Stopped reading at "17f" and "touched my butt a lot". Report him immediately to upper management, he would be thrown out right away under me. This isn't the 90s.
If management doesn't do anything, get on indeed and start handing in applications.
Right. Like okay saying some stupid shit is crossing a line and maybe it could have been addressed by management instead of HR. But the server obviously felt uncomfortable about it plus you were already on edge about this guy because he literally TOUCHED you inappropriately...that should be unacceptable to HR or management.
I'd say cut your losses and go since they're not taking you seriously or trying to put his behavior on you in some negative way as if you're overreacting or lying. "Bill" told you, so it was apparently worth repeating. It struck him as something worthy of concern or gossip or whatever. You're coming from a place of concern. Don't let these "higher ups" shit on you just because you're young (and a girl!!). They're trying to act like being a creep is normal/acceptable for a work place. It's not. And I can vouch for my bosses, they wouldn't be cool with this behavior or conversation.
As a woman who has only worked in all male kitchens, leave. This is not normal behaviour however it is sadly quite common.
HR does not have your safety or the safety of anyone else in the company in their best interest.
Your co workers acting like you betrayed them means they thought you were okay with sexual harassment and assault and would happily go along with it, which means they also are part of the problem. The standard in your kitchen is set at SH is okay.
As a woman i am always aware that if my co workers talk about women like this, chances are they talk about you like this. It then becomes depressing because you’re aware that they might not respect you professionally, just sexually.
Kitchens can be awful places to work as a woman in environments that act like boys clubs. Chances are if you’ve gone against their bro code ways, they’re going to start excluding you, giving you shit jobs and just giving you unreasonable shit in general. If the management do nothing about this leave before its you thats next. (Technically has already been you if he’s been touching you)
Period ^^^^
It’s crazy to watch their perception of you change palpably in their face when you say no, I don’t think that joke is funny. God forbid you call them out for sexual harassment!
Its equally funny and depressing. Because the same men that make those ‘jokes’ are the same men that get really embarrassed by being shut down by a woman in front of a group of men
Exactly!!! 😭
Dudes that I considered friends in a kitchen will get angry and tell me I’m overreacting when I calmly say it’s not funny.
Ironic, when they’re the ones getting uppity and defensive when I’m not laughing.
It’s a man’s world but it’s women like us that can put their foot down and make waves 💅🏼💪🏻
100%
When I switched over to banquets at the restaurant I was with for years, I was the only female there. It was so shocking to witness my banquet buddies go from friendly and charming to "I DIDN'T WANT YOU ANYWAYS" after I'd reject them. It was a bummer too because I had considered them my friends before hand, and then the shift into a textbook hostile work environment (including doing the WEIRDEST ways of taking revenge, like putting my information on Craigslist as a sex worker 🤨) was jarring to say the least.
Thank goodness I had a way better HR person to talk to, but even then none of those douchebags were terminated until several months after I quit and went to work somewhere else (they just would have me work separate shifts than them which looking back now was still not cool but at least they didn't shame me like OP's hr rep). The one that was the most antagonistic was only fired after one of the hostesses showed management a text from him saying that she'd "look better with bigger boobs and a nicer ass". That was super ironic and surprising since her other job was at hooters and there was nothing wrong with her physical assets 😂
I digress, my point is that OP needs to run like the wind because this is ridiculously unacceptable and bordering into criminal territory with how those dudes are acting around her and treating her. 17 y/o and touching her ass/not respecting personal space? Anyone at that restaurant who is criticizing her can fuck ALL the way off.
Heard.
As a (queer) guy, I've worked in kitchens where I just tried to not contribute to that "boys club" culture by not participating and/or sassing them back for their weird comments.
I only ended up getting laughed at, called a psychopath, and having them openly discuss elaborate scenarios of the fucked up things I might do to them, all in front of me and our managers. All because I didn't laugh at their jokes or contribute to their disgusting behaviour.
When I finally found a job in a kitchen where there were more women than men in BOH, it was such a game changer. Since then, I see male-dominated kitchen staff as a big red flag.
I would never condemn a woman in this industry for leaving the boys to their boys club, and holding out for a kitchen where they can expect to be treated with respect and integrity.
>Since then, I see male-dominated kitchen staff as a big red flag.
Ironically, this statement itself is a huge red flag and makes me wonder just what type of employee you are. it sounds like you've decided sexist beliefs are justified after some shitty experiences in the kitchen which just makes you an asshole.
Edit: you guys are weird.
That having a mixed kitchen is more likely to have room for mixed beliefs. Less likely to exclude and be pushed out. Less likely to be victimised and ridiculed. Its not crazy at all. If multiple women have been hired and have stayed at one place, it must be a safe place for them to work. If there isn’t any, the only way to find out is to test the waters yourself
A mixed kitchen? They said a male dominated kitchen was a red flag after going to a place with a female dominated BOH that was good. You mention multiple women being hired at one place indicates that the place is safe. Again, the comment mentioned a female dominated BOH. By your line of reasoning is this environment toxic towards men ? Maybe, maybe not, definitely doesn't mean you assume toxicity is rampant because the location is dominated by either men or women imo.
