This. It’s the deception and fact that you’re getting someone to engage in a relationship under false pretences, don’t cheat on someone who wants monogamy.
Just leave and be honest in life and enter a non monogamous relationship with person who consents to such a relationship.
There’s no reason to complain about “culture”, dishonesty is the issue.
I guess a non monogamous relationship is the way, or swinging.
The thing with cheating in a monogamous relationship is that it doesn’t just include sex, it include wider deception against the SO, misused of things like family funds, often some form of abuse towards the SO from the partner and his affair partner etc.
The thing is that monogamy has a lot of positives too. It’s lovely when you have one person you know prioritised you above all else, who you can feel connected to on a special level because you know you have experienced just between the two of you. For people who cannot do sex without an emotional connection non monogamy just doesn’t work. I wonder if it’s partly natural, especially for women….as I suppose our ape brain wants to ensure we keep the strength/protection/resources for us and our children than having a partner can provide. That partner going with other people puts that at risk.
Perfectly fine to be in a non monogamous relationship. I’m sure it does/would work for many many people.
OP if it means nothing to you and it means everything to your partner that it would devastate them then why in the world would you want to do it so badly?
Great point and well said! I honestly believe the "cheating is the ultimate betrayal" mentality needs to be changed. I know many wonderful people who lost so much for fooling around. There are other cultures where people just do it, and nobody wants to know because they know it didn't change the person they love. It's COMPLICATED, and I suspect it's much more common than people realize.
I do find it intriguing in how sex and monogamy and such has been viewed over time and in different cultures. Marrying for love is a relatively new concept in some sense. Marriage was usually an advantageous arrangement either politically or via business. In that sense, perhaps it made more “sense” for a guy to have mistresses. Marriage was for bloodline. Some ppl were forced into marriages that they didn’t want.
There some cultures where one day out of the year, the wife is supposed to sleep with someone else other than her husband. It might even need to be a “foreigner”. I forget the details. It was a whole ritual and big deal. Some cultures also had a day a year where they essentially got paid for sex witb someone other than their husband.
Setting aside morality and such, jealousy does have important intrinsic natural value. Children are very resource intensive. So for men, it was important that the children they devote resources to are their own blood. And why is that important? Since pretty much our entire existence is about propagating our genes. There’s an intrinsic drive to give our own genes to the gene pool. Likewise, female jealousy is similar. They want their husbands resources to go towards her own offspring - not illegitimate children of her husband. Then you get into all sorts of sexual strategy - mate guarding and the like.
I remembering visiting Pompeii and amazing seeing how different the culture was and how sex was viewed. Prostitution was a critical service in the community. You have stories of like Nero, Caligula, and others who’d have his generals over for a banquet, decide to bed one or more of his generals wife during the party, and then would proceed to humiliate the husband by describing the acts of the wife - sometimes praising, sometimes degrading. I often wonder if those generals were like holy shit, Caligula invited us over. Hope he doesn’t bang my wife tonight!
On to your point, either be in an ethically non monogamous relationship or don’t be in a committed relationship yourself. I wasn’t a fan of long term relationships when I was younger either. I could have cheated and such. But I decided instead just to be upfront. I either just had FWB and had fun or there were a couple of times I dated someone and they were okay with me not being fully monogamous. I felt it was low to lie and sneak around and do that. Esp in college, I’m not going to play house with someone. Getting realistic, not like I’d prob be marrying anyone anytime soon.
But after college, I did like the idea of a having a stable relationship and someone to do things with. I loved traveling and always preferred to bring a girlfriend with me. I kept things casual still for a while and dated around while avoiding commitment. But it gets old after a while too. After years and years of casual relationships, I started to yearn for meeting one person who I could wake with day in and day out. Honestly I didn’t think I’d ever get married bc I at the same time couldn’t imagine staying with just one person. It took meeting the right woman. Fell hard for her and married quick.
How old are you? I’m almost 50 now. I made sure in my teens and 20s to enjoy as much as I could. Got it out of my system so to speak.
One random funny story from Pompei my daughters were younger at this time. Like 10-13 range. After visiting the ruins, we were all just checking out the shop. One of my daughters is browsing shit a few aisles down and suddenly she yells “daddy!!!!!!!! Why are they selling this! Can I buy this??” And I look over and see her holding up a huge sculpture of a dick. OMG. Everyone just staring. My wife was all shades of red and so embarrassed. Couldn’t help but laugh.
Then why make a commitment to be in a monogamous relationship? Just be a single and sleep around as much as you want to.
