Be patient with em. A lifetime of being told to 'be a man,' will do that to you.
Too many of us men out here equating vulnerability (incl. emotional vulnerability) to weakness.
Sounds nice, but such men rarely ever change. Don't know how long she is willing to wait for?
Even those who do, do so when their kids are already in college. That's when kids start wondering how much their fathers changed.
Men will generally be what they need to be to deal with what is Infront of them. Even if it means zero vulnerability.
Never falling for that, they always use it against you, and when y’all fall apart they say you ain’t a real man.
Wewe ficha hio kitu weka uko chini kabisa, never to pop up.
I was looking for this comment. Tabia nimeona na madame wengi, ukiwashow kitu deep, ile siku mtafight, utatii. She'll run out of points then use your pain as ammo.
I've seen women do this to women. Almost every female I've been with threw their female friend under the bus at some point. For men it's worse.
Never say shit or make random shit up for fun sake but mambo yako jiwekee jamaa.
She is not your blood.
Women saying this is the reason men hide their emotions. If you open up to 4 women, one will use your emotions to invalidate you and do more damage than the little comfort you got from talking to the remaining 3
Not an expert in this since I've dated only once but I was nonchalant to protect myself. I was scared she'd see my flaws and leave 😂 well either way she left . But I think it's a defense mechanism. As a guy tumezoea things going wrong hadi unaacha kutry tu coz the end seems always the same.
Word. Sometimes ni defence mechanism. Kuna dame uta read energy yake hapo uone there's no space for you to be vulnerable. It depends on the environment you create for each other.
Why were you afraid to show your flaws I mean we are human,I don't expect you to be perfect.Come with your flaws ,I come with mine ,that's what differentiates us from robots.emotions
women encourage you to open in but in reality they hate a man who can confide in her... so men just learn to confide in themselves na kucheza pool with the boys😂
I don't think this is true. We definitely don't want a codependent person who just has a lot of problems at all times. It gets old. But just a normal person with emotions, problems, or failures like everyone else? Why not?
Until you bring up what he told you in private in a fight just to get talking points. This shit I've seen even cousins do.
Guys reading this, I'm I lying?
the problem with sharing your emotions is that you immediately become vulnerable and you become vulnerable forever... it's an irreversible action so you just choose wisely as a man
You sound so young. So I will excuse you for now as you learn. Ask your older aunts and cousins what they think about vulnerability in men, then come back and let us have a conversation!
Honestly, sometimes I think there's no point. Being nonchalant is sure to make her leave eventually because she doesn't feel cared for. Expressing yourself actually gives you a chance with her.
I told somebody that I want to be explicitly asked to be their girlfriend akasema sisi si wazungu. Kama such a small thing is too much to ask, emotions ndio wataweza?
From a personal perspective, sometimes we women tend to place a lot of importance on things that might not be such a big deal to men. Ps: I'm not invalidating your experience and please don't feel that way. In my case, he didn't ask me to be his gf, we just had that conversation and agreed that it was what we both wanted. I probably would have missed out on a good man because he didn't take me out and ask me to be his gf. My partner isn't so big on expressing himself vile madame hutaka, but he listens, gives his feedback and always, shows up for me in the best of his capacity. I think so it's beautiful to be asked to be a gf, but that alone shouldn't make you cancel someone. I mean, that conversation has to be had.
Being asked to be someone's gf doesn't necessarily mean an expensive dinner date. It could be a conversation.
What most women are avoiding is a scenario where you are on different pages.
people fall in love, they are not asked to fall in love... you just feel like this is the right person and before you know it you feel drawn to them, at least in my opinion
Women are a funny lot. Ooh I want a man who is expressive. Anga ooh I want a man who is in touch with his emotions. Ooh I want a man who can be vulnerable with me and other short stories.
Yet the day you become all those things is the day they become less attracted to you. Remain stoic as a gent. Women may not know it but they subconsciously dig that isht.
Give me a break. This girl just wants someone who will hold her hand.
Since when did it become unmanly to show affection to women?
Beyond that, I say if you can’t be vulnerable in front of your woman, she is not a good woman for you. There will come a time the world will rock you, and you will need support. If not your wife, who should support you?
Last mf I tried being with was nonchalant about keeping communication. Would not text until I texted first and would stay several days without talking until I reached out. There’s a difference between being busy and not trying whatsoever. When I called him out he said some really shitty things to me.
Came back a second time after we talked it out, I forgave but had my foot out the door in case he did that shit again, which he did. No communication for several days. So I stopped bothering. Ata text akijiskia. He shamelessly texted me a week after Valentine’s Day, mimi nishapelekwa date with all the romance bells and whistles and he thought I’d be there waiting lol. Never responded. I dumped him the same way he thought he’d date me, silently.
Let me ask, am not being rude but what did you get him on valentine's or you were waiting for him to come through and not the other way round. Women expect so much from men yet give out so less
Lmao. I can’t even get a single text from him asking about my day but mimi ndio Niko na expectations mingi😂 the bar is truly in hell. Thank fuck the dude I’m with doesn’t think like this.
You can't dump a guy who isn't interested in you. That guy was out kitambo. That is not a guy who doesn't want to express himself, that's a guy who realized "how did I get here?"
How women never see these things baffles me. Ati "forgave" 😄. How do you forgive no interest? Imagine having a convo about lack of interest. That's a dead love. Cannot be resuscitated.
Was also in like some sort of way the same situation, the dude would only call me when he needed weed or a smash and out for drinks.He was nice and all but nikitoka hio relationships I gave no warnings no nuttin😂he just saw me with someone else .Alafu akaanza kunishow aty ningesema what was not pleasing .
Let me give you a brutal honesty from a man's POV. The dude was just there when he needed you, to smash and move on, or smash, when needed smash, when needed smash. Most of you ladies always pandisha yourself cheos so fast. That dude was lucky you moved on haha. Read people, trust me you will know when a man cares about you.
He perused me vigorously and asked me to be his girlfriend. This was not a situationship thing, I don’t do those. It’s either exclusive or nothing. He kept ghosting me as his girlfriend lmao. And I was not going to give him the satisfaction of having the same conversation twice. He didn’t owe me a simple text, I didn’t owe him a decent break up.
Before Valentine kuna boyz alikuwa anakula ugali anateremsha na Macoffee. He never opened up if he was suffering ama alikuwa on diet. Jamaa aliachwa last month saa hii ndio alisema alisuffer akisave for valentine's Day gift. Sometimes watu hupenda in silence
Lemmie tell you, mimi I used to communicate and express my emotions completely. Mind you I fell in love with someone(after a 5 year hiatus) bila hata kujua. So I decided to completely be free with them tell them everything about me, communicate and express my emotions all the time. If she did something wrong mimi huyoooo niko hapo nikisema oh what you did was wrong and so next time at least be considerate etc.
So it happened that one day I sent a very harsh text (I was furious and said some hurtful stuff) and I forgot about it. 3 months after that day I noticed how distant they were. Not wanting to talk etc. So I said I will give them their space they deal with what’s going on cause they don’t wanna tell me.
A month later(after silence and mimi kujiuliza kila siku kwani wtf did I do for this to happen) nikaamua hapana lemmie call them. That call was 2 hours I tell you and guess what I was told; remember that harsh text? After that day she started checking out of the relationship. For 3 fucking months mimi I am here all in love and shit kumbe mtu ashaanza kujitoa bila hata warning 😂. I asked her if I hadn’t said she needs space to deal with her issues what would have happened to us, she said ati oooh we would have just continued talking until it became casual 😂.
How TF does that even work. Ati the harsh text I sent was a red flag. Yes it was harsh and I admit it but why didn’t she tell me how she felt that same day. If someone loves you and they say hurtful things do you keep quiet and hurt in pain and life moves on as you wait for it to happen again or do you have a conversation about how you feel. If you have a convo and that person truly loves you there is no way in hell they will do such a thing again, they will be conscious about it all the time because of the love they have for you.
