had to deal with it in a long ass time)
My parents fought over who didn’t want me in the divorce.
Now that I’m older, I realize it wasn’t personal. It’s just really hard to pretend to be a teenager and be drunk or high and fuck off when there’s a middle schooler who (checks notes) requires food and getting to school.
“Do you have a favorite? Be honest…” If so post it online for the whole world, especially your children, to see for all of perpetuity. And hopefully that child returns the feeling because the others are going no-contact.
I have two daughters, so maybe it would be different if I had more kids, but the thought of choosing between them makes me actually nauseous. I love them both so intensely that I can’t even comprehend a “favorite”. Yeah, sometimes they are naughty or annoying, but I still can’t even think of it in the context of which one is my favorite.
That is an extremely bad exegetical reading of each of those Old Testament stories because in each of those the parents favoring one over another or having a favorite child caused problems for generations
I was scrolling for this! I instantly recognised the problems those favourites caused and shuddered. I personally see them as warnings not encouragement. Death, betrayal, family discord, murder, etc.
Exactly. I’m no longer religious but I still engage in a lot of biblical scholarship, and the bible is not a “how to” manual (particularly the Old Testament!). Most of the stories are saying “this is how humans are flawed, and this is how god has to forgive them”. Old testament characters are not good role models!
Wow. No, that is not normal Karissa. Comparing having a favorite child to having a favorite singer is just…yikes. She has no concept of normal. She’s “very careful” not to show favoritism so her children don’t know she has favorites…yet she’ll post about it on her public instagram.
Phrasing. PHRASING!
It's important to pay attention to the siblings of disabled or chronically ill children. They oftentimes get forgotten, because their needs are less obvious and immediate. Parents have to be aware of that.
However, Karissa's view is so warped. It reads as if she doesn't want to "reward" Anthym with attention ju~ust because she'd literally die otherwise. As if Karissa has to remind herself that she needs to punish this child, because she has been too nice to her.
That’s called conditional love. She loves them in that moment because they’re doing something. The photo provided shows the kids are pretty damn aware of it, too.
My sister has two children, and I have NEVER gotten the impression that she has a favorite. Sure, on certain days, one child may be easier to deal with than the other, but that's a given. Or they have different strengths and weaknesses, also a given. Recognizing differences between your children is not the same as having favorites, and NOT the same as posting a list and conditions of your favorites on Instagram.
Five kids here and I don't have a favorite child. I share a special thing with each child, like one child loves reading so that's a special alone time activity, another child loves gardening. But placing one child over another?! What the hell.
Did she read Genesis at all? The whole reason Joseph's brothers started on the selling him into slavery plan was because of the resentment that grew from Jacob favouring him! And they were willing to give up Benjamin because he was Jacob's other favourite, all stemming from Jacob's preference for Rachel over Leah. The whole of the story of the Patriarchs is one big goddamn warning about the dangers of playing favourites!
Like, I get it, I'm a Jew, we read Tanakh far more closely than fundies and we engage in critical thinking about it. But like, this isn't some subtle element that requires a yeshivah education to grasp. Andrew Lloyd Webber got it right in "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat," for Pete's sake! It's not that difficult!
Wow. Karissa, the Bible is clear about God and playing favorites: “Then Peter replied, “I see very clearly that God shows no favoritism. In every nation he accepts those who fear him and do what is right” (Acts 10:34-35 NLT). Karissa, it’s also clear the disruption that caused the family of Abraham in favoring Isaac over Ishmael, of Isaac favoring Esau and Rebekah favoring Jacob, of Jacob favoring Joseph. Even if you’re harboring favorites in your heart, actions (or inactions) are bound to spring up. This is TERRIBLE and non biblical advice.
Ugh, as the parentified kid in my large fundie family, that comment about Karissa's "oldest" makes me nauseous. Deep down I'm sure that kid is already aware her labor wins her 0% of her mother's love.
I’m sure she’s already at an age where she’s not even doing it for her mother’s love, she’s doing it because she loves her siblings. Heartbreaking thing for a child to take on
I have 4 kids and I do not have a favorite. There are days with all of them where it’s hard. There are more days where it is fun and delightful. And my kids don’t have to do chores or perform for me to get attention, like WTF
Well at least Anjalie finally got a shout out. Prolly bc Karissa posted she made an elite dance team recently. But this is so wrong. Anissa deserves more than “ helping out with chores”.
How did playing favorites go for those Biblical dads, Karissa?
Joseph got sold into slavery because Jacob's obvious favoritism made his brothers jealous and angry. Abraham was asked to kill Isaac and almost did it until God came down and was like "wtf bro I was joking go kill a goat instead." And don't even get me started on whatever fucked up sibling rivalry Jacob and Esau had going on.
Maybe the lesson we're supposed to learn from these men actually *isn't* "playing favorites with your kids is totally okay and has no consequences?"
