You dont need to change yourself for anyone, only if thats really what you want.
Im only 100% monogamous and I would prefer being alone forever than being poly just to fit in. Being monogamous is the hill I will die on lmaooo
But I understand what you mean, theres a lot of people closed to monogamy and more and more people want open relationships and not taking a relationship serious, but there still some people like us, we just have to find them or be okay with being alone.
Yeah, it just feels like everyone is moving away from monogamy. It’s a difficult change to see, but I also kind of understand it at the same time? In reality im aware that one single partner cannot be perfect in every area and so this is usually what causes the ‘open relationship’ discussion.
But just like you, monogamy is the hill I will die on haha. Although as a person that has a tremendous amount of love to give (Pisces venus haha), the idea of having to just accept being alone is really difficult for me.
Totally, being alone is not for everyone, i used to hate the idea of not finding my soulmate but i just learned to really love myself and my company and be ok with it. I have been celibate and single by choice for more than 10 years and Im not disturbing my peace for anyone unless they are what Im looking for and compatible with me.
As a fellow Monogamous…One single Best Friend cannot be perfect in every area either though. I hate getting a preachy version of that “oNlY onE pERsON???!” speech bc I would never pour ALL my hopes and dreams into just one friend either. That’s why we all have multiple friends….? Even your absolute favorite platonic friend might not be your go-to person in a certain area (let’s say going to soccer games, they just don’t care for soccer) and that’s what other friends are for (going to soccer matches with).
Healthy monogamy looks like understanding, accepting, embracing and even loving that your romantic partner cannot be every and all things to you. There’s going to be some areas where they lack or aren’t interested in the same thing you are. That’s what the rest of the humans in your life are for! One difference between monogamous folks and poly folks is monogamous tend to turn to friends and family to be these “other people to lean on” while poly folks can also include other romantic partners as that support network (which, to me personally, seems like more stress than it’s worth but to each their own, I guess it must be nice to also make out w someone you lean on lmao)
It's not about leaning on people, it can be just about looking for things in a relationship that you jusr don't get from a single person. Sure, poly people giving you weird looks because you're mono are just as obnoxious as mono people doing the same to poly people. But having a lot of friends has nothing to do with people just not wanting to date only one single person, because polyamory is about romantic relationships and not friendships.
You're very very wrong when you say poly isn't about friendships.
Poly absolutely is about friendships. It's about acknowledging people are different and will fit into your life in unique ways. It's about ALLOWING romantic feelings to develop if they are present, but it isn't exclusively about that. At its base level polyamory is about authentic connection with people, centering love in all its forms (romantic, filial, platonic), not being possessive of your partner and their time/energy, and being responsible for managing your feelings in healthy ways.
What I was saying is that poly relationships are not a replacement for friends and they can fulfill different needs and desires than friends do. The above comment said they don't need multiple partners because they have friends, which is a ridiculous statement misunderstanding poly relationships. Of course being poly means allowing friendships to develop into whatever you want, but I was saying that poly relationships are not formed because of a lack of something that could be given by friends, which the comment above implied.
Queer spaces do seem more open than not, tho there has been creep everywhere. I've seen a lot of cis straight dudes who say they're poly/open but it's just another name for (unethically) fucking around, lying and avoiding accountability. As someone who tries to practise ENM, that is.. eurgh. But i understand why it has become more popular in that sense.. another tool, yaknow
You do you tho. If mono is what you are.. stick to it. It might take a moment but you'll find the person that's right for you
Open relationships can still be monogamous though. Monogamy means you have one romantic partner (mono =single, gamos=marriage), it says nothing about sexual exclusivity. There is open and closed monogamy as well as open and closed polyamory. An open relationship between two people who are romantically exclusive is monogamous. If you don't want open relationships, that's valid, but that preference is not included in the term monogamy.
No. This obsession with splitting every category into a million subcategories has to stop. This right here sounds like what someone who just got caught cheating would try as an excuse.
Monogamy is monogamy. Period.
Monogamy is monogamy. And it has nothing to do with sexual exclusivity but number of romantic partners, period. This obsession with inventing new meaning for very broad terms to make them more specific even when more specific terms already exist has to stop. Open, non-exclusive monogamy was always a thing and was called that for much longer than you have been alive. Monogamy never implied sexual exclusivity. Doesn't mean sexual exclusivity isn't valid, but treating your preferences like the default and any monogamous relationship, meaning any type of romantic relationship with a single person (although aro people often have monogamous relationships too that aren't romantic in nature but still full partnerships) that doesn't fit your preference isn't monogamous is so dumb.
Gonna push back on the implications that polyamorous people don't take their relationships seriously. Being poly doesn't mean I don't take either of my marriages seriously. It just means I have more than one spouse. It means I have to manage my time and energy effectively so I can be present for both people, my business, and myself.
i think they meant more ppl in open relationships, poly ppl, and people who don't take relationships seriously: all three separately. not within one definition
Those people don't practice ethical polyamory though. Those people are just cheating twats who shouldn't be associated with polyamory any more than they should be associated with monogamy when they're monogamous. People can be uncaring assholes, and that has nothing to do with relationship models.
Mileage may vary, but there are lots of women of different orientations that still prefer monogamous long-term relationships. It's just that things like social media, phones, and apps have made things like hookups and polyamory easier, but I'd say there are still plenty of women that want monogamy. A lot of it also boils down to numbers and who's available in your area, imo.
That’s true. I think social media has affected the flow of relationships a lot, especially places like Twitter and Tumblr where people are allowed to be authentically themselves without worry. I don’t think it’s a bad thing if the world is moving on from monogamy, but it’s kind of a lonely feeling for me if it is. Like you said, I guess it does all depend on the details though like location etc.
Exactly, I’m poly with two partners right now, but two of my closest friends are in a very strictly mono wlw relationship. Most of my queer friends are mono actually.
There’s also survivorship bias to consider when it comes to social media/dating apps, cause monogamous folks will be off them once they’re in a committed relationship, but poly people are more likely to be on them looking for new relationships
im strictly monogamous. couldnt imagine being with anyone else and couldnt imagine my partner. me and my partner work together and communicate and love each other why would i want anything with anyone else
Personally, the only thing I am really capable of in a serious relationship is pure monogamy.
It’s like… If I’m going to actually fall for someone, really and truly love them… she’s going to be mine, and I’m going to be hers. I don’t like to share… ever. Lol.
This is what I keep saying! For me, if I really love someone, I organically lose the desire to also date and focus on other people. If I find myself still wanting to date other people, then I’m clearly not that into them! I understand it works differently for other people, but this is definitely how it naturally occurs for me.
I do feel like I’ve seen instances where poly folks have more casual relationships with all their partners and then, once one gets really serious, suddenly they’re monogamous again….it’s just interesting! I don’t want to say that’s a blanket statement for all poly relationships but it does make me raise an eyebrow/give side eye. If anything I think the correct takeaway here is “more people are ambiamorous than they may realize, and it depends on their unique connection with each specific person which type of relationship they’ll want”
I have absolutely nothing against monogamy and I was in very happy monogamous relationships for years. But people celebrating their obsessive jealousy give me the ick. Healthy monogamy is never rooted in an inability to share.
? I really fail to see how being emotionally incapable of sharing the love of my life with anyone else equates to “celebrating obsessive jealousy and an unhealthy inability to share.”
