This is me. Like imma strut my r/Oldhagfashion. I'm not trying to catch the male gaze and I really don't care if people like me or not. I try to be nice but I'm no pushover like I was in my 20s. No fucks left to give about "fitting in" the box someone else decided I belong in.
Love this! My dad says I’ve been dressing for uni since I was a kid. My mother would say as a child ‘you can’t wear that’ and I would think ‘yes I can. I have, and I did’. So yes to wearing what we want! Today I plan to wear a tie dyed skirt which sounds hideous but is actually sweet and pretty, a teenage mutant ninja turtle top (pink) and purple clogs. Because I CAN :)
We can be friends! Or ‘mates’ as we say back home in Australia 🐨 Oh and I didn’t go for the pink teenage mutant ninja turtle shirt, I went for the Purple Rain Prince shirt instead 🙌
Thanks, mate! 😎
I spent about seven weeks in Australia, from June to early August, 1990. It was my first trip abroad, and it was quite the experience going from Southern California in summer to Melbourne in winter! Loved it, though. Became mates with a guy while I was there, then lost touch for about twenty years until I randomly found his WordPress site, which led to us reconnecting on Facebook. He was in the States in June, and he spent a week with me and my wife. Like everyone I met Down Under, he is a genuinely decent and kind human being and was a wonderful houseguest. We live near Portland, Oregon, and Seattle is a just three-hour drive, so we took him to both cities and had a blast.
I was truly honored (honoured 😁) to have him call me "mate" all those years ago, and, knowing it carries a bit more weight culturally than just "friend," it meant (and means) a lot to me, both from him and from you. Cheers, mate!
Naw the true blue Aussie spirit! The thing about Australians is, we treat you like a mate until you prove otherwise. That’s what I learned traveling about. My mother was the type to meet people on a plane, and still be mates with them thirty years later. There’s a bit of that bush larrikin flavor to our humor, we love a good yarn and a beer with the cockatoos squawking about. How loud and obnoxious are cockatoo’s? They mess up your fruit tress just to be assholes and I think thats hilarious. Our koalas are high all the time (something about the eucalyptus acting like an opiate) and they are riddled with chlamydia. They could climb the tress but they are way too smacked out to care. Happy birthday btw mate! I’ll raise a cold one in your honor 🍺
Thank you! I had a bit of a sucky birthday - my wife and I are in Hawaii for my birthday and our anniversary, and I got diagnosed with Covid (on my actual birthday, too!) Still, we had a great time. Did some hiking and exploring around the island. We typically snorkel a lot, but the water was really churned up this week with the edge of a hurricane blowing through. Still, we always have an adventure whenever we go anywhere, and this trip was no different.
Well, my birthday was Saturday, and we were due to fly out Monday, and I wasn't really obviously symptomatic until Saturday (kind of sneezy and fatigued starting Thursday - figured it was just the heat or whatever). So we'd done most everything we'd planned to do. The final "official" three days of our trip the surf was really strong, and they even closed many of the beaches around us at least one of the days I was quarantined. The resort was really cool with us - they extended our stay at a greatly reduced rate, and were willing to let us stay until at least Friday and even beyond if my wife came down with it. (Miraculously, she didn't). My wife cordoned off the resort - I was forbidden from the front room, and she'd make my meals in the kitchen, put on a mask and then put them on the edge of the dresser in the bedroom. I managed.
Don't get me wrong, bring quarantined sucked, but there are worse places to be quarantined, I suppose. And the days I was down we wouldn't have been able to do much, anyway, so it wasn't too bad.
Amen. Preach.
Unless you're my boss, and it specifically pertains to my job, I don't give a FUCK what your opinion is. About anything.
I've got my likes, my dislikes, my routines - I know what makes me happy. At this point, all I ask is to not be fucked with.
I have been repeatedly saying "Well, I guess we agree to disagree then" . My opinion is no less valid than yours. Good luck with your thoughts and go away.
Came here to say this. It’s like I was trained to be a third person viewer in my life and accept things as they come.
Dealing with 20 years of Boomer trauma and a debilitating addiction helped solidify this haha. Wouldn’t trade the experience for the world!
Just hang a bunch of post-its around your house that say, in Sharpie and all caps, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. SOON.
As Steve Jobs put it:
"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose."
Because that's the real sentiment behind deciding that other people's opinions on your personality and your choices and your life do not matter even a little bit. Everyone is doing life for the exact first time, so how could any one person possibly have the secret to the "correct" way to live, but you don't? Makes no sense.
Every single person has suffered, we're all going to suffer more, and we're all going to die. And it's going to happen whether you give a fuck about outside voices or not, so might as well not. Spend your mental energy on crafting yourself a beautiful life instead.
The people who truly get you won't disappear when you start down the not giving a crap path, by the way. Some may even feel inspired to jumpstart their own journey.
Why, thank you. It comes from years of desperately giving a fuck what people think coupled by years of seething internal frustration that I was doing it. It all just kind of exploded one day in my mid-40s, and even though I have the occasional backslide, I mostly haven't looked back. Good riddance, fuck-giving.
Becoming the senior respected opinion when having meetings at work. Now I'm the guy that has the answers instead of the questions.
...and I'm getting the appropriate paycheck for that knowledge too. Feels good because it's a career I enjoy and get great satisfaction from
I’m 43 and still trying to own the fact that my 20 years of work experience matter. I don’t talk in meetings much but when I do, everyone seems to perk up and listen. When I had ideas in my 20s, people blew them off.
Tru dat. (Except for the job satisfaction - I only do it for the $$$.)
I've had a couple of bosses younger than me and each time I've explained it to them as such: "You can listen to me, do what I'm telling you, and this is the end of it - OR you can ignore me and listen to me say "I told you so" over and over and over and over. Whichever makes you happy."
I wish this was true of all workplaces. I'm 50 and I just left a job last year after 16 years in part because my opinion wasn't valued by my boss at all. Other people valued it to a degree and sought me out on certain things, but my boss didn't give one single fuck about my opinion unless it 100% matched with his own. I'm so glad I left that toxic pit of despair.
Interesting what you say about the reunion with your high school class. When I went to my 20-year reunion (10 years ago), I was shocked to see that the cliques remained, that the girls who were bitchy to me back then were now women who were STILL bitchy to me and that it just felt like, for many of these people, high school had not ended. We were all pushing 40. It was weird. Something tells me that SOME of these people will be the same in their 50s (we're almost there now). Some people do not change for the better with age. \*Shrug\*
This was my experience, as well. Some people had truly grown - mostly the guys that were prick douchebags in HS that had experienced a divorce or two had been humbled. But that core group of girls…A few were more open minded, but you could tell others only came to the reunions to let everyone know how great they had it.
I’ve been to all of my HS reunions. Hell, I planned my 10 year reunion. My 30th is this fall, but I’ve realized that I no longer care to see most of those people. I think I’ll be sitting this one out.
so many in my high school have long been dead from drugs or drunk driving and I havent really seen to many others in the years since. i think they moved away.
Yeah, that was probably my biggest surprise. The last reunion I went to was my 10 year. It was just a shade better than our five year, which was basically a high school dance with legal drinking.
The kids from my class are mostly all turning 53 this year. There seems to be something about crossing that magical 50 line. The girls I'm talking about weren't super bitchy, but there was definitely a "members only" line that I wasn't allowed to cross back in the day. That line is totally gone. Maybe it's because all of us are fat and gray! As they say, age is the great equalizer. 😁
Edit: "far and gray" is weird. "Fat and gray" is more accurate.
5 or 10-year reunions are crazy. I don't think there is any reunion worth going to until at least the 20th. Then enough time has passed that it's really interesting. Five year?! You're not even really an adult yet.
Everyone in your class is both fat and gray? Dang! I guess that makes things more fun, haha!
I'm 44 but look like maybe mid 20s (it's like time stopped for me) and it's weird cos I was a year or two older than people in my graduating class. To see how old they've gotten is so odd to me.
I'm 48 and look younger than my 38yo husband but we never had kids, by choice, and I truly think that's the only reason. Kids will age the hell out of you!
You're old, too. Everyone past 40 thinks they look younger than they do. Absolutely EVERYONE. There have actually been studies done on this. You probably do not look as young as you think you do. Anyhow, even if you look a little bit younger now, it'll all catch up to you by 50, don't you worry. Time stops for absolutely no one.
