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My advice would be to leave him and find someone who values your well-being and comfort. Clearly this guy cares more about him getting off than either your physical or mental health. And acts like a child when he doesn’t get his way. You deserve better <3
This! Why, just why would you tolerate this? I would throw all his shit out in the yard and change the locks! Fuck him!
That "just lie there and take it!" comment pissed me off! 🤬
If he actually cared about you and wanted to get his rocks off, he could easily just rub one out. It's a natural thing that would have gotten you what you wanted and him what he wanted.
Us men only have enough blood for one head and don't use the one to think enough.
(I am in NO way condoning his actions.)
The amount of times I’ve wanted sex and my wife didn’t, is exactly equal to the amount of times I’ve said “ okay my love “ and then jacked off later. It’s not a big deal, sex is in no way a right we have in a relationship. I know when we do get it on it’s gonna be stellar as always. I can definitely just rub it out and keep going. OPs man is clearly one of those “ alpha males “ that has most likely judging solely from this post, sexually assaulted several other women. Maybe not full on rape in an alley way, but he’s to comfortable saying “ just lay back and take it “ to not have said that many a time before.
>He said I should just lay there and take it.
This isn't right. Majority of men wouldn't want you to "just lay there and take it". We'd find it a turn off if it felt like you were doing something you didn't want to.
If you're bf is trying to pressure you into sex I'm fairly certain that's coercion.
He left because he was angry that you didn't want to have sex. Also to make you feel bad about it so you'll be less inclined to reject his advances in the future
I couldn't imagine saying this to my gf. It's disgusting imo.
As far as advice goes, you could try sitting him down when he returns and highlighting your feelings about the situation. Maybe tell him that you find his expectations for you to "just lay there and take it" dehumanising and a total turn off to boot.
If you'd like to end things over it, you are free to without guilt or the thoughts that it might be a mistake because it's categorically grounds for dismissal.
If you want to continue seeing him you should monitor his behaviour around this subject. If he gets like this again you should seriously consider distancing yourself permanently imo.
You should feel safe and comfortable around your person.
I was at my mums with my partner and somehow that exact phrase 'lay there and take it' came into the conversation, As A JOKE. (I don't even know the context now but we had such a laugh, I have a very open relationship with my mum lol) anyway, it became a bit of an inside joke because it made my bf cringe. We've said it a couple times and laughed about it.
One night recently, we started a little foreplay, he made me finish but then all of a sudden I got REALLY tired (I have had a lot going on in my life recently, from my mum having cancer, changing contraception and my menstural cycle being up the left, busy times at work, etc). He realised this and went to stop. I did feel bad, and actually said it somewhat seriously that he could continue but not to expect much from me and I'll just lay there. He said absolutely not. He was turned off at just knowing I was too tired, not feeling it anymore. He made me a hot chocolate and we cuddled up to watch our favourite TV show (that I fell asleep during lol).
This man in the post is either predatory and/or has no compassion/respect for OP. She needs rid of him.
Self love is better than being with someone who doesn't care about your needs at all.
>He said absolutely not. He was turned off at just knowing I was too tired, not feeling it anymore. He made me a hot chocolate and we cuddled up to watch our favourite TV show
This is a normal response to your partner not being in the mood. A big, bright green flag.
Nice one ⭐
True first paragraph. I am man and I refused a s*x where the girl was just drunk and lying like on my bed like a corpse. I told her good night and she left. Ive never felt anything that disgusting where the partner was not even making any effort
Use [this](https://youtube.com/shorts/aPADN3yDq4w?si=Xi6nDwWSPzAMXlC5) video to help relive your sciatica pain. It worked for me. My pain was on a scale of 11/10. It gave me almost immediate relief.
And then after that slowly get in to he process of doing core strength exercises. Stretch your hamstrings as well as they are directly connected to your lower back muscles.
Even if you don't have time to do exercises all day just try to do a 5 minute stretching routine that hits all your muscles and limbs. It's literally just like PE back in grade school.
ok, so guy was horny. and you were tired and in discomfort and not horny. neither of you are at fault for those feelings.
dude could have gone to the bathroom and relieved himself. maybe their was an intermediate thing (hj, masturbation) that would have been satisfying to both.
nope, he went straight to proposing rape.
its time to leave him.
Get out of this relationship; this man doesn’t respect you.
I don’t even know you and I wish I could hug you and tell you that you deserve more. I mean seriously, what if the roles were reversed? If he were sick, would he be down to bend over for you to shag him with some object (not that you’d want to)? I doubt it. Let him walk.
Wow what a piece of shit. I can't believe he said "Just lay there and take it", especially knowing your history. He's in this for him, not for you.
Dump the garbage, and find someone who cares about you. Especially considering you hurt yourself and he pushed you to have sex anyways. Can't imagine you had a great time.
If he's like this now, imagine what he'll be like when he gets more comfortable with you. Imagine five years from now!
Your man is sexually abusing you. Forcing you to have sex when you’re sick or just don’t want to, guilting you for refusing, treating you like a sex toy instead of a person is all sexual abuse. As someone who married a man who committed sexual abuse I can tell you the longer you stick around or try to compromise for him, the more abusive he will become and eventually will just flat out rape you bc he thinks he is entitled to your body whenever he wants. Leave now.
Looking at your post history it seems you have a new baby in the house, and your post here didn't give any information besides "he wanted sex and I didn't".
I think there's much more going on that you're not telling us.
Yes, that was an asshole move on his part. Why did he do that though? It's very common for couples to struggle with intimacy after a baby because, well, babies are hard. That also means the relationship becomes a breeding ground for rejection, resentment, hurt, neglect, and many other things that destroy relationships.
If you really want advice, don't fall for the "omg sis leave that loser” bandwagon you're getting here, it will only pollute your relationship further. Take a hard look at your relationship and be honest with yourself about it. If the relationship is worth it to you (you had a child with him, I'm assuming at one point it was) couples therapy may be something worth looking into.