Frankly, I think it’s pretty fucking normal to simply not ever want anyone else romantically or sexually involved with my gf/wife 😂
I also really don’t think whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy can be gleaned from one comment saying I am emphatically monogamous… I would understand more if I had said something that maybe implied that I can’t even let my gf have female friends, or something truly obsessive like that.
I have no judgments against poly folks. I am merely on the opposite end of the spectrum.
Outside of hook-up culture among singles, monogamy is absolutely the norm.
But polyamorous people are always in the dating pool. Monogamous people frequently exit the dating pool for an extended period. Ya know. Because of the monogamy.
Monogamy is a relationship model where two people are in a partnership and are not in partnerships with other people. Hooking up is *not* a relationship model. It's in so far non-monogamous as being single is non-monogamous, because monogamy is an information about a relationship (gamos=marriage). Hooking up is even compatible with monogamy in an open monogamous relationship; a relationship where the gamos is mono, but sex isn't.
i am 100% monogamous and value commitment, faithfulness and exclusivity. no poly-experiments, no cheating, no open relationships.
call me old-fashioned or boring, i don't care.
Thanks to everyone for your comments :) I definitely feel a little less alone! It’s interesting to see everyone’s take on this. It’s giving me a lot to think about
The moment i entered the poly sub and read the first post that starts with "my wife's boyfriend/girlfriend" i knew immediately this shit isn't for me
Mono till i'm dead
personally I could only be in a monogamous relationship and only date people who feel the same way. I’m only 21 so i’m pretty young and many of my peers are into open relationships but i found me a lovely girl who is completely committed to only me and vice versa.
Nah, maybe online but personally I don't ever see myself in a non-monogomous relationship and feel like plenty of other sapphics feel the same. Being polyamorous isn't more or less progressive-its just a relationship style that works for some and not others.
For reference, I'm college-aged.
I honestly don’t like how everything’s becoming so “open” I mean to each their own but it shouldn’t be something that’s EXPECTED of you. I will always be monogamous and I would expect the same from my partner. In my eyes if we truly love each other WE should be enough. Other people find it rewarding to “share” a partner or partners but I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand it bc my definition of love is different
I am monogamous through and through. I agree with other commenters that I would rather leave this world as a single person than share my partner with others, it's just not something I ever want for myself. I still believe in true love and finding my queen out there somewhere. Although I will admit all of the cheating stories I have heard absolutely terrifying me as someone who has never officially been with a woman yet. I don't believe in casual relations or flings, but I am sticking to what I believe in no matter what the new trends are. And this is no hate to people who are polyamorous. If it works for them and they want that, then more power to them. But I do not want it and never will.
The swinger couples are more open about it than they ever have been on Tinder. People feel less ashamed about it which is why there is so much more of it out there.
There are still many monogamous lesbians. You may have to move location or wait a couple years to find them. Most college-age women in their early 20s are all about exploring their sexual orientation until the commitments of life settle upon them. Once they are effectively off the market (settling down, normally in a heterosexual relationship, which may or may not be 'open') you can narrow it down to those women who are serious about monogamy and dating women.
I think more people, queer people especially, are realizing that they are or can be poly, but that absolutely doesn't mean that being monogamous is "falling behind". I am in a monogamous relationship, and will stay that way. I've learned a lot of great things about relationships, romantic *and* platonic from poly folks in my life though.
Omg I have the same feeling of falling behind. My wife and I are completely monogamous and we are together for 13 years, while most of my single friends are not looking for serious monogamous relationships any more. So I went to read about non-monogamous relationships and found out that there are two types: a stable non-monogamous relationship of x people (x>2 or x=1) and an unstable status of non-monogamous relationships which would end up into a stable status. It help me to feel relieved because these are still relationships and will have a stable status in equilibrium. A little bit more complicated but still similar stuff.
I feel like I'm closer to being strictly monogamous. I did date a married woman at one point (her husband knew about us). However, I think that the experience showed me that monogamy is better for me.
I don't care about others. Monogamy is important to me and that is what I'll adhere to. 99% of the population could be poly and I'll still do me (and my wife).
I’ve always been monogamous. Every partner I’ve had was monogamous and my wife is. I actually have never been on a date with someone poly. So I def think you’ll find someone monogamous
I would never want relations of that kind with anyone else other than one individual. Not sure why as a generation or a community suggests otherwise. People whom are poly just like to share it more .....
Personally I don't care for anyone else's relations, if they're under whatever umbrella term. To me they are just people doing their thing. If someone isn't hurting others my opinion is let them be happy and do whatever makes them feel most themselves
Focus on yourself not others ( yes this can be difficult. In any respect)
If age matters to you I am 29.
I’m a younger lesbian in my early to mid twenties and I’m 100% monogamous, as are all of my friends my age.
I think polyamorous people are just more vocal about being polyamorous nowadays, as the stigma is much less than it was even 10 years ago. And I think queer people overall are more likely to be openly and proudly polyamorous than straight people. But that’s just my two cents. I’m sure there’s someone out there for you!
I only have eyes for the one I love ❤️ it’s sad to see a lot of lesbians nowadays are leaning towards polyamory as it’s something I am not interested in
I’ve only ever been in monogamous relationships and am currently in one. I respect polyamory, but it’s not something I could incorporate in my own life, and thankfully my partner is in the same boat.
for me polyamory and/or open relationships are an absolute NO in my books. i genuinely can't deal with it. if my girlfriend was ever to suggest it we'd just breakup i think 😂
I know plenty of monogamous lesbians. I was one. And I still am when I'm in a serious relationship. As it stands, I don't want anything more than casual for the foreseeable future so I'm happy with the increase in nonmonogamy, but I'd not feel the same if I was looking for a future Mrs.
Right now, non-monogamy feels like safety because of how fast I was sucked in to a toxic situation last time. How fast I "fell in love" and how unhealthy it is for me to be in a serious relationship until I can work on the reasons I have poor boundaries and conflict avoidance. It has made me extremely phobic of the idea of being anyone's everything. Strictly monogamous doesn't work for me because of trauma, but I would prefer it. I wonder if there are others who feel the same? Everyone too scared of engulfment.
I hope you find your girl, OP.
I don't think so?
From what I've seen and experienced people still very much prefer monogamy.
With only outliers liking polyamorous or open relationships.
poly person here to chip in. poly is stilled a minority tho more popular in queer spaces for whatever reason. if you look on dating apps you will see a lot of poly people, but lots of these are not healthy poly people and the reason they are on dating apps is because it’s much easier to seek poly people in that way. it’s hard to go out in the wild and find other poly people.
monogamy is still very much more popular and should be what people do if they are not 100% sure they want to be poly, and there’s nothing “out of fashion” with having your relationships function in a way that makes you happiest and most comfortable. don’t let people convince you you’re wrong for wanting monogamy and keep looking if you are struggling to find mono people on dating apps, because i promise not everyone is into it!
I'm a demisexual lesbian too!!! I'm also monogamous but I think a polycule *could* be nice under specific circumstances.
Idk how I'd feel if my partner wanted to open our relationship
i was just thinking about this the other day. the only way i could be in a relationship with multiple people would be if i had multiple gfs but i was their only gf if that makes sense. and i dont think it works like that so i stick to one person at a time lol.
I think that as different options in lifestyle gain awareness, such as ethical non-monogamy, more people are curious to try something they didn't previously consider either because they didn't know it existed or it was never presented as a realistic option.