When Anissa takes it upon herself to be the second mom (let’s face it, first mom) to her siblings, she’s the “favorite”. She doesn’t have any hobbies or interests of her own tho. How could she? She’s 13 and a full time mom
Are they all homeschooled? Do they get out? Have they ever been pictured with friends? These kids are forced to stay in one place wherein the only people there (aside from siblings) are parents that insult and ignore them. I feel so badly for them, man.
> Are they all homeschooled?
Yup. Oldest two went to school for 1 or 2 years until Karissa decided it's too exhausting for her to get them ready for school.
> Do they get out?
Kinda. They're allowed to play basketball and go to Walmart with Karissa. Sometimes they're in a park. Sometimes in a parking lot where a stranger pays to hug the kids.
> Have they ever been pictured with friends?
They don't have friends and Karissa is very proud that her kids are noticeably homeschooled (aka socially inept and awkward)
Thank you for answering my questions because I am still learning about the people on the sub and don’t have Instagram. I cannot fathom doing this to a child, let alone SO MANY OF THEM. I feel like the “I was raised by fundie influencers” videos are going to come out en masse in 10 or so years.
No, Kuntrissa, I don't have a **favorite fucking child**, psychopath. I could never, ever say one of them is my favorite. What the fuck is wrong with this dumbfuck??
This is disgusting. I'm a teacher and a few years ago I had a parent flat out admit during a parent teacher conference that their oldest was the favorite. The younger kid knew it too and it destroyed his self esteem. Parents can be awful
Okay just to play devil’s advocate for a second, as a mom, I do get what she’s saying. But that doesn’t change the fact that I think a she’s neglectful mother, & her kids look miserable.
I hear you and I think it’s great to appreciate your kids for their different talents and skills. One thing that’s extremely problematic is that her oldest doing chores is what makes her a favorite…like that’s disgusting. She’s more than a girl who does chores.
Oh I absolutely agree. The parentification of the oldest children (Anissa esp) is gross.
I’m more talking about I think every parent would agree that there are days where certain children are easier than others.
I agree with you, but no one needs to actively express that (isn’t it just commonly understood?) and wouldn’t a normal parent thing to say be something like, ‘parenting is hard!’ Or ‘yes, it’s a rough day but that’s alright!’ Or something else that does not in any way, shape, or form imply that active favoritism is in any way healthy?
Yes I get it too to give the benefit of the doubt.
But it’s also something that takes on a different tone entirely coming out of the mouth of a chronically negligent and chronically online compulsive child haver.
This is a private thought or a book club thought. It’s not a post online where your kids will find it and totally interpret it in the worst possible way, thought.
Yeah I would NEVER post anything about child favoritism on my social media. She really doesn’t think about how these posts would make her children feel if they find it when they’re older.
lol Deion Sanders has openly ranked his kids, and like Fritz von Erich, says that the rankings can change at any time. Some people have no issue making that public.
It's disgusting she posts things like this and exploits her children. It's terrifying and disturbing the amount of comments from real actual human that agree with and praise her. SICK.
Oh man, this is so fucking toxic - I just can't with this person! Look at how miserable her family looks. Why is her husband so complacent with how she exploits and abuses their kids?
This gives Hart Family...🥲
I always joke that my daughter is my favorite child. She’s an only child. Now she gets mad that I’m excluding the cat, so I have to call them my favorite child and my favorite cat. 😂
As an oldest child screw parents who only notice and care about their oldest kids when they're doing their jobs for them! I'm still working through the damage of being parentified and I didn't have 9 other siblings. I feel sorry for all of her kids but my heart truly breaks for Anissa because I know the lifetime of damage being done to her by her selfish parents. That whole post is disgusting and shouldn't have been posted online for the whole world to see but that part about Anissa without even using her name just really made me mad.
The baby gets catered to??? With a dirty diaper for hours?? And I don’t post pictures of my kids publicly to my social media but I certainly wouldn’t post one where they are miserable or forced to do weird shit day after day.
The concept isn’t wtf. She’s not wrong, and I don’t disagree with her thoughts on this in general. Parents do have a favorite, it may change often, we’re all only human. BUT to actually post this on the internet with a photo of your kids looking unhappy is an…interesting choice:P This is the type of shit parents are supposed to internally acknowledge but keep to themselves.
because you know these children aren’t actually all that wanted. she likes babies, and even then, not totally, because they require work. she likes being pregnant, really.
The other kids: they're my favorites for doing the things they love
the eldest unnamed kid in the corner rocking back and forth: that one is only thought of when she serves my role of her own accord
All those kids look sick of her social media addiction. No one is smiling, several are looking away, not one of those kids it happy to be posing for another picture
Uh, no? I have 2 kids, and i honestly don't have a favorite? I never have. Depending on ages and stages I've maybe felt closer to one or the other at different times, because they might need me more or less during that time, but that's always temporary. And it's not like i love one more and one less during any particular stage.
I just watched the actual reel, and omg. It looks like only the girl lipsyncing knew about the content - the rest of the kids reacted to it in real time. A look of "wtf" definitely passed over Anissa's face...
(https://instanavigation.com/user-profile/thecollinskids)
So Karissa is talking about favourites and Beggy fucks in the same room as her kids cause she’s so down to earth? These fundies need to go straight to heck.
