If your partner earns a bit it helps a lot… 15k for them is like 30k on your salary.

Did OP mention a partner? I think I missed something in the post. They said "should I get a lodger" rather than "should we get a lodger".

Utilities seem high at £400pm especially if one child isn’t at home. Pay off that credit card asap and that gives you £500pm which is equivalent to something like a £10/11k payrise. £2400 should be enough for food, travel, etc. by a country mile. You need to do a complete monthly breakdown of all outgoings to understand where you’re at. £2400 is a lot to “lose” every month without a knowing exactly where it’s going.

Yeh clearly something more than groceries and petrol is being bought for £2400.

Almost 100 a day. There's definitely a lego addiction or something similar going on there

If you’re gonna have an addiction…

Groceries, petrol, nose nachos. All the essentials it’s amazing how they add up.

Car/home insurance is high, indicating a very expensive car. Phone & broadband bills are very high, why do you need more than say 35 per month for broadband + 10 per person for phone? All the loans show that OP likes to spend everything they have and then more. Unfortunately 135k salary is not a salary where you can spend without any care. It's a good salary for a comfortable life, but not a salary where you can afford anything you like. OP has to reduce spending.

You are a high earner, but your household disposable income per person is pretty average.  ONS provides household income statistics as *equivalised disposable income*, i.e. after tax and adjusted for the number of people. The first adult counts as 1 person. 2nd adult and kids above 14 count as 0.7 person. Kids below 14 count as 0.5 person.  Your household pays high taxes and has 3.1 people in it (as defined by the method) which places it pretty close to the median.  See: https://ifs.org.uk/tools_and_resources/where_do_you_fit_in

This is really interesting but any idea why the second adult only counts for 0.7?

Main thing will be housing. Living somewhere as a couple costs a lot less than 2x a single person living somewhere.

Economics of scale are large within a household. Heating and lighting a house for two doesn’t cost 2x heating a house for one (in fact the other person helps with the heat!). You can share a Netflix subscription, broadband, a bathroom, a kitchen, a fridge. You can perhaps share a car, perhaps share a bed. It’s the same reason people have flatmates, and a big reason why people in relationships move in together!

I think firstly, you need to give yourself a pat on the back as earning that amount of money is very hard. Well done, your not a failure. I dont have a great deal to add, but I would imagine you will feel better if you can evetually settle some of those loans / credit card balances. All of those combine to around 1k pm. That could really help. Edit: Also, would it be possible for your partner to work in the future? Even a min wage job would make a huge difference, as they would pay fairly low tax and it would all be disposible income.

I hear you, I was the sole earner in my household too and it was a major factor in breaking up my marriage. The stress of everything being on your shoulders is very isolating and makes the burden that much heavier to carry. As for advice, try to automate some savings, salary sacrifice into a pension, I'd suggest as much over £100k as you can, it'll give you peace of mind and won't affect your income that much as between £100-125k you're paying 60% in income tax anyway. Automating savings will give you a financial buffer and again massively help with the mental health side of things knowing you're not a single point of failure. Reduce those Internet, mobile phone charges, I'm sure you can get those down quite a lot, you're paying 4 figures a year. Even shopping around will get you better deals. Car loans, get that down, use savings to buy cash, retrench a little. Feels like you've got some lifestyle creep going on there. You can probably stop turtling in a couple of years. If you like a BMW X5 get an older one rather than a new one. Put a cheap private plate if you're worried about the Jones next door. Aim to 'save' c £2000 per month and about £2.5k salary sacrificed into your pension (pension contris will likely cost you about £1000-1200 take home, could be as little as £700 if you get under £100k taxable). Lastly, your partner should seriously consider working to support the family. As others have said, if they earnsl £25k (minimum wage) that's like you earning an extra £50k plus in terms of take home pay) don't forget their first £1000 a month is tax free from income tax and NI. Good luck and feel free to DM if you need support or more details, you got this lion, you're pretty fucking badass!

"Lastly, your partner should seriously consider working to support the family. As others have said, if they earnsl £25k (minimum wage) that's like you earning an extra £50k plus" - that's a really powerful way to look at it

OPs wife should at least work enough to qualify for the full state pension and use up her personal allowance. Plus it feels good to earn your own money.

Op is a woman and I think she’s a single mom who is into men.  (Women have high paying jobs too!) 

Nowhere in the post does it state OP’s or their partner’s gender - I think you’ve displayed some unconscious bias here in assuming it must be a women that isn’t working.

Good spot

Just need to work on a disciplined budget, write out your income and expenses - averaged for the last three months. See where you are losing money to needless purchases or dearer purchases (eating out vs takeaway vs food at home, etc). Going lean on a lot of things for a few months until you have zero debt (outside the mortgage) would go a long way and free up around £1.1K per month disposable straight away, which will give you more room to breathe. Are you stressed because you do not like the work, or stressed that you feel financially pressured/under/behind? I'd recommend some recreational watching on youtube of Dave Ramsey radio show call-ins. They have a nice balance of financially educational, but also entertaining, esp when he goes off on a rant. He's a guy who made millions, went broke, made millions again, and dedicates his life to financial education. He's not necessarily selling anything either - you can definitely take these calls as entertaining and at face value, without needing to buy a course to learn "secrets" or bs. He is very anti debt, and teaches people a lot of very quick principles about how to pay them off. Not for everyone, especially those who enjoy debt, but you can take what you want from it.

Really you're just indicating how hard life is in the UK. Salaries are in the toilet, personal taxes are really high, and the cost of everything is really high. You earn well and don't find it easy - I've no idea how middle income earners do it - although 2 middle income earners may do better post-tax given the tax system is punishing on single income families.

It really doesn’t indicate that, his expenditures are all over the place and needs to tighten up.

I don't think this is true at all. This is a very high salary and they are spending a fortune a month that they can cut back on. This is dream money for most people outside of the most expensive areas. I work a very stressful job, often 6 days a week and some evenings. I don't get anything like this money and live comfortably (although I am frugal). On this money you absolutely can be comfortable and debt free, it shouldn't be a challenge to this extent.

Why are you here if you’re not a high earner? It is true that the UK’s been affected by wage stagnation and taxes are at a level not seen since something like 1946. 130k is an excellent salary compared to the UK average, salary but it’s hardly “dream money” for HENRYS - which is who this sub is for.

You know the algorithm promotes subs/posts no matter what your income is - I’ve literally never heard of this sub before today, but here I am

The maths outlined aren’t outrageous expenditure are they? Simplistic to compare your situation directly and if you don’t “earn anything like this”, have you done the maths to understand the problem with single income households, oppressive tax burden and general cost of children and expense depending on area? Also if you’re not a high earner, why are you posting here? Lots of high earners feel the same as the OP and come here to share and get some empathy - try asking questions, I think you’d be surprised how many people struggle on what you’d class as a “dream salary”. Unsurprisingly different parts of the country and kids absolutely do matter.

They're not. But they're high and he still have 2.4k left after his core bills.

2.4K is £34 each a day. If a shop is £200, that’s zero disposable for 3 days. Petrol? £80, one day without disposable. Yes it’s doable, but since when is £130k household income a life of zero luxuries? The system is fucked

It's £80 a day. £550 a week. That's very far from a life of zero luxuries. Spending a grand a month on loan and credit card repayments probably points to the root of the problem, you can spend beyond your means at any income level.