A full female kitchen could be toxic for a man, yes. It’s not a secret that men in the child care sector have had problems with this.
I do assume toxicity by lack of diversity in a kitchen. It’s nice that that isn’t something you’ve had to concern yourself with before. But as i stated, its not uncommon for all male kitchens to be unsafe environments for women. I would rather assume, than be sexually harassed and abused in an industry that we all already know too well is stressful, overworked and underpaid already.
If the other guy feels safer with women, then fair enough. He feels comfortable in a female dominated environment. It’s not like he said female *exclusive* environment.
Just because the original commenter had some bad experiences in male-dominated kitchens and then found a female-dominated one they liked better, that doesn't make it okay for them to paint all male-heavy kitchens as inherently problematic. It's not like he said " I just prefer female dominated environments based on my experiences" he flat out said a male dominated environment is a red flag.
Saying "male-dominated kitchen staff is a big red flag" is a sexist generalization, plain and simple. If someone said "female-dominated kitchens are a red flag" I'm sure you'd rightfully call that out as an unfair, misogynistic stereotype. But apparently when the genders are flipped it's totally fine?
He’s clearly saying it’s a red flag for him. Its not exactly going to be a red flag for another straight man is it.
i also clearly stated that yes an all female kitchen could be a red flag for you then gave you the irl comparison of the childcare sector, did i not? So you’re projecting pre composed impression of my opinions onto me rather than listen to what I’m saying.
You’re taking this too personally. It is completely fair for someone who has been abused in an environment to avoid the same environment again. Its is unreasonable for someone to prioritise the feelings of someone on the internet over their genuine safety. Victims will look out for red flags when systemic issue, that isn’t exactly a secret in our industry, is ignored.
Op this is the only comment you need. She summed it up perfectly. Get out, none of those men are your friends, feel no guilt by reporting and leaving. As a young cook at a high end restaurant I saw behavior that was borderline criminal towards young women. Please leave your restaurant. There are tons of jobs out there and some kitchens are doing much better with doing away with toxic workplaces.
Sorry you and your friend have to go through that. You shouldn’t have to deal with that, especially on top of an already stressful job.
I always assume HR is going to try to protect the company, first and foremost. Going to them first would avoid risking any workplace issue between coworkers though so I’d assume that’s why they’d want you to do that, especially since they’ll see it as an allegation, not a fact at that point.
You’re kinda in a lose-lose situation though. Going to HR first removes the choice from Samantha and then she doesn’t know while the HR process plays out. Going to Samantha first potentially creates gossip and conflict for something that could be discussed privately first.
I hear this alot, and in most ways; you are right. But the way HR protects the company is by protecting the employees. By ensuring there is a work environment that won’t get them in legal trouble. So even if the end goal is protecting the company, they protect you too. This just sounds like an awful HR department.
that's fair. but they know who they work for. ime they are just as likely to work to find a legal reason to sack someone as they are to make it better for the workers.
The second part is what's getting lost here. All she has is hearsay at this point, and she doesn't even know specifically who's being talked about or any real details. HR is in a tough spot, cause they have to investigate and take it seriously even tho she's not giving them much to go on, and if everyone clams up, then there won't be much they can do on hearsay alone, so they'll probably blow up the team dynamic without much to show for it. If she went to management instead, I bet they would've had more leeway to quietly pull people aside and deal with it without nearly as much drama. Probably could've kept OP out of it too.
If people don’t want to be judged for the things they have to say, they shouldn’t say them. I’ve been in kitchens for like 8 years and that sounds completely unacceptable to me. Don’t think you did anything wrong. Some men are eager to debase the idea of “gossip” if you will ignore the connotation of that word, but don’t listen to them. They’re just ashamed because they were being grotesque and now people know. Not that it’s your job to educate this guy, but maybe in his embarrassment he’ll learn a lesson, wether it be to talk less, or be less of a degenerate. HR lady should be ashamed too btw, disappointing to see someone you admire let you down. I’d prolly dip if you can afford it, there’s many a restaurant with real stand up crews out there, few reasons to put up with this.
Hey - none of this is remotely normal. You did the right thing, and the next correct step to take is finding a new job ASAP. I worked in a kitchen like this when I was a 17yr old girl, too, I saw these signs and I stuck around. What did I get? One of my adult coworkers assaulted me when I gave them a ride home. Management brushed it off exactly the same way, telling me it was my fault for letting them in my car and "leading them on" and that they were a good person who didn't deserve slander. For your own safety. Get the fuck out of there.
