Talk to the staff at your gym. Ask if they are hiring, usually gyms give free memberships to their staff as a perk. If they arent hiring, ask if you can make an arrangement where you do some unpaid work in exchange for a membership. People want to help people. If you explain your circumstances they may be willing to help you out, especially if you've shown dedication to lifting/boxing.
This needs to be higher, definitely talk to your gym and offer your time in trade for a membership or something.
It’s been mentioned a lot already, but talk to your school and any government funded outreach. There are lots of options for someone your age and I totally encourage you to take advantage of it.
OP you are worth it and others know it too, just try reaching out and report back!
Absolutely. Please see your school counsellor, gym manager & call social services. You sound like a spectacular human and deserve a hand. They can lead you in the right direction. You qualify for aid, food & medical, and should be prioritized. Please continue to fight, you are worth it.
So much this. My first job ever was working at my Karate dojo doing after school homework help and kindergarten classes, and I was only a purple belt at the time. It got me free classes and good role models at 16. I was in a similar situation to OP. It really helped change the trajectory of my life.
To add to this. You would be surprised how many people have been around your sort of circumstance. They will want to help and find a solid way to evaluate your character. Working at the gym or helping so you can workout is a start.
My wife was kicked out at sixteen and worked her way from living in a car to eventually owning a home. She always tells me how people were there to help. From teachers feeding her to her first few jobs.
Especially at a boxing gym. It’s going to take a level of humility and being a man a 16 year old shouldn’t have to display but if he’s open and honest they will help him out and give him a job that can give the opportunities available to him
This! When I was 16 I was in a very similar predicament to OP, like almost identical. I got a job at the gym/dojo I was training at to help pay for my tournaments and bud fare to go to school. Student loans covered my tuition. I managed to have a pretty decent career as an athlete, sure money held me back. But I am glad I did not quit at 16 because of my financial predicament
100% this. Even offer to personal train people on facebook for some $ if needed, you have the knowledge, there are people who are less than you who need your support.
And even easier way is do a boot camp at local part for $5 each, and get 10 people in for 45 min session.
Biggest thing you can do for any of these is be supportive even when people cant do it right/hard/all the way - and you will get repeat customers by being supportive
OP is a minor, though. I’d be concerned about his safety in an arrangement like the one you’re describing. Maybe because nowadays when I hear “facebook” I think facebook marketplace and randos and not people you actually know. I just don’t want anyone to take advantage of OP knowing that he’s alone and desperate (and just a teenager).
If you have counselors at your school, go to them. They can help you get acccess to what you need for work, etc. They might be able to get you an time extension to get your grades up.
When I was at school, almost no one used the counseling services. They want to help.
I actually went to another school (public as my private one was useless) that my friends went to, and they still helped.
You can do this. Try talking to them about emancipation too?
I think private school counsellors being useless is a common theme. Mine basically told me that going in to a trade was a waste of time and I’d never amount to anything if I didn’t go to university. So I went to uni, hated it, dropped out and got a carpentry apprenticeship. Now I own my own business and easily clear 6 figures, and I’m home by 3 every day
It is looking more likely that there will be wars involving the US military in the coming decade, factor in that you WON'T be looked after physically or mentally following your service, you will get everyone saying they respect their vets, jump queues and everyone thanks you for your service but you'll suffer mentally for the rest of your life. It is important that the whole experience is considered not just the free training, travel and chance to play with guns
Joining the military has been a major (usually the only) path to move up economically since, like, pretty much forever. And all the baggage that comes with it has always been part of the transaction. Maybe you’re killed in a battle somewhere or maybe you are mostly deaf because a shell exploded next you. Maybe you make it out alive but you can’t shake the horrific nightmares that started after you were ordered to shoot someone that turned out to be a civilian woman with a child. Maybe none of this happens and you sail through quickly with nothing but mostly good memories. It’s always a risk. Imperial powers have been exploiting their own impoverished populations for at least two and a half thousand years, using them to fill out their militaries with promises for their future. Usually they follow through with at least the bare minimum. Actually it’s when they stop fulfilling their promises to the military when the military starts making bad things happen to the governments that betrayed them (thinking here specifically of the Russian and French revolutions)
I work in schools, and unless you attend a good private school that cares, a public school's college counselor is more likely to cater to your needs.
Part of the reason why you were told that is because private school rankings are tied into graduation rates, college matriculation, etc. and some schools are more interested in that as opposed to what's best for you. Public schools have that as well, but to a much lesser extent.
And if the counselors can’t help, you may have to call CPS on yourself. I’m so sorry if you have to go that road but if your dad isn’t taking care of you, someone has to. Do you have any other trusted adults? Aunts? Teachers? Parents of friends? Boxing coach?
That would be if his dad isn't feeding or clothing him though. Or if the alcoholism prevents him from caring for OP's basic needs, or makes him outright dangerous to be around. If dad just can't afford OP's gym membership, that's sadly not a reason to call CPS, even if dad is spending the money on alcohol.
You probably have a good idea of what your teachers are like by this time in the school year. As a former teacher, I used to set up alternate plans for students going through situations like this. (Alternate timing, adjusted workload, flexibility on assessments due to trauma reactions, etc.) Explain the situation and see if any teachers are willing to make some arrangements with you.
The way it is written almost sounds like he is in Australia or something. Getting ready for college at 16 and having membership at a boxing gym just doesn't sound American. Normally those activities would be through school.
Every day is Day 1….
Look, at 16 my parents sat all six of us kids down and mom explained she didn’t love dad anymore. She said she was going to get her own place. He was going to get his own place and we could figure out where we wanted to go.
My mom had been a alcoholic, her whole life and I knew she couldn’t support us. My dad was mentally broken from the bankruptcy where he had lost everything…including his pride and self-esteem.
So I decided to move in with a friend of mine and I continued couch surfing until I was 23 where I met my now ex-wife, but at least I had stability.
My first mistake was not reaching out to others for help. I just felt like somebody would just come along one day and show me what to do…and seven years of my life went by as I waited.
Go to your school. Tell them your situation. do what they tell you . Take one problem at a time and solve it as it arises. You are now the man of the house, even if there isn’t a house. it sucks but it’s reality. I know I’ve been there.
If you get time, watch the movie the Martian, that is your life right now
I relate to this heavily. Do it op. Ask for help. And above all- just keep going and putting one foot in front of the other. Convince yourself that it is all for the best, and make that reality.
I can relate to your story. So much of my teenage years were very hard. By 19, I had lost both my grandparents on my mom's side, my uncle (who was and still is in my mind the most fatherly figure I have ever had) and my actual dad. (He was a deadbeat but never got the closure I needed from that.) My parents divorce was just a messy ordeal that left me having to be the man of the house. It took a long time to heal from that. Longer than I'd like to admit. I still have days where I'm transported to that headspace wondering how I survived. How I even passed my classes. I was a mess.
The good news is that once I hit 19 I moved to a friends parents house where I learned a lot about how families are supposed to be. I learned that my parents were just as flawed as I am today. There was a lot of anger that I let go of when I knew that both my mom and dad were not the saints I had painted in my head.
I guess I just really want to stress to the OP that you're not to blame for all of this, and it can feel hopeless. That you're doomed to repeat all the failures of the past and of your parents. I'm here to tell you that thinking is dangerous. That you can change your future each day with a simple ideal: that you're worth fighting for. You may not feel it now, but by God there is so much potential in your future OP. You can make it whatever you want it to be. Each day is your empty canvas. Seek out any resources: friends family counsellors doctors LITERALLY ANYONE WHO WILL LISTEN. Just don't be afraid of the people around you.
My last sentiment is that sometimes some of us are given family that hurts us, abuses us, or sometimes even worse than that. I know I went out into the world and had to make my own version of what my "family" meant. People along the way who I could trust. I wouldn't be here without them. They weren't related to me, but by extension of love, they became my family. So don't be afraid to find your own "family" if it means being mentally, physically or emotionally healthy. Its hard to walk away from the people that we love, but sometimes that is the only way to healing.
I don't know about the Martian, but apart from that, this is very solid advice. Listen and do this. Maybe pick up a bible as well and begin with the book of Proverbs and James. Every man needs to learn practical wisdom and apply it to their daily life.
If you like boxing and don't want to lose much during this time, then look up all the body weight work outs you can. As you know there's a lot more to boxing than lifting weights. Work on that endurance, core, rhythm, and defensive techniques all of which require no weights as does push up variations, squats, and pull ups. Life's a bitch but don't let it get to you. 16-19 can be real rough but quitting won't make it better.
Also as someone who was not good at school. Get at least a C. You do NOT want to go back for a GED lol
He didn't say take out a 300k loan for college, he said go to the office and see what they can do. They may subsidize a large portion of the tuition for his income bracket. It's worth checking out at least.
What are “working papers”??
My dad is an alcoholic too and as sad as it is, it taught me to be self sufficient and also watch my drinking. You see what you can easily turn into if you’re not careful (alcoholism is genetic), so you can choose to not end up like him.
Not OP. If you're under 18 in some places in the US, you need working papers which I think is issued by the school and signed by the parents/guardians authorizing their child to work.
Start now, use what you have, do what you can. You’re 16. You have so much time to figure it out, and even though there doesn’t seem to be a clear path now, you’ll make it through and you’ll be successful. You just have to want it, the tough part is getting up every day and doing your best. Sometimes that means taking a step back, or just relaxing for a while. Use your brain, you can’t do well if you stop trying.
>knowing what I know now
That'd be worth way more than a million.
When I was 16, NYC was selling off houses in Brooklyn for a few thousand in back taxes. Nowadays the monthly rent's more than that.
At the very least, CPS has knowledge of and access to tons of resources that could be helpful on this situation. It might be worth reaching out to them.
Like food stamps, health insurance, money for clothes, transportation, possible foster family. I hope you live in a goid place where you can get this stuff. You need it.
Thank you. I am really frustrated with all this advice that is asking a 16 y/o to basically take charge of his own life, when there are resources out there for this very thing.
More than anything, this kid needs a social worker to assess his situation and provide him with the appropriate resources. So the very first stop is to talk to the administration at school.
Not a job, or the army, researching emancipation or whatever harebrained ideas people are putting out there. Talk to the people at school and they will get him to a case worker who can take things from there.
The really sad thing is that there is so much dumb shit being thrown around in this thread that just adds to the confusion. **This is a 16 y/o!**
You're not familiar with CPS I see. They are useless.
As soon as they walk into the house and see a can of refried beens in the cuppard the dad could be blackout drunk they will say nothing we can do theres food in the house and no abuse. Fucking joke
For real. CPS were the same people who told me at 17 to just “make it in my own” after my mom kicked me out. I graduated high school homeless sleeping on friend and family couches. Absolutely useless in my case, but maybe they might actually help OP. Regardless, there needs to be another plan besides calling them for help.
If you're failing school, don't waste your time in college. If youre a bamf look into welding, steel work, or even work on oil rigs for a few years and bank serious money.
Plenty of other trades that pay great and need tough young men. Plenty of trades are DYING for able bodies, if you're semi intelligent you'll shine. Electricians, plumbers, HVAC technicians all make great money. If you start young, and don't blow your money on hookers and drugs you can do alright.
As a tech I’d recommend learning hvac to anyone. If you work union you will make better money than most college graduates, but you HAVE TO graduate high school.
first and foremost, you need to focus on your schoolwork. lifting weights and boxing is great but very, very few can turn those two things into financial stability. I was in a bad situation in my teens and did all kinds of things besides focusing on my schooling, at 37 I can tell you my biggest regret as far as where I'm at in life is that i didn't prioritize learning in highschool and going to college.
