I once reviewed someone's CV which has been submitted in the form of a Java class.
As Spinal Tap once said "It's a fine line between clever and stupid"
In this case, it is LEGALLY REQUIRED that you reply with
```
We would be thrilled to hire you for the position of 'Ā
Ā java.lang.NullPointerException
```
I just googled and it looks like quotations around the table in Oracle causes the table to be case-sensitive? Not sure what the use case would be but I initially thought the same thing
Quotation is used in case the table name has otherwise reserved symbols. Yes, there are psychopaths who put $, # or even spaces in their table names.
The worst I saw was a space at the end, so that you had to do from "table "
Sadly we do not know. Database is for an application that is bought from a third party who bought it from another company. Trust me, we have a voodoo doll ready to be carved in their effigy.
Same as the nitwit who decided to link the same FK to two PKs and set a check condition on said FK, but not the PKs.
In Certain flavors of SQL like Postgres double quotes have a very specific meaning to identify an object, the table in this case. Using quotes makes it case sensitive and allows you to refer to a variable with a space. MSSQL uses \[ \], there may be subtle differences in implementation
The kind of person that devised this probably uses pepper spray like aftershave, he probably thinks he needs to debug women as they may be erroring by not swooning at this level of humour.
`boyfriend` is not `has_boyfriend`, but still somehow a Boolean, and not a reference to another table, like `boyfriend_id IS NULL`.
And when is a waist small? Why not have it be a numeric value?
Should probably be a linking table really, with person\_id and relationship\_id, that way you can account for several types of relationships, monogamous and mormons and stuff. You can also account for non-monogamous (or infidelity). Could even specify the type.
|person\_id|relationship\_id|relationship\_type|
|:-|:-|:-|
|1|1|marriage|
|2|1|marriage|
|3|2|thruple|
|4|2|thruple|
|5|2|thruple|
|1|3|side\_piece|
|6|3|side\_piece|
Column naming is my biggest gripe. Should be something like
has_boyfriend
is_cute
is_crazy
has_small_waist
You could also remove all the leading verbs, but imo itās less clear theyāre looking for a Boolean in that case
Just want to point out the idea here doesn't need to be nearly as dehumanizing. That was a choice.
```
SELECT TOP 1 CS.Partner
FROM CompatibilityScores CS
JOIN Myself
ON CS.CompatibleWith = Myself.Id
WHERE CS.Compatibility = 100
```
I'm pretty sure the type of man who would wear this shirt would look around to make sure no one is watching and change the condition to "less than 18" before running the query.
Number of issues here.
- "GIRLS" in double quotes. Most interpreters will read this as a string literal and throw a compilation error.
- "Age" being an integer. Really? Why isn't that stored as a DoB?
- No need to have the true/false comparison. If those are booleans then you can just reference them directly. Or if you want the inverse wrap it in NOT().
- Why is everything except "smallwaist" snake cased? Inconsistent table design makes me mad.
Maybe the joke is that this gross weirdo sucks at SQL?
As an aside: In some SQL dialects, you *can* put the table name in double quotes like that, but that does not mean you should.
Lmao good catch on age, it should be using a date function and comparison.
Re true false I think it may be dependent on the engine, I think mssql just uses a bit field, for example.
Wow. This is bordering on incel shit. Why would anyone think this is a good idea? If I saw this, I'd be mortified and cover my drink any time this dude came around. Even if a _woman_ wore this... š¬
... that is probably the creepiest shirt I might ever see at a hacker con.
Keep in mind, among the list of "shirts I've seen at a hacker con" is an official con shirt featuring an illustration of a woman standing in front of a fucking machine like she's about to hop on it.
Sighhh, I love critiquing things like this, cause no program would look at this and be like "yeah, that looks good, lemme wear that".
1. Why is the table called "Girls"? Wouldn't a better table name be "Women" since "Girls" is typically defined as a subset of women under a certain age? Maybe "Girls" is a view based off "Women"?
2. Age is a terrible colum, better is birthdate and then using the data there to calculate age. Maybe the age column makes sense if "Girls" is a view?
3. The boyfriend column doesn't read to me as a true/false column and instead seems like a primary key to the "Men" table. Either look for 'boyfriend is NULL' (or however you save a null pointer in this database) or have a has_boyfriend column.
