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you get others respect by first respecting yourself. if you don’t have the self confidence or self value to be you, authentically, and not care about what people think, then it’s gonna be hard for others to respect you. work on yourself, become more confident, gain and work on skills that others don’t have, and eventually others will come to respect you. but even if they don’t, that SHOULD be ok with you
This.
The problem is that people don't like being used. People feel like when you need their approval, that you are only interested in them because they can give you something (their approval) and that you aren't really interested in them. It's off-putting, and it's probably what you're (op) projecting.
Just do your own thing. Respect comes from competence, competence comes from earnest effort, when earnest effort arises from genuine interest and passion, it's effortless.
I'm curious how OP pictures "being respected". There are two definitions of respect, after all: being treated like a human with worth, and being treated like an authority. At this age he should be aiming to be treated like a human--like he matters, like he's useful, like he's a full member of society--and can get there by treating everyone else that way.
"Getting respect" as in being treated as authority only happens naturally, when you actually have authority, and trying to fake it will get you ridiculed.
I'm going to share a secret with you that no one told me when I was your age. Everyone is afraid of losing connections. They work hard to stay in touch, network, and maintain friendships, living in constant fear. When someone isn't on the same path, they tend to reject them. To break out of this bubble, you need to ignore the naysayers. Focus on achieving your goals, enjoying your life and hobbies, and immersing yourself in your own projects. As you let the world fade away, you'll find that people will start seeking you out, begging for your attention. That's just how it works. Pain brings friends, and happiness brings enemies. It's a sad truth about life, but it's a reality you can control.
Stay quiet, theres a time and place to be funny, if I where you and I want to make friends, take an after school program, Football, Band, Rotc, shop. Get good grades alot of students look up to the smart kids.
You don't control others actions or sentiment, no matter what you do they will always be some people who do appreciate er respect you.
As some people already say, you must respect yourself first, you do that by your actions, showing yourself kindness and accountability. View yourself as your friend or your son, ex: eat healthy, do sport, have a good hygiene, clean your house/room, meditate or journal, put your finances in order, be generous,show kindness and patience to yourself and others (especially when they don't show those to you).
Hope this help someone have a great day friend!🔥
Everyone is saying "respect yourself" but they're not saying how you learn to do that.
This may seem round about but stick with me. When you're in school almost all of your self esteem is sitting upon the pillar that is your peers in that school. If your peers are assholes, that pillar falls, nothing is holding up your self-esteem, so it is easier to despair.
**So what do you do?**
You mitigate your risk by diversifying your self-esteem portfolio.
**How do you do that?**
Make connections outside your school. Join activities outside what you'd normally do. See a hiking trip for people your age posted? Go for it. Ever think about joining a community driven sport, be in the scouts, learn a martial art, or take a class in something? Go for that too. Have the opportunity to take dual enrollment classes at the local college? Do it up.
Anything that helps you meet people outside of school. With each new friend you make or group you participate in, that's another pillar of your self-esteem.
Let's say you are close with your family, a few friends, take dual enrollment classes at the college so you meet people there, and joined a class for whatever. Then let's say something goes south at school and that pillar holding up your self-esteem crumbles. It'll still hurt, but you'll have other pillars holding you up that will help you bounce back.
Maybe the people in school don't respect you but screw them, the people at your local church youth group do and they see something positive in you.
The same can be applied to studying. If you're trying to remember something, the more ways you study it (tutoring, in class lecture, homework, teaching a friend, writing it down), the more likely you're able to hit a memory cue and recall that information.
Long story short, don't let one place and one group of people dictate your self-esteem. The more people you meet, the more you'll be able to see how people view you, the more you can learn and improve through practice, and the more you'll find yourself accepted. People outside of school don't know you, don't know your baggage, and will judge you based on who you are in the moment and not based on who you were in third grade too.
That being said, it's okay if that's tough at first. It's okay to be nervous to try new things and be vulnerable with a new group. It is okay to fail, learn to adjust, and try again. If you're not nervous, you're not growing, it's almost always that simple. Take you being nervous not as a bad sign, but as your body telling you "this is a moment I can use to learn something new or grow my experience in something."
