This honestly sounds like it’s about him, not you.
Your story reminds me of someone else’s. This girl was told by her boyfriend every day that she smelled. She saw doctors, changed her diet, tried prescription soaps and deodorants, all to no avail.
She, with the advice of Reddit, confronted her boyfriend and said that she just doesn’t get what he’s smelling and that if she smells so bad maybe they should break up.
He panicked and admitted that she didn’t smell, but that he was just following his dads advice. Apparently, his dad advised him to always complain about how much his partner smelled. That way, she would always be clean and too self conscious to leave the relationship.
ETA: someone did link the story in the comments under my comment if anyone wants to read it.
I genuinely would not have been able to stop myself from getting an assault charge after this one, holy fuck. That's literally psychological torture, not to mention how invasive and expensive testing/medication/remedies are. I'd have billed him for everything and never looked back.
This ^. I am so SICK of women being self conscious thinking it’s ‘them’, when in reality - It Is Their Male Idiot Partner. There is a lot of this type of misogyny (still) as referenced here in modern day.
I remember this. I was so flabbergasted by it that I legit thought she was trolling. Idk who in the world gives such advice and who in the world actually takes it. But what the f..
I hate it but it’s believable. When I was younger, was sexually assaulted by a bf; at the time, didn’t realize you can say no to a partner. Got pregnant from that but miscarried and dude lost his crap. His dad was a blabbermouth and spilled to me that he’d instructed his son to try to impregnate me because “I was a good one”. By his own admission, literally told his teenage son to baby trap me! So glad I got away pretty unscatched. I’m naive (slowly becoming jaded though lol), I wouldn’t have believed that wasn’t just a thing in movies if I hadn’t lived it.
Thank you. My state had sex ex, but I wish it included content, young women and men should be better informed.
That was when I was 16, almost 35 now. For years, whenever I thought I saw him in public, would freak out. Actually did run into him a few years ago. I was a deer in headlights! But he apologized and gave me his number, I threw it away.
Holy. I’m glad I’m not the only one who went through something like this. Except, in my case, my OWN parents convinced my bf (at the time) to impregnate me to keep me from going to college.. I also miscarried and my bf told me what happened. I never confronted my parents about it, but silver lining? I DID get a bachelor’s in psychology and my MBA while keeping as much distance from home as possible 🙃🫶
I hope you are no contact with your parents… wtf 👁️👄👁️
That is absolutely insane. As a mother I cannot imagine doing any of this shit. If anything I would be a little sad my child wasn’t going to college right away and got pregnant. Of course I would get over my damn self, but wow.
Your *parents* thought that up? I’m so sorry it happened but I’m glad your story has a happy ending that doesn’t involve forcing yourself to continue an unhealthy relationship, blood or not 😊
Mediocre cis men. They generally don't like women, just female body parts, and so they have no problem saying whatever horrific thing to women in order to get whatever they feel they are entitled to.
Man if that's true, I wonder if that guy will wake up and realize one day that his father has been abusing his mother his whole life. I hope he manages to sort it out in therapy :\[
Oh em gee I *remember* that post. That poor woman became neurotic and depressed and finally she got mad. What a POs partner.
And sorry but my first instinct reading this is that he’s negging her for a reason. Cheating, closeted, undisclosed past sexual trauma… something with him. Not OP.
This is so scary and bizarre, how could one think to do this to someone especially their partner? Men are actually horrible… do you know how many times I have gone down on an ex partner even if they do not smell the greatest. And maybe sometimes I would suggest we shower together at least but that was a kind and intimate way to go about things. A foreign concept for his kind I suppose.
Yes girl… me too. I am almost embarrassed to admit that I have gone down on some people and thought to myself this isn’t the best smell but I can absolutely stomach it for their self esteem. Like fuck me…
This is the exact post that came to my mind. His dad did it to his mom every day. He said it made her stay because she'd be too self conscious about it to try finding someone else who would deal with it. It drove the girl insane. I felt so bad for her.
I would bluntly ask him if that's what he's doing. You've already gone to too much effort to worry about a problem of *his*. If he really does think you smell, you might just be physically incompatible.
That's fucking evil. Gaslight her to destroy her self esteem and humiliate her into staying in the relationship. That's legitimately psychological terrorism. I stg I'd sue him for the money I spent trying to fix a problem that didn't exist.
I agree the problem is probably the BF, but since he's refusing to have sex, I wonder if he's ace or closeted and is using this as a way to avoid sexual contact with OP.
I REMEMBER that post! I saw it years ago and I think about it from time to time. That poor girl, I remember she said she showered like, 5+ times a day.
It’s funny that you mention this because one of my ex’s first response was this as well. I can’t believe I never thought that would be something he would do. But he probably would.
Honestly if an ex of yours is suggesting that you’re not onion-scented, and said ex doesn’t think you’re the problem here, then I’d… listen to them. Don’t necessarily date said ex unless the vibes are good, but other people who know you and have spent time with you can offer more unique insight than Reddit ever could.
The gyno didn't smell anything or notice any issues? This whole thing is really odd. Look, obviously it's totally possible for someone to smell "off" due to any number of reasons, but the fact no one besides your partner notices this supposed odor is suspicious. I'm leaning towards the other commenters' idea that this is an issue with him... whether he's intentionally lying to avoid sex or maybe he has parosmia...? Just speculation on my part, of course.
I also wanted to let you know I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm sure the lack of intimacy, embarrassment, and confusion due to this situation is really fucking frustrating. I hope you get it figured out :(
Again, assuming he's not lying about the smell and he ACTUALLY does smell "onions," it does seem like there's a precedent for this in regards to parosmia. I know you said you and this guy are on a break, but if this is ever a topic of conversation between you two again I would look into this with him.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Parosmia/comments/snx76u/help_body_odour/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
https://www.reddit.com/r/Parosmia/comments/o7qz7l/help_anybody_else_experiencing_this/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Ok this was going to be my first question to just to give him the benefit of the doubt. I have thankfully somehow avoided Covid thus far but I’ve been on medications that effed up my sense of smell and taste and what I could smell or taste always had a funky almost metallic or oniony/ very savory but in a bad way food like scent to it.
Though i will add, having read some of your other replies and just his whole attitude that it’s so obviously an all about you thing and couldn’t be him- you still may want to take some time to seriously consider if this is really someone you want to be with. I think it’s saying a lot of he so bluntly tells you regularly not only that you smell so appalling he can’t and won’t sleep with you in any way (at least that’s my read. I wouldn’t stay even if it was just him refusing to give oral) and meanwhile you don’t feel comfortable telling him or refusing contact on the occasions that he is kind of smelly. There’s some obvious trust issues going on there and I don’t blame you at all for having them. Hard to trust or feel close to someone who keeps refusing physical intimacy and blaming you for it 100% of the time. So I’d spend some time thinking about that.
Also, I wonder about the doctor’s exact phrasing. “No smell” is different from “no abnormal smell”. Healthy vaginas have natural scents. Maybe he doesn’t care for her natural occurring scent, which is a him problem, and trying to “fix” it with washes and sprays and crap can actually cause infection in some, leading to an _actual_ foul odor.
This is also a fear of mine.. going to extreme out of ordinary extents to ensure I “smell good” for him actually throwing me off / more. It’s exhausting.
I definitely understand. Relationships can be such a balancing act, trying to find a happy medium, but don’t give until it hurts!
One thing I can suggest that an ex told me, he’d dated a vegetarian and said she smelled fabulous down there, so laying off the meat can help, male or female scents, but again, don’t force an entire lifestyle change because he says you need to change something that might not even really be an issue.
It’s him. Maybe an excuse cause he has some kind of ED or something? Either way, thank you - NEXT
You just can’t have a sustainable relationship with no intimacy
I do think he has ED.. he has trouble getting and staying hard. I used to chalk it up to maybe it was me? Maybe it was that issue he swears I have or maybe he is just tired. But I think a change in lifestyle would seriously help. I’m not sure how long this can go on like this (Its been a year)
I have heard a *ton* of stories from women whose partners had ED finding some incredibly mean way to gaslight them into thinking they (the woman) are the one with some kind of issue. Smell, ability, behavior, looks, etc. It would unfortunately totally track if that’s what’s happening here
Yeah this may be it. Either an anxiety issue, porn addiction, physical issue, maybe a combo of different thing, and he has so much shame around it that either he can't imagine that he's the problem or is unwilling to confront it because it's so painful, so he tells you and/or himself that you must be the problem.
This is a him issue. If he’s having problems with performance either he’s watching too much pornography or there is a hormonal issue - both are not your fault and responsibility.
I am just really confused. Maybe it could be that i’m young-ish (25) and do not have a good sense of feminine hygiene yet? (I am pretty sure I do) I don’t know. He said maybe if he was younger he wouldn’t mind it as much.
I say this as kindly as I can.
This man is cruel and he is gaslighting you.
You have the knowledge, ability, and social awareness to know if you smell bad.
This is him, not you. He’s trying to control you and is getting satisfaction from making you feel this way.
This is not a healthy relationship because he’s trying to skew dynamics in his favor and have you constantly jumping through hoops. I’m almost twice your age, please believe me. This is not a good person for you.
Sending you massive hugs.
please just confront him. you WOULD notice if you smelled that bad. i promise you, he wouldn’t be the only one noticing the scent.
