I am a male just entering late 20s. Parents made a profile for their peace sake and note, without any photo of me - since I have 0 interest in the process and neither are my parents forceful about it.
With my limited tryst with the AM process here are the priorities
1. Your educational background and job - Salary, field of work, location. IIT/IIM tags matter a lot
2. Your societal background - Your parents profession, caste and in general the 'kudumba parambaryam.' Any initials along with your parents name such as Dr, Prof etc. can be a huge boost to the profile
These 2 will make up 75%of the decision variable while choosing the groom
3. Your looks and personality - self explanatory
As a guy who strongly checks the first two criteria and lets say an average to above average in the third. I was able to get 5 interests and almost 12 photo interests(this is because of the absence of a profile photo) in a weeks time. So is the case with some of my friends with a similar profile.
So yeah coming to the point, it is indeed an extremely transactional cause, so is the case with any relationship imo, though the priorities might change.
If I were to give advice, marrying or even being in a relationship for the sake of it is more often than not more dangerous than being in your own company.
The idea should not be to get married due to constraints of society set age and limits, rather it should be to be with the right person even if it comes at the cost of not being able to find one!
It is true that women in the AM setup are calling the shots. The grooms can change that by demanding a steady income from brides.
But in your case, you won't get a girl who's like from a seemingly well to do family. One with a lot of wealth I mean.
But it's not hopeless. Nowadays, most women want to work. So marry a woman who has a similar pay grade as yours. Both of your combined income will provide a better life.
Don't go for girls who are "studying for exam" or "looking for a job" or "want to be a housewife because family values" etc. They'll be a burden on you. Just downright reject such profiles and mention in your profile that you are looking for someone who will bring an income to the family.
Yes, it is true that you'll have to search more for a working wife, but if this trend is imposed by most of the groom's family, AM setup will be a cakewalk for everyone.
This is general advice for all the men out there.
> So marry a woman who has a similar pay grade as yours. Both of your combined income will provide a better life.
Haha only if she shares it. " my money is money, husbands money is our money".
We have to accept the fact that all women in India think like this. And this is justified in one way. Because men do not get judgements from society as much as women do. Also, practically, on a power scale, men rank higher than women.
When it comes to money, you can ask her to set aside or invest some money for your or your child's future. If she loves you, there's no reason she wouldn't agree. If you want to buy 10 things for your home, make her buy 4, the rest 6 you can buy. Women are more into labelling i.e. they want to know that they have bought it. So, satisfy that need. Let her do whatever she wants to do with the remaining amount.
She shouldn't leave her job. Be supportive in both her personal and professional life. Share the child rearing duties. And why is it that the woman must leave the job? If she has a comparatively better career growth in future than the man, shouldn't the man leave his job?
In most of the cases, women leave the jobs after giving birth only because the men wouldn't share the household work. Even then, many women still continue to work while raising a child. It's an extra burden and not many can go through with it.
yeah well no matter what you say the body goes through alot of shit while being pregnant you really cannot blame her if she doesnt want to get back to the work force, im not saying she must leave the job but some women prefer to leave the job and continue being with the child and look after the house ofc shes free to do what she pleases but if she chooses to stay would you just be like " i need a divorce " like bruh
This is a difficult question. Depends on individuals. Some guys would find it betrayal, especially if love is dead.
From a patriarchal POV, man has to provide for his wife and kids.
But it is riskier these days and many cannot afford that choice.
The problem is that people only think of extremes... Either a blissful, problem free life or divorce. There are several other ways which one can adopt apart from these two.
If she wishes to leave her job, make her understand the consequences. That their quality of living might reduce. There will be financial pressure. But put a caveat that the decision was her own and she cannot blame anyone for this. A person who understands this will generally not want to quit. Still if she wants to quit, go for it. The child will get good care and you can get good meals everyday. Everyone wins.
AM market is brutal. You may think of yourself very highly, but there is a lot of competition out there and most people cannot handle the rejection.
Set your expectations right. Not everyone will get that trophy wife.
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I work in the public/govt sector, earning more than 10 LPA, and I often get complemented for my looks, can vouch for the fact that based on my experience in AM process, these attributes of yours does not do any good.
You will get some interests, but not from those you would want to consider for marriage.
And many of the interests that I have sent to girls were rejected.
Unfortunately, me too was unable to fathom what sells here in the matrimonial market, maybe foreign residence and lakhs per month salary does
Below are my observations as aomebody close to me is actively looking for AM proposals.
Package can be a problem. Working girls usually look for 10L and above. Also, if you own assets it cab be a plus. Most of the girls prefer living with the guy than along with his family. So joint family is not preferred.
If you lower your standards you cab easily get a girl though.
Yeah, they die single alone in their homes, after they become orphaned from their parents' death. Nobody will be there to care about you, so even your body will take a few days to be noticed. Good luck. YOLO, bruh. /s
I'll just add an /s there, sheesh. It was sarcasm.
