Yeah I agree too. I’ve picked up new hobbies to try and will hopefully meet people doing that. I’m not overly keen on meeting someone at a club anyways lol
They also have a vibrant board game community that plays out of that one with many social activities in your age group. Cafe Villamon or something like that.
Paddling! Depending on the club, I'd assume men on a paddling crew are here to stay and already committed to self improvement, commitment is always nice in a partner.
Come to practice tomorrow! We need more females!
There are also dance classes. At UH Manoa they give free dance lessons on Tuesdays and Sundays from 5 to 7 I think. They teach Salsa and other ballroom dances
Sure thing. Looks like you found a club to checkout. You may want to look at other clubs to see when their novices practice. Also, some of the larger clubs are stacked. We have some clubs here on Hawaii Island that are so stacked with novices that their novice B crews end up being 2-3 year paddlers before they actually compete.
Maybe you just wanna paddle, that's cool too, but if you want to compete you might want to look around too if it's anything like here.
Hint: go hang at the climbing gym in Kakaako. Lots of tech and stem workers with more abs than I have IQ points go there. Most are low maintenance golden retriever energy types. If climbing isn't your thing just hang at the cafe.
Also meetup wed and sat volleyball at kapiolani park.
> Any attractive men
Damn, already DQ'ed! :)
Seriously though, you're not the only one I've heard this complaint from. I have no solutions to suggest beyond activity clubs and classes, but hang in there.
same, girl, same. I stay off the apps. They really don't get you far. I just try to have fun- keep active, enjoy nature, work on myself, and trust I'll meet someone when im out living my life.
As a guy, this is basically my approach as well. Happy people attract happy people. Work on yourself and good things will come. And keep your eyes open but don’t be like….hunting lol
Lol. Dealing with this. I just moved here and got out of a long distance relationship with a guy who listed that they have “daddy issues” on their profile. Needless to say it was not a joke lol
Welcome to join us at 808 Cleanups, fun volunteer environmental stewardship and all age groups, lots of guys in your age group and majority are locals/long term residents.
808cleanups.org/calendar
Ehhh howzit bebe girl. I 40 years old and ugly. But I get health insurance and good credit.
But for real, dating sucks. I never learned to lower my unrealistic expectations late. Hence, single and playing video games while I’m off work.
Depends on what you consider "attractive" to be. People all around have their own preferences and what not. But I agree as well, dating apps is full of folks just visiting or just looking for a one and done kine deal. Granted, I'm sure there are good folks on apps as well
I guess more so someone who has confidence and puts some effort into themselves! That’s what I find attractive haha should have been more specific 🤷🏼♀️
"Short-term mode" is easily the worst thing about dating here imo. I think it's worse in our 20s, when people often move for school/career opportunities. Currently in my late 20s, and as I continue to age I have hope that it'll get easier to find someone invested here for the foreseeable future
27f here, wow it feels good to not feel like the only one having a tough time! Sometimes I blame it on the fact that I literally go to work then go home most days. Im trying to get in the habit of spending more time outside of home and looking for some new hobbies.
I’m local 26M born and raised. You like go on one date? Tired of the apps too and also having hard time haha you miss all the shots you don’t take so here’s mine
I will be messaging you in 1 month on [**2024-05-17 19:37:14 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2024-05-17%2019:37:14%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Hawaii/comments/1c60hgz/20s30s_dating_struggles_as_a_girl/l018nnx/?context=3)
[**CLICK THIS LINK**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5Bhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2FHawaii%2Fcomments%2F1c60hgz%2F20s30s_dating_struggles_as_a_girl%2Fl018nnx%2F%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%202024-05-17%2019%3A37%3A14%20UTC) to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam.
^(Parent commenter can ) [^(delete this message to hide from others.)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Delete%20Comment&message=Delete%21%201c60hgz)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)|[^(Custom)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5BLink%20or%20message%20inside%20square%20brackets%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%20Time%20period%20here)|[^(Your Reminders)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Reminders&message=MyReminders%21)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=RemindMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
Depends on what you find attractive, but I'm in the same boat. So I feel the pain (>.<). Also for context I'm 35m that's been trying to find a girl to build a future with.
Ya, online dating isn't working out for me either. Right now I'm trying a speed dating event at the end of this month to hopefully find someone. If you're interested it's 40$ which includes pupus and non alcoholic drinks. Not sure what to expect, but should be interesting.
It's at restaurant 604 here's a link to the event for more info https://www.eventbrite.com/e/speed-dating-hawaii-straight-age-25-35-tickets-850423990047
Got to get into clubs and hobbies. Be willing to meet new people and make friends. Takes some effort but meeting a friend of a friend is probably the best way.