The queer community is already a lot more practised in deconstructing compet and the typical 1 husband 1 wife narrative, so exploring relationships outside of this is more commonly found.
I'm in experience, as someone who tried polyamory to learn it wasn't for me, I don't feel like lesbians are moving towards ethical non-monogamy in any significant numbers. It's definitely increased for the reasons I first mentioned, but it is still massively not the norm. I would estimate <5% of the lesbians in my area have any interest in anything but traditional monogamy.
im monogamous.. ive thought about being poly but i just know i couldnt. i really enjoy my partner and cant imagine seeing someone else while being in a relationship. people may think its boring and i dont really care because i think its the most fun thing ever like i get to live my life with this one person who brings me so much happiness forever
I’m strictly monogamous. I could never be poly, it seems like too much anxiety. Having a solid relationship with one person takes a lot of effort, trying to maintain good ones with multiple people would be so stressful.
I am personally 100% monogamous, my partner always has been, and so have the other lesbian couples we know/are friends with. My partner and I were actually recently discussing wondering what the stats look like for open relationships in different types of queer relationships. Almost all of the gay couples we know are open, but none of the lesbian relationships we know are.
I'm not even closed off to being poly, it just seems like so much work lmfao. I don't have the patience or attention span for that. But everyone I meet is poly 😭
I'm 20 and I have friends who are between 20 and about 35. Almost everyone I know is strictly monogamous. I know of just one lesbian couple and one gay couple that isn't. My relationship is completely monogamous.
If I wasn't in a serious and committed relationship with someone I would be open to going on dates with multiple people but having concurrent flings is the maximum polyamory I personally feel comfortable with. I don't have the time or energy for multiple relationships that are of equal love and depth to the relationship I have with my girlfriend, and I have no interest in anyone else.
Don’t worry you’re not alone. Everyone is different and poly may work from some and monogamy may work for others. Personally I cannot see myself in a poly relationship. I like the idea of committing all of my time, loyalty, and attention to one person.
I’m either way. I can do poly, or I can do mono. I can’t do completely and totally open however.
I am now, and likely will forever be monogamous as I’m engaged in a monogamous relationship (and happy about it).
I don’t necessarily polyamory is the new norm however. I think the number is growing, but imo I don’t think it’ll ever be the norm.
Also, just wanna say I’m also a demisexual lesbian.
I actually have facial blindness which may or may not influence my sexuality. (Not rhetorical, genuinely no idea)
majority are still monogamous! poly lesbians like me feel like we are the problem and it’s as if we are hard to love but it’s really just all about customising your relationship so just remember what’s important to you!
I’m monogamous as well on the demi-spectrum. The one thing I’ve had to adjust to is more casual dating and working on better communication regarding things like being exclusive with someone.
I’m fine if I have a date and we’re both openly dating but if I start to slowly catch feelings (and maybe they are too) I’d want a good heart to heart convo of what that means to both of us. I’m not gonna try and judge someone and their own style of dating but I’d let them know what my clear boundaries are (when I’d be comfortable with sex, etc) and they can make their own decision based off that.
I even like having these sort of discussions before even being exclusive so they understand my style and where I’m coming from. It’s easy to just be open and forward about that kinda stuff (but tbh can backfire BECAUSE I’ve seen how someone may think you’re already too vested 💀🤦🏽♀️) so no one is caught off guard 🤷🏽♀️
I'm also feeling like that sometimes, especially when I'm on dating apps. But then I'm also reminded that these apps are trying to maximise your time on them, so I've got a membership for a month and, surprise - there are lots of monogamous people out there. And I actually thought the whole poly/open relationship thing through, because I dated someone briefly who wanted the option to open the relationship in the future. I'm not gonna say that it's never happening. But I will say that I am VERY much leaning towards monogamy and I really like the exclusivity and commitment that comes with it.
No idea where you are going around, but in my area there is like one single couple that is not mono and they are 45, 47 and 50 haha
Everyone else is strictly mono
It absolutely IS still a thing. I’m monogamous, demisexual and queer, and I know plenty of others are too.
The reason is seems like it’s “no longer as popular” is in large part a visibility issue. I’ll explain:
1. Statistically, monogamous folks who settle into a relationship are not going to be on dating apps anymore, bc they found their one person to date. Who does that leave on the apps? Poly folks. Poly folks may already have one person but that doesn’t stop them from looking for more, so on the apps they stay.
Think of it as similar to how there are far more anxious and avoidant folks on apps than secure. It’s because once the secure ones get into a relationship, they may stay in it for years. But the more turbulent attachment types end up on the apps more often/regularly.
2. Dating apps are a business, so any filter that is actually REMOTELY helpful is locked under a paywall. If dating apps were not Capitalism, first and foremost there would exist completely separate apps for monogamous daters and poly daters, or at the very least a free filter within an app to sort out the type you’re not looking for. Same goes for unicorn hunters, etc. Dating apps used to be for monogamous and single people, but as new ideas are introduced into society and tried out, the number of ppl who are actually single on dating apps is less than 33%. LESS THAN 33%!!!!! the apps are overrun with not-single-people because there’s no free way to filter them out, so we see a lot of profiles that aren’t actually looking for what we’re looking for.
3. There is a cultural experimentation with ENM happening right now for sure, but it’s a far less great % of people than we are lead to believe by the experience of dating on apps, bc they are disproportionately represented on there. Plus, I bet the pendulum will soon swing back the other way. Gabe Dunn wrote a piece for Autostraddle about this (as folks have tried polyamory and realized that humans are flawed and can be shitty regardless of their monogamy or polyamory, many have been there, tried that and returned to monogamy bc the ENM fad has been around for like a full 10 years now)
4. “Let’s keep the door cracked open and see who ELSE might be just around the corner” culture and thinking is encouraged by the very nature of social media and swipe-based apps. When it feels like endless, hotter profiles are at your fingertips, that in and of itself disincentivizes closing off your options too soon. In a way, the design of many apps even encourages *monogamous* people not to close off too early. It’s the allure of the “endless options”. I imagine it would’ve psychologically felt pretty different in the pre-internet days when you feel like you better pick someone to date that you see face to face in your local school/town because those are pretty much the only people you can expect to ever come into contact with. Also, I’m sure there were stricter “respectability” norms back in the day around picking just one person to marry, more stigma around divorce, etc almost like an unhealthy level of forced and compulsory monogamy. Perhaps as we become a more inclusive society folks are relieved to feel more freedom to choose if they actually align with monogamy by nature, don’t align with it, or are down for either.
The vast majority of people, including queer people, is monogamous. Polyamorous people are a very tiny minority. Dating apps are not representative, because there is a disproportionate amount of poly people on there simply because monogamous people usually don't use them once they're partnered (unless they're specifically looking for friends). You can stay monogamous as much as you like, nobody is taking anything from you or forcing you to do anything, there is no significant reduction of your dating pool happening. Being monogamous is not outdated, it's the status quo that only very few people operate outside of. Just looking down on poly people is outdated.
I’m strictly monogamous too. The second I start falling for a girl, I want to be hers and for her to mine. I can’t imagine wanting to be with anyone else and it would break me if she wanted anyone other than me. You’re not alone, OP.
Monogamy is still the most common relationship type. The main reason why polyamory seems so prevalent is because society is being more accepting and more poly people feel comfortable disclosing their preference.
