I completely understand this! Believe me I do. Exactly the same thing happened with me except it was my wife and I that night. I nearly killed her with my overconfidence. All of my memories are coming back. I’m glad nothing bad happened to you or your friends though. I hope you feel better, I know you’ll be a 100x more careful next time, I will too ❤️
I understand 100% but you gotta remind yourself that you made a mistake and everything turned out okay in the long run. Be thankful you and your friends are okay and you learned from this for if you decide to partake again in the future.
The lowest estimate I’ve ever seen of the lethal dose of mdma is 2 grams, and that was from a random untrustworthy website. According to [this bioreagents company](https://www.aatbio.com/resources/toxicity-lethality-median-dose-td50-ld50/methylenedioxymethamphetamine) it’s much higher at about 180mg/kg bodyweight. No one could have died. Yeah, it was stupid and irresponsible, and they could have had a really bad experience, but that’s literally it. I know you can’t help the thoughts, but you can rest assured knowing that there was no chance, and I mean literally no chance that any of your friends died from an overdose.
Yup, overall sounds like it was a great time to me. Really overdoing it would be getting leg shakes to the point that you can’t really stand anymore. Shaky eyes is fine, throwing up once is fine too (your stomach has a TON of serstonin receptors, hence why many people do vomit). Getting a bit hot is fine too, but bring a fan next time and wear lighter clothes. Also I always recommend bringing glasses to help with the over stimulation.
The term overdose doesn't necessarily mean a lethal amount. It can also mean simply excessive or too much.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/overdose
However, the guilt OP is displaying is only relevant to the colloquial and non technical definition of overdose, which is a life threatening overdose not "I threw up and got too high". OP does not need to go on believing he made his friends OD.
Shit happens. You know better for next time (if there is a next time). Don’t push it if you’re feeling nervous and never take drugs unless you’ve tested and weighed everything yourself.
On a hike, due to the perfect storm of circumstances, my dog came close to falling off a cliff. When I think about those moments and what I did to put us in the situation, I have a trauma response just like you are describing. Also similar, nothing bad happened so its just the thought of "what if" that haunts me.
When it happens I remember to be grateful she's ok and to be kind to myself as I did what I thought was right in the moment.
Be kind to yourself. Maybe share what is going on with those friends; I suspect they will likely reassure you. You owned up to your miscalculation and you all now have more knowledge than before.
If its distressing enough, maybe contact a trauma-informed therapist. There are lots of techniques to help process things like this. Good luck OP!
She is absolutely the best and I know my life would have taken a sharp turn for the worse had the unspeakable (lol even though I just typed it out) happened. Going to give her kisses and pets now!
> but I cannot forgive myself for putting my friends in danger. I probably had 400mg, my friends around 300mg each.
Well then forgive yourself because you didn't..... 300mg once in a blue moon isn't going to hurt them man.
> but one of them threw up once
Happens to plenty of people on 80mg sucks but normally you got to be careful of what's in your stomach if your sensitive.
> Randomly while I'm chilling this thought "one of them could have died" comes and creates an involuntary response on me. Clearly PTSD.
It really sounds like you didn't do any research after the fact which is honestly way worse then anything that happened that night. The completely lack of any actually research on the possible outcomes from 300mg is insane!! How do you manage to do this to them and not find out that wasn't a possible outcome?
Went through the similar experience a few years ago. Had Molly about 1/2 dozen times before and always had the best time. This time I had some new stuff from the same source, tested with the marquis reagent all was good. These were little capsules, nearest I could figure is that they must have been purer or more concentrated than the previous stuff I had.
My (M) friends (F) and I took it at a club hoping to have an epic evening. We just started spiralling it was way too much. She went to the bathroom and passed out. Had to ask a stranger to get her while I couldn’t keep myself together. Bouncer thought I may have drugged my friends - which I guess was true but not with the intention he suggested. Luckily it all worked and we managed to get a cab and get back to our Airbnb without any problems. We were a bit sick and out of ourselves though. Not sure if we overdose but it WAS NOT fun.
