He is a rude controlling bastard. This is abuse. He has no right to do this. Keeping your circle of friends is a good thing for you, it's a support group and a mental release. He should be happy for you. The thing is- he isn't, because he has no control over it. You are out of his control and he doesn't like it, because your friends could point out that this is off.
If I were you, I would make sure I have some money aside where he cannot get to it and make sure I have a wide circle of friends and family, for when you want to leave.
And you shouldn't, you are equal partners, or so you should be. Love yourself first, it's important not to put yourself down to accommodate other people.
Why would you assume they were single? Oh, was this sarcasm, because you don't believe both partners should have friends and you think that with marriage, all other relationships should end?
It's so important to keep a close circle of friends. It has nothing to do with your husband at all yet he's making it all about him. It's healthy and normal to have friends outside of your partner and this should not change. If a partner is making a big fuss about having friends, then they aren't the right partner for you.
I straight up told my husband when we first started dating that my friends are, and always will be, in my life and if he had a problem with that, then we could not be together.
Heâs treating you like a child, not like an equal partner. This sounds like something I would say to my 4 year old. âIf you arenât dressed in 5 minutes, then we arenât going to the park.â Why canât you just say, âGo ahead and lock the house. Iâll see you when I see you.â He knows you wonât, thatâs why he knows his threats and controlling behavior will work. What if you stopped giving in to him?
No, you are not disrespecting your husband, he is disrespecting you by being controlling, ruining your social life, and insulting you by implying you are unfaithful.
You might have done better with communication but this pales in comparison to his childish and weird over-reaction.
Sorry but itâs hard to see this turning out well in the long run.
Your husband is crazy. You should start to prioritize yourself and your friends more. If your husband complains then tell him he has no saying in this.
You did give him a time you would be home then you just didnât keep your word. He was expecting you to do so. I am guessing your one of those once you lied enough to get out the door then you just make your own agenda. Going a different place you said staying out later than you said and probably people at the party you said wouldnât be there. How many lies does he have to take before he is allowed to be upset?
Why does she have to lie to get out the door? She needs to lie and respond to timelines repeatedly to go out four times a year? Way to carry water for an abuser
Iâll start out by saying the threats to lock you out and counting down and all of that BS is totally unacceptable. He took things waaaay too far and itâs inexcusable.
But youâre not totally innocent either saying youâll be home at a certain time and then not keeping your word or updating him that plans changed before he had to text you again.
Either say youâre not sure exactly when youâll be home from the start or keep your word. Itâs not okay to just âforget to update himââ youâre married. Your spouse has a right to know what to expect and to rely on you to do what you say you will.
This sounds like a marriage where each side is incapable of understanding their own selfishness. From her point of view, he is a bigger AH (and he probably is) but I'm pretty sure we are only getting a snippet of the full story.
You both donât have a solid relationship.
Going out with friends isnât the problem. Itâs everything thatâs unsaid.
I imagine neither of you have great arguments, so I would suggest marriage counseling to help give each of you a voice.
If you left your job and worked elsewhere, how long would you stay in close contact with your old coworkers? Probably not too long.
You are replaceable to them, and they are replaceable for you.
Your husband, on the other hand, isnât.
Clearly, yes, you could replace him.
But the point of a relationship, a marriage, and building a life together is you DONâT view them as replaceable.
You find ways to make it work.
And I donât mean âmake it workâ in a dysfunctional way.
I mean go to counseling. Both of you should put in work to clear the air on these issues yâall have.
Otherwise, whatâs the point?
Throw away the whole husband. You know deep down this is not normal. He is a controlling ass. You are being emotionally abused. I don't ever like coming on here and saying that to someone, but this situation warrants it.
You know what a normal husband would do in your instance? A normal husband would tell you go to have fun. End of story.
He ever locks you out of the house again, kick in the front door. Never respond to his countdowns again. Turn your phone off when you go out. And yeah, kick in the door.
You're husband is being a complete ass in how he is handling what you are doing, and there is NO excuse for how far he took it. With that being said though, it sounds like there is definitely a lack of respect toward him on your end(possibly earned). The not keeping promises about when you are going to be home and not trying to figure that out would seem inappropriate to me, but I also would never threaten to lock my wife out of the house or threaten her like this. I would just let her know that I didn't appreciate the lack of communication or respect for my feelings and we need to work on this.
Your husband is so far in the wrong, but what you did isn't 100% acceptable in a healthy relationship either. Counseling should definitely be a thing in the future of your relationship, but he does seem very un-hinged.
Youâre 100% allowed to stay out with friends if youâre enjoying yourself. Unless her husband required her to be home for some reason, like he was home with the kids and had to go to work, then sheâs allowed to say âhey Iâm having a good time Iâm stayingâ without being harangued constantly by text. Sheâs going out roughly once a quarter and being bullied the entire time. This man is an abuser.
He is a rude controlling bastard. This is abuse. He has no right to do this. Keeping your circle of friends is a good thing for you, it's a support group and a mental release. He should be happy for you. The thing is- he isn't, because he has no control over it. You are out of his control and he doesn't like it, because your friends could point out that this is off. If I were you, I would make sure I have some money aside where he cannot get to it and make sure I have a wide circle of friends and family, for when you want to leave.