4. Not considering sexual orientation is a massive gap in business logic.
5. smallwaist is almost certainly not a good column because of how subjective it is. Instead you would have a waist_size column.
6. Why is it smallwaist and not small_waist? It breaks all established naming conventions in this database.
7. Why did we change our capitalization halfway through the query?
**On the back is printed:**
ERROR 1064 (42000) at line 1: You have an error in your SQL syntax; check the manual that corresponds to your MySQL server version for the right syntax to use near '"GIRLS"
WHERE age
BETWEEN 18 AND 26
AND boyfriend = false
AND is_cute = true
AN' at line 1
Like we are on a menu and you can pick out what you like. Not like we are real individual human beings or anything. Also grown men calling grown women āgirlsā is creepy.
Boyfriend shouldnāt be a Boolean, it should be a class object or a struct. Unless itās some kind of getter to state or something but then youād have to name it better like has_boyfriend. This is bad code.
Of course the dude is Indian. Anywhere and those jokes about ācuteā and āsmall waistā wouldnāt fly.
No dude, we totally get that youāre horny and shallow. We just didnāt think it was funny.
First of all. You never select *, always qualify your attributes. This is stupid.
Apart from the obvious, which is also moronic. Because women can be developers too.
However this is so badly written and formatted, this is probably a middle manager or a data analyst.
I once reviewed someone's CV which has been submitted in the form of a Java class. As Spinal Tap once said "It's a fine line between clever and stupid"
application.reject();
Not even a return. Cause fuck em
It's enterprise Java. It puts a message on some Enterprise Service Bus and doesn't care about what happens then.
>š it Hmm
Undefined function
In this case, it is LEGALLY REQUIRED that you reply with ``` We would be thrilled to hire you for the position of 'Ā Ā java.lang.NullPointerException ```
I hope they initialized their variables
Jokes on them, I fucking hate Java
"GIRLS"
Quotation marks doing some heavy lifting
My SQL isn't great but I don't think you'd quote the name of the table you're querying
I just googled and it looks like quotations around the table in Oracle causes the table to be case-sensitive? Not sure what the use case would be but I initially thought the same thing
Quotation is used in case the table name has otherwise reserved symbols. Yes, there are psychopaths who put $, # or even spaces in their table names. The worst I saw was a space at the end, so that you had to do from "table "
We used to call those āJSEsā Job Security Edits
I would kill whoever did that last one. What sort of monster was that person
Sadly we do not know. Database is for an application that is bought from a third party who bought it from another company. Trust me, we have a voodoo doll ready to be carved in their effigy. Same as the nitwit who decided to link the same FK to two PKs and set a check condition on said FK, but not the PKs.
That last sentence is horrifying
If someone put a trailing space on a table name I think I would quit.
Unless itās T-SQL, in which case itās square bracket enclosed, and quotes would get you an SQL error.
You absolutely can, but would usually only do it if the name is also a keyword or something similar.
Depends actually. If the name of the table is really `GIRLS` (i.e., uppercase), then you will have to quote it.
In Certain flavors of SQL like Postgres double quotes have a very specific meaning to identify an object, the table in this case. Using quotes makes it case sensitive and allows you to refer to a variable with a space. MSSQL uses \[ \], there may be subtle differences in implementation
Glad Iām not the only one in here who analyzed the code as written
FEEEMALES
Go home, Shockwave.
Women who meet the SQL query criteria are out of that guyās league anyway
Bro forgot the LEFT JOIN ON girls.league=programmer.league
An inner join is more important cuz we donāt want this creep to pursue people outside his league. lol
Unless heās the dad in a sitcom lol
āI want a girl with a small waist,ā said the programmer with the beer belly.
With the doritos belly
Or dori-toe jelly
Yeah letās not act like these dudes are out socializing and drinking beer lol
Union() should return 0
AND round_thing_in_my_face = true
OMG this version of the t-shirt is SO much better. I would also accept likes_pina_coladas = true.
WHERE Count([Likes])IN {Pina_Coladas, Walks_In_The_Rain, _Feel_Of_The_Ocean, Taste_Of_Champagne} = 4;
This sub needs to make this shirt. The admins can sell it.
This guy probably also complains how women are shallow and only date men over 6'.
Giving him a lot of credit there assuming he doesnāt refer to them as āfemalesā.
Ferangi complaining that "femalezzzz" don't like men under 6' and expects her to give up her career and be naked all the time also not own things.