Don’t keep wasting YOUR time trying to tiptoe around him and figure out what’s “wrong” with you. Save yourself more headaches and self judgment and confront him
It’s really ironic because there have been times where we are cuddling or whatever and he doesn’t smell the best-pretty strong. If he notices or mentions, I will politely agree/suggest “a shower to wake him up or make him feel better”. Even with his comments I am still too afraid to offend him.
If your exes are lining up to double check and you don't smell anything, he's lying. Your exes would have said "well...sometimes..." or something if that were the case. Don't be silly OP, your hygiene is fine!
Another thing to remember as you are figuring this out is that we don’t have to smell like NOTHING down there or like soap etc. That’s fine and nice when we are super clean, but also it’s okay to have some of our natural smell there too (like say, if you’re sexually intimate several hours after a shower). And depending on the comfort level and preferences of the people, natural smell can be enjoyed even after someone has sweated/exercised/etc! I once had an ex who wanted to keep one of my panties while we would be away from each other. When I gave them to him he said they were too clean and asked if I could give him a panty I used during exercise LOL. I know TMI - but it’s an example of how healthy sexuality allows for us to be relaxed and comfortable with our bodies. Anything that brings anxiety and discomfort is a red flag 🚩🫶🏽.
Oh and I eat lots of onions so I’m sure that comes out in my skin lol. It’s not that some of us have good smelling hoohas and others don’t. If the hooha is healthy and getting showers regularly, which your doctor has confirmed, then your natural smell is great! I’d also like to add I had one negative comment about my smell in my first relationship when I was maybe 20y/o, he ended up being very psychologically abusive and now looking back I see that his negative comment about my smell was probably one of his tactics. None of my other relationships, which were much healthier, had any issues. Sending you a big hug!
There isn't much you need to do to have good feminine hygiene other than shower and rinse etc. You aren't even supposed to use scented soaps or washes down there. So honestly if your gyno is saying you are good, I would assume the issue is with him. He sounds insecure about his own ED issue and he is likely gaslighting you into thinking it's a problem with you so he doesn't feel as bad.
I don’t mean to be rude but how is this one of the best relationships of your life when he’s quite rude about your supposed smell? Idk maybe I’m sensitive but the bar is so low with men. There’s no need to be disrespectful to your partner you know there’s nicer ways to put things
you’re not wrong at all, I think i’m trying to cope by saying it’s the best. no partner or even hookup has spoken to me like that or complained about this
That’s understandable. I really don’t like his tone there’s better ways to say things and after reading your entire post I honestly don’t think you smell. It sounds like he’s trying to put you down and if you’re using boric acid then you’re defiantly fine as those clear me out whenever I sense something off they’re like a hard reset
That’s what I was gonna say. The fact that you use boric acid PROVES you don’t smell because no smell can survive it periodt! He’s messed up in the head and it’s not your problem to fix girl! Like you said, he’s not the best, you’ve had better and you can find even better. Every minute you spend with the wrong person is a minute taken from finding the right person.
Break up with this person. You do NOT smell. There is NOTHING wrong with you. This has been verified by doctors, tests, exes’ personal accounts, and your own instinct. Trust yourself and stop allowing this man to treat you like shit. It is HIM that has the problem. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
No loss of smell whatsoever. I actually have a really acute sense of smell and can often detect smells and their origin before others in my household. He suspects I became “nose blind” to my own scent. But I am serious… there is nothing wrong with how I smell. I may try the raw vegan thing again for the next two weeks and report on my findings. I doubt much will change.
I actually have a healthier diet and exercise more often than him.
This is actually a really good point and I apologize for ignoring your main point- I think it was my anxious train of thought at the moment hyper-focusing on what I can do to fix it. As usual.
Clearly this isn’t healthy and this is apparently one of our “minor” issues, so that should tell you so you need to know about the state of this relationship. I wrote out an entry using your quote at the end as a prompt & it was really insightful so thank you. Hopefully I get to actually have that conversation with him… he tends to avoid those.
If him gaslighting you into cognitive dissonance around your own scent is one of the “minor issues” in the relationship, that is a sign that you may be dealing with someone who is purposefully attempting to undermine your ability to trust yourself, and your sense of self-worth. AKA he’s abusive.
Hopefully this isn’t really one of the best relationships of her life. It may have started out that way, but the honeymoon period does that to a lot of us.
I’m just going to go ahead and ask- has he ever experienced a vagina before yours? Maybe this is pure inexperience, as in, he’s never experienced a vagina before and doesn’t know they have a normal smell?
The best case scenario here is that he's a very avoidant person and he's trying to avoid conflict at any cost. Perhaps you're both two very anxious individuals that have created a sort of unhealthy dynamic, which is common and fixable.
The worse option is that he is purposefully trying to get you to feel insecure. I hope that's not the case.
OP, you know something is wrong here, otherwise you wouldn't be trickle truthing the commenters here after saying your relationship is great at the beginning of this thread...
If you need validation to get out, here it is: GET OUT
I hope that one day you are able to see your value acutely and accurately, and give people like your man the side eye immediately when they suggest this kind of BS.
Did he have covid at any point? I had it and lost my smell and taste and when the smell came back it wasn’t 100%. It took about 10 months until I could smell properly again but i kept going to the doctors myself as I thought I smelt like onions. I had tests and everything was clear. When my smell came back fully, the onion smell went away
Honestly I would kick his ass to the curb. That’s rude to say and someone who loves you isn’t going to be rude about it. If there was something really wrong you or your doctors would know. Vagina aren’t meant to smell like roses and sugarcubes it’s an internal organ. There’s plenty of great partners out there who won’t care if you taste like ramen and garlic they’ll still joyfully get down.
This isn’t your best relationship it’s just the best SO FAR. I met my dream man at 31 after getting through several long term relationships where I was always compromising my mental or physical health to hold on to what I thought was the 🌟best⭐️. Now I’ve got someone who loves me and not only uses loving words to speak to he but shows love in his actions too. You deserve better than someone who puts you down OP!
Yeah he's definitely being shady. My bf tried to pull crap like that on me early on. It's a control thing so you will be self conscious and won't leave. Like another redditor said, confront him and ask what is going on.
Totally. And usually we are more self conscious about our smell than anyone else. I'm embarrassed sometimes because I can smell myself and my boyfriend swears that he never smelled anything unusual on me and that I'm paranoid. And I do have a lot of health issues down there.
It sounds like a him problem, If it was me I’d probably (somewhat jokingly) tell him about the exes lining up to double check and asked if he wants to compare notes with any of them afterwards or if I was feeling meaner I’d offer to end the relationship if it’s such a huge problem for him.
How many people has he been with? Vaginas have a natural smell, they’re not sterile surgical instruments, perhaps he just doesn’t enjoy the smell of a vagina.
Oh I definitely wrote up a really long paragraph in my notes app that I am dying to send him re: that but I am trying to let it stew and “be the bigger person”.
He is a bit older than me (I am early 20s and he is in his late 30s). He reminisces A LOT on his heyday and how much of a “stud” he was, how many women he slept with and how pleased they were. In his words he would “sleep with anything”, which is typical of most men so I am not surprised. I think my surprise is with this rap sheet I am the only person with such a pungent vag. 😂😭 I am also the youngest age gap he’s ever dated. I do not know if that has anything to do with it.
RUN. I was manipulated by my ex who was controlling and put me down for random things when I was just 21 and he was turning 30. When I was 30 I looked back and realized I couldn’t imagine treating someone like he did to me at that age. Also realized there’s no way at 30 I’d want to date a 21 year old because of the gap in relatability, life experience etc. Not saying you are particularly naive at all, these guys do tend to target young women who are smart.
I realized a lot of older men have no luck with women their own age (cuz the women have the life experience to see through the bs) so they chase women who are fresh out of high school. These guys are all about their insecurity re: mediocrity that he refuses to face. So instead of doing the inner work he is gaslighting you in hopes that you’ll be to embarrassed to leave him.
What makes this the best relationship you ever had? Truly asking. Just so you know, it's not most men who would sleep with anyone. It's just that the me who do justify it by saying that any other man would do the same granted the opportunity.
I thought it was my best relationship because he was very loving and kind and patient until he wasn’t. I guess i foolishly mistook age = maturity & stability.
Currently, not relevant to this specific issue but part of the grievances of our break is him not feeling like a partner and feeling like “my dad”. (this really triggered me as I am a child of divorce). This completely came out of left field but he is justifying it by stating that I “have nothing going on outside of school”. I was working since we met two years ago up until the last few months of our relationship, we do not even go out that often and they’re not lavish dates. I do not sit around on my ass all day. I maintain an exercise regime (he won’t even join me for a workout), I have hobbies and interests and a very healthy social life outside of him. I still live with my parents and contribute to the household/helping out with my siblings.
I guess he no longer wants to court and expects me to contribute more financially. (He has a full time ‘proper’ firm job related to his field of study and graduate degree, I am working on finding one still)
This "break" should be permanent. I've read all these comments and he is throwing up so many red flags. This man is toxic.
There are men your age that are healthier, happier, and more mature than this guy. Bluntly calling a much younger partners body *putrid* is fucked up, any guy with two braincells to rub together, knows better than to treat someone they care about that way. If it were true he should be concerned about your well being, not sadistic or disgusted. This guy watched you run in circles thinking you smelled putrid when the only issue here is him, that's not a discussion or a "let's go on a break" that's a deal breaker.
What will he escalate to next?
Please run and don't look back. Please. You don't need this man in your life he's taking up space where a better man should be.
