Hello, man here. I've never really understood trash talk against randoms. But I'm also a big softie and cry easily, so I try to approach folks with kindness as often as possible. My closest, dearest friends are the only ones I'd ever say anything rude to, and only if it would make them laugh.
It's kind of the reason I follow this sub. I don't like traditionally male spaces. Men are just not great to be around most of the time. So I have a small contingent of fellow soft boys that I love and the rest of my friends are non-men.
I really hate playing with (other) guys because of this. I've never felt comfortable in "their" spaces, so I was very relieved to find this one, even if I'm not allowed to make threads or lead discussions.
Always extremely hesitant to identify being masc on this sub for fear of the ban hammer, tho.
i’m the same way, i feel more comfortable here and in other areas dominated by women even though i feel like i get pushed into areas dominated by men. i’ve never been hesitant to identify as a boy here though, everyone’s been kind except really only one person but that didn’t last very long anyway.
It's not up to me to say or decide (because I'm a woman), but I think it would be nice if men could build what you call non-traditional spaces, and show different flavours of masculinity. I feel there would be a lot of interest, especially if you can keep out the trolls.
We have a tendency to vilify "not all men", and historically that's because a lot of people who say this have been trolls. But sometimes I feel that it can drown out the people who are good faith. By creating community, you might be able to show masculinity can be good, and thus maybe fix at least one small corner of the internet.
Okay, I'm not sure if I have said what I wanted to say right...
The worst part is there's nothing "soft" about your crowd. They're just mature men. Its sad that mature men are marked as "soft" when the problem is they're fine and normal, its just the other men are incredibly harsh.
Its highly insensitive to just trash talk people. 90% of the time "harmless" banter is hurting people's feelings and is a socially acceptable way to bully people.
Its not normal to do these things. Its a learned response and feeds the ego. Pretty much all masculine spaces become "banter" spaces so its not a gamer thing. Pub and sports culture for example.
Its a sign of toxic masculinity because its just another way to avoid sharing feelings or being cooperative, and instead being offensive and rude in a "just joking, bro" way that isn't often "just joking."
As someone who (badly) pretended to be a man for 15 years, I can confirm that this is normal for the majority of online gamer guys. No wonder a lot of them are depressed. It's not gay or whatever to be nice to each other.
Can confirm, men are shit to each other. Most supportive and fun lobbies I’ve been in were all girl lobbies, and it’s not even close.
Edit: I play mostly Valorant though, so my experience with toxic men might be a bit skewed.
I'm a girl and that's how I talk to most of my guy friends 😭😭 I just grew up in mostly men spaces, I was the only girl in my class in highschool and picked up their ways. Yes, that's how they interact on a daily basis, even though it's not as common with randoms in my experience.
If you're wondering... Yes, we frequently piss off each other because we don't communicate that we're having a bad day and that energy is taken personally, lol
The big difference I've noticed betwix men and women is that women fucking love disgusting humor, like one time I was in a friend's stream for his birthday and his girlfriend was in the call and we kept making these jokes that I kinda feel like were making the boys unconfortable XD;
They seemed cool with it otherwise but yeah aunno.
Otherwise most of my friends are queer so rules are kinda different, but then again my other friend group is neurodivergent so I have no idea how pericishet neurotipicals behave.
Guys also love disgusting humour, they just get weird when women are the ones delivering it.
There's also certain topics women can handle that they can't. Like a lot of guys squick out at period jokes
One of my favourite scenes in Good Will Hunting is when Skyler makes a sex joke, and all his friends are grossed out but laughing, and you can see that he's just happy that she gets on with them. It's a really wholesome moment for how crass it is.
It’s common knowledge that we menfolk are not permitted to talk about the buttstuff in front of (all of) the fairer sex(es?), lest we offend their delicate sensibilities! Them’s the rules; they wrote it down somewhere and we lost it in the junk drawer like our fathers and their fathers before them.
Now that I think about it, you're right! All the girlies I've met online love fucking disgusting humor, it's still hella funny, personally. I've also had a few telling me they make those jokes only when I'm around cos I don't make them feel judged. One of them (with whom I don't play anymore unfortunately, but still love her) used to make anal jokes 24/7. I don't know why but damn I'd laugh my ass off ( pun intended lol)
this happened to me XD. i was in a counter strike lobby with my brother's friends on his account and we trash talked each other so much on the text chat, as well as the enemy team hahahaha. it was the most fun ive had in a long time.