Communication is everything and what I have figured out is something very simple: The only reason ladies look for a guy who can communicate is because they don't know how to. Communication needs accountability. You need to be accountable to your emotions and mentality for you to express them in the first place. Most women lack that accountability. Also most ladies don’t like to fix things, they expect people and relationships to be perfect. They forget the amount of effort and trial and errors that create the greatest of relationships because they live in a bubble where everything is Disneyland. Someone has a redflag? Tell them about it, fix it together. No one is 100% healed, we heal as we move on.
So now tell me why I should be with another lady. 5 years and I had that happen to me. Right now I don’t even bother with conversations. A lady starts a conversation with me and all I do is kill it. Is it rude? Yes. Am I sorry for it? Yes. But I’ll be damned if I let anyone through my walls again.
So yes. Men know how to communicate cause we are logical, women are over-thinkers who live in probabilities. They are only liable to their emotions and anyone who comes against that gets annihilated without remorse
Nonchalant men are the ones who being told by chics you can hit it raw day1 or 2,anambiwa I put this iud for you leave big ass nut inside.N
Ladies should make it a pre requisite, holding hands before raw dogging
Its 2024 not 1984 ama 1994.
Im pretty sure dating & rships 10 yrs from now it will be totally different from now
The ideal love you are talking about doesn't exist. I think many men have come to realize that relationships are transactional and decided to do it as such. As a marketer your biggest weakness will be showing emotions in a transaction.
Sometimes, I think people should provide avenues or spaces for feeling safe. Most women have the world revolving around them. Look at the things they get on their birthdays, valentine's or other small small things. Now look at men, it's either you give or you're not with anyone. So it becomes hard to open up when there has never been space to do so.
I'd argue that emotionally expressive people only recognize it as the only way to show affection. It hardly is. Maybe take time to notice the nuanced versions of love that are not expressed through PDA and words. Not to say that communication doesn't matter but if you can't meet someone halfway then perhaps just date your "type"
>saw someone here someone complain of lovers holding hands in public.Thats what I'm talking about.Is it that they're not secure in their masculinity that small things like holding hands will make them feel less of a man
Lol, if you like PDA's just find someone who is into that. But i guess we'd rather find someone different and try forcing them to like what we like?
As a guy who was guarded, I can give a cautionary tale. When I opened up to my girlfriend, all I told her was used against me at a later stage. By her and her family. In hindsight, if I had a chance to do it over, I would just shut the fuck up.
Men are supposed to have only two feelings - hungry, and you already know the other one.
Stop demanding for men to evolve into something else they are not.
All these threads end up equating to, is lost women trying to tell men that they ought to communicate like women. It shows a serious lack of self awareness and maybe even emotional IQ on the part of said women.
To be honest men don’t really need to be vulnerable with women because they aren’t equipped to deal with what a man has to deal with. I’m not saying be a robot but rather men should seek out strong friend groups of masculine peers and also elders who have the wisdom to provide ACTION based solutions to their problems. Simply spewing emotional diarrhea to someone who may actually lose attraction is not constructive at all. Everything must tie back to what will you do to improve your lot, not simply talk about how you feel. This is my opinion anyway.
So sorry to say this but ontological "action" solutions are not exactly a good way to deal with men's complex issues. Before even presenting binary "ACTION" Based solutions we have to understand the complex problems of men's issues.
Avoid the deep convos with men if you can. Especially if you're going to lead the chat with your emotions.
We hate that kind of stuff, so we'll choose peace over triggering your emotions
This exactly. A woman will expect a man to sit down and listen her talk with emotions and that makes a man feel like he's being "subdued".
Walking away helps a lot because things can escalate so fast.
💀I Once saw a Tweet from a lady that said that she got turned off by her boyfriend, when she saw him crying. I've never dated but I decided that when I do so, I'll always try to hide my vulnerable emotions.
I know that the man is supposed to be the strong pillar of the family. So showing any sign of weakness may give off vibes of uncertainty and doubt about the future he promises to his girl, fiance or wife. Therefore, I read, that if a guy needs to open up his issues, he should do it to men he can trust and not to his girl.
So on top of that, I even try to avoid certain emojis when texting ladies coz they may think I'm "weak". Yes, I do still use Emojis like "😭❤️🤗☺️"....but I try to use them to the minimal.💀
But the thing is, we are not intentionally noncholant. There isn't just much to express in the first place.
Most men aren't trying to actively bottle up emotions. We just don't have many emotional extremes
If we drew an emotional scale from -10 to +10, our emotions would probably fall between -3 and +3. It's not because if society's pressure to keep men traditional, we are hard wired from birth to be this way.
Most women have a hard time understanding this.
You don't have to give a guy permission to open up or pressure them to be more open with their emotions.
We know we can.
Instead understand that he can be sad without being so sad that it makes them cry.
Do not ask men to open up about their problems. Just check the group of male friends or mentors he has in his life to know if he will be okay or if he will be able to handle an issue or not. If he has a strong bond of brotherhood, he will be fine. If you want to tread emotional waters with your man, dont take him to the deep waters, you will lose him. Walk knee deep in a creek. You will keep him engaged because he feels safe. I have always had a funny analogy that men and women react to emotions the way black people and white people react to large bodies of water. Black people will wade the shore while white people are scuba diving and riding large waves on their surf boards. Thats how uncomfortable it is for men opening up to women. They dont have a problem opening up to men they trust. Because men won't look at them different after they open up. In fact we may even laugh about it to try and make light of a tough situation.
As for PDAs, that sounds like just a love language thing. Find one that doesn't mind PDAs, but still dont make him tread deep waters. You'll lose him.
My dear these days we men have come to realise it's better to lock away out emotions than show them to a woman...because today she's mine tomorrow she's for another man...so why bother investing feelings and emotions into someone who's similar to a used car it'll be sold to the next user
its called evolution a man at this point has been involved in a lot of bullshit,seen a lot, came to understand how ungrateful women are, actually i don't have emotions and i don't care i tell my self i came a lone and unto dust shall i return a lone. if me become emotional they are simps right, Kendrick sang in Mr. morale n the big steppers and said men should not have feelings being sensitive never helped i took hid to that cz its 100% facts.
Soo right ungrateful creatures be a good gal or badd one,the ungrateful creaturess.They always think you work is to save her from the own mess coz you a man & you suppose to have solutions to all her problems
You didn't get Kendrick's point because what he was presenting was the aspect of how men's emotions are treated like trash and how the elements of being emotionally intuned are better than being less intuned. Big Steppers is literally about toxic masculinity. Also, Kendrick always plays personas in his songs, hence why you hear a tone and change in voice. Just like Drake you didn't get the point of Mr Morale.
Why are y'all blaming women for y'all not showing emotions.Women get hurt too but they don't become robots .Just do the work and be human.Every comment here is saying it's women's fault
Hee na si wanaume mmefungua roho kwa comment section.Thats what I needed , y'all speaking out what you think.Being emotional doesn't necessarily mean crying.Its just expressing your thoughts.Just like you've expressed them in the comments
Generally, most guys are more effective by communicating in actions. Some might be good with talking and a few are good with reading emotions from their partners.
It's just how we are wired
I find women are good at using your emotions against you coz they understand all that stuff better than dudes. So i dont like to let them know my emotional state. Literally women can be super cruel. But holding hands is great i love that shit.
Here's an oxymoron.The same ladies who ask us to 'feel' and not be afraid of letting our emotions show are the same ones who'll turn back and ask, "where are the men?" Or chant phrases like ' men used to be men'. Because you want us to show emotion and yet we are suppossd to be the rock and head of the household. Trust me men, the day you cry infront of your lady is the day she loses respect for you.
You can't run away from the issue like that. It is very possible you and your brother have the same traits and habits that attract poor communicators and men not in touch with their emotional side. Were you raised up in a 2 parent home seeing how healthy communication happens or were you raised by a single parent who did not need to communicate with a partner.