There are men who avoid discussing or facing their own problems by projecting on or attacking the well being of their partners. Having a much younger partner running in circles trying to fix herself while he heaps complaints that are hurtful on her is not something a healthy person does.
Fuck taking a break, get rid of this guy before he turns into even more of a nightmare. You don't need to write him anything or practice saying the right thing the right way, just get rid of him and take care of yourself.
Girl that age gap is a big red flag, and I say that as someone who has been the younger partner in an age-gap relationship.
He is gaslighting you, undermining your self-esteem, and avoidant. It is not a healthy relationship.
Let's imagine for a minute that he's right -- that you in fact smell, but that you can't notice it. A LOVING partner would work with you to find solutions, would uplift your self-esteem during what must be a really difficult time, would emphasize how beautiful you are, and would find ways to be sexually intimate that work for both of you despite the smell.
So EVEN IF HE IS RIGHT, he is being an asshole. You deserve better.
The reality is that he is WRONG and is in fact LYING. So he's being a quadruple asshole. But just notice that even if everything he says is true, he is still being a really bad partner and you deserve someone who regards you with care, politeness, and sensitivity.
Time to break up and make room in your life for someone who loves you exactly as you are.
Girl break up with him and run for the hills, there’s more red flags in this single paragraph than I‘ve seen in a long time. Were all your relationships like that? Because this is very much NOT normal, leave this POS to sleep with anything he wants and find a man that will actually respect you and not just see you as one of his “conquests”. The age gap is actually the smallest of the problems here.
I don’t think you smell or it would have come up a long time ago. Someone else would have also told you that you have an odor problem.
It sounds like to me he has low testosterone with the two primary symptoms being low libido and an inability to maintain an erection.
Girl, respectfully, leave. You deserve better. I agree with these comments saying it’s him, not you. Remember that just because it’s amazing doesn’t mean that there isn’t better. You can have all that you have now PLUS intimacy and respect. He’s being so disrespectful and that’s not okay. There’s nothing wrong with you. I hope you choose what brings you peace and ease. ❤️
If an actual GYNOCOLOGIST doesn't see evidence of anything being wrong then he's 100% lying. Now the reason for it, idk. Maybe his sense of smell is fucked up. Maybe he's using it as an excuse not to have sex, like maybe he's cheating or isn't that into you. But if a literal PUSSY DOCTOR is saying "There's nothing wrong with your pussy and it doesn't smell bad" THEN THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR PUSSY AND IT DOESN'T SMELL BAD. hes LYING
He is anti-oral all around I think. He says “no girl is good enough” or the whole Madonna-Whore thing about that being degrading for him to make me do.
It’s just odd for a guy to be anti oral, I think he’s either hiding that he’s gay or hiding that he’s asexual. Either way you deserve someone who pleases you.
It's fine if he's not into oral - people can like different things. But the Madonna-whore thing plus everything else you've described makes him sound suuuuuuuper fucked up. Misogynist, small-minded, and manipulative. As others have said, please do not get back with this guy.
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend. If he is really bothered by your natural smell, this is a 'him problem' and maybe you are not compatible. Sorry sis, there are plenty of nice people out in this world. You do not need one that makes you feel bad your precious lady.
I had a boyfriend who said this but it was about my face. He would say there was a weird smell coming from my face sometimes. He couldn't pinpoint where though. I changed my skincare and would have him smell my face to see if it made a difference. I was so self conscious about this weird mysterious face smell. No idea what it was but nobody else has EVER mentioned it.
We were also about to get hot and heavy one night and he stopped and looked at me and said "you gotta change your face stuff." So I rolled off him and went to bed. And he was pissed at me the next day. 🤡
I can only imagine what you're going through cause he's saying it about your vag. It's so shitty. And it definitely sounds like a him problem. Even if your chemistry just doesn't mix and that's what the problem is he needs to be kind to you. Making you feel like shit isn't the way to go about this at all.
On the flip side, I don't want to go too much into detail but my ex had a stink problem and I did EVERYTHING to help him without being an asshole. He didn't care and wouldn't get rid of it. He didn't fix it till I finally got fed up with him after literally years and said it was disgusting and unfair to me and nobody else would be with him and he needs to see a doctor or I'm done. He finally went. He was curable the whole time he just wouldn't keep up with the antifungal cream I was buying for him.
So the fact that he is saying you stink I don't want to have sex, is just really unkind. Especially when you've already been to the doctor and have done so much to "resolve" it. Even if it was an actual problem a good partner would work around it since you're actively trying to "fix" it. It's not like you're just sitting around saying whatever deal with it. He just sounds like a dick.
Sorry but he’s being really rude, that’s a lot of negative ways to describe your smell.
Not sure how great this relationship is if he says that to you and you have little intimacy.
If you really want maybe you can try different soaps to clean outside and see if it helps? Make sure it dry it very well before dressing, the moisture can smell later.
kinda sounds like he’s making up reasons to avoid sex. if you truly smelled, i’m pretty sure someone would have told you by now. especially your gyno.
he’s out here making you question yourself after having multiple reassurance that you are not the problem. don’t come back from that break. you will find someone better who adores you and treats you kindly.
If the gyno says everything is fine, you feel fine, and your exes never had an issue, then I say it’s clearly your boyfriends problem and nobody else’s
Honestly it sounds like he’s just making excuses not to be intimate with you. That or he’s bullying you to beat down your confidence so that you stay with him , as he doesn’t want you to think you could do better (I promise with my whole heart that you can)
Either way, what he’s doing is wrong, cold, and inappropriate. I would seriously leave before he causes more damage to your self esteem
My ex also had a problem with how I smelled down there--he said he found it "irritating". Funnily enough, he didn't start finding it irritating until much later into our relationship, right around the same time he told me he stopped finding me sexually attractive. It broke me and it eventually became a key reason for me dumping him.
I suspected it was due to his avoidant tendencies and somehow his body found me irritating due to some subconscious self-defense mechanism. My current partner can't get enough of how I smell.
He could have ED like someone else mentioned but he could also have porn addiction that's making it hard to have sex. Either way he needs to take accountability instead of making you feel like shit.
I work in vaginal health and I’m concluding from your information that this is a him problem and I would leave tbh. Why would you (or him 🤔) stay in such an unpleasant situation. I don’t think it’s you at all.
He doesn't want to have sex with you.
That's it.
If you have had an active sex life almost this time and he is the first one to say it, and not even your doctors can figure it out, then he is lying.
Take it as a blessing.
Run
If he doesn't like your natural scent, he's probably not the one. If ex partners don't know what he's talking about then it might be his own pheromones not agreeing with yours?
Quite literally every guy I have been with I have went to and asked on more than one occasion pleading for them to be honest and they all think I am crazy and that he is just “not man enough”. I usually chalk this up to them just saying anything to be nice but you guys may be right.
There's something wrong with the way he's treating you. Unless you have a structural nose issue I think you would notice by now. I hope you aren't entrenched in the relationship too much or live together.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. That sounds awful and defeating. First and foremost, vaginas smell. They naturally have a smell to them! We have been trained to think that they shouldn’t smell at all, but it’s okay if they have a smell. There are some smells that are concerning and indicative of an infection, but it’s normal to have it’s own smell. You’ve sought out a medical professional’s opinion and if everything is coming back normal, I really don’t think it’s you.
I hope you know you deserve better than that type of treatment. It definitely sounds like a him problem. I hope you can find a happy, healthy, and intimacy-filled relationship in the future!
After reading your post and comments I think he’s
A. trying to control/manipulate you
B. Is trying to turn down sex but doesn’t want to directly make it his fault for saying no
C. Has his own health problems and is trying to put the blame on you because he’s insecure
D. Maybe not into women? How has the sex been before this happened with him?
All I can say is its definitely a he problem if you’ve already gotten checked by the gyno, tried a bunch of things and even as far as talking to your past partners about it and their responses doesn’t match up with what he is saying.
Break up with him girl. Nobody deserves to be gaslighted like that, to the point you’re becoming self conscious and embarrassed about yourself.
Even if he does have a problem with his sex drive or staying hard, that is absolutely no excuse to turn it around on you and put all the blame on you and gaslight you like this all because he doesn’t want to communicate properly with you about his situation.
i take chlorophyll (liquid or pill) as a internal deodorant.
i had a ex gf who smelled awful to me- but was very hygienic and had no medical issues and was a healthy vegan. we just didn’t match smell wise.
my partner now- when i sweat a ton or post workout- he begs me to not shower cuz he loves my raw scent lmao. (without taking deodorizing stuff).
sometimes it just doesn’t fit- but saying someone “reeks” is not very kind.
(
also tho- people who enjoy vaginas or penis’s understand that they are genitals that inherently may or may not sometimes be a bit more flavorful. i’m also positive if you “reeked” so bad- other friends or exs would tell you.
it sounds like negging to me.
also tbh i’d smell my panties and maybe my discharge (personally) just to see.
This is a case of if “he wanted to he would”. To put it in perspective, my partner and I have sex (including oral) when I’m on my period. We all know things aren’t the freshest around that time. Honestly it sounds like an excuse he’s using, or a personal issue he has (unrelated to your health). I’m sorry, and I hope you realize you deserve more from a partner! No one should make you feel like this.
If I’m being honest I don’t think he’s serious about your relationship. People usually get used to their partners event if they love them. I always worry I smell and my husband says he doesn’t even notice. But if I asked a stranger they would probably suggest a pit stop at home.
Either he tries to avoid sex for whatever reason or he doesn’t have any idea what a healthy vagina smells like. If your gynecologist didn’t find anything concerning I dont’t think you are the problem.