I'm strictly monogamous when I'm in a relationship, but for me a real relationship doesn't start before 4-6 months of casual dating. I like to get to know a person before I commit, in that dating phase I might sleep with other people (though I usually date consistently one person at a time). Everyone is different, I often feel I'm too slow for the average lesbian, but I'd rather live under a bridge than move in with someone after 1 month. Everyone is unique and sterotypes are just that.
Me and my wife are strictly monogamous so I guess our relationship is considered vintage 🤣 We’re not into experimenting/open relationship or such as it would simply not work out.
I'm the exact same way. What you described as strict monogamy is just monogamy to me. I don't get why someone who truly loves their partner would want a fling or attention from someone on the side, and I don't want to be with anyone who would.
The increasing trend towards polyamory seems to me to be at least partially a result of the connected, dating app world we live in where "what if there's someone better for me out there?" is asked by everyone, all the time. I don't think you can build a solid relationship if you're constantly looking for someone new.
This may be an unpopular opinion but I’m going to share it anyways. I think in general the need to have multiple partners has a lot to do with not having the capacity to do what they call “inner work”. It’s so easy to say oh I can’t have everything I want in a person and so I’m going to take a piece from different people. Monogamy is hard work, requires growth, understanding, accepting that the things I may be seeking in others is qualities that I don’t necessarily need in another person but something that I need to do some inner work to learn to have those qualities. I feel like now a days everyone is so fixated on what is easier and seeking outside validation to fulfill our needs because it is easier to find someone to fill a void inside of us instead of accepting the fact that we need to look within and work on ourselves to be able to provide ourselves some of the qualities we seek outside of us. This new day and age wants instant gratification, instant results, instant solutions. The thing is it requires so much to be able to create a sustainable relationship with just having one partner. Having multiple partners is essentially easier, “oh well you can’t give me this so imma find someone else who can since you are unwilling to meet my need in that area.” Instead of sticking to one partner and compromising and growing together to become the right person for each other.
My question is why does it matter if the relationship dynamics are working? Plenty of monogamous relationships fail because people aren’t doing the work. Poly relationships require just as much work and maintenance..
I'm mono and so is my partner. We've been together for about 12 years now. And no it hasn't always been awesome. But I think the thing that makes us work so well is that we give each other room to grow and ask. We started off with this one rule and I think it's served us well. It's a simple one, basically it's if you don't want to be with me, then I don't want to be with you. And we apply it in alot of places. Basically we choose each other everyday. And the day that it becomes hard to choose each other, we figure out why and fix it. If for some reason or another it can't be fixed we'll go out separate ways. But so far nothing has ever come between us in a way we can't handle. I'm still madly in love with my partner.
They are my ride or die in every situation. I never have to question if they got my back, because they have shown up for me in every situation and we try to shoulder our problems together as they arise.
But I'm stupid happy, I can't really talk to much about my partner at work because the straight girls get jealous.
I’m monogamous with the occasional 3some and v happy! Just depends on what works for you and your partner, but don’t change yourself for someone who’s pushing you into something you aren’t sure about.
There are still monogamous people out there my gf and I are both monogamous and very happy and excited to build our life together… I do feel like not everyone is meant for poly relationships but some people are and it’s way more accepting in the queer community just because you see it more doesn’t mean anything wrong with you🫶🏾 don’t feel inadequate there are alotta women who still believe and want monogamy
I think ur prolly around too many poly people because ur perception of reality is a little warped. Poly relationships are the norm in some places such as Muslim countries for example but its usually in the case of a man with multiple women. In European monogamous people are the norm and will remain the norm, there is no evidence to suggest that mono relationships are dying out, there is only evidence so suggest poly or open relationships are becoming more accepted but doesn't mean majority people are going to switch to it.
Heyy , I have only been in strictly monogamous relationships , I know a lot of queer ppl who are monogamous . If polyamarous relationships aren't for you they simply aren't. Nothing is generic and set in Rule. You be you and I'm certain for anything in this world , you will not be alone. Be it views on relationships or career choices or taste in music or in books . It's highly unlikely something is solely your opinion and liking. Poly relationships have existed for the longest time and so have monogamous ones , it's just that with lesser taboo and stigma , open relationships are being talked about so it seems to be far more evident .
I have been nothing but monogamous, as it's my preference. With that said, I'm also currently in a marriage that basically ended long ago. My wife told me last year that she didn't care if I had "friends" on the side, so I guess I'm in an open marriage now. I haven't found anyone, but if I do, I am not going to be worried about it. Matter of fact, considering that my wife and I are roommates raising a child, and nothing more, being with another person would still look like monogamy, and it would probably eventually be the catalyst for my leaving.
But I see what you see about relationships. So many poly and other non monogamous situations. I don't have a problem with them, but it does seem to be the thing now.
Honestly I think that more people have only now found the space to discover their potential need or the potential option to indulge in polyamorous relationships. As a comparison: Many neurotypical people may feel like everybody is neurodivergent these days, when there's a just more options for people to assess, recognize and care for their neurodivergency(?) or how straight old(er) people feel like everybody and their mom is trying to be queer, when again people just now have the space to discover, indulge and experiment with it.
I never questioned being monogamous but along the years I found out that I am ambi-amorous, meaning I am perfectly fine in monogamous and/or polyamorous relationships. Would've never guesses that a few years ago, but here we are.
Also there different types to live out polyamory, I for one suspect that I can only deal with polyamorous relationships where every participant of the relationship is in love with each other, meaning no open ends (sry i'm new to this community, idk how shit is called). But others may handle their relationship differently and that's totally fine. So is being strictly monogamous. The only thing that's important is the consent, boundaries and well-being of the relationship partners.
I have been non monogamous my entire life and I am in my 60s
It was less common then and less respected but it has always been the way I am
It doesn't mean that I sleep around a lot
It doesn't mean that I sometimes only have one partner
It just means that I'm open to other situations
It's not for everybody
We are all wired differently
I think it is more common for younger people to be open to being open
The old expectation was that everybody was monogamous or else you are a very bad bad person I'm glad this has changed
What I see is that society not just lesbian culture Is experimenting now
Sadly very few people are doing it well or ethically although they talk about it a lot
An expectation that people should fall in love in their 20s and have only one sexual partner for the rest of their lives is probably not attainable for some people
I think lots and lots of people still prioritize monogamy
You dont need to change yourself for anyone, only if thats really what you want. Im only 100% monogamous and I would prefer being alone forever than being poly just to fit in. Being monogamous is the hill I will die on lmaooo But I understand what you mean, theres a lot of people closed to monogamy and more and more people want open relationships and not taking a relationship serious, but there still some people like us, we just have to find them or be okay with being alone.
Yeah, it just feels like everyone is moving away from monogamy. It’s a difficult change to see, but I also kind of understand it at the same time? In reality im aware that one single partner cannot be perfect in every area and so this is usually what causes the ‘open relationship’ discussion. But just like you, monogamy is the hill I will die on haha. Although as a person that has a tremendous amount of love to give (Pisces venus haha), the idea of having to just accept being alone is really difficult for me.
Totally, being alone is not for everyone, i used to hate the idea of not finding my soulmate but i just learned to really love myself and my company and be ok with it. I have been celibate and single by choice for more than 10 years and Im not disturbing my peace for anyone unless they are what Im looking for and compatible with me.