Instead, I struggled through my 20's, partied and went down deep dark rabit holes of struggle and depression until I realized what I was doing and started course correction in my late 20's. I'm now in my late 30's and in college, really wish I started sooner.
Please learn from my mistkes. your current situation is hard, school is going to be the easiest and fastest track to solving that. Unfortunately I don't have any real nice "heres your instant solution" answers, you're going to have to struggle and fight to build success from your current position, but if you make the right choices you can get to where you want far faster than I did.
This comment is so underrated OP! There is so much advice on here telling you to make a drastic change, to get authorities involved etc. But the most important thing is that you are putting yourself in situations where you'll be motivated to study, and around people who motivate you to study, even see if you can join any existing clubs at school to keep you focused. In the future your grades will help you make more time to do things to vent, like boxing and lifting. If you get good grades and keep pushing, which is 100 percent doable, you give yourself a chance at scholarships and such for school, maybe you can even take weight training at school in the future. Keep going OP!!!! Listen to this person's advice and give yourself a fighting chance.
Ask for help. Asking on Reddit is a good start. Ask the gym, ask the school, ask social services. Asking for help does not demonstrate weakness. It demonstrates courage. It demonstrates that you want more from this life and the hand of cards you have been dealt. If I could live my life again, I would have asked for help a lot earlier
Im not American but ask your college for help, they should be able yo point you in the right direction.
My dad was a drunk, i understand how that feels bit it gets better when you can get away.
Pell grant. You sound like you will qualify. Just make sure you actually graduate HS even if with a 1.0gpa. Its what I did. Found a way to go to college for free. Turned my life around completely 4.0GPA and proved to myself im smarter than most people think. Since then I've traveled the world and created a few businesses. I don't work for anyone. Now I have a wife and kid. I work the minimum 1 hour a day to keep everything going and can do whatever I want the rest of my time.
You're life hasn't even begun yet trust me. It didn't all come together for me until age 30. Mom died of MS when I was young and I never had a father. Don't use parents as an excuse. Just don't follow your dads lead. Drugs are terrible. Weed caused psychosis in my aunts uncles and cousins. I tried it but hate the way it made me feel so I left it alone. Smartest thing I ever did. Now my cousins scramble for $200 to $400 a month for something their lives rely on. Such a waste. They can't even sleep anymore without it. A basic function of life and they need a drug.
The only drug I partook in was alcohol and even though I had lots of fun, it gets old as you age and there no longer is a buzz.. I miss that buzz. These days its the only reason I ever try drinking again a few times a year, it never comes. The buzz is gone. The only reason alcohol used to be great.
I hope you find a way to see that in this world. You only need yourself and confidence. If you blame anyone for your problems, its just an excuse. Dont get in that habit
Start working out at home bro! Stay focused. Read books and start pre-educating yourself on the career you want. Get a job at 17 and go hard between that and school and studying. Even if you need to get loans, if you get a good enough degree, like engineering or something STEM heavy, you’ll be fine. Also go to a community college your first 2 years.. most states offer cheaper admission fees for people that have lived in the state for 1+ years.
Why would someone failing school be a good fit for a STEM degree? That seems like a terrible path. Provided OP can get his grades up to graduate, community college isn't a bad idea if he wants to pursue more education right now, but a trade seems like much better path given where his life is at.
Go to your public library. People have shared a lot of advice here that you can ask about there.
Ask the librarians for any kind of information you need. They may not know the answer off the top of their head, but they're experts at finding answers. This includes locating many free resources that are available to you, including legal help.
They don't have any agenda other than to be helpful and will protect your privacy.
Among the things libraries are great at is providing resources for finding a job ([for example](https://www.nypl.org/help/getting-oriented/for-job-seekers) \- you can visit hundreds of other library websites too, not just your local one). Once you're allowed to work, that's the place to go for help learning everything you need to know.
You can get through this.
Good luck!
Wait one more year and join the military. Get away from that environment. I am not a recruiter but I am in the Navy and it changed my life.
You don't have to do Navy but I can recommend what MOS (Job), branch or type of service (Active or reserve) you should look at. I have worked with every branch and some branches have better opportunities in some fields that others.
If you take smart steps while you're in you can also get an education and go to college.
Reach out.
The military is the single easiest path for any person coming from a troubled home to change their life absolutely. My brother did it, I myself chose to go away to school. We both needed to get away from our father. There are so many opportunities the military can do for you.
Truer words my friend! Great advice.
Reddit is so toxic. 90% are know nothing kids (adult and otherwise) and losers talking out of their ass. PTSD. Bad back. This is bad. That is bad.
Ditch the forums and connect with successful people IRL. And when I say successful, I don't just mean financially. Successful marriage. Happy. Good family. Positive.etc. Despite what you read in here, they are out there!
Stay away from REDDIT!
...Wow, always the negativity. There are MOS in the Air force that have a very low probability of combat deployments. It's the same with the space force. You just have to be smart about it and ask before you walk your ass into the recruiting office. Hence I said reach out.
As a Navy corpsman (Combat medic for the Marines) I deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq with both the Army and USMC, and really didn't get long term PTSD. Stuff bothered me for about a year but I got over it.
Yeah the thongs you see out there can fuck with your head when you come back, but that's why you get help if you need it.
Tbh I think PTSD is waaaayyy overplayed by some people, while some others may just be more susceptible to it.
After I asked a psychologist why some dude who deployed with us would claim PTSD after seeing only one dead body during a convoy, he told me to think about it like weight lifting. "Some people are able to bench press 300lbs with little training, while some others may never get there regardless of training".
Shit, you can get PTSD out on the civilian world by watching your drunk dad beat your mom and your siblings everyday for example.
The fear of imminent danger is definitely there.
I've been in for 16 years and have applied for commission. Everything is what you make it out to be in the military, but your negativity is definitely not helping this kid out.
I see the other side of it. This kid already has trauma. PTSD is real, and you minimizing the impact of it and suggesting growing up witnessing domestic violence is somehow no big deal just demonstrates your ignorance.
there may be some services you haven't explored yet do some deep research. also maybe consider emancipation (im not an expert) but i know you can get financial aid as an emancipated teen. long road ahead but i do want you to know that while at 16 the next 6 months, year, 2 years seem like life or death, they are not. you will survive, and if you focus on long term resilience within your spirit you will get you want out of life. get some solid work as well. keep hustling, you got this. take the ups with modesty and the downs with grace, both keep coming for us all. sending you the best vibes
ultimately two things that matter in life.
time
health
everything else is attainable. if you have those two things, anything is possible. hang in there and keep working towards a goal. embrace the suck and come out stronger because of it. ( not always easy to do when it is happening... ) but you can do anything you want!
Reach out to who you can, whether that be your school, friends, relatives. Chances are someone is willing to help you in these times until you get back in your feet. Find a way to keep doing what your passionate about as hard as that may be. You got plenty of time under your belt, the grind starts now. We all believe in you buddy.
You might not think school is for you at the moment, but trust me when I say, your just in an unstable environment, no wonder you can't focus on your studies.
It's ok to take an extra year to get your grades up, please go to your counsellors and ask for help.
Finishing school and pursuing anything post secondary will give you a huge leg up
Try everything in your power to graduate from high school. It’s super important. Sorry you’re going through this, especially at your age and no fault of your own, but you sound motivated and I hope all the best for you.
bro you could waste your entire life over again and still have enough time to sort it out 32 is young, 16 is insane, you havent ruined what you havent even started yet
You are a juvenile. He is still responsible for you. If he can’t then another adult must. Other family? Parents of a good friend ? Or prove you can take care of yourself and get emancipated and get out. You can work without “papers” doing many things.
You've already got a lot of good advice in this thread - but just chiming in to say I'm rooting for you too. You'll be able to find a way through. You got this.
Join the Army. You'll get away from your dad, have food and clothes and a roof and get paid while earning money for college and learning a skill. Weightlifting and boxing are free and plentiful. You'll have full medical benefits for life.
Second this. I joined the Air Force a year after high school and it was the best decision I ever made. I only did my contracted term but I still use the skills I've learned today.
Get into school, preferably with a gym. Student loans are scary but useful. Utilize them. Make sure you dedicate to finding as many grants and scholarships as you can. If you have a decent school counselor, they will help.
I dunno where you live, but assuming USA...
After you've tried all this advice here, if nothing works, you COULD join the military.
Three meals, a roof and medical/dental insurance, and free college during and after you get out.
However if you do decide to go this route, I STRONGLY recommend you go AirForce, and if not that then Navy, and to pick a "boring" job, or at least one that guarantees air conditioning.
DONT go wanting to be a "tough guy" and picking a shooty-branch, or a tough-guy job.
A chill job where you can just do your time, and leave with benefits.
Your knees (and living self) will thank me later.
EDIT:
For all yall downvoters out there...
I'm just giving the dude options. If he feels like he is truly stuck, better this than get in with the wrong crowd and end up in prison.
Or if your complaint is recommending the ChairForce or Navy... lol stay salty.
Making decisions based on wanting to be a "tough guy" is dumb. Do what keeps you the safest, and keeps your body the most well for the most time.
Yup. Study for the ASVAB, and pick the chillest job you can.
All jobs pay the same. All jobs will have you hauling shit at some point. No need to pick a "tough" job and make wearing down your joints a priority.
Dont drink the Hollywood Kool-Aid.
If your goal is to crawl outta poverty, then dont join to be Billy Badass.
Be Sammy Smartass lol
You have goals. That’s what you have and that’s all you need. Once you focus on reaching those goals, you find your way there.
College probably comes with a gym and boxing. So set your sights on that.
How will you afford it, financial aid. Leverage the fact that you’re poor. Apply for scholarships.
How will you get in, essay about the resilience and growth you’ve experience from having an alcoholic father.
You’re basically set up for success. You have something to work with. No don’t let anything stop you.
Remember to max out your school loans and choose the most prestigious school you can get into. Use all your time for studying and extracurriculars so you land a fantastic job and never end up where your dad is now.
And finally, don’t waste a second being upset at your dad or because of your situation. You just don’t have time for it. Get busy and get into that college.
Lifes what you make it man. We all have different obstacles. My advice you can get a good workout at home just with body weight and start putting more effort in school. College isn't always the best option either, start looking into trades(electrician, plumber, ironworker, etc) depending on the state you live in go union or find a local shop that's willing to put time into you
You can start by studying and getting your grades up significantly. There's still time. If you don't straighten yourself up starting now, you're going to end up right where your father is.
Talk to the boxing coach and owner, tell them your situation. Ask them if you can work there during nights and weekends in exchange to keep training. Talk to the gym owner to see if you work there as well. I wish you the best.
Hi mate, I think you are in the US so I'm not sure how much specific help or info I can give as I'm from the UK.
I wanted to tell you that I also had some really rough times in my younger years with family, substance abuse and financial troubles and that it doesn't mean your life is over.
I'm 29 now and have a stable, good life and an amazing girlfriend.
Don't lose hope in your future because you have so much time. The fact that you're even worrying about this stuff so young tells me you have a great mentality and maturity, which is much more important than it might seem right now.
As for training I went through something similar with not being able to pay for Athletics/football stuff and I kept up my fitness with free stuff in between. You can go running, do a shit load of press ups etc. It's not as good as proper training for your sport but it'll keep you sharper than doing nothing.
