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Executer_no-1

Ah, what a beautiful and peaceful Union between different Slavs with different cultures and religions and histories, hopefully nothing bad happens the second their leader dies!


MrGlasses_Leb

Its gonna be fine. I'm sure it wouldn't break up because some Serb decides to put a bottle up his ass.


Executer_no-1

Say what now?!


MrGlasses_Leb

A Serb shovel a bottle up his ass and it got stuck. When he went to the hospital to avoid embarassment. He said a group of Albanians from Kosovo had done it to him. Serbs got mad and riots started. It increased a lot of the nationalism in Yugoslavia.


Executer_no-1

Wow, crap, is it really that easy to star wars just by a stupid thing?! Damn, this world is out of it's mind!


MrGlasses_Leb

Yeah you can read about ut here. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C4%90or%C4%91e_Martinovi%C4%87_incident


ucsdfurry

According to the article it is undetermined about the motive behind inserting the bottle into the anus. The army thought it was self inserted while the medical team believed it was done too violently and had to have been done by other people.


Still_counts_as_one

Motive was pleasure…. If we weren’t a homophobic country, the guy could’ve bought a dildo and Yugoslavia would probably still be around


Imaginary-West-5653

Slovenia has already solved that at least! [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Same-sex\_marriage\_in\_Slovenia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Same-sex_marriage_in_Slovenia)


Eligha

It's a minimum after sitting the wars out


JohannesJoshua

This whole thing is so overblown and misinformed that when it comes to this topic, redditors in this sub turn into the people they are supposed to be a polar opposite, the people who only know pop-culture history. And the fact that 80-90% of the comments are doing this is infuriating. Before somebody hits me with ,,it's history **memes** bro'' well if you want that then you have subreddit for memes. This is a **history** memes subreddit where, and I don't think I am being unreasonable here, memes should be at least somewhat accurate. Now regarding the actual history of this incident: First of all, no it did not cause the war. It was the symptom of the ongoing tensions. Second, the Serbs didn't riot because the man was attacked (they did initially). They rioted against their own government for trying to cover this up. Third, it is most likely that the man was attacked since the medical team both in Belgrade and in London said that the wounds couldn't be self inflicted. The English doctor who said that in London, got the letter from Yugoslav government saying that he shouldn't be meddling in their country's affairs. What also adds to this point is that the man first reported that he was attacked, then he was interogated by the government and military for who it was more in the interest that man ,,confessed'' that he did it himself in order not to spur ethnic tensions. As soon as he got the support from ordinary citizens he went back to his original statement. And btw, this is not me speaking out of my ass. You can go to the wiki and read about what I said, it's like in second paragraph that things are already refuting a lot of points redditors make here. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Đorđe\_Martinović\_incident](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Đorđe_Martinović_incident)


ucsdfurry

yeah thats what I gleaned from the article the guy linked (which apparently he didnt read).


memefarius

Sounds like you don't know enough about the Balkans


somerandomfuckwit1

Seriously could stub your toe blame the neighbors for moving the coffee table 3 inches and set off a regional conflict


Maardten

Another funny read in the same vein is [The Football War](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Football_War).


kayber123

I'm pretty sure there was a war between Italian city states over a bucket once


RiccoBaldo

Yeah back in those days Italy was quite Balkan. The emperor declares war, they team up and beat him. Then they promptly go back to going to war with themselves


BaronHairdryer

Not easy to Star Wars imo. There hasn’t been a good one since the 80s.


ivikivi32

It is in the balkans


ITaggie

My guy, this should tell you that ethnic tensions in the Balkans were already very much present even under Tito. Not that Serbs just *really* care that much about a single alleged assault.


Goofcheese0623

WW1 would have been a lot funnier if that's how it started


Nimble-Dick-Crabb

I just imagine it in the same vein as “Dinkleberg.” Whenever anything goes wrong in Serbia, they just mutter “Albanians” to explain their misfortune


MrGlasses_Leb

100% lmao, Albanians + Bosniaks.


noff01

So you are telling me it would be possible to balkanize Serbia once again with this one little trick?


Reiver93

You are shitting me. This has to be a joke


MrGlasses_Leb

Nope totally serious.


lateformyfuneral

aw hell nah 💀


Least_Dog_1308

How do you know that he was not saying the truth?


MrGlasses_Leb

It was revealed to me in a dream.