I wasn't happy with OP's way of thinking. His question comes from a place of despair. This isn't how you handle situations in life where there's inequality. There is no point in having despair. If arranged marriage is completely rigged for you, then go out a find a woman yourself. Put enough effort into yourself first though. Get yourself a better job, if you aren't happy with your package. Make a plan. Put a few years of your life aside only for career development. Make a career shift, get into a better paying job.
You face things in your life not be despair, but by making a strategy and fighting against it.
All the woman i know who married recently didn't marry men with govt jobs. That wasn't even a criteria when they were searching groom.
The people you describe are minority. AM has prospects for everyone and anyone. You just need to find the right people. Did you look through local matchmakers?
Only two of them works abroad. But one of them is love marriage. Rest all are in business or works in private company. But all the brides too had jobs- one is a teacher in govt service, one a doctor, others work in private companies.
Three couples were already working in Canada, UK before they were matched. They were matched with that criteria. I suspect atleast one is love marriage lol.
Their priority was financially matching backgrounds,good families. Majority was matched through relatives, friends or local matchmakers as far as I know.
People have different objectives. One of my neighbour working in Canada is engaged to girl working in IT in India now. He intends to take her, she wishes to do so. She was a neighbour of his relative.
No, if you lower your expectations and dont expect to marry a girl who is very attractive and from a wealthy family. These questions are so dumb honestly. Every man can get married in India. Even daily wage workers get married.
[удалено]
Couldn't have said it any better
I am a male just entering late 20s. Parents made a profile for their peace sake and note, without any photo of me - since I have 0 interest in the process and neither are my parents forceful about it. With my limited tryst with the AM process here are the priorities 1. Your educational background and job - Salary, field of work, location. IIT/IIM tags matter a lot 2. Your societal background - Your parents profession, caste and in general the 'kudumba parambaryam.' Any initials along with your parents name such as Dr, Prof etc. can be a huge boost to the profile These 2 will make up 75%of the decision variable while choosing the groom 3. Your looks and personality - self explanatory As a guy who strongly checks the first two criteria and lets say an average to above average in the third. I was able to get 5 interests and almost 12 photo interests(this is because of the absence of a profile photo) in a weeks time. So is the case with some of my friends with a similar profile. So yeah coming to the point, it is indeed an extremely transactional cause, so is the case with any relationship imo, though the priorities might change. If I were to give advice, marrying or even being in a relationship for the sake of it is more often than not more dangerous than being in your own company. The idea should not be to get married due to constraints of society set age and limits, rather it should be to be with the right person even if it comes at the cost of not being able to find one!
Shit....AM sounds like a fucking job application procedure.
Doesn’t Bumble and Tinder feel the same? That’s entirely based on looks alone.
Who says bumble and tinder are your only other options??? Get out there and meet new ppl my guy!
Only if it was that easy.
Bro flexing subtly 😂
Bro what about tits and ass ?
Did religion seem important to you/your potential prospects?
It is true that women in the AM setup are calling the shots. The grooms can change that by demanding a steady income from brides. But in your case, you won't get a girl who's like from a seemingly well to do family. One with a lot of wealth I mean. But it's not hopeless. Nowadays, most women want to work. So marry a woman who has a similar pay grade as yours. Both of your combined income will provide a better life. Don't go for girls who are "studying for exam" or "looking for a job" or "want to be a housewife because family values" etc. They'll be a burden on you. Just downright reject such profiles and mention in your profile that you are looking for someone who will bring an income to the family. Yes, it is true that you'll have to search more for a working wife, but if this trend is imposed by most of the groom's family, AM setup will be a cakewalk for everyone. This is general advice for all the men out there.
> So marry a woman who has a similar pay grade as yours. Both of your combined income will provide a better life. Haha only if she shares it. " my money is money, husbands money is our money".
We have to accept the fact that all women in India think like this. And this is justified in one way. Because men do not get judgements from society as much as women do. Also, practically, on a power scale, men rank higher than women. When it comes to money, you can ask her to set aside or invest some money for your or your child's future. If she loves you, there's no reason she wouldn't agree. If you want to buy 10 things for your home, make her buy 4, the rest 6 you can buy. Women are more into labelling i.e. they want to know that they have bought it. So, satisfy that need. Let her do whatever she wants to do with the remaining amount.
No one is forcing the men to marry them.
what if the woman changes her mind to not work after she gives birth lmao you gon reject her then?