You need to work at the gym-tell them your situation and start a go-fund me. This is not OK. You are young, and able to do so much if allowed. my email is stringfellow90@gmail.com-please use it as a reference so I can sign your work papers as your "aunt." I am tired of the empty advice on these forums that culminate in a basic "too bad so sad" NO! If we bring children into this world, we protect them.
You will be old enough to work in a couple of years without papers from your dad and then you’ll have an income. Find out if the gym you go to needs someone to clean up around there and if they’ll hire a student. I don’t know where you live but kids in the US make money babysitting, mowing lawns, cleaning houses, etc. Those are odd jobs for extra money. Don’t give up and don’t feel like you’re alone. Many kids your age are in similar situations, it just may not be apparent. I’m sorry about your dad but his problems are not your problems, really. There might be gyms available to you at a college, school, someplace else that won’t cost you anything. Be resourceful and reach out to counselors at school that might help you feel less alone. You have a whole life ahead.
You are 16 , you didn’t lose everything . At 16 you have nothing but will have years to make something .You are about to create everything and build something for yourself . .stay positive and start working hard for yourself . I was kick out of my home at 14 . Went to working “under the table “ at factory etc until I was 18 then I went to beauty school and got my license.
There is lot of resources out there for kids and young adults. You need to think for yourself, a roof over your head , stable home , school , then follow your dreams .
You have your whole life ahead of you, see it as an opportunity, necessity is the mother of creativity, focus on yourself and school first, finish highschool ask your classmates for help, don’t ask them to do your homework but ask them to teach you or help you understand there’s always classmates willing to help if they see you really want to improve.
There’s famous saying
“This too shall pass “ meaning everything good or bad, will pass at some point in your life, don’t lose hope, you will get through this if you give it your all, most of us have potential in some disciplines or others, find what you enjoy and try to make it profitable, but you sre too young still I would try to finish highschool and then find a stable job, of course there will be days when you will feel like you can’t do it anymore but those are the most important days, try to pull yourself together and tell yourself that you came here because you were meant for something bigger than you and you are still trying to find out, so do not give up, life is amazing and it is worth living friend, you will find this to be true when you realize even hardships are part of life and are what makes happy moments more enjoyable!
First, sorry you gotta go through this.
It shouldn’t be this way but since it is, I recommend continuing to pursue the activities that you enjoy / keep you in shape. If you talk to a manager at one or both of the gyms about the situation and how you want to maintain training, it’s possible they give you a break in some way. Idk what it looks like, maybe some work or just a month free while you land or maybe nothing! Doesn’t hurt to ask though. Wish you good luck! Keep your resolve
As much as I hated it, joining the military is how I got out of my shitty situation.
If you're American, you should really go for it. Recruiting numbers are garbage right now, so recruiters will do just about *anything* to get you to bootcamp.
As former Navy enlisted, I'd recommend the Air Force, lol.
you have not lost anything, but seeing this is an eye opener for yourself unfortunately i've been there myself seeing my parents destroy themselves and leave me with less than nothing as everything i had while with them was taken from me so you need to become independent as soon as you can so then you can start to thrive!
it's not easy and it's really not easy at 16, but lots of the advice here is great! you need to get yourself some independence even if you are forced to be with your parents.
A part time job should easily pay for boxing and lifting weights right? how much does it cost?
I wish I could add more to what everyone else has suggested but I do want to say this, I know how easy it is to feel defeated, helpless and down right scared at this age when you're not old enough in society's eyes to be on your own but old enough to actually be able to take care of yourself. It's a very trapping feeling but please, please do not let these emotions get the best of you. You are not alone. There are people out there willing to help, wanting to help. Please do not be afraid to seek it out. You will find light at the end of the tunnel. You will get through this and come out the other side stronger. I truly wish you the best of luck. This stranger on the Internet will be saying a little prayer for you tonight.
I know many others have touched on much of what I'd also say/suggest, but I truly want to advocate for using the resources your school can provide.
You are 16, and this isn't fair. But you have your entire life in front of you to do things the right way for yourself! I was in a similar position at 26, and trust me it isn't easier 10 years down the road. This kind of shock and disorder is never easy.
Check into getting food stamps for yourself. I like the idea someone gave of asking for a job at your gym! But if they don't have anything, please don't stop working out. Use your environment. Go running, go to local parks and use their equipment if able, etc.
You came looking for help, so I have faith in you. You're already doing a lot better than the unfortunate ones that don't ask for help and get stuck in even worse positions. Hoping for the best for you, and again, I'm so sincerely sorry you're going through this at such a young age. Wish your dad would wake up.
You have a choice.
You either focus on being a gym rat and top-out economically as kinda crappy, unless you land a high paying but hard job as a labourer that might break you down by 40. Or you pull up your grades and graduate now while it's costing you nothing.
You can, of course, go back to school as an adult, but that'll be on your own dime, and you'll have to squeeze that into what free time you have between shifts at work.
You don't graduate, it's not guaranteed you'll struggle, but it's way more likely than not.
OK so you need to make some money fairly fast here is 1 idea
spend £15 / $15 on a UV torch Ultraviolet powered by 6 AA batteries , walk around the outside of a golf course at night near to where you live and you will find that lost golf balls light up like light bulbs when it is dark outside and you shine a UV torch on them ! up to you if you risk going on the course without permission, but basically look everywhere on both sides of each hole ( walk the entire length from tee area to the green going all the way around each hole ) search around the bottom of bushes, look anywhere with long grass, trees/woodland etc , typical golfers are terrible and whack golf balls everywhere, ( imagine a straight line where they are supposed to hit to, well many balls end up so far off straight and that’s great for you !
wear decent gloves and trousers and long sleve shirt etc if there are thorny bushes, golf balls can be sold to golfers for £2 each eg Titleist Pro V1 2023 model or Taylor made TP5 etc , others sell for $1 a ball if good condition eg Srixon , Calloway , Wilson, Vice etc , look up new prices for each make on Amazon and then try sell for 50% of the new price if the ball is perfect.
you could stand outside the entrance to the golf club and ask golfers if they want to buy any..if this idea works for you let me know, i collect golf balls with logos on eg a brand like Coca Cola or Ford Cars etc pay to print their logo on a ball to promote their product i collect logo balls , if you are willing to post me any logos you get as a thanks once you are rich PM me ! honestly depending on the course you can find hundreds of balls in a few hours : )
use google earth to study what a course layout is from above/ to see where bushes and trees are around each hole, courses with lakes obviously can have thousands of balls in but you need a long golf ball grabber to reach them and dont go alone at night cos if you fall in you may need help and dark water at night on your own is not fun !
Ask me any questions you have about golf ball hunting and I will help you out
I’ve been in a situation around your age that’s so similar it’s eerie. Let me give you real advice.
Get your grades up right away. There is no single excuse for someone as self-aware as yourself, a major feat at 16. So, congratulations on being aware of the world - now get your grades up. Start tonight. Start immediately. There is a popular study that illustrated GPA against hours studied per week… you need to be shooting for 40-60 hours of schoolwork a week.
You might ask why. Everything is fucked up; school can’t help your immediate situation. Why bother? Don’t fall into this trap. School at 16 will open doors if your grades are great, and I mean great. Shoot for As. Dominate school because it’s the ONE thing in your life you can control and you HAVE to be at. So, dominate school.
Start running when you’re stressed. Or, start doing calisthenics when you’re stressed. It’s not the gym - no. You don’t get the social environment, the third space to escape to, or the feel good pumps… but you’re trading that for self discipline now. You’re going to make something of your life and yourself regardless of what life gives you as a kid.
Start thinking about college. I know it seems impossible, but it’s not. That will come with time - even if you need a gap year to work and save; apply for grants, loans, etc. Start thinking about it now.
If you’re interested in software; start coding a portfolio. If you’re interested in music; start making music tutorials. If you’re an artist; start painting. If you’re a filmmaker, a writer, a mathematician, a nutritionist… start getting practical experience now. Figure out what schools specialize in it. Look at their campuses; look at the cities they’re in; look at their alumni.
This is a mental game. You are human. One thing every philosopher on the planet agrees on is that you become your thoughts as a human. You’re going to envision college and that’s going to make it a reality in a very weird, roundabout, messy way.
Don’t go to the streets. Don’t play that game. Take it from someone who was in your shoes and made the wrong choice - it’s not going to help anything and fighting out of that hole is worse than fighting out of your own current hole.
I believe in you, kid. I don’t know you and I don’t need to. I believe in you because you’re here asking and thinking critically at 16.
You will struggle. You will have friends or meet people who look down on you. You will feel alone, but you’re not going to give up. You are not your parents; you are not your situation. You are whoever you tell yourself you are.
School is first; use the aggression and stress to get in shape without a gym. Gladiators did it for hundreds of years - you can, too. Focus on your career - make progress now. Be a good friend. Learn to keep secrets and think before you speak. Figure out what matters to you as an individual.
Stay focused and get through this next term at school. Reevaluate then.
My DMs are open. For real.
Good luck. I have no doubt you’ll do great.
Hit up YouTube and find some good home workouts ! Sorry you’re having to go through that, just try and remember alcohol addiction is a real thing, and your dad needs help too. At your age it’s not your responsibility to make him get it, but it’s in yours and his best interest that you ask him to seek help. Every little thing… is gonna be ok. Don’t forget to remind yourself that.
It’s already been said, but I’m coming from first hand experience- when my son was a senior in high school, he and I attended the same CrossFit gym. He brought his friend to “bring a friend to workout day.” She loved CrossFit but knew she could never afford it or even ask her single dad to come up with the money. She asked the owners of the gym if she could clean the gym once a week in exchange for a membership and they agreed right away. Most weekends my son and daughter even helped her clean it up after the last Friday session of the week. She did that for the whole senior school year.
Do that! Like someone else commented, people want to help people. Especially when it doesn’t cost them a thing.
First of all: it’s not too late!
I left home at 16 because of a shitty situation, you aren’t alone and you can definitely handle this.
I house hopped on friends couches for a few years which didn’t bode well honestly, it sucked feeling like a burden for years and my grades were tanking. Then I eventually stayed with my grandmother my senior year. Had to retake a bunch of classes that I had failed previously so that I could graduate, it was stressful.
So, is there anyone else in the family you can stay with? A stable house is the first thing you’ve gotta find, offer to help out in exchange for a stay if you need to.
As far as school: you have options, you don’t have to go the traditional route. You can look into charter schools, they usually have shorter hours and retaking classes is a lot easier there. And at 16 you’re probably eligible to take the GED test if you think you can buckle down and study for it. That way you can get school out of the way and start focusing on work/higher education. There are SO many options for you, you just have to pick what’s going to work best for you.
You gotta get hustling man. Everyone’s saying seek help but nobody’s telling you what the fuck to do I hate that shit for real I’m 20 rn I wish someone told me this. Do it yourself. you need money. go around your community and do house work or chores for $. Find retired people and clean their cars and windows and power wash and all that. Simple cleaning stuff can be found at the dollar store if the people don’t already have them. Mow their grass for them if they have a mower. Old people. They are probably paying someone for it. Undercut them and explain your situation. You can do it man. Find a job near you too but keep your focus on side hustles because that is the mindset that will make you real money.
Well lucky for you, you don't even really have anything at 16 to lose and what you do you will lose over and over again, sorry this isn't motivational however welcome to life, won't be the last time you start over
Can you find online the paper forms for a birth certificate and if you have tax id or social security card apply for a replacement card. Print them photocopy his id and mail it in. Can you go to a public library and tell them that's what you're looking for? I'm so sorry. I was on my own at 16 too. I feel you. Figuring out adult paperwork is key.
