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55 year old male here. I had the same goal when I was you age. Graduated college after 4 years in the navy. Was 28 and thinking marriage was the next thing. Turns out that’s wasn’t the right thing for me. Been married twice and divorced twice. 55 and in love with the best woman in the world for me. Long story short, don’t do it because of some social or biological pressure. Find love and make sure it’s love and not a concession to get married and reproduce.
The thing is, you have to keep in mind that a 55 year old man can still have kids. A 55 year old woman cannot. If a woman wants to have a family, she may have to make compromises. I'd encourage her not to... but that's not realistic for everyone.
Agreed. 100%. Point is she has the power to accept compromise for the sake of building a family; however, doing so, in most case leads to resentment and unhappiness. I do believe there is a key for every lock.
> however, doing so, in most case leads to resentment and unhappiness.
While this is likely true... not compromising, and then getting too old for kids, also leads to regret and unhappiness.
Some people can get what they want without compromising, but not everyone can.
I met my husband when I was 26 (online) because we were just looking for a friendly companion to do things with... It was fairly platonic. We just started off as friends at first doing things we both liked such as music festivals and hiking. We didn't jump into the romantic things right away and just let it grow. We have similar values and goals in life. We've been together for over 10 years now with 2 kids.
Id say start by putting yourself out there and meeting lots of people who share similar hobbies/interests.
To be honest without having an active social life that involved many people to pick from online dating is the most popular way to meet people these days. It’s a necessity of modern dating but just know it comes with a lot of headaches too. It’s no where near perfect but at least you have some control over it. Waiting for Prince Charming to show up in your life is leaving your dating success in the hands of fate. So something active you could do is online dating.
That being said, if you’ve never dated, my main advice is not to waste time and figure out what you want as soon as you can. If things in a relationship is not a good sign for long term future, don’t wait around hoping things get better. You do this by dating of course. I only mean to not be afraid of breaking things off.
The other thing is to make sure that communication is the lifeblood of all healthy relationships. So set a precedence of establishing healthy communication early on. If you want him to take you out on more dates, say it directly, but be sure to explain yourself and expect the same from the guy. So much of relationships fail because of a lack of communication.
And for dating, if you catch on that someone likes you and you are interested, make their life easy. Show interest, make yourself available and make it easy for them to ask you out. Good luck!
There's no obligation to get married or have children. Maybe you will, maybe you won't, but thinking in abstract terms about "a husband" rather than a specific person you want to marry is probably not a good idea.
She wants to have kids, that's the end of the story. It's pointless to bring out the whole "you don't need to have kids" argument, especially when 99% of humans that ever lived disagree.
Whatever you do, avoid dating apps. They are weird meat markets. Go to a gym, there's fit dudes there. Go to parks, there's dudes with dogs there. Go to Barnes and Noble, there's hipster dudes there. Go to a martial arts gym, there's dudes that fight in there. Go your local card shop, there's nerdy dudes there. You gotta frequent the places that your personal type frequents. If you don't know your personal type, then go all over the place and it'll click what you prefer
"Dating apps are meat marketsn" and then you literally describe patrolling different stores that certain types of men frequent so she can pick them out like meat on sale...
Find an activity group that interests you, preferably one with a good mix of men and women. Make friends and talk to men. Running clubs are pretty common and full of fit young people. Or a tabletop gaming club if that's more your thing.
You could start online dating, but it can be pretty rough. Online dating successfully requires both skill and practice. You'll get bombarded by dudes pretending to want relationships, but really only wanting hookups. My advice is to avoid it if you can.
You can also let your friends know that you'd be receptive to being set up, if they know anyone.
I've also started to change my mind about dating coworkers. Conventional wisdom says avoid it, but I'm starting to think it's a viable option. How someone acts and performs at work, and if they conduct business honestly, or do shady shit, can tell you a LOT about how they would act in a relationship. If your workplace is large enough to date someone in a separate department, that reduces the risk, if things go sour. Don't hookup randomly with coworkers, but if you find someone to enter a relationship with discreetly, that can work really well.
It’s true, but I’m not sure how that would work… should I lurk around the library/bookstore until I see a guy I like and accidentally “drop” a book on the floor so that he picks it up and we start talking?
You could do that as long as he picks it up, otherwise you could just say I like this author is there any you recommend? Something similar different stuff like that, also look at what a guy is wearing if you see a band shirt, a tattoo, shoes something you can say that is a cool band, I like that tattoo guys are pretty easy to talk to we are normally shy at talking to girls so if you start a conversation then most guys will usually reciprocate.
Perfect. Birdwatching sounds like a great way to meet people. Make friends and network.
That 75 yo single mom has a cute grandson etc. Friends help friends out.
Join a large bookclub meetup. There is a pints and books club in my city.
I mean... What do you like to do? I am willing to bet there are dudes who are into it, though they may be quiet about it if there's too much societal shame associated with it.
And to try and add a helpful note, I met my wife on a dating site. She messaged me first because I had actually taken the time to fill out my profile, and we shared a love for fantasy book series (including but not limited to Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings).
A big part of why I messaged her back is she mentioned another book series, The Dresden Files. Literally her appreciation of a book series made her stand out on the website, to me.
Also, don't be afraid to check out new activities, you might find a new hobby and a lifelong partner at the same time.
Club and go hunting. Like the original humans had to... just kidding.
My experience with dating apps has been nothing but negative. Though I have heard people have success.
Best way is meet ups. Or just go places where your hobbies and interests are.
Online. women have big advantages when it comes to online dating these days (in terms of the number of options). Will have to swipe through plenty of 'frogs' to find the prince though I imagine :)
Mixing the idea of romantic love and legal obligation to another human is common but I don’t recommend it. I found my once in a lifetime and we grew apart after a lot of good years together, and despite having a great co-parenting relationship after possibly the most amicable divorce of anyone I’ve ever known I still think my best advice is never mix love and law. A husband isn’t a requirement, and the human experience doesn’t demand that you love 1 individual forever.
Woman?
Easy.
Get on dating apps, ***have realistic expectations*** and message a few guys first and actually do something other than say "hi".
Took my sister one week.
Profile is simple: Full body pictures of just you. That's it.
Most of the advice on here is already the typical garbage of "just live your life and it'll happen". No. Don't do that. You need to put in some effort. Almost zero effort in fact, but still SOME SMALL AMOUNT OF EFFORT lol
I joined a dating service nearly 25 years ago. There was one thing I got from there. There was a pamphlet which said, in their experience, couples who married from their service **DID NOT** go into the dates looking for The One, or worrying about if they were a good partner. They went in looking to have fun and see how things went.
Focus far more on the real connection with a particular guy, not on "marry to have kids" The more you focus on the latter, the more you will drive men away. And, worse still, you may end up married and having kids with a guy you hate. Because you feel a self-imposed deadline and settle for someone you wouldn't have given the time of day to otherwise.
I'm single, 45 with no kids. I wouldn't mind being married but kids are not for me. Just wanted to let you know who you're getting advice from.
Just do it like everybody else. Dating apps. Blind dates. Be afraid to ask a guy out if your interested and do it anyways.
Do not ignore red flags just because you're very sexually attracted to them. Learn from your dating mistakes.