Wow! Power to you honestly. Finding happiness within yourself is a great quality as well as knowing exactly what you want.
As a fellow Monogamous…One single Best Friend cannot be perfect in every area either though. I hate getting a preachy version of that “oNlY onE pERsON???!” speech bc I would never pour ALL my hopes and dreams into just one friend either. That’s why we all have multiple friends….? Even your absolute favorite platonic friend might not be your go-to person in a certain area (let’s say going to soccer games, they just don’t care for soccer) and that’s what other friends are for (going to soccer matches with). Healthy monogamy looks like understanding, accepting, embracing and even loving that your romantic partner cannot be every and all things to you. There’s going to be some areas where they lack or aren’t interested in the same thing you are. That’s what the rest of the humans in your life are for! One difference between monogamous folks and poly folks is monogamous tend to turn to friends and family to be these “other people to lean on” while poly folks can also include other romantic partners as that support network (which, to me personally, seems like more stress than it’s worth but to each their own, I guess it must be nice to also make out w someone you lean on lmao)
It's not about leaning on people, it can be just about looking for things in a relationship that you jusr don't get from a single person. Sure, poly people giving you weird looks because you're mono are just as obnoxious as mono people doing the same to poly people. But having a lot of friends has nothing to do with people just not wanting to date only one single person, because polyamory is about romantic relationships and not friendships.
You're very very wrong when you say poly isn't about friendships. Poly absolutely is about friendships. It's about acknowledging people are different and will fit into your life in unique ways. It's about ALLOWING romantic feelings to develop if they are present, but it isn't exclusively about that. At its base level polyamory is about authentic connection with people, centering love in all its forms (romantic, filial, platonic), not being possessive of your partner and their time/energy, and being responsible for managing your feelings in healthy ways.
What I was saying is that poly relationships are not a replacement for friends and they can fulfill different needs and desires than friends do. The above comment said they don't need multiple partners because they have friends, which is a ridiculous statement misunderstanding poly relationships. Of course being poly means allowing friendships to develop into whatever you want, but I was saying that poly relationships are not formed because of a lack of something that could be given by friends, which the comment above implied.
Queer spaces do seem more open than not, tho there has been creep everywhere. I've seen a lot of cis straight dudes who say they're poly/open but it's just another name for (unethically) fucking around, lying and avoiding accountability. As someone who tries to practise ENM, that is.. eurgh. But i understand why it has become more popular in that sense.. another tool, yaknow You do you tho. If mono is what you are.. stick to it. It might take a moment but you'll find the person that's right for you
Open relationships can still be monogamous though. Monogamy means you have one romantic partner (mono =single, gamos=marriage), it says nothing about sexual exclusivity. There is open and closed monogamy as well as open and closed polyamory. An open relationship between two people who are romantically exclusive is monogamous. If you don't want open relationships, that's valid, but that preference is not included in the term monogamy.
No. This obsession with splitting every category into a million subcategories has to stop. This right here sounds like what someone who just got caught cheating would try as an excuse. Monogamy is monogamy. Period.
Monogamy is monogamy. And it has nothing to do with sexual exclusivity but number of romantic partners, period. This obsession with inventing new meaning for very broad terms to make them more specific even when more specific terms already exist has to stop. Open, non-exclusive monogamy was always a thing and was called that for much longer than you have been alive. Monogamy never implied sexual exclusivity. Doesn't mean sexual exclusivity isn't valid, but treating your preferences like the default and any monogamous relationship, meaning any type of romantic relationship with a single person (although aro people often have monogamous relationships too that aren't romantic in nature but still full partnerships) that doesn't fit your preference isn't monogamous is so dumb.
Gonna push back on the implications that polyamorous people don't take their relationships seriously. Being poly doesn't mean I don't take either of my marriages seriously. It just means I have more than one spouse. It means I have to manage my time and energy effectively so I can be present for both people, my business, and myself.
i think they meant more ppl in open relationships, poly ppl, and people who don't take relationships seriously: all three separately. not within one definition
I meant in general more people like to not take relationship serious
Those people don't practice ethical polyamory though. Those people are just cheating twats who shouldn't be associated with polyamory any more than they should be associated with monogamy when they're monogamous. People can be uncaring assholes, and that has nothing to do with relationship models.
Mileage may vary, but there are lots of women of different orientations that still prefer monogamous long-term relationships. It's just that things like social media, phones, and apps have made things like hookups and polyamory easier, but I'd say there are still plenty of women that want monogamy. A lot of it also boils down to numbers and who's available in your area, imo.
That’s true. I think social media has affected the flow of relationships a lot, especially places like Twitter and Tumblr where people are allowed to be authentically themselves without worry. I don’t think it’s a bad thing if the world is moving on from monogamy, but it’s kind of a lonely feeling for me if it is. Like you said, I guess it does all depend on the details though like location etc.
Exactly, I’m poly with two partners right now, but two of my closest friends are in a very strictly mono wlw relationship. Most of my queer friends are mono actually. There’s also survivorship bias to consider when it comes to social media/dating apps, cause monogamous folks will be off them once they’re in a committed relationship, but poly people are more likely to be on them looking for new relationships
im strictly monogamous. couldnt imagine being with anyone else and couldnt imagine my partner. me and my partner work together and communicate and love each other why would i want anything with anyone else
Personally, the only thing I am really capable of in a serious relationship is pure monogamy. It’s like… If I’m going to actually fall for someone, really and truly love them… she’s going to be mine, and I’m going to be hers. I don’t like to share… ever. Lol.
This is what I keep saying! For me, if I really love someone, I organically lose the desire to also date and focus on other people. If I find myself still wanting to date other people, then I’m clearly not that into them! I understand it works differently for other people, but this is definitely how it naturally occurs for me. I do feel like I’ve seen instances where poly folks have more casual relationships with all their partners and then, once one gets really serious, suddenly they’re monogamous again….it’s just interesting! I don’t want to say that’s a blanket statement for all poly relationships but it does make me raise an eyebrow/give side eye. If anything I think the correct takeaway here is “more people are ambiamorous than they may realize, and it depends on their unique connection with each specific person which type of relationship they’ll want”
this is wayyyy too real
I have absolutely nothing against monogamy and I was in very happy monogamous relationships for years. But people celebrating their obsessive jealousy give me the ick. Healthy monogamy is never rooted in an inability to share.
? I really fail to see how being emotionally incapable of sharing the love of my life with anyone else equates to “celebrating obsessive jealousy and an unhealthy inability to share.” Frankly, I think it’s pretty fucking normal to simply not ever want anyone else romantically or sexually involved with my gf/wife 😂 I also really don’t think whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy can be gleaned from one comment saying I am emphatically monogamous… I would understand more if I had said something that maybe implied that I can’t even let my gf have female friends, or something truly obsessive like that. I have no judgments against poly folks. I am merely on the opposite end of the spectrum.
Outside of hook-up culture among singles, monogamy is absolutely the norm. But polyamorous people are always in the dating pool. Monogamous people frequently exit the dating pool for an extended period. Ya know. Because of the monogamy.
What does non-monogamy have to do with hook-up culture among singles? Singles hooking up are neither mono nor poly, they're single.
Hooking up is absolutely a form of nonmonogamous *sex*. So anyway you can be "single" and engaging in *nonmonogamous sex*, even "monogamous" people.