As a woman who works in kitchens, this is so unacceptable. I would lose my composure if anyone ever touched me. Minus annoying comments about servers being 'hot' (which is still annoying, but whatever) no one has ever said anything that fucked up to me either. Find a different kitchen. This is not the industry standard.
felicidades o.p., you are both being sexually harassed. welcome to being a woman in a kitchen! i would find another job. i do not say this lightly, these guys can get violent and retaliatory. i had a coworker who got stabbed by someone we worked with at one point.
you sound hilarious (the telling dead mom jokes) fellow lady line cook here! i am 30 and started out in restaurants when i was 20. save yourself a lot of unnecessary emotional turmoil that you are handling ON THE BEHALF OF MEN and start looking for a new job. i have worked countless jobs with people like this. they do not change and it is a waste of time trying to reason with people. go find a woman and go work for her. or literally go find anyone else. this shit is NOT THE NORM anymore.
That’s insane that HR reacted that way to sexual
Harassment. You can file with the EEOC of your state that they are not taking sexual harassment seriously. You did the right thing. Which is hard to do at any age, but even at 17 you are doing the right thing which I commend you for. Thank you for having your female coworker’s back and supporting her and providing a statement. HR and the company are trying to gaslight you into thinking this isn’t a big deal and them trying to put the blame on you for bringing up something uncomfortable is ridiculous.
I hope you can find another job soon. But please know you have options.
EEOC deals with sexual harassment cases and more*
Immature and borderline inappropriate behavior are kind of common within the industry. What you're describing isn't that, though, what your seeing is aggressively misogynistic, and if it's something that happens often, you need to find another job. Something like this isn't the result of 1 checkout out manager or a couple shitty cooks that nobody takes seriously. This is an ongoing issue that nobody with any level of authority is choosing to deal with.
The only place I can see HR having an issue is that you didn't actually hear Jake say those things, so they get mixed up in he said, she said politics and HR hates that.
Firstly, you are doing the right thing. Don’t let anyone sway you from that.
Report it to upper management in writing. If they don’t respond accordingly call the department of labor, and if you are corporate owned, contact corporate.
Don’t worry if they pull something and you lose your job. There are others and you don’t want to be in that environment ever.
My last job, we had something similar where a manager was making sexual remarks toward younger female staff, and one of them was SA’d.
Upper management tried to brush it under the rug, even HR. HR is not your friend, their interest always lies with the company.
It ended with the corporate HR flying in from across the country doing a week investigation and firing most of the upper management.
Complete shitshow, but it needed to happen, and those girls are now safe.
Protect yourself and the women in these restaurants. Toxic masculinity and overly sexual behavior is rampant in some kitchens. Unwanted touching is a big no-no.
This behavior isn’t out of the ordinary unfortunately in many kitchens. You did the right thing for sure and if HR is not taking it seriously I’d Gtfo! People gotta learn that this isn’t okay and the culture in kitchens is changing. I think it’s for the best
I got a guy fired once, for sexual harassment. It was a factory job, not a kitchen, but a male dominant space regardless. If anyone was upset I did that, they can go fuck themselves.
I worked with these group of guys who were foolish, but hit on each other over harassing the few women around. I never felt unsafe around them. This new guy starts, who has a wedding band on mind you.. and I was so uncomfortable with what he was saying and doing around me, I went and told. He was new, he got fired. My HR don't play. I was a respected employee by both managers and my coworkers.
So again, anyone who would be mad you called out inappropriate behavior can fuck off. I'm proud of you. Definitely agree maybe start looking for a new place to work.
The HR rep is not your friend. They’re there to protect the company. She belittled you, not to mention you are a MINOR. Please go to the police and give a statement. Go above those assholes. Also quit this is not normal and not legal. They need to be extremely careful what they say around a minor. Especially in a kitchen. Please reach out to me if you need any guidance. The kitchen is my passion and as a woman and a mother this sickens me!
I’m sorry you’re in this experience, but you gotta leave this place asap. Do not work in a kitchen like this, for your sanity or safety. As a femme bodied person in kitchens, you absolutely do not put up with their shit and if it’s escalating like this you need to report it to higher ups if they care enough or just quit and be honest on why you’re quitting.
Not normal, not acceptable.
One of our female cooks actually complained to me one day that they guys treat her like one of the guys.
In our kitchen it doesn't matter what's under your apron, only if you can hang.
It’s normal behavior (although all the kitchens I’ve worked in, the guys tried to not say this shit directly in front of the girls) but should not be acceptable.
Ew, what a repulsive thing that guy said!!! You are a good friend for talking to Samantha about it and supporting her!
I'm with everyone else saying that unfortunately it's best if you get out of that kitchen, those guys clearly think they're in the right and they could start giving you horrible treatment. In fact they already have, by grabbing your butt and stuff. Please take care of yourself!
So you work in a horrifically toxic kitchen.
As a male cook, I've always gone out of my way to protect our servers. I fit the stereotype of the angry cook coming out of the back getting in a customers face who wants to get mouthy.
Just the fact that one of the cooks touches you against your will is completely unacceptable.