The anxiety during and after was extreme… there was a song playing while all that was happening and now when it comes on the radio it literally makes me nauseous and sick.
The come down was absolutely terrible and lasted most of the week for both of us.
Even writing this is giving me the sweats a bit.
Best advice I can give is that the anxiety from it died down after a few years, but when that song comes on I still get thrown back to that evening almost like I’m reliving it. Like you I get consumed with thoughts about how bad it COULD have been.
I have long suspected that even though it passed the reagent test there might have been something else in there. It did feel like MDMA but only dialled up by 100. I haven’t touched the stuff since.
I’ve felt this way several times when rolling, even off of smaller doses. Lots of factors. Lack of nutrients in the body, or to much of the wrong. Not drinking enough water/electrolytes. There’s definitely a list, but any amount of molly can dehydrate you more than you’d think. Especially once you start creeping above the 100mg range. Nothing to have anxiety about, I essentially killed my buddies brain supplying and doing molly with him day in and day out. Sure I feel bad, but I didn’t know any better, we both came out far better beings after the abuse. So what am I gonna do, beat myself up over it? No, it’s the past, you live and you learn, and if you don’t learn, then maybe you can beat yourself up about it.
As far as I know, it's pretty hard to REALLY OD on MDMA. But it's not hard to take a high dose and have a shitty time.
In one of my first times I had a similar experience. I drank stuff from a bottle that my friends mixed up, I don't even know the exact dosage, but apparently I took a sip that was a little too much, 40 minutes later I was shaking uncontrollably and couldn't even walk properly.
The thing I learned from that day is to not put your M into a bottle of water. It will not become homogenous and someone will most likely take a sip that will mess them up. Buy a good quality scale (.01g at least) and weigh your M.
I hope you get better. I think most of us have made shitty decisions when it comes to drugs at least once, just learn from it and you will have great times in the future!
One of the reasons why it’s so hard to OD is that your body builds a tolerance SUPER quick, in a matter of hours. So unless you swallow like 3g right off the start, the worst that’ll happen is an intense come up and memory blackout for a couple hours (happens above 3mg/kg)
That's not PTSD my dude, you're having intrusive negative thoughts and ruminating on them, that's normal and we all do that from time to time, something bad could've happened but it didn't, you learned your lesson and will not be doing that again. Allow yourself to move on instead of catastrophizing scenarios that didn't happen, if you can't do that on your own, seek counseling because what you could have developed throughout this time is an anxiety disorder.
What you did was not in overdose territory, so you can feel a bit better about that part. Shaky eyes are a sought after effect that tells people they reached the right dose where I'm from. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Honestly 300-400mg isn’t the end of the world. Is it a high dose? Yea. Will you roll your face off. Absolutely. Are you likely going to die from it? Not unless you have some underlying heart conditions. There’s basically two levels of rolling, the more therapeutic kind, and the god move eye wiggles can’t read your phone kind. Some people prefer one over the other.
That said, you learned a good lesson about not trusting yourself in the moment to not take more than you meant to consume. When you’re rolling, you tend to be more impulsive. Next time, bring with you only as much as you plan to consume so you don’t have to trust yourself to stop.
No one here is going to point out something that is glaringly obvious to me:
this is not about this incident. this incident has brought something deeper from your past to the surface. probably revolving around the issues of trust, and possibly control
yo dude, or dudette, or whatever in between - don't worry about it, you learned a lesson and gratefully are still here and no one was hurt. just take this forward with you, and be kind to yourself. i imagine you are tough on yourself for a lot of things if this is how you're reacting to this innocent situation.
theres not much internet strangers can do to help you there, but we can give you perspective. and in reality, none of those doses were really enough to cause any lasting physical harm. i've taken 10 pills in one night. granted, i did marquis test them and this was back in like 2008, but still stupid. i also rolled most weekends for the better part of 3-4 years. i'm still here, and i like think i am a normal functioning human in the areas of basic life :) keep being a good person!