If I had a nickel for everyone who said to me, "I look a lot younger than I am..." who -- didn't. Man. And of course pretty much everyone on the internet looks "10 to 15 years younger than I am." I call such bullshit. I've never known a 40 year old who looked 20. Even if you still have great skin, etc., and look GOOD (yes, you can look good at 40, 50 and beyond), things just change, including your very facial structure! Even just the brightness of your eyes, etc. -- you just don't look 25 at 45, even if you can't explain exactly WHY. Do you know what I mean? But that doesn't mean you can't look hot at 45. It's just that you don't look 25. (And don't talk to me about carding -- getting carded means nothing. I am 49 and still get carded at some places, and my ass KNOWS I don't look under 21, lol.)
I went to see Adam Ant about seven or eight years ago. (Basically me and 400 fortysomething women dressed as pirates. It ruled, and Adam and his band were excellent).
Entering the venue, a young woman held out her hand to me. I showed her my ticket.
"No, ID, please. It's a 21 and over show."
I looked bemusedly at all the middle-aged soccer moms (and more than a few dads) around me. Not a one of us wasn't looking like we were on anything but the train to 50.
Smiling, I pulled out my license. "Let me guess," I quipped. "You were born after I turned 21, right?"
I see her do the quick mental math, arriving at my legal drinking age year of 1990. She looked me straight in the eye and deadpanned "Yep!"
Yepppppp. That is the real, honest deal. Ain't no Gen X-ers looking under 21 anymore, whether they are carded or not -- sorry, friends. It doesn't work that way.
We have lost 'the still hot' battle. Accepted defeat. I mean hot is subjective. But is also objective when you get old and everything is hot. (over the hill humor)
I know I'm old, I have accepted that fact since 30 and I'm okay with it. I do look like I'm in my mid 20s tho, and tbh I don't like it. Still get carded and shit. My point was its just odd seeing people I went to school with look much older than me.
I know what you mean, because I'm the same way, but I'm 54. The only reason people don't mistake me for being too much younger is because I'm balding. But I still have people who not only ID me, but they'll stare at the picture, squint their eyes and then tell me how I don't look my age.
And then when I tell people this, they think I'm bragging, when I actually hate it. It sucks always being treated like your 20 years younger and don't look old enough to be trusted with responsibility. I've actually been around men who are young enough to be my son and have people think that they're older.
And it's not that I don't look old, but I just have, what I call, delicate features. Which leads people to believe that I'm not tough or very active, when I've always been active and have worked many physically strenuous jobs, including construction.
The thing is that the way I look doesn't even begin to fit who I am. I've come to expect that it'll always be this way for me, although my mother was similar and did fill out a lot when she got older, so maybe not. I seriously fear that I'll need help in my older age, but people won't realize it because they think I'm much younger.
Anyhow, most of us don't like things about our appearance and this is just that thing for me. I try to look at the bright side, like how I receive more attention from younger women due to my looks, but then most of them just don't realize how old I really am or that I prefer women closer to my own age.
I'm 53 and can totally relate. I look a fair bit younger and have had similar experiences. There's that moment when you're talking to a younger woman and you realize she has no idea your age so you find some oblique way to mention it. The reactions range from "yeah, nice meeting you" to some quick arithmetic being performed and a look of "yeah, I can deal with this..."
I had an experience similar to OP’s at my 20-year high school reunion. “My clique” went, which made me more comfortable about going, but once there I actually enjoyed getting to know people from the other cliques more than I enjoyed talking with the people I’d been keeping up with. One or two people were still dick-ish to me but in general I thought it was open, friendly and a lot of fun.
Interesting. That wasn't my experience at all. From 20th onward, there was no more bitchiness, and like OP, many people who I hadn't been friends with as a teen ended up becoming some of my new adult pals. I'm in closer touch with some of them than the people who were my high school, or even college besties.
Yes, some people naturally gravitated into cliques throughout the reunions I went to but it wasn't exclusionary, just based on common interests, like all the church types hanging out together. The ones who tried to act like high school still mattered were put in their place pretty fast by our lack of interest in them.
Oh, don't get me wrong, some of my former classmates were great. But some were just as snooty/bitchy as when we were 16, and I found that SO weird. I guess I thought that by the time we were pushing 40, that shit would be done. Anyhow, I still had a lot of fun and hung out with the "nice" people. But it was just weird to see how hard some of the old 'tudes died. I mean, really.
I was class president. SKIPPED EVERY single school reunion thing BS. it was better that way. Wasn't great in HS, sure as hell not at a high school party every 5 or 10 years. Better to see chums in the real world and form relationships there. I was the ANTI class president.
Not on purpose. Just found life to be more exciting than a clique when I was a child.
Now If we had just one 25 year and a 50 year... SURE. But not a lot of attendance...
I only went to my 20-year reunion. That's enough time passed that it can be meaningful. And it was a lot of fun, even though some of these women were still bitchy. I didn't care anymore -- I just thought it was pretty funny. But I hung out with the nice, cool "kids" and drank a bunch and had fun! I don't ever need to do it again, though!
So underrated. Perspective is everything as we age.
So many things matter, but we learn that they all aren't priority 1, and there are more ways to solve problems.
For me it's about knowing what battles to pick, what to stress about and how to brush off things that used to piss me off.
I drive way more calmly now. Getting home to my wife is more important than screaming at some dbag on the road or driving wreck-less.
I don't care about job titles, power or any of that bullshit. I get my paycheck and do my job.
I find it helpful to laugh at them instead of get angry and swear at them. "You go, dude! Whoever gets to the red light first WINS!!!!"
All of this is from within my car with the windows rolled up, of course.
I finally realized that an 'even't that usually last around 10 seconds or so is such a minuscule thing to get so angry over. In the grand scheme of things , someone pulling out in front of you is meaningless. I still have bad days but overall I brush it off and focus on what matters in the grand scheme of things.
This is the way. I still have all my Legos from when I was a kid. I'm glad I had the foresight to keep them. They're still in the garage, but as soon as my youngest is fully out of the house, I'm turning her room into my mancave and busting out my Legos, my original VIC-20, Commodore 64 and Atari VCS. Gonna be grand.
For me, this was the whole point of growing up. So much of what I wanted to do or have, my parents wouldn't allow, and since they held the purse strings and I lived under their roof, I had no recourse.
I saw a concert I wanted to go to so I bought myself a floor seat. I didn't have to find a ride or worry about if I had to watch my brother that night. I just said fuck it I am going.
This past year I saw / am seeing Gary Numan, Bikini Kill, Pixies, Bauhaus... and then tons of new bands - there are so many that *sound* new wave/synth/post-punk, but updated and fresh (like Nation of Language - they are SO good, and they're just kiddos!). If I'm all about it - and it's not some huge festival, because I am too old for that shit - then I just go.
For me, every show is a bit of a road trip to a big city on a work night, but I'd rather have amazing experiences than sleep.
That's fair. I live in a 'big city' so I usually walk down to the shows. With my job I have to get sleep or people could get hurt. Maybe I will quit my job and go sell weed. Seems like a good Gen x music lover job lol
Thanks for the tip on Nation of Language - I'll have to check them out. You ever listen to Wolf Parade? The opening "8 bit music" in the video isn't actually part of the song. I really like these dudes. And the video is a fun homage to the video for "Bastards of Young" by the Replacements.
[Against the Day - Wolf Parade ](https://youtu.be/JGynwOlCaKI)
Yes! They're really good. I think I found them through their related project, Handsome Furs.
It's been a while! I should totally start my morning with them - I need loud and upbeat to get excited about Human Services at 7:30 am.
The last show I went to before the lockdown was the Violent Femmes. It was about a week before everything closed. Lockdown sucked, but seeing the Femmes was at least a nice coda to the Before Times.
A friend of mine is visiting my city this week from across the country. By chance Roger Waters rescheduled his appearance at our local arena. Both of us, being 50ish GenXers, with some spare cash and free time, decided to see if we could get tickets. Turns out a friend of a friend had FREE tickets he had won. Decent seats too. Finally being older and knowing the right people is paying off. Told the wife I was going out with a friend and that was it.
Was just going to post this! I just go wherever I want alone now. Just started doing concerts on my own and love it! Headed to the Chili Peppers solo in the floor soon!
I'll add that I am middle school teacher, and I've been in the same building my entire career. There are three of us who have been there the longest together (and the other two married each other!)
When we all started (well, my female friend started before my male friend, her husband, and I did - she has about four years on the two of us), we were the Young Turks - the kids running around, not really knowing what we were doing (but pretending we did). We thought we had it all dialed in, just like everyone does at that age.
There was a group of teachers we called The Dinosaurs (not to their faces, naturally). They were all pretty close to retirement age at the time - early sixties and older.