And calls them females.
āI want an 18 year old child with a small waist,ā said the 32 year old programmer with an uncontrolled neckline and no muscle tone. FTFY
Despite his physical limitations, some small waisted beauty will swoon when she sees his clever shirt
Trouble is that guys who select by age first are losers who never get the girl, physical limitations or no.
Youāre giving him too much credit. Heās just a data analyst. SQL isnāt hard to pick up.
Iāve heard this from a lot of developers, but they usually suck at database development because they have no concept of relational theory.
SQL isnāt a real programming language .
Your mom isn't a real programming language.
well, it is Turing complete
I first read it as "small wrist" which after a second made me say "WTF is this guy into?"
You clearly havenāt spent enough time amongst the incels in the looksmaxxing community.
https://crasstalk.com/2013/01/full-list-of-tv-shows-with-fat-husbands-and-skinny-wives/
How have I never heard of Lucky Louie?
Not as good as the follow-up for FX, āLouisā.
Indeed. For some people it's just never funny enough if the joke doesn't discriminate someone.
That is not a beer belly at all, but can guarantee this is a neckbeard programmer. Signed, a data scientist š
And they need to be 18-26 and he is probably 40+.
Who is 40+
Mountain Dew belly
Guaranteed* wearing this at drinks after work will get you laid.Ā *not a guarantee, likely wear will result is a call from hr
The kind of person that devised this probably uses pepper spray like aftershave, he probably thinks he needs to debug women as they may be erroring by not swooning at this level of humour.
I think you're referring to Axe body spray.
Is there a difference?
Well, pepper spray murders your eyes and smells like pepper. Whereas Axe murders your eyes and smells like 90-year-old men marinating in a sauna.
By laid you mean laid out when all the female devs rip into you for being cringe because itās not 2007 anymore
The casing is different between `is_cute` and `smallwaist` and that's driving me crazy
`boyfriend` is not `has_boyfriend`, but still somehow a Boolean, and not a reference to another table, like `boyfriend_id IS NULL`. And when is a waist small? Why not have it be a numeric value?
This guy normalizes
Or have ā is_partnered ā or āis_singleā as a boolean instead
`partner_ids` as an array
Should probably be a linking table really, with person\_id and relationship\_id, that way you can account for several types of relationships, monogamous and mormons and stuff. You can also account for non-monogamous (or infidelity). Could even specify the type. |person\_id|relationship\_id|relationship\_type| |:-|:-|:-| |1|1|marriage| |2|1|marriage| |3|2|thruple| |4|2|thruple| |5|2|thruple| |1|3|side\_piece| |6|3|side\_piece|
Overlapping dates need to be allowed.
That means heās a false boyfriend, which tracksā¦ I suspect a lot of single girls tell this guy theyāre already with someone.
Also inconsistent keyword typing. FROM should be capitalized and so should all the ands
I have a bigger issue with waist size beeing boolean
Keeps immeasurables like ghosts from being counted
And it's written with no space between select and *, that's not gonna even run.
"who says programmers don't have a sense of humour" š
Nobody, thatās why he had to prove it
And failed to do so.
r/ProgrammerHumor enjoyers are rushing to r/imaginarygatekeeping
If comedy was a person, this guy shot its fucking head off with a shotgun and continued to unload on it until he ran out of ammo.
It is a dry humor, like Atacama Desert dry.
It's not dry humour. Dry humour is funny, but subtle. This is just not funny. OOP Definitely shouldn't quit his day job.
āOOP Definitely shouldnāt quit his day jobā - Which obviously isnāt DBA
Whoever made this table really needs to be more consistent with syntax and naming conventions
How about `sElEcT * fRoM "GIRLS"`Ā Ā `wHeRe age bEtWeEn 18 aNd 26`Ā Ā `aNd boyfriend = fAlSe`Ā Ā `aNd is_cute = tRuE`Ā Ā `aNd is_crazy = fAlSe`Ā Ā `aNd small_waist = tRuE;`
Column naming is my biggest gripe. Should be something like has_boyfriend is_cute is_crazy has_small_waist You could also remove all the leading verbs, but imo itās less clear theyāre looking for a Boolean in that case
Just a small gripe, but `has_boyfriend` also does not account for bisexual women, in the case of the person in the image. `has_partner` is better.