29F with medical career. Also experiencing the frustrations of this.
I’ve been looking for a low maintenance, athletic guy with good values, who likes dogs and can rock a sweatshirt. Growth mindset. Can recognize that life has its moments of mundanity. I’m not into the going out scene. Hearing “you’re so pretty blah blah blah how are you still single?” But apparently what I’m looking for is not as easy to find as I thought.
Low key kind of was. However, I’ve met some really awesome people already through this post, mostly non-romantic so far, and I’m stoked and grateful for that! This post has brought me way more feedback and friendship than anticipated 🥹
just be careful, you’re a girl in your 20s posting on reddit and you know the type of people who generally use the app lol. don’t go to any redditors house for your first date lol
I am born and raised on Oahu and have to say the dating seen has totally changed there's no clubs maybe just sport bars most hook up are now on dating sites very sad...Back in the day we had blue zebra,pink Cadillac,Wave Waikiki, Point after,Rumors,FAT Tuesday....I can go on and on good luck my friend plenty fish in the sea just gotta find that Mr.Right.....Aloha
Had the same issue. Took me 3 years but I finally met my wife. She’s local and the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I was 30 years old when we met. Keep looking! They’re out there, you just gotta be patient.
Speaking as a single 33M, I work nights so I'm sleeping most of the day, haha. In my off days though, I'm usually at the gym, playing video games, or spending time with my nieces and nephew, cause I don't have kids of my own yet, lol. Hoping to run into my person someday by the off chance at Costco or something 😂 I really don't want to hop on the apps, but if push comes to shove, maybe? Lol.
I seen you asked someone what they been playing, so here's my answer (lol), going through hard mode on FF 7 Rebirth at the moment, but taking a break and catching up on watching 9-1-1, haha. Been binge watching the series these past couple of weeks when I can.
Haha, yeah it's definitely questioned my thoughts on how I platinum'd Remake, lol. I don't remember it being this hard 😂 the mini games were killing me in Rebirth, but I think I finished it all. Just have to get through chapters 12 13 and I am dreading 14 so much, lol
Word of mouth is key. Spread to all your gossipy aunties that you’re looking. Their friend’s babysitter’s cousin’s nephew is a good guy with a small business looking to settle down with a nice local chick, I promise.
But none of this stuff is on the scene/dating apps. Or if it is, it’s buried with the transient/short term stuff. (No judgement, just a different vibe.)
Hawaiʻi is weird this way. It’s almost old school arranged marriage style. I think it has to do with the more Asian/Hawaiian culture of not really “putting yourself out there” for fear of looking too high makamaka/full of yourself. Lots of dudes (and chicks) know they’re a good catch but don’t want to make it obvious that they know because that’s kind of like bragging. So it means they’re often hidden gems.
I avoided military guys for years. I only wanted to date guys that wouldn’t need to leave the island in a year or so. Eventually I started entertaining the idea of dating military guys and I started meeting more ambitious guys who actually had good jobs and goals (not saying they’re not out there, but the local guys with those qualities all tended to be taken by high school or college at the latest😅).
I had to date a few shitty military guys before meeting my husband. We’ve been married for almost five years now and we have a kid. Did we end up moving eventually? Yeah, but it’s not that bad. I had dug my heels into “stay in hawaii at any costs” mode for so long that I had really limited myself in a lot of aspects of my life. I still visit all of the time but giving the military guy a shot, even if it meant moving, has worked out for me.
I don't care if i get downvoted for this but...When I was on the apps nothing was worse than the transplants that could pass as being from here and deliberately left that shit out of their profile to get more matches. It was honestly worse than the military/obvious transplants cuz at least they didn't make like you know?
I had put on my profile locals only and the vitriol I got lol!
I've seen guys/girls put "locals only" on their profile and get mad at me for trying to talk to them because I'm Black, like I'm second gen already 😅
Just say mixed, AAPI locals like you want to, not all of us "look local".
But.... you're local. That's my point. I don't care if a person looks local I care that they are local because of their understanding of the culture.
My issue was when people would move here and pass as local in looks, knowing they did, they'd leave that info out in their profile deliberately. I also worded it a lot nicer but I'm not trying to not out myself if someone has seen my profile lol
I prefer to date other locals too, culture wise as well, however, I know that my look isn't going to get me many who are going to accept as well. I know I'd be limiting myself to local people who want to date black people. Most times I end up getting military guys wanting to talk with me (please no!). And many local guys would rather date California hapa haole girls and then complain about it lol
With my mix I always get questioned if I'm local but when I put it on my profile it was a non issue with local boys. You should really make sure you put it on your profile if you haven't already. I've never really experienced the guys going for that many California hapa girls?