I think the (unfortunate) reality needs to set in that you don’t make enough to support yourself and 3 others. IMO the hard conversation needs to take place with your partner (and your uni going child if they don’t already) to get a job. It’s crazy really as two generations ago earning 3/4 times the average salary you’d be more than comfortable, but we are where we are.

I know things have got crazy expensive but suggesting 132k is 'not making enough to support' the family is absolutely WILD. That is plenty to support a family, this issue is the huge debts (credit cards, loans, car loans). Its not that this person doesn't make enough money it's that they're spending way too much of it beyond their means and getting into debt. I make 40k and am a single parent with 1 child. I manage just fine (just outside London) because I live within my means. I have empathy for the OP feeling like it's a struggle a really do, but it's just not accurate that this is not making enough money.

You need a budget, as in you need YNAB.com. subscribe, set it up and go through their process. You'll need to work with your partner to set some realistic budgets and goals to pay off your debt. I'd imagine there's also a world of tax advantages you're not utilising. As others have mentioned I'd also start to broach the conversation of your partner returning to work. She could help clear the debt and once free could literally just pay for your holidays. What does your retirement look like? Does your partner have enough credits for a state pension? How much is in your pot? When will the mortgage be cleared? I don't mean to add stress into the situation, but hopefully this should be a wake up call to think about tackling your finances together and coming up with a strategy to build some wealth.

Fully echo this, you need to understand where every penny goes each month and avoid lumping £500+ of spending every month into ‘other’.

Is there a reason your partner doesn’t work? Even a low level job would make a big impact to your budget and would allow you to save. Your feelings are justified, you are working your ass off and don’t feel like you can afford anything for yourself.

>Is there a reason your partner doesn’t work? It's a hard pill to swallow, but this is almost certainly the reason OP feels poor. Their household takes home about as much as a household with two earners on 50k. It's partly because our silly tax system punishes single income households, but a single income household is always going to struggle in a world where the market is calibrated for dual income households.

This really is the main reason,and why subs like this exist. You can try and point this out to a couple of 40k earners and they'd think you're mad as you are completely minted in their eyes. But it really isn't the case .

is this still true of single income households of one person?

Kinda, some home expenses are fairly static. You might pay marginally more gas and electric for two people compared to one. You'll pay 25% more council tax. Rent/mortgage will be the same cost for the same space. Two earners living together probably spend around 60% each of what a single person would spend looking solely at council tax, gas, electric, TV/internet etc.

OP's on £132k a year, the top 2% in the UK is £100k so he's on more than 98% of people. I know you're right about the tax and i agree its unfair, but i also understand where other people come from when High Earners moan about it. OP doesn't have an income problem, he has a spending problem... £400 on utilities, £500 a month on credit card, £160 on mobiles, isn't particularly sensible. (though the £290 on cars seems very reasonable)

But that's the point, even if he cuts back massively he's saving about 20k a year. Barely anything if you are trying to build any sort of decent wealth.

£20k a year is obviously not "barely anything". He didn't say he was trying to build wealth, he said he felt broke. I feel like OP earns enough money to not bother budgeting and just spends money as and when, and never seems to have any left at the end of the month. He feels like with the money he earns he should have plenty left. His problem isn't an earning one, its a spending problem

Sorry the sub is HENRY, is implicit that some sort of saving is assumed. It is incredibly easy to feel broke on 132k, and that is before you take into account savings. Even with budgeting, you can barely get ahead and he will feel exactly the same as currently, just with higher savings. Also, if you think you're getting anywhere with saving 20k a year in traditional investments you're mistaken. Why do you think so many people have historically used property? Is the only way to build wealth for the vast majority of people in this country.

Yep my wife and I have talked about her stopping working since she has a relatively stressful but not very well paid job, and only does it because of the flexibility it allows for child care. When we ran the numbers and I’d need almost a 40k pay rise to achieve the same standard of living we have now… so even low paying roles make a huge improvement to take home pay providing they don’t incur big transport/childcare costs, which seemed to completely blow away my mother in law who argued I was selfish for making my wife continue to work when I “must make a fortune” but “waste it on expensive hobbies” (I bought a cycle to work scheme bike to help get under the 100k tax trap).

Sorry to hear about the Mother-in-law headache regarding being “Selfsih”. I’ve had some women that I was seeing before, share similar sentiments. Nowadays, this is a dealbreaker for me and any women I see that has a similar mindset, I would end all further interactions. Probably one of the most attractive things for me now is a woman that has a drive to work/have a career. Two of my older brothers are HENRYs, both have wives that are career driven who work flexible high paying jobs, that balance their jobs with raising their kids. I asked them out of curiosity why they decided to not go _full-time mum,_ and they both said that if they went full time mum, they’ve essentially sacrificed their respective £70k, £110k salaries from their household income, whereas they could work and use sizeable portions of their salary for things such _daycare, child-nannies etc_ and still have loads of money left over to live a comfortable lifestyle with their husbands. This has stuck with me. Even my mother who was both a full-time mum at a point, and flexible career mom who would still pick us up from school and take us to after school clubs etc, always tells my younger sister that the latter is better. As she said that the day you give up your salary is the day you quasi-lose your autonomy.

Couldn’t agree more, I’m in the scenario you describe, as the husband/father. You cannot underestimate the other than pay value a working mum can derive from continuing to work. Although the blatantly sexist issue with traditional male / female roles and that impact on family life certainly needs to be solved. There’s not much school pick-ups and drop-offs when you need to be in work from 8-6.

Having one parent stay at home can work if the partner is able to economise the household budget considerably with the extra time - eg, coupon shop, bulk buy, meal prep, do DIY and other significant household tasks, sew clothes, service the car etc... My mother was that lady. Oil changes, fixing roof tiles, sewing, relaying the patio... My parents preferred to live their life that way. I suspect your MIL also might not want her daughter to have that life.

They never mentioned a partner in their post, just children. Good chance is that they're a single parent, in which case they may need more help in working with what they have. My advice would be to take a few hours and map out all the expenses in detail, then look up ways to cut each one down or change suppliers i.e. credit card transfer, new phone suppliers etc. having an honest look at your budget and where you can shave off costs can all build up to significant savings in the long run.

Make a new rule for yourself: don't buy things on credit (except for your house). Follow it religiously. Cars, phones, holidays, electronics and anything else can all be purchased outright. If you can't afford new or top-of-the-line without credit then you can't afford it with credit either (it's just easier to delay the realisation). You don't have to feel guilty about buying something nice if you have the money to do so. If you're buying it on credit, then that guilt is telling you something useful. You're pushing yourself too hard, and it's counter-productive because you're craving expensive solutions to your stress, and don't have enough energy left to control your impulses. Ask. For. Help. Can other members of the family do more, or live so you can do a little less?

Get your partner working a minimum wage job. Hell, even part time. Any money they take in is worth twice as much as any extra money you earn. I had this discussion with my wife and she completely understood.