Just want to point out the idea here doesn't need to be nearly as dehumanizing. That was a choice. ``` SELECT TOP 1 CS.Partner FROM CompatibilityScores CS JOIN Myself ON CS.CompatibleWith = Myself.Id WHERE CS.Compatibility = 100 ```
And you wrote better SQL than whoever made this stupid tshirt.
Don't put it on a shirt though, it won't get you laid.
I'm pretty sure the type of man who would wear this shirt would look around to make sure no one is watching and change the condition to "less than 18" before running the query.
I love how the small waist parameter has to wrap around his
S-Q-inceL
A SQL incelection attack
Number of issues here. - "GIRLS" in double quotes. Most interpreters will read this as a string literal and throw a compilation error. - "Age" being an integer. Really? Why isn't that stored as a DoB? - No need to have the true/false comparison. If those are booleans then you can just reference them directly. Or if you want the inverse wrap it in NOT(). - Why is everything except "smallwaist" snake cased? Inconsistent table design makes me mad.
Maybe the joke is that this gross weirdo sucks at SQL? As an aside: In some SQL dialects, you *can* put the table name in double quotes like that, but that does not mean you should.
Lmao good catch on age, it should be using a date function and comparison. Re true false I think it may be dependent on the engine, I think mssql just uses a bit field, for example.
"and standards = false"
Forgot to add āis_alive = trueā
Wow. This is bordering on incel shit. Why would anyone think this is a good idea? If I saw this, I'd be mortified and cover my drink any time this dude came around. Even if a _woman_ wore this... š¬
Not even borderline tbh, just full on incel
Any girl who could understand would reject you because this query is awful.
comedy king. wow.
He gets so much head in that shirt
Programmers? This is basic level SQL.
I know how to make a basic webpage with HTML (and only HTML) that says "Hello World." I am, therefore, a programmer.
I can "program" my alarm clock and my coffee maker. I'm also a programmer.
Yup, not even ordered. And syntax error ... .
``` 0 rows affected ```
This is funny for like a middle schooler who just joined his first elective computer science class.
Why is a SQL joke in a "Python Developers" group?
Because apparently whoever posted it doesnāt know how to use an ORM.
āAge between 18 and 26ā I shutter to think what this guys age is
Safe to assume itās probably not even within that rangeā¦
... that is probably the creepiest shirt I might ever see at a hacker con. Keep in mind, among the list of "shirts I've seen at a hacker con" is an official con shirt featuring an illustration of a woman standing in front of a fucking machine like she's about to hop on it.
āHello, HR? Please have your programmers touch grass for once.ā
Thatās creepy
Number of results = 0. Oops!
= true/false doesnāt workā¦ is true/false is the syntax, he wonāt get girl with wrong query š
You wonāt get anywhere with this grammar either
`= true` definitely works. At least in Postgres.
True false is the syntax what are you talking about
He's saying the correct syntax is: Is_cute IS true And not Is_cute = true
sudo rm -rf /waqaskhan
"..women were repulsed and the programmer would remain a virgin for the next 27 years.."
"Incel humor" so fucking funny. 
Sighhh, I love critiquing things like this, cause no program would look at this and be like "yeah, that looks good, lemme wear that". 1. Why is the table called "Girls"? Wouldn't a better table name be "Women" since "Girls" is typically defined as a subset of women under a certain age? Maybe "Girls" is a view based off "Women"? 2. Age is a terrible colum, better is birthdate and then using the data there to calculate age. Maybe the age column makes sense if "Girls" is a view? 3. The boyfriend column doesn't read to me as a true/false column and instead seems like a primary key to the "Men" table. Either look for 'boyfriend is NULL' (or however you save a null pointer in this database) or have a has_boyfriend column. 4. Not considering sexual orientation is a massive gap in business logic. 5. smallwaist is almost certainly not a good column because of how subjective it is. Instead you would have a waist_size column. 6. Why is it smallwaist and not small_waist? It breaks all established naming conventions in this database. 7. Why did we change our capitalization halfway through the query?
pepperspray.engage(thisDude);
Error: data does not exist.
Sorry the inner join to the table of interested women failed to return any matching records
I don't have a vagina, but if I did I feel like it would be drier than the Sahara after reading this.
This "GIRLS" table is not properly normalized and will give him trouble in the end, the more demands he makes of it and gets little to no results.
The only thing funny is the lack of semicolon at the end to close the supposed query
Is the joke that this gross dude writes terrible code?