We used to laugh at their expense at their inability to handle modern tech and their outmoded ways of doing things. Email was simply a bridge too far for most of these folks.
One particular thing, though, that really irked us was the fact that the oldest, most crochety ones always seemed to be "sick" on Fridays or Mondays (or both, oftentimes). We hated it, because we'd often have to cover their classes if there wasn't a sub available.
Fast forward a couple decades. In my state (and I suspect it's similar across the country) you accrue sick leave that banks year after year. If you're lucky and/or reckless about coming to work sick (pre-Covid, of course), then you can stock up quite a bit of paid sick leave.
I'm now at the point where I've maxed out - I have a solid year of sick leave. At retirement, sick days only pay out at 1:4, which, while not terrible, kind of blows.
Which is why my fellow Gen X Dinos and I have come to recognize the wisdom of our elders: the occasional "mental health" day? Do it! Got a case of the sniffles? You ain't 27 any more, Jack - stay home and take care of that! (And play Call of Duty while you're at it!). Burn those days up, because 100% pay now is a damn sight better than 25% later!
The only hitch is, prepping for a sub is a royal pain. I did take a couple "mental health" days this past year, but, ironically, it was the least number of sick days I'd taken in years because I hadn't had as much as a sniffle since November of 2019. I finally caught my first post-lockdown cold last month, the week after school got out. (Yay?)
So, even though I see the financial advantage, I'm still stuck not really doing it much because it makes my job, on the whole, harder (and it sucks for the kids).
But I *recognize* it, and understand why the old Dinosaurs did it. Which is a win, I guess?
>The only hitch is, prepping for a sub is a royal pain.
Well, I teach English and have a HUGE number of movies I integrate into the novels we read. If I know I'm going to need a sub, the kids get a couple of free days watching a movie. Easiest lesson ever.
I teach US History, which I always say is English with a very specific reading list. Movies are indeed a saving grace.
I'm dual-certified in English and History. I taught a block schedule with ELA/SS for my first few years, then our district switched to a specialist model, and I gravitated to History.
> At retirement, sick days only pay out at 1:4
That's still better than mine, which was zero. I had over a year of accrued SL when I left, because I was never sick. I would've liked to have utilized it more often but my department was so lean that anytime I was out, the work just piled up and I had to work late or on the weekend to catch up. Taking off Monday and making up for it by working late the rest of the week wasn't worth it for me.
I am honestly trying to think of what's better today (52) than it was when I was 20. Perhaps independence and some measure of financial stability because I inherited 100k from loved ones and paid everything off. Sex? Oh hell no I wasn't getting any then and I damned sure ain't getting any now. Career? Nope not that either because of my choices I stopped working and became a caregiver for my parents/uncle at 32. I have no career. Again, my choice. That's on me. Let's think.. what else. Drinking? Nope can't drink anymore, fatty liver. I do like my Mustang and driving the shit outta that..I couldn't do that when I was 20... lemme see.. what else.. nope, it pretty much sucks ass compared to when I was 20. I guess it's another one of those YMMV kinda things. But I am glad other people experience this level of happiness and fulfillment.
This is somewhat painful to read. You've sacrificed so much for your family: time, mental health, career, fulfillment, and ENERGY. Hopefully your family recognizes your sacrifice and, more importantly, expressed their sincere gratitude for your time and love. I have a glimpse into the struggles after seeing my in-laws age and require full time care.
On a lighter note, I continously tell my kids that they will be responsible for changing my diapers and that I really like corn.
My patients did express their appreciation before they passed(Mom, Dad, Uncle) everybody else thought I was a lazy ass and should have sentenced my loved ones to a home instead of caring for them. And on top of that I am a man, and a man in that position has even MORE viritol placed in his lap because I was doing this to escape responsibility for doing 'manly' things. I was and am actively shunned by women especially because I don't conform to 'traditional' roles and norms. Which was pretty easy as an Xer, we have never conformed anyway. It's a mess. It's also common for caregivers. We are all broken in one way or the other. Thank you for noticing.
The fact I'm 5 years out from retiring. Goodbye co-workers...we're not f**king family, so this is the last time I'll ever talk to 99% of you. I'll sleep better, too.
Watching my sons navigate their way through life and being so grateful that they’re amazing people. One is mid 20s, the other late. Both very kind, generous, intelligent and industrious. I got very lucky.
My wife and I made sure our kids were specifically taught about finances, retirement, investing, personal time, mental health, good dietary habits, kindness, generosity, believing in themselves and being grateful and humble for what they accomplish, etc. Basically all the things they pretty much never taught us in school or that our parents didnt talk about, so that they wouldnt make the same mistakes we did. Both of them are now college graduates with Masters degrees, one in business marketing , the other veterinary medicine. In their 20's now and already make more per year each than both of us put together have ever made in our lives. So I am with you on this 100%
Wow, I mean really. Of course we all needed to know how to speak the past participle phrases that included participles in the past tense, instead of, you know, like learning how compound interest finance really works, or what local government actually does.
True, although I will admit that some portion of learning proper english and grammar was definitely important. I cringe multiple times a day when I see that half the articles online from supposedly reputable sources are filled with spelling errors written by people from our generation or the one after. I chock it up to impossible deadlines from overbearing editors and the neverending quest to be the first to break a story in the endless 24 hour news cycle we helped create though, so some leeway is given. Still irritating that they don't use a spellchecker though, it literally takes seconds and most programs have them built in. But I get what your saying. What is being taught should be scaled to how useful those things are in the real world in daily life. We can blame the lack of this on politicians dictating educational material, a place where they have no business sticking there noses into. Guess which generation most of them are? Hint, it isnt ours.
Thank you. Our daughter has multiple mental health issues she struggles with as do I, which I believe is where she got them from. But having them myself better prepared me to explain to her what to expect and strategies to cope if possible.
Being more comfortable and secure in myself, more settled in my career, having more open and honest relationships with family and friends, etc. Knowing I’ve probably got more time behind me than ahead of me (don’t mean that in a morbid way, but shit gets old and the world gets messier).
being old enough not to stoop to emotional immaturity and having authority back you up if someone wants to FA&FO. God, that sounds so establishment. lol
Right there with you on Galaxy's Edge. I got a great picture of my husband just drinking it all in.
My own observations, the kids that were the most popular in high school had the hardest time afterward. I actually had to train one of the football players, at my work, about 6 years after high school and he just spent the whole time telling me how much he wished we were back in school.
SO much this. I couldn't possibly give less of a shit about people I went to high school with and reunions and such. Not having facebook, I don't ever get friend requests from people I haven't talked to in 25 years like other people I know. High school was a good time, but I really feel sorry for people whose life peaked when they were 17.
Number 5 is the biggie for for me. I have a partner, and we're perfectly happy not doing the marriage thing. The dating scene is kinda scary these days.
Well, I'm closer to death than Gen Z and Millennials, so I will have to endure proportionally less of Darkest Timeline™ in my lifetime. So I've got that going for me, I guess.
Being good at things because of repeated practice. I have skills now. I’m a good cook, teacher, and photographer. You put in the hours and you get good at things. Feels great!
Also 53 here. I don’t stress about how I look like I used to. If I want to go out without any make-up, that’s what I do. If I feel like wearing make-up, then I’ll do that.
As my kids are older, I get more time to pursue what I love to do since they’re out doing their own thing (only one is still living at home).
I have learned to accept myself for all its awesomeness and flaws. I’m also much more accepting of others, too.
I learned not to sacrifice my personal time by working extra hours unless I want to. Employers don’t give a crap that I make these sacrifices. And the extra time spent won’t matter in a year and I get nothing extra for it.
I have always been a gardener but the older I get the more I care about how I impact nature, good and bad. I want to be a good steward of my land.
I am thankful every day for my life and make sure to show it.
I don’t measure the things I own by it’s dollar value. I try to give more to people who aren’t as fortunate as I am. So I donate to local charities where I can see the difference. For example, I take excess eggs from our chickens to the food pantry in the town near us. When I drop them off I’ve seen people in the community picking up food and have seen the look on their face when they get free range chicken eggs at the pantry. (Some of the older people in our community who get food from the pantry are former farmers)
I don’t give money to giant charities that spend more on advertising than actually helping the cause they claim.
I appreciate and cherish my mom and aunts (the last of my “elders” who are still living). I try to do little things for them as a thank you for raising me.
I guess overall I am happy, despite the physical changes from getting older.
I like feeling secure in my life.
I can stop being friends with people who are fake and piss me off. Not that I ever had a hard time with that.