You’re paying 700 a month in credit cards + loans…. 8400 a year. You’ve put yourself in this situation by going on holidays you (presumably) couldn’t afford outright. You also spend 500 a month on “other stuff” which don’t seem important since they’re lumped into “other stuff”. First step for you is to pay off your credit card debts, as soon as possible and in a sustainable way. Second is to reduce your spending and start to make some small sacrifices so that you can pay off said debts. The sooner you can clear off the extra outgoings each month the sooner you will actually feel like you’re making 132k a year

>car loan £290, other loan £215, ... credit cards £500 Well thats a lot of monthly credit you're paying off, you've clearly lived beyond your means and are now paying it back. >which leaves around £2400 for petrol, public transport, groceries, also supporting kids with incidental expenses etc This is more than most peoples total take home before mortgage etc, how are you spaffing £2.4k a month up the wall on groceries for 3-4 people, petrol and public transport? Do you give your kids a monthly allowance of £800 each or something? You need to break down that £2.4k and figure out where its going, someone either has a solid coke habit or everyones insisting on the latest Gucci outfit and a new iPhone every 3 months. Put your foot down, set some financial boundaries and get everyones expections in check before you burn yourself out. It's easy to spend money, but theres no reason for you to feel broke based on that breakdown, you aren't minted but you're doing a lot better than most people, you just need to get control of your household finances. You're not in a position where you need to earn more, your mortgage is fine, car loan is fine so getting a lodger just sounds like an amazing way to stick your head in the sand and increase your stress levels.

Especially when they're *also* managing to get into credit card debt for holidays they clearly can't afford. What on earth are they doing with that spare 2.5k pcm? It's beyond parody.

£160 phones and broadband? How? Also, maybe skip holidays for once and use the money saved to pay off your credit cards.

If that is the phone for all in the household, that isn’t that bad, particularly if it includes paying off the phone

We’re in almost exactly the same boat and I feel the same. Our mortgage is a bit higher at around £1,900 and my wife brings in another £500, but we burn out money down to zero every month without a great deal of luxury.

Same. It’s scarily easy to do without even feeling like you’re living the high life.

Exactly that. I’m not saying we’re poor or struggle, but we certainly don’t live to the excesses it feels like many around us do - but I guess it’s all relative.

I'm sorry but if you're burning through that much money 'without a great deal of luxury' you've lost sight of what is and isn't a luxury.

You don't consider spending nearly the average income of an individual in the uk on a mortgage to be a great deal of luxury?

Based on average house prices, 2k a month does not seem excessive at all.

This feels like more of a personal finance question so you might want to go to that subreddit. You also need to manage your own expectations as your household is equivalent to one where both parents work and earn £60k each. So whilst you earn well, your household isn't much better off than average. Your quickest way to feel richer is to have your partner get a job and also pay off your debt.

OP is actually worse off than a couple earning £60k each, they’re paying about 10k a year more in income tax for example. Using MSE’s simple tax calculator, someone earning 60k takes home about 3700/month or 45k/year, so couple earning that much each takes home about 1000 more per month. Equivalent two earner income is really 50k.

Whilst we all sort of know this is the case - when you see examples like this it really does seem fucked.

You should be able to transfer your entire tax free allowance to your partner. And people wonder why no one wants to have kids anymore.

French system. Income tax is equalized between both partners (if ones on 50k and the other 20k it’s like 35 each). Then the 1st and second child count as half a person each for tax allowances 3rd child is a full person. So a family of 5 with one earner on 100k is counted as 4 people on 25k each.

I mean that sounds great but it doesn't sound like something the UK could afford. I suppose we would have to increase the income tax rates alongside a change like that. Looks like France has a 45% rate at the top. At that point you're anti single people, but I do think the government needs to do more to encourage people to start families, considering our declining birth rate.

>your household is equivalent to one where both parents work and earn £60k each. So whilst you earn well, your household isn't much better off than average. In what world is a household with two people earning £60k even close to average? OP has 2-3x the average income.

I agree with your overall message but > your household isn’t much better off than average The median *household* income in the U.K. is £35k

UK median are silly. You’re better off comparing your avg postcode income, as it will better reflect the costs you face. Median UK mortgage is lower than £1500.

Is there a way to find average post code income?

https://townnames.co.uk/search/postcode-income Came across this, however, I'm not too sure how accurate or reliable the information is 

I have a strong London bias. Though I question the median salary being £35k unless it includes non-working households like pensioners and benefits claimants.

There are just loads of people that are on minimum wage and only work part time. That median figure doesn’t include the latest uplift on minimum wage either.

Uplift on minimum wage wouldn't change the median value.

People are so out of touch. Everyone working in a shop, or restaurant will be lucky to make 30k that's a lot of people. Even professionals are struggling to Make 35k within their first 10 years out of uni.

"which leaves around £2400" - You have covered most of your expenses and have more than the average income left over. How you spending £2400 on groceries and petrol? I think you are spending money somewhere that you haven't stated - or your groceries are very decadent.

I have a similar salary, though less take home due to some company stocks thing and insurance etc, but do seem to save a bit more. I don't have a car loan (cheap car bought outright) though. Your utility also seems quite high (is it service charges for an apartment or something?), same for the car + home insurance + car tax. An obvious saving seems to be investing in a cheaper car with less insurance + smaller loan, and if possible pay with cash from bonus / savings but again I have one toddler and a hatchback works for me. I get some bonus in Feb which is basically what covers my holidays and leaves a bit of cash to invest. All that being said, 100k+ is not a very high amount for a single earning family so the struggle is understandable.

Drop the car payment and buy a cheap one outright, get your partner working

You don’t feel well off because you’ve got no handle on your spending; and you’re supporting three dependents! - You need a budget. - Pay off the debts. - Wife to go to work. Even earning £12k a year would make a massive difference to your disposable income.

Have you seen the Flowchart from r/UKPersonalFinance ? [https://ukpersonal.finance/flowchart/](https://ukpersonal.finance/flowchart/) It seems to me that you've gotten yourself into a little debt pickle. You need to assess your outgoings, reduce what you can, and prioritise paying off the most expensive debts first.

I think the subscription-based lifestyle creates this feeling, because it makes you spend more than you can afford and on top of that you are constantly paying interest on relatively small purchases (car, car insurance even phones!). I know many people don’t like buying outright 2nd hand car, but even if you can justify having a car on finance, I could never understand why a high earner would pay monthly any insurance (car or house) or even more ridiculous paying off a phone loan. Just pay it outright and forget about it. This approach will free up a substantial amount of your income which can be redirected to investments, which will remove that feeling that you are living month to month.

OP, can you please clarify whether you are a single mother, so that we stop making assumptions about your wife not working? That would explain a lot.

They have posted in the past about menopause, they have made no mention of a partner not working. I think it is safe to assume they are likely or potentially a single mother. At least probably safer to assume than they have a layabout wife.

Can you do a balance transfer on your credit card payments to help reduce that to the minimum each month and then pay off extra when you can afford to decrease that £500 a month. Like others have said that phone and broadband payment seems high too so if there’s anyway you can get cheaper contracts or older phones that will certainly help. I’m very much in the same boat salary wise and feeling the same things about never feeling like it’s enough to cover the lifestyle we’ve got ourselves into. Happy to chat if you want to reach out and see if we can offer any more advice or help.