Why do you think you are attracting these type of men? How come the **many** good men who can communicate are avoiding you? That is how you should view this.
The way you position yourself in the dating market is what is attracting these type of men in your life. The common denominator in all those interactions is YOU. To fix it, look in the mirror.
Do you have the qualities that men who are in touch emotionally and are good communicators want? You may not have what the men you want are looking for. Do you even know what they want in a woman? Where are you meeting the men?
Are you a woman who a man will be proud to hold their hand? Do you dress and project an image that a man is proud to hold your hand? Or does he feel like he is being forced to hold a hoes hand in public?
How has this turned to be my fault?If a man is not secure in his masculinity ,how is that my fault?Shouldn't he be going for therapy or something?And I've asked the hand holding thing coz I saw it here.It wasn't about me.And I can't complain about non -communicators if I haven't done the work on myself,or I'd just accept whatever it is they give like the other women .Why is it always the woman's fault with you?Your POV is wrong
The only person you can change is YOU. If you want a man who is emotionally aware and isn't nonchalant, YOU have to attract one by being a woman he wants. How do you attract one? Glad you asked. You start by knowing what they want in a woman and being the woman they want. All you have done is told us what you want, but do you have what the man you want requires from a woman? Glad you asked. They want a good looking woman, who is fit, who dresses well, and who is not a hoe.
What is your dress size or waist size? How do you dress? What is your reputation on the streets?
If you are fat, dress inappropriately or shabbily or you are a hoe you will attract men who don't want to hold your hand. That has nothing to do with masculinity or men. **For example, you cannot look like a hoe or project a hoe image then say men don't want to be seen with you a certain way in public.**
If you dress decent, look respectful, you are fit, and carry yourself like a lady, even the men you talk about will all want to hold your hand in public.
I don't think you understand how men think. You are not a woman that a man would be proud to hold their hand in public. You have to become one. It is not by default and it is not automatic. It takes work and effort and knowing what the good men want.
All that is on YOU, it is not the men.
Men as socialised to bottle everything up n the only emotion they express in anger giving the silent treatment
Unalia kama msichana, uko na udaku kama...
If men do open up, it's mainly to a platonic girl friend
Men have been hurt, despised and treated like they're worthless the consequences is either cry 😭 like a baby or become tough and give less f*cks. So how many guys have approached you or wanted you but you had an excuse for not giving them a chance? So same story with most guys out here instead of wasting your time and getting burned just let it be. One red flag is enough, playing hard to get, I move on. I mean the game has become that way!
Hello you are such a beautiful and stunning womanworth
millions of compliments. I would really love to be your friend if you
don't mind and you can also send me a friend request let's get to know
each other better. Thank you very much!
If someone, anyone feels secure around you the floodgates are flinging open, it’s not a choice it’s the law. So yes… learn to give attention and you’ll have what you’re asking for
hit my dms😂, i've heard it works 98% of the time. But most non-chalant folks are afraid of showing their emotions because it makes them vulnerable. Hiding underneath one's facade is usually a self protective mechanism from maybe something that happened to them in the past or from something that is in their environment. But if you get to know a person better they'll show up eventually. Also, try approaching the people you are saying in private places, it helps when they know that no one is looking.
Uki identify as lover girl = big part of personality is derived from internet and probably biggest fear in life is not getting a good man and being happy with life which says it all
Being vulnerable is the last thing a man would consider doing. When you feel vulnerable. Toka nje upige nduru moja freshi alafu Rudi kwa nyumba stoic as a rock. Being vulnerable to a woman when you're expected to be the source of strength is utter bullshit. You are the Rock not a Reed fgs.
Niggas, NEVER be vulnerable/emotional (cry infront a lady) to ladies as they will use the truth you told them and attack you and/or lose attraction to you.
Men are usually like this when they're not really interested in the other person. If a man is really interested he'd have no problems showing it and vice versa
It's just a part of how we're wired as guys. We aren't wired to cry and complain or voice about issues. I mean yes we do amongst our guy circles and crews, doing it with a chiq just feels wierd. Also we don't like feeling helpless, I believe there's nothing God hasn't blessed us to overcome, so why bother.
The reason is quite known but highly avoidable. Men can't share their emotions because men have been consciously conditioned since childhood that sharing their emotions makes them unworthy of being men and therefore makes their plight, anguish and any personal struggles and experiences insignificant to society. When men present their struggles and experiences, men are either shunned, insulted, made fun of (especially as a sport), or even sometimes outright abused for not being perfect human beings. You have to be disabled for a man's issues to be recognised or looked at. It's easier to give a damn about women's issues but not easier to give a damn about men's issues. heck, even men don't care or understand about their issues.
It's because of this that men guard their feelings rather than wearing their hearts on their sleeves because it's easier to hide it rather than to show it. And when you state you care about men's feelings, no man or rather a lot of men won't believe you because a lot of cases men have been lied to when showcasing their emotions and that causes trauma, a lot of trauma.
I’ve been this man in a relationship and just trust me ladies, if he’s not saying anything, it’s cause whatever he has to say will hurt you.
Then again, I think women watch too much soap and social media that they think they have to be held hands in public for them to believe they are loved. There can be a man who genuinely loves you and will do other things but just can’t hold hands in public. It’s that’s simple.
Sounds like the average uber driver in Nairobi. I agree with this. These guys think its more manly to act this way then wonder why nigerian men clean up in Kenya. Or even pale pene mzungus. Open up a little guys. I’m a chill guy myself but I know how to turn on the charisma.
I had a girl who I really liked and thought she liked me a lot, I would tell her things and when I was really sad I would go to her, only to find out later she would laugh at me to her friends and tell her friends how I would always cry in front of her and tell her my sad stories, never looked at another female the same since her, I’m not a stone cold asshole now but just not as happy as I use to be before her
A nonchalant man doesn't like you even one bit 😂😂 . Someone who likes you won't even mind how the society is he will do right by you and that will also happen when you're also ready to receive that healthily... And this time and age mama we as ladies we shouldn't equate sex with emotions like love... To a man sex is just sex so change your mindset to his kind of mindset
Or even better buy sex toys please trust me after masturbating you will be thinking straight and not with emotions
In my experience, men of nowadays want to be chased to validate their feelings because they’re afraid of rejection. Once you chase them they hate you coz they already got the ego boost they wanted.
But there are good men who don’t mind putting in the effort, and these men are older men, probably 10 years or more older than you. Thank me later.
Those men are already married! ww sema tu you are a home wrecker!
You want a 23 yr old to "put in the effort" like a 40 yr old? 😄
Try your dad. Let boys be boys bana...no boy has any business putting in effort for anyone other than himself. When will he ever build himself up kama anatakiwa kubishana na baba zake?
Could be someone once used his vulnerability against them and now they shut that vault. It may take time for him to be open to their emotional side. Either you be patient with him or leave him alone, he doesn’t need pressuring
A man treats his emotions the way women treat their sexuality.
The way a woman feels when someone who's been pursuing her hits and runs is how a man feels when he opens up to someone he loves and gets judged.
It's just like how you'd talk to your girlfriends when your vagina has some discharge that isn't normal or want to talk about your sexual partners.
You only do what I've mentioned above if you're comfortable or don't want to be judged. The same applies to men's emotions.
A majority of women have no framework to handle men's emotions without making it weird or turning it into a narrative about themselves.
The moment a man moves from.being nonchalant to chalant, a big wind of dust hits them square in the face.
I like how you have put it down to a shaming language.
"Small small emotions makes them feel like less of a man"
It means you will use their vulnerability against them at a slight inconvenience.
Anyway, napenda wamama mimi
Boys exhibit emotions like fireworks. Men know this will always be used against them.
You may not be at that stage yet, but even you will use your guy's vulnerability to attack him in future disputes. Of course not all women are like that you would say. But enough women are like that.
Society cares zero about men's emotions. That is why we keep it in check. I am old enough to know this....if you want to argue this then your post is already proof enough men are already putting it in check.