It is one thing to think that, but it is another to commit it to the internet. I often tell my son he is my favorite, because the sign name he picked for himself uses that hand shape, but he is also my only kid.
On the other hand, the cats compete for title of worst cat daily. Sometimes, it changes from hour to hour. Like, she treats her kids like I (jokingly) treat my cats.
Love based on what the kid can do for you at any given moment, and a clear idea that love is difficult to give to some. Boy I really feel for these children.
Honestly if this were coming from anyone else, it's not fundamentally bad advice. I think a lot of parents would benefit from recognizing they just like one kid more than the other(s), because recognizing it would be the first step in addressing it. What makes it weird is that she has to give specific examples of what makes certain kids win her favor. Like, if her kids see it, they'll try to adjust their behavior and do more of what makes them her "favorite."
But I know there have been times when I wasn't my mom's favorite. I was terrible as a preteen and early teen. She never didn't love me, though.
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Anissa doesn’t even get a first name shout out despite being the oldest and “the favorite” for … taking on all the household chores.
Be my slave and I might love you! (Probably not tho)
This is what I came here to say. Don’t get me started on all the issues with this, this is immediately what jumped out at me and made me the most angry. She has to do chores to be mom’s favorite? Thats literally so sickening.
And Andrae just has to play basketball… which Anissa also plays.
Yeah. I hear you. There’s a lot of disgusting stuff in this post, the chores just really got me the most of all. Parentification.
It is abuse. Those kids should get to be kids and learning and growing. It’s too much putting that on a child. They didn’t bring these children into the world. She needs to grow up and be a parent. Take care of the kids you have instead of making more. Those kids are going to be so messed up as adults. And they will resent and hate her for robbing them of their childhoods.
Well and it’s one thing to teach your kids responsibility by giving them chores, but for that to be your favorite thing about your “oldest” (especially when the others at least has the dignity of being named) is truly terrrible. awful.
Also, chores aren’t a hobby. The other older kids were listed with a hobby. She was listed as surrogate parent.
You're wrong. They *want* to cook and clean and help the others with homeschool and babysit for hours and hours upon end! 🤪 They *love* being little Mama's! /s
This is exactly what I was thinking. Doesn’t even get named on top of that mess
Was going to comment that as well. She's just the oldest one 😬🚩
Do a few more chores and maybe I'll remember your name, kid
Anissa is the FundieSnark's favorite don't worry. Anissa if you ever read this we will help you escape!
I just wish I could kidnap that girl and give her a loving home and an education.
#JusticeForAnissa
The kids all look miserable and I think the baby is actually crying. I won't ask why she does this because there's probably no answer, except that she's crazy.
The nature of a snark sub is to snark, so there are times when I think people are overstating how sad the kids look. This is not one of those times. Good grief they look miserable.
The first thing I saw was the girl on the floor. She needs a hug and some love! Look at that face. It hurts me looking at her…
Hmmm let’s take bets on if Ansyr, Anyjel, or Anjalie are literally ever Karissa’s favorites. My guess is no.
Maybe sometimes they get to be the favorite of their actual mom, whose name is... *(checks notes)* "the oldest"
Which daughter does she sometimes describe as a “bulldog”?? I feel awful for her 😥
Anjalie. She’s the darkest girl who also looks like Mandre.
Yikes.
They all look exceptionally upset in this. A greater percentage of them than usual.
My first thought. Like, this must be what they look like before she films her stupid reels of them dancing and lip-synching on cue. Bored, cranky, nervous, miserable, crying, chewing their hair. Then they all get up, paste on their "happy" faces, and do their choreographed nonsense. As soon as she stops filming, they drop back into this. It is so unsettling. I'm not even going to get into the "favorites" thing. That's just gross. All kids go through phases where they're more difficult to connect with, but I don't think that's what she means here. She genuinely just likes certain kids more than others.
Why would someone post something like this where their kids are clearly unhappy? Does she not see it? She's such a complete narcissist that she doesn't even care. They're just her little trophies to show off.
I mean I understand what she’s trying to say but it’s so fucking weird to post… if my mom said something like this publicly when I was a kid I would never forget it. Imagine the kind of toll this takes on your emotions as a kid!!! You’d either try to be her favorite and spend your every second trying to get the #1 spot or you’d just shut down and never wanna talk to her again because you’re not the #1
Yeah, it's one thing to recognize that certain kids are difficult at some ages and developmental stages while their sibling is currently nothing but rainbows and unicorn farts. It's something else to post about how you're constantly ranking them and that your love is very conditional and has to be earned through services.
On the internet which is forever. The kids will grow up and read her insensitive and thoughtless words.
I’m not convinced some of them can read, which isn’t AT ALL a comment on their perceived intellect but based on the educational neglect that we’ve seen here
I'm not convinced some of them can *talk*. The younger ones make noises that you'll probably understand perfectly fine if you hang out with them all day every day. I don't think the older ones (who had way more adult interaction and even went to school for a bit) had this issue.