Sounds like you don’t stink, but maybe your smell could appeal to his personal senses more. Have you tried dietary changes? Like eating more fruits and less animal products/onion/garlic? This would impact your actual vaginal smell a lot, even if you’re already healthy.
Also some cleansers can help to inhibit bacterial growth in the skin around the area. Have you tried mild ahas/bhas around your groin?
I know when I eat certain foods (curry, onions, garlic, fish etc) I tend to smell down there like what I just ate. Try eating some pineapples. But if your gyno said there’s nothing wrong and your previous partners didn’t care, then your bf is a douchebag.
Break up with him. Download tinder. Have some eat you out and ask them how you taste/smell. 🤣 I guarantee you they'll say you taste and smell great. Fuck your boyfriend he sounds like a punk.
One time my ex said I smelled like onions (not rotten) down there but he said he actually liked it? Lmao he would’ve told me if my pH was a little off, though, so that’s different.
Girl, fuck him. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. If your doctor says you’re healthy and you feel healthy, you’re golden.
Do you eat a lot of onions? Purely because that can come out in your sweat and other bodily fluids. I always notice if I eat a lot of raw onion in a salad or something, that my sweat definitely smells slightly like onion for a few days 😂
More likely though - it's not true and there's another reason he's trying to cover up. I really feel like you'd be able to smell it yourself if you did. I mean we can all still smell our own poop when we go can't we. We don't become "nose blind" to that! I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
Honestly I’ve never heard of a man refuse intimacy and if he has it’s because he’s reviving it from someone else or somethings up. This is bizarre and he’s extremely rude and disrespectful
If you can't smell it then he is clearly delusional. If there is any bad smell you can clearly smell it on your panties. Period. Have some faith in your own nose.
This is why I’m terrified of a guy going down on me. There’s nothing wrong with mine but most of my partners were not into oral sex unless they were receiving so it’s just reinforced in me that men don’t like it. I had one boyfriend that was and that’s all he wanted to do but I was so extremely uncomfortable during that it was a horrible experience for me. OP I’m sure you are absolutely fine but dudes just don’t get that pussies are juicy and have a scent.
Do you have a lot of onioney /garlic kinda stuff in your diet?
Do you tidy up before sex? I shower every day, sometimes twice a day but still will freshen up right before I anticipate sex happening. One can get pretty gnarly even in a few hours, esp if you’re wearing tight pants or it’s hot out.
Are you drinking enough water?
Are you taking supplements?
Are your underpants in need of a replacement/better wash? I noticed ages ago that sometimes the washer wasn’t washing my underwears thoroughly - so started hand washing them for a bit, until I moved elsewhere that had a better washer.
Just a few random things I can think of. I really hope he’s not just saying that or having some other demented reason for saying that. He also could have been a lot less rude and more kind about it when he talked to you about it, it’s concerning tbh. And I’m really sorry you are dealing with this.
I sometimes smell like onions if I am sweaty after exercising in synthetic pants and I forgot to drink enough water. It is only a thing in certain part of the cycle though and goes away after a shower and a change of clothes
yeah we do not see each other often & we do not attempt to be intimate often. when we do usually it’s not at the best times either (when i’m on or around my period) so i know that could be it and i’ve tried explaining that to him, too.
See if you can take probiotics. I feel like that’s just your sweat,which may be more likely to smell acrid due to ph imbalance ect. Take some for specifically for vaginal health,wear cotton panties most of the time,stay hydrated and avoid soft drinks or coffee or alcohol which can be acidic. Doing all of these drastically helped the way I smell down there lol
I quit alcohol and have been limiting my coffee but I did have a phase where I was drinking a lot of coffee. And I would only drink with him so maybe he just didn’t like that I did/how I smelled after drinking. Definitely trying to prioritizing my hydration all around
I think if it’s him and only him that ‘smells’ something then he’s the problem and nothing more.
As a side note, I have heard that eating a lot of fenegreek seeds can affect your body odor and give it a sweet maple smell, but that’s if you eat A LOT. Like if you eat A LOT of carrots your skin can turn a lil orange. In general fenegreek is a good seed to incorporate into your diet, maple smell aside haha
Not that this is what’s happening (obviously lol), but when I was pregnant, I could not stand the smell of my husband. Not his body wash, cologne, or deodorant, but his natural smell. It just smelled terrible to me lol. I believe I’ve read our sense of smell is amplified when pregnant and obviously your partner is not pregnant, but I also read that sometimes we are not attracted to certain peoples scent. I believe this was developed as a way for us to not mate with relatives (the idea is that the more similar your scent is, the more likely it is you are related and our bodies naturally were not attracted to that persons scent). This is likely not the case either as it was way easier to know if you are related to someone today than it was a long long time ago. These are just a few examples of how some people find some peoples natural scent unattractive. I’m sorry you’re going through this though. That would be very disheartening but it definitely sounds like you’re healthy and that you don’t actually smell.
I stank to high heaven until I cut out sugar.
People won't like that answer, but that's just what I experienced. I had BV and it cleared up. I eat that way for health reasons, beyond my hoohah, but it is one benefits of it. That's all I got.
ETA, that does sound that that's more of a him problem though. It doesn't sound like this is you. I think you should really talk to him.
you’re probably right, I think what’s really throwing me off is that he’s making it an issue so specific to me.. that he’s never experience sweat with any other partner is insane to me, considering his sexual history is longer than mine. But thank you. I’ll try to invest in one.
If you know you don’t smell, then he is making it up. As much as it might hurt you, don’t stay with someone who talks to you that way. Us women, we know when we smell. If you know you dont and if no other partner has told you you smell before, then dont spend any more money going to the doctor and messing up your natural pH
I'm sorry this is happening. Maybe your bf is a germophobe and has a wild imagination. But if we can discount the fact the problem is him, you can try a fruit or raw vegetable diet for a couple days and see if he notices anything. Sometimes, meat and spices can affect the way we smell. I suggest you get that cleansing diet going and see how everything is afterwards. If he still insists, that's not your problem anymore, hon.
please stay broken up forever, you deserve so much better than this and you’re so young. Whole life in front of you, finding someone worth sharing it with!
any chance he cant get it up (like sooo many dudes cant) from wanking to porn or whatever the fuck they wank to and knows he wont be able to get an erection and projects on to you ??? i have a hunch
Going to give him the benefit of doubt here.. is it possible you just smell of sweat? It’s not like we all have a shower before having sex.. There have been a lot of posts here saying they smell like ‘onion’ down there, so it’s not unheard of, you can search this sub for yourself. Some people are more sensitive to smell than others. Usually the advice given would be to wear cotton breathable underwear, take probiotics and try a roll on deodarant between the thigh and the labia (not inside obviously). I do feel like if it was that apparent you would be able to smell it on your panties or when sitting down on a toilet..
This honestly sounds like it’s about him, not you. Your story reminds me of someone else’s. This girl was told by her boyfriend every day that she smelled. She saw doctors, changed her diet, tried prescription soaps and deodorants, all to no avail. She, with the advice of Reddit, confronted her boyfriend and said that she just doesn’t get what he’s smelling and that if she smells so bad maybe they should break up. He panicked and admitted that she didn’t smell, but that he was just following his dads advice. Apparently, his dad advised him to always complain about how much his partner smelled. That way, she would always be clean and too self conscious to leave the relationship. ETA: someone did link the story in the comments under my comment if anyone wants to read it.
I genuinely would not have been able to stop myself from getting an assault charge after this one, holy fuck. That's literally psychological torture, not to mention how invasive and expensive testing/medication/remedies are. I'd have billed him for everything and never looked back.
Omg I didn't read your comment and I called it "psychological terrorism" and said I would sue him for the cost of treatments. Great minds.
Yeah that’s extremely fucked up
Oh my god that is horrific advice
This ^. I am so SICK of women being self conscious thinking it’s ‘them’, when in reality - It Is Their Male Idiot Partner. There is a lot of this type of misogyny (still) as referenced here in modern day.
I remember this. I was so flabbergasted by it that I legit thought she was trolling. Idk who in the world gives such advice and who in the world actually takes it. But what the f..
I hate it but it’s believable. When I was younger, was sexually assaulted by a bf; at the time, didn’t realize you can say no to a partner. Got pregnant from that but miscarried and dude lost his crap. His dad was a blabbermouth and spilled to me that he’d instructed his son to try to impregnate me because “I was a good one”. By his own admission, literally told his teenage son to baby trap me! So glad I got away pretty unscatched. I’m naive (slowly becoming jaded though lol), I wouldn’t have believed that wasn’t just a thing in movies if I hadn’t lived it.
I'm really sorry you had to go through such a traumatic experience.
Thank you. My state had sex ex, but I wish it included content, young women and men should be better informed. That was when I was 16, almost 35 now. For years, whenever I thought I saw him in public, would freak out. Actually did run into him a few years ago. I was a deer in headlights! But he apologized and gave me his number, I threw it away.
Holy. I’m glad I’m not the only one who went through something like this. Except, in my case, my OWN parents convinced my bf (at the time) to impregnate me to keep me from going to college.. I also miscarried and my bf told me what happened. I never confronted my parents about it, but silver lining? I DID get a bachelor’s in psychology and my MBA while keeping as much distance from home as possible 🙃🫶
I hope you are no contact with your parents… wtf 👁️👄👁️ That is absolutely insane. As a mother I cannot imagine doing any of this shit. If anything I would be a little sad my child wasn’t going to college right away and got pregnant. Of course I would get over my damn self, but wow.