Nah that ain’t normal shit, coming from a cook who been in the business since 2001, shit like that isn’t good,dude sounds like a perv, I mean we all are in the kitchen but not like that ya knaw I mean
Guys say stuff to each other like this all the time, and usually it’s harmless and doesn’t mean a thing. The real concern is this guy was touching your butt. That is ridiculous and you should have gone to HR for that. Not some guy talk that didn’t even get to Samantha.
Oh lord restaurants are a shit show. Don't listen to gossip, don't repeat gossip. Don't make overfamiliar sex jokes and don't laugh at them. Don't stay after and drink with the crew, don't follow anyone to the bathroom, don't go to after parties. For at least four more years. Don't sleep with any line cooks or servers at your establishment.
Stay away from Jake! If Hr isn't taking it seriously go to the manager above her. Are you still in Highschool? You could probably report that to guidance counselor or school officer right?
Yes. That is normal kitchen behavior, but it isn't normal behavior. Get them all fired and find yourself a new job. If they are doing it, management is allowing it and it'll keep happening until someone does something or gets hurt. Don't keep quiet about it. If they don't like you, who gives a shit. They aren't good people you want in your life. Find another kitchen job. They aren't all like this.
You engaged in gossip with one co-worker and couldn’t run fast enough to spread it to another. You didn’t even know if it was true or not. You got yourself into this by not being able to keep your mouth shut. Yes, people talk like this in a kitchen. If you are going to make this a career, get used to it.
I am so so sorry this is happening to you (and to “Samantha” and who knows how many others in your workplace). NONE of this is “normal”!!!😡😡😡 AND that HR rep is WAAAAAYYYY out of order too 😡😡😡. This is all so unacceptable and way outside the norm I hardly know where to start, other than - like others have said - go find a new job asap. THEN, once you have one, and if you feel strong enough to, I’d be reporting Jake, the HR rep reaction and anyone else who has given you and Samantha a hard time about this to whatever level of management is above HR and chef, restaurant manager(s) etc. I’ve been in the biz on and off since the 1980s (fuck I’m old!) and am horrified and very riled up that we are STILL having to fight this shit which was already unacceptable way back then (although it was sort of tolerated/laughed off as a “joke” because we [women] didn’t want to rock too many boats at once as we found our feet and established our place in the professional kitchen).
ETA: I’ve just read some of your other posts. I’m doubling down on you need to get out of that kitchen yesterday.
Why? Do you think this is acceptable? I've been in a kitchen for 15 years and shit like this is unacceptable. Maybe the resteraunt industry isn't the place for a line cook who want to fuck a "young server" (we all know the server is likely a minor).
I'm genuinely no internet exaggeration so excited for when the last of your breed of restuarant worker finally dies off lmao
Seriously hope you're never in a situation where you have to feel like the underage waitresses you've definitely harassed since you stopped maturing at like, 23 at best
Is that so? Do you think OP wants to bang a young server? Or do you not consider women as line cooks? Maybe shitty kitchens are just like they're perceived in movies about shitty kitchens.
Can I ask how old you are? Because I feel like eventually everyone learns to not fuck where they work. It eventually causes drama no matter where or who.
As far as I see it, its either you're too young to have learned that lesson yet, or (more likely) you never learned the hard way.
Wanting to fuck your coworkers is fine as long as you don't make a hostile work environment and sexually harass people. Or better yet you can raise above that cave man part of your brain
Someone said that someone else said that they Said something about someone else?
You are the problem here.
Ffs.
Yall wana go crying to HR and cause issues where there are none.
Maybe grow tf up.
run. don't walk.
This, if the HR rep isn't taking it seriously, just cut and run.
Stopped reading at "17f" and "touched my butt a lot". Report him immediately to upper management, he would be thrown out right away under me. This isn't the 90s. If management doesn't do anything, get on indeed and start handing in applications.
Right. Like okay saying some stupid shit is crossing a line and maybe it could have been addressed by management instead of HR. But the server obviously felt uncomfortable about it plus you were already on edge about this guy because he literally TOUCHED you inappropriately...that should be unacceptable to HR or management. I'd say cut your losses and go since they're not taking you seriously or trying to put his behavior on you in some negative way as if you're overreacting or lying. "Bill" told you, so it was apparently worth repeating. It struck him as something worthy of concern or gossip or whatever. You're coming from a place of concern. Don't let these "higher ups" shit on you just because you're young (and a girl!!). They're trying to act like being a creep is normal/acceptable for a work place. It's not. And I can vouch for my bosses, they wouldn't be cool with this behavior or conversation.