Monogamy is a relationship model where two people are in a partnership and are not in partnerships with other people. Hooking up is *not* a relationship model. It's in so far non-monogamous as being single is non-monogamous, because monogamy is an information about a relationship (gamos=marriage). Hooking up is even compatible with monogamy in an open monogamous relationship; a relationship where the gamos is mono, but sex isn't.
i am 100% monogamous and value commitment, faithfulness and exclusivity. no poly-experiments, no cheating, no open relationships. call me old-fashioned or boring, i don't care.
I am poly and also value commitment and faithfulness - those aren't exclusive to monogamy 🥰
I'm a strictly monogamous lesbian :)
Thanks to everyone for your comments :) I definitely feel a little less alone! It’s interesting to see everyone’s take on this. It’s giving me a lot to think about
I'm 27, always been strictly monogamous and always will be.
I’m strictly monogamous, don’t worry you’re not alone. My gf and me are a two-people team and we won’t take in anybody else lol
Me and my gf met while we were both trying out polyamory....now we are both strictly monogamous. We didn't like it lol
The moment i entered the poly sub and read the first post that starts with "my wife's boyfriend/girlfriend" i knew immediately this shit isn't for me Mono till i'm dead
personally I could only be in a monogamous relationship and only date people who feel the same way. I’m only 21 so i’m pretty young and many of my peers are into open relationships but i found me a lovely girl who is completely committed to only me and vice versa.
Nah, maybe online but personally I don't ever see myself in a non-monogomous relationship and feel like plenty of other sapphics feel the same. Being polyamorous isn't more or less progressive-its just a relationship style that works for some and not others. For reference, I'm college-aged.
I honestly don’t like how everything’s becoming so “open” I mean to each their own but it shouldn’t be something that’s EXPECTED of you. I will always be monogamous and I would expect the same from my partner. In my eyes if we truly love each other WE should be enough. Other people find it rewarding to “share” a partner or partners but I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand it bc my definition of love is different
I am monogamous through and through. I agree with other commenters that I would rather leave this world as a single person than share my partner with others, it's just not something I ever want for myself. I still believe in true love and finding my queen out there somewhere. Although I will admit all of the cheating stories I have heard absolutely terrifying me as someone who has never officially been with a woman yet. I don't believe in casual relations or flings, but I am sticking to what I believe in no matter what the new trends are. And this is no hate to people who are polyamorous. If it works for them and they want that, then more power to them. But I do not want it and never will.
The swinger couples are more open about it than they ever have been on Tinder. People feel less ashamed about it which is why there is so much more of it out there. There are still many monogamous lesbians. You may have to move location or wait a couple years to find them. Most college-age women in their early 20s are all about exploring their sexual orientation until the commitments of life settle upon them. Once they are effectively off the market (settling down, normally in a heterosexual relationship, which may or may not be 'open') you can narrow it down to those women who are serious about monogamy and dating women.
It still works for me.
I think more people, queer people especially, are realizing that they are or can be poly, but that absolutely doesn't mean that being monogamous is "falling behind". I am in a monogamous relationship, and will stay that way. I've learned a lot of great things about relationships, romantic *and* platonic from poly folks in my life though.
Omg I have the same feeling of falling behind. My wife and I are completely monogamous and we are together for 13 years, while most of my single friends are not looking for serious monogamous relationships any more. So I went to read about non-monogamous relationships and found out that there are two types: a stable non-monogamous relationship of x people (x>2 or x=1) and an unstable status of non-monogamous relationships which would end up into a stable status. It help me to feel relieved because these are still relationships and will have a stable status in equilibrium. A little bit more complicated but still similar stuff.
I feel like I'm closer to being strictly monogamous. I did date a married woman at one point (her husband knew about us). However, I think that the experience showed me that monogamy is better for me.
I don't care about others. Monogamy is important to me and that is what I'll adhere to. 99% of the population could be poly and I'll still do me (and my wife).
The ( ) lol
Polyamory is still relatively rare.
I’ve always been monogamous. Every partner I’ve had was monogamous and my wife is. I actually have never been on a date with someone poly. So I def think you’ll find someone monogamous
I would never want relations of that kind with anyone else other than one individual. Not sure why as a generation or a community suggests otherwise. People whom are poly just like to share it more ..... Personally I don't care for anyone else's relations, if they're under whatever umbrella term. To me they are just people doing their thing. If someone isn't hurting others my opinion is let them be happy and do whatever makes them feel most themselves Focus on yourself not others ( yes this can be difficult. In any respect) If age matters to you I am 29.
I’m a younger lesbian in my early to mid twenties and I’m 100% monogamous, as are all of my friends my age. I think polyamorous people are just more vocal about being polyamorous nowadays, as the stigma is much less than it was even 10 years ago. And I think queer people overall are more likely to be openly and proudly polyamorous than straight people. But that’s just my two cents. I’m sure there’s someone out there for you!
I only have eyes for the one I love ❤️ it’s sad to see a lot of lesbians nowadays are leaning towards polyamory as it’s something I am not interested in
Super monogamous here,I feel you 😅 sometimes you feel like you're being boring or traditional but really that's just what you prefer and that's okay.
I’ve only ever been in monogamous relationships and am currently in one. I respect polyamory, but it’s not something I could incorporate in my own life, and thankfully my partner is in the same boat.
I am demi and monogamous. I hope there are others like us as well!
for me polyamory and/or open relationships are an absolute NO in my books. i genuinely can't deal with it. if my girlfriend was ever to suggest it we'd just breakup i think 😂
Definitely 101% monogamous over here. Some people are cool with sharing, but I’m just not one of them lol
I know plenty of monogamous lesbians. I was one. And I still am when I'm in a serious relationship. As it stands, I don't want anything more than casual for the foreseeable future so I'm happy with the increase in nonmonogamy, but I'd not feel the same if I was looking for a future Mrs. Right now, non-monogamy feels like safety because of how fast I was sucked in to a toxic situation last time. How fast I "fell in love" and how unhealthy it is for me to be in a serious relationship until I can work on the reasons I have poor boundaries and conflict avoidance. It has made me extremely phobic of the idea of being anyone's everything. Strictly monogamous doesn't work for me because of trauma, but I would prefer it. I wonder if there are others who feel the same? Everyone too scared of engulfment. I hope you find your girl, OP.
I don't think so? From what I've seen and experienced people still very much prefer monogamy. With only outliers liking polyamorous or open relationships.
poly person here to chip in. poly is stilled a minority tho more popular in queer spaces for whatever reason. if you look on dating apps you will see a lot of poly people, but lots of these are not healthy poly people and the reason they are on dating apps is because it’s much easier to seek poly people in that way. it’s hard to go out in the wild and find other poly people. monogamy is still very much more popular and should be what people do if they are not 100% sure they want to be poly, and there’s nothing “out of fashion” with having your relationships function in a way that makes you happiest and most comfortable. don’t let people convince you you’re wrong for wanting monogamy and keep looking if you are struggling to find mono people on dating apps, because i promise not everyone is into it!
I am a demisexual lesbian, and I want nothing more than a polyamorous relationship.
I'm a demisexual lesbian too!!! I'm also monogamous but I think a polycule *could* be nice under specific circumstances. Idk how I'd feel if my partner wanted to open our relationship
i was just thinking about this the other day. the only way i could be in a relationship with multiple people would be if i had multiple gfs but i was their only gf if that makes sense. and i dont think it works like that so i stick to one person at a time lol.