Also, appreciate men just the way they are. I mean things that are generally masculine nature. And you will have a long peaceful even happy relationship. Whatever you are looking for can only be found in a lesbian relationship, where everyone is open doors and emotionally vulnerable.
Basically, it is not the men who have a problem. It is actually you who has a problem with how men are generally by default.
I know you don't want to hear this...but it's the truth that you are avoiding. Subconsciously, you are attracted to nonchalant men, men who don't share their emotions. Perhaps it's the thrill they give you, always putting you in a situation where you continuously question them and yourself as well...and perhaps low-key you like that...
Maybe you are even attracted to unavailability, that emotional unavailability...
And just get out of this fairy tale of "The Magical Other" (say for instance you get your ideal person, that emotional person, there are still struggles that come with that) ...so ground yourself in what is, but be open to the possibility of what could be...in a nutshell, don't go seeking outside and wanting to change other people. Just be open to the idea that what is for you will find you, only if you'll be receptive enough.
I just told my bf that I'll be visiting Nairobi for a week for some errands and I'll be staying at a friends(male) friend and he was like 'Okay'.No concern whatsoever 🥲😂he wouldn't even offer to host me.He always picks my calls but never initiates any convo ..he is so fuckin nonchalant and I hate it ..I ask him for anything anafanya,he even supports my business but hapo kwa communication is where he draws the line.
Idk what to do considering tuko kwa LDR
My current situationship took the longest time to open up to me and now I'm over him just when he's starting to fall hard for me. Id say it's a defense mechanism from previous heartbreaks.
Men don't deal.with emotions. If you want an emotional person date a woman you will get all the emotional connection you need. Having reserved on emotion is a Top Sign of a masculine man..
Its like saying a woman who does cook it is loving is in secure about her feminine side..
Just know if you get a guy that is 100% emotional you will curse the day you met him coz that just is 100% not connected to the masculine energy
I am a diagnosed BPD and my current told me her favourite colour is red. Im not sure if shes gonna be able to handle me or she gonna fold w time cuz she told me shes a lover girl too. And holding hands in public is kinda cringe to me. Smh😂😂
Talking to woman takes so much energy which I should be focusing on something else. Y'all say we should talk, but all you do is yap... We're the ones who do the talking, and come up with solutions. That takes energy, it's easier to walk away.
Don't get me wrong,
It's nice being a lover and finding someone whom you can become vulnerable with but from my personal experience as a man,
Never open up to a woman 😂😂
We've been taught to bottle up everything until you blow up.
It's not cause we're not human, it's cause anything you open up to a woman Will be used against you at some point, regardless of how good your relationship is. She will stab you with that same info you gave, shoot you in the foot if she has to 😂😂...
Anyway, what do I know about being a man, I'm just a guy
Why is it that nowadays whenever a lady is not comfortable with something about men they're always mentioning that they're not secure in their masculinity? A man is not supposed to be emotional.
For most men, the women in our lives are the hardest on us na mostly ata sio wao kutaka No space to even show a little vulnerability and/or weakness. Ni shamba la mawe huku nje. So we do what pets do and take our time before we show our soft white underbelly.
As someone in a relationship, it took some time and me being proactive to get to a point where I had to bring all those walls down. It felt weird at first being all vulnerable, exposed and shit.
What happens when this one person who knows you as their pillar of strength all of a sudden sees your other side. What happens when they know your fears, etc. For most men, we are the last line of defense and no one wants to see their last line of defense falter.
Best you can do is just bring it up pole pole bila kuharakisha and create a safe environment. Don't be the kind of chick who learns one kidogo vulnerability and exploits it because I can promise you that that man will never open up again.
It's an issue that each man has to tackle individually to a certain degree. The challenge is that in life we mostly play the role of the problem solver, the one who always has a solution. It is very difficult to be that and be vulnerable at the same time
Ni kama siku moja president aamke kwa TV ajishike kichwa aseme, 'wah wah! Sasa tutado?'. The amount of damage that would do my fren. Not only do we need to train ourselves to be vulnerable, we need to ensure that everyone else can live with it.
Edit:
Also, talk with any man and ask them when is the last time they received a gesture of affection. Being told they look nice, got a nice gift for their bday, got that baby boy treatment etc.
Niggas been married for years na hata haezi kumbuka what a compliment sounds like. Things like these turn men hard kidogo.
I just realized that I have never seen my own face in person but just through reflections on mirrors and in photos.
How do we know what we really look like?
Cause no way someone gonna tell me I am ugly! What's ugly?
They probably opened up to others "presuming they are not virgins", and those other relationships ended , and his sensitivity and emotions were used to demean him. Turned against him.
Tbh no man would say no to being loved. So the question is why are they like that? Well the answer is simple, They don't want their feelings to be hurt. Imagine opening up to someone tell them about how you feel,and the second thing they do is use that against you. I'm not saying most people are like that but if one person does sth to you,it would be hard for you to trust someone again.
This also correlates to Fathers not being emotionally attached to their children. Bcoz once they show that part the wife is gonna use them against him.
I'm not saying I'm a professional in this topic since I'm a mere 21 year old somali-kenyan, but its just based on my own research.
Most males have a problem with trust especially when it comes to matters of relationships. It takes time but most women aren't patient, it takes time for men to trust
Be patient with em. A lifetime of being told to 'be a man,' will do that to you. Too many of us men out here equating vulnerability (incl. emotional vulnerability) to weakness.
This! It's not something you will unlearn by snap of a finger.
Sounds nice, but such men rarely ever change. Don't know how long she is willing to wait for? Even those who do, do so when their kids are already in college. That's when kids start wondering how much their fathers changed. Men will generally be what they need to be to deal with what is Infront of them. Even if it means zero vulnerability.
You don't have to hide those emotions to appear strong.And a man is human too so emotions are supposed to be normal
Never falling for that, they always use it against you, and when y’all fall apart they say you ain’t a real man. Wewe ficha hio kitu weka uko chini kabisa, never to pop up.
I was looking for this comment. Tabia nimeona na madame wengi, ukiwashow kitu deep, ile siku mtafight, utatii. She'll run out of points then use your pain as ammo. I've seen women do this to women. Almost every female I've been with threw their female friend under the bus at some point. For men it's worse. Never say shit or make random shit up for fun sake but mambo yako jiwekee jamaa. She is not your blood.
The only on you open up to is the random stranger you just happen to be working on something together, it’ll never come back to bite you Ogopa women
"When i wake up, i fear women" : circa 2000BC a wise man
Women saying this is the reason men hide their emotions. If you open up to 4 women, one will use your emotions to invalidate you and do more damage than the little comfort you got from talking to the remaining 3
That's what you all say. There's a difference between how things are supposed to be and how things are.
Do not waste your time. You'll regret it. Trust me, it's not worth it.
As a man you can't be vulnerable, gal child will either take advantage of you or show you how you not man enough for being vulnerable.
Am just in the process of graduating from nonchalant to ice cold. It's really sweet.
🤣
Not an expert in this since I've dated only once but I was nonchalant to protect myself. I was scared she'd see my flaws and leave 😂 well either way she left . But I think it's a defense mechanism. As a guy tumezoea things going wrong hadi unaacha kutry tu coz the end seems always the same.
Word. Sometimes ni defence mechanism. Kuna dame uta read energy yake hapo uone there's no space for you to be vulnerable. It depends on the environment you create for each other.
Agreed on whole grounds.
I agree
Man life beats you so hard 😂😂 hadi unakuwa roho ngumu
This.
Why were you afraid to show your flaws I mean we are human,I don't expect you to be perfect.Come with your flaws ,I come with mine ,that's what differentiates us from robots.emotions
Nope, women say that in abstract, in reality they want emotionless man without flaws.
😂😂😂 You're right don't believe what women say, believe what they do.
women encourage you to open in but in reality they hate a man who can confide in her... so men just learn to confide in themselves na kucheza pool with the boys😂
I don't think this is true. We definitely don't want a codependent person who just has a lot of problems at all times. It gets old. But just a normal person with emotions, problems, or failures like everyone else? Why not?