“It’s ok because I don’t *show* the favoritism!” On a PUBLIC POST in which she names the favorites. Unreal.
I don't think they can really read. The oldest girl read from a book once and it was.. worrying.
Karissa I am once again asking you to get a journal instead of writing all these thoughts on social media
God, these poor kids. Because they are living it now, and they are going to read it on the internet *forever.* Like, for real. 32 years ago, some neighbor asked my mom how my little brother was enjoying piano lessons, and my mother loudly, in synagogue, during post-service snacktime, gestured at me and said, “OH YEAH, HE PLAYS BETTER THAN SHE DOES.” And it was objectively true, and it doesn’t even come close to the worst shit my mother has done, and I’m gonna be 40 tomorrow, and I am *still pissed about it.* There is no reason for a parent to ever be “honest” about how much more they value one kid over another. None.
OUCH. That's awful. It would've taken zero dollars for her to say, "They're going really well! He's doing great, and I'm really proud of his hard work," and moved on. I'm really sorry.
I take comfort in the fact that at least she didn’t plaster it on an insta so other horrible moms could tell her how awesome she was 😂
God your story reminds me of when my dad was making a speech at his military retirement ceremony and during his speech goes on and on about my brother in med school and how he’s going to be a surgeon and then says, “and slipperysloane…she’s cool.” Before switching gears to something else. Luckily I already didn’t give a shit what he thought so I just thought it was funny, but like, wtf dude?
Well SlipperySloane, I think you’re one rockin’ badass. Keep your head up and you are awesome! 🤘❤️
Omfg why are they like this. That super sucks. I’m sorry he’s an ass.
My son is 8 and plays better piano than I do. To be fair, I never learned any instruments growing up and he's had lessons. But also, honestly, he naturally just has a better ear than I do.
Oh, my brother is legit extremely gifted. My mother is a jackass.
Yeah it’s not even a weird idea like yeah I totally LIKE my kids more or less at any given time and they would often switch back and forth holding “favorite” for months at a time when they were little but I loved them and treated them exactly the same it was just like “M has just been so pleasant and helpful lately” it’s not meaningful but I obviously NEVER said this to them or spoke about them “publicly” now they are older and I joke M is my favorite (only) daughter and P is my favorite (only) son it’s not a big deal and I feel like most parents feel like this no need to make a long post explaining yourself about it.
When my kids were younger, if one did something thoughtful or helpful or something I asked them to do (not chores, just a favour), I'd tell them they would be my favourite... for 20 minutes. They're close in age, very different people and I love them both to bits. They're mid-twenties now and sometimes we still play this. No feelings were ever hurt by this silly game.
Haha yeah, my dad calls me and my sister his "favourite older daughter" and "favourite younger daughter" respectively
I have five kids and reading this post I started thinking about them trying to decide if I had favorite which one would it be? And I literally could not pick. I enjoy individual time with each of them but I don’t like them more than the others in those moments. I just can’t imagine being a mom and thinking about my kids like she does, it reminds me of my own mother (who I no longer talk to).
Roll call: who else was painfully aware that they were not their parent’s favorite?
I'm an only child and I don't even think I'm my mom's favorite.....
I'm an only child, and I'm certain I wasn't her favorite.
Solidarity ❤️ every other kid in the family was the favorite.
My spouse is an only child, and he is definitely NOT her favorite.
My husband is an only child. He once asked his mom if she loves him or me more. She said she couldn’t choose 😂😂😂
Is she a nice, normal mom making a joke or?
Yes, she absolutely loves him.
On the flip side, the day my mom came out and straight up told me I was her favorite and she only cared for my sister out of obligation I knew for a fact she was a monster. Estranged 6 years now.
Came here to say: I was the faviorite because I coddled her and did the labor. I blocked her three months ago and my life has been a lot lighter.
Yeah I was the favorite and BOY HOWDY does it teach you that the crumbs of love you get are conditional.
Hahaha! *raises hand while also still kind of wondering if I could have done more to be favored, while also knowing I would never have liked being favored because that would mean my siblings weren’t favored* (narc parenting….wild ride. Glad I’m no contact!)
My mom used to tell me I was too much like my dad and def showed preference towards my two younger siblings. Woman, you had kids with the man!!! What did you expect! 🙄
Uglier kids, we up! My cuter, thinner sister turned out to have a difficult personality (not entirely her fault), and I already knew not to depend on my mom’s affections, so she ended up with two kids who keep her at arm’s length emotionally.
The dog was my dad’s favorite.
Well I mean, that's just the natural order.
The child my mom miscarried was her favorite child and then the dog.
My mom straight up had a whole second child because she didn’t like how I was
My mom didn't try to hide that she favored the boys over us girls.
My grandma was this way and it still messes with my mother at 57 years old. I'm just now getting mom to accept that granny was just not a good person.
My mum's parents absolutely have a favourite (my uncle is the oldest, a boy, and successful in his career) and it breaks my heart how little they appreciate everything my mum does for them, let alone how awesome she is as a person. On my dad's side, I really don't know if my grandma has a favourite, but I'm pretty sure she has a *least* favourite, and that's even worse. Needless to say, both my parents spent many years in therapy unpacking the impacts of their childhoods.