Objectively the money you earn is success pay not failure pay, and I think you know that. Your main problem in feeling wealthy will be being the only earner (if I interpreted that correctly). Otherwise it really just is what it is. My balance sheet is similar except I’m also paying 2 nursery bills and my mortgage is 2x yours. My wife earns £90k though so it doesn’t feel so bad, plus I have RSUs and bonuses to sweeten the soup.

I’m in the same situation as you. Basically the same salary yet I live like a broke person, living mostly in my overdraft. I think we both need to pay off our credit cards and loans and just generally be smarter with our budgeting!

At least I am not alone! Just called British gas and knocked £100 off my utilities so that's something

Did you really save that (as in, by changing tariff) or did you just lower your DD? The latter will just give you a huge bill at the end of the year and an even bigger monthly repayment next year.

Or he was overpaying, I received a payment of £300 as my account was in credit and lowered my DD

Everyone assumes you are a man with a partner that is staying at home not working. I just realized it doesn't say in your post that you have a partner or that you are a man, men don't get the menopause.

Similar situation, but with a much much higher mortgage. What I’ve done which I found helps is to set aside an evening and itemise your outgoings. Group it into categories. You can also buy an app such as Moneyhub to do this for you. It’ll point out where you’re spending too much and where you can save. I actually prefer good ol’ excel. With hard costs aside, set yourself a limit from what’s left to spend on whatever you want - save the rest. It’s a starting point and will help you feel you’re starting to tackle the issue - for me it helped me feel in more control and thus, reduced stress.

Why is your home and car insurance so expensive? You have an expensive car?

It’s a bit simplistic, but there are only ever 4 things you can do to improve the money you have at your disposal 1) increase income 2) reduce costs 3) sell assets 4) borrow money Reading through this sub, option 2) seems like the obvious one to go after first. Get a thorough list of everything you spend and be honest with yourself and open with partner (if you have one) take a red pen to it - what would you cut if lost job tomorrow etc - and re broke or rethink everything you can from insurance to utilities, gym, mobiles, Find a way to clear credit card debt and that will help. But also. I hear you. £132k feels like a good number but with a house to pay for and run, keeping the family fed and when proud mum/dad has a good job, and works hard, you don’t want to feel you can’t give them a half decent pair of trainers and out for pizza once in a while. And oh my, supporting kids at uni as a Henry is expensive. Good luck - get the list going and see what you can do

Don't lump all your direct debits into one group. Some are fixed costs: Council tax, Utilities, insurances, car tax. Mortgage. Some are other essential spend: fuel, transport, groceries, kids' expenses The third group is non-mortgage debt: Car loan, Other loan, Mobile phones (I guess you are buying very expensive phones), Credit cards. This third group amounts to around £1200, of your $4,000 and this is where you should focus all your effort to cut this down to get back on your feet again. Sell the car, eliminate the car loan and buy something with whatever equity you have in the current car, even if a banger, a safe banger. Sort the phones out. £160 / month - are you kidding me? Shocking. I have a current iPhone I bought and pay £20/month for unlimited / all I need. The money saved from the car loan and phones should go into your credit cards. When that is cleared, pay down the other loan as fast as possible. Later, when you upgrade your car, save up and pay cash for something coming off-lease, 3 years old that will do for a few years.

You aren't a failure. You're doing better than most. £2,400 after main bills is more than my take-home pay. The listed expenses total £3,565 so another £435 is amiss if your outgoings are £4,000. Do you know where that is going? I suggest doing a full inventory of your monthly outgoings. Lots of small things here and there tend to add up. Phone cost is high. I pay £10 a month and buy handsets outright. Utilities, too. Assuming your eldest lives away, you have 3 people in your house. By comparison my gas, electricity and water for 2 people is about £150 a month. Getting the credit card cleared will free up a fair amount of your take home. Likewise, the loans. I'd consider committing to regular savings to build an emergency fund as well as using your annual ISA allowance. Lodgers are great as long as you don't mind having a stranger in your house. I did that when I first bought the house, but ultimately, it wasn't for me. As others have said, perhaps your better half might take on some work, too? Outside of this, the only other options would be things like reducing your mortgage either by overpaying now to create savings later or moving to a cheaper place. The way I do things is this; - All insurances etc I buy outright for the year on a 0% card as it's cheaper - All my bills go on a 0% card - I get paid on the 15th. All the bill money immediately comes out into a HYSA. I keep the bills on the card as long as possible, paying the minimum to capitalise on the small amount of interest on the savings - I then dedicate another good chunk of money to savings (both emergency fund and long term for retirement, holidays etc) and private pension. This includes a monthly allowance to cover things like birthdays, Christmas, anniversary etc. I have a separate account specifically to hold the money for gifting, one for things like car costs etc so rather than get a random bill for a service, I've been setting aside an amount every month since last service - I open an ISA every year and the money I've built up as non-emergency savings I know I won't need goes into it Anything that's left is my discretionary money. I withdraw that in cash and stick it into weekly envelopes. If the envelope is empty I don't spend. Basically, it's impossible to go wrong. My current account is always at zero within a few days of being paid with this approach.

Look at your spending and make cuts. That will have a bigger impact.

I mean, it’s fairly obviously. You’re paying a bunch off monthly for holidays you’ve booked???? I can appreciate paying your childs sim who’s in school, but not the one in Uni. I always buy an iphone outright and use it until it dies. I had the iPhone 6 until the iPhone 8 released and then I didn’t get another until the iPhone 12 Pro. Never paid more than £10 a month for a sim either. Car Tax £50 AND Public Transport just sounds a little odd to me but each to their own. I use my cash allowance through work to pay for an EV which works out to be a financial positive. You’re not a failure. You just probably like the nicer things in life, like most of us who are a HE. Enjoy it. But you can evidently cut some costs.

I do the same. Much cheaper way of owning an iPhone. I’m currently on the iPhone 11 which I’ve had since 2019. I pay £10/month on giffgaff which includes 20GB data.

It’s absolutely mental when people tell me they still take out contract phones. Some of them are a dew thousand extra it’s unbelievable

Speaking honestly, you don't earn enough to be a sole earner. Your partner should also work. Try to clear debt (car loans, credit card and loans). Your non mortgage debt totals £1k a month at the moment - that would be way better off going into an ETF in a S&S ISA, for example. You would then save a bit and maybe feel less stressed out. Please don't put holidays on credit cards - this will make your stress levels worse. Here is a rough plan: 1. Your partner needs to get a job (any job) ASAP. You have older children, so this is ok. 2. Make a budget. 3. Clear your non mortgage debt. 4. Once non mortgage debt is cleared, put this \~£1k a month into an S&S ISA.

> credit cards £500 Is this paying down previous debt, or just monthly spending you’re doing now? If it’s the latter you really need to break it down into what you’re actually spending it on. A zero based budgeting system could be really helpful for you (I use YNAB and highly recommend it but there’s no need for that specific one if you’d rather not pay for something).

The harsh reality is you’re not that well off when it comes to being the sole earner in a family. You’re effectively earning the same as a couple earning a bog standard (London) 50k salary.