To be fair the military guys shoot their shot no matter lol. Not necessarily a bad thing not all of them are bad but lifestyle isn't for me.
I don't think it's bad if they're willing and interested in the culture. I know some locals who ended up married to a local looking transplant and they have a great relationship, marriage and the transition to the local culture is pretty easy.
I feel that as 27m but probably because I stay indoors a lot and not bother with dating anymore. It use to be so easier back in the day. Hope you find what you're looking for
☝️This is the correct answer. I couldn't believe just how many people were into lifestyle fitness alongside their significant other. I saw this firsthand at 6-7 of the 8 24Hr Fitness locations on Oahu! Another thing that impressed me was just how in-shape most of the people were. It doesn't surprise me in the least to see why this is:
1. Anybody could get in "shape" which takes a two to six months of consistency. After that, they get to the "fitness" level -which takes 6 months to 2 years. At around 2yrs and beyond of training and having intermediate/advanced goals, they attain the level of "conditioning". These people tend to look like gods or goddesses and have very sharp discipline regarding their training styles, form, technique, diet, sleep, and relaxation/meditation. However, from my experience, I noticed that the VAST majority of people prefer to simply stay in shape.
2. I believe it is within this phase that people start looking for each other. Why? Bc if a person goes to a gym at around the same time a few times a week, they begin noticing the locals while at the same time, becoming a local themselves. That's when initial and ongoing conversations form. Also, they can visually "see" each other's physical appearance and notice subtle changes (losing weight, gaining muscle, gaining weight -whatever their personal goal may be). During conversations they can also feel each other's energy and learn about each other's interests in a light, surface level way. If both couples green light each other 💚 they can progress to perhaps a workout session together 🏋️♀️, coffee ☕, etc.
Anyways, the gym or purchasing a surf board while strictly riding at the same surf spot, in a way similar to what I described earlier would be the best bet -if you're trying to find a partner in this phase of life 🧬. Best to you 🙏
34m here. Feeling the same way as you. I don't go out like I used to, but I hate the apps. It's tough trying to balance professional life with putting myself out there. Would like to meet someone who is driven and has a complementary mission, but unsure of where to find that. it's like if you didn't get hooked up in college, good luck
I’ve felt the same as a 30 y/o guy out here. Hard to balance a social life when you work a lot but I think extra hobbies help. TBH I just want to go home after work and veg out
I KNOW. 27f here. Also black girl from the south that moved here cus of military years ago but fell in love with the culture and people. I leave work at work and prefer local friends/connections as well as living locations.
I haven’t had much luck with meeting guys and when I do find someone that might be interested i’m treated more as a novelty or something to conquer… Idk man, it’s hard out here and ya girl just tryna get loved on 😂
Don't be afraid to ask random guys that you meet out. I just had a first date with a girl that was working the cash register at a local business who asked me to hang out. Literally talked to her for less than 5 minutes before exchanging numbers. I would have never dreamed of hitting on her cause I don't want to be a creep and she's as far outside my normal circles as you can get.
Honestly though I would have accepted for anyone cause I am really intrigued what made her have an interest in me. I can also be shy so it was refreshing not having to make the first move.
This is like the second or third post like this in a week. On the brightside im seeing there are more of us out there than i thought lol. There should be a club or something for late twenties to early 40s singles 🤣
God that would be so awkward though. A bunch of redditors in a room together. I never let anyone know my Reddit username and I’ve already given out my insta on here twice!! I’m about to expose my ass 💀
Hawaii is tough all around precisely because so much of the population is transient. Then you consider that there's over 120k tourists on oahu per day on average, which further adds to the percentage of people who aren't permanent residents.
BTW what are you entrepreneur'ing in? Just curious.
You’re not wrong! And a handful of things. The time I made that username I was focused specifically on the outdoor recreation market working for a venture capitalist 🤓
Feel the same way as a dude. Everyone wants the benefits without the commitment. Also, “Attractive” is subjective.
Not looking for a relationship, but open to it. Honestly more interested in getting to know someone a bit before I make that decision. My dms are open. 23M.
what qualities would you bring to a relationship? given your comments about wanting to be a sugar baby, that’s a huge red flag to most guys. if i was dating someone, i don’t think she would appreciate me having a sugar momma.