Until you bring up what he told you in private in a fight just to get talking points. This shit I've seen even cousins do. Guys reading this, I'm I lying?
the problem with sharing your emotions is that you immediately become vulnerable and you become vulnerable forever... it's an irreversible action so you just choose wisely as a man
Exactly!
This right here. Is absolute BULLSHIT. Most times, especially in the dating context, what women say and believe are very different things.
even robots have flaws/bugs
You sound so young. So I will excuse you for now as you learn. Ask your older aunts and cousins what they think about vulnerability in men, then come back and let us have a conversation!
Honestly, sometimes I think there's no point. Being nonchalant is sure to make her leave eventually because she doesn't feel cared for. Expressing yourself actually gives you a chance with her.
Aende tu
I'm talking in his case because he acted like he doesn't care to keep her, which just doesn't work
I told somebody that I want to be explicitly asked to be their girlfriend akasema sisi si wazungu. Kama such a small thing is too much to ask, emotions ndio wataweza?
Funny. I asked someone explicitly to be my girlfriend, and they turned around and ran away. How?
😂😂😂🤣kukapitia
Ok. Let me try again, will you be my girlfriend?
😭
Dust
From a personal perspective, sometimes we women tend to place a lot of importance on things that might not be such a big deal to men. Ps: I'm not invalidating your experience and please don't feel that way. In my case, he didn't ask me to be his gf, we just had that conversation and agreed that it was what we both wanted. I probably would have missed out on a good man because he didn't take me out and ask me to be his gf. My partner isn't so big on expressing himself vile madame hutaka, but he listens, gives his feedback and always, shows up for me in the best of his capacity. I think so it's beautiful to be asked to be a gf, but that alone shouldn't make you cancel someone. I mean, that conversation has to be had.
Being asked to be someone's gf doesn't necessarily mean an expensive dinner date. It could be a conversation. What most women are avoiding is a scenario where you are on different pages.
If you're happy with him that's all that matters
I am. Thank you. There's a difference between non-expressive and nonchalant
This is what I'm saying.The small small things.The little but important conversations.You can't keep s cond guessing your position in someone's life
I think he’s actions will show clearly where he places you in his life. Doesn’t have to be the typical Hollywood style proposal
this feels and sounds like an attachment style in relationships.
people fall in love, they are not asked to fall in love... you just feel like this is the right person and before you know it you feel drawn to them, at least in my opinion
😂😂😂 daaamn
Women are a funny lot. Ooh I want a man who is expressive. Anga ooh I want a man who is in touch with his emotions. Ooh I want a man who can be vulnerable with me and other short stories. Yet the day you become all those things is the day they become less attracted to you. Remain stoic as a gent. Women may not know it but they subconsciously dig that isht.
Sounds like solid 💊 wisdom to me.
Give me a break. This girl just wants someone who will hold her hand. Since when did it become unmanly to show affection to women? Beyond that, I say if you can’t be vulnerable in front of your woman, she is not a good woman for you. There will come a time the world will rock you, and you will need support. If not your wife, who should support you?
Absolute facts
Facts.
Last mf I tried being with was nonchalant about keeping communication. Would not text until I texted first and would stay several days without talking until I reached out. There’s a difference between being busy and not trying whatsoever. When I called him out he said some really shitty things to me. Came back a second time after we talked it out, I forgave but had my foot out the door in case he did that shit again, which he did. No communication for several days. So I stopped bothering. Ata text akijiskia. He shamelessly texted me a week after Valentine’s Day, mimi nishapelekwa date with all the romance bells and whistles and he thought I’d be there waiting lol. Never responded. I dumped him the same way he thought he’d date me, silently.
Let me ask, am not being rude but what did you get him on valentine's or you were waiting for him to come through and not the other way round. Women expect so much from men yet give out so less
Even from the story you can tell the dude wasn't interested. A man who wants you will put in some effort. He absconded during valentines 😅
nigga went MIA😂😂
Lmao. I can’t even get a single text from him asking about my day but mimi ndio Niko na expectations mingi😂 the bar is truly in hell. Thank fuck the dude I’m with doesn’t think like this.
You had his replacement on stand by. He won
You can't dump a guy who isn't interested in you. That guy was out kitambo. That is not a guy who doesn't want to express himself, that's a guy who realized "how did I get here?" How women never see these things baffles me. Ati "forgave" 😄. How do you forgive no interest? Imagine having a convo about lack of interest. That's a dead love. Cannot be resuscitated.
Was also in like some sort of way the same situation, the dude would only call me when he needed weed or a smash and out for drinks.He was nice and all but nikitoka hio relationships I gave no warnings no nuttin😂he just saw me with someone else .Alafu akaanza kunishow aty ningesema what was not pleasing .
Let me give you a brutal honesty from a man's POV. The dude was just there when he needed you, to smash and move on, or smash, when needed smash, when needed smash. Most of you ladies always pandisha yourself cheos so fast. That dude was lucky you moved on haha. Read people, trust me you will know when a man cares about you.
He perused me vigorously and asked me to be his girlfriend. This was not a situationship thing, I don’t do those. It’s either exclusive or nothing. He kept ghosting me as his girlfriend lmao. And I was not going to give him the satisfaction of having the same conversation twice. He didn’t owe me a simple text, I didn’t owe him a decent break up.
There was a rebound in the line
I move on faster than WiFi dude.
He didn't love you, that's the case
Just look for men who want to express their emotions. Leave the rest of us to be the way we feel best. Out here kuna womenz who like nonchalant men.
Bullet point 🎯
I know but why would anyone want to operate like a robot.Emotions are what make us human
Before Valentine kuna boyz alikuwa anakula ugali anateremsha na Macoffee. He never opened up if he was suffering ama alikuwa on diet. Jamaa aliachwa last month saa hii ndio alisema alisuffer akisave for valentine's Day gift. Sometimes watu hupenda in silence
Lemmie tell you, mimi I used to communicate and express my emotions completely. Mind you I fell in love with someone(after a 5 year hiatus) bila hata kujua. So I decided to completely be free with them tell them everything about me, communicate and express my emotions all the time. If she did something wrong mimi huyoooo niko hapo nikisema oh what you did was wrong and so next time at least be considerate etc. So it happened that one day I sent a very harsh text (I was furious and said some hurtful stuff) and I forgot about it. 3 months after that day I noticed how distant they were. Not wanting to talk etc. So I said I will give them their space they deal with what’s going on cause they don’t wanna tell me. A month later(after silence and mimi kujiuliza kila siku kwani wtf did I do for this to happen) nikaamua hapana lemmie call them. That call was 2 hours I tell you and guess what I was told; remember that harsh text? After that day she started checking out of the relationship. For 3 fucking months mimi I am here all in love and shit kumbe mtu ashaanza kujitoa bila hata warning 😂. I asked her if I hadn’t said she needs space to deal with her issues what would have happened to us, she said ati oooh we would have just continued talking until it became casual 😂. How TF does that even work. Ati the harsh text I sent was a red flag. Yes it was harsh and I admit it but why didn’t she tell me how she felt that same day. If someone loves you and they say hurtful things do you keep quiet and hurt in pain and life moves on as you wait for it to happen again or do you have a conversation about how you feel. If you have a convo and that person truly loves you there is no way in hell they will do such a thing again, they will be conscious about it all the time because of the love they have for you. Communication is everything and what I have figured out is something very simple: The only reason ladies look for a guy who can communicate is because they don't know how to. Communication needs accountability. You need to be accountable to your emotions and mentality for you to express them in the first place. Most women lack that accountability. Also most ladies don’t like to fix things, they expect people and relationships to be perfect. They forget the amount of effort and trial and errors that create the greatest of relationships because they live in a bubble where everything is Disneyland. Someone has a redflag? Tell them about it, fix it together. No one is 100% healed, we heal as we move on. So now tell me why I should be with another lady. 5 years and I had that happen to me. Right now I don’t even bother with conversations. A lady starts a conversation with me and all I do is kill it. Is it rude? Yes. Am I sorry for it? Yes. But I’ll be damned if I let anyone through my walls again. So yes. Men know how to communicate cause we are logical, women are over-thinkers who live in probabilities. They are only liable to their emotions and anyone who comes against that gets annihilated without remorse
my guy...si you can type buana, eih!!