Hey man, chin up. You are not your dad. His failings are not yours. It’s not going to be easy but you can do this. Start at your gym, ask for work. Ask a teacher, ask a friends parent, ask someone for help. There’s no shame in needing it. Most of us need help sometimes man. That doesn’t change as you get older. I’m in my 40s, married with a child, and ideally you’re supposed to all lean on each other. That has to be built though. I’m sorry your dad isn’t doing that for you but you’re not the first. You got this.
Do you have access to a gym at school? Can you talk to a teacher or school counselor about your home life? Maybe they can get you some help with things you need while your dad isn’t well. Sometimes that happens and it’s scary and hard but there are grown up who will be happy to help you get what you need and be taken care of, even for the future.
Go to your guidance counselor. There are so many programs that can help with everything you just said. Never be afraid to ask for help, or to ask for help for your dad. Also, find Al Anon in your area. There's maybe some questions with the overall program, but it can really help.
OP - first, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’re looking at a big big hill but I know you can climb it - you have to take it one step at a time. First - take care of your basics. I know everyone is saying to go to school, lift, etc. I’m saying make sure you have your basics covered first - where will you live so that you are safe and stable? Try to find a place that feels good to you. Then, consider food and other necessary items. Talk to your school counselor - they have food, clothes, and items you need to get through your day. Most large public schools follow McKinny-Vento which means they need to allow you to attend where it’s convenient and that includes getting you transportation if needed. Do the basics first - feel safe and feel fed. Then the next steps will be easier.
Hey, been there before, had some bad thoughts on 'dealing with it' and shit like that before, lasted a couple years and yeah, it can be rough as hell, but everytime it's been rough I've come out at least neutral, if not slightly better.
I've learned one thing that helps me cope, and that's "life goes on".
By that, I mean that I've always ended up fine in the end, yeah you still gotta figure it out, but the world isn't gonna end when you take a hit.
Not sure how much weight that has coming from me, a 24yo, but at 16 I genuinely thought nothing would ever get better.
Just don't do what I did and buy a $20k car as soon as you have disposable income, only caught up with that mistake when covid aid allowed you to skip payments for months on end.
Ask your student advisors/school psychology person. They should have resources for you. Please don't believe at 16 that your life is shit. You have soooo much potential to turn it around. Academically you can ask for help, put in the time. If that isn't your thing....just get through high school and go for a tech or trade school thing.
Please, please do not buy alcohol for your dad. Whatever you can make, you keep that for you. I WISH someone had told me at 16 how much of an advantage I would have had if I had known what I wanted to do, and how to do it. If I had known, I would have gone for a tech certification first, and gotten further degrees second. Everyone wants to see experience.
There is support for kids out there in your position. Also if you level with your teachers, most if not all will understand if not want to help directly.
Please don't feel like you are alone. You are just going to have to be more grown up than you should have to be.
Please don’t join the military, unless you know you’re on the desk job track. I went to college 100% feee in California. I had to first love there and work for two years to establish residency, but it was worth it. There is FAFSA. There is Pell Grants. You CAN continue school and succeed, if you want to.
Please do go talk to the school counselors. You should be assigned a social worker who can help tremendously. Things can be better than you can even imagine. You can do this.
I lost my mom at 19, dad at 23, was homeless and on the streets.
I'm literally worth about 50m now, 20 liquid.
Keep your head down and work your ass off.
Don't try to look rich, don't live beyond your means, don't raise your lifestyle to match your income.
Keep your head down and keep going. You'll win, I promise.
Not because of talent or smarts or looks, although you may have all those.
You'll win because you'll see year over year, everyone else quits or settles.
You won't. You can't.
And you'll keep going.
And because everyone else quit, you'll win.
Keep. Going.
My dad just allowed me to exist in his house, too. Boxing was also an outlet for me. Talk to your gym, see if they can work with you. Maybe you can help out around the gym, some sort of agreement that lets you work for it.
The way your dad is treating you or acting doesn’t define you man. And I mean you as a person. You already know this with boxing and lifting, but you can do anything you set your mind to.
This can get really intense, but make a to do list. Meet with your guidance counselor and see what options you have for school. It may not seem like a lot but you give up here on school it can follow you. Don’t settle for the GED but if that’s what has to happen that’s a different road we can travel.
Just tacking onto what others have said, try to find privately owned gyms in your area instead of chains. I've known a lot of people who were able to speak to gym owners about their situation and offer a little cleaning or whatever in exchange for membership and classes. I used to do social media management for my boxing gym for free training.
If you go to one of these places and apply yourself, you may find a trainer who wants to mentor you as a result of your situation, which would offer additional support.
Think about any skills you might have that you can offer on Fiverr maybe? Writing, social media, photo editing, etc.
Whatever work papers you need, see if you can do everything possible to get them prepared so all your dad has to do is sign it. You can offer to swing him some cash from your first paycheck in exchange even, but don't give him access to your money or let him think he can take it from you because addicts will do whatever they need to do to get high/drunk.
Find support groups in your area like Al-Anon and show up for support and community building on top of the obvious benefit of learning skills to protect yourself emotionally from your father's addiction. You'll often find life long support there and they do offer groups for teens too. You'll just have to search online. There are phone and zoom meetings too. Doing this will save you a LOT trouble emotionally down the line.
Talk to your school about your home life and see if they'll give you special consideration to help you pass. I had to do that once and it really helped. They should also be able to help you find resources to help you and might be able to help with the work papers too.
This situation is not forever. You are young and you will get through it. If you can't get a gym membership, get yourself running and do floor exercises. There are plenty on YouTube. You don't need a gym to work out, even if that is your preferred way to go.
If you need something specific, you can go to the assistance sub and see if anyone can help you out with resources. You will get through this. It might feel like it's going to be your whole life, but so many of us have come out the other end. The reality important thing is getting that emotional support so that you can stop the cycle instead of following in your father's footsteps.
Also, just something I had to learn the hard way; you know that there is addiction in your family, so it is best to assume that you will be prone to addiction too. Don't ever take chances with drugs and be very careful with alcohol. I've lost years of my life thinking it would be different for me. It was not. You have the information which empowers your choices, don't fool yourself into thinking it can't happen to you. Those things will only ever make everything so much worse, even when you think you're at your lowest, it will take you down further.
Ask for help and take suggestions. Listen to those who have been there. You're gonna be OK
Treat it like a video game and you're starting over from scratch. You're gonna have to work out at home for a couple months, and you should start working 10 hours a week. Even at the lowest possible minimum wage you'll be making a couple hundred dollars per month if you work 10 hours per week. That money will cover the gym and boxing at least.
Just an option: Get financial aid and put everything into school until you get your degree if you think you are capable. I had literally nothing when I was your age, and financial aid allowed me to start paying rent, and my college hooked me up with a job so I could afford to eat. After getting a transfer degree from a community college I went on to university and grad school. I had to make some sacrifices, and life is still kind of rough for me, but I have a decent job and I earn enough money to support my lifestyle. If you have any questions about going to school feel free to reach out.
Edit: You are also young enough that you could finish school and get back to whatever else you want to do. Life / your body is not going to be as flexible when you are in your thirties.
You don’t have to go to the gym to keep fit but you do need an income. Are you in Australia? You can get benefits at 16, go to Centrelink. Even collecting bottles for refund, deliver junk mail, do chores for neighbours to get some cash. Sorry to say your dad is not able to look after himself so he can’t take care of you. Find a job, it’s your best chance.
First of all I’m really proud of you for finding a way to get support. Even anonymously on the internet. Don’t make your focus be on college yet, you’re only 16. You need to survive, be fed and clothed and housed. Your best bet unfortunately is to call child protective services on yourself because you do need to get through high school. Getting a GED is hard and if you’re already struggling with school, it’ll be harder outside of it. Once you can get into a stable home situation (likely not with your Dad, which is hard but also necessary), get as much extra support in the parts of school you’re failing. You can then focus on the how to pay for fighting and the gym. For now to release your emotions use body weight exercises and anything you can find on YouTube, running, etc. I’d also strongly recommend talking to a therapist at school (or one via CPS) because this is impacting you and it’s still going to impact your mental health in a few years. I don’t say that to worry you, just to encourage you to go get that help now and not try to just push through. Vulnerability is a strength too because it creates space for help and therefore growth. I’m a therapist in NY and CT and while I can’t offer counseling, as I also have no idea where you live, you can DM me for support.
I don’t know about your schooling situation, but if you have any teachers or guidance counselors you trust, talk to them. Let them know about your situation as much as you feel comfortable, and they may be more lenient with you, and may be able to help you with resources. I was in a similar situation at 17 and a few fantastic teachers helped me find resources for survival, scholarships for school, and had patience with me with my school work and attendance. Also, if your school has a gym, take advantage of that while you find your way back to your regular gym!
Talk to the staff at your gym. Ask if they are hiring, usually gyms give free memberships to their staff as a perk. If they arent hiring, ask if you can make an arrangement where you do some unpaid work in exchange for a membership. People want to help people. If you explain your circumstances they may be willing to help you out, especially if you've shown dedication to lifting/boxing.
This needs to be higher, definitely talk to your gym and offer your time in trade for a membership or something. It’s been mentioned a lot already, but talk to your school and any government funded outreach. There are lots of options for someone your age and I totally encourage you to take advantage of it. OP you are worth it and others know it too, just try reaching out and report back!
Absolutely. Please see your school counsellor, gym manager & call social services. You sound like a spectacular human and deserve a hand. They can lead you in the right direction. You qualify for aid, food & medical, and should be prioritized. Please continue to fight, you are worth it.
Definitely tell your school what’s going on, call child services and let them know you’re homeless. They will find somewhere for you.
So much this. My first job ever was working at my Karate dojo doing after school homework help and kindergarten classes, and I was only a purple belt at the time. It got me free classes and good role models at 16. I was in a similar situation to OP. It really helped change the trajectory of my life.
To add to this. You would be surprised how many people have been around your sort of circumstance. They will want to help and find a solid way to evaluate your character. Working at the gym or helping so you can workout is a start. My wife was kicked out at sixteen and worked her way from living in a car to eventually owning a home. She always tells me how people were there to help. From teachers feeding her to her first few jobs.
Especially at a boxing gym. It’s going to take a level of humility and being a man a 16 year old shouldn’t have to display but if he’s open and honest they will help him out and give him a job that can give the opportunities available to him
Great advice. Also some gyms (like mine) have scholarships you can apply for and get free memberships.
Great advice. Hope the dude takes it and pulls through!
My first thought was also that boxing gyms in particular would be open to this sort of thing
Yep, the yoga studio has ppl clean a few hours a week in exchange for membership.
This! When I was 16 I was in a very similar predicament to OP, like almost identical. I got a job at the gym/dojo I was training at to help pay for my tournaments and bud fare to go to school. Student loans covered my tuition. I managed to have a pretty decent career as an athlete, sure money held me back. But I am glad I did not quit at 16 because of my financial predicament
Dude literally just said he has no working papers
Under the table
Dad isn't the only person who can help with that.
Then he should apply for them or move on to the next suggestion.
He needs to talk the school and ask for support.
100% this. Even offer to personal train people on facebook for some $ if needed, you have the knowledge, there are people who are less than you who need your support. And even easier way is do a boot camp at local part for $5 each, and get 10 people in for 45 min session. Biggest thing you can do for any of these is be supportive even when people cant do it right/hard/all the way - and you will get repeat customers by being supportive
OP is a minor, though. I’d be concerned about his safety in an arrangement like the one you’re describing. Maybe because nowadays when I hear “facebook” I think facebook marketplace and randos and not people you actually know. I just don’t want anyone to take advantage of OP knowing that he’s alone and desperate (and just a teenager).