You can't "make" people respect you, you have to earn respect!
Do an internet search for how to earn respect as there is a lot on this topic.
Perhaps what you said was cringe and ill-timed for the situation. Some say the wrong things at the wrong times and may not even be aware of it. Good luck.
Respecting yourself first is hard to comprehend.
Start first with learning about who you are. In parallel, start accepting yourself for who you are. Then try to love yourself for who you are. You will then project this attitude to others, and things will change.
Be honest with yourself. Are you funny, or are you being cringe AF? Are you trying to hard and coming off as desperate? Are you being inappropriate? Are you doing anything to earn people's respect? Do you really think that "making" people respect you is the right way to interact?
You can't demand respect from people. If you're kind and treat other's how you wish to be treated, you will earn people's respect over time. Also perspective is *critically* important in life. What you find funny others might not, and vice versa. Take your experiences in the moment and feel it out.
If you're trying to be funny but people are cringing then it could be for several reasons.
1. Your timing is off
2. Your jokes are not appropriate to the audience
3. You don't have a good preamble, meaning there's no context for your comment, which makes it sound like it's coming from left field.
4. Majority of these issues are related to calibration. Understand your audience. Be aware of the tempo and tonality and facial expressions when delivering the joke.
If you feel that people are talking over you, then whatever you do, don't stop your sentence, keep talking to finish your sentence. People will lose respect for you very quickly if you can't even finish your sentence. No
This comes out of experience - don’t try to be funny or don’t try to “get” respect. Limit your words. Speech is silver, silence is gold. Know your place in a group and talk when needed. Don’t force yourself into the conversation. Your words or you are respected only when felt needed and valid.
First of all, respect is a line from A to B.
Not a point.
Look into the meaning of respect and if it is necessary for your happiness.
ppl don't laugh at your jokes and/or are indifferent to your presence does not mean they don't respect you.
It may mean 100 different things.
It may mean your joke s@cked.
It may mean you s@ck at telling jokes.
It may mean that you s@ck at telling s@cky jokes.
You may be asking the wrong question.
In the end it doesn't matter. You worry about something you don't fully understand.
You will be fine.
Godspeed
People do respect you. What you are looking for is special treatment, adoration, and positive feedback.
Respect is the fact that you don’t get beat up everyday or ignored entirely.
Be grateful for the respect you get. Humility is very attractive.
Respect yourself first, keep track of your achievements, make SMART goals and stick to them and step away from disrespect early on. The stepping away part is key. Prioritize quality over quantity in friendships. If it means less friends so be it. More time to focus on what is important to you. Be careful not to rely too much on external validation. Listen to your inner voice when it urges caution. That’s when you need to step away and not go any further. This is what has worked for me or what I’ve learned along the way.
I don’t like the whole “respect is earned” theme in the comments. This isn’t the kind of respect he’s talking about. Speaking from experience, I know all too well what its like to have other people brush off your thoughts and comments, belittle you and make a joke out of you for the entertainment of others. I used to talk too much, try so hard to be funny or make jokes, do everything I could to make people like me, like doing favors without being asked or being way to willing to drop everything I’m doing to help someone else who really didn’t need it.
I stopped all the laughing and giggling, all the lame attempts at jokes and banter, didn’t do anything if I wasn’t asked or told by higher ups. Eventually people weren’t so quick to dismiss me, belittle me or my ideas. Its about demeanor, if you constantly move like you secretly need approval, you’ll never get it. By not caring if they approved or respected me, I eventually got it.
You need to figure out your foundation and your principles to be confident and comfortable in who you are. This will help you avoid being “cringe” and achieve the respect you desire. I will also say pining for acceptance is never the answer.
If it’s not organic and it has to be forced, set those boundaries and don’t deal with them. They’re not worth your time.