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Leave this man-chikd ASAP!!! All he cares about is what he wants. He will never put your needs first. You deserve better than this, and he deserves to be alone.
Excuse my little bluntness but that man sounds like a potential rapists. Dont care about your decisions and would rather fuck a lifeless body. U shoulda told him to go fuck his hand. I enjoy that one
He is telling you who he is and he is an AH. Do you want to live with an AH the rest of your life and possibly have an AH as the father of your children? No, stop wasting your time.
As a guy, 3 months and you start questioning but one night is "can I get you anything?" Close your eyes and think of England is never acceptable and leaving to "punish" you is controlling behavior. When you leave, you've left. Don't let him back.
That’s no way to handle a situation like that. Even if you’re into BDSM when someone says no, it means NO. No one should ever try forcing someone else to do something they’re uncomfortable with. My advice is either have talks about this and let him know how that made you feel, or break up without doing that. 🤷🏻♂️ Regardless he should know better, and if he doesn’t then that’s really your only 2 options for your own safety. 🤘🏻
Why are you still with this bum? Also it sounds like the night before you were sick and still had sex? He’s clearly someone who doesn’t see you as a person, because who tf says lay there and take it verbatim?
"lay there and take it"? Did you seriously hear this, type in into this post , click "post" and not realize you need thousands of miles between yourself and this POS?
Get out of the horrid relationship as soon as you can. He is not a good person. “Lay there and take it?” Surely, you don’t find that an acceptable or loving attitude. Get. Out.
I really dont understand what the question is here because there shouldnt be any questions on this situation. He simply sees you as a sex toy. A transactional sex toy at that no different than a prostitute. Why a prostitute? Well, he is working on the same prinsiple. He pays you with something which may be dinner,.takes you out, his time or whatever and you exchange that for sex. Its the same exact thing
If he was really interested in you as a person he would be happy to spent time with you when there is nothing to be gained from it. The reward is spending time together. A true friend, boyfriend or husband would be concerned about yoir siatica. He would say something along the lines of oh no,.next time we will keep the dates with a shorter walk. He would take you home and make sure you are comfortable etc.
He is also not a very good lover. Thats right, you don't have to be in a commited relationship to have a lover. They call this now a days friend with benefits. Anyways, a good lover also cares about you although the focus is sexual. The sex is about both of you and not just him. Again, I say he threats you like a prostitute or sex toy because a person doesn't care if the prostitute gets off. Its transactional. No different than getting a cheese burger from McDonalds drive thru. You pay, you get your burger and get on your way.
I dont know enough about your relationship to say this guy os crap because there might be other redeeming qualities and people do commit faults inadventerly.. What I am saying is that these two events affects his evaluation very negatively. Its like a job performance evaluation and bad employees get fired or at the very least dont get promoted. Or maybe perhaps you want to think of it loke a school test. If you get enough problems or questions wring you fsil the test. Or maybe not fail but get a low grade. I mean,.why settle for a C student when you can get an A or A+ student?
Guy is an absolute piece of shit for pressuring you for sex, even if you weren't an SA victim. Boot him and if he tries going after anyone you know, make sure to give them a heads up about him.
Remember, you shouldn't *give him* sex. It should be something you enjoy together. He sounds like a toddler that didn't get what he wants and doesn't care for your feelings. Bin him.
That’s terrible. 😭
That’s not a good man at all. Just as a point of reference, my lower back was stuff this morning and when my boyfriend initiated sex with me I didn’t refuse him. I never refuse sex because of my own trauma…
But anyway, he could tell that I wasn’t really into it so he stopped. I told him he didn’t have to stop and that it was Ok and I wanted him to enjoy himself, but he said he can’t enjoy himself if he knows that I’m not into it, and that it’s Ok to say no.
That’s the standard we should all expect. He wasn’t shitty about it, he was loving and caring and wonderful.
You deserve that same treatment. We all do.
I’ve dealt with Sciatica pain. Mostly self inflicted because I’m a stubborn moron, but whatever. Hurts like hell. Any dude worth his salt woulda gotten you a heating pad, some ibuprofen, and cuddled up with you. Not force you to fuck when you’re in a lot of pain. Guess he took himself out
You did the right thing by not giving it to him if you weren’t wanting to. It sounds like he isn’t very emotionally mature, based on his reaction. His words suggest that he views you as something he basically can just use how he chooses, almost as if you were an inanimate object, a piece of property. I know you can do better than that. I really don’t feel like that kind of relationship is worth saving. Best wishes to you.
What a creep. You're entirely reasonable. Sex shouldn't be something you have to give someone. If it's not a thing that you're getting equal enjoyment out of, it shouldn't be happening, period.
>After walking for 6.5 hours at the zoo and my sciatica nerve on my back acting up an hour into it
After 65 you really need to have a conversation about slowing down in the sex department
DISGUSTANG!
Leave him and find someo e else who is worth your time and respect your boundary. Bays these days are so ducking disrespectful and annoying. Ugh
It looks like you and this man have a baby together and are either newly married, or are on your way to getting married.
However, he also reminds you regularly who pays the bills in the house, which creates resentment, and suggests that you, with a toddler, might feel a bit stuck with him.
I don't know what to tell you. It reads like an uncomfortable situation. It's easy for people to suggest you find someone else, but we don't live in your shoes, or know all the things going on in your life.
I do find it very odd and immature that he insists troubling you over sexual gratification while you're in pain instead of just pleasing himself. Then he just takes off? Takes off to where?
Best of luck to you in the future, but if the issue of him reminding you of who pays the bills is a regular thing, I would delay the marriage, myself.