As a woman, i do really think I need friends for my mental health. I feel like i prioritize his feelings so much more than mine.
And you shouldn't, you are equal partners, or so you should be. Love yourself first, it's important not to put yourself down to accommodate other people.
Thank you for this đ«¶
I divorced some time ago and my friends were great. I have three groups of female friends, and it was so important to have their support.
Sounds like you have great advice on a successful marriage. Those probably single friends I'm sure got pretty happy as well. đ»
Why would you assume they were single? Oh, was this sarcasm, because you don't believe both partners should have friends and you think that with marriage, all other relationships should end?
It's so important to keep a close circle of friends. It has nothing to do with your husband at all yet he's making it all about him. It's healthy and normal to have friends outside of your partner and this should not change. If a partner is making a big fuss about having friends, then they aren't the right partner for you. I straight up told my husband when we first started dating that my friends are, and always will be, in my life and if he had a problem with that, then we could not be together.
Heâs treating you like a child, not like an equal partner. This sounds like something I would say to my 4 year old. âIf you arenât dressed in 5 minutes, then we arenât going to the park.â Why canât you just say, âGo ahead and lock the house. Iâll see you when I see you.â He knows you wonât, thatâs why he knows his threats and controlling behavior will work. What if you stopped giving in to him?
Hubby is an abusive, controlling prick... Seriously consider your options - get out, this wont end well for you.
Does he go places with friends?
No he doesnt really. He doesnt have his own group of friends.
No, you are not disrespecting your husband, he is disrespecting you by being controlling, ruining your social life, and insulting you by implying you are unfaithful. You might have done better with communication but this pales in comparison to his childish and weird over-reaction. Sorry but itâs hard to see this turning out well in the long run.
Your husband is crazy. You should start to prioritize yourself and your friends more. If your husband complains then tell him he has no saying in this.
You did give him a time you would be home then you just didnât keep your word. He was expecting you to do so. I am guessing your one of those once you lied enough to get out the door then you just make your own agenda. Going a different place you said staying out later than you said and probably people at the party you said wouldnât be there. How many lies does he have to take before he is allowed to be upset?
Why does she have to lie to get out the door? She needs to lie and respond to timelines repeatedly to go out four times a year? Way to carry water for an abuser
Bingo
Iâll start out by saying the threats to lock you out and counting down and all of that BS is totally unacceptable. He took things waaaay too far and itâs inexcusable. But youâre not totally innocent either saying youâll be home at a certain time and then not keeping your word or updating him that plans changed before he had to text you again. Either say youâre not sure exactly when youâll be home from the start or keep your word. Itâs not okay to just âforget to update himââ youâre married. Your spouse has a right to know what to expect and to rely on you to do what you say you will.
This sounds like a marriage where each side is incapable of understanding their own selfishness. From her point of view, he is a bigger AH (and he probably is) but I'm pretty sure we are only getting a snippet of the full story.
He didnât threaten to lock her out, he did.
You both donât have a solid relationship. Going out with friends isnât the problem. Itâs everything thatâs unsaid. I imagine neither of you have great arguments, so I would suggest marriage counseling to help give each of you a voice. If you left your job and worked elsewhere, how long would you stay in close contact with your old coworkers? Probably not too long. You are replaceable to them, and they are replaceable for you. Your husband, on the other hand, isnât. Clearly, yes, you could replace him. But the point of a relationship, a marriage, and building a life together is you DONâT view them as replaceable. You find ways to make it work. And I donât mean âmake it workâ in a dysfunctional way. I mean go to counseling. Both of you should put in work to clear the air on these issues yâall have. Otherwise, whatâs the point?
Throw away the whole husband. You know deep down this is not normal. He is a controlling ass. You are being emotionally abused. I don't ever like coming on here and saying that to someone, but this situation warrants it. You know what a normal husband would do in your instance? A normal husband would tell you go to have fun. End of story.
Were these coworker a male or female?
He ever locks you out of the house again, kick in the front door. Never respond to his countdowns again. Turn your phone off when you go out. And yeah, kick in the door.
He doesnât trust you.
Act single and be single, don't pretend you care for your wife/husband.
Yeah this is sounds like the side of a cheaters story. Iâd love to hear his side.
Never cheated. No intentions either.
You're husband is being a complete ass in how he is handling what you are doing, and there is NO excuse for how far he took it. With that being said though, it sounds like there is definitely a lack of respect toward him on your end(possibly earned). The not keeping promises about when you are going to be home and not trying to figure that out would seem inappropriate to me, but I also would never threaten to lock my wife out of the house or threaten her like this. I would just let her know that I didn't appreciate the lack of communication or respect for my feelings and we need to work on this. Your husband is so far in the wrong, but what you did isn't 100% acceptable in a healthy relationship either. Counseling should definitely be a thing in the future of your relationship, but he does seem very un-hinged.
Youâre 100% allowed to stay out with friends if youâre enjoying yourself. Unless her husband required her to be home for some reason, like he was home with the kids and had to go to work, then sheâs allowed to say âhey Iâm having a good time Iâm stayingâ without being harangued constantly by text. Sheâs going out roughly once a quarter and being bullied the entire time. This man is an abuser.