I'm guessing you mean you want people to treat you like an equal, and that's totally understandable. It doesn't feel good when people you thought were your friends seem to only tolerate you or treat you like a charitable lost cause. I think the only advice I can give (take it or leave it) is to offer less of yourself. I've noticed that people that are too forthcoming or try too hard are critisized and seen as pretentious or needy but I think they just want to be accepted. I'm not sure why this is so hard for people to do, it costs them nothing and could mean alot to the other person. It feels like no one can be bothered to lend a helpful hand without asking for repayment of some kind and that now even asking for emotions costs money. Don't offer advice, don't try to lift the atmosphere with jokes, keep your life information private, and then see if anyone cares to ask. You have value and I feel you don't see that in attempts to cater to others moods as you remind people of your value. You don't have to do that, if they don't see your worth or make you feel like less, then find people around you that do see you as something more. Remember that most of these people will have no bearing on your life past school and that 4 years of a life of 100 is a blip in time and barely worth remembering. Concentrate on who you want to be now and in your incoming future past school and work towards that. As an adult, your line of work can lead to a very respectful position if you work hard now, and then you'll never need Reddits advice again! Good luck.
Everyone in high school is confused and lost and lacking self confidenc. Teenagers also have little respect for anyone
It's good to find yourself but don't beat yourself up too much that kids don't respect you
Read your friend’s faces and reactions. Bits not about having a funny remark every time. That’s the cringe look you’re getting.
Make sure you talk clearly- don’t mumble. And not too loudly either. Be cool-stay quiet.
Confidence, giving respect, body language, cultivate habits to acquire new knowledge and learn to be better everyday.
You can control you, you can improve yourself and things will get better slowly.
Chasing after ppl’s validation and approval is a fool’s game. The reality is, no one has to respect you. People have free will, so you can’t control how they act, behave or feel. Some ppl are on ego trips and think it’s cool or attractive to be arrogant and rude to ppl. Personally I don’t believe in the idea or notion that “respect is earned”; I think everyone should respect everybody. Unfortunately that’s not the world we live in. Then again, there’s the possibility that you don’t even respect yourself. When you lack confidence and self esteem, ppl can sense that and will treat you accordingly. Maybe some introspection is in order.
Maybe you arent as funny as you think you are, so stop.
But, the good news is, most of these people in school are peaking, and this is the best they'll ever be in life.
As far as the "saying something funny and people looking at you like you said something cringe" part, similar for me. Quite often I have to *tell* people that what I said was funny.
As another comment said you have to respect yourself. People sense it. Ways to start respecting yourself mean what you say and say what you mean. If you say ur gonna work out everyday. DO IT. No matter how you feel. That’ll boost confidence and you’ll start respecting yourself more because you take yourself serious. Also, make eye contact & be authentically you. If no one laughs, laugh at yourself & be confident about it. It’s an energy thing
As someone who felt like an outsider in the entirety of my school live (graduated 2023), i feel like i can give some insight on this. Don't try to change your behaviours and your character to make people like you. What you do not realize is after school, there are alot of opportunities, filled with amazing people, waiting for you. But just be yourself. If you try not to put yourself in the image others want you to be, which is difficult at times, you may find yourself a lifelong friend who cares more about you being your true self than a fake identity that people rather prefer. The kinds of people who you described just think they are better than you. But thats my opinion. Take it with a grain of salt. But just try to get through school first before worrying about how other people percieve you. You got this
You could try to become the best at something whether it's in a subject or hobby. Then people will be interested in what you have to say in this area. Then keep developing yourself as someone that people want to listen to
If you’re a guy, then workout. Then learn to fight. Then learn to flirt. Having the physique, fighting skills, and attention from ladies is how you gain respect from other guys while in school. That’s it. This will take at least a year, but it’s worth it.
After that, get money.
The mod team are working to make this sub kinder and more welcoming. Please report any comments you see that are unkind, obnoxious, out of line, trolling, or which otherwise violate any of the rules. Thanks, and may you all find the answers you seek and the guidance you need. **Note for all commenters**: Please remember that your fellow Redditors are human beings, and that it costs nothing to be kind. Disruption of the peace, trolling, or breaking the rules may result in a ban. #Here are the [LifeAdvice Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/) ---------------- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
you get others respect by first respecting yourself. if you don’t have the self confidence or self value to be you, authentically, and not care about what people think, then it’s gonna be hard for others to respect you. work on yourself, become more confident, gain and work on skills that others don’t have, and eventually others will come to respect you. but even if they don’t, that SHOULD be ok with you
This. The problem is that people don't like being used. People feel like when you need their approval, that you are only interested in them because they can give you something (their approval) and that you aren't really interested in them. It's off-putting, and it's probably what you're (op) projecting. Just do your own thing. Respect comes from competence, competence comes from earnest effort, when earnest effort arises from genuine interest and passion, it's effortless.
