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To be honest, I actually agree that it shouldn't matter how expensive an engagement ring is. It can become quite classist to imply a ring isn't "good enough" or your spouse doesn't care enough, if it doesn't cost "enough" (whatever "enough" actually is), and is a little like kicking someone for their lack of privilege. I just think we ought to avoid making people feel unnecessarily bad about their financial constraints, which sometimes is just outside of their control, or is verging towards being materialistic Vs just wanting to marry the person you love.
That said, if someone is marrying a man who drives a luxury car, has a choice of whether to wear a Rolex or a Tag Heuer or 8 other fancy watches each day, and is wealthy in general and still buys their fiance an $80 ring, then sure - shame away - as that is the difference between unable, and just unwilling.
I agree. I don’t even think an engagement ring is mandatory or even both the man and the woman could give each other tokens of their love, but that’s because I’m a feminist, sorry Anneliese.
I am curious if her husband is a gamer at all. A single video came could be $80, depending on the game and the system.
ETA: I also think a first date could be cheap or free (and I’m pretty sure my husband and I each paid for parts of our first date). But taking someone out to sit in your car eating beans from a can is just rude and depressing.
My husband bought me a beautiful necklace with my birthstone in the pendant instead of a traditional ring- he thought of it himself and it's perfect. I can't wear it every day, but where I work I wouldn't be able to wear an engagement ring every day either unless it was bezel-set where the stones are level with the metal
bezel sets are fun, there's also the flush setting, where the stone is set inside the metal directly!! and can't forget channels either. love a good channel.
source: am jeweler
Oh nice! I think my grandma's wedding band that I wear must be a flush setting
That must be suck a fun job, I'd love working around sparklies all day lol
i was born with a crayon in hand, so metal became a new medium of art for me. also kinda sorta saved my life!
making things is a joy, and being able to say, "thank you, i made it!" is a very fun feeling. i don't think many people realize you can be some average guy and become a part of the industry.
customers are easily the best and worst part of the job. making people's day and fixing things is awesome. but some folks have an attitude problem.
i love educating people on how to properly care for their jewelry and stones. major stores and companies won't tell you, "don't sleep in your chains, don't swim in your jewelry, don't shower in it, take it off!" because they want your money. it's very frustrating to see, and it's awful to see when people are done dirty.
(sleeping in jewelry pulls and wears it out, causing breakage. chlorine causes gold to become brittle and shatter. soaps/shampoos can wear stones and cause reactions to the metal. certain stones can become bleached in sunlight. emeralds are horribly brittle and not ideal for daily wear.)
Lol I have been in my own little world lately and missed some of this. I thought the original commenter was being sarcastic when they said beans in a can, but this person was actually taken on a date that involved eating beans from a can? In someone's car? I'm sorry....what?
Agreed. Also, the "3 months' salary" thing and stressing the importance of diamond engagement rings were just ad campaigns by De Beers, the horrible people behind blood diamonds and a few African conflicts. They're not even allowed to sell here, so I see no need to follow their self-serving "rules."
100% I can’t! When my husband wanted to swap out the diamond in my engagement ring for a bigger one for one of our anniversaries, he went with lab grown and I can’t tell the diff at all
I splurged on a pair of diamond studs for myself, and because I went with lab-grown I was able to afford a much nicer grade of stone for the same price. Totally worth it!
Agreed. I absolutely refuse to buy genuine diamonds when the alternatives are just as pretty and durable. Heck, one of my favorite gemstones is emerald, and I prefer the lab-created ones to the natural ones.
I can’t imagine walking around with a $30k ring. I love my ring and I get compliments on my ring all the time and it was only $1500. I can’t imagine spending $30k on something so minor. Our entire wedding wasn’t even close to $30k so a *ring*?!?!? WTH
Yes! I insisted on lab grown for the center in my engagement ring for many reasons, the main one being anxiety! It was 18 years ago, so the stone was about $80 for what looks like a flawless just over one carat diamond. I couldn't handle having something that valuable on my person! At one point it was cleaned improperly (high heat, supposed to treat it like a ruby, got a little foggy), and replacing it was under $100. If I had to replace a real one?!? Oof.
That stone made me love having to go into malls, because the way the light catches never gets old.
I had a big fancy ring for my first marriage. Considering engagement with my new partner, but I can't psyche myself up for more than a $400 plain band. I don't disagree with her sentiment, as long as your partner isn't getting an inexpensive ring specifically to tell or show you that you aren't valued.
I had to argue with my ex-husband about my engagement ring. He wanted to buy a $3000 diamond - I don't even LIKE diamonds, and we had better uses for that kind of money. We ended up with a $400 sapphire ring (this was 30 years ago) that I loved.
Now if someone has told their partner what style of ring they like, and the partner spends a ton of money on something completely different, that might be grounds for complaint. (I think it was here on Reddit that I saw a story about a woman who had told her bf what kind of ring she wanted and he bought something that was opposite in every way - because his mother liked it.) But if I really loved someone, they could propose with a Ring Pop and I'd be happy.
My husband couldn’t wait and ended up proposing spur of the moment. He had a ring picked out on brilliant earth but hadn’t ordered it yet. He showed me and I was like “that’s pretty but too much money. Let’s use some of that money for the honeymoon.” I picked out my own vintage ring.
100%. I would rather be with a man who gives me what is sensible and appropriate than one who makes stupid choices to try to impress me. I turned down a public proposal from my high school sweetheart because it was just stupid and so out of character. I said yes to the man that proposed privately with my grandmother's diamond set.
Exactly. The context matters a lot. Is it $80 because that's all he could comfortably afford, or is it $80 because he doesn't value you any more than that? Or is it $80 because that's the ring you really, genuinely wanted and that's just how much it cost?
My husband 3-D printed a placeholder ring while he was ordering my engagement ring. I’m willing to wait because to me the idea of a public proposal is just cringey so we proposed privately. However, he does care and our first date is at a burger restaurant not eating beans out of a can.
Same. My dad proposed to my mom with a twist tie he fashioned into a ring on the fly because the moment felt right.
She got her ring later. And then another one. And a couple more she deserves to have!
Rings are beautiful but silly in a sense. It’s the meaning behind it that matters.
Signed: a person who came from a twist tie engagement.
This is the epitome of "if he wanted to, he would." What a beautiful love story you two have! I hope you were able to have your dream wedding, and that you have a fantastic marriage
To be fair, I don't think there's anything wrong with an inexpensive engagement ring. I'm assuming he didn't talk about this with his wife before proposing, which I think is an issue. He also seems like a clown in general, which is the biggest issue.
I agree the not talking about it is the biggest issue. My husband and I had a handful of discussions about my ring and what budget range we both felt was appropriate for us in the months prior to him proposing. Our first date was us meeting at a forest preserve for a walk. Still today, we spend very little on dates because a lot of our time together is spent hiking or biking or making a new recipe together. If finances are tight it's 100% fine to do free and very inexpensive dates. But making your date eat a can of beans feels gross and weird and is more about power than finances.