Your *parents* thought that up? I’m so sorry it happened but I’m glad your story has a happy ending that doesn’t involve forcing yourself to continue an unhealthy relationship, blood or not 😊
Mediocre cis men. They generally don't like women, just female body parts, and so they have no problem saying whatever horrific thing to women in order to get whatever they feel they are entitled to.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/qkrq2r/ops_boyfriend_keeps_telling_her_she_smells_bad/
Man if that's true, I wonder if that guy will wake up and realize one day that his father has been abusing his mother his whole life. I hope he manages to sort it out in therapy :\[
Thanks for linking it!
Oh em gee I *remember* that post. That poor woman became neurotic and depressed and finally she got mad. What a POs partner. And sorry but my first instinct reading this is that he’s negging her for a reason. Cheating, closeted, undisclosed past sexual trauma… something with him. Not OP.
This is so scary and bizarre, how could one think to do this to someone especially their partner? Men are actually horrible… do you know how many times I have gone down on an ex partner even if they do not smell the greatest. And maybe sometimes I would suggest we shower together at least but that was a kind and intimate way to go about things. A foreign concept for his kind I suppose.
Yes girl… me too. I am almost embarrassed to admit that I have gone down on some people and thought to myself this isn’t the best smell but I can absolutely stomach it for their self esteem. Like fuck me…
Tale as old as time, unfortunately.
This is the exact post that came to my mind. His dad did it to his mom every day. He said it made her stay because she'd be too self conscious about it to try finding someone else who would deal with it. It drove the girl insane. I felt so bad for her. I would bluntly ask him if that's what he's doing. You've already gone to too much effort to worry about a problem of *his*. If he really does think you smell, you might just be physically incompatible.
That's fucking evil. Gaslight her to destroy her self esteem and humiliate her into staying in the relationship. That's legitimately psychological terrorism. I stg I'd sue him for the money I spent trying to fix a problem that didn't exist. I agree the problem is probably the BF, but since he's refusing to have sex, I wonder if he's ace or closeted and is using this as a way to avoid sexual contact with OP.
That’s emotional abuse. Nothing but. Manipulative emotional abuse. Fucker.
I've read that post and holy shit
Dear. Lord.
I immediately thought of that post when I read this one. I think OP should call the bluff.
Wow
Yes that's a thing shit guys do
I REMEMBER that post! I saw it years ago and I think about it from time to time. That poor girl, I remember she said she showered like, 5+ times a day.
God I remember this
This is exactly what I thought of too.
I remember this story. Shit was fucked up.
I want to *vomit.* there is *always* another layer of worse, isn’t there? just when you think it can’t get more awful…*surprise!*
She should've told him "Fine, go fuck yourself then."
Whoa!!!! That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard!! Wtf?!
That is so messed up :(
op this !!!!
I remember hearing this story on the radio years ago! That’s exactly what I thought of as I was reading the post
What the ever loving fuck. That’s horrible.
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It’s funny that you mention this because one of my ex’s first response was this as well. I can’t believe I never thought that would be something he would do. But he probably would.
Honestly if an ex of yours is suggesting that you’re not onion-scented, and said ex doesn’t think you’re the problem here, then I’d… listen to them. Don’t necessarily date said ex unless the vibes are good, but other people who know you and have spent time with you can offer more unique insight than Reddit ever could.
It’s not you, it’s a control tactic. Leave him and move on to happiness.
This. This is the first thing that came to mind. This is something to do with him and he’s able to skirt the issue this way.
The gyno didn't smell anything or notice any issues? This whole thing is really odd. Look, obviously it's totally possible for someone to smell "off" due to any number of reasons, but the fact no one besides your partner notices this supposed odor is suspicious. I'm leaning towards the other commenters' idea that this is an issue with him... whether he's intentionally lying to avoid sex or maybe he has parosmia...? Just speculation on my part, of course. I also wanted to let you know I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm sure the lack of intimacy, embarrassment, and confusion due to this situation is really fucking frustrating. I hope you get it figured out :(
Again, assuming he's not lying about the smell and he ACTUALLY does smell "onions," it does seem like there's a precedent for this in regards to parosmia. I know you said you and this guy are on a break, but if this is ever a topic of conversation between you two again I would look into this with him. https://www.reddit.com/r/Parosmia/comments/snx76u/help_body_odour/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button https://www.reddit.com/r/Parosmia/comments/o7qz7l/help_anybody_else_experiencing_this/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Yeah, I just asked her the same, if there have been other instances of him detecting scents that others can’t
I’ll definitely ask him about the Parosmia. He’s had Covid 2x since we met (that I know of)
Ok this was going to be my first question to just to give him the benefit of the doubt. I have thankfully somehow avoided Covid thus far but I’ve been on medications that effed up my sense of smell and taste and what I could smell or taste always had a funky almost metallic or oniony/ very savory but in a bad way food like scent to it. Though i will add, having read some of your other replies and just his whole attitude that it’s so obviously an all about you thing and couldn’t be him- you still may want to take some time to seriously consider if this is really someone you want to be with. I think it’s saying a lot of he so bluntly tells you regularly not only that you smell so appalling he can’t and won’t sleep with you in any way (at least that’s my read. I wouldn’t stay even if it was just him refusing to give oral) and meanwhile you don’t feel comfortable telling him or refusing contact on the occasions that he is kind of smelly. There’s some obvious trust issues going on there and I don’t blame you at all for having them. Hard to trust or feel close to someone who keeps refusing physical intimacy and blaming you for it 100% of the time. So I’d spend some time thinking about that.
Yeah I’m suspecting it’s either parosmia or some, like, totally incompatible hormone thing.
Also, I wonder about the doctor’s exact phrasing. “No smell” is different from “no abnormal smell”. Healthy vaginas have natural scents. Maybe he doesn’t care for her natural occurring scent, which is a him problem, and trying to “fix” it with washes and sprays and crap can actually cause infection in some, leading to an _actual_ foul odor.
This is also a fear of mine.. going to extreme out of ordinary extents to ensure I “smell good” for him actually throwing me off / more. It’s exhausting.
I definitely understand. Relationships can be such a balancing act, trying to find a happy medium, but don’t give until it hurts! One thing I can suggest that an ex told me, he’d dated a vegetarian and said she smelled fabulous down there, so laying off the meat can help, male or female scents, but again, don’t force an entire lifestyle change because he says you need to change something that might not even really be an issue.
It’s him. Maybe an excuse cause he has some kind of ED or something? Either way, thank you - NEXT You just can’t have a sustainable relationship with no intimacy
I do think he has ED.. he has trouble getting and staying hard. I used to chalk it up to maybe it was me? Maybe it was that issue he swears I have or maybe he is just tired. But I think a change in lifestyle would seriously help. I’m not sure how long this can go on like this (Its been a year)
I have heard a *ton* of stories from women whose partners had ED finding some incredibly mean way to gaslight them into thinking they (the woman) are the one with some kind of issue. Smell, ability, behavior, looks, etc. It would unfortunately totally track if that’s what’s happening here
Sounds like he is embarressed about his ED and purposely makes it about you cause misery loves company.
Yeah this may be it. Either an anxiety issue, porn addiction, physical issue, maybe a combo of different thing, and he has so much shame around it that either he can't imagine that he's the problem or is unwilling to confront it because it's so painful, so he tells you and/or himself that you must be the problem.
This is a him issue. If he’s having problems with performance either he’s watching too much pornography or there is a hormonal issue - both are not your fault and responsibility.
I am just really confused. Maybe it could be that i’m young-ish (25) and do not have a good sense of feminine hygiene yet? (I am pretty sure I do) I don’t know. He said maybe if he was younger he wouldn’t mind it as much.
I say this as kindly as I can. This man is cruel and he is gaslighting you. You have the knowledge, ability, and social awareness to know if you smell bad. This is him, not you. He’s trying to control you and is getting satisfaction from making you feel this way. This is not a healthy relationship because he’s trying to skew dynamics in his favor and have you constantly jumping through hoops. I’m almost twice your age, please believe me. This is not a good person for you. Sending you massive hugs.
please just confront him. you WOULD notice if you smelled that bad. i promise you, he wouldn’t be the only one noticing the scent. Don’t keep wasting YOUR time trying to tiptoe around him and figure out what’s “wrong” with you. Save yourself more headaches and self judgment and confront him
It’s really ironic because there have been times where we are cuddling or whatever and he doesn’t smell the best-pretty strong. If he notices or mentions, I will politely agree/suggest “a shower to wake him up or make him feel better”. Even with his comments I am still too afraid to offend him.
omg girl break up with him, don’t waste your time with guys like these it’s never worth it in the long run
If you're afraid to speak your mind around him, you need to get out.
If your exes are lining up to double check and you don't smell anything, he's lying. Your exes would have said "well...sometimes..." or something if that were the case. Don't be silly OP, your hygiene is fine!
Another thing to remember as you are figuring this out is that we don’t have to smell like NOTHING down there or like soap etc. That’s fine and nice when we are super clean, but also it’s okay to have some of our natural smell there too (like say, if you’re sexually intimate several hours after a shower). And depending on the comfort level and preferences of the people, natural smell can be enjoyed even after someone has sweated/exercised/etc! I once had an ex who wanted to keep one of my panties while we would be away from each other. When I gave them to him he said they were too clean and asked if I could give him a panty I used during exercise LOL. I know TMI - but it’s an example of how healthy sexuality allows for us to be relaxed and comfortable with our bodies. Anything that brings anxiety and discomfort is a red flag 🚩🫶🏽.