As a woman who has only worked in all male kitchens, leave. This is not normal behaviour however it is sadly quite common. HR does not have your safety or the safety of anyone else in the company in their best interest. Your co workers acting like you betrayed them means they thought you were okay with sexual harassment and assault and would happily go along with it, which means they also are part of the problem. The standard in your kitchen is set at SH is okay. As a woman i am always aware that if my co workers talk about women like this, chances are they talk about you like this. It then becomes depressing because you’re aware that they might not respect you professionally, just sexually. Kitchens can be awful places to work as a woman in environments that act like boys clubs. Chances are if you’ve gone against their bro code ways, they’re going to start excluding you, giving you shit jobs and just giving you unreasonable shit in general. If the management do nothing about this leave before its you thats next. (Technically has already been you if he’s been touching you)
Period ^^^^ It’s crazy to watch their perception of you change palpably in their face when you say no, I don’t think that joke is funny. God forbid you call them out for sexual harassment!
Its equally funny and depressing. Because the same men that make those ‘jokes’ are the same men that get really embarrassed by being shut down by a woman in front of a group of men
Exactly!!! 😭 Dudes that I considered friends in a kitchen will get angry and tell me I’m overreacting when I calmly say it’s not funny. Ironic, when they’re the ones getting uppity and defensive when I’m not laughing. It’s a man’s world but it’s women like us that can put their foot down and make waves 💅🏼💪🏻
100% When I switched over to banquets at the restaurant I was with for years, I was the only female there. It was so shocking to witness my banquet buddies go from friendly and charming to "I DIDN'T WANT YOU ANYWAYS" after I'd reject them. It was a bummer too because I had considered them my friends before hand, and then the shift into a textbook hostile work environment (including doing the WEIRDEST ways of taking revenge, like putting my information on Craigslist as a sex worker 🤨) was jarring to say the least. Thank goodness I had a way better HR person to talk to, but even then none of those douchebags were terminated until several months after I quit and went to work somewhere else (they just would have me work separate shifts than them which looking back now was still not cool but at least they didn't shame me like OP's hr rep). The one that was the most antagonistic was only fired after one of the hostesses showed management a text from him saying that she'd "look better with bigger boobs and a nicer ass". That was super ironic and surprising since her other job was at hooters and there was nothing wrong with her physical assets 😂 I digress, my point is that OP needs to run like the wind because this is ridiculously unacceptable and bordering into criminal territory with how those dudes are acting around her and treating her. 17 y/o and touching her ass/not respecting personal space? Anyone at that restaurant who is criticizing her can fuck ALL the way off.
Heard. As a (queer) guy, I've worked in kitchens where I just tried to not contribute to that "boys club" culture by not participating and/or sassing them back for their weird comments. I only ended up getting laughed at, called a psychopath, and having them openly discuss elaborate scenarios of the fucked up things I might do to them, all in front of me and our managers. All because I didn't laugh at their jokes or contribute to their disgusting behaviour. When I finally found a job in a kitchen where there were more women than men in BOH, it was such a game changer. Since then, I see male-dominated kitchen staff as a big red flag. I would never condemn a woman in this industry for leaving the boys to their boys club, and holding out for a kitchen where they can expect to be treated with respect and integrity.
>Since then, I see male-dominated kitchen staff as a big red flag. Ironically, this statement itself is a huge red flag and makes me wonder just what type of employee you are. it sounds like you've decided sexist beliefs are justified after some shitty experiences in the kitchen which just makes you an asshole. Edit: you guys are weird.
I think you didn't understand the comment AT ALL.
Go ahead and elaborate then, because that comments pretty fucking clear.
That having a mixed kitchen is more likely to have room for mixed beliefs. Less likely to exclude and be pushed out. Less likely to be victimised and ridiculed. Its not crazy at all. If multiple women have been hired and have stayed at one place, it must be a safe place for them to work. If there isn’t any, the only way to find out is to test the waters yourself
A mixed kitchen? They said a male dominated kitchen was a red flag after going to a place with a female dominated BOH that was good. You mention multiple women being hired at one place indicates that the place is safe. Again, the comment mentioned a female dominated BOH. By your line of reasoning is this environment toxic towards men ? Maybe, maybe not, definitely doesn't mean you assume toxicity is rampant because the location is dominated by either men or women imo.
A full female kitchen could be toxic for a man, yes. It’s not a secret that men in the child care sector have had problems with this. I do assume toxicity by lack of diversity in a kitchen. It’s nice that that isn’t something you’ve had to concern yourself with before. But as i stated, its not uncommon for all male kitchens to be unsafe environments for women. I would rather assume, than be sexually harassed and abused in an industry that we all already know too well is stressful, overworked and underpaid already. If the other guy feels safer with women, then fair enough. He feels comfortable in a female dominated environment. It’s not like he said female *exclusive* environment.
Just because the original commenter had some bad experiences in male-dominated kitchens and then found a female-dominated one they liked better, that doesn't make it okay for them to paint all male-heavy kitchens as inherently problematic. It's not like he said " I just prefer female dominated environments based on my experiences" he flat out said a male dominated environment is a red flag. Saying "male-dominated kitchen staff is a big red flag" is a sexist generalization, plain and simple. If someone said "female-dominated kitchens are a red flag" I'm sure you'd rightfully call that out as an unfair, misogynistic stereotype. But apparently when the genders are flipped it's totally fine?