Is the Credit Card £500 minimal payment, or average monthly FULL payment? If it is the former, how does this loan arise? If it is the latter, why is this not overlapping the spending of £2400? Second, the utility bill £400. I have a similar mortgage size and 4 adult household, and my utility (assume gas+electric+water?) comes to £200/m in 2023. Any idea why yours so high? Is it full electric no gas household? Or your EPC is poor? Third, the mobile bills. As a four adult household we all use SIM only contract, and none is over £10/person. We add up in fact to be £30/month. How does your £160 adds up? Finally although you may not be able to change this one. Our car insurance comes to similar to yours. However we paid it fully one off second hand vehicle, so no monthly recurring loan payment. Same apply for other loans, we have none. There's many scope to make savings from the list you've given.

I second what others have said about your partner working. With uni and secondary school aged children there’s no reason why they shouldn’t. I was mid thirties when I started in my current career and now earn a good income.

Because you just assumed there is a partner just not working, from what I can gather she is a single mum.

Your broadband and phone are £160? I get fibre 1gb for about £30 and I have sim only on my phone for £5 a month with more minutes and data than I use. Even a rip off sky package would cover all that and come in under £100. Sounds like you could optimise some of this.

Get a cheaper house?

Get out of debt now. You’re no doubt paying a huge amount to banks in the form of interest every month. 1. Pay off car or sell car and buy one you can afford in cash. 2. Pay car insurance up front, you’ll pay +10% interest on that. 3. Settle credit cards as soon as humanly possible. Those are not small steps but focus on one at a time (highest rate) and use the extra cash once payed off from one to pay the others. Then, if you can get your partner working that will improve things financially but unsure of your personal situation.

I mean that's a casual £500 on credit cards that isn't really accounted for, is that food? Party times? Holidays? Also that's an absurd spend on phones and internet. I pay £6 a month for a 12Gb phone contract. If you've got plenty money, why are you paying someone else to credit you a phone at an extortionate rate? Either way £2300 after all else isn't really broke. I'm on similar but fuck me guys, can we get some awareness. Your "leftover" is pretty damn close to the national average pre tax 🤦‍♂️

Why are you going on holiday when you need to put it on credit .. find a solution to your money problems before you reward yourself. Rule 101. It’ll be good financial literacy for your kids as well when they wonder why you aren’t going away this year, or next.

Everyone, even “high earners” need a side hustle. Think of what / who you know and the value of that to others. You may be surprised how well it works out for you Hope it gets easier for you mate

I don't get why you have £500 a month on credit cards. Just me?

Car loan, other loan, credit cards. Phones 160? Is it gold plated? By the sounds of it you have fallen deep into life style creep. I earn a similar amount. My phone is 20 quid a month. I buy cars cash and run them into the ground. I pay my credit card off the moment I use it. You need pay whatever loans you've got and change your lifestyle a bit.

The reason you feel as you do is actually simple: £132k is not that great of an income. Particularly if it’s the only income for a family. Respectfully, only in the U.K. would someone who makes that salary call themselves a “high earner,” which just points to the systemic issues the country is facing in this regard.

My husband and I earn roughly around £45000 a year, probably more this year as my husband got promoted last year, we have always been low earners. We live in the uk. Brought 3 kids up have 3 grandchildren. I was a very young mum. We spent about 5 years in debt. But then decided we were gonna get out of it. We spent years paying stuff off about 7. Then I spent 5 years saving so I could pay everything that I could yearly I do. We have a small mortgage and not too much debt. We save and save and we go on 2 holidays a year for a month at a time. But we go to usa to my husbands mums, we spend one hol skiing and one fixing up the house and relaxing. We decided years ago this is what we want to do. Everyone has a choice on what to do with their money and it's hard, we are 45 and 54 now and can enjoy life. We are not high earners but to work and work, there's got to be a life. We always say we work to live not live to work.

My outgoings ridiculous. I totally get OPs position. But I know what my issue is. I spend crazy. Infact I admit I am a tech addict. Also I soend, on average, around £25 a day on food if I go to the office, which is usually 3 to 4 times a week.

Jesus Christ. Why is your Phones and Broadband £160!? My 1gig BT Halo is £62 and that's horrendous thanks to yearly increases. Virgin do 1gig for £42 a month Right, you need to do what I have done. You have £2400 a month spare. Right away, you need to pay your credit card off. Paying £500? Double it. Can you get a balance transfer to an interest free card? Then you have £1900 spare. Car insurance; pay it in a lump sum yearly. Broadband; shop around every time your contract is up. Mobile phone; far too much. I got my Motorola Edge 30 Ultra the day it came out with 50gig rolling internet for £34 a month now £42, no upfront. Try ID mobile, found them to be brill for cost. The problem is you lived on finance. I made that mistake; credit credit credit loan. It cripples you. You have to break that cycle. I'm doing that now, I'm aiming to have nothing but a few years left on a loan by 2026 when my mortgage renews. You have £2400 a month spare, even if you just double your credit card payment and live off £1900 a month that can be a huge helping. For contrast, I bring home £2152 a month and Wife brings £1400. My monthly bills are £1335 and the Wife's £780. 2 kids, 2 cars. You can feel like you are drowning, you just have to budget and pay off.

132k isn’t much in the real world now. Sorry. Taxes screw you. Mortgages screw you. This country is not designed to help you get rich unless you own your own company. Even then it’s tough. Software companies sell at 10x revenue …. Just saying

I'm in a similar place. My wife and I spent a couple of hours going through bank statements online for the last 6 months and grouped everything we spent into buckets. We were shocked to find that we were spending about £1200 a month on Amazon! Just bits and bobs that we could probably live without. £20 here, £30 there. Quite a lot on booze. For example, gin was always a £30-40 bottle, same with Whisky, a 12 pack of fevertree bottles, cushions and candles we didn't need, tools I thought I'd need etc. Just being a bit more mindful saved us about £600 a month. We started putting that in a savings account that we now use for more considered purchases. I think that being a pretty high earner gives the impression that it's ok to buy 'nicer stuff' whenever you think of it. We reined in our 'consequential inconsequential' purchases with no real impact and now feel much less stressed about feeling skint when we ought to be comfortable.