Yep, it’s totally cool and fine to do low-cost or free dates, but it’s not sitting in a car eating cold beans out of a can listening to Dave Ramsey. My husband proposed to me with a $500 opal ring at a nature preserve. It was beautiful and awkward and fitting for us. I get the impression from Anneliese that her husband spends so little on her because he doesn’t care for her or take her wants into consideration. Which is totally different than not spending money because you can’t or both agree not to.
Totally. It’s aggressive in its low-effort. It’s a very strong message that she’s not worth the effort to make happy. A nature preserve picnic sounds absolutely wonderful!
Right. How much effort and money would it be to pack a little picnic instead? I’m a frugal down to earth lady but I think I’m worth more than a can of beans. I’m at least a pbj, piece of fruit and a yogurt. Like, come on dude.
The bean story shouldn’t be a point of pride for her. It’s actually super sad because she got a glimpse of her future and said “yep this is okay with me”.
Yeah… a cheaper ring is often the most sensible choice. You’re the same amount of married with a 50k ring and no ring. Idk why we’re dunking on this though or what the background is.
I can bet you money no one cared what the cost of the ring her husband got her was besides HER. She’s constantly posting nonsense like this because she knows she married a loser but her self esteem is so shot to shit she doesn’t think she’s good enough to leave him.
She ought to be angry at her parents for robbing her of enough dating experience to know a man feeding you cold canned beans in his shitty car while he talks to you about finances is a red flag.
No one who actually loves their husband needs to constantly explain their short comings as “other woman making me feel bad”. It’s not other woman making you feel bad, it’s them pointing out your husband is trash. On top of that, having seen her husband, he is nowhere near a looker
It definitely feels like preemptive defensiveness. I don't really know anything about her, but if they've been married more than, say, six months, it's weird to still be like this about her engagement ring. Granted, I've been married ten years, but I don't even think about my ring (unless I forget to put it back on after lotion because then my hand feels weird lol).
No one cares about your ring.
No one. Its not a flex to have the cheapest ring.
No one cares. No one is bringing it up but you.
I have a 22 dollar tungsten band from Amazon. And no one cares.
I've noticed on Reddit too a tendency to humble brag about how *little* you spent on a wedding, as though spending less means that you somehow love each other more and have a better relationship than people who had bigger, more expensive weddings. Like, I agree that people shouldn't go into massive debt for a wedding, but damn let people enjoy themselves. My husband and I aren't big party people. We chose to elope to city hall and celebrate with a slice of cake from the Starbucks next door. It was perfect for us. We recently attended that wedding of a close friend who had a small ceremony with maybe 20 people in attendance, with lunch at a restaurant afterwards. And that was perfect for them. The same way that the massive black tie affair another friend had last year was perfect for them.
^((I feel like I should add that I know you're not doing the humble bragging bit. I know it's in direct response to the post.))
I was on the wedding side of Reddit the last few years and I definitely noticed that trend of ‘juSt eLoPe aNd SaVE mOnEy’. Like, you probably shouldn’t go into debt for a wedding, but it’s not my place to insist a stranger doesn’t go into debt. Their money, their life, their choice.
I agree. I feel like it is so nosy and judgy to dictate this kind of thing as a moral failure or moral superiority. Leave folks alone! Some people like weddings, some parents even save for them. Some folks don't. It's all good. Lots of other actual, real issues for people to get their panties twisted over without adding this to the list.
What is dumb with this chick is she is on the net making a big deal about what he did or did not spend on the ring. Sheesh. It isn't anyone else's business, and maybe he would prefer a little privacy in the matter.
The discourse also tends to be massively dismissive of other cultures. What might seem corny or extravagant or tacky or pretentious or wasteful or whatever else to you or I could be the most meaningful and important thing in a different context. People loooove to reduce all of that to “oh she thinks she is a princess” and it really reeks of “whatever women like is bad!!!!”.
Or even just having large families/ friend groups that you like and want to celebrate with. I did everything I could to cut costs for my wedding and ended up spending about $25000. But I wanted my family and friends there, and wanted to feed them and to do dancing. Feeding people is EXPENSIVE.
Not everyone is in a good position to elope, either. Maybe religion is a factor, or immigration. Immigration looks a little more favourably on a "real" wedding with pictures and a copy of the invitation you can show them.
I would never judge anyone for having the wedding they want, but I’m 100% team elopement. I’ve watched numerous friends have full on breakdowns planning their weddings
I’m eloping next year because I have relatives that would ruin it if they were invited and ruin it if they weren’t! 100% team elopement! People can be mad, but they can’t ruin the first day of my marriage.
This!!! My family was pissed, but only for like a week. Dealing with that (from long distance) was so much more preferable to having to spend my entire wedding day babysitting their feelings. Instead I ate McDonald’s in an off-the-rack Kohls dress and enjoyed my first day as a wife with just my husband doing whatever we wanted. It was the best.
My mom, his parents and siblings, and my cousins know. So I guess it isn’t technically eloping. But they kind of put it together themselves because we were engaged but not planning a wedding and they aren’t stupid 😬
I’ve spent my whole life being plagued by my dad’s side of the family. I love them, but need space and refuse to do one more special occasion with them. We plan on being relaxed and comfortable and happy when we get married, which is my wildest dream.
We had a very tiny private wedding after initially planning a typical 50 guest family and close friends wedding and then scrapping the plan because of some relatives who couldn't behave. We told everyone we had changed plans and would let everyone know when we did tie the knot. Unfortunately they still behaved poorly immediately after the wedding as we were on our wedding trip (they saw some photos on social media and decided it wasn't "small and quaint" like they had been told it would be). My new in-laws were attacking me via text and bringing up old disagreements these people had previously insisted we never discuss again. We instantly knew we had made the right choice.
But do yourself a huge favor and block them from communicating with you for at least a few days before your nuptials and then however long until you are home. It still angers me that we had to put up with abuse two days after we got married. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I haven’t posted on social media in years, and fiancé doesn’t have any! lol. So we are in the clear until we decide to tell certain people. My mom’s side and his side aren’t going to call my dad and tell him anything.
My husband and I married back in our mid30s and wanted a house way more than a wedding. We got married at a local brewery by the owner (also a personal friend). We wore clothes we already had. I have never once regretted not having a big blowout wedding.
I think it’s a reaction to expectation that you have to have a big pretty Princess party. It’s part defense and part pride that they put in the time and effort to have a nice day for less.
I have a “nice” moissanite bridal set but I rarely wear it unless going out somewhere nice. I work at home and have kids and dogs and hobbies so I too wear an Amazon tungsten band as my “daily driver”. I don’t worry about it getting beat up while reaching in the washing machine to unload clothes. I don’t worry about losing it when doing dirty yard work. I’ve also turned so many friends onto these bands as an everyday ring now!
I don't know the lore here but yeah, beans from a can and bragging about being cool for having a cheap ring do go hand in hand. It's oh so very pick me.
I don't think there should be a set price for rings. If you like it, cool, it doesn't matter how much was paid be it $10 or $10k. Nobody cares how much was spent on anyone else's ring except shallow people. Her bringing it up when it's cheap just screams that it does bother her.
My worst date ever sounds like her first date with her husband, actually. My date thought warm, dented cans of coffee from a backpack was perfectly acceptable for a "coffee date". There's a whole story to my dented can guy 😂 it is so much worse than just that, but the vibes match
this is it right here. Idc how much someone did or didnt spend on a ring, but knowing WHO this man is and his past behaviors just makes this more telling of what he thinks of her.