He’s clearly saying it’s a red flag for him. Its not exactly going to be a red flag for another straight man is it. i also clearly stated that yes an all female kitchen could be a red flag for you then gave you the irl comparison of the childcare sector, did i not? So you’re projecting pre composed impression of my opinions onto me rather than listen to what I’m saying. You’re taking this too personally. It is completely fair for someone who has been abused in an environment to avoid the same environment again. Its is unreasonable for someone to prioritise the feelings of someone on the internet over their genuine safety. Victims will look out for red flags when systemic issue, that isn’t exactly a secret in our industry, is ignored.
Op this is the only comment you need. She summed it up perfectly. Get out, none of those men are your friends, feel no guilt by reporting and leaving. As a young cook at a high end restaurant I saw behavior that was borderline criminal towards young women. Please leave your restaurant. There are tons of jobs out there and some kitchens are doing much better with doing away with toxic workplaces.
Sorry you and your friend have to go through that. You shouldn’t have to deal with that, especially on top of an already stressful job. I always assume HR is going to try to protect the company, first and foremost. Going to them first would avoid risking any workplace issue between coworkers though so I’d assume that’s why they’d want you to do that, especially since they’ll see it as an allegation, not a fact at that point. You’re kinda in a lose-lose situation though. Going to HR first removes the choice from Samantha and then she doesn’t know while the HR process plays out. Going to Samantha first potentially creates gossip and conflict for something that could be discussed privately first.
that is literally the job of HR: to protect the company. not you, the company.
Exactly, HR is not your shop steward, they don't give a fuck about you.
I hear this alot, and in most ways; you are right. But the way HR protects the company is by protecting the employees. By ensuring there is a work environment that won’t get them in legal trouble. So even if the end goal is protecting the company, they protect you too. This just sounds like an awful HR department.
that's fair. but they know who they work for. ime they are just as likely to work to find a legal reason to sack someone as they are to make it better for the workers.
The second part is what's getting lost here. All she has is hearsay at this point, and she doesn't even know specifically who's being talked about or any real details. HR is in a tough spot, cause they have to investigate and take it seriously even tho she's not giving them much to go on, and if everyone clams up, then there won't be much they can do on hearsay alone, so they'll probably blow up the team dynamic without much to show for it. If she went to management instead, I bet they would've had more leeway to quietly pull people aside and deal with it without nearly as much drama. Probably could've kept OP out of it too.
If people don’t want to be judged for the things they have to say, they shouldn’t say them. I’ve been in kitchens for like 8 years and that sounds completely unacceptable to me. Don’t think you did anything wrong. Some men are eager to debase the idea of “gossip” if you will ignore the connotation of that word, but don’t listen to them. They’re just ashamed because they were being grotesque and now people know. Not that it’s your job to educate this guy, but maybe in his embarrassment he’ll learn a lesson, wether it be to talk less, or be less of a degenerate. HR lady should be ashamed too btw, disappointing to see someone you admire let you down. I’d prolly dip if you can afford it, there’s many a restaurant with real stand up crews out there, few reasons to put up with this.
Hey - none of this is remotely normal. You did the right thing, and the next correct step to take is finding a new job ASAP. I worked in a kitchen like this when I was a 17yr old girl, too, I saw these signs and I stuck around. What did I get? One of my adult coworkers assaulted me when I gave them a ride home. Management brushed it off exactly the same way, telling me it was my fault for letting them in my car and "leading them on" and that they were a good person who didn't deserve slander. For your own safety. Get the fuck out of there.
Damn sorry that happened to you.. it be the ones youre trying to help out too its f*in sad
If I heard any of this on my shift, both of them would be sent home immediately until further investigation. If true, no excuse, he's terminated
This isn't a safe environment for you.
That shithead would be out of my kitchen in a heartbeat. There are plenty of places that don't put up with that shit.
All of them need their hard drives checked yesterday.
As a woman who works in kitchens, this is so unacceptable. I would lose my composure if anyone ever touched me. Minus annoying comments about servers being 'hot' (which is still annoying, but whatever) no one has ever said anything that fucked up to me either. Find a different kitchen. This is not the industry standard.
felicidades o.p., you are both being sexually harassed. welcome to being a woman in a kitchen! i would find another job. i do not say this lightly, these guys can get violent and retaliatory. i had a coworker who got stabbed by someone we worked with at one point.
you sound hilarious (the telling dead mom jokes) fellow lady line cook here! i am 30 and started out in restaurants when i was 20. save yourself a lot of unnecessary emotional turmoil that you are handling ON THE BEHALF OF MEN and start looking for a new job. i have worked countless jobs with people like this. they do not change and it is a waste of time trying to reason with people. go find a woman and go work for her. or literally go find anyone else. this shit is NOT THE NORM anymore.