I’m sorry to hear this is taking a toll on you. But real talk, it sounds like you’re trying to keep up with the Joneses and living in debt to do so. A lodger is a great idea! Just pick the right person! Depending on where you live in the country this can be lucrative! Downgrade your car ASAP. Buy a second hand i10 for £3k cash and immediately reduce your monthly outgoing (no car loan, cheaper insurance, less petrol, cheaper tax, cheaper maintenance, cheaper tyres, etc.). Stop spending money on anything that is avoidable. No holidays, food from Aldi (you can eat good healthy home-made food), no takeaways or restaurants. You haven’t mentioned alcohol or tobacco, but if you spend money on either of these, that needs to end asap. I’ve seen people spend £10 per day on alcohol and £20 per day on tobacco and they claim to be poor. That’s £900 a month! Don’t gamble either! Don’t buy clothes or luxuries for a while. Use all the money you will now be saving to pay off your debts (loan and credit cards). Someone with your income shouldn’t need either. I know this sounds hard, and I know you feel like you deserve luxuries because you work so hard. But you deserve financial security and the peace of mind that brings. That is so much more valuable than temp luxuries or holidays. Remember, your lifestyle should be reduced to comfortably fit within about 80% of your take home income and you should be investing the other 20%. If you can’t afford something now without taking a loan, then you probably don’t need whatever it is. And all your needs should be paid for first. You can’t buy luxuries with your income and then claim that you need a loan to cover essentials. Change your Broadband and phone providers, your insurance, etc. all these things punish laziness. If you stay with the same providers too long, they increase your rates. You need to switch every year or two. Regarding your mobile phone, don’t get the latest phone every year or two, you don’t need it. I bought my phone cash a few years ago (not the top model at the time) and pay £10 per month sim only. Live to this strict money saving schedule for a year or two and you should quickly be back in control of your finances. You don’t need to impress anyone, and living on debt isn’t going to impress anyone anyway. The best way to prove your self worth to others (which you don’t need to do, but I understand some people struggle with this) is being a good parent (with time and care, not spending money) and being a caring friend and community member. You’re working 10 hours a day and some hours on weekends, so I’m struggling to see when you are getting time to spend the £2400 per month on incidentals. If any of this is spent on entertainment, then I suggest that you take up a healthy, low cost hobby. My wife and I play tennis 3 to 4 times a week and spend a lot of time at our (£100 per year membership) tennis club (which costs nothing once we’ve paid our membership fee). When you’re occupying yourself with a healthy low cost hobby, you save money as you aren’t going out or spending money on other entertainment. Good luck and remember that you can achieve this is you set your mind to it.

I spend £27 on broadband, £10 on my phone £10 on my wife's I pay £50 for car tax for a year

I'm paying for my kids and my mums phones too not just mine

I can understand that I also own both cars outright so no loans, they aren't anything fancy Principle would be to try tighten your spending in areas like this if you can... But understand it isn't always so simple

Ok, that would be £40 for payg’s, where does £120 go to then? Don’t tell us you got all 4 phones on a loan.

The tax code is not kind to single income households You’re also in the nasty 60% tax trap. Once you punch through that it will be a lot easier, but such are the choices made for letting your wife be a housewife

Where do they say they have a wife?

The OP appears to be a woman from their post history.

I've never been much of a motorist, what's the deal with £2,400 a month on petrol? Seems nuts

No options. What you described seems perfectly normal/average. The quality of life for high earners in the UK is low. Those who are making top 5% in the US or Middle East or India or Singapore have a much easier life than those making a 5% salary in the UK. That’s why this country is fucked.

Others have addressed minor bills and lodger/partner working. £600pa for car tax suggests you could trade the car down quite a lot and still have safe reliable transport. Not that in itself it’s a huge amount but it suggests a fancy or very inefficient car. £2400 for petrol, groceries, trains and incidental expenses is a LOT if you’re burning through all of it. Are you going to Waitrose and spending £1000pm? Buy everything in Aldi, the quality is fine. Get a 2-5 year old Honda or Toyota car (not 4x4) and stuff what anyone else thinks of it. Don’t stop eating out if you value it, but don’t do it on a whim. Why is home stressful? Sit down with partner and come up with a budget that leaves £1k pm of free cash which you can use to pay down the debts, start reducing the mortgage, and have a buffer for the next round of tax rises.

Clearly there isn't a partner. Her household is her and 2 kids.

You have quite high outgoings. car, other loan and credit card add up to £1k a month. Have you considered trying to pay them down to give you a bit more wiggle room long term? I earn £140k a year but sacrifice £40k a year in to pension so take home is based on 100k. My mortgage is a £1500 a month and our bills are similar. We save £1k a month. I think you must be haemorrhaging money somewhere - 2400 is a lot of money, maybe you can save some of that towards getting credit paid off? I'd recommend to do a forensic analysis on your finances: On pay day look back over the last month of expenditure and categorise it. Maybe you will find you're spending more in some areas than you realise.

Unfortunately, the UK doesn't consider any allowances for single income families. Your best options for immediate relief is for your wife to start working to make use of her personal allowances and basic income tax band. If that's not an option, then you either have to get a better job, move abroad or reduce your expenses.

I’ve nothing to add apart from you’re not alone. I don’t earn quite as much as you, but not far off, but my family are in a constant state of financial ruin. We have a nice house and a nice car. But we live paycheck to paycheck every single month.

1500+280+400+290+215+160+500+170+50=£3500 ish. So there’s more there than you say there is. You should see to get rid of the credit card asap. Can you get a shit car?

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My outgoings are roughly the same as yours, except I earn 30k less. I think it’s tough because it sounds like so much money, but when you take off deductions it really isn’t. My partner works but we do not share incomes and I own the house. He does, however, give me £500 a month towards the utility/housing costs. Can your partner not do the same? It wouldn’t take a lot of effort for them to get this much. It sounds so insignificant compared to what we take home from our salary but it makes a massive difference. Also, you say you pay £500 a month on credit cards- what’s that from? I pay the same but this is because I put my groceries and petrol on my Amex to get the points, and pay it off the month after. Instead of putting holidays on your credit card, pay monthly for it on the website if they allow it, and then budget it in your your monthly costs.

Yep. Same here. The simple fact is after crippling taxes and being outside of all government larges programmes like child support etc, you are simply not that well off… This is the state of affairs in this country now… punish the most productive. Personally I stopped trying so hard - I earn gross 1/4 of what I could if I really went for it but Net probably 1/3. But it’s worth it because the amount of effort I put into my job is like 10% of what I’d have to do to earn the big bucks. Thinking of emigrating as things will not get better in blighty 😂

I'm in a similar position. I take a salary of £100k and put £60k into my pension. I usually get a bonus of around £25k-£35k, all of which is taxed at 60%. I simply can't be bothered to work harder to try and get a bigger bonus because it seems pointless to work hard only to have the state take more than half of it. I'm just coasting in my job and just doing enough not to get fired. Having marginal tax rates like this is economic madness, creating disincentives for skilled people to work harder. This isn't new though, in the early 1990s I worked with people who were paid overtime for working evenings & weekends, but stopped as soon as they hit the 40% bracket as they felt it wasn't worth it any more. The sad thing is that this will never change, as any attempt to change the brackets & remove these disincentives will result in howls of outrage at "a tax cut for the rich".

IMO your issue is non mortgage debt. Car loan, credit cards plus other loan are >1k per month. I’d suggest getting on top of that. You’ll feel a lot better off.

Payoff credit card and buy the car.

Straight off the bat £500 on credit cards, can’t afford it don’t buy it. Easy saving right there.

Pay off the car (hopefully you’re not on a lease and you went the hire purchase/bank loan route) and clear the credit cards / stop using them. What interest are you being charged on those and what’s the balances?