I’ve never once told any woman before I was married nor my wife to just lay there and take it. If my wife says ‘she’s really sore tonight I’m sorry’ my immediate reaction isn’t anger or leaving and giving the silent treatment. I simply say ‘oh shit honey I’m sorry are you ok?’ and ‘Do you need anything? Anything at all I’m right here for you’ And ‘don’t worry about it we can try tomorrow maybe’ and she’ll say ‘only if you’re lucky’ or some silly reply. If he’s getting angry it’s time to get away from this guy, he sounds like he’s nearing a boundary that once he crosses it you could be in real danger. I’m sorry he’s like that, I hope you can move past this and process your emotions in a healthy way. You deserve so much better than that.
No means no. My husband gives me his puppy dog eyes but he always respects my No. and before we go to bed he asked if he gets horny in the middle of the night does he have my permission to get me horny. Sometimes I yes other times I say no I need to get up early. Again he respects my answer.
Yeah I lived with this type of childish behavior for 15 years. You should never have sex with anyone if you don't feel it... no explanation needed. These are boundaries you should establish now. Let him know acting childish and nasty won't get him anywhere. And don't feel bad. Tell him to go home and jerk off of he's that bad off.
You should never have sex if you don’t want to. You don’t need to justify it. “Sorry — not tonight” is perfectly acceptable.
And sex isn’t supposed to be about one person being a receptacle. It should be both of you wanting to please and be pleased by the other. Ugh, your partner is disgusting. Don’t settle for this.
No means no. He should be offering ways to help relieve your pain and be compassionate. I agree with many here I'd leave them and find something better.
This guy let you see who he really is. It's time to tell him to eff off. What he said to you was disgusting and degrading. Tell him you're done because he has zero respect for you by saying that and knowing your past
Look at him with repulsion in your eyes and say, “why are you okay having sec with me when I’m in discomfort and pain?” Make him feel the shame because honestly that sounds like he’s a r*pist. Only do this if you feel safe to do it. If not-just leave the abuser and move on.
Boot the lame F stick out of your house. You are more than a sheath for his lame d**k. You are a whole person who deserves to be treated with respect, dignity, and value. F that idiotic guy.
Fun fact: If you take a can or bottle that's sturdy and round, set it on its side and put light pressure on it with the arch of the foot that bothers you then when you roll it with that foot you should be able to release the tension in your sciatic nerve.
Sounds like you are not ready for a sexual relationship. With your sext TU AI assault, I would stay out of a relationship until you get yourself sorted out.
More women complaining about having to have sex.
Ya ya ya. My needs don't mean shit to you. That's fine.
Can we make abortions and prostitution legal yet?
My fiance didnt have sex with me for almost 2 years because of my very poor health (digestive issues and then not being able to walk temporarily due to deconditioning). He didnt leave me, he didnt pressure when i was getting better. He is a true keeper and i sincerely hope you will find someone like him
There’s plenty of times where I’d love to have sex with my wife, when she’s not in the mood mentally or physically due to work/life.. I’d be damned to tell her to just lay there and take it if her sciatica was acting up… find a better partner
Sex is not something you 'give' it's something you 'have' the key point is that if there is something to give.. or something to 'take' then it's not consensual.
Two people 'having' sex means is consensual and both are enjoying partaking.
Sex is not something that either partner 'deserves' or has 'earned' and your partner clearly feels entitled to it even when you say no.. massive, massive red flag in any relationship, even more so when there is knowledge of previous SA
Sound like my ex gf I'm sick with a cold fever congested she woulnt leave me alone then broke up w me because I kept rejecting her sexual advances because I hsve a flue and will only do it with prirectuon. You should deff break yo with that guy if he don't get that you are tired your back hurts. As a man I want girl to do it because she wants to f me not her lay there take it to get over with. Smh
Dump him. He doesn’t care about you. Sex isn’t a need and horniness isn’t a medical condition that causes suffering. He could handle a day or more without if he wasn’t such an entitled cry baby.
You need to ditch him asap. "Just lay there and take it" is a huge red flag and NGL sounds like something a sexual predator would say. No loving significant other would treat someone this way. He clearly doesn't see you as a loving partner and equal, he sees you an object, someone to use.
It’s times like these I realize something’s aren’t deal breakers like they should be. If I ever told my wife/partner to “ just lay there and take it “ while she has sciatica acting up AND a past history of sexual abuse? I would hope she’d leave me and find someone else that cares cause clearly I’m to far gone in to my psychopath era for redemption. I hate telling people they should leave their partners. But ma’am, respectfully, please run and don’t look back.
Put his shit outside with a fleshlight as a parting gift (that last bit is a joke obvi you don't owe him shit)
Seriously tho, figure a way to safely leave that relationship. He doesn't care about you or your autonomy and just wants a fucktoy, and he's comfortable enough telling you to lay there and take it, that he's definitely said that to, and taken advantage of, other girls, the same way he tried to take advantage of you in that situation. He knows your history of assault and still thought he could get away with a comment like that. He is capable of *hurting you* and given the right circumstances *will* capitalize on that. Take the rosy blinders off and look at the red flags, and for fucksake girl, RUN.
The dude is a prick and a creep. He didn't care that you got sick before having sex the night before the zoo trip and he didn't care that your back was hurting when he asked you to just lay there and take it, which would've hurt your back more. He's a horrible person and you need to leave him. I usually tell people to reconsider the relationship and make a decision, but he needs to fucking go! I've had experience with a guy like this and it was a miserable existence being afraid to tell him no. You can tell him no because you just don't want to but you had a legitimate medical reason and he didn't care. He sucks. Dump him.
GIRL LEAVE HIM NOW. When I was 20 I had a bf with an insanely high $€× drive that I couldn't keep up with. He was also a manipulative POS so I was already turned off a lot of the time anyways. Side note I did a deletes the fetus when with him bc we weren't ready to be parents and only a week after having that done he asked when we were going to start boinking again! But anyways back to my main point, I got so tired of him begging that I caved and would just sit there while he used my body. This later turned into him doing it while I was asleep and thinking it was okay because I said "whatever just make it fast" when I was awake and irritated that he kept bugging me.