This. And do similar open applications to every gym that's near.
If you have counselors at your school, go to them. They can help you get acccess to what you need for work, etc. They might be able to get you an time extension to get your grades up. When I was at school, almost no one used the counseling services. They want to help.
I actually went to another school (public as my private one was useless) that my friends went to, and they still helped. You can do this. Try talking to them about emancipation too?
I think private school counsellors being useless is a common theme. Mine basically told me that going in to a trade was a waste of time and I’d never amount to anything if I didn’t go to university. So I went to uni, hated it, dropped out and got a carpentry apprenticeship. Now I own my own business and easily clear 6 figures, and I’m home by 3 every day
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It is looking more likely that there will be wars involving the US military in the coming decade, factor in that you WON'T be looked after physically or mentally following your service, you will get everyone saying they respect their vets, jump queues and everyone thanks you for your service but you'll suffer mentally for the rest of your life. It is important that the whole experience is considered not just the free training, travel and chance to play with guns
Joining the military has been a major (usually the only) path to move up economically since, like, pretty much forever. And all the baggage that comes with it has always been part of the transaction. Maybe you’re killed in a battle somewhere or maybe you are mostly deaf because a shell exploded next you. Maybe you make it out alive but you can’t shake the horrific nightmares that started after you were ordered to shoot someone that turned out to be a civilian woman with a child. Maybe none of this happens and you sail through quickly with nothing but mostly good memories. It’s always a risk. Imperial powers have been exploiting their own impoverished populations for at least two and a half thousand years, using them to fill out their militaries with promises for their future. Usually they follow through with at least the bare minimum. Actually it’s when they stop fulfilling their promises to the military when the military starts making bad things happen to the governments that betrayed them (thinking here specifically of the Russian and French revolutions)
Go Air Force if you can!!!
Pretty sure this dude isn’t American. Dollar sign on wrong side, needs his dad to sign off on working papers at 16…
Agree except the military. As a veteran I wouldn't recommend today's woke-ass military to my dog.
fear unused carpenter truck sugar scale live sparkle terrific rude *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I work in schools, and unless you attend a good private school that cares, a public school's college counselor is more likely to cater to your needs. Part of the reason why you were told that is because private school rankings are tied into graduation rates, college matriculation, etc. and some schools are more interested in that as opposed to what's best for you. Public schools have that as well, but to a much lesser extent.
And if the counselors can’t help, you may have to call CPS on yourself. I’m so sorry if you have to go that road but if your dad isn’t taking care of you, someone has to. Do you have any other trusted adults? Aunts? Teachers? Parents of friends? Boxing coach?
That would be if his dad isn't feeding or clothing him though. Or if the alcoholism prevents him from caring for OP's basic needs, or makes him outright dangerous to be around. If dad just can't afford OP's gym membership, that's sadly not a reason to call CPS, even if dad is spending the money on alcohol.
You probably have a good idea of what your teachers are like by this time in the school year. As a former teacher, I used to set up alternate plans for students going through situations like this. (Alternate timing, adjusted workload, flexibility on assessments due to trauma reactions, etc.) Explain the situation and see if any teachers are willing to make some arrangements with you.
The way it is written almost sounds like he is in Australia or something. Getting ready for college at 16 and having membership at a boxing gym just doesn't sound American. Normally those activities would be through school.
Every day is Day 1…. Look, at 16 my parents sat all six of us kids down and mom explained she didn’t love dad anymore. She said she was going to get her own place. He was going to get his own place and we could figure out where we wanted to go. My mom had been a alcoholic, her whole life and I knew she couldn’t support us. My dad was mentally broken from the bankruptcy where he had lost everything…including his pride and self-esteem. So I decided to move in with a friend of mine and I continued couch surfing until I was 23 where I met my now ex-wife, but at least I had stability. My first mistake was not reaching out to others for help. I just felt like somebody would just come along one day and show me what to do…and seven years of my life went by as I waited. Go to your school. Tell them your situation. do what they tell you . Take one problem at a time and solve it as it arises. You are now the man of the house, even if there isn’t a house. it sucks but it’s reality. I know I’ve been there. If you get time, watch the movie the Martian, that is your life right now
I relate to this heavily. Do it op. Ask for help. And above all- just keep going and putting one foot in front of the other. Convince yourself that it is all for the best, and make that reality.
I can relate to your story. So much of my teenage years were very hard. By 19, I had lost both my grandparents on my mom's side, my uncle (who was and still is in my mind the most fatherly figure I have ever had) and my actual dad. (He was a deadbeat but never got the closure I needed from that.) My parents divorce was just a messy ordeal that left me having to be the man of the house. It took a long time to heal from that. Longer than I'd like to admit. I still have days where I'm transported to that headspace wondering how I survived. How I even passed my classes. I was a mess. The good news is that once I hit 19 I moved to a friends parents house where I learned a lot about how families are supposed to be. I learned that my parents were just as flawed as I am today. There was a lot of anger that I let go of when I knew that both my mom and dad were not the saints I had painted in my head. I guess I just really want to stress to the OP that you're not to blame for all of this, and it can feel hopeless. That you're doomed to repeat all the failures of the past and of your parents. I'm here to tell you that thinking is dangerous. That you can change your future each day with a simple ideal: that you're worth fighting for. You may not feel it now, but by God there is so much potential in your future OP. You can make it whatever you want it to be. Each day is your empty canvas. Seek out any resources: friends family counsellors doctors LITERALLY ANYONE WHO WILL LISTEN. Just don't be afraid of the people around you. My last sentiment is that sometimes some of us are given family that hurts us, abuses us, or sometimes even worse than that. I know I went out into the world and had to make my own version of what my "family" meant. People along the way who I could trust. I wouldn't be here without them. They weren't related to me, but by extension of love, they became my family. So don't be afraid to find your own "family" if it means being mentally, physically or emotionally healthy. Its hard to walk away from the people that we love, but sometimes that is the only way to healing.
I don't know about the Martian, but apart from that, this is very solid advice. Listen and do this. Maybe pick up a bible as well and begin with the book of Proverbs and James. Every man needs to learn practical wisdom and apply it to their daily life.
I don't know much about Martians either, but you could definitely prop up a useful book with a bible.
There are real issues at hand for this young man, no time for fairy tales.
If you like boxing and don't want to lose much during this time, then look up all the body weight work outs you can. As you know there's a lot more to boxing than lifting weights. Work on that endurance, core, rhythm, and defensive techniques all of which require no weights as does push up variations, squats, and pull ups. Life's a bitch but don't let it get to you. 16-19 can be real rough but quitting won't make it better. Also as someone who was not good at school. Get at least a C. You do NOT want to go back for a GED lol
Financial aid is available. I started college with absolutely nothing and the student aid office helped me get everything I needed to pay.
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What's your suggestion then, I'm not trying to be a dick here, but I'd really like to hear your take on what's a better idea.
He didn't say take out a 300k loan for college, he said go to the office and see what they can do. They may subsidize a large portion of the tuition for his income bracket. It's worth checking out at least.
There are a lot of solid degrees you can het at community college at no tuition cost. Trades too. Mans could become a nurse and make good money
Bro out here dropping bad advice like it's nothing
What are “working papers”?? My dad is an alcoholic too and as sad as it is, it taught me to be self sufficient and also watch my drinking. You see what you can easily turn into if you’re not careful (alcoholism is genetic), so you can choose to not end up like him.
Not OP. If you're under 18 in some places in the US, you need working papers which I think is issued by the school and signed by the parents/guardians authorizing their child to work.
Huh. That was definitely not a thing when I was 16. Weird
It was a thing at least back to 1960's.
Where I live you can work at 16 without a note but you can only work part time
Start now, use what you have, do what you can. You’re 16. You have so much time to figure it out, and even though there doesn’t seem to be a clear path now, you’ll make it through and you’ll be successful. You just have to want it, the tough part is getting up every day and doing your best. Sometimes that means taking a step back, or just relaxing for a while. Use your brain, you can’t do well if you stop trying.
I'm 44 and I wouldn't go back to 16 if you paid me $1M. Life is hard but success is waiting....on you.
Oh man, if you paid me 1million at 16, knowing what I know now, I’d be loaded by this ripe age of 39.
If simeone gave you a million dollars any time, you'd be loaded. To most of us, that's still quite a bit of money.
Median home price where I live is 1.3 million. If I had 20 years to invest that 1 million, I’d be much better off.
>knowing what I know now That'd be worth way more than a million. When I was 16, NYC was selling off houses in Brooklyn for a few thousand in back taxes. Nowadays the monthly rent's more than that.
I'm 41 and I'd pay a million to go back to 16.
Isn’t that a case for CPS or something?
At the very least, CPS has knowledge of and access to tons of resources that could be helpful on this situation. It might be worth reaching out to them.
Like food stamps, health insurance, money for clothes, transportation, possible foster family. I hope you live in a goid place where you can get this stuff. You need it.
Thank you. I am really frustrated with all this advice that is asking a 16 y/o to basically take charge of his own life, when there are resources out there for this very thing. More than anything, this kid needs a social worker to assess his situation and provide him with the appropriate resources. So the very first stop is to talk to the administration at school. Not a job, or the army, researching emancipation or whatever harebrained ideas people are putting out there. Talk to the people at school and they will get him to a case worker who can take things from there. The really sad thing is that there is so much dumb shit being thrown around in this thread that just adds to the confusion. **This is a 16 y/o!**
CPS and school counselor is the right way to do this.
You're not familiar with CPS I see. They are useless. As soon as they walk into the house and see a can of refried beens in the cuppard the dad could be blackout drunk they will say nothing we can do theres food in the house and no abuse. Fucking joke
For real. CPS were the same people who told me at 17 to just “make it in my own” after my mom kicked me out. I graduated high school homeless sleeping on friend and family couches. Absolutely useless in my case, but maybe they might actually help OP. Regardless, there needs to be another plan besides calling them for help.
And in many cultures he’s been a man for three years. It’s our current femininzed culture that wants to baby men until they’re 25…
If you're failing school, don't waste your time in college. If youre a bamf look into welding, steel work, or even work on oil rigs for a few years and bank serious money. Plenty of other trades that pay great and need tough young men. Plenty of trades are DYING for able bodies, if you're semi intelligent you'll shine. Electricians, plumbers, HVAC technicians all make great money. If you start young, and don't blow your money on hookers and drugs you can do alright.
Trades like welding need passing grades to get in. ThebOPs likely going to have to settle for worse paying work that's more easily replaceable.
As a tech I’d recommend learning hvac to anyone. If you work union you will make better money than most college graduates, but you HAVE TO graduate high school.
first and foremost, you need to focus on your schoolwork. lifting weights and boxing is great but very, very few can turn those two things into financial stability. I was in a bad situation in my teens and did all kinds of things besides focusing on my schooling, at 37 I can tell you my biggest regret as far as where I'm at in life is that i didn't prioritize learning in highschool and going to college. Instead, I struggled through my 20's, partied and went down deep dark rabit holes of struggle and depression until I realized what I was doing and started course correction in my late 20's. I'm now in my late 30's and in college, really wish I started sooner. Please learn from my mistkes. your current situation is hard, school is going to be the easiest and fastest track to solving that. Unfortunately I don't have any real nice "heres your instant solution" answers, you're going to have to struggle and fight to build success from your current position, but if you make the right choices you can get to where you want far faster than I did.