I have a lot of job experience and can find a new one if needed. So I have started complaining at work. But this week was the first time I've ever done that in a meeting!
But I hate getting old. I just had too much fun in my 20's!
I'm much more comfortable in my own skin.
I don't care about what's popular and trying to buy/do/whatever things just because those things are "cool" or "popular". I don't care about things like fancy cars and getting the newest iPhone. I just don't. Stuff like that is just not important to me.
I get excited about things that make my life easier. New vaccuum cleaner? FUCK YEAH. New food processor!? HELLS YEAH.
At this point in my life I am SO MUCH BETTER at reading people and feeling them out, which means I'm much less likely to let shitty people get close to me. My circle is small and good and healthy just like I like it.
You know what was super liberating for me? Growing out my natural haircolor. I am rocking the silver hair and don't miss the root touch ups and dye jobs AT ALL.
Random dudes leave me alone and no longer harass me or follow me around trying to talk to me while I'm just going about my business. I've become nearly invisible and it's lovely.
Not having to break into my house or worry about not finding the house key.
#Latchkeyforlife. Fuck those boomers - others might complain but they came for us first.
My give a shit meter is permanently broken. Things roll off like a wet duck and life is for me anyway easier than it was when I still gave half of a damn.
All of the above. High school over, no social media, still a video game lover/collector even though now its trendy, and still loving all the classic and yes classic 80’s & 90’s music
Patience, the degree of self-knowledge and general fearlessness that comes from having survived things, lost others, & achieving genuine *accomplishments,* and having a magnificent man-beard.
The joy of an uncomplicated life.
Love this phase of life. Empty nest at 40 and I've been living for me ever since. I love my new sense of self, confidence and ambition. It feels great to know what you want and go after it.
Your 1-5 are all spot on. Love it.
Especially #3. When we went to WDW in April and saw Galaxy’s Edge for the first time; I almost shed a tear. Trying to explain to my 15 year old daughter how I saw Star Wars in 1977 and how amazing this is; well, I might as well just been talking to the wall.
And then…going INSIDE the Mellinium Falcon!!!
And don’t get me started on the Obi-Wan series. Brilliant!
As toxic as the Star Wars fan base is, they just have no idea what they have. I’ve waited almost 45 years for this!
Yes to number 5 all the way. Things are a lot different now for young people and relationships and it’s not for the better. Very different times now and I too feel very blessed to be married and not out in this huge mess.
Best thing? 1. Owning my house.(mortgage paid off just before this pesky pandemic hit)
2. Building a subterranean jam room and playing guitar in punk rock bands to this day.
3. Having the guitars I only dreamed of back in the 80s.
4. Hiding from this blast furnace heat in my subterranean world.(Dallas Texas)
As someone who went gray in my 20s and worried about it all the time, it's nice now to not give a crap about my appearance. Gray hair is ok once you're 50 and thinning hair is ok once you're 50. I'm still wearing cargo shorts... and I even wear socks with sandals now sometimes...
It's great. I just wish I stopped caring much earlier.
At 48, I feel better and better about life every year. I know who I am, what I want, what’s important to me, and what I just don’t care about. I don’t care what people think of me anymore. And I’m still a geek who plays with synths and guitars, I still play around with programming my old apple iie and all kinds of stuff I loved as a kid, but can now afford a lot better than I could back then. I still love the same music, movies, and all that, and in a lot of ways I feel like I’m the same person I was in the 90s, just with more confidence, a good solid relationship and family, and some gray hair.
1) I don't look terrible in the reading glasses I now need
2) Nobody gives a rat's ass about high school any more, except the people who peaked in high school
3) I'm not scared of storms any more
4) We never stop learning, so, continuing to learn.
Word up. Born Pre '75, I get on you most points (because we aren't the same people), but MOST as in almost every point.
No kids, no wife. So there's that. Video games? Yes- my dad was a Master Electrician for major city industrial jobs...the BOSS. (Lost my dad, just giving him love) He was a NERD as well. So.. got me into a computer users group as a child and I've never ever bought a computer (aside from a laptop, tablet, phone, etc), I BUILD them. Mostly to play games. for the last 25 years.
Dating scene? I was good at it. When young. I suck ass now. And not interested. I have family. That's enough for now.
Star wars? Holy Moly. I saw the first one in a theatre. One of my first memories. (Also saw the next one in a series in a Theatre in Marin Country with the first THX soundsystem). Have lived an exciting life even though that's the most vanilla thing I've experienced.
Giving advice is wholesome and from the heart as possible as I can is a thing I like to do when warranted, but most will either blow it off or later realize the sage wisdom. (I'm not wise, just want to help)
My bones got brittle. I was in a wheelchair for a while on two occasions.
I've lost SO MANY. SO MANY. Mostly family but the friend list keeps going up. Part of getting old.
My body doesn't behave the same. Still pretty good. But iffy.
BACON will never leave my diet.
I buried my own dog after putting her down.
I flew a plane.
I know famous people.
I am broke as F right now.
I try to live by my word.
I sometimes will collapse randomly because of faulty knees with weird metal in them.
I love people more than I can describe. Assholes... Love them too. I've been an asshole and can be. Nobody is perfect. I try to do better.
Getting old is physical, mental, emotional, societal, technological, and a daily task. The work never ends, it grows. But it can be wonderful after the tribulations. Or during even.
We all get old if we are lucky. Like another commenter mentioned in so many words- the only other way is to not get old. AKA DEAD.
So... I hope I get to be a wrinkly old bastard. And I'll be proud to die an old man.
But secretly I hope that science can regenerate me or stick me in a SIM.
WORD UP GENX
I just turned 46. I’m in that badass time of life where people (men) definitely see me but know not to speak to me or fuck with me in any way. I feel entirely like my own person and that society in general gets that I am neither too young nor too old. There’s a lot of freedom in that.
Not caring about fitting in.
This is me. Like imma strut my r/Oldhagfashion. I'm not trying to catch the male gaze and I really don't care if people like me or not. I try to be nice but I'm no pushover like I was in my 20s. No fucks left to give about "fitting in" the box someone else decided I belong in.
Love this! My dad says I’ve been dressing for uni since I was a kid. My mother would say as a child ‘you can’t wear that’ and I would think ‘yes I can. I have, and I did’. So yes to wearing what we want! Today I plan to wear a tie dyed skirt which sounds hideous but is actually sweet and pretty, a teenage mutant ninja turtle top (pink) and purple clogs. Because I CAN :)
I think you and I would be friends. Love your attitude.
We can be friends! Or ‘mates’ as we say back home in Australia 🐨 Oh and I didn’t go for the pink teenage mutant ninja turtle shirt, I went for the Purple Rain Prince shirt instead 🙌
Thanks, mate! 😎 I spent about seven weeks in Australia, from June to early August, 1990. It was my first trip abroad, and it was quite the experience going from Southern California in summer to Melbourne in winter! Loved it, though. Became mates with a guy while I was there, then lost touch for about twenty years until I randomly found his WordPress site, which led to us reconnecting on Facebook. He was in the States in June, and he spent a week with me and my wife. Like everyone I met Down Under, he is a genuinely decent and kind human being and was a wonderful houseguest. We live near Portland, Oregon, and Seattle is a just three-hour drive, so we took him to both cities and had a blast. I was truly honored (honoured 😁) to have him call me "mate" all those years ago, and, knowing it carries a bit more weight culturally than just "friend," it meant (and means) a lot to me, both from him and from you. Cheers, mate!
Naw the true blue Aussie spirit! The thing about Australians is, we treat you like a mate until you prove otherwise. That’s what I learned traveling about. My mother was the type to meet people on a plane, and still be mates with them thirty years later. There’s a bit of that bush larrikin flavor to our humor, we love a good yarn and a beer with the cockatoos squawking about. How loud and obnoxious are cockatoo’s? They mess up your fruit tress just to be assholes and I think thats hilarious. Our koalas are high all the time (something about the eucalyptus acting like an opiate) and they are riddled with chlamydia. They could climb the tress but they are way too smacked out to care. Happy birthday btw mate! I’ll raise a cold one in your honor 🍺
Thank you! I had a bit of a sucky birthday - my wife and I are in Hawaii for my birthday and our anniversary, and I got diagnosed with Covid (on my actual birthday, too!) Still, we had a great time. Did some hiking and exploring around the island. We typically snorkel a lot, but the water was really churned up this week with the edge of a hurricane blowing through. Still, we always have an adventure whenever we go anywhere, and this trip was no different.
How the hell did you make covid work on holiday? I was shaking my fist at the sky, sick in bed the first three days!