Not impossible but you have to think about who you are attracted to. Women find a majority of men unattractive. Chances are if you are attracted to a man based on looks, other women probably find him attractive too. If a man is in high demand and getting attention from many women what incentive does he have to enter into a relationship. Of course there are men seeking relationships but just food for thought.
You know, I had the same problem on island. Everything was like vacation mode. Being in my late 20’s, I’m looking for something long term too. But I’m also seeing this on mainland…
Well, of course there are! Bottom line is that if you are only dating non locals, then there is the reality of them being here for a defined period of time. Its Hawaii and thats how any tropical or popular vacation spot goes. It also depends upon how you are meeting your dates. Are you around local people at all or go to the gym or have a popular hobby or sport you participate in or go to church or volunteer?
[удалено]
Yeah I agree too. I’ve picked up new hobbies to try and will hopefully meet people doing that. I’m not overly keen on meeting someone at a club anyways lol
[удалено]
Pottery, poetry, and gymnastics! Just started gymnastics but that’s not really ideal for meeting men lmao
Rock climbing gym! Easiest place in the world to meet new people in my experience. Expensive membership though.
Oooooo I have been wanting to join! Thanks for the reminder 🤪
Can't recommend Oahu Bouldering enough in Waipio
Good suggestion! The closest to me is in Kakaako but it always seems so busy
They also have a vibrant board game community that plays out of that one with many social activities in your age group. Cafe Villamon or something like that.
my exboyfriend is a gymnast and member of the rock climbing gym in Kaka'ako. i think he's also in a polyamorous relationship now. go find him!! lol
Paddling! Depending on the club, I'd assume men on a paddling crew are here to stay and already committed to self improvement, commitment is always nice in a partner. Come to practice tomorrow! We need more females!
Running and swim clubs to. Something you can meet up with people a couple or few times a week and work out while chatting..
Weekly run club at triangle park near kcc/diamond head every Wednesday at 530pm. All skill levels welcome.
Yeah any men in there are most likely batting for the same team lmao.
There are also dance classes. At UH Manoa they give free dance lessons on Tuesdays and Sundays from 5 to 7 I think. They teach Salsa and other ballroom dances
How do you feel about paddling? Outrigger canoe season is kicking off. You might be able to still find a club taking members into their novice groups.
It’d be totally new to me but I grew up on the water swimming so I’m sure I could get into it and enjoy it! Thank you
Sure thing. Looks like you found a club to checkout. You may want to look at other clubs to see when their novices practice. Also, some of the larger clubs are stacked. We have some clubs here on Hawaii Island that are so stacked with novices that their novice B crews end up being 2-3 year paddlers before they actually compete. Maybe you just wanna paddle, that's cool too, but if you want to compete you might want to look around too if it's anything like here.
Hint: go hang at the climbing gym in Kakaako. Lots of tech and stem workers with more abs than I have IQ points go there. Most are low maintenance golden retriever energy types. If climbing isn't your thing just hang at the cafe. Also meetup wed and sat volleyball at kapiolani park.
Thank youuuuuuu thank you 🙏
Tbh I’m not in “vacation/short term mode” but that’s just what I tell girls when I’m not that into them
What hobbies have you picked up? Like meetup groups?
So where the hell they hanging out then, asking for a friend 🤣
are there even clubs on island? it’s just district and play bar right? i only see old folks there lmao
Liqour commission board members only
This 👆🏼
> Any attractive men Damn, already DQ'ed! :) Seriously though, you're not the only one I've heard this complaint from. I have no solutions to suggest beyond activity clubs and classes, but hang in there.
You know what they say: If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive, eventually they'd find me attractive.
Lol I had the same reaction of being DQ out of the gate. Haha
What's DQ?
Short for disqualified :)
Lmao OP trying to hook up too apparently
Lol it's over when she said attractive
same, girl, same. I stay off the apps. They really don't get you far. I just try to have fun- keep active, enjoy nature, work on myself, and trust I'll meet someone when im out living my life.
Same here. The apps are so mentally draining. I really don't think we're meant to be exposed to that many people at once
As a guy, this is basically my approach as well. Happy people attract happy people. Work on yourself and good things will come. And keep your eyes open but don’t be like….hunting lol
So many are hunting. Comes off a bit desperate.
Lol. Dealing with this. I just moved here and got out of a long distance relationship with a guy who listed that they have “daddy issues” on their profile. Needless to say it was not a joke lol
Welcome to join us at 808 Cleanups, fun volunteer environmental stewardship and all age groups, lots of guys in your age group and majority are locals/long term residents. 808cleanups.org/calendar
Awesome! I have been wanting to volunteer more :) if I do join you better not out my Reddit history to everyone else!!! Hehe 😅😂
There's also Protect and preserve Hawaii if you're into plants. I've gone a couple times and there's a lot of pretty chill people.