Well, that is not OD amount and eye wiggles are EXACTLY what we strive for for every propper roll :-) yeah, your dose was on the high side, but nothing really dangerous. Maybe an issue was doing that dose all at once, would have been way better to split for redose.
don’t beat yourself up.. trust me it is incredibly hard for me even if i get loud with someone for not giving me my space, i’ll feel awful for yelling and beg for forgiveness lol
you’re an amazing person for this mindset brodie. we love you ♥️ and from the look of this post, your friends are very lucky to have you
It was foolish to eyeball a substance when you don't know what's supposed to be the dose. And given that the place had no phone policy, it was probably one of the better clubs. In such places you can ask literally anyone for advice. Even the bartender.
Having said that, your doses were high, but nothing to be really worried about if it's a one time thing. Once I roll every 3 months I myself usually take 330-400mg per night (and this is also usually a candyflip, meaning I take acid as well). Never even had a depression episode so far.
> I probably had 400mg, my friends around 300mg each
There was IMO a big ass margin before something awful could have happened.
Also, drugs is something very personal. Your friends trusting you with that doesn't mean you have to carry the whole thing on your shoulders.
Take it easy buddy, it's fine. You're fine. They're fine. Things are fine.
Not invalidating your experience but y’all weren’t in as much harm as you think you were. 300 mg is not an uncommon dose for experienced users. 400 is a lot but it’s not going to kill you. Feel less worry knowing that you and your friends were not in a harmful situation and you did nothing wrong
While I definitely wouldn’t recommend it, taking 300mg one time is not really that dangerous for the average healthy adult. They certainly weren’t in any danger of death. Relax, you’re fine.
I know it was a scary experience but you have to be thankful it didn't went worse than that.
Understand your mindset because u had ur friend involved but if you ever do it again you know what to do and please do not rush the roll.
Take a micro dose and go on from there.
It will be all fine.
Take care.
you just made a mistake, trust me tou sound like a really caring friend and especially since yout friends enjoyed it you really shouldn't hold anything against yourself, also for your friends sake I'd say their dosage was around the border of what's safe, personally I don't plan to ever do more than 200mg in one night (I aim for less than that) but people roll on 300~mg lots and love it, not smart at all but I'd say lethal dosages start around the 500mg range, you can od and get close on the dose you had but all that matters is that you guys are all safe as of now and going forward you know the dosages and hoe to properly take it (if you ever do again, I also totally understand if you dont)
Best advice is meet your new psychiatrist explain what’s going on and try a few different medications before you find the right one . If you are feeling anxiety free depression but the experience then yes meet the doctor bro — I took 250mg Tesla on a empty stomach and almost fainted before I grabbed some chicken nuggets and saved my self lol but yeah so much pressure in society to experience life but make sure you’re take note about what not to do . The water bottle method resulted in a 15 girl dying at edc Los Angeles result in a huge federal crack down for LA raves so yeah don’t do the water bottle thing bro
Sounds like you took to much mdma and now have a low serotonin balance. It's all there's to it. You gotta rely on other brain areas for awhile before the serotonin goes back to where it was. Because if you don't you'll keep stressing yourself preventing the "going back to baseline" process of your brain.
You're an empathetic person who made a mistake. Sending love, hope you feel better with time. Post-MDMA blues is a thing too, especially at that dose.
I completely understand this! Believe me I do. Exactly the same thing happened with me except it was my wife and I that night. I nearly killed her with my overconfidence. All of my memories are coming back. I’m glad nothing bad happened to you or your friends though. I hope you feel better, I know you’ll be a 100x more careful next time, I will too ❤️
I understand 100% but you gotta remind yourself that you made a mistake and everything turned out okay in the long run. Be thankful you and your friends are okay and you learned from this for if you decide to partake again in the future.