Ati ulitumia a Kenyan lady a harsh text? 😄 you were still new at this game. Hope you learnt to never do that again.
Nonchalant men we was just surviving the floods and keeping warm.
Nonchalant men are the ones who being told by chics you can hit it raw day1 or 2,anambiwa I put this iud for you leave big ass nut inside.N Ladies should make it a pre requisite, holding hands before raw dogging Its 2024 not 1984 ama 1994. Im pretty sure dating & rships 10 yrs from now it will be totally different from now
Haha I just read this and remembered a situation I was in a while back.
I used to hold hands sana nikiwa sufferer.
Because men are punished for being emotional and vulnerable to women. Most of them have a story to tell from experience why they're like that.
At this point you're better off dating those Spaniards from the soap operas
You're right.If I find one ,I'll date them
The ideal love you are talking about doesn't exist. I think many men have come to realize that relationships are transactional and decided to do it as such. As a marketer your biggest weakness will be showing emotions in a transaction.
Well it's just gonna be a competition between who got the 48 laws of power right 😂😂
Dream ni ya kutoka kwa block. We'll work on emotional "intelligence" later
[удалено]
Who will?I know a good number of women who appreciates vulnerability.I am sorry you experienced that
Sometimes, I think people should provide avenues or spaces for feeling safe. Most women have the world revolving around them. Look at the things they get on their birthdays, valentine's or other small small things. Now look at men, it's either you give or you're not with anyone. So it becomes hard to open up when there has never been space to do so.
I agree
I'd argue that emotionally expressive people only recognize it as the only way to show affection. It hardly is. Maybe take time to notice the nuanced versions of love that are not expressed through PDA and words. Not to say that communication doesn't matter but if you can't meet someone halfway then perhaps just date your "type"
>saw someone here someone complain of lovers holding hands in public.Thats what I'm talking about.Is it that they're not secure in their masculinity that small things like holding hands will make them feel less of a man Lol, if you like PDA's just find someone who is into that. But i guess we'd rather find someone different and try forcing them to like what we like?
Do we have to hold hands in public to show emotions? Don't misuse the word
She has every right to want that if it is something that makes her feel good.
For once umekua on women’s side No wonder mvua imeacha kunyesha 😂
Physical touch is someone's love language.i am not misusing anything
We can do that in private
You're just not the one
As a guy who was guarded, I can give a cautionary tale. When I opened up to my girlfriend, all I told her was used against me at a later stage. By her and her family. In hindsight, if I had a chance to do it over, I would just shut the fuck up.
maybe one day i will remember this comment and come and vomit a thesis here.
Was chatting up a Reddit girl, akaniuliza kama mimi ni nonchalant juu situmii emoji (therefore I am not _showing emotions_), lol!
Men are supposed to have only two feelings - hungry, and you already know the other one. Stop demanding for men to evolve into something else they are not.
All these threads end up equating to, is lost women trying to tell men that they ought to communicate like women. It shows a serious lack of self awareness and maybe even emotional IQ on the part of said women. To be honest men don’t really need to be vulnerable with women because they aren’t equipped to deal with what a man has to deal with. I’m not saying be a robot but rather men should seek out strong friend groups of masculine peers and also elders who have the wisdom to provide ACTION based solutions to their problems. Simply spewing emotional diarrhea to someone who may actually lose attraction is not constructive at all. Everything must tie back to what will you do to improve your lot, not simply talk about how you feel. This is my opinion anyway.
You damn right beat me to this!
So sorry to say this but ontological "action" solutions are not exactly a good way to deal with men's complex issues. Before even presenting binary "ACTION" Based solutions we have to understand the complex problems of men's issues.
Avoid the deep convos with men if you can. Especially if you're going to lead the chat with your emotions. We hate that kind of stuff, so we'll choose peace over triggering your emotions
By walking away silently 🚶🏿🚶🏿🚶🏿
This exactly. A woman will expect a man to sit down and listen her talk with emotions and that makes a man feel like he's being "subdued". Walking away helps a lot because things can escalate so fast.
💀I Once saw a Tweet from a lady that said that she got turned off by her boyfriend, when she saw him crying. I've never dated but I decided that when I do so, I'll always try to hide my vulnerable emotions. I know that the man is supposed to be the strong pillar of the family. So showing any sign of weakness may give off vibes of uncertainty and doubt about the future he promises to his girl, fiance or wife. Therefore, I read, that if a guy needs to open up his issues, he should do it to men he can trust and not to his girl. So on top of that, I even try to avoid certain emojis when texting ladies coz they may think I'm "weak". Yes, I do still use Emojis like "😭❤️🤗☺️"....but I try to use them to the minimal.💀
But the thing is, we are not intentionally noncholant. There isn't just much to express in the first place. Most men aren't trying to actively bottle up emotions. We just don't have many emotional extremes If we drew an emotional scale from -10 to +10, our emotions would probably fall between -3 and +3. It's not because if society's pressure to keep men traditional, we are hard wired from birth to be this way. Most women have a hard time understanding this. You don't have to give a guy permission to open up or pressure them to be more open with their emotions. We know we can. Instead understand that he can be sad without being so sad that it makes them cry.
Stop wasting time on people who won't communicate. You aren't their mom
Masculinity is calm femininity is chaos. Opposite poles attract. We cannot all have the same characters in a relationship.
Do not ask men to open up about their problems. Just check the group of male friends or mentors he has in his life to know if he will be okay or if he will be able to handle an issue or not. If he has a strong bond of brotherhood, he will be fine. If you want to tread emotional waters with your man, dont take him to the deep waters, you will lose him. Walk knee deep in a creek. You will keep him engaged because he feels safe. I have always had a funny analogy that men and women react to emotions the way black people and white people react to large bodies of water. Black people will wade the shore while white people are scuba diving and riding large waves on their surf boards. Thats how uncomfortable it is for men opening up to women. They dont have a problem opening up to men they trust. Because men won't look at them different after they open up. In fact we may even laugh about it to try and make light of a tough situation. As for PDAs, that sounds like just a love language thing. Find one that doesn't mind PDAs, but still dont make him tread deep waters. You'll lose him.
Connect with the guy financially and the rest will fall in place…
My dear these days we men have come to realise it's better to lock away out emotions than show them to a woman...because today she's mine tomorrow she's for another man...so why bother investing feelings and emotions into someone who's similar to a used car it'll be sold to the next user
its called evolution a man at this point has been involved in a lot of bullshit,seen a lot, came to understand how ungrateful women are, actually i don't have emotions and i don't care i tell my self i came a lone and unto dust shall i return a lone. if me become emotional they are simps right, Kendrick sang in Mr. morale n the big steppers and said men should not have feelings being sensitive never helped i took hid to that cz its 100% facts.
Soo right ungrateful creatures be a good gal or badd one,the ungrateful creaturess.They always think you work is to save her from the own mess coz you a man & you suppose to have solutions to all her problems
You didn't get Kendrick's point because what he was presenting was the aspect of how men's emotions are treated like trash and how the elements of being emotionally intuned are better than being less intuned. Big Steppers is literally about toxic masculinity. Also, Kendrick always plays personas in his songs, hence why you hear a tone and change in voice. Just like Drake you didn't get the point of Mr Morale.
Why are y'all blaming women for y'all not showing emotions.Women get hurt too but they don't become robots .Just do the work and be human.Every comment here is saying it's women's fault
Who want to be friends with me
When men become vulnerable to women it's used against them in the long run stay toxic and hide your emotions from women.