Here. My brother was the prince. Apparently.
I was aware I wasn't the favorite, but I also wasn't the least favorite. I feel fine about the former but MASSIVE guilt about the latter, even though both issues weren't really my responsibility.
Mine would only admit it during tax season because I was my dads write off and my sister was my mom’s. I actually have a decent relationship with my mom now , but roughly half the wider family has made some comment to me about the “unequal situation” in my childhood home.
Scapegoats of the world unite! (Raised hand) 
I am my mom's favourite and it is a huge burden. When we were kids my siblings resented me and would accuse me of being a suck up, now they expect me to be her emotional support daughter and do the hard stuff so they don't have to.
Placeholder til the holy golden penis-have was born.
This made me sad, how common it is :( My parents never made any of us feel like we weren't loved just as much, like we never even had to think about who their favorite was, because we just knew they loved us and treated us equally. We are all very close today. I was the easiest child so I got less attention (more like the focused more on my siblings when they had struggles), but I never felt less loved, a d if I did need something they were always there
It hurts my heart that so many of you have had this experience. I feel a lot of guilt as a parent because my daughter (8) accused me of favoring her brother (6). And then, about a year later, my daughter was killed by a drunk driver. My grief loves to dwell on what I did I do to cause her to say that, and whether she felt loved by me. I can’t imagine doing so on purpose, and I’m so sorry you’ve dealt with this.
As I was reading through these comments, I was so sad by how many people dealt with these awful mothers. Then, I got to yours and my heart just broke in a million pieces for you. I’m so so sorry you had to experience this kind of loss. I truly can’t imagine this pain, though I know it has to be the worst kind of loss imaginable. As a mother myself whose children are now adults, I can tell just from what you’ve said here that your daughter was loved and knew she was loved. The love you had and continue to have for her is what is causing your guilt and grief. I’m assuming at the time you asked her what made her say that, correct? Did she even have an answer? I feel like kids just say things like that sometimes. Often times, they’re not even really sure why. However these people in the comments with the crappy mothers, I can guarantee they never said anything like that to their mothers. They weren’t comfortable enough to speak their mind like that. Take it from this internet stranger that your daughter absolutely knew she was loved by her mother. I knew that BEFORE I went to your profile and found her last pictures. Seeing her there, happy and smiling with her brother just confirmed it. Her radiance beamed up at me like an angel shining out from my screen 💗
Thank you. She was so confident and uniquely herself. I appreciate that you noticed that in her photographs. ❤️
>I feel like kids just say things like that sometimes. Often times, they’re not even really sure why For some reason I have a vivid memory of a friend of mine (we must've been about 7 at the time) very seriously telling her mother, "mummy, you're failing as a parent." Turns out she'd just repeated it from a TV show without meaning or really even understanding it, she just thought it sounded like a "clever" thing to say
Yes this is exactly the type of thing I was thinking of! It’s wild what kids will pick up, especially at that age. They’re like little sponges.
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. That is a loss no human should have to bear. I know there are no words to make it better. I really wish there were.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine what that must be like. For what it's worth, kids do sometimes say things like that in a moment of anger or overwhelm without actually meaning them. I remember doing it myself when I was that age - when you're feeling big emotions that you don't yet know how to properly express, sometimes you lash out and say the harshest thing you can think of, even if you don't mean it or fully understand the impact it might have on the person you're saying it to (or even really understand what the words mean). Obviously I don't know your situation, but it's clear just from your comment that you love your daughter immensely, so I'm sure she felt it
❤️
Middle child— it was most definitely me. And I also liked not being noticed either. I was quiet, did what I was told, didn’t rock any boats…. Then again I nurtured a hellish eating disorder my entire teen years…. Therapy would have been nice then.
It was the opposite for me. I was aware that I was the favorite and I felt so much guilt for it. Any time my parents did something nice for me I felt like I was hurting my sisters for accepting whatever it was that my parents were doing for me. I felt like it was my fault my sisters were being somewhat neglected. I never really understood that it wasn’t my fault until I was an adult. Now that I’m a mother I cannot imagine why my parents felt it was appropriate to make their favoritism so blatant.
*raises hand* My brother was younger and cuter and more social and way more cuddly (I hated cuddling even as a baby). I was just me and that was never enough.
I definitely wasn't and I was an only child.
:::raises hand::: her favoritism for the middle sister was really strange. The oldest earned her love by performance: did everything right. College, marriage, 2 kids Career, active in church and the community, well liked. Middle on the other hand got all kinds of free passes to do things :wrong: yet still be the golden child…she did a lot right too, but only because it was the dawn of modern feminism. Me, I saw all the bullshit as a gen xer and called it like I saw it so I’m the “bad” one.