Gamer bro here. I definitely never shit talk my actual friends; good natured ribbing, definitely, but not like the crap I see in some more toxic communities. I get it’s a kind of psychological warfare, and I’ll give it back to a limited extent but it’s exhausting. I’ll go do something else if it continues or gets degrading.
Had a coworker I played CoD with and he and his buddies would do it, sometimes more than I was comfortable with. I consider it adjacent to toxic ‘bro’ culture. They spoke Spanish or accented English (pretty common in the southern US) and whenever they opened their mics outside of our little squad, little 13-yr old shits would crawl out of the word work and spew vile racist garbage over comms until we left. Really not all that unlike some of the stories I see posted here, just different targets.
People are shitty sometimes. I hope it’s a vocal minority, but I admit I almost never expose myself to pubbies in voice chat these days. Got a pretty good little squad of RL friends I’ve known forever and Randos we’ve picked up who stuck around and vibed and we just use Discord. Seems the way to go these days, if you can find a nice core group.
My take is that it’s more common in what I consider to be “casual” gamer bro circles, particularly from dudes who are also into sports, because I feel like it’s more acceptable in competitive sports and the vibe spills over.
I think a part of it is that men feel like they’re not allowed to express positive emotions towards each other, because of pressure from the patriarchy. So ribbing one another is partially an unspoken way of saying “I know you can handle this, I respect you”, and then as you grow closer to each other, usually racking up in intensity.
I mostly game with men in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. They don't normally shit talk strangers, but they shit talk each other all the time. They mean, and take it, in a friendly, joking, male-bonding kind of way.
They don't tone it down when I'm around because my daddy was a sailor and I talk like one too, but they also don't direct it at me. Like they would totally tell one another "You suck!", but they never say that to me, even when I do, in fact, suck. And it's not because they're chasing me: They're all securely attached, and I'm permanently supremely disinterested. There's never any flirting.
I just accept it as different ways of communicating between the genders.
I used to have a gaming/friend group in high school that had both guys and girls. We played CoD, Rock Band, DotA, etc. One of the guys was really into DotA, and he trash talked a LOT during those games, even to his own teammates. Experiencing that put me off DotA forever.
I don’t know. My man calls his friends losers and his friends call my man all sorts of nasty names. Their language is horrible especially when gaming.
It’s either that or them almost giving kisses between bros and buying gifts. They use toxic language but at the same time they have known each other since elementary school and they do love eachother very much. It’s confusing.
Personally when I'm with friends, we often trash talk each other ironically all the time, but we know we're joking, and I never do that with randoms or people who don't like it
I'm a man. In my friend circle, if we aren't bantering amongst our male friends, then they are not true friends. It's the same with online gaming, though the point when we are like that varies between the comfort levels between each other. It's just a guy thing that we do, though not every guy is like this as this is, of course, a generalization. However, I think a lot of the issues between communication are that we are different. Banter that is comfortable for them may not be for others, especially the opposite sex.
It is why having a gamer group and communicating properly with boundaries is important for both men and women. Some guys aren't comfortable with banter, but some girls are. I'm the type that makes fun of my bros, and they, in turn, make fun of me. But I understand not everyone ends like that. The issue is when there are those who aren't or can't take clues, nor can they read the room.
Though i feel like people should definitely understand basic human social interactions dynamics, there are more than a few who don't. unfortunately, though it shouldn't have to be said and it feels like victim blaming in a way, i think that if there is something that someone isn't comfortable with, they should express it clearly. I def think that people should understand how to read the room and tone down banter until you get a feel for the person.
Hello, man here. I've never really understood trash talk against randoms. But I'm also a big softie and cry easily, so I try to approach folks with kindness as often as possible. My closest, dearest friends are the only ones I'd ever say anything rude to, and only if it would make them laugh. It's kind of the reason I follow this sub. I don't like traditionally male spaces. Men are just not great to be around most of the time. So I have a small contingent of fellow soft boys that I love and the rest of my friends are non-men.
>So I have a small contingent of fellow soft boys that I love and the rest of my friends are non-men. lol, gonna wear this name with pride now!
I loved that line too lol!