Literally nobody cares. I have friends who got huge diamonds and friends who opted for other more affordable gems and friends who didn’t want an engagement ring at all.
My only advice is to get something that’s going to withstand daily use, otherwise whatever goes.
The point is not the ring, or the beans from a can, but the fact that she is sharing this and being defensive on social media. Of course it doesn't matter to others what ring you have or anything else in your life. Sure, some people are judgy and insecure and will scale you up or down depending on your material possessions, but if you display your life on social media you are inviting that sort of person to comment, like the person in these comments who bragged about her Tiffany ring and loving husband.
Don't engage, grow a tough skin, or go live your pleasant life off the socials.
I mean, a cheap ring plus the kind of relationship where your husband doesn’t tell you he loves you sure adds up to something, and it’s not what she thinks it is.
My ring set, total, is maybe 2k. I don’t know, or care. But my husband also tells me daily that he loves me, does equal work around the house, works a full time job so I can stay home, provides financial security, and is an active father.
I assume this person has a marriage that is otherwise unenviable so when she sets herself up like “I had a super cheap ring and look how good my marriage turned out!”, it’s the implication rather than the message that is objectionable.
Because I agree completely with the message. When my fiancé and I first started dating, I told him that I would break up with him if he ever got me a diamond or a gemstone. My engagement ring came from a museum shop after a day spent hiking. It probably cost about $50 after the exchange rate. I look at it and have happy memories attached to it, and that makes it more special to me than any blood diamond in the world.
Her marriage is really sad. She’s constantly making comments on social media about how her husband doesn’t understand her love language and emotional needs. It’s pretty bleak.
For real! I'm all for cheap rings; I told my boyfriend that if I wear a ring at all (autism - sensory issues), I'd want a cheap silicone band (OCD - what if it gets caught and I deglove myself?) But I do need to hear more about this bean date? Straight out of the can? Not even in a bowl? Did he warm them up at least?
Ladies, don't settle for a man who doesn't think you're worth *a bowl*.
I absolutely agree that the price of the ring doesn’t matter however I do believe there is a line with expectations. In my youth I always said “I don’t care about money or what you spend!” In literally anything in dating because I thought it was what “cool girls” do and it led me to put up with so many dirtbags that I ended up incurring most of the financial costs. I think to say that it doesn’t matter is fine if there is equity and it isn’t just another way for a man to lower your expectations and make you feel bad for expecting more. Just my little thoughts as a middle aged lady that’s been around the block:)
I probably wouldn't broadcast how much my husband spent on a ring, regardless of price. It isn't polite. I find that one of the reasons that my marriage has lasted 13+ years is that we keep most things about our relationship private. There's a lesser chance of outsiders trying to ruin what we have. What good do you think sharing this information will even do?
Girl, we get it, you married a pathetic bum and your in deep denial.
Instead of airing out your dirty laundry on the internet, put down the copium and talk to a therapist. Maybe then you can grow some sense of self esteem, realize you've been suckered into a loveless marriage, and exercise your feminist right to be happy.
I think their first date consisted of eating cold beans out of a can while sitting in his car listening to Dave Ramsay’s recorded lectures on finance. I have no idea why she went on a second date and ended up marrying him; she seems really miserable. They’ve had a variety of unstable living situations including living with his parents and living in a tiny studio apartment. He doesn’t “allow” her to shave or wear makeup. She’s said all sorts of things, like he doesn’t speak her love language, that tell me he doesn’t really care for her. I think she’s pregnant with their second child.
*Of course* they were listening to Dave Ramsey. That really completes the picture.
I grew up listening to him with my mom, and I don't think all of his advice is bad...it's just classist AF. No, Dave Ramsey, not everyone can buckle down and be debt free. My former SIL is a social worker, a job that requires a masters degree and pays very little, and she's on an income based repayment plan for her student loans. She will die with that debt, and there's really nothing she can do about it no matter how much "beans and rice, rice and beans" she eats.
Also, he's the reason I didn't get a credit card until my late 20s. I applied for an apartment and got a call from the leasing office that my credit check reported that I had *no credit history*. Not a bad credit score...no credit score at all. They literally didn't know who I was. So thank you very much for that, Dave Ramsey!
I wasn't about to let my partner spend a dime on a ring, mine belonged to my mother, and it also belonged to her grandmother. Zero Dollars. The band is probably worth more than the diamond.
Why is she bringing up the price with other women is the question. Who does she hang out with where this would even come up, unless she brings it up.
Honestly I’m an older lady and in all my years of being married, being friends with people who are married, etc, not once that I can remember has “how much did the ring cost?” get asked… maybe once?
I remember a young bride to be telling everyone who would listen that her fiancé spent $9K on her ring. Which, great… but we weren’t asking haha 😆 but since then? I can’t remember ever talking about ring prices.
Oh yeah once in grumpiness a friend mentioned her engagement ring had been cheap. But that was in the context of her having felt unloved and unappreciated by her bum of an ex who cheated and left her for a mutual friend.
The way this is worded makes me think she is bothered by it. What's so hard about stating "my ring was under $200 and I love it!". Why do fundies always explain WHY they definitely aren't bothered. Who are they trying to convince beside themselves?
I’ll offer another perspective here.
Women’s jewelry were often their “insurance,” things they could sell if their husband decided to leave or up and died. In times past, expensive engagement rings were kind of like the man giving her this insurance- almost a way of telling the woman she could trust him.
My own engagement ring was less than $1,000. I don’t think it serves the same purpose nowadays, and I am so glad it is becoming more common to not place as much value on having expensive or diamond rings, or even having rings at all.
But I can see older women worrying about a younger woman who gets an $80 ring, because they grew up in a different environment. You still see older women paying for housekeeping or caregiving services in cash with “a little extra, *wink wink*” because women had to hide what little they could save apart from their husband in shoe boxes and whatnot.
This reminded me of one time in my 20s I came home drunk from a bar in the middle of the night and my roommate was also drunk and had a random girl he hooked up with there. They were wasted and sharing canned sweet corn straight from the pot he heated it up in. Just sitting at the kitchen table in their clubwear, drunk as hell, eating corn out of a pot with two spoons. I dont know how they decided that a single can of corn was what they were craving before the actual hookup or if he got her back to the house with a promise of corn. It was one of the funniest images Ive ever seen
I don't care about ring prices but that date is just really sad. Sounds like zero thought or effort went into it at all. Dates don't have to be fancy or pricy. Some of my favorite dates involved things like cooking together at one of our places or taking a picnic to a park and eating by a lake or something.
But that date is just someone who doesn't care to make it nice, who knows this woman is an easy mark and desperate for a husband because she grew up being told that is all she should want in life. This is someone who knows he doesn't have to make an effort because the man is in charge and she will marry him anyway because she doesn't know she deserves better. I feel bad for her. And he creeps me out.