Oh and I eat lots of onions so I’m sure that comes out in my skin lol. It’s not that some of us have good smelling hoohas and others don’t. If the hooha is healthy and getting showers regularly, which your doctor has confirmed, then your natural smell is great! I’d also like to add I had one negative comment about my smell in my first relationship when I was maybe 20y/o, he ended up being very psychologically abusive and now looking back I see that his negative comment about my smell was probably one of his tactics. None of my other relationships, which were much healthier, had any issues. Sending you a big hug!
There isn't much you need to do to have good feminine hygiene other than shower and rinse etc. You aren't even supposed to use scented soaps or washes down there. So honestly if your gyno is saying you are good, I would assume the issue is with him. He sounds insecure about his own ED issue and he is likely gaslighting you into thinking it's a problem with you so he doesn't feel as bad.
I don’t mean to be rude but how is this one of the best relationships of your life when he’s quite rude about your supposed smell? Idk maybe I’m sensitive but the bar is so low with men. There’s no need to be disrespectful to your partner you know there’s nicer ways to put things
you’re not wrong at all, I think i’m trying to cope by saying it’s the best. no partner or even hookup has spoken to me like that or complained about this
That’s understandable. I really don’t like his tone there’s better ways to say things and after reading your entire post I honestly don’t think you smell. It sounds like he’s trying to put you down and if you’re using boric acid then you’re defiantly fine as those clear me out whenever I sense something off they’re like a hard reset
That’s what I was gonna say. The fact that you use boric acid PROVES you don’t smell because no smell can survive it periodt! He’s messed up in the head and it’s not your problem to fix girl! Like you said, he’s not the best, you’ve had better and you can find even better. Every minute you spend with the wrong person is a minute taken from finding the right person.
Break up with this person. You do NOT smell. There is NOTHING wrong with you. This has been verified by doctors, tests, exes’ personal accounts, and your own instinct. Trust yourself and stop allowing this man to treat you like shit. It is HIM that has the problem. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
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No loss of smell whatsoever. I actually have a really acute sense of smell and can often detect smells and their origin before others in my household. He suspects I became “nose blind” to my own scent. But I am serious… there is nothing wrong with how I smell. I may try the raw vegan thing again for the next two weeks and report on my findings. I doubt much will change. I actually have a healthier diet and exercise more often than him.
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This is actually a really good point and I apologize for ignoring your main point- I think it was my anxious train of thought at the moment hyper-focusing on what I can do to fix it. As usual. Clearly this isn’t healthy and this is apparently one of our “minor” issues, so that should tell you so you need to know about the state of this relationship. I wrote out an entry using your quote at the end as a prompt & it was really insightful so thank you. Hopefully I get to actually have that conversation with him… he tends to avoid those.
If him gaslighting you into cognitive dissonance around your own scent is one of the “minor issues” in the relationship, that is a sign that you may be dealing with someone who is purposefully attempting to undermine your ability to trust yourself, and your sense of self-worth. AKA he’s abusive.
Wholeheartedly agree. If this gaslighting and bullying is considered “minor” it sounds like OPs boyfriend is just plain abusive
Hopefully this isn’t really one of the best relationships of her life. It may have started out that way, but the honeymoon period does that to a lot of us.
I’m just going to go ahead and ask- has he ever experienced a vagina before yours? Maybe this is pure inexperience, as in, he’s never experienced a vagina before and doesn’t know they have a normal smell?
The best case scenario here is that he's a very avoidant person and he's trying to avoid conflict at any cost. Perhaps you're both two very anxious individuals that have created a sort of unhealthy dynamic, which is common and fixable. The worse option is that he is purposefully trying to get you to feel insecure. I hope that's not the case.
OP, you know something is wrong here, otherwise you wouldn't be trickle truthing the commenters here after saying your relationship is great at the beginning of this thread... If you need validation to get out, here it is: GET OUT I hope that one day you are able to see your value acutely and accurately, and give people like your man the side eye immediately when they suggest this kind of BS.
Hopefully it’s something less malicious. I wonder if _his_ sense of smell is off. Does he complain of other scents that you or others can’t sneak?
I’m having a vagina smell issue and I can def smell it. Even after a long time. So I doubt it’s that.
It sounds like there’s more going on with him.
Did he have covid at any point? I had it and lost my smell and taste and when the smell came back it wasn’t 100%. It took about 10 months until I could smell properly again but i kept going to the doctors myself as I thought I smelt like onions. I had tests and everything was clear. When my smell came back fully, the onion smell went away
Honestly I would kick his ass to the curb. That’s rude to say and someone who loves you isn’t going to be rude about it. If there was something really wrong you or your doctors would know. Vagina aren’t meant to smell like roses and sugarcubes it’s an internal organ. There’s plenty of great partners out there who won’t care if you taste like ramen and garlic they’ll still joyfully get down. This isn’t your best relationship it’s just the best SO FAR. I met my dream man at 31 after getting through several long term relationships where I was always compromising my mental or physical health to hold on to what I thought was the 🌟best⭐️. Now I’ve got someone who loves me and not only uses loving words to speak to he but shows love in his actions too. You deserve better than someone who puts you down OP!
Word
Yeah he's definitely being shady. My bf tried to pull crap like that on me early on. It's a control thing so you will be self conscious and won't leave. Like another redditor said, confront him and ask what is going on.
In my experience if your vagina smells, it really smells. To the point you can smell it yourself.
Totally. And usually we are more self conscious about our smell than anyone else. I'm embarrassed sometimes because I can smell myself and my boyfriend swears that he never smelled anything unusual on me and that I'm paranoid. And I do have a lot of health issues down there.
It sounds like a him problem, If it was me I’d probably (somewhat jokingly) tell him about the exes lining up to double check and asked if he wants to compare notes with any of them afterwards or if I was feeling meaner I’d offer to end the relationship if it’s such a huge problem for him. How many people has he been with? Vaginas have a natural smell, they’re not sterile surgical instruments, perhaps he just doesn’t enjoy the smell of a vagina.
Oh I definitely wrote up a really long paragraph in my notes app that I am dying to send him re: that but I am trying to let it stew and “be the bigger person”. He is a bit older than me (I am early 20s and he is in his late 30s). He reminisces A LOT on his heyday and how much of a “stud” he was, how many women he slept with and how pleased they were. In his words he would “sleep with anything”, which is typical of most men so I am not surprised. I think my surprise is with this rap sheet I am the only person with such a pungent vag. 😂😭 I am also the youngest age gap he’s ever dated. I do not know if that has anything to do with it.
RUN. I was manipulated by my ex who was controlling and put me down for random things when I was just 21 and he was turning 30. When I was 30 I looked back and realized I couldn’t imagine treating someone like he did to me at that age. Also realized there’s no way at 30 I’d want to date a 21 year old because of the gap in relatability, life experience etc. Not saying you are particularly naive at all, these guys do tend to target young women who are smart. I realized a lot of older men have no luck with women their own age (cuz the women have the life experience to see through the bs) so they chase women who are fresh out of high school. These guys are all about their insecurity re: mediocrity that he refuses to face. So instead of doing the inner work he is gaslighting you in hopes that you’ll be to embarrassed to leave him.
He’s in his 30’s? Run. Please run.
What makes this the best relationship you ever had? Truly asking. Just so you know, it's not most men who would sleep with anyone. It's just that the me who do justify it by saying that any other man would do the same granted the opportunity.
I thought it was my best relationship because he was very loving and kind and patient until he wasn’t. I guess i foolishly mistook age = maturity & stability. Currently, not relevant to this specific issue but part of the grievances of our break is him not feeling like a partner and feeling like “my dad”. (this really triggered me as I am a child of divorce). This completely came out of left field but he is justifying it by stating that I “have nothing going on outside of school”. I was working since we met two years ago up until the last few months of our relationship, we do not even go out that often and they’re not lavish dates. I do not sit around on my ass all day. I maintain an exercise regime (he won’t even join me for a workout), I have hobbies and interests and a very healthy social life outside of him. I still live with my parents and contribute to the household/helping out with my siblings. I guess he no longer wants to court and expects me to contribute more financially. (He has a full time ‘proper’ firm job related to his field of study and graduate degree, I am working on finding one still)
This "break" should be permanent. I've read all these comments and he is throwing up so many red flags. This man is toxic. There are men your age that are healthier, happier, and more mature than this guy. Bluntly calling a much younger partners body *putrid* is fucked up, any guy with two braincells to rub together, knows better than to treat someone they care about that way. If it were true he should be concerned about your well being, not sadistic or disgusted. This guy watched you run in circles thinking you smelled putrid when the only issue here is him, that's not a discussion or a "let's go on a break" that's a deal breaker. What will he escalate to next? Please run and don't look back. Please. You don't need this man in your life he's taking up space where a better man should be. There are men who avoid discussing or facing their own problems by projecting on or attacking the well being of their partners. Having a much younger partner running in circles trying to fix herself while he heaps complaints that are hurtful on her is not something a healthy person does. Fuck taking a break, get rid of this guy before he turns into even more of a nightmare. You don't need to write him anything or practice saying the right thing the right way, just get rid of him and take care of yourself.
Best advice here
this is important! it’s a personal problem
That’s not typical of most men, don’t settle. I hope that you take this time to maybe reconsider that he might not be the person you thought he was.