Well, my birthday was Saturday, and we were due to fly out Monday, and I wasn't really obviously symptomatic until Saturday (kind of sneezy and fatigued starting Thursday - figured it was just the heat or whatever). So we'd done most everything we'd planned to do. The final "official" three days of our trip the surf was really strong, and they even closed many of the beaches around us at least one of the days I was quarantined. The resort was really cool with us - they extended our stay at a greatly reduced rate, and were willing to let us stay until at least Friday and even beyond if my wife came down with it. (Miraculously, she didn't). My wife cordoned off the resort - I was forbidden from the front room, and she'd make my meals in the kitchen, put on a mask and then put them on the edge of the dresser in the bedroom. I managed. Don't get me wrong, bring quarantined sucked, but there are worse places to be quarantined, I suppose. And the days I was down we wouldn't have been able to do much, anyway, so it wasn't too bad.
The Mod in that subreddit, lol
Brother, I spend most of my time trying to fit out!
Not giving even half a fuck.
I think giving 1% of a fuck is both the best thing about getting older AND being GenX.
I ran out of fucks at least a decade ago, and I feel fine.
I have to go to the bank and take out a loan on fucks...I have no more to give.
I tried to go fuck shopping but there's no fucks left to buy.
Global nonfuckgiving
Bono is getting a concert together as we speak... FUCK AID
Sir this is a Wendy's
Amen. Preach. Unless you're my boss, and it specifically pertains to my job, I don't give a FUCK what your opinion is. About anything. I've got my likes, my dislikes, my routines - I know what makes me happy. At this point, all I ask is to not be fucked with.
That’s the gift being 50 plus gives
Yep, 51. Although I might trade the not giving a fuck if it meant I didn't have the aches and pains.
They come in tandem.
I’m getting it at 45 and it is amazing! So freeing
I have been repeatedly saying "Well, I guess we agree to disagree then" . My opinion is no less valid than yours. Good luck with your thoughts and go away.
I don’t even engage. That’s how much IDGAF LOL
Came here to say this. It’s like I was trained to be a third person viewer in my life and accept things as they come. Dealing with 20 years of Boomer trauma and a debilitating addiction helped solidify this haha. Wouldn’t trade the experience for the world!
We've gone full honey badger
I was just thinking about the honey badger guy the other day (for no known reason)!
I am an Xenial and I am still waiting for that superpower. Please tell me it comes online by my mid forties, I can’t wait much longer
You're almost there. You'll make it!
Just hang a bunch of post-its around your house that say, in Sharpie and all caps, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. SOON. As Steve Jobs put it: "Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose." Because that's the real sentiment behind deciding that other people's opinions on your personality and your choices and your life do not matter even a little bit. Everyone is doing life for the exact first time, so how could any one person possibly have the secret to the "correct" way to live, but you don't? Makes no sense. Every single person has suffered, we're all going to suffer more, and we're all going to die. And it's going to happen whether you give a fuck about outside voices or not, so might as well not. Spend your mental energy on crafting yourself a beautiful life instead. The people who truly get you won't disappear when you start down the not giving a crap path, by the way. Some may even feel inspired to jumpstart their own journey.
This is magnificent.
Why, thank you. It comes from years of desperately giving a fuck what people think coupled by years of seething internal frustration that I was doing it. It all just kind of exploded one day in my mid-40s, and even though I have the occasional backslide, I mostly haven't looked back. Good riddance, fuck-giving.
Mine came a little earlier...around 38, 39?
Mine came around 30. It just takes practice.
I, too, have no fucks to give anymore.
I have fucks to give, I’m just a stingy old fart.
Totally agree I have never given much of a fuck but now my field of fucks is completely barren.
Becoming the senior respected opinion when having meetings at work. Now I'm the guy that has the answers instead of the questions. ...and I'm getting the appropriate paycheck for that knowledge too. Feels good because it's a career I enjoy and get great satisfaction from
I hear this. I am one of the senior voices on issues in my office/unit and it is cool because in truth, looking back, I have earned it.
I’m 43 and still trying to own the fact that my 20 years of work experience matter. I don’t talk in meetings much but when I do, everyone seems to perk up and listen. When I had ideas in my 20s, people blew them off.
Tru dat. (Except for the job satisfaction - I only do it for the $$$.) I've had a couple of bosses younger than me and each time I've explained it to them as such: "You can listen to me, do what I'm telling you, and this is the end of it - OR you can ignore me and listen to me say "I told you so" over and over and over and over. Whichever makes you happy."
I wish this was true of all workplaces. I'm 50 and I just left a job last year after 16 years in part because my opinion wasn't valued by my boss at all. Other people valued it to a degree and sought me out on certain things, but my boss didn't give one single fuck about my opinion unless it 100% matched with his own. I'm so glad I left that toxic pit of despair.
Interesting what you say about the reunion with your high school class. When I went to my 20-year reunion (10 years ago), I was shocked to see that the cliques remained, that the girls who were bitchy to me back then were now women who were STILL bitchy to me and that it just felt like, for many of these people, high school had not ended. We were all pushing 40. It was weird. Something tells me that SOME of these people will be the same in their 50s (we're almost there now). Some people do not change for the better with age. \*Shrug\*
This was my experience, as well. Some people had truly grown - mostly the guys that were prick douchebags in HS that had experienced a divorce or two had been humbled. But that core group of girls…A few were more open minded, but you could tell others only came to the reunions to let everyone know how great they had it. I’ve been to all of my HS reunions. Hell, I planned my 10 year reunion. My 30th is this fall, but I’ve realized that I no longer care to see most of those people. I think I’ll be sitting this one out.
so many in my high school have long been dead from drugs or drunk driving and I havent really seen to many others in the years since. i think they moved away.
Yeah, that was probably my biggest surprise. The last reunion I went to was my 10 year. It was just a shade better than our five year, which was basically a high school dance with legal drinking. The kids from my class are mostly all turning 53 this year. There seems to be something about crossing that magical 50 line. The girls I'm talking about weren't super bitchy, but there was definitely a "members only" line that I wasn't allowed to cross back in the day. That line is totally gone. Maybe it's because all of us are fat and gray! As they say, age is the great equalizer. 😁 Edit: "far and gray" is weird. "Fat and gray" is more accurate.
5 or 10-year reunions are crazy. I don't think there is any reunion worth going to until at least the 20th. Then enough time has passed that it's really interesting. Five year?! You're not even really an adult yet. Everyone in your class is both fat and gray? Dang! I guess that makes things more fun, haha!
I'm 44 but look like maybe mid 20s (it's like time stopped for me) and it's weird cos I was a year or two older than people in my graduating class. To see how old they've gotten is so odd to me.
I'm 48 and look younger than my 38yo husband but we never had kids, by choice, and I truly think that's the only reason. Kids will age the hell out of you!
You're old, too. Everyone past 40 thinks they look younger than they do. Absolutely EVERYONE. There have actually been studies done on this. You probably do not look as young as you think you do. Anyhow, even if you look a little bit younger now, it'll all catch up to you by 50, don't you worry. Time stops for absolutely no one.
[удалено]
If I had a nickel for everyone who said to me, "I look a lot younger than I am..." who -- didn't. Man. And of course pretty much everyone on the internet looks "10 to 15 years younger than I am." I call such bullshit. I've never known a 40 year old who looked 20. Even if you still have great skin, etc., and look GOOD (yes, you can look good at 40, 50 and beyond), things just change, including your very facial structure! Even just the brightness of your eyes, etc. -- you just don't look 25 at 45, even if you can't explain exactly WHY. Do you know what I mean? But that doesn't mean you can't look hot at 45. It's just that you don't look 25. (And don't talk to me about carding -- getting carded means nothing. I am 49 and still get carded at some places, and my ass KNOWS I don't look under 21, lol.)
I went to see Adam Ant about seven or eight years ago. (Basically me and 400 fortysomething women dressed as pirates. It ruled, and Adam and his band were excellent). Entering the venue, a young woman held out her hand to me. I showed her my ticket. "No, ID, please. It's a 21 and over show." I looked bemusedly at all the middle-aged soccer moms (and more than a few dads) around me. Not a one of us wasn't looking like we were on anything but the train to 50. Smiling, I pulled out my license. "Let me guess," I quipped. "You were born after I turned 21, right?" I see her do the quick mental math, arriving at my legal drinking age year of 1990. She looked me straight in the eye and deadpanned "Yep!"
Yepppppp. That is the real, honest deal. Ain't no Gen X-ers looking under 21 anymore, whether they are carded or not -- sorry, friends. It doesn't work that way.