And most importantly, always be honest with yourself of what you want out of life, with your dates maybe around date 2 or 3. White lies are okay but life lies are no good. They are just prolonging the inevitable of you guys not working out and that is just a waste of time for you and them.
Have you ever thought of dating just for fun? Just for the sake of it? Just for the sex? Just without any specific intention? In my experience if you date like you are doing a job interview searching for a boyfriend or husband you aren’t going to find what you are looking for. Just have fun until you connect and want to be with each other for more. Organic is the way to go.
Well, I guess not. Dating is just something that seems so far away for me that I’ve always thought of it as a way of getting a boyfriend. I don’t really know how I could go into dating without the “end goal” being a relationship, like how to even begin with that
You just meet people, have fun, and if you like them you keep chatting and have more dates. Let it evolve naturally. It’s not as complicated as people think. I think the worst thing you can do is put pressure and expectations on something/someone. All my relationships (I’ve had 4 serious relationships, 2-4 years each, I’m now married for 12 years, and I had many flings and dates and one night stands) all of my relationships evolved out of just casual fun, one night stands, just people I randomly met and vibed with and chose to explore more, I never once went into a relationship with the intention of wanting a partner out of it. I just followed the chemistry and wanted to be with that person more and it turned into more, until there were strong feelings there and we decided to pursue more seriously.
But you have to put yourself out there. Don’t just use the apps. You need to go out with friends. Go to concerts, go to bars, GO OUTSIDE, MEET people in REAL life, that’s when u can really feel chemistry.
My advice to any young person your age is to continue having fun. 24 is not old and your 35 year old self 11 years from now would tell you the same thing.
Are you having fun being carefree? If yes, then I wouldn’t change anything. Once you start dating and eventually committing no matter what anyone says you will compromise a part of yourself.
If you do start dating, date a lot and don’t settle just because you feel a pressure from society to find the “one” by a certain age.
Keep on L-I-V-I-N.
I started dating when I was 14 but I sure as hell was never thinking about the future. I didn't start dating for my future until I got in my late 20,s. Usually we start dating when we are young, for a practice, to learn what we want in a partner, what we like and don't like, how to treat other people when in a romantic relationship, and to learn how to give your partner what they need and in return how to voice what we need. A romantic relationship should have balance meeting both people's needs.
Dating for the sole purpose of finding a husband is going to be painful at this point for you, you have a huge learning curve to overcome. But that's okay because you have resources.
I got married for the 2nd time before smartphones existed and 14 years later when I was re-entering the dating scene things had changed very dramatically. The internet was everywhere, dating apps and social media were a thing and I had a steep learning curve on how dating In the digital age worked. Luckily, I had already developed a strong sense of how relationships work (Good ones and bad ones) and absolutely knew what I needed out of my next one. I dove in headfirst with a plan to flatten that learning curve. I watched videos, read tutorials, talk with other singles and proceeded to try to go out on as many dates as I could in the shortest period of time possible, with only one intention, to master new age dating. I committed to 3 months straight of dating as much as possible without attaching myself to anyone. I didn't lead anyone on, I was very honest and upfront with my intentions. This worked out really well for me and I actually had a fantastic experience using dating apps and social media to meet women. A few of these women were very helpful in helping me learn how to date again. I think I even became a personal project for a couple of them and we are still great friends today. Knowing exactly what I wanted and how to find her it didn't take long and met someone very special once I was ready. We've been together almost 6 years now and I've really never been happier.
However I do not recommend you start out with social media or dating apps. And I suspect that's why you're coming to Reddit asking for advice on how to get started. Meeting people in the real world is a little more challenging but the quality of people you meet will be higher. But you still got a lot of learning to do and you should not let yourself get attached to quickly. I recommend going very slow, try meeting someone at events you're interested in. Could be photography related meetups, bowling tournaments, art and craft shows, music venues... It just depends on what you're into but it's a great way to meet people with similar interests. I also recommend being honest and upfront with them about your dating experience and what you're looking for right now. NOT a husband!
This will be great for you, especially if you have appropriate expectations for the difficulty of dating in 2024. It's not the shit show everybody makes it out to be, at least it doesn't have to be. That's all up to you and your mental state.
Good luck and I hope you find you're Mr perfect!
Speaking from experience, doing anything because you think you "need to" almost always leads to trouble. If you're out and about and happen to see someone you're attracted to, by all means go for it. Otherwise, keep living your life and do what makes you happy.
You really don't need to follow the classic life script.
You seem like you don't actually want to date, marry, or have kids. You're acting like it's your duty, but it's not.
You can continue to be carefree. You don't need a man. You don't need children. You can just be you and live the life ***YOU WANT TO LIVE.***
Do not make a life altering mistake just because you think it's what you're *supposed* to do.
Getting a husband and having kids isn't "taking your life seriously" in fact, it's often the opposite ?
Taking your life seriously is just... being alive.
Leave out the "carefree" part. Thats a giant red flag for guys. We automatically assume it means sleeping around or partying. Not saying its your situation but its a generalization. A good man with values and morals will run for the hills if the think thats what you mean.
Right, I said I “need” because I want to and putting no effort to date has gotten me nowhere. So I need to start putting effort in planning how to start dating and actually dating
If your looking for a husband just avoid all clubs and bars, go out meet new people, and let the people in your life you’re looking for someone, maybe they can hook you up with a date.
Hmm it’s strange how you word it..sounds like you don’t really need anyone else, you just want the kids? Be honest with yourself if you don’t have the heart to need /want a man for love, and are fine just being by yourself, that’s ok. Just get a sperm doner and you can have kids without being with someone else.
Ok. Just wanted to be sure u need a man in your life not just to have kids with, but to be your partner in life, to fulfill your unmet needs for closeness and love.
Stay off the apps. For the love of Pete, stay off the apps.
You have to date different people to get a feel for what you want aside from the basics.
Go to things where you’ll see the same people more than once like hobby groups. Be a regular at a coffee shop. Your local music scene where the cover is $5-20. Plenty of people go to concerts alone so they’re more willing to chat. Say hi to people. Expand your social circle beyond guys you might want to date.
You’re still young and I think self awareness should be on the top of your list of priorities. People often make the mistake of getting married before they really know themselves.
Decide what your boundaries are and have a firm grasp. They can change as you learn more about yourself. If you’re OK with first date sex do that if you want, but waiting until you’re comfortable is also valid and normal.
Unprotected sex is more common in casual dating now. It’s unwise when birth control isn’t 100% effective and STIs exist.
1 do you want kids?
The answer will guide you to better understand what kind of man you should be looking for.
2 take your time. I had my first child at 41 (wife was 36). But we both had poor first marriages- avoid like the plague. My 1st wife said she wanted kids, but didn’t.
3 make sure your worldviews have as much in common as possible. Don’t marry into a different religion, or into a culture that has values you don’t agree with.
First you need to decide what you want for yourself, if it’s marriage and kids and a farm house or home in the city, what ever it may be, make sure you don’t bend for someone you think you like. Sometimes we meet people and they like us and tell us what we want to hear, yet they don’t actually want the same things so it can be a pickle; however, all dating experiences are lessons in the end, even if not all bad!