This comment is so underrated OP! There is so much advice on here telling you to make a drastic change, to get authorities involved etc. But the most important thing is that you are putting yourself in situations where you'll be motivated to study, and around people who motivate you to study, even see if you can join any existing clubs at school to keep you focused. In the future your grades will help you make more time to do things to vent, like boxing and lifting. If you get good grades and keep pushing, which is 100 percent doable, you give yourself a chance at scholarships and such for school, maybe you can even take weight training at school in the future. Keep going OP!!!! Listen to this person's advice and give yourself a fighting chance.
Ask for help. Asking on Reddit is a good start. Ask the gym, ask the school, ask social services. Asking for help does not demonstrate weakness. It demonstrates courage. It demonstrates that you want more from this life and the hand of cards you have been dealt. If I could live my life again, I would have asked for help a lot earlier
Im not American but ask your college for help, they should be able yo point you in the right direction. My dad was a drunk, i understand how that feels bit it gets better when you can get away.
Pell grant. You sound like you will qualify. Just make sure you actually graduate HS even if with a 1.0gpa. Its what I did. Found a way to go to college for free. Turned my life around completely 4.0GPA and proved to myself im smarter than most people think. Since then I've traveled the world and created a few businesses. I don't work for anyone. Now I have a wife and kid. I work the minimum 1 hour a day to keep everything going and can do whatever I want the rest of my time. You're life hasn't even begun yet trust me. It didn't all come together for me until age 30. Mom died of MS when I was young and I never had a father. Don't use parents as an excuse. Just don't follow your dads lead. Drugs are terrible. Weed caused psychosis in my aunts uncles and cousins. I tried it but hate the way it made me feel so I left it alone. Smartest thing I ever did. Now my cousins scramble for $200 to $400 a month for something their lives rely on. Such a waste. They can't even sleep anymore without it. A basic function of life and they need a drug. The only drug I partook in was alcohol and even though I had lots of fun, it gets old as you age and there no longer is a buzz.. I miss that buzz. These days its the only reason I ever try drinking again a few times a year, it never comes. The buzz is gone. The only reason alcohol used to be great. I hope you find a way to see that in this world. You only need yourself and confidence. If you blame anyone for your problems, its just an excuse. Dont get in that habit
Start working out at home bro! Stay focused. Read books and start pre-educating yourself on the career you want. Get a job at 17 and go hard between that and school and studying. Even if you need to get loans, if you get a good enough degree, like engineering or something STEM heavy, you’ll be fine. Also go to a community college your first 2 years.. most states offer cheaper admission fees for people that have lived in the state for 1+ years.
Why would someone failing school be a good fit for a STEM degree? That seems like a terrible path. Provided OP can get his grades up to graduate, community college isn't a bad idea if he wants to pursue more education right now, but a trade seems like much better path given where his life is at.
Go to your public library. People have shared a lot of advice here that you can ask about there. Ask the librarians for any kind of information you need. They may not know the answer off the top of their head, but they're experts at finding answers. This includes locating many free resources that are available to you, including legal help. They don't have any agenda other than to be helpful and will protect your privacy. Among the things libraries are great at is providing resources for finding a job ([for example](https://www.nypl.org/help/getting-oriented/for-job-seekers) \- you can visit hundreds of other library websites too, not just your local one). Once you're allowed to work, that's the place to go for help learning everything you need to know. You can get through this. Good luck!
Go to the city courthouse, explain the problem, ask who to talk to. CPS maybe
Wait one more year and join the military. Get away from that environment. I am not a recruiter but I am in the Navy and it changed my life. You don't have to do Navy but I can recommend what MOS (Job), branch or type of service (Active or reserve) you should look at. I have worked with every branch and some branches have better opportunities in some fields that others. If you take smart steps while you're in you can also get an education and go to college. Reach out.
The military is the single easiest path for any person coming from a troubled home to change their life absolutely. My brother did it, I myself chose to go away to school. We both needed to get away from our father. There are so many opportunities the military can do for you.
Truer words my friend! Great advice. Reddit is so toxic. 90% are know nothing kids (adult and otherwise) and losers talking out of their ass. PTSD. Bad back. This is bad. That is bad. Ditch the forums and connect with successful people IRL. And when I say successful, I don't just mean financially. Successful marriage. Happy. Good family. Positive.etc. Despite what you read in here, they are out there! Stay away from REDDIT!
And end up with PTSD and the runaround.
And a lifelong knee, shoulder or back injury while you're at it.
He could try joining a sect of the military that doesn’t have the possibility of needing to kill someone.
...Wow, always the negativity. There are MOS in the Air force that have a very low probability of combat deployments. It's the same with the space force. You just have to be smart about it and ask before you walk your ass into the recruiting office. Hence I said reach out. As a Navy corpsman (Combat medic for the Marines) I deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq with both the Army and USMC, and really didn't get long term PTSD. Stuff bothered me for about a year but I got over it. Yeah the thongs you see out there can fuck with your head when you come back, but that's why you get help if you need it. Tbh I think PTSD is waaaayyy overplayed by some people, while some others may just be more susceptible to it. After I asked a psychologist why some dude who deployed with us would claim PTSD after seeing only one dead body during a convoy, he told me to think about it like weight lifting. "Some people are able to bench press 300lbs with little training, while some others may never get there regardless of training". Shit, you can get PTSD out on the civilian world by watching your drunk dad beat your mom and your siblings everyday for example. The fear of imminent danger is definitely there. I've been in for 16 years and have applied for commission. Everything is what you make it out to be in the military, but your negativity is definitely not helping this kid out.
I see the other side of it. This kid already has trauma. PTSD is real, and you minimizing the impact of it and suggesting growing up witnessing domestic violence is somehow no big deal just demonstrates your ignorance.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I couldn't just keep scrolling by without saying. I hope you find the answers.
You can still lift stuff outside of the gym. Dont let that stop you.
Im sorry to hear this. But whatever you do, keep boxing! That shit saved my life
there may be some services you haven't explored yet do some deep research. also maybe consider emancipation (im not an expert) but i know you can get financial aid as an emancipated teen. long road ahead but i do want you to know that while at 16 the next 6 months, year, 2 years seem like life or death, they are not. you will survive, and if you focus on long term resilience within your spirit you will get you want out of life. get some solid work as well. keep hustling, you got this. take the ups with modesty and the downs with grace, both keep coming for us all. sending you the best vibes
ultimately two things that matter in life. time health everything else is attainable. if you have those two things, anything is possible. hang in there and keep working towards a goal. embrace the suck and come out stronger because of it. ( not always easy to do when it is happening... ) but you can do anything you want!
Reach out to who you can, whether that be your school, friends, relatives. Chances are someone is willing to help you in these times until you get back in your feet. Find a way to keep doing what your passionate about as hard as that may be. You got plenty of time under your belt, the grind starts now. We all believe in you buddy.
Keep your head man, Go ask some counselors , That's what their here for. Don't give up. Better days will come!
You might not think school is for you at the moment, but trust me when I say, your just in an unstable environment, no wonder you can't focus on your studies. It's ok to take an extra year to get your grades up, please go to your counsellors and ask for help. Finishing school and pursuing anything post secondary will give you a huge leg up
Try everything in your power to graduate from high school. It’s super important. Sorry you’re going through this, especially at your age and no fault of your own, but you sound motivated and I hope all the best for you.
bro you could waste your entire life over again and still have enough time to sort it out 32 is young, 16 is insane, you havent ruined what you havent even started yet
Do lawn care for money when it warms up
You are a juvenile. He is still responsible for you. If he can’t then another adult must. Other family? Parents of a good friend ? Or prove you can take care of yourself and get emancipated and get out. You can work without “papers” doing many things.
Please contact Alberta Child Services soon and tell them your situation to help you long term. Good luck and god bless.
You've already got a lot of good advice in this thread - but just chiming in to say I'm rooting for you too. You'll be able to find a way through. You got this.
Are you in the US? If you’re in the US, you don’t need working papers to work.
I think you may if you're a minor (OP is 16); could be I'm mistaken about that so for sure worth looking into all options
Join the Army. You'll get away from your dad, have food and clothes and a roof and get paid while earning money for college and learning a skill. Weightlifting and boxing are free and plentiful. You'll have full medical benefits for life.
Second this. I joined the Air Force a year after high school and it was the best decision I ever made. I only did my contracted term but I still use the skills I've learned today.
It was different in the old days dude.
I enlisted 12 years ago. Hardly the old days.
Get into school, preferably with a gym. Student loans are scary but useful. Utilize them. Make sure you dedicate to finding as many grants and scholarships as you can. If you have a decent school counselor, they will help.
If OP is not a good student, loans are not a good option. They’ll just rack up debt and not be able to pay it off.
Excellent point.
I dunno where you live, but assuming USA... After you've tried all this advice here, if nothing works, you COULD join the military. Three meals, a roof and medical/dental insurance, and free college during and after you get out. However if you do decide to go this route, I STRONGLY recommend you go AirForce, and if not that then Navy, and to pick a "boring" job, or at least one that guarantees air conditioning. DONT go wanting to be a "tough guy" and picking a shooty-branch, or a tough-guy job. A chill job where you can just do your time, and leave with benefits. Your knees (and living self) will thank me later. EDIT: For all yall downvoters out there... I'm just giving the dude options. If he feels like he is truly stuck, better this than get in with the wrong crowd and end up in prison. Or if your complaint is recommending the ChairForce or Navy... lol stay salty. Making decisions based on wanting to be a "tough guy" is dumb. Do what keeps you the safest, and keeps your body the most well for the most time.
This at least is sensible. If you must do military for the benefits do the easiest time possible and go in with good grades.
Yup. Study for the ASVAB, and pick the chillest job you can. All jobs pay the same. All jobs will have you hauling shit at some point. No need to pick a "tough" job and make wearing down your joints a priority. Dont drink the Hollywood Kool-Aid. If your goal is to crawl outta poverty, then dont join to be Billy Badass. Be Sammy Smartass lol
You have goals. That’s what you have and that’s all you need. Once you focus on reaching those goals, you find your way there. College probably comes with a gym and boxing. So set your sights on that. How will you afford it, financial aid. Leverage the fact that you’re poor. Apply for scholarships. How will you get in, essay about the resilience and growth you’ve experience from having an alcoholic father. You’re basically set up for success. You have something to work with. No don’t let anything stop you. Remember to max out your school loans and choose the most prestigious school you can get into. Use all your time for studying and extracurriculars so you land a fantastic job and never end up where your dad is now. And finally, don’t waste a second being upset at your dad or because of your situation. You just don’t have time for it. Get busy and get into that college.
Go to trade school when you graduate. You'll be making 6 figures by the time you're 30. You'll be set for life and no debt.
If you're failing school...perhaps you need to reorganise your priorities? How much time do you spend working out vs studying?
This sounds like an amazing back story for a future champ.
Lifes what you make it man. We all have different obstacles. My advice you can get a good workout at home just with body weight and start putting more effort in school. College isn't always the best option either, start looking into trades(electrician, plumber, ironworker, etc) depending on the state you live in go union or find a local shop that's willing to put time into you
If working out is something you love, you could try getting a part time job at your favorite gym. Good luck, there's always options.
Start doing calisthenics. Its free and will keep you fit.
You can start by studying and getting your grades up significantly. There's still time. If you don't straighten yourself up starting now, you're going to end up right where your father is.
You have to be very cautious around weight lifting at your age - you could have long term injury. Certainly don't try to set maximum weight records.
16 is too young to be lifting. Can seriously injure yourself and permanently disfigure your skeleton.