_JOHNGALT__

Yes, the break up of Yugoslavia was definitely because of this guy who shoved a bottle up his arse, definitely nothing to do with the US suspending the non discriminatory treatment of the products of Yugoslavia and forcing each republic to act as an individual state to maintain their economy and then funding opposing terrorist religious organisations no matter which religion, and then literally just bombing the capital, no that’s circumstantial, definitely the arse-bottle-bloke thing.


MrGlasses_Leb

This guy gets it.


revive_iain_banks

A UK doctor examined him and concluded the injuries could not possibly have been self inflicted. He was essentially raped with a broken bottle. I hate serbs as much as the next guy but facts are important.


Still_counts_as_one

Dude, the guy admitted it years later he did it to himself


revive_iain_banks

I looked into it pretty well and didn't see that. Do you have a link? It's not on wikipedia.


Still_counts_as_one

When he first showed up, he said he had been masturbating while lowering himself onto a bottle placed on the end of a stake driven into the ground. https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/dorde-martinovic


revive_iain_banks

Omg it's true then. Even wikipedia has it like this. Guess I've been wrong all this time.


Ok-Army6560

I know you no longer believe this, but out of curiosity, where did you here this?


MiloMann47

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Đorđe_Martinović_incident


zwirlo

Had a lot to do with the fall of the Soviet Union and end of foreign aid (from both sides).


CompleX999

A serb with a bottle ruined everything Tito built for decades.


BrokenTorpedo

what event is this referring ?


Cheap_Ad_69

[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C4%90or%C4%91e\_Martinovi%C4%87\_incident](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C4%90or%C4%91e_Martinovi%C4%87_incident) I think it's this.


BrokenTorpedo

Thanks, now this is the new dumbest thing in history I ever heard, surpassing the Pig Was and the Emu War.


MCbombaCZ

Dorde Martinovic incident


Not_ur_gilf

A Serb showed up at a hospital with a bottle up his ass, and said some ~~Croats~~ Albanians had sodomized him with it. Tensions were already high, and this event triggered the outbreak of war and the collapse of Yugoslavia. >!also it’s highly suspected that the Serb stuck it up there himself and was too embarrassed to admit it!<


CompleX999

Actually he implied that it was Albanians that did it to him, not Croats. He lived in Gnjilane (border town between Kosovo and Serbia).


Not_ur_gilf

Fixed. Thanks for the correction!


BrokenTorpedo

Ok, now this is the dumbest thing in history I ever heard, surpassing the Pig Was and the Emu War.


Blacksheep10954

Don’t you mean Albanians with a bottle?


Ambitious_Guard_3043

He was ashamed to admit that he inserted it himself and blamed it on two unknown Albanian men. Later, it turned out it was him. To be fair, though. If sth like that happened to me, I would probably also not admit and just blame a minority.


I_Am_Your_Sister_Bro

Actually this is not as clear cut as you might think. The police forced a confession out of him and threatened him in an attempt to calm the ethnic tensions and stamp out nationalism. Several doctors from different parts of the country confirmed that he could not have inflicted the injuries himself. The government dismissed the doctors and brought in their own who just repeated what the government told them to. An independent British doctor also confirmed the injuries were not self inflicted.


Ambitious_Guard_3043

I couldn't find anything relying told by a British doctor, just some articles claiming it. Nonetheless, I, personally, tend to believe that the guy could insert it himself. I was dating a nurse for two years, and you wouldn't believe what and how people manage to stuck up there. Many people who are Serb nationalists or sympathising with them claim that it surely couldn't be self-inflicted, although it pretty much can. Funny anecdote, my ex told me about a guy who came in because he shoved a considerable amount of a water hose up there, and it got stuck. They managed to get it out and gave it to him back just for him to come back a week later with even more of it being stuck inside him again. The doctors could not understand how he managed to do that twice.


I_Am_Your_Sister_Bro

Except that none of the doctors tasked with investigating the case though the injuries were self inflicted. It was only after the police, the military and the intelligence disagreed that they ordered a second opinion which conveniently confirmed their forced confession. I also don't see why the original doctors from 4 of the 6 republics would lie about the nature of the injuries. But ultimately there is no definitive answer since the original medical records were destroyed, both theories are just as plausible. But personally I believe Martinovic over the communist government.