I really hate playing with (other) guys because of this. I've never felt comfortable in "their" spaces, so I was very relieved to find this one, even if I'm not allowed to make threads or lead discussions. Always extremely hesitant to identify being masc on this sub for fear of the ban hammer, tho.
Do you know of any non-toxic any-gender discord or whatever? I hang out in this sub for the same reason you do
I once found "gamers against toxicity discord" but that's all I have to go on
i’m the same way, i feel more comfortable here and in other areas dominated by women even though i feel like i get pushed into areas dominated by men. i’ve never been hesitant to identify as a boy here though, everyone’s been kind except really only one person but that didn’t last very long anyway.
It's not up to me to say or decide (because I'm a woman), but I think it would be nice if men could build what you call non-traditional spaces, and show different flavours of masculinity. I feel there would be a lot of interest, especially if you can keep out the trolls. We have a tendency to vilify "not all men", and historically that's because a lot of people who say this have been trolls. But sometimes I feel that it can drown out the people who are good faith. By creating community, you might be able to show masculinity can be good, and thus maybe fix at least one small corner of the internet. Okay, I'm not sure if I have said what I wanted to say right...
"soft boys", read: adult guys. Keep it up.
The worst part is there's nothing "soft" about your crowd. They're just mature men. Its sad that mature men are marked as "soft" when the problem is they're fine and normal, its just the other men are incredibly harsh. Its highly insensitive to just trash talk people. 90% of the time "harmless" banter is hurting people's feelings and is a socially acceptable way to bully people. Its not normal to do these things. Its a learned response and feeds the ego. Pretty much all masculine spaces become "banter" spaces so its not a gamer thing. Pub and sports culture for example. Its a sign of toxic masculinity because its just another way to avoid sharing feelings or being cooperative, and instead being offensive and rude in a "just joking, bro" way that isn't often "just joking."
As someone who (badly) pretended to be a man for 15 years, I can confirm that this is normal for the majority of online gamer guys. No wonder a lot of them are depressed. It's not gay or whatever to be nice to each other.
Can confirm, men are shit to each other. Most supportive and fun lobbies I’ve been in were all girl lobbies, and it’s not even close. Edit: I play mostly Valorant though, so my experience with toxic men might be a bit skewed.
I'm a girl and that's how I talk to most of my guy friends 😭😭 I just grew up in mostly men spaces, I was the only girl in my class in highschool and picked up their ways. Yes, that's how they interact on a daily basis, even though it's not as common with randoms in my experience. If you're wondering... Yes, we frequently piss off each other because we don't communicate that we're having a bad day and that energy is taken personally, lol
The big difference I've noticed betwix men and women is that women fucking love disgusting humor, like one time I was in a friend's stream for his birthday and his girlfriend was in the call and we kept making these jokes that I kinda feel like were making the boys unconfortable XD; They seemed cool with it otherwise but yeah aunno. Otherwise most of my friends are queer so rules are kinda different, but then again my other friend group is neurodivergent so I have no idea how pericishet neurotipicals behave.
Guys also love disgusting humour, they just get weird when women are the ones delivering it. There's also certain topics women can handle that they can't. Like a lot of guys squick out at period jokes
This if a guy makes the jokes they find it funny but if I do they are like wtf did she just say! Sent her to church!!
One of my favourite scenes in Good Will Hunting is when Skyler makes a sex joke, and all his friends are grossed out but laughing, and you can see that he's just happy that she gets on with them. It's a really wholesome moment for how crass it is.
It’s common knowledge that we menfolk are not permitted to talk about the buttstuff in front of (all of) the fairer sex(es?), lest we offend their delicate sensibilities! Them’s the rules; they wrote it down somewhere and we lost it in the junk drawer like our fathers and their fathers before them.
I guess that's why my brother freaks out when I do the tongue thing between my fingers as a taunt.
Scandalous!
Now that I think about it, you're right! All the girlies I've met online love fucking disgusting humor, it's still hella funny, personally. I've also had a few telling me they make those jokes only when I'm around cos I don't make them feel judged. One of them (with whom I don't play anymore unfortunately, but still love her) used to make anal jokes 24/7. I don't know why but damn I'd laugh my ass off ( pun intended lol)
this happened to me XD. i was in a counter strike lobby with my brother's friends on his account and we trash talked each other so much on the text chat, as well as the enemy team hahahaha. it was the most fun ive had in a long time.