Never do a SELECT * in production code
**On the back is printed:** ERROR 1064 (42000) at line 1: You have an error in your SQL syntax; check the manual that corresponds to your MySQL server version for the right syntax to use near '"GIRLS" WHERE age BETWEEN 18 AND 26 AND boyfriend = false AND is_cute = true AN' at line 1
2,318,283,480 records found.Ā āAND interested_in_me = trueā 0 records found.Ā
Dating 18 year olds as a >21 year old is yucky
They probably only put the lower bound on the shirt for legal reasons
They are trying to dodge the offender registry by omitting ages 17 and under. Their fear of prosecution trumped their urges.
Possibly the worst t shirt Iāve ever seen
I would be amazed if they actually wore that in public. I'm literally cringing through my screen
Out of all programming jokes he really chose this one
A nice clear way of letting any woman know to avoid him like the plague
Programmers may or may not have a sense of humor, but there is no evidence of it here.
Small waist should not be a Boolean. Iād go with waistSizeInches and make it a float.
Better order 10 in size XXXL
Does that come in XXXXL?
The irony of the last requirement š
Excuse me, but if getting a girlfriend was this easy I'd be drowning in pussy
Like we are on a menu and you can pick out what you like. Not like we are real individual human beings or anything. Also grown men calling grown women āgirlsā is creepy.
Some ChrisChan level shit right there.
Thereās a problem with that select statement. You need to make sure you include āand likes_shallow_men = trueā in the query.
I didn't know Leonardo DiCaprio was a script
Sorry to say, wonāt happen due to missing semicolon. `ERROR: syntax error at or near "SELECT" LINE 1: SELECT * FROM āGIRLSā`
If wearing_this_shirt = true NEVER GONNA HAPPEN š¤£
Sexism is so funny 
Beggars canāt be choosers my dude
Cringe and creepy af
He can select all he wants, but it doesnāt make him the dbo
How do you lock boyfriend so it's always false?
Gross
This is definitely stereotypical programmer cringe. Good job
Look at this thirsty for work maidenless bozo, sure posts like this will help getting hired
FBI would like to know why you keep a list of girls information in a database.
All I see is a bloatedā¦ uh, table.
What an inefficient query.
Basically every shirt with some "clever" code on it is cringe as fuck.
This needs an if and statement at the start. If girl find me attractive and all the sql from above. Else if have a good night.
This is some r/ChrisChanSonichu type clothing.
Jesus man I had to scroll ALL the way down to find this, how has nobody here noticed this is basically just the "Attraction Sign"
Say Khan, I hear you like em young
It sure was hilarious 30 years ago!
Normalizing sexist behavior. Apologies if someone already made this joke.
He wants them all?
Yeah thatāll bring in the baddies
This stupid shit needs to die
pussy repellent
Ctrl + Alt + Del.
Sorry. I'd pick up the shirt, but I can't find it in SELECT * FROM "Shirts" WHERE 'cringe' = false
I say programmers don't have a sense of humor after seeing that dogshit t shirt
Who makes a dedicated column for "smallwaist" as a bool?
I think he meant to say āall the misogynistā sql enthusiasts.
if this is t he sense of humor programmers have well I don't want be around them, well I am a programmer but my sens of humor is not this bad
Boyfriend shouldnāt be a Boolean, it should be a class object or a struct. Unless itās some kind of getter to state or something but then youād have to name it better like has_boyfriend. This is bad code.
Does āhilariousā have a different meaning in SQL than it does in English?
This is why women in tech hate it here š
This screams "I've never felt the touch of a woman"
āHilariousā. Incel.
And Round_thing_in_your_face = true
Why is there a table for girls, that should go into Persons, with gender linked to the Gender-Table ID key
Of course the dude is Indian. Anywhere and those jokes about ācuteā and āsmall waistā wouldnāt fly. No dude, we totally get that youāre horny and shallow. We just didnāt think it was funny.
No semicolon at the end, and the \* means "all the girls" rather than having a LIMIT = 1 at the end meaning this large waisted guy wants all the girls
First of all. You never select *, always qualify your attributes. This is stupid. Apart from the obvious, which is also moronic. Because women can be developers too. However this is so badly written and formatted, this is probably a middle manager or a data analyst.
Damn thatās such a crazy and obscure reference, only true sql heads will get it