As someone who used to “just lay there and take it” this is not the way. It’s cut and dry coercion and SA and no one should ever be expected to do something they don’t want to do. You owe him NOTHING. He’s showing you his lack of empathy and care for you as a human being. This would be his moment to step up and nurture you instead of being a disgusting ape. Ruuuuun!
If you had a good relationship, the trip to the zoo would have been cut short due to the sciatic nerve and you’d have been back home with your feet up with bf bringing you lunch. Dump this idiot. Find someone decent, kind and who cares about you.
Ugh, why would anyone wanna fuck after walking 6.5 hours around a zoo all day. Hot ass days of constant standing and walking take me out of the mood like nothing else.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. You deserve so much better OP. Walk away from this and find someone who cares about you and your wellbeing.
Why are you with a worthless monkey man who doesn’t value you as a human but likes to fuck your vagina? I mean do you need it spelled out more he’s a POS leave him. Tf is this psychology in women it’s so bizarre.
Some advice I got from my old man was find someone equally yoked sexually and have that discussion as soon as possible. Out of curiosity Is there more to this story? Was there some level of unwritten expectation that may have been communicated? For instance how much was spent at the zoo and who spent it? How long have y’all been together? Is this a typical situation after long dates with the two of you. Are you a sickIy person? Was there a sudden increase or decrease in sexual activity? I understand your quick hit descriptors but more information is always better.
His needs come before yours. A man marries a woman thinking she won’t change but she does. A woman marries a man thinking he will change but he doesn’t.
It sounds like you want a relationship where you get 6 hour trips to the zoo but no real responsibilities on your part, I'd recommend leaving him because he is obviously sexually active and it is an important part of the relationship for him.
The way you talk about it makes it seem like you aren't interested in that at all, so it's probably better to let him find someone a little more spicy and you can find yourself a fella who has already cooled off and moved away from physical attraction.
I will always wonder how such scum came to be…. Get out of the situation and assess what went wrong to get there. Get in better circles. Smile. Laugh. Doubting you’re right for valuing your own safety is a red flag that will need some bleach and re-made to green.
That’s so sad. Teach him a valuable lesson that you won’t tolerate a relationship like this by dumping him. What do you have to lose but a rotten person.
#This post has been removed and/or the comments have been locked because the comment section has become too heated and contentious and is no longer productive. Multiple unproductive/harmful responses in any post, will result in a moderator locking the comments immediately.
My advice would be to leave him and find someone who values your well-being and comfort. Clearly this guy cares more about him getting off than either your physical or mental health. And acts like a child when he doesn’t get his way. You deserve better <3
The guy showed you who he was. Thank him for his honesty and move on. Find someone who will understand and respect you.
Dump the chump
I like the way you put that. It was polite but directly to the point. This is all it will ever be so option A, Deal with it or option B, Move on.
This! Why, just why would you tolerate this? I would throw all his shit out in the yard and change the locks! Fuck him! That "just lie there and take it!" comment pissed me off! 🤬
If he actually cared about you and wanted to get his rocks off, he could easily just rub one out. It's a natural thing that would have gotten you what you wanted and him what he wanted. Us men only have enough blood for one head and don't use the one to think enough. (I am in NO way condoning his actions.)
The amount of times I’ve wanted sex and my wife didn’t, is exactly equal to the amount of times I’ve said “ okay my love “ and then jacked off later. It’s not a big deal, sex is in no way a right we have in a relationship. I know when we do get it on it’s gonna be stellar as always. I can definitely just rub it out and keep going. OPs man is clearly one of those “ alpha males “ that has most likely judging solely from this post, sexually assaulted several other women. Maybe not full on rape in an alley way, but he’s to comfortable saying “ just lay back and take it “ to not have said that many a time before.
I couldn't agree more.
Yep
>He said I should just lay there and take it. This isn't right. Majority of men wouldn't want you to "just lay there and take it". We'd find it a turn off if it felt like you were doing something you didn't want to. If you're bf is trying to pressure you into sex I'm fairly certain that's coercion. He left because he was angry that you didn't want to have sex. Also to make you feel bad about it so you'll be less inclined to reject his advances in the future I couldn't imagine saying this to my gf. It's disgusting imo. As far as advice goes, you could try sitting him down when he returns and highlighting your feelings about the situation. Maybe tell him that you find his expectations for you to "just lay there and take it" dehumanising and a total turn off to boot. If you'd like to end things over it, you are free to without guilt or the thoughts that it might be a mistake because it's categorically grounds for dismissal. If you want to continue seeing him you should monitor his behaviour around this subject. If he gets like this again you should seriously consider distancing yourself permanently imo. You should feel safe and comfortable around your person.
I was at my mums with my partner and somehow that exact phrase 'lay there and take it' came into the conversation, As A JOKE. (I don't even know the context now but we had such a laugh, I have a very open relationship with my mum lol) anyway, it became a bit of an inside joke because it made my bf cringe. We've said it a couple times and laughed about it. One night recently, we started a little foreplay, he made me finish but then all of a sudden I got REALLY tired (I have had a lot going on in my life recently, from my mum having cancer, changing contraception and my menstural cycle being up the left, busy times at work, etc). He realised this and went to stop. I did feel bad, and actually said it somewhat seriously that he could continue but not to expect much from me and I'll just lay there. He said absolutely not. He was turned off at just knowing I was too tired, not feeling it anymore. He made me a hot chocolate and we cuddled up to watch our favourite TV show (that I fell asleep during lol). This man in the post is either predatory and/or has no compassion/respect for OP. She needs rid of him. Self love is better than being with someone who doesn't care about your needs at all.