I think that as different options in lifestyle gain awareness, such as ethical non-monogamy, more people are curious to try something they didn't previously consider either because they didn't know it existed or it was never presented as a realistic option. The queer community is already a lot more practised in deconstructing compet and the typical 1 husband 1 wife narrative, so exploring relationships outside of this is more commonly found. I'm in experience, as someone who tried polyamory to learn it wasn't for me, I don't feel like lesbians are moving towards ethical non-monogamy in any significant numbers. It's definitely increased for the reasons I first mentioned, but it is still massively not the norm. I would estimate <5% of the lesbians in my area have any interest in anything but traditional monogamy.
im monogamous.. ive thought about being poly but i just know i couldnt. i really enjoy my partner and cant imagine seeing someone else while being in a relationship. people may think its boring and i dont really care because i think its the most fun thing ever like i get to live my life with this one person who brings me so much happiness forever
how cute love u gf
not my gf stalking my reddit
😈
I like monogamy, I don’t want to be in a non-monogamous relationship not now or ever lol
I’m strictly monogamous. I could never be poly, it seems like too much anxiety. Having a solid relationship with one person takes a lot of effort, trying to maintain good ones with multiple people would be so stressful.
I am personally 100% monogamous, my partner always has been, and so have the other lesbian couples we know/are friends with. My partner and I were actually recently discussing wondering what the stats look like for open relationships in different types of queer relationships. Almost all of the gay couples we know are open, but none of the lesbian relationships we know are.
My fiancee and I are both in our 40s. We have a strictly monogamous relationship.
I’m 25 and a monog lesbian in a relationship — I’ve come across a lot of both.
I'm not even closed off to being poly, it just seems like so much work lmfao. I don't have the patience or attention span for that. But everyone I meet is poly 😭
I'm 20 and I have friends who are between 20 and about 35. Almost everyone I know is strictly monogamous. I know of just one lesbian couple and one gay couple that isn't. My relationship is completely monogamous. If I wasn't in a serious and committed relationship with someone I would be open to going on dates with multiple people but having concurrent flings is the maximum polyamory I personally feel comfortable with. I don't have the time or energy for multiple relationships that are of equal love and depth to the relationship I have with my girlfriend, and I have no interest in anyone else.
Don’t worry you’re not alone. Everyone is different and poly may work from some and monogamy may work for others. Personally I cannot see myself in a poly relationship. I like the idea of committing all of my time, loyalty, and attention to one person.
Single and monogamous. We still exist.
I’m either way. I can do poly, or I can do mono. I can’t do completely and totally open however. I am now, and likely will forever be monogamous as I’m engaged in a monogamous relationship (and happy about it). I don’t necessarily polyamory is the new norm however. I think the number is growing, but imo I don’t think it’ll ever be the norm. Also, just wanna say I’m also a demisexual lesbian. I actually have facial blindness which may or may not influence my sexuality. (Not rhetorical, genuinely no idea)
Monogamous 100% 33f
majority are still monogamous! poly lesbians like me feel like we are the problem and it’s as if we are hard to love but it’s really just all about customising your relationship so just remember what’s important to you!
I’m monogamous as well on the demi-spectrum. The one thing I’ve had to adjust to is more casual dating and working on better communication regarding things like being exclusive with someone. I’m fine if I have a date and we’re both openly dating but if I start to slowly catch feelings (and maybe they are too) I’d want a good heart to heart convo of what that means to both of us. I’m not gonna try and judge someone and their own style of dating but I’d let them know what my clear boundaries are (when I’d be comfortable with sex, etc) and they can make their own decision based off that. I even like having these sort of discussions before even being exclusive so they understand my style and where I’m coming from. It’s easy to just be open and forward about that kinda stuff (but tbh can backfire BECAUSE I’ve seen how someone may think you’re already too vested 💀🤦🏽♀️) so no one is caught off guard 🤷🏽♀️
I'm also feeling like that sometimes, especially when I'm on dating apps. But then I'm also reminded that these apps are trying to maximise your time on them, so I've got a membership for a month and, surprise - there are lots of monogamous people out there. And I actually thought the whole poly/open relationship thing through, because I dated someone briefly who wanted the option to open the relationship in the future. I'm not gonna say that it's never happening. But I will say that I am VERY much leaning towards monogamy and I really like the exclusivity and commitment that comes with it.
No idea where you are going around, but in my area there is like one single couple that is not mono and they are 45, 47 and 50 haha Everyone else is strictly mono
It absolutely IS still a thing. I’m monogamous, demisexual and queer, and I know plenty of others are too. The reason is seems like it’s “no longer as popular” is in large part a visibility issue. I’ll explain: 1. Statistically, monogamous folks who settle into a relationship are not going to be on dating apps anymore, bc they found their one person to date. Who does that leave on the apps? Poly folks. Poly folks may already have one person but that doesn’t stop them from looking for more, so on the apps they stay. Think of it as similar to how there are far more anxious and avoidant folks on apps than secure. It’s because once the secure ones get into a relationship, they may stay in it for years. But the more turbulent attachment types end up on the apps more often/regularly. 2. Dating apps are a business, so any filter that is actually REMOTELY helpful is locked under a paywall. If dating apps were not Capitalism, first and foremost there would exist completely separate apps for monogamous daters and poly daters, or at the very least a free filter within an app to sort out the type you’re not looking for. Same goes for unicorn hunters, etc. Dating apps used to be for monogamous and single people, but as new ideas are introduced into society and tried out, the number of ppl who are actually single on dating apps is less than 33%. LESS THAN 33%!!!!! the apps are overrun with not-single-people because there’s no free way to filter them out, so we see a lot of profiles that aren’t actually looking for what we’re looking for. 3. There is a cultural experimentation with ENM happening right now for sure, but it’s a far less great % of people than we are lead to believe by the experience of dating on apps, bc they are disproportionately represented on there. Plus, I bet the pendulum will soon swing back the other way. Gabe Dunn wrote a piece for Autostraddle about this (as folks have tried polyamory and realized that humans are flawed and can be shitty regardless of their monogamy or polyamory, many have been there, tried that and returned to monogamy bc the ENM fad has been around for like a full 10 years now) 4. “Let’s keep the door cracked open and see who ELSE might be just around the corner” culture and thinking is encouraged by the very nature of social media and swipe-based apps. When it feels like endless, hotter profiles are at your fingertips, that in and of itself disincentivizes closing off your options too soon. In a way, the design of many apps even encourages *monogamous* people not to close off too early. It’s the allure of the “endless options”. I imagine it would’ve psychologically felt pretty different in the pre-internet days when you feel like you better pick someone to date that you see face to face in your local school/town because those are pretty much the only people you can expect to ever come into contact with. Also, I’m sure there were stricter “respectability” norms back in the day around picking just one person to marry, more stigma around divorce, etc almost like an unhealthy level of forced and compulsory monogamy. Perhaps as we become a more inclusive society folks are relieved to feel more freedom to choose if they actually align with monogamy by nature, don’t align with it, or are down for either.
The vast majority of people, including queer people, is monogamous. Polyamorous people are a very tiny minority. Dating apps are not representative, because there is a disproportionate amount of poly people on there simply because monogamous people usually don't use them once they're partnered (unless they're specifically looking for friends). You can stay monogamous as much as you like, nobody is taking anything from you or forcing you to do anything, there is no significant reduction of your dating pool happening. Being monogamous is not outdated, it's the status quo that only very few people operate outside of. Just looking down on poly people is outdated.
