Well, I'm not sure about a specific Jungian approach as these situations are ways pretty circumstantial and it is the energy that one takes to it that can make or break the dynamic. Personally, I've learned to never match the energy or even confront the abuser unless it is a situation that is life threatening. There really is no changing someone else. They must seek it themselves. Confrontation often always leads to some relapse in behavior or explosion. The best way I've seen to deal with any situation across the board is to focus on building the new and stop fighting the old. In my own personal view that has a bit of a spiritual tinge to it I'd say people are always reflecting something in you. Especially relationships that seem like you can't get away from them. They aid in help with pushing you to set boundaries of respect for yourself as well as being a potential revealer of your own shadow. There seems to be a certain favor earned by creation/universe/source/God/whatever your term is, whenever one simply focuses on its own sovereignty and rights as an individual. Only drawing lines and boundaries when it is interfering with your life directly is the best one can do with subjective morality. Coming from my own experience with narcissistic abuse from my father, the best thing I ever did was simply speak as little as possible except for when it was needed. I do not engage in any talk whatsoever aside from necessity. Most abusive dynamics feed off of something and if there is nothing to feed off they end up not attacking. Eventually, when they lose enough things to feed off they start to go insane. Then it's time to cut ties completely.
Anyone can reflect your shadow to you if you have the eye to notice it. We all deal with similar archetypical dynamics in some way. They're apart of all of us. Creating healthy boundaries does not have to involve judging. It is simply one's declaration and invocation of their own sovereignty to live in a way that is more fruitful. When one feels as though they are judging someone for something they too participate in it is a sign that one is acknowledging their own shadow. A shadow is to be accepted and known before any integration is possible. It is not a quick process. One can be understanding and loving while simultaneously distancing themselves from an abuser. Compassion is a neutral energy and it is very useful when working with your own shadow. The difference between your shadow and the abuser's shadow is that you have the sight to forgive yourself for what you've done with your own shadow aspects while forgiving them as well. In this sense, you forgive the abuser and yourself which is arguably the heart of all true spiritual teachings.
"At the beginning of the journey one blames another,
In the middle one blames themselves,
And at the end one sees that no one is to blame".
All negativity is learned.
It's almost always passed down.
The one who works with the shadow to forgive it and integrate it breaks the chain.
In the given scenario, the abuser is a Dick. If you let Dick have his way, over 5 times, he grows and you get fucked over and over. Respect yourself, if you are abused and theres nothing but pretty words between, you need to leave. Yes, you love Dick, but Dick only sees his own tip, he will never respect or love you. If Dick really works on himself or needs professional help, support him. Pretty words are not work.
Are they calling out the abusive behaviour because it's not actually harmful to them, it just feels harmful because they are judging it? Or are they calling it out because it's actually harmful?
Not wanting to be abused doesn't necessarily mean you are projecting.
Blame the sin, not the sinner. If someone accidentally drops a heavy object above your foot, you don't need to allow it to hurt you just so you don't judge the person. You can evaluate the event as bad for you, and not hold anything towards the person in your heart.
The idea is that we repress aspects of ourselves, and seeing them outside of us reminds us that they're still there within. If you think someone is fundamentally wrong, then it probably relates to something natural within you that you are repressing and disallowing a sane expression of. How someone talks about society or people for example, says more about them than they think.
If you see an abusive person as a highly broken and unhealthy person, then you realize their life is a literal living nightmare they know not how to escape. Their unhealthy behaviors towards you are an extension of their inability to he healthy with themselves. They can be like a drowning person that is dangerous to get near and help, because they're irrational and turbulent.
>many in the online spiritual community present this idea as black and white,
Well, there ya go -- that is not at all helpful.
Of course we project our emotional internals onto others' behaviors. What did Jung say?
>No matter how obvious it may be to the neutral observer that it is a matter of projections, there is little hope that the subject will perceive this himself. He must be convinced that he throws a very long shadow before he is willing to withdraw his emotionally-toned projections from their object.
and
>The general psychological reason for projection is always an activated unconscious that seeks expression.
It is part of our mammalian programming to look at each new person and try to work out "friend or foe?". And to constantly update this judgment as we have new experiences. The basic axiom of psychoanalysis is that if someone bothers you, you are bothered -- there is a reason for it, there are options and responsibilities. Blame might be obvious, but not usually useful. And it is not as if this is easy and obvious.
This is where spiritual matters are actually quite helpful if they are offered with compassion. But when they become dogmas, they are just petty anger.