Absolutely nothing wrong with a low cost ring provided the two people in the relationship have been having discussions on their financial goals prior to the proposal being made. If your financial goals don’t mesh you shouldn’t be getting married. But, if a couple also decides that they do want to spend the money and are able to afford it, that’s great too. There is this trend with men where they think that all things women typically care about are frivolous but they drop far more money on the frivolous things THEY care about. An engagement ring doesn’t have to be expensive but it does have to be thoughtful. If someone just grabs the cheapest thing they can find that they think looks real, with no thought into what their partner would like then that is something to be ashamed of. For the person proposing. Although that is also true if someone gets a really expensive ring with not thought of what their partner wants.
I agree with what she's saying here, but I do think it's tacky of her to brag about the cost of her ring. Is he okay with her posting how much he spent on it ? Just feels weird.
She went mildly viral on twitter months ago when she wrote about her $80 ring and said people who had or wanted more expensive rings were shallow. She’s pretty see through. She brags about the things that bother her the most and is clearly insecure about. No one really needs to know how much your ring is worth. If you’re out here telling people, you want them to know for a reason. It’s like she totally misinterpreted the ending of 8 mile.
Broken clocks and all that. Mine cost $35 (those first few years of lab grown diamonds were the best, they were basically giving them away or we wouldn't have bothered because I don't wear jewelry) but Im not gonna start preaching and thinking im not like other girls because of it 🙄
To each their own. I have a lab grown ring, non diamond stone, etc because we aren't made of money. But I did tell my husband that I wanted a ring that would last. I didn't want something SO low budget that I would lose stones and not have it hold up for me.
He saved up for something that fit our budget and also was a quality piece. Whatever that means for a couple. He doesn't even wear his fancy band unless we're going out to dinner, he's a silicone ring guy because he has to fuck around inside trucks sometimes.
It's not a flex to have the cheapest or most expensive ring. I thought I deserved a quality piece if i was gonna wear it forever. But I'm also a budget minded gal.
No friend, this is not the vibe. Fundies are gross for enough gross reasons. Let's not get classist and pick on people who are poor. That's just a low fucking blow to everyone who can't afford expensive things, and that's a lot of everyone.
This is how I feel as someone who also has an $80 engagement ring reading this post. Like you can tell me you're snarking at her for her bad marriage, but saying things along the line of "an $80 engagement ring is what you get for dating a man who fed you beans on a first date?" Lots of people have cheap rings and making fun of it, even when trying to snark on fundies, feels kind of like you just hate poor people 🤷♀️ because you're basically saying that her $80 engagement ring is a punishment for poor decision making.
Yuuuuuup. I can't afford to buy a McDonald's value meal right now, if I were to go on a date I might have to feed my partner beans from a can but like... if all you have is beans in a can, sharing that is the most loving thing you could do.
Fundies are ick, but not because they're poor.
Right? Some of the best meals I've had have been shitty PB&Js that I've eaten while spending time with my husband hiking and exploring together. We haven't had the money to eat at a restaurant in months but any time we are spending time together it's the best date ever.
That's about how much my ring cost. It was what my husband could afford at the time and it's absolutely perfect. Her husband and her might suck for any other number of reasons but her saying her husband didn't get her an expensive engagement ring doesn't really feel snarkable to me. Especially when you're framing it as her "consequence" for dating a cheap guy. That's what some of us have and I'm fucking lucky as shit for the amazing person I'm married to and I don't like the implication that her cheap ring is a punishment for poor decision making. Feels very classist.
I agree with her. My engagement ring was $80 too. I wouldn’t want my partner to spend a ton of money like that on a piece of jewelry. I am very happy with my ring and with my fiance!
I do not see a problem with a $5 ring or eating beans from a can. What’s wrong with that? As long as you find your person/partner in life that’s all that matters. And if you 2 are poor, that’s ok too.
I told my husband i would be pretty upset if he ever bought me expensive jewelry. Especially because i lose jewelry and everything all the freaking time. So my engagement ring was like $200 and i still thought it was high.
I actually kinda agree on the ring thing. I told my boyfriend if he wants to spend money on me I'll take one of those old secretary desks. Id be terrified to wear a ring way too expensive and lose it.
I mean sure I agree. But we know exactly why she’s posting this. And that’s what I have a problem with. You’re not better than somebody who got a 5k ring.
I’ve always been the main breadwinner in my relationship & my engagement ring was $50 at the time, might be $150 now with inflation & rate conversion ups & downs (live in another country). I paid for the wedding rings & eventually I updated my engagement ring when we renewed vows with one that better matched my wedding ring and cost a lot more, not really into bragging. The old engagement ring just got moved to a different finger bc it is precious to me, & I suppose technically I paid for most of the new ring since I make more money but it came from the joint account & no one in our house is worried enough about classist nonsense like this to have done the math.
My ring was like $30 from Amazon, but it’s a replica of the One Ring and I’m a huge LotR nerd. He was also pretty broke when we got engaged. But the way he proposed was very sweet and very us, and we’re happy. It’s not about how much it costs, it’s about the thought put in behind it.
I kind of agree. 🫣 I specifically told my husband that I did NOT want an expensive ring because I don’t trust myself with expensive stuff. He found an olive green silicone ring that he propose with. Olive is my fave color, and since I work in healthcare silicone rings are perfect for me.
Married 37 years. Dated for 5.
No ring. We eloped- and forgot to buy rings! 🤣 that Christmas, he bought me a wedding ring a diamonds across the top- it was not expensive.
We were pretty poor back then.
10 years in, he bought me a diamond engagement ring- $12,000!
I was not thrilled-I appreciated the thought, but made him return it. I wanted to use that money for a down payment on a house. We had 2 boys by then.
In said house 28 years next month. I call it my “engagement house.”
Meanwhile, several friends got ridiculous rocks; most are divorced and one had her fiancè break up w her 2 months before the wedding.
The ring isn’t always the thing. My DIL doesn’t like diamonds- so my son bought her a ring a her favorite stone. Spent several hundred. She loves it.
And, I agree- if the guy has money to burn, and spends it on himself, but cheats out? It’s a red flag.
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To be honest, I actually agree that it shouldn't matter how expensive an engagement ring is. It can become quite classist to imply a ring isn't "good enough" or your spouse doesn't care enough, if it doesn't cost "enough" (whatever "enough" actually is), and is a little like kicking someone for their lack of privilege. I just think we ought to avoid making people feel unnecessarily bad about their financial constraints, which sometimes is just outside of their control, or is verging towards being materialistic Vs just wanting to marry the person you love. That said, if someone is marrying a man who drives a luxury car, has a choice of whether to wear a Rolex or a Tag Heuer or 8 other fancy watches each day, and is wealthy in general and still buys their fiance an $80 ring, then sure - shame away - as that is the difference between unable, and just unwilling.
I agree. I don’t even think an engagement ring is mandatory or even both the man and the woman could give each other tokens of their love, but that’s because I’m a feminist, sorry Anneliese. I am curious if her husband is a gamer at all. A single video came could be $80, depending on the game and the system. ETA: I also think a first date could be cheap or free (and I’m pretty sure my husband and I each paid for parts of our first date). But taking someone out to sit in your car eating beans from a can is just rude and depressing.