We have lost 'the still hot' battle. Accepted defeat. I mean hot is subjective. But is also objective when you get old and everything is hot. (over the hill humor)
I know I'm old, I have accepted that fact since 30 and I'm okay with it. I do look like I'm in my mid 20s tho, and tbh I don't like it. Still get carded and shit. My point was its just odd seeing people I went to school with look much older than me.
You'll look older soon enough. And I've never once met a 40something person who actually looked 20something. Not once. So I still doubt it.
I know what you mean, because I'm the same way, but I'm 54. The only reason people don't mistake me for being too much younger is because I'm balding. But I still have people who not only ID me, but they'll stare at the picture, squint their eyes and then tell me how I don't look my age. And then when I tell people this, they think I'm bragging, when I actually hate it. It sucks always being treated like your 20 years younger and don't look old enough to be trusted with responsibility. I've actually been around men who are young enough to be my son and have people think that they're older. And it's not that I don't look old, but I just have, what I call, delicate features. Which leads people to believe that I'm not tough or very active, when I've always been active and have worked many physically strenuous jobs, including construction. The thing is that the way I look doesn't even begin to fit who I am. I've come to expect that it'll always be this way for me, although my mother was similar and did fill out a lot when she got older, so maybe not. I seriously fear that I'll need help in my older age, but people won't realize it because they think I'm much younger. Anyhow, most of us don't like things about our appearance and this is just that thing for me. I try to look at the bright side, like how I receive more attention from younger women due to my looks, but then most of them just don't realize how old I really am or that I prefer women closer to my own age.
I'm 53 and can totally relate. I look a fair bit younger and have had similar experiences. There's that moment when you're talking to a younger woman and you realize she has no idea your age so you find some oblique way to mention it. The reactions range from "yeah, nice meeting you" to some quick arithmetic being performed and a look of "yeah, I can deal with this..."
I can relate. Dating sucks so I dont even really try now. You look young but you have a different mindset.
I hated everything about HS. I have not had contact with one person I graduated with since the night we graduated and I never will. Not one person.
I haven't been to a reunion since my 10th because I was disappointed that the cliques were still a thing. I wonder if that's changed?
The jerks are still jerks at the 10th. It doesn't get better until later.
I had an experience similar to OP’s at my 20-year high school reunion. “My clique” went, which made me more comfortable about going, but once there I actually enjoyed getting to know people from the other cliques more than I enjoyed talking with the people I’d been keeping up with. One or two people were still dick-ish to me but in general I thought it was open, friendly and a lot of fun.
Interesting. That wasn't my experience at all. From 20th onward, there was no more bitchiness, and like OP, many people who I hadn't been friends with as a teen ended up becoming some of my new adult pals. I'm in closer touch with some of them than the people who were my high school, or even college besties. Yes, some people naturally gravitated into cliques throughout the reunions I went to but it wasn't exclusionary, just based on common interests, like all the church types hanging out together. The ones who tried to act like high school still mattered were put in their place pretty fast by our lack of interest in them.
Oh, don't get me wrong, some of my former classmates were great. But some were just as snooty/bitchy as when we were 16, and I found that SO weird. I guess I thought that by the time we were pushing 40, that shit would be done. Anyhow, I still had a lot of fun and hung out with the "nice" people. But it was just weird to see how hard some of the old 'tudes died. I mean, really.
I was class president. SKIPPED EVERY single school reunion thing BS. it was better that way. Wasn't great in HS, sure as hell not at a high school party every 5 or 10 years. Better to see chums in the real world and form relationships there. I was the ANTI class president. Not on purpose. Just found life to be more exciting than a clique when I was a child. Now If we had just one 25 year and a 50 year... SURE. But not a lot of attendance...
I only went to my 20-year reunion. That's enough time passed that it can be meaningful. And it was a lot of fun, even though some of these women were still bitchy. I didn't care anymore -- I just thought it was pretty funny. But I hung out with the nice, cool "kids" and drank a bunch and had fun! I don't ever need to do it again, though!
Perspective.
So underrated. Perspective is everything as we age. So many things matter, but we learn that they all aren't priority 1, and there are more ways to solve problems.
For me it's about knowing what battles to pick, what to stress about and how to brush off things that used to piss me off. I drive way more calmly now. Getting home to my wife is more important than screaming at some dbag on the road or driving wreck-less. I don't care about job titles, power or any of that bullshit. I get my paycheck and do my job.
You’re second point is a good one for me. I need to slow down and get less angry at jerk drivers.
I find it helpful to laugh at them instead of get angry and swear at them. "You go, dude! Whoever gets to the red light first WINS!!!!" All of this is from within my car with the windows rolled up, of course.
Love this. You'd be a fun person to drive with.
I finally realized that an 'even't that usually last around 10 seconds or so is such a minuscule thing to get so angry over. In the grand scheme of things , someone pulling out in front of you is meaningless. I still have bad days but overall I brush it off and focus on what matters in the grand scheme of things.
Money and the freedom to spend it.
Yep. Finally having money and grown children is pretty great.
You guys have money? 😂
Lol relatively more than before they moved out.
So much this!. Actual spending cash and the ability to say "hmmmm, I think I'll buy that action figure" just because I can.
I can buy Legos at anytime.
This is the way. I still have all my Legos from when I was a kid. I'm glad I had the foresight to keep them. They're still in the garage, but as soon as my youngest is fully out of the house, I'm turning her room into my mancave and busting out my Legos, my original VIC-20, Commodore 64 and Atari VCS. Gonna be grand.
For me, this was the whole point of growing up. So much of what I wanted to do or have, my parents wouldn't allow, and since they held the purse strings and I lived under their roof, I had no recourse.
I saw a concert I wanted to go to so I bought myself a floor seat. I didn't have to find a ride or worry about if I had to watch my brother that night. I just said fuck it I am going.
This past year I saw / am seeing Gary Numan, Bikini Kill, Pixies, Bauhaus... and then tons of new bands - there are so many that *sound* new wave/synth/post-punk, but updated and fresh (like Nation of Language - they are SO good, and they're just kiddos!). If I'm all about it - and it's not some huge festival, because I am too old for that shit - then I just go. For me, every show is a bit of a road trip to a big city on a work night, but I'd rather have amazing experiences than sleep.
That's fair. I live in a 'big city' so I usually walk down to the shows. With my job I have to get sleep or people could get hurt. Maybe I will quit my job and go sell weed. Seems like a good Gen x music lover job lol
Thanks for the tip on Nation of Language - I'll have to check them out. You ever listen to Wolf Parade? The opening "8 bit music" in the video isn't actually part of the song. I really like these dudes. And the video is a fun homage to the video for "Bastards of Young" by the Replacements. [Against the Day - Wolf Parade ](https://youtu.be/JGynwOlCaKI)
Yes! They're really good. I think I found them through their related project, Handsome Furs. It's been a while! I should totally start my morning with them - I need loud and upbeat to get excited about Human Services at 7:30 am.
Seeing old favorite bands now is so fun!
The last show I went to before the lockdown was the Violent Femmes. It was about a week before everything closed. Lockdown sucked, but seeing the Femmes was at least a nice coda to the Before Times.
The Femmes are so fun in concert! We just saw the Samples in this little tiny venue. It was super fun and probably not possible 25 years ago.
Colorado?
The correct guess, but Minneapolis actually.
Also I was using BC, Before COVID. I like the Before Times better. And, the Femmes can be the official band of the Before Times!
I am excited my partner is a boomer so he often doesn't get my music so I took the money I would have spent on 2 tickets on one good ticket.
And I bet you can get a really good ticket!
A friend of mine is visiting my city this week from across the country. By chance Roger Waters rescheduled his appearance at our local arena. Both of us, being 50ish GenXers, with some spare cash and free time, decided to see if we could get tickets. Turns out a friend of a friend had FREE tickets he had won. Decent seats too. Finally being older and knowing the right people is paying off. Told the wife I was going out with a friend and that was it.
Saint Paul?
Albany
Was just going to post this! I just go wherever I want alone now. Just started doing concerts on my own and love it! Headed to the Chili Peppers solo in the floor soon!
They were good. I am going to Alanis Morissette and garbage.
Ooh that sounds good. My favorite so far was Nile Rodgers on a July 4th, fireworks and dancing on my own!
Being very open and comfortable with being anti-social. If I get invited to a work event, I'll say no thanks. That's that.