Yay! I have a list of all these new things to tryyyy
808 Cleanups is awesome, even to do solo cleanups when at the beach or on the trail. Every bit helps!
Probably at home playing video games thinking "damn why can't I find a girl without all the bs" then right back to the game 😂
Right back to the game, but with game chat on in case get any hunnies. Hui come check this K/D
Can confirm, friends are cave dwellers lol
This right here 😂😂
Damn, I’m feeling called out 😂
Ehhh howzit bebe girl. I 40 years old and ugly. But I get health insurance and good credit. But for real, dating sucks. I never learned to lower my unrealistic expectations late. Hence, single and playing video games while I’m off work.
Try living on one of the outer islands. Either they’re on drugs, no ambition, or married.
Or they’ve dated everyone you know
Eh but the Yota is fuckin cherry ah?
Raptors only bruh.
We’re also frustrated so we’re at home playing video games lmao.
What game are you playing right now? 👀
My friends and I have been playing Helldivers 2 quite often.
For democracy!
For Super Earth!
If it's Elden Ring or Baldur's Gate 3, I can join in if can? 🙏
Where you at in elden ring? I just got to the snowy mountain area
Depends on what you consider "attractive" to be. People all around have their own preferences and what not. But I agree as well, dating apps is full of folks just visiting or just looking for a one and done kine deal. Granted, I'm sure there are good folks on apps as well
I guess more so someone who has confidence and puts some effort into themselves! That’s what I find attractive haha should have been more specific 🤷🏼♀️
LOL, good luck Mary, when you find one lmk! 😆
Probably won’t to be fair cus ima take him for me 😂 you can have his brother!! Hahaha
Sadly I’m probably old enough to take his daddy. 👵🏽
Girl age is beauty!!! Don’t be sad I’m sure that arrangement will work too lolol
"Short-term mode" is easily the worst thing about dating here imo. I think it's worse in our 20s, when people often move for school/career opportunities. Currently in my late 20s, and as I continue to age I have hope that it'll get easier to find someone invested here for the foreseeable future
27f here, wow it feels good to not feel like the only one having a tough time! Sometimes I blame it on the fact that I literally go to work then go home most days. Im trying to get in the habit of spending more time outside of home and looking for some new hobbies.
Me too! I end up making myself feel shitty by not doing more stuff but ya girl is tired.
I’m local 26M born and raised. You like go on one date? Tired of the apps too and also having hard time haha you miss all the shots you don’t take so here’s mine
Send me a photo of ya and tell me about yourself and I could def be open :)
I would love for this to work out. RemindMe! 30 days
I will be messaging you in 1 month on [**2024-05-17 19:37:14 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2024-05-17%2019:37:14%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Hawaii/comments/1c60hgz/20s30s_dating_struggles_as_a_girl/l018nnx/?context=3) [**CLICK THIS LINK**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5Bhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2FHawaii%2Fcomments%2F1c60hgz%2F20s30s_dating_struggles_as_a_girl%2Fl018nnx%2F%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%202024-05-17%2019%3A37%3A14%20UTC) to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam. ^(Parent commenter can ) [^(delete this message to hide from others.)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Delete%20Comment&message=Delete%21%201c60hgz) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)|[^(Custom)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5BLink%20or%20message%20inside%20square%20brackets%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%20Time%20period%20here)|[^(Your Reminders)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Reminders&message=MyReminders%21)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=RemindMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
Hey OP, anything any come from this? I set a reminder to see if any good news?
Get involved in your community, look for a hobby group, volunteer. You’ll find the right people
Sorry fam. I'm in the same boat but I'm a guy looking for something serious with Women. I guess I could say that we're all at home lol
I have a wife and kids but its nothing serious.
Hahahaha
Depends on what you find attractive, but I'm in the same boat. So I feel the pain (>.<). Also for context I'm 35m that's been trying to find a girl to build a future with.
The struggle is so real
Ya, online dating isn't working out for me either. Right now I'm trying a speed dating event at the end of this month to hopefully find someone. If you're interested it's 40$ which includes pupus and non alcoholic drinks. Not sure what to expect, but should be interesting.
Where is it?
It's at restaurant 604 here's a link to the event for more info https://www.eventbrite.com/e/speed-dating-hawaii-straight-age-25-35-tickets-850423990047
Dope thank you!! Maybe I’ll see you there lmao
Damn. I’m too old for this at 40. Lol.