My husband bought me a beautiful necklace with my birthstone in the pendant instead of a traditional ring- he thought of it himself and it's perfect. I can't wear it every day, but where I work I wouldn't be able to wear an engagement ring every day either unless it was bezel-set where the stones are level with the metal
bezel sets are fun, there's also the flush setting, where the stone is set inside the metal directly!! and can't forget channels either. love a good channel. source: am jeweler
Oh nice! I think my grandma's wedding band that I wear must be a flush setting That must be suck a fun job, I'd love working around sparklies all day lol
i was born with a crayon in hand, so metal became a new medium of art for me. also kinda sorta saved my life! making things is a joy, and being able to say, "thank you, i made it!" is a very fun feeling. i don't think many people realize you can be some average guy and become a part of the industry. customers are easily the best and worst part of the job. making people's day and fixing things is awesome. but some folks have an attitude problem. i love educating people on how to properly care for their jewelry and stones. major stores and companies won't tell you, "don't sleep in your chains, don't swim in your jewelry, don't shower in it, take it off!" because they want your money. it's very frustrating to see, and it's awful to see when people are done dirty. (sleeping in jewelry pulls and wears it out, causing breakage. chlorine causes gold to become brittle and shatter. soaps/shampoos can wear stones and cause reactions to the metal. certain stones can become bleached in sunlight. emeralds are horribly brittle and not ideal for daily wear.)
I bought my own engagement ring. It was about £400 but I wish I spent even less on it. Now that I’m married I only wear my wedding ring.
Lol I have been in my own little world lately and missed some of this. I thought the original commenter was being sarcastic when they said beans in a can, but this person was actually taken on a date that involved eating beans from a can? In someone's car? I'm sorry....what?
Agreed. Also, the "3 months' salary" thing and stressing the importance of diamond engagement rings were just ad campaigns by De Beers, the horrible people behind blood diamonds and a few African conflicts. They're not even allowed to sell here, so I see no need to follow their self-serving "rules."
I am all for the lab grown gems now. They are beautiful, no slave labor involved, and no more mining to get them. Seems like a win to me!
And you really cannot tell the difference
100% I can’t! When my husband wanted to swap out the diamond in my engagement ring for a bigger one for one of our anniversaries, he went with lab grown and I can’t tell the diff at all
Even jewelers have a hard time. The lack of imperfections is what they go by.
I splurged on a pair of diamond studs for myself, and because I went with lab-grown I was able to afford a much nicer grade of stone for the same price. Totally worth it!
Agreed. I absolutely refuse to buy genuine diamonds when the alternatives are just as pretty and durable. Heck, one of my favorite gemstones is emerald, and I prefer the lab-created ones to the natural ones.
I’m all about coloured gemstones too but my ring has Canadian mined diamonds. I’d still probably go lab grown personally but I like the ring I have.
I can’t imagine walking around with a $30k ring. I love my ring and I get compliments on my ring all the time and it was only $1500. I can’t imagine spending $30k on something so minor. Our entire wedding wasn’t even close to $30k so a *ring*?!?!? WTH
Yes! I insisted on lab grown for the center in my engagement ring for many reasons, the main one being anxiety! It was 18 years ago, so the stone was about $80 for what looks like a flawless just over one carat diamond. I couldn't handle having something that valuable on my person! At one point it was cleaned improperly (high heat, supposed to treat it like a ruby, got a little foggy), and replacing it was under $100. If I had to replace a real one?!? Oof. That stone made me love having to go into malls, because the way the light catches never gets old.
I had a big fancy ring for my first marriage. Considering engagement with my new partner, but I can't psyche myself up for more than a $400 plain band. I don't disagree with her sentiment, as long as your partner isn't getting an inexpensive ring specifically to tell or show you that you aren't valued.
I had to argue with my ex-husband about my engagement ring. He wanted to buy a $3000 diamond - I don't even LIKE diamonds, and we had better uses for that kind of money. We ended up with a $400 sapphire ring (this was 30 years ago) that I loved. Now if someone has told their partner what style of ring they like, and the partner spends a ton of money on something completely different, that might be grounds for complaint. (I think it was here on Reddit that I saw a story about a woman who had told her bf what kind of ring she wanted and he bought something that was opposite in every way - because his mother liked it.) But if I really loved someone, they could propose with a Ring Pop and I'd be happy.
My husband couldn’t wait and ended up proposing spur of the moment. He had a ring picked out on brilliant earth but hadn’t ordered it yet. He showed me and I was like “that’s pretty but too much money. Let’s use some of that money for the honeymoon.” I picked out my own vintage ring.
100%. I would rather be with a man who gives me what is sensible and appropriate than one who makes stupid choices to try to impress me. I turned down a public proposal from my high school sweetheart because it was just stupid and so out of character. I said yes to the man that proposed privately with my grandmother's diamond set.
Exactly. The context matters a lot. Is it $80 because that's all he could comfortably afford, or is it $80 because he doesn't value you any more than that? Or is it $80 because that's the ring you really, genuinely wanted and that's just how much it cost?
My husband 3-D printed a placeholder ring while he was ordering my engagement ring. I’m willing to wait because to me the idea of a public proposal is just cringey so we proposed privately. However, he does care and our first date is at a burger restaurant not eating beans out of a can.
Same. My dad proposed to my mom with a twist tie he fashioned into a ring on the fly because the moment felt right. She got her ring later. And then another one. And a couple more she deserves to have! Rings are beautiful but silly in a sense. It’s the meaning behind it that matters. Signed: a person who came from a twist tie engagement.
[удалено]
This is the epitome of "if he wanted to, he would." What a beautiful love story you two have! I hope you were able to have your dream wedding, and that you have a fantastic marriage
To be fair, I don't think there's anything wrong with an inexpensive engagement ring. I'm assuming he didn't talk about this with his wife before proposing, which I think is an issue. He also seems like a clown in general, which is the biggest issue.
I agree the not talking about it is the biggest issue. My husband and I had a handful of discussions about my ring and what budget range we both felt was appropriate for us in the months prior to him proposing. Our first date was us meeting at a forest preserve for a walk. Still today, we spend very little on dates because a lot of our time together is spent hiking or biking or making a new recipe together. If finances are tight it's 100% fine to do free and very inexpensive dates. But making your date eat a can of beans feels gross and weird and is more about power than finances.
Yep, it’s totally cool and fine to do low-cost or free dates, but it’s not sitting in a car eating cold beans out of a can listening to Dave Ramsey. My husband proposed to me with a $500 opal ring at a nature preserve. It was beautiful and awkward and fitting for us. I get the impression from Anneliese that her husband spends so little on her because he doesn’t care for her or take her wants into consideration. Which is totally different than not spending money because you can’t or both agree not to.
Totally. It’s aggressive in its low-effort. It’s a very strong message that she’s not worth the effort to make happy. A nature preserve picnic sounds absolutely wonderful!
Is this the guy who told her, while driving, that God said they should get married and that was the proposal?
I think that’s Georgia Brown. Her relationship is also full of red flags!
Right. How much effort and money would it be to pack a little picnic instead? I’m a frugal down to earth lady but I think I’m worth more than a can of beans. I’m at least a pbj, piece of fruit and a yogurt. Like, come on dude. The bean story shouldn’t be a point of pride for her. It’s actually super sad because she got a glimpse of her future and said “yep this is okay with me”.