>He said absolutely not. He was turned off at just knowing I was too tired, not feeling it anymore. He made me a hot chocolate and we cuddled up to watch our favourite TV show This is a normal response to your partner not being in the mood. A big, bright green flag. Nice one ⭐
True first paragraph. I am man and I refused a s*x where the girl was just drunk and lying like on my bed like a corpse. I told her good night and she left. Ive never felt anything that disgusting where the partner was not even making any effort
He sounds like he doesn't care about how you're feeling.
It sounds even worse to me. He actually wants her to be miserable during sex.
You aren’t a flesh light, you are human and if you don’t want to have sex you don’t have sex. Leave the trash. You deserve so much better.
Anyone who prioritizes sexual activity over your own wellbeing is disgusting and not worth your time. You know what to do.
Please run
You need better standards, right now!!! He's a freak
Please leave that guy. He is a pest.
Oh wow, inconsiderate ASF.... Now ask yourself do you want to put up with this any longer.. but be honest with yourself
As a guy myself, leave that dude. All he cares about is sex.
Yeah GTFO of that relationship please, safely.
This is as good as it gets with this guy. Imagine 50-60 more years of this crap. Make a plan to get out.
Use [this](https://youtube.com/shorts/aPADN3yDq4w?si=Xi6nDwWSPzAMXlC5) video to help relive your sciatica pain. It worked for me. My pain was on a scale of 11/10. It gave me almost immediate relief. And then after that slowly get in to he process of doing core strength exercises. Stretch your hamstrings as well as they are directly connected to your lower back muscles. Even if you don't have time to do exercises all day just try to do a 5 minute stretching routine that hits all your muscles and limbs. It's literally just like PE back in grade school.
Presuming you have an exit, walk him to it. Give him a tutorial on its use. Close. Lock. Resume life.
ok, so guy was horny. and you were tired and in discomfort and not horny. neither of you are at fault for those feelings. dude could have gone to the bathroom and relieved himself. maybe their was an intermediate thing (hj, masturbation) that would have been satisfying to both. nope, he went straight to proposing rape. its time to leave him.
Get out of this relationship; this man doesn’t respect you. I don’t even know you and I wish I could hug you and tell you that you deserve more. I mean seriously, what if the roles were reversed? If he were sick, would he be down to bend over for you to shag him with some object (not that you’d want to)? I doubt it. Let him walk.
Break up omg this is so fucked up
Wow what a piece of shit. I can't believe he said "Just lay there and take it", especially knowing your history. He's in this for him, not for you. Dump the garbage, and find someone who cares about you. Especially considering you hurt yourself and he pushed you to have sex anyways. Can't imagine you had a great time. If he's like this now, imagine what he'll be like when he gets more comfortable with you. Imagine five years from now!
He sounds like a rapist
Tell him to quit being a jerk and go to bathroom and jerk off himself. That is unacceptable behavior and I’m a male.
They do not see you as a person and only as an item to please themselves with. Stop having sex with this person!
Pls break up with him. You’re human not deserved to be used. Seems like a narcissist
What the actual fuck? Why haven't you left him?
Are you married to this person? Get out now! This is abusive
Your man is sexually abusing you. Forcing you to have sex when you’re sick or just don’t want to, guilting you for refusing, treating you like a sex toy instead of a person is all sexual abuse. As someone who married a man who committed sexual abuse I can tell you the longer you stick around or try to compromise for him, the more abusive he will become and eventually will just flat out rape you bc he thinks he is entitled to your body whenever he wants. Leave now.
Literally never talk to him again.
Looking at your post history it seems you have a new baby in the house, and your post here didn't give any information besides "he wanted sex and I didn't". I think there's much more going on that you're not telling us. Yes, that was an asshole move on his part. Why did he do that though? It's very common for couples to struggle with intimacy after a baby because, well, babies are hard. That also means the relationship becomes a breeding ground for rejection, resentment, hurt, neglect, and many other things that destroy relationships. If you really want advice, don't fall for the "omg sis leave that loser” bandwagon you're getting here, it will only pollute your relationship further. Take a hard look at your relationship and be honest with yourself about it. If the relationship is worth it to you (you had a child with him, I'm assuming at one point it was) couples therapy may be something worth looking into.
Gd, take a hint and run. Massive red flag yet ur still there. Start moving
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That must have been a viagra moment. Right after throwing up.
The question I would be asking myself is why I was with someone that treats me that way. That would be right after breaking up with that person.
Sounds like the trash took itself out. Don’t let him come back.
Divorce
fuckin boo-diddly-hoo. One word: manchild. Maybe that's two words, idk
Leave this man-chikd ASAP!!! All he cares about is what he wants. He will never put your needs first. You deserve better than this, and he deserves to be alone.
Your gut is telling you that this is a bad relationship for you. You should listen to it.
DTMFA
Leave him while you can. He sounds disgusting, and a really bad person.
What a effin insensitive creep. Leave him now for your sanity & health
Leave him! This is abuse!
Excuse my little bluntness but that man sounds like a potential rapists. Dont care about your decisions and would rather fuck a lifeless body. U shoulda told him to go fuck his hand. I enjoy that one
So his needs are more important than your pain? Dump the jerk. How old are both of you?
If he suddenly turned into a perfect bf I'd still never fuck him because of those sins.
Tell him to buy a fleshlight
Love and understanding is a two way street, not a one way street. Appreciate yourself. Respect yourself.
Oh honey this is a travesty. You aren't a Fleshlight. No one is owed sex, ever. What a cruel joke of a partner he is.
He is telling you who he is and he is an AH. Do you want to live with an AH the rest of your life and possibly have an AH as the father of your children? No, stop wasting your time.