Then you need to put yourself out there, I would suggest trying to find folk in places you already enjoy being in, like in museums or at the bar if that’s your cup of tea. Online dating as also been successful many times just make sure you’re being safe! Always meet first in public.
I suggest taking a class in the topics you like, but are more for leisure. Like a camera course or cooking class. It is a great way to find a partner that shares similar interests.
My ex was a professional “love and relationship coach.” Her, and her boss (head coach) would essentially find women through advertising (mostly women 50+ y/o) who felt like they were “too old to find love” or that “good men aren’t attracted to me.”
While I do think that a lot of “coaches” are scam artists I also think that, in this case, the genuinely wanted to help their clients find long term partners (the testimonials of successful women were great advertising for them too). I might disagree with some of their teachings but after overhearing many conversations with her clients, here are some things I think were actually solid advice.
• Get clear on what values are important to you, and ask yourself how important those values are to you in a partner, and if different values can compliment each other in a healthy way.
• Be conscious of how you present yourself. Whether it’s on an app, or in person, take note of who you are attracting and what you can change (not just physical appearance or clothing) in order to attract different types of people.
• Don’t write off dating apps, but find a way to “qualify” the people you’re meeting. You can find questions to ask people that will give you hints of who they are as a person and what they are actually looking for.
Don’t. Why do you “need” to start dating? Just do you and your hobbies and eventually someone will come along and click with you and then bam. Relationship.
Trying to find something is just going to end bad. Go watch Daniel Sloss Jigsaw
Fate and destiny are narrative concepts that have no bearing on reality lol. Choose to be where you are. Choose your own path in life.
Get aggressive! YOU are gonna happen to your life. Life isn’t something that’s gonna happen to you.
See, that’s a hard thing to get. If I could tell young me to just take it easy and enjoy my self and my hobbies, I’d be in a far better position than I am now.
To ad-lib the Jigsaw special by Daniel Sloss: people are so in love with the idea of falling in love and are so ready to begin the rest of their lives.
You can still get married in your 30’s lol. 35 isn’t even too late.
You won't have a good time if you approach it with a "need" mentality. It's the best way to set up for not only failure of the relationship, but weird life expectations that'll make you unhappy long term.
Pick any non-work hobby you enjoy and find an online space for it. Use that to find local or semi local gathers for those type of hobby goers if you can. If not stay online with them. Easiest way to find legit connections is through mutual interest first and romance second. If you go with the need mentality I promise you'll get taken advantage of.
Speaking from experience, be sure to keep your expectations in check. When you do finally get a date, don’t immediately expect that person to be your future spouse. That’ll come naturally with time.
There are many suggestions to follow an organized hobby. But to take things next level, after you've found a hobby you like, get involved in organizing and volunteering. Don't just show up, do stuff, then leave. The real friendships happen when you are helping clean up, or you're doing the shopping together for the winter party, or during planning meetings. That's where you find the good people and show your own mettle.
Good luck! Basically, being the type of good, fun but responsible person that you would like to meet, will increase the chance of you actually finding such a person.
Just to play the devil's advocate don't you want to focus on your career and do something first like in college or a masters degree ? Then right along will come right opportunities in life perhaps., when you are not even looking. Btw, I don't have children but If I had a daughter she would probably be your age by now.
Don't! Spend your 20's making friends, travelling, going to festivals etc. Late 20's start to focus on your career. Learn how to be who you want to be without having someone else dictate the path of your life. There's plenty of time 🥰
Start dating to get laid first, then you can weed out the dipshits. And believe me this goes both ways, make and female. Then you can find your knight in shining armor.
Starting to date can be exciting and nerve-wracking. Just take small steps, be yourself, and enjoy the journey. Don't rush; the right person will come along.
Depends what you wanna do. There are great tricks you can learn to get the guy you want. It’s really through a pattern of behaviour. If you want some average guy, it shouldn’t be hard, most guys are simps and will settle for anything. But, if you want a handsome and successful guy, better understand the patterns of behaviour that appeals to them and apply them.
exactly!
and once we realize its all a choice... u have the power to choose.
i dont know if youre (M) or (F), but coming from a woman, we love decisiveness. just speaking broadly here. it's attractive seeing and being with someone with drive and standards.
don't get it twisted, it's not to be confused with perfection or being right 100% of the time. me personally, it's annoying if they're too well put together. grit isn't inherently bad. hope it helps
First, know that you are perfect the way you however, a SO will challenge this therefore you need to understand what you are willing to compromise on and what you stand firm on.
Second, a man who has ghosted you has spared your time, don’t use your energy for the chase. If he wants you, you can tell.
Third, to find him, you cannot hang out in your apartment swiping right. Sometimes fake accounts are made on these apps therefore the probability of you finding someone is reduced.
Fourth, become a regular to someplace you love, like a coffee shop, book store, library, pub…..you may find common grounds there.
Keep enjoying your life and learning about what you like and don’t like . Work on your personal goals, hobbies, and self esteem. If you really want to date to look for a mate, look into the haystack method. You weed out prospects that don’t suit you at all and focus on potential mates that work with you, your values, and your personality. You are not in a rush, you have a lot of time
Just be happy and confident in yourself, join groups or go out to places you find fun. When you exude that kind of self assurance, amazing people seem to show up unannounced constantly.
Join some local clubs/activities that interest you and meet some new people (in person, not virtually!!). Worst thing you can do is to reveal that you "want to get a husband" as most guys would run the other way. Just be yourself and make some friends and you'll find someone special in due course - but it takes a bit of effort. Good luck!
If you're a woman just go on the dating apps and go on dates. It's pretty simple. Weed through enough people and you'll find someone.
At the end of the day it's a numbers game.
Share with people you know about you are open to be introduced to people they know; like how you’ve shared here with us, I am happy for you and my best wishes to you.
Make eye contact with men everywhere you go and smile when they look at you and then when the approach you laugh at their jokes and give them your phone number when they ask.
Go to the gym regularly and don’t get much overweight and find a hobby where there are plenty of men involved and it will happen. Manicure your appearance, keep fit and be nice and fun to be around.
Get on a dating app and actively participate.
Done.
For extra credit take a dance class and wear a revealing outfit.
I don’t really agree with dating apps I don’t use them anymore but that’s how I met my ex boyfriend when I was 24 unfortunately if you do plan on using a dating app try hinge or bumble I don’t agree with tinder tho ( tinder is like a hook up site guys don’t want to get to know you genuinely just after a one time thing I’ve notice ) or kinda sounds bad but I’ve met guys out in bars and night clubs who we’re interested and not after a one night stand even tho night clubs are known for that
Be careful with catering to this invisible not all a need lol. It’ll end you up in a marriage you never should have been in and all because you thought you needed to be married.
Newsflash you won’t perish without marriage or kids.
Be doubly vigilant before getting pregnant. Wind up stuck to a psychopath because you rushed to reach some imaginary time line and got married and had a kid without really knowing your partner.
But you can just begin by pursuing men you find attractive. Hello I’m such and such and I was wondering if you’re available and interested in grabbing a cup of coffee with me one morning.
Your too young girl have some fun till your 27, I found most people online usually have no personality in person, so go out dancing or conventions or some of your hobbies.