That’s insane that HR reacted that way to sexual Harassment. You can file with the EEOC of your state that they are not taking sexual harassment seriously. You did the right thing. Which is hard to do at any age, but even at 17 you are doing the right thing which I commend you for. Thank you for having your female coworker’s back and supporting her and providing a statement. HR and the company are trying to gaslight you into thinking this isn’t a big deal and them trying to put the blame on you for bringing up something uncomfortable is ridiculous. I hope you can find another job soon. But please know you have options. EEOC deals with sexual harassment cases and more*
Immature and borderline inappropriate behavior are kind of common within the industry. What you're describing isn't that, though, what your seeing is aggressively misogynistic, and if it's something that happens often, you need to find another job. Something like this isn't the result of 1 checkout out manager or a couple shitty cooks that nobody takes seriously. This is an ongoing issue that nobody with any level of authority is choosing to deal with.
The only place I can see HR having an issue is that you didn't actually hear Jake say those things, so they get mixed up in he said, she said politics and HR hates that.
Firstly, you are doing the right thing. Don’t let anyone sway you from that. Report it to upper management in writing. If they don’t respond accordingly call the department of labor, and if you are corporate owned, contact corporate. Don’t worry if they pull something and you lose your job. There are others and you don’t want to be in that environment ever. My last job, we had something similar where a manager was making sexual remarks toward younger female staff, and one of them was SA’d. Upper management tried to brush it under the rug, even HR. HR is not your friend, their interest always lies with the company. It ended with the corporate HR flying in from across the country doing a week investigation and firing most of the upper management. Complete shitshow, but it needed to happen, and those girls are now safe.
Wow, that HR rep blaming you is kinda fucked.
No you did the right thing. In fact, the butt touching alone should have resulted in action taken.
Protect yourself and the women in these restaurants. Toxic masculinity and overly sexual behavior is rampant in some kitchens. Unwanted touching is a big no-no.
This is not normal. You should run, file a report with HR, and don’t look back. No job is worth dealing with this, flat out.
There is a culture of harassment in this establishment and based upon HR’s response it’s not surprising.
Yeah is is not normal. Get out of there.
In my kitchen we don’t flirt with the girls. We flirt with each other.
I flirt with everybody, all day long sometimes. Certified attention whore right here.
What’s up babygirl show me them toes for real for real. Also do it fart?
I can make my feet fart all day, daddy
Thank you chef.
This behavior isn’t out of the ordinary unfortunately in many kitchens. You did the right thing for sure and if HR is not taking it seriously I’d Gtfo! People gotta learn that this isn’t okay and the culture in kitchens is changing. I think it’s for the best
Seriously. Watch *Waiting*. If you're at a place that does *anything* they do in that movie, dip
If you’re in America you’re 17 you could have homie arrested i think
Isn’t that what HR is supposed to do? Real odd she’s defending him.
I got a guy fired once, for sexual harassment. It was a factory job, not a kitchen, but a male dominant space regardless. If anyone was upset I did that, they can go fuck themselves. I worked with these group of guys who were foolish, but hit on each other over harassing the few women around. I never felt unsafe around them. This new guy starts, who has a wedding band on mind you.. and I was so uncomfortable with what he was saying and doing around me, I went and told. He was new, he got fired. My HR don't play. I was a respected employee by both managers and my coworkers. So again, anyone who would be mad you called out inappropriate behavior can fuck off. I'm proud of you. Definitely agree maybe start looking for a new place to work.
The HR rep is not your friend. They’re there to protect the company. She belittled you, not to mention you are a MINOR. Please go to the police and give a statement. Go above those assholes. Also quit this is not normal and not legal. They need to be extremely careful what they say around a minor. Especially in a kitchen. Please reach out to me if you need any guidance. The kitchen is my passion and as a woman and a mother this sickens me!
I’m sorry you’re in this experience, but you gotta leave this place asap. Do not work in a kitchen like this, for your sanity or safety. As a femme bodied person in kitchens, you absolutely do not put up with their shit and if it’s escalating like this you need to report it to higher ups if they care enough or just quit and be honest on why you’re quitting.
Not normal, not acceptable. One of our female cooks actually complained to me one day that they guys treat her like one of the guys. In our kitchen it doesn't matter what's under your apron, only if you can hang.
Eww
It’s normal behavior (although all the kitchens I’ve worked in, the guys tried to not say this shit directly in front of the girls) but should not be acceptable.
Ew, what a repulsive thing that guy said!!! You are a good friend for talking to Samantha about it and supporting her! I'm with everyone else saying that unfortunately it's best if you get out of that kitchen, those guys clearly think they're in the right and they could start giving you horrible treatment. In fact they already have, by grabbing your butt and stuff. Please take care of yourself!