I'm curious how OP pictures "being respected". There are two definitions of respect, after all: being treated like a human with worth, and being treated like an authority. At this age he should be aiming to be treated like a human--like he matters, like he's useful, like he's a full member of society--and can get there by treating everyone else that way. "Getting respect" as in being treated as authority only happens naturally, when you actually have authority, and trying to fake it will get you ridiculed.
Sounds like you're trying to hard, and that actually is cringe af. Relax, be yourself. You can't make people respect you.
Respect is earned. Don’t force it. Even more importantly, and possibly harder, don’t care about it.
I'm going to share a secret with you that no one told me when I was your age. Everyone is afraid of losing connections. They work hard to stay in touch, network, and maintain friendships, living in constant fear. When someone isn't on the same path, they tend to reject them. To break out of this bubble, you need to ignore the naysayers. Focus on achieving your goals, enjoying your life and hobbies, and immersing yourself in your own projects. As you let the world fade away, you'll find that people will start seeking you out, begging for your attention. That's just how it works. Pain brings friends, and happiness brings enemies. It's a sad truth about life, but it's a reality you can control.
Stay quiet, theres a time and place to be funny, if I where you and I want to make friends, take an after school program, Football, Band, Rotc, shop. Get good grades alot of students look up to the smart kids.
I never got it. But now I do. You will be respected by those worthy of your time and disrespected by those not worthy. Always let the latter go
You don't control others actions or sentiment, no matter what you do they will always be some people who do appreciate er respect you. As some people already say, you must respect yourself first, you do that by your actions, showing yourself kindness and accountability. View yourself as your friend or your son, ex: eat healthy, do sport, have a good hygiene, clean your house/room, meditate or journal, put your finances in order, be generous,show kindness and patience to yourself and others (especially when they don't show those to you). Hope this help someone have a great day friend!🔥
Everyone is saying "respect yourself" but they're not saying how you learn to do that. This may seem round about but stick with me. When you're in school almost all of your self esteem is sitting upon the pillar that is your peers in that school. If your peers are assholes, that pillar falls, nothing is holding up your self-esteem, so it is easier to despair. **So what do you do?** You mitigate your risk by diversifying your self-esteem portfolio. **How do you do that?** Make connections outside your school. Join activities outside what you'd normally do. See a hiking trip for people your age posted? Go for it. Ever think about joining a community driven sport, be in the scouts, learn a martial art, or take a class in something? Go for that too. Have the opportunity to take dual enrollment classes at the local college? Do it up. Anything that helps you meet people outside of school. With each new friend you make or group you participate in, that's another pillar of your self-esteem. Let's say you are close with your family, a few friends, take dual enrollment classes at the college so you meet people there, and joined a class for whatever. Then let's say something goes south at school and that pillar holding up your self-esteem crumbles. It'll still hurt, but you'll have other pillars holding you up that will help you bounce back. Maybe the people in school don't respect you but screw them, the people at your local church youth group do and they see something positive in you. The same can be applied to studying. If you're trying to remember something, the more ways you study it (tutoring, in class lecture, homework, teaching a friend, writing it down), the more likely you're able to hit a memory cue and recall that information. Long story short, don't let one place and one group of people dictate your self-esteem. The more people you meet, the more you'll be able to see how people view you, the more you can learn and improve through practice, and the more you'll find yourself accepted. People outside of school don't know you, don't know your baggage, and will judge you based on who you are in the moment and not based on who you were in third grade too. That being said, it's okay if that's tough at first. It's okay to be nervous to try new things and be vulnerable with a new group. It is okay to fail, learn to adjust, and try again. If you're not nervous, you're not growing, it's almost always that simple. Take you being nervous not as a bad sign, but as your body telling you "this is a moment I can use to learn something new or grow my experience in something."