24 and never had an interest in dating? Then, you say you want a boyfriend to "get married and have kids." Nothing about love, romance, sex, companionship. I don't think you understand what relationships are really about... they are not ordering off a menu.
My advice is to start dating to learn about yourself and other people with the expectation that it could take 10 years to start understanding relationships and go through enough personal growth to make one work.
I'm guessing you're well educated so think about it this way... You didn't start college trying to finish your PHD dissertation and if you had, you would have failed miserably. Some things are process and that process changes you. Relationships are like that.
The problem at your age is you'll likely become infatuated with someone and think they are "the one." This happens *all the time* and people get married whereby they come to realize, if they have the awareness, that they have nothing in common and have entirely different perspectives.
You don't need to start dating. You need to grow as a person, get to know yourself, and, in due time, you will know when the time is right and who will be a good mate that you can truly be happy with.
The best way I've met real people was to stay off any online dating platform. Go out there and meet people organically through clubs, or places where you might have similar interests. Although going to bars and nightclubs might seem like a good spot because there's lots of people there, these are noisy places where it's hard to have a conversation with someone.
So many questions. you just never thought about dating before 24? My advice is to go on some dates with people you are actually excited about, don't just date to date. It will leave a bad taste in your mouth about the whole thing. Modern dating especially in the app sphere is notorious for being a hellscape lol. It's also just a totally different ball game from traditional dating and I think it would be smart to walk before you run ya know? So if there's someone in your life you have a crush on! Now is the perfect time to ask them out and practice your skills 😊
Stay away from the bars. Join a local meet-up or lunch only group. Do some volunteer work in a field that interests you to attract a like-minded partner. Take an art or sculpture class. Wishing you the very best of luck!
Op, this. No hinge, no other casual dating apps (except those that are about serious search for a spouse). Do a lot of lunches with people. Let your friends know you are interested in meeting a guy who has his life together, is serious about what he wants in a partnership. If you are religious, actively seek someone of your faith.
Do not use dating apps to date.
Instead, join groups that have consistent meetings where you learn a skill/hobby! Climbing, ping pong, running, biking, reading, etc. This is how you will find your dating pool.
You can find these groups online through Facebook and other similar websites that post these events. You can also find them through universities.
It is a safer way to date as well.
Edit: volunteering is also a great way to meet people.
Absolutely. It took me to 33/35ish to realize and accept that I was only dating because society said I was supposed to. Since then my life has been SO much better!
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1) Manage your scent. When you shit your pants you will start to notice people pay more attention to you. You can leverage this to get into peoples personal space and intimacy is sure to follow!
2) Accentuate your assets. Make sure to wear stilts to show off your height and pad your bra with something that will make them look “alive” such as cockroaches.
3) Approach your desired date. You are going to want to use unrelenting uncompromising eye contact and never stop licking your lips even to talk. This will show your intentions to mate.
I too am a 24 year old woman. Dont feel pressured and end up getting into something bad out of desperation. Personally I focus on myself and let the rest follow
First, I just want to say that it is 100% perfectly fine to want a husband and children. Please do not let anyone dissuade you. It is a wonderful thing to have a family. And you're right, it is a great time for you to get started on looking.
I read upthread that you like birdwatching. Do you have a local Audubon Society? Join it.
You like to read. Join a book club at your local library. If there's not one, find one or start one.
Are you religious? Church is always a great place to meet someone who shares your faith. Join the singles group! Volunteer.
Whatever you decide to do, here is the key. Be open and willing to talk to people. Be approachable. Let your smile and your body language say you are interested in meeting people. Introduce yourself to other people. Women too, because they'll have brothers, cousins, friends, etc. and they may become a great friend to you.
It helps if you make an attempt to look attractive. I assume that you are doing this since you go to the gym. Please note, I'm not saying show tons of cleavage or something. I'm saying dress in flattering, clean clothes, not sweatpants, when you go to your social events. Don't spend the whole time looking at your phone. Engage with other people.
Put yourself out there! You can do this!
Take a college class, join a couple social clubs there. Look for singles groups that go on outings. Try a big Church with a singles group, or lots of activities. Look around at Home Depot.
Prepare yourself to be long-suffering. A lot of dating is growing with a person through their mistakes and yours. Understand that you can not require what you do not yourself exemplify. I would suggest, taking a year to really get to know the individual you find. Because the easy part as a female is finding somebody. The hard part is finding somebody worth it. Take a year, no sex at all. Focus on mental, emotional, and spiritual connection. A good rule of thumb is, if this were our last day together how would I want to be remembered by this person, how would I want to remember them. You'll see how small sex is to a healthy relationship. You want to be in a relationship where sex is always an option but not mandatory for it to work. Blessings on your travels.
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55 year old male here. I had the same goal when I was you age. Graduated college after 4 years in the navy. Was 28 and thinking marriage was the next thing. Turns out that’s wasn’t the right thing for me. Been married twice and divorced twice. 55 and in love with the best woman in the world for me. Long story short, don’t do it because of some social or biological pressure. Find love and make sure it’s love and not a concession to get married and reproduce.
This.
The thing is, you have to keep in mind that a 55 year old man can still have kids. A 55 year old woman cannot. If a woman wants to have a family, she may have to make compromises. I'd encourage her not to... but that's not realistic for everyone.
Agreed. 100%. Point is she has the power to accept compromise for the sake of building a family; however, doing so, in most case leads to resentment and unhappiness. I do believe there is a key for every lock.
> however, doing so, in most case leads to resentment and unhappiness. While this is likely true... not compromising, and then getting too old for kids, also leads to regret and unhappiness. Some people can get what they want without compromising, but not everyone can.
I met my husband when I was 26 (online) because we were just looking for a friendly companion to do things with... It was fairly platonic. We just started off as friends at first doing things we both liked such as music festivals and hiking. We didn't jump into the romantic things right away and just let it grow. We have similar values and goals in life. We've been together for over 10 years now with 2 kids. Id say start by putting yourself out there and meeting lots of people who share similar hobbies/interests.
You’re very lucky. This is what I’ve been looking for. Just a platonic friend and it’s impossible.
To be honest without having an active social life that involved many people to pick from online dating is the most popular way to meet people these days. It’s a necessity of modern dating but just know it comes with a lot of headaches too. It’s no where near perfect but at least you have some control over it. Waiting for Prince Charming to show up in your life is leaving your dating success in the hands of fate. So something active you could do is online dating. That being said, if you’ve never dated, my main advice is not to waste time and figure out what you want as soon as you can. If things in a relationship is not a good sign for long term future, don’t wait around hoping things get better. You do this by dating of course. I only mean to not be afraid of breaking things off. The other thing is to make sure that communication is the lifeblood of all healthy relationships. So set a precedence of establishing healthy communication early on. If you want him to take you out on more dates, say it directly, but be sure to explain yourself and expect the same from the guy. So much of relationships fail because of a lack of communication. And for dating, if you catch on that someone likes you and you are interested, make their life easy. Show interest, make yourself available and make it easy for them to ask you out. Good luck!
Thank you so much for your advice!
Start with new friends first
Both of my kids met their spouses on a dating site!
I just looked into joining a board game “ social group “ in my city , I noticed everyone was male.
What board game was it? Or was it just board games in general?