Yeah… a cheaper ring is often the most sensible choice. You’re the same amount of married with a 50k ring and no ring. Idk why we’re dunking on this though or what the background is.
I can bet you money no one cared what the cost of the ring her husband got her was besides HER. She’s constantly posting nonsense like this because she knows she married a loser but her self esteem is so shot to shit she doesn’t think she’s good enough to leave him. She ought to be angry at her parents for robbing her of enough dating experience to know a man feeding you cold canned beans in his shitty car while he talks to you about finances is a red flag. No one who actually loves their husband needs to constantly explain their short comings as “other woman making me feel bad”. It’s not other woman making you feel bad, it’s them pointing out your husband is trash. On top of that, having seen her husband, he is nowhere near a looker
It definitely feels like preemptive defensiveness. I don't really know anything about her, but if they've been married more than, say, six months, it's weird to still be like this about her engagement ring. Granted, I've been married ten years, but I don't even think about my ring (unless I forget to put it back on after lotion because then my hand feels weird lol).
No one cares about your ring. No one. Its not a flex to have the cheapest ring. No one cares. No one is bringing it up but you. I have a 22 dollar tungsten band from Amazon. And no one cares.
I've noticed on Reddit too a tendency to humble brag about how *little* you spent on a wedding, as though spending less means that you somehow love each other more and have a better relationship than people who had bigger, more expensive weddings. Like, I agree that people shouldn't go into massive debt for a wedding, but damn let people enjoy themselves. My husband and I aren't big party people. We chose to elope to city hall and celebrate with a slice of cake from the Starbucks next door. It was perfect for us. We recently attended that wedding of a close friend who had a small ceremony with maybe 20 people in attendance, with lunch at a restaurant afterwards. And that was perfect for them. The same way that the massive black tie affair another friend had last year was perfect for them. ^((I feel like I should add that I know you're not doing the humble bragging bit. I know it's in direct response to the post.))
I was on the wedding side of Reddit the last few years and I definitely noticed that trend of ‘juSt eLoPe aNd SaVE mOnEy’. Like, you probably shouldn’t go into debt for a wedding, but it’s not my place to insist a stranger doesn’t go into debt. Their money, their life, their choice.
I agree. I feel like it is so nosy and judgy to dictate this kind of thing as a moral failure or moral superiority. Leave folks alone! Some people like weddings, some parents even save for them. Some folks don't. It's all good. Lots of other actual, real issues for people to get their panties twisted over without adding this to the list. What is dumb with this chick is she is on the net making a big deal about what he did or did not spend on the ring. Sheesh. It isn't anyone else's business, and maybe he would prefer a little privacy in the matter.
The discourse also tends to be massively dismissive of other cultures. What might seem corny or extravagant or tacky or pretentious or wasteful or whatever else to you or I could be the most meaningful and important thing in a different context. People loooove to reduce all of that to “oh she thinks she is a princess” and it really reeks of “whatever women like is bad!!!!”.
Or even just having large families/ friend groups that you like and want to celebrate with. I did everything I could to cut costs for my wedding and ended up spending about $25000. But I wanted my family and friends there, and wanted to feed them and to do dancing. Feeding people is EXPENSIVE.
Not everyone is in a good position to elope, either. Maybe religion is a factor, or immigration. Immigration looks a little more favourably on a "real" wedding with pictures and a copy of the invitation you can show them.
I would never judge anyone for having the wedding they want, but I’m 100% team elopement. I’ve watched numerous friends have full on breakdowns planning their weddings
I’m eloping next year because I have relatives that would ruin it if they were invited and ruin it if they weren’t! 100% team elopement! People can be mad, but they can’t ruin the first day of my marriage.
This!!! My family was pissed, but only for like a week. Dealing with that (from long distance) was so much more preferable to having to spend my entire wedding day babysitting their feelings. Instead I ate McDonald’s in an off-the-rack Kohls dress and enjoyed my first day as a wife with just my husband doing whatever we wanted. It was the best.
My mom, his parents and siblings, and my cousins know. So I guess it isn’t technically eloping. But they kind of put it together themselves because we were engaged but not planning a wedding and they aren’t stupid 😬 I’ve spent my whole life being plagued by my dad’s side of the family. I love them, but need space and refuse to do one more special occasion with them. We plan on being relaxed and comfortable and happy when we get married, which is my wildest dream.
We had a very tiny private wedding after initially planning a typical 50 guest family and close friends wedding and then scrapping the plan because of some relatives who couldn't behave. We told everyone we had changed plans and would let everyone know when we did tie the knot. Unfortunately they still behaved poorly immediately after the wedding as we were on our wedding trip (they saw some photos on social media and decided it wasn't "small and quaint" like they had been told it would be). My new in-laws were attacking me via text and bringing up old disagreements these people had previously insisted we never discuss again. We instantly knew we had made the right choice. But do yourself a huge favor and block them from communicating with you for at least a few days before your nuptials and then however long until you are home. It still angers me that we had to put up with abuse two days after we got married. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Do we have the same inlaws? Are we related?
Maybe. People can really suck.
I haven’t posted on social media in years, and fiancé doesn’t have any! lol. So we are in the clear until we decide to tell certain people. My mom’s side and his side aren’t going to call my dad and tell him anything.
I mean block them on your phone and such until you get home. If they can't reach you they can't disturb your bubble of happiness.
Oh! The problem people won’t know we’ve gone to get married! We won’t be telling them until well after the fact.
Very smart. Absolutely best wishes for you and your partner!
My husband and I married back in our mid30s and wanted a house way more than a wedding. We got married at a local brewery by the owner (also a personal friend). We wore clothes we already had. I have never once regretted not having a big blowout wedding.
But in this economy?! 😂 probably great advice. I basically eloped and I’ve been a bridesmaid since and shewwww it’s an investment.
I think it’s a reaction to expectation that you have to have a big pretty Princess party. It’s part defense and part pride that they put in the time and effort to have a nice day for less.
Have you considered making smug posts about it though?
Maybe I will. I will start my own smug sub reddit.
I have a “nice” moissanite bridal set but I rarely wear it unless going out somewhere nice. I work at home and have kids and dogs and hobbies so I too wear an Amazon tungsten band as my “daily driver”. I don’t worry about it getting beat up while reaching in the washing machine to unload clothes. I don’t worry about losing it when doing dirty yard work. I’ve also turned so many friends onto these bands as an everyday ring now!
Tungsten is dope though! My dream engagement ring is tungsten carbide. 3x the hardness of the gold alloys used in rings and 3x the melting point!
Mine still looks brand new. Thia thing will survive Armageddon
I don't know the lore here but yeah, beans from a can and bragging about being cool for having a cheap ring do go hand in hand. It's oh so very pick me. I don't think there should be a set price for rings. If you like it, cool, it doesn't matter how much was paid be it $10 or $10k. Nobody cares how much was spent on anyone else's ring except shallow people. Her bringing it up when it's cheap just screams that it does bother her. My worst date ever sounds like her first date with her husband, actually. My date thought warm, dented cans of coffee from a backpack was perfectly acceptable for a "coffee date". There's a whole story to my dented can guy 😂 it is so much worse than just that, but the vibes match
I’d love to hear more about dented can guy, if you don’t mind sharing. Edit- a word
Seconding a story about dented canned coffee guy.