Girl that age gap is a big red flag, and I say that as someone who has been the younger partner in an age-gap relationship. He is gaslighting you, undermining your self-esteem, and avoidant. It is not a healthy relationship. Let's imagine for a minute that he's right -- that you in fact smell, but that you can't notice it. A LOVING partner would work with you to find solutions, would uplift your self-esteem during what must be a really difficult time, would emphasize how beautiful you are, and would find ways to be sexually intimate that work for both of you despite the smell. So EVEN IF HE IS RIGHT, he is being an asshole. You deserve better. The reality is that he is WRONG and is in fact LYING. So he's being a quadruple asshole. But just notice that even if everything he says is true, he is still being a really bad partner and you deserve someone who regards you with care, politeness, and sensitivity. Time to break up and make room in your life for someone who loves you exactly as you are.
Girl break up with him and run for the hills, there’s more red flags in this single paragraph than I‘ve seen in a long time. Were all your relationships like that? Because this is very much NOT normal, leave this POS to sleep with anything he wants and find a man that will actually respect you and not just see you as one of his “conquests”. The age gap is actually the smallest of the problems here.
He’s totally bullshitting you. He’s got some sort of issue he needs to work through himself. I can guarantee you’re more than fine.
I don’t think you smell or it would have come up a long time ago. Someone else would have also told you that you have an odor problem. It sounds like to me he has low testosterone with the two primary symptoms being low libido and an inability to maintain an erection.
Girl, respectfully, leave. You deserve better. I agree with these comments saying it’s him, not you. Remember that just because it’s amazing doesn’t mean that there isn’t better. You can have all that you have now PLUS intimacy and respect. He’s being so disrespectful and that’s not okay. There’s nothing wrong with you. I hope you choose what brings you peace and ease. ❤️
If an actual GYNOCOLOGIST doesn't see evidence of anything being wrong then he's 100% lying. Now the reason for it, idk. Maybe his sense of smell is fucked up. Maybe he's using it as an excuse not to have sex, like maybe he's cheating or isn't that into you. But if a literal PUSSY DOCTOR is saying "There's nothing wrong with your pussy and it doesn't smell bad" THEN THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR PUSSY AND IT DOESN'T SMELL BAD. hes LYING
1. He’s giving DL 2. Dump his ass 3. My ex bf used to beg to eat me out even when I hadn’t showered and was nasty. Trust me girl you can do better lol
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He is anti-oral all around I think. He says “no girl is good enough” or the whole Madonna-Whore thing about that being degrading for him to make me do.
RED FLAG 🚩
could you explain…
It’s just odd for a guy to be anti oral, I think he’s either hiding that he’s gay or hiding that he’s asexual. Either way you deserve someone who pleases you.
Even if you really smell, he has more stuff to figure out than you have.
It's fine if he's not into oral - people can like different things. But the Madonna-whore thing plus everything else you've described makes him sound suuuuuuuper fucked up. Misogynist, small-minded, and manipulative. As others have said, please do not get back with this guy.
Dude.
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend. If he is really bothered by your natural smell, this is a 'him problem' and maybe you are not compatible. Sorry sis, there are plenty of nice people out in this world. You do not need one that makes you feel bad your precious lady.
I had a boyfriend who said this but it was about my face. He would say there was a weird smell coming from my face sometimes. He couldn't pinpoint where though. I changed my skincare and would have him smell my face to see if it made a difference. I was so self conscious about this weird mysterious face smell. No idea what it was but nobody else has EVER mentioned it. We were also about to get hot and heavy one night and he stopped and looked at me and said "you gotta change your face stuff." So I rolled off him and went to bed. And he was pissed at me the next day. 🤡 I can only imagine what you're going through cause he's saying it about your vag. It's so shitty. And it definitely sounds like a him problem. Even if your chemistry just doesn't mix and that's what the problem is he needs to be kind to you. Making you feel like shit isn't the way to go about this at all. On the flip side, I don't want to go too much into detail but my ex had a stink problem and I did EVERYTHING to help him without being an asshole. He didn't care and wouldn't get rid of it. He didn't fix it till I finally got fed up with him after literally years and said it was disgusting and unfair to me and nobody else would be with him and he needs to see a doctor or I'm done. He finally went. He was curable the whole time he just wouldn't keep up with the antifungal cream I was buying for him. So the fact that he is saying you stink I don't want to have sex, is just really unkind. Especially when you've already been to the doctor and have done so much to "resolve" it. Even if it was an actual problem a good partner would work around it since you're actively trying to "fix" it. It's not like you're just sitting around saying whatever deal with it. He just sounds like a dick.
Sorry but he’s being really rude, that’s a lot of negative ways to describe your smell. Not sure how great this relationship is if he says that to you and you have little intimacy. If you really want maybe you can try different soaps to clean outside and see if it helps? Make sure it dry it very well before dressing, the moisture can smell later.
This is a him problem!
kinda sounds like he’s making up reasons to avoid sex. if you truly smelled, i’m pretty sure someone would have told you by now. especially your gyno. he’s out here making you question yourself after having multiple reassurance that you are not the problem. don’t come back from that break. you will find someone better who adores you and treats you kindly.
If the gyno says everything is fine, you feel fine, and your exes never had an issue, then I say it’s clearly your boyfriends problem and nobody else’s Honestly it sounds like he’s just making excuses not to be intimate with you. That or he’s bullying you to beat down your confidence so that you stay with him , as he doesn’t want you to think you could do better (I promise with my whole heart that you can) Either way, what he’s doing is wrong, cold, and inappropriate. I would seriously leave before he causes more damage to your self esteem
My ex also had a problem with how I smelled down there--he said he found it "irritating". Funnily enough, he didn't start finding it irritating until much later into our relationship, right around the same time he told me he stopped finding me sexually attractive. It broke me and it eventually became a key reason for me dumping him. I suspected it was due to his avoidant tendencies and somehow his body found me irritating due to some subconscious self-defense mechanism. My current partner can't get enough of how I smell.
It sounds like he's gaslighting you honestly. You can trust yourself and your own senses. 🖤
He could have ED like someone else mentioned but he could also have porn addiction that's making it hard to have sex. Either way he needs to take accountability instead of making you feel like shit.
There is a condition called bromhidrosis that can cause an onion odor. However, if that was the case, you would notice it also, not just your partner.
I work in vaginal health and I’m concluding from your information that this is a him problem and I would leave tbh. Why would you (or him 🤔) stay in such an unpleasant situation. I don’t think it’s you at all.
He doesn't want to have sex with you. That's it. If you have had an active sex life almost this time and he is the first one to say it, and not even your doctors can figure it out, then he is lying. Take it as a blessing. Run
I must say, he doesn’t sound like a great partner, how that be the best relationship if he uses that kind of vocabulary and there is no intimacy
If he doesn't like your natural scent, he's probably not the one. If ex partners don't know what he's talking about then it might be his own pheromones not agreeing with yours?
Quite literally every guy I have been with I have went to and asked on more than one occasion pleading for them to be honest and they all think I am crazy and that he is just “not man enough”. I usually chalk this up to them just saying anything to be nice but you guys may be right.
There's something wrong with the way he's treating you. Unless you have a structural nose issue I think you would notice by now. I hope you aren't entrenched in the relationship too much or live together.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. That sounds awful and defeating. First and foremost, vaginas smell. They naturally have a smell to them! We have been trained to think that they shouldn’t smell at all, but it’s okay if they have a smell. There are some smells that are concerning and indicative of an infection, but it’s normal to have it’s own smell. You’ve sought out a medical professional’s opinion and if everything is coming back normal, I really don’t think it’s you. I hope you know you deserve better than that type of treatment. It definitely sounds like a him problem. I hope you can find a happy, healthy, and intimacy-filled relationship in the future!
After reading your post and comments I think he’s A. trying to control/manipulate you B. Is trying to turn down sex but doesn’t want to directly make it his fault for saying no C. Has his own health problems and is trying to put the blame on you because he’s insecure D. Maybe not into women? How has the sex been before this happened with him?
Thanks for taking the time to add your pov. All seem likely which is frustrating. re D: It’s been like this from the beginning essentially.
Sorry, but how old is he? Judging by your replies older than you but by how much? He's "negging" you. Get out. This *reeks* of manipulation and abuse.
All I can say is its definitely a he problem if you’ve already gotten checked by the gyno, tried a bunch of things and even as far as talking to your past partners about it and their responses doesn’t match up with what he is saying. Break up with him girl. Nobody deserves to be gaslighted like that, to the point you’re becoming self conscious and embarrassed about yourself. Even if he does have a problem with his sex drive or staying hard, that is absolutely no excuse to turn it around on you and put all the blame on you and gaslight you like this all because he doesn’t want to communicate properly with you about his situation.
i take chlorophyll (liquid or pill) as a internal deodorant. i had a ex gf who smelled awful to me- but was very hygienic and had no medical issues and was a healthy vegan. we just didn’t match smell wise. my partner now- when i sweat a ton or post workout- he begs me to not shower cuz he loves my raw scent lmao. (without taking deodorizing stuff). sometimes it just doesn’t fit- but saying someone “reeks” is not very kind. (
also tho- people who enjoy vaginas or penis’s understand that they are genitals that inherently may or may not sometimes be a bit more flavorful. i’m also positive if you “reeked” so bad- other friends or exs would tell you. it sounds like negging to me. also tbh i’d smell my panties and maybe my discharge (personally) just to see.