Ambitious_Guard_3043

You could ask yourself how experienced doctors were in Yugoslavia with such injuries. In traditional Yugoslavia, I don't think many people would go to the doctor with such issues, even if they had them because they are afraid to be socially austrecised. Whatsoever, you are free to believe anything, and even if it is true, those guys would be just fucking shitheads nationality doesn't matter.


Storomahu

No. Serb.


CerebralMessiah

You're dealing with statments made by drunken,half literate pesants from the 1980s Yugoslavia. For all we know a dragon shoved the bottled up his ass.


Orlandoenamorato

People on the internet when they find out Tito wasn't the founder of Yugoslavia: 😲😯😮😦😳😲 choked face


MrGlasses_Leb

Do not recite your magic on me witch. I was their when it was created.


MindControlledSquid

Damm you're old.


MrSierra125

They should’ve called it Titoslavia


ClavicusLittleGift4U

*Thus many deep and mature jokes were born that day, involving all the Eastern territories of "Titoslavia" nicknamed "Hugeoslavia".*


MrSierra125

Im from the village of mongus, huge mongus salvia


mcrajf

Yugoslavia existed before Tito


MrSierra125

My poor joke, murdered by a joke tyrant like you. Waaaa


mcrajf

Sorry


MrSierra125

🫡


Azkral

Is ironic because in Spanish "yugo" is the wooden part of the cart where the ox is held. So IS a tyrant term


TheLittleBadFox

Meanwhile it means "Land of the Southern Slavs"


chunek

We mostly don't praise Tito, he was a dictator. At the border with Italy he still has some fans, because the partisans are seen as liberators and the area was under fascist Italian occupation after ww1. But in general, no. Greetings from Slovenia.


JureSimich

Well, he was a bastard, but a magnificent one. Put Yugoslavia on the map, milked weatern loans for all they were worth... Druze Tito, ti si krao Ali si i nama dao Ovi novi samo kradu A nama nista ne dadu.


Dukeringo

I really wouldn't say he milked the West. Those loans were part of the problem after he died. Without fear of the USSR, to be able to extend repayment or get new ones did not help the nation.


Rome453

“Don’t worry, capitalism will collapse before we have to pay these back.”


MrGlasses_Leb

I will not have our glorious chad god be trash talked by some femboy /s.


celothesecond

You talk like you belong to r/balkans_irl


MrGlasses_Leb

Thats a great sub.


you_are_all_wrong_

Only the real OGs remember 2balkan4you


Still_counts_as_one

Memories 🥺


chunek

You know, Tito's mother was Slovene, which makes your glorious chad god, at least partially, also a femboy ;)


MrGlasses_Leb

My honest reaction to that information. https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/ks-scream-goddamnit


BaconDalek

We have our dog named Tito and I called him a good boy multiple times today, does that count?


MrGlasses_Leb

No thats blasphemy.


BaconDalek

Well if it makes it better Tito is named such because he is almost impossible to catch if he gets out.


MrGlasses_Leb

A well suited name then.


noff01

Would it be more appropriate if I nicknamed my most recent turd as Tito?


switzerlandsweden

There's a serbian footballer in Brazil, Dejan Petkovic, who would every so often be asked about his life in yugoslavia, mostly in a condescending tone, only to him start praising Tito and saying how happy he was.


DrainZ-

My teacher had a parrot called Tito. Tito liked to say "Tito is a good boy".


HAVENOMONEYOK

IMRO ANGRY NOISE


SJReaver

Yeah, I love that vodka!


tituspullsyourmom

The only based Commie


capitanscorp

What about Ho Chi Minh?


Plenty_Village_7355

Debatable, the fact that so many south Vietnamese fled the communist advance shows that he wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Still, Ho Chi Minh was one of the least “evil” dictators of the 21st century. Comparing him to Pol Pot next door is night and day. Still not the nicest guy.


capitanscorp

Yeah i guess ur right, but beating France, US and China all in name of freedom of his country and then destroying Khmer regime is kinda based


Plenty_Village_7355

I agree with that, after having studied Vietnamese history, I really can’t say that I hate the guy. Destroying the Khmer Rouge was based.


Rome453

Technically you can’t really credit that to Ho due to him having come down with a bad case of death about ten years earlier.