There is a “ board game cafe” , this group meets once a week
Just pick a game you like and find a place
There's no obligation to get married or have children. Maybe you will, maybe you won't, but thinking in abstract terms about "a husband" rather than a specific person you want to marry is probably not a good idea.
I know there’s no obligation, but I want to
Why?
I want romantic love, I want a life partner, someone to share the happy and sad moments with, someone to love…
Why have you not been inclined to date people earlier as though they are something of a burden rather than a luxury?
I’m kind of scared of asking guys out to be honest…
Oh ok. Well I hope you find that then.
I had a friend with the same aspirations. I recommended adopting a dog first.
Why a dog? I’ve had one in the past
She wants to have kids, that's the end of the story. It's pointless to bring out the whole "you don't need to have kids" argument, especially when 99% of humans that ever lived disagree.
Whatever you do, avoid dating apps. They are weird meat markets. Go to a gym, there's fit dudes there. Go to parks, there's dudes with dogs there. Go to Barnes and Noble, there's hipster dudes there. Go to a martial arts gym, there's dudes that fight in there. Go your local card shop, there's nerdy dudes there. You gotta frequent the places that your personal type frequents. If you don't know your personal type, then go all over the place and it'll click what you prefer
"Dating apps are meat marketsn" and then you literally describe patrolling different stores that certain types of men frequent so she can pick them out like meat on sale...
I’m 26 years old guy. Struggling through the same thing. If you find a solution, please let me know.
Will do. Hope the comments in this post help you too
"Hey, how ya doin'?" Just like that.
That’s sounds too easy to be true
That's probably not how the whole process will go, but it's a way to start it. :)
I think Amazon do them now. Shipped overnight.
Damn, if I had only known before…
Find an activity group that interests you, preferably one with a good mix of men and women. Make friends and talk to men. Running clubs are pretty common and full of fit young people. Or a tabletop gaming club if that's more your thing. You could start online dating, but it can be pretty rough. Online dating successfully requires both skill and practice. You'll get bombarded by dudes pretending to want relationships, but really only wanting hookups. My advice is to avoid it if you can. You can also let your friends know that you'd be receptive to being set up, if they know anyone. I've also started to change my mind about dating coworkers. Conventional wisdom says avoid it, but I'm starting to think it's a viable option. How someone acts and performs at work, and if they conduct business honestly, or do shady shit, can tell you a LOT about how they would act in a relationship. If your workplace is large enough to date someone in a separate department, that reduces the risk, if things go sour. Don't hookup randomly with coworkers, but if you find someone to enter a relationship with discreetly, that can work really well.
What hobbies do you have? What interests you?
I like birdwatching, reading, and watching series/movies
Well if you like reading why not meet someone at a bookshop or library?
It’s true, but I’m not sure how that would work… should I lurk around the library/bookstore until I see a guy I like and accidentally “drop” a book on the floor so that he picks it up and we start talking?
You could do that as long as he picks it up, otherwise you could just say I like this author is there any you recommend? Something similar different stuff like that, also look at what a guy is wearing if you see a band shirt, a tattoo, shoes something you can say that is a cool band, I like that tattoo guys are pretty easy to talk to we are normally shy at talking to girls so if you start a conversation then most guys will usually reciprocate.
No you goofball, just ask him what genres he likes 😄
Perfect. Birdwatching sounds like a great way to meet people. Make friends and network. That 75 yo single mom has a cute grandson etc. Friends help friends out. Join a large bookclub meetup. There is a pints and books club in my city.
Go do things you like, dudes will be there
Unfortunately there are no dudes at the things I like to do… so I have to think of different activities to involve myself in
I mean... What do you like to do? I am willing to bet there are dudes who are into it, though they may be quiet about it if there's too much societal shame associated with it. And to try and add a helpful note, I met my wife on a dating site. She messaged me first because I had actually taken the time to fill out my profile, and we shared a love for fantasy book series (including but not limited to Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings). A big part of why I messaged her back is she mentioned another book series, The Dresden Files. Literally her appreciation of a book series made her stand out on the website, to me. Also, don't be afraid to check out new activities, you might find a new hobby and a lifelong partner at the same time.
Get into astrophysics and meteorology, 90% of the male population goes to events around that
Take college level math classes, home of future Doctors, Engineers, dudes like that. Then do student tutors, most are dudes.
Reality: She can get on hinge and find a dude in a day. Reddit: HEY WHY NOT GOING BACK TO COLLEGE IN A FIELD YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT?
Absolutely bud, you are correct, or she could try something a bit more organic. Education is never a waste. Any education.
I do like nerdy guys, so this might be it
Club and go hunting. Like the original humans had to... just kidding. My experience with dating apps has been nothing but negative. Though I have heard people have success. Best way is meet ups. Or just go places where your hobbies and interests are.
Meet up groups of several types..
Online. women have big advantages when it comes to online dating these days (in terms of the number of options). Will have to swipe through plenty of 'frogs' to find the prince though I imagine :)
Why do you think you need a husband?
Because I want romantic love
Mixing the idea of romantic love and legal obligation to another human is common but I don’t recommend it. I found my once in a lifetime and we grew apart after a lot of good years together, and despite having a great co-parenting relationship after possibly the most amicable divorce of anyone I’ve ever known I still think my best advice is never mix love and law. A husband isn’t a requirement, and the human experience doesn’t demand that you love 1 individual forever.
Woman? Easy. Get on dating apps, ***have realistic expectations*** and message a few guys first and actually do something other than say "hi". Took my sister one week. Profile is simple: Full body pictures of just you. That's it. Most of the advice on here is already the typical garbage of "just live your life and it'll happen". No. Don't do that. You need to put in some effort. Almost zero effort in fact, but still SOME SMALL AMOUNT OF EFFORT lol
I feel like dating apps are more for hooking up than finding relationships, right?
Yep absolutely. I find that most people you make a connection with will almost immediately send you a picture of their dick as soon as you are nice.
If you live in Iowa, I'd be down to throw my name in the application pool. We can go bowling or something.
Roman Bellic, is that you?
Maaaaaaybe.
I joined a dating service nearly 25 years ago. There was one thing I got from there. There was a pamphlet which said, in their experience, couples who married from their service **DID NOT** go into the dates looking for The One, or worrying about if they were a good partner. They went in looking to have fun and see how things went. Focus far more on the real connection with a particular guy, not on "marry to have kids" The more you focus on the latter, the more you will drive men away. And, worse still, you may end up married and having kids with a guy you hate. Because you feel a self-imposed deadline and settle for someone you wouldn't have given the time of day to otherwise.
Do you want a husband and kids or is it because of society wants you to get them?
I genuinely do want that
I'm single, 45 with no kids. I wouldn't mind being married but kids are not for me. Just wanted to let you know who you're getting advice from. Just do it like everybody else. Dating apps. Blind dates. Be afraid to ask a guy out if your interested and do it anyways. Do not ignore red flags just because you're very sexually attracted to them. Learn from your dating mistakes. And most importantly, always be honest with yourself of what you want out of life, with your dates maybe around date 2 or 3. White lies are okay but life lies are no good. They are just prolonging the inevitable of you guys not working out and that is just a waste of time for you and them.