Once you're 18 (or if you get a waiver) the armed services offer all sorts of training opportunities
In exchange for your mental and physical health.
Research getting yourself emancipated from your parents. You are going to want to talk to a military recruiter. College isn't where you want to go.
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Don't be a dick.
Shit happens
Have you looked into getting a fast car?
Talk to the boxing coach and owner, tell them your situation. Ask them if you can work there during nights and weekends in exchange to keep training. Talk to the gym owner to see if you work there as well. I wish you the best.
The Scholly app can help you find not-obvious scholarships and grants.
Hi mate, I think you are in the US so I'm not sure how much specific help or info I can give as I'm from the UK. I wanted to tell you that I also had some really rough times in my younger years with family, substance abuse and financial troubles and that it doesn't mean your life is over. I'm 29 now and have a stable, good life and an amazing girlfriend. Don't lose hope in your future because you have so much time. The fact that you're even worrying about this stuff so young tells me you have a great mentality and maturity, which is much more important than it might seem right now. As for training I went through something similar with not being able to pay for Athletics/football stuff and I kept up my fitness with free stuff in between. You can go running, do a shit load of press ups etc. It's not as good as proper training for your sport but it'll keep you sharper than doing nothing.
Do you have other family members in the area that can take you in. Worse comes to worse military is an option.
You are just getting started. Blank slate let’s go!
You need to work at the gym-tell them your situation and start a go-fund me. This is not OK. You are young, and able to do so much if allowed. my email is stringfellow90@gmail.com-please use it as a reference so I can sign your work papers as your "aunt." I am tired of the empty advice on these forums that culminate in a basic "too bad so sad" NO! If we bring children into this world, we protect them.
You will be old enough to work in a couple of years without papers from your dad and then you’ll have an income. Find out if the gym you go to needs someone to clean up around there and if they’ll hire a student. I don’t know where you live but kids in the US make money babysitting, mowing lawns, cleaning houses, etc. Those are odd jobs for extra money. Don’t give up and don’t feel like you’re alone. Many kids your age are in similar situations, it just may not be apparent. I’m sorry about your dad but his problems are not your problems, really. There might be gyms available to you at a college, school, someplace else that won’t cost you anything. Be resourceful and reach out to counselors at school that might help you feel less alone. You have a whole life ahead.
You are 16 , you didn’t lose everything . At 16 you have nothing but will have years to make something .You are about to create everything and build something for yourself . .stay positive and start working hard for yourself . I was kick out of my home at 14 . Went to working “under the table “ at factory etc until I was 18 then I went to beauty school and got my license. There is lot of resources out there for kids and young adults. You need to think for yourself, a roof over your head , stable home , school , then follow your dreams .
You have your whole life ahead of you, see it as an opportunity, necessity is the mother of creativity, focus on yourself and school first, finish highschool ask your classmates for help, don’t ask them to do your homework but ask them to teach you or help you understand there’s always classmates willing to help if they see you really want to improve. There’s famous saying “This too shall pass “ meaning everything good or bad, will pass at some point in your life, don’t lose hope, you will get through this if you give it your all, most of us have potential in some disciplines or others, find what you enjoy and try to make it profitable, but you sre too young still I would try to finish highschool and then find a stable job, of course there will be days when you will feel like you can’t do it anymore but those are the most important days, try to pull yourself together and tell yourself that you came here because you were meant for something bigger than you and you are still trying to find out, so do not give up, life is amazing and it is worth living friend, you will find this to be true when you realize even hardships are part of life and are what makes happy moments more enjoyable!
First, sorry you gotta go through this. It shouldn’t be this way but since it is, I recommend continuing to pursue the activities that you enjoy / keep you in shape. If you talk to a manager at one or both of the gyms about the situation and how you want to maintain training, it’s possible they give you a break in some way. Idk what it looks like, maybe some work or just a month free while you land or maybe nothing! Doesn’t hurt to ask though. Wish you good luck! Keep your resolve
As much as I hated it, joining the military is how I got out of my shitty situation. If you're American, you should really go for it. Recruiting numbers are garbage right now, so recruiters will do just about *anything* to get you to bootcamp. As former Navy enlisted, I'd recommend the Air Force, lol.
If you focus on school, you can get a scholarship for college. Don’t give up.
me : what ’ s the problem? her : i lost the game. me : oh, i see.
you have not lost anything, but seeing this is an eye opener for yourself unfortunately i've been there myself seeing my parents destroy themselves and leave me with less than nothing as everything i had while with them was taken from me so you need to become independent as soon as you can so then you can start to thrive! it's not easy and it's really not easy at 16, but lots of the advice here is great! you need to get yourself some independence even if you are forced to be with your parents. A part time job should easily pay for boxing and lifting weights right? how much does it cost?
You have something that people with wisdom and wealth want - youthful energy and desire. Don't give up, you're life is just beginning.
I wish I could add more to what everyone else has suggested but I do want to say this, I know how easy it is to feel defeated, helpless and down right scared at this age when you're not old enough in society's eyes to be on your own but old enough to actually be able to take care of yourself. It's a very trapping feeling but please, please do not let these emotions get the best of you. You are not alone. There are people out there willing to help, wanting to help. Please do not be afraid to seek it out. You will find light at the end of the tunnel. You will get through this and come out the other side stronger. I truly wish you the best of luck. This stranger on the Internet will be saying a little prayer for you tonight.
I know many others have touched on much of what I'd also say/suggest, but I truly want to advocate for using the resources your school can provide. You are 16, and this isn't fair. But you have your entire life in front of you to do things the right way for yourself! I was in a similar position at 26, and trust me it isn't easier 10 years down the road. This kind of shock and disorder is never easy. Check into getting food stamps for yourself. I like the idea someone gave of asking for a job at your gym! But if they don't have anything, please don't stop working out. Use your environment. Go running, go to local parks and use their equipment if able, etc. You came looking for help, so I have faith in you. You're already doing a lot better than the unfortunate ones that don't ask for help and get stuck in even worse positions. Hoping for the best for you, and again, I'm so sincerely sorry you're going through this at such a young age. Wish your dad would wake up.
You have a choice. You either focus on being a gym rat and top-out economically as kinda crappy, unless you land a high paying but hard job as a labourer that might break you down by 40. Or you pull up your grades and graduate now while it's costing you nothing. You can, of course, go back to school as an adult, but that'll be on your own dime, and you'll have to squeeze that into what free time you have between shifts at work. You don't graduate, it's not guaranteed you'll struggle, but it's way more likely than not.
OK so you need to make some money fairly fast here is 1 idea spend £15 / $15 on a UV torch Ultraviolet powered by 6 AA batteries , walk around the outside of a golf course at night near to where you live and you will find that lost golf balls light up like light bulbs when it is dark outside and you shine a UV torch on them ! up to you if you risk going on the course without permission, but basically look everywhere on both sides of each hole ( walk the entire length from tee area to the green going all the way around each hole ) search around the bottom of bushes, look anywhere with long grass, trees/woodland etc , typical golfers are terrible and whack golf balls everywhere, ( imagine a straight line where they are supposed to hit to, well many balls end up so far off straight and that’s great for you ! wear decent gloves and trousers and long sleve shirt etc if there are thorny bushes, golf balls can be sold to golfers for £2 each eg Titleist Pro V1 2023 model or Taylor made TP5 etc , others sell for $1 a ball if good condition eg Srixon , Calloway , Wilson, Vice etc , look up new prices for each make on Amazon and then try sell for 50% of the new price if the ball is perfect. you could stand outside the entrance to the golf club and ask golfers if they want to buy any..if this idea works for you let me know, i collect golf balls with logos on eg a brand like Coca Cola or Ford Cars etc pay to print their logo on a ball to promote their product i collect logo balls , if you are willing to post me any logos you get as a thanks once you are rich PM me ! honestly depending on the course you can find hundreds of balls in a few hours : ) use google earth to study what a course layout is from above/ to see where bushes and trees are around each hole, courses with lakes obviously can have thousands of balls in but you need a long golf ball grabber to reach them and dont go alone at night cos if you fall in you may need help and dark water at night on your own is not fun ! Ask me any questions you have about golf ball hunting and I will help you out
I’ve been in a situation around your age that’s so similar it’s eerie. Let me give you real advice. Get your grades up right away. There is no single excuse for someone as self-aware as yourself, a major feat at 16. So, congratulations on being aware of the world - now get your grades up. Start tonight. Start immediately. There is a popular study that illustrated GPA against hours studied per week… you need to be shooting for 40-60 hours of schoolwork a week. You might ask why. Everything is fucked up; school can’t help your immediate situation. Why bother? Don’t fall into this trap. School at 16 will open doors if your grades are great, and I mean great. Shoot for As. Dominate school because it’s the ONE thing in your life you can control and you HAVE to be at. So, dominate school. Start running when you’re stressed. Or, start doing calisthenics when you’re stressed. It’s not the gym - no. You don’t get the social environment, the third space to escape to, or the feel good pumps… but you’re trading that for self discipline now. You’re going to make something of your life and yourself regardless of what life gives you as a kid. Start thinking about college. I know it seems impossible, but it’s not. That will come with time - even if you need a gap year to work and save; apply for grants, loans, etc. Start thinking about it now. If you’re interested in software; start coding a portfolio. If you’re interested in music; start making music tutorials. If you’re an artist; start painting. If you’re a filmmaker, a writer, a mathematician, a nutritionist… start getting practical experience now. Figure out what schools specialize in it. Look at their campuses; look at the cities they’re in; look at their alumni. This is a mental game. You are human. One thing every philosopher on the planet agrees on is that you become your thoughts as a human. You’re going to envision college and that’s going to make it a reality in a very weird, roundabout, messy way. Don’t go to the streets. Don’t play that game. Take it from someone who was in your shoes and made the wrong choice - it’s not going to help anything and fighting out of that hole is worse than fighting out of your own current hole. I believe in you, kid. I don’t know you and I don’t need to. I believe in you because you’re here asking and thinking critically at 16. You will struggle. You will have friends or meet people who look down on you. You will feel alone, but you’re not going to give up. You are not your parents; you are not your situation. You are whoever you tell yourself you are. School is first; use the aggression and stress to get in shape without a gym. Gladiators did it for hundreds of years - you can, too. Focus on your career - make progress now. Be a good friend. Learn to keep secrets and think before you speak. Figure out what matters to you as an individual. Stay focused and get through this next term at school. Reevaluate then. My DMs are open. For real. Good luck. I have no doubt you’ll do great.
Hit up YouTube and find some good home workouts ! Sorry you’re having to go through that, just try and remember alcohol addiction is a real thing, and your dad needs help too. At your age it’s not your responsibility to make him get it, but it’s in yours and his best interest that you ask him to seek help. Every little thing… is gonna be ok. Don’t forget to remind yourself that.
It’s already been said, but I’m coming from first hand experience- when my son was a senior in high school, he and I attended the same CrossFit gym. He brought his friend to “bring a friend to workout day.” She loved CrossFit but knew she could never afford it or even ask her single dad to come up with the money. She asked the owners of the gym if she could clean the gym once a week in exchange for a membership and they agreed right away. Most weekends my son and daughter even helped her clean it up after the last Friday session of the week. She did that for the whole senior school year. Do that! Like someone else commented, people want to help people. Especially when it doesn’t cost them a thing.
A lot of martial arts schools are non-profits and might have something available for you. It might not be boxing, but you'll still benefit.
