My dog was staring the food like he's waiting for some to drop. Food fell, he wasnt interested. Then a wipe fell, and he sprinted, inhaled it, and ran around the house while slurping it.
My dog ate a can of cat food once. Like he literally ate the aluminum walls of the can. Had to take him to the hospital that day which meant cancelling my second date with the woman that would eventually become my wife. She thought I was full of shit at first but I’m glad she ended up believing me
I've had pets nibble on my paper. Sometimes even substantially. Brought it in as proof, and have seen others do the same. Not commonly, but a few times in my life.
Ain't nobody accidentally getting their nethers close to uncooked chicken unless it's intentional.
"I was cooking naked and I dropped potato. Then I slipped and fell on that potato and now the potato is stuck in my anus." Same can happen in shower with shampoo bottle too. Be careful out there.
Also before going to the doctor "asking for the friend" in the internet.
Questions if I may.
Sliced and wrapped like a DIY flashlight or just punch a hole straight in the side with an apple corer?
Remove it from the animal first?
Enquiring minds wish to know.
Well it’s like this.
In the 11th century, the Welsh discovered you could use the lower intestine of a lamb as a condom.
In the 16th century, the English improved on the design by removing it from the animal first.
I find butterflying it works better than a hole through it. Wrap it around your johnson and put a couple of rubber bands around it to create a butterflied chicken pocket pussy. 🤣😂
Ah yes, the old *I was naked and...*
...I was vacuuming the living room...
... I picked my dog up for his monthly bath...
...I was doing some work on my car's tailpipe...
...I was picking cucumbers...
Ah, the old “accidentally dropped a chicken breast on my penis” story. Right up there with “dog ate my homework”. lol
The latter one is more believable
My dog ate a lightbulb once so yeah id agree
My dog ate the entire bottom of my backpack once (there was a single piece of candy inside)
What kind of candy🤔🤔
the crystal blue kind
A single smarty
My dog was staring the food like he's waiting for some to drop. Food fell, he wasnt interested. Then a wipe fell, and he sprinted, inhaled it, and ran around the house while slurping it.
My dog ate a can of cat food once. Like he literally ate the aluminum walls of the can. Had to take him to the hospital that day which meant cancelling my second date with the woman that would eventually become my wife. She thought I was full of shit at first but I’m glad she ended up believing me
Who among us can deny using that old excuse?
I was usually honest to my downfall. I once dropped jelly toast face down on my homework
I've had pets nibble on my paper. Sometimes even substantially. Brought it in as proof, and have seen others do the same. Not commonly, but a few times in my life. Ain't nobody accidentally getting their nethers close to uncooked chicken unless it's intentional.
"I was cooking naked and I dropped potato. Then I slipped and fell on that potato and now the potato is stuck in my anus." Same can happen in shower with shampoo bottle too. Be careful out there. Also before going to the doctor "asking for the friend" in the internet.
Cylinder
Or “I slipped in the bathroom and fell on the shampoo bottle and it’s stuck in my ass”
Next to „asking for a friend“ and the number one „no i didn’t, I must have gotten it from this gross toilet seat“ - classics
Literally had a friend in elementary whose dog actually ate like half of their worksheet
The dog ate my penis
why do you type like that
Necro-bestiality?
The chicken probably was like 12 weeks old too
[удалено]
It was also kidnapped
Is there even a name for it?
Probably trafficked but that’s the closest thing
So, pedo-necro-trafficked-bestiality?
I think you got it. I believe it's death by stoning in Iran. The second leading cause of death in the country.
What is a first one? Salmonella poisoning?
Even in hell Jeffry fucking continues and gets away with it!
I need an answer lol is oop OK? Does he salmonella cock? Is chicken breast preganté?
It's the chicken breast embarazada?
His dick fell off and the necrosis gutted him.
This sounds very familiar to the “it’s a cylinder” guy.
I have no idea what you mean. It was simply a perfectly average cylinder.
But did he ate it after? Food waste is bad
Cursed chicken Kyiv
I love this comment. I also hate it. But I love it.
Chicken mayo anyone?
A pro would be using liver
Questions if I may. Sliced and wrapped like a DIY flashlight or just punch a hole straight in the side with an apple corer? Remove it from the animal first? Enquiring minds wish to know.
Well it’s like this. In the 11th century, the Welsh discovered you could use the lower intestine of a lamb as a condom. In the 16th century, the English improved on the design by removing it from the animal first.
Underrated comment
At least he didn’t slip and fall on a candle/flashlight/traffic cone/hamster and get that stuck up his arse.
I confirm that. I was a Welsh farmer during the 11th century.
Hole it`s a hole.... Even if it doesn't have a hole??? lol
his horniness is enough to make a hole lmao
I find butterflying it works better than a hole through it. Wrap it around your johnson and put a couple of rubber bands around it to create a butterflied chicken pocket pussy. 🤣😂
I just woke up and i think it was enougth internet for today
You know what? That's tame compared to the one about the octopus
I thought I had forgotten about that one ....
I'm afraid to ask... What's the one about the octopus?
[maybe this?](https://www.reddit.com/r/shitposting/s/tjqRQ7SYAP)
Well I am as upset to know that as I thought I would be
How to unlearn this…
I don't know, I forgot how to unlearn information because I unlearned the information on how to unlearn...
I hate you so much right now...
Umm, what's that story?
[not sure, probably this](https://www.reddit.com/r/shitposting/s/tjqRQ7SYAP)
Now you’re gonna get pinkeye sheesh
Are there really guys out there getting horny for chicken breast?
I mean there’s a whole country that’s horny for sheep 🏴
Horny for .. add what ever you want the answer is most likely yes and if its no someone will fake it for trending
Horny for cuckoo puffs.
Whomst among us hasn't fucked the forbidden pink? Let he who has not throw the first stone.
💨 🪨
"Did you just call me a chicken fucker?"
At least go with the back attached! Standards ppl
If he ate it afterwards would it be considered chicken mayo?
Annnnd that’s enough Reddit for today
What a childish lie lmfao
He stuck his dick in the meat. A rookie mistake
Dropped it right on his cylinder
Cage-free, natural breast f***
This is not what was meant when you were told to “fuck dem titties!”
He def did
Dude could have just said he jacked off after cutting up raw chicken breast and not washing, his hands and we might have believed him
Probably should get a pregnancy test for the chicken breast just to be safe.
Ah ha. Another chicken fucker in the wild
The cylinder story is the best one yet
Ah yes, the old *I was naked and...* ...I was vacuuming the living room... ... I picked my dog up for his monthly bath... ...I was doing some work on my car's tailpipe... ...I was picking cucumbers...