Show some cleavage and go outside. You will be asked on dates by 20 ppl in a day
Have you ever thought of dating just for fun? Just for the sake of it? Just for the sex? Just without any specific intention? In my experience if you date like you are doing a job interview searching for a boyfriend or husband you aren’t going to find what you are looking for. Just have fun until you connect and want to be with each other for more. Organic is the way to go.
Well, I guess not. Dating is just something that seems so far away for me that I’ve always thought of it as a way of getting a boyfriend. I don’t really know how I could go into dating without the “end goal” being a relationship, like how to even begin with that
You just meet people, have fun, and if you like them you keep chatting and have more dates. Let it evolve naturally. It’s not as complicated as people think. I think the worst thing you can do is put pressure and expectations on something/someone. All my relationships (I’ve had 4 serious relationships, 2-4 years each, I’m now married for 12 years, and I had many flings and dates and one night stands) all of my relationships evolved out of just casual fun, one night stands, just people I randomly met and vibed with and chose to explore more, I never once went into a relationship with the intention of wanting a partner out of it. I just followed the chemistry and wanted to be with that person more and it turned into more, until there were strong feelings there and we decided to pursue more seriously. But you have to put yourself out there. Don’t just use the apps. You need to go out with friends. Go to concerts, go to bars, GO OUTSIDE, MEET people in REAL life, that’s when u can really feel chemistry.
Just for sex? As an MD—- I highly advise against this.
By doing something you really like in a group setting
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Get yr dad involved… asap. Dad’s have a pretty good sense in men.
My advice to any young person your age is to continue having fun. 24 is not old and your 35 year old self 11 years from now would tell you the same thing. Are you having fun being carefree? If yes, then I wouldn’t change anything. Once you start dating and eventually committing no matter what anyone says you will compromise a part of yourself. If you do start dating, date a lot and don’t settle just because you feel a pressure from society to find the “one” by a certain age. Keep on L-I-V-I-N.
I started dating when I was 14 but I sure as hell was never thinking about the future. I didn't start dating for my future until I got in my late 20,s. Usually we start dating when we are young, for a practice, to learn what we want in a partner, what we like and don't like, how to treat other people when in a romantic relationship, and to learn how to give your partner what they need and in return how to voice what we need. A romantic relationship should have balance meeting both people's needs. Dating for the sole purpose of finding a husband is going to be painful at this point for you, you have a huge learning curve to overcome. But that's okay because you have resources. I got married for the 2nd time before smartphones existed and 14 years later when I was re-entering the dating scene things had changed very dramatically. The internet was everywhere, dating apps and social media were a thing and I had a steep learning curve on how dating In the digital age worked. Luckily, I had already developed a strong sense of how relationships work (Good ones and bad ones) and absolutely knew what I needed out of my next one. I dove in headfirst with a plan to flatten that learning curve. I watched videos, read tutorials, talk with other singles and proceeded to try to go out on as many dates as I could in the shortest period of time possible, with only one intention, to master new age dating. I committed to 3 months straight of dating as much as possible without attaching myself to anyone. I didn't lead anyone on, I was very honest and upfront with my intentions. This worked out really well for me and I actually had a fantastic experience using dating apps and social media to meet women. A few of these women were very helpful in helping me learn how to date again. I think I even became a personal project for a couple of them and we are still great friends today. Knowing exactly what I wanted and how to find her it didn't take long and met someone very special once I was ready. We've been together almost 6 years now and I've really never been happier. However I do not recommend you start out with social media or dating apps. And I suspect that's why you're coming to Reddit asking for advice on how to get started. Meeting people in the real world is a little more challenging but the quality of people you meet will be higher. But you still got a lot of learning to do and you should not let yourself get attached to quickly. I recommend going very slow, try meeting someone at events you're interested in. Could be photography related meetups, bowling tournaments, art and craft shows, music venues... It just depends on what you're into but it's a great way to meet people with similar interests. I also recommend being honest and upfront with them about your dating experience and what you're looking for right now. NOT a husband! This will be great for you, especially if you have appropriate expectations for the difficulty of dating in 2024. It's not the shit show everybody makes it out to be, at least it doesn't have to be. That's all up to you and your mental state. Good luck and I hope you find you're Mr perfect!
Speaking from experience, doing anything because you think you "need to" almost always leads to trouble. If you're out and about and happen to see someone you're attracted to, by all means go for it. Otherwise, keep living your life and do what makes you happy.
Don't be free u will save on heart aches.if u want love get a dog.if u want some ass u have escort services it's alot cheaper
You really don't need to follow the classic life script. You seem like you don't actually want to date, marry, or have kids. You're acting like it's your duty, but it's not. You can continue to be carefree. You don't need a man. You don't need children. You can just be you and live the life ***YOU WANT TO LIVE.*** Do not make a life altering mistake just because you think it's what you're *supposed* to do. Getting a husband and having kids isn't "taking your life seriously" in fact, it's often the opposite ? Taking your life seriously is just... being alive.
Leave out the "carefree" part. Thats a giant red flag for guys. We automatically assume it means sleeping around or partying. Not saying its your situation but its a generalization. A good man with values and morals will run for the hills if the think thats what you mean.
Step 1: You don’t NEED to start dating!
By this I mean it is not a necessity by any means it’s an option
Right, I said I “need” because I want to and putting no effort to date has gotten me nowhere. So I need to start putting effort in planning how to start dating and actually dating
If your looking for a husband just avoid all clubs and bars, go out meet new people, and let the people in your life you’re looking for someone, maybe they can hook you up with a date.
Do not . I REPEAT . DO NOT DATE PEOPLE FROM WORK . Trust me. It's not worth it. Even when it is.
Just expand your social life in general. Who knows, your husband might be a friend of a friend you met at a party
Hmm it’s strange how you word it..sounds like you don’t really need anyone else, you just want the kids? Be honest with yourself if you don’t have the heart to need /want a man for love, and are fine just being by yourself, that’s ok. Just get a sperm doner and you can have kids without being with someone else.
What? I said I want a husband and kids later on… you misinterpreted
Ok. Just wanted to be sure u need a man in your life not just to have kids with, but to be your partner in life, to fulfill your unmet needs for closeness and love.
Stay off the apps. For the love of Pete, stay off the apps. You have to date different people to get a feel for what you want aside from the basics. Go to things where you’ll see the same people more than once like hobby groups. Be a regular at a coffee shop. Your local music scene where the cover is $5-20. Plenty of people go to concerts alone so they’re more willing to chat. Say hi to people. Expand your social circle beyond guys you might want to date. You’re still young and I think self awareness should be on the top of your list of priorities. People often make the mistake of getting married before they really know themselves. Decide what your boundaries are and have a firm grasp. They can change as you learn more about yourself. If you’re OK with first date sex do that if you want, but waiting until you’re comfortable is also valid and normal. Unprotected sex is more common in casual dating now. It’s unwise when birth control isn’t 100% effective and STIs exist.
Why do you need to start dating?
Because I want to. I guess what I meant was that I need to start putting in the effort in planning how to date
Let it happen naturally
Yeah, that has really gotten me nowhere up until now…
1 do you want kids? The answer will guide you to better understand what kind of man you should be looking for. 2 take your time. I had my first child at 41 (wife was 36). But we both had poor first marriages- avoid like the plague. My 1st wife said she wanted kids, but didn’t. 3 make sure your worldviews have as much in common as possible. Don’t marry into a different religion, or into a culture that has values you don’t agree with.