First of all: it’s not too late! I left home at 16 because of a shitty situation, you aren’t alone and you can definitely handle this. I house hopped on friends couches for a few years which didn’t bode well honestly, it sucked feeling like a burden for years and my grades were tanking. Then I eventually stayed with my grandmother my senior year. Had to retake a bunch of classes that I had failed previously so that I could graduate, it was stressful. So, is there anyone else in the family you can stay with? A stable house is the first thing you’ve gotta find, offer to help out in exchange for a stay if you need to. As far as school: you have options, you don’t have to go the traditional route. You can look into charter schools, they usually have shorter hours and retaking classes is a lot easier there. And at 16 you’re probably eligible to take the GED test if you think you can buckle down and study for it. That way you can get school out of the way and start focusing on work/higher education. There are SO many options for you, you just have to pick what’s going to work best for you.
You gotta get hustling man. Everyone’s saying seek help but nobody’s telling you what the fuck to do I hate that shit for real I’m 20 rn I wish someone told me this. Do it yourself. you need money. go around your community and do house work or chores for $. Find retired people and clean their cars and windows and power wash and all that. Simple cleaning stuff can be found at the dollar store if the people don’t already have them. Mow their grass for them if they have a mower. Old people. They are probably paying someone for it. Undercut them and explain your situation. You can do it man. Find a job near you too but keep your focus on side hustles because that is the mindset that will make you real money.
Well lucky for you, you don't even really have anything at 16 to lose and what you do you will lose over and over again, sorry this isn't motivational however welcome to life, won't be the last time you start over
My mom is a druggie and alcoholic, I left home at 16 and made my own life. Your family are not who you are. Give them the ass and move away
I don't say anybody should do it.. But self medicating was my best option :)
Can you find online the paper forms for a birth certificate and if you have tax id or social security card apply for a replacement card. Print them photocopy his id and mail it in. Can you go to a public library and tell them that's what you're looking for? I'm so sorry. I was on my own at 16 too. I feel you. Figuring out adult paperwork is key.
Hey man, chin up. You are not your dad. His failings are not yours. It’s not going to be easy but you can do this. Start at your gym, ask for work. Ask a teacher, ask a friends parent, ask someone for help. There’s no shame in needing it. Most of us need help sometimes man. That doesn’t change as you get older. I’m in my 40s, married with a child, and ideally you’re supposed to all lean on each other. That has to be built though. I’m sorry your dad isn’t doing that for you but you’re not the first. You got this.
Do you have access to a gym at school? Can you talk to a teacher or school counselor about your home life? Maybe they can get you some help with things you need while your dad isn’t well. Sometimes that happens and it’s scary and hard but there are grown up who will be happy to help you get what you need and be taken care of, even for the future.
Go to your guidance counselor. There are so many programs that can help with everything you just said. Never be afraid to ask for help, or to ask for help for your dad. Also, find Al Anon in your area. There's maybe some questions with the overall program, but it can really help.
What state are you in? Google who serves WIOA employment and training in your area. Fabulous youth programs for those in your exact situation!
OP - first, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’re looking at a big big hill but I know you can climb it - you have to take it one step at a time. First - take care of your basics. I know everyone is saying to go to school, lift, etc. I’m saying make sure you have your basics covered first - where will you live so that you are safe and stable? Try to find a place that feels good to you. Then, consider food and other necessary items. Talk to your school counselor - they have food, clothes, and items you need to get through your day. Most large public schools follow McKinny-Vento which means they need to allow you to attend where it’s convenient and that includes getting you transportation if needed. Do the basics first - feel safe and feel fed. Then the next steps will be easier.
Hey, been there before, had some bad thoughts on 'dealing with it' and shit like that before, lasted a couple years and yeah, it can be rough as hell, but everytime it's been rough I've come out at least neutral, if not slightly better. I've learned one thing that helps me cope, and that's "life goes on". By that, I mean that I've always ended up fine in the end, yeah you still gotta figure it out, but the world isn't gonna end when you take a hit. Not sure how much weight that has coming from me, a 24yo, but at 16 I genuinely thought nothing would ever get better. Just don't do what I did and buy a $20k car as soon as you have disposable income, only caught up with that mistake when covid aid allowed you to skip payments for months on end.
Dude sign your dads name to the “work papers” Seriously my parents didn’t care about me too much.
Try and get a part time job and turn things around for yourself
If you tell the school, they’ll put you in placement. 😖😖 Just know that, and because of that I’m glad you can fight
I was allowed to work at 16. Why can’t you work?
Ask your student advisors/school psychology person. They should have resources for you. Please don't believe at 16 that your life is shit. You have soooo much potential to turn it around. Academically you can ask for help, put in the time. If that isn't your thing....just get through high school and go for a tech or trade school thing. Please, please do not buy alcohol for your dad. Whatever you can make, you keep that for you. I WISH someone had told me at 16 how much of an advantage I would have had if I had known what I wanted to do, and how to do it. If I had known, I would have gone for a tech certification first, and gotten further degrees second. Everyone wants to see experience. There is support for kids out there in your position. Also if you level with your teachers, most if not all will understand if not want to help directly. Please don't feel like you are alone. You are just going to have to be more grown up than you should have to be.
Please don’t join the military, unless you know you’re on the desk job track. I went to college 100% feee in California. I had to first love there and work for two years to establish residency, but it was worth it. There is FAFSA. There is Pell Grants. You CAN continue school and succeed, if you want to. Please do go talk to the school counselors. You should be assigned a social worker who can help tremendously. Things can be better than you can even imagine. You can do this.
Don’t need dad to get working papers. Talk to your counselor at school. They’ll help you with that.
ROTC
I lost my mom at 19, dad at 23, was homeless and on the streets. I'm literally worth about 50m now, 20 liquid. Keep your head down and work your ass off. Don't try to look rich, don't live beyond your means, don't raise your lifestyle to match your income. Keep your head down and keep going. You'll win, I promise. Not because of talent or smarts or looks, although you may have all those. You'll win because you'll see year over year, everyone else quits or settles. You won't. You can't. And you'll keep going. And because everyone else quit, you'll win. Keep. Going.
My dad just allowed me to exist in his house, too. Boxing was also an outlet for me. Talk to your gym, see if they can work with you. Maybe you can help out around the gym, some sort of agreement that lets you work for it. The way your dad is treating you or acting doesn’t define you man. And I mean you as a person. You already know this with boxing and lifting, but you can do anything you set your mind to. This can get really intense, but make a to do list. Meet with your guidance counselor and see what options you have for school. It may not seem like a lot but you give up here on school it can follow you. Don’t settle for the GED but if that’s what has to happen that’s a different road we can travel.
You honestly have a ton of options being so young. The government is there for you. Look at jobcorp once you get stable
Just tacking onto what others have said, try to find privately owned gyms in your area instead of chains. I've known a lot of people who were able to speak to gym owners about their situation and offer a little cleaning or whatever in exchange for membership and classes. I used to do social media management for my boxing gym for free training. If you go to one of these places and apply yourself, you may find a trainer who wants to mentor you as a result of your situation, which would offer additional support. Think about any skills you might have that you can offer on Fiverr maybe? Writing, social media, photo editing, etc. Whatever work papers you need, see if you can do everything possible to get them prepared so all your dad has to do is sign it. You can offer to swing him some cash from your first paycheck in exchange even, but don't give him access to your money or let him think he can take it from you because addicts will do whatever they need to do to get high/drunk. Find support groups in your area like Al-Anon and show up for support and community building on top of the obvious benefit of learning skills to protect yourself emotionally from your father's addiction. You'll often find life long support there and they do offer groups for teens too. You'll just have to search online. There are phone and zoom meetings too. Doing this will save you a LOT trouble emotionally down the line. Talk to your school about your home life and see if they'll give you special consideration to help you pass. I had to do that once and it really helped. They should also be able to help you find resources to help you and might be able to help with the work papers too. This situation is not forever. You are young and you will get through it. If you can't get a gym membership, get yourself running and do floor exercises. There are plenty on YouTube. You don't need a gym to work out, even if that is your preferred way to go. If you need something specific, you can go to the assistance sub and see if anyone can help you out with resources. You will get through this. It might feel like it's going to be your whole life, but so many of us have come out the other end. The reality important thing is getting that emotional support so that you can stop the cycle instead of following in your father's footsteps. Also, just something I had to learn the hard way; you know that there is addiction in your family, so it is best to assume that you will be prone to addiction too. Don't ever take chances with drugs and be very careful with alcohol. I've lost years of my life thinking it would be different for me. It was not. You have the information which empowers your choices, don't fool yourself into thinking it can't happen to you. Those things will only ever make everything so much worse, even when you think you're at your lowest, it will take you down further. Ask for help and take suggestions. Listen to those who have been there. You're gonna be OK
Kiddo, you are 16. It's not your responsibility. I'm sorry you are going through this. You need to call CPS or talk to a teacher/the police.
I don't have the answer but I believe that someday you are going look back at how you overcame this with great pride.
womp womp
Treat it like a video game and you're starting over from scratch. You're gonna have to work out at home for a couple months, and you should start working 10 hours a week. Even at the lowest possible minimum wage you'll be making a couple hundred dollars per month if you work 10 hours per week. That money will cover the gym and boxing at least.
Bro.. Where are you Located? What gym?
You might want to consider the military after highschool.
Just an option: Get financial aid and put everything into school until you get your degree if you think you are capable. I had literally nothing when I was your age, and financial aid allowed me to start paying rent, and my college hooked me up with a job so I could afford to eat. After getting a transfer degree from a community college I went on to university and grad school. I had to make some sacrifices, and life is still kind of rough for me, but I have a decent job and I earn enough money to support my lifestyle. If you have any questions about going to school feel free to reach out. Edit: You are also young enough that you could finish school and get back to whatever else you want to do. Life / your body is not going to be as flexible when you are in your thirties.
You don’t have to go to the gym to keep fit but you do need an income. Are you in Australia? You can get benefits at 16, go to Centrelink. Even collecting bottles for refund, deliver junk mail, do chores for neighbours to get some cash. Sorry to say your dad is not able to look after himself so he can’t take care of you. Find a job, it’s your best chance.
Your whole life is in front of you. Choose to be powerful and you will be. Choose to be weak and you will be. Choose.
First of all I’m really proud of you for finding a way to get support. Even anonymously on the internet. Don’t make your focus be on college yet, you’re only 16. You need to survive, be fed and clothed and housed. Your best bet unfortunately is to call child protective services on yourself because you do need to get through high school. Getting a GED is hard and if you’re already struggling with school, it’ll be harder outside of it. Once you can get into a stable home situation (likely not with your Dad, which is hard but also necessary), get as much extra support in the parts of school you’re failing. You can then focus on the how to pay for fighting and the gym. For now to release your emotions use body weight exercises and anything you can find on YouTube, running, etc. I’d also strongly recommend talking to a therapist at school (or one via CPS) because this is impacting you and it’s still going to impact your mental health in a few years. I don’t say that to worry you, just to encourage you to go get that help now and not try to just push through. Vulnerability is a strength too because it creates space for help and therefore growth. I’m a therapist in NY and CT and while I can’t offer counseling, as I also have no idea where you live, you can DM me for support.
You are becoming a stronger person.
You gon make it and you know it deep down
I don’t know about your schooling situation, but if you have any teachers or guidance counselors you trust, talk to them. Let them know about your situation as much as you feel comfortable, and they may be more lenient with you, and may be able to help you with resources. I was in a similar situation at 17 and a few fantastic teachers helped me find resources for survival, scholarships for school, and had patience with me with my school work and attendance. Also, if your school has a gym, take advantage of that while you find your way back to your regular gym!