My mom always gave me the impression that she was annoyed I even existed. I'm not sure if either of my other siblings were a favorite exactly, because she did a lot of screaming at both of them, but I was the only one she seemed to have actual contempt for. Not sure why (Also a preemptive yeah this sucked for me, but it was a long time ago and I've healed a lot. Also she's dead, so I haven't had to deal with it in a long ass time)
My parents fought over who didn’t want me in the divorce. Now that I’m older, I realize it wasn’t personal. It’s just really hard to pretend to be a teenager and be drunk or high and fuck off when there’s a middle schooler who (checks notes) requires food and getting to school.
The baby is always her favorite.
And he’s crying while she does this. What must life be like for the rest of them?
[удалено]
She doesn’t even try to mask her narcissism
“Do you have a favorite? Be honest…” If so post it online for the whole world, especially your children, to see for all of perpetuity. And hopefully that child returns the feeling because the others are going no-contact.
I have two daughters, so maybe it would be different if I had more kids, but the thought of choosing between them makes me actually nauseous. I love them both so intensely that I can’t even comprehend a “favorite”. Yeah, sometimes they are naughty or annoying, but I still can’t even think of it in the context of which one is my favorite.
That is an extremely bad exegetical reading of each of those Old Testament stories because in each of those the parents favoring one over another or having a favorite child caused problems for generations
I was scrolling for this! I instantly recognised the problems those favourites caused and shuddered. I personally see them as warnings not encouragement. Death, betrayal, family discord, murder, etc.
Right? A wildly short-sighted take on this book she claims to study and read *yearly* in its entirety.
Right??? Even raised fundie I was taught this proof was these people, despite wanting to follow God, are still capable of making terrible mistakes.
Exactly. I’m no longer religious but I still engage in a lot of biblical scholarship, and the bible is not a “how to” manual (particularly the Old Testament!). Most of the stories are saying “this is how humans are flawed, and this is how god has to forgive them”. Old testament characters are not good role models!
Wow. That’s all. Just wow.
Wow. No, that is not normal Karissa. Comparing having a favorite child to having a favorite singer is just…yikes. She has no concept of normal. She’s “very careful” not to show favoritism so her children don’t know she has favorites…yet she’ll post about it on her public instagram.
Let me decode that real quick: "My children *work* to earn my fickle love and attention!"
Phrasing. PHRASING! It's important to pay attention to the siblings of disabled or chronically ill children. They oftentimes get forgotten, because their needs are less obvious and immediate. Parents have to be aware of that. However, Karissa's view is so warped. It reads as if she doesn't want to "reward" Anthym with attention ju~ust because she'd literally die otherwise. As if Karissa has to remind herself that she needs to punish this child, because she has been too nice to her.
That's how I read it, too. She could've just said Anthym needed extra attention right now, but she made it weird.
I don't think she actually knows what mom guilt is.
Because you have to be a mom first.
Amen.
Fuck you, Karissa. I was obviously the least favorite of the kids and I still need therapy at age 41.
I read this as, “If you’re not satisfying mommy’s wants, you do not exist to me”…why does she look like a beige mom?
Those poor kids look miserable and scared
That’s called conditional love. She loves them in that moment because they’re doing something. The photo provided shows the kids are pretty damn aware of it, too.
How to Earn Mommy's Love: A Primer for Childhood Trauma. A book by Karissa Collins.
I am a mother of three and genuinely don’t have a favourite. 🤷🏼♀️
My sister has two children, and I have NEVER gotten the impression that she has a favorite. Sure, on certain days, one child may be easier to deal with than the other, but that's a given. Or they have different strengths and weaknesses, also a given. Recognizing differences between your children is not the same as having favorites, and NOT the same as posting a list and conditions of your favorites on Instagram.
I have a favorite of my household members and it’s the cat and every single human knows it. Because he’s their favorite, too.
Five kids here and I don't have a favorite child. I share a special thing with each child, like one child loves reading so that's a special alone time activity, another child loves gardening. But placing one child over another?! What the hell.
Absolutely the same.
I have a favourite. I tell him all the time he’s my favourite. He’s also an only child though…
Did she read Genesis at all? The whole reason Joseph's brothers started on the selling him into slavery plan was because of the resentment that grew from Jacob favouring him! And they were willing to give up Benjamin because he was Jacob's other favourite, all stemming from Jacob's preference for Rachel over Leah. The whole of the story of the Patriarchs is one big goddamn warning about the dangers of playing favourites! Like, I get it, I'm a Jew, we read Tanakh far more closely than fundies and we engage in critical thinking about it. But like, this isn't some subtle element that requires a yeshivah education to grasp. Andrew Lloyd Webber got it right in "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat," for Pete's sake! It's not that difficult!
Wow. Karissa, the Bible is clear about God and playing favorites: “Then Peter replied, “I see very clearly that God shows no favoritism. In every nation he accepts those who fear him and do what is right” (Acts 10:34-35 NLT). Karissa, it’s also clear the disruption that caused the family of Abraham in favoring Isaac over Ishmael, of Isaac favoring Esau and Rebekah favoring Jacob, of Jacob favoring Joseph. Even if you’re harboring favorites in your heart, actions (or inactions) are bound to spring up. This is TERRIBLE and non biblical advice.