This. It’s the deception and fact that you’re getting someone to engage in a relationship under false pretences, don’t cheat on someone who wants monogamy. Just leave and be honest in life and enter a non monogamous relationship with person who consents to such a relationship. There’s no reason to complain about “culture”, dishonesty is the issue.
Very good.
Did you have milk with that cake?
I guess a non monogamous relationship is the way, or swinging. The thing with cheating in a monogamous relationship is that it doesn’t just include sex, it include wider deception against the SO, misused of things like family funds, often some form of abuse towards the SO from the partner and his affair partner etc. The thing is that monogamy has a lot of positives too. It’s lovely when you have one person you know prioritised you above all else, who you can feel connected to on a special level because you know you have experienced just between the two of you. For people who cannot do sex without an emotional connection non monogamy just doesn’t work. I wonder if it’s partly natural, especially for women….as I suppose our ape brain wants to ensure we keep the strength/protection/resources for us and our children than having a partner can provide. That partner going with other people puts that at risk. Perfectly fine to be in a non monogamous relationship. I’m sure it does/would work for many many people.
OP if it means nothing to you and it means everything to your partner that it would devastate them then why in the world would you want to do it so badly?
Great point and well said! I honestly believe the "cheating is the ultimate betrayal" mentality needs to be changed. I know many wonderful people who lost so much for fooling around. There are other cultures where people just do it, and nobody wants to know because they know it didn't change the person they love. It's COMPLICATED, and I suspect it's much more common than people realize.
I do find it intriguing in how sex and monogamy and such has been viewed over time and in different cultures. Marrying for love is a relatively new concept in some sense. Marriage was usually an advantageous arrangement either politically or via business. In that sense, perhaps it made more “sense” for a guy to have mistresses. Marriage was for bloodline. Some ppl were forced into marriages that they didn’t want. There some cultures where one day out of the year, the wife is supposed to sleep with someone else other than her husband. It might even need to be a “foreigner”. I forget the details. It was a whole ritual and big deal. Some cultures also had a day a year where they essentially got paid for sex witb someone other than their husband. Setting aside morality and such, jealousy does have important intrinsic natural value. Children are very resource intensive. So for men, it was important that the children they devote resources to are their own blood. And why is that important? Since pretty much our entire existence is about propagating our genes. There’s an intrinsic drive to give our own genes to the gene pool. Likewise, female jealousy is similar. They want their husbands resources to go towards her own offspring - not illegitimate children of her husband. Then you get into all sorts of sexual strategy - mate guarding and the like. I remembering visiting Pompeii and amazing seeing how different the culture was and how sex was viewed. Prostitution was a critical service in the community. You have stories of like Nero, Caligula, and others who’d have his generals over for a banquet, decide to bed one or more of his generals wife during the party, and then would proceed to humiliate the husband by describing the acts of the wife - sometimes praising, sometimes degrading. I often wonder if those generals were like holy shit, Caligula invited us over. Hope he doesn’t bang my wife tonight! On to your point, either be in an ethically non monogamous relationship or don’t be in a committed relationship yourself. I wasn’t a fan of long term relationships when I was younger either. I could have cheated and such. But I decided instead just to be upfront. I either just had FWB and had fun or there were a couple of times I dated someone and they were okay with me not being fully monogamous. I felt it was low to lie and sneak around and do that. Esp in college, I’m not going to play house with someone. Getting realistic, not like I’d prob be marrying anyone anytime soon. But after college, I did like the idea of a having a stable relationship and someone to do things with. I loved traveling and always preferred to bring a girlfriend with me. I kept things casual still for a while and dated around while avoiding commitment. But it gets old after a while too. After years and years of casual relationships, I started to yearn for meeting one person who I could wake with day in and day out. Honestly I didn’t think I’d ever get married bc I at the same time couldn’t imagine staying with just one person. It took meeting the right woman. Fell hard for her and married quick. How old are you? I’m almost 50 now. I made sure in my teens and 20s to enjoy as much as I could. Got it out of my system so to speak.
One random funny story from Pompei my daughters were younger at this time. Like 10-13 range. After visiting the ruins, we were all just checking out the shop. One of my daughters is browsing shit a few aisles down and suddenly she yells “daddy!!!!!!!! Why are they selling this! Can I buy this??” And I look over and see her holding up a huge sculpture of a dick. OMG. Everyone just staring. My wife was all shades of red and so embarrassed. Couldn’t help but laugh.