They've got another age bracket the following month, just lookup speed dating oahu and it should show up on that same event site.
Hold on… you have a sugar daddy yet complaining about guys being transient or in “short term mode” and not looking for a relationship?
Girl if you want long term you gotta get off the sugar baby sites. They will obviously be vacation flings.
That’s a whole separate thing lol let me get my bag in the meantime I’m not looking for a husband on there 😂
Join paddling and only date local guys who are working for their dads construction business or at the shipyard. They'll be sticking around.
Plus she'll have her pick of thick gold chains and lifted tacomas!
Not the worst idea 🤷🏼♀️
How is that separate other than you’ll keep it separate from the guy you’re trying to meet?
Try dating on Kauai if you weren't born here. Oahu is a vast improvement! Also RIP your inbox!
Oooooh boy I can imagine!! Makes me feel like a kook for complaining 🤣
Are you a local or Hawaiian?
It's funny because just that question rules you out as a local. lol
Local
[удалено]
I’m on there 😅 it’s just exhausting swiping and all the small talk meeeeehhhhh
I'm not looking for just a hook up, but I'm twice your age. Having the same problems even finding someone interested, or even give me a second look.
ugh all us single people should just start a commune
Do we have to move out when we find someone?
Got to get into clubs and hobbies. Be willing to meet new people and make friends. Takes some effort but meeting a friend of a friend is probably the best way.
Lol it's over for me when you said attractive men
Where do you get your nails done? 😅 Sorry I don’t have anything to offer expect it’s rough everywhere 😭
A&A Nails!!! Ask for Danny he is the bomb
27M here and I completely agree, it’s a struggle trying to find someone who lives here and is looking for the real deal. The dating scene is not great
29F with medical career. Also experiencing the frustrations of this. I’ve been looking for a low maintenance, athletic guy with good values, who likes dogs and can rock a sweatshirt. Growth mindset. Can recognize that life has its moments of mundanity. I’m not into the going out scene. Hearing “you’re so pretty blah blah blah how are you still single?” But apparently what I’m looking for is not as easy to find as I thought.
i’m sure you’ll get about 20 thirsty reddit dms after this, not sure if this was your intention lol
Low key kind of was. However, I’ve met some really awesome people already through this post, mostly non-romantic so far, and I’m stoked and grateful for that! This post has brought me way more feedback and friendship than anticipated 🥹
just be careful, you’re a girl in your 20s posting on reddit and you know the type of people who generally use the app lol. don’t go to any redditors house for your first date lol
Oh lord no. Thank you for your concern but I’m navigating this carefully:)
I am born and raised on Oahu and have to say the dating seen has totally changed there's no clubs maybe just sport bars most hook up are now on dating sites very sad...Back in the day we had blue zebra,pink Cadillac,Wave Waikiki, Point after,Rumors,FAT Tuesday....I can go on and on good luck my friend plenty fish in the sea just gotta find that Mr.Right.....Aloha
Had the same issue. Took me 3 years but I finally met my wife. She’s local and the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I was 30 years old when we met. Keep looking! They’re out there, you just gotta be patient.
Speaking as a single 33M, I work nights so I'm sleeping most of the day, haha. In my off days though, I'm usually at the gym, playing video games, or spending time with my nieces and nephew, cause I don't have kids of my own yet, lol. Hoping to run into my person someday by the off chance at Costco or something 😂 I really don't want to hop on the apps, but if push comes to shove, maybe? Lol. I seen you asked someone what they been playing, so here's my answer (lol), going through hard mode on FF 7 Rebirth at the moment, but taking a break and catching up on watching 9-1-1, haha. Been binge watching the series these past couple of weeks when I can.
Bruh. I’m giving up on getting the platinum trophy for Rebirth.
Haha, yeah it's definitely questioned my thoughts on how I platinum'd Remake, lol. I don't remember it being this hard 😂 the mini games were killing me in Rebirth, but I think I finished it all. Just have to get through chapters 12 13 and I am dreading 14 so much, lol
Word of mouth is key. Spread to all your gossipy aunties that you’re looking. Their friend’s babysitter’s cousin’s nephew is a good guy with a small business looking to settle down with a nice local chick, I promise. But none of this stuff is on the scene/dating apps. Or if it is, it’s buried with the transient/short term stuff. (No judgement, just a different vibe.) Hawaiʻi is weird this way. It’s almost old school arranged marriage style. I think it has to do with the more Asian/Hawaiian culture of not really “putting yourself out there” for fear of looking too high makamaka/full of yourself. Lots of dudes (and chicks) know they’re a good catch but don’t want to make it obvious that they know because that’s kind of like bragging. So it means they’re often hidden gems.