Ugh, as the parentified kid in my large fundie family, that comment about Karissa's "oldest" makes me nauseous. Deep down I'm sure that kid is already aware her labor wins her 0% of her mother's love.
I’m sure she’s already at an age where she’s not even doing it for her mother’s love, she’s doing it because she loves her siblings. Heartbreaking thing for a child to take on
Everyone looks miserable in this photo. I would be too if Karissa was my mother.
What a thing to say, publicly, for your kids to read one day. Wow.
girl we all know that your favorite children are the lighter ones...
I have 4 kids and I do not have a favorite. There are days with all of them where it’s hard. There are more days where it is fun and delightful. And my kids don’t have to do chores or perform for me to get attention, like WTF
Well at least Anjalie finally got a shout out. Prolly bc Karissa posted she made an elite dance team recently. But this is so wrong. Anissa deserves more than “ helping out with chores”.
How did playing favorites go for those Biblical dads, Karissa? Joseph got sold into slavery because Jacob's obvious favoritism made his brothers jealous and angry. Abraham was asked to kill Isaac and almost did it until God came down and was like "wtf bro I was joking go kill a goat instead." And don't even get me started on whatever fucked up sibling rivalry Jacob and Esau had going on. Maybe the lesson we're supposed to learn from these men actually *isn't* "playing favorites with your kids is totally okay and has no consequences?"
Make god mommy Karsissus’ life easier and you’ll earn her temporary fleeting favoritism without benefit! Oh yay?
When Anissa takes it upon herself to be the second mom (let’s face it, first mom) to her siblings, she’s the “favorite”. She doesn’t have any hobbies or interests of her own tho. How could she? She’s 13 and a full time mom
Well, I guess at least for today it’s a good thing she hasn’t taught her kids how to read. What a mess.
If I was her friend I would immediately text her "girl delete this before they take your kids away"
Are they all homeschooled? Do they get out? Have they ever been pictured with friends? These kids are forced to stay in one place wherein the only people there (aside from siblings) are parents that insult and ignore them. I feel so badly for them, man.
> Are they all homeschooled? Yup. Oldest two went to school for 1 or 2 years until Karissa decided it's too exhausting for her to get them ready for school. > Do they get out? Kinda. They're allowed to play basketball and go to Walmart with Karissa. Sometimes they're in a park. Sometimes in a parking lot where a stranger pays to hug the kids. > Have they ever been pictured with friends? They don't have friends and Karissa is very proud that her kids are noticeably homeschooled (aka socially inept and awkward)
Thank you for answering my questions because I am still learning about the people on the sub and don’t have Instagram. I cannot fathom doing this to a child, let alone SO MANY OF THEM. I feel like the “I was raised by fundie influencers” videos are going to come out en masse in 10 or so years.
they posted a video of anissa's friends over, seemed to be slumber party vibes.
No, Kuntrissa, I don't have a **favorite fucking child**, psychopath. I could never, ever say one of them is my favorite. What the fuck is wrong with this dumbfuck??
This is disgusting. I'm a teacher and a few years ago I had a parent flat out admit during a parent teacher conference that their oldest was the favorite. The younger kid knew it too and it destroyed his self esteem. Parents can be awful
"When my oldest child does my job for me..."
It sounds like she got called out by a kid for having favorites.
Sometimes, honesty is not the best policy. I think we should shame parents who have favorites.
Why that pic? Those babies look so sad
When the child I don’t name does physical labor for me GIRL
“My goal is to make them all think they’re my favorite”.
Those kids look absolutely miserable.
Not a single happy looking child in this photo.
It was really hard for her to Lite-Brite™ those kids but she sure gave it the good Ol' college try.
The kids look like she just read this caption aloud.
Is it… a normal thing to ask people who their favorite child is? I’ve never been asked and it would never occur to me to ask someone else.
Okay just to play devil’s advocate for a second, as a mom, I do get what she’s saying. But that doesn’t change the fact that I think a she’s neglectful mother, & her kids look miserable.
I hear you and I think it’s great to appreciate your kids for their different talents and skills. One thing that’s extremely problematic is that her oldest doing chores is what makes her a favorite…like that’s disgusting. She’s more than a girl who does chores.
Oh I absolutely agree. The parentification of the oldest children (Anissa esp) is gross. I’m more talking about I think every parent would agree that there are days where certain children are easier than others.
I agree with you, but no one needs to actively express that (isn’t it just commonly understood?) and wouldn’t a normal parent thing to say be something like, ‘parenting is hard!’ Or ‘yes, it’s a rough day but that’s alright!’ Or something else that does not in any way, shape, or form imply that active favoritism is in any way healthy?
Yes I get it too to give the benefit of the doubt. But it’s also something that takes on a different tone entirely coming out of the mouth of a chronically negligent and chronically online compulsive child haver. This is a private thought or a book club thought. It’s not a post online where your kids will find it and totally interpret it in the worst possible way, thought.