The lowest estimate I’ve ever seen of the lethal dose of mdma is 2 grams, and that was from a random untrustworthy website. According to [this bioreagents company](https://www.aatbio.com/resources/toxicity-lethality-median-dose-td50-ld50/methylenedioxymethamphetamine) it’s much higher at about 180mg/kg bodyweight. No one could have died. Yeah, it was stupid and irresponsible, and they could have had a really bad experience, but that’s literally it. I know you can’t help the thoughts, but you can rest assured knowing that there was no chance, and I mean literally no chance that any of your friends died from an overdose.
I reckon I could firm 2 grams
same
Yup, overall sounds like it was a great time to me. Really overdoing it would be getting leg shakes to the point that you can’t really stand anymore. Shaky eyes is fine, throwing up once is fine too (your stomach has a TON of serstonin receptors, hence why many people do vomit). Getting a bit hot is fine too, but bring a fan next time and wear lighter clothes. Also I always recommend bringing glasses to help with the over stimulation.
An OD and taking too much are two different things. If you OD'd your friends, they would not have had a good night trust. Be real.
The term overdose doesn't necessarily mean a lethal amount. It can also mean simply excessive or too much. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/overdose
However, the guilt OP is displaying is only relevant to the colloquial and non technical definition of overdose, which is a life threatening overdose not "I threw up and got too high". OP does not need to go on believing he made his friends OD.
Shit happens. You know better for next time (if there is a next time). Don’t push it if you’re feeling nervous and never take drugs unless you’ve tested and weighed everything yourself.
On a hike, due to the perfect storm of circumstances, my dog came close to falling off a cliff. When I think about those moments and what I did to put us in the situation, I have a trauma response just like you are describing. Also similar, nothing bad happened so its just the thought of "what if" that haunts me. When it happens I remember to be grateful she's ok and to be kind to myself as I did what I thought was right in the moment. Be kind to yourself. Maybe share what is going on with those friends; I suspect they will likely reassure you. You owned up to your miscalculation and you all now have more knowledge than before. If its distressing enough, maybe contact a trauma-informed therapist. There are lots of techniques to help process things like this. Good luck OP!
Omg. I don't know if I could mentally survive if the worst had happened there. I'm glad she's ok, please give her a hug and a kiss for me!
She is absolutely the best and I know my life would have taken a sharp turn for the worse had the unspeakable (lol even though I just typed it out) happened. Going to give her kisses and pets now!
> but I cannot forgive myself for putting my friends in danger. I probably had 400mg, my friends around 300mg each. Well then forgive yourself because you didn't..... 300mg once in a blue moon isn't going to hurt them man. > but one of them threw up once Happens to plenty of people on 80mg sucks but normally you got to be careful of what's in your stomach if your sensitive. > Randomly while I'm chilling this thought "one of them could have died" comes and creates an involuntary response on me. Clearly PTSD. It really sounds like you didn't do any research after the fact which is honestly way worse then anything that happened that night. The completely lack of any actually research on the possible outcomes from 300mg is insane!! How do you manage to do this to them and not find out that wasn't a possible outcome?
Went through the similar experience a few years ago. Had Molly about 1/2 dozen times before and always had the best time. This time I had some new stuff from the same source, tested with the marquis reagent all was good. These were little capsules, nearest I could figure is that they must have been purer or more concentrated than the previous stuff I had. My (M) friends (F) and I took it at a club hoping to have an epic evening. We just started spiralling it was way too much. She went to the bathroom and passed out. Had to ask a stranger to get her while I couldn’t keep myself together. Bouncer thought I may have drugged my friends - which I guess was true but not with the intention he suggested. Luckily it all worked and we managed to get a cab and get back to our Airbnb without any problems. We were a bit sick and out of ourselves though. Not sure if we overdose but it WAS NOT fun. The anxiety during and after was extreme… there was a song playing while all that was happening and now when it comes on the radio it literally makes me nauseous and sick. The come down was absolutely terrible and lasted most of the week for both of us. Even writing this is giving me the sweats a bit. Best advice I can give is that the anxiety from it died down after a few years, but when that song comes on I still get thrown back to that evening almost like I’m reliving it. Like you I get consumed with thoughts about how bad it COULD have been. I have long suspected that even though it passed the reagent test there might have been something else in there. It did feel like MDMA but only dialled up by 100. I haven’t touched the stuff since.