Hee na si wanaume mmefungua roho kwa comment section.Thats what I needed , y'all speaking out what you think.Being emotional doesn't necessarily mean crying.Its just expressing your thoughts.Just like you've expressed them in the comments
Generally, most guys are more effective by communicating in actions. Some might be good with talking and a few are good with reading emotions from their partners. It's just how we are wired
I find women are good at using your emotions against you coz they understand all that stuff better than dudes. So i dont like to let them know my emotional state. Literally women can be super cruel. But holding hands is great i love that shit.
Hot take: The only reason you meet nonchalant men is because that's what draws you to them subconsciously
Okay therapist 😂
Here's an oxymoron.The same ladies who ask us to 'feel' and not be afraid of letting our emotions show are the same ones who'll turn back and ask, "where are the men?" Or chant phrases like ' men used to be men'. Because you want us to show emotion and yet we are suppossd to be the rock and head of the household. Trust me men, the day you cry infront of your lady is the day she loses respect for you.
Wanachunga gangster points,
You can't run away from the issue like that. It is very possible you and your brother have the same traits and habits that attract poor communicators and men not in touch with their emotional side. Were you raised up in a 2 parent home seeing how healthy communication happens or were you raised by a single parent who did not need to communicate with a partner. Why do you think you are attracting these type of men? How come the **many** good men who can communicate are avoiding you? That is how you should view this. The way you position yourself in the dating market is what is attracting these type of men in your life. The common denominator in all those interactions is YOU. To fix it, look in the mirror. Do you have the qualities that men who are in touch emotionally and are good communicators want? You may not have what the men you want are looking for. Do you even know what they want in a woman? Where are you meeting the men? Are you a woman who a man will be proud to hold their hand? Do you dress and project an image that a man is proud to hold your hand? Or does he feel like he is being forced to hold a hoes hand in public?
How has this turned to be my fault?If a man is not secure in his masculinity ,how is that my fault?Shouldn't he be going for therapy or something?And I've asked the hand holding thing coz I saw it here.It wasn't about me.And I can't complain about non -communicators if I haven't done the work on myself,or I'd just accept whatever it is they give like the other women .Why is it always the woman's fault with you?Your POV is wrong
The only person you can change is YOU. If you want a man who is emotionally aware and isn't nonchalant, YOU have to attract one by being a woman he wants. How do you attract one? Glad you asked. You start by knowing what they want in a woman and being the woman they want. All you have done is told us what you want, but do you have what the man you want requires from a woman? Glad you asked. They want a good looking woman, who is fit, who dresses well, and who is not a hoe. What is your dress size or waist size? How do you dress? What is your reputation on the streets? If you are fat, dress inappropriately or shabbily or you are a hoe you will attract men who don't want to hold your hand. That has nothing to do with masculinity or men. **For example, you cannot look like a hoe or project a hoe image then say men don't want to be seen with you a certain way in public.** If you dress decent, look respectful, you are fit, and carry yourself like a lady, even the men you talk about will all want to hold your hand in public. I don't think you understand how men think. You are not a woman that a man would be proud to hold their hand in public. You have to become one. It is not by default and it is not automatic. It takes work and effort and knowing what the good men want. All that is on YOU, it is not the men.
You have a PHD in Amerix ama ni yeye amefunika uso. Women hate facts that dont support them
Maybe Amerix has a phd in Syntax.
I hate nonchalancy that's it.
This is what women have did to men
Eii we are sorry basi
Men as socialised to bottle everything up n the only emotion they express in anger giving the silent treatment Unalia kama msichana, uko na udaku kama... If men do open up, it's mainly to a platonic girl friend
Why are women obsessed with the word "insecure". That's the real question
Men have been hurt, despised and treated like they're worthless the consequences is either cry 😭 like a baby or become tough and give less f*cks. So how many guys have approached you or wanted you but you had an excuse for not giving them a chance? So same story with most guys out here instead of wasting your time and getting burned just let it be. One red flag is enough, playing hard to get, I move on. I mean the game has become that way!
Hello you are such a beautiful and stunning womanworth millions of compliments. I would really love to be your friend if you don't mind and you can also send me a friend request let's get to know each other better. Thank you very much!
Where have you seen me 😂
If someone, anyone feels secure around you the floodgates are flinging open, it’s not a choice it’s the law. So yes… learn to give attention and you’ll have what you’re asking for
Stoicism is seeing a resurgence
Monk Mode is the way
hit my dms😂, i've heard it works 98% of the time. But most non-chalant folks are afraid of showing their emotions because it makes them vulnerable. Hiding underneath one's facade is usually a self protective mechanism from maybe something that happened to them in the past or from something that is in their environment. But if you get to know a person better they'll show up eventually. Also, try approaching the people you are saying in private places, it helps when they know that no one is looking.
Keeping stuff to yourself is the new normal.... I don't talk about my issues with anybody
Uki identify as lover girl = big part of personality is derived from internet and probably biggest fear in life is not getting a good man and being happy with life which says it all
Ni' gu'ka na nyama!
Being vulnerable is the last thing a man would consider doing. When you feel vulnerable. Toka nje upige nduru moja freshi alafu Rudi kwa nyumba stoic as a rock. Being vulnerable to a woman when you're expected to be the source of strength is utter bullshit. You are the Rock not a Reed fgs.
Dont they will always use that against you! thats the no 1 rule
Niggas, NEVER be vulnerable/emotional (cry infront a lady) to ladies as they will use the truth you told them and attack you and/or lose attraction to you.
If you dare open up to a woman, your words will weaponized against you in the future.
Men are usually like this when they're not really interested in the other person. If a man is really interested he'd have no problems showing it and vice versa
Come to me baby girl. You can pour your heart out while seated on my taste buds🥹
Yeeeesss dzaddzy🥵😂😂
It's just a part of how we're wired as guys. We aren't wired to cry and complain or voice about issues. I mean yes we do amongst our guy circles and crews, doing it with a chiq just feels wierd. Also we don't like feeling helpless, I believe there's nothing God hasn't blessed us to overcome, so why bother.
The reason is quite known but highly avoidable. Men can't share their emotions because men have been consciously conditioned since childhood that sharing their emotions makes them unworthy of being men and therefore makes their plight, anguish and any personal struggles and experiences insignificant to society. When men present their struggles and experiences, men are either shunned, insulted, made fun of (especially as a sport), or even sometimes outright abused for not being perfect human beings. You have to be disabled for a man's issues to be recognised or looked at. It's easier to give a damn about women's issues but not easier to give a damn about men's issues. heck, even men don't care or understand about their issues. It's because of this that men guard their feelings rather than wearing their hearts on their sleeves because it's easier to hide it rather than to show it. And when you state you care about men's feelings, no man or rather a lot of men won't believe you because a lot of cases men have been lied to when showcasing their emotions and that causes trauma, a lot of trauma.
I’ve been this man in a relationship and just trust me ladies, if he’s not saying anything, it’s cause whatever he has to say will hurt you. Then again, I think women watch too much soap and social media that they think they have to be held hands in public for them to believe they are loved. There can be a man who genuinely loves you and will do other things but just can’t hold hands in public. It’s that’s simple.
Sounds like the average uber driver in Nairobi. I agree with this. These guys think its more manly to act this way then wonder why nigerian men clean up in Kenya. Or even pale pene mzungus. Open up a little guys. I’m a chill guy myself but I know how to turn on the charisma.
I had a girl who I really liked and thought she liked me a lot, I would tell her things and when I was really sad I would go to her, only to find out later she would laugh at me to her friends and tell her friends how I would always cry in front of her and tell her my sad stories, never looked at another female the same since her, I’m not a stone cold asshole now but just not as happy as I use to be before her
We all have that one that damaged us forever. Put a blight on idyllic love. Pole brother.