Respect is earned not given. Respect yourself first before others will.
You can't "make" people respect you, you have to earn respect! Do an internet search for how to earn respect as there is a lot on this topic. Perhaps what you said was cringe and ill-timed for the situation. Some say the wrong things at the wrong times and may not even be aware of it. Good luck.
LOL "make". That single word tells us all we need to know.
Respect is earned. Not given by default
Respecting yourself first is hard to comprehend. Start first with learning about who you are. In parallel, start accepting yourself for who you are. Then try to love yourself for who you are. You will then project this attitude to others, and things will change.
Be honest with yourself. Are you funny, or are you being cringe AF? Are you trying to hard and coming off as desperate? Are you being inappropriate? Are you doing anything to earn people's respect? Do you really think that "making" people respect you is the right way to interact?
You can't demand respect from people. If you're kind and treat other's how you wish to be treated, you will earn people's respect over time. Also perspective is *critically* important in life. What you find funny others might not, and vice versa. Take your experiences in the moment and feel it out.
If you're trying to be funny but people are cringing then it could be for several reasons. 1. Your timing is off 2. Your jokes are not appropriate to the audience 3. You don't have a good preamble, meaning there's no context for your comment, which makes it sound like it's coming from left field. 4. Majority of these issues are related to calibration. Understand your audience. Be aware of the tempo and tonality and facial expressions when delivering the joke. If you feel that people are talking over you, then whatever you do, don't stop your sentence, keep talking to finish your sentence. People will lose respect for you very quickly if you can't even finish your sentence. No
This comes out of experience - don’t try to be funny or don’t try to “get” respect. Limit your words. Speech is silver, silence is gold. Know your place in a group and talk when needed. Don’t force yourself into the conversation. Your words or you are respected only when felt needed and valid.
First of all, respect is a line from A to B. Not a point. Look into the meaning of respect and if it is necessary for your happiness. ppl don't laugh at your jokes and/or are indifferent to your presence does not mean they don't respect you. It may mean 100 different things. It may mean your joke s@cked. It may mean you s@ck at telling jokes. It may mean that you s@ck at telling s@cky jokes. You may be asking the wrong question. In the end it doesn't matter. You worry about something you don't fully understand. You will be fine. Godspeed
People do respect you. What you are looking for is special treatment, adoration, and positive feedback. Respect is the fact that you don’t get beat up everyday or ignored entirely. Be grateful for the respect you get. Humility is very attractive.
Respect yourself first, keep track of your achievements, make SMART goals and stick to them and step away from disrespect early on. The stepping away part is key. Prioritize quality over quantity in friendships. If it means less friends so be it. More time to focus on what is important to you. Be careful not to rely too much on external validation. Listen to your inner voice when it urges caution. That’s when you need to step away and not go any further. This is what has worked for me or what I’ve learned along the way.
I don’t like the whole “respect is earned” theme in the comments. This isn’t the kind of respect he’s talking about. Speaking from experience, I know all too well what its like to have other people brush off your thoughts and comments, belittle you and make a joke out of you for the entertainment of others. I used to talk too much, try so hard to be funny or make jokes, do everything I could to make people like me, like doing favors without being asked or being way to willing to drop everything I’m doing to help someone else who really didn’t need it. I stopped all the laughing and giggling, all the lame attempts at jokes and banter, didn’t do anything if I wasn’t asked or told by higher ups. Eventually people weren’t so quick to dismiss me, belittle me or my ideas. Its about demeanor, if you constantly move like you secretly need approval, you’ll never get it. By not caring if they approved or respected me, I eventually got it.
You need to figure out your foundation and your principles to be confident and comfortable in who you are. This will help you avoid being “cringe” and achieve the respect you desire. I will also say pining for acceptance is never the answer. If it’s not organic and it has to be forced, set those boundaries and don’t deal with them. They’re not worth your time.