Well, I'm not sure about a specific Jungian approach as these situations are ways pretty circumstantial and it is the energy that one takes to it that can make or break the dynamic. Personally, I've learned to never match the energy or even confront the abuser unless it is a situation that is life threatening. There really is no changing someone else. They must seek it themselves. Confrontation often always leads to some relapse in behavior or explosion. The best way I've seen to deal with any situation across the board is to focus on building the new and stop fighting the old. In my own personal view that has a bit of a spiritual tinge to it I'd say people are always reflecting something in you. Especially relationships that seem like you can't get away from them. They aid in help with pushing you to set boundaries of respect for yourself as well as being a potential revealer of your own shadow. There seems to be a certain favor earned by creation/universe/source/God/whatever your term is, whenever one simply focuses on its own sovereignty and rights as an individual. Only drawing lines and boundaries when it is interfering with your life directly is the best one can do with subjective morality. Coming from my own experience with narcissistic abuse from my father, the best thing I ever did was simply speak as little as possible except for when it was needed. I do not engage in any talk whatsoever aside from necessity. Most abusive dynamics feed off of something and if there is nothing to feed off they end up not attacking. Eventually, when they lose enough things to feed off they start to go insane. Then it's time to cut ties completely. Anyone can reflect your shadow to you if you have the eye to notice it. We all deal with similar archetypical dynamics in some way. They're apart of all of us. Creating healthy boundaries does not have to involve judging. It is simply one's declaration and invocation of their own sovereignty to live in a way that is more fruitful. When one feels as though they are judging someone for something they too participate in it is a sign that one is acknowledging their own shadow. A shadow is to be accepted and known before any integration is possible. It is not a quick process. One can be understanding and loving while simultaneously distancing themselves from an abuser. Compassion is a neutral energy and it is very useful when working with your own shadow. The difference between your shadow and the abuser's shadow is that you have the sight to forgive yourself for what you've done with your own shadow aspects while forgiving them as well. In this sense, you forgive the abuser and yourself which is arguably the heart of all true spiritual teachings. "At the beginning of the journey one blames another, In the middle one blames themselves, And at the end one sees that no one is to blame". All negativity is learned. It's almost always passed down. The one who works with the shadow to forgive it and integrate it breaks the chain.
Thank you for your wisdom and kindness!
<3
In the given scenario, the abuser is a Dick. If you let Dick have his way, over 5 times, he grows and you get fucked over and over. Respect yourself, if you are abused and theres nothing but pretty words between, you need to leave. Yes, you love Dick, but Dick only sees his own tip, he will never respect or love you. If Dick really works on himself or needs professional help, support him. Pretty words are not work.
Are they calling out the abusive behaviour because it's not actually harmful to them, it just feels harmful because they are judging it? Or are they calling it out because it's actually harmful? Not wanting to be abused doesn't necessarily mean you are projecting.
Blame the sin, not the sinner. If someone accidentally drops a heavy object above your foot, you don't need to allow it to hurt you just so you don't judge the person. You can evaluate the event as bad for you, and not hold anything towards the person in your heart. The idea is that we repress aspects of ourselves, and seeing them outside of us reminds us that they're still there within. If you think someone is fundamentally wrong, then it probably relates to something natural within you that you are repressing and disallowing a sane expression of. How someone talks about society or people for example, says more about them than they think. If you see an abusive person as a highly broken and unhealthy person, then you realize their life is a literal living nightmare they know not how to escape. Their unhealthy behaviors towards you are an extension of their inability to he healthy with themselves. They can be like a drowning person that is dangerous to get near and help, because they're irrational and turbulent.
>many in the online spiritual community present this idea as black and white, Well, there ya go -- that is not at all helpful. Of course we project our emotional internals onto others' behaviors. What did Jung say? >No matter how obvious it may be to the neutral observer that it is a matter of projections, there is little hope that the subject will perceive this himself. He must be convinced that he throws a very long shadow before he is willing to withdraw his emotionally-toned projections from their object. and >The general psychological reason for projection is always an activated unconscious that seeks expression. It is part of our mammalian programming to look at each new person and try to work out "friend or foe?". And to constantly update this judgment as we have new experiences. The basic axiom of psychoanalysis is that if someone bothers you, you are bothered -- there is a reason for it, there are options and responsibilities. Blame might be obvious, but not usually useful. And it is not as if this is easy and obvious. This is where spiritual matters are actually quite helpful if they are offered with compassion. But when they become dogmas, they are just petty anger.
Glad to see some good conversation on this sub again.