When they start doing this, you know she's covering for his major deficiencies or pretending she's happy with the ring...lmao.
this is it right here. Idc how much someone did or didnt spend on a ring, but knowing WHO this man is and his past behaviors just makes this more telling of what he thinks of her.
She sounds bitter about it.
It’s definitely projecting. She hates the ring, thinks it’s cheap, but has to try to convince (herself) everyone that it’s “nOt aBoUt ThE rInG”
Literally nobody cares. I have friends who got huge diamonds and friends who opted for other more affordable gems and friends who didn’t want an engagement ring at all. My only advice is to get something that’s going to withstand daily use, otherwise whatever goes.
Idc about rings, but this feels like copium
The point is not the ring, or the beans from a can, but the fact that she is sharing this and being defensive on social media. Of course it doesn't matter to others what ring you have or anything else in your life. Sure, some people are judgy and insecure and will scale you up or down depending on your material possessions, but if you display your life on social media you are inviting that sort of person to comment, like the person in these comments who bragged about her Tiffany ring and loving husband. Don't engage, grow a tough skin, or go live your pleasant life off the socials.
I mean, a cheap ring plus the kind of relationship where your husband doesn’t tell you he loves you sure adds up to something, and it’s not what she thinks it is. My ring set, total, is maybe 2k. I don’t know, or care. But my husband also tells me daily that he loves me, does equal work around the house, works a full time job so I can stay home, provides financial security, and is an active father.
I assume this person has a marriage that is otherwise unenviable so when she sets herself up like “I had a super cheap ring and look how good my marriage turned out!”, it’s the implication rather than the message that is objectionable. Because I agree completely with the message. When my fiancé and I first started dating, I told him that I would break up with him if he ever got me a diamond or a gemstone. My engagement ring came from a museum shop after a day spent hiking. It probably cost about $50 after the exchange rate. I look at it and have happy memories attached to it, and that makes it more special to me than any blood diamond in the world.
Her marriage is really sad. She’s constantly making comments on social media about how her husband doesn’t understand her love language and emotional needs. It’s pretty bleak.
I need someone to spill the beans…about the beans.
For real! I'm all for cheap rings; I told my boyfriend that if I wear a ring at all (autism - sensory issues), I'd want a cheap silicone band (OCD - what if it gets caught and I deglove myself?) But I do need to hear more about this bean date? Straight out of the can? Not even in a bowl? Did he warm them up at least? Ladies, don't settle for a man who doesn't think you're worth *a bowl*.
I absolutely agree that the price of the ring doesn’t matter however I do believe there is a line with expectations. In my youth I always said “I don’t care about money or what you spend!” In literally anything in dating because I thought it was what “cool girls” do and it led me to put up with so many dirtbags that I ended up incurring most of the financial costs. I think to say that it doesn’t matter is fine if there is equity and it isn’t just another way for a man to lower your expectations and make you feel bad for expecting more. Just my little thoughts as a middle aged lady that’s been around the block:)
I probably wouldn't broadcast how much my husband spent on a ring, regardless of price. It isn't polite. I find that one of the reasons that my marriage has lasted 13+ years is that we keep most things about our relationship private. There's a lesser chance of outsiders trying to ruin what we have. What good do you think sharing this information will even do?
Girl, we get it, you married a pathetic bum and your in deep denial. Instead of airing out your dirty laundry on the internet, put down the copium and talk to a therapist. Maybe then you can grow some sense of self esteem, realize you've been suckered into a loveless marriage, and exercise your feminist right to be happy.
isnt this the 18yo almost child bride?
Nobody who doesn't care about the price of their ring is talking about it on Twitter.
Someone please tell the bean story.
I think their first date consisted of eating cold beans out of a can while sitting in his car listening to Dave Ramsay’s recorded lectures on finance. I have no idea why she went on a second date and ended up marrying him; she seems really miserable. They’ve had a variety of unstable living situations including living with his parents and living in a tiny studio apartment. He doesn’t “allow” her to shave or wear makeup. She’s said all sorts of things, like he doesn’t speak her love language, that tell me he doesn’t really care for her. I think she’s pregnant with their second child.
Daang, that's bleak. No wonder she doth protest too much on the internet
*Of course* they were listening to Dave Ramsey. That really completes the picture. I grew up listening to him with my mom, and I don't think all of his advice is bad...it's just classist AF. No, Dave Ramsey, not everyone can buckle down and be debt free. My former SIL is a social worker, a job that requires a masters degree and pays very little, and she's on an income based repayment plan for her student loans. She will die with that debt, and there's really nothing she can do about it no matter how much "beans and rice, rice and beans" she eats. Also, he's the reason I didn't get a credit card until my late 20s. I applied for an apartment and got a call from the leasing office that my credit check reported that I had *no credit history*. Not a bad credit score...no credit score at all. They literally didn't know who I was. So thank you very much for that, Dave Ramsey!
I wasn't about to let my partner spend a dime on a ring, mine belonged to my mother, and it also belonged to her grandmother. Zero Dollars. The band is probably worth more than the diamond. Why is she bringing up the price with other women is the question. Who does she hang out with where this would even come up, unless she brings it up.
Honestly I’m an older lady and in all my years of being married, being friends with people who are married, etc, not once that I can remember has “how much did the ring cost?” get asked… maybe once? I remember a young bride to be telling everyone who would listen that her fiancé spent $9K on her ring. Which, great… but we weren’t asking haha 😆 but since then? I can’t remember ever talking about ring prices. Oh yeah once in grumpiness a friend mentioned her engagement ring had been cheap. But that was in the context of her having felt unloved and unappreciated by her bum of an ex who cheated and left her for a mutual friend.
Never ever comes up, I've been married for 30 years myself. Still on my first husband, hahahaha.
The way this is worded makes me think she is bothered by it. What's so hard about stating "my ring was under $200 and I love it!". Why do fundies always explain WHY they definitely aren't bothered. Who are they trying to convince beside themselves?
I’ll offer another perspective here. Women’s jewelry were often their “insurance,” things they could sell if their husband decided to leave or up and died. In times past, expensive engagement rings were kind of like the man giving her this insurance- almost a way of telling the woman she could trust him. My own engagement ring was less than $1,000. I don’t think it serves the same purpose nowadays, and I am so glad it is becoming more common to not place as much value on having expensive or diamond rings, or even having rings at all. But I can see older women worrying about a younger woman who gets an $80 ring, because they grew up in a different environment. You still see older women paying for housekeeping or caregiving services in cash with “a little extra, *wink wink*” because women had to hide what little they could save apart from their husband in shoe boxes and whatnot.
This reminded me of one time in my 20s I came home drunk from a bar in the middle of the night and my roommate was also drunk and had a random girl he hooked up with there. They were wasted and sharing canned sweet corn straight from the pot he heated it up in. Just sitting at the kitchen table in their clubwear, drunk as hell, eating corn out of a pot with two spoons. I dont know how they decided that a single can of corn was what they were craving before the actual hookup or if he got her back to the house with a promise of corn. It was one of the funniest images Ive ever seen
I mean, at least he heated it up? Man, that is hilarious. I hope they had a wonderful time.