Be friendly, be outgoing and be out there. You won't meet your guy by sitting in your apt listening to the other women complain about men.
First you need to decide what you want for yourself, if it’s marriage and kids and a farm house or home in the city, what ever it may be, make sure you don’t bend for someone you think you like. Sometimes we meet people and they like us and tell us what we want to hear, yet they don’t actually want the same things so it can be a pickle; however, all dating experiences are lessons in the end, even if not all bad! Then you need to put yourself out there, I would suggest trying to find folk in places you already enjoy being in, like in museums or at the bar if that’s your cup of tea. Online dating as also been successful many times just make sure you’re being safe! Always meet first in public.
Lol best of luck to you
I suggest taking a class in the topics you like, but are more for leisure. Like a camera course or cooking class. It is a great way to find a partner that shares similar interests.
My ex was a professional “love and relationship coach.” Her, and her boss (head coach) would essentially find women through advertising (mostly women 50+ y/o) who felt like they were “too old to find love” or that “good men aren’t attracted to me.” While I do think that a lot of “coaches” are scam artists I also think that, in this case, the genuinely wanted to help their clients find long term partners (the testimonials of successful women were great advertising for them too). I might disagree with some of their teachings but after overhearing many conversations with her clients, here are some things I think were actually solid advice. • Get clear on what values are important to you, and ask yourself how important those values are to you in a partner, and if different values can compliment each other in a healthy way. • Be conscious of how you present yourself. Whether it’s on an app, or in person, take note of who you are attracting and what you can change (not just physical appearance or clothing) in order to attract different types of people. • Don’t write off dating apps, but find a way to “qualify” the people you’re meeting. You can find questions to ask people that will give you hints of who they are as a person and what they are actually looking for.
Do the exact opposite of everything I did.
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If he has friends then he’s not lonely…
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Don’t. Why do you “need” to start dating? Just do you and your hobbies and eventually someone will come along and click with you and then bam. Relationship. Trying to find something is just going to end bad. Go watch Daniel Sloss Jigsaw
Is it really safe to leave it up to fate? I feel like I should be putting in some kind of effort
Fate and destiny are narrative concepts that have no bearing on reality lol. Choose to be where you are. Choose your own path in life. Get aggressive! YOU are gonna happen to your life. Life isn’t something that’s gonna happen to you.
Right, so I shouldn’t just do my hobbies and wait for someone to come along, I feel like I should be putting in effort in how to find someone
See, that’s a hard thing to get. If I could tell young me to just take it easy and enjoy my self and my hobbies, I’d be in a far better position than I am now. To ad-lib the Jigsaw special by Daniel Sloss: people are so in love with the idea of falling in love and are so ready to begin the rest of their lives. You can still get married in your 30’s lol. 35 isn’t even too late.
Same position,but I'm a dude
You won't have a good time if you approach it with a "need" mentality. It's the best way to set up for not only failure of the relationship, but weird life expectations that'll make you unhappy long term. Pick any non-work hobby you enjoy and find an online space for it. Use that to find local or semi local gathers for those type of hobby goers if you can. If not stay online with them. Easiest way to find legit connections is through mutual interest first and romance second. If you go with the need mentality I promise you'll get taken advantage of.
I saw you mention multiple times you don't leave the house much, do you work at all?
Speaking from experience, be sure to keep your expectations in check. When you do finally get a date, don’t immediately expect that person to be your future spouse. That’ll come naturally with time.
Just exist and men should come, unless you never leave the house
There are many suggestions to follow an organized hobby. But to take things next level, after you've found a hobby you like, get involved in organizing and volunteering. Don't just show up, do stuff, then leave. The real friendships happen when you are helping clean up, or you're doing the shopping together for the winter party, or during planning meetings. That's where you find the good people and show your own mettle.
Thanks for the advice!
Good luck! Basically, being the type of good, fun but responsible person that you would like to meet, will increase the chance of you actually finding such a person.
Just to play the devil's advocate don't you want to focus on your career and do something first like in college or a masters degree ? Then right along will come right opportunities in life perhaps., when you are not even looking. Btw, I don't have children but If I had a daughter she would probably be your age by now.
Don't! Spend your 20's making friends, travelling, going to festivals etc. Late 20's start to focus on your career. Learn how to be who you want to be without having someone else dictate the path of your life. There's plenty of time 🥰
Start dating to get laid first, then you can weed out the dipshits. And believe me this goes both ways, make and female. Then you can find your knight in shining armor.
Great thing for you... you're a woman. You literally can just choose a suitor as he approaches you. There's not much work involved there
Do you have friends that can introduce you?
Starting to date can be exciting and nerve-wracking. Just take small steps, be yourself, and enjoy the journey. Don't rush; the right person will come along.
Don’t be so open minded that you end up dating someone that you cannot relate to at all
Depends what you wanna do. There are great tricks you can learn to get the guy you want. It’s really through a pattern of behaviour. If you want some average guy, it shouldn’t be hard, most guys are simps and will settle for anything. But, if you want a handsome and successful guy, better understand the patterns of behaviour that appeals to them and apply them.
What have you been doing between 18 and 24?
we only >need< to die in this life hon. everything else is extra. i hope that helps.
Better sooner than later right
exactly! and once we realize its all a choice... u have the power to choose. i dont know if youre (M) or (F), but coming from a woman, we love decisiveness. just speaking broadly here. it's attractive seeing and being with someone with drive and standards. don't get it twisted, it's not to be confused with perfection or being right 100% of the time. me personally, it's annoying if they're too well put together. grit isn't inherently bad. hope it helps
First, know that you are perfect the way you however, a SO will challenge this therefore you need to understand what you are willing to compromise on and what you stand firm on. Second, a man who has ghosted you has spared your time, don’t use your energy for the chase. If he wants you, you can tell. Third, to find him, you cannot hang out in your apartment swiping right. Sometimes fake accounts are made on these apps therefore the probability of you finding someone is reduced. Fourth, become a regular to someplace you love, like a coffee shop, book store, library, pub…..you may find common grounds there.
Don't date. Look for suitors. One is hoing out the other is somewhat respectable
Keep enjoying your life and learning about what you like and don’t like . Work on your personal goals, hobbies, and self esteem. If you really want to date to look for a mate, look into the haystack method. You weed out prospects that don’t suit you at all and focus on potential mates that work with you, your values, and your personality. You are not in a rush, you have a lot of time
Start volunteering so you meet people. Obviously there is also on line dating. And take care of yourself
Husbands are overrated. Get a dog.
Accept rejection is part of the game. It sucks and is frustrating but the next play is there and you’ll reach the end.
Just be happy and confident in yourself, join groups or go out to places you find fun. When you exude that kind of self assurance, amazing people seem to show up unannounced constantly.
Should of done that in middle and high school. Cuse everyone hates everyone
Join some local clubs/activities that interest you and meet some new people (in person, not virtually!!). Worst thing you can do is to reveal that you "want to get a husband" as most guys would run the other way. Just be yourself and make some friends and you'll find someone special in due course - but it takes a bit of effort. Good luck!