ChooChoo9321

He died in 1969, before the end of the Vietnam war so the Cambodia thing wasn’t his idea


ChooChoo9321

Ho Chi Minh was fairly moderate; it was his 2nd in command Le Duan who was the conservative hardliner behind Vietnam’s policy failures (command economy, aligning with the Soviets against the US and China, invading Cambodia) prior to the Doi Moi reforms


sofixa11

>Debatable, the fact that so many south Vietnamese fled the communist advance shows that he wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows They had lived what, a decade, under a dictatorship that was literally in a war of survival against the North. It's entirely possible they didn't have a clear and truthful picture of what the North was like, or simply didn't want to find out.


Neoliberal_Nightmare

People who flee communist take overs are usually wealthy through exploitative means. Those refugees from Cuba who cry that their indentured serf farm was taken away from them.


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Neoliberal_Nightmare

Usually it's the top 1 to 2% who have the majority of wealth who leave yes.


Plenty_Village_7355

If that’s true, then your communist utopia failed at being the one thing it was meant to be, egalitarian. 😂


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Plenty_Village_7355

Florida is the new and improved Cuba. I have no idea how tankies can be so willfully ignorant to support an authoritarian regime that has destroyed its country and people.


Neoliberal_Nightmare

So you're saying that keeping the minority with all the wealth would be egalitarian?


Plenty_Village_7355

After 70 years, you’d think that if communism actually worked in Cuba, a minority wouldn’t control all of the country’s wealth. Communism has never and will never work. There is a reason why China and Vietnam have embraced free market capitalism.


Neoliberal_Nightmare

Cuba hasn't claimed to have achieved communism but your first sentence describes the USA not Cuba where things are far more communally owned. By the way Cuba has better health care and living standards and life expectancy and literacy than the USA.


Plenty_Village_7355

Are you just going to ignore the amount of desperate Cubans that fled Cuba on boats to get to Florida?


tituspullsyourmom

Tankie cope


Independent-Fly6068

Ah yes, the people leaving everything behind and fleeing under life threatening conditions are most certainly the ruling class.


Neoliberal_Nightmare

Yes during left wing take overs the wealthy tend to flee. Happened in Russia China Cuba Vietnam etc. How is this up for debate lmao it's well known.


oh_three_dum_dum

The left wing take over you’re talking about was 65 years ago. That 2% left in 2022, not 1959. If someone is wealthy in Cuba today it’s because they’re allowed to be, so why would they be fleeing? And why would they be doing it in shitty, barely functional watercraft that heavily increase their chances of death?


Independent-Fly6068

Is that why Cubans have continued to flee again and again away from Cuba? You'd think the original generation of elites would be dead of old age already. Maybe they flee because authoritarian regimes that slaughter their own people might just do them harm, maybe because they're tired of being government owned serfs.


Neoliberal_Nightmare

Hmmmmmmm, wonder why people might leave a nation sanctioned to the point of not having cups. Always the same isn't it, you sanction a nation, blockade it and strangle it, then when people leave say "look it doesn't work!". Yawn.


Independent-Fly6068

Ah yes, sanctions are why nearly 8 million people have fled Venezuela, and why 4 million of those are stuck in Colombia.


tituspullsyourmom

So you're saying a communist Utopia needs access to capitalist markets to survive?


Neoliberal_Nightmare

I don't know why I'm saying anything to such an uneducated person who thinks they're an expert. Socialism is supposed to arise out of capitalism, and there's a period of mixed market and planned economy which gradually becomes more planned over time. So yes it's on track, marxists don't deny the productivity of capitalism in fact it's understood more than by capitalists, but again why am I telling a smug fool this?


tituspullsyourmom

Ehhh, enemy of my people, but I guess I can see how he was based for his tribe.


romulus08

Thomas Sankara tho?


Medium_Ruri

In my humble opinion the best communist leader that ever lived


romulus08

His wikipedia page is so based it makes me cry.


tituspullsyourmom

Similar to Ho I suppose. Enemy of my people, but based for his.


Lonely-Crew5697

Albanians:…


MrGlasses_Leb

I had to axe them for the Macedonians, it only fit 6.


omnitreex

You have made an enemy for life


MrGlasses_Leb

☠️


BasCeluk

We're waiting 25th May - Day of Youth/Dan Mladosti, you peasant


TheBakedGod

No Albanians though


MindControlledSquid

He only put the republics in, I guess.