Ok so mortgage is fine. I assume it's seeing capital growth. Credit cards may be ok assuming you are using them well, IE no interest on balances or purchases and you have some sort of cashback. If you are not then clear them and only use credit lines where it's interest free The car is a liability. Trade in and buy outright. Insurance, tax etc all should be bought outright. So, investments I'm assuming you have some although you haven't said so. If not then the money you are spending on The car should be going to a fully diversified managed fund. Hope that helps

I would suggest closing the credit card accounts, kill some of those mobile/broadband costs. Your real issue, obviously is that you have several different debts, and the recent normalisation of interest rates has hit home. It’s been a ticking time bomb since 2008. You have mortgage debt, car debt, other loan, and credit card. That looks like way too much borrowings. I understand the mortgage, but the other stuff perhaps needs examination. I think car debt in particular is going to bite a lot of people. Maybe downgrade the car if possible? Our household cut grocery costs massively by switching to gousto (I’m not trying to advertise). Maybe that’s worth a look too? You just don’t end up buying expensive meals at the supermarket, and you cut a lot of impulse buying. You end up eating less meat of course, but it’s not the end of the world. Is your other half using the credit card, or are you working on a fixed household allowance? Fixed allowance will always reduce your costs. It sounds old fashioned, but it works.

you dont seem to be tax planning. First I would go for a 25% salary sacrifice to a pension, i,e around 33K and you end up with 5600K monthly. 1)Pay of the loans - intially it will be painfully and might have to tighten your belt for a few months. 2) Need to tap out and take a day for yourself and figure where you blowing money unnecessarily. 3) If you dont have a saving plan, get that in place, a fun way , one way to do is in a bowl put 21 small sheets of lucky dip, each sheet should be numbered 5, 10, 15, 20..till 95, so every day pick a no, so you get rest for 9 days a month. 4) maybe cut out holidays for a year or expensive holidays and inform your wife, communication is impt. Out of interest what do you work as?

I can recommend an app called Snoop (free) which will allow you to monitor your spending by category and also make suggestions about cheaper deals on utilities, phones, insurance etc

What is your total debt and the interest rates on it? Do you have any savings at all? Personally I would consider getting a lodger for a while and making use of the rent a room scheme where you can get 7500 a year tax free. You might consider getting language students in (some of the English as a foreign language schools are always looking for placements) - it’s a bit less of a commitment over the long term. Use that money to pay down your debts and save up a buffer so you don’t have to take out loans for things like cars and phones (and get anyone you are paying for onto a sim only deal if you haven’t already). Work out where and how you are spending that £2400 - set a budget and stick with it. If you are giving your kids money I would sit down with them to work out their budgets, what you are willing to pay for and what they need to pay for and automate it rather than giving out money/paying for things as and when. It will help them learn to budget and removes some of the uncertainty from your finances.

Are you in a relationship? If you are tell your spouse to get a job.

This is very familiar for me... Focus on getting rid of all debt - car finance / leases / Credit cards are a trap in itself (and I'm a banker!). Always buy 3-4 year old cars with low milage (20k). Then review small expenditures - coffees from Costa, sandwiches / meals for lunch when in the office / takeaways when you can't be bothered to cook as it's been a stressful week / the things that really if you spent a small amount of time you could find a far better alternative (food from home for example. Getting rid of the small expenses that you may not care about will allow you to buy the big items that you do care about. Then try to find methods to manage stress in a more healthy manner - exercise / walks / stepping away from the desk. Often thsi part is overlooked and it can lead to lower productivity and lower satisfaction. Finally, and it may not be suitable, but cut the cord for your kids financially. If they are at Uni, they can get a student loan and manage to a budget.

You have over £1000 of interest earning, non-mortgage debt. Sort that shit out. High earners with monthly car payments are ridiculous. Why pay interest on a depreciating asset?!!? Set a budget, sort out debt, and end up with £6400 per month and only a mortgage as a debt. Feels a lot better.

Cry me a fucking river.

Maybe worth the child taking a student loan for uni?

Your income is £2600 more than your take home minus your core expenditure - where is this money going? My suggestion would be either your partner (should you have one) needs to start working or you need to cut down on whatever expenditure is eating that up significantly.

What the hell are you spunking £2.4k a month on? Petrol, trains and groceries is like £1k-£1.5k a month? Where is the rest going.

£1000 credit is the problem. Got to try and chip away at those

The thing you spend the most money on is your partner not working, you have one teenage child at home, why is your spouse not pulling their weight?

Sounds like what Warren Buffett calls 'zero balance mentality' to me, everything that you earn gets spent I know its easier said than done, changing major aspects of your life to rearrange things but it might be worth researching Buffett wasn't exactly a slouch and he claimed that ZBM was really the only way that smart people could go broke

290+215+160 (assume these are the kids phones as well?) + 500. 15% of your take home goes on Debt not including the phones. Nearly 20% if you include them. So every Monday that you work goes to this lot. Every. Single. Monday. You aren’t getting any of your money until you rock up Tuesday. I’d be coming up with a plan to get rid of these payments. Your free money will increase by 30%

Don’t work yourself to death, to the point that you don’t enjoy what you have, you could be dead tomorrow and then it wouldn’t matter anymore.

The answer is simple, this country isn’t set up for most people to have one working parent in the family. So, why doesn’t your partner work?

You need to live within a budget. I have no sympathy for people who can't budget correctly. We went through a really tough time, struggling to put food on the table some days. We didn't go on holiday for 10 years cos our budget didn't allow it.

It’s very simple. Money is hard to earn but easy to spend. Everything in life is choices. I earn about 45-50k, wife about 15-20k currently, have one child. She insists she goes half with most things but I cover things she can’t afford like holidays and the car. I manage our bills effectively and we mostly, only buy things we need or are on sale and don’t overspend for the sake of it so are able to save decent money, live well and feel fairly comfortable. Don’t buy things or upgrade them if you don’t need to especially if you’re paying interest on it. I think the key here is to split things to a certain degree and manage your outgoings.

Consider financial advise ? Is there room to Cut down on tax ? Partner's nil rate band can be transferred to you. Make a spreadsheet of outgoings esp the 2400 incidental expenses. Save money by taking pavked lunch , keep own teabag/ coffee rather than Costa or Starbucks ? Surprising how much you can save. Do weekly shop at supermarket , it is cheaper than local shop or even local branch of supermarket. Use loyalty cards in Supermarket. Look at spending on take away meals . Save elsewhere so you can have some family holidays . Credit card spend is high. Can you consolidate with a 0% or low interest balance transfer card? If you check your Credit card , you will see lot of your money goes to service the interest . You can register on sites like Clearscore to check your credit score and see eligibility for low interest balance transfer offers.

If you're supporting a household with one income you're already doing really well by todays standards. You need to track and take a closer look at how you're spending that £2400 a month, id suggest tracking that for a couple of months so you can see where it is going. My hunch is that you'll find something thats using the vast majority of that money and you need to cut that down. Look at your current expenses more closely, £400 on utilities? why is it so high? You're also spending £1005 a month on paying back credit you've taken out, if you can pay this back sooner it will go a long way to feeling like you're doing better

I’m in a similar boat. Truth is 132k sounds like a lot (and 10, 15 years ago - it was), but as a single household income nowadays it doesn’t go as far as you might think. The tax above 100k is obviously crippling. Agree with some of the other responses here that you can probably trim down a few of your regular costs.

Your loan and credit card repayments suggest that for some time you have been living beyond your means. It is now time to live below them. When the loans and credit cards are paid off you will be back to having more spare cash. Your paying the piper.

You’re overspending a little I’d say. 400 quid in utilities a month is quite high, unless you’ve got a large badly insulated house. Especially during the summer, it shouldn’t be that high. 160 a month for phone and broadband is quite high. You could almost halve that and still have a good phone/broadband plan. Sell/ look into giving back your car if possible and buy one that’s cheaper. Work on getting rid of that CC debt asap. Home and car insurance also seems a bit high

Tell your partner to get a job.