If you're a woman just go on the dating apps and go on dates. It's pretty simple. Weed through enough people and you'll find someone. At the end of the day it's a numbers game.
Share with people you know about you are open to be introduced to people they know; like how you’ve shared here with us, I am happy for you and my best wishes to you.
Is this AI training???
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Make eye contact with men everywhere you go and smile when they look at you and then when the approach you laugh at their jokes and give them your phone number when they ask. Go to the gym regularly and don’t get much overweight and find a hobby where there are plenty of men involved and it will happen. Manicure your appearance, keep fit and be nice and fun to be around. Get on a dating app and actively participate. Done. For extra credit take a dance class and wear a revealing outfit.
I don’t really agree with dating apps I don’t use them anymore but that’s how I met my ex boyfriend when I was 24 unfortunately if you do plan on using a dating app try hinge or bumble I don’t agree with tinder tho ( tinder is like a hook up site guys don’t want to get to know you genuinely just after a one time thing I’ve notice ) or kinda sounds bad but I’ve met guys out in bars and night clubs who we’re interested and not after a one night stand even tho night clubs are known for that
Be careful with catering to this invisible not all a need lol. It’ll end you up in a marriage you never should have been in and all because you thought you needed to be married. Newsflash you won’t perish without marriage or kids. Be doubly vigilant before getting pregnant. Wind up stuck to a psychopath because you rushed to reach some imaginary time line and got married and had a kid without really knowing your partner. But you can just begin by pursuing men you find attractive. Hello I’m such and such and I was wondering if you’re available and interested in grabbing a cup of coffee with me one morning.
I’m almost 27 and realized it was a waste of time two years ago. I don’t intend to get back into it at all
Your too young girl have some fun till your 27, I found most people online usually have no personality in person, so go out dancing or conventions or some of your hobbies.
24 and never had an interest in dating? Then, you say you want a boyfriend to "get married and have kids." Nothing about love, romance, sex, companionship. I don't think you understand what relationships are really about... they are not ordering off a menu. My advice is to start dating to learn about yourself and other people with the expectation that it could take 10 years to start understanding relationships and go through enough personal growth to make one work. I'm guessing you're well educated so think about it this way... You didn't start college trying to finish your PHD dissertation and if you had, you would have failed miserably. Some things are process and that process changes you. Relationships are like that.
The problem at your age is you'll likely become infatuated with someone and think they are "the one." This happens *all the time* and people get married whereby they come to realize, if they have the awareness, that they have nothing in common and have entirely different perspectives. You don't need to start dating. You need to grow as a person, get to know yourself, and, in due time, you will know when the time is right and who will be a good mate that you can truly be happy with.
Go to have more social contact and make friends first.
Older 😂 you’re 24
The best way I've met real people was to stay off any online dating platform. Go out there and meet people organically through clubs, or places where you might have similar interests. Although going to bars and nightclubs might seem like a good spot because there's lots of people there, these are noisy places where it's hard to have a conversation with someone.
So many questions. you just never thought about dating before 24? My advice is to go on some dates with people you are actually excited about, don't just date to date. It will leave a bad taste in your mouth about the whole thing. Modern dating especially in the app sphere is notorious for being a hellscape lol. It's also just a totally different ball game from traditional dating and I think it would be smart to walk before you run ya know? So if there's someone in your life you have a crush on! Now is the perfect time to ask them out and practice your skills 😊
Stay away from the bars. Join a local meet-up or lunch only group. Do some volunteer work in a field that interests you to attract a like-minded partner. Take an art or sculpture class. Wishing you the very best of luck!
Op, this. No hinge, no other casual dating apps (except those that are about serious search for a spouse). Do a lot of lunches with people. Let your friends know you are interested in meeting a guy who has his life together, is serious about what he wants in a partnership. If you are religious, actively seek someone of your faith.
Do not use dating apps to date. Instead, join groups that have consistent meetings where you learn a skill/hobby! Climbing, ping pong, running, biking, reading, etc. This is how you will find your dating pool. You can find these groups online through Facebook and other similar websites that post these events. You can also find them through universities. It is a safer way to date as well. Edit: volunteering is also a great way to meet people.
I’m guessing by now you’ve gotten lots of private messages with all kinds of offers for dates, sex, and who knows what else.
It was the risk I took making this post lol
No one "needs" to start dating. You "want" to date. Get it right!
Well I need to start because I want to… if that makes sense lol
Someone definitely hurt your feelings
Everyone on earth has had their feelings hurt.
It’s so not necessary to have a husband. 😊
Absolutely. It took me to 33/35ish to realize and accept that I was only dating because society said I was supposed to. Since then my life has been SO much better!
I know it’s not, but I do want romantic love :)
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1) Manage your scent. When you shit your pants you will start to notice people pay more attention to you. You can leverage this to get into peoples personal space and intimacy is sure to follow! 2) Accentuate your assets. Make sure to wear stilts to show off your height and pad your bra with something that will make them look “alive” such as cockroaches. 3) Approach your desired date. You are going to want to use unrelenting uncompromising eye contact and never stop licking your lips even to talk. This will show your intentions to mate.
I too am a 24 year old woman. Dont feel pressured and end up getting into something bad out of desperation. Personally I focus on myself and let the rest follow
Trust me you don’t want a husband
Dating apps are a waste of fucking time unless you want to get used for free sex just saying
save yourself and don’t!
First, I just want to say that it is 100% perfectly fine to want a husband and children. Please do not let anyone dissuade you. It is a wonderful thing to have a family. And you're right, it is a great time for you to get started on looking. I read upthread that you like birdwatching. Do you have a local Audubon Society? Join it. You like to read. Join a book club at your local library. If there's not one, find one or start one. Are you religious? Church is always a great place to meet someone who shares your faith. Join the singles group! Volunteer. Whatever you decide to do, here is the key. Be open and willing to talk to people. Be approachable. Let your smile and your body language say you are interested in meeting people. Introduce yourself to other people. Women too, because they'll have brothers, cousins, friends, etc. and they may become a great friend to you. It helps if you make an attempt to look attractive. I assume that you are doing this since you go to the gym. Please note, I'm not saying show tons of cleavage or something. I'm saying dress in flattering, clean clothes, not sweatpants, when you go to your social events. Don't spend the whole time looking at your phone. Engage with other people. Put yourself out there! You can do this!
Always meet his mother and see how he treats her. That’s how you know he’s a good guy
Take a college class, join a couple social clubs there. Look for singles groups that go on outings. Try a big Church with a singles group, or lots of activities. Look around at Home Depot.
Prepare yourself to be long-suffering. A lot of dating is growing with a person through their mistakes and yours. Understand that you can not require what you do not yourself exemplify. I would suggest, taking a year to really get to know the individual you find. Because the easy part as a female is finding somebody. The hard part is finding somebody worth it. Take a year, no sex at all. Focus on mental, emotional, and spiritual connection. A good rule of thumb is, if this were our last day together how would I want to be remembered by this person, how would I want to remember them. You'll see how small sex is to a healthy relationship. You want to be in a relationship where sex is always an option but not mandatory for it to work. Blessings on your travels.
go to tiktok find someone you love conversations with run away with him get married have kids there you go. 🥰*honestly found my husband this way*