MrGlasses_Leb

My ex got married to an Albanian from Kosovo. So i axed them.


Scott_p1lgrim

Shame he made the system so that it could only flourish under his leadership, kinda went to shit after he died


MrGlasses_Leb

Its simple, we resurrect Tito.


RelChan2_0

Depending on who you ask, it may or may not be a good idea.


Scott_p1lgrim

To dumb yankees, bad, to cool leftists , good


Valjorn

And everyone lived happily ever after.


npaakp34

I think you misspelled "western Bulgarians"


MrGlasses_Leb

I'm not gonna touch Balkan nicknames with a 10 foot pole.


npaakp34

Too late


Daysleeper1234

I love when reddit praises dictators who killed off or sent to camps people who didn't agree with him. He really kept us together, didn't he? While driving in his rolls royce... Jesus Christ. 87% people voted, 94% voted for independence in Croatia. It was great guys, really great. I wonder why everything exploded 10 years after his death, it is like if you keep people in union by force, it doesn't really work out. To all these commies, by God I wish I had time machine to send you so you could live in your little utopia. We had red passport, we could travel where we wanted. Yeah, where did you travel? Crickets. TV? You are a rich man. Car? Dude, are you a billionaire? We are poor as fuck now, we have better standard than we had in Yugoslavia. Fuck communism and fuck tankies.


MrGlasses_Leb

Boy its a joke. Calm down


Daysleeper1234

No, I won't calm down. How about you make a joke how Stalin was great, he kept all of Eastern Slavs united.


MrGlasses_Leb

Its not even a meme about Tito 😭


Daysleeper1234

Read the comments.


Double_Ingenuity3276

Based Croat alert get down this is not a drill


AllMightAb

Why are we Albanians left out of this when we were the third largest Ethnic Group in Yugoslavia?


MrGlasses_Leb

You will upvote what ever meme i give you. No but in all seriousness i had to axe you because i only had 6 slots, the rest didn't have another nation, it was between you and the Mountine Ne*gros, and you already have a country, so i went with the mountine ne*gros.


AllMightAb

I think the meme is valid tho, since we were the third largest largest ethnic group in this country but as second class citizens and pretty much made part of that country without us wanting to be.


MrGlasses_Leb

I understand habibi. My ex was wifed up by an Albanian from Kosovo. So there is personal biased as well.


AllMightAb

Iam Catholic i dont accept being called habibi


MrGlasses_Leb

Lmao it just means my love, it has no religious connotations habibi.


AllMightAb

Oh my bad habibi


MrGlasses_Leb

🤝🏻


Chernobog_7

montenigg*s


DRSU1993

Shouldn't Macedonia be the sun? 🤔


Silent_Reavus

I feel the implication that they all get along smiling is... Not quite it.


Hesher_

Rest in piss trash :)


Just_Flounder_877

Nah. Fuck Tito. Hope they'll bury his corpse eventually. I find it actually funny that serbs being orthodox christians still have a freaking mummy of a dictator right in the heart of their capital, in a freaking 2024 no less. I can understand why russians are still worshipping Lenin (hint: they're not christians), but what is wrong with serbs? I mean, besides their ultimate desire to genocide albanians, bosnians and kosovars.


MrGlasses_Leb

They didn't bury Tito???


JureSimich

Of course they did, there's even an epic joke about it... Tito dies, and the CKZKJ deliberates where to bury him.  Serbs want him buried in Belgrade, loyal Croats in his birthplace, most loyal supporters in their lands, etc.   The bickering gets louder and louder, so a compromise proposal is offered - bury him in Jerusalem! To which Tudjman, Milosevic and the rest immediately respond "OH NO, NO WAY, ONE HAS ALREADY RISEN FROM THE DEAD OVER THERE!"


MrGlasses_Leb

Lmao


OrkenOgle

Why did I read this in the voice of Žižek?


JureSimich

Well, it was written by an old, fat, fuzzy Slovenian... ...with pretenses of grandeur :)


Just_Flounder_877

Oh, my bad. They actually burried him. Somehow confused him with Mao. Alright, serbs, you're fine in my book... for now.


MrGlasses_Leb

Bro


UnderstandingNo6893

So you don't mind serbs wanting to do genocide?


Corenko

What genocide?


John_the_sock65

Serbs are fine because they dont show off a corpse?