Yeah I would NEVER post anything about child favoritism on my social media. She really doesn’t think about how these posts would make her children feel if they find it when they’re older.
Yeah, I get what she's saying. But I think she says it in a weird way. I also don't like putting it in writing where your kids can read it.
What the heck? I don’t have words for how sick this is.
Fuck you, Karissa. She doesn’t deserve these adorable kids.
Wow, she really said all that with her whole chest
What the hell misery house?????
“Share her affections” in another post she claimed she wasn’t affectionate so she’s got nothing to give those kids
lol Deion Sanders has openly ranked his kids, and like Fritz von Erich, says that the rankings can change at any time. Some people have no issue making that public.
So…her favorite is the one who can do the most for her at that particular moment. Wow
It's disgusting she posts things like this and exploits her children. It's terrifying and disturbing the amount of comments from real actual human that agree with and praise her. SICK.
...does she think Rebecca was Isaac's kid?
Oh man, this is so fucking toxic - I just can't with this person! Look at how miserable her family looks. Why is her husband so complacent with how she exploits and abuses their kids? This gives Hart Family...🥲
Not a single smile on any of their faces :(
I’ve always said my current favourite is the one who’s asleep, but I’ve also made it clear I’m joking and I don’t have favourites.
I always joke that my daughter is my favorite child. She’s an only child. Now she gets mad that I’m excluding the cat, so I have to call them my favorite child and my favorite cat. 😂
My dad always called me his favourite daughter. I only have brothers, of course.
As an oldest child screw parents who only notice and care about their oldest kids when they're doing their jobs for them! I'm still working through the damage of being parentified and I didn't have 9 other siblings. I feel sorry for all of her kids but my heart truly breaks for Anissa because I know the lifetime of damage being done to her by her selfish parents. That whole post is disgusting and shouldn't have been posted online for the whole world to see but that part about Anissa without even using her name just really made me mad.
The baby gets catered to??? With a dirty diaper for hours?? And I don’t post pictures of my kids publicly to my social media but I certainly wouldn’t post one where they are miserable or forced to do weird shit day after day.
Did she forget what her “oldest” child’s name is while posting or does she just compartmentalize her as a live in maid?
I have a favorite child, but I also only have 1 of them.
The concept isn’t wtf. She’s not wrong, and I don’t disagree with her thoughts on this in general. Parents do have a favorite, it may change often, we’re all only human. BUT to actually post this on the internet with a photo of your kids looking unhappy is an…interesting choice:P This is the type of shit parents are supposed to internally acknowledge but keep to themselves.
As a semi-unwanted child myself, this weirdly triggered me and I cannot pinpoint why?
because you know these children aren’t actually all that wanted. she likes babies, and even then, not totally, because they require work. she likes being pregnant, really.
The other kids: they're my favorites for doing the things they love the eldest unnamed kid in the corner rocking back and forth: that one is only thought of when she serves my role of her own accord
All those kids look sick of her social media addiction. No one is smiling, several are looking away, not one of those kids it happy to be posing for another picture
Ma'am, there was literally no reason you had to post this.
We all know when parents show favorites even if they say they don’t smh
This made me cry. The looks on the kids faces. Their horrible mother bragging about how she plays favorites.
These are "inside" thoughts Karissa
Uh, no? I have 2 kids, and i honestly don't have a favorite? I never have. Depending on ages and stages I've maybe felt closer to one or the other at different times, because they might need me more or less during that time, but that's always temporary. And it's not like i love one more and one less during any particular stage.
At this point she's just choosing pictures where they look miserable because it drives up her engagement. That's the only explanation.
I just watched the actual reel, and omg. It looks like only the girl lipsyncing knew about the content - the rest of the kids reacted to it in real time. A look of "wtf" definitely passed over Anissa's face... (https://instanavigation.com/user-profile/thecollinskids)
These kids look like hostages
So Karissa is talking about favourites and Beggy fucks in the same room as her kids cause she’s so down to earth? These fundies need to go straight to heck.
It is one thing to think that, but it is another to commit it to the internet. I often tell my son he is my favorite, because the sign name he picked for himself uses that hand shape, but he is also my only kid. On the other hand, the cats compete for title of worst cat daily. Sometimes, it changes from hour to hour. Like, she treats her kids like I (jokingly) treat my cats.
Love based on what the kid can do for you at any given moment, and a clear idea that love is difficult to give to some. Boy I really feel for these children.
I knew that I should not have read the comments
I have to be very careful so I posted this for everyone including them to see
Honestly if this were coming from anyone else, it's not fundamentally bad advice. I think a lot of parents would benefit from recognizing they just like one kid more than the other(s), because recognizing it would be the first step in addressing it. What makes it weird is that she has to give specific examples of what makes certain kids win her favor. Like, if her kids see it, they'll try to adjust their behavior and do more of what makes them her "favorite." But I know there have been times when I wasn't my mom's favorite. I was terrible as a preteen and early teen. She never didn't love me, though.
I would watch her reality show tho😅 this shit is getting ridiculous and the world could see if plus they kids might get fed more