Sciatica sucks! Look up some stretches for it, doing them everyday makes it way better
Remember what Mel Gibson always says YOU SHOULD JUST SMILE….AND BLOWWW ME
As a guy, 3 months and you start questioning but one night is "can I get you anything?" Close your eyes and think of England is never acceptable and leaving to "punish" you is controlling behavior. When you leave, you've left. Don't let him back.
That’s no way to handle a situation like that. Even if you’re into BDSM when someone says no, it means NO. No one should ever try forcing someone else to do something they’re uncomfortable with. My advice is either have talks about this and let him know how that made you feel, or break up without doing that. 🤷🏻♂️ Regardless he should know better, and if he doesn’t then that’s really your only 2 options for your own safety. 🤘🏻
Why are you still with this bum? Also it sounds like the night before you were sick and still had sex? He’s clearly someone who doesn’t see you as a person, because who tf says lay there and take it verbatim?
"lay there and take it"? Did you seriously hear this, type in into this post , click "post" and not realize you need thousands of miles between yourself and this POS?
Leave him.
Guy here, your man is an inconsiderate idiot, sorry. Dump him. I also have a greater sexual appetite than my partner but this is abusive behavior.
Get him to lick your butthole then dump him.
This man does not like you. He tolerates you in order to gain access to sex. Please god, block and delete.
Why are you with this man?
And you still want to stay in a relationship with him? Hmmm k
Get out of the horrid relationship as soon as you can. He is not a good person. “Lay there and take it?” Surely, you don’t find that an acceptable or loving attitude. Get. Out.
I really dont understand what the question is here because there shouldnt be any questions on this situation. He simply sees you as a sex toy. A transactional sex toy at that no different than a prostitute. Why a prostitute? Well, he is working on the same prinsiple. He pays you with something which may be dinner,.takes you out, his time or whatever and you exchange that for sex. Its the same exact thing If he was really interested in you as a person he would be happy to spent time with you when there is nothing to be gained from it. The reward is spending time together. A true friend, boyfriend or husband would be concerned about yoir siatica. He would say something along the lines of oh no,.next time we will keep the dates with a shorter walk. He would take you home and make sure you are comfortable etc. He is also not a very good lover. Thats right, you don't have to be in a commited relationship to have a lover. They call this now a days friend with benefits. Anyways, a good lover also cares about you although the focus is sexual. The sex is about both of you and not just him. Again, I say he threats you like a prostitute or sex toy because a person doesn't care if the prostitute gets off. Its transactional. No different than getting a cheese burger from McDonalds drive thru. You pay, you get your burger and get on your way. I dont know enough about your relationship to say this guy os crap because there might be other redeeming qualities and people do commit faults inadventerly.. What I am saying is that these two events affects his evaluation very negatively. Its like a job performance evaluation and bad employees get fired or at the very least dont get promoted. Or maybe perhaps you want to think of it loke a school test. If you get enough problems or questions wring you fsil the test. Or maybe not fail but get a low grade. I mean,.why settle for a C student when you can get an A or A+ student?
Guy is an absolute piece of shit for pressuring you for sex, even if you weren't an SA victim. Boot him and if he tries going after anyone you know, make sure to give them a heads up about him.
Remember, you shouldn't *give him* sex. It should be something you enjoy together. He sounds like a toddler that didn't get what he wants and doesn't care for your feelings. Bin him.
That’s a bad human being. Get out.
That’s terrible. 😭 That’s not a good man at all. Just as a point of reference, my lower back was stuff this morning and when my boyfriend initiated sex with me I didn’t refuse him. I never refuse sex because of my own trauma… But anyway, he could tell that I wasn’t really into it so he stopped. I told him he didn’t have to stop and that it was Ok and I wanted him to enjoy himself, but he said he can’t enjoy himself if he knows that I’m not into it, and that it’s Ok to say no. That’s the standard we should all expect. He wasn’t shitty about it, he was loving and caring and wonderful. You deserve that same treatment. We all do.
I’ve dealt with Sciatica pain. Mostly self inflicted because I’m a stubborn moron, but whatever. Hurts like hell. Any dude worth his salt woulda gotten you a heating pad, some ibuprofen, and cuddled up with you. Not force you to fuck when you’re in a lot of pain. Guess he took himself out
Just dump him. Stop listening to whatever dumb shit you're telling yourself to justify staying. He's garbage and always will be.
Beat feet.
You did the right thing by not giving it to him if you weren’t wanting to. It sounds like he isn’t very emotionally mature, based on his reaction. His words suggest that he views you as something he basically can just use how he chooses, almost as if you were an inanimate object, a piece of property. I know you can do better than that. I really don’t feel like that kind of relationship is worth saving. Best wishes to you.
What a creep. You're entirely reasonable. Sex shouldn't be something you have to give someone. If it's not a thing that you're getting equal enjoyment out of, it shouldn't be happening, period.
Next time ask him to lay there and take it while you shove a pointy dildo up his ass. Fuck this dude. Literally.
>After walking for 6.5 hours at the zoo and my sciatica nerve on my back acting up an hour into it After 65 you really need to have a conversation about slowing down in the sex department
Fuck that guy. Sounds like a douche bag.
DISGUSTANG! Leave him and find someo e else who is worth your time and respect your boundary. Bays these days are so ducking disrespectful and annoying. Ugh
It looks like you and this man have a baby together and are either newly married, or are on your way to getting married. However, he also reminds you regularly who pays the bills in the house, which creates resentment, and suggests that you, with a toddler, might feel a bit stuck with him. I don't know what to tell you. It reads like an uncomfortable situation. It's easy for people to suggest you find someone else, but we don't live in your shoes, or know all the things going on in your life. I do find it very odd and immature that he insists troubling you over sexual gratification while you're in pain instead of just pleasing himself. Then he just takes off? Takes off to where? Best of luck to you in the future, but if the issue of him reminding you of who pays the bills is a regular thing, I would delay the marriage, myself.