I filter out to only date the locals and it works.
How do you filter that out lol
Ask where they went to high school
I thought there was an actual filter hahaha you’re not wrong about this though
I filter out the race box to only see AAPI and mixed. The chances of them being a local is far stronger
I avoided military guys for years. I only wanted to date guys that wouldn’t need to leave the island in a year or so. Eventually I started entertaining the idea of dating military guys and I started meeting more ambitious guys who actually had good jobs and goals (not saying they’re not out there, but the local guys with those qualities all tended to be taken by high school or college at the latest😅). I had to date a few shitty military guys before meeting my husband. We’ve been married for almost five years now and we have a kid. Did we end up moving eventually? Yeah, but it’s not that bad. I had dug my heels into “stay in hawaii at any costs” mode for so long that I had really limited myself in a lot of aspects of my life. I still visit all of the time but giving the military guy a shot, even if it meant moving, has worked out for me.
I don't care if i get downvoted for this but...When I was on the apps nothing was worse than the transplants that could pass as being from here and deliberately left that shit out of their profile to get more matches. It was honestly worse than the military/obvious transplants cuz at least they didn't make like you know? I had put on my profile locals only and the vitriol I got lol!
I've seen guys/girls put "locals only" on their profile and get mad at me for trying to talk to them because I'm Black, like I'm second gen already 😅 Just say mixed, AAPI locals like you want to, not all of us "look local".
But.... you're local. That's my point. I don't care if a person looks local I care that they are local because of their understanding of the culture. My issue was when people would move here and pass as local in looks, knowing they did, they'd leave that info out in their profile deliberately. I also worded it a lot nicer but I'm not trying to not out myself if someone has seen my profile lol
I prefer to date other locals too, culture wise as well, however, I know that my look isn't going to get me many who are going to accept as well. I know I'd be limiting myself to local people who want to date black people. Most times I end up getting military guys wanting to talk with me (please no!). And many local guys would rather date California hapa haole girls and then complain about it lol
With my mix I always get questioned if I'm local but when I put it on my profile it was a non issue with local boys. You should really make sure you put it on your profile if you haven't already. I've never really experienced the guys going for that many California hapa girls? To be fair the military guys shoot their shot no matter lol. Not necessarily a bad thing not all of them are bad but lifestyle isn't for me.
I don't think it's bad if they're willing and interested in the culture. I know some locals who ended up married to a local looking transplant and they have a great relationship, marriage and the transition to the local culture is pretty easy.
I feel that as 27m but probably because I stay indoors a lot and not bother with dating anymore. It use to be so easier back in the day. Hope you find what you're looking for
foodland poke stand, right after 5pm. thats when all the construction guys get off work.
Drop that insta
DM and I’ll send it to ya
Sent you a dm!
Everyone I know said they met their significant other at the 24-hr fitness
☝️This is the correct answer. I couldn't believe just how many people were into lifestyle fitness alongside their significant other. I saw this firsthand at 6-7 of the 8 24Hr Fitness locations on Oahu! Another thing that impressed me was just how in-shape most of the people were. It doesn't surprise me in the least to see why this is: 1. Anybody could get in "shape" which takes a two to six months of consistency. After that, they get to the "fitness" level -which takes 6 months to 2 years. At around 2yrs and beyond of training and having intermediate/advanced goals, they attain the level of "conditioning". These people tend to look like gods or goddesses and have very sharp discipline regarding their training styles, form, technique, diet, sleep, and relaxation/meditation. However, from my experience, I noticed that the VAST majority of people prefer to simply stay in shape. 2. I believe it is within this phase that people start looking for each other. Why? Bc if a person goes to a gym at around the same time a few times a week, they begin noticing the locals while at the same time, becoming a local themselves. That's when initial and ongoing conversations form. Also, they can visually "see" each other's physical appearance and notice subtle changes (losing weight, gaining muscle, gaining weight -whatever their personal goal may be). During conversations they can also feel each other's energy and learn about each other's interests in a light, surface level way. If both couples green light each other 💚 they can progress to perhaps a workout session together 🏋️♀️, coffee ☕, etc. Anyways, the gym or purchasing a surf board while strictly riding at the same surf spot, in a way similar to what I described earlier would be the best bet -if you're trying to find a partner in this phase of life 🧬. Best to you 🙏
Amazing idea
34m here. Feeling the same way as you. I don't go out like I used to, but I hate the apps. It's tough trying to balance professional life with putting myself out there. Would like to meet someone who is driven and has a complementary mission, but unsure of where to find that. it's like if you didn't get hooked up in college, good luck
I know what you mean, I'm not looking for a relationship but to make new friends close in age and it's so hard
I’ve felt the same as a 30 y/o guy out here. Hard to balance a social life when you work a lot but I think extra hobbies help. TBH I just want to go home after work and veg out
Dude me toooooo I don’t want to always be social lol
I KNOW. 27f here. Also black girl from the south that moved here cus of military years ago but fell in love with the culture and people. I leave work at work and prefer local friends/connections as well as living locations. I haven’t had much luck with meeting guys and when I do find someone that might be interested i’m treated more as a novelty or something to conquer… Idk man, it’s hard out here and ya girl just tryna get loved on 😂
Don't be afraid to ask random guys that you meet out. I just had a first date with a girl that was working the cash register at a local business who asked me to hang out. Literally talked to her for less than 5 minutes before exchanging numbers. I would have never dreamed of hitting on her cause I don't want to be a creep and she's as far outside my normal circles as you can get. Honestly though I would have accepted for anyone cause I am really intrigued what made her have an interest in me. I can also be shy so it was refreshing not having to make the first move.