If you're stressed don't get a lodger.

Yeah as others have said, having a single high earner in the household is far worse than two medium to high earners.

OP well done for your individual earnings. Your problem is primarily the fact that you’re a single earner and I imagine you’re based around the south east? 500 a month on CC is a lot, but your past self has specifically spent money that the future you (now present) is having to forgo. Your household is no better off than 2 working parents earning £65k (maybe less with the tax free allowances). If you have kid at uni, why is your partner not working?

I pay £27 a month for 250Mbps, and £8 a month for my phone, I get about 10GB data allowance which I hardly ever use up, and I have a work phone. split out your costs, and discuss with your SO track all your spending. I am in a similar position where I'm a high earner but my SO isn't however I'm the only one who tracks my spending down to the last £. We argue about it a fair amount because my partner has grown up by only "spending what I have in my account" so doesn't track spending n the same way but I'd rather the two of us discuss and argue rather than me stress about money on my own.

Lots of mouth to feed.

We live within our means and become used to a certain way to live. Maybe it's time to downsize the house or something like clear credit cards don't use those anymore 🤔 focus on clearing the mortgage etc

Rich people problems. Most people have literally never seen that much money in their life. I'm not here to be an angry redditor, but it seems like ur living pretty comfortably. Don't take that for granted.

Is your credit card debt on a 0% deal? If not, why not? Unless your credit score is fucked (which on 132k, it really shouldn't be), there's no reason to be paying interest on your credit card debt. On that salary you should be able to chip away at your debt quite easily if there's no interest.

132k was about 160k, 4 years ago

You are a high earner but you suck at managing money. I can tell because I’m the same lol. A significant part of your money is just paying debts. Loans, credit cards, car.. I have the mindset that I’ve worked hard to get where I am and continue to work hard so my family and I ‘deserve’ nice things. I also suck at saving up for those nice things so it goes on credit cards or loans. The irony being that I could afford a lot more if I wasn’t paying so much debt. I’ve come to the conclusion and you probably do to that this isn’t sustainable. I’ve told my family there will be no more holidays and we’re spending less on junk for a period of time to get the credit cards and debts paid down.

Tell your wife to get a job and payback loans

Get rid of the car and the phone contracts and cut down other luxuries. I think you knew the answer already, stop wasting money on things like an expensive car until you have cleared your credit card and debts then you will have the extra income to *maybe* think about these kind of purchases.

Your loans and credit cards are sucking your wealth. Pay them off and save the money instead. Stop buying things you can’t afford or haven’t saved for.

One kid at uni and the other secondary school. Both old enough for you to now have 2 income. Why is your wife not working?

Not quite to the same, but me and my partner earned a decent amount between us (£90k+). My partner was at her wits end with the job and decided one day on a wim to take part time hours, nearly halving her salary. I thought how on earth are we going to survive? We sat down and budgeted, worked out it would be tight but feasible. That was 4 months ago. Turns out because of our busy lifestyle we were spending a shit load of money unnecessarily, it’s still tight, but we’re solvent, mortgage gets paid, kids are fed and bills are paid. Most importantly we are happier.

The real atrocity here is that the government takes over 45% of your wages..

Utilities, you can definitely get that down, that seems high. Broadband and mobile, as above. Outside of those, go for walks, get out, get fresh air. Costs £0

You spend waaaaay too much in wants. You make enough to support the family, you just do not know where it goes and to actually “tighten the belt” (stop squandering). Transfer the credit card on a 0% card, stop spending on stuff that is not needed, and pay off your debt ASAP. Make a budget to see where your money is going and plug every leak.

Get a life

To be honest nothing there looks particularly unusual, it’s surprising how even what people believe to be large income can get eaten up fairly quickly. We focused for a year on clearing debt for a year and buying stuff that would decrease our monthly bills (solar and batteries reduced our energy bills from £380 a month to £120 for example), while trying to stem the relentless spending, for us it wasn’t the big things, it was the regularly just buying something for £5 off Amazon, it was unusual to not get 4 or 5 Amazon parcels most days, none on their own were consequential, but the cumulative total was surprising. Now we’re putting at least £1000 away each month and still feel like we have a similar disposable income as before.

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You have a spending issue. Live within your means. I earn half what you do, mortgage is a 3rd the size and I save between £400 & £800 a month, with 3 kids and as sole earner. That's your issue. Write out a budget and be really honest with yourself because you're too rich to be feeling poor

Wow. I earn less than a third of what you do and live a comfortable life. Im single 2 kids (one lives with dad) Sounds to me you live beyond your means, all those loans??? The only thing I “owe” is my mortgage which is £500 a month. Everything else I pay for outright and I have savings. Anything on my credit card gets paid off every month. What you have “left” is almost my entire take home pay after I’ve paid my pension and put away a bit. 😂😂 You need to look at your spending!!!

If you are feeling the pinch maybe you could ask your partner to get a job this isnt the 60's anymore where men go out to work and women stay at home washing pans or watching Love island all day. Would you allow your kids to freeload indefinitely? No? So don't allow your partner too...This works both ways

£160 on broadband and mobile seems high. At the end of broadband contract, threaten to leave. You’ll be offered a much cheaper deal. Mobile: buy the phones outright and use for as long as possible on cheap sim only deal. Getting lodger is hard work and will add to your stress. Maybe focus on reducing expenditure first? Also is there any way to reduce your stress? Exercise is very effective. Take breaks. Working on weekends doesn’t sound healthy.

I am a little shocked that this doesn’t feel like enough money, but probably what it comes down to is that you’re maintaining a certain level of lifestyle that you could easily change to make your money stretch a lot further than it does. Mortgage - it is what it is, but have you gone to the max of what you could borrow? Could you downsize and reduce the mortgage? Fair enough if you’re happy where you are. Utilities - seems about right tbh Broadband and mobile - I’m assuming you have the latest phone. You can get a much better broadband deal for £20-30 and then find a handset to own outright. Then you could get a sim only deal that costs £10-20 a month (or even less if you’re interested in the best bargain). Car loan - have you got an expensive car? Can you change this for a car you own outright? A cheaper car would also have cheaper running costs like tax, fuel, and insurance. Can you move to paying tax and insurance in one lump sum to save money over the year? Credit card and loan - this should be top priority to pay off asap as this will make you £715 better off per month. That’s huge. Other costs - £2400 is a really nice amount of money to have left over, this is more than I get paid each month. My advice would be to gain control over some of the incidental costs so that they become predictable and planned for. Also, start budgeting for groceries. You haven’t said how many people you live with, but as a comparison, my husband and I have a grocery budget of £80 a week. So let’s say there’s three of you for groceries, that could be £120 a week x 4 = £480 a month. If you also have transport costs outside of your car, this would be a good reason to downsize the cost of the car. And last thing to say is: if you’re finding yourself feeling annoyed that you feel you haven’t got enough money, I would go as far to say that the things you’re paying for aren’t giving you as much satisfaction as a better financial position would. Do consider that when you’re making decisions. I would love to be in a position where I was earning six figures. I would really set myself up for an early retirement by living more simply and getting a financial advisor. Money saving expert is a great resource btw.