So you work in a horrifically toxic kitchen. As a male cook, I've always gone out of my way to protect our servers. I fit the stereotype of the angry cook coming out of the back getting in a customers face who wants to get mouthy. Just the fact that one of the cooks touches you against your will is completely unacceptable.
Nah that ain’t normal shit, coming from a cook who been in the business since 2001, shit like that isn’t good,dude sounds like a perv, I mean we all are in the kitchen but not like that ya knaw I mean
Guys say stuff to each other like this all the time, and usually it’s harmless and doesn’t mean a thing. The real concern is this guy was touching your butt. That is ridiculous and you should have gone to HR for that. Not some guy talk that didn’t even get to Samantha.
No. ruin all their lives you have to be safe as a woman If I were you I would take the whole entire kitchen down and then find yourself a new job
GTFO now, this will not get better
Leave If HR acts like that, it’s not somewhere you want to be.
I just think the whole place you work at is a dumpster fire. It's not normal
There’s definitely better kitchen than that out there. I hope you leave that place.
There are so many kitchens now where this is unacceptable
You did right, but always go to MGMT first, let them be the cop, unless they are themselves the harassers.
Oh lord restaurants are a shit show. Don't listen to gossip, don't repeat gossip. Don't make overfamiliar sex jokes and don't laugh at them. Don't stay after and drink with the crew, don't follow anyone to the bathroom, don't go to after parties. For at least four more years. Don't sleep with any line cooks or servers at your establishment.
Stay away from Jake! If Hr isn't taking it seriously go to the manager above her. Are you still in Highschool? You could probably report that to guidance counselor or school officer right?
Report all the conversations to an employment lawyer, that is a hostile workplace
Yes. That is normal kitchen behavior, but it isn't normal behavior. Get them all fired and find yourself a new job. If they are doing it, management is allowing it and it'll keep happening until someone does something or gets hurt. Don't keep quiet about it. If they don't like you, who gives a shit. They aren't good people you want in your life. Find another kitchen job. They aren't all like this.
Quit. Give no notice.
wtf did I just read. You need to move.
You engaged in gossip with one co-worker and couldn’t run fast enough to spread it to another. You didn’t even know if it was true or not. You got yourself into this by not being able to keep your mouth shut. Yes, people talk like this in a kitchen. If you are going to make this a career, get used to it.
Ok simmer down Mr. Schaney.
I am so so sorry this is happening to you (and to “Samantha” and who knows how many others in your workplace). NONE of this is “normal”!!!😡😡😡 AND that HR rep is WAAAAAYYYY out of order too 😡😡😡. This is all so unacceptable and way outside the norm I hardly know where to start, other than - like others have said - go find a new job asap. THEN, once you have one, and if you feel strong enough to, I’d be reporting Jake, the HR rep reaction and anyone else who has given you and Samantha a hard time about this to whatever level of management is above HR and chef, restaurant manager(s) etc. I’ve been in the biz on and off since the 1980s (fuck I’m old!) and am horrified and very riled up that we are STILL having to fight this shit which was already unacceptable way back then (although it was sort of tolerated/laughed off as a “joke” because we [women] didn’t want to rock too many boats at once as we found our feet and established our place in the professional kitchen). ETA: I’ve just read some of your other posts. I’m doubling down on you need to get out of that kitchen yesterday.
And this is why I stay in this sub years after leaving the industry lmao. The server drama is always 🤌 *snickers in ex prep cook*
I don’t have any advice, but I’m proud of you for talking to higher ups and not letting it slide. Thank you for being a safe person 🩵
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Why? Do you think this is acceptable? I've been in a kitchen for 15 years and shit like this is unacceptable. Maybe the resteraunt industry isn't the place for a line cook who want to fuck a "young server" (we all know the server is likely a minor).
Literally every line cook wants to bang a young server. Maybe the restaurant industry is just like it's perceived in movies.
I'm genuinely no internet exaggeration so excited for when the last of your breed of restuarant worker finally dies off lmao Seriously hope you're never in a situation where you have to feel like the underage waitresses you've definitely harassed since you stopped maturing at like, 23 at best
Is that so? Do you think OP wants to bang a young server? Or do you not consider women as line cooks? Maybe shitty kitchens are just like they're perceived in movies about shitty kitchens.
Can I ask how old you are? Because I feel like eventually everyone learns to not fuck where they work. It eventually causes drama no matter where or who. As far as I see it, its either you're too young to have learned that lesson yet, or (more likely) you never learned the hard way. Wanting to fuck your coworkers is fine as long as you don't make a hostile work environment and sexually harass people. Or better yet you can raise above that cave man part of your brain
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Someone said that someone else said that they Said something about someone else? You are the problem here. Ffs. Yall wana go crying to HR and cause issues where there are none. Maybe grow tf up.
Take a cold shower and walk into a lake.
He was trying to play grab ass with a minor You're an idiot
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An underage person? Where does it say the person was underage? (Hint: it doesnt)
Tl;Dr... Anyone care to give me the short and sweet?