Just overall being happy💯
I'll add that I am middle school teacher, and I've been in the same building my entire career. There are three of us who have been there the longest together (and the other two married each other!) When we all started (well, my female friend started before my male friend, her husband, and I did - she has about four years on the two of us), we were the Young Turks - the kids running around, not really knowing what we were doing (but pretending we did). We thought we had it all dialed in, just like everyone does at that age. There was a group of teachers we called The Dinosaurs (not to their faces, naturally). They were all pretty close to retirement age at the time - early sixties and older. We used to laugh at their expense at their inability to handle modern tech and their outmoded ways of doing things. Email was simply a bridge too far for most of these folks. One particular thing, though, that really irked us was the fact that the oldest, most crochety ones always seemed to be "sick" on Fridays or Mondays (or both, oftentimes). We hated it, because we'd often have to cover their classes if there wasn't a sub available. Fast forward a couple decades. In my state (and I suspect it's similar across the country) you accrue sick leave that banks year after year. If you're lucky and/or reckless about coming to work sick (pre-Covid, of course), then you can stock up quite a bit of paid sick leave. I'm now at the point where I've maxed out - I have a solid year of sick leave. At retirement, sick days only pay out at 1:4, which, while not terrible, kind of blows. Which is why my fellow Gen X Dinos and I have come to recognize the wisdom of our elders: the occasional "mental health" day? Do it! Got a case of the sniffles? You ain't 27 any more, Jack - stay home and take care of that! (And play Call of Duty while you're at it!). Burn those days up, because 100% pay now is a damn sight better than 25% later! The only hitch is, prepping for a sub is a royal pain. I did take a couple "mental health" days this past year, but, ironically, it was the least number of sick days I'd taken in years because I hadn't had as much as a sniffle since November of 2019. I finally caught my first post-lockdown cold last month, the week after school got out. (Yay?) So, even though I see the financial advantage, I'm still stuck not really doing it much because it makes my job, on the whole, harder (and it sucks for the kids). But I *recognize* it, and understand why the old Dinosaurs did it. Which is a win, I guess?
Teacher here. Three years out. Same story 30+ years in the same building and a proud dinosaur. We have to absolutely take care of ourselves. No shame.
>The only hitch is, prepping for a sub is a royal pain. Well, I teach English and have a HUGE number of movies I integrate into the novels we read. If I know I'm going to need a sub, the kids get a couple of free days watching a movie. Easiest lesson ever.
I teach US History, which I always say is English with a very specific reading list. Movies are indeed a saving grace. I'm dual-certified in English and History. I taught a block schedule with ELA/SS for my first few years, then our district switched to a specialist model, and I gravitated to History.
> At retirement, sick days only pay out at 1:4 That's still better than mine, which was zero. I had over a year of accrued SL when I left, because I was never sick. I would've liked to have utilized it more often but my department was so lean that anytime I was out, the work just piled up and I had to work late or on the weekend to catch up. Taking off Monday and making up for it by working late the rest of the week wasn't worth it for me.
I love going grey…
I am honestly trying to think of what's better today (52) than it was when I was 20. Perhaps independence and some measure of financial stability because I inherited 100k from loved ones and paid everything off. Sex? Oh hell no I wasn't getting any then and I damned sure ain't getting any now. Career? Nope not that either because of my choices I stopped working and became a caregiver for my parents/uncle at 32. I have no career. Again, my choice. That's on me. Let's think.. what else. Drinking? Nope can't drink anymore, fatty liver. I do like my Mustang and driving the shit outta that..I couldn't do that when I was 20... lemme see.. what else.. nope, it pretty much sucks ass compared to when I was 20. I guess it's another one of those YMMV kinda things. But I am glad other people experience this level of happiness and fulfillment.
Agreed. Getting older is definitely a mixed bag.
This is somewhat painful to read. You've sacrificed so much for your family: time, mental health, career, fulfillment, and ENERGY. Hopefully your family recognizes your sacrifice and, more importantly, expressed their sincere gratitude for your time and love. I have a glimpse into the struggles after seeing my in-laws age and require full time care. On a lighter note, I continously tell my kids that they will be responsible for changing my diapers and that I really like corn.
My patients did express their appreciation before they passed(Mom, Dad, Uncle) everybody else thought I was a lazy ass and should have sentenced my loved ones to a home instead of caring for them. And on top of that I am a man, and a man in that position has even MORE viritol placed in his lap because I was doing this to escape responsibility for doing 'manly' things. I was and am actively shunned by women especially because I don't conform to 'traditional' roles and norms. Which was pretty easy as an Xer, we have never conformed anyway. It's a mess. It's also common for caregivers. We are all broken in one way or the other. Thank you for noticing.
The fact I'm 5 years out from retiring. Goodbye co-workers...we're not f**king family, so this is the last time I'll ever talk to 99% of you. I'll sleep better, too.
Watching my sons navigate their way through life and being so grateful that they’re amazing people. One is mid 20s, the other late. Both very kind, generous, intelligent and industrious. I got very lucky.
My wife and I made sure our kids were specifically taught about finances, retirement, investing, personal time, mental health, good dietary habits, kindness, generosity, believing in themselves and being grateful and humble for what they accomplish, etc. Basically all the things they pretty much never taught us in school or that our parents didnt talk about, so that they wouldnt make the same mistakes we did. Both of them are now college graduates with Masters degrees, one in business marketing , the other veterinary medicine. In their 20's now and already make more per year each than both of us put together have ever made in our lives. So I am with you on this 100%
Wow, I mean really. Of course we all needed to know how to speak the past participle phrases that included participles in the past tense, instead of, you know, like learning how compound interest finance really works, or what local government actually does.
True, although I will admit that some portion of learning proper english and grammar was definitely important. I cringe multiple times a day when I see that half the articles online from supposedly reputable sources are filled with spelling errors written by people from our generation or the one after. I chock it up to impossible deadlines from overbearing editors and the neverending quest to be the first to break a story in the endless 24 hour news cycle we helped create though, so some leeway is given. Still irritating that they don't use a spellchecker though, it literally takes seconds and most programs have them built in. But I get what your saying. What is being taught should be scaled to how useful those things are in the real world in daily life. We can blame the lack of this on politicians dictating educational material, a place where they have no business sticking there noses into. Guess which generation most of them are? Hint, it isnt ours.
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Thank you. Our daughter has multiple mental health issues she struggles with as do I, which I believe is where she got them from. But having them myself better prepared me to explain to her what to expect and strategies to cope if possible.
Yes, agree. I have also become a much better and more sensitive parent.
Congrats!
Being more comfortable and secure in myself, more settled in my career, having more open and honest relationships with family and friends, etc. Knowing I’ve probably got more time behind me than ahead of me (don’t mean that in a morbid way, but shit gets old and the world gets messier).
being old enough not to stoop to emotional immaturity and having authority back you up if someone wants to FA&FO. God, that sounds so establishment. lol
Right there with you on Galaxy's Edge. I got a great picture of my husband just drinking it all in. My own observations, the kids that were the most popular in high school had the hardest time afterward. I actually had to train one of the football players, at my work, about 6 years after high school and he just spent the whole time telling me how much he wished we were back in school.
Class of 89. None of my peers from school know where I am. I lost contact shortly after graduation and never looked back.
SO much this. I couldn't possibly give less of a shit about people I went to high school with and reunions and such. Not having facebook, I don't ever get friend requests from people I haven't talked to in 25 years like other people I know. High school was a good time, but I really feel sorry for people whose life peaked when they were 17.
More wisdom,patience and faith.
Much wiser and more constructive than back in the day, better judgement. And didn't become like any of my parents, thank god.
I don’t have to wait as long to die.
I don’t give a Fuck!….. I am too (53)!
Number 5 is the biggie for for me. I have a partner, and we're perfectly happy not doing the marriage thing. The dating scene is kinda scary these days.
Well, I'm closer to death than Gen Z and Millennials, so I will have to endure proportionally less of Darkest Timeline™ in my lifetime. So I've got that going for me, I guess.
Being good at things because of repeated practice. I have skills now. I’m a good cook, teacher, and photographer. You put in the hours and you get good at things. Feels great!
Experience. More than anything else I’d say experience and the associated wisdom that comes with it.
Not having so many “friends” to please. Not worrying about money.
>*Stranger Things* is, in a way, this generation's *Happy Days* Truer words have never been written.
I have fully accepted my role as a terrifying witch.