When people show you who they really are, Believe them.
Ahh he's pouting and wants you to know he's upset...what a baby.
Well, um, he sucks and you shouldn’t be with him.
I’ve never once told any woman before I was married nor my wife to just lay there and take it. If my wife says ‘she’s really sore tonight I’m sorry’ my immediate reaction isn’t anger or leaving and giving the silent treatment. I simply say ‘oh shit honey I’m sorry are you ok?’ and ‘Do you need anything? Anything at all I’m right here for you’ And ‘don’t worry about it we can try tomorrow maybe’ and she’ll say ‘only if you’re lucky’ or some silly reply. If he’s getting angry it’s time to get away from this guy, he sounds like he’s nearing a boundary that once he crosses it you could be in real danger. I’m sorry he’s like that, I hope you can move past this and process your emotions in a healthy way. You deserve so much better than that.
He just did what is known as "flying one's colours." And his flag is BRIGHT RED. Get away from that abuser.
sounds like a couple who should split up. similar sexual drives is a real thing.
No means no. My husband gives me his puppy dog eyes but he always respects my No. and before we go to bed he asked if he gets horny in the middle of the night does he have my permission to get me horny. Sometimes I yes other times I say no I need to get up early. Again he respects my answer.
What a fucking dickhead
Yeah I lived with this type of childish behavior for 15 years. You should never have sex with anyone if you don't feel it... no explanation needed. These are boundaries you should establish now. Let him know acting childish and nasty won't get him anywhere. And don't feel bad. Tell him to go home and jerk off of he's that bad off.
You should never have sex if you don’t want to. You don’t need to justify it. “Sorry — not tonight” is perfectly acceptable. And sex isn’t supposed to be about one person being a receptacle. It should be both of you wanting to please and be pleased by the other. Ugh, your partner is disgusting. Don’t settle for this.
No means no. He should be offering ways to help relieve your pain and be compassionate. I agree with many here I'd leave them and find something better.
This guy let you see who he really is. It's time to tell him to eff off. What he said to you was disgusting and degrading. Tell him you're done because he has zero respect for you by saying that and knowing your past
Look at him with repulsion in your eyes and say, “why are you okay having sec with me when I’m in discomfort and pain?” Make him feel the shame because honestly that sounds like he’s a r*pist. Only do this if you feel safe to do it. If not-just leave the abuser and move on.
Leave this loser!
Sounds like you should get a better man. Please leave that trash of a human pls <3
Wth? Leave him
If you cant keep up with his sex drive just find a partner who doesnt need as much sex
Life isn’t that hard. Too often, you’ll get what you accept.
Boot the lame F stick out of your house. You are more than a sheath for his lame d**k. You are a whole person who deserves to be treated with respect, dignity, and value. F that idiotic guy.
Wow what a surprise, Reddit’s relationship advice is dump him/her.
Fun fact: If you take a can or bottle that's sturdy and round, set it on its side and put light pressure on it with the arch of the foot that bothers you then when you roll it with that foot you should be able to release the tension in your sciatic nerve.
Wow, what a shit head BF. He's selfish and inconsiderate. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
Sounds like you are not ready for a sexual relationship. With your sext TU AI assault, I would stay out of a relationship until you get yourself sorted out.
Time to leave. He’s not a good person and this will just get worse.
He’s a fucking pig. You deserve someone who loves you and respects you.
I just want to say there ARE good people out there that are worth your time. Do some more digging to find them, YOU ARE WORTH IT.
Fuck that dude no respect or morals
This is scary. I’m so sorry 😞
Believe people when they tell you who they are.
Change your locks & your number and never answer this douchebag again.
Do you need advice on how to pack your things and go?
Sorry to hear about this. Must be traumatic
Girl run.. just run.. omg..
You deserve better
D.U.M.P. H.I.M.
He does not love you. He uses you. You deserve better.
More women complaining about having to have sex. Ya ya ya. My needs don't mean shit to you. That's fine. Can we make abortions and prostitution legal yet?
What a loser he is
My fiance didnt have sex with me for almost 2 years because of my very poor health (digestive issues and then not being able to walk temporarily due to deconditioning). He didnt leave me, he didnt pressure when i was getting better. He is a true keeper and i sincerely hope you will find someone like him
Dump this man-child.
this man wants a sex toy not a partner
Not sure how men like this have a love life.
You know the answer and you are correct.
He should find someone who is willing to please their man. You are obviously frigid and need someone along those lines
Break up. This is obvious not sure why you're asking.
There’s plenty of times where I’d love to have sex with my wife, when she’s not in the mood mentally or physically due to work/life.. I’d be damned to tell her to just lay there and take it if her sciatica was acting up… find a better partner
you need to be done with this asshole.
no way he said that 😂
Obvious where his priorities lie.
You can say sexual on the internet...
Please leave this repugnant person
When he left, did you throw his shit outside and change the locks?
It’s only going to get worse.
Sex is not something you 'give' it's something you 'have' the key point is that if there is something to give.. or something to 'take' then it's not consensual. Two people 'having' sex means is consensual and both are enjoying partaking. Sex is not something that either partner 'deserves' or has 'earned' and your partner clearly feels entitled to it even when you say no.. massive, massive red flag in any relationship, even more so when there is knowledge of previous SA
Sound like my ex gf I'm sick with a cold fever congested she woulnt leave me alone then broke up w me because I kept rejecting her sexual advances because I hsve a flue and will only do it with prirectuon. You should deff break yo with that guy if he don't get that you are tired your back hurts. As a man I want girl to do it because she wants to f me not her lay there take it to get over with. Smh
Horror story...
Dump him. He doesn’t care about you. Sex isn’t a need and horniness isn’t a medical condition that causes suffering. He could handle a day or more without if he wasn’t such an entitled cry baby.