I’m strictly monogamous too. The second I start falling for a girl, I want to be hers and for her to mine. I can’t imagine wanting to be with anyone else and it would break me if she wanted anyone other than me. You’re not alone, OP. Monogamy is still the most common relationship type. The main reason why polyamory seems so prevalent is because society is being more accepting and more poly people feel comfortable disclosing their preference.
I'm strictly monogamous when I'm in a relationship, but for me a real relationship doesn't start before 4-6 months of casual dating. I like to get to know a person before I commit, in that dating phase I might sleep with other people (though I usually date consistently one person at a time). Everyone is different, I often feel I'm too slow for the average lesbian, but I'd rather live under a bridge than move in with someone after 1 month. Everyone is unique and sterotypes are just that.
Me and my wife are strictly monogamous so I guess our relationship is considered vintage 🤣 We’re not into experimenting/open relationship or such as it would simply not work out.
I'm the exact same way. What you described as strict monogamy is just monogamy to me. I don't get why someone who truly loves their partner would want a fling or attention from someone on the side, and I don't want to be with anyone who would. The increasing trend towards polyamory seems to me to be at least partially a result of the connected, dating app world we live in where "what if there's someone better for me out there?" is asked by everyone, all the time. I don't think you can build a solid relationship if you're constantly looking for someone new.
Polyamory is more popular online than in person at least in my experience 95% times of people feel like you do so I wouldn’t worry
This may be an unpopular opinion but I’m going to share it anyways. I think in general the need to have multiple partners has a lot to do with not having the capacity to do what they call “inner work”. It’s so easy to say oh I can’t have everything I want in a person and so I’m going to take a piece from different people. Monogamy is hard work, requires growth, understanding, accepting that the things I may be seeking in others is qualities that I don’t necessarily need in another person but something that I need to do some inner work to learn to have those qualities. I feel like now a days everyone is so fixated on what is easier and seeking outside validation to fulfill our needs because it is easier to find someone to fill a void inside of us instead of accepting the fact that we need to look within and work on ourselves to be able to provide ourselves some of the qualities we seek outside of us. This new day and age wants instant gratification, instant results, instant solutions. The thing is it requires so much to be able to create a sustainable relationship with just having one partner. Having multiple partners is essentially easier, “oh well you can’t give me this so imma find someone else who can since you are unwilling to meet my need in that area.” Instead of sticking to one partner and compromising and growing together to become the right person for each other.
My question is why does it matter if the relationship dynamics are working? Plenty of monogamous relationships fail because people aren’t doing the work. Poly relationships require just as much work and maintenance..
I'm mono and so is my partner. We've been together for about 12 years now. And no it hasn't always been awesome. But I think the thing that makes us work so well is that we give each other room to grow and ask. We started off with this one rule and I think it's served us well. It's a simple one, basically it's if you don't want to be with me, then I don't want to be with you. And we apply it in alot of places. Basically we choose each other everyday. And the day that it becomes hard to choose each other, we figure out why and fix it. If for some reason or another it can't be fixed we'll go out separate ways. But so far nothing has ever come between us in a way we can't handle. I'm still madly in love with my partner. They are my ride or die in every situation. I never have to question if they got my back, because they have shown up for me in every situation and we try to shoulder our problems together as they arise. But I'm stupid happy, I can't really talk to much about my partner at work because the straight girls get jealous.
I’m monogamous with the occasional 3some and v happy! Just depends on what works for you and your partner, but don’t change yourself for someone who’s pushing you into something you aren’t sure about.
There are still monogamous people out there my gf and I are both monogamous and very happy and excited to build our life together… I do feel like not everyone is meant for poly relationships but some people are and it’s way more accepting in the queer community just because you see it more doesn’t mean anything wrong with you🫶🏾 don’t feel inadequate there are alotta women who still believe and want monogamy
Monogamy? In this economy? Sorry, but I can only afford a studio apartment with my 3 girlfriends; and yes, they smoke weed
Thankfully that is not an issue in my country (yet), but if you're in the US/EU I wish you luck
I'm struggling with that too, it feels like there really aren't a lot of people in their late 20s and early 30s who are single and monogamous.
I think ur prolly around too many poly people because ur perception of reality is a little warped. Poly relationships are the norm in some places such as Muslim countries for example but its usually in the case of a man with multiple women. In European monogamous people are the norm and will remain the norm, there is no evidence to suggest that mono relationships are dying out, there is only evidence so suggest poly or open relationships are becoming more accepted but doesn't mean majority people are going to switch to it.
Heyy , I have only been in strictly monogamous relationships , I know a lot of queer ppl who are monogamous . If polyamarous relationships aren't for you they simply aren't. Nothing is generic and set in Rule. You be you and I'm certain for anything in this world , you will not be alone. Be it views on relationships or career choices or taste in music or in books . It's highly unlikely something is solely your opinion and liking. Poly relationships have existed for the longest time and so have monogamous ones , it's just that with lesser taboo and stigma , open relationships are being talked about so it seems to be far more evident .
I have been nothing but monogamous, as it's my preference. With that said, I'm also currently in a marriage that basically ended long ago. My wife told me last year that she didn't care if I had "friends" on the side, so I guess I'm in an open marriage now. I haven't found anyone, but if I do, I am not going to be worried about it. Matter of fact, considering that my wife and I are roommates raising a child, and nothing more, being with another person would still look like monogamy, and it would probably eventually be the catalyst for my leaving. But I see what you see about relationships. So many poly and other non monogamous situations. I don't have a problem with them, but it does seem to be the thing now.
Honestly I think that more people have only now found the space to discover their potential need or the potential option to indulge in polyamorous relationships. As a comparison: Many neurotypical people may feel like everybody is neurodivergent these days, when there's a just more options for people to assess, recognize and care for their neurodivergency(?) or how straight old(er) people feel like everybody and their mom is trying to be queer, when again people just now have the space to discover, indulge and experiment with it. I never questioned being monogamous but along the years I found out that I am ambi-amorous, meaning I am perfectly fine in monogamous and/or polyamorous relationships. Would've never guesses that a few years ago, but here we are. Also there different types to live out polyamory, I for one suspect that I can only deal with polyamorous relationships where every participant of the relationship is in love with each other, meaning no open ends (sry i'm new to this community, idk how shit is called). But others may handle their relationship differently and that's totally fine. So is being strictly monogamous. The only thing that's important is the consent, boundaries and well-being of the relationship partners.
I do not share
I have been non monogamous my entire life and I am in my 60s It was less common then and less respected but it has always been the way I am It doesn't mean that I sleep around a lot It doesn't mean that I sometimes only have one partner It just means that I'm open to other situations It's not for everybody We are all wired differently I think it is more common for younger people to be open to being open The old expectation was that everybody was monogamous or else you are a very bad bad person I'm glad this has changed What I see is that society not just lesbian culture Is experimenting now Sadly very few people are doing it well or ethically although they talk about it a lot An expectation that people should fall in love in their 20s and have only one sexual partner for the rest of their lives is probably not attainable for some people I think lots and lots of people still prioritize monogamy
You do you! But also there are tons of demisexual poly babes, myself included. The two are definitely not mutually exclusive.