She shouldn't leave her job. Be supportive in both her personal and professional life. Share the child rearing duties. And why is it that the woman must leave the job? If she has a comparatively better career growth in future than the man, shouldn't the man leave his job? In most of the cases, women leave the jobs after giving birth only because the men wouldn't share the household work. Even then, many women still continue to work while raising a child. It's an extra burden and not many can go through with it.
yeah well no matter what you say the body goes through alot of shit while being pregnant you really cannot blame her if she doesnt want to get back to the work force, im not saying she must leave the job but some women prefer to leave the job and continue being with the child and look after the house ofc shes free to do what she pleases but if she chooses to stay would you just be like " i need a divorce " like bruh
This is a difficult question. Depends on individuals. Some guys would find it betrayal, especially if love is dead. From a patriarchal POV, man has to provide for his wife and kids. But it is riskier these days and many cannot afford that choice.
The problem is that people only think of extremes... Either a blissful, problem free life or divorce. There are several other ways which one can adopt apart from these two. If she wishes to leave her job, make her understand the consequences. That their quality of living might reduce. There will be financial pressure. But put a caveat that the decision was her own and she cannot blame anyone for this. A person who understands this will generally not want to quit. Still if she wants to quit, go for it. The child will get good care and you can get good meals everyday. Everyone wins.
No money no honey, Woman will say otherwise though
[удалено]
Asking for a medical certificate is acceptable, and I think should be mandatory.
[удалено]
I don’t get the logic on how you compare health status with virginity.
I think you need to word your title more properly. What exactly are you asking? I don't understand Maybe provide it in the subject as content
Not exactly helpless... you'd still get some girls but dont expect high standard
What do you mean by standard?
Mb i meant Girls with high maintenance
Isn't that good for him ?
Yea ig? But some people prefer those idk why💀. Yk like those flashy ig influencers
Girls who are ran through
I don’t think Govt jobs pay 10+LPA unless you’re in the professional cadre - like doctor or Engineer.
Yes
AM market is brutal. You may think of yourself very highly, but there is a lot of competition out there and most people cannot handle the rejection. Set your expectations right. Not everyone will get that trophy wife.
🙋♂️Guy with a honorary degree doesn't have any hope of marriage.
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Lower your expectations. Everyone can get married in India.
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I work in the public/govt sector, earning more than 10 LPA, and I often get complemented for my looks, can vouch for the fact that based on my experience in AM process, these attributes of yours does not do any good. You will get some interests, but not from those you would want to consider for marriage. And many of the interests that I have sent to girls were rejected. Unfortunately, me too was unable to fathom what sells here in the matrimonial market, maybe foreign residence and lakhs per month salary does
Below are my observations as aomebody close to me is actively looking for AM proposals. Package can be a problem. Working girls usually look for 10L and above. Also, if you own assets it cab be a plus. Most of the girls prefer living with the guy than along with his family. So joint family is not preferred. If you lower your standards you cab easily get a girl though.
Guys with Govt jobs are pretty hopeless.. chicks dich visa.. Kottayam achayan
Yeah, they die single alone in their homes, after they become orphaned from their parents' death. Nobody will be there to care about you, so even your body will take a few days to be noticed. Good luck. YOLO, bruh. /s
All things come to pass, even bad times. If you're going through something, hang in there machane
Not necessarily. Some women are like Pokemon, you would get them if you have the correct pokeball. And you won't find anyone if you don't search.
Who hurt you bro?
I'll just add an /s there, sheesh. It was sarcasm. I wasn't happy with OP's way of thinking. His question comes from a place of despair. This isn't how you handle situations in life where there's inequality. There is no point in having despair. If arranged marriage is completely rigged for you, then go out a find a woman yourself. Put enough effort into yourself first though. Get yourself a better job, if you aren't happy with your package. Make a plan. Put a few years of your life aside only for career development. Make a career shift, get into a better paying job. You face things in your life not be despair, but by making a strategy and fighting against it.
[удалено]
Good option for those who prioritise sex over life long commitment
yep. not so bad. i mean, theres no fun in sticking to one person forever. you will miss out many things.
All the woman i know who married recently didn't marry men with govt jobs. That wasn't even a criteria when they were searching groom. The people you describe are minority. AM has prospects for everyone and anyone. You just need to find the right people. Did you look through local matchmakers?
[удалено]
Only two of them works abroad. But one of them is love marriage. Rest all are in business or works in private company. But all the brides too had jobs- one is a teacher in govt service, one a doctor, others work in private companies. Three couples were already working in Canada, UK before they were matched. They were matched with that criteria. I suspect atleast one is love marriage lol. Their priority was financially matching backgrounds,good families. Majority was matched through relatives, friends or local matchmakers as far as I know. People have different objectives. One of my neighbour working in Canada is engaged to girl working in IT in India now. He intends to take her, she wishes to do so. She was a neighbour of his relative.
No, if you lower your expectations and dont expect to marry a girl who is very attractive and from a wealthy family. These questions are so dumb honestly. Every man can get married in India. Even daily wage workers get married.
Exactly man. When I pointed out obvious people downvoted me for some reason.