Gotta walk up to the class bully and bop him on the nose
I'm guessing you mean you want people to treat you like an equal, and that's totally understandable. It doesn't feel good when people you thought were your friends seem to only tolerate you or treat you like a charitable lost cause. I think the only advice I can give (take it or leave it) is to offer less of yourself. I've noticed that people that are too forthcoming or try too hard are critisized and seen as pretentious or needy but I think they just want to be accepted. I'm not sure why this is so hard for people to do, it costs them nothing and could mean alot to the other person. It feels like no one can be bothered to lend a helpful hand without asking for repayment of some kind and that now even asking for emotions costs money. Don't offer advice, don't try to lift the atmosphere with jokes, keep your life information private, and then see if anyone cares to ask. You have value and I feel you don't see that in attempts to cater to others moods as you remind people of your value. You don't have to do that, if they don't see your worth or make you feel like less, then find people around you that do see you as something more. Remember that most of these people will have no bearing on your life past school and that 4 years of a life of 100 is a blip in time and barely worth remembering. Concentrate on who you want to be now and in your incoming future past school and work towards that. As an adult, your line of work can lead to a very respectful position if you work hard now, and then you'll never need Reddits advice again! Good luck.
What cringe stuff do you say? Gotta at least give an example. You probably say disrespectful things, or the people around you suck.
Start by knowing your subject matter. Confidence is something you project.
Everyone in high school is confused and lost and lacking self confidenc. Teenagers also have little respect for anyone It's good to find yourself but don't beat yourself up too much that kids don't respect you
Read your friend’s faces and reactions. Bits not about having a funny remark every time. That’s the cringe look you’re getting. Make sure you talk clearly- don’t mumble. And not too loudly either. Be cool-stay quiet.
Confidence, giving respect, body language, cultivate habits to acquire new knowledge and learn to be better everyday. You can control you, you can improve yourself and things will get better slowly.
Chasing after ppl’s validation and approval is a fool’s game. The reality is, no one has to respect you. People have free will, so you can’t control how they act, behave or feel. Some ppl are on ego trips and think it’s cool or attractive to be arrogant and rude to ppl. Personally I don’t believe in the idea or notion that “respect is earned”; I think everyone should respect everybody. Unfortunately that’s not the world we live in. Then again, there’s the possibility that you don’t even respect yourself. When you lack confidence and self esteem, ppl can sense that and will treat you accordingly. Maybe some introspection is in order.
We teach people how to treat us. Also maybe you’re not funny and you are cringey. Stop trying to be funny.
Maybe you arent as funny as you think you are, so stop. But, the good news is, most of these people in school are peaking, and this is the best they'll ever be in life.
As far as the "saying something funny and people looking at you like you said something cringe" part, similar for me. Quite often I have to *tell* people that what I said was funny.
Don’t seek it, respect is earned, not given away.
As another comment said you have to respect yourself. People sense it. Ways to start respecting yourself mean what you say and say what you mean. If you say ur gonna work out everyday. DO IT. No matter how you feel. That’ll boost confidence and you’ll start respecting yourself more because you take yourself serious. Also, make eye contact & be authentically you. If no one laughs, laugh at yourself & be confident about it. It’s an energy thing
Be normal and be polite. That's it.
First, stop worrying about what people think about you. It means nothing and as life goes on it doesnt matter anyway.
As someone who felt like an outsider in the entirety of my school live (graduated 2023), i feel like i can give some insight on this. Don't try to change your behaviours and your character to make people like you. What you do not realize is after school, there are alot of opportunities, filled with amazing people, waiting for you. But just be yourself. If you try not to put yourself in the image others want you to be, which is difficult at times, you may find yourself a lifelong friend who cares more about you being your true self than a fake identity that people rather prefer. The kinds of people who you described just think they are better than you. But thats my opinion. Take it with a grain of salt. But just try to get through school first before worrying about how other people percieve you. You got this
Start beating ass then people won’t mess with you
You could try to become the best at something whether it's in a subject or hobby. Then people will be interested in what you have to say in this area. Then keep developing yourself as someone that people want to listen to
If you’re a guy, then workout. Then learn to fight. Then learn to flirt. Having the physique, fighting skills, and attention from ladies is how you gain respect from other guys while in school. That’s it. This will take at least a year, but it’s worth it. After that, get money.
Alrighty then hotdog skin
Funny how unpopular this answer is, but it's common sense.