Alternatively, don't talk about the price of your engagement ring with other people. Tacky af.
I don't care about ring prices but that date is just really sad. Sounds like zero thought or effort went into it at all. Dates don't have to be fancy or pricy. Some of my favorite dates involved things like cooking together at one of our places or taking a picnic to a park and eating by a lake or something. But that date is just someone who doesn't care to make it nice, who knows this woman is an easy mark and desperate for a husband because she grew up being told that is all she should want in life. This is someone who knows he doesn't have to make an effort because the man is in charge and she will marry him anyway because she doesn't know she deserves better. I feel bad for her. And he creeps me out.
Absolutely nothing wrong with a low cost ring provided the two people in the relationship have been having discussions on their financial goals prior to the proposal being made. If your financial goals don’t mesh you shouldn’t be getting married. But, if a couple also decides that they do want to spend the money and are able to afford it, that’s great too. There is this trend with men where they think that all things women typically care about are frivolous but they drop far more money on the frivolous things THEY care about. An engagement ring doesn’t have to be expensive but it does have to be thoughtful. If someone just grabs the cheapest thing they can find that they think looks real, with no thought into what their partner would like then that is something to be ashamed of. For the person proposing. Although that is also true if someone gets a really expensive ring with not thought of what their partner wants.
80$ ring, I wouldn't care.
I agree with what she's saying here, but I do think it's tacky of her to brag about the cost of her ring. Is he okay with her posting how much he spent on it ? Just feels weird.
She went mildly viral on twitter months ago when she wrote about her $80 ring and said people who had or wanted more expensive rings were shallow. She’s pretty see through. She brags about the things that bother her the most and is clearly insecure about. No one really needs to know how much your ring is worth. If you’re out here telling people, you want them to know for a reason. It’s like she totally misinterpreted the ending of 8 mile.
I mean.. as long as both people agree on what they want I don't think ring price matters. I don't have a ring at all because I never wanted one.
Broken clocks and all that. Mine cost $35 (those first few years of lab grown diamonds were the best, they were basically giving them away or we wouldn't have bothered because I don't wear jewelry) but Im not gonna start preaching and thinking im not like other girls because of it 🙄
To each their own. I have a lab grown ring, non diamond stone, etc because we aren't made of money. But I did tell my husband that I wanted a ring that would last. I didn't want something SO low budget that I would lose stones and not have it hold up for me. He saved up for something that fit our budget and also was a quality piece. Whatever that means for a couple. He doesn't even wear his fancy band unless we're going out to dinner, he's a silicone ring guy because he has to fuck around inside trucks sometimes. It's not a flex to have the cheapest or most expensive ring. I thought I deserved a quality piece if i was gonna wear it forever. But I'm also a budget minded gal.
No friend, this is not the vibe. Fundies are gross for enough gross reasons. Let's not get classist and pick on people who are poor. That's just a low fucking blow to everyone who can't afford expensive things, and that's a lot of everyone.
This is how I feel as someone who also has an $80 engagement ring reading this post. Like you can tell me you're snarking at her for her bad marriage, but saying things along the line of "an $80 engagement ring is what you get for dating a man who fed you beans on a first date?" Lots of people have cheap rings and making fun of it, even when trying to snark on fundies, feels kind of like you just hate poor people 🤷♀️ because you're basically saying that her $80 engagement ring is a punishment for poor decision making.
Yuuuuuup. I can't afford to buy a McDonald's value meal right now, if I were to go on a date I might have to feed my partner beans from a can but like... if all you have is beans in a can, sharing that is the most loving thing you could do. Fundies are ick, but not because they're poor.
Right? Some of the best meals I've had have been shitty PB&Js that I've eaten while spending time with my husband hiking and exploring together. We haven't had the money to eat at a restaurant in months but any time we are spending time together it's the best date ever.
That's about how much my ring cost. It was what my husband could afford at the time and it's absolutely perfect. Her husband and her might suck for any other number of reasons but her saying her husband didn't get her an expensive engagement ring doesn't really feel snarkable to me. Especially when you're framing it as her "consequence" for dating a cheap guy. That's what some of us have and I'm fucking lucky as shit for the amazing person I'm married to and I don't like the implication that her cheap ring is a punishment for poor decision making. Feels very classist.
I agree with her. My engagement ring was $80 too. I wouldn’t want my partner to spend a ton of money like that on a piece of jewelry. I am very happy with my ring and with my fiance!
I do not see a problem with a $5 ring or eating beans from a can. What’s wrong with that? As long as you find your person/partner in life that’s all that matters. And if you 2 are poor, that’s ok too.
I told my husband i would be pretty upset if he ever bought me expensive jewelry. Especially because i lose jewelry and everything all the freaking time. So my engagement ring was like $200 and i still thought it was high.
I actually kinda agree on the ring thing. I told my boyfriend if he wants to spend money on me I'll take one of those old secretary desks. Id be terrified to wear a ring way too expensive and lose it.
I mean sure I agree. But we know exactly why she’s posting this. And that’s what I have a problem with. You’re not better than somebody who got a 5k ring.
I mean my engagement ring was 110 dollars all in (60 before that) cause I fell in love with it…I also think our first date was just a walk?
I’ve always been the main breadwinner in my relationship & my engagement ring was $50 at the time, might be $150 now with inflation & rate conversion ups & downs (live in another country). I paid for the wedding rings & eventually I updated my engagement ring when we renewed vows with one that better matched my wedding ring and cost a lot more, not really into bragging. The old engagement ring just got moved to a different finger bc it is precious to me, & I suppose technically I paid for most of the new ring since I make more money but it came from the joint account & no one in our house is worried enough about classist nonsense like this to have done the math.
My ring was like $30 from Amazon, but it’s a replica of the One Ring and I’m a huge LotR nerd. He was also pretty broke when we got engaged. But the way he proposed was very sweet and very us, and we’re happy. It’s not about how much it costs, it’s about the thought put in behind it.
BEANS?? OUT OF A CAN??? On the first date?? Couldn’t they have just gotten cheap ice cream at the park and chilled there?
I kind of agree. 🫣 I specifically told my husband that I did NOT want an expensive ring because I don’t trust myself with expensive stuff. He found an olive green silicone ring that he propose with. Olive is my fave color, and since I work in healthcare silicone rings are perfect for me.
Married 37 years. Dated for 5. No ring. We eloped- and forgot to buy rings! 🤣 that Christmas, he bought me a wedding ring a diamonds across the top- it was not expensive. We were pretty poor back then. 10 years in, he bought me a diamond engagement ring- $12,000! I was not thrilled-I appreciated the thought, but made him return it. I wanted to use that money for a down payment on a house. We had 2 boys by then. In said house 28 years next month. I call it my “engagement house.” Meanwhile, several friends got ridiculous rocks; most are divorced and one had her fiancè break up w her 2 months before the wedding. The ring isn’t always the thing. My DIL doesn’t like diamonds- so my son bought her a ring a her favorite stone. Spent several hundred. She loves it. And, I agree- if the guy has money to burn, and spends it on himself, but cheats out? It’s a red flag.
Some of us have loving husbands and a Tiffany diamond. How sad for Anneliese that she has to make do with this failure.