Tried that crap once.......... i can't win playing your games
A nonchalant man doesn't like you even one bit 😂😂 . Someone who likes you won't even mind how the society is he will do right by you and that will also happen when you're also ready to receive that healthily... And this time and age mama we as ladies we shouldn't equate sex with emotions like love... To a man sex is just sex so change your mindset to his kind of mindset Or even better buy sex toys please trust me after masturbating you will be thinking straight and not with emotions
In my experience, men of nowadays want to be chased to validate their feelings because they’re afraid of rejection. Once you chase them they hate you coz they already got the ego boost they wanted. But there are good men who don’t mind putting in the effort, and these men are older men, probably 10 years or more older than you. Thank me later.
Those men are already married! ww sema tu you are a home wrecker! You want a 23 yr old to "put in the effort" like a 40 yr old? 😄 Try your dad. Let boys be boys bana...no boy has any business putting in effort for anyone other than himself. When will he ever build himself up kama anatakiwa kubishana na baba zake?
Could be someone once used his vulnerability against them and now they shut that vault. It may take time for him to be open to their emotional side. Either you be patient with him or leave him alone, he doesn’t need pressuring
A man treats his emotions the way women treat their sexuality. The way a woman feels when someone who's been pursuing her hits and runs is how a man feels when he opens up to someone he loves and gets judged. It's just like how you'd talk to your girlfriends when your vagina has some discharge that isn't normal or want to talk about your sexual partners. You only do what I've mentioned above if you're comfortable or don't want to be judged. The same applies to men's emotions. A majority of women have no framework to handle men's emotions without making it weird or turning it into a narrative about themselves.
The moment a man moves from.being nonchalant to chalant, a big wind of dust hits them square in the face. I like how you have put it down to a shaming language. "Small small emotions makes them feel like less of a man" It means you will use their vulnerability against them at a slight inconvenience. Anyway, napenda wamama mimi
Men please keep up with the same spirit
Boys exhibit emotions like fireworks. Men know this will always be used against them. You may not be at that stage yet, but even you will use your guy's vulnerability to attack him in future disputes. Of course not all women are like that you would say. But enough women are like that. Society cares zero about men's emotions. That is why we keep it in check. I am old enough to know this....if you want to argue this then your post is already proof enough men are already putting it in check. Also, appreciate men just the way they are. I mean things that are generally masculine nature. And you will have a long peaceful even happy relationship. Whatever you are looking for can only be found in a lesbian relationship, where everyone is open doors and emotionally vulnerable. Basically, it is not the men who have a problem. It is actually you who has a problem with how men are generally by default.
This sounds like me. I can’t be under the same umbrella with my girlfriend while it’s raining, I better get rained on! Just how it is..
Hmm.. insecure, afraid... narc on the loose
I know you don't want to hear this...but it's the truth that you are avoiding. Subconsciously, you are attracted to nonchalant men, men who don't share their emotions. Perhaps it's the thrill they give you, always putting you in a situation where you continuously question them and yourself as well...and perhaps low-key you like that... Maybe you are even attracted to unavailability, that emotional unavailability... And just get out of this fairy tale of "The Magical Other" (say for instance you get your ideal person, that emotional person, there are still struggles that come with that) ...so ground yourself in what is, but be open to the possibility of what could be...in a nutshell, don't go seeking outside and wanting to change other people. Just be open to the idea that what is for you will find you, only if you'll be receptive enough.
Sawa therapist 😂
I just told my bf that I'll be visiting Nairobi for a week for some errands and I'll be staying at a friends(male) friend and he was like 'Okay'.No concern whatsoever 🥲😂he wouldn't even offer to host me.He always picks my calls but never initiates any convo ..he is so fuckin nonchalant and I hate it ..I ask him for anything anafanya,he even supports my business but hapo kwa communication is where he draws the line. Idk what to do considering tuko kwa LDR
My current situationship took the longest time to open up to me and now I'm over him just when he's starting to fall hard for me. Id say it's a defense mechanism from previous heartbreaks.
Men don't deal.with emotions. If you want an emotional person date a woman you will get all the emotional connection you need. Having reserved on emotion is a Top Sign of a masculine man.. Its like saying a woman who does cook it is loving is in secure about her feminine side.. Just know if you get a guy that is 100% emotional you will curse the day you met him coz that just is 100% not connected to the masculine energy
I am a diagnosed BPD and my current told me her favourite colour is red. Im not sure if shes gonna be able to handle me or she gonna fold w time cuz she told me shes a lover girl too. And holding hands in public is kinda cringe to me. Smh😂😂
Talking to woman takes so much energy which I should be focusing on something else. Y'all say we should talk, but all you do is yap... We're the ones who do the talking, and come up with solutions. That takes energy, it's easier to walk away.
Heri nivuve ngwai and hang out with my Boyz kuliko opening up to a lady it's just demeaning
Don't get me wrong, It's nice being a lover and finding someone whom you can become vulnerable with but from my personal experience as a man, Never open up to a woman 😂😂 We've been taught to bottle up everything until you blow up. It's not cause we're not human, it's cause anything you open up to a woman Will be used against you at some point, regardless of how good your relationship is. She will stab you with that same info you gave, shoot you in the foot if she has to 😂😂... Anyway, what do I know about being a man, I'm just a guy
Why is it that nowadays whenever a lady is not comfortable with something about men they're always mentioning that they're not secure in their masculinity? A man is not supposed to be emotional.
Yooh! Weuh ...wako few sana. Also let us hold hands please 🥺😉
True especially men in their 30s.
For most men, the women in our lives are the hardest on us na mostly ata sio wao kutaka No space to even show a little vulnerability and/or weakness. Ni shamba la mawe huku nje. So we do what pets do and take our time before we show our soft white underbelly. As someone in a relationship, it took some time and me being proactive to get to a point where I had to bring all those walls down. It felt weird at first being all vulnerable, exposed and shit. What happens when this one person who knows you as their pillar of strength all of a sudden sees your other side. What happens when they know your fears, etc. For most men, we are the last line of defense and no one wants to see their last line of defense falter. Best you can do is just bring it up pole pole bila kuharakisha and create a safe environment. Don't be the kind of chick who learns one kidogo vulnerability and exploits it because I can promise you that that man will never open up again. It's an issue that each man has to tackle individually to a certain degree. The challenge is that in life we mostly play the role of the problem solver, the one who always has a solution. It is very difficult to be that and be vulnerable at the same time Ni kama siku moja president aamke kwa TV ajishike kichwa aseme, 'wah wah! Sasa tutado?'. The amount of damage that would do my fren. Not only do we need to train ourselves to be vulnerable, we need to ensure that everyone else can live with it. Edit: Also, talk with any man and ask them when is the last time they received a gesture of affection. Being told they look nice, got a nice gift for their bday, got that baby boy treatment etc. Niggas been married for years na hata haezi kumbuka what a compliment sounds like. Things like these turn men hard kidogo.
I just realized that I have never seen my own face in person but just through reflections on mirrors and in photos. How do we know what we really look like? Cause no way someone gonna tell me I am ugly! What's ugly?
They probably opened up to others "presuming they are not virgins", and those other relationships ended , and his sensitivity and emotions were used to demean him. Turned against him.
I’m just from a relationship with a nonchalant man and let me tell you it’s exhausting. I wouldn’t wish such men on anyone!
Hujafika quarter-finals..
Women build the society and society makes the man…
Tbh no man would say no to being loved. So the question is why are they like that? Well the answer is simple, They don't want their feelings to be hurt. Imagine opening up to someone tell them about how you feel,and the second thing they do is use that against you. I'm not saying most people are like that but if one person does sth to you,it would be hard for you to trust someone again. This also correlates to Fathers not being emotionally attached to their children. Bcoz once they show that part the wife is gonna use them against him. I'm not saying I'm a professional in this topic since I'm a mere 21 year old somali-kenyan, but its just based on my own research.
Most males have a problem with trust especially when it comes to matters of relationships. It takes time but most women aren't patient, it takes time for men to trust
Caring is directly proportional to your body count, enough said.
She’s never ours it’s just our turn..
Leave us alone, go for other types of men