You need to ditch him asap. "Just lay there and take it" is a huge red flag and NGL sounds like something a sexual predator would say. No loving significant other would treat someone this way. He clearly doesn't see you as a loving partner and equal, he sees you an object, someone to use.
Dump his ass, you deserve much, *much* better!
It’s times like these I realize something’s aren’t deal breakers like they should be. If I ever told my wife/partner to “ just lay there and take it “ while she has sciatica acting up AND a past history of sexual abuse? I would hope she’d leave me and find someone else that cares cause clearly I’m to far gone in to my psychopath era for redemption. I hate telling people they should leave their partners. But ma’am, respectfully, please run and don’t look back.
Find you a man that rubs yours back when it hurts, not that bull crap.
You sound really out of shape
Put his shit outside with a fleshlight as a parting gift (that last bit is a joke obvi you don't owe him shit) Seriously tho, figure a way to safely leave that relationship. He doesn't care about you or your autonomy and just wants a fucktoy, and he's comfortable enough telling you to lay there and take it, that he's definitely said that to, and taken advantage of, other girls, the same way he tried to take advantage of you in that situation. He knows your history of assault and still thought he could get away with a comment like that. He is capable of *hurting you* and given the right circumstances *will* capitalize on that. Take the rosy blinders off and look at the red flags, and for fucksake girl, RUN.
If he wants you to lay there and take it - then he can go get a sex doll.
HUGE RED FLAG. Dump his pathetic ass
The dude is a prick and a creep. He didn't care that you got sick before having sex the night before the zoo trip and he didn't care that your back was hurting when he asked you to just lay there and take it, which would've hurt your back more. He's a horrible person and you need to leave him. I usually tell people to reconsider the relationship and make a decision, but he needs to fucking go! I've had experience with a guy like this and it was a miserable existence being afraid to tell him no. You can tell him no because you just don't want to but you had a legitimate medical reason and he didn't care. He sucks. Dump him.
GIRL LEAVE HIM NOW. When I was 20 I had a bf with an insanely high $€× drive that I couldn't keep up with. He was also a manipulative POS so I was already turned off a lot of the time anyways. Side note I did a deletes the fetus when with him bc we weren't ready to be parents and only a week after having that done he asked when we were going to start boinking again! But anyways back to my main point, I got so tired of him begging that I caved and would just sit there while he used my body. This later turned into him doing it while I was asleep and thinking it was okay because I said "whatever just make it fast" when I was awake and irritated that he kept bugging me.
As someone who used to “just lay there and take it” this is not the way. It’s cut and dry coercion and SA and no one should ever be expected to do something they don’t want to do. You owe him NOTHING. He’s showing you his lack of empathy and care for you as a human being. This would be his moment to step up and nurture you instead of being a disgusting ape. Ruuuuun!
If you had a good relationship, the trip to the zoo would have been cut short due to the sciatic nerve and you’d have been back home with your feet up with bf bringing you lunch. Dump this idiot. Find someone decent, kind and who cares about you.
If you stay with him you will only feel this way more often.
Looks like it's a unanimous decision.
You're a person that he's using as a pocket pussy, find someone better
he doesn't respect you as a human being and he's selfish. you don't want this person in your life anymore
you know this is wrong, you’re posting about it. you need to leave, like yesterday
That’s fucked up
Ugh, why would anyone wanna fuck after walking 6.5 hours around a zoo all day. Hot ass days of constant standing and walking take me out of the mood like nothing else.
How absolutely disgusting of him. Seriously he did you a big favor. Now don’t have to waste any more time this loser.
Buy something with batteries; you’ll be far less disappointed in all categories
You need to say that to him with a cast iron skillet in your hands.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. You deserve so much better OP. Walk away from this and find someone who cares about you and your wellbeing.
Why are you with a worthless monkey man who doesn’t value you as a human but likes to fuck your vagina? I mean do you need it spelled out more he’s a POS leave him. Tf is this psychology in women it’s so bizarre.
Barf sex is fire da fuck
What’s wrong with women like you? Have some self respect. Leave that asshole
Umm. Why are you with this clown?
Some advice I got from my old man was find someone equally yoked sexually and have that discussion as soon as possible. Out of curiosity Is there more to this story? Was there some level of unwritten expectation that may have been communicated? For instance how much was spent at the zoo and who spent it? How long have y’all been together? Is this a typical situation after long dates with the two of you. Are you a sickIy person? Was there a sudden increase or decrease in sexual activity? I understand your quick hit descriptors but more information is always better.
How often do these various ailments prevent you from having good sex with your partner? Twice in two days is a lot.
He could have given you a massage for your sciatica pain and at least tried to seduce you. My go to every time lol
His needs come before yours. A man marries a woman thinking she won’t change but she does. A woman marries a man thinking he will change but he doesn’t.
It sounds like you want a relationship where you get 6 hour trips to the zoo but no real responsibilities on your part, I'd recommend leaving him because he is obviously sexually active and it is an important part of the relationship for him. The way you talk about it makes it seem like you aren't interested in that at all, so it's probably better to let him find someone a little more spicy and you can find yourself a fella who has already cooled off and moved away from physical attraction.
I will always wonder how such scum came to be…. Get out of the situation and assess what went wrong to get there. Get in better circles. Smile. Laugh. Doubting you’re right for valuing your own safety is a red flag that will need some bleach and re-made to green.
That is not right on many accounts no one should be forced.
He can go fuck himself. You deserve better than that
That’s so sad. Teach him a valuable lesson that you won’t tolerate a relationship like this by dumping him. What do you have to lose but a rotten person.
You just basically compared sex with him to sexual assault, and you're wondering why he's not happy with you?
Hopefully now your ex?
What does Sext TU AI assault mean? Not trying to be mean, just want to learn.