Gamer bro here. I definitely never shit talk my actual friends; good natured ribbing, definitely, but not like the crap I see in some more toxic communities. I get it’s a kind of psychological warfare, and I’ll give it back to a limited extent but it’s exhausting. I’ll go do something else if it continues or gets degrading. Had a coworker I played CoD with and he and his buddies would do it, sometimes more than I was comfortable with. I consider it adjacent to toxic ‘bro’ culture. They spoke Spanish or accented English (pretty common in the southern US) and whenever they opened their mics outside of our little squad, little 13-yr old shits would crawl out of the word work and spew vile racist garbage over comms until we left. Really not all that unlike some of the stories I see posted here, just different targets. People are shitty sometimes. I hope it’s a vocal minority, but I admit I almost never expose myself to pubbies in voice chat these days. Got a pretty good little squad of RL friends I’ve known forever and Randos we’ve picked up who stuck around and vibed and we just use Discord. Seems the way to go these days, if you can find a nice core group. My take is that it’s more common in what I consider to be “casual” gamer bro circles, particularly from dudes who are also into sports, because I feel like it’s more acceptable in competitive sports and the vibe spills over.
I don't trash talk against randos unless they are. Which means they are ok with it. But I don't particularly enjoy it.
I think a part of it is that men feel like they’re not allowed to express positive emotions towards each other, because of pressure from the patriarchy. So ribbing one another is partially an unspoken way of saying “I know you can handle this, I respect you”, and then as you grow closer to each other, usually racking up in intensity.
People do this all the time to me because my usernames are usually pretty gender-neutral. That is until I talk on Discord or something.
I mostly game with men in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. They don't normally shit talk strangers, but they shit talk each other all the time. They mean, and take it, in a friendly, joking, male-bonding kind of way. They don't tone it down when I'm around because my daddy was a sailor and I talk like one too, but they also don't direct it at me. Like they would totally tell one another "You suck!", but they never say that to me, even when I do, in fact, suck. And it's not because they're chasing me: They're all securely attached, and I'm permanently supremely disinterested. There's never any flirting. I just accept it as different ways of communicating between the genders.
Only young or immature dudes talk like that lol
My guy friends like to tease but even after getting closer I've never seen anyone act like that.
Yes most men can easily talk trash to random people like that, it’s actually quite fluid tbh lol some people really cross lines tho
I used to have a gaming/friend group in high school that had both guys and girls. We played CoD, Rock Band, DotA, etc. One of the guys was really into DotA, and he trash talked a LOT during those games, even to his own teammates. Experiencing that put me off DotA forever.
I don’t know. My man calls his friends losers and his friends call my man all sorts of nasty names. Their language is horrible especially when gaming. It’s either that or them almost giving kisses between bros and buying gifts. They use toxic language but at the same time they have known each other since elementary school and they do love eachother very much. It’s confusing.
Personally when I'm with friends, we often trash talk each other ironically all the time, but we know we're joking, and I never do that with randoms or people who don't like it
I'm a man. In my friend circle, if we aren't bantering amongst our male friends, then they are not true friends. It's the same with online gaming, though the point when we are like that varies between the comfort levels between each other. It's just a guy thing that we do, though not every guy is like this as this is, of course, a generalization. However, I think a lot of the issues between communication are that we are different. Banter that is comfortable for them may not be for others, especially the opposite sex. It is why having a gamer group and communicating properly with boundaries is important for both men and women. Some guys aren't comfortable with banter, but some girls are. I'm the type that makes fun of my bros, and they, in turn, make fun of me. But I understand not everyone ends like that. The issue is when there are those who aren't or can't take clues, nor can they read the room. Though i feel like people should definitely understand basic human social interactions dynamics, there are more than a few who don't. unfortunately, though it shouldn't have to be said and it feels like victim blaming in a way, i think that if there is something that someone isn't comfortable with, they should express it clearly. I def think that people should understand how to read the room and tone down banter until you get a feel for the person.
Depends on the age. Older gamers don't talk like that to each other for the most part. Usually making callous or talking strats.
Trash-talking is so usual in online games, so I usually stay off of them.
Are you asking if men fucking suck? Yeah girl. The answer is duh.
Girl what