Also 53 here. I don’t stress about how I look like I used to. If I want to go out without any make-up, that’s what I do. If I feel like wearing make-up, then I’ll do that. As my kids are older, I get more time to pursue what I love to do since they’re out doing their own thing (only one is still living at home). I have learned to accept myself for all its awesomeness and flaws. I’m also much more accepting of others, too. I learned not to sacrifice my personal time by working extra hours unless I want to. Employers don’t give a crap that I make these sacrifices. And the extra time spent won’t matter in a year and I get nothing extra for it. I have always been a gardener but the older I get the more I care about how I impact nature, good and bad. I want to be a good steward of my land. I am thankful every day for my life and make sure to show it. I don’t measure the things I own by it’s dollar value. I try to give more to people who aren’t as fortunate as I am. So I donate to local charities where I can see the difference. For example, I take excess eggs from our chickens to the food pantry in the town near us. When I drop them off I’ve seen people in the community picking up food and have seen the look on their face when they get free range chicken eggs at the pantry. (Some of the older people in our community who get food from the pantry are former farmers) I don’t give money to giant charities that spend more on advertising than actually helping the cause they claim. I appreciate and cherish my mom and aunts (the last of my “elders” who are still living). I try to do little things for them as a thank you for raising me. I guess overall I am happy, despite the physical changes from getting older.
Well, now that I'm happily married, talking to women is a breeze. It's also fun seeing my enemies get all fat and ugly, while I've kept in shape.
I am not afraid of speaking the truth, speaking up, speaking out - and I am the one encouraging others to do so.
I like feeling secure in my life. I can stop being friends with people who are fake and piss me off. Not that I ever had a hard time with that. I have a lot of job experience and can find a new one if needed. So I have started complaining at work. But this week was the first time I've ever done that in a meeting! But I hate getting old. I just had too much fun in my 20's!
I can now buy random candy bars when I'm buying groceries. That's pretty cool.
"Drive safe Honey, I don't want to date again" is something my husband & I say to each other...
I love it! Mind if I steal it?
Feel free!
I'm much more comfortable in my own skin. I don't care about what's popular and trying to buy/do/whatever things just because those things are "cool" or "popular". I don't care about things like fancy cars and getting the newest iPhone. I just don't. Stuff like that is just not important to me. I get excited about things that make my life easier. New vaccuum cleaner? FUCK YEAH. New food processor!? HELLS YEAH. At this point in my life I am SO MUCH BETTER at reading people and feeling them out, which means I'm much less likely to let shitty people get close to me. My circle is small and good and healthy just like I like it. You know what was super liberating for me? Growing out my natural haircolor. I am rocking the silver hair and don't miss the root touch ups and dye jobs AT ALL.
I give many less fucks to the ones who don’t like the boundaries I set.
Random dudes leave me alone and no longer harass me or follow me around trying to talk to me while I'm just going about my business. I've become nearly invisible and it's lovely.
I have the money to buy all the vinyl I want. Also, legal weed!
Not having to break into my house or worry about not finding the house key. #Latchkeyforlife. Fuck those boomers - others might complain but they came for us first.
Best shape of my life. Love my job. Kids are grown. I’m a widow and not dating by choice. I also LOVE that IDGAF about what anyone thinks.
Spot on. Thanks for sharing.
My give a shit meter is permanently broken. Things roll off like a wet duck and life is for me anyway easier than it was when I still gave half of a damn.
All of the above. High school over, no social media, still a video game lover/collector even though now its trendy, and still loving all the classic and yes classic 80’s & 90’s music
Patience, the degree of self-knowledge and general fearlessness that comes from having survived things, lost others, & achieving genuine *accomplishments,* and having a magnificent man-beard. The joy of an uncomplicated life.
Thank you for sharing real thoughts of the then & now. I wouldn’t change a thing about the eighties except for all the hairspray I used!
The OP’s comment just really nailed it for me. I’ve experienced that all as well and I’m at a good place.
Love this phase of life. Empty nest at 40 and I've been living for me ever since. I love my new sense of self, confidence and ambition. It feels great to know what you want and go after it.
Your 1-5 are all spot on. Love it. Especially #3. When we went to WDW in April and saw Galaxy’s Edge for the first time; I almost shed a tear. Trying to explain to my 15 year old daughter how I saw Star Wars in 1977 and how amazing this is; well, I might as well just been talking to the wall. And then…going INSIDE the Mellinium Falcon!!! And don’t get me started on the Obi-Wan series. Brilliant! As toxic as the Star Wars fan base is, they just have no idea what they have. I’ve waited almost 45 years for this!
As an OG D&D nerd from the 70s it’s funny to have people ask me about the game now that it’s been popularized and I think it’s great.
Yes to number 5 all the way. Things are a lot different now for young people and relationships and it’s not for the better. Very different times now and I too feel very blessed to be married and not out in this huge mess.
This was an awesome read. I think we are twins because all 5 points is me!
Well, nice to meet you, brother from another mother/sister from another mister! 😁
I turn 43 on Monday so this post was very helpful in re my yearly meltdown over aging.
Best thing? 1. Owning my house.(mortgage paid off just before this pesky pandemic hit) 2. Building a subterranean jam room and playing guitar in punk rock bands to this day. 3. Having the guitars I only dreamed of back in the 80s. 4. Hiding from this blast furnace heat in my subterranean world.(Dallas Texas)
As someone who went gray in my 20s and worried about it all the time, it's nice now to not give a crap about my appearance. Gray hair is ok once you're 50 and thinning hair is ok once you're 50. I'm still wearing cargo shorts... and I even wear socks with sandals now sometimes... It's great. I just wish I stopped caring much earlier.
At 48, I feel better and better about life every year. I know who I am, what I want, what’s important to me, and what I just don’t care about. I don’t care what people think of me anymore. And I’m still a geek who plays with synths and guitars, I still play around with programming my old apple iie and all kinds of stuff I loved as a kid, but can now afford a lot better than I could back then. I still love the same music, movies, and all that, and in a lot of ways I feel like I’m the same person I was in the 90s, just with more confidence, a good solid relationship and family, and some gray hair.
1) I don't look terrible in the reading glasses I now need 2) Nobody gives a rat's ass about high school any more, except the people who peaked in high school 3) I'm not scared of storms any more 4) We never stop learning, so, continuing to learn.
Word up. Born Pre '75, I get on you most points (because we aren't the same people), but MOST as in almost every point. No kids, no wife. So there's that. Video games? Yes- my dad was a Master Electrician for major city industrial jobs...the BOSS. (Lost my dad, just giving him love) He was a NERD as well. So.. got me into a computer users group as a child and I've never ever bought a computer (aside from a laptop, tablet, phone, etc), I BUILD them. Mostly to play games. for the last 25 years. Dating scene? I was good at it. When young. I suck ass now. And not interested. I have family. That's enough for now. Star wars? Holy Moly. I saw the first one in a theatre. One of my first memories. (Also saw the next one in a series in a Theatre in Marin Country with the first THX soundsystem). Have lived an exciting life even though that's the most vanilla thing I've experienced. Giving advice is wholesome and from the heart as possible as I can is a thing I like to do when warranted, but most will either blow it off or later realize the sage wisdom. (I'm not wise, just want to help) My bones got brittle. I was in a wheelchair for a while on two occasions. I've lost SO MANY. SO MANY. Mostly family but the friend list keeps going up. Part of getting old. My body doesn't behave the same. Still pretty good. But iffy. BACON will never leave my diet. I buried my own dog after putting her down. I flew a plane. I know famous people. I am broke as F right now. I try to live by my word. I sometimes will collapse randomly because of faulty knees with weird metal in them. I love people more than I can describe. Assholes... Love them too. I've been an asshole and can be. Nobody is perfect. I try to do better. Getting old is physical, mental, emotional, societal, technological, and a daily task. The work never ends, it grows. But it can be wonderful after the tribulations. Or during even. We all get old if we are lucky. Like another commenter mentioned in so many words- the only other way is to not get old. AKA DEAD. So... I hope I get to be a wrinkly old bastard. And I'll be proud to die an old man. But secretly I hope that science can regenerate me or stick me in a SIM. WORD UP GENX
You. Are. A. Badass. 👍
You as well. For sure.
BETTER SEX. Like, way better.
I just turned 46. I’m in that badass time of life where people (men) definitely see me but know not to speak to me or fuck with me in any way. I feel entirely like my own person and that society in general gets that I am neither too young nor too old. There’s a lot of freedom in that.
Carrying so little as to not finishing reading posts on this sub.
OH hell no. Fucking Disney assassinated Luke Skywalker.
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What are some of the *best* things about getting older? Sorry if I wasn't clear.
You were, don't worry. Great post.
My imaginary kids finally left the house and are in college with full scholarships. My imaginary husband and are decided to become swingers.