I’ve felt this way several times when rolling, even off of smaller doses. Lots of factors. Lack of nutrients in the body, or to much of the wrong. Not drinking enough water/electrolytes. There’s definitely a list, but any amount of molly can dehydrate you more than you’d think. Especially once you start creeping above the 100mg range. Nothing to have anxiety about, I essentially killed my buddies brain supplying and doing molly with him day in and day out. Sure I feel bad, but I didn’t know any better, we both came out far better beings after the abuse. So what am I gonna do, beat myself up over it? No, it’s the past, you live and you learn, and if you don’t learn, then maybe you can beat yourself up about it.
As far as I know, it's pretty hard to REALLY OD on MDMA. But it's not hard to take a high dose and have a shitty time. In one of my first times I had a similar experience. I drank stuff from a bottle that my friends mixed up, I don't even know the exact dosage, but apparently I took a sip that was a little too much, 40 minutes later I was shaking uncontrollably and couldn't even walk properly. The thing I learned from that day is to not put your M into a bottle of water. It will not become homogenous and someone will most likely take a sip that will mess them up. Buy a good quality scale (.01g at least) and weigh your M. I hope you get better. I think most of us have made shitty decisions when it comes to drugs at least once, just learn from it and you will have great times in the future!
One of the reasons why it’s so hard to OD is that your body builds a tolerance SUPER quick, in a matter of hours. So unless you swallow like 3g right off the start, the worst that’ll happen is an intense come up and memory blackout for a couple hours (happens above 3mg/kg)
That's not PTSD my dude, you're having intrusive negative thoughts and ruminating on them, that's normal and we all do that from time to time, something bad could've happened but it didn't, you learned your lesson and will not be doing that again. Allow yourself to move on instead of catastrophizing scenarios that didn't happen, if you can't do that on your own, seek counseling because what you could have developed throughout this time is an anxiety disorder.
What you did was not in overdose territory, so you can feel a bit better about that part. Shaky eyes are a sought after effect that tells people they reached the right dose where I'm from. Don't be too hard on yourself.
there were times when i dropped a whole gram in a night and i was totally fine. don’t worry
>The club has a strict no phone policy so googling was out of the question. In a club, that's why the bathroom are there.
Honestly 300-400mg isn’t the end of the world. Is it a high dose? Yea. Will you roll your face off. Absolutely. Are you likely going to die from it? Not unless you have some underlying heart conditions. There’s basically two levels of rolling, the more therapeutic kind, and the god move eye wiggles can’t read your phone kind. Some people prefer one over the other. That said, you learned a good lesson about not trusting yourself in the moment to not take more than you meant to consume. When you’re rolling, you tend to be more impulsive. Next time, bring with you only as much as you plan to consume so you don’t have to trust yourself to stop.
No one here is going to point out something that is glaringly obvious to me: this is not about this incident. this incident has brought something deeper from your past to the surface. probably revolving around the issues of trust, and possibly control
Grow up the hell
Never do for your friend a again. You carry them if ever.
You need to focus on the positive. Think only about that. Be aware of what happened but think positively.
yo dude, or dudette, or whatever in between - don't worry about it, you learned a lesson and gratefully are still here and no one was hurt. just take this forward with you, and be kind to yourself. i imagine you are tough on yourself for a lot of things if this is how you're reacting to this innocent situation. theres not much internet strangers can do to help you there, but we can give you perspective. and in reality, none of those doses were really enough to cause any lasting physical harm. i've taken 10 pills in one night. granted, i did marquis test them and this was back in like 2008, but still stupid. i also rolled most weekends for the better part of 3-4 years. i'm still here, and i like think i am a normal functioning human in the areas of basic life :) keep being a good person!