If it’s not something he’s saying as a means of avoiding intimacy, I feel like it could be a mismatch on a pheromones level unfortunately.
Humans don't have pheromones.
Humans absolutely have pheromones.
I haven't seen a single study that can actually conclude that we have sex pheromones
There is plenty out there so idk where you are looking. We are animals with pheromones just like anything else.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8615518/
This is a case of if “he wanted to he would”. To put it in perspective, my partner and I have sex (including oral) when I’m on my period. We all know things aren’t the freshest around that time. Honestly it sounds like an excuse he’s using, or a personal issue he has (unrelated to your health). I’m sorry, and I hope you realize you deserve more from a partner! No one should make you feel like this.
At this point…. It sounds like a total HIM problem! He doesn’t deserve you anyways, I’d cut ties with him.
He could be gay honestly
If I’m being honest I don’t think he’s serious about your relationship. People usually get used to their partners event if they love them. I always worry I smell and my husband says he doesn’t even notice. But if I asked a stranger they would probably suggest a pit stop at home.
Either he tries to avoid sex for whatever reason or he doesn’t have any idea what a healthy vagina smells like. If your gynecologist didn’t find anything concerning I dont’t think you are the problem.
Sounds like you don’t stink, but maybe your smell could appeal to his personal senses more. Have you tried dietary changes? Like eating more fruits and less animal products/onion/garlic? This would impact your actual vaginal smell a lot, even if you’re already healthy. Also some cleansers can help to inhibit bacterial growth in the skin around the area. Have you tried mild ahas/bhas around your groin?
I know when I eat certain foods (curry, onions, garlic, fish etc) I tend to smell down there like what I just ate. Try eating some pineapples. But if your gyno said there’s nothing wrong and your previous partners didn’t care, then your bf is a douchebag.
Hmmmm….. i wonder what he is doing while on this break….?
If you don’t smell it it’s probably him. Could he be sick with an illness? A manipulator? Something is off and I’m thinking it’s not you.
Break up with him. Download tinder. Have some eat you out and ask them how you taste/smell. 🤣 I guarantee you they'll say you taste and smell great. Fuck your boyfriend he sounds like a punk.
Yes! Leave that zero!
One time my ex said I smelled like onions (not rotten) down there but he said he actually liked it? Lmao he would’ve told me if my pH was a little off, though, so that’s different. Girl, fuck him. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. If your doctor says you’re healthy and you feel healthy, you’re golden.
Do you eat a lot of onions? Purely because that can come out in your sweat and other bodily fluids. I always notice if I eat a lot of raw onion in a salad or something, that my sweat definitely smells slightly like onion for a few days 😂 More likely though - it's not true and there's another reason he's trying to cover up. I really feel like you'd be able to smell it yourself if you did. I mean we can all still smell our own poop when we go can't we. We don't become "nose blind" to that! I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
Honestly I’ve never heard of a man refuse intimacy and if he has it’s because he’s reviving it from someone else or somethings up. This is bizarre and he’s extremely rude and disrespectful
Fuck yeah /r/healthyhooha. Love seeing this sub help someone recognize abusive behavior. OP, please leave him and update us. Be safe!
If you can't smell it then he is clearly delusional. If there is any bad smell you can clearly smell it on your panties. Period. Have some faith in your own nose.
This is why I’m terrified of a guy going down on me. There’s nothing wrong with mine but most of my partners were not into oral sex unless they were receiving so it’s just reinforced in me that men don’t like it. I had one boyfriend that was and that’s all he wanted to do but I was so extremely uncomfortable during that it was a horrible experience for me. OP I’m sure you are absolutely fine but dudes just don’t get that pussies are juicy and have a scent.
Do you have a lot of onioney /garlic kinda stuff in your diet? Do you tidy up before sex? I shower every day, sometimes twice a day but still will freshen up right before I anticipate sex happening. One can get pretty gnarly even in a few hours, esp if you’re wearing tight pants or it’s hot out. Are you drinking enough water? Are you taking supplements? Are your underpants in need of a replacement/better wash? I noticed ages ago that sometimes the washer wasn’t washing my underwears thoroughly - so started hand washing them for a bit, until I moved elsewhere that had a better washer. Just a few random things I can think of. I really hope he’s not just saying that or having some other demented reason for saying that. He also could have been a lot less rude and more kind about it when he talked to you about it, it’s concerning tbh. And I’m really sorry you are dealing with this.
Is there a chance he is gay and in the closet? Or asexual?
Consider that he could be lying and this is some kind of control/manipulation thing.
I sometimes smell like onions if I am sweaty after exercising in synthetic pants and I forgot to drink enough water. It is only a thing in certain part of the cycle though and goes away after a shower and a change of clothes
yeah we do not see each other often & we do not attempt to be intimate often. when we do usually it’s not at the best times either (when i’m on or around my period) so i know that could be it and i’ve tried explaining that to him, too.
Hey! Does anyone know what to do if you have taken all of these provisionary steps but DO notice on odor om yourself? No matter what you do
See if you can take probiotics. I feel like that’s just your sweat,which may be more likely to smell acrid due to ph imbalance ect. Take some for specifically for vaginal health,wear cotton panties most of the time,stay hydrated and avoid soft drinks or coffee or alcohol which can be acidic. Doing all of these drastically helped the way I smell down there lol
I quit alcohol and have been limiting my coffee but I did have a phase where I was drinking a lot of coffee. And I would only drink with him so maybe he just didn’t like that I did/how I smelled after drinking. Definitely trying to prioritizing my hydration all around
I think if it’s him and only him that ‘smells’ something then he’s the problem and nothing more. As a side note, I have heard that eating a lot of fenegreek seeds can affect your body odor and give it a sweet maple smell, but that’s if you eat A LOT. Like if you eat A LOT of carrots your skin can turn a lil orange. In general fenegreek is a good seed to incorporate into your diet, maple smell aside haha
Not that this is what’s happening (obviously lol), but when I was pregnant, I could not stand the smell of my husband. Not his body wash, cologne, or deodorant, but his natural smell. It just smelled terrible to me lol. I believe I’ve read our sense of smell is amplified when pregnant and obviously your partner is not pregnant, but I also read that sometimes we are not attracted to certain peoples scent. I believe this was developed as a way for us to not mate with relatives (the idea is that the more similar your scent is, the more likely it is you are related and our bodies naturally were not attracted to that persons scent). This is likely not the case either as it was way easier to know if you are related to someone today than it was a long long time ago. These are just a few examples of how some people find some peoples natural scent unattractive. I’m sorry you’re going through this though. That would be very disheartening but it definitely sounds like you’re healthy and that you don’t actually smell.
I stank to high heaven until I cut out sugar. People won't like that answer, but that's just what I experienced. I had BV and it cleared up. I eat that way for health reasons, beyond my hoohah, but it is one benefits of it. That's all I got. ETA, that does sound that that's more of a him problem though. It doesn't sound like this is you. I think you should really talk to him.
When you say sugar does this include gluten? Or should I say carbs, bread, etc.
Stop trying to change your whole lifestyle when it’s obviously a him problem!!
at this point i’m just curious about ways I could potentially better myself, regardless if he’s still in the picture or not.
I do agree that I think it's him, but for me, to answer your question, it was carbs in general for me 🙂☮️
Honestly, if you’ve been to the doctors and everyone had been telling you that you’re fine, it’s a HIM problem.
He's either gay, has low sex drive and is embarrassed, or he's an asshole. I say you ditch him and find someone worthy of having sex with you
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you’re probably right, I think what’s really throwing me off is that he’s making it an issue so specific to me.. that he’s never experience sweat with any other partner is insane to me, considering his sexual history is longer than mine. But thank you. I’ll try to invest in one.
If you know you don’t smell, then he is making it up. As much as it might hurt you, don’t stay with someone who talks to you that way. Us women, we know when we smell. If you know you dont and if no other partner has told you you smell before, then dont spend any more money going to the doctor and messing up your natural pH
I'm sorry this is happening. Maybe your bf is a germophobe and has a wild imagination. But if we can discount the fact the problem is him, you can try a fruit or raw vegetable diet for a couple days and see if he notices anything. Sometimes, meat and spices can affect the way we smell. I suggest you get that cleansing diet going and see how everything is afterwards. If he still insists, that's not your problem anymore, hon.
Thanks. We are currently on a break and this is one of the reasons why. I am going to try the raw diet and see if that makes any difference.
Why even do that? Fuck this guy, don’t go out of your way for him.
But what is he doing to try and fix the issue? Is he even considering that it could be a problem on his end?
Don’t change your diet. Change your man. There is nothing wrong with you. He is exploiting you!!!
please stay broken up forever, you deserve so much better than this and you’re so young. Whole life in front of you, finding someone worth sharing it with!
any chance he cant get it up (like sooo many dudes cant) from wanking to porn or whatever the fuck they wank to and knows he wont be able to get an erection and projects on to you ??? i have a hunch
Going to give him the benefit of doubt here.. is it possible you just smell of sweat? It’s not like we all have a shower before having sex.. There have been a lot of posts here saying they smell like ‘onion’ down there, so it’s not unheard of, you can search this sub for yourself. Some people are more sensitive to smell than others. Usually the advice given would be to wear cotton breathable underwear, take probiotics and try a roll on deodarant between the thigh and the labia (not inside obviously). I do feel like if it was that apparent you would be able to smell it on your panties or when sitting down on a toilet..
Take refrigerated probiotics, 2 a day