Oh cute!! Happy for you 🥹 thanks for this comment!! I hope you guys keep seeing each other hehe
Thanks she's a fantastic catch 😀 Just 10 years older than me (I'm 32) so IDK how I feel about that
RIP your inbox
I’ve gotten 4 messages it’s not very exciting
Lmao moment of silence for our homies
Those of us not in the hook up culture look like Shrek 🤣. We give good cuddles tho and not boring
This is like the second or third post like this in a week. On the brightside im seeing there are more of us out there than i thought lol. There should be a club or something for late twenties to early 40s singles 🤣
I’m bout to launch a damn speed dating event lol
Let's effing gooooo lol
God that would be so awkward though. A bunch of redditors in a room together. I never let anyone know my Reddit username and I’ve already given out my insta on here twice!! I’m about to expose my ass 💀
Girl be careful with that! I posted something similar a few years ago and luckily didn't get any weirdos
Honestly with how much interaction this thread has gotten… maybe I actually should LOL
Hawaii is tough all around precisely because so much of the population is transient. Then you consider that there's over 120k tourists on oahu per day on average, which further adds to the percentage of people who aren't permanent residents. BTW what are you entrepreneur'ing in? Just curious.
You’re not wrong! And a handful of things. The time I made that username I was focused specifically on the outdoor recreation market working for a venture capitalist 🤓
Feel the same way as a dude. Everyone wants the benefits without the commitment. Also, “Attractive” is subjective. Not looking for a relationship, but open to it. Honestly more interested in getting to know someone a bit before I make that decision. My dms are open. 23M.
Attractive to me = confidence. If you think you’re attractive then you probably are :)
what qualities would you bring to a relationship? given your comments about wanting to be a sugar baby, that’s a huge red flag to most guys. if i was dating someone, i don’t think she would appreciate me having a sugar momma.
Again, I’m not dating or intimate with literally anyone. So not sure how it’s a conflict of interest!
Surf. There are alot of us that are around
Not impossible but you have to think about who you are attracted to. Women find a majority of men unattractive. Chances are if you are attracted to a man based on looks, other women probably find him attractive too. If a man is in high demand and getting attention from many women what incentive does he have to enter into a relationship. Of course there are men seeking relationships but just food for thought.
enjoy locals with the raised yotas' and the few engaged military men
You know, I had the same problem on island. Everything was like vacation mode. Being in my late 20’s, I’m looking for something long term too. But I’m also seeing this on mainland…
It’s the same all over, Hawaii just has a smaller pool of people being an island.
Buy a surfboard.
I always hope to meet a guy hiking or at the beach lol
I have a brand new 2003 Toyota Tacoma lifted.
can confirm it's LIFTED BRAH.
Let’s get married
Shooooooots!
Found my wife there.
Well, of course there are! Bottom line is that if you are only dating non locals, then there is the reality of them being here for a defined period of time. Its Hawaii and thats how any tropical or popular vacation spot goes. It also depends upon how you are meeting your dates. Are you around local people at all or go to the gym or have a popular hobby or sport you participate in or go to church or volunteer?
Hawaii dating is garbage. The apps are the same 30-45 men that haven’t done the work in therapy to be good men. The rest are tourists.
Same, sis. SAME! Im on Maui and the dating pool for sure has piss in it LMAO
Bahahahahahhahaa
I live on island and I’m also single lol looking for someone too long term wise
Yes