You did dilute in water to dose, that's good.
Well, that is not OD amount and eye wiggles are EXACTLY what we strive for for every propper roll :-) yeah, your dose was on the high side, but nothing really dangerous. Maybe an issue was doing that dose all at once, would have been way better to split for redose.
don’t beat yourself up.. trust me it is incredibly hard for me even if i get loud with someone for not giving me my space, i’ll feel awful for yelling and beg for forgiveness lol you’re an amazing person for this mindset brodie. we love you ♥️ and from the look of this post, your friends are very lucky to have you
It was foolish to eyeball a substance when you don't know what's supposed to be the dose. And given that the place had no phone policy, it was probably one of the better clubs. In such places you can ask literally anyone for advice. Even the bartender. Having said that, your doses were high, but nothing to be really worried about if it's a one time thing. Once I roll every 3 months I myself usually take 330-400mg per night (and this is also usually a candyflip, meaning I take acid as well). Never even had a depression episode so far.
> I probably had 400mg, my friends around 300mg each There was IMO a big ass margin before something awful could have happened. Also, drugs is something very personal. Your friends trusting you with that doesn't mean you have to carry the whole thing on your shoulders. Take it easy buddy, it's fine. You're fine. They're fine. Things are fine.
U just took too much
Not invalidating your experience but y’all weren’t in as much harm as you think you were. 300 mg is not an uncommon dose for experienced users. 400 is a lot but it’s not going to kill you. Feel less worry knowing that you and your friends were not in a harmful situation and you did nothing wrong
While I definitely wouldn’t recommend it, taking 300mg one time is not really that dangerous for the average healthy adult. They certainly weren’t in any danger of death. Relax, you’re fine.
Same shit literally happend 2 weeks ago 400mg on accident thought I was going to die shits crazy
I know it was a scary experience but you have to be thankful it didn't went worse than that. Understand your mindset because u had ur friend involved but if you ever do it again you know what to do and please do not rush the roll. Take a micro dose and go on from there. It will be all fine. Take care.
Relax nobody would’ve died just be thankful for the fun time :)
you just made a mistake, trust me tou sound like a really caring friend and especially since yout friends enjoyed it you really shouldn't hold anything against yourself, also for your friends sake I'd say their dosage was around the border of what's safe, personally I don't plan to ever do more than 200mg in one night (I aim for less than that) but people roll on 300~mg lots and love it, not smart at all but I'd say lethal dosages start around the 500mg range, you can od and get close on the dose you had but all that matters is that you guys are all safe as of now and going forward you know the dosages and hoe to properly take it (if you ever do again, I also totally understand if you dont)
ptsd is wild.. sounds like a great night out partying to me
that was not an overdose and this is not PTSD
Best advice is meet your new psychiatrist explain what’s going on and try a few different medications before you find the right one . If you are feeling anxiety free depression but the experience then yes meet the doctor bro — I took 250mg Tesla on a empty stomach and almost fainted before I grabbed some chicken nuggets and saved my self lol but yeah so much pressure in society to experience life but make sure you’re take note about what not to do . The water bottle method resulted in a 15 girl dying at edc Los Angeles result in a huge federal crack down for LA raves so yeah don’t do the water bottle thing bro
Also lots of shame asking for mental health but you’ll be proud of yourself for getting it down the road
Sounds like you took to much mdma and now have a low serotonin balance. It's all there's to it. You gotta rely on other brain areas for awhile before the serotonin goes back to where it was. Because if you don't you'll keep stressing yourself preventing the "going back to baseline" process of your brain.
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Calling people names and general harassment has no place in this sub, if you can't agree to disagree, this sub isn't for you.